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You Can't Keep Secrets From Your Friends

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There's only one problem with keeping secrets from your friends. They eventually find out. You can probably keep things secret for a while, but you just have to accept you will be caught at some point.

Which is what happened to me.

Because I didn't believe it would be that hard to keep this certain secret from my friends. I did not think they would eventually find out. I did assume I could keep it secret for a long time, and I could not accept that we would eventually be caught.

My name is Remus Lupin. I'm a 7th year Gryffindor, I'm a werewolf, I have the three best friends in the whole wide world – Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew – and I also have, well I suppose 'had' is the appropriate term now, the hottest secret boyfriend. He's still my boyfriend... it's just not so much a secret anymore.

And when I say hot, I mean hot. There are no words to describe just how delectable my boyfriend is. He's pretty much perfect. He's got gorgeous black hair, the most stunning gray eyes and an aristocratic face. Now you'd think with a boyfriend like this I'd be announcing it to the school over dinner. However, there were a few reasons for my friends to over-react the way they did. The first reason being he's a Slytherin. The second being he's one of my best friends' little brother.

That's right.

My boyfriend is Regulus Black.

It was kind of unexpected for everyone, including us. We got together on the train ride to Hogwarts...


I was finally finished my prefects' meeting. James had to hang back with Lily and talk to Professor McGonagall so I decided to head back to our compartment.

But as usual, things rarely go to plan for me. I was walking past what appeared to be an empty toilet cubicle when an arm reached out and pulled me in. I had no idea what was going on, but when I felt a mouth descend on mine and start molesting me I began to think something weird was going on.

The next thing I knew, the door to the cubicle was slammed open by some angry Slytherins. But not to worry, because apparently Slytherins have some sense of decency and decided to not look too much, just apologise for interrupting and continue looking for their target. For some reason I had a feeling their target was the boy who had just accosted me.

When I finally had the sense to open my eyes I nearly had a heart attack. There was my best friend's little brother; looking at me with an abashed look on his face.

"Ummm... hi Remus... it's ummm... nice to ummm... see you?"

"What the hell was that!?"

"It's a long story. I probably shouldn't have told Avery that being gay wasn't the only reason I wouldn't find his Mum attractive, he got a bit offended, don't know why... you'd think he'd have realised his Mum's hideous by now, it explains what happened to him."

"But did you really have to molest me just now?"

"Well, it was the only thing I could think of that would keep me out of sight. You know what Avery's like, he would have knocked me out. If I stay away from him for a day or two he'll forget, and I'd much prefer that to a broken nose."

"Well, I suppose that's... fair..."

"So yeah... ummm... how was your holiday?"

"Are you serious?"

"Nope, I'm Regulus. I'd think you'd be able to tell us apart, I know we have the same parents and all but we're a year apart. Unless I'm not the only Black you've been snogging?"

"What!? I'm not snogging anyone! You snogged me!"

"Yes, but you didn't exactly run away screaming."

"You had your tongue in my mouth, I could hardly scream with that hindrance in the way."

"You could have pulled away."

"Well, I suppose so..."

"Thanks Remus though. Seriously, you saved my arse."

"No problem, we wouldn't want to see anything happen to such a nice arse."



"I really just said that, didn't I?"

"Yeah you did, but it's okay, I think you have a nice arse too Remus."

"Thanks. So anyway, I'd better get going."

"Hey, maybe we can do this again sometime?"

"I'd like that. Maybe without the Slytherins trying to kill you."

"Yeah that would be a bit better. No interruptions that way."

"Meet me in the Room of Requirement at 11pm?"

"Sure, sounds great. I'll see you later then."

Regulus tilted his head up and brushed his lips against mine one last time, before walking out of the cubicle and disappearing into the throng of students travelling the walkway of the train.

I walked back to the compartment Sirius and Peter had occupied earlier. I couldn't wait for 11pm.


That was how it started. I've never really thanked Avery, but it's awful funny to see the confusion on his face every time I smile at him in the hallways. Poor boy is constantly on guard.

It wasn't the last time we met in the Room of Requirement that night. We continued our meetings all through October, continuing on through November and still meeting up in December.

Ahhh, December. What a brilliant month. Actually, what a brilliant Headmaster we had. If it weren't for Albus Dumbledore, I wouldn't have been able to kiss Regulus in public.

The reason for this being Dumbledore's Magic Mistletoe. He jinxed it so that if you were caught under it, you couldn't leave until you kissed the person you were trapped with.

The only thing is; it made me think my friends had been dropped on their heads as babies. I mean, who the hell doesn't think it's suspicious for a certain two people to be caught under the mistletoe a total of 72 times in four weeks. Really... they make me wonder sometimes.

Sadly, my friends still did not realise anything all through January, nor did they notice anything through February. Not even on Valentine's Day.

Despite the love poem sent to me on Regulus' personalised stationery, despite the chocolates in the shape of snakes cuddling wolves, despite the Black Family Owl depositing these gifts and despite the staring that occurred that day.

So, I'm sure you can understand why we thought we could get away with being a little less careful.

So as we reached March, we assumed it would be alright for us to sneak off and celebrate my birthday. So because it was my 18th birthday, we decided we should shag in 18 different places around the castle. Not on the same day of course, we spread it out over the week leading up to my birthday.

So it was on the 10th of March, we were in the middle of our 18th shag, when the door to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom was thrown open by the remaining three quarters of the Marauders.

Amidst the horrified faces, Regulus and I managed to look into each others' eyes. The look of love I saw mirrored on his face made deciding what to say an easy decision.

"Could you guys give us a few minutes? We were kind of in the middle of something." I said, gesturing to our joined bodies.

The widening eyes clearly showed that my friends hadn't actually fully comprehended what they were seeing. Apparently they had some courtesy and walked out of the room, which merely allowed us to finish up where we left off.


It was a few hours later when I arrived back to the dormitory. I was quite exhausted and couldn't wait to get to bed.

But, apparently that wasn't going to happen any time soon. I was immediately pushed to sit down on my bed by my friends, who were trying – and failing – to look serious.

"Remus John Lupin." Said Sirius, as James and Peter sat back on James' bed to watch the proceedings.

"Yes, Sirius."

"Would you like to tell me why your cock was up my brother's arse?"

"It's my birthday?"

"Is that the only reason? I didn't know Slytherins, let alone Blacks, were that giving for a person's birthday."

"Well, if you really think about it... he was kind of the receiver, wasn't he?"

"Remus! That thought is entirely disturbing and now I can't get the picture out of my head! Stop saying such things! I can tell my brother has been a less than stellar influence on you. Speaking of... how long has this been going on?"

"How long has what been going on?"

"What we just caught you doing!"

"Well, we got there about 7pm, so about 45 minutes by the time you guys barged in."

"Remus! You know that's not what I meant!"

"Sorry, couldn't resist. We've been together since September, on the train ride. You see it's a funny story."

"Really? You think it's funny that you're shagging my little brother?"

"Well, it's actually great fun, but I don't usually laugh. Well, except for that one time with the feath..."

"Stop! Just, stop talking..."


"It's okay. Now be serious for a moment."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Well, you're Sirius..."

"Oh for the love of Merlin! Moony! Please, just focus for a few minutes!"

"Okay, you want the truth?"

"That would be great."

"Well, you know how Avery's Mum is really hideous-"

"What the hell has that got to do with it!? You know what, never mind, I don't care anymore."



"So, can we have your blessing then? You know, to be together."

"Sure. As long as you promise never to ever let me catch you shagging him again. And you promise to never tell me any details about your sex life."

"I promise."

"Okay then. Let's all get to bed. And if you don't stop your bloody laughing Prongs, I'm going to beat you over the head with your broom... and I'll make it hurt!"

James managed to stop laughing his arse off long enough to leave Peter to go to bed and head on over to his own. Sirius gave me one last look before walking over to his bed also, and I was positive I could see a slight smile on his face.

As I was just starting to drift off I heard Sirius' voice. "Remus?"

"Yeah, Sirius?"

"You guys are happy right?"

"You mean me and Regulus?"


"I think we are. I mean, whenever we're together we're happy. He says I make his life a lot better than it could have been, you know, having Orion and Walburga for parents. Even though we can never really be together in public, I still hope that someday things will change and we can be happy without your parents disowning him. He said once he wishes he could have the strength to leave like you did."


"Yeah. That was back in September, one of the first things he told me about his life actually."

There was a pause before I added something else, "I love him. I just want you to know that. I'm not messing around, and neither is he."

"That's good to know."

"Well, good night Sirius."

"Good night Remus."




"Mmmm... Lily..."



"Oh for the love of god! What is wrong with you blokes!? Are you trying to cause me brain pain!?"

"Sorry Padfoot. I'll put up a silencing charm."

"Yeah, what a good idea. Hey, Pete."

"Yeah Sirius?"

"Got anything you want to share while we're surprising each other tonight?"

"Ummm... no...?"

"Well then, in future I ask that there be a new Marauders Rule. We don't keep secrets. It's detrimental to my health."


"Sounds good."


"Great. Now shut up so I can have a positively horrific night probably dreaming about my little brother being shagged by one of my best mates. I think this is worse than when I had to watch one of our house-elves being beheaded!"

"Oh come on Sirius! Now you're over-reacting, I thought we finished talking about this."

"Fine, but I hope you walk in on me shagging your brother one day!"

"I don't have a brother, Sirius..."

"That's what you think!"


"That made no sense, did it?"

"No, not really..."

"...Well, good night."

"Good night, you bloody lunatic."

Well, if there's one thing I learnt from all this mess, it's to never keep secrets from your friends... it only ends in confusion and a hell of a lot of insanity.