You two made jokes and light conversation at JJ and Will's wedding but he felt your glances, saw that you were telling the team goodbye. He knew that you had made up your mind already but he still tried to get you to stay. Some part of him knew that it was wrong to want to keep you here. He kept telling himself that it was for the team but who was he kidding, he wanted you to stay for himself.
When he asked you what you needed, you told him that you needed space that you needed to get away from here for a while. Instead of being sad, he got angry at Clyde for offering you the job, at you for taking it, at himself for not telling you how he felt about you. When he did, it didn't affect your decision the way he thought it would. If anything, it only drove you further away.
When you came into his office that Monday morning and handed him your resignation, he could see the pool of tears that were waiting to fall but you held them in. He read your letter, the explanation and he finally understood and knew what you wanted, why you were leaving.
A month after you got settled in London he wrote you a letter, he needed to know that you were okay, that this was still what you wanted. The selfish part of him wanted you to say that you weren't okay, that you missed him too much but your reply was what he knew it would be all along. You wrote that you were doing fantastic, that as much as you missed the team, you loved it there. You promised that when things became less hectic, you'd visit.
He came to visit you in London, almost two years after your reply. He missed your grace, your charm, your beauty so much and he just wanted to see you smile. When he knocked on your door another man answered, he was about to walk away when you came and invited him for lunch, to catch up. He noticed your ring right away. When he asked you about it, you blushed. You and your fiancée had met and started dating shortly after you moved. He had proposed to you a few days before.
Even though he congratulated you and said that he was happy for you both, he felt like he couldn't breathe. Given the chance, he'd lie again. If he couldn't make you happy then he needed someone else to make that smile appear, hear that laugh because he'd do anything for you, even if it meant you living a life with someone else.
You two didn't really communicate after that, you thought it was because he was busy with his own life but it was done purposely. You never knew just how much he loved you, how much he really missed that smile that made everything seem a little better, shine a little brighter. No, you didn't know how much you meant to him, until much later. But by then it was too late. You were left with the feeling like you couldn't breathe because you knew that it was you that walked away when you should've stayed.