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Variations on an Ending

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That horrible fucking troll.

 She's not sure when it happened but she wishes that she had been there. She's sick of watching Emily mope around the house like a fucking grieving widow, and whinging on and on at night. It's not like she really has anything better to do than listen, but it's all getting rather repetitive and boring now. Honestly, it's about bloody time. She can't really say that out loud, but it's true.

 They're trying this new thing where they're sisters, for real. Like all nice to each other and shit, which only works about 60% of the time cos they do live together and seeing someone that much (especially after getting sort of used to being apart) gets annoying. She was hoping –praying even if she believed in that kind of thing– for the day that Emily's stupid munter of a girlfriend would fuck off and leave them in peace. Now that it had happened, it was too sudden and going from having to fight Emily for the shower twice a week to everyday was pissing her off. Well, it wasn't really all that sudden. Katie could have seen it from a month back, or even the beginning, cos there's no way in hell someone like Naomi Campbell could ever keep up with her sister for that long.


 They are Fitches.

 That's all there is to it.


But she can try telling that to Emily 'til she's hoarse and it doesn't make a lick of difference. Katie wonders if she should just dress in black and hire some wailing women to follow Emily around for the week. Maybe make an effigy of the blonde twat and throw it on a pyre while they're at it. People could say what they wanted about her, but at least she learned something from Classics last term. Might as well do it all up in style. The way Emily was going on, it certainly seemed to warrant the display.

 The only good news, apart from not having to hear Campbell's insufferable voice or see her smarmy-as-shit ugly face, is that Emily no longer feels the need to excitedly overshare her latest sexual discovery. Katie didn't really care to hear anything about it in the first place, let alone have to picture her sister and that minger doing any of that. To be honest, she felt a little sorry for her twin because it was obvious she had no other girl friends to share that kind of news with. Naomi was a cunt and probably never listened to people when they talked about feelings, and JJ was a boy who passed out at the mention of wet knickers. She was nearly certain that no one with half-a-brain would confide in Panda or Effy about that. Pandora because she was about as helpful as a bag of rocks, if you could get her to actually sit down and listen, and Effy cos if anyone could out-smug Naomi, it was Effy fucking Stonem. Katie couldn't imagine anything worse than being excited about some sexual discovery (or even a normal one) and watching Effy's face just all smirky and cocky and knowing. Well, watching Effy's face do that as Naomi ate her out would be worse, she supposes. Katie wouldn't past either of those two manky whores to do that either. They'd been spending enough time together lately. And the dirty slag Effy would probably fuck anything that moved as long as she could get something in her fanny for a few minutes.

 It brings a shudder through her body, making her skin crawl as foggy memories floated just out of reach. It feels a little like jealousy mixed with something like –No. Katie shakes her head to clear whatever it is.

 Katie randomly tries to remember a time when she didn't hate Effy. She was actually quite taken with her at first. She honestly believed they could rule Roundview together. Never happened, obviously. Rock to the head and all that. Fucking mushrooms. It occurs to her that there was a time, but she can't pinpoint it, when it shifted into an all out proper competition, and Effy hadn't even been trying to win. Everything always turned into a goddamn competition and Katie was sick of coming out on the losing end. With Effy, with any number of tosser boyfriends, with Emily and Naomi...

 Katie opens up her laptop and logs onto Naomi's Facebook profile. It still says she's “in a relationship” if that wasn't like the overstatement of the century on her part. (She knows through Emily that Naomi had refused to disclose who she was in a relationship with the entire time, even though everyone and their mad grannies already knew. Emily cried for about an hour before Katie had dragged her out of bed and to the local).

                    Ur such a fuckin cunt. hope u realise what u did. shows shes better off wivout u coward

 She feels better after she presses 'Share', like she's won. She knows it'll probably be only a few hours before she's blocked. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

 She doesn't realise she must have laughed at her own actions until Emily's voice breaks her concentration.

 “What's so funny?”

 She looks over to see Emily staring at her from her tortoise-shell-like hidey-hole under the duvet. She looks exhausted.

 “Nothing.” She pauses and quirks an eyebrow. “You look well bad, Ems.” Another pause. “Look, it's over now, yeah? Done. So you need to, like, get over it. She's a slut and didn't deserve you. End of story.” That was her best attempt at comfort.

 Emily sighs, and it almost sounds like they're about to have another row over the virtues (or lack thereof) of Naomi Campbell. But Emily just shakes her head a little bit and closes her eyes, the fight in her seemingly gone entirely.

 “God, you're so depressing I'm going to slit my wrists soon.”

 “Thanks for your compassion,” Emily mumbles. There's a small part of Katie that is glad about this, about how she can finally make Emily's life a little more miserable at the moment. After nearly a year of the opposite, it feels almost like they're back to normal. She doesn't think it's vengeance exactly, but it feels pretty justified. It would feel even better if she could rub it in Naomi's stupid fucking face, though chances are the twat isn't even upset about it. She never is when they break up, and God knows, they've done it enough. Something feels more real about this one though. Maybe it's because Emily seems so bloody broken.

 “You need to get laid.” Katie can't quite figure out how words seem to come out of her mouth without her thinking about them first. It's like magic really. Like she's missing that big nervy thing that connects her brain to the rest of her. She feels like one of those monkeys on Youtube with their heads cut open and just being poked at to see what random reaction will happen. She feels just as helpless. She thinks that maybe Emily got her part of the compassionate gene when they were embryos, which is why she's such a sodding crybaby.

 Emily says nothing for a while. “Fuck off, Katie.” It's quiet, but it's angry and so overwhelmingly sad that Katie actually thinks she can feel it too. They are twins after all.

 “Sorry,” she says softly, her attitude shifting. She closes her laptop with a loud snap and faces the lump that signifies Emily's presence. “Come on, Ems. I'm trying to help. It's not healthy.”

 Emily rolls over and pushes the duvet down to stare at her twin. “What would you know? You've never been in love.” There's fight in her eyes at least. Spirit. Katie nods though and doesn't challenge it. There's not much point, it's mostly true.

 “I know you shouldn't cry so much. I know she's not worth it.”

 Emily groans. “You've never thought so. I can't really take your word for it now, can I?”

 It's Katie's turn to growl. “Stop being such a div. You know I'm right.” Yeah, she's fully rubbing Emily's face in her bad decisions now. It really should not feel so vindicating. “Look, I'm your sister and I have to be honest. I'm glad she fucked off cos she's a twat who never came close to being half-deserving of you, Ems.”

 Emily has no response to the statement. Katie's not sure if it's because she's accepted the truth or if she's fallen asleep. It takes maybe 2 whole minutes for anything to come from that side of the bedroom. “I love her. She loves me.”

 Katie wants to argue with that but realises she really has no idea how Naomi feels. She can pretend she does based on the soggy dildo's actions, but she knows that Emily would know better. She settles for the less argumentative answer. “Loved.” She emphasises the past tense.

 “And, for the record, I love you too,” she says with not an ounce of vinegar. She's sincere, for once.

 “Not the same,” Emily immediately retorts and that stings, like it means shit. Katie doesn't tell people she loves them, mostly because she doesn't love anyone –except her sister. And it hurts that Emily can brush off that kind admission so easily. Sure, she doesn't love-love her the way Emily thinks Naomi did, but it should still mean something. Again, she curses the ugly blonde moron. If this had been a year ago, Emily would have smiled at Katie's words. She's not sure she's been brushed off because only Naomi's love matters, or if she honestly doesn't care about Katie anymore. Or she doesn't trust her own sister.

 She considers the conversation over. She was honest, and open, and well compassionate and Emily just kicked it all aside so fuck it. She crawls under her own duvet and flicks off the light switch. She tries to ignore the incredibly quiet sobs seeping out of Emily's pillow.



In the morning, two days later, Emily is perched on a stool in the kitchen picking at something their mother generously refers to as 'breakfast'. It looks even more healthy and disgusting than usual, if that's possible. She watches her mum shuffle around and pick up objects, then place them back down, reorganizing, as if their immaculate house needs any sort of cleaning whatsover. Emily doesn't even look up when their mother drops some rather odd looking metal utensils, making a huge racket in the process. She turns to Katie in the doorway.

 “Katie, dear, come help me clean this up.” It's probably supposed to be a request but it sounds like a command, and Katie automatically reacts.

 “Why can't Emily--”

 “Emily's eating,” her mother cuts her off and Katie tosses a skeptical look in her direction, completely aware that all Emily has succeeded in doing is push the food around the plate. She's not eating; she's moping. Katie huffs loudly in protest but bends down to pick up the mess anyway and throws them loudly on the granite countertop, finally making Emily jump slightly at the sound.

 Jenna cuts her eyes at her older daughter in warning. Katie turns her back. Ever since Emily had returned, making the less-than-triumphant announcement that everyone could fuck off now cos she and Naomi were through, their mother had been doting on the soppy cow. Going for a sodding Mother-of-the-Year award or something. Katie knew the feeling, and it was suffocating. Not at all helpful in the least. It made everything ten times worse. Just kind of encouraging the fact that there was something to be massively upset about. Katie knows however, that it is completely fake. Her mother couldn't be more excited that Naomi was out of the picture.

 Normally, Katie would agree but as she sees her sister glumly nibbling at the rubbish on her plate, and their mother's secret smile of victory peeking out every time she looks at Emily, any agreement evaporates. Because, even despite how much she hates Naomi Campbell and how much shit Emily put her through over the past year, they're still sisters. Katie wants that to mean something. She needs it to.

 Climbing onto a stool beside her twin, she sighs. Excessively loudly. “It'd be nice to have what you did with Naomi,” she states as if she just mentioned that the sky is blue. Both women turn quickly to Katie, both confused by her admission. She shrugs it off. It doesn't really matter if it's half a lie. She despises the blonde minger and wouldn't want to voluntarily be within 10 feet of her for any reason, but the ideal is the same. The whole point is that she's supposed to stand by her sister and repair whatever it was that had been broken in their family.

 She catches the smirk on Emily's face as she glances at their mother, who, if Katie didn't know better, looked as if she was about to have a heart attack. She knows she's thinking 'No, for the love of God, not the other one too!'

 Now, Katie may not be able to convince Emily that's she better off without the twat, but she could at least make a go of being friends again. It had the added bonus of witnessing her mother suffer through various levels of horror. It was the one thing they'd always enjoyed together. She decides to push it.

 “Like, I'd go lezza if I could get that kind of love.”

 Emily spits out what little she had in her mouth at that moment. Katie smiles broadly and catches Emily sniggering at the effect it's having on their mum. It feels good to be able to do that again, even if it is at the expense of other family and even if for some reason the image of goddamn Effy Stonem pops into her mind. (She squishes that down quickly). Finally, Jenna's face relaxes from the utter shock of Katie's declaration.

 “Very funny.” She's figured out that Katie's just trying to wind her up. Emily has pushed the mush away from her and has a small smile still lingering on her lips. Their mother leaves the room, obviously having enough of the twins' game. They sit in silence for a few minutes.

 Katie speaks first, softly. “I mean it, Ems.” And she's afraid she actually does. Unlike their mum, she knows it's not about dangly bits between legs. You could staple 100 cocks onto a person and that wouldn't make them anymore capable of love, giving or receiving it. It's about brains and hearts. As much as it pains her to admit it, she knows that her sister was in love and beyond the jealousy of that, beyond the resentment of being left behind and beyond the fact that it was with one of the most undeserving, insufferable cunts in existence, she also knows that it has to be admired. It has to be truly appreciated for how amazing and rare it actually was. (And not just cos she sees loving that fashion-challenged tree-hugger as an impossible task.)

 Emily surprises her by reaching out and grabbing her around the shoulders, hugging onto her tightly. It takes a second for her to reciprocate the gesture, but she does even though it feels so odd after all these months. She can't help herself. “I know you're lonely and all now but I hope this isn't turning you on.”

 There's a sharp sound of shock from her sister as she pushes back so forcefully that Katie falls off the stool and heavily onto the wooden floor. Maybe it should hurt a little, and god knows, it made enough noise to wake the dead, but Emily is laughing so hard that she's almost crying and Katie can't help but laugh along with her cos the whole situation is so ridiculous and normal.

 “You're such a bitch,” Emily finally says through her laughter, and it's obvious she doesn't really mean it this time. Katie pulls herself off the floor and wraps her arms around her sister again, dancing a little in place. She thinks that maybe Emily is crying or something, cos her shoulder feels a little damp and her twin isn't laughing anymore so she hugs harder. She wants to say time heals, it's better this way, it's going to be alright and all that soppy rubbish but it's not necessary. She's pretty sure it already is okay.