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Don't Leave Me Here Alone

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            It had hurt like hell. It had felt like a fist had wrapped around his heart and was squeezing it painfully. He had no idea something could hurt him more than his own body twisting painfully during the full moon. But this was worse because it was every day and because it was Sirius.

            Remus had no idea why Sirius had done it. They had come up with a lot of stupid pranks over the years, but this went beyond adolescent mischief. Remus could have killed Snape or turned him. Snape knew about Remus’s “furry little problem” and it was only because of Dumbledore that he wasn’t blurting it to the whole school.

            Worst of all was the fact that the Shack had been their place. It was Remus’s sanctuary during the full moons, but it was also where he and Sirius had gone to be alone. Sweaty nights spent tangled up in each other, whispered promises about the future.

            It was all ruined. Remus couldn’t even look at Sirius, let alone let the boy touch him anymore. He had stopped spending time with the Marauders completely. He couldn’t be in Sirius’s presence without feeling like he might break apart. James knew about it, yes he had changed his mind and rescued Snape, but he hadn’t talked Sirius out of it. If anyone could have talked Sirius out of it, it would have been James. And Peter, well, Peter never went anywhere without Sirius and James, so Remus didn’t bother.

            Instead he spent his time with Lily, his only friend left. She was kind and she didn’t ask him what had happened, although he knew she was curious. When Lily was busy with other things, Remus would distract himself with homework or books. He was fine. He didn’t need friends. At least not friends like those.

 

                                                                                                                        ((((

 

            Remus walked into his dormitory late one night to find James, Sirius and Peter all whispering together on James’s bed. Remus had taken to staying late in the library or the common room. It was his hope that he would come back to find the other three already asleep.

            The three stopped whispering and glanced over at him. Remus raised his chin slightly but didn’t say a word. He walked over to his bed and began to change into his pyjamas. He kept his back to them, not wanting to look at any of them.

            He heard footsteps and mentally prepared himself. He could only hope it would be Peter, the lesser of three evils. Instead it was Sirius standing behind him. Remus would have recognized that scent anywhere.

            He felt Sirius’s face press between his shoulder blades. “Moony, please,” Sirius begged quietly.

            Remus turned around in a flash of anger and shoved Sirius away. “You don’t get to touch me. Ever.”

            Sirius flinched and recoiled back. “Let me just –“

            “No,” Remus stated firmly. “Whatever you were to me before, Sirius, you aren’t that anymore.”

            Sirius’s eyes widened. “So we aren’t even friends anymore?”

            “That’s right,” Remus responded, shoving his arms into his pyjama shirt. “That goes for the whole bloody lot of you. You just keep away from me or I’ll bite you. It’ll be a lot less funny than you seem to think it is.”

            James and Peter looked away guiltily. Sirius stayed where he was. “I’m not giving up on you, Moony,” Sirius declared, crossing his arms over his chest. “We’re your friends.”

            Remus laughed bitterly. “I’m sorry, friends did you say? Friends who want to turn me into a murderer for the sake of a practical joke? Thanks, but I’ll pass.”

            “Remus –“

            “Fuck off, Sirius,” Remus snapped at him before climbing into his bed and drawing the curtains, hiding himself away. Thankfully, he heard Sirius’s retreating footsteps and nearly sighed in relief. He crawled under the covers, pulling them up to his chin, and curled onto his side. He grabbed his wand and mumbled a silencing charm so the other three wouldn’t hear him cry.

 

                                                                                                                              ))))

 

            Remus was lonely. He had no friends, apart from Lily. After five years spending every second with his fellow Marauders, he had no idea what to do with his free time now. His homework was done in an orderly time and he had finished the books he had brought with him. He sent an owl home asking him mum to send some more.

            He noticed that Peter, Sirius and James seemed to slip up every now and then. They’d make a snide remark during class and look over at Remus out of instinct to share a smile. Sirius did it more often than the others, always looking for an audience to his antics.

            It was strange seeing his friends from the outside. He had always been in the thick of it, right there with the other three, but now he was seeing it from a different perspective. They looked almost out of balance. Remus had always felt he held a pivotal role in the group. He was the mediator, the peacekeeper, talking James or Sirius down from whatever mad plan they concocted and kept them from ganging up on Peter. Remus selfishly hoped they weren’t better off without him.

           

                                                                                                                    ((((

 

            Remus wasn’t wholly surprised when it turned out James was the first one to approach him. James had never been good at letting things lie. He liked to have a plan and work out problems. Currently, Remus was a problem and he knew James was itching to fix it.

            “Hi,” James said, scratching at his ear nervously.

            “I’ll give you five minutes,” Remus informed him, sighing heavily.

            “Look, you have every right to be angry with us,” James told him. “That was a dick move to pull. But like it or not, we still are your friends. We’ve been through too much shite together. So if you decide you can forgive us, you’ll always be a Marauder.”

            “Um, thanks, I guess…” Remus said, unsure how to take that. He supposed it was slightly comforting.

            “I know I have no right to ask this, but I need a favor.”

            Remus narrowed his eyes in suspicion. He had a feeling he knew what James was going to ask for.

            “I need you to talk to Sirius.”

            “No,” Remus responded firmly.

            “Come on, Moony,” James pleaded, putting his hands together as if in prayer. “He’s miserable without you, he’s tearing himself up from the inside out. I know what he did was cosmically stupid, but he did have his reasons. Won’t you at least hear the guy out?”

            Remus worried his lower lip between his teeth. Despite everything, he was curious to know why Sirius had done that. Why he had used Remus for one of his pranks. “I’ll think about it,” he responded, going back to his homework.

            “That’s all I can ask.”

 

                                                                                                                        ))))

 

            Remus entered his dormitory and found it empty except for Sirius. Remus took a moment to have a mild panic attack. He hadn’t been alone with Sirius since their break up and he was dreading it more than he thought because, well, Sirius was Sirius. He had always had this kind of pull to him. There was something irresistible about Sirius Black.

            Sirius stood up and made his way over to Remus. Remus did a sharp intake of breath. It had been over two weeks since he had felt Sirius be so close to him. He didn’t think he would be so affected by it.

            “James said…” Sirius tugged on his hair nervously. “He said you might be willing to talk to me.”

            “I said I would think about it,” Remus responded. Up close Remus noticed that Sirius had large, dark circles under his eyes. He also seemed a bit thinner than usual and his nail polish that he was usually religious in keeping up with was chipping. One entire nail was completely devoid of any paint at all. It was nearly unheard of.

            “Oh, right,” Sirius said, turning his face away as if he had been slapped. “Sorry.”

            Remus hated himself for still wanting this, wanting him. It wasn’t fair at all. He had been so lonely, and in spite of his best efforts, he had missed Sirius terribly. “I don’t want to talk,” Remus informed him.

            “Okay.” Sirius nodded. “Take your time. I’ll be waiting for you. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.”

            “Sirius,” Remus said, taking a step forward. “I don’t want you to say another fucking word, alright?”

            Sirius gaped at him for a moment and that was when Remus attacked. The kiss was brutal, all teeth as he nipped and crashed his lips against Sirius’s. “Not a sound,” Remus growled, shoving Sirius back onto his bed.

            He wasn’t even sure if Sirius wanted it. He kept opening his mouth as if to say something but Remus silenced him each time with another kiss. Sirius wasn’t exactly reciprocating but it seemed like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to, not because he didn’t want to.

            Remus slid his hand down and found that familiar bulge in Sirius’s trousers. Remus tore them open to get at Sirius’s flesh. He wrapped his hand around his erection and began to stroke it, watching Sirius arch off the bed.

            Remus felt something dark curl in his chest. He knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted to remind Sirius of everything he had forsaken by his stupid prank. Everything he had given up.

            Crawling down between Sirius’s legs, Remus began to tease him with his tongue. He ran it from base to tip, swirling it over the head. Sirius was staring down at him, pupils blown wide, his hips bucking up for contact with Remus’s mouth.

            “Why do I have to be in love with the most insensitive, infuriating…” Remus grumbled angrily, swallowing Sirius down to stop himself from finishing that thought.

            “Moony!” Sirius cried out, his hands flying to Remus’s hair and gripping it. Remus curled his hand around Sirius’s wrist and dug his nails in as a warning for the outburst.

            Remus kept it slow and torturous, his mouth sucking Sirius in long, languid pulls. He wanted to make Sirius suffer. His hands were on Sirius’s hips, keeping him from thrusting up. Sirius was completely at his mercy and Remus enjoyed it. He had felt so helpless ever since the incident and now he enjoyed being in control.

            Sirius didn’t speak again but he was by no means quiet. He whimpered and moaned, conveying his want, but Remus ignored him. His jaw was beginning to ache but he didn’t care. He decided when Sirius came.

            For his part, Sirius was clinging to Remus’s hair desperately and shaking underneath him. It was beautiful and frustrating.

            When he’d decided that Sirius had had enough, Remus began to work his mouth faster. He brought his hand up and fondled Sirius’s balls the way he knew he liked. Sirius moaned loudly and came down Remus’s throat.

            Remus took advantage of Sirius’s blissful state to scramble on top of him, straddling his stomach. He worked open his own trousers and began to stroke himself quickly.

            Sirius reached up to help. “Don’t touch me,” Remus growled and Sirius’s hand fell back to the bed. With a few more twisting strokes Remus was coming all over Sirius’s school uniform and his neck. The moment he was done, he stared down in horror, unable to believe what had just happened.

            So he bolted out of the room and didn’t stop running until he reached the Shrieking Shack.

 

                                                                                                                        ((((

           

            “Do you want to tell me what happened?” Lily asked, rubbing Remus’s back while he cried on her shoulder. The Gryffindor common room was thankfully empty so no one was around to witness Remus’s shame.

            “No,” Remus answered, too embarrassed to relive it. It was the full moon that night and Remus was going to have to go through it alone. He hadn’t been through a full moon alone in over a year.

            “Okay,” Lily said calmly, putting her arm around his shoulder and pulling him to her. He fell willingly, pressing his face against her neck, needing it so badly.

            He heard the portrait hole open and the familiar voices of his friends. Sirius and James stopped talking the moment they noticed Lily and Remus on the sofa. Remus kept his face firmly tucked away, not wanting Sirius to see his tear-stained cheeks.

            They lingered for a while and then James had tugged Sirius up to the dormitory. Remus stayed where he was, feeling lonely and ashamed. He knew the full moon was going to be worse than ever.

 

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            “Just come with us to Hogsmeade,” James requested, having cornered Remus outside of Transfiguration. “It’ll never get back to the way it was if you keep ignoring us.”

            “Can you blame me?” Remus snapped, pulling his robes tighter around his body.

            James sighed. “Look, we made a mistake, a really stupid mistake. At least let us try to make it up to you.”

            Remus swallowed thickly. “I already promised Lily I would go to Hogsmeade with her.”

            “Bring her along then,” James suggested, smiling warmly. “You know I won’t mind.”

            Remus couldn’t help grinning. “Yeah right, like Lily would willingly spend time with you.”

            “Hey, it’ll happen sooner or later,” James responded confidently. “Come on, just meet us for a drink in the Three Broomsticks. I’ll buy. Please, Moony, I just want us all to be friends again.”

            Remus shook his head as he considered it. He wanted to say no. How was he supposed to face Sirius after what had happened between them? Sex so close to the full moon had always been intense for them. Remus had a tendency to overdo it, not that Sirius had ever seemed to mind. He had lovingly coined it as “Full on Moon Sex.”

            “Fine,” Remus said, slumping his shoulders. “We’ll meet you at the Three Broomsticks. Just don’t be expecting much, alright?”

            “I won’t.”

 

                                                                                                                ((((

 

            Against all odds, Remus actually found himself having a good time with Lily at Hogsmeade. They had gone to Scrivenshaft’s to get some new quills and then to Tomes and Scrolls, perusing the books. But in the back of his mind he was constantly thinking about how angry Lily would be when she learned they were meant to meet his friends for a drink. That was probably why he kept putting it off.

            “Remus, what’s going on?” Lily asked as they walked towards Honeydukes. Remus sometimes hated how clever she was. “You’ve been looking at your watch constantly for the past thirty minutes.”

            “I, um, I may have promised James that we would meet him for a drink at the Three Broomsticks at four,” Remus explained, wincing slightly.

            “Oh no,” Lily responded, shaking her head. “No, no, no, Remus Lupin, you will not get me to have a drink with that prat.”

            “Please?” Remus asked, grabbing her arm desperately. “It’s just that all my friends are going to be there. I haven’t talked to them in over a month and now we’re all supposed to meet up. I need you as a buffer. You can say whatever you want to them, I won’t stop you, just please come with me.”

            Lily stamped her foot and groaned. “Fine! But the moment Potter tries to chat me up, I am out of there.”

            “Please don’t stick to that,” Remus requested with a sigh. “You know he’s going to. He can’t help it anymore, it’s like a reflex.”

            Lily made a face. “Fine, then I reserve the right to hit him as much as I want.”

            “I won’t stop you,” Remus promised. He would have promised anything if it meant having Lily there with him.

            “Good.” Lily nodded and headed into Honeydukes. Remus followed after her without a word.

            He ate chocolate nervously, trying to calm himself down. He had never been this nervous before in his life. Not even the first time he had kissed Sirius. Part of that had to be because his first kiss with Sirius was very much a spur of the moment kind of thing. Had it been premeditated, he probably would have been much more nervous.

 

            Remus had been sitting on his bed reading Moby Dick. Sirius had come over and flopped down on top of him unceremoniously, making Remus grunt under the other boy’s weight.

            “Moony, is that a dirty book?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.

            “No,” Remus answered, chuckling softly. “It’s about a sea captain’s obsession with revenge on the whale that took his leg.”

            “Oh,” Sirius said, looking less interested. “They should have named it something less rude then.”

            Remus closed the book and stared at Sirius. “Are you…disappointed that I’m not reading a dirty book about knobs?”

            Sirius glanced away. “Would have been interesting if you were,” Sirius said with a nonchalant shrug.

            “If I was reading a porny book, don’t you think I would have the bed curtains closed and be a lot more worked up?” Remus challenged him, amused by Sirius’s behavior.

            “I don’t know,” Sirius retorted, sitting up. “I never see you worked up about anything. Well, except the full moon, but that you can’t help.”

            Remus stared at him for a moment as he made a decision. He grabbed Sirius by his t-shirt and pulled him forward into a kiss. They didn’t break away from each other for several minutes and when they did, Remus was panting quietly. “How’s that for worked up?” he teased, grinning at Sirius.

            Sirius had responded by kissing him again.

 

            “Remus?” Lily called out, pulling Remus from his memory. “It’s nearly four. Are you sure you want to do this?”

            Remus nodded. “Yeah, I promised. Besides, I can’t avoid them forever.”

            Lily linked their arms together and led Remus towards the Three Broomsticks. Remus clung to her like a lifeline and continued eating chocolate to comfort himself.

            “You’re going to make yourself sick,” Lily teased, watching him shove another chocolate frog in his face.

            “Might be anyways,” Remus responded, his stomach twisting painfully.

            Lily patted his arm sympathetically.

            When they got to the door of the Three Broomsticks, Remus felt like he might have a panic attack. Lily looked at him strangely and very gently guided him inside. Remus made a funny noise in the back of his throat when he saw James, Sirius and Peter already occupying a table. They were laughing about something James had said and Remus felt a pang of jealousy about being left out. He had to remind himself that he had self-imposed his exile so he really had no one to blame but himself.

            When the other three noticed them approach, Peter got up and moved to the seat at the head of the table. Lily sat down across from James, leaving Remus the seat across from Sirius. Remus couldn’t think of anywhere he’d less like to sit.

            “Hullo Remus,” James said, beaming at them. “Evans. So glad you two could join us!”

            “Thanks for inviting us,” Remus responded meekly. He couldn’t quite find it in himself to meet Sirius’s gaze.

            “Have you two been having fun today?” James asked cheerfully.

            “Not as much as you, I’m sure,” Lily responded.

            James laughed loudly. He always seemed to go a bit overboard when Lily was around. “That’s a good one, Evans.”

            Lily furrowed her brow and looked at Remus in confusion. Remus shook his head in response. “Get a grip, Potter,” Lily said, unwinding her scarf and putting it on the table.

            James choked a bit at that but recovered quickly. “You two need drinks!” he noted, stumbling out of his seat. “I’ll get them! Be right back!”

            James scrambled over to the bar. Unfortunately, with James gone, none of the rest of them were talking. They sat there awkwardly, all glancing in different directions, no one able to break the ice.

            “Fabian Prewett keeps looking over at you,” Lily murmured to Remus.

            “What was that?” Sirius asked, glaring at her.

            “I was talking to Remus,” Lily snapped back.

            “Remus isn’t interested in Fabian Prewett,” Sirius informed her.

            “How do you know?” Lily shot back. “Why don’t you let him decide for himself who he’s interested in?”

            “Lily, I’m sure Fabian is not interested,” Remus said, trying to placate them both at once. “No one looks at me that way.”

            “That’s not true,” Peter spoke up from the other end of the table. “Padfoot looks – Ow!”

            Sirius had clearly kicked Peter under the table. “Don’t mind him, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Remus risked a glance at Sirius. He looked enraged and ready to flip the table over. His aristocratic nose was turned up as if he were better than the conversation he was having.

            Remus wondered how much Lily knew about him and Sirius. There were rumors around the school about them, but Remus had never confirmed or denied anything to her. All of his fooling around with Sirius had been done in their dorm or secret places they’d discovered with the map, and of course in the Shrieking Shack.

            “Why don’t you stop being so bloody immature, Black?” Lily hissed at him angrily.

            “Why don’t you kiss my arse, Evans?” Sirius rejoined.

            “Remus can get off with Fabian if he wants to,” Lily informed Sirius.

            “Fabian has a big nose,” Sirius shot back churlishly. “Remus doesn’t fancy him.”

            “Well, you’re no longer an expert on what Remus does or does not want!” Lily shouted at him.

            “And you think you are?”

            “Stop it!” Remus yelled, jumping out to his feet. “Stop it both of you. I can bloody well make decisions for myself. If I want to chat up Fabian Prewett, I’ll do it. If I don’t want to then I don’t have to. But it’s my decision. Mine and no one else’s. Alright? Stop speaking for me as if I’m not here.”

            Sirius and Lily both looked away in shame.

            James chose that moment to return with a round of butterbeers, placing them on the table. “So, what did I miss?”

            “Sorry Prongs, I can’t do this,” Remus said, walking around the table and heading quickly for the exit.

            Remus slammed the door shut and began to pace outside. He knew someone was going to come after him to talk. He figured it would be James or Lily. Instead he was surprised to see Sirius come out and join him.

            Remus stopped and looked over at Sirius. He had no idea what to say to him and so he waited.

            Sirius seemed to be contemplating what to say first. His mouth worked over the words as if trying to choose the right ones. “Please don’t get off with Fabian Prewett,” Sirius eventually blurted out.

            Remus laughed mirthlessly. “Really Pads, that’s what you’re starting with?”

            “Well, I…” Sirius kicked at the snow on the ground, sending it spattering around his feet. “I don’t know where to start with you. I don’t know what to say. I know I don’t have the right to tell you not to, because we aren’t anything to each other anymore, but I can’t help it. The thought of someone else touching you makes me crazy.”

            “Why don’t you start with an apology?” Remus suggested, shoving his hands in his pockets.

            Sirius glanced up at him. “I already apologized,” he reminded him. “The very next morning I was there in the hospital wing. You wouldn’t listen.”

            “I wasn’t ready to hear it, yet,” Remus informed him. “It was too soon, Padfoot. I was still too angry about it.”

            Sirius tugged his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry, Moony. I’m an idiot and you’re so much better than me. You’re smarter and you’re kinder. I just kept waiting for you to realize it.”

            “Realize what?”

            “That you could do better than me.”

            “Is that why…” Remus shook his head, unable to wrap his mind around it. “Is that why you did it? Trying to push me away?”

            “No!” Sirius said, taking a few steps forward and then stopping abruptly. “I would never…I’m too selfish to give you up, Moony.”

            “Then what was it?” Remus asked, feeling his skin prickle despite himself at Sirius’s confession.

            “James and I had snuck into the Slytherin boys’ dormitory,” Sirius explained. “We were going to charm all their underwear to scream whenever they got an erection. You know, like those socks you can get a Gladrags, but pants instead. Anyways, we were under the cloak and we could hear some of them talking. Mulciber and Snape and Regulus. A few others I didn’t bother to notice. They were talking about you a-and me. Saying all kind of shite about us being together. They were giving Regulus a hard time about his poof brother. Regulus said I couldn’t do anything more to disgrace the ‘honorable and ancient house of Black’ so fooling around with a half-blood bloke wasn’t such a big deal anymore.” Sirius snorted angrily, tugging at his hair again.

            “So then Snape speaks up and starts saying how you could do a lot better than me. How he’s sure that I’ve bullied you into a relationship or – or tricked you into it or some other bollocks. As if you were too weak to fight me off or something. And he was just so wrong and he made me so angry. I made this plan to show him, to show him how wrong he was. That you weren’t weak and that you were stronger than all of them. I wanted to show them, Moony, but I went about it the wrong way and I lost you in the process. He just made me so angry and they had no right to talk about us like that. They didn’t know anything and Regulus sat there. He sat there agreeing with Snivellus of all people because Regulus thinks that weasel is perfect. I just couldn’t stand it and I couldn’t have people thinking about you that way, certainly not my own fucking brother. He was turning Regulus against me even more than he already has. I had to do something, Remus, I had to.”

            “No, Sirius, you didn’t,” Remus informed him softly. “You could have just let it go. I don’t care what a bunch of Slytherins think about me. What you did was reckless and stupid. I could have been kicked out of school. I could have hurt someone. I could have…” Remus swallowed and turned his face away, his eyes heating with tears. “Do you think I could have lived with myself if I had killed Snape? Knowing that the person I care about more than anyone else in this world orchestrated the circumstances that turned me into a murderer? I would have killed myself, Sirius. If that had happened, I would have killed myself.”

            “Don’t say that.”

            “It’s true.”

            “No, it’s not,” Sirius said, coming to stand in front of Remus defiantly. “I wouldn’t have let you.”

            “You couldn’t have stopped me,” Remus snarled, staring him down. “You can’t stop me now either. I’m smarter than you and I’m stronger than you. I could do anything to you I wanted.”

            Sirius shivered against him. “There’s nothing you could do to me that I wouldn’t want, Remus.”

            “I could hurt you,” Remus growled, stepping into Sirius’s personal space.

            “I’d deserve it.”

            “Sirius,” Remus said, his tone warning.

            “Remus,” Sirius responded, not backing down. “I love you, Remus. I’ll take whatever I can get from you, even if it’s pain.”

            Remus’s eyes widened. “You can’t…you can’t say things like that to me.”

            “I mean it,” Sirius told him, reaching his hand up and tracing the scar that ran from Remus’s cheek down to his chin. “Every word.”

“You – you shouldn’t be with someone who hurts you,” Remus said quietly.

“Neither should you, and yet, here we are,” Sirius said, sliding his arms around Remus’s waist. “Wait, how did you hurt me?”

“The, um, the last time we…”

“Oh,” Sirius said, pressing his lips together. “Are you talking about my wrist? Because that was hardly anything.”

“No, I just…I shouldn’t have…I was so ashamed of myself.”

“Why? God, Moony, it was so hot. You gave me head that damn near blew my mind and then you came all over me like you were marking your territory. I’d never felt so completely yours before and you didn’t even need to fuck me or mark me to accomplish it.”

“I shouldn’t have done that,” Remus mumbled. “I was angry with you and I missed you. I wasn’t myself.”

“The only part of it I didn’t like was you disappearing on me,” Sirius confessed softly. “I thought maybe we were getting somewhere. I was foolish enough to hope that it meant something.”

“It did,” Remus told him, swallowing thickly. “It always means something with you.”

“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness,” Sirius whispered. “Just don’t leave me here alone.”

            Remus let out a soft whimper, and his body knew he was going to give in before his mind did, because before he knew it his lips were pressed against Sirius’s. His lips were cold but his breath was hot as their tongues mingled together. Remus moaned and pressed in closer to Sirius, feeding off his body heat.

            “I’m sorry,” Sirius whispered, holding onto Remus tightly. “I need you, Moony. Please. I’m so sorry.”

            Remus grabbed Sirius and hauled him into the alley behind the Three Broomsticks. Shoving him up against the wall, he captured his lips again and began rutting against him.

            Sirius moaned and wrapped his legs around Remus’s waist. Remus groaned and grabbed Sirius’s arse, holding him up as they thrust against each other. “Tell me,” Sirius breathed out, pawing at Remus. “Tell me I haven’t lost you.”

            “You haven’t,” Remus assured him, thrusting harder against him and making them both moan. “Of course you haven’t. Couldn’t lose you even if I wanted to.”

            Sirius smiled and closed his eyes. He arched as he came in his trousers, his mouth falling open. He was so beautiful he made Remus’s heart ache. Remus followed him almost immediately, his hips jerking as he bucked against Sirius.

            When he was done, he buried his face against Sirius’s neck and continued to hold onto him. “This past month has been one of the worst of my life,” Remus said softly, pressing gentle kisses to Sirius’s skin.

            “I know, I’m sorry,” Sirius responded, running his fingers through Remus’s hair. “I’ll never do anything stupid again.”

            Remus smiled against his throat. “Well that’s a promise you’ll never keep.”

            “Hey!” Sirius said indignantly before laughing.

            “I know something you can promise me,” Remus whispered, titling his head up and pressing his forehead against Sirius’s.

            “Anything.”

            “Promise me we’ll always find a way back to each other,” Remus requested, wanting to look away out of embarrassment for being so soppy. “No matter how bad things get.”

            “I promise,” Sirius said, kissing him tenderly. “As long as you want me, I’ll find a way.”

            “Good,” Remus murmured, letting Sirius down.

            “Come on,” Sirius said, taking Remus’s hand and leading him up the path towards the Shrieking Shack. They managed to sneak their way in and Sirius cast a few warming charms. He tugged Remus over to the bed and pulled him on top of him.

            “Missed you,” Remus whispered, kissing his way down Sirius’s neck. He began to tug at his clothes, needing to make up for a month away from each other.

            “Missed you more,” Sirius said, tugging him up for a kiss.

            With fumbling hands and shaking fingers, Remus managed to get Sirius naked underneath him. “Tell me what you want,” Remus requested, sliding his hand down and curling it around Sirius’s half-hard cock.

            “Want you,” Sirius moaned, arching off the bed. “Want you to fuck me.”

            “Christ,” Remus hissed, his cock giving a twitch from Sirius’s words.

            Remus didn’t take as long preparing Sirius as he probably should have, but he was anxious to get inside him and wanted to fuck him so badly that he didn’t have the patience to take his time. It didn’t seem as though Sirius minded either. As Remus bottomed out inside Sirius, Sirius moaned and immediately pressed back for more.

            Remus had Sirius on all fours, hands digging into his hips as he thrust with abandon inside him. The old bed squeaked beneath them but was nearly drowned out by Sirius’s moans.

            “Fuck, Moony,” Sirius groaned, dropping his head down. “Merlin, you know just how to give it to me.”

            Remus found it strangely erotic that he was nearly fully clothed while Sirius was bare beneath him. “That’s because you’re mine,” Remus growled, doing a particularly hard thrust to Sirius’s prostate.

            Sirius screamed and clawed at the bed. He lowered his torso so his arse was in the air. Remus used his thumbs to pull Sirius’s cheeks apart and force his cock in deep. Sirius let out a strangled cry into the pillow. Remus could tell that Sirius was close. He reached his hand around and held the base of Sirius’s cock tightly, keeping him from coming.

            “No love,” Remus cooed, beginning to thrust hard as he kept his hand where it was. “I come first.” He dragged his fingernails down Sirius’s back, making Sirius hiss. He then grabbed Sirius by the hair and pulled his head up off the pillow. “Say it.”

            “You come first,” Sirius said, his voice straining and desperate.

            “That’s right,” Remus hummed in satisfaction. He began pounding into Sirius, still gripping his hair, until he felt that familiar coil in his groin. He came with a shout of Sirius’s name, shoving his cock all the way inside Sirius’s body. When he was through, he started wanking Sirius quickly. Sirius nearly howled as he came onto the sheets beneath him.

            Remus performed a scourgify and the two boys curled up together on the bed. Remus pulled the duvet up over them and wrapped his arms around Sirius. “Are you okay?” Remus asked softly.

            “I’m great,” Sirius responded, yawning loudly. “That was nearly like Full on Moon sex. You know that’s my favorite. Might leave me a bit sore the next day but always worth it.”

            Remus nuzzled him affectionately. “I don’t usually do hair pulling,” Remus noted with a grin.

            “Why do you think I keep it long in the first place?” Sirius asked, winking cheekily.

            Remus laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind in the future then.”

            “Good,” Sirius said, closing his eyes. “Was brilliant.”

            Remus smiled and kissed Sirius’s temple. “Love you, Padfoot, even if you are a complete and utter arsehole.”

            “Flatterer,” Sirius joked, grinning. “Love you too, Moony. Forgive me?”

            “Yeah, I suppose so.”

            “M’glad,” Sirius mumbled, humming happily. “Don’t function properly without you. None of us Marauders do, you keep us from sending each other round the twist, but me especially.”

            Remus felt warmth bloom in his chest at hearing that. “Just keep your promise and we’ll be fine.”

            “Course I will,” Sirius whispered. “Nothing’s gonna keep me away from you, Moony. Just let them try. I’ll fight ‘em all off. You know how brilliant I am at dueling.”

            Remus chuckled. “The best, Pads.”

            “Damn right.”

            Remus kissed Sirius’s forehead, heart swelling with joy. He closed his eyes, feeling Sirius pressed up against him, and allowed himself to believe that there would always be this. That there would always be Sirius.