Dennis the Elf will do anything to save Manders the Mage, including storm a Tower full of Templars to rescue him.
The last Templar standing cowered in fear, eyes wide as he watched the glowing elven warrior finish killing everyone else in the room, greatsword hewing through Templar bodies like they were made out of butter.
“Please, please, don’t kill me,” the young knight begged as the unnatural elf stalked towards him, blood dripping from his greatsword, which he lifted to point right at the trembling Templar’s face.
“I will ask you this once,” the elf growled. “If you do not answer my question, I will pull your spine out of your body and use it as a necklace.”
“I promise,” the Templar begged, snot dripping down his face. “Anything, I’ll tell you anything!”
“Where is my love?” the elf snarled. “The rebel mage they call Manders?”
“The captured apostate? He’s in the dungeons,” the Templar sniveled. “Are… are you going to kill me?”
The elven warrior’s pretty green eyes, so at odds with his aura of menace, bored into the hapless knight with devastating power.
“That depends,” he said menacingly. “Have you touched what is mine?”
“No, serah elf, I promise!” the Templar said earnestly. “I didn’t even see him, I swear to Andraste!”
The elf assessed him, then spat on the ground with contempt before he turned to leave.
“Who… who are you?” the Templar stammered.
The elf turned back and pinned the knight in place with the force of his stare.
“Dennis,” he answered, the lyrium tattoos covering his lanky body glowing with otherworldly power.
At the door he paused.
“Run,” he said over his shoulder as he swept from the room, the walls painted with the blood and viscera of a dozen murdered Templars. “And never return.”
The Templar scrambled to obey, tears falling freely as he fled.
Dennis continued down the winding stairs to the dungeons. Everyone he saw, he slew, the greatsword drinking the blood of another dozen Templars who were foolish enough to stand between the elf and his mage love.
He reached the dungeons, dank with the mold of a thousand years of tormented souls, where the Knight-Commander herself stood in his way.
“You shall not take him, elf,” Knight-Commander Mary shouted, her voice echoing with power as she hefted her sword, an evil sneer marring her face.
“You shall not stand against me, feeble human,” Dennis responded, his voice the calm that heralded the storm, lifting his greatsword in challenge. “Nothing, not the Maker himself and certainly not you, will keep me from my love. I will tear this building down brick by brick and bury you with them.”
The Knight-Commander roared and rushed the elf, her sword swinging to remove his head from his shoulders. Dennis moved with the grace of a wolf, dodging her attack and swirling to deliver a blow to the knight’s unprotected side. Mary pivoted at the last second, blocking the strike.
The clamor of dancing swords soon filled the Tower, the elf and the human locked in ferocious battle, as the stones themselves shook with the force of their skirmish.
Finally, Dennis stood over his fallen nemesis, greatsword leveled at her heart. The Knight-Commander lay vanquished and bloody, staring up at the triumphant elf with hatred in her eyes.
“Do it quickly,” she spat at him. “This changes nothing. You will soon pay for your sins against the Maker’s will.”
“It is not the Maker’s will you need fear, Knight-Commander,” Dennis said menacingly. “It is mine.”
The elf leaned gently on his greatsword, forcing a gasp from the conquered Templar as blood began to well up from where the sword was slowly piercing her chest.
“You dared,” he hissed. “You dared to touch him, to frighten him, to harm him. And now I will take your heart and you will die drowning in blood.”
Mary began to laugh, teeth stained with her life’s blood, the chilling sound echoing in the narrow corridor.
“I will go to the Maker’s side knowing I have done my duty,” she gurgled, her eyes insane.
“Say hello for me,” Dennis said, smiling ferally as he twisted the sword and the Knight-Commander died at his feet, blood soaking into the stone of the accursed Tower.
Pulling his sword from the dead Templar with a sickening squelch, Dennis traveled swiftly to the cells, which were empty except the last. A beautiful blonde apostate stood within, tears in his amber eyes.
“Dennis,” he cried out, fluttering hands reaching for his love through the bars. “I knew you would come, I knew you would save me.”
“Always, my love,” the elven warrior answered, holding the mage’s shivering hands within his own. “I will always come for you. Nothing shall keep us apart.”
Manders kissed their joined hands.
“Never,” he said breathlessly.
“Stand back, Manders,” Dennis said. When the apostate obeyed, Dennis brought his sword down on the lock, shattering it with a single blow. When the door creaked open, the mage threw himself out of his cell and into his elf’s arms, weeping into his shoulder.
“I was so frightened,” the blonde apostate said tearfully.
“I know, love,” Dennis said comfortingly. “I’m here now. You’re safe.”
The elf scooped up his mage in his strong arms and carried him through the corridors, stepping over the fallen bodies of the countless Templars he had slaughtered as he brought his mage out of the darkness of the Tower and into the light.
They started their way down the road that led to the ominous castle, Dennis carrying the swooning mage as if he weighed less than nothing.
Manders let out a gasp into his shoulder as the Tower suddenly lit up in a fiery explosion.
“Oh yes,” Dennis said, dark half-smile on his face. “I left them a surprise.”
Behind them the Tower simply disintegrated, stonework falling in blazing heaps as Dennis strode away from it, Manders wrapped in his arms.
“I told her I’d bury her,” Dennis said, smirking as he swept his love away, leaving nothing but destruction in his wake.
Later, safe in their mansion, Dennis gazed in awe upon the beauty of Manders, pale skin turned golden in the light of the flickering fire as the mage let his robes drop away, offering himself to his fierce elven lover.
“You are so lovely,” he said to the mage, sweeping him into a passionate kiss.
“I love you, Dennis,” Manders said, blinking limpidly up at him.
“You have cast a spell upon me,” the elf said breathlessly, covering the alluring apostate with kisses. “Nothing but magic could explain the depth of my love for you.”
Manders returned his kisses, moaning.
“You have reached into my chest and stolen my heart,” the mage said, gasping as Dennis marked him with his teeth. “I will never love anyone as I love you.”
The elf growled savagely.
“That’s because you are mine, Manders,” he said intensely. “And nothing will ever part us.”
The elf laid the trembling mage on the rug covered with rose petals, caressing the silk of Manders’ skin with breathless care.
Stripping his armor away, the muscled warrior freed the massive Qunari-sized erection he kept hidden in his skin-tight leggings.
He covered the mage with his body, both moaning with pleasure as they rubbed together, the elf’s skin glistening in the firelight.
“I need to feel you, Dennis,” Manders begged, chest heaving with ardor. “Please, take me!”
“Anything for you, love,” Dennis said, his wicked tongue causing Manders to writhe with ecstasy, before sliding his throbbing member into the mage’s welcoming body.
“Oh, yes, yes, Dennis,” Manders wailed. “You feel so good inside me!”
The two lovers surged together like the waves of an angry sea, sinful moans of joy echoing off the walls of the decadent mansion.
As they reached their blissful peak, the pair showered words of love and joy upon each other.
Afterwards, Dennis held Manders in his arms, breathing heavily from their lustful exertions and stroking the mage’s back.
“How long will you love me?” Dennis murmured.
“Always,” Manders said fervently. “Always.”
The door was suddenly thrown open, as dozens of enemies swarmed the confused lovers.
“Dennis!” Manders called out, as he was wrenched from the elf’s arms. “Dennis! Save me!”
“Manders!” Dennis lamented, held back by numerous foes, leaving him to watch helplessly as the mage was kidnapped right in front of him.
“Noooooooo!” he screamed, struggling against his captors until one of them knocked him out with a sharp blow, and the last thing he heard were the sobs of his lover being torn from him.
You can thank auto-correct for poor Fenris' alt name. My phone kept changing Fenris to Dennis, aka the most ill-suited name of all time for our favorite broody death elf. Speaking of Fenris... I wonder how he will react when he finds out that he is now starring in Varric Tethras' brand new romance serial, Forbidden Magic?
A figure from Dennis' recent past comes back for revenge, stealing away his love Manders the Mage and causing the elven warrior to engage in a murderous rampage to save him.
Dennis glared into the eyes of a hardened Coterie member, his hand buried firmly in the man’s chest and squeezing his heart.
“Where is Manders?” he snarled. “Who took him?”
The gang member wheezed, trying to speak through the pain.
“I’ll tell you everything,” he said desperately. “Just stop!”
Dennis removed his hand carefully.
“Talk,” he snapped. “Or soon I’ll have a new heart for my collection.”
“There’s a new player in town,” the Coterie henchman said quickly, massaging his chest with a grimace. “Holed up in abandoned mining shack just outside the Bone Pit. He put the hit out on your mage, wanted him brought in alive.”
“You better be telling the truth,” Dennis said menacingly. “Or I will return and every member of the Coterie will die screaming.”
The hapless henchman blubbered in fear.
“Please, Dennis,” he begged. “We didn’t know the mage was yours or we wouldn’t have taken the job. You’ll never hear from us again, I swear it.”
Dennis showed his teeth in a deadly parody of a smile.
“I know,” he said, before kicking the Coterie member full in the chest and knocking him through the flimsy wall of the forgotten foundry.
“You got off lucky,” he said to the body buried under the rubble. “Next time I won’t be so understanding.”
Elsewhere, Manders struggled with the chains that kept him helpless. He was strung up to a beam in the ceiling of a forsaken house, dirt caked into the walls and the ghostly screams of long dead miners ringing in his ears.
“Dennis will come for me,” he said pitifully. “My love will save me!”
A menacing chuckle came from the darkness, as the hulking figure of a mysterious man moved into the light. He reached out a clammy hand and caressed the the cheek of the powerless mage.
“Oh Manders,” the man said silkily. “I’m counting on it.”
Manders’ eyes widened.
“A trap!” he gasped with horror.
The beastly man merely smiled, his teeth sharp like a shark’s and his eyes flat and dead.
“Well, I see that he loves you for your beauty,” he said mockingly, smile widening at the mage’s impotent efforts to free himself.
Manders leaned forward, tearful gaze hardening.
“I look forward to your death,” he hissed.
Manders’ captor merely snickered in the face of the apostate’s threats.
“We shall see,” he said simply, petting the mage’s luxurious locks of blonde hair. “Oh yes, we shall see.”
He moved to the center of the room, and addressed his men, a motley lot that exuded a love of killing.
“Bring out the nugs,” he commanded viciously. “I think it’s time our beautiful captive sees what his fate shall be.”
Manders wept, heart crying out for his love, his Dennis.
“You horrible wretch,” he sobbed. “Why are you doing this? What did Dennis ever do to you?”
His jailer’s men brought out a tub, sliding it just beneath Manders’ feet. He closed his eyes and turned his face from the monstrous noises coming from just below him, foul squeals of some sort of ravening beast echoing in his ears and causing him to shudder in horror.
“Dennis did what he does best,” their enigmatic enemy said. “He killed someone I love. My twin sister.... Knight-Commander Mary!”
“Andraste preserve us!” Manders exclaimed in shock, still trying to keep his feet as far from the tub below him, where the savage snarls were growing in volume.
“My name is Jerry, and Knight-Commander Mary was my cherished sister, until Dennis killed her!” Jerry shouted maniacally, losing all semblance of control. “And I shall have my revenge! As soon as he arrives he will have to see the person he loves most in the world die horribly at my hand!”
Just then the door was blown off its hinges, fire silhouetting the imposing figure of Dennis the elf, snarling with rage as the dying wails of a high dragon rang out from behind him.
“Dennis!” Manders cried out, swooning.
Jerry chuckled evilly.
“I see you got past the dragon,” he said, words heavy with nefarious purpose. “You are indeed a formidable foe! But it will all be for naught! You shall see your beloved Manders eaten by my very special nugs!”
“Nugs,” Dennis sneered. “You are threatening me with nugs?”
Jerry chortled cruelly.
“Ah, poor ignorant Dennis,” he said, eyes lit with murderous fervor. “These are evil nugs, bred on human flesh. Now they are nothing but killers, and they will strip your beautiful apostate to the bone in seconds! All I have to do is throw this switch!”
His hand caressed the lever that controlled the rope that would determine Manders’ fate.
“Now,” Jerry continued, diabolical smirk on his face. “Drop your sword and surrender, or we’ll see if the nugs like the taste of mage.”
“Dennis,” the lovely apostate wailed. “Save yourself! My life is meaningless without your love!”
“No, Manders,” Dennis said softly. “I cannot. Your life is everything to me. I could never abandon you to this fate.”
His sword dropped to the ground at Jerry’s feet, and his shoulders slumped with defeat.
“You have won,” Dennis said. “I will surrender to you, just make sure my love is safe.”
Jerry laughed long and loud. “At last my sister’s death shall be avenged! Seize him!” he said pointing at Dennis. “Then he can watch nugs gnaw at Manders’ bones!”
“Oh, I wouldn’t count on that,” Dennis said icily. “Because you forgot one thing.”
“And what would that be?” Jerry asked, still chuckling.
“I don’t just have a sword,” Dennis said, before drawing a hidden dagger and flinging it across the room to pin Jerry’s hand to the filthy wall before he leapt at the foul man.
“Say hi to your sister for me,” he snarled, before he pulled the dagger from Jerry’s hand and pushed him into the tub full of devouring nugs.
Jerry’s chilling screams filled the room as Dennis fought off Jerry’s brutal henchman with his bare hands, organs flying as he sated his bloodlust upon his hapless adversaries.
The cries of the man being eaten alive by rapacious nugs abruptly stopped, and soon there was nothing left of the fool who dared cross Dennis the elf.
Every man in the room was dead, and Dennis flew to his love’s side. The violence had been too much for the gentle apostate, who had fainted dead away. Dennis cut him down and held him in his lap.
“Manders, my love,” he said gently, stroking the blonde’s hair and coaxing him to consciousness.
The mage’s eyes fluttered and he gazed up adoringly at the handsome elf.
“Oh, Dennis,” he said tremulously. “Thank you for saving me from murderous nugs!”
“I will always save you, Manders,” the elf said lovingly.
He carried the exhausted mage from the shack, past the body of the dragon he slew single-handedly and on to the camp he had set up next to a pool with a tinkling waterfall cascading down the rocky walls of a hidden cove.
The stars twinkled in the sky as the two lovers kissed passionately under the waterfall, water washing away the day’s horrors as they caressed each other and murmured loving endearments.
Manders held the elf close.
“Dennis,” he said devotedly. “I love you so!”
“I love you too, Manders,” the elf answered, overcome by the mage’s beauty in the moonlight.
Their peaceful lovemaking was interrupted as the silence was shattered, pirates surrounding them from all directions.
“Well, well, look at the pretty lovebirds,” the beautiful pirate leader said, twirling daggers expertly in her hands. Her eyes spoke of the crashing surf and the freedom of the open water and her magnificent bosom heaved as she pointed straight at Manders.
“Take the comely blonde,” she commanded. “He’ll make a delicious cabin boy for my ship.”
“Over my dead body,” Dennis snarled, moving to shield the cowering mage.
The gorgeous pirate laughed.
“That can be arranged, elf,” she said. “But you are too handsome to kill. Forget your lover, he is mine now.”
“Never!” cried Dennis, just as a rogue came up behind him and stabbed him in the shoulder with a poisoned blade. The elf’s limbs went weak, and he sank to his knees in the shallow pool, unable to fight as Manders was carried away, his cries for Dennis muffled by a gag.
“No,” he whispered, eyes glazing over. “Manders…”
I sooooooo should be finishing up Chapter Fifteen of Running Wild and Running Free - the chapter that inspired this little meta detour in the first place - but I can't stop thinking of ways to torture Manders the Mage and Dennis the Elf.
Also, fun fact, Mary and Jerry are named after my cats.
Dennis will pay any price to rescue his beloved Manders from the luscious Captain Merribela, but what will she ask for?
Dennis swam. His arms were aching, and the sea was choppy, but he didn’t slow. He could see the pirate ship in the hazy distance, and the thought of Manders at the mercy of the lusty pirate captain spurred him to greater speed, fighting his way through the water fueled by pure tenacity.
Luckily, whatever poison the cursed crew of pirates had used on him had not lasted long, and he had set out after Manders while he could still see them fleeing across the water. The pantless pirate thought that the sea would keep him from his mage, but Dennis would swim every ocean in Thedas to rescue his beloved.
The wind calmed and he could see the ship adrift under the moonlight as her sails sagged in the eerie quiet. A fresh surge of determination strengthened his sore muscles as he set his jaw and kept swimming towards his beautiful apostate.
Not so very far away, Manders was tied to the headboard of a luxurious bed, his eyes shut as he turned his face from the beautiful woman who was trying to seduce him.
“Come on now, pet,” Captain Merribela crooned to him, petting his hair in a beguiling caress, her eyes as fathomless as the sea she had conquered. “I know you miss your handsome elf, but we could be such good friends, you and I.”
Manders swallowed, mouth dry in the face of the roguish charms of the pirate queen. She was untameable as the wind and she smelled of salt and freedom. But no, he could never betray his love, his Dennis.
“Never,” he cried, heart panging with pain at the thought of never seeing Dennis’ eyes again, the color of a quiet summer’s day in the forest.
“Oh, sweetness,” Merribela said softly, fingers whispering along his cheek. “Such love. Such fierce loyalty.”
The door behind her slammed open to reveal Dennis, panting and soaked through, the moonlight catching the silver of his tattoos.
“Unhand him, wench,” he bellowed as he struggled to lift his massive sword.
“Dennis,” Manders cried, his voice filled with an undying love. “You came for me!”
“I will always come for you, Manders, my love,” Dennis said, fixing the pirate with a murderous glare that Merribela ignored with a small laugh. She stretched, sinuous and sensual, her daggers falling lazily into her hands as she stood to face the dangerous elf.
The pirate sauntered forward, eyeing the warrior with a speculative glance.
“Oh, kitten,” Merribela said with amusement. “You can barely stand.”
Dennis grit his teeth and growled at her, his stance stubborn and his eyes resolute.
“Why, the two of you are precious,” the pirate cooed. She tapped the sharp point of her dagger against her full and inviting lips. “Perhaps we can make a deal.”
Dennis glared at her, swaying on his feet.
“Name your price, pirate,” he hissed with heat.
Merribela threw her head back in a lecherous laugh.
“I would think it would be obvious, kitten,” she said, eyes glittering with guile. “I want the two of you. Please me, and I will let you take your precious mage and see you safely to the shore.”
Dennis blinked in surprise, before he gave the pirate a considering glance. His eyes heated as he traced her voluptuous curves and glowing skin.
“Manders?” the elf turned to his beloved, the question in his voice.
Manders blushed sweetly, pale skin heating.
“I - I wouldn’t mind,” he said shyly.
“Lovely,” Merribela purred, slinking forward and trailing a finger down Dennis’ skintight black leather. “Well. Shall we?”
As the ship sailed towards land, the crew became used to the captivating cries of ecstasy that came from the captain’s cabin during the sultry nights, as the insatiable pirate queen slaked her thirst with the flesh of the adorable apostate and ferocious elven warrior.
By day, Manders and Dennis wandered the decks, learning to sail and kissing passionately against the backdrop of a raging sea.
“Oh, Dennis,” Manders sighed, as he leaned against his cherished lover as the sun dawned on a new day. “I’m so happy. I wish we could stay like this forever.”
Dennis tipped his head up and kissed the pretty mage, his heart overflowing with love.
“Whatever you want, love,” he said. “I can deny you nothing.”
Suddenly a screech split the sea air as a savage scarlet dragon swooped above the lovers clinging to each other.
“Dennis,” Manders cried out in fear.
“I will protect you, Manders,” the warrior said savagely, moving the mage behind him as the dragon circled the ship.
Merribela was directing her panicking crew with calm aplomb, setting her archers to firing arrows at the relentless dragon that continued to attack, even when Manders cast a fireball at its crimson flank.
The dragon dove, folding its wings and knocking the main mast to the side. Dennis was flung against the railing as the dragon’s talons curved around the form of Manders, hoisting him in the air and ascending into the sky.
“Nooooooooooo,” Dennis screamed, struggling to his feet and running towards the vanishing dragon, Manders firmly in the beast’s terrible grasp.
“Dennis!” the mage shrieked, his voice fading as the dragon carried him away across the waves.
Dennis sank to his knees, stunned and broken. He felt a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in comfort.
“Come, Dennis,” the indomitable Merribela said softly. “I will need your help with the mainsail if we are to go after him.”
Dennis’ distraught face hardened, and he stood. He would not rest until the dragon had been found and its head hewn from his body. He would bathe in its blood for daring to take what was his. He would save Manders, or die trying.
Yeah, it looks like y'all will be getting a new chapter of Manders and Dennis whenever I need a laugh. For those that are interested, Chapter Fifteen of Running Wild and Running Free which details Anders and Fenris' reaction to this smutty mess of a serial is located here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/5152322/chapters/14091766
And yes, I thought the delightful Merribela ship deserved a shout-out! It is one of my favorites!