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Holding Back

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“Mayim, can we talk?” Jim asked her before she was able to walk away. “About what?” She asked coldly. “About us.” He replied. She turned comfortably to him and sighd. “What about us?” She asked. 

“Oh. No. Not here.” He retorted. “What?” She wondered. “At our favorite place? Can we talk there? Tonight?” 

“Jim… Come on-”
“Please?!” He pleaded. 
“Mayim. I’ll be waiting for you at our favorite place tonight at 10.” He requested but she remained silent. 
“I’ll be waiting for you there the whole night.” He brought up and hoped. 
“Jim-”
“I won’t accept no as answer.” He replied and looked at her in the eye before leaving. 

She felt torn whether to go or not but she felt like not going is the best choice. 


 

She drove home and unlocked the door. She was surprised to see flower petals scattered on the floor heading to the kitchen, she followed the path and saw Rob standing at the end with some romantic set up on her dining area. 

“Hey.” She uttered with her eyes still filled with bewilderment. He smiled at her and hugged her before kissing her lips. 

“What’s the occasion?” She asked cluelessly. He guided her to the chair and pulled out a seat for her. 
“Nothing. I just wanted…” He sat down opposite her. “… To prepare something for you.” He continued. 

She tittered as he looked at him. “A romantic… Dinner? Okay.” She took the spoon and fork and started eating. He generously assisted her and made her taste the meals from his recipes. She liked them all and appreciated his effort. 

They exchanged some sweet and happy conversations together as they ate their meals, yet, Mayim couldn’t keep her mind off Jim. She knows that he was waiting for her. Soon then, they finished their food and slowly ran out of topics to talk about. 

“Well. It’s getting late. It’s not safe to travel late at night.” She informed him. “Oh. Yeah.” He smiled and headed the way out as she walked with to the gate. 

Halfway to the gate, Rob stopped and turned to her. “Mayim.” He uttered making her wonder. “Yeah?” She asked waiting for him to talk. 

“There’s actually… Something that I wanna say.” He began. “Uhm… Okay? I’m listening.” She replied. 

“You know that I love you right? I love you so much. I loved you for so long… Until now.” He stated. 
“I guess I know that…” She replied wondering what he was trying to say. 

“Yeah… So… Uhm… I don’t really know how to put this in but… You love me too right?” He asked. Deep inside her, she was bothered by his question but she knew she had to agree. 

“Yeah. Of course I love you.” She replied causing a smile on his lips. 

“So… It took me sometime to do this and I think it’s the right time.” He said before kneeling in front of her and pulling out a ring box from his pocket making her slowly gasp in surprise. 

“Mayim Bialik. Will you marry me?” He dropped the question largely overwhelming her. She stopped breathing and she didn’t know how to respond. 

He expected such bewildered response from her. “I know we’ve been together for just months but we’ve known each other for years and you love me… And I love you… So much. So I thought this would be perfect.” He explained as he hopefully looked at her. She felt more overwhelmed. 

“Unless there’s something… Or someone holding you back from settling with me?” He asked making her feel guilty. 

“Uhm… No. No… Rob, it’s just that…” She tried to think of an excuse. She knew she never imagined herself getting married to him and for her, he was just being her cover up from her broken heart with Jim. 

“I’m not yet ready… It’s not that I don’t like you but I don’t think I an ready to settle and get married again… You know…” She explained. He was a bit sad but he thought of something else. 

He stood up from his knees and held her hands. “Then just say yes and I’ll wait… We’ll wait until you’re ready to marry me and get married. I think being engaged isn’t as overwhelming as marriage. “ He assured and smiled at her. 

She couldn’t think of anything else safe to reply to deny his proposal, she had no choice but to accept. “Yeah…” She uttered. 

“So is that a yes?!” He sounded so ecstatic. “Yes!” He cheered as she was left with her lips slightly opened. He placed the ring on her finger and tenderly kissed her lips. 

“I’m so happy, Mayim. I love you. I love you so much!” He was so elated. She just went with the flow and smiled as she can to conceal her overwhelm and anxiety over the sudden moment. 

“I love you, baby.” He cupped her face. “I love you too.” She hardly replied. He kissed her again before he completely went home happily thinking about the fact that they are already engaged. 

Mayim sighed heavily alone as soon as he left. She stared at the ring on her finger with the guilt of accepting Rob’s proposal despite that her heart is still with Jim. 


 

Mayim woke up in the middle of the night after hearing someone ringing the doorbell. She got nervous for a while but then she heard a voice from the outside calling her name. She got her sleeping robe on to cover her half bare body. 

She peeked into the fish eye hole to check who it was and she confirmed that it was him, it was Jim. She opened the door slowly as she felt prepared to face him. 

“Mayim.” Jim uttered upon seeing her. She felt so bad for not coming to their favorite place when he requested for it. “I waited for you but I knew you wouldn’t come so I went here.” He explained. 

“Jim, I’m sorry.” She apologized. 
“It’s fine. I just asked you to come because I wanted to tell you something personally.” He immediately accepted her apology. She willingly lent her ears to listen to him. 

“Mayim… You kept running on my mind. I couldn’t get you off my mind and my heart.” He began. 

“What?” She uttered. 

“I’ve been thinking about you for the past days. So much. So much that I started to realize things.”

“Things? What do you mean? I can’t cope.” She asked. 

“Things like… How much you mean to me. Things like… How much I love you.” He confessed. She sighed heavily, she wanted and needed to hear those but it was just too complicated. 

“Jim, we’ve talked about this already. We can’t be together because you’re with Todd-”

“I broke up with Todd.” He cuts her in silencing her in startle. 

“What?” She asked in shock. 

“Yeah. I broke up and fixed things with Todd because I thought about things… And I chose you.” He explained largely touching her into her heart. 

She felt like floating, it was like a dream hearing him say that he chose her but then, something struck her down. She felt the coldness of the ring holding her finger, she recalled that she just got engaged to Rob. She felt so torn and guilty for complicating things. 

Tears started to stream down her cheeks as she tried to build courage to tell Jim about it. 

“Mayim…” He uttered her name as he didn’t want her to cry. He strode closer to her and wiped her tears with his thumb. 

“Jim… No.” She uttered crying. “What?” He asked. 

She slowly lifted her hand and flashed to him the ring on her finger as she cried harder in front of him. He looked at her for explanation. 

“I’m engaged with Rob.” She informed him. 

He slowly got deteriorated, his heart crashed down as it sank to him. It was inevitable for his eyes not to get teary. He knew how serious he was about getting back with her. He sincerely wanted her back, he loved her so much. 

“Oh.” He uttered painfully. “Jim, I’m sorry…” She apologized. “I think it’s the best for the both of us to be off.” She added breaking him even more. He tried to conceal his sorrow in fake laughs. 

He pulled out a ring from his pocket and flashed it next to her making her feel more sorry. “I guess this just lost its value because it won’t go in your finger.” He joked as he hopelessly stared at the ring. 

“I guess I’m already too late to ask you to wear this and tell me that you want to spend the rest of your life with me just like how I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, Mayim…” His voice cracked. 

Silence swarmed them as Mayim weeped in front of him. He never enjoyed to see her cry but he thought that pushing himself to her won’t be a great idea thinking that she already made up her mind. It was his fault, he allowed her to go, he risked not being with her for some time, he allowed some other men to take her away and now it’s just too late for him to win her back again. 

“I should go… My business is done here.” He said softly but she didn’t respond and just continued crying. 

“Goodbye, Mayim.” He bid before turning away. 

A part of her wants him to stop walking away but everything is just so complicated. A part of him wished she would call his name and tell him she loves him. That’s all he needed to hear for him to continue fighting for her but as he took further steps away from her, his faith and hope fades down.

“Wai…t.” She uttered as her voice cracked. He immediately stopped and looked back to her. 

She was crying her heart out in pain. She just can’t handle to lose him. 

“I wanna be with you too.” She confessed and cried harder. That’s all he wanted to hear. He exhaled in relief as smile grew upon his face watching the love of his life cry over him. 

He ran towards her and crushed his lips against her soft lips. “I love you, Mayim.” He uttered as soon as they broke off from the kiss. She couldn’t get any happier to feel that he feels the same way and he had no trace of anger towards her. 

“I love you too. I love you so much. I can’t… I don’t want you to go.” She struggled. 

He smiled. “No. No… I won’t go. As long as you ask me to stay, I will stay.” He assured and kissed her forehead. She rested her head on his chest, he rested his chin on the top of her head as he wrapped his arms around her. 

He moved away a bit as he felt her doing something. He watched her as she pulled off the ring that Rob gave her. He got a bit teary with what she did, he felt how willing she was already to turn back from Rob and be with him. 

She looked at him with her eyes sparkling. He moved away and pulled out the ring out of his pocket again. 

“Mayim…” He uttered, she was waiting for it. He knelt to the ground and looked at her smiling. 

“Will you… Be my wife? The mother of my future children…. The woman I’ll wake up next to every morning… Will you spend the rest of your life with me and marry me?” He dropped the question for once. 

It felt all different this time. She didn’t feel any trace of holding back. She wanted and dreamed of marrying him too. She loved him tenderly.

“Yes, I will be your wife, the mother of your children, the woman you’ll wake up to every morning and yes I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” She replied making him feel so elated. 

“…so, yes! I will marry you, James Joseph Parsons!” She squealed making him feel so hyped. 

He shouted in joy. He couldn’t explain how happy he was. He placed the ring on her finger and gazed at it for a few seconds as it sank to him how what he dreamt of is finally coming true. 

“Thank you!” He replied in the midst if their tight hugging. 
“I love you so much…” He continued. 
“…future Mrs. Mayim Parsons.” He added making her blush. 

“Couldn’t wait for that.” She replied and exchanged a tender kiss with him.