Lily was pacing in the kitchen again.
Not that she doesn’t have a right to. Not that it’s completely unwarranted. Hell, Narcissa is surprised that the other woman is able to remain this calm. Calm… As if they understand the meaning of the word anymore.
Living in the shadows was something Narcissa was intimately used to. She had been born in the darkness, and had survived in the darkness. Her decision to abandon her family and their ideals, even for love, had wrought only more darkness.
To her credit, she always allowed the other woman an out.
You don’t have to do this. You can leave anytime you want. I know it’s a lot to ask.
Shut up and kiss me.
That’s how it always went with Lily. She was terrifying and beautiful, a brutal truth held on her tongue ready to be unleashed. She was more real than anything in Narcissa’s life had ever been.
“You’re pacing again,” she said, staring down at the chipped mug holding unstrained, cold tea.
It wasn’t the best thing she could have said in that moment. And Lily had every right to pace. When the woman stopped moving and turned to look at Narcissa blankly, she knew it was the wrong thing to say.
It was stated levelly. But the match held right underneath the words did not go unnoticed by either women. Narcissa shifted in her stool, causing it to rock slightly. Everything they owned rocked slightly or had chips or cracks. At least two of their cups had to be held just so in order to not leak through. Such was the life of lovers in hiding.
It was a dangerous time for everyone, really. The Dark Lord was on the rise, gathering his servants and slowly corrupting the already shaky government. Meanwhile, Muggle prejudice made the love they shared something to be feared, hated, quelled. It took courage for Narcissa to leave behind her comfortable and designed future for Lily. It had taken something different for Lily to leave behind the good fight and presupposed future for Narcissa.
A flash of red, and suddenly Lily was behind Narcissa, holding her tightly. It was a crushing hug, somewhere between aching affection and utter displeasure. A deep sigh sounded and whirled around Narcissa’s ear. It made her shiver and lean back slightly into the woman’s touch.
“I know why you did it. But why, in Merlin’s name, did you do this?” Lily asked softly.
Narcissa smiled wryly and shrugged. Lily tugged sharply to spin Narcissa around to face her. They looked into each other’s eyes, grey on green, both ignoring everything else for just a moment.
Lily’s eyes were so much more than just a colour, Narcissa always thought. They were a mesmerising, tangled, layered mess. Just like her… Flecks of gold and red broke up the probably thirty different shades of green encased in her whites that were sometimes bloodshot but always blinding. She blinked once, and tears began to gather. The bright greens dulled slightly.
Narcissa reached a hand out to cup the side of Lily’s face, and she leaned into the touch. Lily let her hand slide up Narcissa’s to hold onto the others’ hand. She took a step back and pulled the hand, and all of Narcissa, toward her. They headed to the bed together, silently. Truly, it was a mattress on the floor in the corner of the single room they shared. Sometimes it doubled as a table. Some days they felt as though it hardly got used. The work they were able to find was long, tireless hours with enough time for a nap and a bite in between.
Narcissa leaned forward into Lily as they sat on the bed together, letting their lips tumble against each other so familiarly. The redhead sighed contently and melted into the kiss, letting her guard down instantly. Narcissa was soon to follow, revelling in the sensations and memories that those lips conjured.
Kissing briefly as they passed each other, one to work and one to bed. Kissing passionately and without abandon against the wall, trying desperately to ignore the fact that they were out of substantial food. Kissing sweetly and teasingly, giddy with the excitement of having the rest of their lives with only each other. Kissing hesitantly and shyly, both realizing in the same moment how much they wanted and needed each other.
“I need you,” Lily breathed.
Narcissa knew what she meant, and began reaching for whatever articles of clothing she could find and pulling. Each new inch of skin revealed was met with a hot, open-mouthed kiss. Lily shivered under her administrations and giggled softly as goosebumps appeared over her skin. Narcissa sat back momentarily, marvelling again at the sight of Lily.
Splayed out before her, as though cast out of a wayward thought. She seemed barely there, and too much there. She was altogether so much and not enough at all. Narcissa bent her head down reverently to trace a trail up from Lily’s soft, warm stomach up to her blushing neck with her tongue, feeling her pulse race and beat dramatically. Lily responded by arching her back and hissing softly, letting her hands weave softly into Narcissa’s blonde locks. As she pulled at the hair absently, Narcissa knew something was different. Something was...not wrong, exactly. Just different.
Lily sighed and pulled Narcissa up into a deep, slow kiss. It was passionate, heartbreakingly so, but Narcissa was paying more attention to Lily’s fingers tapping rhythmically against her spine. She was restless. Anxious. The events of the day were weighing heavy on her mind.
Narcissa extracted herself from Lily’s mouth and moved down her body to rest between her legs. Lily hummed appreciatively, letting her head fall back and her eyes close.
It reminded her of the first time she had ever seen Lily laugh. Head thrown back, shoulders heaving, tears squeezing themselves between tightly closed lids. She laughed like she fought, like she cried, like she made love: with everything she had.
Narcissa’s hands tightened around Lily’s too-thin hips and began to devour her viciously. Her tongue swirled and plunged, her teeth nipped and scraped, her lips sucked and kissed. Lily gasped and moaned, opening her eyes to watch. Soon, Narcissa added her fingers, finding that spot that made Lily make the most beautiful cooing noises and exploiting it to its fullest extent. Lily’s head thrashed back and forth, and Narcissa waited, watching her inhibitions fall away slowly but surely, revealing the rawest, most complete form of Lily that has ever existed.
Her orgasm ripped through her quickly and suddenly, causing her to tremble and pant heavily. Her eyes snapped open and looked down to Narcissa with more red than gold shining in her eyes. Desire and need, such great need, was evident on her face. It was a hungry, pleading expression that Narcissa almost feared.
“Tell me what you want, my -”
The cute pet name was sharply cut off. Lily lay there, watching Narcissa react, having just said something so surprising that Narcissa almost laughed. Things with Lily were either hot or cold, even in the way she spoke, and this was no exception.
For all that it was a different request, Lily could have just the same been asking Narcissa to kiss her, or put the kettle on, or any number of casual things. She had, in the past, asked Narcissa for different types of foreplay or sexual acts, but never this. And never with actual words. Usually it was a guided hand or wordless demonstration. Narcissa could usually figure out what Lily needed without Lily having to say a word. Which worked out perfectly, as Lily hardly ever felt the need to communicate her needs through speaking.
Narcissa had barely registered the request, her mind spinning and racing to understand. She felt silly and naive for asking for clarification. Only Lily could make Narcissa feel like this, like she was the younger, more impressionable one. Always helpless to deny Lily, always seeking for approval, always aiming to please.
Lily’s eyebrow arched and a slow, impish smile spread across her glossy lips. She rose in one single, fluid motion and flipped Narcissa onto her stomach. Narcissa let out a gasp and turned her head to look at the other woman. Lily made a soft shushing sound, and began trailing her fingers over Narcissa softly. Narcissa’s eyes fluttered closed and she lost herself in the sensation. Her skin was flushed and practically singing with each touch of Lily’s fingers.
It was a rare thing for Lily to touch Narcissa in this manner, and she gladly soaked up the attention.
Without hesitation or warning, Lily struck her palm against Narcissa’s exposed bottom. The sound was louder than the strike itself, but it nonetheless caused Narcissa to gasp and raise herself onto her elbows to look back at the other woman. Lily was watching carefully as a red imprint began forming on Narcissa’s arse, marvelling, no doubt, at her handiwork. She let her fingers trail over the mark, the coolness of her fingers barely soothing the stinging burn left behind.
There were no words that came to Narcissa’s mind, but she fumbled for them anyway.
She wasn’t entirely sure what she was questioning. She really just needed answers.
Lily’s voice halted in her throat, unable to escape. Narcissa turned around and guided Lily to rest between her legs and on top of her. She breathed a sigh of a kiss onto Lily’s lips and cheek. She didn’t need an explanation, she supposed. It was what Lily wanted, and Narcissa was powerless to deny her.
Narcissa allowed Lily the same soft, soothing touches down her spine and over her bottom. Lily alternately tensed and relaxed, and Narcissa waited patiently until Lily was completely at ease before striking her.
She waited, watching Lily’s reaction and wondering, a little too late, if she should have given more warning. Her mind raced far beyond that as well, wondering if they had ever discussed a safeword, if this was really what Lily had been asking for, if she had possibly stepped over some sort of line, if this was some sort of ridiculous test in trust that she had failed.
A bright red blush formed on Lily’s shoulders and crept up her neck. Her eyes opened and stared at Narcissa with wordless awe, tears lining her lower lid. She reached a hand up to slowly caress Narcissa’s face. She nodded once, and it was all Narcissa needed to understand.
She let her palm come down on Lily once, twice, three more times in rapid succession. Lily cried out only once and began to shake, even as she pulled herself closer to Narcissa.
The stinging sensation in her hand, the weight of Lily crashing into her with every strike, the want to please Lily, the image of tears in Lily’s eyes…
Narcissa let her hand connect with Lily four more times before she stopped suddenly, pushing Lily off of her and taking a deep, shaky breath. It was too much. Even as she thought this, the idea seemed ridiculous. She wasn’t the one being hit repeatedly. Why did it make her feel like screaming and crying?
Lily lay panting for a moment, running hands over her own stomach and thighs. She was in another world, completely disconnected from Narcissa.
One floated through space, searching for sparkling lights and fire.
One lay below, looking up from further away than usual, searching for sanctuary and release from her own self.
The tears started to fall from Narcissa’s eyes, completely unbidden and without sound. She felt lost, completely unsure, and berated herself in her own mind for falling apart.
Lily suddenly turned to face her lover as though to explain her own euphoria and seek the others’. Seeing the other woman staring at her with tears in her eyes and an expression of confusion and distress on her face, the lazy, easy smile fell. She wrapped herself around Narcissa tightly, pressing soothing kisses to her temples.
They lay like this for some time. Lily hummed softly as Narcissa willed the dark cloud settling over her to flee. Her muscles unclenched, though she wasn’t sure when she had begun balling herself up. Her breathing slowed, her tears halted, and she let out a sigh of relief. Narcissa pressed herself closer to Lily and buried her face in her neck. She took a deep breath and held it for a moment, before saying,
”I’m sorry I used magic today.”
Lily’s hand dislodged itself from its crushing position between them and ran an easy trail over Narcissa’s shoulder blades. For a moment, it seemed as though she were chewing over her words carefully. Narcissa waited patiently and tried to hide the shivers running over her as Lily’s hand grazed over her sensitive skin.
“I’m not mad at you, Cissy. This wasn’t meant to be a punishment for you.”
Narcissa looked up into Lily’s questioning face. To be truthful, she wasn’t quite sure of anything at the moment. She had used magic outside of their apartment. This was their number one biggest rule, and she had never broken it before. It seemed that Lily had requested the spankings from Narcissa as a sort of punishment, but maybe she hadn’t.
“What was all this about then?”
Instead of answering, Lily positioned herself above Narcissa and brought their lips together in a crushing, demanding kiss. Her hands moved over Narcissa’s body, pausing occasionally to scratch the skin lightly or press her thumb right above the hipbone. Narcissa’s body reacted immediately to the attention; her back arched up into Lily, gooseflesh broke out over her arms and legs, her temperature rose and a blush formed over her, starting on her chest. Lily released herself from Narcissa’s mouth, only to graze her teeth over Narcissa’s bottom lip. Narcissa moaned lightly, and found herself panting.
Lily moved down Narcissa’s body to lay a soft, barely there kiss on Narcissa’s inner thigh. She inhaled deeply and snaked a tongue out to caress Narcissa’s clit only once. Narcissa whimpered and willed her legs to stop shaking.
With an appreciative smile and desire pooling in her eyes, Lily rose once more to take one of Narcissa’s earlobes into her mouth for just a moment, before saying,
“This is what it’s always been about, my darling.”