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constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you

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Steve woke to an incessant tickling at the back of his neck. He mumbled a protest, ducking his head slightly, and the tickling feeling increased. Something warm and heavy draped across his waist and tugged him in closer, and Steve sighed softly, reluctantly opening his eyes. He took a deep breath, the scent of him and the alpha behind him wrapping around him and making him smile.


                The man plastered to his back made a soft snuffling noise and pressed closer still, lips against Steve’s shoulder and hair tickling the back of Steve’s neck. Steve slid his fingers down the arm over his waist before linking them with the ones resting over his stomach. He turned his head, tilting his chin down, and smiled wider when he saw the sleepy grey eyes looking back at him.


                “Hi,” he murmured, and Bucky responded by lifting his chin, pressing a gentle kiss to Steve’s lips. Steve twisted further, until he could wrap an arm around Bucky’s shoulders, and sighed happily when Bucky took the opportunity to kiss him again. When Bucky went in for a third kiss, Steve turned his head away, pinching Bucky’s shoulder lightly.


                “Nuh uh, you gotta get up,” he murmured, and Bucky grumbled, not moving at all. “Don’t give me that,” Steve chastised, and Bucky ducked his head, tucking back in against Steve’s shoulder. Dealing with Early Morning Bucky was always an exercise in patience, most of all at this time of the year.


                “Don’t wanna,” Bucky mumbled against his skin, and Steve felt the alpha inhale deeply, before he let it out on a rumbling sigh.


                “Why’s that, Buck?”


                “Warm.” Steve snorted at that, taking advantage of the inattention to the rest of his body to turn and face Bucky fully. A warm hand immediately slid down to cup his ass, and Bucky’s nose tucked in against his throat.


                “I’m sure that’s the only reason,” Steve snorted, wedging a knee between Bucky’s, pressing it against Bucky’s crotch. The hand on his ass shifted, dipping under his boxers to rest against skin, and Steve shook his head. “Nuh uh, you’ll be late for work. Again.”


                “Don’t care,” was the mumbled response, and Steve thumped a hand against Bucky’s chest lightly.


                “I do. On me or not at all,” Steve bargained, willing to bend just a little, just for Bucky. Bucky rumbled, a low, sleepy thing, before kissing Steve’s throat.


                His fingers didn’t move for a good minute, almost long enough that Steve thought he’d gone back to sleep, then slowly withdrew so he could palm Steve’s hip, dragging the smaller man with him as Bucky rolled onto his back. As soon as Bucky had settled, Steve shifted to straddle his thighs, looking up at Bucky with a little smile.


                Bucky immediately reached up, cupping Steve’s jaw and pulling him down into a kiss, and Steve relaxed against him, curling his fingers against Bucky’s chest and letting Bucky lead.


                Being with Bucky wasn’t difficult by any means, especially not compared to a large number of alphas. He wasn’t domineering, pushy, or overly demanding. He gave Steve his space, didn’t push Steve around or use his designation to control Steve. Despite that, he was still an alpha, and allowances had to be made. Especially when he was close to rut. Like now.


                When Steve normally would have left Bucky to his own hand, he sat straddling Bucky, kissing him and letting Bucky touch. He let Bucky scent him, nose against his pulse, rubbing himself against Steve until Steve couldn’t smell anything but the alpha. He let Bucky mark him, lips on his jaw, sucking at his throat, bruises blooming on pale skin as Bucky made his claim.


                And, when the shifting of Bucky’s hips got impatient, he slid down Bucky’s body, sucked him off slow and steady until Bucky’s breathing started to catch, his hands clenching the sheets as his hips rocked up into Steve’s mouth. Steve swallowed around him, then pulled back, wrapping a hand around Bucky’s cock and stroking just the way Bucky liked it, until the alpha was tensing, coming over Steve’s hand and lips and cheeks.


                Bucky’s hands on his shoulders were eager, tugging him up until he straddled Bucky’s waist again. “Mine,” he purred, and Steve was halfway through his response, not yet, when Bucky’s mouth covered his. Bucky licked him clean meticulously, before snaking a hand between them, back into Steve’s boxers. And even if Steve had wanted to resist him, he couldn’t, not when Bucky knew exactly what he liked, stroking him until he came with a whimper, noise muffled in Bucky’s mouth.


                It took a few minutes before his heart rate settled enough to push up, and when he did, Bucky’s expression was more than a little smug. “Yeah yeah,” Steve mumbled under his breath, and Bucky laughed quietly, rubbing his nose against Steve’s cheek. “I stink of you now, happy?” Steve grumbled, not at all bothered by it, and Bucky snorted.


                “Over the moon,” he said with a laugh, rolling them until he was cradled between Steve’s thighs. “Can’t I stay in bed with you?” he mumbled, and Steve sighed, stroking his fingers through Bucky’s hair.


                “Nope, you have a job, remember?”


                Bucky groaned, forehead hitting the pillow beside Steve’s head for a moment, before he withdrew his hand from Steve’s boxers, licking it clean. He pushed himself upright, then stumbled to his feet, heading for the bathroom completely, unashamedly naked.


                Living with an alpha was a lesson in give and take, even when it was an alpha like Bucky.




                After Steve had finally given in and asked Bucky to get him through his heat six months before, Bucky had all but moved in with Steve. There were still days when Steve didn’t see him, when the alpha holed up in his own apartment and refused to come out. When Bucky had needed his own space, things that were his and his alone, to keep him out of his own head. But those days were getting rarer and rarer, and Steve was glad for that, glad he was helping in some way.


                They hadn’t really discussed going further, both of them knowing they wanted the bond, neither of them knowing how to bring it up. But that was ending, today, Steve had decided. Their cycles were syncing, a result of them being both compatible and around each other for so long, and Steve could feel the itch under his skin as much as he could smell the approaching rut on Bucky. Sure, they didn’t have to be synced to bond, Bucky didn’t have to be anywhere near his rut in fact, but Steve had always been told that them being in sync created a stronger bond. So, Steve was done waiting, stepping around the topic, having but wanting more.


                So when Bucky came clattering up the stairs of the apartment building after work, Steve knew what he was going to say about it, knew exactly how he was going to approach the conversation. Even so, seeing Bucky struck him a little dumb, as it always did. Steve smiled dopily, dropping his tablet on the couch and pushing to his feet, padding over on bare feet.


                As soon as Bucky had the door shut and locked behind him, he was turning, arms coming up and pulling Steve in, a happy little noise rumbling up out of him. “Hi baby,” Bucky murmured with a smile, always so sweet just before he went into rut, and Steve couldn’t help but stretch up, press a kiss to that pretty mouth.


                Considering the hormones flaring on both sides, it really wasn’t surprising that the kiss dragged out, Bucky’s hands catching Steve’s hips and pulling in, lifting, Steve’s legs easily wrapping around Bucky’s waist. Bucky’s mouth would wander, lips brushing Steve’s chin, his cheeks, the tip of his nose, but kept returning to his mouth. Eventually Steve had to lean back, hand covering Bucky’s mouth to stop him chasing, and shake his head to actually get a word in.


                “Couch, c’mon, I want to talk to you about something.” Steve knew Bucky would be able to smell the excitement, the love – though neither had actually said the words aloud, not yet – but he still clarified, cutting off any potential spike of anxiety. “It’s good, I promise.”


                Bucky narrowed his eyes, obviously trying to work out what it was, then kissed Steve’s palm, hitched him up a little higher, and headed for the living room. Steve dropped his hands to Bucky’s shoulders, kissed his cheek, then held on for the ride, grinning when Bucky, predictably, sat on the couch and kept Steve on his lap.


                “Go on then, spill,” Bucky said with a raised eyebrow, and Steve snorted, dragging one hand up into Bucky’s hair and stroking through it. Bucky sighed softly, eyelids drooping for a moment before he forced them back open, pouting. Steve snickered, pressed a quick kiss to Bucky’s lips, then touched their noses together.


                “I’m tired of dancing around it,” Steve started, eyes on Bucky’s. “So I’m not gonna do that anymore. I love you. Probably have since before we properly started dating, definitely did by the time we actually got our heads out of our asses and did something about it.” He closed the distance, dropping a kiss on Bucky’s lips when they parted, cutting the other man off before he could speak. “I’m not done, hold on.” Bucky nodded, closing his mouth again, but the softness in his face, the adoration in his eyes and the possessive swell of his scent? They all told Steve exactly what Bucky had been about to say. So, he kept talking.


                “Our cycles are syncing, and I know you can smell it on me, just like I can smell it on you.” He flushed, just a little, as he said that, but soldiered on, eyes holding Bucky’s as Bucky started to realise exactly where this was going. “I wanna be yours, Buck. I wanna be yours and I want you to be mine, and I want the whole damned world to know it.”


                “I thought the alpha was supposed to do the asking?” Bucky murmured, voice low and hands tightening around Steve, pulling him in tighter.


                “The alpha was taking too long,” Steve retorted, before dropping his chin, looking up at Bucky through his lashes. “Plus, I ain’t heard any questions yet. From either side.”


                Bucky hummed, soft and quiet, arms tightening around Steve’s waist for a moment before relaxing. “Look at you,” he said after a moment, smile creeping across his face. “Always the braver of the two of us.” Steve snorted, but Bucky lifted a hand, setting it on the back of Steve’s neck, squeezing lightly.


                Steve settled immediately, melting against Bucky, then scowled when he realised what Bucky had done. “Not cool,” he mumbled, but Bucky hushed him with a kiss.


                “I love you,” Bucky said as their lips parted. “Steve Rogers, will you be mine? Will you bond with me?”


                Honestly, Steve hadn’t expected it to be that easy. He’d expected Bucky to dig his feet in, wait until he was ready, like the alpha he was. But, fuck but he’d asked. He’d asked, and he wanted this.


                “Buck, I’ve been yours this whole time, waitin’ for you to ask.” Steve murmured, leaning forward and resting his forehead against Bucky’s. “Of course I will.”




                It didn’t happen right then, like in the movies. Steve’s heat was still burning low and steady in his gut, almost cresting but not quite there. Bucky finally gave in and called into work, taking his rut-week, and stayed within reach of Steve for nearly three days straight as they waited. Anticipation settled in Steve, want darkening his gaze and pulling his eyes to Bucky almost constantly. Bucky didn’t look like he was much better. They could blame it on their cycles, but it was more than that, because this time, it was more than that.


                Bonding wasn’t marriage, because it was more than marriage. Bonding was permanent. For life. No take-backs, no divorces, no refunds. Some married couples bonded, some bonded couples married. But at this point, there was no ceremony between them. Just a plan to tie themselves together for the rest of their lives. No big deal.


                To say Steve wasn’t nervous was to make him a filthy liar. He was nervous. He was scared, he was expecting Bucky to turn around and pull out at every moment, even though Bucky had been the one to ask in the first place. The days between their agreement and Steve’s heat starting were full of reminders as to why Steve wasn’t worth Bucky’s attention. Wasn’t worth Bucky’s bond.  Though Steve never mentioned it, Bucky must have known something was up, because he absolutely doted on Steve, and Steve let him.


                Bucky carried him everywhere Steve would let him, was constantly touching him, feeding him by hand, dragging his fingers through Steve’s hair. He whispered compliments and sweet comments in Steve’s ear when he thought Steve wasn’t paying attention, and did it twice as much when he thought Steve was. He reminded Steve again and again through his words and actions exactly why Steve loved him, and spent no small amount of that time reminding Steve of Bucky’s love.


                It was as Steve was coming to terms with it that preheat finally moved into full-blown heat. He woke with a soft moan on the fourth day, Bucky’s scent in his nose and Bucky’s hand firmly on his ass.


                “Is it?” Bucky murmured, voice hoarse with sleep, eyes blinking open lazily as he nudged Steve closer.


                Steve didn’t respond, not verbally. Instead, he dropped his head slightly, licked over Bucky’s collarbone, before nuzzling his cheek against the scent gland there.


                “Steve,” Bucky said again, a little firmer, and it send a shiver through Steve’s spine. He arched slightly, pressing himself against Bucky’s body a little harder, and Bucky’s fingers dug into his ass just a little.


                “Just,” Steve mumbled after a moment, mouth slowly moving up Bucky’s throat.


                There was a rumbled sigh, and Bucky dropped his chin, dropping a kiss to the top of Steve’s head.


                “You’re not,” Steve continued, and Bucky shook his head slightly, bringing his free hand up to cup Steve’s jaw.


                “Not yet,” he murmured, tipping Steve’s head up and pressing a kiss to his lips. “You wanna wait?” He checked in, and Steve smiled, if a little strained.


                “Yeah, wanna wait for you.”


                Bucky rolled them carefully at that, settling between Steve’s thighs and nipping along his jaw. The heat settled low in his gut, skin starting to itch as Bucky settled over him, pinned him down. Bucky dropped his head, sucked a mark onto Steve’s neck lazily, and Steve shifted, subconsciously trying to get Bucky to move down.


                He didn’t though, knowing all too well where Steve wanted him, just kept sucking and licking and biting at Steve’s neck until he was satisfied. He shifted lower then, and only then, as Steve started to shift impatiently. Steve could feel himself starting to slip, surrounded by Bucky, by alpha, and he whined, high and reedy.


                “Be patient,” Bucky murmured in response, and Steve lifted a hand to hit him. Before he could, Bucky’s fingers wrapped around his wrist, the metal cool and unyielding. He pressed Steve’s hand back against the mattress, and Steve’s breath caught on a gasp, his hips hitching up as a Bucky applied slight pressure. “Be. Patient.” Bucky said again, voice a growl, and oh.


                Steve had never been in heat and around a rutting alpha before. He assumed that this, the thrill in his spine and the catch of his breath as he fell still, was all part of the deal. He tipped his head back, submitting to Bucky, only to Bucky, and the responding growl was deep, but pleased.


                There were lips against his throat, oh so gentle, then Bucky hummed quietly. “Not long now,” he murmured, voice going scratchy, and Steve felt himself slick further in response.


                “Bucky,” he whined, and Bucky kept moving, mouth trailing up, dusting over his chin, before covering Steve’s lips with a hum.


                They stayed like that, Bucky cradled between Steve’s thighs, and kissed as Bucky’s rut set in. Steve can feel the difference almost immediately.


                Bucky’s kiss became more possessive, and his hips pressed forward against Steve’s almost absently, and Steve moaned in response. He could smell the difference on Bucky, could smell the rut on him, could taste the pheromones on his tongue as they kissed.


                Bucky broke his mouth away, leaving Steve to gasp for breath, and planted his hands on either side of Steve’s head. His hips rolled forward, and by the look on his face it was deliberate this time, a slow grind that had Steve’s hands flying to Bucky’s shoulders, and a whimper tearing out of his mouth.


                “Buck-” He started, but Bucky did it again, and Steve gave up speaking, just clung to Bucky as his legs fell open a little further. His hips shifted, and he instinctively tried to roll over, to present, and Steve let it happen, knowing there was no need to hide his need from Bucky. Bucky, however, seemed to disagree with that plan. He rolled his hips forward again, cock sliding against Steve’s, and kept his weight down, holding Steve in place.


                “Not yet, want you to come like this,” Bucky purred, before he dropped his lips to Steve’s throat again.


                “Pleas-” Steve started, but what he was trying to say was cut off with a moan, as Bucky rocked forward again. Considering how sensitive he was, it didn’t take long after that, the slick slide of Bucky’s cock against his own, slicker with each passing moment, making him moan and arch and beg. And then, and then he couldn’t hold it back any more, breath catching in his throat as his whole body tensed, before he shuddered, coming between them with a moan.


                “There you go.” Bucky’s low rumble was pleased, and his hips slowed, stilled against Steve’s. Steve’s breath was heavy, deep, shuddering breaths falling from his lips as he slowly focused on Bucky again.


                “Fuck,” Steve mumbled, back arching slightly as his heat only flared with the empty orgasm. “Bucky.


                There wasn’t much else Steve could say at that point, but Bucky seemed pleased, nuzzling his lips along Steve’s jaw. One hand dropped to Steve’s hip, tucking him in closer, and Steve whined softly at the possessive touch. Then- then Steve was flying.


                He hit the mattress on his stomach with a soft thud, and a quiet yelp, but as soon as he realised what had happened, as soon as he realised what Bucky had done, his fingers were curling into the sheets, and he was shifting up onto his knees. “Buck,” he whined, barely able to think with heat crawling though him and anticipation sitting in his gut. “C’mon Buck.”


                Either Bucky’s rut was starting to hit him fully, or he was just tired of waiting, because a heavy hand slid up his back, pressing Steve’s shoulders down a little before stroking down again, over his flank. A thick finger slid down the crease of his ass, and Steve’s whine almost drowned out Bucky’s responding growl.


                “God, Steve, bet you taste so good,” was the rumble from behind him, and Steve couldn’t help but growl in annoyance. He kicked a foot out, just wanting Bucky to hurry up, and Bucky laughed softly behind him, before pressing a kiss to the curve of Steve’s ass. “Okay, okay,” Bucky murmured, amused, and then that thick finger was dragging through the slick on his thighs and pressing up, and in.


                Steve moaned, loud and shaky, and Bucky immediately added a second finger, scissoring them carefully. “Already so wet for me Steve,” Bucky murmured, voice lower than normal, grating over Steve’s skin as he fucked his fingers into Steve. “You want it that bad, huh? Want my cock, want my knot?” he purred, pulling his fingers out, sliding in with three. Steve jerked at that, hips hitching forward, before he pressed back, relishing the slight burn before it faded into pleasure.


                “Yes,” he whined, only one part of his mind actually sure about what Bucky was asking, the rest willing to say anything to get more. “Want it, can I have it please alpha,” he mumbled, pressing back onto Bucky’s fingers, clenching around them before relaxing, hindbrain trying to coax Bucky into fucking him properly.


                “Want my bite?” Bucky’s voice went silky, fingers pulling out and two big hands, hot and cold, caught Steve’s hips. “My bond?” Bucky tugged back slightly, and Steve went willingly, pressing back as the head of Bucky’s cock slid up over his perineum. Steve’s head rocked forward, baring the back of his neck, and he shuddered, submitting to his alpha in a way he rarely did, even in heat.


                “Fuck me, bite me, bond me, alpha- Bucky – please,” Steve whined, pressing back.


                A shout tore from his throat as Bucky pressed forward, filling him up so suddenly, so completely, that everything narrowed down to the slick glide of Bucky’s cock working into him. Steve shuddered, forehead pressing into the bed as he silently begged Bucky to bite.


                Bucky’s body draped over Steve’s as Bucky bottomed out, cooler metal of his left arm winding around Steve’s waist, holding him tight. He nuzzled his lips against the back of Steve’s neck, pressed a kiss to the spot, like he had the very first time. “Mine,” he growled. And bit.


                The pain of the bite was immediately overwhelmed by something more. It shimmered in Steve’s mind, a bright exclamation that swirled through him, lighting every nerve on fire. He gasped, shocked at the intensity, momentarily forgetting everything else.


                Then, Bucky drew his hips back, and Steve let out a shocked little noise, attention suddenly zeroing in on the drag of Bucky’s cock, out, then snapping in deep. Pleasure ran through him, every nerve on fire, and he felt a shocked little burst, deep in his chest. Bucky shuddered over him, and Steve pressed back, grinding himself as much as he could against Bucky, demanding more. Bucky’s hands were heavy on his hips, holding him still, and Steve gave a whine of demand, instead clenching around Bucky’s cock as Bucky pulled out again, fucked back in.


                There was the drag of something against his cock, tight and unforgiving, and Steve moaned, head rocking forward. He could feel Bucky’s mouth against his nape, kissing and licking the spot, and he could feel Bucky’s hands, twin points of pressure, on his hips, and still the feeling against his cock continued, increased. Bucky’s moan was stuttered as Steve rocked back again, as much as he could, then Bucky was propping himself up on one hand, and Steve wasn’t thinking about anything anymore.


                There was just the slick slide of Bucky’s cock, the coiling heat in his stomach, the need thrumming in every inch of him, and he realised he was begging, pleading for more, soft gasps interspersed with “c’mon Buck c’mon please,” and “knot me Bucky please.”


                It wasn’t falling on deaf ears. Bucky was swelling inside him, making him whine, and Bucky’s breaths were getting harsher, Bucky’s murmured words getting filthier and filthier as he dragged them both closer to orgasm. Bucky’s hand on his hip coaxed Steve’s ass up a little further, his shoulders down a little more, and Steve cried out as Bucky grazed what he was searching for.


                Bucky’s thrusts became relentless then, rut driving him harder, faster, longer, than usual, and despite the knot tugging at Steve every time Bucky pulled back, he fucked Steve through one orgasm, then another, without even a hint of stopping. Steve, heat-driven and still missing what he needed, moaned “Knot me, knot meknotmeknotme” until Bucky jerked, teeth latching onto Steve’s shoulder as he finally, finally, came, shuddering as his knot locked them together.


                Steve barely contained a scream, the noise coming out as a hoarse moan instead, the feeling of Bucky swelling, catching, locking, inside him and the knowledge that his alpha was filling him up sending a wave of heat through him. His heat started to settle as soon as they tied, but Bucky slid a hand under Steve, warm fingers wrapping firmly around Steve’s cock, and he whispered in Steve’s ear, “One more.”


                When he came it was with a punched out noise, almost a gasp, and Bucky soothed his free hand over Steve’s shoulder, propping himself up on an elbow. “There you go,” he purred, hips rocking forward slightly, and Steve whimpered as Bucky’s knot pressed deeper.


                Bucky sat back, hauling Steve up with him, the action causing his knot to tug in Steve, making him moan shakily. Bucky nuzzled his lips over Steve’s neck, kissing the spot he’d bit, the spot that must hold the imprint of Bucky’s teeth now. Steve felt a flash of possessive pride, weaving through his chest, and he gasped softly, hand reaching back to cup Bucky’s head.


                “Was that…-” He managed, voice hoarse, and Bucky hummed softly, nipped the skin.


                “Mmmhmm,” was the response, and Steve felt the exact moment Bucky actually thought about the question. What it meant.




                “It’s the-”


                “I can feel you.” Bucky’s words rushed from his mouth, one big hand flattening over Steve’s chest, right in the centre. The silver stood out against Steve’s skin, and God but he wanted Bucky’s hands all over him. “Right here, I can-”


                “Feel you,” Steve finished, hand covering Bucky’s, head rocking back against Bucky’s shoulder. He looked up at Bucky, breath still coming hard, eyes wide, and Bucky stared down at him for a moment, before a smile broke out on his face.


                “You’re my”