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I'm Not Letting Go

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Since the day after the wedding, Tyler & I had agreed we wouldn't take things further between us. Tyler said it wasn't fair on either of us to start a relationship when he's just come out of one- “It would feel too much like a rebound, & I don't want to do that to you.”

At first, it wasn't so hard. But as the days & weeks passed, it's been getting more complicated to hide how we feel.

It's been three weeks. Things have been… Intense. Our families are coping with the fact that Paige & Mark were attacked on their honeymoon, & it's made the whole street nervous. And Dad just heard that Paige has had a panic attack.

“What? Oh my god! Is she okay?” I ask.

“Nate calmed her down & called Mark & Lauren. Lauren says she's okay, but… They're going to take her to the hospital to see the councillor. I’m going to go too.”

I nod. “She’ll appreciate the support.”

“Are you sure? I know we had plans…”

“Nah, its fine. We can reschedule. Paige needs you.”

He steps over & kisses my head.

“Tell her I send my love.”

He smiles. “Will do. See you later.”


I watch him leave, waiting till the door clicks shut before I sigh. I really hope she's okay. I think about how close Paige has come to dying lately, how Mark has too… I can't imagine losing someone the way they’ve each nearly have. That just makes me think about Tyler.

Before I know it, I’m heading into the backyard & over to the spot where I always scale the fence.


I’m lazily swimming in my pool, when I hear the all too familiar sound of the fence shifting slightly as Piper climbs it. I look over in time to see her jump down my side, crouching to steady herself upon landing.

“You know we have a front door,” I call out to her.

“I know,” She says, walking over. “But the fence is quicker.”

“Is that so?” I ask, climbing out of the pool.

I grab my towel & dry off a bit as she walks around the edge of the pool to me.

“Yeah, it saves several very important seconds.”

“And what's so important that you needed those seconds?”

“Haven't you heard?”

I frown. “Heard what?”

“Paige had a panic attack.”

My eyes widen in shock. “What?”

“I don't know the details, cause I wasn't there. But Dad heard from Lauren, who heard it from Nate, who saw it all. She's okay, but she's going to talk to a councillor about it.”

“Oh, wow. That's serious.”

She nods. “I wanted to come see you.”

“Thanks, but… It wasn't really necessary,” I reply. “Not that I don't appreciate the gesture, it's just… I had no idea about it. Probably wouldn't have till tonight… How are you?”

“I’m… Okay.”

I frown. “You don't sound like it.”

She sighs. “It's just… It made me think about how much Paige & Mark have been through over the last month & a bit, & how terrifying it would be to loose someone I love the way that they have,” She replies. “And… Well… It… It made me think of you.”

I nervously lick my lip. “You know we can't go there.”

“Tyler,” She begs. “I can't keep denying how I feel about you! What Mark & Paige are going through is hell, & I can't stop thinking about what it would be like if something happened to either of us & I never got the chance to say that I’m in love with you!” Her eyes fill with tears. “I don't want to keep burying my feelings. It's torturing me, &… It’s just wasting time. I may not have much time with you, & I know that I don't want to waste however much time we have left.”

I look at her, trying to keep my feelings contained. But after that pleading, I can't. I drop my towel, gently hold her head in my hands, lower my face & press my lips against hers. She kisses me back, & it feels so good!

“Let’s take this to your room,” She whispers.

“Are you sure?”

She nods. “I’m ready to take the next step.”

I take her hand & lead her inside.


We reach his room & I lean in to kiss him but he steps back.

“I should have a shower.”

I frown. “Why?”

“Cause I smell like chlorine,” He replies. “And if we're gonna do this, I want to smell better than I am.”

I want to say that I don't care, but I know it will just cause problems. So I nod. He starts to pass by me on his way out, but stops next to me.

“I’ll be quick,” he says, before kissing my cheek.

I sit on the end of his bed & wait. It feels like an eternity. He comes back, clean & dry, wearing just his towel. He shuts his door, & turns back to me. My eyes drift slowly over his abs, following his v-line down until it slips under his towel. He sits down next to me.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asks.

I nod. “You're the only one I want to do this with.”

“You know… Losing your… Virginity, is… It's something you shouldn't-”

I cut him off with a kiss. “Thank you for being concerned. I find that very sweet of you, Tyler,” I reply. “But I want to do this.”

“Okay,” He replies. “But… We're gonna go slow, okay? I want you to find out things about you.”

“Like what?”

“Seriously? You haven't had the talk yet?”

I slap his arm. “Of course I have! I just wanted you to clarify what you meant.”

“Oh, well… I just… I want you to discover what turns you on,” He says, rather nervously. “What you like… And what you don't.”

“Awwwww! You're so sweet!”

He smiles. “I want you to feel comfortable with this. I’m a lot older & I’m more experienced. I don't want to hurt you.”

“You won't.”

“I will a little, but we’ll get to that when we get to it.”

I nod. “Okay,” I say. “What do we do first?”

“Lie down.”

I take off my shoes, & shift back to lie down on my back. He shifts, coming to kneel between my legs. He leans forward, placing his hands on the bed either side of me. He balances over me, our chests brushing.

“I want you to get used to this feeling,” He says. “Having me over you like this.”

“I already love it,” I say, with a flirtatious smile. “Especially given how little you're wearing.”

He smiles, holding back laughter. He leans down & slowly kisses my neck. I moan.

“Well, that's one thing you like,” He says, his breath tickling my neck.

“Show me more,” I whisper into his ear.

We discover quite a few things about each other, like the fact that I suddenly have a ticklish spot on my sides, and he has an obsession with kissing my neck. Soon enough we’re both naked, & my heart is pounding. I can't believe I’m finally going to make love with him.

He leans over, getting a condom out of his bedside table’s drawer. I watch as he puts it on. He leans over me the way he had at the start.

“It's going to hurt a bit at first,” He says. “But I promise you it won't be for too long. I just want you to know in case you freak out when it happens.”

“I can handle it,” I reply, reaching up to kiss him.

He kisses me back, before pushing himself up. “You ready?”

I nod, smiling.

He gently rubs his fingers through my folds, & I bite my bottom lip hard to stop my moan. He then presses his dick’s head against my opening, watching me for a minute as he allows me to get used to the sensation. I want him in me right now, I want to know what it feels like to give him my all.

I gasp when he pushes inside, eyes blinded from the pain as my body gives way to him. I don't even realise I’m crying until Tyler leans down & kisses me.

“It's okay,” He whispers against my lips.

It hurts, but the pain is slowly subsiding. He stays still until I open my eyes.

“How is it now?” He asks.

“It doesn't hurt as much now.”

He smiles. “Good,” He says. “You ready to keep going?”

I nod.

"Tell me if it hurts too much, okay? Don't feel like you have to keep going if it gets too much.”

“Awww! You're so sweet! But I’ll be fine.”

“Just looking out for you,” He replies. “Because I love you.”

“I love you too,” I whisper, before kissing him.

He moves his hips back, & then forward. I inhale sharply. He keeps doing it slowly- back, forth, back, forth. It sends a sensation I’ve never felt before through me- & I like it. He slowly starts to move faster. I hold him tightly, fingers digging into his back. I can't hold back my moans any longer, & when I let out a long moan, he pushes in deeper.

“How does that feel?” He asks, still thrusting.

I moan again. He chuckles.

“I’ll take that as a good sign,” He says.

“Very good,” I reply.

“Good,” He replies, before kissing my neck.

I gasp, involuntarily arching my back as my inner muscles clench around him. It feels strange down there & my vision blurs.

“Hey,” He says, softly. “Relax. Don't fight it.”

“Wha? Why?”

He chuckles. “Cause it's a good thing, what you're experiencing,” He says. “It's called an orgasm.”

“Oh, that's what it feels like.”

He smiles. He then hooks an arm under me, cradling my lower back, & then rolls to my left- flipping us.

“Sit up,” He says.


“Sit up,” He replies, taking his arm off my back. “So you're like… Straddling me. Like I was sitting before, but… On top of me.”

I push myself up, inhaling sharply from the new feeling of him inside. It makes me feel dizzy. I sway, almost collapsing, & he quickly grabs my hips to steady me.

“You okay?” He asks, concerned.

I nod. “Yeah.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I’m fine. I just got a little… dizzy,” I reply. “It feels different.”’

He smirks. “That happens when you change positions. But it’s a good feel, right?”

I have the sudden urge to grind- so I push my hips down, moving them in a circular motion & he fails to bite back a loud moan. He pulls me down & kisses me as he pushes my hips down & then up, & I moan into his mouth.

We keep making love, moaning into the others’ mouth until he cums. I feel it hit- his thrusts become jerkier & he exhales heavily straight into my mouth. He grips my hips to get me to stop & I do as he leaves a line of kisses down my neck to my shoulder.


The sound of the front door shutting loudly wakes both of us.

“Shit, they’re home,” Tyler says.

We quickly get dressed. He ushers me over to his window.

“I hope you don’t get caught,” He says.

“I won’t,” I reply, reaching up & kissing him.

I turn to go, but he grabs my arm gently.

“Don’t tell anyone about us.”

“Why?” I ask, frowning.

He sighs. “I know that we don’t care about the age difference,” He says. “However… if any of your family find out…”

I nod. “We’re both dead.”

He nods. “Yep.”

“I promise it’s our little secret.”

He smiles. “I like the sound of that,” he replies, cupping my face with both hands. He kisses me.

I then slip out the window, looking back at him & smiling before I creep towards the front of his head.

I’m making my way down the driveway after checking that I don’t have company, when I spot Mum arriving home.

“Oh, shit!” I mutter, ducking down below the level of the embankment between the two houses.

I slowly peer above it, careful not to get seen. And I’m shocked when I see not only is she not alone, but it’s not Josh. The teenage boy with her is too slender to be Josh.

Then he turns around, & I gape.