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Nor do I understand yet, what this feeling means

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The long tour was nearing its end. It felt like Robin had visited every single little town in the whole country over the last few months. He'd been to places he'd never heard of before. In every single town he'd been welcomed by so many fans and all the gigs had been complete blasts. He honestly couldn't remember ever having so much fun in his whole fourteen year long life.

The weird part was that despite having met so many wonderful people and having made so many new friends along the way, there was one who stood out among the others. The cool guy who had written some of his songs and recorded them with him, and who was always there, and had been so for a year already. Jimi Constantine.

Despite the guy being so much older than Robin they'd spent hours and hours together along the way. Playing playstation and mixing away on their laptops. They'd order pizza to the tour bus together and have the driver stare at them disapprovingly when Jimi would be the one to start the food war. Even long hours in the studio became insanely fun with Jimi. It was easy to forget that Jimi was closing in on 31 and maybe he'd become that older brother Robin never had. Maybe.

This time they'd stopped for a total of two days. There was a gig scheduled for both days and Robin still couldn't believe he'd sold that many tickets. Still couldn't believe people would pay to come and see him. But he was still on a high from the first one, that ended just about two hours ago, and it felt like he owned the world.

Smiling widely to all the crew members walking around he headed towards his goal. He still had so much energy inside him and he knew of the perfect way to let it out. The trampoline.

The trampoline had actually been Robin's own idea and Jimi had been very quick to agree to it. His manager hadn't been as supportive (way too dangerous, he'd said) but in the end they'd won him and the rest of the team over. The result was a huge trampoline that travelled with them and was placed on every stage he performed on. And trampolines were made for jumping on them.

It had taken some practice but he'd mastered the skills of singing while jumping (starting circus school had obviously helped) . And it was just as much fun as it looked.

So that was why he was headed back onto the stage. A few crew members gave him funny looks but he just kept smiling back. Once on the stage he threw his jacket on the floor, climbed up on the trampoline and just started jumping. Just, completely letting go and jumpping like crazy. How high could he get? Could he do three flips in a row without falling over?

He was spinning around in the air coming down both on his stomach and on his back as his song "Räjäytät mun pään" started playing from the speakers. He flopped down on the trampoline and looked over to the sound booth to see who was guilty. It came as no surprise when Jimi stuck his head out with a huge grin plastered on his face.

"Figured we needed some background music", he shouted over the music as he climbed up to the stage. One dropped jacket revealed his favorite superman t-shirt that Robin so wished he could steal. It was so cool.

"Haha, good plan!", Robin replied as Jimi got on the trampoline.

It was as easy as ever for Robin. Though being two on the trampoline did provide more of a challenge to stay in balance, especially as Jimi didn't have the best sense of balance. This wasn't the first time they were on it at the same time, though. Just a few jumps and Robin found that rythm that kept them in balance, despite Jimiäs lack of skills. First Robin, then Jimi, then Robin, then Jimi…

It got a bit more complicated as Robin started doing flips again. He was sure that is was just to make it harder for him that Jimi started jumping around in an uneven circle around him. Quite a few times Robin nearly lost his balance and he was laughing loudly between every jump. If Jimi's grin was anything to go by he was enjoying it just as much. Silly old guy.

He wasn't sure when they started bumping into each other but before long it was all a deliberate battle. Who could get the other to lose their balance first? It would be so embarrassing for Robin to lose. Jimi had quite an advantage when it came to body-size and weight but his main skill was falling. Robin kept sneaking in hits from weird angles, dropping down onto his butt and flying up, bumping into Jimi's back.

Jimi was clearly concentrating and was staying on his feet way longer than usually.He started trying to catch Robin, attempting to get his arms around him, but Robin was too fast. In the end it was in one of these escapes Robin jumped right towards Jimi instead of away and they ended up tumbling down right on top of each other.

It took them several minutes to just stop laughing. Robin's head was somewhere over Jimi's shoulder and he could feel his chest shaking underneath him as Jimi laughed just as hard as he did. Several songs had already gone by and now it was Frontside Ollie coming out of the speakers.

Which most definitely does not work as an explanation to what Robin did next. As their laughing finally calmed down he found himself not wanting to move from where he was lying, breathing still a bit uneven. So he stayed where he was, maybe thinking just a little of how he could feel Jimi's heart beat underneath him.

"Hey--", Jimi muttered and tried to push Robin a little, maybe to give him a hint. It was time to get up. Robin lifted himself up so his weight was resting on his arms and looked down with a goofy grin. He was just about to apologize as Jimi's eyes locked with his as he smiled back. Before Robin had time to realise what he was doing he'd leaned down and kissed Jimi.

It was just a quick touch of lips, really. But it felt so right. In his head he could still feel Jimi's heartbeat, or maybe it was his own, and Jimi's lips were warm but a little dry. Not at all like that girl who'd gotten his first kiss a year earlier. No this was so much better. This one made his lips tingle just from that little touch.

As he pulled back and opened his eyes Jimi was staring up at him with a shocked expression. Maybe that's when he realised what he'd just done. He'd just kissed a man more than double his age. He'd kissed his close friend, his mentor.

Slowly he got off Jimi entirely, sitting back and staring at him. Unconsciously his hand went up to touch his lips, eyebrows furrowing as he pulled his eyes away and looked down.

"This was not supposed to go like this...", Jimi muttered, hiding his face with a hand. Groaning he got up and just left, without even picking up his jacket from the stage. He just walked straight out.

It only took Robin a few seconds to realise that he had to run after him, either to apologize or maybe even possibly get another kiss. Yeah, apologize. Quickly he picked up Jimi's jacket and ran after him, just as Ei tarvii esittää started playing. Hopefully some staff member would turn it off soon enough.

He apoligized to the few staff members he bumped into as he hurried after Jimi. It took him surprisingly long to catch up so there was quite enough time for him to replay what had happened in his head at least five times. Honestly, he had no idea what to make of it. But every time he could almost feel the tingle in his lips.

"Jimi-- wait!", he shouted after him when he finally saw him by the back exit. At least Jimi stopped. With a deep sigh he leaned his back against the wall without looking up from the floor as Robin caught up to him and held out the jacket. Jimi took it without a word and was about to walk away again when Robin said;

"I--I'd say I'm sorry. But… I'm not."

He took a step closer and leaned in, giving Jimi another quick kiss just like the first one. It was easy, as even though Robin was so much younger they were pretty much the same height. One day Robin might tower high above Jimi.

It hadn't been just his imagination, that touch of lips still felt as special. And he was aware this could probably not even be called kissing. He knew he was just a kid with no experience.

Suddenly Jimi's hands grabbed him by his arms and pushed him away just a little before resting his forehead on Robin's shoulder. Another deep sigh escaped his lips.

"You have no idea what you're doing."

"I do! I--"

Jimi shaked his head against his shoulder.

"No. You can't do this to me-- I won't. I can't."

He could feel Jimi's lips give his shoulder a kiss before pulling away. There was a small smile and then Jimi disappeared out through the door, probably headed for their bus. He left, but before that he'd actually smiled.

Robin found himself leaning against the wall in Jimi's place, a goofy smile on his face. No, maybe he didn't know what he was doing. Maybe he didn't understand. But that "no" hadn't really been a no to him, that much was sure. And maybe he was just a kid who wasn't sure what it was he was suddenly feeling, or what those feelings could possibly even mean.

But he'd figure it out. And then he'd let Jimi know.

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