"Ugh," said Goofus as Gallant adjusted his tie. "God. I feel so gay."
"Maybe 'cause you are," Gallant teased, and Goofus glared as Gallant turned around toward the closet. God, Gallant was completely insufferable. Goofus didn't know why he was going by his wishes and going to prom with him.
Although it might have something to do with the amazing sex they had. A lot.
"Now hold still while I pin the bouttenniere on you," said Gallant.
Goofus sighed. "Why do I have to wear a fucking button-ere?" he said as Gallant pinned it on.
"Because," said Gallant, stepping back and beaming. Goofus rolled his eyes. "It's prom."
"Yeah, okay. Fucking prom," Goofus said.
Gallant frowned. "I know you don't want to go," he said, "but we kinda are dating and Linda said that she was really looking forward to seeing us there--"
"Your friend Linda's a fag hag, and that's creepy," said Goofus. "And besides, what about me? What about my needs?"
"Your needs are to sit around on the couch all day and play video games and watch WWE," said Gallant.
"That's not true."
"And make out with me," said Gallant.
"Okay, that's true," said Goofus, and grinned when he saw Gallant's face. "And you're blushing."
"Shut up." Gallant hit him in the arm and then went to get his own tuxedo.
Goofus grinned as he watched his boyfriend get dressed. Their parents knew they were dating--well, the whole school knew they were dating. They weren't exactly keeping a secret, but they didn't hold hands or do any of that pussy shit at school, either. It was just that one day one of Gallant's lame ass friends came over to Gallant's house to return a textbook she'd borrowed and saw Goofus and Gallant making out in the living room, and... well, then everyone knew.
Neither of them had protested too much and no one really cared, aside from Gallant's parents who were more concerned about the fact that Gallant was dating Goofus more than anything else. Which befuddled him because Goofus was a perfectly great guy to be dating. Right?
Oh, who was he kidding.
"Are we gonna have after-prom sex?" he asked, and Gallant turned around and rolled his eyes.
"We'll see," he said, which was better than a no.
"We totally should," said Goofus. "My birthday's coming up in a week, anyways."
"Yeah," said Gallant. "I have your birthday present already."
"You do?" said Goofus, surprised.
"Yeah," said Gallant. "I've had it for about a month."
"What... is it?" Goofus asked.
"You'll see." Gallant tied his tie and put his jacket on. Unlike Goofus, he wasn't wearing a vest. "How do I look?"
"Like a dork," said Goofus, and Gallant pouted. Goofus grinned and walked up to him, their foreheads and noses brushing. Goofus liked that they were the same height; he didn't want to be shorter than Gallant, but being too tall would be too weird. "But a cute dork," he said, and Gallant smiled against him.
The door opened.
"--oh," said Gallant's mother, looking startled. "I'm sorry I--it's just that, the limo's outside--"
She rushed out the room.
"Mom, we weren't doing anything!" Gallant tried calling to her, but it looked like the damage was done.
Goofus snorted. "Better than that time she walked in on you showing me all your porn."
"Shut up." Gallant's mom had made him delete it from his computer and then had suspended his computer for three days.
They went downstairs and to the limousine, where Gallant's friends were. And Gallant's friends were completely insufferable; Goofus tuned them out most of the time during the car ride. At least Gallant's parents hadn't asked to take pictures of them together, though. They could still hardly stand having him in their house.
"Goofus," said Gallant suddenly, and Goofus turned to him. "Becky just said that you look nice," said Gallant, gesturing to one of his friends.
Said friend was a girl with curly brown hair and was wearing a purple dress. She had buck teeth. "Thanks," Goofus grumbled and returned to staring out the window.
They got to the hotel in time, the hotel being the W in Los Angeles. Couples and girls--mostly girls, as apparently they were all going as a group, "as friends", and Goofus did his best not to cough out "lesbians"--filed out and Goofus and Gallant slipped out with them.
"This is going to be so much fun!" said Gallant.
"Yeah, yeah," said Goofus, following him inside. "Let's just get this over with."
It took them at least twenty minutes to get in. Goofus was doing his best not to complain, although he'd look kind of stupid if he did--Gallant was busy talking to his friends so Goofus didn't have anyone to talk to. He didn't mind too much, because they were always at each other's houses or at school and could talk to each other pretty much any time they wanted (also Goofus's texts had gone over Gallant's limit last month since apparently Gallant didn't have unlimited texting), but... actually, Goofus wondered why Gallant wasn't talking to him as much now they were at prom. This was supposed to be a couple-thing. That they were doing. Together.
"Hey, G," said a voice behind him, and Goofus swiveled around to see Brandon. He grinned.
"Hey," he said, and they leaned in for a bro hug. Goofus glanced at his friend's companion. "This your girl?"
"I'm Melissa," said the girl. She was pretty: had exotic skin and big eyes and long dark hair. She smiled at Goofus.
"Where's your girlfriend?" said Brandon, and Goofus rolled his eyes.
"He's not my girlfriend, I've already told you at least ten times," he said.
"He?" said Melissa.
"Oh, yeah," said Brandon. "Goofus is gay. Aren't you, Goofus?" he said in a teasing baby voice.
"Just 'cause I have sex with a dude doesn't make me gay," said Goofus.
"Yeah, it just makes you a dude who has sex with other dudes," Brandon sniggered.
"There are other dudes and there's--Gallant? Where'd he go?" He looked around.
"Probably left," said Brandon. "You can come in with us, if you want."
Goofus did and was a little irritated when they went in to the main room. Gallant was nowhere to be seen; Gallant looked over all the heads he could.
He finally spotted him when he was in the dining area and Gallant was sitting at a table, talking and laughing with his friends. Goofus pulled him aside.
"Dude," he hissed, "what was that?"
"What? Oh, sorry," said Gallant, and giggled. Goofus didn't crack a smile. "I guess I just... forgot, I guess."
"You forgot about me? Your--" Goofus lowered his voice even more "--boyfriend?"
"Sorry," said Gallant. His eyes were wide now. "I didn't--"
"Dude, what's up?" said Goofus. "You could've at least just told me you would rather hang out with your friends today at prom or something, instead of ditching me--"
"No, no, I didn't want that. I don't want that," said Gallant.
"Then what was with that whole ditching stint? And not talking to me in the limo?" Goofus put his hands on his shoulders. "Is this your way of saying--"
"No, Goofus, I." Gallant bit his lip. "I just thought, that you'd rather not... be around me today. Right now. At prom."
"What? What the fuck, why?"
"'Cause, like," mumbled Gallant. "We don't hang out at school, y'know. Like, we talk, and people sorta know that we're dating, but that's it. You have your friends and I have my friends and I thought you wanted to... keep it that way."
"Well yeah," said Goofus, "I do, but--I mean, this is fuckin' prom. I don't care about my friends today. Just kinda wanna," he broke off into a mumble, "be with you."
A smile broke over Gallant's face. "Really?"
"Don't make me say it again," said Goofus. "C'mon, let's go find a table away from everyone else so no one'll have to sit with us."
That proved to be an impossible task as practically everyone in their senior class had come and they ended up sitting next to two couples who appeared to be friends, and a chubby girl who'd come alone. Gallant started chatting with her immediately and Goofus waited impatiently for them to get food.
The food here was actually pretty okay--well, compared to school food, which they usually ate with the kids here. For hotel food, it was less than average in Goofus's opinion, but at least it wasn't cafeteria food.
"Where's your boutonniere?" Goofus heard that chubby girl ask Gallant.
"Oh, I don't have one," said Gallant. "I didn't--Well, I just thought that I should get him one, but he didn't really--"
"What do you mean, I didn't really?" said Goofus, butting into their conversation.
Gallant looked embarrassed. "It's okay, you didn't have to get me one," he said. "I just--I mean, I wanted you to have a boutonniere, and didn't care if I got one myself--"
Goofus sighed. "Fuck it, Gallant. You do realize that we're dating, right?"
Gallant looked even more embarrassed. "Yeah?"
"And that I want to get you stuff too. Um." He picked up his napkin. "I think I can fold this into a flower--"
"Here, take my corsage," offered the chubby girl.
Goofus stared at her. "What?"
"You can have it," said the girl. "I don't really want it, anyways, but my parents had--anyways," she said, shaking her head. "I want to see you put it on him. It'd be cute." She smiled.
"Fucking fag hags," Goofus muttered as he put the corsage around Gallant's wrist, and Gallant laughed.
"You wouldn't have the corsage without her, you know," he said, and Goofus grumbled, "Yeah, yeah, I know."
They sat around and talked some more, warming up to their tablemates--Goofus had thought that the couple-friends would be dickbags and rude, but they actually seemed pretty genial to them, even when Goofus had accidentally pointed out that he could see one of the girls' tits under her dressed and Gallant had kicked him in the shin.
Then the music started and everyone started running towards the dance floor.
"Oh, fuck," said Goofus, but Gallant looked overjoyed--just fucking great.
"I love this song!" he said.
"You love every song."
"C'mon, let's dance!"
"Do we have to?" Goofus said as Gallant started pulling him out of his seat. "I'm not exactly great on my feet--"
"It's teenage dancing! We only have to jump!" said Gallant, and then they were jumping up and down to bad dubstep music. (Although in Goofus's humble opinion all dubstep was bad music.)
Several other jump-y songs came on and they jumped, and Goofus had to admit, he was having a pretty good time. He knew some of the songs too even though he didn't enjoy them, particularly--but he knew them, could dance along with them. Lil Wayne even played and that was when Gallant said that they could go back, but Goofus persuaded him to stay. And made Gallant listen to music he wasn't fond of, either. Now he knew how it felt.
"Okay, now we can leave," said Goofus when a slow song started, but then Gallant grabbed his hand.
"You know," said Gallant, "it was always my dream to dance to a slow song at prom."
"I thought your dream was to become a police sheriff," said Goofus.
"That too," said Gallant. He smiled. "Stay? Just this song, I promise."
"You promise an awful lot of things," said Goofus as he came closer to Gallant and wrapped his arms around his front.
"And I keep them all," Gallant said with a cheeky little smile, glancing to him.
They swayed in place, for several seconds. Over Gallant's shoulder, Goofus could see a lot of couples making out. "Are we doing this right?" he whispered into Gallant's ear.
"I think so," Gallant whispered back. He pulled them apart so that they could look each other in the face, although Gallant's hands were still on his shoulders.
"Y'know," said Gallant. "I've always, like. Thought you'd ditch me by now. For some girl with nice boobs."
"I would never," said Goofus, and then Gallant gave him a look. "Well, maybe," he admitted. "Depends on how nice the boobs are."
Gallant snorted and put his face in Goofus's shoulder. "I was just joking," he said.
"So was I," said Goofus, and Gallant looked up at him again. "I kinda prefer my... people with no boobs," said Goofus. "And, like, blond hair. And freckles."
He nudged his nose into Gallant's cheek and Gallant laughed.
"You do realize how cheesy you're being, right?" he said.
"God, I'm disgusting," said Goofus. "Speaking of, after prom sex. Is that a yes or a no, or--"
Gallant rolled his eyes, but was still smiling. "Well, actually," he said. "There's a post-prom party which we could go to--"
"Or, after prom sex," said Goofus. "I actually managed to sneak my mom's credit card in, so we could rent a room--"
"I'm just suggesting," said Goofus innocently. "Think of the big large comfy beds that we could have lots of sex on."
"It does sound tempting," said Gallant. "But. I'm sticking to what I said before. We'll see."
"You're no fun," said Goofus, pouting, and Gallant laughed and pecked him on the lips.
"That's why I keep you around."