Chapter 1: Captain Who?
(As told in the Villain’s POV)
It’s been two years. Two fucking years and not a god damn word from Jon. What the hell happened? No text, no phone calls, not even a damn Skype call or email. Seriously, what the fuck? I get that he’s busy and has a shit ton of work to do but really? Two fucking years and no contact? Bullshit! We were the two best friends that anyone could have! How could you do this to me Jon? I mean, we worked so hard on so many projects and had fun, does that not mean anything? Well apparently not! He doesn’t answer the phone, or anything for that matter. Well Jon, you fucking fucked this friendship up.
I’m so mad I wish I could…wait a minute…I CAN make you feel how I’m feeling. I can take away the thing you love most…and I will. Then I’ll make you feel exactly what I feel. That’s it Jonathan Young, you want to be famous…you got it. I’ll make you the most famous person there is where I’m sending you, and no one will like who you are…Captain.
Chapter One: Captain WHO?
Like a shock to his system he woke up, his eyes scanning everywhere but not quite seeing anything yet. Everything was a blur, a massive combination of shapes and colors. Breathing seemed to be a chore as his lungs tried to fill with what seemed to be much needed air more than normal. His whole body was shaking slightly from some unknown cause. However, the most noticeable thing that Jonathan could figure out was that his left wrist was killing him! No, seriously, it felt like it was on fucking fire! Or maybe he just had rammed it into one of the wooden doors on the ship-wait, what? He hasn’t been on a boat in…fucking forever it seemed.
Thoughts of being on a mast ship fill his mind along with long nights filled with rum and even some ladies. However, to Jon, they felt more like…memories. He clearly knows he never went on a ship, especially one called The Jolly Rodger of all ships. It also didn’t feel as if it were a dream which threw him off even more but the more he remembered them the more he slowly began to see them and feel them as if he had done them. However, the memories were impossible because he clearly remembered on his twenty first birthday going out for a few drinks followed by some amazing lazer tag wars. Not being accompanied to the local tavern by his first mate Smee and declaring war on the town he currently resided in if the towns-folk did not follow his demands and declaring him King there, or at the very least Mayor. Which they did. Apparently nobody wanted to piss off a pirate here.
“Whoa, what? Pirate?” he whispered to himself. It must have been a dream he kept telling himself. Jon was a musician, not a pirate. About the only thing he stole were the oreos from his mom’s kitchen cabinet or his father’s last slice of pizza. Jon-Dad should know better than to leave pizza around. He did NOT go about the streets of the town pillaging and plundering to his hearts desire. “Well, there was that one time…” he trailed off as he thought about the time he had used his trusty sword to slash all the pants in the local store in the men’s department and use the wonderful five finger discount to snag a bottle of rum at the tavern. He shook his head as if to wipe that memory away because Jon knew for certain that he had never done such a thing. He was no thief yet he clearly remembers doing such things.
The pain in his left wrist became too much to ignore now and as he went to lift it to see what could be wrong with it he lost all train of thought for about a whole minute. Then conflicting memories crashed his mind about what he was seeing. There was no left hand at all. In its place was a silver hook with a leather bound attachment that was actually squeezing his wrist painfully. The conflicting memories were fighting so hard to dominate his mind. He clearly remembered going to sleep last night in his room with BOTH hands. However another memory clashed with that one that seemed so real. He remembered pissing off Rumpelstiltskin who cut his hand off in revenge for stealing a magical stone that could grant anyone the ability to look into someone’s past at will for whatever reason they wished. However, this Rumpelstiltskin looked oddly like Blambles covered in what appeared to be golden crocodile scales and he knows Blambles can be a prick but not someone so vengeful!
It isn’t until he hears a pounding on the door that he realizes he’s been yelling at the top of his lungs while shaking his arm in an attempt to wake up from this nightmare. However, the pounding on the door that is conveniently right next to the couch he’s laying on is extremely persistent in getting his attention.
As he rises from the luxurious black leather couch he’s been resting on he takes in his surroundings as well as what the fuck he’s wearing (besides the obvious hook for a hand). The place is massive and he can tell because from the look of the plain white walls and the splashes of black and white furniture that litter the room it’s extremely spacious and this seems to just be the living room! Glancing down he notices that the floor is hardwood with a nice polish look to it.
However, upon glancing down he notices exactly what he’s wearing and understands instantly why his crotch seems a bit snug down there. He’s dressed in a black long sleeve shirt with a red vest covering it. The vest itself seems to have two sets of black buttons that go from the chest to the bottom on which to adjust for how much of a fit he could want it. A long black leather coat hangs from his frame and it alone feels like it’s fifty pounds. His pants match the coat in that they are both black and leather and just a tad snug on his crotch but not too uncomfortable. Holding his pants up is a simple brown leather belt. Upon his feet appear to be some well worn black leather boots that go about up to knee length but aren’t the most comfortable footwear. And by his feet lies the two bottles of rum that he has memories of consuming the prior night but doesn’t seem to have a hangover for. How peculiar.
The pounding on the door draws his attention away from himself and to the door that is directly under a stairway that leads to a second floor. He ignores his curiosity of exploring his home (the memories of what he’s sure shouldn’t exist tell him that this is definitely his home) in favor of answering the door and seeing where exactly he’s at and what the fuck happened to his hand.
Striding over to the door he swiftly opens it with his only hand and sees a short olive-skinned girl about to continue pounding on the door. In her other hand she holds a pen and notepad. She’s dressed in a green zip up hooded jacket with a grey vest over it, some blue jeans and some white and green running shoes with white socks. Her hair is brown and put into a bun in the back of her head and her face is framed by square glasses. Overall she looks fairly normal but the look on her face tells him that even though he does not know her, she knows him and is not happy one bit with him. “What the hell took you so long? I’ve been knocking what feels like forever! At least twenty minutes anyway. You need to hurry up and get ready to break this damn curse Captain Hook or so help me I will have to shadow you around for all eternity until you do break it and I can be irritating to hang around when I’m not allowed to-”
“Whoa, hold the phone. Who are you? Why are you calling me Captain Hook, and what on earth is going on? I don’t know you, I’m 99% sure we’ve never met yet I feel like I’ve met and for some god awful reason I have memories of speaking to you and knowing for a fact you’re right. What the fuck is going on lady?” At this point Jon has started to pull his hair with one hand while trying not to stab his head with the hook as he attempts to do the same with the other arm.
She sighs and sticks out her hand to shake his. He slowly takes his hand from his hair and shakes her hand. “My name, well, I can’t actually tell you that because I don’t remember my real name. I remember that I go by the name Zerousy, which I know is NOT a real name, who the hell would name their kid that? I’m not even sure how to pronounce it. However, I do know several things that I hope can answer some of your questions. Can I at least come in and use the bathroom real fast before we sit down and talk? Please, I really have to piss.”
Jon takes his hand back and instantly leads her to the bathroom that he’s still trying to sort the memories out of how he knows where it is and why he isn’t in his other home in California because it’s too freaking cold here to be his home in California. After a few minutes she comes out with a relieved look on her face. He leads her back towards the living room and motions for her to take a seat on the black couch he had been sleeping on. As he’s about to say something she holds up her finger for him to be quiet a moment and begins to write some things down. Being confused, hungry and quiet is not easy for him but he manages to do it for a few minutes until she puts her pen down and looks him in the eye.
They stare at each other for a moment before he speaks. “Can I talk now?” he asks irritated.
Nodding enthusiastically she answers, “Yes please. You have a lot of work to do if you’re going to break this curse so time is of the essence…if time was an issue here. You’re really confused aren’t you, Captain?”
“Why do you keep calling me that? And seriously, Captain Hook? I get that I’m missing a hand but this has to be a really weird dream because none of it makes sense if it isn’t.” The frustration is evident in his voice and he tries hard not to take it out on her. Being rude isn’t going to make things easier.
She sighs and looks sad for a moment before speaking. “I call you Captain Hook because that’s the moniker you go by here and no one else will call you by the name of Jon anymore ever since you took over the town with your villainous ways. Before you ask questions let me say all that I know first to make it easier on you. I’m not here to be annoying even if you feel that I am that way right now. I’m here to help you, that is my first role here in this cursed town. You, me, and everyone else here in Jonbrooke are all cursed. We were taken from wherever we came from originally and I don’t remember where that place is. Somehow, someone had managed gather a bunch of us up and curse us with fake memories. Memories that you can clearly see through because you’re the only one who remembers their real life. I’m not sure if you knew anyone in person here but I know that the common denominator between every citizen here is you. I just know that even though almost every day I wake up and do the same thing but the day depends on how you go about it because when everyone goes to sleep it’s like some force presses a reset button on us and makes us start over. You’re the only exception because you’re supposed to be our Savior, the one who breaks the curse. My other role here is known as The Author, hence the pen and paper. I’m supposed to write down the stories that everyone does during the day and all of us cursed people were turned into fairy tale characters, or in some cases, fairy tale related characters. And I know you’re really wanting to interrupt me but please let me finish! As I said, my role depends on how you spend the day because I sometimes shadow you when you let me and I write down the interactions you have with people. I feel like you’re so close to breaking the curse but something stopped you recently because you woke up this morning and don’t remember the days before, do you?”
At this he merely shakes his head. It’s a lot to take in but there are flashes of memories he sees of talking to his crew about finding answers soon but nothing more past that. Other than that he remembers everything in California and before that. He notices that she’s waiting for him to speak now. “So let me get this straight. Everyone here, myself included are cursed with other memories and when we go to bed we forget everything of the previous day but I’m supposed to be the exception because I’m supposed to remember both lives being the hero here?”
“And somehow I was close to breaking the curse but I got to start over again?”
“That’s some fucked up shit that I would have no problem believing that this was all a dream about.”
“But Jon it’s true!”
“But how do I know that?” he questions strongly as he feels his stomach growl letting him know he has yet to eat in a while. “God, I’m so hungry I could eat a whole pizza right now,” he mutters as he rubs his stomach with his hand.
As if on cue, a smile slowly makes its way on her face. Then a devious look settles there. Jon isn’t too sure he likes the look. “I’ll buy you the best pizza you’ll ever have in your life if you just come outside with me and at least pretend what I’m saying doesn’t sound like bullshit while we eat at the pizza place.” Quickly she uses her left hand to make a little ‘x’ over her heart and gives a sincere expression. “I cross my heart and hope to die if you come with me to the pizza parlor and just hear me out. Please help me Captain. You’re my only hope.”
Naturally you don’t trust strangers upon just meeting them and that’s exactly what Jon would normally do. However, that 1% part of him that tells him she’s familiar and not really a stranger at all gives him a moment to think it through. He’s in a place he doesn’t really understand because of the supposed “both memories” bit she’s talking about. She’s willing to devote her time to help him when she could leave him to fumble about without the supposed “curse breaking clues” memories. An added plus is that since he’s starving and she’s offering free pizza he doesn’t see the harm in at least humoring her considering she hasn’t outright murdered him in his living room and stolen his treasure he’s got buried in the basement full of gold, sliver and- yeah he’s going to go ahead and hear her out because the pirate train of thoughts he’s having are interfering with his “real life” thoughts. Plus, she pulled a Star Wars move, only a nerd for the who knows I like those movies would do that. So he decides to humor her. “Alright then, I’ll hear you out over some pizza. Nice Star Wars quote by the way.”
A chuckle escapes her lips as she rolls her eyes and smiles. “I thought it seemed like a good moment to use it.”
They both stand and head towards the door to leave. As he closes the door and they head over to the road he notices that his house is indeed a mini mansion and is actually a hundred yards away from the rest of the main part of the town. For a few seconds he is merely quiet but the curiosity gets to him on why she volunteered to buy him pizza suddenly. “So why are you offering to buy me some pizza? Is dominos the only place that I can buy it or what?”
“Dominos? You think we’re going to Dominos?” this time she flat out laughed at me.
“No Captain, we don’t have any pizza chains.”
“Then why are you laughing at me?” he asks.
“Because you should realize I’m telling you the truth when we get to the only place that sells the best pizza in town. Besides, this town is cursed, we have no access to the outside world.”
“Oh yeah, what’s this amazing pizza place called then?”
She glances at him with a smirk. “The Agrabah Pizza Palace of course.”
She’s a few feet ahead of him when she turns back around and finds him staring at her in disbelief standing still. “Seriously?” he asks exasperatedly.
Chapter 2: Chapter Two: Princess of Agrabah Pizza Palace
Jon finds out the curse is real and not a dream.
Disclaimer: I make no profit off this, purely fiction, don't own any Disney Characters.
Same explanation as in chapter one about not being an actual Once Upon A Time fanfiction with those characters. If you made it past chapter 1 and are here I assume you read that already.
Again, don't like? Don't read.
It took a few minutes but the Author finally managed to drag Jon into the center of the town where the Agrabah Pizza Palace was. Needless to say Jon could only describe it as a house sized version of the Agrabah Palace in the Disney movie. The entire outside of the building had white walls and at the top were golden brown Hershey Kisses shaped domes. The entrance of the restaurant was a simple wooden double door that indicated it was open for business.
Jon could hear the Author, whose name he had forgotten because of all the craziness of the day, inhale the smell of the delicious pizza that was cooking inside. He looked at her again only this time to try and remember who she really was. When she’d said her name before it had sounded familiar but he’d brushed it off because of her wild explanation. However, the more he looked at her the more he was pretty sure he did in fact know her, if not of her, in the ‘real’ world. “Hey, I feel kinda bad for asking but what was your name again? It’s been a hectic morning for me if you haven’t noticed.”
She looked at him really quickly before deciding she wasn’t going to just stand outside the restaurant all day. Lord knows how long it took just to get a pizza in this place and standing outside starving wasn’t doing either of them any good. Heading inside she answered him. “My name is Zerousy. Now we better head in now before we starve to death. It feels like it takes almost forever for them to bring us our orders.” With that she walked through the threshold and entered the Palace.
Quickly following her inside the smell of the most delicious scents hit him harder than they did outside. He could distinguish the smell of the cheeses they used along with the different smells of meats. There were also a few spices that he could smell but couldn’t quite identify. He’d have to look at the menu to figure out what kind of different pizza they sold here. Maybe he would even get a pizza to go since it sounded like they’d be busy all day.
Taking a seat at a table at the center of the half crowded restaurant Jon noticed several people, if not almost everyone stop for a second to openly glare at him before returning to their food. More memories of the things he’d done as “Captain Hook” to several of these people popped up into his head. Particularly the guy made of wood sitting four tables away to his left. Thoughts of hanging that guy over a campfire with his crew mates interrogating him for information on the location of a dagger came forth. The memories of his nose growing did too which could only mean that that guy was some adult version of Pinocchio.
Noticing that Jon was going off into memories of the cursed life Zerousy snapped her fingers in front of him to get his attention. As soon as he came out of the memories she shoved a menu into his hands. “Don’t stare at them. I know you think you remember some stuff on the cursed life but I need you to remember more than anything that these people are not actually happy with you here since you took over the town and some of them believe that you harassed them because of the curse. Just don’t antagonize them, we don’t need a riot. We will be fine as long as we mind our own business like they’re doing theirs.”
As he did as instructed he tried to block out the memories that were coming to him. If what she said was true (and every second he looked around and noticed some obvious Disney characters here like Cruella De Vile and a woman that had long red hair and wore only a purple sea shell bra for a top singing quietly with a fork enforced that belief) then some of those horrible memories that he did were more than likely just fake memories planted by the curse. “So just to clarify things so I don’t get confused later, almost if not everyone here hates me right now?”
“Pretty much. Like I said, they do fear you but they really don’t like you. And- ah shit, here she comes!”
He looked around but didn’t see anyone getting up from a table. However, the sudden feeling of something very pointy at the back of his neck told him that whoever “she” was had approached him from behind and possibly meant him harm. “Easy there! No trouble intended today, I promise!” he exclaimed.
“Stand up and face me you filthy pirate! Today I will fight you and you will be my husband and do as I say when I win. And then I will free the town from your horrible rule and take your place as Madam Mayor. Fight me Captain Hook!”
The forced marriage comment threw him off for a moment but as soon as he turned around Jon instantly knew who this person was. Even in a cursed life and supposedly hated his guts (especially when he remembers vandalizing this very restaurant in said cursed memories) Bvalentina herself could not resist forcing him into marriage. With her long dark brown hair woven into a braid that was casually thrown over her shoulder and reached her knees and a blue head band with a sapphire in it to help keep it back she was still stunning. The blue pants and matching shoulder-less crop top she was wearing that helped her look extremely feminine did not hide her offensive stance and angry face.
Jon had seen Bvalentina’s face many times and spoke with her for their collaboration music so he instantly knew her as she really was but ‘Captain Hook’ only knew her as the fierce warrior Princess Jasmine who was known to cut the hands off those that stole from her, as per her culture demanded. So Jon had to tread carefully when speaking to her. “I’ve merely come for some of your fabulous pizza, Princess. I mean no harm and I do not wish to fight. I will even simply order my food to go if my presence bothers you so much.”
The fierce princess shook her head angrily in disagreement. “NO! That is shit! We fight and when I win you become my husband and I rule this entire town and everything that is yours will become mine! You killed my Aladdin by exposing his shame of being born poor so you will replace him, you horrible man!”
Of course that’s when Jon’s stomach growled letting him know it wasn’t happy with the lack of food just as ‘Jasmine’ was about to hit him with what looked like a long piece of a baguette bread that had been oddly sharpened to a fine point like a spear. Just the sight of food made Jon lose control of himself and he could not stop himself if he tired. With a quickness that surprised even him he snatched the sharpened bread in his hands and bit into it with the fierceness of an angry lion. The bread was indeed a baguette that had been left to harden that was then sharpened to a point at the end that was originally pointed at his neck. It was room temperature and pretty hard on his teeth but Jon simply could not care for even Bvalentina seemed frightened at his reaction to just how angry slash hungry Jon appeared to be.
Behind him, the Author wrote down everything she was witnessing as was her curse. She tried to write as fast as she could but in the end had to resort to short notes, especially when Bvalentina started yelling at Jon in the Arabian language with her natural Italian accent. “You fiend! How dare you take that from my hand! I will cut that hand off and leave you completely handless before this day is over you filthy pirate. No one steals from me. THEN I will force our marriage when you cannot prove you could beat me in a fight. I-”
Instantly the Author threw down $400 on the table cutting off Jasmine’s/Bvalentina’s speech and grabbing her attention. There seemed to be no worry in her voice when she spoke and she had her poker face on to not give anything away of her inner thoughts. “I’ll give you all of this money for that piece of bread alone and another $50 for a pizza you have ready right now to leave this beautiful palace of yours peacefully, Princess. Surely that must please you for giving us your personal time as well as the food?”
As if sensing the danger Jon tore his eyes away from the delicious bread and noticed just how quiet it was. Only the sounds from the kitchen could be heard as the chef prepared food but the sight made Jon realize just how horrible his reputation was as Captain Hook. At first he hadn’t realized it yet but now that he was paying attention he saw that several of the customers at the tables were in fact Agrabah guards that were slowly closing in on him and had their hands on their swords. He didn’t recognize them for their ‘true’ selves but definitely knew by the big white hats (each adorned with a golden feather and a maroon jewel), the black vests, maroon colored belts that held up their white pants and golden straps around their torsos that they were dangerous fellows. This was not the time to piss off the Princess. Glancing at Zerousy he saw that she gave him a slight nod to attempt to follow through with the easing of their escape since it was HE who’s life was really at stake here. Unfortunately he could only think of one thing that would at least temporarily ease Bvalentina’s anger towards him.
He did the one thing never thought he’d do this soon in his young life. Especially since he figured he might actually have to go through with it to prove he was ‘trying to become less of a villain’ in the eyes of the entire town. If anything this might just save his butt in the future even if he seriously didn’t want to do this at this young stage of his life. Jon dropped down onto one knee, used his teeth to take a ring off his finger (preferably the biggest jeweled one) and presented it to Bvalentina. The bread and his hunger was long forgotten as he presented her with a token of marriage. The shocked look on Bvalentina’s face and the fact that she started to fan herself almost made Jon believe that she finally regained her memories but he could not afford to believe that just yet or he might get his hand cut off as well as his head. “Princess Jasmine, my friend offers that money with the request she presents. However, I myself realize that the money alone could not be enough to satisfy you for what you want is only fair considering the horrible deeds I have done not only to you, but to the entire town. Therefore I humbly offer this ring, my personal favorite I might add, in request for your hand in marriage so that you may indeed have everything you desire of me.”
Jon had no idea where the smooth talk had come from but he could only guess it was part of his “charm” as Captain Hook. Also, judging by shortness of the Princess’s breath he could assume that he both caught her by surprise and most likely just blew her mind. Here he was, the supposedly evil Captain Hook who has terrorized the town ready to surrender himself to her in marriage and give her everything he owns and claims of this town. Of course Jon was hoping to break this curse and set everyone free BEFORE he had to marry her so that everyone could get back to their real lives but one step at a time. He literally just believed all the shit Zerousy was spewing when it appeared Bvalentina was under the curse of believing she was Princess Jasmine.
Staring only into her dark brown eyes he waited on baited breath for her answer and hoped to god that it was that he was going to get his head and only hand chopped off. That would seriously suck balls if either happened. It’s bad enough he can’t play guitar right now with one hand but if he’s lucky and breaks this curse he can find a way to get it back if magic is what took his hand. He’s hoping magic can give him his hand back. If not, he’s going to seriously use that hook on the person who caused this entire mess.
After a few moments of intense silence the Princess finally nods her head slowly in agreement. She is definitely beyond ecstatic on the inside if she has any of the old Bvalentina personality left. Jon can’t help but give her a dashing smile and a wink that causes her to squeal a little bit. She lifts her dainty little left hand to his and very carefully he slides the ruby ring on her ring finger proclaiming she is officially off the market. It’s slightly big on her but the smile on her face shows she does not care. Also, since his charming side doesn’t seem to want to be quiet and unused he goes a step further and gently takes her hand in his as he still kneels down and closes his eyes to kiss the soft back of her hand.
As he’s about to pull away he’s suddenly yanked up by the lapels of his jacket and opens his eyes to see the devious smirk on her lips. The smell of her perfume is some sort of flower and it is practically intoxicating. He notices that they are practically nose to nose. “I accept your proposal. But you can’t believe I’d accept that as a kiss. THIS is a kiss!” she exclaims and instantly grabs the back of his head and attacks his lips with her own. Not at all expecting her to do that the shock of the kiss leaves him breathless and as he loses consciousness from the shock he can’t help but think she’s a good kisser.