Chapter 1: Bruised and Scarred
His head throbbed and his whole body ached. He curled up in the corner, flinching whenever he heard a knock on the door. He didn't move. The door opened slowly and he curled up more. He didn't bother looking up; he didn't want to know who it was.
He didn't answer. He knew that voice and he knew he couldn't face the person it belonged to.
After a moment he felt a presence beside him and his body began to shake.
"Yamaguchi, look at me."
He still didn't move so Tsukishima grabbed his chin, forcing him to turn his face.
"Who the hell did this to you?"
"Don't you fucking lie to me."
"It doesn't matter."
"Yamaguchi Tadashi. Tell me."
"It doesn't matter!" He sobbed.
"I'm supposed to protect you! What the hell do you want me to do if not that?"
"Just hold me! Tell me it'll be okay!"
Yamaguchi knew that wasn't going to happen. Tsukishima was never one to be emotional, sentimental, or really anything besides judgmental, but that's still all Yamaguchi wanted.
Tsukishima wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi and pulled him onto his lap. He rocked him gently, pressing his cheek to his friend's head.
"It'll be okay." He whispered. "I don't know what happened but it'll be okay. You're strong, Yama…"
His voice kept getting quieter. He wasn't sure what had happened and he was quite honestly terrified. Yamaguchi had a black eye that was almost swollen shut and a busted lip. It wasn't bleeding much, but it clearly had been bleeding a lot before. He was worried about Yamaguchi, he was small and kind of fragile and Tsukishima knew he couldn't take a lot of pain.
"Get on your bed." Tsukishima instructed.
Tsukishima was almost begging. He just wanted to see the rest of Yamaguchi's injuries and figure out how to help him. He got up and headed to the door.
"Where are you going?"
"I'll be right back." Tsukishima said. "I promise."
He walked to the bathroom and grabbed all the medical supplies he could find and came back. He shut the bedroom door and locked it behind him before walking across the room and setting all the supplies on his bed.
"This is going to hurt," Tsukishima said. "But I've got you, okay?"
"I trust you." He said softly.
Tsukishima managed a small smile and began to look through the medical supplies for something to fix Yamaguchi's face with. He found a travel ice pack and broke it in half to get it to freeze. He put it on Yamaguchi's eye and gently moved his hand to hold it there. Tsukishima picked up an antiseptic wipe and started to carefully clean Yamaguchi's lip. Yamaguchi winced and Tsukishima frowned. He was trying his best not to hurt Yamaguchi more but with all of his injuries it was hard. Tsukishima grabbed a tissue and dabbed his lip dry then took his Chapstick from his bag and looked back to his friend.
"Purse your lips." He said. "This should help them not to crack and bleed more."
Yamaguchi nodded and did as he was told, his bottom lip quivering as more tears threatened to fall. Tsukishima carefully applied the Chapstick to Yamaguchi's lips and set it down.
"Are you doing okay?"
Yamaguchi nodded and sniffed softly.
"I need you to lay down now."
He did as he was told and Tsukishima started to lift up Yamaguchi's shirt. His heart was pounding. He knew how bad he looked and he didn't want Tsukishima to see it too.
"I've got you, Yams." He whispered.
Yamaguchi swallowed hard, glancing down at Tsukishima as he lifted up his shirt. Tsukishima looked down and his chest tightened. He knew Yamaguchi had freckles on his body but what he was not expecting to see what his friend's body covered in scars and bruises. He said nothing and only looked to the supplies, taking some cream and rubbing it in where it was needed.
Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi was only going to try to cover for what had happened.
"Don't talk, Tadashi. You need to rest."
Tsukishima got up and walked to Yamaguchi's drawer to get him his pajamas. He smiled when he saw the stegosaurus tee shirt that Yamaguchi "borrowed" from him two months ago. He decided to get that for him, hoping it would bring him comfort. He passed the pajamas to Yamaguchi and sat down on the bed.
"Change clothes so you can go to sleep."
"Yamaguchi, you change in front of me all the time."
Yamaguchi's voice was strained and he looked like he was going to cry again so Tsukishima listened and covered his eyes. He heard a slight shuffling sound as Yamaguchi changed. He sniffed a lot and sounded like he was crying but Tsukishima kept his eyes closed until Yamaguchi told him he could open them. When Tsukishima opened his eyes he looked up to see Yamaguchi with wet cheeks and red eyes.
"Hey…" he said, his voice soft. "Why are you crying?"
Yamaguchi just shook his head and looked to the floor.
"Will you stay with me tonight?"
Tsukishima walked back to Yamaguchi's dresser and grabbed a pair of pajamas. He slipped out to the bathroom to use the restroom and change and quickly made his way back to Yamaguchi. He shut and locked the door again, glancing to Yamaguchi who still stood in the middle of the room.
Yamaguchi just held his arms out and Tsukishima walked forward and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a soft embrace.
"Thank you…" Yamaguchi whispered.
Tsukishima didn't say anything and after a moment he pulled away.
"Get into bed."
Yamaguchi nodded and Tsukishima walked back to the door to turn off the light. He walked towards the bed and sat down, taking off his glasses and setting them on the nightstand before lying down and pulling the blankets over them. Yamaguchi latched onto Tsukishima's waist and he wrapped and arm back around Yamaguchi.
"Tsukki, Please don't ever leave me."
"I promise, Yama."
It was comforting enough for Yamaguchi just to hear those words but Tsukishima wished he could go further. There was a reason he'd never leave Yamaguchi and it went further than the fact that the dark haired boy was his only friend. Tsukishima looked down and found that Yamaguchi had already fallen asleep. He smiled down at the small boy and sighed softly.
"I love you, Tadashi." He whispered.
Chapter 2: Sleeping Beauty
Tsukishima woke up in the exact same position he fell asleep in. Yamaguchi was still asleep, his head on Tsukishima’s chest and arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He had never noticed before how beautiful and peaceful Yamaguchi was whenever he slept. He had long eyelashes and aside from a few cuts that he had gotten yesterday, his skin was practically flawless. His freckles were in clusters on his cheeks and connected together by a bridge of them across his nose. Tsukishima knew they were the thing that Yamaguchi was most insecure about but he loved them. They made Yamaguchi unique and he looked absolutely adorable.
Tsukishima buried his face in Yamaguchi’s hair. It was soft and warm and smelled like strawberries. Part of Tsukishima hoped he used strawberry shampoo because he knew Tsukishima liked strawberry cake but he knew that Yamaguchi just liked fruit scented shampoo. Tsukishima pressed a soft kiss to Yamaguchi’s head and he started to stir.
He moved his face from Yamaguchi’s hair and looked down, watching Yamaguchi as his eyes fluttered open. He looked around and took in his surroundings, blushing when he realized how he had been laying.
“Sorry, Tsukki.” He murmured, starting to move off of him.
“It’s okay, you looked comfortable.”
“You can stay then.”
Yamaguchi grinned and snuggled back into Tsukishima. He always tried his best to keep Yamaguchi happy and safe and if that meant letting him sleep on his chest then he would do that. Not that Tsukishima was complaining anyways, he loved being close to Yamaguchi, he just always feared being the one to initiate the intimacy. Yamaguchi knew Tsukishima better than anyone and if he made the move to cuddle close then Yamaguchi would probably ask him if something was wrong, despite the fact that Tsukishima turned soft around him anyways.
“How long have you been awake?”
“Only about five minutes. Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah, did you?”
“Mhm. How do you feel?”
“Better. Thank you for taking care of me.”
“I’ll have to put all the medication on again today after you shower.”
“Your eye looks a lot better.” Tsukishima said. “It’s still bruised but it’s not really swollen anymore.
“What about my lip?”
“It’s still cut but I think it’ll heal quickly. We’ll have to put more Chapstick on it today too.”
The boys grew quiet and Tsukishima gently ran his hand through Yamaguchi’s hair. The smaller boy smiled and sighed happily, nuzzling close to him. Tsukishima’s heart was pounding and he took a small breath in.
Tsukishima closed his eyes and buried his face in Yamaguchi’s hair again. For some reason, he found comfort in it. Maybe it was because he could be close to the one he loved, maybe it was because he knew if Yamaguchi was in his arms then he was safe, maybe it was both; Tsukishima wasn’t sure why he loved it so much, he just knew that he did.
“Just… you know… always being there and taking care of me.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that.” Tsukishima said. “I lo-I care about you. You’re my best friend.”
“I’m you’re only friend.”
“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”
“Sorry, Tsukki.” He gigged. “You’re my best friend too.”
“I’m really grateful for you.”
“I um…” He paused. “Same.”
Yamaguchi smiled. He knew Tsukishima had a hard time saying his specific feelings so it meant even more to him whenever he agreed with how Yamaguchi felt. Tsukishima on the other hand was mentally berating himself for not being able to tell Yamaguchi how he felt in more words than just “same.” Tsukishima wanted to tell Yamaguchi more than just that. He wanted to tell him that he loves him, as more than a friend that is, but he knew Yamaguchi wouldn’t feel the same way. Even on the odd chance he actually did feel the same way, Tsukishima knew he wasn’t good enough for him anyways.
He knew what people said and there was a reason Yamaguchi was his only friend. He guessed he could stand to be a little nicer, but it wasn’t always easy when he was surrounded by idiots like Kageyama and Hinata five days a week. Yamaguchi tried to keep him in check but most of the time he gave up and just snickered along. Yamaguchi, without a doubt, was the sweetest person to ever attend Karasuno High School, Sugawara excluded. Yamaguchi is shy, but he’s genuine and has such a kind heart.
Tsukishima knew he didn’t deserve Yamaguchi and he never understood why he stayed friends with him. He could be friends with anyone yet he stayed with Tsukishima and did whatever he asked or said. Though it was hard for him to admit, Tsukishima was beyond grateful for Yamaguchi. He loved the other boy more than anything. He knew he should treat him better when they’re in public, but he was scared that if he did then his secret would get out. Yamaguchi was too oblivious to figure it out on his own so Tsukishima could treat him like a prince when they’re alone and have no issue.
People tend to think that Yamaguchi is the one who has feelings for Tsukishima but he learned the hard way that it wasn’t true. Tsukishima shut his eyes, trying to ignore the memory from coming back.
Someone had cornered Yamaguchi one day at school and as Tsukishima was walking to find him. He froze when he heard Yamaguchi’s shaking voice.
“Why do you even hang out with him?”
“I-I-I like him.”
Tsukishima’s heart started pounding faster. Yamaguchi liked him? Romantically?
“He’s an asshole.”
“Not to me.”
“You expect me to believe that Tsukishima has a good side?”
“You don’t have to believe it. I know it and that’s what matters.”
“Still. Why do you want to date Tsukishima?”
“Date him?” Yamaguchi asked. “Oh I don’t want to date him. I couldn’t date Tsukki, he’s just my best friend.”
Tsukishima felt like he was going to be sick. Yamaguchi didn’t like him afterall. He didn’t stick around to hear the rest of the conversation and instead took off running in opposite direction. He thought he heard Yamaguchi calling his name but he didn’t bother looking back to check. He didn’t care. His heart hurt and he just wanted to get away from school and go home.
Yamaguchi’s voice tore him from his thoughts and his eyes snapped open. The smaller boy was staring up at him, his eyes wide with concern.
“Tsukki, are you okay?”
“You shut your eyes really tight and you started squirming around like you were having a nightmare.”
Pretty much. Tsukishima thought.
“What were you thinking about?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“I-I can’t remember.” Tsukishima lied.
“Alright.” Yamaguchi said.
Tsukishima felt guilty for lying to him, but he couldn’t tell him what he what actually thinking about. It had happened nearly four years ago and he was sure Yamaguchi would never remember it so there wouldn’t even be a point to telling them. Tsukishima also knew there was no way he could explain how he remembered that for so long.
“Get up.” Tsukishima said, giving Yamaguchi a slight squeeze. “We’re going out.”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Can we get some French fries?”
Yamaguchi sat up and crawled off the bed. He walked to his closet and picked out an outfit and ran out of the bedroom and to the bathroom. Tsukishima chuckled softly. He got up and took an outfit from Yamaguchi’s closet for himself and then picked up his clothes from the previous day and folded them neatly. He put them in his bag and sat back down, sighing softly.
Tsukishima straightened up at the sound of Yamaguchi’s voice.
“Are you okay?”
The dark haired boy was standing in the middle of his bedroom, staring down at Tsukishima, a small smile on his face. Tsukishima nodded.
“I’m okay, Yamaguchi.”
“Okay then go shower so we can get French fries!”
Tsukishima shook his head fondly, holding back a smile. He quickly walked to the bathroom, sighing softly. He was in way too deep.
Tsukishima walked back to Yamaguchi’s bedroom to find him sitting cross-legged on the middle of his bed. He was scrolling through his phone, a small smile on his face.
“What are you grinning about?”
He looked up at Tsukishima, grinning mischievously.
“What are you doing?”
“Looking at my pictures.”
“The ones on my phone.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes. He knew Yamaguchi wasn’t going to say anything more so he gave up and bent down to put on his shoes.
“Well get up and put your shoes on.”
Yamaguchi nodded before standing up and putting on his shoes. He slipped his phone into his pocket and looked at Tsukishima. He was still sad and his body still hurt but he was getting to spend the whole day out with Tsukki so he knew he was going to be okay. Tsukishima slipped his jacket one and grabbed all his belongings and made his way downstairs with Yamaguchi following close behind.
They left the house and began walking down the street. Yamaguchi furrowed his eyebrows, running ahead of Tsukishima. He turned around and began to walk backwards, keeping his eyes on the tall blonde.
“Where are we going?”
“To get you some French fries.”
“But the diner is the other way.”
“We aren’t going there.”
“Then where are we going?”
Tsukishima knew of a small diner in Tokyo that served the best French fries. Unlike some places that seemed to just stick previously frozen French fries into the fryer and serve those, this diner hand cut their potatoes and seasoned them with a medley of spices that only the owner knew. He knew Yamaguchi wouldn’t really care, he just liked French fries, but Tsukishima wanted to do something more special for him.
“Turn around,” Tsukishima said. “I don’t want you to trip.”
Right as Yamaguchi started to argue, he tripped over his food and fell backwards onto his ass. He looked up at Tsukishima, a light blush creeping onto his cheeks. Tsukishima shook his head slightly and held his hand out to help Yamaguchi up. Yamaguchi took it and a small shock when through Tsukishima’s arm. He stared down at him, his eyebrows furrowed.
“Did you feel that?”
Did I really just imagine that? He thought. Am I trying to make everything into a fucking cliché love story?
“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked. “Can you help me up now?”
“Oh um right. Sorry.”
Tsukishima helped Yamaguchi stand up and the pair started walking again, this time with both of them facing the correct direction. They walked quietly, both used to the silence that always fell between them whenever they walked together. After a moment Tsukishima looked at Yamaguchi and found him already staring, causing the smaller boy to blush and look away.
“Don’t look at me like that.” Yamaguchi murmured.
“Like what?” Tsukishima asked. “With my face?”
Yamaguchi shook his head, but didn’t answer.
Tsukishima sighed, but didn’t force him to talk. He was working on trying to be a better person and part of that included being nice to Yamaguchi and not always forcing him to speak whenever he didn’t want to. Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi could be quite talkative when they were alone, but there were also times where he would shy away and not say a word. Tsukishima used to force him to say what he had originally wanted to, but lately he’s been letting it go.
They arrived at the train station and Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima. He tilted his head to the side, watching his friend closely. Once he bought their tickets, Tsukishima turned to Yamaguchi who was still staring at him intently.
“What?” Tsukishima asked.
“Why are we here?”
“We’re going to Tokyo.”
“I want to take you somewhere.”
“Just shut up and take your ticket.”
Yamaguchi frowned and nodded, slowly reaching his hand up to take the train ticket from his friend. Tsukishima frowned.
So much for being a better person. He thought.
“Sorry Tsukki.” Yamaguchi said softly.
“It’s fine-just-it’s my fault.”
Neither boy said anything more as they boarded the train. Tsukishima found seats in the back away from everyone else and led Yamaguchi there to sit down. Tsukishima leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He didn’t plan to fall asleep, he just wanted to rest and get out of his head for a while.
He felt a wait on his shoulder and opened one eye to see Yamaguchi’s head on it. He glanced down and found Yamaguchi scrolling through the pictures on his phone again, smiling whenever Yamaguchi stopped and stared at a picture of the two of them from a few Halloweens ago. After weeks of begging Yamaguchi had convinced Tsukishima to dress up as a box of French fries; Yamaguchi, in exchange, dressed up as a tyrannosaurus rex.
Yamaguchi sighed softly and locked his phone before slipping it into his pocket. Tsukishima closed his eye back and relaxed, doing his best to shut his mind off. He felt Yamaguchi lay his hand on top of his own and Tsukishima lifted his hand, knocking Yamaguchi’s off for a moment before taking it back and lacing their fingers together. He knew it was a risky move, but he didn’t care. He was getting out of his head so he was trying not to worry about it all.
Five minutes later Tsukishima opened his eyes and looked down, finding Yamaguchi asleep on his shoulder with his mouth hanging open and drooling slightly. Tsukishima chuckled softly and used his sleeve to wipe up the drool. He gently closed Yamaguchi’s mouth, laughing again when a loud snort left his mouth. Tsukishima rested his head on top of Yamaguchi’s and smiled.
“I know you can’t hear me…” Tsukishima whispered. “But I care a lot about you too. You’re my best friend and you mean more to me than anyone else. I really love you, Tadashi.”
He kissed Yamaguchi’s head and sighed softly.
I’m in too fucking deep. Tsukishima thought. But there’s no one else I’d rather love than him.
I feel like this story is shit. It isn't going the way that I hoped it would.
Chapter 4: Excitement and Interruptions
I feel like it's taken a long time for me to get a new chapter of this up and I'm sorry for that.
I've been struggling a bit but I'm doing okay and I'm working on getting this written quicker so I can update more frequently.
P.S. Thank you for all the lovely comments thus far. They always make me feel good :)
When they got closer to their stop Tsukishima shook Yamaguchi awake. He stared up at him and pouted.
“Meanie.” Yamaguchi mumbled. “I was having a good dream.”
Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi was still half asleep still so he decided to use it to his advantage and mess around with him a bit.
“Really? What was it you were dreaming about?”
“You and me and dogs and stuff.”
“Mhm,” Yamaguchi mumbled. “House in Tokyo with us and dogs and baby and lots of room to run and play and fun.”
“What?” Tsukishima asked again.
He wasn’t understanding what Yamaguchi was saying and he was starting to regret even asking him what it was he had dreamt about because it hadn’t helped him even begin to get inside his friend’s mind and uncover his feelings.
“Baby boy and two puppies and pretty house.”
The train jerked to a stop and Yamaguchi yelped. He closed his eyes and shook his head to wake himself up the rest of the way then turned to Tsukishima, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Why are you staring at me like that?” he asked.
“Do you not remember what just happened?”
“The train stopping?”
“No, before that.”
Yamaguchi’s eyes grew wide.
“Was I talking in my sleep again?”
“No, you were awake.”
“Oh, well, um…” Yamaguchi blushed. “No, I don’t remember. Sorry Tsukki.”
He stood up and Yamaguchi followed suit, the two of them exiting the train and Tsukishima leading the way down the sidewalk. Yamaguchi’s hand brushed his a few times and his fingers twitched. He so desperately wanted to reach out and take his hand again but he wasn’t sure how Yamaguchi would feel about that. They had held hands on the train, Yamaguchi was even the one to initiate it, but holding hands in public where people could see them was a different story. He and Yamaguchi sometimes held hands whenever they watched movies, especially because Yamaguchi got scared so easily and would turn to Tsukishima for comfort.
Tsukishima was not one for public displays of affection or really any displays of affect, but he never minded the little things like innocently holding Yamaguchi’s hand or holding him close when he was crying and needed comforting. He didn’t always like waking up with Yamaguchi clutching tightly onto his body like a koala bear, especially when he woke up with a full bladder, but he did like being close to Yamaguchi so he never complained.
Yamaguchi’s hand brushed his again and he decided that he would definitely like to hold his hand. He wanted to feel Yamaguchi’s fingers locked between his again and he wanted that warm and fuzzy feeling to return as the butterflies flew around in the pit of his stomach.
Fuck it. He thought. I’m gonna do it.
They wouldn’t know anyone in this part of town anyways so there was no worry of running into someone who would see them and get the wrong idea. Tsukishima reached over and carefully took Yamaguchi’s hand. He laced their fingers together and glanced quickly to Yamaguchi whose face was almost as bright as Hinata's hair. Tsukishima quickly looked away and kept walking, leading Yamaguchi through the streets as he tried to navigate his way back to the diner.
“Tsukki, can we—”
Yamaguchi stopped, causing Tsukishima to look over at him.
“Look.” Yamaguchi whispered and pointed across the street.
Tsukishima looked to where he was pointing and laughed.
“I know, Yama.” He said. “We’ve been to that bakery before. That’s where we got the cake at after training camp.”
“Can we go?”
“Maybe later, I want to take you somewhere else first.”
Yamaguchi’s face lit up and Tsukishima smiled. He never understood why Yamaguchi got so happy whenever he said maybe and yes to things. It was almost as if he was always told no and being told yes was some special treat.
“Now what were you saying before?”
“Oh! We should go see a movie.”
“Okay, what do you want to see?”
His smile grew bigger and Tsukishima was sure that if Yamaguchi got any more excited than he was going to explode.
“I really get to pick?” Yamaguchi asked in disbelief.
“Of course. It was your idea.”
Yamaguchi squeezed Tsukishima’s hand tightly.
“Thank you.” he whispered.
Tsukishima almost asked what for, but decided to stay quiet as he waited for Yamaguchi to pick what movie he wanted to see.
“What about The Good Dinosaur? You like dinosaurs, Tsukki. Is that still out? What about at the discount theater. I think it’s at the one back home so would it be there? Or The Jungle Book! That looks kinda scary but the animated version is really good. That superhero movie is out too. You don’t like superheroes, do you though? They’re okay, I guess. Tanaka and Nishinoya were talking about it during practice one day and they wanted to see it. We could see that movie! I would remember the name of it if I saw it.”
Tsukishima listened to Yamaguchi go on and on and laughed softly. He didn’t understand how Yamaguchi could get so excited about something as small as picking a movie and he didn’t get how he could speak so much and so quickly without having to stop to take a breath but he also thought it was kind of cute and he wished he could see this happy and excited side of Yamaguchi more often as opposed to his stressed out and anxious side.
“I don’t like superheroes,” Tsukishima said. “But if that’s the movie that you want to see then we can see it.”
“I don’t want to see it.”
“Then why did you mention it?”
“I thought you might want to see it.”
“Okay then we should see The Jungle Book!” Yamaguchi cried. “You’ll protect me during the scary parts, right?”
“I always do, don’t I?”
Yamaguchi smiled and nodded.
“Yeah,” he blushed. “You do.”
They walked quietly for a little bit until Tsukishima spoke up again.
“We’re going to go to this diner I found one time.” He said. “They have…”
He was the one to stop this time and make Yamaguchi look at him.
“What do they have?”
Yamaguchi pouted, but didn’t say anything more to try to pry the answer out of him.
“So we’ll eat and then we’ll go see the movie and then go to the bakery and then head home. Does that sound good?”
Yamaguchi nodded and squeezed Tsukishima’s hand again. Tsukishima was glad that Yamaguchi didn’t mind holding his hand like this in public. He knew Yamaguchi was more prone to showing affection than he was but even Yamaguchi wasn’t always keen on being so outward with it in public places. He didn’t mind it when they saw movies together but that was always in a dark theater and not out in the open in the middle of Tokyo like today.
“I like to be out with you.” Yamaguchi said.
Tsukishima was about to reply when a voice cut through his thoughts.
Tsukishima swore under his breath. He didn’t want to let go of Yamaguchi’s hand, but he knew he couldn’t let anyone see them like this. He retracted his hand from his friend’s and groaned when he looked back up to see the Nekoma captain walking towards them.
“What brings you to Tokyo?” Kuroo asked.
“Stuff.” Tsukishima answered.
Yamaguchi giggled and Tsukishima almost smiled. Yamaguchi laughed at a lot of what he said, but he never got tired of hearing it.
“Kenma and I were just going to—”
“Don’t care.” Tsukishima interrupted. “Yamaguchi and I have places to be.”
Tsukishima grabbed Yamaguchi’s wrist and pulled him away from Kuroo. He knew it was disrespectful, especially since Kuroo was older than them, but he had wanted this whole day to be about Yamaguchi and he didn’t want anyone taking away their time together.
“You could have stayed and talked, Tsukki, I don’t mind.”
Tsukishima shook his head.
“No, I have somewhere I want to take you.” he said. “We have a whole day planned.”
“But Kuroo and Kenma are nice.”
“You think everyone is nice.”
That wasn’t the case, but Yamaguchi didn’t want to argue with him. He was happy so far and he wanted to keep it that way. Tsukishima did as well, which is why he quickly left the conversation; the longer he stayed then the more annoyed he would get and he would ruin Yamaguchi’s entire day. They walked in silence for a while until finally Tsukishima spoke up again.
“Are you feeling better?” he asked. “Have you been able to walk okay?”
“Yeah, are you okay?”
“I’m not the one who got hurt.”
“I know, but I still wanted to ask you.”
Yamaguchi was quiet for a long time before answering.
“Sometimes people pretend to be okay and they’re really not okay.” He said. “Sometimes they’re really struggling and even if they have someone to talk to then it can be really hard for them to do normal things like get out of bed in the morning but sometimes all they really need is for someone to ask them how they are or ask if they’re okay. It just shows them that someone cares… So I make it my goal to always ask people how they are because you never know what’s going on with them and sometimes that’s all it takes to keep them holding on.”
Yamaguchi’s words never left Tsukishima’s head.
Chapter 5: Floppy French Fries
When they arrived at the diner Tsukishima grabbed the door and held it open for Yamaguchi. He blushed and walked inside, Tsukishima following behind. He looked around, taking in the appearance of the interior. It looks just like the old-timey diners that are in movies with record on the walls and barstools lined up at the counter. There was jukebox in the corner playing a song that Yamaguchi didn’t recognize, but it sounded happy and upbeat and it made him feel good. He saw a waitress walk by in a long pink poodle skirt and he gasped.
“Tsukki!” he cried. “It’s like we’re in a fifties movie.”
Tsukishima laughed softly and nodded.
“I like the accuracy of it all.”
“Of course you do.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes and put his hand gently on Yamaguchi’s back.
“Go find a seat for us and I’ll get some food. What do you want to drink?”
“Just some water, please.”
Tsukishima nodded and walked up to the counter. Yamauchi looked around for a little bit longer before sitting down in a booth and waiting for Tsukishima. He leaned against the counter, waiting for someone to help him. There was a girl who looked to be a little bit older than he is running around behind the counter. Like all the other girls she had on a short sleeved white shirt tucked into a pink poodle skirt. Her long blonde hair was in a ponytail and there was a pink and white polka dotted handkerchief tied around her neck.
She was pretty, but she wasn’t Yamaguchi. Tsukishima was about to get up and walk away when she finally came over to him. She grabbed a notepad and took the pencil out from behind her ear. She sighed heavily and then looked up, smiling slightly at Tsukishima.
“Sorry it took so long, how can I help you?” she asked.
“Um can I just get two baskets of fries?”
The girl nodded and wrote down the order.
“And what can I get you to drink?”
“Just water.” Tsukishima said. “And can you make one basket extra floppy?”
“You know, make them floppy.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes. She was just annoying him now. She had to understand what he meant; it wasn’t like he was asking her to make French fries out of broccoli, he just wanted them floppy for Yamaguchi.
“You know how there’s crispy French fries?” he asked. “Well don’t do that. One can be crispy but make the other as un-crispy as you can. If you have to cook them and then soak them in oil and then dry them off so they aren’t gross then do that. I don’t care what you do; just make the damn fries floppy.”
“So you want the gross ones that everyone throws out?”
“My friend doesn’t throw them out.” Tsukishima said. “So make him a damn basket of squishy French fries.”
Tsukishima huffed and walked away, not giving her a chance to say anything else. He found where Yamaguchi was sitting and slid into the booth next to him.
“People are so stupid.”
“She was just dumb.”
Yamaguchi didn’t say anything more and continued to look around the diner. Tsukishima watched him, smiling as his eyes lit up. Yamaguchi was amazed by such small things and while some people would find it dumb, Tsukishima found it cute.
Tsukishima nodded, not bothering to push for more. Yamaguchi had been doing that a lot lately; starting to say something and then stopping. It worried Tsukishima but whenever he tried to pry for answer Yamaguchi looked like he was going to cry so he always stayed quiet. They were best friends and they told each other everything so he knew that Yamaguchi would come to him to talk whenever he was ready to.
A waitress brought their water over and Yamaguchi smiled slightly. He seemed to shut down after that, his grin before having completely dissipated as he stared at the glossy white tabletop.
He didn’t answer and Tsukishima grew worried. Yamaguchi was quiet, but he always answered when Tsukishima called. There was only one time that Yamaguchi didn’t answer him right away and Tsukishima had freaked out. He left his house to go see Yamaguchi and halfway there he finally got answer back. Yamaguchi said he had been in the shower and Tsukishima said okay and made his way back home.
Tsukishima wasn’t entirely sure if Yamaguchi was telling the truth or not but he wanted to believe him so he pushed the doubt out of his head and moved on from there. Now though, he was beginning to worry again. He reached out and put his hand on top of Yamaguchi’s, startling him and causing him to jump and hit his knee on the table.
“Sorry.” Tsukishima said. “You didn’t answer so I got worried.
“You called me?”
“Oh, sorry.” He blushed. “I was thinking and I zoned out for a minute.”
“What were you thinking about?”
Yamaguchi’s face reddened and he looked away.
“N-n-nothing.” He stuttered.
Tsukishima squeezed Yamaguchi’s hand gently.
“Alright.” He said. “You’re okay though, right?”
Yamaguchi smiled and nodded quickly.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Tsukishima always found himself being a lot more sensitive when he and Yamaguchi were alone. He was always told he didn’t seem to have many feelings and people often said he had an abrasive and blunt personality; hell, Hinata even calls him “Stingyshima” but whenever he and Yamaguchi were alone it was almost as if everything else melted away. He was more sensitive to things and he was on edge, always wanting to make sure that Yamaguchi was okay and that nothing was going to hurt him or bring him down.
Tsukishima cared more about Yamaguchi than anything else. He held a lot of love for the smaller boy and all he ever wanted was for his friend to be and stay happy. He knew Yamaguchi was sensitive and shy and people weren’t always nice to him so he always did his best to protect him and be there for him and take care of him. It was hard because like yesterday, Yamaguchi would rarely ever tell him who hurt him, but Tsukishima still tried his best to protect him.
The waitress brought their food and quickly walked away. Tsukishima rolled his eyes again and slid one basket over to Yamaguchi. He stared at the basket, his eyebrows furrowing like he was trying to figure out what was in front of him.
“They’re all floppy.” He said.
“How did that happen? That never happens.”
“I asked them to do that.”
Yamaguchi’s face lit up like a Christmas tree and he threw his arms around Tsukishima. He hugged him tightly, shoving his face into Tsukishima’s chest.
“Thank you.” he whispered.
“You’re being really nice today.” He said. “I get to pick the movie and you got me floppy French fries and we’re gonna go to the bakery.”
Tsukishima didn’t really understand why Yamaguchi was thanking him. He was always nice to him; he did everything he could to keep him happy. It worried him a little bit and made him feel like things weren’t going as well for Yamaguchi as he made them seem to be.
“Of course…” Tsukishima said softly. “You’re my best friend.”
Yamaguchi smiled and began to eat his French fries. Tsukishima ate his slowly, still not getting over everything that had happened the past few days. First Yamaguchi gets beaten up and then he mentions some people having a hard time waking up. Tsukishima couldn’t help but wonder if Yamaguchi meant himself there. He wondered if Tsukishima asking Yamaguchi how he was every day was what was keeping him holding on.
Then Yamaguchi didn’t answer him and he seems so surprised that Tsukishima is being nice to him. Yamaguchi is the only person Tsukishima is nice to. He sighed heavily, causing Yamaguchi to look at him.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, are you?”
They finished eating and Tsukishima paid the bill and they left. He headed towards the movie theater, glancing towards Yamaguchi every few seconds. He looked sad and almost distressed, like he had just witnessed someone kick a puppy into oncoming traffic. Tsukishima reached over and took his hand again, relaxing when it seemed to calm Yamaguchi down. He gave it a soft squeeze and Yamaguchi returned it. He still wasn’t sure what was wrong, but he was determined to find out.
Chapter 6: The Jungle Book
It's a short and shitty chapter.
I'm struggling again...
When they got to the movie theater Yamaguchi went to the restroom while Tsukishima got the tickets. He skipped buying popcorn since they had just eaten lunch and went to meetup with Yamaguchi. He waited by the bathroom for a moment and was about to go in and check on him when Yamaguchi walked up from the other direction.
“Where were you at?”
“We just ate.”
Yamaguchi held up a small package and smiled.
“I thought you wanted to go to the bakery.”
“It’s not for me, it’s for you.”
Yamaguchi put the package in Tsukishima’s hand and he looked down at it; a smile immediately spreading across his face.
“I know you like strawberry shortcake and I remember the first time you saw it and you almost—”
“We don’t need to relive that.” Tsukishima interrupted.
Yamaguchi giggled and Tsukishima smiled.
“Let’s head into the movie now.”
Tsukishima nodded and the two headed down the hall and into the theater. Yamaguchi didn’t like to sit too close and it always hurt Tsukishima’s neck to look up at the screen so they found a spot towards the middle and sat down. Tsukishima opened his ice cream bar and began munching away at it through the previews. He glanced at Yamaguchi and held it out
“Want a bite?”
Yamaguchi’s face lit up and he nodded. Tsukishima held the ice cream bar out closer to him and he leaned down and took a bite.
Tsukishima nodded. He finished the ice cream and put the stick back into the wrapper. He set it in the cup holder and turned his attention towards the screen. The lights when down and Yamaguchi leaned over and whispered his name.
“Can I lift the armrest up so I can move closer?”
Tsukishima’s heart skipped a bit and he was glad it was dark so no one could see the light blush that was creeping up onto his cheeks.
“I mean, um, you know…” Yamaguchi stuttered. “For the scary parts.”
Tsukishima bit down on his lip and nodded. There was a long pause and then he felt Yamaguchi lean into his side. He linked his arm though Tsukishima’s and slid his hand down, resting it inside Tsukishima’s. Tsukishima felt his cheeks heat up more and he looked away. Yamaguchi was becoming a lot more slack with showing affection and while it made Tsukishima happy, he also couldn’t help but wonder what had made his friend change so quickly.
When the movie started Yamaguchi moved his hand. Tsukishima wasn’t sure why, but he wasn’t going to ask either. They sat quietly, the only noise coming from Yamaguchi’s whimpers whenever he got scared and shoved his face into Tsukishima’s chest. Tsukishima wrapped his arm around him and held him close. He knew Yamaguchi didn’t actually need to be protected since nothing could come out of the screen, but he also knew it helped him calm down and feel safer and less scared.
When the movie ended they left the theater and headed back the other way to go to the diner. Yamaguchi checked his phone and swore. Tsukishima looked up at him, his eyebrows furrowing. Yamaguchi never swore.
“Is everything okay?”
“Um, uh, yeah.” He mumbled. “I just have to get home.”
“I thought you wanted to go to the bakery?”
“I do but I have to go home.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I have homework that I forgot to do.”
Tsukishima furrowed his eyebrows. Yamaguchi didn’t forget to do homework. It was like seeing Nishinoya and Tanaka calm; it just wasn’t something that happened.
Yamaguchi’s phone went off again and his eyes went wide.
“Fuck. We have to go now.”
He took off running, making Tsukishima run after him. He didn’t understand what was going on, but he needed to stay with Yamaguchi. He refused to let him go home alone. They made it to the train station quickly and Yamaguchi grabbed his hand and pulled Tsukishima onto the train. Yamaguchi didn’t fall asleep this time; he sat in his seat, glancing between his phone and the window every few seconds. He was antsy and Tsukishima knew something was wrong. He didn’t like seeing Yamaguchi like this and he was terrified for what was to come.
As soon as the train stopped Yamaguchi was out of his seat. He got away from the crowd and took off running again. Tsukishima ran after him, his feet pounding against the pavement and matching the rhythm of his heart.
“Yamaguchi, slow down!” he cried.
Yamaguchi skidded to a stop and turned to look at Tsukishima. He looked like he was about to cry and it made Tsukishima’s chest ache. He just wanted to take him into his arms and somehow absorb all the pain that Yamaguchi was feeling.
“I need to go home.”
“I know, but—”
Tsukishima was bent over, hands on his knees and panting; he didn’t even run this hard at practice.
“Let me walk you.”
“No!” Yamaguchi cried.
Tsukishima jumped, startled by his friend’s outburst.
“I want to make sure that you get home safe.”
“I will. I’ll be fine.”
Yamaguchi hugged Tsukishima quickly and tightly then pulled away.
“Thanks for today, see you Monday!”
He ran off, leaving Tsukishima standing on the sidewalk alone. To say he was worried was an understatement. He was worried before, now he was downright terrified. Yamaguchi had been acting really strange lately and he wouldn’t tell Tsukishima anything. He even refused to let Tsukishima walk him home when most of the time he’s the one who wants it.
Tsukishima sighed and began to walk home. He was tempted to go to Yamaguchi’s house and make sure he was okay and had gotten home safe, but whatever was going on seemed to be something that he didn’t want Tsukishima to know about so he just headed to his own house and made a mental note to text Yamaguchi and check in on him later.
When Tsukishima got home, he went upstairs and took a shower. He bathed quickly, everything from the day still stuck in his head. Yamaguchi’s words from before seemed so serious and Tsukishima wanted to ask what he meant by it but he wasn’t so sure that he would like the answer.
Tsukishima laid down on his bed and sighed softly. He had always thought of himself as a smart person; he’s been a straight A student since grade one, he’s in college preparatory classes, and he’s pretty much been guaranteed a spot at the top school in Japan; but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t figure out what is, or even what might be, wrong with Yamaguchi.
Tsukishima grabbed his phone and sent a text to Yamaguchi.
Tsukishima: Did you get home okay?
He paused and then sent another.
Tsukishima: Are you okay?
Tsukishima watched as the dot appeared then disappeared and then appeared again. They stayed for a while and right when he was about to put his phone down, the message came through.
Yamaguchi: I’m fine.
Tsukishima: Sure took you a long time to type that
Yamaguchi: I guess
Tsukishima: What’s going on?
Tsukishima: Are you lying to me?
Yamaguchi: I’m fine, Tsukki.
Tsukishima: That doesn’t answer my question.
Yamaguchi: Sure it does
Yamaguchi: Well I’m fine, okay? Stop worrying so much.
Yamaguchi: Tsukki, I’m fine.
Tsukishima shut his eyes. He knew Yamaguchi wasn’t actually fine because if he was then he would have said he wasn’t lying and he would have promised that he was okay.
Tsukishima: Why won’t you promise me you’re okay then?
Yamaguchi: Why won’t you just believe me?
Tsukishima sighed. He knew he should believe his friend, but it was hard with everything else that had been happening. He wouldn’t have thought much of it until Yamaguchi freaked out when he checked his phone. He was also antsy on the train and that was out of character too. Yamaguchi was a very anxious person, but in all the years that they had been friends, Tsukishima had never seen him as scared and anxious as he appeared to be earlier.
Tsukishima: I’m sorry.
I do believe you.
I’m just worried.
Yamaguchi: Well you don’t have to be, okay? I’m fine.
Yamaguchi: I have to go. I’ll text you later.
Tsukishima: Alright, be safe.
Yamaguchi: I will. Goodnight, Tsukki
Tsukishima: Goodnight, Yama.
Tsukishima was pretty sure it was a mistake to let Yamaguchi go so soon, but he didn’t want to argue. Yamaguchi was his best and really his only friend and if he lost him he would just become the same person he was before they had met. He’d never admit it, but he hated that time in grade school before he and Yamaguchi became friends. He had always been tall and usually wouldn’t hesitate to speak his mind. He could be quite blunt and because of that, most of his peers didn’t like him.
Yamaguchi was different though. Tsukishima wasn’t sure if Yamaguchi liked him because he saved him from his bullies or because he saw the good in him, but he was glad that they had become friends. Life before precious little Yamaguchi came into his life was painstakingly lonely and he didn’t want to go back to that.
He couldn’t deny that he was scared though. He had no idea what was going on with Yamaguchi and he felt as if they were starting to grow more and more distant. Yamaguchi wouldn’t tell him what was going on and that scared Tsukishima more than anything because they told each other everything and the fact that he was keeping whatever was going on a secret just made Tsukishima worry even more.
Tsukishima tried his hardest to calm down, but the whole situation was stressing him out. He couldn’t do his job of protecting Yamaguchi if he wouldn’t talk to him and tell him what was going on. He still hadn’t found out who hurt him on Friday and that was important because he needed to make sure that it didn’t happen again. Tsukishima waited all night for Yamaguchi to text him and tell he was okay again. He never did.
Monday morning arrived and Tsukishima still hadn’t heard from Yamaguchi. He called him on Sunday but when it went straight to voicemail he gave up. He couldn’t keep pushing Yamaguchi to talk to him about things when he clearly didn’t want to. Tsukishima got ready for school and headed downstairs. He mumbled out a “goodbye” and then left to go meet Yamaguchi at their usual spot.
When he arrived, he was surprised to be there alone. Usually Yamaguchi was already there and waiting for him but today he was nowhere to be found. Tsukishima waited for twenty minutes before deciding to just leave for school. He knew he couldn’t wait for him forever and there was no telling how long it would actually take for Yamaguchi to show up. He stared at the sidewalk as he walked, keeping to himself the entire way to school. It was weird walking without Yamaguchi. They usually didn’t say much but there was always that air of comfort surrounding the two of them and Tsukishima missed that feeling of acceptance.
When Yamaguchi didn’t show up for practice Tsukishima began to worry even more. He tried to hide his anxiety but Sugawara saw right through his facade and confronted him about it afterwards.
“Tsukishima, what’s going on?”
He shrugged, honestly unsure of anything anymore.
“Where’s Yamaguchi at?”
“I don’t know?”
Suga’s eyes grew wide and Tsukishima had never seen him so surprised. He looked away, silently willing Suga to go away so he could just leave and go to class and get his mind off of his missing friend.
“Did something happen between you?”
“But you still don’t know where he is?”
Tsukishima looked at the floor and his chest tightened.
“He hasn’t answered his phone since Saturday afternoon.”
“I’ve gotta get to class.” He muttered.
Sugawara started to say something else, but Tsukishima had already walked away. It was hard enough to deal with without being asked where Yamaguchi was and why he didn’t know. It got even worse when he walked into class and within a minute three people had already asked him where Yamaguchi was and if he was out sick today. Tsukishima went half the day without Yamaguchi and he finally showed up at lunchtime.
Tsukishima was sitting in their usual spot eating lunch when he saw a slight movement and looked up to see Yamaguchi sitting down with his arm tucked into his jacket.
“Where’ve you been?”
“I didn’t feel good this morning so my mom said I could stay home.”
“So why are you here now?”
“I felt better.”
Tsukishima stared at him, trying to figure out if he was telling the truth or hiding things from him again.
“You didn’t text me Saturday night.”
“I know, sorry, I fell asleep.”
“You could have texted me back Sunday.” Tsukishima said. “You know I worry.”
“I know, sorry.”
“I tried calling you too and it went straight to voicemail. You could have called me back. You could have told me you would be late today so I wouldn’t worry and think that something was wrong.”
“My phone broke.”
“It broke in one day?”
“I accidentally dropped it in the bath.”
“You have a house phone.”
“No, my parents disconnected it.”
“In one day?”
“No, like four months ago.”
Tsukishima didn’t really believe him, but he didn’t want to argue so he stopped talking and shoved a piece of fish into his mouth.
“You didn’t miss me too much, did you?” Yamaguchi joked.
Tsukishima shrugged and the other boy frowned. He was hoping his joke would lighten the mood and at least make Tsukishima smile but it seemed to have done the opposite and just make him more upset. Yamaguchi sighed and unzipped his jacket, carefully sliding it off his shoulders. He shifted slightly and winced.
Tsukishima looked up, his eyes widening when he saw Yamaguchi’s arm in a plaster cast. Yamaguchi balanced his bento box on his knee and attempted to open it with his other hand. He looked up, blushing when he saw Tsukishima staring at him.
“What the fuck happened to your arm?”
“I fell down the stairs.”
“I was walking down the hall to go downstairs for dinner, I mean for breakfast, on Sunday and I tripped and fell down the stairs and I landed on my arm wrong and I smashed it and it broke.”
“What the hell did you trip over?”
“Come on, you aren’t that clumsy.”
“I guess I was on Sunday.”
“Did someone hurt you?”
“No, I tripped.”
“Yamaguchi, don’t lie to me.”
“Tsukki, I’ll be okay. I am okay.”
Tsukishima stared at him, still not believing a single word that he was being told. Yamaguchi wasn’t clumsy. He wouldn’t just trip and fall down the stairs.
“Lift up your shirt.”
“Tsukki, we’re in public.”
“Tadashi, I’m not kidding. Unbutton your shirt so that I can check your stomach and ribs for more bruises.”
“But we’re at school.”
“If you don’t do it then I will.”
Yamaguchi shook his head and Tsukishima pushed his lunch away and moved closer. He reached his hands out and put Yamaguchi’s jacket over his shoulders and began to unbutton his shirt.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m unbuttoning your shirt to check for bruises.”
“Yamaguchi, you’re clearly hurt! I walked into your room on Friday and you were sobbing and you’d been beaten to a pulp and your eye looks even worse than it did on Saturday and I know that’s not normal. Just let me check you for injuries.”
Yamaguchi tried to pull away but Tsukishima didn’t let him. He wasn’t just worried or scared anymore; he was angry. Someone had done this to Yamaguchi. He didn’t know who did it to him or why or what went through their mind to even make them want to hurt him. He was beyond pissed that someone would have the audacity to do something like this to Yamaguchi. In Tsukishima’s eyes, Yamaguchi is a literal angel. He would never even hurt a fly.
“I’m fine, there’s nothing else.”
“Well then just let me check.”
“So I can make sure you’re fine.”
“Why can’t you just believe me?”
“A second set of eyes is always good.”
“You have glasses, your eyes are worse than mine.”
It was a low blow. They both knew it. Tsukishima probably would have been slightly hurt too if it wasn’t for the fact that his best friend’s life was at risk and his only concern was making sure that Yamaguchi was okay and didn’t have to be taken to the hospital. He knew that someone could look perfect on the outside but actually have internal bleeding and that could end up killing them. He didn’t want that to happen to Yamaguchi, he didn’t want to lose him. If he could help it, he wasn’t going to lose him. So he kept trying to get Yamaguchi to move his arms so he could lift his shirt and allow him to check his abdomen for injuries. He kept trying until Yamaguchi got fed up and yelled at him.
Tsukishima froze instantly because that's not right. It might be his name but that's not right. Yamaguchi always calls him Tsukki and occasionally Kei but never Tsukishima and it just sounds wrong and it makes him cringe visibly as it rolls off the smaller boy's tongue.
“I’m just fine, okay? Just mind your own business.”
Yamaguchi closed his box and grabbed his jacket then stood up and walked away, leaving Tsukishima sitting alone, completely stunned by Yamaguchi’s words. Yamaguchi had never snapped at him or told him to mind his own business or called him Tsukishima. The one other time he did was whenever they met and to make sure of what his name was Yamaguchi had said “it’s Tsukishima, right” and ever since then it has always been Tsukki.
He didn’t know what to make of the whole situation. He loved Yamaguchi more than anything and all he wanted was for him to be safe. That was the only thing that mattered to him. He was just trying to protect his friend and Yamaguchi had snapped at him.
I’m just fine, okay? Just mind your own business.
Yamaguchi’s words echoed in his head. It felt as if he was being stabbed repeatedly in the heart with a dagger. He felt something wet on his cheeks and quickly brushed the tears away. He couldn’t take any of it anymore. Tsukishima gathered his stuff and got up. He walked off and out of the school gates. He didn’t care about school anymore, it just wasn’t worth it. Nothing was worth it anymore.
Chapter 8: Human
If you want more insight on the chapter, it's named after the song Human by Christina Perri. It'll kind of give you more insight on Yamaguchi's feelings
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Yamaguchi sat one the bathroom floor sobbing. He’d already been there for ten minutes and his sobbing had only gotten louder. He cried until his lungs were out of air then he gasped for more and did it again. He had tried to calm down, but he couldn’t and now he couldn’t breathe and his chest felt like it was on fire.
Yamaguchi didn’t know why he had said that to Tsukishima. He didn’t mean it, he was just scared. He didn’t want Tsukki to see his stomach and he didn’t want to tell him what was wrong. He was terrified that if he told Tsukishima what was going on then he wouldn’t like him anymore.
Yamaguchi needed Tsukishima. He knew it, Tsukki knew it, the volleyball team knew it, everyone who knew the two of them knew it. No one except Yamaguchi knew the extent of it though. Yamaguchi needs Tsukishima as much as he needs air to breathe. Without him, Yamaguchi was sure things would be even worse than they already are. The bathroom door opened and Yamaguchi jumped. He tried to hide his face, but failed and was noticed anyways.
He had never heard Hinata's voice so soft and concerned before and he almost felt guilty for ignoring his teammate.
Hinata looked at him and from then walked over to Yamaguchi and sat down on the floor next to him.
“You can talk to me. I won’t tell anyone. Not even Kageyama!”
Yamaguchi shook his head. He didn’t want to talk, that would make it all real. Aside from that, he still couldn’t breathe so he wouldn’t be able to talk even if he did want to.
“You don’t have to, but you can if you want to. I’ll be here to listen to you, okay?”
Hinata reached out and wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi. He stiffened at first and then relaxed. He pulled away and smiled sympathetically. He often got nervous before games and there had been times where he cried from it. He knew that wasn’t why Yamaguchi was upset, but he knew he always felt better when someone talked to him so he just wanted to help too.
“I don’t know what’s wrong, but you’ll be okay. You’re strong. I know you can make it.”
Yamaguchi forced a smile and Hinata patted his back.
“You have Tsukishima and if you ever need to talk but don’t want to talk to him then I can listen and Suga-senpai will too. We all care about you; Kageyama too, even if he won’t admit it.”
Yamaguchi shifted, causing his jacket to fall. Hinata noticed his arm and frowned. He didn’t even care that Yamaguchi couldn’t play volleyball now he was just worried. Yamaguchi was really nice and Hinata liked him a lot. He didn’t like to see the kind-hearted boy in pain.
Yamaguchi stayed quiet for a moment, not wanting to look Hinata in the eyes. He knew he was a bad liar and almost every time he lied his eyes gave it away.
“I fell down the stairs.” He said quietly. “Landed on my arm wrong and broke it.”
Hinata cocked his head to the side. He seemed to be questioning whether Yamaguchi was telling the truth or not. Yamaguchi thought Hinata was going to question him, but instead he leaned over and hugged him again, and this time Yamaguchi hugged him back. Deep down, he wished it was Tsukishima’s arms that he was in, but he was still hurting and it felt nice to be comforted. Yamaguchi sniffed and wiped his eyes. He had mostly calmed down now and his breathing was returning to normal.
“Can I sign your cast?”
Yamaguchi nodded. He pulled his bag towards him and started to dig through it to find his sharpie. He had hoped Tsukishima would be the first one to sign it. He even picked a green cast, knowing it was Tsukki’s favorite color, but he didn’t even notice and only yelled.
Yamaguchi handed Hinata the marker and slowly held out his arm. Hinata uncapped the marker and gently held Yamaguchi’s arm. He signed it quickly and handed the sharpie back then stood up and smiled.
“I hope you feel better. You can call me if you need me. Bye Yamaguchi.”
Hinata ran out of the bathroom, leaving Yamaguchi alone again. He sighed heavily and looked down at his cast.
Get well soon, Yamaguchi!
Yamaguchi smiled and rubbed his eyes then stood up. He grabbed his bag and headed out. he knew he should stay at school but he hurt and wanted to go home. He just wanted his mom to make him some tea and then he wanted to curl up in bed and take a nap. He knew he would probably get yelled at for skipping, but as long as his dad wasn’t home then he would be okay.
Twenty minutes later he arrived home. When he saw the red car in the driveway, he cursed under his breath and balled up his fists. His aunt and uncle had come to visit on Saturday and he was assured they would be gone by now but they weren’t. He started to turn away, run to Tsukishima’s house, but as soon as he moved the door opened.
Yamaguchi relaxed when he realized it was only his mother.
“I didn’t feel good so I came home.”
“That’s okay, sweetie. You can go lay down. I have to go to the store, but everyone else is here.”
“Can I come with you?”
“Since you aren’t feeling well you need to rest. Just go lie down and take a nap, I’ll be back soon.”
Yamaguchi felt like he was going to throw up. This was a mistake. He was a mistake. He didn’t want to be here and he didn’t want to be alive.
“I’ll bring back some French fries.”
Yamaguchi nodded slightly and walked inside. He quickly ran upstairs to his room, shutting and locking the door behind him. He didn’t want to be bothered by anyone and he promised himself that he wouldn’t let anyone in the door, no matter what the person on the other side told him.
Yamaguchi dropped his bag on the floor and walked to his bed. He sat down and leaned against the wall, immediately pulling his legs up to his chest. He wasn’t happy and he really wished he could tell Tsukishima about everything that was going on but he was so scared. He didn’t know how his friend would react or what he would say or how he would treat Yamaguchi afterwards so he kept everything a secret and dealt with it on his own. It wasn’t the healthiest thing to do, he knew that, but he didn’t have any other option.
There was a loud knock on the door and Yamaguchi jumped, slamming his head into his wall.
“Let me in.”
“Let me on, Tadashi.”
“Open the fucking door or I’ll break it down!”
The pounding grew heavier and Yamaguchi held back tears. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He would rather be hit by a car and have to go to the hospital than have to deal with any of this ever again. Yamaguchi whimpered, doing his best to stay calm. As soon as the knocking stopped, he opened his mouth and his voice cracked then he broke down crying. He got up and walked to his drawer, digging around underneath his socks.
His phone went off and he jumped again, mentally scolding himself for being so tense and anxious lately. He walked back over to his bed and picked up his phone. He prayed for it to be Tsukishima, but when he was honest with himself, he knew it wouldn’t be. He was so surprised to find a text from Hinata that he completely forgot what he had been doing previously.
Hinata: Hey Yamaguchi, how are you? :) Do you feel any better?
Yamaguchi was hesitant to text him back but he knew Hinata was just trying to be nice and aside from that he was lonely and the company would probably do him some good.
Yamaguchi: Not really
Hinata: L What’s wrong?
Yamaguchi: Same as before
Hinata: Still don’t want to talk about it?
Yamaguchi: Not really…
Hinata: Okay! If you change your mind then we can chat
Yamaguchi glanced towards the clock to check the time. He furrowed his eyebrows. Why was Hinata texting him? He should be in practice. He leaned against the wall again and sent Hinata another text.
Yamaguchi: Why aren’t you practicing?
Hinata: It got cancelled!
Yamaguchi: Oh… why?
Hinata: Well you weren’t there and neither was Tsukishima and then Kageyama started a fight with me again and we made Daichi made so he told everyone to go home
Yamaguchi stared at the text. He started to wonder if it was his fault that Tsukishima didn’t go to practice. If maybe his words had actually hurt his best friend.
Yamaguchi: Tsukki wasn’t at practice?
Hinata: I thought you would know. You’re his best friend.
Yamaguchi: I don’t…
Hinata: Is that what’s wrong? Did something happen between you two? Kageyama said he saw Tsukishima crying in the middle of lunch and he asked what was wrong but Tsukishima snapped at him. Kageyama quoted what he said but my mom might kill me if I repeat it
So it was his fault. It had to be. There wouldn’t be any other reason why Tsukki would cry. Tsukishima Kei does not cry.
Hinata: Do you know why he was crying?
Yamaguchi: It’s all my fault…
Hinata: Don’t say that! I’m sure it isn’t your fault.
Yamaguchi: But it is!
I told him to mind his own business
He was only trying to help me
He was worried about me and I snapped at him and I made him cry
Hinata: That doesn’t mean he was crying because of you
Yamaguchi: It happened at lunch though
Hinata: What did he want to know? Why didn’t you tell him?
Yamaguchi: I’m scared he won’t like me anymore
Yamaguchi: It’s bad
Hinata: No, why do you think he won’t like you?
Yamaguchi: Because what he wants me to tell him is really bad
Hinata: So? Tsukishima loves you
Yamaguchi: No he doesn’t
Hinata: Yes he does!
Yamaguchi: Hinata, no
Hinata: Yamaguchi, yes
Yamaguchi: Why do you keep saying that?
Hinata: Because you keep saying no
Yamaguchi: Because it isn’t true
Hinata: Ugh, yes it is
Yamaguchi: Hinata, stop
Hinata: Do you not see it?
The way he looks at you?
The way he treats you?
You are the only person he’s nice to and he won’t ever leave the gym, or anywhere for that matter, unless you’re right by his side. Any time anyone else is around you, his eyes dart back and forth between you to make sure you’re okay.
I wish someone would look at me the way Tsukishima looks at you!
Hinata: Bakageyama hates me
Yamaguchi rolled his eyes. Now he was sure Hinata was making everything up.
Hinata: You’re lucky, Yamaguchi.
Yamaguchi: You wouldn’t say that if you knew
Tsukishima doesn’t love me and he would hate me if I told him everything.
Hinata: He wouldn’t, but okay. You know him better than I do.
I’ve gotta go, dinnertime. I hope everything works out
Hinata: Goodnight, Yamaguchi!
Yamaguchi set his phone down and sighed. Hinata was wrong. He had to be wrong. He wished Tsukishima loved him, Yamaguchi had been in love with him since junior high, but he knew it was just wishful thinking. Tsukishima didn’t love him. Tsukishima couldn’t love him. He was too fucked up to be loved anyways.
“Let me in, you pathetic piece of shit.”
Yamaguchi knew he couldn’t keep people out forever, but he was going to try.
“I’ll get your mother.”
“She won’t do anything.”
“I’m only trying to help you. Without me, you’re worthless. You’ll never amount to anything!”
Tears ran down Yamaguchi’s face. He was trying to be strong but he knew he wasn’t going to be. He was going to break just like he did every other night. He wanted to call Tsukishima, he needed his best friend so badly, but he knew if he did then he wasn’t going to get an answer. He got up and walked back to his drawer and took out the small razor blade. He held it in his hand for a moment and stared at it.
What would Tsukki say? He thought. He’d be disgusted. He would tell you that you’re pathetic. You don’t deserve to live.
Yamaguchi lifted up his shirt and took the razor blade across his skin. He sobbed loudly, the tears blurring his vision. He continued to cut his stomach. He’d practically grown immune to the pain and it hardly ever hurt him anymore.
A few minutes later he placed the razor back in the box ad put it back in his drawer. He made his way back to his bed and curled up, holding his stomach and crying. He knew the pain he inflicted upon himself wasn’t the end. The pounding on the door would come back and eventually he would have to let them in just so things didn’t get worse. He thought of what might happen and let out a loud wail. He curled up more and took a shaky breath in, slowly bracing himself for the worst.
I think I really need to stop with all this angst and sadness because Yamaguchi is my precious little baby and all I'm doing is hurting him
Tsukishima got to school Tuesday morning and walked into the gym. When he opened the door he saw everyone gathered in a circle around someone. As he walked in, he saw that the person everyone was surrounding was Yamaguchi. His arm was resting on Nishinoya’s head and Tanaka was currently signing his cast. Tsukishima scowled slightly; they shouldn’t be the ones giving Yamaguchi attention, he should be. He walked over and everyone turned to look at him.
“Are we practicing?”
“Eventually,” Suga said. “We’re all just checking on Yamaguchi right now.”
Tsukishima grunted and started walking away. Suga grabbed his arm and pulled him back some. He pulled him away from the rest of the team.
“Are you okay?” Suga whispered.
Tsukishima just stared at him. He knew it was rude not to answer, but he didn’t feel like dealing with any of this right now.
“Did something happen between you and Yamaguchi?”
Tsukishima looked away and then looked back to Suga.
“You didn’t sign his cast.”
“You’re his best friend.”
“Exactly, I’m his best friend so why should I?”
“I just thought you would…”
“What’s going on?”
“There’s nothing going on between you and Yamaguchi?”
“So you aren’t in love with him?”
Tsukishima got quiet and looked away.
“That’s what I thought.”
“Can we just start practice?” Tsukishima asked.
“We will, we’re just checking on Yamaguchi. Your best friend, remember?”
“Aren’t you worried?”
“I tried to talk to him and he didn’t want to talk so I don’t care anymore.”
“You and I both know that isn’t true.”
“It is. He doesn’t want me to care so I don’t.”
Suga sighed and Tsukishima walked away. He sat down on the bench and watched Suga stare his way for a moment before shaking his head and walking back to the rest of the team. Tsukishima looked down at the floor. He knew what he said wasn’t true. He did care about Yamaguchi still; he would never be able to stop caring about him. It just hurt him too much to see Yamaguchi fine while he wasn’t so he lied to cover up the pain of being alone.
Tsukishima put his headphones on and turned his music up. He tried to shut everything else out, but he couldn’t get Yamaguchi off of his mind. His words still stabbed at Tsukishima’s heart; they had kept him up until two in the morning until he finally passed out. Tsukishima didn’t remember a time where he cried more than he did yesterday. He sighed heavily and focused on the music.
Could you check my pulse for me to see if I'm alive, cause every time that I am near you is the only time I feel alright. If there were any way I could think to turn back time, I'd stay here with you. Sometimes I sit and wonder, sometimes I feel like letting go, all I know is no one should have to be alone. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to die alone (no one should have to die alone) I could fall apart here and now. I don't want to die alone. I want to be with you, you, you. I only want to be with you, you, you.
Tsukishima heard laughter and he looked up to see Hinata and Yamaguchi laughing at something. Kageyama was scowling at Hinata so Tsukishima assumed that he had mocked Kageyama like he used to all the time. Tsukishima stared at the floor again. He just wanted to get out of this place.
Tell me what's the point of life? Is it material? Had everything I could ever want and probably more. When I lay in bed at night all I do is think of you, so when all this is gone what do I have to come home to? This life goes by so fast; pretty soon I'll grow old. What would I have but some stories now that I have told? No one to share them with and when it's all done; what am I left with? Tell me what's left.
Tsukishima’s cheeks felt wet and he mentally cursed himself as he brushed his tears away. He couldn’t cry here. If he did then he would lose his intimidation factor and no one would leave him alone anymore. Even worse than that, people would start making fun of him because now he’s actually shown that he was feelings.
Tsukishima admitted to himself a long time ago that he was in love with Yamaguchi and over the years it had only gotten worse. He always tried not to think of the occasional dreams that he had, but even those weren’t awful. Every time they were together, Tsukishima fell more in love with Yamaguchi. That’s one reason he cared about him so much; he was head over heels in love with him.
He would be lying if he said Yamaguchi telling him to mind his own business didn’t hurt, but Yamaguchi seemed to be fine so Tsukishima assumed that he needed to be fine too. If Yamaguchi didn’t care how it affected their friendship then he shouldn’t either. He knew he cared and he knew he always would, but he couldn’t hold on to Yamaguchi if he was only going to shove him away.
He wanted to, Tsukishima wanted to hold on to it all, he hoped Yamaguchi would come back and apologize or come back and say he knows Tsukki was just worried about him and then they could go back to normal and everything would be okay again but he knew that wasn’t going to happen. Yamaguchi was happy without him so he was all alone again and things were just going to go back to how they were before the pair became friends.
I don't want to be alone. I don't want to die alone (no one should have to die alone) I could fall apart here and now. I don't want to die alone.
Tsukishima knew he was all alone now. He didn’t have anyone else. He never had anyone else. He knew what people said about him and he knew he wouldn’t ever have anyone else. Nobody else could even compare to Yamaguchi anyways. That was all he wanted. He wanted Yamaguchi in every way possible. He loved him more than anything and he just wanted happiness for his beloved Tadashi.
When Tsukishima looked up again, everyone else was still there but Yamaguchi was gone again. He didn’t see him for the rest of the day.
The song Tsukki was listening to is Alone by Sleeping with Sirens!
Chapter 10: Sad Song
The formatting keeps messing up and it's getting on my nerves.
I'm sorry if this is bad. I'm losing my will to live again.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
It had been a week since Tsukishima had last spoken to Yamaguchi and things had not gotten any better for him. Yamaguchi had skipped school Tuesday but returned for a normal day Wednesday. The boys saw each other every day and everything was normal aside from the fact that they weren’t speaking to each other. People had begun to noticed, but no one had questioned it, too scared that Tsukishima was going to snap and go off of them. If there was one thing everyone knew about Tsukishima, it was that he didn’t like people but Yamaguchi kept him calm and in check. Without Yamaguchi he was like a grumpy old man who yelled at kids who walked in front of his house.
Tsukishima saw Yamaguchi in class and at practice and at lunch, where he now ate with Hinata and Kageyama, and it made his heart ache more every time. He wanted the pain to stop. He wanted his best friend back. He wasn’t fond of many people and he usually did like to be alone, but after getting so close to Yamaguchi and then being forced to go back to being alone, it was all a new experience. Being alone was more painful and it made him feel like someone had stabbed a knife into his chest and was now twisting it and trying to cut his heart out.
He had started to text Yamaguchi a few times, but he assumed that he didn’t want to talk and stopped. He kept himself up at night, still thinking and crying about the whole situation. Yamaguchi’s words haunted his dreams. They told each other everything. Yamaguchi knew more about him than anyone and Tsukishima would even go so far as to say Yamaguchi knew him better than he knew himself. He could pick up on when Tsukishima was sad or angry just by the tone of his voice and he would always try to make him feel better.
Tsukishima remembers one night back in junior high where they were in his room and Tsukishima was upset about being called a freak giant. He knew it was a stupid thing to be upset about, but he couldn’t help that he was so tall and it wasn’t like he chose to be taller than everyone anyways. His height had always been something he was insecure about so hearing someone call him a freak for being tall had hurt his feelings.
Yamaguchi knew right away, just by the way he answered a question, that Tsukishima was upset. He immediately stopped what he was doing and crawled across the floor to his friends. The two sat there and Yamaguchi talked to him and eventually coaxed him to share what was bothering him. He gave Tsukishima a hug and they talked and told stupid jokes until Tsukishima felt better. Four years later and Tsukishima still remembers that night like it only happened a day ago.
Being without Yamaguchi is something that he never thought he would ever have to do. It wasn’t something he ever even wanted to do. Yamaguchi had a lot of acquaintances, but he didn’t have a lot of friends and even when he did make other friends, Tsukishima was still his best friend. Yamaguchi rarely ever left his side and when he did, he always returned within a short period of time. This time was different though. Yamaguchi hadn’t returned and Tsukishima doubted that he ever would. He wanted him to return. Tsukishima wanted Yamaguchi to come back to him more than he wanted to go to college. The University of Tokyo might be the top school in Japan, but there are other places he can go. There is only one Yamaguchi Tadashi.
Tsukishima sighed heavily and lay back on his bed. He put his headphones on again and pressed play on his phone. He turned the volume up loud to drown everything else out. He shut his eyes tightly and let his mind wonder back to a conversation they had had a few months ago.
The pair was walking down the sidewalk after practice and Yamaguchi had been quiet for most of the walk. He usually had something to say, even if the conversation only lasted five minutes, but this time he hadn’t said a word until this point.
“We’re friends, right?”
“You’re my best friend.”
“Why do you ask?”
“I was curious.”
“But there has to be a reason. We’ve been friends since we were eight.”
“I know, but—”
Tsukishima stopped and turned to look at him.
The dark haired boy frowned and looked away, shifting his gaze down to the ground. He stayed quiet, slightly embarrassed about having asked now.
“I know you’re upset about something. Tell me.”
“Somebody said you just felt bad for me…” he said softly. “And that’s why we’re friends. They said you didn’t really like me and I was just a pity friend.”
“Who the fuck said that?”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I… it’s not important.”
Yamaguchi looked up at Tsukishima, tears in his eyes. Tsukishima’s chest tightened and without thinking, he pulled Yamaguchi in and hugged him tightly. He ran his hand gently through his friend’s hair and sighed softly.
“Whoever told you that is an asshole. You’re my best friend, okay? You aren’t a pity friend.”
Yamaguchi nodded and Tsukishima pulled away, feeling slightly embarrassed by his strong show emotions just then.
“It was Oikawa.”
“Fucking dick.” Tsukishima swore.
He paused and then looked back up at Yamaguchi.
“I thought he liked you.”
“Maybe that’s why he said it. He wanted to turn you against me so he could swoop in and recuse you and act like a hero.”
“I wouldn’t do that.” Yamaguchi said. “Turn against you.”
“He could convince you to.”
“He made you doubt I actually liked you, did he not?”
“But I still wouldn’t let him. You need me. Nobody else can deal with you.”
They started walking again, continuing on their way to Yamaguchi’s house. Tsukishima began to come up with ways to get Oikawa back for what he had done. He was never big on revenge, he rarely saw the point of it, but whenever someone hurt Yamaguchi then they better believe they were going to get what’s coming to them.
“Do you think we’ll be friends forever?”
Tsukishima wasn’t sure if they would be or not. He sure hoped they would be, he hoped they would be more, but he knew he could tell Yamaguchi that much.
“Or more? Like family?”
“To be family you’d have to marry me.”
“Or your brother.”
Tsukishima grinned and Yamaguchi giggled, causing the blonde to shoot a glare his way.
“I’m just kidding. I don’t like him.”
Tsukishima relaxed, incredibly relieved to hear that.
“That was cruel.”
He sighed softly and smiled and Tsukishima broke down and returned it.
“I do think we will be.” he said. “I certainly hope so.”
Yamaguchi sighed again and Tsukishima looked back at him to see if he was alright.
“I’m okay, just thinking.”
“Don’t worry, okay?” Tsukishima said. “As long as I can help it then we’re going to be friends forever.”
Yamaguchi held up his pinky and Tsukishima nodded, locking his pinky around Yamaguchi’s.
Tsukishima sighed heavily.
“So much for that…” he mumbled.
He couldn’t help but wonder if Yamaguchi remembered the same conversation. If he was lying in bed thinking about how Tsukishima had promised they would be friends forever and how neither of them were doing anything to keep that promise.
The song switched and Tsukishima shut his eyes again and listened to the words. He had been listening to a lot more sad songs lately, not bothering to change them when they came on as they seemed to be able to understand his feelings more than anything or anyone else has been able to.
You and I, we're like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky. With you, I'm alive, like all the missing pieces of my heart, they finally collide. So stop time right here in the moonlight, cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes. Without you, I feel broke. Like I'm half of a whole. Without you, I've got no hand to hold. Without you, I feel torn. Like a sail in a storm. Without you, I'm just a sad song. I'm just a sad song.
Tsukishima sighed heavily. He knew he was nothing without Yamaguchi. People avoided even looking his way. Occasionally in the hallway people would say hi to the two of them, but ever since he and Yamaguchi had “spilt up” people seemed to be afraid to speak to him. Not that he blamed them, he would probably snap at them if they tried.
With you I fall. It's like I'm leaving all my past in silhouettes up on the wall. With you I'm a beautiful mess. It's like we're standing hand in hand with all our fears up on the edge. So stop time right here in the moonlight, cause I don't ever wanna close my eyes. Without you, I feel broke. Like I'm half of a whole. Without you, I've got no hand to hold. Without you, I feel torn. Like a sail in a storm. Without you, I'm just a sad song.
Tsukishima knew his life was pretty messy. His parents cared much more about his brother than they ever did him and his brother was the whole reason he had trust issues. Yamaguchi knew all of this, but he never seemed to care. Yamaguchi was the only person Tsukishima trusted and he knew he could tell him anything without the fear of being judged. Yamaguchi knew he was afraid of spider and Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi was scared of snakes. They both knew that dying alone was the other’s biggest fear and they knew why it was. To Tsukishima, nothing ever seemed impossible when they were together.
You're the perfect melody, the only harmony I wanna hear. You're my favorite part of me, with you standing next to me; I've got nothing to fear.
He had never been depressed or suicidal or anything like that, but Yamaguchi was what always kept him going. Yamaguchi was the only one who could put a smile on his face and cheer him up and without him the world just seemed dark and gray. If he didn’t have Yamaguchi then nothing else seemed to matter because Yamaguchi was the person who made it all worthwhile in the first place. Everything was okay when they were together and he knew that no matter what happened, as long as he had Yamaguchi then everything was going to be okay.
Without you, I feel broke. Like I'm half of a whole. Without you, I've got no hand to hold. Without you, I feel torn. Like a sail in a storm. Without you, I'm just a sad song. I'm just a sad song.
Tsukishima felt like he was going to cry again and that only made him want to scream. The only reason he had gotten any sleep all week was because he cried himself to the point of exhaustion where his body could no longer stay up and he passed out. It was the same every day, an endless cycle of tears and pain. He started to get up when his phone went off. He started to leave it, but checked it anyways. His chest tightened when he saw a text from Yamaguchi. He always didn’t answer it, but something told him he should and he opened it up to read the last words he ever thought he would see.
Yamaguchi: I’m really sorry about what happened. I shouldn’t have said what I did and I’m truly sorry. I know you would be better off without me. Everyone would be. I don’t matter and I’m nothing but a pathetic parasite. I’d be better off dead. So… Goodbye. I love you, Tsukki. You’ll always be my best friend.
Tsukishima felt like he was going to throw up. His head was spinning. What was Yamaguchi planning to do? Was it what he thought it was? Everything from the past week left his head and he jumped up. He ran downstairs, almost tripping over the last stair. He slipped on his shoes and ran out of the house, ignoring his mother’s calls. He was on a time crunch and he didn’t have time to talk. If he stopped for anything then he might end up being too late.
Tsukishima ran all the way to Yamaguchi’s house and when he got there he saw that nobody else was home. He knew there was a key under the mat so he quickly got it, his hands shaking as he unlocked the door. He didn’t even take his shoes off and ran upstairs to Yamaguchi’s room. The door swung open, hitting the wall with enough force to create a hole in the wall from the doorknob.
Tsukishima found Yamaguchi lying on his bed with an empty bottle of medication next to him. He quickly grabbed Yamaguchi’s trash can and sat it down on his bed. He carefully sat Yamaguchi up and over the bin then gently opened his mouth and stuck his fingers down his throat. Tsukishima tried to stay calm as he tried to make his friend throw up. He didn’t even care that his fingers were I someone else’s mouth; he just wanted Yamaguchi to be okay. He pushed them down a little further and them Yamaguchi coughed and Tsukishima barely had time to move his hand before Yamaguchi was puking into the trash can.
Tsukishima held him up with one arm and held the trash can with the other. He was confused when Yamaguchi started crying. He hit his legs and pulled out his hair, sobbing loudly and screaming incoherent things at his wall. Tsukishima moved the trash can and sat in front of Yamaguchi which only made him cry harder.
“I was supposed to die!” he cried. “You weren’t supposed to save me!”
“It would be better for everyone!”
“Not for me! I need you, you idiot!”
“No, you don’t!”
“Yes, I do!”
“Because I lo—I just do!”
“You’ve been fine this week!”
“I have not!”
Yamaguchi opened his mouth to say something else, but stopped. Tsukishima stared at him, waiting for him to continue. Yamaguchi didn’t say anything else and instead fell backwards onto his bed again, his eyes closing.
“Yamaguchi!” Tsukishima cried.
He shook him hard, attempting to wake him up. When it didn’t work, Tsukishima started sobbing, unable to hold back his tears anymore. He took out his phone and called 119 and told them what happened then picked Yamaguchi up and took him downstairs to meet the ambulance outside. He held Yamaguchi close, sobbing into his chest.
“Please don’t die…” Tsukishima sobbed. “Please… I really fucking need you, okay? Please… I love you…”
When the ambulance got there, they loaded Yamaguchi in the back and then drove off, leaving Tsukishima sobbing into his hands in his best friend’s driveway.
The song Tsukishima listened to is called Sad Song by We the Kings
Chapter 11: Far too Young to Die
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Tsukishima was doing his best not to panic. He needed to get to the hospital to see Yamaguchi but he couldn’t drive. He knew walking, or even running for that matter, would take too long to get there. He couldn’t tell his parents and there was no telling when Yamaguchi’s family would be back home. There was only one person that he knew could drive and he also semi-trusted so he shakily took out his phone to text them.
Tsukishima: I need you to take me to the hospital
He got a text back almost immediately.
Sugawara-san: Shit, where are you?
Tsukishima: Yamaguchi’s house
Sugawara-san: Text me the address, I’m on my way.
Tsukishima sent Suga the address and went back to the door to lock it. He replaced the key under the welcome mat and went back to the end of the driveway. He paced back and forth, trying to calm himself down so he wouldn’t still be crying whenever Sugawara arrived. He hoped Suga wouldn’t ask what was wrong; he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it together as he answered.
Five minutes later, Tsukishima had stopped crying but he was still antsy. It seemed like it had been hours and Sugawara still hadn’t arrived yet. He was about to text him again when a dark blue Toyota pulled up and Suga waved him in. Tsukishima ran forward, almost hitting his head on the door as he got inside the car.
“Tōhokudaigaku?” Suga asked, starting to drive off.
Tsukishima nodded, shifting in his seat. He was scared and nervous and he felt like his chest was going to cave in on him.
“Can I ask what happened?”
“I don’t know…” Tsukishima said quietly. “He texted me saying goodbye and that he would be better off dead so I ran here as fast as I could. He was on his bed with an empty bottle of pills next to him.”
“I forced him to throw up and he yelled at me and said I wasn’t supposed to save him. That he was supposed to die.” Tsukishima swallowed hard, tears starting to fall down his face again. “He said nobody needed him and I said I did and he said no and then he passed out.”
“And you called me?”
“119 and then you; I couldn’t go with them because I’m not family.”
“Oh that’s bullshit!”
Tsukishima was taken aback by Suga’s words. He had never heard his upperclassman use such foul language before.
“You’re his best friend and you have been for years! You’re closer to him than his family so not allowing you to go with him because of that is fucking ludicrous.”
Tsukishima nodded, not bothering to say anything else.
“Are you holding up okay?”
That was all Tsukishima said so Sugawara figured he didn’t want to talk and didn’t push for more.
He glanced towards Sugawara and then back to the road.
“He’s going to be okay.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do, Yamaguchi is strong.”
“I thought so too but strong people don’t…” he swallowed hard. “Do what he did.”
“Sometimes they do.” Suga replied. “Sometimes they’ve been strong for so long and one day it all comes crashing down and they look for a way out.”
“He could have told me. I would help him.
“Maybe he was just scared to. He probably thought you would think less of him.”
“I wouldn’t. I love him.”
“Have you ever told him that?”
“Because I know he won’t feel the same way.”
“Maybe he does. Maybe you should tell him.”
“You should. You never know, Tsukishima, that could be what keeps him holding on.”
Tsukishima was instantly reminded of what Yamaguchi had said the Saturday that they went to Tokyo.
“Sometimes people pretend to be okay and they’re really not okay. Sometimes they’re really struggling and even if they have someone to talk to then it can be really hard for them to do normal things like get out of bed in the morning but sometimes all they really need is for someone to ask them how they are or ask if they’re okay. It just shows them that someone cares… So I make it my goal to always ask people how they are because you never know what’s going on with them and sometimes that’s all it takes to keep them holding on.”
Since the incident on the roof Tsukishima had stopped asking him how he was. Maybe that had forced Yamaguchi into thinking that he didn’t care anymore. Tsukishima’s heart ached. That wasn’t true. He did care; he cared about Yamaguchi more than anything and anyone else. He cared about Yamaguchi more than he cared about himself and nothing was ever going to change that.
When they arrived at the hospital Suga pulled up front and Tsukishima thanked him before quickly getting out of the car and running inside. He took a deep breath before walking up to the front desk. Someone was in front of them and he tried to relax, shifting impatiently as he waited for his turn. When the woman left he stepped up, anxiously tapping his fingers on the countertop.
“I-i-is err um where i-is Yamaguchi Tadashi?”
The woman typed something into her computer, glaring up at Tsukishima’s fingers and then back down at the screen.
“He doesn’t have a room yet.” She said.
“Where will he be? What’s going on?”
“I’m not sure yet.” She told him. “He’s having his stomach pumped right now so just have a seat and we’ll get back to you whenever he’s out.”
Tsukishima frowned and nodded. He walked to the waiting room and sat down, immediately burying his face in his hands and leaning over on his knees. He felt a hand on his back and jumped, swearing softly as he looked up to see Sugawara sitting next to him.
“You didn’t have to stay, you know?”
It had come out ruder than he intended for it too and he looked away guiltily.
“I know,” Suga said. “But I think you could use a friend.”
“I don’t need pity.”
“No, but isn’t it better than being alone?”
Tsukishima shrugged. He honestly wasn’t sure because Yamaguchi was the only friend that he had ever had and he’d never been without him for so long before.
“How’s Yamaguchi doing?”
“He’s getting his stomach pumped.”
“That’s a good sign, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know.”
“They wouldn’t pump his stomach if he was dead.”
Tsukishima cringed and Suga immediately wished he could take his words back.
“He’s too young to die…” Tsukishima said softly.
His voice was broken and he was clearly in pain and Sugawara wished he could just rewind time and somehow stop it all himself.
“He isn’t going to die.”
“How do you know?”
Suga was quiet. He didn’t know. There was no way that he could guarantee Tsukishima that Yamaguchi was not going to die. He had always been a positive person though and he did his best not to think of the dreadful alternatives.
“I just… do.”
Sugawara knew that if Yamaguchi didn’t make it then Tsukishima was probably going to hate him forever, but he decided that was a risk he was going to have to take. He wanted Tsukishima to feel better somehow and this was the only thing he could do. He had faith Yamaguchi would be okay anyways so it wasn’t like he was lying.
“I’m really scared…”
Suga rubbed Tsukishima’s back gently.
“I know,” he said softly. “But…”
He paused. Suga had never been at a loss for words before. He always knew exactly what to say to everyone no matter what the situation was. He knew what to say when Daichi struggled to come out to his parents, he knew what to say to get Asahi and Nishinoya to come back to the volleyball team, he knew what to do to get Hinata and Kageyama to start getting alone, but he had no idea what to say to comfort Tsukishima.
“He’ll be okay…” Suga said finally. “Yamaguchi… he…”
“Wants to die.” Tsukishima said. “He’ll only try again.”
“So don’t let him. Make sure he doesn’t. Keep an eye on him and take care of him and just make sure that he knows you care and that you love him.”
“What if that doesn’t work? What is he still tries again? What if he tries again and succeeds? I don’t… I need him… I love him…”
“I know,” Suga said softly. “And you need to tell him that.”
“What if he decides he doesn’t want to be friends though?”
“He isn’t going to do that.”
“How do you know?”
“Mother knows best.”
Suga smiled, silently praying that Tsukishima would smile as well. He didn’t.
“Yeah…” Tsukishima mumbled.
His knee bounced up at down and he continuously glanced towards the desk and the clock hanging on the wall. He didn’t care about anything else right now, he just needed the nurse to come get him and tell him he could go see Yamaguchi.
“Just breathe, Tsukishima.” Suga said softly. “If you go to see Yamaguchi and you’re high stung and nervous then you’re just going to make him feel worse. Don’t accuse him of doing anything either, that will also make it worse. Just be there for him, okay? He needs you more than ever right now. Just be his friend, show him you love him. Tell him.”
Tsukishima nodded slightly.
He didn’t want to tell Yamaguchi he was in love with him, he was scared to, but he was even more scared of losing his best friend. He needed Yamaguchi and if telling him that he was in love with him was the only way to guarantee that he wouldn’t try again then he would do it.
Tsukishima’s head snapped up and he saw a blonde nurse looking down at him. Sugawara moved his hand from his back and Tsukishima stood up quickly.
“Your friend is in a room now if you would like to see him.”
Tsukishima nodded quickly and turned back to Suga.
“Are you coming?”
Suga shook his head.
“He’s your best friend, you go on. I’ll be here if you need backup or a ride back home or anything else.”
Tsukishima nodded, mumbling out a small “thanks” before following the nurse back to Yamaguchi’s room.
“He’s probably exhausted so just take it easy with him.”
Tsukishima nodded and the nurse smiled sympathetically before walking away. He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening the door and walking in. He closed it softly behind him and walked in, holding back tears when he saw Yamaguchi lying completely still on the bed. Tsukishima pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat down, leaning his forehead on the side of the bed and closing his eyes.
He swallowed hard, he felt like he was going to cry again, but he couldn’t. He had been so overwhelmed by his emotions recently and had done so much crying that he had completely run out of tears.
Tsukishima’s head snapped up.
“Tsukki, what are you doing here? What am I? Where am I?”
“You… you tried… to…” Tsukishima’s lip quivered and Yamaguchi reached out and took his hand.
“I’m really sorry…” Yamaguchi said softly. “I just… I thought you hated me…”
“I could never hate you, Yama…” He sighed softly. “Do you remember… that conversation you and I had last month?”
“Which one? We have lots.”
Tsukishima cracked a smile.
“The one where you asked me if we’d be friends forever.”
“I thought of that the other day.” He said. “You promised me that you we would be but then I messed it all up and I thought you hated me. That’s why I gave up…”
Tsukishima squeezed Yamaguchi’s hand.
“I was hurt,” he said softly. “I was only worried about you and you were shoving me away. I didn’t hate you though. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I just thought you wanted to be left alone so I gave you space. I’m still keeping that promise though. You are going to take care of yourself and not do this again and I’m going to make sure we’re friends forever.”
Tsukishima looked up and Yamaguchi’s eyes were closed. He started to panic and shake him slightly. Yamaguchi opened his eyes slightly.
“I’m okay, Tsukki, I’m just sleepy.” He murmured.
Tsukishima let out a breath and nodded, sitting back down in his chair.
“I’m sorry that I worry you so much.”
“It’s okay; I worry because I lo—care about you.”
“I’m still sorry.”
Tsukishima nodded and Yamaguchi looked up at him, his eyes half closed.
“Will you lay with me?”
“I don’t want to hurt you more.”
“Tsukkiiiiiiiii!” Yamaguchi whined. “I always spend the night at your house and you always let me cuddle up next to you but we haven’t gotten to do that so now I want to!”
He stared up at Tsukishima and pouted.
“Yamaguchi, you just had your stomach pumped. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t! Now lay down or I’ll cry.”
“Then lay down!”
Tsukishima sighed and held his hands up.
As much as he wanted to lay down and cuddle up with Yamaguchi, he was still scared that he was going to hurt him. His ribs were probably still bruised from before and his arm was still in a cast and his stomach had just been pumped and he didn’t know how much damage or pain that caused.
Yamaguchi sniffed and Tsukishima quickly stood up. He slipped off his shoes and moved the blankets back and laid down in the hospital bed. He didn’t even have time to pull the covers back up before Yamaguchi was cuddling close and wrapping his arms around Tsukishima’s waist. He wrapped an arm around Yamaguchi who then laid his head on his chest and smiled.
Yamaguchi nodded, a few incoherent mumbles leaving his mouth.
Tsukishima noticed Yamaguchi’s eye was darker and his cheek appeared to be cut and he frowned. How did this keep happening? He knew Yamaguchi wasn’t going to tell him so when he mumbled something again, Tsukishima realized his only option was to talk to him when he was half asleep and partially drugged up. It would be his only way of getting answers.
“Yamaguchi…” Tsukishima said softly.
“Who hurt you?”
“Lots of people.”
“No, okra’s and kazoo’s.”
“Okra’s team hurt me and kazoo’s team hurt me too except not Kendall.”
“Who is Kendall?”
“That’s what I said.”
“Why did Oikawa and Kuroo hurt you?”
“They didn’t, their teams did. They tried to stop them but they didn’t make it in time.”
“Who else does?”
“What does he do?”
“He hits me a lot and he pushed me down the stairs. I couldn’t tell you because then he would hurt me more.”
Tsukishima’s heart sank. He wasn’t doing as good of a job protecting Yamaguchi as he thought he was.
“Why doesn’t your mom stop him?”
“She tries but he hurts her sometimes too.”
“Why does he hurt you?”
“He doesn’t love me anymore.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“It is, he told me so.”
“Why doesn’t he love you anymore?”
“I told him I’m a bicycle.”
“Mhm, I like boys and girls.”
“You mean bisexual.”
“That’s what I said!”
Tsukishima knew he shouldn’t be happy that he had a chance with Yamaguchi now that he knew he liked guys as well, but he couldn’t help but feel a little glimmer of hope that they could be together.
“You should get some sleep now.”
Yamaguchi grunted and squeezed Tsukishima’s waist gently.
“You won’t go anywhere, right?”
“No, Yama. I’m staying right here.”
“Okay, goodnight Tsukki.”
He was quiet for a moment and then he spoke up again.
“I love you, Tsukki.”
Tsukishima was sure Yamaguchi was only saying that from lack of sleep, but he couldn’t help but smile.
“I love you too, Yams.”
Ah slightly squishy Tsukki. My little babies.
It was two in the morning; Sugawara had gone home a long time ago, Yamaguchi was still asleep and Tsukishima was bored. Even though no one else was around and there was no way of him getting hurt, Tsukishima was still keeping a close eye on Yamaguchi. He knew they would have to be apart soon because he couldn’t miss school but there was no way Yamaguchi would want to do. Even if he did, Tsukishima wouldn’t let him; he needed to go home and rest.
Tsukishima shifted slightly, he thought back to what Yamaguchi had told him and anger brewed inside of him. How dare someone hurt Yamaguchi. All the teams in the prefecture may be in competition with each other, but they still wanted the same thing and they had no right to lay a hand on Yamaguchi in any way. He pulled his phone out of his pockets and texted the captain.
Tsukishima: If anyone on your team EVER lays another finger on my Yamaguchi again, it’ll be on you.
He set his phone down and sighed softly. Yamaguchi’s head was still on his chest, sleeping comfortably. Tsukishima laid his head on top of Yamaguchi’s, jumping slightly when his phone vibrated against his thigh. He cursed softly and silently prayed he hadn’t woken Yamaguchi up.
Kuroo: I tried to stop them
Tsukishima: I don’t fucking care what you tried to do. The fact of the matter is that you didn’t do it. I almost lost my best friend thanks to pricks like your’s and Oikawa’s teams. Don’t let it happen again.
Kuroo: Okay, calm down glasses
Tsukishima: Don’t fucking call me that, Kuroo.
Kuroo: Someone’s feisty
Tsukishima: I’m not feisty, I’m fucking pissed. How the hell would you feel if you found out someone was beating up Kenma?
Kuroo: Pretty awful, but we’re almost always together so I would protect him
Tsukishima: Just like you protected Yamaguchi, huh?
Kuroo: Tsukishima, it’s not like that…
Tsukishima: Then what’s it like?
He told me you tried to stop your team but didn’t.
Kuroo: I couldn’t! It was too late
Tsukishima: You could have! If you really fucking tried then you could have stopped them. You could have helped Yamaguchi, for fuck’s sake!
Kuroo: I tried, but he got up and ran away
Tsukishima: Why didn’t you tell me then?
Kuroo: He begged me not to
Tsukishima: Likely story
Kuroo: I’m being honest!
Tsukishima: Well I don’t believe you
Kuroo: Okay, but that’s not my problem
Tsukishima: Your team is your responsibility
What they do always reflects back on you
Kuroo: I know
Tsukishima: So get your team in line
Tsukishima: I’m fucking serious, Kuroo.
Tsukishima: If Yamaguchi says anyone from your team hurts him again, I’m coming after you. You’re going to be the one to regret it.
Yamaguchi stirred and Tsukishima looked at him. He hoped he hadn’t woken him up because he needed his sleep.
“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi murmured.
He squeezed Tsukishima tightly and got quiet again. Tsukishima thought he was still asleep so he picked up his phone again and sighed. He knew he needed to sleep and if he was honest, he was exhausted, but he didn’t want to leave Yamaguchi alone, even if he was still right next to him and only asleep.
Tsukishima still thought Yamaguchi was asleep, but decided to humor him and answer anyways.
“Why aren’t you asleep?”
“I’m watching you.”
“That’s kind of weird, Tsukki.”
“I mean that I’m keeping an eye on you to protect you.”
“Nobody is here.”
“I’m still not taking chances.”
“Can I tell you something?”
Yamaguchi was quiet and Tsukishima thought he had fallen asleep again. He shifted to look down and check when Yamaguchi sighed heavily.
“I love you.”
“No.” Yamaguchi said. “I love you.”
“I know, we’ve been friends for a long time.”
“No, Tsukki.” He said. “I love you like… I’m in love with you.”
“You’re half asleep, Yama, we’ll talk when you wake up.”
He sat up quickly and without hesitation, leaned over and pressed his lips to Tsukishima’s. He brought one hand up and placed it on Tsukishima’s cheek. Tsukishima hesitated and then kissed him back. He wasn’t complaining, but he was curious as to how Yamaguchi had gotten to be such a good kisser, neither of them had kissed anyone before. Yamaguchi pulled away and Tsukishima stared at him, still completely dumbfounded by what had just happened.
“How… what… I…”
“You’re so cute when you’re confused.”
Tsukishima blushed and covered his face.
“How did you know?”
“That I love you.”
“Oh I didn’t.” Yamaguchi said. “I just figured that I should tell you now.”
“Oh well… um…” Tsukishima mumbled.
“Yes Tsukki? Is there something you would like to tell me?”
Tsukishima shot him a glare and Yamaguchi giggled.
“I love you.” he said. “Yamaguchi Tadashi, I am in love with you and I have been in love with you for years and there is no one I would rather be in love with than you.”
Yamaguchi grinned and Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”
“Sorry Tsukki.” He giggled.
Tsukishima smiled and leaned over and kissed him gently.
“But did you say you’ve loved me since junior high?”
Yamaguchi stuck his tongue out at Tsukishima.
“Oh really now?”
“Mhm, I’ve loved you since fourth grade.”
Yamaguchi giggled again and leaned his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder. Tsukishima leaned his head on Yamaguchi’s and sighed happily. He felt a lot better now that he had told Yamaguchi how he feels. He almost felt lighter, like there wasn’t quite as much weight on his shoulders as there was previously. Yamaguchi laid his head on Tsukishima’s chest and he wrapped his arms around him protectively.
“You scared the hell out of me, you know?” Tsukishima said. “As soon as I got your text I ran to your house and then you were yelling at me for saving you and then you passed out. I had to call Sugawara-san to give me a ride here.”
“I’m sorry…” Yamaguchi frowned.
“It’s okay,” Tsukishima said. “Just don’t do it again… Please…”
Tsukishima held out his pinky and Yamaguchi looked at him. He cocked his head to the side, seemingly questioning whether Tsukishima was being serious or not. When he didn’t budge, Yamaguchi wrapped his pinky around Tsukishima’s and nodded.
Tsukishima moved his hand down, slipping it into Yamaguchi’s and lacing their fingers together before giving his hand a soft squeeze. Yamaguchi smiled and squeezed Tsukishima’s hand back before sighing softly and closing his eyes.
“I really do love you… I know I’m not good with… this stuff, but I really do, okay? Please don’t forget that.”
“I know, Tsukki.” He leaned up and kissed his cheek. “I love you too.”
Does anyone know how to draw and if the answer is yes then would you be willing to draw a fanart thingy for me?
Chapter 13: Regret
Trigger warning: Implied sexual assault
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“You know I have to go to school today, right?”
“My parents will kill me if they find out I skipped.”
“Even if it’s to be with me?”
“Especially if it’s to be with you. You know their stance on… this.”
Yamaguchi sighed and nodded.
“At least it’s not as bad as my dad’s.”
Tsukishima kissed Yamaguchi’s head gently and frowned.
“I’m so sorry… You should have told me sooner though.”
“I was scared to though. I was scared that he would hurt you like he did my mother.”
“Just tell me if it happens again, okay?” he said. “Not just with your dad but with anyone. If anyone touches you with the intentions to hurt you then let me know and I’ll take care of it.”
“How can you do that?”
“Let me worry about that, okay? Just promise you’ll tell me.”
The boys were quiet for a moment and Yamaguchi sighed.
“I don’t want to go to school.”
“I know, you don’t have to.”
“But I have to go home then…”
“You can stay at my house.”
“I don’t want to tell anyone else what’s been going on.”
“But your house isn’t safe.”
“It’s the only place I have…”
Tsukishima sighed and pulled Yamaguchi closer.
“Then I’ll walk you home and make sure you’re safe. I’ll skip practice today and come right back to you once school gets out.”
Yamaguchi closed his eyes and sighed softly. He was still scared to go home, but there shouldn’t be anyone else there and as long as Tsukki was coming right back then he figured he would be okay.
“You know, you’re my first boyfriend.”
Tsukishima knew that as neither of them had dated anyone previously, but he decided to have a little fun with Yamaguchi since, technically speaking, they weren’t an official couple yet.
“Because I’m not really sure how that’s possible.”
“Since you never actually asked me.”
“Asked you what?”
“To be your boyfriend.”
“Why should I have to ask?”
“You confessed first.” Tsukishima said.
“You’ve liked me longer.”
“I’m in the hospital.”
Tsukishima glanced down at Yamaguchi who was staring back at him, his eyes shining bright and a large grin spread across his face.
“Did you just use the hospital card?”
“Maybe.” Yamaguchi giggled.
Tsukishima rolled his eyes and hugged Yamaguchi tightly.
“You’re lucky I love you.”
“I am.” he murmured.
“So what do you say, lovely little Yama?”
“I don’t know, what do you ask, um… tall Tsukki?”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes again, but he couldn’t help but smile at Yamaguchi’s comment.
“Would you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?”
“I don’t know, maybe, can I get back to you on that?”
Yamaguchi laughed and Tsukishima groaned.
“I’m just kidding! I have to have fun somehow.” He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Tsukishima’s cheek. “Of course I’ll be your boyfriend.”
“So this means you get to take me on dates now, right?”
“Like dinner and movies and pretty much everything we did before?”
“What’s the difference then?”
“We…” Tsukishima trailed off. “Well…”
He honestly wasn’t quite sure what the difference was. There really wasn’t one except for now they were an actual couple.
“I guess there really isn’t one.” He said.
“But can we hold hands and kiss in public and stuff.”
Tsukishima bit his lip. He still didn’t like PDA but he wanted to make Yamaguchi happy and if that’s what Yamaguchi wanted then he would do it.
“If that’s what you want to do then yes.”
“Can we go on a date tomorrow?”
“If we don’t have anything else to do.”
“Can we go to that Italian place in Tokyo?”
“We can’t afford that place.”
“Why don’t we just go to the movies again? Start off with something small and easy so you don’t get too overwhelmed or anything.”
Yamaguchi smiled and turned his head to look up at Tsukishima.
“I like you a lot.”
Tsukishima chuckled softly.
“I know,” he said. “I like you a lot too.”
Two hours later Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were walking down the sidewalk and heading back to Yamaguchi’s house. Yamaguchi had taken Tsukishima’s hand as soon as they left the hospital and Tsukishima laced their fingers together, refusing to let go for anything. They stood close as they walked, their shoulders almost touching.
Tsukishima glanced to Yamaguchi and raised his eyebrows, waiting for him to say something more. Yamaguchi kept his eyes on the ground, his mouth moving slightly as if he was counting the number of steps that he took.
“You said you called Sugawara-san…” he murmured. “Does… does he know?”
“He knows I love you. He figured that out a long time ago.”
“Hinata did too.”
“How do you know?”
“He told me.” Yamaguchi said.
“Whenever… I said that thing on the roof and ran away… I was crying in the bathroom and he came in and we talked and then he texted me that night and he said that you loved me and that it was obvious in how you looked at me and always waited for me before you left.”
“Was I that obvious?”
“I didn’t know.”
“Maybe the person who’s liked just can’t tell.”
Yamaguchi sighed softly and leaned his head onto Tsukishima’s shoulder. It wasn’t very comfortable since they were still walking, but he was still happy.
“Does Sugawara know anything else?”
“What is it?”
“I just told him what I had to.”
“What was that?”
“I said that when I got here you were knocked out and I made you throw up and then you yelled at me and passed out. I got really scared and called 119 and carried you downstairs and outside. They wouldn’t let me ride in the ambulance with you because they said you had to be family and so I called him to take me.”
Tsukishima furrowed his eyebrows.
“That I called him?”
“No, that they wouldn’t let you come with me. You’re a lot closer to me than my family is. You care about me more than they do too.”
“Suga-san said that too.”
“Well he’s right.”
Tsukishima only nodded. Yamaguchi looked slightly nervous so Tsukishima spoke again.
“He won’t tell anyone about it.”
“How do you know?”
“I guess I don’t know for sure,” Tsukishima said. “But I trust him.”
Yamaguchi froze and Tsukishima kept walking, causing him to jerk back when Yamaguchi didn’t let go of his hand. Tsukishima turned around to look at him.
“What? Is something wrong?”
“You said you trust him.”
“You don’t trust anyone.”
“I trust you.”
“Well except for me.”
“I just… he told me he wouldn’t say anything and I believe him.”
Yamaguchi smiled and walked forward so his steps matched Tsukishima’s again.
“Well if you believe him then so do I.”
Tsukishima smiled and squeezed Yamaguchi’s hand gently.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay home alone?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“I’ll be okay, Tsukki.”
They walked up Yamaguchi’s driveway and Tsukishima sighed softly. Yamaguchi opened the door and they went upstairs to his room.
“You know, skipping one day of classes won’t hurt… I’m not going to stop being a straight A student just because I miss one day…”
“No, Tsukki, you need to go to class. I’ll be alright here. I’ll text you if I need you, okay? The day will be over before you know it and you can come right back over here.”
“Okay,” Tsukishima sighed. “Okay.”
Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around Tsukishima and hugged him tightly. Tsukishima hugged him back, holding him close until Yamaguchi pulled away. He leaned in and kissed him, wrapping his arms around Tsukishima’s neck. The kiss was long and soft and Tsukishima felt like his heart was going to explode. He pulled away and Yamaguchi blushed.
“I’ll be back right after school, okay?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Tsukishima leaned in and pecked Yamaguchi’s lips again.
“I’ll be back soon, I love you, Yama.”
“I love you too, Tsukki. Have a good day.”
Tsukishima kissed Yamaguchi one more time before heading out the door. He was nervous about leaving Yamaguchi alone, but he knew he didn’t have a choice. His parents would get mad if he skipped school and Yamaguchi had told him to go ahead as well. He didn’t really want to go, but he’d rather go than have Yamaguchi be mad at him all day long.
The first half of school went by excruciatingly slow. When Tsukishima was eating lunch, Sugawara came up and sat down next to him.
“How’s Yamaguchi?” he asked.
“He’s doing better. He’s at home now. I walked him home and inside and made sure he was safe and then I came here and then I’m going back after school.”
“Did anything else happen?”
Suga smirked and Tsukishima blushed. He covered his face and Suga grinned.
“So how does he feel?”
“He confessed first.”
“Aw! Tell me everything.”
“You gossip like a teenage girl.”
Suga shrugged and Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“He woke up in the middle of the night and said he loved me and I thought he was half asleep still because he talks when he’s not fully awake or asleep yet and I told him to go to sleep and he said no and then stuff happened and now we’re dating.”
“Did you seal the deal?”
Suga winked and nudged Tsukishima gently.
Sugawara laughed and patted Tsukishima’s back gently.
“I’m glad everything worked out okay. I’m glad you’re both doing well and seem to be happy.”
“Thanks for the ride yesterday.”
“I’m always happy to help.” He said. “If you need anything else, just ask. You know where to find me.”
Tsukishima nodded again.
“Have a good day!” Suga said.
He walked off, leaving Tsukishima alone again, but this time, being alone didn’t feel as awful as it had before.
Tsukishima made his way back to Yamaguchi’s house. He was walking as quickly as he could, hoping to get back in a short amount of time. Yamaguchi hadn’t texted him, so he didn’t think anything was wrong, but he didn’t want to take any chances either. He checked his phone again to make sure and then slipped his back into his pocket.
When he arrived at Yamaguchi’s house he went inside and slipped off his shoes then walked upstairs. It sounded like Yamaguchi was crying, so he quickly opened the door and found him lying naked on his bed and curled into a ball.
“Don’t look!” he cried.
Tsukishima nodded and covered his face with his hands. He carefully walked to the dresser and got Yamaguchi some clothes then covered his face again and walked to the bed and held them out. After a moment, Tsukishima felt the clothes leave his hand. Yamaguchi was still sobbing as he got dressed. Once he finished, he wrapped his arms around Tsukishima tightly. Tsukishima uncovered his face and held onto Yamaguchi.
“What happened?” he asked softly.
Yamaguchi shook his head quickly, still sobbing into Tsukishima’s chest. Tsukishima pulled away for a moment and took off his bag and sat down on Yamaguchi’s bed then pulled him down with him. Yamaguchi quickly wrapped his arms back around Tsukishima and continued to cry.
“Shhh,” Tsukishima whispered. “It’s alright.”
Yamaguchi shook his head again as he attempted to stop crying. Tsukishima rubbed his back, holding him tightly as he tried to get him to calm down.
“It’s okay, Yama… I’m here now… Shhh, don’t cry. I’ve got you.”
Ten minutes later, Yamaguchi had finally stopped crying, but his grip on Tsukishima hadn’t loosened. He didn’t mind though, he liked having Yamaguchi close and being able to hold onto him tightly.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Yamaguchi nodded, but stayed quiet.
“P-p-promise you won’t l-l-l-love m-m-me l-l-less?” he stuttered.
“I promise that nothing you will ever say can possibly make me love you any less.”
“I didn’t d-d-do anything to m-m-myself b-b-but my u-uncle d-does.”
“What does—” Tsukishima realized what Yamaguchi mean mid-sentence. “Oh Yama… I’m so sorry…”
He held him tightly and kissed his head.
“How long has this been going on?”
“S-s-since I was s-s-seven.”
“Why haven’t you told anyone?”
“I didn’t think they w-w-would believe m-m-me.”
“You need to tell someone though… that isn’t right… It’s been almost nine years…”
Yamaguchi nodded slightly.
“W-w-will you c-c-come t-too?”
“Absolutely.” Tsukishima said. “We don’t have to go anywhere now, you need to calm down first, but we can talk to your parents later, okay?”
“W-w-what if they d-don’t believe m-me?”
Tsukishima sighed. He wasn’t sure what to say to that. He had never known anyone to go through this before and it isn’t something that they teach in school.
“It’ll be okay…” Tsukishima said softly.
Tsukishima swallowed hard. He knew this wasn’t exactly something he could promise, he couldn’t guarantee that someone would believe Yamaguchi, but he didn’t want him to worry more.
“I shouldn’t have left you home alone.” Tsukishima said. “I regret that.”
He sighed heavily.
“If I had stayed with you then this wouldn’t have happened.”
“It’s my fault, I told you to go…”
“No,” Tsukishima said sternly. “Don’t blame yourself. It isn’t your fault. I promise it is not your fault.”
“Okay.” Yamaguchi said softly.
He got quiet for a moment and then looked up at Tsukishima.
“Can you kiss me like we did before you left?”
“Are you sure?”
Yamaguchi hesitated and then nodded.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
Tsukishima squeezed Yamaguchi gently and then leaned down, pressing his lips to Yamaguchi’s. He cupped Yamaguchi’s face, gently rubbing his thumb across his cheek. Yamaguchi gripped Tsukishima’s shirt tightly, pulling him close and putting a bit more force into the kiss. He swiped his tongue across Tsukishima’s lip, asking for entrance. Tsukishima pulled away and shook his head.
“I don’t think we should do that right now.”
“Sorry.” Yamaguchi blushed.
“One more kiss though?”
Tsukishima nodded and leaned down, giving in to Yamaguchi this time and kissing him hard. When he pulled away, Yamaguchi was grinning, his face tinted pink.
“Nothing, I just love you a lot.” He sighed softly. “Like I love you a whole lot. I love you more than anything else in the whole world. Even floppy French fries.”
Tsukishima gasped exaggeratedly.
“Even floppy French fries?”
“Even floppy French fries!”
“That’s a lot of love.”
“Isn’t it though?”
Yamaguchi giggled and Tsukishima grinned at him. He kissed his forehead and sighed softly.
“I love you a lot too.” He said.
“More than anything?”
“More than everything.”
“Even strawberry shortcake and dinosaurs?”
Tsukishima laughed softly and nodded.
“Even strawberry shortcake and dinosaurs.”
“I feel special, that’s a lot of love.”
“You are special, you dork.”
Yamaguchi grinned and cuddled closer to Tsukishima.
“You should stay here tonight.”
“I’ll stay here if you come back to school with me tomorrow. I’m not letting you out of my sight again.”
“What if I hurt still?”
“If you don’t go to school then we don’t go on our date.”
“School it is then.”
Yamaguchi smiled and Tsukishima returned it.
“You’re my boyfriend.” Yamaguchi said.
“And I’m yours.”
“I like that.”
“So do I.”
“And I like you.”
“So do I.”
Tsukishima laughed and Yamaguchi shoved him gently.
“You were supposed to say you like me too.”
Tsukishima shrugged and Yamaguchi pouted.
“You love me anyways.”
Tsukishima smiled and pulled Yamaguchi close to him. He held onto him tightly, making sure nothing and no one was going to be able to harm him. Tsukishima swore on his own life that he would protect Yamaguchi will all that he had. He loved Yamaguchi and he would protect his freckle faced best friend until his very last breath.
Yamaguchi sighed softly and leaned his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder. Tsukishima laid his head on Yamaguchi’s and smiled. He closed his eyes, currently mostly content and happy with the way that his life was going. Yamaguchi was finally his and that was all that he had ever really wanted. He was about to fall asleep when Yamaguchi’s voice brought him back.
“For saving me.”
Tsukishima squeezed him gently, moving only to press a soft kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead.
“I love you so fucking much, Tadashi…” he whispered.
Yamaguchi smiled and sighed happily.
“I love you too, Kei.”
Squishy Tsukki give me life, tbh.
Chapter 14: Car Radio
I try and post chapters every day and I try to post them around the same time, but this one's late and I'm sorry. I just felt like complete shit today and didn't feel like writing so I didn't even start writing the chapter till like 10:30pm. Usually when I'm lonely I just pour everything into my writing but lately it's felt different and it feels a lot more painful to be lonely than before. I haven't really felt like myself and because of that everything else is suffering. Basically what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry that this chapter is late and I'm sorry if it's shitty. I'm trying my best.
Yamaguchi paced around his room. He tried to be quiet, but his footsteps grew heavier and Tsukishima stirred in his sleep.
“Yamaaaa.” Tsukishima whined. “Come back to bed.”
“Did I wake you up?”
Tsukishima grunted and Yamaguchi giggled.
He walked back to his bed and sat down. He leaned over and laid his head on Tsukishima’s chest who quickly wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi.
“Why are you up so early?” Tsukishima mumbled.
“About talking to your mom?”
“What if she doesn’t believe me?”
“How do you know?”
Tsukishima whined softly.
“Yamaguchi, please,” he whined. “Just lay here and cuddle with me for a little bit longer.”
Yamaguchi sighed and nodded. He shifted slightly and cuddled close to Tsukishima. He was nervous and quite scared, but he was trying to stay calm. He was terrified that his mom wouldn’t believe him and it didn’t help that Tsukishima never said anything more than “she will.” He was beyond grateful for Tsukki’s support, but he did wish his boyfriend would say a little bit more to help ease his nerves.
Yamaguchi was slightly startled. He looked up at Tsukishima and furrowed his eyebrows.
“Stop overthinking things.”
“I wasn’t doing that.”
“I know you.”
“But I didn’t even move.”
“I’ve known you for years; I can tell how you feel just by the look in your eyes.”
“Why are you so squishy lately?”
“Yeah, like… mushy and stuff.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“You’ve been spending too much time with Hinata.”
Tsukishima’s alarm went off and he groaned.
“Do we have to get up?”
“I’m all for cuddling in bed all day,” Yamaguchi said. “But I want my date tonight.”
Tsukishima chuckled and kissed Yamaguchi’s head.
“Does that mean we have to get up?”
Tsukishima sighed and sat up, tugging Yamaguchi up with him.
“We have to talk to my mom anyways.”
“We can make her come to us.”
“Okay, okay, I’m getting up.”
Yamaguchi giggled and leaned over, kissing Tsukishima’s cheek.
“You’re so grumpy in the morning.”
“But it’s date night!”
Yamaguchi stuck his tongue out at Tsukishima and pecked his lips quickly before climbing over him and getting out of bed. He walked over to his closet and grabbed his clothes then walked to his dressed and grabbed the outfit Tsukishima has left there last time he stayed over. Tsukishima got up and took them then went to the bathroom to get dressed. He was still hesitant on leaving Yamaguchi alone, even for that short amount of time, but Yamaguchi had insisted that they change separately.
Yamaguchi had told Tsukishima the reason they should change in separate rooms was because they had only started dating and they shouldn’t see each other naked, but it wasn’t the real reason. They had changed in front of each other, and others, in the clubroom at school so both of them knew that wasn’t a real issue; Tsukishima was just too tired to question it. The real reason was because Yamaguchi didn’t want Tsukishima to notice his scars.
Yamaguchi knew Tsukishima had said that there was nothing he could to do make him love him less, but he was still scared. Being abused and assaulted he couldn’t help, but he could help what he did to himself. The depression did make things worse, as did the constant anxiety, but he made the choice to hurt himself the first time. It grew into an addiction, something he did when he needed to feel something, and before he knew it he couldn’t stop.
He wanted to believe that Tsukishima would still love and accept him, but there was always that nagging voice in the back of his mind that told him he wouldn’t. The voice told him that Tsukishima would be disgusted and he would leave him. It insisted that if Tsukishima knew then he wouldn’t want him anymore and that wasn’t a risk that Yamaguchi would ever be willing to take.
When Tsukishima walked back into Yamaguchi’s room, he was mumbling something under his breath. He had to be quiet to hear what was being said so he did his best not to make any noise.
“I ponder of something great. My lungs will fill and then deflate. They fill with fire, exhale desire, I know it's dire my time today. I have these thoughts, so often I ought to replace that slot with what I once bought cause somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence.”
“What does that mean?”
Yamaguchi jumped, almost dropping his phone.
“You don’t have a car…”
“It’s a song, Tsukki.”
“I would have thought you would like them.”
“Them who? I’m so confused.”
Yamaguchi kissed him to get him to shut up. It was chaste, but soft and left Tsukishima blushing as the smaller boy pulled away. Yamaguchi giggled and pecked his lips again. He loved that he held so much power over the blonde. Tsukishima was always so somber and well-composed and Yamaguchi loved that he could turn him into a blushing, and sometimes stuttering, mess with only a simple kiss.
“You seem so distressed though.”
“I’m alright, Tsukki.”
“But when you were singing,” he said. “You seemed so… so…”
“Shhh, Tsukki, I’m okay.”
Tsukishima wanted to argue, but the look on Yamaguchi’s face told him not to push it any further.
“Let’s go talk to my mom.”
Yamaguchi picked up a pair of pajamas and shoved them in his bag then they picked up their bags and headed downstairs. Yamaguchi slipped his hand into Tsukishima’s and held it tightly. They walked into the kitchen and Tsukishima could feel him shaking. He squeezed Yamaguchi’s hand and looked at him to make sure he was okay. Yamaguchi took a deep breath before speaking.
Mrs. Yamaguchi looked up and smiled sweetly at the boys.
“Good morning, sweetheart.” She said. “How are you boys this morning?”
Tsukishima squeezed Yamaguchi’s hand reassuringly and he nodded.
“Mama, um, can we talk?”
“Honey, I know you like Kei.”
Yamaguchi shook his head, but couldn’t help but smile.
“It’s not about that.”
“What is it then, Tadashi?”
“Mrs. Yamaguchi, you may want to sit down for this…” Tsukishima said softly. “This is a serious conversation.”
She nodded and walked to the table and sat down, a worried look spreading across her face.
“What’s going on?”
“Did Auntie and Uncle leave?” Yamaguchi asked quietly.
“They’re leaving today, why?”
Yamaguchi swallowed hard. Tears were pricking at his eyes and he squeezed Tsukishima’s hand tightly. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to do this, but he knew he needed to.
“He… Uncle… he does bad things…”
“What do you mean, dear?”
Yamaguchi didn’t think he could do this. He shook his head quickly and looked at Tsukishima. He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.
“He abuses Tadashi,” Tsukishima said. “Since he was seven.”
Mrs. Yamaguchi’s face fell. She stood up quickly and pulled Yamaguchi away from Tsukishima and hugged him tightly. She felt so awful. Her son had been abused in more ways than one and she couldn’t help him with one and had no idea about the other one.
“We’ll… I’ll talk to the police, okay?”
“Dad won’t believe me though.”
“That’s okay, I believe you. I’ll talk to the police, alright?”
“As soon as I can.”
They were quiet for a moment and Mrs. Yamaguchi kissed his head. He pulled away and took Tsukishima’s hand again.
“I’m going to stay at Tsukki’s tonight thought.”
“Alright, that’s fine with me. Just call me tonight and let me know you’re safe, okay?”
She looked up to Tsukishima.
“Take care of Tadashi, okay, Kei?”
“I always will.”
They said goodbye and Yamaguchi and Tsukishima left his house. They began making their way to school, Tsukishima holding tightly onto Yamaguchi’s hand.
“You were right.” Yamaguchi said. “She believed me.”
“Well you wouldn’t?” he asked. “You’re the most trustworthy person there is.”
Yamaguchi nodded slightly, guilt from hiding his cuts and scars filling his gut.
“I love you, Tsukki.”
Tsukishima smiled and leaned over before pressing a soft kiss to Yamaguchi’s head. He kept his face buried in his hair for a moment before kissing him again and then pulling away.
“I love you too, Yama.”
Chapter 15: Here Comes Trouble
Do you ever get really scared that your friend hates you because that's me right now
“Tsukki, when can we go on our date?”
“We just got home from school an hour ago.”
“So it’s not even four o’clock yet.”
Yamaguchi pouted and rolled over on Tsukishima’s bed. Tsukishima glanced at him then turned back to his desk and continued doing his homework. It was 3:45pm and they were already home and Yamaguchi was bored. They had gone to practice like usual but Yamaguchi couldn’t play, Asahi was sick, and Kageyama and Hinata wouldn’t stop fighting so Daichi cancelled practice and sent everyone home.
“You act like you’re attention deprived.”
“I am. You’re doing homework instead of laying with me.”
Tsukishima sighed, but got up and moved to his bed anyways. He laid down next to Yamaguchi and wrapped his arms around him. Yamaguchi cuddled close and grinned.
“You’re like a puppy,” Tsukishima said. “If you don’t get attention then you start crying until someone pets you.”
“Well you’re like…”
“Who the hell is Oscar?”
“Oscar the grouch.”
“That green thing on Sesame Street that lives in a trash can?”
“It’s because you’re always grumpy.”
“I am not.”
Tsukishima sighed and shook his head.
“I should shove you out of my bed.”
“No!” Yamaguchi cried.
He latched onto Tsukishima’s waist and held him tightly.
“If you throw me out then I’m taking you down with me.”
“I’m strong than you are.”
“But you have to pull me overtop of you and then shove me off and so I’ll have the upper hand.”
Tsukishima was quiet and Yamaguchi giggled. He poked his side gently and looked up at him.
“Yeah, yeah.” Tsukishima mumbled.
“So what time are we going to go on our date?”
“Have you even thought about anything else all day?”
“Nope.” Yamaguchi grinned. “When you’ve wanted something since you were eight, you tend to think about it a lot.”
“So this is all you’ve thought about for nearly eight years?”
“No, we weren’t dating for eight years.”
“So you’ve been thinking about it for a day?”
“Well yesterday and today.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“You’re such a sap.”
“Oh like you’re any better.”
“I’m trying to do homework.”
“Tsukki, you took me to lunch and asked them to make me extra floppy French fries.”
“You’re just as much of a sap as I am.”
Tsukishima stuck his tongue out at Yamaguchi, causing him to giggle.
Yamaguchi rolled over again and laid down on top of Tsukishima. He rested his head on his chest and smiled.
“You love me anyways.”
Yamaguchi giggled and leaned up, kissing Tsukishima’s chin gently.
“Tsukki, you get all squishy with me.”
“What the hell does that even mean?”
“You’re smart, you’ll figure it out.”
Tsukishima groaned and squeezed Yamaguchi gently.
“Maybe I do.”
Tsukishima almost choked on his own tongue. He leaned up and looked down at Yamaguchi.
“I said maybe I do.”
Tsukishima stared at Yamaguchi. He wasn’t sure if he was being serious or if he was just messing around with Tsukishima because he was bored. Yamaguchi ran his hand up Tsukishima’s hand gently.
“You know… I could show you if you like?”
Tsukishima’s face flushed.
“I um… my… uh… brothers home…” he managed.
Yamaguchi pecked Tsukishima’s lips and grinned.
“You’re cute when you’re flustered.”
“You s—” Tsukishima stopped, causing Yamaguchi to giggle again. “I hate you.”
Yamaguchi pushed Tsukishima back down and laid back down on his chest.
“Nap time?” he asked.
“But I haven’t slept in almost a week!” Yamaguchi whined. “Except for at the hospital the other night and then last night when you stayed over.”
“Okay, then sleep.”
“I’ll wake you up when it’s time to get ready.”
Tsukishima put his hand on Yamaguchi’s back and rubbed it gently.
“I love you, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi murmured.
“I know.” Tsukishima said.
He kissed Yamaguchi’s head and sighed softly, pulling him a bit closer.
“I love you too, Yama.”
Two hours later, Tsukishima shook Yamaguchi awake. It was six now and they had to get up and get ready so they could leave for the train station and get to Tokyo in time for their dinner reservations. They weren’t going to the restaurant Yamaguchi wanted to go to as neither of them could afford it, but he did find a smaller and cheaper Italian restaurant that he planned to take Yamaguchi too.
“Wake up; it’s time to get ready.”
“For our date.”
Yamaguchi sat up quickly. He rubbed against Tsukishima slightly, making his breath hitch.
“You can use my shower and I’ll use my parent’s okay?”
Yamaguchi crawled off of Tsukishima’s lap and walked to his drawer.
“I’m going to borrow some clothes.”
He grabbed a pair of boxers and an undershirt and walked out of the bedroom. Tsukishima stayed in bed a moment longer before getting up and walking to his parent’s room and getting in the shower. Yamaguchi showered quickly and made his way back to Tsukishima’s bedroom. He had his boxers on the undershirt on and he lifted it up and looked in the mirror. He was so busy looking at all his scars that he didn’t even notice Tsukishima coming back into the room.
Yamaguchi jumped, a small yelp leaving his mouth. He quickly dropped the shirt and turned around to face his friend.
“Yama, what’s going on?”
Tsukishima took a step closer and Yamaguchi began to shake. He was scared that if Tsukishima saw then he would leave him. Tsukishima stepped closer and lifted up Yamaguchi’s shirt. His heart sank when he saw the scars all across Yamaguchi’s stomach and when he looked up and saw tears in Yamaguchi’s eyes, Tsukishima was sure his heart was going to snap in two.
“When did this happen?”
Tears ran down Yamaguchi’s face and Tsukishima pulled him in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around Tsukishima and held onto him tightly.
“Did you do this?”
“Please don’t get angry…”
“Yama, I’m not angry.” Tsukishima said softly. “I just want to know why you did it.”
“I have to have some way to get my feelings out.”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
Yamaguchi shook his head.
“You won’t love me.”
“Stop saying that. That isn’t true.”
“Tsukki, look at me!” Yamaguchi cried.
“No, you look at you.”
Tsukishima turned Yamaguchi around towards the mirror again. He wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi’s waist and rested his head on his shoulder.
“Look,” he said. “You’re tall—”
“So are you. You’re taller.”
“Shhh, let me finish.”
“And I know you hate your freckles, but they’re cute. You’re the only one at Karasuno that I’ve seen with them.” He kissed the side of Yamaguchi’s head. “You have soft hair and you’re cute and cuddly.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying, Yamaguchi.”
Tsukishima ran his hands across Yamaguchi’s stomach and sighed softly. The skin felt rough underneath his fingertips and a few of the fresher cuts made Yamaguchi since when he touched him.
“You beautiful, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima said. “And like I told you before. I love you and there is nothing you can do to change that.”
Yamaguchi smiled slightly and nodded. He turned around to face Tsukishima, pausing for a second before hugging him tightly. Tsukishima held him close before pulling away and drying his eyes with his sleeve.
“Now stop crying and finish getting dressed.”
Yamaguchi nodded, but didn’t move. Tsukishima sighed softly and pecked Yamaguchi’s lips quickly before walking to his closet and taking out a button down shirt. He grabbed a pair of pants and held them out to Yamaguchi. He hesitated and then took them and started to get dressed. Tsukishima grabbed his wallet and phone and slipped them into his pocket. He checked the clock and quickly grabbed his jacket and slipped it on then held his hand out to Yamaguchi.
“Are you feeling better?”
“I think so.”
“Well don’t doubt what I said.” Tsukishima said. “I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“I… I’m sorry…”
“Oh, I didn’t mean it that way. I didn’t say that because of you. You lied for a good reason. It was to protect the people you care about. I ‘m just letting you know that I wouldn’t like to you. I love you.”
“I know you do.”
He took Tsukishima’s hand and laced their fingers together. They went downstairs and quickly left the house, making their way towards the train station. Tsukishima squeezed Yamaguchi’s hand gently.
“Where are we going to go?”
“This small Italian restaurant that I found.”
“That’s what you asked for the other day.”
Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima, his eyes wide. He’d never been treated so well before and Tsukishima seemed to be giving him everything he wanted. He held him tightly and gave him soft kisses and let him cuddle close and latch onto him as they slept. Tsukishima would hold him when he was sad and tell him he was beautiful and no matter what, he was always there. Tsukishima did everything in his power to make Yamaguchi happy and he hadn’t even realized it until now.
Tsukishima looked at Yamaguchi, his face turning a dark shade of red when he saw him staring. He looked away, trying to use his hand to shield his face from his best friend.
“Why are you staring at me?”
“I just love you a lot.”
“I love you too.”
Yamaguchi sighed softly. He leaned up and pecked Tsukishima’s cheek gently.
A little while later they arrived at the restaurant. It was small and more causal than formal, but it was still a beautiful restaurant. It was cold outside, but as soon as they stepped inside both boys felt were filled with warmth; it felt quite homey and made Yamaguchi’s stomach growl.
They were seated immediately and Tsukishima let Yamaguchi sit down first then slid into the booth next to him. Usually he would prefer to sit across from him so he could see him better, but with everything that had happened lately he wasn’t going to take any chances.
“I like this place.” Yamaguchi said.
“I hoped you would.”
Yamaguchi smiled and Tsukishima couldn’t help but return it.
“And we’re going to a movie afterwards, right?”
“I haven’t decided yet. Do you know what movie you want to see?”
“We could go to the discount theater and watch The Good Dinosaur.”
Tsukishima laughed softly.
“You know you don’t have to pick movies just because you know that I’ll like them. You don’t have to pick one for me.”
“I know, but I like that movie too.”
“It made you cry.”
“It made you cry too.”
“Even more of a reason why we shouldn’t see it.”
Yamaguchi giggled and leaned his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder.
“What if it’s the only movie I want to see?”
“Well then I guess you’ll just have to be unhappy.”
Yamaguchi stuck his tongue out at Tsukishima.
“You love me.”
Tsukishima smiled and kissed Yamaguchi’s head gently. Aside from Yamaguchi’s small breakdown before they left everything was going really well for them and he was happy. Yamaguchi seemed to be doing a lot better too. He wasn’t sure if it was because his mom believed him, because he had finally gotten some sleep, or because the two of them were dating now; but no matter what the reason was, Tsukishima was just glad that his best friend was doing better.
“You make me really happy, Tsukki.”
Tsukishima smiled and squeezed him gently.
“You make me really happy too.” He whispered.
“I’m glad I do.” He paused. “Nobody likes grumpy Tsukki.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“You love me.”
Yamaguchi pouted and Tsukishima smiled.
“I’m just kidding; I love you more than anything.”
He grinned and wrapped his arms tightly around Tsukishima.
“Well I love you more.”
Tsukishima sighed happily and smiled.
“Maybe.” He said.
Impossible. He thought.
Tsukishima had just paid the bill and they were waiting for the waitress to come back with his change before they left. The two still hadn’t decided on a movie, but figured they would just go to the discount theater and pick a movie whenever they arrived. Tsukishima started to speak when he heard someone call him.
“Fuck,” Tsukishima swore. “Not again.”
Kuroo slid into the booth across from them, pulling Kenma in with him.
“What are you two doing back here?”
Yamaguchi curled up into Tsukishima’s side. He knew Kuroo and Kenma were the ones that had helped him, but seeing them still made him nervous.
“Do you want to come see a movie with us?”
“We have plans.”
“Does it matter?”
“We’re going to see Big Hero 6, you should join us.”
“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi whispered. “I like that movie.”
“You cry every time we watch it.”
“I cry all the time.”
“This is supposed to be our date night.”
“But maybe… if we go… then the team won’t hurt me again.”
Tsukishima sighed. He knew he couldn’t argue when it came to protecting Yamaguchi. He sighed again and nodded slightly.
“Fine, we’ll go.”
The four of them slid out of the booth and Kenma and Yamaguchi started walking towards the door. Tsukishima hit Kuroo’s arm and glared at him.
“I meant what I said the other day. “
“Keep your team in check or it’s your ass that’s getting beat.”
“But is beating me up for your boyfriend getting beat up really a good way to handle things?”
“Do I look like I fucking care?” Tsukishima spat. “If Yamaguchi gets hurt by anyone on your team again then you’re going to be the one to regret it.”
Kuroo held up his hands.
“Alright, alright. It won’t happen again.”
“It better not.”
They caught up with Yamaguchi and Kenma and Tsukishima let out a breath. He had never been a violent person, but he couldn’t take seeing Yamaguchi beaten and bruised like he had been a few weeks ago.
“Ready to go?” Yamaguchi asked.
Tsukishima nodded and Yamaguchi smiled then reached out and took his hand. Tsukishima shot Kuroo a stern look then they left the restaurant and headed towards the movies.
The movie was over and Yamaguchi was still in tears. Tsukishima had tried to calm him down, but something about Big Hero 6 always turned Yamaguchi into a sobbing mess and he couldn’t be calmed down until he found something else to occupy his attention. He was holding Tsukishima’s hand in one hand and a fistful of tissue in the other hand.
“We’re going to go now.” Kuroo said.
Neither boy said anything so Kuroo spoke again.
“I look forward to our next match. Get home safe.”
He shot Tsukishima a smile and took Kenma’s hand before leaving the movie theater, leaving Tsukishima and Yamaguchi alone again. Yamaguchi dried his eyes again and looked up at Tsukishima.
“Can we go back to your house now?”
Tsukishima nodded, sighing softly as they left the theater and made their way back to the train station.
“I tried to convince you not to see the movie.”
“I know, but it’s a good movie.”
“I know, but you cry yourself dehydrated every time we watch it.”
They grew quiet, neither of them speaking until they were back on the train.
“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi said softly. “Thanks for always taking care of me.”
“Of course. I love you and I’m always going to be here for you.”
Chapter 16: To Know Him is to Love Him
Hello, I am back. I took a few days off to gather my ideas and just like chill the fuck out. I'm doing better mentally and I don't feel quite as stressed anymore.
I also decided to take a break from all the angst (Lord knows I needed it just as much as you guys did) so I wrote a very fluffy chapter. Hooray for fluff!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
It was eleven o’clock when they arrived back to Tsukishima’s house and his parents had already gone to bed. Akiteru was still up, sitting at the table with a cup of tea in his hands. Tsukishima dropped Yamaguchi’s hand as they got inside and he frowned. He knew it had to happen, they couldn’t hold hands around Tsukishima’s family because they didn’t approve, but just because he understood didn’t mean he had to like it.
“Mom told me to wait up for you.” Akiteru said.
Tsukishima grunted softly, opening the fridge to get out two water bottles. He tried to ignore his brother’s cold stare as he walked around the kitchen, but he could feel his eye boring into the back of his head and he got fed up and turned around quickly.
“What do you want?” he snapped.
“Then go to bed.” Tsukishima said. “We’re home fine and we’re going to sleep.”
He motioned for Yamaguchi to head upstairs and followed behind him, walking silently up to his room. He got out a pair of pajamas and passed them to Yamaguchi who smiled and took them, brushing his hand across Tsukishima’s in a subtle effort to calm him down. It worked, making Tsukishima’s anger melt away and smile at the dark haired boy in front of him.
“You can go first,” he said. “Your toothbrush is in the cabinet behind the toothpaste.”
Yamaguchi smiled and nodded, exiting Tsukishima’s room and heading to the bathroom. He went to the bathroom and washed his hands then changed and got his toothbrush out to brush his teeth. He loved when he spent the night at Tsukishima’s house because it always made him feel like they lived together. He had clothes and a toothbrush there and they had always shared a bed. After they had known each other for a year Yamaguchi had begun to complain that he was always cold and Tsukishima would give him another blanket but he would still pout until he let him in his bed.
Yamaguchi knew it wasn’t very nice to trick his best friend but he couldn’t just come out and say he wanted to sleep with Tsukishima. He knew he could know, but he couldn’t have when they were eight. Yamaguchi finished in the bathroom and made his way back to Tsukishima’s bedroom. He left the room and Yamaguchi sat down on the bed. He wanted more than just sweet little pecks tonight. As much as he liked Tsukki’s short and sweet kisses, he couldn’t survive on only those forever.
He took off his shirt and set it on the edge of the bed then laid down, crawling under the covers so Tsukishima wouldn’t notice when he came back. Yamaguchi was impatient and he was about to give up and just go get Tsukishima himself when the door opened slightly and he walked back in. He turned off the light and walked over to the bed slowly to assure he didn’t run into anything. He took his glasses off and put them on his nightstand then sat down and got into bed, pulling the covers over him.
Tsukishima put his arm around Yamaguchi and pulled him close, his face flushing as he felt his boyfriend’s smooth skin underneath rough fingertips. He bit his lip, trying to make his dirty thoughts go away. They couldn’t do anything, his family was here and it wouldn’t be right to do something with all that Yamaguchi has been through. He knew Yamaguchi wasn’t ready to do something like that, even if he said he was.
He heard a soft giggled and then a slight shuffle as Yamaguchi moved closer.
“Are you naked?”
“Are you lying?”
Yamaguchi took Tsukishima’s hand and moved it down to his hip.
“See, I’m wearing pants.”
“So you’re just shirtless?”
“I wanted to be.” he paused. “And you’ve seen all my scars now so I don’t have anything to hide from you.”
“Are you sure that’s the only reason why?”
“Are you lying?”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“We’re not having sex.”
Yamaguchi blushed furiously.
“Tsukki shhh,” he whispered. “Your family is all home.”
“I know, that’s why we’re not doing anything.”
“But can’t I have kisses?”
Tsukishima leaned in and pecked Yamaguchi’s lips quickly.
“That’s just one,” he said. “I need more than that or I’ll… um…”
“Yeah! I’ll die from a lack of kisses and it’ll be all your fault.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes at Yamaguchi’s dramatics.
“Do you really want to be my cause of death?”
“No, but you won’t die.”
“How do you know?”
“Nobody dies from a lack of kisses.”
“How do you know?” Yamaguchi asked again.
“I just do.”
“That’s not a good answer.”
“If I give you kisses will you stop talking?”
“Well yeah because I’d rather make out than talk.”
It was Tsukishima’s turn to blush this time and he was very grateful he turned off the light before getting into bed because the darkness hid his bright face from Yamaguchi.
“Okay.” He murmured.
Tsukishima leaned in and pressed his lips to Yamaguchi’s. He slowly lifted his hand to cup his boyfriend’s cheek gently. The kisses started out soft, slowly growing rougher. They kissed quickly, their lips moving in synch. Yamaguchi licked across Tsukishima’s bottom lip and this time he obliged, opening his mouth and letting Yamaguchi slip his tongue in. Yamaguchi wrapped his tongue around Tsukishima’s and sucked on it softly, emitting a moan from the other boy.
Tsukishima pulled Yamaguchi closer, holding him as tight as he could against his own body. Yamaguchi was proud of himself; not only was he getting what he wanted but he was turning a usually very composed Tsukishima into a moaning mess. He didn’t want to stop. He attempted to deepen the kiss only to have Tsukishima pull away. Yamaguchi pouted and was about to protest when Tsukishima reattached his lips to Yamaguchi’s neck.
He kissed Yamaguchi’s jaw and neck softly, slowly trailing down to his collarbone. He nipped at the skin, gently taking it into his mouth and sucking. Yamaguchi moaned softly, motivating Tsukishima to move to another spot and do it again. He sucked harder this time, knowing it would create a much bigger bruise than the last one. He pulled back and licked his lips then did it again. Yamaguchi moaned louder and covered his mouth with his hand. He shifted slightly under Tsukishima.
He was enjoying it even more than he imagined he would. He knew it was going to end soon, but he didn’t want it to. He wanted to stay like this forever. He wanted to lay in Tsukishima’s bed and feel his boyfriend pressed against him as he put his lips all over his body. Yamaguchi didn’t care where his lips were, he just wanted them on him.
Tsukishima trailed his kisses down further, gently kissing along Yamaguchi’s chest and stomach. He wasn’t really trying to turn him on, he just wanted Yamaguchi to know that he loved him and he always would. He loved every single inch of Yamaguchi, even his scarred stomach. Tsukishima didn’t love that they were there, but the fact that they were did not lessen his love for his beautiful freckled angel.
“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi moaned.
Tsukishima’s glaze shifted up. He squinted and tried to see Yamaguchi but between the room being dark and his glasses being off, everything just looked blurry. He looked back down, his eyes closing once more as he kissed his boyfriend’s body.
He was tempted to move further down. They were both turned on, he could feel it, but he still knew it was right. Yamaguchi had been through a lot this past week and Tsukishima didn’t think he would be able to handle it, despite him probably wanting it even more than Tsukishima himself wanted it.
Tsukishima pressed a kiss to Yamaguchi’s waist, earning him another loud, but muffled moan of his name. He loved that he could do this to Yamaguchi and hearing his boyfriend moan underneath him only turned him on even more. He started to kiss back up Yamaguchi’s body, back up his neck and jaw and back to his lips where he placed a long and passionate, but gentle kiss.
Tsukishima laid back down next to Yamaguchi and pulled him in for a tight hug. He hoped Yamaguchi was as happy as he was. He knew he tried to be happy, sometimes for no other reason than not wanting to worry Tsukishima, but he hoped he was happy for real. Yamaguchi sighed softly and then spoke up.
“You make me really happy.” He whispered.
“I try my hardest.”
There was a pause and then Yamaguchi spoke again.
“What if you had never called those bullies pathetic?” he asked quietly.
Tsukishima stayed quiet. He had never really thought about that before. It had never occurred to him that if he hadn’t then he probably wouldn’t even be friends with Yamaguchi. That had been the whole reason Yamaguchi had started following him around and it was because Yamaguchi followed him around that they became friends.
“Oh, I thought you fell asleep.”
“No, I was just thinking about your question.”
“What do you think?”
Tsukishima sighed softly.
“I guess that if I hadn’t… then we wouldn’t be friends…”
“Oh…” Yamaguchi sounded heartbroken. “You don’t think we would have become friends otherwise?”
“Nobody wanted to be friends with me.”
“Well nobody wanted to be friends with me either. Everyone made fun of me.”
Yamaguchi sniffed and Tsukishima hugged him tighter.
“You don’t need to worry about all that though, okay?” he whispered. “It happened and we became friends and now we’re together. I’m not going to leave you. No matter what happens I will always be happy to call you mine.”
Yamaguchi smiled and sniffed again.
“Yama, why are you crying?” Tsukishima asked softly.
“I just love you so much.”
Tsukishima smiled. He brushed Yamaguchi’s tears away and gently kissed both of his cheeks before pressing a gentle and loving kiss to his lips.
“I love you too.”
“I know!” Yamaguchi cried, sobbing into Tsukishima’s chest.
Tsukishima rubbed his back, holding him tightly as he cried. He didn’t try to stop him this time. He knew Yamaguchi was emotional and sometimes the only thing that made him feel better was being held while he cried all his feelings out. At those times, all Tsukishima could really do was hold onto him and wait for the tears to pass.
Ten minutes later Yamaguchi pulled away and sat up. Tsukishima frowned slightly and started to ask what was wrong when he felt Yamaguchi shuffling around. He grabbed his shirt and put it back on the laid back down and wrapped Tsukishima’s arms back around him. Tsukishima held Yamaguchi as close as he could, smiling as he kissed Yamaguchi’s forehead.
“I love you, Yams…” Tsukishima whispered.
Yamaguchi sighed softly. He wrapped his arm around Tsukishima’s waist and held onto him tightly before burying his face into Tsukishima’s chest.
“I love you too, Tsukki.” He whispered back.
Should I add smut into this story? I can make a chapter for it, but I'm not sure if it's the right story to add it to. So what do you guys think?
Chapter 17: For the Love of Tadashi
Tsukishima woke up the next morning from a tickle in his nose. He opened his eyes to find Yamaguchi’s back to him. He arms were wrapped tightly around Yamaguchi’s waist and his face was buried in his dark hair. Tsukishima smiled and kissed Yamaguchi’s head then slowly let go of him and got out of bed. Yamaguchi stirred and rolled onto his back, but didn’t wake up.
“Tsukki, I love you…” he mumbled.
Tsukishima smiled and leaned down, kissing Yamaguchi’s forehead gently.
“I love you too, Yama.” He whispered.
Tsukishima went downstairs and walked into the kitchen. He began looking around for the ingredients to make pancakes. He didn’t cook very often, in fact he hated cooking; but he knew Yamaguchi loved little acts of kindness like this so he’d deal with it for him.
“Kei, what time did you get home last night?”
Tsukishima turned around to see his mother standing by the kitchen table. She was staring at him with a stern look on her face and he couldn’t tell whether she was angry or just tired still.
“Eleven. We went straight to bed.”
“Yeah, Yamaguchi stayed over.”
“Are you two together now?”
“Why does it matter?” Tsukishima asked. “You love Yamaguchi.”
“Why does it matter?”
“Because we don’t condone that kind of behavior.”
Tsukishima flinched slightly at his father’s voice. He wasn’t abusive, but he was tough and he didn’t take any disrespect.
“So?” Tsukishima asked. “You taught us never to give up too yet Akiteru quit the volleyball team just because he got mad.”
“He was never playing,” his father said. “Why should he stay if he wasn’t playing?”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes. It had always been obvious that he wasn’t the favored child. He didn’t really care, but he was sick of the obvious double standards set for him and his brother.
“You wouldn’t care if Akiteru was gay.” Tsukishima mumbled.
“What was that?”
“Don’t lie to me, Kei.”
“You wouldn’t care if Akiteru was gay so why does it matter if I am?”
“If? So you aren’t?”
“I don’t know!” he cried. “I don’t know what the hell I am.”
“Are you dating Yamaguchi or no?”
“What’s it to you?”
“I won’t allow that kind of behavior.”
“So if we want to fuck we’ll get a hotel room.”
“Kei, language!” his mother cried.
Tsukishima sighed heavily and turned around to face his parents. He knew he could get in a lot of trouble for what he was about to do, but it needed to be done.
“Look,” he said. “I’ve never been attracted to a girl. Following that logic then yeah, I guess I am gay. It doesn’t change who I am though.”
“We still do not condone this kind of behavior.”
“What behavior?” Tsukishima asked. “Falling in love? That’s all that I did! I fell in love just like the two of you did except earlier.”
“No, listen to me.” he said. “Please.”
His parents stared at him and he maintained eye contact. His mother sighed and then nodded.
“Alright,” she said. “We’ll listen.”
“You guys met in college and fell in love and that’s great for you but it isn’t for everyone. Not everyone is going to be the same way. I met Yamaguchi in grade school and he’s been the only friend I’ve ever had.”
“So you’re just creating feelings for him because you have no one else.”
“I said no.” Tsukishima said. “That’s not the case.”
“Then what is the case.”
“I fell in love with Yamaguchi, my best friend, and since when is that a problem?” He asked. “He could be my soulmate! I fully believe he is. I care about him a lot and I do everything I can to protect him. I love him and whether you think it’s okay or not, I’m going to continue to see him.”
“And what if we don’t allow it?”
“Well I’m sorry, but you can’t do anything about it.”
Tsukishima turned back around and started to make the pancakes. His mother sighed heavily and whispered something to his father. When he didn’t respond, Tsukishima was fairly certain that he had won the argument.
“You…” she said quietly. “Just be honest, Kei… are you gay?”
He sighed softly and rolled his eyes.
“Yes mom,” he said. “I’m gay and I’m in love with my best friend.”
He was sure they still didn’t like it, but it had gone much better than he thought it would, especially since he talked back to his father.
“We’re leaving now.” she said. “Don’t do anything inappropriate.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
Mr. and Mrs. Tsukishima left the house, leaving Tsukishima alone in the kitchen again. He sighed softly and continued with the pancakes. He got the eggs and sausage out of the fridge and set them on the counter then took out two pans to actually make the food. He tried to keep quiet so Yamaguchi didn’t wake up. He cooked quickly, humming softly to himself as he prepared the plates.
“You were fighting about me…” a soft voice spoke from behind.
Tsukishima turned around to find Yamaguchi standing by the table. His heart broke at the look on his boyfriend’s face.
“They don’t like me anymore…”
“That’s not true,” Tsukishima said. “They still like you.”
“They just don’t like that I like you.”
“I’m sorry that I’m making more trouble for you.”
“Shhh, don’t say that.”
Tsukishima walked over to Yamaguchi and put his hands on his shoulders. He stared into his eyes, making sure he had his attention.
“I love you, nothing is going to change that.”
“Not even your parents?”
“Especially not my parents.”
Yamaguchi looked down and then back up. He didn’t seem to believe what it was that Tsukishima was telling him.
At those words, Yamaguchi smiled. He usually believed whatever Tsukishima said, but whenever Tsukishima promised him that something was true, it relieved him of all the nerves and anxiety that were eating away at his mind.
“Do you believe me?”
“I always believe you.”
Tsukishima smiled and pecked Yamaguchi’s lips.
“Now sit down, I made breakfast.”
Yamaguchi’s eyes lit up and his face broke out into a grin.
“Yes, really, so sit down before it gets cold.”
Yamaguchi sat down quickly and looked up at Tsukishima, watching him as he walked back to the counter and got two plates. He set them on the table then poured them both a glass of orange juice and sat down next to him.
“Did you do all of this for me?”
“You’re my favorite.” Yamaguchi grinned.
Yamaguchi stuck his tongue out at Tsukishima and took a bite of his food.
“You need to cook for me more often.”
“I hate cooking.”
“But if you don’t then I’ll—”
“I know, I know, you’ll die.”
“Well I was going to say go hungry, but if you think I’ll die then I guess that’s good motivation for you to cook for me.”
“You love me.”
Tsukishima chuckled and leaned over, kissing Yamaguchi’s nose.
“I love you.”
“I know.” Yamaguchi grinned. “But I love you more.”
“And I love you most.”
Chapter 18: Lazy Saturday
I decided to just go with it and write so smut. It's not much and it's not too heavy or anything but whatever.
Today is my friend's birthday and I'm happy but I'm also kinda upset because we live in different states so I can't even be there to celebrate with him and it sucks. I love him a lot and I just wish I could be there with him. On top of that we had plans to finally meet this summer so we'd be together for my birthday but it doesn't look like that will happen either :/ I literally don't care about anything else anymore. I just want to be with my best friend.
“Can we go out today?”
“We went out yesterday.”
Yamaguchi pouted and Tsukishima sighed. It was always hard for him to say no to Yamaguchi.
“Can’t we just stay home today? I want to be alone.”
“You can’t be alone with me here.”
“Alone with you, stupid.”
“That’s not alone.”
Yamaguchi grinned and Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“Isn’t your brother here anyways though?”
“Dammit,” Tsukishima swore. “You’re right.”
“Maybe he’ll leave us alone?”
“No, because that would mean I was happy for more than five minutes and the universe just won’t allow that.”
Yamaguchi frowned and leaned closer to Tsukishima.
“You aren’t happy?” he asked softly.
“It’s hard to be happy whenever you’re boyfriend is being beaten all the time.”
Tsukishima frowned. He slipped his hand under Yamaguchi’s chin and slowly lifted his head up.
“It’s not your fault.” Tsukishima said. “Don’t you ever think that it is because it isn’t. It’s everyone else that has the issue.”
“Shhh, no, it’s not you.”
Yamaguchi hesitated and then nodded.
“It’s never your fault.”
“But maybe if I—”
“No.” Tsukishima said. “It’s not your fault.”
Yamaguchi sighed and Tsukishima gently rubbed his chin with his thumb. He stared into Yamaguchi’s eyes, looking for any sigh of belief. Tsukishima smiled slightly then leaned in and pressed his lips softly to Yamaguchi’s.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
After they finished eating Tsukishima took their dishes to the sink. He started to wash them and looked back at Yamaguchi.
“You can go to the living room,” he said. “I’ll be in there after I was the dishes.”
“Can’t you do that later?”
“I can, but I’m trying to get Mom and Dad on our side.”
“They’re not okay with us?”
“Well she didn’t actually say. She just told us not to do anything.”
“You don’t have camera in your house, right?”
Tsukishima shook his head slightly and set the plates on the drying rack.
“Go put on a movie, I’ll be there in a second.”
Yamaguchi nodded and jumped up. He walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. He turned on the tv and flipped through the channels until settling on a random comedy he found. Tsukishima finished the dishes and then walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Yamaguchi immediately moved onto Tsukishima’s lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. Tsukishima blinked, letting his vision adjust to the sudden closeness of the freckled boy.
“Hi.” Yamaguchi giggled.
“What are you doing?”
“Staring at you.”
“Because you’re cute.”
Yamaguchi blushed and Tsukishima smiled.
They heard footsteps coming down the stairs and Yamaguchi quickly moved off Tsukishima’s lap. He sighed softly, glancing towards his brother as he walked into the room.
“I’m heading out for a bit.” Akiteru said. “Behave.”
“You know Mom and Dad’s views.”
“And they know mine.”
“Really Kei.” Akiteru said. “You know the rules.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
Akiteru sighed, shaking his head slightly.
“I’ll be back later.”
Akiteru left the house and Tsukishima looked to Yamaguchi.
“Sorry, they just…” he sighed heavily. “I don’t know.”
“It just pisses me off. If we want to have sex we should be able to have sex!”
Yamaguchi blushed, nodding slightly.
“They can’t ban us from doing that just because they don’t agree with it. Nobody is even home, we could do it know and they would never even know.”
Yamaguchi’s face flushed more and he stayed quiet, just listening to Tsukishima vent about the rule.
“Like I could literally fuck you right here on the couch and they wouldn’t even be able to do anything about it because we’d be finished and cleaned up by the time they got back home.”
Tsukishima finally looked up to see Yamaguchi, completely red face with his knees pulled up to his chest.
“What about me?”
“All that stuff.”
Yamaguchi decided not to mention the fact that hearing Tsukishima talk about sex kind of turned him on a little bit. He knew they wouldn’t do anything anyways; he definitely wanted to have sex with Tsukishima but he was also a little bit scared because he wasn’t sure if he was ready or not. He also didn’t think Tsukishima would allow it. He may have been talking about it and he may want it to, but that doesn’t change that fact that Yamaguchi had been molested for the past eight years.
He wanted to change that, he wished that he could. He believed Tsukishima when he said it wasn’t his fault, but he still felt gross and used and deep down he was scared that Tsukishima wouldn’t want him. He was still a virgin and he was grateful for that, but he had still been touched by someone else and he couldn’t get rid of that nagging voice in the back of his mind that kept telling him Tsukishima wouldn’t want to be with someone who’s “tainted.” The rational part of his brain knew that wasn’t the case and he knew it wasn’t his fault and he knew he wasn’t used or tainted or anything else, but no matter how many times he told himself that, he couldn’t fully believe it.
“Do you want to?” Yamaguchi asked. “Do it?”
This time is was Tsukishima’s turn to blush. He’d be lying if he said no, but he didn’t know if he was ready. He loved Yamaguchi but his arm was also still in a cast and he didn’t want either of them to accidentally get hit and hurt themselves.
“I um… do you?”
“I asked you first.”
“I mean… um…”
“I think that’s a yes.”
“But I also don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Tsukki, I’ll be fine.”
“No, I mean your arm.”
“What about it?”
“What if you accidentally hit me in the head?”
“Oh so you’re scared of you getting hurt?”
“Well both of us.”
“What if I want to do it now?”
“I still think we should wait until you get your cast off.”
“Okay then I’m coming back the day I get it off.”
Yamaguchi climbed back on to Tsukishima’s lap and wrapped his arms around his neck then leaned his head on his shoulder.
“But until then I’m still going to do this.”
“That’s perfectly fine with me.” Tsukishima said. “Just try not to move too much.”
Yamaguchi wiggled slightly and Tsukishima’s grip on him tightened. Yamaguchi giggled and kissed Tsukishima’s cheek.
“That’s fun though.”
“Maybe for you,” Tsukishima said. “But you’re not the one getting turned on.”
“No, but I was earlier.”
“When you kept rambling about what we could do.”
“So talking about sex turns you on?”
“When you do it, it does.”
“Maybe I should more often then.”
“I will bite you.”
“I don’t know.”
Tsukishima pecked his lips and Yamaguchi started to kiss him back harder.
“Okay, but what if we just made out a lot?”
“I won’t turn that down.”
Yamaguchi grinned and leaned in, connecting their lips again. He started out soft and then kissed him harder. Tsukishima opened his mouth slightly and Yamaguchi took that chance to slid his tongue in and deepen the kiss. Tsukishima pulled Yamaguchi closer, wrapped his arms tightly around his waist. Yamaguchi slowly began to roll his hips into Tsukishima’s, causing him to moan softly. Tsukishima slipped his hands up Yamaguchi’s shirt and sending chills up his spine.
Yamaguchi pushed Tsukishima down on the couch and stayed on top of him. They continued to kiss as Yamaguchi grinded into Tsukishima harder. He moaned louder and slipped his hands further down to squeezed Yamaguchi’s ass. Tsukishima wrapped his tongue around Yamaguchi’s and sucked on it softly, earning him a rough moan.
Yamaguchi pulled away slightly, trailing his kisses down Tsukishima’s jaw and to his neck. He pushed his shirt up and started to kiss his chest and neck. Yamaguchi bit down on Tsukishima’s neck and sucked hard. He pulled away only to kiss the already forming bruise and then moved slightly and kissed another spot, this time sucking harder to create a larger and darker hickey than the one before was.
Yamaguchi pulled away and started kissing down Tsukishima’s chest and stomach just as he had done to him the night before. Unlike Tsukishima though, Yamaguchi didn’t stop. He kissed Tsukishima’s waist then glanced up, looking for approval. Tsukishima quickly nodded and Yamaguchi pulled down his pajama pants and boxers. He kissed down Tsukishima’s thighs, listening to his boyfriend’s loud moans as he moved.
Yamaguchi didn’t waste any time after that. He quickly took Tsukishima into his mouth and immediately began sucking and bobbing his head. Tsukishima moaned loudly, moving his hand to grip Yamaguchi’s hair. He bobbed his head quickly and sucked hard, humming softly in an attempt to make Tsukishima feel even better. Tsukishima tugged on Yamaguchi’s hair, doing his best not to be too rough and cause him to get hurt. Tsukishima thrusted upwards into Yamaguchi’s mouth. He moaned softly, sending vibrations up Tsukishima’s body and making him moan loudly.
“Fuck!” he cried. “Yamaguchi!”
Yamaguchi smirked slightly and kept going. He moaned softly, throwing Tsukishima over the edge and causing him to moan loudly as he came. Yamaguchi swallowed and pulled off, licking his lips before pulling Tsukishima’s pants back up and his shirt down. Yamaguchi crawled back up and kissed Tsukishima gently, giggling as he listened to him panting.
“You okay there, Tsukki?”
“I um… fuck… I think…”
“Don’t go exploding on me or anything.”
“Don’t be, that was great.”
Tsukishima nodded and Yamaguchi smiled.
He pecked Tsukishima’s lips again and laid his head on his chest. Tsukishima rubbed Yamaguchi’s back gently, breathing out slowly in an attempt to slow his heart down and get it back to its normal pulse. He kissed Yamaguchi’s head and squeezed him slightly.
“How do you feel?”
“I feel great.” Yamaguchi said. “It’s you that I’m worried about. I can feel your heart racing.”
“I must be pretty great.”
Yamaguchi blushed and buried his face further into Tsukishima’s chest. Tsukishima kissed his head then shifted slightly and rested his head on top of Yamaguchi’s.
“So once I get my cast off, right?”
“After today it’ll be hard to wait that long.”
“But that’s when we can, right?”
“If you still want to then yes.”
“I’ll always want to.”
Tsukishima blushed and held Yamaguchi tightly.
“I’m glad we spent the day alone.” Yamaguchi murmured.
“I love you.”
Tsukishima smiled and sighed softly.
“I love you too.”
Chapter 19: Good News, Bad News, and No News at all
I'm back again! I was at Playlist Live this weekend so I didn't have time to write. That's a youtube convention thing for anyone who doesn't know. I probably won't get to write much this week either because finals are coming up so I have to focus on school. College is kicking my ass. I feel stressed about everything and I kinda just wanna take a nap for a week straight and then try again.
Tsukishima woke up alone Monday morning and frowned. He had forgotten that Yamaguchi went home Sunday evening. He hadn’t planned to, but his mom had called him and asked him to come home. She said she wanted to talk to him and asked him to “please come home” and he could go back tomorrow but this was important so it couldn’t wait.
Tsukishima liked Yamaguchi’s mom so he didn’t bother to argue and instead he walked his boyfriend home and held him tightly on the stairs for ten minutes before letting him go inside. He walked back home silently, emptiness weighing down on his chest. He went back home and went straight to bed, no longer caring about anything else now that he wasn’t with Yamaguchi.
He got up and started to get ready for school. He took a shower and got dressed then went downstairs for breakfast. He got some cereal and sat down at the table, not bothering to say anything to either of his parents. If they weren’t going to speak to him then he wasn’t going to bother speaking to them either. He looked at his phone and saw he had a text from Yamaguchi.
Yamaguchi: My mom wants to drive me to school. She didn’t talk to me last night so she said she wants to on the way to school
Yamaguchi: So I can’t meet you at our usual spot
Yamaguchi: Sorry Tsukki :( I’ll be at school soon though.
Yamaguchi: I love you
Tsukishima: I know
He put his phone down and sighed then got up and put his bowl in the sink. He grabbed his phone and started to leave when his mother stopped him.
He held back a groan and turned to look at her.
“Is Yamaguchi coming over again?”
“I don’t know.”
“If he does I want one of you to sleep somewhere else.”
“You know why.”
“Maybe I forgot.”
“Because we don’t agree.”
“Agree with what?”
Tsukishima knew it wasn’t a good idea to argue with his mother, but if she was going to make a big deal out of it all then he was going to make it even harder for her.
“All of it.”
“So me? And Yamaguchi.” He said. “You don’t agree with us.”
“That’s not what I said, Kei.”
“But it’s what you meant.”
“It is not.”
“You don’t agree with being gay, mom, just say it. You hate the fact that your son is gay and therefore you don’t agree with me.”
“No mom, just save it. I have to get to school.”
He snatched his bag off the back of the chair and walked out, slamming the door behind him. He made his way to school, walking right by the spot where he usually met Yamaguchi. He kept his head down, not looking up until he walked through the school gates and heard someone yell his name.
Sugawara walked over to him, Daichi following close behind. Tsukishima began to wonder why no one ever made fun of them for always being together like they did with him and Yamaguchi.
“How’s Yamaguchi doing?”
“Fine, I guess.”
“You don’t know?”
“He’s at home right now so I’m just worried.”
“Why aren’t you with him?”
“He was with me all weekend and his mom made him come home last night so she could talk to him. He said she didn’t talk last night so she wanted to take him to school this morning.”
“Do you know what she wanted to talk to him about?”
“I’m sure he’ll be here soon though and you can ask him.”
As if on cue, Yamaguchi slammed the door and squealed out Tsukishima’s name.
“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi cried. “Tsukki! Tsukki! Tsukki! Tsukki!”
Tsukishima turned to see his boyfriend running towards him. Yamaguchi got through the gate, almost tripping and falling. Tsukishima caught him and Yamaguchi blushed.
“What were you running for? I’ve told you to be careful.”
Yamaguchi started to say something then stopped. He glanced at Sugawara and Daichi and then back to Tsukishima. He didn’t want to say anything in front of other people but he really wanted Tsukishima to know. Yamaguchi tugged Tsukishima down some so he could reach him better and whispered into his ear.
“My mom called the police and told them everything about my uncle and she told me he got arrested.” Yamaguchi whispered. “My aunt knew all about it because she said he did the same thing to my cousin so she might get arrested for being an accessory because she knew and didn’t do anything.”
“Yama, that’s great!” Tsukishima cried.
He blushed slightly, realizing how loud he had been.
“How about your dad?”
“My mom said they talk Saturday night and then he left to go somewhere and never came back.”
“So that could be good. Maybe.”
“I don’t know.” Yamaguchi said. “What about your parents? Are they…”
Yamaguchi nodded and Tsukishima sighed heavily, shaking his head.
“They said that if you come over again then we have to sleep separately.”
“Don’t worry; I’m not going to follow that.”
“But you could get into trouble.”
“You’re worth it.”
Yamaguchi blushed and pecked Tsukishima’s lips gently. The taller boy smiled and squeezed Yamaguchi gently.
“Things are getting better for you.” he said softly.
“So how long till that cast comes off?”
Tsukishima smirked and Yamaguchi’s face flushed.
“Mm, good to know.”
“Shut up, Tsukki.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I love you more though.”
Tsukishima shook his head.
Chapter 20: Forever
This chapter took me so long to write. I feel like shit and I feel like such a fucking awful friend. I am literally a piece of shit and I've completely lost my will to live again. I thought I was doing better but my depression is getting worse and I just don't know how much more of anything I can take.
Anyways, sorry for venting. Enjoy some tooth rotting fluff.
After afternoon volleyball practice ended Tsukishima and Yamaguchi headed back to his house. Tsukishima held tightly onto Yamaguchi’s hand as they walked, having no plans on letting go anytime soon. He had become much more comfortable with PDA lately and Yamaguchi was pretty sure it was only because Tsukishima wanted to protect him, but he didn’t care; he was just glad he got to be with his Tsukki.
Yamaguchi knew the question he was about to ask could potentially end up starting a fight, but he wanted answers and he figured that if he asked his question in public and when Tsukishima seemed to be in a good mood then he would keep his voice down and they would be able to get through it quickly and actually have a civilized conversation.
Yamaguchi stopped. He was scared that Tsukishima would take everything the wrong way and start yelling. Yamaguchi can only recall two times where Tsukishima yelled at him, but he still didn’t like it and he didn’t want it to happen again.
“Why what?” Tsukishima asked. “What’s going on?”
“Why…” he began again.
Yamaguchi sighed heavily and looked towards the ground before speaking again, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Why do you always say you need to protect me?” he asked. “Do you not think I can take care of myself? I’m only a month and a half younger than you are. I know you’re taller and probably stronger but I’m okay too…”
“I don’t think that.”
“So you think I can?”
“What?” Yamaguchi asked. “Tsukki, I’m really confused.”
“We’ll talk about it when we get to my house.”
The rest of their walk was completely silent except for the shuffling of their feet and the occasional sniffing coming from Yamaguchi. He felt bad. He had only wanted to know what Tsukishima meant and he shoved him off like the question was meaningless. Yamaguchi didn’t want to wait for answers; he had waited plenty of time from not having the courage to ask. He finally did ask though and now he wanted his answers.
Twenty minutes later they were in Tsukishima’s room, the door shut and locked behind them. Tsukishima was going through his closet for a change of clothes and Yamaguchi was curled up on his bed, not bothering to speak again. Tsukishima changed into sweatpants and a tee shirt then laid down next to Yamaguchi. He put his hands hesitantly on his boyfriend’s hip and stared at him.
“Do you still want to talk about it?”
“I just don’t get why you wouldn’t answer before!” he cried. “I asked you in public so you wouldn’t yell at me but you just told me to wait until we got here. Don’t yell at me! I just want to know why you always say you have to protect me!”
Yamaguchi looked like he was about to break down sobbing and Tsukishima was taken aback. He didn’t understand why Yamaguchi thought he was going to yell at him. He rarely yelled at anyone but Yamaguchi would never be one of those people. He knew Yamaguchi had a fragile heart and he’d never be able to forgive himself if he yelled and hurt his beloved Tadashi.
“I’m not going to yell at you.” Tsukishima spoke softly to prove his point. “I would never yell at you. I just thought it was a private conversation and I didn’t want to have it on the sidewalk in the middle of town.”
Yamaguchi sniffed and nodded.
“Okay…” he said quietly. “Go on then.”
“It’s not that I think you can’t take care of yourself, I know you can, I just also know that you don’t like to hurt others. You’re not like me, you care about others. You’re not going to hurt someone even if they’re hurting you.” Tsukishima sighed. “Aside from that, it’s just that ever since we were little I just felt the need to protect you. That’s sort of how we became friends, right?”
“And I’ve just always stuck with it. I’ve always taken care of you and made sure you were happy. Maybe I could have done a bit better job in making sure you knew I cared about you, but I tried my best. I loved, I still love, you so much and I show you by protecting you from all the bad things around you. I know I’m not perfect and I know you’ve been hurt a lot, but I’m trying and I just—”
Tsukishima was cut off by Yamaguchi’s lips pressing against his own. It was a loving, but rough kiss and it ended just as quickly as it started.
“I love you so much.” Yamaguchi said softly. “Thank you for taking care of me. I’m sorry for getting so upset.”
“It’s okay,” Tsukishima told him. “I understand why you did.”
Yamaguchi smiled and locked eyes with Tsukishima.
“I just get so scared sometimes…”
“I know,” Tsukishima said softly. “But you don’t have to be scared with me. I’m always going to be here for you and with you. I don’t ever plan on letting you go.”
Yamaguchi blushed and buried his face in Tsukishima’s chest.
“Just promise me one thing.”
“What?” Yamaguchi asked.
“Promise me that you’ll always remember that you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Yamaguchi nodded and Tsukishima kissed his head. He wrapped his arms around him and Yamaguchi held onto him tightly.
“I like you a lottle.”
“It’s like a little,” Yamaguchi said. “Except a lot.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes and Yamaguchi went on.
“If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.”
Yamaguchi giggled and looked up at Tsukishima.
“You love me.”
“More than anything?”
“More than everything.”
“If you live to be one hundred then I hope to live one hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”
“Your birthday is after mine.”
“I was trying to be cute.” Yamaguchi pouted.
“You are cute, you don’t need to try.”
“Stop being so sweet, you’re going to give me a toothache.”
Tsukishima chuckled softly and kissed Yamaguchi gently.
“I love you.” he said softly.
Yamaguchi sighed happily and pecked Tsukishima’s lips again.
“I love you too, Tsukki.”
It got quiet for a moment and then Yamaguchi spoke up again.
“Will you love me after university? Do you think?”
“I know.” Tsukishima said softly. “I am going to love you now and tomorrow and after high school and after university. I am going to love you forever.”
“Yes, forever and always.”
Chapter 21: War
I still feel like shit but whatever, it's nothing new :/
Enjoy another fluffy chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whined, pushing him gently. “Pay attention to me.”
Shortly after they had talked, the two got quiet again and Tsukishima had fallen asleep. Lately he had been so worried about Yamaguchi that he hadn’t been able to get a wink of sleep. Once they had fixed things and he had been with Yamaguchi, he had been able to sleep after he knew Yamaguchi was sleeping safe and soundly, but he hadn’t slept again last night since he hadn’t had Yamaguchi cuddled up close to him. Now that Yamaguchi was back and they had some peace and quiet, he was finally able to catch up on his sleep again.
Yamaguchi kept trying to get him to wake up, but Tsukishima just wouldn’t budge. He had pushed him and shaken him and kicked his feet, but none of those things worked. Yamaguchi was both exasperated and slightly angry. If Tsukishima’s parents were going to make them sleep in separate rooms tonight then Yamaguchi wanted to spend as much time with Tsukishima as he possibly could.
“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi yelled, giving him a hard shove.
Tsukishima jumped and opened his eyes, groaning loudly.
“What? I was sleeping.”
“I know,” Yamaguchi pouting. “Which means you weren’t paying attention to me. Why aren’t you paying attention to me?”
Tsukishima yawned and shifted his gaze to Yamaguchi.
“I pay attention to you all the time, Yams.” He murmured. “I’ve hardly slept since we fought and I don’t ever sleep if you’re not here. If my mom makes you go home or sleep downstairs then I won’t sleep tonight either.”
Yamaguchi frowned. He felt guilty for waking Tsukishima up now.
“Sorry Tsukki…” he said quietly. “I just wanted attention.”
“It’s alright. I’m awake now. What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes, making Yamaguchi’s frown grow. Tsukishima leaned in and pecked Yamaguchi on the lips.
“I think you were just suffering from a lack of vitamin me.”
“Oh my gosh, Tsukki.”
Yamaguchi giggled softly and Tsukishima smiled at him.
“Kissing burns 6.4 calories, wanna work out?”
Yamaguchi blushed and playfully hit his chest. Tsukishima smiled and leaned in, kissing Yamaguchi long and hard and earning him a muffled moan. He pulled away with a satisfied smirk and Yamaguchi covered his face.
“Did the sun come out or are you smiling at me?”
Tsukishima chuckled softly.
“Alright, alright.” He said. “No more.”
He sat up and started to get up when Yamaguchi reached out and pulled him back down.
“No stay.” Yamaguchi said.
“But you said no more.”
“Yeah um, you can stay but your clothes have to go.”
“Tadashi!” Tsukishima cried.
It was his turn blush now, slightly flustered and completely shocked by his boyfriend’s sudden forwardness.
“You look a lot like my next boyfriend.”
“I’m your current boyfriend, you dork.” Tsukishima said.
“I’m no organ donor but I’d be happy to give you my heart.”
Tsukishima blushed and pulled Yamaguchi closer.
“I had that a long time ago.”
Yamaguchi giggled and Tsukishima smiled before kissing his forehead gently.
“Your lips look lonely, would they like to meet mine?”
Tsukishima grinned and leaned forward, kissing Yamaguchi gently. They stayed like that for a little bit, their lips moving in synch together. Tsukishima licked Yamaguchi’s bottom lip to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away.
“Not now.” Yamaguchi said. “Can’t breathe.”
Tsukishima nodded and pecked his lips one more time before moving back a little bit to give Yamaguchi more space to catch his breath.
“Hey Tsukki, did you know…”
“Did I know what?”
“You’re a nine and I’m the one you need.”
“Well you’re a ten normally so what does that make me for you?”
“Well you’re my one so if I’m a ten then that would make me an eleven.” Yamaguchi said. “So that just means I’m better with you.”
Yamaguchi grinned and Tsukishima was sure he felt his heart stop.
“Fuck, I love you so much.”
Yamaguchi blushed, but smiled, a large grin covering his face.
“I love you too, Tsukki.”
“Our love is like dividing by a zero, you cannot define it.”
“You just had to ruin the moment.”
Tsukishima smiled and kissed Yamaguchi again.
“In all seriousness, I really do love you.” Tsukishima said.
“No, let me finish.” Tsukishima said. “I’ve known you for so long and we’ve always been friends and yeah you might be my only friend but you’re also my best friend and I would do anything for you. I would do anything and everything to make you happy because you make me happy and seeing you happy and seeing you smile lights up my whole world. You are my whole world. I would walk to the ends of the earth with you if you wanted me to and this shitty little speech isn’t enough to express how I feel but I’m trying and I’m getting better at it and I care about you immensely. I love you so much, Tadashi.”
Yamaguchi smiled and brushed away the tears that were forming in his eyes.
“I love you too, Kei.”
Idrk what this was, I just felt like using a lot of cheesy pick-up lines.
Chapter 22: Through the Eyes of Another
Have some more fluff (sorta) and happiness
After Tsukishima’s little confession the high mood died down a little bit. Tsukishima pulled Yamaguchi closer and the two started watching a movie on his phone. His family usually ate dinner around six so when his mother hadn’t called them down yet, he set his phone down and got up.
“Let’s go.” He said. “It’s almost dinnertime.”
He held his hand out to Yamaguchi and pulled him up out of bed. They walked downstairs, stopping halfway down when they heard his mom on the phone.
“I just don’t know.”
“Have you even seen how he is with Tadashi?”
Both boys recognized that voice and exchanged looks. They knew it wasn’t right to eavesdrop but their mothers were talking about them and they wanted to know what it was about. Tsukishima was quite sure why his mom had the phone on speaker though because she never liked anyone to hear her phone conversations.
“I have, but what does that matter?”
“Kei takes care of Tadashi,” Mrs. Yamaguchi said. “He looks after him at school and when they’re in public and even when he’s over here he makes sure Tadashi is comfortable and he’ll get him water and make him tea and if they’re on the couch then he’ll go upstairs and get a blanket. Kei really cares for Tadashi.”
Tsukishima blushed, overcome with embarrassment at the fact that Mrs. Yamaguchi knew he did all of that for his son.
“Friends can do those things too.”
“Yes, but so can boyfriends.”
“I just don’t think it’s right.”
“Neither does my husband but that doesn’t mean he’s right.”
“Are you saying my beliefs are wrong?”
“Look, I can’t make you change your mind but I can try to make you understand.”
“So now I don’t understand?”
“No, I don’t think that you do.”
“That’s a little rude.”
“It’s nothing personal; you and your husband just seem to think that there’s something so wrong with being gay, but there isn’t.”
“Are you gay?”
“I have a husband.”
Tsukishima could have sworn he heard Mrs. Yamaguchi roll her eyes through the phone.
“So I’m not.”
“Then why are you defending it?”
“Just because I’m for gay rights doesn’t mean I’m gay.” She said. “I’m for animal rights but I’m not an alpaca!”
Tsukishima snorted and Yamaguchi smacked his hand over his mouth so they wouldn’t get caught.
“Tadashi is my son and I’m going to support him no matter what. Along with that, Kei is his best friend and therefore I support him as well. He’s sweet and he takes care of my son. Tadashi has never had many friends and Kei is his best friend. You didn’t have a problem with that so why do you have a problem with them dating? Nothing has changed except for the fact that they fell in love.”
“Just try not to be so hard on them. Tadashi only sleeps if Kei is around so don’t split them up.”
Tsukishima looked to Yamaguchi who quickly looked away. He hadn’t wanted Tsukishima to know that he never slept if they weren’t together. It was a little bit embarrassing to him.
Tsukishima sighed softly. He couldn’t believe how childish his mother was acting about this all. He also didn’t understand why she couldn’t just accept the fact that he’s gay. It didn’t affect them so why did they care so much?
“We’ll talk more later.”
Tsukishima turned to Yamaguchi and frowned slightly.
“Why do you think they were talking about us?” he whispered.
Yamaguchi shrugged and leaned his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder. He wasn’t sure why, but he hoped it wasn’t anything bad that had started the conversation. He knew neither of their moms spoke on the phone very often and they would much rather speak to each other in person so it had to have been something important that provoked the call.
“Let’s just go downstairs.”
Yamaguchi nodded and Tsukishima took his hand and they went into the kitchen. He let go of his hand when they got there. Since he knew his parents disagreed with their relationship he tried to keep everything contained whenever they were around.
“Oh, how are you boys?” Mrs. Tsukishima asked. “I was just about to call you for dinner.”
Tsukishima nodded slightly.
“I assumed as much. It’s almost six.”
She nodded and Tsukishima pulled out a chair for Yamaguchi. He smiled and sat down and Tsukishima gave his shoulders a slight squeeze.
“Can I get you anything to drink?”
“Just water, I think.”
“Maybe tea? I don’t know.”
Tsukishima laughed softly.
“I’ll get you some water.”
Yamaguchi smiled and nodded.
Tsukishima got two glasses of water and brought them to the table. He sat down next to Yamaguchi and took his hand, squeezing it gently for a moment before letting go.
“Thank you, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi said softly.
“Anything for you.” he murmured.
Yamaguchi looked up at Mrs. Tsukishima, smiling as she joined them at the table.
“The food looks really good, Mrs. Tsukishima. Not that is doesn’t all the time, it does. You’re a good cook.”
He blushed slightly at his rambling and Tsukishima turned to look at him.
“Just breathe,” he said softly. “You’re okay.”
He gave a small nod and looked down at the table. Once Akiteru joined them at the table, they put food on their plates. Tsukishima knew going first made Yamaguchi anxious he waited until his family had gotten their food before taking Yamaguchi’s plate and giving him a small portion of everything. He set the plate down in front of his boyfriend and smiled, Yamaguchi returned it then looked away blushing whenever he noticed Mrs. Tsukishima staring at them.
“Tsukki…” he whispered.
“It’s okay, just breathe.” He said. “You’ll be okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
Yamaguchi nodded and picked up his utensils and started to eat.
“Thank you.” he said softly.
After her phone call with Mrs. Yamaguchi, Mrs. Tsukishima decided to pay closer attention to the two. She began to notice what she had meant, how Tsukishima treated Yamaguchi and took care of him and made sure he felt safe and happy. She sighed softly and started eating, trying to push away the guilty feeling eating away at her.
“You can take a shower first, okay?” Tsukishima said, started to pick up Yamaguchi’s dishes.
Yamaguchi nodded and stood up. Tsukishima started to get up and his mom stopped him.
“Kei,” she said. “Can we talk for a moment?”
Tsukishima nodded slightly and looked at Yamaguchi.
“Go ahead and go upstairs, I’ll be up there shortly.”
Yamaguchi hesitated and then nodded and turned to walk upstairs. Tsukishima waited until he was upstairs before walking to the sink and putting their dishes in.
“If you’re going to condemn my relationship again then I don’t want to hear it.”
“That’s not what I’m going to do, Kei.”
“Okay, then what is it?”
Mrs. Tsukishima sighed heavily. When she didn’t speak, Tsukishima turned around to face her.
“Yamaguchi is upstairs waiting for me and I need to check on him so can we please make this quick.”
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“You said you weren’t condemning our relationship again.”
“Then what about it?”
She sighed again.
“I spoke to Tadashi’s mother earlier today and she told me that you take care of him a lot and how you’ll watch over him at school and in public.” Mrs. Tsukishima said. “I saw that tonight how you waited for everyone else to get their food and then you served him and you got him water and pulled his chair out and you’re allowing him to shower first and you would remind him to breathe and remind him that you were there.”
“Well I love him and that’s what you do when you love someone.”
“I know, and I think that I was wrong for judging your relationship so harshly. I’m sorry.” she said. “I still don’t fully accept it, but I will support you in your relationship with Tadashi.”
Mrs. Yamaguchi nodded and sighed once more.
“You can go upstairs now.”
Tsukishima nodded and quickly headed upstairs. He couldn’t wait to tell Yamaguchi.
Chapter 23: I Refuse
I've got lots to say today!
1) This took me so long to write because I've been struggling with writer block lately and ugh.
2) It also took me a while because the semester is almost over so I have to hurry up and get through finals (I graduate college next Thursday omg)
3) I'm feeling a lot better! Thank you for the nice words when I wasn't. I'm not sure how long it will last but I'm just trying to take things one day at a time.
4) This chapter is titled after (and the song used in it is) I Refuse by Simple Plan (my favorite band, look them up)
5) I have a headcannon that Tsukishima is actually a total sap (clearly) and secretly loves the song Perfectly Perfect (great song, look it up) because it reminds him of Yamaguchi.
6) I am considering writing a Punk!Tsukki and Pastel!Yama fanfic, if I did then would any of you reading this be interested in reading that?
7) I would also appreciate if you checked out Life Support (another TsukkiYama) just a head's up though, it is also sad. It's only 7 chapters and I haven't updated it since March 31st, but I've been trying to get this one done first
8) Speaking of, this one is almost over. Probably. I don't feel like I can include a whole lot more in it so I'm going to have to end it soon (D:) However, it won't be until at least chapter 25 and maybe even 30. It really depends on how long my writer's block lasts
9) I'm sorry I'm so chatty. I've super talkative today but my friend won't text me back and I'm lonely and kinda hyper.
10) I had a job interview last Friday and I got an email today and i got it!!! I'm gonna be working at a doggy day care ^-^
11) EVERYONE BE MY FRIEND! I AM 19 AND HAIKYUU TRASH AND I ALSO LIKE MUSIC AND DAN AND PHIL AND TYLER OAKLEY AND LOTS OF OTHER YOUTUBERS AND TROYE SIVAN IS MY SON (NOT REALLY, I HAVE NO CHILDREN) AND IM JUST A SMALL TEENAGER WHO WOULD LIKE SOMEONE TO LOVE HER BUT IN THE FRIEND WAY
12) I'm very scared all my friends hate me and it makes me very sad.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Tsukishima quickly made his way back to his room, skipping every other step to get up quicker. He ran into his room, almost smashing his knee on his desk and causing Yamaguchi’s head to jerk up in a panic.
“Tsukki!” he cried. “Is everything okay?”
Tsukishima nodded and sat down, trying to catch his breath from the sudden workout he had just gotten.
He shook his head and Yamaguchi put his hand on his back, rubbing it softly in hopes to calm him down quicker. Tsukishima grabbed a water bottle off his nightstand and took a drink and then let out a deep breath before speaking.
“My mom,” he said. “She said she’s okay with us.”
Yamaguchi’s eyes lit up.
“She said she doesn’t fully accept it but she’ll support us anyways.”
Yamaguchi threw his arms around Tsukishima and hugged him tightly. Tsukishima wrapped his arms back around the dark haired boy, squeezing him back just as tightly.
“I love you so much…” he murmured, shutting his eyes tightly.
Yamaguchi sniffed and gave Tsukishima’s torso a tight squeeze.
“I love you too, Tsukki.”
Tsukishima pulled away and gave him a tight hug then kissed his head.
“Go take a shower now,” he said. “I’ll find us a movie to watch.”
Yamaguchi nodded and picked the pajamas up off the bed then walked to the bathroom. Tsukishima walked over to his shelf and started looking through movies. He knew Yamaguchi liked Disney and Pixar movies, but he didn’t have many of those so he wasn’t sure what movie his boyfriend would want to watch. Jurassic Park made him cry, but then so did The Good Dinosaur and a number of other movies so Tsukishima was never sure what to pick.
They were both fairly happy at the current moment so he didn’t want to pick a movie that would end up ruining their mood. On top of that he had heard it was supposed to storm and Yamaguchi was afraid of thunderstorms so thunder and lightning on top of a movie that makes him cry wouldn’t be good. He would just end up staying up and whimpering all night. Tsukishima didn’t mind taking care of Yamaguchi, but he wanted him to get some sleep. He’d been so stressed and sad lately and he needed to let his body recuperate.
Eventually, Tsukishima gave up and pulled Netflix up on his computer. He decided he would just let Yamaguchi pick and go with whatever he wanted. He grabbed his pajamas and headed to his parent’s room to shower, shoving away the temptation to go climb in with Yamaguchi as he passed his own bathroom.
Twenty minutes later Tsukishima was finally done with his shower. He started walking back to his room and he heard muffled singing coming from inside.
“‘Stop being such a freak, nobody wants you here’ that’s what they said to me. “There's something wrong with you, why don't you disappear?” That's what they said to me. Why should we all be stereotypes? Why don't we all just stand up and fight? In my blood, in my veins, in my heart, I know what’s right for me.”
Tsukishima furrowed his eyebrows. He couldn’t hear any music and Yamaguchi didn’t usually sing so he was a bit confused as to what was going on. He recognized the song, but he couldn’t quite place what it was either. Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi would be embarrassed if he knew he heard him singing, so he stayed quiet and tried to listen closer.
“So I refuse to apologize for who I am and I refuse to ever let somebody say I can't. I refuse, I refuse, I refuse. I refuse, I refuse, I refuse. So I refuse to let the words you say get to me and I refuse to keep on suffering quietly. I refuse, I refuse, I refuse. I refuse, I refuse, I refuse. So I refuse.”
Yamaguchi hummed softly and then started singing again.
“‘You'll never make it far; you're just a hopeless case.’ That's what they said to me. “How can I make it clear? You're just a big mistake.” That's what they said to me. You don't control me, this is my life. When will you wake up and open your eyes. In my blood, in my veins, in my heart, I know what's right for me!”
Yamaguchi started dancing and Tsukishima held back a chuckle at the sight of his boyfriend hopping around the room.
“So I refuse to apologize for who I am and I refuse to ever let somebody say I can't! I refuse, I refuse, I refuse. I refuse, I refuse, I refuse. So I refuse to let the words you say get to me and I refuse to keep on suffering quietly. I refuse, I refuse, I refuse. I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!”
He wiggled his hips slightly, quickly folding up his clothes and laying them on Tsukishima’s desk.
“No matter what you think you won't decide my fate. I can do anything, no matter what you say. Cause in my blood, in my veins, in my heart, I know what's right for me. So I refuse to apologize for who I am and I refuse to ever let somebody say I can't.
Tsukishima squeezed in the room, watching Yamaguchi dance around it and sing, his volume having gone up significantly since he started.
“I refuse, I refuse, I refuse. I ref—”
Yamaguchi squeaked and stopped when he turned around and saw Tsukishima standing there. He blushed profusely and covered his face.
“Sorry, Tsukki!” he cried.
“What happened to refusing to apologize for you are?” he smirked.
Yamaguchi whined softly and turned around, throwing himself down on the bed. Tsukishima chuckled softly and sat down next to him.
“You should sing more often,” he said. “You looked like you were having fun.”
“I was until you came in.”
“Not like that!” Yamaguchi cried.
He turned over, shifting his body so that his head was lying in Tsukishima’s lap. Tsukishima put his hand in Yamaguchi’s hair and started to twirl his dark locks around his fingers. Tsukishima knew is comforted Yamaguchi and he liked it too because Yamaguchi had such soft hair and the way he would nuzzle against his hand sometimes reminded Tsukishima of a puppy.
“Then how is it like?”
“I just get embarrassed whenever people see me.”
“I can’t dance.”
“So? Neither can I.”
“Yamaguchi, I’m a fucking giant.”
Yamaguchi giggled and nodded.
Tsukishima rolled his eyes and Yamaguchi shifted again to look up at him. He placed his hand gently on Tsukishima’s cheek and stared up at him, a small smile finding its way onto his lips.
“Excuse you,” he sassed. “There is no need to roll your eyes at me.”
Tsukishima scoffed and Yamaguchi moved his hand, poking his nose.
“You know you love me.”
“Of course you do.”
“Hmm, are you sure about that?”
“Good.” Tsukishima smiled.
He leaned down and kissed Yamaguchi, who immediately sat up some, leaning into the kiss and making it a bit rougher. Tsukishima kissed back with equal force and after a moment he began to nibble on Yamaguchi’s bottom lip, groaning when he pulled away.
“No, no, not until the cast comes off.”
Tsukishima pouted and Yamaguchi smirked.
“You know you still love me.”
Tsukishima chuckled softly.
“I’ll always love you, Tadashi.”
Yamaguchi grinned and pecked Tsukishima’s lips.
“Good.” He said. “I’ll always love you too.”
Thank you for reading, I love you all.
Chapter 24: Perfectly Perfect
There's so much fluff in this chapter I think I got a cavity writing it.
Nobody answered my question last chapter: would anyone be interested in reading a Punk!Tsukki and Pastel!Yama fic? I kind of want to write one, but if no one would read it then there wouldn't be a point to it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The next morning Tsukishima woke up with Yamaguchi latched tightly onto his body. His arms were wrapped around Tsukishima’s chest and his legs were around his waist, clutching onto him like a koala. He tried to move, but Yamaguchi only shifted with him, causing Tsukishima to groan softly. As much as he loved Yamaguchi, he was uncomfortable and he really had to pee. He moved again, making sure Yamaguchi didn’t wake up before carefully untangling his boyfriend’s limbs from his body. Tsukishima stood up and stretched then left his room and headed to the bathroom.
When he returned he found Yamaguchi in the same position he had left him except now instead of Tsukishima’s body, Yamaguchi was clutching his pillow. His mouth was open slightly and a small trail of drool was making its way down his chin. Tsukishima grabbed a tissue and gently cleaned off Yamaguchi’s face then closed his mouth. He discarded the tissue in his trashcan and grabbed his phone. He turned his music on low and began to clean up his room.
You might not think you're a supermodel, but you look like one to me.
Tsukishima smiled to himself. He was never one to like love songs, he always found the cliché and sometimes they were so overly sweet it made him feel physically ill. However, he couldn’t deny that Perfectly Perfect was a good song. Unlike other love songs that were more about dates and some lovesick male pining after some debatably perfect girl, this one was about a girl who didn’t see herself as perfect and a guy who did. She had insecurities and the guy knew what they were but those were what he loved about her.
I'd rather have your picture on my phone than on the cover of a magazine. It's hard to think that a girl like you could have any insecurities. It's funny how all the things you would change, are all things that are cute to me.
The song always reminded him of Yamaguchi. His freckles covered his face and it was no secret that they were one thing Yamaguchi hated most about himself; Tsukishima loved them though. He always thought they made him look cute.
And I know you don't believe me and you think that I'm a fool, but I don't care. Maybe you'll never see in you what I see, the little things you do that make me go crazy, I'm not crazy, you're perfectly perfect to me.
Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi didn’t believe him when he said he was cute or adorable, but he still told him anyways. He knew deep down it meant a lot to Yamaguchi to hear those words, especially whenever they were coming from Tsukishima. Everything Tsukishima said meant a lot to Yamaguchi and while that meant he had to be a lot more careful with joking around, it also meant that Yamaguchi took the nice things he said and did to heart.
You brush it off every time I tell you your smile lights up the room and I'm guessing that you don't even notice the whole world notices you.
Tsukishima started singing along, mumbling the words softly under his breath. At the same time, Yamaguchi woke up. He opened his eyes and saw Tsukishima then closed them back and pretended he was still asleep. Tsukishima was very prideful and he would never want anyone, even Yamaguchi, listening to him sing. Yamaguchi knew this was most likely a onetime opportunity though so he stayed quiet and listened to Tsukishima mumble the words.
You think you're clumsy, I think you're cool. You say you're typical, but I think you rule. Sometimes I wonder if you'll ever believe that I wrote this song for you. Maybe you'll never see in you what I see, the little things you do that make me go crazy, I'm not crazy, you're perfectly perfect. Someday you're gonna see you're beautiful this way and that you're always gonna make me go crazy, I'm not crazy, you’re perfectly perfect to me.
Tsukishima smiled and started to straighten up his dinosaurs.
You don't have to try, change a single thing cause just the way you are is sweeter than anything. Maybe I’m a fool but it’s always been you, cause no one ever makes me smile the way you do. Maybe you'll never see in you what I see, the little things you do that make me go crazy, I'm not crazy, you're perfectly perfect. Someday you're gonna see you're beautiful this way and that you're always gonna make me go crazy, I'm not crazy, you’re perfectly perfect to me.
Tsukishima finished straightening his shelves and sighed softly. He wasn’t usually pessimistic, but he couldn’t help but feel like something bad was going to happen soon. A lot of bad things happened at once and now things were slowly and steadily getting better. Part of him just kept saying that they couldn’t stay like this forever. In elementary school science class he learned that what goes up must come down. Balloons, rollercoasters, planes, balls, and elevators; everything that goes up eventually comes back down so he assumed that meant moods and people did the same. He didn’t want that to be the case and he was terrified of what would happen if it was.
He sighed softly and moved back to his bed. He sat down next to Yamaguchi, moving his legs out in front of him and leaning back on the headboard. He put his hand on Yamaguchi’s head, running his fingers gently through his hair. He smiled as Yamaguchi nuzzled against his hand and Tsukishima moved his other hand, gently reaching down and placing it on top of Yamaguchi’s.
“So…” he said quietly. “You’re asleep which means that I can talk to you and tell you things and not have to worry about you hearing them. I know that sounds stupid but there are just some things that I want you to know but I’m also a little scared of you hearing. It’s nothing bad, I’m just… not good with feelings and if you can’t hear me then it doesn’t matter if I fuck up because you won’t know what I said to begin with.”
He sighed and shook his head.
“I fuck up a lot around you, you know that?” Tsukishima mumbled. “You just make me so nervous sometimes and I try to impress you and I just end up fucking it all up. I don’t even know why I try and impress you though because you like me or else we wouldn’t be dating and we wouldn’t even be friends. I guess it’s because everyone thinks I’m an asshole and you’re really the only one who’s ever seen the good in me. You’ve always seemed to think I’m amazing and I don’t even understand why because I’m such a dick sometimes… you see how I am with other people and how I treat Kageyama and Hinata and you still love me. I’m grateful for it, really I am, I just don’t understand why sometimes. I guess that’s why I try to impress you. Sometimes I feel like if I don’t then you won’t love me anymore. Ha, who would’ve thought, the great Tsukishima Kei has insecurities.”
Yamaguchi wanted to open his eyes and tell Tsukishima that wasn’t the case, but he knew if he did that then Tsukishima would shut down and Yamaguchi really wanted to know all the things Tsukishima had to say but wouldn’t tell him otherwise.
“By the way, that was sarcasm, of course I have insecurities. I’m a fucking tree and everyone hates me. I act like I don’t care and I don’t most of the time but sometimes it really gets to me. You’re my best friend and I love you so much and I’m grateful to have you but sometimes I do wish I had another friend. Just one or two, you know? It just sucks being so alone sometimes… that week that you avoided me was a living hell. I was so worried about you and it hurt me so much. It was like back before we met except worse because at least then I had always been alone but now, or rather then, I had you for so long and I knew what it was like to have someone and then I lost you and fucking hell that was the worst week of my life. I thought I had lost you forever. Then on top of that you texted me saying goodbye! I thought I was going to die.”
Tsukishima took a shaky breath in. he felt like he was going to start crying if he kept talking about this, but he knew he needed to get all of his feelings out. He couldn’t talk about these things whenever Yamaguchi was awake and he didn’t know when he would have the chance to talk about them again because this was the longest Yamaguchi had slept in a long time.
“Yamaguchi, you don’t know what that did to me… I was a sobbing mess. I never want to ask for help, but I had to ask Sugawara-san to take me to the hospital. I had to be there for you. They pumped your stomach to get all the pills you took out of your system. You still weren’t awake whenever they let me come see you and I was freaking out. I had never seen you so motionless and… and… lifeless… I didn’t know what was going to happen next. I just wanted you to be okay. I was also mad at myself because you were practically dying and you wouldn’t have been in that situation if I had just left you alone whenever you asked me to. I was also mad for not telling you that I loved you sooner than I did. Which, I guess you more just figured it out because I’m an idiot and almost let it slip a dozen times.”
“I’m sorry that I made you mad whenever I wouldn’t stop trying to see your stomach. Saying that now it kind of sounds both perverted and a bit like assault. I just, Yama, you have no idea what it was like when I walked into your room and saw you curled up in the corner crying and all beaten and bruised. I literally felt my heart break. You wouldn’t tell me what happened either and then whenever you came to school with a broken arm I freaked out even more and you didn’t tell me why it happened and I know if you were awake then you would insist that you did tell me, but lying about what happened doesn’t count as telling me. I know you just wanted to hide it, but I was worried and you should have told me. I knew you were lying but I was also scared to accuse you of lying because I didn’t want you to shut down and shy away from me. I just love you so much, Tadashi and seeing you hurt also makes me hurt. Don’t even get me started on what went through my head whenever I walked in and saw you naked on your bed. You were sobbing and cut and bruised and clearly in pain and I didn’t know what happened but I wanted to kill whoever did that to you.”
Tsukishima moved his hand slightly and slipped it into Yamaguchi’s. He gently laced their fingers together and gave his hand a soft squeeze.
“I promised myself a long time ago that I would take care of you and keep you safe no matter what. Remember that time last year where you told me someone was being mean to you and that he pushed you into the lockers and you hit your head? The next day I came to school with bruised knuckles and you asked me what happened. I just ignored you and I’m sorry for that, I try not to ever do that, but I didn’t want you to know. I wasn’t exactly proud of what I did. I had a little chat with the guy that hurt you. I know my knuckles looked back, but he looked even worse. Luckily we were only fourteen because I’m pretty sure I could be arrested for physical assault otherwise. Your dad could be, I’m sure you know that, and I want to tell you but I also don’t want you to go through the pain of losing your dad. It might be for the better because having him hurt you is much worse than him being in prison, but it’s still a lot to go through. You might not admit it, but you’re sensitive. You cry at so many things and that isn’t a bad thing; for us I think it’s a good thing because we balance each other out. So I’m sure it would be hard on you. I know you see the good in everyone too so I’m sure you would see the good things he’s done like taking us to the zoo when we were little. You never told me how long it has been going on; you just said he was upset because you told him you were bisexual.”
Tsukishima laughed nervously.
“And about that… I found that out when you were I the hospital and tired and half-high on drugs. I asked you what was going on because that was the only way I would be able to find out. I’m sorry that I manipulated you. I was just so worried and I knew that you wouldn’t tell me any other way. I’m really sorry that I did that. I just worry about you so much and I know I’ve said that like a hundred times now but it’s true and I can’t stress it enough and I can never express how much I care about and love you. I try really hard to, but it’s just hard and that’s why I have to take moments like these to do it. I know I would never be able to tell you all of this stuff to your face. Technically, I guess all of this is to your face, but you’re asleep so you can’t hear me so it doesn’t matter.”
“Anyways… I just want you to know that you mean the world to me. I’ve been in love with you for so long and I swear that’s never going to change. Yeah, you’re my only friend but you’re also my best friend and as cheesy and cliché and un-Kei-like this sounds, you’re also the best thing to ever happen to me. You see the better side of me and sometimes I may hate that you turn me into a pile of mush whenever we’re together, I wouldn’t ever trade you or our relationship for anything in the world. You see the good in me and you treat me well and whenever I’m upset you talk to me and make sure I’m okay and even when I should be doing that for you instead. You put me before yourself and I’ll never understand how I got so lucky because you’re one of a kind and you’re so damn amazing and I could never ask for or imagine anyone better than you and I couldn’t never even dream of loving someone else because you just mean so much to me and I just love you so fucking much Yamaguchi.”
Tsukishima took a deep breath and let it out again.
“You’re the kindest and most generous person that I have ever met and sometime you’re a nervous wreck and sometime you freak out about little things like you did at dinner last night but every time I remind you to breathe and that I’m there you calm down and you seem to trust me wholeheartedly and that means so much to me because nobody trusts me so I’m really glad that you do and I hope you know that I trust you as well and I would never do anything to hurt you and I would do anything and everything to make you happy because whenever you’re happy then I’m happy and I also just love seeing you smile because whenever you smile it’s like the sun and it warms my heart so much and I feel so lame and cheesy saying that but it’s true! You’re so special, Yams, and you mean more to me than absolutely anything. I never want to lose you. I know dating is a little bit of a risk for most friends but I’m one hundred percent sure that we can do it because we’re us and there isn’t anything that you can’t do because once you put your mind to something then you give it your all and you achieve what it is you wanted and I’m so proud for how far you’ve come in volleyball and in school too and I know you’ve always been smart but you don’t let people who make fun of you and call you a nerd bother you anymore and maybe that’s because I have your back now and you know I’ll protect you but you still take pride in how smart you are and I think that shows how far you’ve come. I know we’re young, but I’m sure that we have a great future ahead of us and not just in school but also for us together and I just want to spend the rest of my life with you because you’re amazing and so fucking great and you’re my best friend and the light of my life and the reason that I get out of bed every morning and I’m just really glad that I get to call you both my best friend and my boyfriend. I love you so fucking much Yamaguchi Tadashi and I promise with every fiber of my being that nothing you do or say will ever change that. You were years ago, are now, and will always be the love of my life.”
Tsukishima sighed, happy for have gotten all of that off his chest. He brought Yamaguchi’s hand up to his lips and kissed it softly.
“Now wake up, you’ve been sleeping forever and I’m getting lonely.”
Yamaguchi shifted slightly. It had been hard for him to stay still and quiet the whole time, but he knew getting up wasn’t an option. He was glad he had stayed quiet though because not only did he get to hear Tsukishima sing, he also got to listen to Tsukishima basically pour his heart out to him which he knew wouldn’t be something that would happen every again.
“Mornin’ Tsukki.” Yamaguchi murmured.
“How did you sleep so long?”
Yamaguchi giggled softly, making Tsukishima raise his eyebrows.
“What’s so funny?”
Yamaguchi shifted slightly and crawled up into Tsukishima’s lap. He turned to look at him, straddling his lap. Yamaguchi took off Tsukishima’s classes and folded them, placing them on the bedside table.
“You should take your glasses off sometimes.” He said. “You have such pretty eyes.”
“S-s-shut up.” He mumbled. “I need them to see.”
“What about contacts?”
“No thank you.”
“Why not?” Yamaguchi asked. “Then I could see your pretty brown eyes.”
Tsukishima blushed and Yamaguchi leaned in and kissed him softly.
He ran his hand through Tsukishima’s blonde locks.
“Did you know…?”
“Did I know?”
“That I think you’re amazing.”
“I did know.”
Tsukishima gently ran his hands up Yamaguchi’s sides, making him shudder.
“Can we maybe…?”
“Not until your cast comes off, remember?”
“Tsukki, you pervert, I wanted to go get breakfast!”
Yamaguchi held back a laugh and Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“You love me.”
Tsukishima sighed happily and nodded, a small smile spreading across his face.
“I do,” he said. “I love you more than anything in the world.”
“I love you too.”
“Do you now?”
Yamaguchi grinned and kissed Tsukishima gently.
“I, Yamaguchi Tadashi, love you, Tsukishima Kei.”
“And I, Tsukishima Kei, love you, Yamaguchi Tadashi.”
Yamaguchi laughed softly and pecked his lips again.
“I love you more though.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s impossible.”
“Are you sure?”
The song in the chapter is Perfectly Perfect by Simple Plan
Chapter 25: Day in with Disney
I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter to you guys, I'm struggling a bit. I'm doing a lot better mentally and emotionally, but finals were this week so I was busy and I also couldn't think of anything to write for this chapter. On top of that I hurt my wrist and it's in a brace so it's kinda hard to type and it took a long time to get this written.
Anyways, it's very fluffy!
Also, the prologue for my Punk!Tsukki and Pastel!Yama fic is going up today (by the time you read this it will be up) and it's called Beauty and the Beast! I hope you read and enjoy that too :)
“Can we watch movies today?” Yamaguchi asked.
Yamaguchi put his dishes in the sink and stretched his arms above his head. His shirt rose up a bit and Tsukishima couldn’t help but glance at his boyfriend’s tanned stomach. His mind trailed off, drifting to thoughts of him and Yamaguchi and everything that would happen once his cast was removed.
“There!” Yamaguchi gasped making Tsukishima smirk.
He kissed Yamaguchi roughly, both boys moaning against the other’s lips.
Tsukishima smirked, finding pleasure in the fact that he was able to make Yamaguchi swear. He had always been rather innocent, but Tsukishima learned quickly that that changed when they were together.
Yamaguchi gasped again and Tsukishima trailed his kisses down Yamaguchi’s neck. He bit at the skin and sucked on it, eliciting a moan twice as loud as before.
“Mmm Kei.” Yamaguchi moaned.
Tsukishima jumped a Yamaguchi yelled, breaking him away from his thoughts.
“What were you thinking so hard about?”
Tsukishima blushed and looked away.
“Mhm,” Yamaguchi said. “Whatever you say, Tsukki.”
“I have to do something really quickly; you go ahead to the den.”
Yamaguchi nodded and made his way to the other room. Tsukishima jumped up and ran to the bathroom, quickly splashing water on his face in order to shake away the thought from earlier. He didn’t know why it was driving him crazy so much now. He hadn’t cared about sex at all before but now that Yamaguchi has gotten more touchy-feely and he seems to want it, it’s made Tsukishima want it too.
“Coming!” he yelled back.
He shook his head.
“Fuck…” he muttered.
He splashed more water on his face and dried it off then left the bathroom and made his way back into the den. He sat down on the couch and Yamaguchi immediately cuddled close to him.
“I love you, Tsukki.”
“I know, Yams.” He said softly. “I love you too.”
Yamaguchi smiled and leaned his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder.
“Why?” he asked.
“Why do you love me?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
He quieted down again and turned his attention back to the television where Aladdin had started to play.
“Why do you always pick Disney movies?”
“I like them.” He said. “Don’t you?”
“Then why do you watch them?”
“You like them,” he said. “So I don’t mind watching them with you.”
“So you don’t like them but you watch them with me?”
“Because you want to watch them.”
Yamaguchi smiled and wrapped his arms around Tsukishima tightly.
“I love you so much.”
Tsukishima smiled and kissed Yamaguchi’s head.
Yamaguchi giggled softly and sat up a bit straighter.
“I almost picked Big Hero 6 but I didn’t think that you would want to watch that again since we just watched it with Kuroo and Kenma the other day.” Yamaguchi said. “They’re really nice, you know? Kenma is quiet but he’s really smart and Kuroo is nice. He always says hi to me and he makes sure nobody else is mean to me.”
Tsukishima smiled, making a mental note to thank Kuroo for keeping his promise later on.
“Good.” He said.
“But Big Hero 6 is a really good movie.”
“Why do you always cry whenever you watch it though?”
“It’s sad. Someone dies.”
“But you don’t even have time to get attached to him.”
“But you also cry through the whole movie, not just the beginning.”
“Baymax technically dies too.”
“Hiro rebuilds him though.”
Tsukishima got quiet and Yamaguchi spoke up again.
“I’m afraid to die in a fire.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Hiro’s brother dies in a fire.”
“But what does that have to do with anything?” Tsukishima asked.
“His name is Tadashi!”
“But that doesn’t mean you’ll die in a fire.”
“There’s also a Yama! Yama and Tadashi!”
“That still doesn’t mean the same thing will happen to you.”
“I know, I just get scared.”
Tsukishima squeezed Yamaguchi gently.
“You’ll be alright,” he said. “I’m always going to be around to protect you. I love you and I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you.”
“Just good things?”
“Just good things.”
“Thank you, Tsukki.”
“Just for loving me, I guess.”
Tsukishima kissed Yamaguchi’s head again and smiled.
“I’m never going to stop.”
“Not even in a hundred years?”
“Not even in a thousand years.”
Yamaguchi grinned and squeezed Tsukishima gently.
“I love you.”
“I love you more.”
Chapter 26: Date Night
Very long chapter this time! It was like 20 pages in Microsoft Word.
“How’s Yamaguchi doing?”
“As long as he’s doing well then I guess I am too.”
Suga smiled and gave Tsukishima’s back a soft pat.
Tsukishima sighed softly and nodded. He didn’t really want to be there right now, he just wanted to be home. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Sugawara, he did, in fact the two had gotten closer since Yamaguchi’s incident. Tsukishima still didn’t really consider them to be friends but he was glad someone cared enough to check on him and not just Yamaguchi.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.” He smiled. “I’m always here to help.”
“How do you—”
Daichi kissed Suga’s head then sat down next to him.
“What are we talking about?”
“Nothing.” Tsukishima sighed. “It isn’t important.”
“Are you sure?” Suga asked. “You seemed really serious a minute ago.”
“Yeah…” he mumbled. “It’s dumb.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t dumb.”
“Oh well it still doesn’t matter.”
“Where’s Yamaguchi today?” Daichi asked.
“What? Is he alright?”
“He’s just there so they can make sure his arm is doing okay and that it’s healed enough to take the cast off.”
“Do you think he can get it off?”
“He should be able too.” Tsukishima said. “He hasn’t done anything to hurt it and I’ve carried his books and held doors and stuff to make sure he doesn’t strain it.”
“Aw, look at you being a good boyfriend.”
Tsukishima blushed and hid his face in his hands.
“Suga, don’t embarrass him.”
“I’m just saying! It’s sweet.”
Tsukishima was about to get up and leave when someone called his name.
He looked up to find Yamaguchi running towards him, his arm tucked into his jacket. He ran over to him and wrapped his arm around his neck, squeezing him gently. He sat down and kissed Tsukishima’s cheek, making the taller boy flush red.
“Remind you of anyone?” Suga teased.
Daichi rolled his eyes.
Suga giggled softly and leaned his head against Daichi’s shoulder.
“Why’re you sitting here today?” Yamaguchi asked.
He glanced towards the upperclassman and blushed slightly.
“None taken,” Suga said. “I asked him to come sit with us.”
“And you actually did?” Yamaguchi asked, slightly astonished.
“Well it was here or alone.”
“But if he’s not with me then Tsukki is always alone.”
Tsukishima shrugged and Yamaguchi smiled.
“Guess what though.”
Tsukishima grunted softly, glancing to Yamaguchi. He slipped his arm out of the jacket and held it up.
“No more cast!”
“That’s great!” Tsukishima cried. “I’m so happy for you.”
He wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi and hugged him tightly. Suga and Daichi stared at them in shock, exchanging quick glances. That was the most emotion either of them had ever seen Tsukishima show and they were fairly certain it was the most they had heard both him and Yamaguchi speak.
“How are you going to celebrate?”
Suga’s voice startled Tsukishima, making him jump back and hide his flushed face again.
“We’re going to ha—”
Tsukishima gave him a stern look and Yamaguchi frowned.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m making dinner.” Tsukishima said.
He glanced at Tsukishima, his eye sparkling. Tsukishima hated cooking so that alone was enough to make Yamaguchi’s heart soar. On top of that he rarely ever showed anything even close to affection unless they were alone so the fact that he was talking about this with Sugawara and Daichi around meant the world to him.
“So I get dinner?” Yamaguchi asked.
“That’s what I just said.”
Daichi coughed awkwardly.
“We’re still here, you know?”
Yamaguchi blushed and hid his face in his arms.
“Oops.” He mumbled.
Suga laughed softly.
“Maybe we should leave them alone for a bit.” He said. “Come on, Dai.”
“Really?” Daichi whined. “You had to call me that in front of them?”
“Oh hush, you love me.”
Daichi sighed softly.
“Well who wouldn’t?”
Tsukishima waited for them to walk away then glanced around; making sure no one else was walking before taking Yamaguchi’s hand and lacing their fingers together.
Yamaguchi quickly looked up; knowing Tsukishima usually only used his first name when he had something important to say.
“You’re really strong.” He said. “I don’t know anyone who could go through everything that you have and still go through life with a smile on their face.”
“It’s easy whenever I have you.”
Tsukishima blushed and glanced away from Yamaguchi.
“So mushy.” He mumbled.
Yamaguchi giggled and pecked Tsukishima’s cheek.
“You love it.”
Yamaguchi grinned and gave Tsukishima’s hand a soft squeeze.
“So what’s the plan then?”
“My parents have something to go to tonight so they’ll be gone for a while.”
Yamaguchi’s stomach flipped upside down, nerves starting to eat away at his insides. They had talked about this a while ago and he had teased Tsukishima plenty of times since then but none of those times seemed as real as all of it did now.
“I don’t know if my brother will be home or not.”
Yamaguchi relaxed a bit. If Akiteru was home then Tsukishima wouldn’t want to do anything. They could just put it all off until they were alone and more ready.
“I figured I would make dinner for us though and we could just watch a movie or something and then you could stay over again…”
“That sounds nice.” He said softly.
“Hey, are you okay?” Tsukishima asked.
“Just, uh, sleepy.”
“Are you lying to me?”
Tsukishima sighed softly, letting go of Yamaguchi’s hand. Yamaguchi pouted and took his back, placing it gently on his knee then placing his own hand on top of it.
“So come to your house later tonight?”
“You aren’t going to go home with me?”
Yamaguchi shook his head.
“I still have to take medicine and my mom took that with her because I can’t have it at school so I have to go home to do that.” He said. “And I need to grab some clothes because you’re going through yours twice as fast with me borrowing them.”
“Alright,” Tsukishima said. “Text me before you come over then, okay?”
The two sat there for a moment, not saying anything. The bell rang and Yamaguchi leaned in, kissing Tsukishima quickly on the lips.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s get to class.”
Tsukishima stood up and took a deep breath. He hesitated then took Yamaguchi’s hand, holding it tightly in his. He looked at him and smiled slightly then the two headed off to class.
Tsukishima stood in the middle of his kitchen, his hands shaking slightly. To say he was nervous was an understatement, nervous went out the window the moment he saw Yamaguchi at school without his cast. He was scared, terrified even, and completely high-strung about what was probably going to happen that night.
Tsukishima jumped, almost knocking a glass off the counter.
“Kei, honey, are you alright?”
Mrs. Tsukishima walked up to him and gently touched the back of her hand to his forehead. She moved it to his cheeks and then back up to his forehead.
“Are you feeling okay? Your face is a bit warm.”
“Maybe we should stay home.” she said. “Your dad and I can reschedule the dinner with—”
“No!” Tsukishima cried. “I mean, no, you don’t have to do that.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. “Akiteru is going out as well so you’ll be here alone. Are you sure that you can take care of yourself?”
Tsukishima’s stomach flipped. He was tempted to tell his parents to stay home. Yamaguchi wouldn’t want to do anything unless they were alone. He knew if he did that though then he risked Yamaguchi hated him, or at least getting mad at him.
“I’ll be fine, mom.” Tsukishima said.
“Are you sure?”
“Alright, call us if you need anything, okay?”
“Is Yamaguchi coming over again?”
“I think. I don’t know when though.”
At least it’s not a total lie.
“Alright. I expect you two to behave.”
Tsukishima sighed, doing his best not to roll his eyes.
“We will, mom.”
“Your father and I will be back later tonight. You know all the emergency numbers and if you need us then we can come right back home and you can call your brother too and—”
“Mom!” Tsukishima cried. “I’ll be fine.”
She sighed softly, staring at her son for a moment before turning around.
“We’ll be back tonight.” She said.
Mr. Tsukishima walked downstairs and took his wife’s hand.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
Mrs. Tsukishima nodded.
“Goodnight, Kei. We’ll be back later.”
“Okay, bye.” He mumbled.
His parents left the house and he stayed there, leaning against the counter. He stood up and grabbed a glass and filled it with water, drinking half of it in one gulp. He took a deep breath then set it on the counter and started to gather the ingredients to make dinner. He wasn’t sure what Yamaguchi would want to eat and he wasn’t sure if he would like something more special tonight but he also didn’t want to ask. He didn’t want to risk making things a bigger deal than they actually were.
After an hour of wrecking his brain to find a dish he decided to just go with miso ramen. He made sure they had everything they needed to make it and then stood in the kitchen, running through various scenarios of how the night would go. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to have sex with Yamaguchi, he was just scared, he didn’t even know how to make it good. When he got home he went to his room and turned to google to answer his questions. He loved Yamaguchi and he wanted to make sure he knew how to do things properly.
The problem was that the further he googled then the more nervous he got. He knew he couldn’t turn Yamaguchi down because that would just upset him and it would make him think that Tsukishima didn’t love him anymore when that wasn’t the case. The last thing he wanted was to get into a fight with Yamaguchi right when everything was getting better.
Tsukishima jumped, narrowly avoiding cutting his finger. He turned around to face his brother, letting out a small breath.
“I’m going out,” he said. “I’ll be back later.”
Tsukishima nodded, his hands still shaking slightly.
“Hey…” Akiteru said softly. “Are you alright?”
“Yamaguchi coming over again?”
“Should I stay?”
“Mom said it was fine.”
“Are you making dinner for him?”
“Oh so that’s what this is about.”
“Well relax.” Akiteru chuckled. “If he doesn’t hate you know then he won’t after he tastes your cooking.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“Just go,” he said. “Have fun.”
“You too.” Akiteru said. “Behave.”
Akiteru left the house, leaving Tsukishima alone again. He resumed his cooking, putting the noodles on to boil and shifting his feet. He sat down to relax for a moment, leaning back and closing his eyes. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He repeated the process a few times and managed to calm himself down. He pushed his glasses up and stood up again, sitting back down as soon as his phone rang.
Yamaguchi: I’m on my way! My mom is dropping me off so that I can get there quicker.
Yamaguchi: I have a surprise for you once I get there
Well actually it’s for after we eat.
Tsukishima’s stomach twisted up. He hadn’t planned for things to escalate so quickly. He had hoped it would be a little while before they actually went up to his room and did anything.
Tsukishima: What is it?
Yamaguchi: Well if I told you then it wouldn’t be a surprise, now would it?
Tsukishima: I guess not
Yamaguchi: I promise you’ll love it though :)
Tsukishima sighed heavily and walked back to the stove to check on the food. He still wasn’t so sure why he was nervous. They had made out plenty of times and fooled around last weekend and they had made jokes about it plenty of times but now that the time had come he was more anxious than he had ever been.
He loved Yamaguchi and he knew he wanted to be with him forever. He had even told him that when he was sleeping. Yamaguchi made him want to be a better person. He made him actually feel things, things he never thought he would ever get the chance to feel, things he was sure he wouldn’t be feeling if they hadn’t met. Yamaguchi made him genuinely happy and that wasn’t something he had ever experienced before Yamaguchi. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Yamaguchi and he knew this was something he definitely wanted to do so he didn’t understand why the thought of it made him so anxious.
There was a knock at the door and Tsukishima took a deep breath before going to get it. He opened the door to reveal a widely smiling Yamaguchi.
“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi cried.
He dropped his bag and threw his arms around Tsukishima’s neck and hugged him tightly. Tsukishima wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi’s waist and held him for a moment. He took a breath in, inhaling the sweet smell of cinnamon and vanilla. Yamaguchi pulled away and picked up his bag. He turned and waved to his mother before following Tsukishima into the house.
“You can wait here; I’ll put your bag in my room.”
“Wait!” Yamaguchi cried.
Tsukishima sighed softly and turned away. Yamaguchi took something out of his bag and hid it behind his back then handed the bag to Tsukishima.
“Okay, now you can put it upstairs.”
Tsukishima nodded and took it, slowly walking up to his room. He put the bag on the foot of his bed and then slowly made his way back downstairs.
“It smells really good in here, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi said. “What are you making?”
Tsukishima chuckled softly.
“You’re so adorable.”
Yamaguchi’s eyes lit up and he grinned at Tsukishima.
“I just really like when you say things like that.”
Tsukishima smiled and stepped forward. He put his hand gently on Yamaguchi’s cheek and kissed him softly.
“I really love you.”
“I love you too, Kei.”
And just like that, all of Tsukishima’s nerves melted away. He knew that no matter what Yamaguchi loved him and as long as he had his freckle faced French fry then he knew everything would be okay.
“How are you?”
“I’m better now that I’m with you.”
“You love me.
“More than anything.”
Yamaguchi smiled and sighed happily.
“You make me really happy.”
“Good, I’m glad I do.”
The kitchen grew silent and the boys just stared at each other. Tsukishima wanted to speak, say something more about his love for Yamaguchi, but he stayed silent. Yamaguchi reached out and took Tsukishima’s hand, giving it a soft squeeze. When the timer went off he let go and Tsukishima turned around to check the food. He turned off the stove and got two bowls, filling them up with soup.
“What do you want to drink?” Yamaguchi asked, heading towards the cabinet.
“I have a glass of water on the counter.”
Yamaguchi nodded. He got a glass for himself and then took Tsukishima’s class, filling them both up with water. He set them on the table and then walked over to Tsukishima. He wrapped his arms around his waist and rested his head on his shoulder.
“Do you think…?”
“Do I think what?”
“Do you think it’s possible to be with someone forever?”
“Do you think that it would be possible for us to be?”
“I think it’s possible.”
“Do you want to be?”
Tsukishima set the bowls down and turned around. He put his hands on Yamaguchi’s shoulders and smiled at him.
“Yamaguchi Tadashi,” he began. “It would be my pleasure to spend forever with you.”
Yamaguchi’s face broke out into a grin and he pulled Tsukishima forwards, hugging him tightly.
“I love you so much, Kei.” He murmured.
Tsukishima smiled and kissed Yamaguchi’s head.
“I love you too, Tadashi.”
Yamaguchi pulled away and looked up at Tsukishima. He grabbed his collar and tugged him down, gently pressing his lips to Tsukishima’s. He pulled away and smiled up at his boyfriend.
“Are you ready to eat?”
“Yes, please. I’m starving!”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes and Yamaguchi stepped back. Tsukishima picked up their bowls and put them on the table then he took Yamaguchi’s hand and pulled out his chair.
“You’re so good to me.”
Tsukishima smiled and sat down next to Yamaguchi.
“Do you not like it?”
“No, I do.” Yamaguchi said. “It was just an observation.”
“Well I love you so of course I’m going to be good to you.”
“You love me a lot, huh?”
“More than you know.”
“You’re really great, Tsukki.”
“But I can’t even compare to you.”
“Who’s mushy now?” Yamaguchi teased.
“You love me.”
Tsukishima smiled and the two started eating, staying quiet until the meal was finished.
“Would you like your surprise now?”
“Let me clean up first.”
Yamaguchi sat at the table, patiently waiting as Tsukishima cleared the table and put away the extra food. He came back and sat down and Yamaguchi got up, walking over to the fridge and getting out a small box. He grabbed two forks and then sat back down at the table. He opened up the small box, revealing a large piece of strawberry shortcake.
“Hush!” he cried. “I wanted to do something nice for you.”
Yamaguchi put some of the cake on a fork and fed it to Tsukishima. He grinned and then took a bit himself.
“That’s really good.”
Yamaguchi giggled and stuck his tongue out at Tsukishima. He passed him the fork and the two shared the cake. Yamaguchi stabbed the strawberry with his fork and held it out to Tsukishima.
“You don’t want it?”
“I know it’s your favorite part so you can have it.”
Tsukishima smiled and leaned forward, taking the strawberry off the fork. Yamaguchi giggled softly and stood up, taking the trash and throwing it away. He put the forks in the dishwasher and then walked back over to Tsukishima and held out his hand.
“Is that what you want to do?”
“Then movies it is.”
He stood up and led Yamaguchi to the living room. He sat down on the couch and Yamaguchi sat down next to him. He cuddled close and looked up at Tsukishima.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
He wrapped he arm around Yamaguchi’s shoulder, making him cuddle even closer and rest his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder. Tsukishima squeezed him softly and leaned his head on top of Yamaguchi’s.
Halfway through the movie Yamaguchi started getting antsy. He leaned over and kissed Tsukishima’s cheek. He moved down a bit further, kissing below his ear and down his jaw. Tsukishima’s breath hitched.
“Y-Y-Yama…” he murmured. “Maybe we should…”
“Go upstairs?” Yamaguchi asked.
Yamaguchi jumped up and took Tsukishima’s hand. He pulled him up the stairs and into the bedroom, shutting the door behind them. Yamaguchi pressed Tsukishima against the door and kissed him roughly. He felt Tsukishima’s arms snake around his waist and pull him closer. Yamaguchi slowly started to grind into Tsukishima, earning him a muffled moan. Tsukishima grabbed Yamaguchi and flipped them around so he was on top. He pushed Yamaguchi into the door, grinding into him roughly. He trailed his kisses down his neck and bit down on the skin, sucking softly. Yamaguchi moaned loudly, moving his hands up to Tsukishima’s hair and gripping it tightly.
Tsukishima kissed him roughly, moving his hands to pull at Yamaguchi’s shirt. Yamaguchi pushed him away and took off his shirt. Tsukishima pulled his off and threw it on the floor. He opened his mouth to speak but Yamaguchi pulled him back and reconnected their lips. He slipped his tongue into Tsukishima’s mouth and wrapped it around Tsukishima’s. He sucked softly, earning him another satisfied moan.
Yamaguchi moved his hands down and started to unbutton Tsukishima’s pants. He pushed them down slightly and they quickly fell to the floor. Tsukishima stepped back to get out of his pants, making sure not to break the kiss. Yamaguchi pulled his own pants down and pushed Tsukishima backwards as he stepped out of them. He pushed Tsukishima back towards the bed, only breaking the kiss to prevent from falling. Yamaguchi stared at Tsukishima, breathing heavily.
“Fuck…” Tsukishima swore.
Yamaguchi giggled softly. He sat down next to Tsukishima and let out a breath.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I brought things in my bag.” Yamaguchi said. “You have to uh…”
He blushed and covered his face. He reached down and took a small bottle out and passed it to Tsukishima.
“You have to put that on your fingers and stretch me before we do anything else. Otherwise I could get hurt real bad. Then you have to put it on yourself too because, well, for the same reason.”
“How do you know this?”
“I did some research when I went home last night.”
Yamaguchi’s face flushed more and he covered it with his hands. Tsukishima pulled his hands down and leaned over, kissing him again. Yamaguchi eagerly kissed back, leaning back onto the bed. He moved back, pulling Tsukishima with him. Tsukishima shifted, straddling Yamaguchi. He grinded into him slowly and started kissing down his neck. Yamaguchi moaned, making Tsukishima smirk and bite down on the skin.
“Tsukki, shit!” Yamaguchi cried.
His hips bucked up against Tsukishima’s, making him moan against Yamaguchi’s neck. Tsukishima moved to a new spot, biting down and sucking hard. He pulled back for a second and blew on the bruise, making Yamaguchi shiver.
“Kei,” he gasped. “I need you so bad.”
Tsukishima sat up and Yamaguchi stared at him.
“Just… fuck me.”
Tsukishima raised his eyebrows.
He gave a small nod and pulled down Yamaguchi’s boxers. Tsukishima’s breath hitched and he stared at him.
“Fuck, you’re so beautiful…”
Yamaguchi blushed and covered his face.
“You need to take those off.” He mumbled.
Tsukishima took a deep breath and nodded. He slowly slipped out of his boxers, butterflies filling his gut. They had never seen each other like this before and the thought of Yamaguchi not loving the way he looked naked made his inside churn.
Tsukishima looked up to find Yamaguchi sitting up on the bed again.
“I think you’re beautiful too.”
Tsukishima smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Yamaguchi’s lips. Yamaguchi broke away and laid back down, hesitating before spreading his legs. Tsukishima picked up the lube and uncapped it, squirting some onto his fingers. He pushed on finger in and Yamaguchi squealed. Tsukishima stopped and Yamaguchi tried to push down on his fingers.
Tsukishima nodded and pushed his finger in further. After Yamaguchi relaxed he added a second one. He curled his fingers slightly and Yamaguchi moaned, gripping the sheets tightly. Remembering what he read earlier, Tsukishima scissored his fingers slightly. He was still a bit nervous about hurting Yamaguchi, but he seemed to be enjoying it so Tsukishima relaxed. He added a third finger, earning him a louder moan.
“No more.” Yamaguchi said. “Fuck me, please.”
Tsukishima nodded. Yamaguchi seemed to want this more than anything else. Tsukishima pulled out his fingers and picked up the lube again. He coated himself in the lube then lined himself up correctly. He was shaking again, his nerves taking over once more.
Tsukishima glanced at Yamaguchi.
“Are you alright? Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I’m just nervous.”
“Tsukki, I love you no matter what.”
“Just take your time if you need to.”
Tsukishima nodded again. He took a deep breath and then slowly pushed into Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi moaned and reached up, grabbing onto Tsukishima’s biceps.
“Tell me when it’s okay.”
Tsukishima started moving, he thrusted slowly at first and then began to pick up speed as he understood more of what he was doing. Yamaguchi pulled him down, wrapping his arms around him and ran his hands down Tsukishima’s back. He gripped his ass, making him moan softly. Tsukishima kissed Yamaguchi roughly, quickly slipping his tongue into his mouth. Yamaguchi sucked on Tsukishima’s tongue, making him moan into his mouth.
Tsukishima grew more comfortable and started to speed up. He pulled out and slammed back into Yamaguchi, the sound of skin slapping filled the room. Tsukishima slammed against Yamaguchi’s prostate, making him moan loudly. He gripped the sheets tightly, his toes curling.
“Mmm Kei…” Yamaguchi moaned.
Tsukishima trailed his kissed down Yamaguchi’s jaw and to his neck again. He kissed his neck, moving down to his collarbone and sucking at the skin. Yamaguchi squeezed Tsukishima’s ass again, earning him a soft moan. He hit Yamaguchi’s prostate again, eliciting another loud moan from the dark haired boy.
“C-c-close!” Yamaguchi managed.
Tsukishima pulled out and slammed back in, hitting Yamaguchi’s prostate head on. Yamaguchi came and moaned Tsukishima’s name loudly.
“Kei!” he cried.
Hearing Yamaguchi’s moans mixed with his name threw Tsukishima over the edge and he came hard. They rode out their orgasms, Yamaguchi still holding tightly onto Tsukishima. He panted softly and pulled out, falling down next to Yamaguchi.
“That was great…” Yamaguchi murmured.
“I was worried it wouldn’t be good enough for you.”
“I just want things to be perfect for you.”
“Well that was perfect.”
“You’re not just saying that?”
“Of course not.”
Tsukishima shifted slightly and pulled Yamaguchi close to him, wrapping both arms around him and holding him tightly. Yamaguchi wrapped his arms and legs around Tsukishima, assuming his koala-like posture. Tsukishima chuckled softly and kissed Yamaguchi’s head.
“You’re so cute.”
Yamaguchi giggled and leaned up, kissing Tsukishima’s cheek gently.
“How was it for you?”
“How was what?” Tsukishima asked. “Oh right oops.”
“You’re kinda dumb sometimes and it’s really funny.”
“I said sometimes!”
“Well you’re mean sometimes.”
“Only to you.”
“Well that’s even more hurtful.”
“Yeah, but you won’t hate me for it.”
“How do you know?”
“You could never hate me.”
Yamaguchi laughed and rested his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder.
“How was it though?”
“It was good.” Tsukishima said. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
Yamaguchi shook his head.
“No, it felt really good.”
Tsukishima sighed happily and Yamaguchi cuddled closer. He traced small shapes on Tsukishima’s chest, smiling to himself.
“What are you grinning about?”
“Well, everything.” Yamaguchi said. “I’ve been in love with you since we were kids and now we’re actually together and I actually get to bring out your romantic and squishy side.”
“Shhh, don’t interrupt.”
“Sorry, go on.”
“But you helped me with my uncle and with my dad and you protect me from everyone else too. I know it’s you that talked to Kuroo and got him to look out for me.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Tsukki, don’t lie.”
“Okay, okay, fine.” Tsukishima said. “I did ask Kuroo to keep an eye on you, kind of. After your run in with Nekoma, I told him to keep his team in check.”
“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi cried. “He’s our upperclassman. You’re supposed to be nice to him.”
“I am nice.” Tsukishima said. “Well maybe not…”
“You’re nice to me but that’s basically it.”
“Well I’m still respectful.” Tsukishima said. “Until someone hurts or disrespects you and that’s what they did so I told him to watch his team and that if they hurt you then I was going to come after him and ever since then he’s been nicer and you haven’t been hurt again.”
“Kuroo talked to Bokuto who talked to Iwazumi.” Tsukishima said. “He promised to keep an eye on you.”
“Why do you always do that?”
“Get people to watch me.”
“It’s not like you’re a child—”
“I know, but why do you keep doing it?”
“I just want you to be protected.”
“You protect me.”
“But if I can’t always be with you then I need someone else to watch you and keep you safe and protected.”
“You’re so good to me…” he said softly.
“Of course.” He said. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi grinned. “Now how about round two?”
“What? Are you kidding me?”
Yamaguchi laughed and kissed his jaw.
“I’m just joking.” He said. “I’m sleepy. We can take a power nap and then go again.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“You love me.”
“More than anything.”
Yamaguchi smiled and cuddled close to Tsukishima.
Chapter 27: Break Up or Make Up
Why do people find the need to comment negative things? I work hard when I write and I make sure that it's good and well written. I make sure I update regularly to keep people happy yet they still find the need to comment negative things.
It's people like that who have made me both consider and actually quit writing.
Constructive criticism is one thing, being plain rude is other.
Keep your fucking negative comments to yourself. No one wants to hear it.
Tsukishima woke up the next morning, frowning as he found the spot next to him empty. He knew he sometimes complained about Yamaguchi’s Koala-like death grip, but he liked it. He didn’t want it to stop. He sat up, question why he was in bed completely naked then blushing as he remembered. He stretched as his body was a bit sore from the night before and then he grabbed a pair of boxers and sweatpants and slid them on before walking downstairs. He saw Yamaguchi at the sink washing out a pan and walked over to him, wrapping his arms around his waist.
“Morning…” Tsukishima murmured, pressing a kiss to Yamaguchi’s jaw.
Yamaguchi smiled and turned slightly to see Tsukishima.
“Good morning,” he grinned. “How do you feel?”
“Tired.” He replied. “Happy and a little sore but tired.”
Yamaguchi giggled softly.
“That makes two of us.”
Tsukishima paused. He had momentarily forgotten that Yamaguchi, being on the receiving end, would also be hurting today.
“Shhh, no, it’s a good hurt.” He said. “It was fun. You’re good at that.”
Tsukishima blushed, squeezing Yamaguchi a bit tighter.
“Tsukki,” he said. “Please don’t do that. I still have cuts and scars there.”
“Oh right… sorry…”
“It’s okay, just be careful.”
Tsukishima nodded and Yamaguchi turned off the water and dried his hands. He turned around, placing his hands on Tsukishima’s shoulders.
“I made breakfast.”
“I see that.”
“You made dinner so I wanted to cook for you too.”
“It looks really good.”
The kitchen got quiet for a moment and then Yamaguchi spoke up again.
“Tsukki, why didn’t you tell me you were sick?” he asked. “We could have waited.”
“What? I’m not sick.”
“When I got up to take a shower this morning your mom asked me if you were feeling any better. She said you were ill last night.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“What did you say?”
“I said you seemed fine when I came over but you got tired early so we went to bed early and that you were still asleep.”
“So she doesn’t know?”
“Kei, she barely approves of us.” Yamaguchi said. “Why would I tell her we had sex in her house?”
“I guess you wouldn’t…”
“I’m not mad, just…”
Please don’t say disappointed. Tsukishima thought.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wasn’t sick.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I wasn’t sick.” He said again. “I was in the kitchen to start working on dinner and my mom came in and I was shaking and apparently warm and pale because she asked if they should stay home.”
“Sure sounds like you were sick.”
“I was nervous, Tadashi.” Tsukishima said. “I was freaking out about what we were going to do. I had never even kissed anyone before you and I’m completely inexperienced.”
“Are you implying that I do have experience because of what’s happened to me?”
“What? No!” Tsukishima cried. “Yamaguchi, I would never say that!”
“Then what are you saying?”
Tsukishima could tell Yamaguchi was started to get angry. He had only seen Yamaguchi angry once and it was a terrifying experience. Tsukishima felt like he was going to start crying.
“You what, Tsukishima?”
Tsukishima’s heart cracked. He was surprised it didn’t actually make a noise.
“I was scared, okay?” Tsukishima said.
He was starting to shake and he was scared he was going to lose Yamaguchi again.
“You seemed so confident about it all and I didn’t know how to do a damn thing!”
“And you think I did?”
“Well you sure faked it well!”
They grew quiet again and Tsukishima rubbed at his eyes.
“Just forget it…” he said quietly.
He turned around and walked away, making his way back upstairs. He laid down on his bed, swallowing hard to hold back the tears. They fell down his face and he tried to keep as quiet as possible. He didn’t understand what had happened. He was just scared because Yamaguchi seemed so confident about everything and he didn’t know how to do anything. Yamaguchi had even come prepared for everything whereas he didn’t even think about the fact that they might need other things besides themselves.
“Fuck…” he swore, tears still running down his face.
He heard the door open and he held his breath, trying to hide that he was crying.
Yamaguchi’s voice was soft and Tsukishima hoped that the use of his nickname meant that Yamaguchi wasn’t as mad at him as he originally thought.
Tsukishima stayed quiet, shutting his eyes tightly. He felt the bed sink down and after a moment he opened his eyes he found Yamaguchi lying next to him.
“I’m really sorry, Kei…”
He reached over and brushed Tsukishima’s tears away with his thumb.
“I’m sorry for getting so upset. I guess I should have listened to you a little bit better than I did… I guess that since you mentioned doing it once I got my cast off then I assumed you were ready.”
“I wanted it to happen, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima said softly. “I was just nervous.”
“You seemed so confident and I had no idea what to do. I was scared I would hurt you or do something wrong or that you wouldn’t like it.”
“You shouldn’t worry about that.” Yamaguchi told him. “I love you and there isn’t anything you can do that’s going to change that.”
Tsukishima gave a small nod and sighed.
“I love you too.”
Yamaguchi leaned in and kissed Tsukishima gently. He kissed Yamaguchi back then pulled away, not saying anything else.
“I’m sorry for calling you Tsukishima. It isn’t right.”
Tsukishima chuckled softly.
Yamaguchi pecked Tsukishima’s lips again and he smiled.
“I love you.” Yamaguchi said.
“I love you more.”
Chapter 28: Late
I met Dan and Phil yesterday! They're so sweet and I cried as soon as I walked away. I love them so much.
I've been away from this story for a few days but I'm currently back. I'm struggling with writer's block so this is a pretty short chapter and I might be away again. The story is almost over anyways. I can't let it drag on forever and it's almost to chapter thirty and I think that's where I'm going to end it.
“Are you okay now?”
“Tell me the truth.”
Yamaguchi stared at him, his eyebrows scrunching in concentration.
“Alright,” he said softly. “Go take a shower.”
Tsukishima nodded and stood up. He took his uniform out of his closet and carried it with him to the bathroom. He turned on the water before taking off his boxers and stepping in. The warm water relaxed his muscles and helped his body loosen up from the previous night. He stood under the water, letting it run over his body for a few minutes before he started bathing. Once he got out he dried off and put on his uniform. He walked back to his bedroom where Yamaguchi was sitting quietly on the bed.
“Yeah, just thinking.”
“What about us?”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes.
“I figured that much out.”
He picked up his tie and put it on, turning it slightly before tying it. Yamaguchi looked at him and giggled softly before getting up and straightening it.
“It was all crooked.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I know, I just know you don’t really like to be touched.”
Tsukishima nodded and pulled away to put on his socks. He grabbed them from his drawer and sat down on his bed to put them on.
Yamaguchi spoke softly and slowly, almost as if he was scared of what he was about to say.
“You know how the other day I asked you why you love me?”
“And you said you’d tell me later?”
“You never told me.”
“And I want to know.”
“Why? Isn’t it just enough that I love you?”
“It’s just… I’m such a mess and I feel like such a bad person and my body is covered in scars and my hair sticks up everywhere and there are freckles all over my face and nobody ever talks to me because when they do I always panic and stutter and can’t form a coherent sentence and I’m not even good enough to be a starting player on the volleyball team and what if you find someone different or better or like what if—”
“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”
The dark haired boy flinched, a frown growing on his face.
He sniffed and turned away, taking a step towards the door to walk back downstairs. Tsukishima sighed and leaned forward, grabbing his hand and pulling him back. He pulled Yamaguchi down next to him on the bed and gently brushed his tears away with his thumb.
“I don’t want someone different.” Tsukishima said. “I want you. All of you. Your flaws and your mistakes and your imperfections. I want all of you and only you. I choose you now and I would choose you in the future. Over and over again without pause or hesitation, without a single doubt I would keep choosing you.”
“That doesn’t tell me why you love me.”
Tsukishima sighed heavily. He wasn’t much for public displays of affection and he hated talking about his feelings. It was hard enough to confess everything to him that he did the other night and he had made sure Yamaguchi was asleep then. He wasn’t asleep now and Tsukishima didn’t want to talk about anything because this time it would matter if he messed up, but he was afraid that if he didn’t then he was going to lose Yamaguchi.
“I just…” Tsukishima shrugged. “I just do.”
“Yeah, okay.” He mumbled.
He stared at the carpet for a moment then took a deep breath before speaking.
“Tadashi, you are by far the nicest person I have ever met. You make me want to be a better person because everyone loves you and everyone wants to be your friend and even half the volleyball team hates me.” Tsukishima said. “You’re the only one who seems to get my sense of humor and who understands when things are wrong. Everyone usually thinks things are wrong no matter what and that isn’t the case. If anyone should be worried the it should be me because I’m not that great of a person and I don’t always treat you as well as I should and I’m blunt and one day you’re going to find someone who you love more than me or who can give you things that I can’t and who can actually give you a family like you’ve mentioned wanting.”
“Don’t say that.” Yamaguchi said.
“Well it’s true. I can’t give you a family like you want and I probably don’t love you like I should.”
“Who says?” Yamaguchi asked again. “Who the fuck says that you don’t love me like you should? Who says love has to be a certain way?”
“Well everyone is wrong.”
“How do you know?”
“Because when it comes to our relationship the only opinion that matters is yours and mine.” Yamaguchi said. “Tsukki, you loved me when I didn’t even love myself. When I’m saying bad things you always tell me to stop and you tell me it isn’t true. Now you’re saying stuff that isn’t true! You love me and that’s what matters. There’s no right or wrong way to love someone. Who says you can’t give me a family either? There are plenty of babies who need to be adopted. They need a family and you don’t need a mom and a dad to be a family anyways. As long as we’re together, married I mean, then we’re a family.”
Tsukishima didn’t say anything so Yamaguchi took his hand and squeezed it.
“I love you and you love me and that’s all that matters.”
Tsukishima sighed softly.
“We’re late for school,” he muttered. “We should go.”
He stood up and his bag then walked downstairs. He slipped on his shoes and waited for Yamaguchi to join him. He opened the door and stared out, leaning his head on the cool glass of the screen door. It was nearing fall so the temperature was starting to drop.
He didn’t say anything so Yamaguchi sighed and put on his shoes then followed him out of the house. Tsukishima locked the door and the two started walking to school, neither of them saying anything. Yamaguchi wasn’t sure why Tsukishima seemed so upset but it hurt him to see such a painful look in his friend’s eyes. He would have thought that by reassuring Tsukishima that he loved him and that they did have a good relationship would make him feel better but it didn’t and Yamaguchi didn’t know what else to do.
By the time they got to school it was lunchtime. Tsukishima walked silently to the table in the courtyard where he sat with Daichi and Sugawara the day before. They sat down and he put on his headphones and put his head down. Suga looked to Yamaguchi who frowned and shrugged.
“He’s upset and I don’t know why.” He said. “I tried to talk to him and reassure him of thing but it didn’t work.”
Suga gave a small smile.
“He isn’t you, Yamaguchi. What works to make you feel better won’t always work for him.”
Yamaguchi sighed softly and nodded.
“Yeah…” he said softly. “I just don’t know what else to do.”
Chapter 29: Damage Control
Long chapter for you today! The next (and last) might be coming today as well. It just depends on how quickly I can get it written. I have it planned out, I just have to put it together. Brace yourself though, this one is kind of a wild ride.
“Tsukki, get dressed.”
“I am dressed.”
“No, I mean like…” Yamaguchi made circular movements in the air. “Not your uniform.”
“We’re going out.”
Tsukishima sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair.
“I don’t want to go out.”
“Get your lazy ass up and get dressed because I’m taking you out!” he cried.
Tsukishima’s eyes widened. Yamaguchi didn’t raise his voice at anyone, especially Tsukishima. He was too shy to talk, much less yell. Tsukishima could only recall one time where Yamaguchi had actually yelled at him, but even that was months ago.
“What are you waiting for?” Yamaguchi asked. “Get dressed!”
“Okay, okay, I’m going.”
Tsukishima got up and walked over to his closet. He took out a pair or black jeans and a blue tee shirt and silently left the room to go to his bathroom. Yamaguchi got up and grabbed a pair of jeans off the shelf in Tsukishima’s closet. Tsukishima always kept the clothes he outgrew on the shelf for Yamaguchi whenever he stayed over and didn’t have clothes of his own. Sometimes Yamaguchi staying over was in the spur of the moment instead of being planned so Tsukishima liked to make sure he had everything he needed.
Yamaguchi undressed and pulled on the jeans. He walked over to Tsukishima’s mirror and stared at his stomach. It was still covered in cuts and scars, but there were no new ones and the old ones were staring to look a lot better. Tsukishima made him put scar cream on them all to make them heal faster and it was helping. Part of Yamaguchi was happy, but the other part of him was both scared. Even if the scars went away completely, that didn’t take away his depression and anxiety and he was scared he would cave and create more.
Yamaguchi jumped at the sound of Tsukishima’s voice. He looked up and saw Tsukishima’s reflection in the mirror. He was standing by the door, looking towards Yamaguchi.
“Stop.” He said again.
“Thinking about how it’s healing and about getting worse.”
“How’d you know I was thinking about that?”
“Because I know you.”
“You weren’t even in here though and I was looking down. You couldn’t even see my face.”
“Doesn’t matter. I still know you.”
“No.” he said. “You’re doing great and it’s going to stay that way.”
“How do you know?”
“I do trust you, I just…”
“Don’t trust yourself?”
Tsukishima walked over to Yamaguchi and turned him around. When he glanced towards the floor, Tsukishima gently lifted his head to look him in the eyes.
“You’re going to be okay. You’re strong and I believe in you.”
Yamaguchi nodded slightly.
“I love you…” he said softly.
“I love you too,” Tsukishima said. “Now put on a shirt so we can get go.”
Yamaguchi nodded and walked back to Tsukishima’s closet. He pulled out a pterodactyl shirt from the back and slipped it over his head, smiling to himself as he turned around.
“Why not?” Yamaguchi pouted. “It’s cute!”
“We aren’t going out if you’re wearing that.”
“I am not.”
“I wearing it and you’re going to deal with it.”
Yamaguchi crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Tsukishima. He loved Tsukishima’s dinosaur shirts and he wore one every chance that he got and this time wasn’t going to be any different. Tsukishima stared right back, only giving up when he realized Yamaguchi wouldn’t.
“Okay, fine. Where the fucking shirt.”
He walked past Tsukishima and headed downstairs. He was a little hurt still as Tsukishima wasn’t treating him the same way he usually did, but it was better than him not speaking at all. He had hardly said a word until they got to his house after school and it was starting to take a toll on Yamaguchi. He knew he was shy, but he needed attention or he’d start to get lost in his head and that was whenever things go bad.
Yamaguchi sighed heavily and sat down on the floor to put his shoes on. He heard footsteps, but he knew it was Tsukishima so he didn’t bother looking up. The footsteps continued and then Yamaguchi saw a pair of black socks in front of him. He passed Tsukishima his shoes, still not saying anything, and stood up.
“You okay?” Tsukishima asked.
“Don’t lie to me.”
“Who says I am?”
“You said sure.”
“So? You say sure all the time.”
“You’re not me.”
“I still don’t see you point.”
“You always answer sure when you don’t want me to know the truth.”
“I just don’t get what your problem is?”
“Yes, your problem!” Yamaguchi cried. “You’ve been grumpier than usual ever since our fight this morning even after you said you were okay! You’ve hardly spoke to me all day long and you know I can’t take that. I’m just trying to do something nice for you.”
Tsukishima shrugged and Yamaguchi sighed heavily.
“Whatever, let’s just go to the train station.”
“Where are we going?”
“Just shut up and wait to see.”
Yamaguchi opened the door and left, making his way down the driveway. The air was chilly, making him realize he forgot his jacket, but it was too late to turn back now. Tsukishima locked the door and then ran to catch up with Yamaguchi. Usually when they walked Yamaguchi would chat away and tell various stories about whatever came to mind, but he was upset now and Yamaguchi hardly said a word when he was upset.
He sniffed and took a shaky breath in, brushing away his tears with the back of his hand. He hated that he was crying, especially when he was the one who yelled and not the one who got yelled at, but he was an emotional person so he couldn’t help it. Tsukishima frowned slightly and reached over, gently taking Yamaguchi’s hand.
“I’m sorry…” he said softly.
Yamaguchi didn’t answer, so Tsukishima kept quiet as well. He wanted to talk to him, to figure out everything that was wrong, but if Yamaguchi wouldn’t talk to him then he couldn’t solve anything.
He still didn’t answer and Tsukishima chewed on his lip. He knew he hadn’t been the best boyfriend today, but now he was trying and it was Yamaguchi who was being complicated.
“I know I was a dick today and I’m sorry.” Tsukishima said. “What you said this morning about… me thinking what you said… about…”
He sighed heavily, giving Yamaguchi’s hand a tight squeeze at the same time. He knew if he wanted Yamaguchi to forgive him for being an ass or to talk to him at all them he would actually have to say it all. He didn’t like to think about it though; it had hurt Yamaguchi and seeing Yamaguchi hurt, hurt him as well.
“You thought that I thought you had experience because of your abuse.” Tsukishima said. “And you accusing me of that hurt. You know how I am when it comes to you; I hate anyone who does you any harm. You just seemed so confident and so I was scared. I was a nervous wreck and I just wanted everything to be perfect for you, but…”
He looked down at the ground as they walked.
“Look, I know I’m an asshole, but I’m trying. I’m trying to be a better person for you and I’m trying to give you everything that you deserve, but it’s hard for me. I’m nothing special. I wake up every morning wondering why the hell you chose to stay with me and why you love me and why you’ve stayed friends with me when you deserve someone so much better than I am. I try, Tadashi, but it’s so nerve-wracking knowing that any day you could wake up and realize I’m not as great as you once thought and you could leave. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me and I really don’t want to lose you. I love you, Yams.”
“You won’t lose me…” Yamaguchi said softly. “I love you too much to ever let you go.”
“Why though? I’m an asshole and not really anything special.”
“Oh shut up!”
Tsukishima was taken aback by Yamaguchi’s outburst.
“You are special and if you ever say you aren’t again then I’m gonna punch you.”
“You are special, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi cried. “Other people might not see it, but I do and my opinion is really the only one that matters so you can screw everyone else.”
He paused, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Not literally though. Just me. You’re mine and only mine and I’m not sharing you with anyone.”
Tsukishima chuckled softly.
“You never have to.”
Yamaguchi sighed softly and took a step closer to Tsukishima.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you today, but sometimes that’s what has to be done to get through to you. You’re stubborn and sometimes it’s a pain in the ass but I love you and I care about you. I’m sorry for what I said this morning too, I shouldn’t have said that and I don’t know why I did. As soon as I said it I could tell that it hurt you and I’m really sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I really was nervous… but I was also excited. I’ve loved you for so long and we were finally going to prove it in other ways than just words.”
“I understand, Yamaguchi.”
“You saying you didn’t have experience so you were nervous just kind of made me mad because it seemed like you were saying I wasn’t nervous because I did have experience and you knew everything that had happened so I thought that’s what you meant.”
“It wasn’t. I just didn’t think you were nervous.”
“I know that now.”
It was quiet for a moment and then Tsukishima spoke up again.
“I forgive you for saying… what you did…” he murmured. “Do you forgive me for being an ass?”
“I always forgive you for being an ass.”
Yamaguchi giggled and lightly bumped into Tsukishima’s shoulder.
“Of course I forgive you, stupid.”
Tsukishima smiled and squeezed Yamaguchi’s hand again.
“I love you.”
Yamaguchi looked up at Tsukishima and grinned.
“I love you too, Kei.”
Two and a half hours later and the two had finally made it to Tokyo. Yamaguchi held tightly onto Tsukishima’s hand, tugging him through the crowd and away from the train station.
“Where are we going?”
“To see a movie.”
“Because you’ll love it.”
“Probably more than you love me.”
“That’s not possible.”
Yamaguchi laughed softly.
“Unfortunately for me, I think it is.”
Tsukishima tried to think of what movies Yamaguchi would think he loves more than him, but none came to mind. Yamaguchi swung their hands gently as they walked, a genuine smile covering his face for the first time that day.
“Do you like the movie?”
“I like movies.”
“But do you like the one we’re going to see?”
“I like lots of movies we go to see.”
Tsukishima sighed and Yamaguchi grinned.
“You’re so annoying.”
“But you love me.”
“Excuse you,” Yamaguchi sassed. “Don’t make me turn around.”
“Okay, okay, sorry.”
“Saying maybe I love you.”
“I do love you.”
“Good.” Yamaguchi smiled. “I love you too.”
They stayed quiet until they reached the movie theater. Yamaguchi made Tsukishima go inside and get popcorn while he paid for the tickets. He didn’t want Tsukishima to find out what movie they were watching until it started. Once he had the tickets he went inside where Tsukishima was waiting for him. He quickly stood on his toes and pecked Tsukishima’s lips before taking his hands again and leading him to the theater.
They found seats near the front and Yamaguchi let Tsukishima walk in first, knowing he likes to sit directly in the middle. Yamaguchi took a handful of popcorn and began to eat it, ignoring Tsukishima’s stare that was drilling through the side of his head. When he finished his popcorn he could still feel Tsukishima’s stare so he huffed and turned to look at him.
“Can I help you?”
“Are you going to tell me what movie we’re watching now?”
Tsukishima pouted, making Yamaguchi giggle.
“I am not.”
Yamaguchi stuck his tongue out at Tsukishima and then turned forward again, grabbing another handful of popcorn.
“Put your arm around me.”
“Tell me the name of the movie.”
“No thank you.”
Tsukishima groaned and Yamaguchi smiled triumphantly. It was a rarity that he had anything over Tsukishima and he was going to hold this out for as long as he could. He knew Tsukishima would recognize the movie as soon as it started anyways so he didn’t want to ruin the surprise.
Tsukishima groaned and Yamaguchi smiled at him.
“Just trust me.” he said. “Also, can I have your jacket?”
“Why didn’t you bring one?”
“I was too mad at you and then I yelled left and then I remembered but I couldn’t go back then because I had that whole dramatic exit.”
Tsukishima sighed and rolled his eyes.
“You’re a mess.”
“Maybe a little bit.”
“Maybe a lot a bit.”
“Don’t be rude to me.”
Tsukishima leaned over and kissed Yamaguchi’s head before sitting up and taking off his jacket. He handed it to Yamaguchi who stuck his arms through the sleeves and pulled it on. He made sure the hood could flip over his face and then settled into the chair some and leaned against Tsukishima.
“What was that about?”
“Needed to see if it could cover my eyes.”
A few minutes later and the lights went down. The movie started and the music started playing and Yamaguchi waited for Tsukishima’s reaction.
“Oh my gosh.”
“What is it, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked innocently.
“But you hate Jurassic Park!”
“But you love it,” he smiled. “And I wanted to do something to make you happy.”
Tsukishima leaned over and cupped Yamaguchi’s face then leaned down and kissed him. It was gentle but passionate and full of love. Tsukishima pulled away and Yamaguchi stared up at him. He had wanted it to last longer, but he was also glad it had been cut short because he was sure his heart would have exploded if it hadn’t.
“I love you so fucking much, Tadashi.” Tsukishima whispered.
Yamaguchi grinned and leaned up; pressing his lips gently to Tsukishima’s one more time.
“I love you too, Kei.” He said softly. “More than anything.”
Chapter 30: To Live and Let Go
AHHHH! It's the last chapter! I feel like I've been working on this for so long and I'm kinda sad to see it end. I have so many others I'm working on though, three of which have been posted already and three of which I'm working on that will be posted after I wrap up some of the others.
Thanks for sticking with me! And also for listening to me rant about my feelings and stuff in the notes as we've gone along. (By the way, I ordered a Tsukishima and Yamaguchi action figure and I'm honestly so excited to get it. Yamaguchi should be here in two days and I don't know when Tsukishima will be here but ahhh. My best friend has a Sugawara one and one time he learned the head came off and he cried. Not because he was sad or anything, it was just really funny)
I appreciate you all for reading and I appreciate all your lovely comments on here as well. Sometimes that was the only thing that kept me writing this story. I have a lot of trouble with motivation sometimes and seeing that people actually read this and actually liked it make me feel a whole lot better about it all. Thanks for the kudos too. I know you can only give one but some of you guys have said that if you could have given more then you would have and that means a whole lot to me too.
Anyways, we're sadly at the end but a lot happens in this chapter and it's all quite fluffy and also features mentions of another one of my favorite Haikyuu!! ships. (Who am I kidding, they're all my favorite. I am complete trash) There's another surprise/treat in here too ;) oops (I regret nothing)
Heads up before you start: This is supposed to be an epilogue, it's just titled, but it takes place roughly six years after the last chapter. So like Tsukishima and Yamaguchi got together in October and now it's September so it's the month before their six year anniversary.
I hope you enjoy and thank you again for reading and commenting and kudoing (I think I'm funny but I'm really not)
P.S. Please don't leave me. Go read another story so we can stay friends. *Insert cheesy grin here*
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“So you two are moving in together?”
Yamaguchi couldn’t hold the smile that was forming on his face. He and Tsukishima both had come a long way in the last five years; Yamaguchi was better and stronger and Tsukishima had gotten much better at expressing his feelings. They had been together for nearly six years and he was excited they were finally moving in together.
They had roomed together their first two years of college, but it wasn’t the same. There were curfews and limited space for food and they had to share a bathroom with the entire floor. The showers weren’t co-ed, but they still made Yamaguchi uncomfortable. All the other guys were bigger than he is and there were still light scars covering his stomach and thighs.
Their apartment wasn’t big, but it was livable. It only had one bedroom, but that had been his idea and he had already decided that it was his favorite part. There was only one bathroom, but it was fairly big with his and hers, or in their case, his and his, sinks. They had a kitchen now as well instead of just a microwave on a shelf and Yamaguchi was excited about getting to cook for Tsukishima all the time.
“You’re lucky you get to live with your boyfriend.” Hinata pouted. “Kageyama is in Hiroshima and even by train it’s a five hour trip. I hardly ever get to see him.”
“Does he not come back for holidays?”
“He does for the major ones.”
“Well that’s better than nothing, right?”
“Yeah, but I miss him so much.”
“Do you ever go visit him?”
“Of course!” Hinata cried. “I actually have a ticket to go see him tomorrow. It’s Thursday so he gets out of classes early in the day and he doesn’t have class Friday so we’re going to spend the whole weekend together.”
The bright haired man paused.
“Well I want to. He doesn’t know yet because I’m coming to surprise him.”
“For anything special?”
“No, just because.” He said. “I thought about waiting until our anniversary to visit him, but he usually comes home for those so I didn’t want to plan a trip there and then end up alone because he came back to Tokyo to see me.”
“Why did Kageyama go to Hiroshima anyways?” Yamaguchi asked. “I would have thought he would have liked to stay wherever you were.”
“He wanted to, but Tamagawa didn’t have what he wanted to study.”
“What is it he’s studying?”
“Film and special effects.”
“Really? That’s so cool!”
“Yeah, he loves it.” Hinata smiled. “It’s nice to see him get so excited about things. His eyes get real bright and he can’t stop smiling and it just makes me so happy.”
“What are you studying?”
“Sort of.” Hinata answered. “It’s basically public speaking.”
“You can do that?”
Hinata grinned and nodded.
“I don’t get nervous with things anymore. I made it on the college volleyball team and it’s a lot easier to play games. I don’t throw up anymore.”
Yamaguchi laughed softly.
“That’s good.” He said. “Did Kageyama make it?”
Hinata grinned and nodded.
“He was a starting player the first year in!”
“That doesn’t surprise me.”
“Me either.” Hinata laughed. “He says it’s not as fun without me though.”
Yamaguchi smiled as a slight blush crept onto his friend’s cheeks.
“What about you?” Hinata asked.
“Kei and I don’t play much anymore. Sometimes for fun but he didn’t want to try out and I didn’t want to do it without him so it’s more of a hobby for us now.”
“I meant school.”
Yamaguchi laughed and brushed some of his hair out of his face.
“We’re at the University of Electro-Communications.”
“I think you’ve told me that before because it sounds super fancy.” He paused. “Is it? It probably is. That doesn’t surprise me. You and Tsukishima are really smart.”
Yamaguchi’s cheeks flushed pink. He had gotten a lot more confident over the years, but it still made him blush whenever someone complimented him.
“It’s kinda fancy, I guess. It’s a technology and science school. I’m studying computer sciences and Tsukki is studying forensics. He likes it a lot, but sometimes it stresses him out and gives him nightmares.”
“He learns a lot about ballistics and like how to find a murder suspect and stuff and he handles it well, but around finals he gets anxious and it messes with his head.”
“It would mine too. That sounds scary.”
“I may not be fifteen anymore, but a lot still scares me. He tells me about some stuff but I always end up making him stop because it scares me.”
“Me too. Kageyama really like horror movies, but I hate them. He laughs at me when I get scared but between you and me, I think he likes it. I always cuddle close to him whenever I’m scared and I think it makes him feel brave because he’s protecting me.”
Yamaguchi giggled softly.
“It sounds like Kageyama.”
Hinata laughed and nodded.
“He’ll always say “it’s not real, dumbass” but then he pulls me closer and holds onto me until it’s over. What he doesn’t like is when I leave all the lights on because I’m scared to walk around alone in the dark.”
“You guys haven’t changed much, have you?”
Hinata smiled and shook his head.
“Not really. I mean, we’ve matured a lot and we don’t really fight anymore but we still love volleyball and he still calls me a dumbass and I call him Bakageyama and we still sometimes race to see who gets places faster.”
“You guys sound really happy.”
“Oh, we are.” Hinata grinned. “He makes me really happy and I love him a lot. He doesn’t always like to admit it, but he loves me a lot too.”
“How can you tell?”
“Well we’ve been together for almost four years, but aside from that it’s in how he acts. Like I said before he’ll hold me during horror movies and he always likes to hold my hand and when I’m sick he makes sure I eat and stay hydrated and sleep a lot and he just takes care of me, you know?” Hinata explained. “And sometimes when it’s just us sometimes we’ll be real quiet and I’ll just look up at him and find him staring at me with this look and like it’s really hard to explain but you can just see that he cares and that he loves me so even when he doesn’t always come out and say he loves me, he still does other things to show that he does.”
“That’s so cute though!” Yamaguchi cried. “Tsukki has gotten a lot better at talking about his feelings too. He’s always been able to say he loves me, but he’s getting a lot better at talking about the other things. He can tell me when he’s happy and why and he doesn’t shut himself off when he’s sad anymore, he’ll actually tell me why now and let me help him. I’m a lot better at that too.”
“That’s good.” Hinata smiled. “What about your um… other things?”
“I’ve mostly overcome my anxiety, now it’s just normal nerves when it comes to big things, you know?”
Hinata nodded and Yamaguchi continued.
“And I’ve beaten my depression too. That took a whole lot but Tsukki was always there and he helped me every step of the way and I was able to get off my medication and things were bad for a bit after that because I had to get used to being off them, but I’m doing really well now! I thought Tsukki had OCD at one point so I made him go see someone and luckily he doesn’t, he just likes things really organized.”
“Well that’s good!” Hinata exclaimed. “And I’m so proud of you.”
Hinata smiled and nodded.
“How is everything else going for you? I assume your relationship with Tsukishima is going well? Have you made any new friends? Do you still talk to anyone from high school? Except me and Tsukishima, of course.”
Yamaguchi laughed at Hinata’s rapid fire questions. He really hadn’t changed much. He was still the same happy and energetic guy that Yamaguchi had met their first year of high school.
“Everything is pretty good. Kei is going to move everything else into our apartment tomorrow, but I have to be in court for my uncle’s trial. I’d rather not go into all of that though. I still don’t understand why it took them so long to actually convict him or why they have to. He’s been in prison for a while now so why can’t they just keep him there?” Yamaguchi let out a breath and continued. “My relationship is Tsukki is great. I love him so much and he makes me really happy and I’m really excited to be in our own place. I haven’t really made any new friends in the sense of, I hang out with them outside of school, but there are a few people in class that I talk to. I talk to Sugawara-san sometimes because every now and then he’ll call me and check in and see how I am. Did you know that he’s engaged now? To Daichi-san! That doesn’t surprise me though.”
Hinata laughed softly and nodded.
“He does the same to me and yeah, I know, he was really excited when he told me. I still talk to Noya-san too and Asahi-san! We get lunch every now and then. Whenever I go back home to Miyagi I see them and I also see Kenma a lot since he’s here in Tokyo. He goes to a technology school for video game designing.”
“That’s really cool.”
“He loves it. His favorite part is testing out his classmates video games because then he gets to play games during school.”
Yamaguchi started to say something else when his phone rang. He looked down at it and smiled when he Tsukishima’s name on the screen.
Kei<3: Come home, I’m out of class and I want my boyfriend.
Yamaguchi giggled softly, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. He quickly texted Tsukishima back so he wouldn’t worry.
Tadashi: I’m out with Hinata but I’ll be back in just a bit. Keep the bed warm for me ;)
He slipped his phone back into his pocket and turned his attention back to the bright haired man across the table.
“Tsukki is back home from class so I’ve gotta go. It was really great to see you again! We’ll get lunch again soon, okay? I’ll text you or you can text me, whatever, I’m not picky!”
He grinned and the two stood up. Hinata held out his first and Yamaguchi bumped it gently before grabbing his coat.
He slipped his coat on, left the café and quickly made his way back to his apartment.
As soon as he was through the door, Tsukishima’s lips were on his. Yamaguchi kissed back eagerly, letting out a small noise. Tsukishima pushed Yamaguchi against the door and he quickly wrapped his arms around his neck. Tsukishima pressed his lips harder against Yamaguchi’s, earning him a small moan. Tsukishima smirked and pulled away, making Yamaguchi pout. He panted softly and looked up at Tsukishima.
“Well hello to you too.”
Tsukishima smiled and pecked Yamaguchi’s lips.
“How was lunch?”
“It was good,” Yamaguchi said, taking off his jacket and shoes. “How was class?”
“Eh, the usual.”
“Did you learn anything interesting today?”
“Nothing you want to hear.”
“That bad, huh?”
“No, you’re just that squeamish.”
“Yamaguchi, you can barely look when you scrap your knee.”
“Well I don’t like blood!” he cried.
“That’s what they all say.”
“What? All the other guys you buy apartments with?”
“Every last one of them.”
“I’m the cutest though, right?”
Tsukishima leaned over again and pressed his lips hard to Yamaguchi’s. Yamaguchi kissed him back with equal force, grabbing his collar and holding him in place for a moment before letting him go. Tsukishima stared at Yamaguchi and wiggled his eyebrows, making him giggle and smack Tsukishima’s chest playfully.
“Are you hungry?”
“No, I grabbed a sandwich between classes.”
“That isn’t much.”
“Are you sure you don’t want anything?”
“What do you want then?”
“I’m right here.”
Tsukishima groaned and tilted his head back.
“I don’t whine.”
“But you sure like it.”
Tsukishima rolled his eyes and Yamaguchi walked away. He walked into their bedroom and took off his shirt then walked to his suitcase to find another. Tsukishima followed Yamaguchi and walked over to him, wrapping his arms around Yamaguchi’s waist. Tsukishima leaned down and began kissing Yamaguchi’s neck.
“Kei…” he muttered. “Stop that.”
“Mmm, but that wouldn’t be fun.”
Yamaguchi turned around and wrapped his arms around Tsukishima’s neck. He stared up at him, trying to read the expression in his boyfriend golden brown eyes.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Everything I want to do to you.”
Yamaguchi blushed and leaned forward to hide in face against Tsukishima’s chest. Tsukishima slipped a finger under the waistband of Yamaguchi’s jeans, smirking as he saw Yamaguchi bite down on his lip.
“You know you want the same thing.”
“We haven’t been intimate in a month. Let’s break in the new place the right way.”
Tsukishima knew he had won when he heard Yamaguchi’s breath hitch in in throat.
“So is that a yes?”
“Just shut up and kiss me.”
Tsukishima leaned down, pressing his lips hard against Yamaguchi’s. Yamaguchi kissed back with equal force, wasting no time before moving his hands down to unbutton Tsukishima’s jeans. Once Yamaguchi pushed them down, Tsukishima stepped out of them. Yamaguchi immediately went to pull Tsukishima’s boxers down. He nipped at Yamaguchi’s bottom lip, making him squeal softly.
Tsukishima broke away from the kiss to take off his shirt. He quickly took it off and dropped it to the floor before looking at Yamaguchi. He panted softly and bit down on his bottom lips. He motioned towards the bed and Yamaguchi nodded.
“Get undressed and lay down.”
Yamaguchi nodded and started to unbutton his jeans as Tsukishima walked to the other side of the bed and got the lube. Yamaguchi laid down on the bed and Tsukishima quickly crawled up next to him. He leaned down and kissed him hard before sitting back up. He uncapped the lube and squirted some onto his fingers and pushed on into Yamaguchi. He added a second finger almost instantly and started to scissor them slightly, curling them every few seconds to stretch him out. Yamaguchi moaned loudly, making Tsukishima bite down on his lip again.
He added a third finger, trying to calm himself down. Tsukishima often got off on hearing all the noises Yamaguchi made in bed, but he wanted it to last this time. Yamaguchi moaned loudly and hit the sheets with his hand.
“Okay!” he cried. “J-just do it!”
Tsukishima quickly pulled his fingers out and coated himself in lube. He lined himself up and pushed in, quickly starting to thrust in and out to work up to a good rhythm. He leaned down and kissed Yamaguchi who eagerly kissed back. He wrapped his arms around Tsukishima’s neck and held him close, kissing him roughly.
Tsukishima pulled most of the way out and slammed back in, hitting Yamaguchi’s prostate and making him moan loudly. He dragged his nails down Tsukishima’s back and held onto him tightly.
“Fuck!” Yamaguchi shouted.
Tsukishima moaned softly and trailed his kissed down Yamaguchi’s jaw and to his neck. He bit at the skin and sucked hard, creating a large purple bruise. He swiped his tongue over the love bite then turned slightly, nudging Yamaguchi’s head up with his nose. Tsukishima bit down on another spot, smirking slightly against his skin.
Yamaguchi moaned loudly, letting his hands wonder down lower to grab Tsukishima’s ass. The blonde moaned and kept going, speeding up his pace. He slammed against Yamaguchi’s prostate, making him moan loudly.
“Fuck!” Yamaguchi shouted again.
Tsukishima gave another hard thrust and Yamaguchi came, moaning Tsukishima’s name. As soon as the word left his lips, it threw Tsukishima over the edge and he came as well. They rode out their orgasms and calmed down. Tsukishima pulled out and laid down next to Yamaguchi who quickly curled into his side.
“You’re so needy.”
“Oh shut up, you like to cuddle too.”
“Don’t say that, it’ll ruin my reputation.”
“I’m a badass.”
Yamaguchi snorted and Tsukishima shoved him gently.
“You love me.”
Tsukishima laughed and pulled Yamaguchi close.
“I’m just kidding!”
“You better be.”
“You know I love you.”
“And” Yamaguchi asked.
“What else do you love?”
“Not what I meant.”
“What did you mean?”
“Nah, I don’t love that.”
Yamaguchi glanced at Tsukishima.
“Well if you don’t love it then I’ll just go.”
He sat up and started to move, but what quickly dragged back down by Tsukishima’s strong arms.
“No, no, no!” he cried. “I take it back.”
Yamaguchi laughed and shifted to get comfortable again. He laid his head on Tsukishima’s chest and draped his arm across his waist.
“That’s what I thought.”
Tsukishima let out a huff of air and Yamaguchi poked his nose.
“You know you love me.”
“You should say it.”
“But you know it.”
“Doesn’t mean I don’t like to hear it.”
“See, you’re so needy.”
“Oh please, you wouldn’t know what to do without me.”
“Really?” Tsukishima asked. “Because I think that’s the other way around.”
“You’d have no friends without me.”
“Ouch, way to hit me where it hurts.”
Yamaguchi giggled and leaned up, pressing a soft kiss to Tsukishima’s cheek.
“I love you.” he murmured.
Tsukishima gave Yamaguchi a soft squeeze and smiled.
“I love you too.”
“Well I love you more.”
“I love you most.”
Tsukishima kissed Yamaguchi’s head and sighed happily.
Tsukishima walked through the apartment and looked through all the rooms. He straightened up anything that was out of place and fluffed all the pillows. He had a particular way of setting everything up and as much as he loved Yamaguchi, he was glad he wasn’t around to mess it up. Yamaguchi just stuck things where they belonged, but Tsukishima liked things more particular than that.
He put all of their CD’s and DVD’s in alphabetical order and made sure the DVD player was lined up directly underneath the television. Yamaguchi’s clothes were on the left side of the closet and his were on the right and the same went with their dresser. All the plates were stacked in one neat stack with the tea saucers and bowls on both sides. Their coffee mugs were in the cabinet right above the counter where the coffee maker sat they were lined up from back to front with the tallest in the back right corner of the cabinet.
Tsukishima pushed the chairs underneath the table then walked back to the room they had set aside for Yamaguchi’s office. He organized the desk and pushed that chair in as well then went back to the kitchen. He grabbed his phone and called for takeout then began putting away the pots and pans. Pots when on the left and pans when on the right and they were all stacked with their lids upside down on top and then with the next smallest side inside.
When the food arrived Tsukishima set it on the counter and got out two plates. He fixed one for Yamaguchi then one for himself and set them on the table. He put the extra in the fridge and threw the trash away then got two glasses and got them some water. He set them on the counter and got silverware then looked around for the candles Yamaguchi had packed. They were scented candles and his favorite one smelled like marshmallows, but Tsukishima wanted their first dinner together in the apartment to be romantic and that was the best he could do.
Tsukishima set the candle on the counter and took the matches from the drawer and lit it. He blew the match out and threw it away then put the package back into the drawer. He leaned against the counter and waited for Yamaguchi to get home. It was nearly six and court was supposed to be over no later than five thirty so Tsukishima knew he was supposed to be home soon.
Part of him wish he had gone with Yamaguchi, but he insisted that he would be okay going alone. They were older now and he had to start handling things on his own. Tsukishima never minded helping Yamaguchi and he would do it until he died if he could. However, if Yamaguchi wanted to do things alone then Tsukishima would let him. As clingy as the two of them were, they both knew that the other still needed time alone and whenever those times came then they let them be and when the other returned then everything went on as normal.
Tsukishima heard a key in the lock and his heart started beating quicker. He was excited. Everything they owned was in the apartment and it was finally home. Yamaguchi was coming home. Yamaguchi was home. It’s their home. The home that he shares with his boyfriend Yamaguchi. The door opened and Yamaguchi walked in. He glanced over to Tsukishima and grinned.
“Honey, I’m home!”
He tried to keep a straight face but burst into a fit of giggles. He took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack then slipped off his shoes and placed them neatly next to Tsukishima’s.
“I made dinner.”
“I thought you hated to cook.”
“Okay, well, I bought it. It only got here like ten minutes ago so it’s only been sitting out for five minutes at the most.”
“So it’s still warm?”
“Should be.” he smiled. “By the way, welcome home.”
“To our home.”
Yamaguchi grinned and Tsukishima nodded.
“What gave you the idea about moving in together anyways?”
“Well we’ve been together for almost six years so I just thought it was time. Living in the same dorm isn’t quite the same as living in an apartment together.”
“It was a good idea.”
Yamaguchi laughed softly.
“Of course you do.”
"How'd the trial go?" Tsukishima asked.
"Good!" Yamaguchi replied. "Going up to the front and testifying was kind of nerve-wracking but I think the lawyer could tell that so she went kind of easy on me and she didn’t ask me too many questions that might cause me to break down. They questions my mom too since I had told her the whole story and she was the one who actually called the police on my uncle. They also questions my aunt and two cousins and there was so much evidence that, in my opinions, they didn’t even need a jury to convict him.”
“That’s your opinion though.”
“True,” Yamaguchi said. “And I know I’m the victim so I’m sort of biased with it, but still.”
Tsukishima waked over to Yamaguchi and placed his hands on his hips.
“Anyways, what happened?”
Yamaguchi put his hands on Tsukishima’s shoulders and looked up at him.
“Well the jury ruled in favor of me and also my cousins so my uncle is now in prison, again, and he won't be out any time soon. I don’t know the actual sentence, but I think the fewest number of years for a child molester is thirty years. He also has to go on the child offender registry list thing and that’s for life. Once he gets out, if he ever even does, then he’ll also be on parole but he can’t even be near children for like a really long time."
"That's good.” Tsukishima said. “What about your dad? Have you heard anything from him?”
“Yeah, he was there with my mom and he said he was sorry for hurting me and clearly I’ll be with you for a long time so he might as well accept and I mean, that’s great and all, but I don’t want him to accept it because he has no other choice, I want him to accept it because I’m his son.”
“Did you tell him that?”
“No, but I told him that I didn’t care. I told him that it was too late for him to say that. He already hurt me and he can’t take it back. I told him that I love you and I am always going to and if he wanted to be a part of my life, our life, then he should have thought of that a long time ago. I’m in a really good place now and I don’t need him showing back up and dragging me down. I told him he was just going to have to live the rest of his life knowing that he hurt his only son. He’s going to have to live with the guilt just as I have to live with the physical and mental scars that are a result from everything him and his brother did to me.”
“You seem to have had somewhat of a dramatic day.”
“Yup.” Yamaguchi said. “How are you?"
"I'm great." Tsukishima said. “How are you?”
Yamaguchi was quiet for a moment, thinking over everything that had happened and everything that was going on before giving Tsukishima an answer.
“You know,” he began. “I’m really good. I would have thought today would be really stressful after bringing up all those bad memories and it kind of was, but at the same time he’s behind bars now so I don’t really have to worry about any of that anymore. My dad will never hurt me again and I won’t ever hurt me again either. Like I told you, I’ve come a long way and I’m in a good place now. I wouldn’t be here, both in a good mood and happy and all or standing in this very spot if it weren’t for you. You saved my life, Kei, and you’ve been the one to take care of me and make sure everything was okay all of these years and I’m so grateful for that. I love you so much and for the first time in my life I can say that I am genuinely happy and that I’m grateful to be alive.”
Tsukishima smiled and leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to Yamaguchi’s forehead.
“I love you too, Yams.” He said softly.
“And on top of that I'm happy to be halfway done with college. I mean, computer science is fun but soon I’ll be done and I can get a better job besides just working minimum wage at a café on campus. I only have hat job so that we can afford rent. I like being in Tokyo though and it’s only been out first official day here but I love it. It’s out apartment. Our home! Nobody else even knows our address and it’s just nice to get away from everything. The trial is finished and we both have jobs and school is going great and we have nothing else to worry about so this is basically us being able to start all over and I love it. New starts are nice."
Tsukishima nodded in agreement, but Yamaguchi couldn't help but feel like he was being distant. He first thought it was because he had been talking so much, but he knew that wasn’t it because Tsukishima secretly loved to hear him talk.
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
"Tsukki, don't be silly. We're only twenty."
"I'm not. I mean it. I love you and I want to be with you forever."
Yamaguchi was about to protest again, but the look on Tsukishima's face told him that he was being serious.
"Yamaguchi Tadashi, I am completely and utterly in love with you. I couldn't imagine my life without you and I don't even want to. Will you marry me?"
Yamaguchi blushed and nodded.
"Of course I will, Tsukki."
Tsukishima picked him up and spun him around, bending down to kiss his lips softly but passionately.
"I love you."
"I love you more."
And there you have it: The end of Old Scars/Future Hearts.
I hope the title makes more sense now and also the chapter title and I hoped you all enjoyed it.
My precious baby is so happy now :') and my grumpy son is the one to make him happy!
Thank you for reading and commenting. You're all super lovely and I appreciate you all very much.