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I'm broken......but I'm fine

Chapter Text



"Louis, can you come here please your mother and I want to talk to you" My mum Johanna calls me.

I just got home from school and it was another rough day. Ever since I came out as gay I've been bullied to no end, my day exists of being pushed and kicked and most of the time my head is flushed down the toilet before 8am. As a result I've been skipping school, I hate being there and my only way of escape is to ditch. My parents have no idea what's been going on, they are both gay themselves and I couldn't put what happens to me on their shoulders. The kids at school know about my family situation and it just adds fuel to the fire. As a result I've distanced myself from everyone, preferring to be alone for fear of ridicule and getting hurt. I've found many ways to cope with the bullying, even going as far as changing my appearance. As far as my mothers both think, I'm going through a rebellious teenage stage. I've died my hair black, gotten an eyebrow ring and I hang out in my room all the time, it's not like I have any friends to hang out with anyway, they all abandoned me when I came out and they now join in on my torment.

I sigh and shut the front door behind me, I make my way to the kitchen slowly I pull nervously on my black sweater sleeves and scuff my matching Vans along the floor, I reach the doorway to find my mother Johanna and my step mum Anne sitting at the table, tea cups in hand.

My mother and Anne got married nine years ago. Anne has a son Harry who is six years older than me, making him 23. Harry moved out five years ago with his four mates, they all moved from Holmes Chapel to London to attend university together. Harry is now a detective and is head of London's teenage crime devision, he still lives with Niall, Liam and Zayn and they all work in the force together. I remember how nice they all were and they always included me when they came over, Niall would always let me win at FIFA. Harry and I were close when he lived here, I always felt protected and I may have had a slight crush on him, but a few months before he left we drifted apart. Harry became distant, It was around the time I came out so I assumed it was because of that. I know our parents are gay but I have no idea what else would have caused him to act like I didn't exist. Now it's just me at home and it can get kind of lonely. I used to talk to Harry about everything and I would give anything to have someone to talk to about stuff again. I love my parents but they work a lot and I'm alone so much, I used to love talking to Harry, he would always listen and give great advice. Calling him now though isn't an option, he hates me and hasn't spoken one word to me in five years, he would probably laugh at me if I told him what's going on at school.

I stand awkwardly in the kitchen doorway. Anne looks at me, her long brown hair is done up in a ponytail, she smiles reassuringly.

"Come and sit down sweetheart" she says lovingly.

I hesitate, I'm not really in the mood for a talk right now. I look towards my mother and she is quiet, it looks like she has been crying and she won't look me in the eyes.

"What's going on?" I ask a little worried now.

I walk over to the table and sit down, I pull my black jumper sleeves over my hands, a habit I developed over the last few years.

"Louis, we both need to talk to you about something important" Anne continues.

"Okay" I say quietly, my mum still won't look at me.

"Sweetheart, we have noticed lately you have been rather quiet, you're not prefer to be in your room all the time....we are worried about you honey" Anne says concerned.

"I'm fine, I eat... and I just like to be by myself" I say, fiddling with the sleeves of my jumper.

"Honey, we know about you skipping school, the principal called us today" she finishes.

Shit, now what am I going to say? I can't tell them the truth. Apart from it being completely embarrassing, plus the fact I can't even stand up for myself. I don't want them to worry either.

"I.....I'm" I start.

"Listen Louis" my mum pipes up now and her tone is anything but gentle like Anne's.

"We are going to give you one chance to come clean and tell us what's really going on. One chance Louis" my mum speaks clearly upset.

Anne places her hand on top of my mums in a loving gesture, calming her down.

"I.....there isn't anything going on, I'm fine I just......hate.....I hate school" I lie not looking at either of them.

At that my mum is out of her chair in an instant, she starts pacing the room.

"Jay" Anne says calmly.

"We know that's a lie Louis....and I can't do it anymore" she says angrily.

She reaches over to the kitchen draw and pulls out a pack of cigarettes and my stash of weed, she has clearly been snooping in my room.

"Care to explain that??" She spits angrily. Placing her hands on the table and hovering over me.

"I promise I didn't smoke the weed, I was just given it at school. I haven't smoked it I swear" I say back defensively.

It's the truth I haven't smoked it, I was going too but I haven't had a chance yet.

"The fact that you have it is enough!!" My mum shouts.

"Louis, we have been talking and we obviously missed this slip that has happened and we have tried to give you space in the hope you come around and talk to us, but it hasn't worked. You just keep going down the wrong path and this just confirms our suspicions" Anne says gently to me.

"We are so disappointed Louis, you're skipping school, you're on drugs and it's not acceptable. You're failing your subjects and its stopping right now" my mum says to me.

"Wha??....I...but, I'm.....not failing" I scramble to say.

"That's your excuse??? That's all you can say right now young man?" My mum shouts.

"Johanna please, I know you're worried but you getting angry isn't helping" Anne tells her, she rubs her thumb over my mums hand then looks back towards me.

"Listen Louis, we think it's best if we........if you.....we are sending you to live with Harry for a while, we just think it's what you need right now" Anne tells me.

"What??? You're sending me away?? I'm sorry I....I'll go to school I will...I promise. Please" I start but Anne shushes me.

"Louis, it's not meant to be a punishment, we have spoken to Harry, he works with kids who are going off track everyday" Anne starts.

Going off track? I'm not going off track, I'm bullied at school and skipping is my only escape. It's not like I'm hanging out with a gang and shooting up at the park.

"I'm not going of track!" I shout standing up.

"We think this is what you need honey, another male in your life.....we all agree this is the right thing to do" my mum says, a lot calmer now.

"What about what I think? What if I don't want to go??" I yell.

"I'm sorry Lou, your train leaves tomorrow afternoon, Harry and the boys are expecting you tomorrow night" Anne tells me.

Tears sting my eyes, how can they decide something like this without consulting me, I haven't seen Harry in nearly five years, we haven't spoken in forever. I don't want to go live with him or the boys, they are practically strangers. They think I'm going off the rails which couldn't be farther from the truth. I'm being punished for something that isn't happening. I don't have any options though, I can't tell them what's really going on. My thoughts become overwhelming and I just need to be alone. I run from the kitchen without saying another word to Anne or my mother. As I leave I can hear Anne comforting my mum and it makes me upset that I made her cry.

I run to my room and lock my bedroom door, I run to my bed and reach for my suitcase underneath. I open it and pull out my secret box. My breathing is ragged as I open it with shaky hands, I look at the silver blade covered in blood inside, sometimes I feel like the blade is the only one to care,my only friend. This is my release and escape from the horrible thoughts and events that happen at school nearly every day. My mind is filled with the same thoughts I always have,

You're not good enough
Everyone hates you
You're fat and ugly
Now you're being sent away because you're a burden.

I furiously wipe the tears away from my eyes and sit on my floor. I wear seven black leather bracelets on each wrist,, they hide my secrets from the world. I begin to take them all off and It's with those thoughts flowing through my head I swipe the blade over my left wrist, one, two, three times. I sigh relieved and watch as the blood trickles down my arm. My life is so fucked right now and this is the only thing that keeps me grounded. I cry silently to myself. I now have to find a way to hide my secrets from four guys that I barely know. What if Harry still hates me? I can't even believe he agreed to me staying with him, my parents probably paid him off.

I sit lost in my thoughts about Harry before I pull myself together and I walk myself to the bathroom. I clean my wrists up and put my bracelets back on. I get into my sweats and a long sleeve shirt and shakily slip into bed. I don't come down for dinner when my mums knock on my door, I just lie facing the wall, thinking. I eventually fall into an uncomfortable sleep not knowing what tomorrow will hold. I will see my step brother for the first time in years and I really wish I didn't have to wake up.


I'm angry and tired the next morning. I didn't sleep very well, worrying about what's going to happen today. I sit at the table playing with my breakfast, I've lost my appetite recently and I'm definitely not in the mood to eat this morning.

"Louis, please" my mum says to me as she takes a seat next to me at the table.

"I'm not hungry" I say pushing my plate away.

"Louis, you are wasting away, you need to eat" Anne says as she makes her way into the kitchen to get a cup of tea.

"Louis, please don't shut us out, we know something is going on and we just want to help...please" my mum pleads with me.

"There isn't anything going on, I'm fine....just stop bothering me....I don't need to go live with Harry you just don't want me anymore" I lash out.

"That's not true at all honey, we are worried sick about you and we think this is the best option right now" my mum says.

"It's summer break in a week and that's three months for you and Harry to bond and hopefully figure out some stuff hey!" Anne says happily.

I scoff at her comment, bond with the step brother who up and left and never talks to me anymore.

"Harry is really looking forward to seeing you" my mum adds.

I highly doubt that.

"Well I better get my stuff then" I say sarcastically as I storm out of the kitchen and head to my room.

"Louis" my mum calls after me but I don't listen. I slam my door shut and turn my music up loud, I fall on my bed and I look up at the ceiling. My life sucks right now.


"Hey mum, what's up?" I say as I answer the phone.

It's a bit late for my mum to be ringing me, I know mum and Johanna have been having a few issues with Louis at the moment. They have asked me and the boys to take him in over the summer break. At first I was a little reluctant to agree, I haven't seen Louis in years and the boys might not be too keen on having a 17 year old around. Once I spoke to them though they were actually excited to have Louis come stay, they were eager to help when I explained what was going on.

When I left five years ago I distanced myself from Louis, I knew from a young age that I was bisexual but when Louis came out gay, I knew I was developing feelings for the kid and I didn't like it. It was all new to me and every time I looked at the adorable kid I would fall harder and harder. I know I hurt him when I left, but I didn't know what else to do and it just became easier to push him and my feelings aside. I am looking forward to seeing him again, but the way mum and Jay are talking about Louis I am a little worried. I just hope I can help.

"Harry....I just wanted to call and say that we told Louis tonight that he was coming to stay with you" Mum tells me, she sounds upset.

"Oh did he take it?" I ask.

"He.....was upset, thinks we are trying to get rid of him" she tells me sighing.

"He will come round mum" I tell her.

"I'm so worried about him Harry and so is Jay, we just don't know what's been going on. He is so....distant" mum tells me.

"I'm sure it's nothing serious" I say trying to reassure her, I don't believe it though, something must be going on for Louis to be so down.

"Harry, he died his hair black, he has an eyebrow ring. He only wears dark clothing, we found drugs and smokes in his room.....and the worst part is I haven't seen him eat a meal in god knows how long" My mum says as a small sob escapes her.

I didn't realise things were this bad with Louis, I feel like I'm to blame for this, I left and he has no one. How could I have done that to him, now he is skipping school and going off the rails. I deal with delinquent kids everyday, I arrest them and detain them and try my hardest to help them but I never want Louis to become like them. I will do everything I can to help him.

"It's okay mum, when the boys and I pick him up tomorrow we will sort him out okay, don't worry. Louis will be fine, I'll make sure if it" I tell her reassuringly.

"Thank you much" my mum says.

We talk a little longer and say our good nights and hang up, just as Niall walks downstairs from being up in the guest bedroom. We live in a six bedroom flat in London together and have for four years, we all work together and most people would think that's a recipe for disaster but it works and we wouldn't change it for anything.

"Lou's rooms all set up mate, I set up the one next to yours, put a PlayStation and TV in there too" Niall says smiling.

"Thanks mate, that's great, thanks for being okay with this" I tell him.

"Haz, Louis is like family and quite frankly I've missed the kid, it will be great to see him again and hopefully get to the bottom of everything" He says.

I smile at him as Liam and Zayn walk in the front door, home from their shift. They are partners and work homicide while Niall and I work with the youth.

"What are you two still doing awake?" Liam asks as he takes his jacket and shoes off at the door.

"Just finishing getting organised for Louis tomorrow" Niall says.

"Great, that reminds me, I need to head to the shops tomorrow and pick up his favourite snacks. remember how much he used to love gummy worms" Zayn says smiling.

"Yeah, I forgot about that, he always used to steal them from my room" I laugh out.

We all share a laugh at the fond memory of an adorable 12 year old Louis.

"Mum says he hasn't been eating, I'm hoping we can change that. I'm actually worried. I know I haven't seen him in years or kept in touch with him but I want that to change I'm going to make it up to him" I tell them determined.

"We will help you Haz, you know we will be here for him too. We will get to the bottom of it we promise" Niall reassures me.

We all share a look of understanding and I just hope it's true, that we can work together and be there for Louis and fix whatever is going on.

Chapter Text


Niall and I arrive at London station 15 minutes before Louis train is due, both of us are dressed in black skinny jeans with black long sleeve sweaters underneath our warm police jackets. Even though we aren't working these jackets are super warm. We make our way to the platform and as the train pulls into London station Niall and I stand off to the side waiting for Louis. Im nervous to see him again, I hope I recognise him and he recognises us, I still have his 12 year old face in my head. My thoughts of not knowing what he looks like now are squashed when I spot him a mile away, how could I not, my jaw goes slack and my breath gets caught in my throat when I see him. He is gorgeous absolutely stunning, his hair is now black and it contrasts well with his tanned skin, the eyebrow ring gives him an edge but he still looks innocent. He is tiny though, he is wearing black skinny jeans and a grey sweater that is practically falling off him. His collarbones are sticking out and his cheekbones are prominent on his delicate face. His blue eyes look around the station trying to spot me, suddenly our eyes meet and I can't help the small gasp, he is gorgeous. He just stares at me, like he is unsure. He seems really insecure. I smile widely at him and gesture him over. He puts his head down and walks slowly over to us.

"Louis!!! How are you kid?" Niall practically yells as he brings him in for a hug.

"Hey Niall" Louis says softly and returns the hug. They pull away and Louis looks towards me.

"Hey there kiddo" I say smiling at him.

"Hey Haz" he says quietly.

Haz, he used to call me that all the time, he looks away and at the ground again. He seems so sad and I hate it.

"Can I have a hug too, I've missed you" I say seriously.

He looks at me again and hesitates but leans in for a hug, he is stiff and it's a bit awkward but when I have him in my arms, it feels like my world shifts, like I'm home again. I hadn't realised how much I actually missed Louis. My arms wrap around him so easily and I notice how tiny his frame is, it worries me. We pull back and I go to grab his backpack for him.

"You, um....I can carry my own bag it's fine" Louis says quietly.

"I've got it Kiddo" I smile at him.

He looks at me unsure, but allows me to pick up his bag and carry it. We then all make our way to my car. When we reach the carpark and find the car, I put his bag in the boot of the rover and open the back door for Louis to climb into. He climbs in with a bit of difficulty, he looks so small as he does. I feel like reaching out and lifting his tiny body into the backseat, I know that wouldn't go down to well though. Niall sits in the front next to me and we pull out of the carpark.

"So Lou, what's been going on? We have lots to catch up on" Niall says smiling widely.

I look in the rearview mirror at Louis who is playing with his sweater sleeves.

"Um....yeah not much, just school and stuff" he sighs and looks out the window.

"Are you liking school?" I ask and Louis immediately tenses up.

"Ahhhhh, yeah um I love school it's awesome" he says uneasily.

I know he is lying but I don't push him. He relaxes when he realises I won't ask him more questions
"Are you still as awesome at FIFA?, cause just to warn you I'm pretty good now" Niall chuckles.

"I know you used to let me win Ni" Louis says cheekily.

"Me, never!!" Niall says and I chuckle.

I find myself watching Louis as often as I can through the rearview mirror. His tiny hands engulfed by his sleeves, his hair falling across his eyes. He is so endearing.

It's silent for a while until Niall pipes up

"I'm starving Harry lets get some food!" He wines to the car.

"You're always hungry" I laugh.

I see Louis tense up again In the back seat.

"Hey, I like my food okay....there Haz, stop at that burger place!" Niall practically grabs the wheel to turn the car.

"Alright, alright calm down" I laugh as I pull into the drive through.

"Lou, would you like something?" I ask and watch in the mirror to see his reaction. He plays with his sweater uncomfortably.

"Um.......I have no money" he tries and I laugh and so does Niall.

"Lou, you're staying with us, we will pay for everything you need, including food" I tell him.

He continues to look uncomfortable like he is trying to think of another excuse not to eat.

"Um....I don't like burgers" he says and Niall gasps.

"How could you not like burgers Louis!! It's a crime" Niall jokes.

"We can go somewhere else if you like, I don't mind stopping somewhere else for food" I tell him kindly, hoping he just wants something else.

" don't have to that" he says

"I want to's fine really I..." I start but I'm cut off.

"I'm not hungry Harry okay...please just drop it" Louis snaps.

Niall and I turn to each other and share a concerned look. I bring my eyes back to Louis in the mirror and he seems agitated and is rubbing his hands up and down his jeans, his breathing irregular.

"Okay Lou, it's fine bud just relax" I tell him.

He seems to calm down at my words and he leans his head on the window and closes his eyes, his breathing returns to normal. I relax a bit and turn to order Niall and my food at the speaker box. Once we receive our burgers I park the car and we decide to eat In the carpark, Louis seems to have gone to sleep against the window.

"Is he asleep?" Niall asks me.

"I think so" I say taking a bite of my burger.

"Well, I have to say he doesn't look good Haz, he is way to thin and he looks sick" Niall tells me.

"I agree, something isn't right Niall" I tell him.

"You think he is on drugs?" Niall asks me.

I look towards Louis and although he looks sick and thin, he doesn't look like a typical drug user.

"No, I don't. I think something else is going on. I just don't know what it is" I say.

Niall hums and finishes his burger, I can't help but keep my eyes on Louis, he is adorable and I just want to hold him and make him all better.

"I feel so guilty Niall, I feel responsible and I want to fix it. I'm an asshole, I should have been there for him and I wasn't. I've been ignoring him for five years, I could have reached out so many times to him, just picked up the phone and called. I didn't though and I regret that so much" I tell Niall.

"It's okay Haz, now is your chance to make up for it. Just be there for him now okay" he says clapping me on the shoulder.

I smile, I just hope Louis lets me be there for him, I hope it's not to late and that I haven't pushed him too far away.


I pretend to be asleep against the window of the car and after Harry's confession I feel like I want to cry. I didn't mean to snap at him. I just don't want to be pressured into things. I know mum and Anne have probably pressed there concerns about me not eating but I'm fine and I don't need Harry and the boys on my case about it as well.

I believe Harry's sorry for not contacting me over the last five years, but if mum and Anne hadn't mentioned anything to him he still wouldn't have called me. He is only concerned because they all think I'm going off the rails, not because he really cares about me.

The car starts moving again, I didn't get much sleep last night so the soft music playing and the movement of the car lulls me to sleep. I'm woken by Harry shaking me gently.

"Lou" he shakes me and I flinch awake. I back up away from him, people only touch me when they are hurting me.

"Hey it's okay, we're here" Harry says gently, he furrows his eyes at my reaction.

"S...sorry" I say as I relax again.

Harry just smiles at me and his gorgeous dimples show, to say Harry is gorgeous is a complete understatement. He has long curly hair and legs for days, he is tall and muscly and everything I find attractive. Even though we aren't blood related, it still seems awkward to have these feelings for him. Harry would never find me attractive or feel the same way about me anyway.

"It's fine Lou, come on" he says as he holds out his hand for me to take.

I hesitate but settle my hand in his and he helps me out of the car. The spark I feel when our hands touch nearly makes me flinch back but I don't. I wonder if Harry feels it too, if he does he hides it.

We head up the lift to the apartment and when I step inside I'm gobsmacked. It's huge, it's like a guys dream apartment. The whole side wall of the place is glass and looks out over London. Everything on the lower level is open and the kitchen dining and living room are one big room. There are beanbags and couches and every game console and game ever made. The dvd collection is also huge and I can't help but gawk. The place is surprisingly spotless too. As I look around I see Zayn and Liam sitting at the breakfast bar at the kitchen.

"Well, well well, look what the cat dragged in...get over here Lou and give uncle Z a hug" Zayn says smiling at me.

He is still impeccably gorgeous with his sharp cheekbones and quiff. He looks like a model not a detective but his muscles show and I know he can hold his own.

"He Z" I say shyly as he engulfs me in a hug. He still smells the same.

"I missed you Kid" Zayn tells me pulling back, I don't miss his concerned eyes as he assess me.

"Hey Lou, it's good to see you again, we are really happy to have you stay with us" Liam says from beside Zayn, as he too comes and hugs me.

"Thanks Liam" I say as we pull away.

"Come and I will show you your room" Harry says to me.

I turn around and he leads me up the stairs to a huge hallway that has two sides. On the left there are three doors and on the right there are three doors. Harry leads me to the second door on the left and opens it. Inside is a huge queen size bed and my own TV and game consoles. The bed has blue and white striped sheets and pillows on it and it looks so comfy. I can't help but think I get my own TV and games because the boys don't want me playing in the lounge room with them.

"I hope you like it" Harry says to me smiling.

"It's great thank you!" I say shyly.

"My room is right next door okay and Liam, Zayn and Niall are down the other end of the corridor" he smiles at me.

"Okay.....look Harry. I know I'm a burden and you don't really want me here, I'm sorry you got stuck with me. I tried to get out of it but I'm sorry it didn't work. I will stick to my room and I won't bother you I promise" I say shyly as I look at the floor and play with my sweater.

I feel horrible that I've just interrupted Harry and the boys life like this, granted I had no choice If I wasn't such a fuck up though my parents wouldn't have had to send me away. I always cause everyone trouble, just like the kids at school say. I'm worthless and a stupid fat, ugly fag. I try to push the thoughts away before I break down in front of Harry, that's the last thing I need. My mind goes to my blade tucked safely away in my backpack, the itch becomes apparent. I need it to help me get these thoughts away..... I didn't realise I was so deep in my thoughts and Harry's voice startles me.

"Louis.......listen kiddo" Harry starts and sighs.

He leads me to the bed and sits me down next to him.

"I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that I just left and didn't keep in contact. It was selfish of me and I am so sorry.... You deserved better than that. I want you to know though I'm here now, I'm not going anywhere. I'm really happy you are here and so are the boys, I want us to become close again" he tells me seriously.

I don't know how to react to his words, the cynical side of me says he is lying and just trying to be nice because he has too. The other part of me though believes him, I'm not used to anyone caring about me besides my mums so to have someone else say something like that makes me sceptical. I look Harry in the eyes and see nothing but warmth and security. I sigh, my thoughts are just to much right now. I'm nothing and I need to remember that.

"Thanks, I guess but it's okay...I understand why you left and didn't call" I tell him.

I know he left because I disgust him and I'm too much of a fuck up.

"You do?" He asks surprised.

"Yeah, you don't like that I'm gay, it's okay no one does" I say quietly.

"What?......Louis, no, that's not why" he says and he seems angry.

He reaches out for me but I think he is about to hit me and I flinch away, he retracts immediately and furrows his eyebrows.

"I wasn't going to hurt you Lou, are you....okay...I'm sorry" he says.

I feel like utter shit, I'm such a dickhead, Harry is upset at me already and I've only been here half an hour.

"I just.....I want to be alone" I say shakily. I need to cut the urge is getting to much.

"Okay Lou, your bathroom is in there, I will call you when dinner is ready okay, come find one of us if you need something" he tells me gently.

He up and leaves the room and closes the door. The tears come then and I can't help but break. I scramble to the bathroom with my box and close and lock the door. I roll up my sleeve and hurry to take my bracelets off my right wrist, the cuts on my left arm are too fresh and sore to cut on again. I bring the blade down harshly on my wrist five times.

you're worthless
Harry hates you
The boys hate you
You're fat and ugly
No one will ever ever love you.

I sob as I watch the blood drop off my arm into the sink. I must have cut a bit deep as the blood makes its way to my grey jumper and starts soaking in. I take it off and wrap it around my wrist to stop the bleeding. I look in the mirror and see that my body is thinner, my ribs stick out more. It's not that I'm trying to loose weight, I just don't want to eat. My body is littered with bruises from the bullies at school. I can't say I'm not happy that I won't have to endure the torment from my bullies for the next three months. Maybe my body will get to heal completely before school goes back.

I decide to take a shower and chuck my clothes in the laundry hamper next to the shower. I make a mental note to wash my own clothes so the boys won't see my blood stained shirts. I get blood on them a lot, cuts reopen and I need to be careful here. It's easy at home as I do my own washing and mum and Anne work a lot so I don't really have much trouble hiding things. Here though, there will always be someone around.

I finish washing myself off in the shower and I get out and dry myself, I put my bracelets back on and find my track pants and a Jumper in my bag. My pants are loose and I need to fold them over so they stay up, but I don't care. I sit on my bed and get lost in my thoughts, how am I going to do this for three months. I'm already exhausted.


I close Louis door and walk back downstairs to the boys.

"How is he Haz? Is he okay?" Liam asks.

We have all taken a week off to show Louis around and be here for him. It's nice to be all together, usually someone is always on shift. The boys are standing around the stove, cooking a stir fry for dinner. Zayn hands me a beer and I sit down at the bar stool.

"Yeah, he is.....I don't know, he is so sad. He also, he thinks we don't want him here, that we were forced to take him in. I tried to tell him that wasn't true but I don't think he believed me" I say.

"Well we just have to show him that we do want him here" Niall says, sipping on his beer as he stirs the fry pan.

"Yeah, we do want him here, he looks too thin though H and so scared for some reason" Zayn mentions.

"Yeah I know, he wouldn't eat when Niall and I stopped at the burger place, I hope he eats dinner though. I'm not convinced he doesn't have an eating disorder" I say.

"You think he has anorexia?" Liam asks surprised.

"Maybe,I don't want to say anything for sure, he has only been here an hour, but maybe I should talk to Andy anyway" I say.

The boys hum in agreement, Andy is a friend we met in college, he is a doctor and works at London's hospital. He works with teens and young adults who have eating disorders and other issues. We refer allot of our kids to him. Im then reminded of the way Louis acted when I tried to touch him.

"He......he flinched when I went to touch him and I've seen that so many times before guys, at work and it broke my heart. I think......I think he may have been abused by someone" I tell them as I play with the label on my Beer bottle.

"Fuck!" Zayn says.

"Yeah fucks right, well who would do that to him?" Niall asks.

"The kids at school maybe?" Liam says.

"Yeah that makes sense I guess, I don't know. All we can do is keep an eye on him at the moment" I say.

We all nod in agreement and I go to set the table. An uneasy feeling in my stomach.


I must of lost track of time, lying on my bed lost in my thoughts as the next thing I know is Harry is entering my room.

"Hey Lou Dinners up, you must be hungry" he says.

I internally role my eyes at him. I know he is trying to care but I don't want his concern, I don't want to eat when I don't feel like it and I want to be left alone. I sigh and sit up on the bed to face him.

"I'm not hungry" I say tiredly.

"Louis, look.... I know you don't want to be here but we are all glad you are and we would really love it if you came to eat with us, even if you don't eat much" Harry says smiling at me.

Ugh, his stupid dimples will be the death of me I swear. He is trying so hard and the least I can do is humour him and the boys.

"Okay" I say and he beams at my response.

He holds his hand out to help me off the bed, I take it and he pulls me towards him. When he lets go of my hand he places his on the small of my back and leads me down the stairs. When we get closer to the kitchen I start to get nervous and I start to play with the bracelets on my wrists. Harry must notice my discomfort.

"Hey, Lou. It's okay....what's the matter?" Harry asks as he stops at the bottom of the stairs and turns to face me.

"Nnnnnnnothing, I just. I'm not used to lots of people I guess I dunno, people don't....." I start to say but I trail off not wanting to reveal anything to Harry.

"People don't what bud?" He asks kindly.

He looks me straight in the eyes and I feel like he is looking into my soul.

"People, don't usually.....usually like me" I shrug.

Shit Harry and his dam eyes and dimples and these stupid butterflies he gives me. I shouldn't have said that. Harry looks at me confusion written all over his face.

"Well, what's not to like? We all really like you and I know I'm looking forward to us getting to know each other again" Harry says.

I sigh, if only he knew my life. I nod my head and he leads me to the dining table, the smell of food hits me and it actually smells delicious. The boys are all sitting around the dining table, they all have a plate of what looks like stir fry and a beer each. Harry pulls out my chair across from Niall and Zayn and I sit down. Liam is at the head of the table and Harry sits down next to me. There is a huge plate of dinner in front of me and I swallow the lump in my throat, it smells delicious but I really don't feel like eating.

"Would you like a drink Lou?" Liam asks me.

"Sure I'll have a beer thanks" I say without missing a beat.

The table goes silent and they all look at each other.

"Ummmm" Niall starts.

"I was joking, I'll stick with water thanks" I say smiling to myself.

The boys laugh and Harry beams at me, God his dimples.

"You know I was just about to give in and give you one, who can say no to that cute face" Niall laughs.

"I bet you get away with murder at home hey Lou, mum was always a sucker for the cute little pout you always did when you were trying to get your way" Harry says and the boys all smile and chuckle.

"Yeah, I guess....didn't help me getting out of coming here though" I say truthfully.

"You didn't want to come?" Liam asks.

The boys all share looks with each other and I know the theory's as to what's going on with me have already started.

"It's not's just, mum and Anne think there is something wrong and they don't believe me when I tell them I'm fine" I say.

The boys have all started digging into their dinner, I pick up my fork hesitantly and start moving the food around my plate.

"Well, no offence Lou but even we can all tell you're not fine and you've only been here a few hours" Zayn starts and I go to retaliate but he puts his hands up to stop me.

"It's okay that you don't want to talk about it right now bud, we won't make you talk but we know you are not okay and we want you to know it's okay" Zayn finishes.

I can see Harry smile at Zayn across the table I can feel my breathing pick up a little and I feel slightly dizzy. They know something is going on and I bet they already pity me, I haven't been here a day and my guard is already faltering, they can see through it.

"I....I said I'm fine" I say back quietly playing with my food.

"Do you not like stir fry?" Niall asks, no accusation in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm just not hungry" I say back.

"Louis....bud, what have you eaten today?" Liam asks me.

I look at him, that was a pretty straight up question and it startles me a little.

"I....I ate breakfast and I brought stuff with me, I ate in my room and I'm not hungry" the lie slips from my mouth so easily.

At home it's easy to lie, there is no one watching my every move, no one notices I don't eat all day.

"I know you didn't eat breakfast because Lou, your mum called me and asked if I could make sure you ate something when you got off he train because you skipped breakfast" Harry tells me gently.

Shit, this is definitely going to be harder than I thought.

"Why do you care" I spit frustratingly, the only way I can see to get out of this is to get angry and maybe the will stop bothering me.

"Why do I care?, what kind of question is that Louis? You mean so much to me, of course I care" Harry spits back.

"No you don't, if you cared you would have called,you would have been there for me when I needed you but you left and never contacted me again. I know you were glad to get rid of me" I yell at him.

Harry doesn't yell back, instead he looks at me with hurt in his eyes.

"I apologise Louis, I know and I'm so sorry, but I'm here now, I want to help you so please don't pretend like nothing is wrong" Harry says back more calmly.

"You are wasting away Louis, your skin and bones and we can't ignore that, not as long as your living here and you are our responsibility" Liam says.

"I didn't ask for this, I don't want you to care.....I eat all the time..." I say.

"Then eat Louis" Niall says.

He is looking at me pleadingly, I look down at my plate and I stab a piece of meat with my fork and bring it to my mouth and chew. It tastes good but I haven't eaten a proper meal in forever and I can't stomach much.

Niall smiles at me and everyone goes back to eating in silence for a while.

"Louis, there is a friend of ours, his name is Andy and he is really nice and he is a....he's a doctor" Harry starts.

"A doctor?" I question, why is Harry telling me this?

"Yeah he is really great and we think you might like to meet him too, he is really great to talk to" Zayn finishes.

I don't know if they are just being nice or they have an underlying intention by mentioning Andy. My breathing picks up, they think I need a shrink or something? I don't want to see anyone I'm not crazy, I know I'm worthless and I'm a disgrace but I don't need to talk to anyone. I feel like I can't breathe, the boys think I need to see someone, they do think I'm going off the rails. I drop my fork and I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen.

"Louis?" Harry says from beside me.

I can't answer him though, I feel like I'm underwater and I can't break the surface.

"Fuck.....Louis" I can hear Zayn now.

Someone is in front of me but I can't make out who it is.

"Just relax, kid, breathe" Zayn is saying.

"Niall get a glass of water" Liam says.

"I can't I.......I caaaant breathe" I panic.

"Yes you can Lou, I'll help you" Harry is saying.

He grabs my hand and I'm too out of it to even flinch, he places my hand on his heart and covers it with his own.

"Feel my heart beat Lou, concentrate on my heartbeat and my breathing, try to follow it" he tells me.

I feel myself being lifted but I concentrate on trying to get air in my lungs and focus on Harry. In and out, in and out slowly. Eventually I start to breathe normally and I calm down. When I do, I realise I'm in Harrys lap, straddling him. My hand is against his chest and he is carding his hand through my hair. My head resting on his shoulder.

"That's it, it's okay.......I've got's okay" Harry is repeating to me.

Zayn and Liam are crouched down in front of me and Liam has a glass of water, Niall is on the phone behind them.

"So it's never happened before?" Niall asks, whoever is on the other line. I assume it's my mother.

"Okay Jay, he is calm now, we will look after him don't worry.......okay, yep, bye" Niall finishes and hangs up.

I don't realise I'm crying until Zayn reaches out and wipes a tear off my cheek.

"Don't cry babes, everything is okay....we promise" he reassures me.

"Jay said it's never happened before Haz, thinks it was a panic attack" Niall comes over and kneels I'm front of us to say.

"Should we call Andy?" Harry asks.

"No! I'm fine please, I'm fine i...." I start and begin to feel my breaths quickening again.

"Shhhhhhh, it's okay just relax. We won't call Andy if you just try to calm down babes" Zayn says.

Harry grabs my hand again and holds it to his chest, I turn my head and bury my face in his shoulder. I have ruined his shirt with tears but his smell is so relaxing. I grab his shirt in my hands trying to ground myself again. When I'm breathing normally again Harry shifts to say something to the boys. I can hear them talking but I don't know what they are saying. Before I know it Harry has picked me up like a child and I wrap my legs around his waist. He is comfortable and I don't want to let him go. He holds me too him and whispers sweet nothings in my ear. We don't even make it to my room before I've passed out

Chapter Text


I put Louis into bed and tuck him in tightly. He whimpers when I let him go and my heart aches for him, I want to so badly crawl in next to him and wrap him up in my arms. I settle for kissing him on the forehead. When I get back downstairs the boys are cleaning up dinner.

"Is he asleep?" Niall asks.

"Yeah, out to the world, the poor kid" I say as I grab some plates and help to stack the dishwasher.

"What do you think triggered it?" Liam asks.

"Andy" I say simply.

"Yeah, he definitely didn't want to talk to him that's for sure, that only makes me more convinced he is hiding something" Zayn says.

"Well, I'm going to call Andy" Liam says and he starts walking off.

"Liam, I don't know if that's such a good idea" I say.

"H, the kid just had a pretty bad panic attack and has refused food all day! I think it warrants a call at least to Andy. I think we need to have him over, let Louis see he isn't a threat and eventually he may trust one of us enough to talk. We can't sit back and do nothing, he is practically killing himself" Liam practically yells sounding frustrated and upset.

"'re right Li, yeah" I say back rubbing my hands over my face.

"I'm asking him over now, it's only 6:30pm he shouldn't be working" Liam says as he walks off to the other room to call Andy.

"Are you okay H?" Zayn asks.

I sigh.

"Can I tell you guys something?" I say as I sit on the bar stool at the kitchen and put my face in my hands.

"Always H, what's up?" Niall says.

"I never told you guys this but......but.....the reason I left Louis and didn't contact him was because.........well because" I start.

"You have feelings for him?" Zayn says "We know H, we've known for five years mate" Zayn laughs out.

"Yeah mate it's not hard to put that one together and the way you are with him now, it's really nice. We are used to you being big tough detective Harry, but with Louis you're completely you turn soft" Niall chuckles.

"Hey! I'm very manly thank you!!" I say back as I throw a stray piece of capsicum at him. He ducks out of the way cackling.

"It's nice H, it's nice to see you finally care about someone.....are you going to tell him though?" Zayn asks.

"I don't know Z...I don't even know what I feel, I wouldn't even know what to say....I think I need time"

Niall and Zayn smirk at me knowingly but agree with me. Liam comes back in the room and let's us know Andy is on his way.

20 mins later and Andy shows up at the door.

"Hey H, how's things" Andy says hugging me tight as I answer the door.

"Good, Anz, thanks for coming over" I say, leaning back smiling.

Andy is tall with brown hair, he is very attractive and quite muscly. He is such a down to earth lovely guy and i think there may be something going on with him and Niall.

"Of course H, always" he says as we walk Into the kitchen to meet the other boys.

After the greeting are out of the way, we make our way to the lounge room beers in hand, to have a chat. Niall sits conveniently next to Andy while Zayn and Liam sit on one side of the couch and I on the other.

"So Liam told me a little bit about Louis, but I would like to know more" Andy starts.

All eyes turn towards me expectantly.

"Well, Louis mum and my mum got married nine years ago, Louis and I were always so close and he would tell me everything. I was very protective of him and we had a really tight bond. When he was around 12/13 I started..... I don't know......finding him attractive, adorable I......developed feelings for him and I did the only thing I could think of to get rid of them. I stopped talking to him, I distanced myself from him and when I left for uni, I didn't talk to him again. I haven't seen or spoken to Louis in five years. Then I get this frantic call from mum and Jay a few days ago, asking me if I could take Louis in for a while, that they are at a loss with what to do. They said Louis has been skipping school, failing his exams, he has died his hair and gotten an eyebrow ring which is so out of character. Mum said he's been distant and won't talk to them and he hasn't been eating. When I say not eating, I actually mean not eating. He hasn't eaten one single morsel of food today and he is so thin, his clothes don't fit, he's gaunt looking and looks ill. Still gorgeous but.......anyway......mum and Jay also found weed and cigarettes in his bedroom draw" I finish.

I raise my head from looking at the floor and look at Andy, the other boys are tense as well, as we all look towards Andy waiting for the verdict. Like he will give us the answers to everything.

"Okay, well let me just take all that in first" Andy says as he runs his hands over his face.

"What was your first impression of him H? When you saw him for the first time, what did you think?" Andy asks me.

I furrow my eyebrows and think back to this afternoon when he got off the train.

" feelings are still there, that's for sure....there is no escaping that, but I thought he looked sad, really, really sad and his eyes were kind of empty. He was too thin but he looked scared like he was troubled with something." I say sadly.

Andy nods his head at me.

"What about you boys?" He asks the other three.

"Sick, I thought he looked sick like he has a bad case of the flu" Niall says instantly.

"Yeah, I thought he was thin yes, but definitely timid and scared" Zayn says.

"I agree with all of that, that's what I thought too" Liam says.

"Okay....and drugs do you think he is on drugs?"

"No!" We all say at the same time.

"Definitely not, I think he may have experimented once or twice with weed like all of us have, but he is definitely not on drugs" I say and the other boys nod there heads in agreement.

" did he react at the table, when you were all sitting down to eat?" Andy asks another question.

"Well, he didn't want to come down to eat with us, said he wasn't hungry. Was actually worried that the boys wouldn't like him and before that, every time I went to touch him he flinched" I explain.

"When you asked him to eat, is that when he had the panic attack?" Andy asks.

"No, he played with his food for awhile but when I asked him to eat it, he started to eat it" Niall says.

" how much did he eat?" Andy questions Niall further.

"Maybe two mouthfuls" Zayn pipes in.

"But he didn't seem to have a problem eating it" Liam says,

"Then we mentioned you and that you were a doctor and that he might like to talk to you and that's when he had the panic attack" Zayn says.

we nod in agreement.

"And his mum said it's never happened before?" Andy asks.

"Nope, never even shown signs of one" Niall says.

Andy sighs and leans back in his seat, lost in thought.

"Okay, typically kids with eating disorders will still eat but control there eating with throwing up and portions, they will calculate calories and overload there mind with good and bad thoughts about food. They become anxious around food and if that was what had caused Louis panic attack I would say that yes, definitely, we need to look further into him having an eating disorder but. He doesn't sound like he has one, it sounds like there is an underlying issue and he isn't eating, not because he doesn't want to, but because he actually isn't hungry. This can be caused by depression and if you say he looks sad and empty then we need to think that maybe he has some form of depression. I feel though from what you have all said, that there is a reason for it. The fact that when you try to touch him he flinches ect. These are signs that there is something else happening and he obviously doesn't want to talk about it. He is either too scared or ashamed to open up. That's were I come in, actually we all come in" Andy says.

That makes so much sense and I'm relieved to hear that Louis probably doesn't have an eating disorder.

"Okay, so what do we do?" Zayn says.

"Well, I would like to meet him, as a friend. We need to respect the fact he doesn't want to talk yet and we need to not pressure him into eating or talking. I know it's worrying but I'm here now and I know when to step in if I need to treat him for malnourishment, I can watch him in that sense. We need him to feel safe and that he can trust us and then he may start talking" Andy tells us.

"Okay......yeah, that sounds like a good plan" I say.

Even though I won't stop worrying I won't pressure Louis into doing anything he doesn't feel comfortable with, I trust Andy to know what he is doing.

The boys all hum in agreement. Suddenly we are brought out of our discussion by a very loud yell.


"Shit" I swear and I'm up out of my chair and running towards Louis room. The boys and Andy following closely behind me.

"HARRY, MAKE THEM STOP PLEASE!!" Louis screams again as I barge into his room.

I see Louis on the bed, he is still asleep. He is having a nightmare and is tossing and turning. Tears are rolling down his face and his shirt has lifted up a little and we all see it, there are bruises all over his body. Niall gasps and we all look at each other.

"Don't touch me please, let go" Louis yells, still asleep.

It's enough to break me out of my thoughts and I run to the bed and hop up beside Louis.

"Louis,'s me its Harry, I'm here.....wake up Lou" I say gently.

I card my hands gently through his hair, In the hopes that he will wake up.

"Louis, wake up, you are having a nightmare" I say to him gently.

Louis eyes then pop open and he gasps for air, he is sweating and breathing irregularly.

He looks at me but he doesn't see me and he scoots back on the bed afraid. He leans back on the headboard and he tucks his knees up to his chest, trying to get away.

"Hey,hey,hey. Lou, it's me ,its Harry. It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you" I tell him gently.

He seems to register my voice and looks at me, his eyes are screaming with pain and I want to fix it.

"Harry?" he questions.

"Yeah bud I'm here" I reassure him.

Suddenly he throws himself at me, his arms going around my neck. He buries his head in my shoulder and just sobs. I grab him tightly and I manoeuvre myself so I'm leaning against the headboard and Louis is straddling me.

"It's okay, I've got you, it's okay" I tell him as. I stroke his hair.

I see the boys at the door and Andy is looking worried. He ushers the boys out of the room and gestures for me to come down stairs when Louis is settled. I nod my head and turn my attention back to Louis.

"Shhhhh, it's okay, it's okay, you're safe" I reassure him.

"Go back to sleep, I'm here sweetheart'" I say.

Eventually his sobs die down and he falls asleep against me. I'm comfortable and I love having Louis in my arms but I need to go talk to Andy. I tuck Louis back into bed and I kiss his forehead and reluctantly leave the room. When I make it downstairs I hear the hushed voices of the boys in the Lounge. Liam spots me first.

"It's going to be a long three months I think" he says worriedly.

"Yeah, I think so" I respond.

"Well we all saw the bruises, which means someone has put them there. We need to find out who and why" Andy says.

"I'll call mum in the morning, see if she knows anything" I say.

"Good idea, just don't let Louis know you saw just yet. I will come over tomorrow morning, to meet Louis officially okay" Andy says getting up.

We walk him to the door and thank him for coming over. We all say our good nights and head to bed. Before I get to my room ,I stand at Louis door for a while just watching him sleep, his breaths coming out of his mouth and his chest going up and down slowly. I'm attached now and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. The thing is this time, I don't want my feelings to change, instead I want Louis to reciprocate them.

Chapter Text


When I wake up in the morning, I have a terrible headache, the memories from last night come flooding back to me and I realise I'm so ashamed of myself that the tears just fall. I feel miserable, like I have disgraced myself and Harry. They must all think I'm a freak, they will all hate me and send me away now too. I can't help the tears and I try to wipe them away furiously. The itching in my wrists returns and the urge is so strong, I make my way to my bathroom and lock the door behind me. I reach under the sink and to the back where I hid my trusty blade box. I open it and I take my bracelets off quickly. The cuts on my left wrist are still raw and a little infected but I don't give a shit, I deserve it. I make quick work of four cuts on each wrist and sigh in relief as the voices in my head ease up and my self loathing stops...even if only for a little while. I sit with my back against the cupboard and I cry for what must be ages, I'm just so tired. My stomach grumbles a little and I decide I had better go and eat something, as I haven't in three days. I look down and realise that the blood from my wrists has soaked through my pants as well as my shirt. I take them off and put them in my laundry basket, I then hop in the shower to clean myself up and wash my hair. I feel a little better when I exit the shower, my headache is still throbbing though. I put my bracelets back on, not even bothering to disinfect or clean my cuts. I then change into my skinny jeans that are baggy now and my vans off the wall black and red shirt. I then make my way slowly downstairs.

The boys are all sitting in the lounge room on beanbags playing FIFA. Niall and Zayn are yelling at the TV while Liam and Harry laugh at them. I look towards the kitchen and the clock says 10:30am. The boys look so happy together like what real brothers should be like. I'm brought out of my thoughts by Liam's voice. He must have noticed me.

"Morning Louis" he says cheerfully.

The rest of the boys heads snap around to look at me.

"Morning" I say quietly to them all.

They are all smiling at me and aren't looking at me like I'm a freak, they haven't asked me to leave yet, but they might be easing me into that.

"Want to play some FIFA with us?" Harry asks.

"Umm....would it be okay....if I got something to eat?" I ask looking down at the ground.

I miss the smile the boys give each other.

"Of course Lou, what do you feel like?" Harry beams.

" an apple or something" I say.

"Are you sure, I can make you pancakes or scrambled eggs?" Harry asks, he walks over to the kitchen to talk to me,

"Um no an apple is um fine thanks" I tell him.

I don't feel like something heavier. Harry nods and gets me an apple from the bowl. I take it gratefully. He is staring at me and I know he is probably thinking I'm a freak.

" about last night, I know I'm a freak and I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to be such a baby and" I start but I'm cut off when Harry reaches out and puts his hands on either side of my face. He looks me deep in the eyes.

"Hey, shhhhh Lou, I never for one second thought you were a freak. Don't you ever apologise, I'm here for you, always" he says and my breath hitches.

I don't know what to say back to him and I just end up staring at him.

"Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" Harry asks and I instantly tense up.

" I'm.......I....uh uh" I shake my head as my breathing gets heavier.

I don't want to talk, I don't want to think of that horrible nightmare. The one I have over and over again, me getting the life kicked out of me by my bullies.

"Do you get nightmares a lot?" He asks me.

I nod my head at his question, I should at least warn him for when it happens again.

"Do our mums know" Harry asks.

"No" I whisper. "Please, don't say anything" I ask quietly.

Harry sighs and pulls me into him and I melt in his embrace.

"You have my word, but please Louis, just know I'm here for you okay" Harry says and I nod into his chest.

"Come on, come play some FIFA with us" Harry says and leads me over to the couch. The boys act like they weren't watching our conversation but I know they were. Niall has a huge grin on his face while Zayn is smirking badly.

"Here Lou, want to play?" Zayn asks.

"Um no....I'll just watch for a while" I say quietly.

Zayn nods and the boys get to playing the game. Harry makes sure I sit down next to him on the couch. I curl my legs under me and start munching on my apple. When I'm finished my apple I go to put it in the rubbish and when I turn around there is a knock at the door. I freeze and look at the boys slightly scared.

"It's okay Lou, it's just a friend of ours" Liam says kindly as he goes to answer the door. The boys all stand up ready to greet this friend of there's.

I slip behind Harry, and hide out of the way. When Liam comes back in the room a very tall handsome guy is trailing behind, he has brown eyes and hair and gives off a very comforting, easygoing vibe. I don't let my guard down though, he will probably think I'm a freak and hate me.

"Louis, we would like you to meet our friend, this is Andy" Liam says and my breathing stops and i freeze, eyes going wide. I can feel the colour drain from my face.

"It's really nice to finally meet you Louis, The boys have told me so much about you" he says kindly looking at me.

Half my body is hidden behind Harry, the boys have invited Andy over probably because of last night. It's true, they do think I'm crazy and need a shrink. I don't want to be here anymore, they are traitors. I told them I didn't want to talk about anything, that I didn't need to, that I was fine. I blink up at Andy and see him smiling widely at me. I think I'm going to be sick.

"I'm going to throw up" I say and I rush forward and just make the sink in the kitchen before I'm puking up the apple I just ate.

I feel Zayn behind me rubbing my back.

"Its okay Lou" he says to me.

When I'm done, I'm so embarrassed. Harry is by my side as well making sure I'm okay. I can see them all watching me with worried expressions, I expect to see Andy grossed out, maybe even laughing at me or at least disgusted. What I didn't expect was the extremely worried look and furrowed eyebrows he has on his face. Like he knows more than he is letting on. He looks like he is studying me and I hate it. I run then, upstairs to my bedroom and I close the door behind me and lock it.

Not even a second later there is banging on my door.

"Louis, open the door please" it's Harry.

"Leave me alone Harry" I spit at him.

"I can't do that Louis, now open the door kiddo" he asks again his tone shifting from understanding to slightly upset.

"No!, I told you I don't want to meet Andy but you invited him over anyway, I'm not a freak I don't need a doctor Harry I'm not coming out!!" I yell at Harry.

My chest is heaving as I try to calm myself down.

"Louis, you don't have to talk to Andy we just wanted you two to meet that's all" Harry says.

I can hear voices outside the door and then a voice I'm not familiar with speaks to me.

"Hey Lou, it's Andy.....listen bud, I'm just here as a friend okay, I promise. The boys told me you were coming last week and I really wanted to meet you, it was my fault. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable" he says.

And now I feel like an even bigger idiot, now Andy will think I'm weird and have something to hide. I can't deal with this emotional stress, I don't want to be here anymore. I don't respond to Andy, instead I turn my music on the stereo really loud and drown out any voices I can hear. I lie on my bed looking up at the ceiling,I won't come out of the room for the rest of the three months. I tell myself, if I die who cares, maybe I will get some relief from the thoughts and voices in my head, relief from the torment at school and I won't have to worry about the pitiful looks I receive when people meet me.


Three days, Louis has been in his room for three days and hasn't once come out, his music has been on loud for those three days and the only way we know he is alive is the fact he turns the music off when he goes to bed and then back on again when he wakes up. He has eaten a piece of toast and an apple, that we left outside his door. To say I'm worried is an understatement, I have no idea what we are supposed to do. The boys are at a loss as well although their patience is still present, they aren't angry or upset and I'm so grateful for them. There is a knock at my bedroom door and Liam enters.

"I say we pick the lock today and go in there and lay down some rules" Liam says.

I sigh.

"Well, things can't get much worse than they already are" I say.

"He can't be okay in there H, he's eaten a piece of toast in three days. Andy is coming, says we need to get him out" Liam says worriedly.

"You think something could have happened to him?" I ask as I bolt up from the bed and look at Liam.

"Well I don't know, I think it's gone passed the rebellious teenage thing, I don't think he is trying to make a point anymore, it's gone on for to long" Liam says.

We hear the door downstairs open and Liam and I head downstairs to find Andy. He has his medical bag with him and I look at him confused.

"What's that for?" I ask

"It's just a precaution H, just in case Louis is a little dehydrated since he hasn't eaten much and I assume hasn't had much to drink in three days" Andy says.

The look on my face must portray how utterly worried I am.

"It's okay H, I'll look after him, everything will be fine, we do need to get him out of that room though" Andy says.

I nod and we follow him up to Louis bedroom, the music is so loud and I can't wait to get in there and turn it off. Andy crouches down and starts to work on the lock.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Niall questions.

"Look we have given him three days to come around and he hasn't so I'm sorry Niall, we need to intervene" Zayn says, reassuring him by putting his arm around his shoulders. I don't miss the look Andy gives Zayn. Zayn just smirks back at him.

Finally We hear the lock click.

"Louis, we are coming in okay bud" Zayn yells over the music but we get no answer. My stomach does a worried flip as we push the door open.

The room is spotless and Louis is lying on his bed eyes closed and he looks to be asleep. Liam goes to turn the music off and silence engulfs the room.

We make our way over to the bed and I'm relieved when I see Louis chest rising and falling,

Andy reaches out and touches his forehead like he is checking for a fever.

"He is burning up" Andy says concerned.

"What? You mean he is sick?" I ask.

"Looks that way" Andy says.

He starts gathering together some things in his medical bag when Louis starts stirring awake on the bed.


I've been flitting in and out of sleep for the last three days, my head is pounding and I feel like I'm coming down with the flu. I have no energy and I just want to sleep, I've managed to cut twice more though. My anger at the boys disappeared after the first night I locked them out of my room, now I'm just staying in my room because I want to be out of their way and because I don't actually feel very well. I have kept my music on loud though just to annoy them. My head feels like it's going to explode now though and I've been sweating but so cold at the same time, my whole body just aches.

I vaguely hear voices and register the music has been turned off. I groan at the fact my body is just exhausted and I want the voices to stop so I can go back to sleep.

"Louis, bud can you hear me?" A voice asks me, I don't register who it is.

I scrunch my face up and roll over on my side.

"M tired" I croak out, I haven't used my voice in three days.

"I know you are buddy, but I need you to wake up for me so I can check you over"

I register the voice's Andy's, shit.....check me over? I can't let him check me over, he will definitely find the bruises and my cuts and that's one thing I just can't let happen. I know I cannot deal with the fallout of Harry and the boys discovering my cuts. I start to panic as he gently grabs my arm and goes to lift up my sleeve.

"No......I'm fine leave me alone" I panic, pull my arm away and sit up on the bed.

I find five sets of worried eyes on me and I panic that they saw something.

"Shhhhh, it's okay Lou just relax" Harry says and he is on the bed next to me on my right, Andy is kneeling down on the left hand side of the bed and Niall, Liam and Zayn stand at the foot of the bed.

"Please don't touch me" I say quietly.

"Louis, no one is going to hurt you...I promise you. You have a high fever and Andy really needs to check if you are okay" Harry says.

I shake my head no and bolt to get out of the room, as I stand up though I'm hit with a terrible dizzy spell and I fall to the ground, I'm caught by Andy though before I make impact.

"Hey, hey, hey, shhhhhh Louis it's okay. I won't hurt you buddy".

"Let me go, I'm fine I don't want your help" I yell as I try my hardest to break free of his grasp.

"Listen, if you don't relax, I'm going to have no choice but to take you into the hospital, your fever is extremely high and you appear to be very dehydrated. I'm happy to sort it out here, but if you aren't going to cooperate I'll have no choice to take you in" Andy says calmly to me.

"You can't do that, I won't let you" I say.

He can't make me do anything I don't want to do.

"Actually I can, Harry is your legal guardian for the time being and what he says goes" Andy says.

I stop struggling, I can't believe this I'm so angry.

"That's it, now I promise I won't hurt you, just come sit down on the bed and I will take a look at you" Andy says.

My body is too exhausted to continue the fight so I allow myself to be led to the bed. Harry pulls me into his arms and I don't protest, I feel like shit and his smell and arms are so comforting. I am lying sideways across Harry's legs and I snuggle my head in his shoulder.

Andy goes to grab my wrist and I flinch and pull it straight out of his grip, wincing as I do but I hope no one notices.

"Louis" Zayn says warning me.

"Please just don't touch me.... my arms just don't touch me please" I say as tears sting my eyes.

"Okay, okay.....look I'm just going to check your temperature first okay" Andy says calmly, trying to gain my trust I think.

I look him in the eyes and I see he looks kind and trusting, Harry and the boys trust him and I slowly give in and nod my head. I receive a beaming smile from Andy in return.

"Good boy" Harry says from above me.

Andy takes my temperature and sighs.

"39.9, it's really high" he says.

He puts the thermometer back in his bag and turns back to me.

"Louis, do you feel sick at all? Like sore throat or cough or anything?" He asks me.

I shake my head no I don't have a sore throat or a cough.

"Just my's pounding and I'm so tired" I tell him.

"Okay, it's hopefully just a virus but I'm going to need to draw some blood and put a drip in to rehydrate you, that should help with your head okay" Andy tells me.

"Okay" I say.

Andy sets to work and draws my blood first, when he goes to put the drip in my arm though I flinch away again.

"I'm going to have to hold your hand for a few minutes Louis, just so I can put the drip in. It's going to go in the top of your hand and then I won't have to touch you anymore okay bud" he says.

I close my eyes to blink back the tears.

"It's okay Lou, I'm right here" Harry tells me.

I slightly relax and let Andy grab my hand, he is gentle and I hardly notice the needle going in. All I keep thinking in my head is please don't find my cuts, please don't see my cuts. It's over before I know it though and Andy is placing my hand back on my lap.

"All done" he smiles.

"Now I'm just going to give you some medicine that will bring your temp down and you can go back to sleep okay" he says and I nod.

After Andy is done Harry places me back in bed.

"Can......can you stay?" I whisper quietly to him.

He is so comfortable and when Harry is around the voices seem to go away.

"Sure kiddo, I'm just going to see Andy out and I'll be right back okay" he says.

I nod my head and roll over as best I can, I'm asleep again before they are out the door.


I walk Andy to the front door.

"Thanks for that Andy, really appreciate it" I tell him.

"Of course H, I do have a few concerns though" he tells me.

I furrow my eyebrows at him

"Is Louis okay? I thought you said it was just a virus?" I say suddenly worried again.

"I'm sure it is, when I get the tests back I will be able to tell you for sure" he says.

"Then what are your concerns?" I ask him.

"He doesn't like being touched, he didn't like me touching his arms, particularly his wrists......have you noticed, he wears bracelets, lots of them?" He questions.

"Well yeah I just assumed they were part of the whole look he was going for" I say.

"Well it could be but it could also mean a number of other things, just don't worry, leave it with me I will get back to you as soon as I can with the results okay" Andy tells me.

I don't understand what Andy is telling me but I decide to trust him and let it be, I nod my head and we say our goodbyes. I walk back up to Louis room and slide into bed next to him, I bring him into my arms and hold him tight. I fall asleep and hope Louis feels much better in the morning, I wake up every hour of the night checking his temperature and making sure he is okay.

Chapter Text


I wake up in the morning feeling a little better, my head isn't pounding as much but I still feel sick. I'm curled up to Harry's chest, when I open my eyes I loose my breath at the site of him. His toned muscly tattooed chest is amazing.

"Good morning sleepy head, how are you feeling" Harry's husky voice asks me.

I look up into his eyes and he is smirking at me. I blush slightly.

"I'm okay......can I take this out yet" I ask, waving my hand around pointing to the drip.

"Not until Andy comes and takes it out....I'm sorry" Harry tells me.

He reaches out and wipes my fringe off my forehead. I sigh and rest my head on his muscly chest again.

"I've been checking your temperature all night and you're still warm, I will have to get you some more medicine to keep your temperature down" Harry states.

He is so protective for some reason, I hum in response and reach out across his chest to trace the tattoos on his body. He didn't have these when he lived at home.

"What do they mean?" I ask quietly.

"My tattoos?" He asks.

"Yeah, like you have so they all mean things?" I ask as I trace the outlines of the butterfly on his chest.

"Some do, like this one I got for mum and Jay" he says pointing to one on his collarbone.

"Oh" I say surprised, I wonder if he got one for me? I doubt it, Harry wouldn't want to have something that reminds him of such a fuck up inked on his skin.

He goes to say something, when his phone buzzes beside him.

"Hello?" He answers and begins to talk.

I sigh and get up to pee. I have to drag the drip thing with me and it's so annoying. When I finish peeing I brush my teeth and walk back into the bedroom. I still feel weak and dizzy, it's annoying.

"You okay?" Harry questions when I come back into the room.

I shrug my shoulders at him,

"That was Andy, he is on his way over to check on you and see if he can take the drip out. He doesn't have your results back yet, but if you're okay he will take out the drip.

I nod at Harry and sit back down on the bed. Harry brings me into his arms and I lay down on his chest again, we are silent for a while just lost in thoughts. Eventually Harry speaks up.

"Listen, I have to go back to work in a few days and well.....I was hoping you might want to come with me and Niall sometime? When you are better of course, but I though it would be cool to show you what I do and we could hang out" Harry says.

I look towards him and smile.

"Yeah.....I would really like that Haz" I say.

He beams at me and I can't help but beam back at him, it's the first time I have smiled since I have been here.

"You look so beautiful when you smile" Harry says.

My breath hitches at his words.

"Listen Louis.....I want to tell you the real reason that I left and didn't call or text or keep in contact with you" Harry starts.

I don't know if I'm ready to hear about how much of a failure I am, I don't want Harry to tell me he left because I disgusted him. Even if he has changed his mind now and things are different, I still don't want to hear it. I shake my head at him and sit up on the bed.

"It's okay Harry, I know it was because in gay and I disgust you, I understand and I don't blame you for leaving. I'm a failure and I disappoint everyone" I tell him.

Harry shifts so he is facing me, he gently reaches out and cups my face.

"Louis, wha? sweetheart, that's not.....that's not why at all. I am so so sorry you have thought that all these's nothing like that" he says.

I look him in the eyes as he swipes his thumbs over my cheeks softly, it's such a caring gesture and I feel things that make my stomach flutter. Harry is so gentle and loving and so fit and attractive.

"I left Louis...because I.....because I developed" Harry starts but we are interrupted by a knock on the door.

Harry groans quietly and moves away from me.

"Come in" he says.

The door opens and Andy comes in, smiling brightly.

"Good morning how's the patient this morning ?" Andy asks and I smile slightly.

"I'm okay" I say and look down at my hands, I start playing with my sleeves again.

"Okay well, I'm just going to check you over again Lou and we will see about getting this drip out" Andy tells me as he sets up.

"Harry, Niall needs you downstairs, asked me to get you to come down" Andy tells Harry.

My eyes go wide, I don't want Harry to leave me. I don't miss the looks that they give each other like a silent agreement. Harry turns back to me and sees my face.

"It's okay Louis, I'm just going downstairs. I promise I'll be right back" Harry tells me reassuringly, cupping my cheek.

I slowly nod at him but I'm anything but comfortable,I'm scared to be alone with Andy. Harry kisses my forehead and leaves the room. Andy ushers me over to the edge of the bed and kneels down in front of me.

"Okay let's check that temperature of yours" he smiles.

He is really nice and I want to trust him but I can't let people get too close to me, it always ends in heartache and them hating me. I can't let anyone know my secrets.

"It's still a bit high Lou, I think we can take the drip out though, if you promise me you will keep your fluids up and a bit of food" he asks me.

I don't want the drip In anymore so I nod my head at him.

"Goodo" he says.

I chuckle quietly at his words, I've never heard someone say goodo before.

"Glad you find me amusing" Andy says smiling brightly.

I smile shyly back at him.

"Look, I know you don't trust me Louis, and I completely understand that. I know this is all new and hard and you have been shoved into a situation you weren't prepared for. I get that. I want you to know though, that you can talk to me about anything. Anything you say to me is confidential, no one will know. Not Harry, not your parents. Unless you want them too" he tells me.

I sigh and watch as Andy starts on fixing my hand.

"I.....I didn't even get asked if I wanted to come here" I find myself saying.

There is something about Andy that makes me want to open up, just a little.

"I know, do you think it was unfair?" He asks.

"Yes because they all think I'm some delinquent kid who needs help getting back on track, they couldn't be further from the truth. Just because I don't want to talk to my mums doesn't mean I'm going off the rails" I say frustratedly.

"I understand that, I know Harry just wants to help, when your mum called him I know he wanted to make things right with you and jumped at the chance to spend time with you" Andy tells me.

"Why though, he has hated me for five years, why the hell would he care now?" I ask getting angry now.

"You think Harry has spent five years hating you?" Andy asks confused.

"Yes, I mean I was so close to Harry and he just ......he left me alone and I needed him and he wouldn't talk to me or return my calls and I just.....I needed my big brother and he wasn't there. I've been alone for five years and all I wanted was him.......was someone to talk to" I spill and I get tears behind my eyes.

"That must have been really hard Louis, not having an answer as to why he left you" Andy tells me.

I look into his eyes.

"I know why he left" I tell him flatly

"Oh?" Andy says surprised.

"I came out gay, and he was disgusted, like everyone else......except he just.....left, everyone else......they" I stop talking immediately.

Andy looks at me as if telling me to continue.

"I lost.....everyone close to me when I came out. All my school friends and Harry....just left and they..." I can't finish my sentence, tears are welling in my eyes.

Andy moves to sit next to me on the bed, my hand now drip free and I didn't even notice.

"It's okay kiddo, you can tell me" he says gently.

"I don't want too, it's embarrassing and you will think I'm such a everyone else does" I say and let the first few tears fall.

"Louis, I would never, ever think that of you. Is it something......something to do with the bruises all over your body?" He asks and I gasp at him, how did he know? I'm such an idiot for letting him see them. Do Harry and the boys know? Shit!!

"We saw them when you were sleeping, your shirt had ridden up" he tells me.

I go to move off the bed and I race for the door, I need to get away from here.

"Louis' it's okay" I hear Andy yell behind me.

I open the door and I run straight into Harry. I push at him and punch his chest but he won't move out of my way. His body doesn't even flinch at my futile attempts to run. Instead Harry incases his arms around me and holds me close.

"Calm down, shhhhhhh, no one is going to hurt you....I'm here" he tells me.

I'm crying and Harry brings me back over to the bed next to Andy and sits me in the middle of them both.

"They beat you..... don't they Louis" Andy asks, he already knows the answer but he wants to hear it from me.

I nod my head. They know and I may as well tell them, then at least i will be able to cover up my other secret. They won't be suspecting of anything else if I tell them this. I wipe my eyes with my hands.

"They.....they hurt me, everyday. They beat me up and flush my head down he toilet. I'm the laughing stock of the whole school. They tell me it's for my own good, that they will beat the gay out of me. Sometimes I'm so sore I can hardly walk. That's why I skip school, not because I'm in a gang or hanging with the wrong people, it's because I can't fight back, there are too many of them, and I don't want to get the shit kicked out of me everyday" I say as the tears fall.

"Fuck, Louis...I'm so fucking sorry kiddo" Harry says.

"So your mums don't know?" Andy asks.

I shake my head furiously. They can't find out.

"No, please, please don't tell them. I don't want them feeling sorry for me, I don't want them worrying I've kept this from them for five years....please" I say shakily.

"Five years? can't keep going like this" Andy says.

"Look, I won't tell our mums but need to allow me to sort this out...please" Harry asks of me.

"What? you can't say anything to the school, they don't give a will make it worse!!" I practically yell.

"Haz and I will handle it Louis, trust us please, we will fix it okay you won't have to deal with that shit again" Andy tells me.

I look them both in the eyes, and know they are telling me the truth, I want to trust them to help me.

"What kind of doctor are you?" I ask instead.

Harry and Andy chuckle at my question.

"Well, I work at the hospital with teenagers who have eating disorders, depression and anxiety issues. Harry and Niall refer a lot of their kids to me. I help them get back on track" he tells me.

"So you are a psychiatrist? So you do think I'm a freak and need help?" I ask my chest constricting again.

"Im a general doctor with a degree in psychiatry as well and I don't think any of my patients are freaks Lou and you are far from being one. I have seen some fucked up shit I will admit and you are definitely know where near that. I do however Think you could use someone to talk to though" he tells me.

"I'm not crazy I don't need a psych....this is why I didn't want to tell anyone...I don't want to talk to anyone" I say.

"Well, I'm glad you opened up to us about what's being going on the last five years Louis. Now we can work on fixing it and hopefully when you go back home in three months you will actually be happy" Harry tells me.

"I'm not some depressed teenager, I'm not a freak who has an eating disorder or is suicidal, I don't do drugs or anything. I'm fine, just because I kept the bullying a secret doesn't mean I'm not coping with my life. Just because I wanted you around Harry doesn't mean I can't handle things, I'm fine and I'm sick of telling everyone I am!!!" I start off quietly and finish with my voice raised.

I walk out of the room and away form Andy and Harry. I don't want to continue this conversation any longer.

Chapter Text


"Well, I think that went swimmingly" I say sarcastically to Andy.

He chuckles at me.

"Actually H, it did. Louis opened up about what's being going on and that is the first step" Andy tells me.

"Yeah but now he's angry at me.....again" I say.

"He will come round H, it must have been hard for him to confess everything he just did. He is embarrassed and insecure. He is going to be really defensive, just give him space and time you will see" Andy smiles at me.

"Thanks Andy, you are a great friend, I would be going crazy without you!" I tell him.

"Haha I'm sure you would figure it out without me, but I'm glad I'm here and can help. I know Louis means a lot to you and the boys and I think he is a great kid" he says.

He starts packing up his medical bag and we start to head downstairs, I'm stopped by Andy before we get to the top of the stairs though.

"Oh and H, just a warning. Louis thinks you left him because you are disgusted at him being gay"

I gasp at Andy's comment.

"Shit...I know he.....mentioned it before." I say stunned he told Andy.

"Yeah, just.....I think it's time you told him the truth" Andy winks at me and continues down the stairs.

I run my hands over my face, I feel terrible that Louis thinks I hated him for five years, I'm such an idiot to even think he wouldn't be affected by my behaviour. I regret it so much. I need to find the right time and place and tell Louis the truth. I can't let him keep thinking those awful thoughts.


I'm furious as I head downstairs to the lounge room. My head is still sore and I still feel a bit sick and on top of all of that I'm mad at Harry and Andy. I know they care but I hate when people judge me, especially behind my back. I know I cut but it doesn't mean I want to die, it helps with feeling in control and helps when I feel trapped and my emotions get to much, it's my way of coping and I need it. I'm not going to ever change that and no one can ever find out about it.

I storm into the lounge room and the boys are all playing some car game on the TV. I plonk myself down on the couch.

"Hey buddy, how are you feeling?" Liam pauses the game to ask.

"I'm fine!" I spit upset.

"Mmmmmm you seem fine" Zayn chuckles and I glare back at him.

"Come here babes and give uncle Z a cuddle" Zayn says.

He grabs my upper arm playfully and ignores the slight flinch I have when he reaches out. He pulls me against him and I cuddle into his side. He smells so comforting, not like Harry but still safe. His arm snakes around my body and settles on my hip.

"Comfy?" He asks and I hum in response.

He frowns at me and reaches his left hand out to feel my forehead. I swat his hand away but not before he gets the answer to his internal question.

"Liam, Lou's burning up again can you grab him some medicine?" He asks nicely.

"Sure" Liam smiles and goes into the kitchen to get me some tablets.

"Are you sure Andy was happy to take out that drip?" Niall asks.

"It's out isn't it? I said I'm fine" I snap at Niall.

Before he can retaliate Liam comes back into the room and hands me my medicine. I take it because I don't want to argue.

"Keep that water Louis, I want you to drink one of those an hour" Andy says as he and Harry come down the stairs.

I roll my eyes at him but keep the bottle of water Liam gives me.

"I mean it or I'll come put the drip back in, you are still sick" Andy tells me.

"I'm not sick!! I'm" I start

"FINE" all the boys say at the same time before I get the chance.

I blush and hide against Zayn's chest.

"We know Lou" Harry says smiling.

The boys all chuckle.

I sigh and rest my head against Zayn again. I see Harry staring at us and Zayn wink at him and smirk. Harry flips him the bird and I can't help but think he is upset at me. I need to get away for a while, just clear my head. I haven't left the house since I got here, the urge to cut is getting to me today. I've confessed to Andy and Harry and my thoughts are starting to get the better of me again, I don't want to cut with Andy in the house though. I suddenly get up off the couch and head to my room. I see the confusion in the boys faces. I change in my skinny black jeans and navy blue hoody, I put my black vans on and grab my wallet and skateboard. I feel like shit but I know I will feel worse and do something I will possibly regret if I stay. I just need some space, to think for awhile. I make sure to grab my pack of cigarettes I stashed in my backpack and hide them in my jeans pocket. I walk back downstairs and the guys are all setting up a game of poker, with snacks and beer. I go to slip out without them noticing, but I'm caught by Niall.

"And where do you think you're going?" He scolds me loud enough that everyone hears.

I turn around slowly to face the boys.

"I just need to get out for a while, I'm just going for a skate" I tell them.

"Like hell you are, you're still running a fever and I'm not letting you go out by yourself" Harry stands with his hands on his hips, full of authority.

"Harry is right Lou, I wouldn't advise going out while you're sick, I literally just took the drip out" Andy says.

I roll my eyes at them, I need to get away now I feel really claustrophobic and trapped. I don't respond and instead make a beeline for the door.

"LOUIS!" Harry booms.

It makes me stop in my tracks, he has never raised his voice at me before, ever. I turn around slowly to face him.

"Oh no cop Harry is about to make an appearance" Niall sing songs and gets a glare from Harry.

I know what Niall means though, Harry is so intimidating right now. It's actually scary, he seems so mad.

"I have said no, I don't want you leaving the apartment. You don't even know your way around London" Harry says forcefully.

That's true I don't know my way around but I'm sure it's not that hard to navigate, I have google if I get lost.

"I'm sure I can figure it out" I say and turn around to walk out again.

"I know every cop in this city Louis, walk out that door and I will have every single one of them out there looking for you" he states full of authority.

I turn around and look him in the eye.

"No you won't" I say and I'm out the door.

I hear my name being called and Zayn running after me but the lift closes before he gets there. When I reach the lobby, I exit onto the street and I start to skate, I need to just be alone for a while, hopefully I will come across a skate bowl sooner or later. I'm actually not sure what Harry will do, whether he will just let me go or come and look for me. I'm fairly certain he doesn't care enough to follow through on his threat of calling the cops. I won't go too far as I am still feeling under the weather and can feel that I have a temperature, my limbs are still tired and I'm not stupid enough to go too far alone.


I'm absolutely fuming, Louis actually left the apartment building when I told him not too. He might need space but he can have some space without having to leave. We haven't even had the chance to show him around yet, the fact that he is sick as well Is not reassuring me that he will be okay. We all stand in the apartment, silent, looking at the door Louis just left through. Zayn comes back through without Louis and looks angry.

"What are we going to do H?" Niall asks.

"I don't know" I shout.

"You need to show him you're in charge Harry, if he is going to be staying with us, as much as he doesn't have a choice. He still needs rules and you need to follow through on your threat" Liam tells me.

I know he is right, just because I have feelings for Louis doesn't mean I should let him get away with murder. I sigh.

"You're right Liam. I'll call the station, ask them to put a BOL out on Louis" I say as I grab my phone and call in.

"Do you want us to go look for him?" Zayn asks.

"No just....give him a little time, patrol will find him soon enough" I tell them.

I walk into the office area just as my super intendant picks up.


"Ben, it's H" I say.

"Mate, was beginning to worry about you, even when you take time off It usually only takes two days for you to show your face again" he laughs.

"Very funny, I've actually been busy with some family issues, which is actually why I'm calling" I say.

"I'm listening" he says, voice going serious.

Ben has been my superior at the station for three years. He is an amazing boss and I'm very lucky to be working under him. We have the upmost respect for each other, he is married with two little girls and I adore his family.

"My 17 year old step brother Louis is staying with me and the boys for the summer. My mum is having some issues with him at home. Thing is, he has left the apartment when I told him not too. He doesn't know his way around and I need to show him I'm not to be messed with, that what I say goes." I say.

There is a laugh from Ben on the other end of the line.

"Oh H, you always have loved your control haven't you" Ben chuckles.

"You know it Ben, can you help me? He is also sick and I am concerned about something happening to him" I say more quietly.

"Oh so the truth comes out, he's turning you soft Harry" he laughs.

I can't help the laugh that escapes me.

"Maybe" I say.

"Alright send me a pic I'll but a BOL out with the team. Any idea where he could have gone?" he asks.

"Thanks Ben, he took his skateboard so maybe a skatepark" I say.

"Okay. I'll notify you when they have picked him up, should be with the hour" Ben says.

We say our goodbyes and I hang up. I send Ben through a quick photo of Louis and go back to find the boys.

"What did Ben say?" Zayn asks.

"He said no worries, should have him picked up within the hour" I smile.

The boys are starting the poker game and I grab a beer from the fridge,

"So, I'm not trying to tell you guys what to do or anything, but you may want to discuss the rules before you talk to Louis. So you know you are all on the same page" Andy says.

"Yeah good idea" Niall says.

"Well, first rule should be no leaving the apartment without telling someone and if we say no he can't go then he listens, or there are consequences" Liam says.

"Yeah I agree, but I don't think taking away his PlayStation or phone is a good enough consequence do you?" I ask.

"No but dinner and kitchen duty is" Niall smirks.

We chuckle.

"Alright what else?" Zayn says.

"Well, he confessed to Andy and I today, he told old us about being bullied at school. I don't really want to push him too far with rules and stuff. I want him to feel safe and loved, I want him to realise we want him here and we like having him around" I tell them.

"Wow, that a big step" Liam says.

"Yeah and I think that's half the reason he left, needed to get his head around what he told Harry and I" Andy says.

"Well maybe we should just hit him with that rule to begin with. As well as the obvious no drinking, smoking, drugs, partying stuff" Liam says.

"Agreed" Zayn and Niall say at the same time.

We nod and get started on our game, I take a sip of my beer and look at the clock. I'm sure the lads will be close to finding him . I know Louis will be angry and upset when he comes back, I need to prepare for him to be upset at me.

Chapter Text


By the time I make it to the end of the street I'm exhausted, my feet are wobbly and I feel dizzy. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I can't go back now though, that would be giving in to Harry and as much as I love and respect him, I'm not a child and I can't let him know he was right about me not going out.

After about 10 minutes I'm about to turn back when a park comes into view, attached to the park is also a skate bowl. There are a few people around but it isn't busy at all. I skate over and plant myself up on one of the ramps. Thankful to give my body a break. I'm a little sweaty from my fever and my breathing is a little quick but I sit down and pull out my pack of smokes. I light one and inhale the smoke and relax a little, my hands are shaky but I try to ignore it.

"Can I bum a smoke?" A gruff voice from behind me says.

I turn around to come face to face with a tall boy about my age, he has sandy blonde hair and grey eyes, he is extremely good looking, he isn't hugely muscly but you can definitely tell he works out.

"Sure" I say as I hand over the packet.

He sits down next to me and lights up.

"Thanks, the names Noah by the way" he tells me and reaches out to shake my hand.

"Louis" I tell him.

"Haven't seen you around here before did you just move?" Noah asks, he looks at me as he takes a drag.

"Kind of, just staying with my older brother and his mates for the summer" I tell him.

"Oh sweet, my older brother just left for college. It sucks not having him around" Noah says.

"Yeah, I know what you mean, hadn't seen or talked to mine in five years before last week" I say as I look towards the skaters doing Oli's in the bowl.

"Wow that sucks, how come?" He asks genuinely curious.

I sigh, I may as well let him know the real reason, so he can leave now, before we become friends or something.

"I'm gay" I say.

"Gay? Sweet so am I, my brother Jaxson is too, so he's cool with it" he says smiling.

I'm absolutely lost for words, this is the first person ever, besides my parents who has not been disgusted by me. I can't help but smile back at Noah.

"So your not like.....grossed out then" I ask.

"No way!" He laughs.

We sit and talk for a little longer and I actually really get along with Noah, he seems really cool.

"So how old are you?" Noah asks me after a while.

"17, you?" I ask.

"19" he tells me.

"Cool, so do you hang out here a lot then?" I ask hoping we could maybe hang out again.

"Yeah, I guess.... I've just enrolled in online college, I haven't exactly had the best year" Noah says.

"Oh?" I ask not wanting to push him in case he doesn't want to tell me.

"Yeah if I'm honest it's sucked. Before my brother left for college we were kind of involved with a gang, they made Jaxson sell drugs and I somehow got roped into it too. Then we both ended up using and we started stealing for drug money. It wasn't until we got caught by the cops and sent to rehab that we turned our life around" he says, smiling slightly at me.

"Wow, sounds rough, I'm glad you guys are okay now and sorted everything out" I tell him truthfully.

"Yeah me too. If it wasn't for these two cops who actually helped us I wouldn't be here right now that's for sure" he says.

"The cops helped you?" I ask.

"Yeah, Harry and Niall! They are the ones who caught us stealing one night, arrested us and found drugs on us. Instead of just throwing us to the system they helped us, they got us into rehab and if it wasn't for them I....well you know" he says thoughtfully.

"Are you talking about Harry Styles and Niall Horan?" I ask curiously.

"Yeah! I am, why do you know them?" He asks as his eyes light up.

"Yeah, Harry......Harry is my step brother" I say shyly.

"No way!!! Fuck that is so cool, Harry is awesome, heaps gorgeous too" Noah says and I chuckle.

Suddenly there is a cop car pulling into the skate bowl and my heart rate picks up.

"Fuck, he did not!" I say under my breath.

"Is that for you?" Noah asks.

"Yeah, I ran off when Harry told me not too, this is his way if getting back at me, the asshole" I say.

Noah laughs.

"Well, it was nice to meet you Louis, you seem like an awesome guy, not to mention cute. I know we will see each other round!" Noah says as he gets up.

I see the two cops coming over towards us and I stand up shakily. My body betrays me and I wobble.

"Hey are you okay?" Noah asks as he steadies me.

"Yeah sorry, just feeling a bit sick is all" I say.

"Well feel better Louis. I'm here nearly every arvo, come back when you can" Noah says as we make our way out of the bowl.

"I will, it was nice to meet you too, I tell him" we say our goodbyes and Noah walks off.

The two cops reach me and smirk. They are huge and muscly and young, maybe about 22.

"You've been expecting us then?" The one who's badge says Lucas asks.

I shrug my shoulders at them. I feel really dizzy.

"You should know Harry wouldn't let you get away with running off" the other one Murdoch chuckles.

Great so everyone knows I've run away.

"Whatever" I say sassily, I actually just want to get home, I'm glad I don't have to walk back now.

"Come on kid, let's get you home then" Murdoch smirks.

They both reach for my arms and I flinch and step back, my normal reaction to strangers touching me.

"It's okay we are not going to hurt you" Lucas tells me.

"Sssorry" I stutter.

They reach for me again and I'm expecting it and try not to flinch. They grab my arms either side of my body and walk me back to the car.

When we make it to the apartment I'm shaking from my temperature and I'm exhausted. The two cops who are actually really really nice, lead me up to they boys apartment. Murdoch knocks on the door and we hear shuffling before Harry is opening the door. His signature smirk on his face, ughhh I want to punch it right off.

"Package for one H. Styles" Lucas chuckles.

"Why thank you boys" he winks at me and I'm fuming.

"Anytime boss, might need a Leash on this one, he's a bit feisty" Murdoch says.

"You know what, that might not be such a bad idea! He won't be going anywhere for a while that's for sure" Harry says threateningly, I can tell he is still angry at me.

The two officers chuckle and hand Harry my skateboard and turn to leave.

"See you round boss" they say.

"Thanks boys, I owe you one" Harry yells after them.

Harry leads me into the apartment and I feel terrible, I don't want an argument right now, I actually just want to go to bed. We enter the kitchen and Andy spots me first. He smiles at me before it slowly fades off his face when he takes in my appearance.

"Lou?" He asks causing everyone to look at me,

There concern is clear in their face, when they also take note of me. I didn't think I looked that bad. Andy come rushing over towards me.

"Are you okay? You look like you're about to be sick" Andy says.

"I feel, really.......weird" I tell Andy and before I can comprehend what's happening I'm falling.

"Fuck, Louis" Andy says. He isn't close enough to catch me.

Before I hit the ground though Harry catches me, he picks me up bridal style and rushes me to the couch. I pass out I'm just so dizzy.


"Louis can you hear me buddy?" I can hear Andy's voice.

"Andy, do something it's been 5 whole minutes" that's Harry's worried voice.

"Just calm down H, he is still breathing. He is okay" Niall reassure Harry.

"How could he be so fucking stupid, he endangered his life, what the hell was he thinking" Harry yells.

I wince at the loud voice and scrunch my eyes up, my head is throbbing.

"Louis" Andy's attention is back on me.

I open my eyes and I'm met with Andy's soft face and a very angry looking Harry.

"You okay there bud?" Andy asks,

"Yeah.....I'm okay" I say and try to sit up.

"Just lay back for a bit bud" Andy says.

"I'm fine, I promise" I say ignoring his request, I just want to go to my room.

"Just shut up and listen for once Louis, Jesus" Harry yells scolding me.

He has raised his voice at me again, I really am a fuck up. I'm such a burden and Harry and the boys must be sick of me already. I shrink back on myself and let Andy look me over.

"Here drink this, all of it...before you move off that couch" Andy says handing me a bottle of water. I take it and start drinking.

"Jesus Louis, if you had have just listened to me and stayed in the flat, this wouldn't of happened. You are too sick to go out!" Harry continues to yell.

I slightly lean away from him into the crook of the couch. He continues to yell at me and pace the room.

"H, just calm down mate" Niall tries.

"No Niall I will not calm down!! Anything could have happened to him for fucks sake" he screams.

I shrink even further, tears in my eyes. Andy tries to distract me.

"How are you felling Lou" he asks.

"I'm fine" I tell him quietly, I don't make eye contact.

"You are now under house arrest until I tell you otherwise understand. You are not to leave this house without my permission" Harry continues.

I just nod and close my eyes, trying not to let the tears escape. When I open my eyes again Harry has finished his rant but is still fuming. His chest heaving up and down.

"Can I go now?" I ask shakily. I'm humiliated enough as it is.

"I'd like you to stay here so I can keep an eye on you just for a little while" Andy says before Harry gets a chance.

"Please" I please shakily.

"We will come and get you for dinner, we expect you to eat with us" Harry says harshly.

I'm out of the chair quickly and race up to my room.

"Harry, that was a bit harsh" Zayn tells him.

I don't hear his response before I'm slamming my door shut. I head to the bathroom. I need to cut, I made Harry yell at me and he hates me now. Why do I have to be such a fuck up. So much for getting out of the house to relieve my thoughts, I've ended up in front of the blade anyway. When I hold he metal in my hands I relax, I calm down Considerably. I rip my bracelets off but as I do a shooting pain hits me and my left arm stings painfully. When the bracelets are off I look down to see the three deep cuts I made last week are open and oozing blood and puss. It looks disgusting and is definitely infected. It hits me that the temperature could be because I've gotten my cuts infected badly. Shit. It's not enough to deter me from cutting though, the extra pain is deserved. I'm too upset to rationalise my thoughts and I swipe the blade over my infected wrist causing blood and puss to shoot out. I cut deep and watch as my body opens up and bleeds, effectively giving me relief. I'm feeling a little woozy I cut pretty deep like always but my body is sick and I find my eyes closing again. I'm woken to a pounding on the bathroom door.

"Louis!!" Harry's voice sounds concerned.

"What?" I manage.

Shit I must have passed out, that was close if he had picked the lock and come in I would have been caught. There is blood everywhere, my left wrist looks painful and is oozing still.

"Dinner is ready" Harry tells me.

"Okay" I say and I hear him breathing outside the door before his footsteps are heard leaving the room.

I quickly dispose of my clothes in the wash basket and tell myself to wash them tonight. I step in the shower and quickly wash my self and clean up. When I get out I apply some cream to my cuts, I put my bracelets back on and head back to my room. I change into sweats and a jumper and head downstairs to the table.

It's quiet and tense when I sit down no one is talking, good one Louis, they are all pissed at you. You are an absolute burden to everyone, god they didn't ask to have you here and you just have to go and fuck everything up. My thoughts whirl around in my head. I'm passed a plate of salmon and vegetables, it smells delicious and I'm actually quite hungry. My stomach is in nervous knots though as I'm worried about what's coming when the boys do talk.

They will probably kick you out, put you on the next train home, what do you expect, I think to myself. I shuffle my food around my plate lost in my thoughts.

"Do we have to have another conversation about eating Louis?" Harry asks his tone clipped.

I look around the table and the boys are all eating, they look at me expectantly.

"I'm not hungry" I say quietly.

Suddenly Harrys fork hits his plate and he turns to me.

"I actually don't care Louis, eat your god dam food before I force it down your throat" he tells me.

"Harry" Andy tries.

"No!" Harry booms.

"I am so beyond pissed off at you Louis, I have half a mind to send you back home. You completely neglected yourself today and I will never let that happen again. I was so fucking worried when you collapsed. Imagine if that had happened out on the street. I work those streets everyday Louis, I know what could have happened" Harry says.

So he does want to send me home, I've really disappointed him. It's only a matter of time before he leaves me again. He won't stick around.

I look back at my food. As the boys turn back to there's. I don't reply to Harry.

"You will be on kitchen duty and be cleaning up after dinner every night for a week. You will also be cooking dinner for the next week. Understand" Harry says.

"Um I can't...cook" I say. I burn water.

"Learn" he snaps.

I look back at my plate.

"You aren't leaving this table until that meal is finished" Harry continues.

"But...I" I start.

Harry turns and glares at me. He is being so mean, I want to cry. I start on my fish taking small bites while the boys finish up. Zayn is first to finish and heads over to the kitchen with his plate. He starts emptying his leftovers into the bin.

"Leave it Z, it's Louis job" Harry says his tone not as cold when talking to Zayn.

Zayn sighs but leaves his plate and heads to the lounge room to watch TV.

Half an hour later all the boys have finished and are watching TV together. Andy has left having to go to work. I'm still at the table, eating my dinner. I'm not even halfway through it. It's cold now but I don't want to eat anymore. I put my fork down and lean back in my chair, I subconsciously play with my sleeves.

"You can thank Andy for me letting you leave the table" Harry's voice brings me out of my thoughts.

I look towards him and he is looking at me expectantly. I gather my plate and take it into the kitchen, I begin to clean up everything, silently thanking Andy for talking to Harry. I'm just putting the last plate in the dishwasher 20 mins later when Zayn walks in, he walks to the fridge and pulls a bottle of water out. He then grabs some tablets and hands them and the water to me. I take them and he feels my forehead.

"You're still warm, take those and get some sleep" he tells me.

I don't argue as I feel like shit, I down the water and tablets and go to give Zayn the water back. As I do though Zayn nudges my left wrist and I nearly scream in pain, it hurts so badly. I yank my hand away and wince so obviously.

"Lou?" Zayn asks.

"Sorry" I say hoping he will drop it.

"Is something wrong with your arm?" Zayn asks.

" I just um hurt it skating is all" I lie, saying the first thing that comes into my head.

"Can I look?" He asks.

"No!" I yell and step backwards away from him. Fear in my eyes.

"What's going on?" Harry comes into the kitchen to ask.

"Louis hurt his arm and won't let me look at it" Zayn dobs on me.

"Louis? Why didn't you say anything?" Liam asks, walking in with Niall.

"It's fine, just a graze" I say looking down.

"Well must be a hell of a graze for you to react like that" Zayn says. "You almost jumped through the roof" he says concerned.

"Let me see'" Harry demands.

I'll be damned if I let him anywhere near me now, I was starting to trust Harry, his warm arms and gentle touch. After today though, there is no way I want him near me. I don't trust him not to hurt me. He walks closer and my eyes widen in panic, he reaches out but I react on instinct thinking he is about to punch me.

"Don't hurt me please" I yell and crouch in the corner, my hands reach over my head to shield it from impact.

"Shit....Louis, no....I would never hurt you" Harry says gently, crouching down.

I don't believe him one bit.

"Please don't touch me....leave me alone please" I beg him from behind my arms.

"I'm sorry" Harry says and moves backwards away from me.

I take the chance to run out of the room and into my bed. I pull the covers over my head and break down. I cry and cry until there is nothing left. I fall asleep hating myself, which is definitely nothing new.


"What's gotten into you H?" Niall asks me when Louis has left the kitchen.

I sigh. I was so worried about Louis and the fact that he has no concern for himself really upset me. I understand I may have handled my emotions wrong, but I didn't know how else to express my worry other than trying to control the situation.

"I was so worried Ni, I didn't mean to be so mean..... I just, when he collapsed I freaked out. I was worried" I tell Niall.

He comes over and puts his arm around me.

"I understand H, I do. I know how you are....heck we all know you....but Louis doesn't. He hasn't seen you in five years mate and he needs your love and understanding" Niall tells me gently.

"You can still lay down the law H, but the poor kid is scared shitless now, you didn't have to get so angry. Liam says.

"I know, I'm sorry....I've really fucked up now" I say as I rub my hands over my face.

"He will come round H, just don't be so hard on him. He has been here less than a week and you've yelled at him a lot. He is out of his comfort zone too remember, he's on our turf and that must be just as hard, possibly harder on him" Zayn reminds me.

"Yeah, I should have known better" I say.

I will find a way to make it up to Louis, I will.

We all say our good nights and head up to bed, I've got two days left before I'm back at work and hopefully I can fix things with Louis. After my shower I head to check on Louis, he is curled up in the blankets and looks adorable. I hope he will forgive me and we can start over again. I want Louis in my life, it's complicated though and I try and push my thoughts aside and not let them overtake my mind like five years ago.

You're to old for Louis
He's just a kid
He will never love you back
It's wrong.

Louis needs me and I need him, I can't let my thoughts push him away again and I will do everything possible to not let that happen.

Chapter Text


I wake up in a sweat, my eyes burning and my throat is so sore. I gasp for air and try to regulate my breathing. Another nightmare, i try to calm down. I feel weak and disorientated and the urge to cut overwhelms me. I fight it though and instead I find myself grabbing my blanket and pillow and walking down the hallway to Harry's room. For some reason I need his comfort but I'm still scared of him. I hesitate in front of his door and I go to turn back when the flashes of my nightmare swim through my brain again. It's enough to get me to push Harry's bedroom door open. I peak in the room, it's huge, with grey carpet and a king size bed in the centre of the room. Harry is tangled in his cream and white sheets and doona. He looks so calm and peaceful when he sleeps, my stomach gets butterfly's watching him. I walk over to the side of the bed and put my pillow on the floor and blanket over me. I settle down and promise myself I will be out of the room before Harry wakes, he can't know I was here. I'm being such a baby but my nightmare was so real, I want to get into bed with Harry but I don't trust him, he will probably yell at me. Just being in the same room as him relaxes me anyway and I fall asleep again hoping I wake up at sunrise.

I'm woken by the sunlight that starts leaking through the window, I startle awake and peak my head up to see if Harry is awake yet. He isn't thank god and is still softly snoring, I get up as quietly as I can and make my way slowly out of the room. When I get back to my bed I try to go back to sleep but I fail. Even though Harry wants to send me home and probably remembers why he left me and that he still hates my guts. I can't help the calming feeling he gives me and how he makes me feel emotionally. I'm so confused, he is my step brother and I know I have strong feelings for him. It goes further than that though, I missed him so much and I feel like whatever I was missing is slowly coming back to me now that Harry is in my life again. It's only been 5 days and I'm even more confused than before I came. Even though i definitely still have the urge to cut, when Harry is around the voices aren't as strong. After yesterday though, I'm not sure where I stand with Harry. He was just so angry and upset at me, I really feel like I disappointed him and he won't want anything to do with me anymore. I'm so scared he is going to leave me again. I'd prefer to be yelled at by Harry 10 times a day over him leaving me again. I wonder if he has spoken to our mums, he kept in touch with them for the last five years and Anne and mum took a few trips out to London to see Harry over the years, It was just me he ignored. I sigh and roll over to face the wall, I should save Harry and the boys anymore heartache and go home, I should book my own ticket and put them out of their misery. I sit up and open my phone and book a ticket from London train station to Doncaster, leaving tomorrow. I know it's the right thing to do.

After I finish, I realise my left wrist is really hurting and I wonder if I should tell Harry, maybe make something up? Like that I cut my wrist on some glass and didn't tell anyone. There are three deep cuts though,no one would believe me. That reminds me that I need to do my washing, I should do it now while everyone is still asleep. I crawl out of bed and make my way to the bathroom, I grab my bloodied and dirty clothes from my wash basket and make my way downstairs to the laundry room. I manage to put all my washing in the machine when Harry walks into the laundry with his own washing, he is rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Oh it's you, I was wondering who was up this early" he says. He seems uncomfortable.

"Sssorry, I didn't mean to wake you......" I say shyly.

"Well just keep it down next time" he says and sighs heavily.

He is still being mean but his sigh was like he is trying his hardest to be nice. I don't want him to have to try.

"Sorry didn't mean to snap" he tells me. I just nod and look away.

"Is there room in there for my stuff too?" He asks and makes his was over to try and open the machine.

"No!" I yell, I can't let him see my blood stained clothes.

Harry looks at me stunned and a little angry.

"I.....I mean I'll do it for you" I say and I take his clothes and chuck them quickly in with mine, put detergent in and turn it on.

Harry backs curiously away from me and leans on the door frame, watching me.

I turn around and we make eye contact and stare at each other awkwardly. His green eyes stare at mine and his face seems to soften. He then coughs awkwardly and turns to walk into the kitchen. I sigh and make my way out. The laundry leads onto the kitchen and I stand awkwardly in the doorway.

"I'm making pancakes would you like some?" He asks me, as he bends down to grab the frypan.

"No, I'm fine" is my initial reaction. I don't even think about it anymore I just say it.

"Louis, how about you just humour me and say you would love some" Harry says.

"Um why? I was just going to get out of your way and go to my room" I say.

Why would he want me around still, he clearly finds me annoying and is still upset with me.

" Louis" he starts.

"It's fine Haz, I've already booked a train ticket home. The train doesn't leave until tomorrow though. I'll be here just one more night and then I will be out of your hair. I can find my own way to the station too so don't worry, I won't bother you." I tell him sadly.

"Wha?!" He says. And steps towards me, I instinctively step back.

"You think that's what I want?" He asks dumbfounded.

"I know it is, I clearly annoy the shit out if you. I understand you tried to put up with me and be nice but it's not worth it anymore. It's okay Harry I get it. I'm sorry you have a brother who is such a fuck up, I really really didn't mean to upset you or make you mad. I want you to be happy Haz, you and the boys were happy together before I came and you can get back to that when I'm gone. I love you Haz, thanks for even trying to love me too." I say and I begin to walk off up to my room.


Fuck, I watch Louis walk away and realise I have really fucked this up. I put down the frypan and run my hands through my hair. I woke up in the hopes of being nice and loving towards Louis again. I wanted to get back to wear we were before, when he first came. He was beginning to trust me and open up and I want that so badly. Every time I look at him though, my heart rate picks up and I have the urge to pin him against a wall and fuck him senseless. I've been having dreams about Louis, sexual dreams and I'm so attracted to him. I'm slowly slipping back into my old ways when I was 18 and found him attractive, after he walked out yesterday and he fainted. I just got so worried and felt like my world was crashing down around me and I was loosing control. My protective side came out and I didn't like it. My instincts told me to put my walls up with Louis again, so I did the only thing I know how to do. Be mean to him, push him away. When he fell yesterday I felt my heart stop, it made me think what would happen if we were in an actual relationship. I can't control his safety and every move and being mean and pushing him away is easier to deal with than admitting I'm actually in love with Louis. It's easier than admitting that I can't deal with something happening to him. I don't want to hurt him though and that's all I'm doing. I'm so confused right now and it's only been five days. I can't let him leave though, I would never forgive myself and regret it so much if I didn't try and at least be a big brother to Louis. That's what he needs right now a big brother.

"I thought you said you would stop being mean to him" Niall's voice startles me from my thoughts.

"Please don't Ni, I'm so confused right now" I say.

"What's there to be confused about, you're pushing him away and I want to know why?" Niall asks.

"Because....... Because I can't get attached, I'm scared of loosing him" I say as I go back to making pancakes.

"Yet you're happy to loose him by pushing him away? And why would you loose him anyway?" Niall asks confused.

"It's complicated Ni, I don't want to talk about it right now" I say calmly.

"Okay I trust ya, I just hope you know what you are doing H, I'm eager to see how it plays out" Niall says smiling.

I sigh and start mixing the batter together.

"So he says he's leaving tomorrow, are you going to let him?" Niall asks casually.

"If he wants to go, then he can go. He can suffer the consequences with mum and Jay" I say.

I honestly don't want him to leave but I can't stop him and I won't tell him to stay if he doesn't want to. I know he had no choice coming here, but mum and Jay made it perfectly clear that if it wasn't working I could send him back at any time.

"Harry" Niall whines, "you're actually telling me that you won't regret letting him go? If you do then I can pretty much say 100% that you won't ever see him again. You think he deserves you walking out of his life again?" Niall asks.

"He doesn't want to stay he told me that, I can't make him do something he doesn't want to do. He flinches every time I try to touch him, I'm not going to hurt the kid" I say.

"Are you actually listening to yourself. You are being so selfish. He doesn't want to stay because he thinks you don't want him to and from the way you have been treating him I don't blame him. He admitted to you yesterday that he has been beat up at school badly for the last five years and you think In a week he is just going to forget that? you were the only one he let touch him when he first got here and if that doesn't say something I don't know what does. I sure as hell don't want him to go. I want to see this through and I want to spend more time with him. You've never given up on one of our street kids before Harry. Why the hell would you give up on your own brother because your scared of being in love with him. Grow up Harry" Niall says harshly and he walks off towards his room.

Niall must be angry, he never yells and he never walks away from food. I let his words sink in and I'm pulling out my iPhone before I can stop myself. I call the train station and cancel Louis ticket. I then make my way up to his room and barge in. He isn't in his room and I panic before I notice the bathroom door is shut. I make my over and knock loudly.

"Louis!" I say.

"Um yeah?" I hear a timid voice say.

"Can you come out here please" I ask still a little coldly.

"Um I'm just about to shower....I'm ughhh naked" he says.

A million inappropriate thoughts run through my head and my breathing picks up. I need to adjust myself I'm my pants thinking about Louis naked body, it makes me angry and mad at myself.

"Okay well you can listen through the door then, I've called and cancelled your ticket home. You will not be getting out of kitchen duty and cooking that easily. While you are here, what I say goes and I expect you to be downstairs in 10 for breakfast" I tell him.

I wait for his response but I don't get one. What I do hear is sniffling and I know Louis is crying. I want nothing more than to go in there and comfort him and wrap him up in my arms. The poor kid I feel awful but I have to stick to my guns. I sigh and walk out the door, back downstairs and go to finish the pancakes.



I watch as the blood falls into the sink and washes down the drain, I can't help but cry, the pain in my left wrist is terrible and the emotional pain and confusion I'm having with Harry is getting overwhelming. Why did he cancel my train home? He probably doesn't want to deal with the fallout from Anne and my mum, but I would be the one suffering the consequences not him. Maybe he just doesn't want them thinking he didn't try, that he couldn't handle me. I understand how emotionally fucked up I am, I thought he would jump at the chance to get rid of me. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next few months.

My wrist seems to be turning from yellow puss to green and that can't be good. I may need to sneak off to a doctor and get it treated without the boys knowing.

I clean myself up like usual, when I try to put my bracelets back on my wrist though it's to painful. I have to leave them off for now. I panic at having to go and eat breakfast without the security of my bracelets. What if someone sees my wrists. I put a black hoodie and my black jeans on and head downstairs. I see pancakes in the middle of the table and the boys huddled in the kitchen. I make my way in but they don't notice me.

"So it's the second dead body in three weeks?" Niall asks Liam and Zayn.

"Yep, but they think it's related to one of your guys" Zayn says back.

A dead body? The boys must have got a call from work while they were on holidays. I've never seen a dead body before. I don't know how Liam and Zayn work with them all the time.

"One of our guys?" Harry questions. The tone he uses with the other boys is so nice and I wonder why he is so mean to me. If there is more to it than me just being gay.

"Yeah, drug ring, this kid was 18 and the other 21, we think it's part of Stingers gang" Liam says.

"Oh fuck, that asshole better not be recruiting again, we just cleaned up his lot" Niall says angrily

"Yeah well, we don't know for sure but it looks like it. We are heading into the office for a little while to check some stuff out" Liam tells the boys.

"We will come" Harry says.

"Wait, what about Louis?" Zayn questions.

"Its not like he is two, I'm sure the dumb kid can stay by himself for a few hrs, what trouble could he possible get into" Harry says harshly.

My eyes widen at the comment. A dumb kid? I feel my breathing pick up.

"H, we all know why you are acting this way towards Louis but he doesn't, just chill the fuck out and tell him the truth" Niall says and walks away from the group, he then sees me.

"Louis?" He says sympathetically.

I see the other boys heads whip around at Niall calling me name.

"Ummm hey Louis, want some breakfast?" Zayn asks as he walks towards me.

"It's fine I can get it myself I'm not a two year old" I say back quietly as I walk towards the table.

The boys look at Harry angrily and I see his features full of regret....for only a few seconds though before his face is unreadable again.

"We are going into work today Louis, try and stay out of trouble while we are gone" Harry tells me.

"Whatever" I say back as I sit down at the table and play with the sleeves of my sweater,

The boys all wonder over and pile their plates with pancakes and dig into the food, it's like they haven't eaten in weeks.

"Eat some pancakes Lou, Harry made them, they are the best" Niall says with his mouth full.

"I'm not hungry" I say.

I see Harry drop his fork and stand up out of his chair and turn to me.

"Let's get one thing straight here kid, you are staying here under our roof, which means our rules. I don't care why you don't want to eat but you will eat the goddam food we prepare for you. Do you understand!" He yells at me.

My breathing picks up, I hate being yelled at. Why does Harry all of a sudden hate me. I feel like absolute shit. The itch comes back and I don't realise I'm scratching my wrists, breathing heavily.

"Louis?" Zayn says.

"Shit....Louis" that's Harry's voice.

He goes to grab me gently but I flinch and stand up so quickly I knock the chair over.

"Don't touch me please....dddooont, don't, ttttouchhhh me" I breath out rapidly.

"Just calm down Louis, you are okay" Niall says front front of me.

"He hates me, you all do I don't.....I ddddonnt want tooooo be here anymore" I say tears brimming my eyes.

"We don't hate you kiddo, shhhhhhh, it's okay" Zayn says and he approaches me carefully.

I step back and hit the wall.

"What did I do wrong?" I ask pleading with Zayn.

"Nothing, babes. I promise you nothing" he says sympathetically.

"Louis....I'm sorry okay" Harry says."Fuck" he yells and throws his plate to the floor in anger. I flinch and crouch to the floor and hide my head in my knees.

"Where are you going Harry?" Zayn asks.

I hear footsteps and the jingle of keys


"Work, see you there" Harry says and the door slams shut.

Zayn kneels down in front of me and touches my arm, I flinch before I realise it's Zayn. He smells so comforting and I know he wouldn't hurt me.

"I'm so sorry Lou" Zayn says.

"Harry, he just....he is just a little confused and stressed out about a few things. I promise you he doesn't hate you" he tells me gently.

I look towards him and he brushes my fringe off my face.

Niall comes over and kneels down in front of me too. Liam is busy cleaning up Harry's mess.

"He doesn't want me here, I tried to leave but he wouldn't let me. I just don't understand. I....I.....all I've wanted for the last five years is Harry, I missed him so much. I knew he hated me, but I thought he might have changed his mind and wanted to at least be friends........he still doesn't want anything to do with me though" I whisper out shakily.

"Ohhhh Lou,if only you knew" Niall says.

I have no idea what Niall means by that, I need to cut I want to feel the blade run over my pathetic wrist, reminding my of why Harry hates me, why I'm bullied at school, why I'm such a fuck up. Zayn reaches out for me and I go willingly into his arms. He sits down on the floor and I grab onto him for dear life. I fist my hands into his shirt and bury my head in his neck, he is so comfortable and I feel safe with Zayn, his smell is so familiar and To be hugged feels so nice. I can feel his love and protection from his arms and I break down and sob.

"Shhhhhhh, it's okay kid, it's okay" Zayn whispers over and over.

Eventually I stop crying and I slowly release Zayn. He looks me in the eyes and wipes my tears off my face.

"What do you say about coming to work with us for a while hey?" He asks me.

"Will......will Harry get mad?" I ask quietly.

Niall, Zayn and Liam all laugh.

"No babes, he won't and if he does he will have us to deal with alright" Zayn replies.

I nod my head and we get up off the floor. Zayn tells me to go change so I head to my room and change into my black skinny jeans and a baby blue sweater. It's one of the only coloured pieces of clothing I own. I go back into the bathroom and suck up the pain and put my bracelets back on, I can't go out without them on. All it would take was one wrong move and my wrists would be exposed.

The car ride over to the station is filled with Liam, Zayn and Niall discussing a case about the dead body they found. To me it sounds really creepy and not something I want to think about. Apparently the body was found mutilated and I know London is big but the thought of a killer out there doing this is scary.

"Do you ever worry that you will get killed?" I ask suddenly, when the talk has died down.

"You mean on the job?" Liam asks.

"I mean like.....the killer, if they know who you and Zayn are, know that you are onto them and getting close to solving the case, aren't you worried they will kill you or....or someone you love so they won't get caught?" I ask genuinely.

"Well, I guess but it's a big risk going after a cop. We have been threatened a few times but nothing has ever happened. We trust our ranking enough to keep us safe" Liam says.

I hum in response and continue looking out the window. When we pull up at the station, we see Harry's Rover in the parking lot and I sigh as I get out of the car. Surely he won't yell at me here, in front of his co workers.

We head inside and I trail behind the boys, when we enter the station it's like the boys are celebrity's, everyone greeting them and high giving and fist pumping. Telling them they are all glad to have them back. The amount of male testosterone and muscle in the room is apparent and I've never seen so many good looking fit people in one room. To say police are fat and eat doughnuts all day is a big fat lie. These guys are something else, maybe it's because they are detectives and higher ranking cops. Whatever it is I'm bloody intimidated. I shrink back on myself and follow the boys through to the office at the back of the station. There are several curious eyes on me but I don't get introduced to anyone. We make it to a carpeted hallway and I see two offices with glass doors at the end. One says super intendant B. Winston and the other says detectives Styles,Malik,Payne and Horan. So they all share the same office. I wonder if they requested that, they are in different departments after all.

When we enter the office, I see four desks two on either side of the room facing the middle of the room. Harry is sat in his with his feet on the desk talking to someone in front of him in a clean cut suit. He has dark brown hair and seems like a nice guy.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Harry says sharply and stands up in his spot.

The guy he is talking too spins around at Harry's outburst and sees the boys, he smiles and they all hug hello and greet each other. I stand by the door, my bottom lip between my teeth and fight the hurt in my chest at Harry's reaction.

"Aghhhhh and who do we have here?, this must be the infamous Louis!" The suit guy asks.

I look towards him and nod my head a little.

"Well, it's nice to meet you Louis, I'm Ben. These guys boss for all intensive purposes" he says holding out his had. For me to shake.

"Um, it's nice to meet you too" I say back, shaking his hand.

"I asked what is he doing here?" Harry says again glaring at me.

"Chill the fuck out H, he's with us. We weren't going to leave him at home alone, after the shit you did this morning" Liam says to Harry.

Harry sighs and rubs his hand through his long curly hair. I shouldn't find that attractive.

"Sit in the corner Louis, don't move and don't embarrass us, I've got a lot of shit to sort out" Harry says to me.

I put my head down and walk over to the corner of the room, this is so embarrassing. I feel like a scolded child. I hear Ben whisper to Harry and then he leaves the room. The boys all take their chairs at their desks and begin to do whatever it is they came to do. I pull out my phone and start playing games on it. An hour later and I'm board shitless, the boys are all standing around a whiteboard that has two pictures on it, one of a kid called Cody and another called Mark. I've learnt they were part of a gang and were killed and their bodies tortured and mutilated, I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. I think about going to get some air when a familiar face walks into the doorway and knocks on the door. Harry turns from his position in front of the whiteboard, his face turns from the frown he has had all day to an ear splitting grin.

"Noah! Thanks for coming in buddy" he says and ushers Noah into the room.

"Of course Harry, hey Ni!" Noah says excitedly.

"Noah, mate, haven't seen you in ages, you're looking awesome!" Niall says happily as they hug each other.

Noah laughs and hugs Niall back enthusiastically.

"You know Zayn and Liam right" Niall asks as Noah nods and shakes hands with Liam and Zayn.

He then looks over to the corner and sees me.

"Louis?" He asks smiling.

"Hey!" I say back smiling easily.

"What are you doing here, it's good to see you again" Noah says as he walks over to me.

I get up off the floor and he hugs me when he reaches me.

"You two know each other?" Harry asks confused.

"Yeah, we met at the skate park" Noah says looking at Harry smiling. He then turns back to me.

"We should hang out after this yeah?" He asks.

I bite my lip, not wanting to answer in case I get in trouble from Harry. I'm saved from answering though by Niall interrupting us.

"Well, that's awesome. You guys are welcome to go hang out back at the house" Niall says.

I look at Harry and he is fuming, I have no idea why.

"Let's get started Noah. Louis, go make yourself invisible for a while" Harry says coldly.

Noah walks back over and sits down at Harry's desk, Niall sits up on the desk next to him while Harry leans on the side of the desk. I go and sit back in my corner, pretending I'm not here.

"So Noah, do you know these two guys?" Harry asks.

He takes the two photos off the whiteboard and puts them in front of Noah on the desk. Noah looks at them, eyes going wide.

"Yeah, that's Cody and Mark, are they okay?" Noah asks, looking between Niall and Harry.

"No......they um, they turned up dead mate, we thought you would have heard" Harry says sympathetically.

He reaches out to comfort Noah who looks like he has seen a ghost.

"Dead?" Noah asks. Tears threatening to spill down his face.

There is silence in the room, before Niall speaks.

"We think it was stinger" he says calmly.

Noah pushes the chair back and stands up quickly.

"Fuck, shit.......But they got out, you got them out. They we clean and you shut down stinger...that's what you said" Noah says clearly scared.

"I know, we did, we did shut him down but......we think he is recruiting again. We think he wanted Cody and Mark and when they refused him, they were killed" Harry says.

"Fuck" Noah says, rubbing his hands over his face.

"Has....Jaxson or have you been approached by stinger or anyone?" Harry asks.

"No no one , Jaxson left for uni, they wouldn't find him. He isn't even in the country" Noah says.

"Okay well that's good. Look, we don't think stinger will come after you, especially if Jaxson isn't in the country. If he does though. We need to know Noah!" Harry says seriously.

Noah looks at Harry and nods.

"Yeah, of course, yeah" he says.

Harry walks over to Noah and pulls him in for a hug. I gasp slightly but no one notices, Harry is so nice and loving towards Noah. I feel my heart break and chest constrict as I watch them. Noah wraps his arms around Harry's waist and bury's his head in his chest, Harry then brings his hand up to cup the back of Noah's head. I'm jealous so utterly and completely jealous and it's heartbreaking.

"I won't let anyone hurt you or Jaxson okay" Harry tells Noah.

"Promise?" Noah asks back.

"I promise Noah, I won't let them touch you. Just work with us okay" Harry says.

"Yeah, I promise. I will tell you if they come looking for me" Noah says.

They pull apart and Niall goes to give Noah a hug too. I'm not mad at Noah, I'm jealous though. Noah is gay and Harry seems to be really loving towards him. Maybe he doesn't know Noah is gay. I don't realise I'm staring until Harry looks towards me, he holds my gaze, I know I look upset and I feel utterly gutted and defeated. I think Harry realises because his gaze falls to the floor, I make a mental note to myself to stop trying with Harry. Just get through the next few weeks as painless as possible, Harry has replaced me as a little brother with Noah. There is no room for me in his life and why would he want me in it permanently. Eventually the boys finish up their conversations and Noah is able to leave.

"So Louis, want to hang out?" Noah asks.

"I don't think that's a good idea!" Harry says before I can answer.

"Why?" I ask quietly,

"Well, for one you're grounded and shouldn't be going out anyway and two you are still sick, you actually look like you could pass out at any moment" Harry States, I think his voice is slightly worried but I must be hearing wrong.

I still feel sick but the reason I look like I'm about to pass out is not because of the fever I have, it's because of the scene I just witnessed between Harry and Noah,

"I'm fine, I want to go with Noah" I say back.

Zayn comes over and feels my forehead, he pushes my hair off my forehead in a caring gesture.

"You are still warm babes, are you sure you are feeling okay?" Zayn asks.

"I'm just tired, I want to go with Noah, please?" I ask Zayn, Ignoring the glare and furious eyes of Harry.

"I promise I will look after him, I won't let him do anything that will make him feel worse. I have my car here, I can drive him home and we could watch movies together at you place?" Noah says.

"That's a great idea, especially if Louis isn't well. It's better for him to be at home than here" Liam says.

I smile towards Noah and he smiles back.

"Great, come on then" Noah says.

He holds his hand out for me and I take it, he pulls me forward and leads me out if the office his hand on my lower back.

"I want you to go straight home Louis, understand" Harry says as I reach the door.

I turn and look him in the eyes. They are back to being hard and cold.

"Whatever" I say and we leave.

On our way out I feel eyes on me and there are whispers throughout the room. I try my best to ignore them but it's hard and it just makes me feel insecure and worthless. I am excited to be spending some time with Noah though, he is a really nice guy and I hope we can become good friends.


"What the fuck Harry?" Liam asks.

"What do you mean what the fuck Liam? Why the hell did you let the two of them go off together?" I ask.

I don't want Louis, going with Noah, as much as I trust him and know he is clean, I also know that he could be potentially in danger and if Louis is with him.....

"They are just going to hang out and watch movies Harry geeze, give the kid a break" Zayn says.

"You don't understand Zayn, Noah could be a target and we just sent Louis out there with him" I shout.

"You said yourself you don't think stinger will go after Noah, relax H. They are driving straight home anyway" Niall says.

"I told Noah that so he wouldn't worry! I'm pretty certain that he is on stingers list, it's just a matter of when Stinger will find him" I say honestly to the boys.

"You know what, If you weren't being such an ass to Louis, I probably would have listened to you and not let him go. Is it your mission to push the kid to his limit or something?" Zayn asks me.

I know I'm being an asshole, I just can't help myself. When Noah touched Louis I was so jealous but I keep pushing Louis away. I know I need to face my feelings but this is so hard.

"Did you see his face Harry? When you hugged Noah? It broke his heart, I could literally see it break from here. He loves you with every piece of himself and all you can do is treat him like shit" Niall tells me.

"Your our best friend H,our brother, but fuck you need to pull your shit together and grow up Harry. I have a really bad feeling about the way your treating Louis" Liam says and walks out of the office.

"We love you mate but Liam is right" Zayn says and follows Liam.

I look to Niall who is sitting on the desk.

"I've already told you what I think mate, don't need to hear it from me again" Niall says.

I'm grateful he doesn't harp on me too. I sigh, I know they are right I just don't know what to do now.

"Come on mate, let's see if we can figure out some more leads huh?" Niall says.

I nod and try to push Louis and Noah out of my mind. I hope they will be okay and I can come up with a plan for Louis to forgive me.


About half an hour later my phone rings, I see its Andy calling and I pick it up.

"Hey Andz how's things?" I ask

"Good Haz, are you around today at all?" He asks, he sounds a little worried, his tone is unusual.

"I'm at work now for a little while, we have had a sudden case come up, I will be home this arvo though around 5" I say.

"Okay, I'm coming over. I have Louis blood results and I need to discuss them with you" Andy says.

" he...okay?" I ask shakily, scared of the answer.

"Well I don't know how to answer that question, he doesn't have a fatal disease or anything, if that's what you mean but....I'd like to talk to you about some things" he tells me.

"Okay um sure, I'll see you this arvo, we'll order take out" I tell him.

"Sounds great H, see you this arvo" he finishes and hangs up.

My mind whirls a million miles an hour, what could possibly be up with Louis that has Andy so concerned.

Chapter Text


Noah and I make our way to the carpark and to his car, he drives a brand new BMW, My jaw falls open. How can a 19 year old afford this car. Harry has an expensive car but he also has a very high paying job and is 23. I hear Noah chuckle at me.

"It was a going away present from Jaxson. Our parents are pretty loaded and Jaxson works for my dad" Noah tells me.

I nod at him in understanding.

"Wow, it's so nice, Jaxson sounds like an awesome brother" I say, a bit of jealousy in my voice.

"Yeah, he is the best" Noah says as we both get in the car.

We buckle up and Noah starts driving.

"So Louis, does Harry always talk to you that way?" He asks gently.

I look at Noah and my eyes widen, he is looking at me sadly and I hate it.

"Um, like.......I......yeah, he hates me" I sigh shakily.

"But, why Lou? I don't understand?" Noah says perplexed.

I sigh, I may as well tell Noah, I'd like to be his friend and I should start with why I'm hated so much.


"Well, we used to be really close, Harry was my world, I loved him....I still do, but. When I was about 13 I realised I was gay, I had a crush on Harry and I know it's not right, we aren't blood related or anything but I don't know.....anyway, I came out to my family and since then Harry just, distanced himself. he didn't talk to me anymore and that year he left with the boys for college. I tried to call him and I needed him so bad, especially when I came out to my friends at school. He didn't want anything to do with me though, he ignored me and my calls and I didn't see him for five years. When I turned up last week, he was so nice and I thought we could be close again, he said that's what he wanted but then......he changed, he is so mean to me now. I still disgust him and he hates me" I say and let out a breath at the end.

Noah is silent for a minute processing what I just said.

"But that doesn't make sense, Harry knows I'm gay and he doesn't hate me?" He says.

So Harry does know Noah is gay, so it's me personally he doesn't like. Just like everyone I know Harry hates me because I'm me.

"Well, I guess it's me then, he doesn't like that his brother is gay, he doesn't like me" I say sadly.

"I'm sure that's not it Lou, I've known Harry for a while and I don't think he could hate anybody" Noah tells me.

"Yeah....I dunno" I shrug.

It's silent for awhile in the car before Noah talks.

"I'm hungry, do you want to stop and get something to eat? I know a great place." Noah asks.

"Um okay" I say.

Harry is already shitty at me, so if he gets mad that I didn't go straight home it will be nothing different. He won't find out anyway, he's to busy working and he won't call me to check in. We pull up to a nice looking diner and we walk inside, Noah requests a booth and we sit down. The waitress passes us a menu each and we look it over. I'm not hungry but I should probably try and eat something. Noah orders a burger and I order a salad, I end up just pushing most of it around my plate and only eat half of it. Noah and I talk a lot and we get to know each other more, it turns out we have a lot in common and I really really like Noah.

When we are paying the bill and leaving the restaurant, Noah seems to tense up. When we step outside the diner we see a group of guys hanging around Noah's car.

"Shit" Noah says under his breath, I look towards him curiously.

He smiles at me slightly, trying to reassure me but it doesn't work. He grabs me by the waist protectively and leads me to the car. The guys are watching our every move,they have tattoos and piercings but are all cleanly shaven and in expensive suits. As we approach they wolf whistle at us. I don't look them in the eyes and try to ignore them.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Noah Bolton, fancy meeting you here" one of the guys addresses Noah.

"What do you want Paul" Noah asks frustratingly, not letting his hold on me weaken for second.

"Is that anyway to great an old friend?" Paul asks.

Noah sighs, Paul's attention then turns to me.

"And who is this little cutie then?" He asks, his smirk widens and he approaches me and I automatically flinch. Noah notices and his hold tightens.
"No one you need to know about Paul, now what do you want?" Noah asks again.

He seems like he can hold his own and doesn't seem scared or worried, just really annoyed.

Paul smirks at me and winks, I can feel the other men's eyes on me and it makes me so insecure and uncomfortable. Paul,then turns to look at Noah.

"Stinger wants to talk to Jaxson, we can't find him though, we want to know why" Paul says, his calm demeanour faltering.

"He's not in the country, he left for university" Noah says.

"Did he now?" Paul says holding Noah's gaze, obviously trying to decide if he is telling the truth.

"Yeah,he left 2 months ago, he won't be back, at least not for four years" Noah tells the group.

Paul makes a tsk tsk sound with his mouth and doesn't look happy.

"Stinger isn't going to like this Noah" he says sternly.

Suddenly, I'm pulled into someone's arms and held in an extremely tight painful grip. I try to struggle but can't get away. I start to panic and my fever and exhaustion isn't helping. There is a really tight grip on my wrist and the pain is horrible on my infected cuts, my breathing becomes ragged as I try to deal with the pain. I can feel the cuts reopening.

"Let Louis go Paul" Noah says sternly to Paul. Paul's friend who has me in a hold smirks towards Noah.

"Ohhhh Louis huh? What a cute name" the guy who is holding me says.

"It would be a real shame if something happened to Louis now wouldn't it" Paul says.

My eyes then widen in fear.

"Just leave him, please what do you want?" Noah says.

"Let's just say, this is a warming. If you are lying about Jaxson there will be consequences and little Louis here might be one if them. If I find out you are not telling me the truth, I'll come back for Louis" Paul says.

With that I feel a fist make contact with my cheek and I'm thrown to the floor in agony. They then walk off in the opposite direction.

"Fuck Louis..." Noah comes over and kneels in front of me.

I manage to sit up on my knees my cheek pounding along with my head.

"Are you okay?" Noah asks.

I look at him and he gasps.

"Fuck, he must have hit you hard.....I'm so sorry" Noah says.

"It's okay I'm fine" I say.

I'm used to being hit but by teenagers not grown men with rings on their fingers. My face hurts so bad. I can feel my wrist is bleeding too, I need to get home. I try to stand up but I'm overcome with a dizzy spell and fall back to the ground, Noah has a hold of me and comes with me too.

"Shit Louis....are you okay, talk to me" Noah asks.

"I think I'm going to be sick" I say

The pain is getting too much and my head won't stop thumping. I lean over and vomit all over the ground, it's not much but it's still gross. After Im finished Noah helps me up and puts me in the front seat of his car. He gets in the drivers seat and turns to me, he runs his hand over my cheek and I flinch.

"It's bad Louis, I think I should call Harry" Noah says.

I sigh, Harry made it perfectly clear that if Noah saw stingers gang to let him and Niall know, this isn't a game and as much as I don't want to get into trouble, I also don't want anything to happen to Noah.

"Yeah, I guess" I say.

I just want to get home, Noah the. Looks down towards my sleeve of my shirt.

"Shit Lou, you're bleeding. Did they hurt your arm too?" He asks concerned.

I look down and my shirt sleeve is soaked with blood, great. I pull it to my chest and shake my head.

"I'm fine, I promise....I just want to get home....please?" I say.

"Yeah of course Lou" Noah says.

We pull out onto the road and head back to the apartment. Noah calls Harry on the way and I don't want to hear that conversation.



Niall and I finish up mapping out our chart of suspects and targets on the whiteboard. My mind flits to Louis and I wonder if I should call him and make sure he got home okay. Liam and Zayn walk back Into the office with lunch and we all sit down around our desks to eat. It's halfway through lunch when my phone rings and I see Noah's name flash across the screen. My stomach sinks.


"It's Noah" I tell the room.

They all look at me confused.

"Hello" I greet him, knowing something is up.

", please don't be upset" Noah starts.

"Why would I be upset Noah? What's happened?" I ask praying its nothing to do with Louis.

"Well, um I wanted to get some lunch so we stopped to get something to eat" Noah starts and I'm already upset. I told them to go straight home.

"And when we finished, Paul and the gang were waiting for me by my car, they must of recognised it" he says.

Fucking hell,

"Are you okay? Is Louis okay?" I ask.

My tone is on edge and the boys sense something is up and come and gather around my desk, I put my phone down and on speaker.

"I'm fine, they are after Jaxson, stinger wants Jaxson not me but he.....they...." He says.

I relax that Noah isn't hurt but I need to know Louis is okay.

"They what bud?" Liam asks.

"They, grabbed Louis and threatened me, they said if I was lying about Jaxson being out of town they would come after Louis, they king hit him in the jaw and it's pretty bad" he tells us.

"Wholly fuck, is he conscious?" Zain practically screams.

"Yeah he is, he still has a fever and he spewed up but He didn't pass out" Noah tells us.

"Okay get him home, we are on our way. We will have Andy come over to look at him. Tell him we are coming" I tell Noah,

"Okay, yep sure I'll see you there" Noah says and hangs up,

We all look at each other, I was right. It was a very bad idea to send Louis with Noah. If anything happens to Louis I will never forgive myself.

"You were right Harry" Niall says.

"Yeah, now stinger knows about Louis. Fuck this is not good" I say and run my hands over my face.

"I'll call Andy get him to head straight over" Zayn says.

I nod and we gather our things together and leave the office. I need to get home fast to Louis, I need to make sure he is okay.



When we enter the apartment it's quiet, Noah leads me to the kitchen and grabs an ice pack from the freezer. He puts it on my face gently.

"The boys are on their way home Lou and Andy is coming over to check you out" Noah says.

"Ughhhh, I'm fine now they don't need to come home, it will just piss Harry off more" I say taking the ice pack from Noah's hand and placing it against my cheek myself.

"Harry sounded worried on the phone Lou, I could hear it clear in his voice"

I scoff at the comment.

"Will you be okay if I go take a shower and clean up?" I ask Noah.

"Sure, of course" he replies.

I turn the television on for Noah and head up to my room. I close the door and head to the bathroom. I lock the door straight away and head to the mirror, when I look at my reflection I nearly vomit again. My whole left cheek is completely black and blue, my eye is fine but my cheek and jaw look horrible. Fuck, it aches like anything. My attention then goes to my wrist and the reopened cuts. I take my shirt off and there is blood soaked all over it. I put it in the hamper and get to taking my bracelets off, it's so painful to pull them off and when I do my arm is stinging and hurting badly. The cuts are reopened and the infection is very apparent. I get in the shower and wash my hair and clean myself up. When I get out I disinfect my cuts and and wrap a white bandage around my wrist and arm. When I'm done I walk back into my room and put on a pair of black track pants and a white long sleeve shirt. I walk back downstairs to find the boys home and in a bit of a flustered tiz.

"Are you sure he is okay Noah?" Zayn is questioning.

"He went up for a shower half an hour ago, I was just about to check on him" Noah says.

"Noah, Come with me to the office and we can go over what's happened" Niall tells Noah.

Noah nods and follows Niall in the direction of the office.

"When's Andy due?" Liam asks.

"Should be here now" Harry says irritated.

Zayn then turns around to walk towards the stairs when he sees me at the bottom.

"Louis, thank fuck are you okay kid?" He asks and rushes towards me.

I wince as he cups my chin to get a better look at my cheek.

"What the actual fuck, your jaw looks broken can you talk?' Zayn asks concerned.

Harry and Liam join us at the stairs, inspecting my cheek as well.

"Yeah, I can talk I'm okay it just hurts" I say.

"Well Andy will be here soon, he can give you something for that" Harry says and his voice is a little softer.

I nod. Harry reaches out to me then and goes to cup my cheek. I flinch and step back so he can't touch me.

"Louis.....I'm not....I would never hurt you" Harry tells me.

"Physically or emotionally?" I ask before I can stop myself.

I see Harry's face drop and Liam and Zayn look at him expecting him to answer. He is saved though by a knock at the door, Andy. Liam goes to let him in and when he does Andy comes straight over to me.

"Hey kid, come on let's get you looked at hey!" He says gently.

I follow him into the lounge room and sit down on the couch, I'm so tired I just want to go to bed and forget this stupid day ever existed. Andy sets up and assesses my jaw and fever, he looks me over thoroughly and finishes as Niall and Noah return to the room. Noah comes to sit next to me while Niall Gawks at my face from across the room.

"Alright Lou, your jaw isn't broken but badly bruised and it will be bloody sore for awhile. Since you vomited after you were hit, you may have a small concussion although your reactions and reflexes are fine. I would say it's more to do with the infection you have. I got your blood work back today and it shows there is a nasty infection happening. I've got you antibiotics to take and hopefully it will get rid of it" Andy says.

So it is an infection dam it my stupid cuts, I can't even harm myself correctly. I sigh. Andy hands me a water and a tablet that I swallow.

"Your fever is the highest it's been so I'm hoping those antibiotics kick in soon, in the meantime I want you to rest Louis, bedrest for three days, maybe even a week" Andy starts.

"Wha??? Noway!! I'm fine Andy" I say clearly upset.

"Louis, I am quite happy to admit you into the hospital. If it was anyone else I would be making you go so we can give you antibiotics through a drip. This is a severe infection, you need to listen and do as I'm asking kid" Andy says.

I see Harry pacing the room, he looks worried but why would he care.

"He will listen, right Lou?" Zayn says taking a seat next to me on the opposite side of Noah.

"Yeah I guess" I sigh out.

"Good boy" Andy says.

Andy then gives me something for my fever and the pain and he goes to talk to Harry In the kitchen. Liam puts a movie on in the lounge room and I snuggle up to Zayn's side and bury my face in his calming muscly chest. Noah swings my feet up and lays them across his lap. I'm comfy and relaxed and before the movie even starts I'm out to the world.


"What's up Andy, tell me Louis is okay" I ask as we both make our way to the kitchen.


Andy sits up on the bench and I lean my bum against the opposite side and cross my legs. Andy looks at me for a few seconds before he takes a deep breath and rubs his hands over his face.

"Louis, has a severe infection Haz, the type of infection that comes from a cut or something that doesn't heal properly" he says.

"Okay...yeah"'I say, prompting him to continue.

"Well, Louis would know if he had a cut or something on him that was infected. It would be very hard to miss. The cut would be extremely painful" Andy says.

"Yeah, maybe he doesn't want to tell us because he doesn't want us to worry" I say, Louis doesn't like us fussing over him and admitting he has an infection probably isn't at the top of his list.

"Haz, he wears bracelets, every single day, you never see him without them. He, flinches every single time anyone tries to touch his wrists or his hands. When Zayn hurt his wrist that night he nearly flipped out when Zayn asked to see it. I work with kids like this every day H" Andy says, his tone is gentle and calm.

"So your saying what?" I ask asking Andy to say the words. I hope it's not what I'm thinking, Louis can't be doing what Andy is implying.

"I think Louis is self harming Haz....I'm sorry" Andy says.

My face drains of colour and the signs and symptoms add up. I know it's the truth but I don't want to believe it. Tears spring to my eyes, this is all my fault I'm such a fucking asshole. Louis is self harming, he thinks so low of himself he feels the need to harm himself.

"I think he cuts his wrists and one of them has gotten infected, he can't show us because his secret will be revealed" Andy says.

"I don't.....I believe you I do I just I don't.......what do we do?" I ask hopelessness in my voice.

"An intervention, we are going to have to find his stash of blades and confront him, we need to get this sorted before this infection gets worse, I need to treat the cuts and Louis" Andy tells me seriously.

"Will he have to go to your clinic, will he have to be sent away for treatment?" I ask scared of the answer, I don't want to have to send him away.

"No Haz I don't think so, I think he would respond better with a bit of love and support form all of us. I think being bullied for the last five years is a big part of this and I think we can sort this out together" Andy says.

I'm relieved that Louis won't have to be sent away, I just want to help him. The poor kid must have been going through some rough shit and felt so alone if he has resulted to harming himself.

Andy sees me lost in thought and comes over and engulfs me in a big hug, I go willingly.

"He will be okay Haz, we will get him through this. I promise" Andy whispers in my ear.

"Thanks Andy, thank you!" I says as I squeeze him tighter.

We pull part and we head back towards the lounge room, I see Louis snuggled up to Zayn who is carding his hands through Louis hair, I want that to be me. He looks so adorable and peaceful I just want to cuddle him.

"Hey Harry, I forgot to mention" Noah brings me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I say smiling at Noah.

"I think Louis hurt his wrist when they grabbed him, it was bleeding pretty bad. He wouldn't let me look at it though" Noah says.

Andy and I share a look before I turn back to Noah and smile.

"Thanks bud, we will check it out when he wakes up" I say.

" I better get going, tell Louis I said bye and that I'll text him" Noah says.

"Sure buddy, Niall and I will organise you an escort home okay" I say.

"Thanks Harry, I appreciate it" Noah smiles.

Him and Niall head outside the flat to organise a police escort to take Noah home. I'm not entirely sure that stingers gang is just after Jaxson.

Louis, stirs on the couch and whimpers in his sleep. I look towards him and frown. His sleeve has ridden up and I see the dozens of bracelets on his wrist and I sigh.

"What's up Haz? Is it got to do with Louis results?" Zayn asks.

Andy and I sit down in the couch and we explain what Andy told me in the kitchen to the boys, when Niall walks back in we fill him in as well.

"So Louis is self harming?" Zayn says.

"We think so yeah" Andy says.

"Ohhhh man, this is not what I though at all, so we have to confront him?" Zayn asks.

"Yeah, we need to find his blades and confront him, Louis will never confess this on his own and his infection needs to be treated" Andy says.

"Well let's go and search his room now" I say.

"Yeah, while he is asleep, let's go and have a look" Andy says.

"This is an invasion of privacy I don't know if this is right" Niall says.

"I know Ni but we need to do this in order to help Louis" Liam says to Niall.

Andy and I go into Louis room and begin our search.

"He is going to hide it Harry, we have to be clever and think of some hiding places" Andy says.

I nod and we get to searching, we find nothing in his bedroom apart from a stash of cigarettes and some weed. We obviously confiscate them. We then head towards the bathroom and we both lean down to the bottom cupboard under the sink. As I'm bending down I glance in Louis hamper, his shirt from today is in their and it's covered in blood. I sigh and turn back to Andy and help him look in the cupboard. There isn't much inside but at the back we come across a metal box, we both know we have found Louis stash. Andy takes it and opens it slowly, inside are reason blades and most of them are covered in dried blood. There is also a towel and some antiseptic cream. I break down then, knowing that Louis is definitely harming himself. The tears come and I can't get them to stop. I feel so guilty. Andy brings me into his arms and comforts me. I pull myself together, this isn't about me, this is about Louis and I need to be there for him. We pack the box back up and head downstairs. And sit on the couch next to the boys. We solace the box on the coffee table and we all sit their in silence stunned. I look at Louis, so innocent and gorgeous. I want to know what's going through his head, what awful dreams he is having to make him do this to himself.

"Do we confront him now? Or wait until he wakes up or wait until he is better?" Liam asks us, looking toward Louis as well.

"Well, I need to treat the cuts in order for him to get better so we can't wait, let's put him to bed and wait until he wakes up. Then we will confront him, we need to discuss how we are going to go about everything and his reactions" Andy tells us.

"I'll put him in bed" I say.

I stand up and reach for Louis and pick him up bridal style, he is so light. He cuddles Into me and my heart breaks. This is all he has ever wanted from me, why did I have to be such a dick.

I reach his room and tuck him under the sheets. I still can't get my head around this and I'm not looking forward to the shit storm that about to happen when he wakes up.

I walk back downstairs to the kitchen and help Niall prepare dinner. Andy is talking to us about what to expect when Louis wakes up.

"He is going to be upset and scared, really scared. We don't know how long this is been going on but it's a big thing to try and hide. He is going to be mad at himself for not hiding it better. We need to remember that this is his way of coping, has been for a while, to have that found out and taken away will be traumatising for him" Andy says,

"What if he leaves? What if he wants to go back home?" Niall asks.

"Yeah, I don't know if we should be telling our mums just yet....I do t know what to do in that respect" I say truthfully.

"Look, we haven't even spoken to Louis yet okay, we just need to play it by ear and just be ready for anything. We need patience and we need to not treat him with sympathy, that is the last thing we need to do. We treat this like it's okay and we can fix it" Andy tells us.

That makes sense not to treat Louis any differently. I know this is going to be difficult, that Louis is going to go through so many emotions but I'm going to get him through this.

We all eat our dinner in silence, to many thoughts running through our heads. We clean up and make our way through to the lounge room, the TV is on in the background but none of us are paying attention to it. The box full razors is still on the coffee table, we are all staring at it, no one seems to be able to take their eyes off of it. It's eight o'clock when we hear noise upstairs, Louis has been asleep for four hours. We hear ho, rustling around and we all prepare our selfs for the confrontation. I can feel my heart going a million miles a minute and I know the boys feel the same. We wait and soon enough we hear small footsteps descend the stairs.

Chapter Text


I wake up in my bed, someone must have carried me up here, I panic when I realise they could have seen the bandage on my arm, I could easily pass it off though, as my skating injury. This is getting so emotionally draining being here and hiding my secrets. Having Harry hate me I suppose is easier, it allows me to remember why I'm worthless and not to forget my place. Sometimes I think about cutting a little too deep and not waking up, how easy the darkness would be. I could never do that to my mums though, although I know they would be better off without me, it's getting easier to entertain the idea of suicide. It's clear Harry and I will never be close again, I have no friends, I would call Noah a friend but I'm going back home in a few months and he will go back to his normal life and forget about me. So will Harry and the boys. My wrist is so sore but I want to feel the pain, I want my thoughts to stop, I need to stop thinking of Harry and how heartbroken I am. I get up out of bed and go to the bathroom. I close the door and take a few deep breaths. I kneel down In front of my cupboard and reach in to grab my box. It's then that my heart stops and I realise my box is gone.

I panic my breaths coming out irregular, I check and double check. It's really gone, it's not there. Where the fuck is it?? Why is it not there. I didn't move it, maybe the boys have a cleaner and they moved it. Fuck,shit fuck. I can't breathe. What if the boys found it. Oh my god I'm going to be sick, if they found my razors they will hate me, think I'm a freak. I'll be sent to one of those suicide clinics. My mums will find out. Harry will yell at me. The worst part is though, I'll be made to stop. I can't deal with this. I need to know where my box is, if the boys have it. Before I can control myself I'm rushing out of the room and down the stairs. I can hear the television on but it's silent otherwise. When I make my way into the lounge room I see five sets of eyes on me, it causes me to stop in my tracks half a meter from them. Then my world comes crashing down around me, there's on the coffee table sitting so innocently is my box,my secret box. I can't handle this, I can't breathe, maybe they haven't opened it.

"Where did you get that?" I ask shakily.

I grab my wrists and start scratching at them, my breathing is completely irregular I feel like I'm underwater.

"Your room buddy.....we know Lou" Zayn says calmly.

I can't take my eyes off the box.

"It's mine you can't.....why were you in my can't go in my room.....I want it back, give it back to me please" I say rushed, trying to breathe.

"Calm down Lou, everything is going to be alright" Harry tells me.

I look at him In the eyes, tears threatening to slip down my face, I start shaking my head at him as I try to catch my breath.

"No, no, no, no, no....please no, no, no, this can't be happening......give it back please no, no, no" I panic.

"Louis, I need you to breathe buddy" Andy says to me.

He is crouched down in front of me, I bring my gaze from my box to Andy, he tries to calm me down by touching my arms but I flinch out of his grip I back away from them all. I can't be here I'm such an idiot for letting this happen. Oh god this means so much and I'm emotionally not ready to handle it. I look at the boys faces,they are kind and I see nothing but love but I don't want to be here. I eye the door and I'm about 2 meters away, if I sprint I can make it, I look back to the boys and then suddenly make a run for the front door, Harry is quicker though, like he was expecting me to run and grabs me around the waist, I struggle to no end to get out of his grip.

"Get off me, put me down. I hate you.....I hate you Harry, let me go" I scream.

"Shhhhhh, Lou it's okay sweetheart just calm down" he whispers in my ear.

"No, why should I, you don't care, you hate me....let me go I hate you. I'm leaving and you can't stop me" I yell.

"It's okay Lou, everything will be okay" he tells me.

I'm hyperventilating and struggling in Harry's grip, I manage to get free and I bolt to the box and grab it, I manage to dodge Niall and Zayn when they try and stop me. I race to my room and lock the door and go straight to the bathroom and lock that too. I fall to the ground not being able to catch my breath. I quickly remove my bandage and my bracelets as I hear a pounding on the bathroom door. I comprehend that the boys have gotten through the bedroom door lock and will soon get through the bathroom lock too. I'm so upset and panicking so much I just bring the blade to my wrists and cut, I don't know how deep or how many times i cut but I don't stop. There are tears and my chest is heaving. I hear the door open and someone in front of me but I can't make sense of anything. I hope I've cut to deep and I fall into a permanent sleep.


I race behind Louis but I'm not quick enough, he makes it to the bedroom and shuts and locks the door before I can get there. Andy and the boys are behind me and Andy scoots me over to start working on the lock.

"Fuck, what if he....what if he does something" Niall asks.

"We are right here Niall, I need everyone to relax okay. I know we are all worried,but I'm here I won't let anything happen to him. We need to stay calm for Louis sake please guys" Andy pleads with us.

We all nod and relax a little when Andy clicks the lock open. We enter the room. Louis is not there. We see the bathroom door shut and race over, of course it's locked too. Andy again starts to work on the lock, he talks to Louis in the process.

"Louis buddy, can you open the door?" He asks calmly.

We can hear Louis crying and his irregular breathing from this side of the door. I need to get in there.

"It's okay Louis, you're okay. We're coming" I say to him.

Andy nods at me letting me know I'm doing the right thing and to keep talking.

"Louis, I need you to listen to me and my voice and calm down. No one is going to hurt you, you are safe with us Lou" I tell him.

We manage to get the door open and race Into the bathroom, we are met with a shaking and uncontrollably upset Louis, he is severely hyperventilating and there is blood everywhere. His wrists have been cut and the blood is all over him and the floor.

"Shit" Andy says and that gets us all panicking.

"Niall, I need my bag from downstairs, Zayn, I want a bowl of warm water and Liam I need new clothes for Louis." Andy instructs.

The boys nod and get to their specific jobs. Andy looks at me.

"Haz, I need your help" he tells me.

We both kneel in front of Louis.

"Louis, buddy, look at me" Andy tells him gently.

Louis somehow hears Andy and listens, he raises his gaze to Andy.

"That's it, good boy...I need to see your hands Louis, I need to stop the bleeding" Andy says.

I know this is bad, the blood just keeps coming and coming. Louis shakes his head furiously at Andy, that's when I step in. I get behind Louis and sit down behind him, I bring his shaking form into my chest and lean him against me. He doesn't flinch but his breathing picks up even more.

"Shhhhhhhh, it's me Lou, it's Harry, you're okay. Everything is fine I'm here, I'm right here baby" I say to him.

His sobs start again and it's then I realise he is still holding the blade in his hand. He goes to swipe it over his wrist again but Andy reaches out and gently stops him. He takes the blade out of Louis hand and puts it on the sink. He then Gently takes Louis hands in his.

"It's okay buddy just breathe for us" he says.

"I'm here Lou, we're both here, nothing is going to happen to you" I reassure him.

Louis is gasping for air and I can see Andy is getting concerned. Niall makes it back into the bathroom with Andy's bag. Andy has blood all over his hands and he grabs a towel and places it to Louis wrists.

"Niall, keep pressure on this wrist okay" Andy says.

"Should we be calling an ambulance?" Zayn asks from the doorway, back with the bowl of warm water that he hands Andy.

"I can fix it all up here, I can give him stitches if he needs them, we just need to calm him down" Andy tells us.

"Louis, I want you to focus on me, focus on my breaths and breathing okay, you need to relax" I tell him.

Andy sets to cleaning up Louis wrists and I try to calm him down.

"That's it baby, in and out. I've got you just relax" I tell him.

Eventually Louis calms down and is resting back against my chest. He is sniffling and hiccuping every now and then but he is calm. He is looking at the bathroom wall, I card my hands through his hair and he relaxes in my arms. Andy and Niall gently clean Louis cuts and stop the bleeding, we are all covered in Louis blood by the time they are finished. Louis right arm looks like the cuts are really deep. His left arm must be the infected arm because it looks nasty and red and extremely painful.

"Okay, so I need to put stitches In your right arm Lou, you cut it quite deep. I'm going to give you a numbing needle though so you won't feel it" he tells Louis.

"I can handle the pain" Louis says croakily.

His eyes never leave the wall and his comment breaks my heart.

"I don't doubt that buddy" Andy says.

He gives Louis a needle in his arm and he doesn't even flinch. He then stitches up his arm and bandages them both.

"Louis, I'm going to have to put another drip in, i need to give you your antibiotics through that, I can't risk these new cuts getting infected too okay" Andy says.

He doesn't get a response from Louis, but sets to setting him up anyway. Andy grabs the new clothes for Louis off Liam and then Zayn, Liam and Niall leave the room. Andy and I undress Louis to his boxers and redress him in his new clothes. His small frame is worrying and I don't miss the concerned look Andy gives his body. When we finish dressing Louis I carry him to bed and tuck him in. He doesn't say anything else but he falls asleep instantly completely exhausted.

"I'm going to sleep on the couch Haz, I want to be here if something happens okay, I might camp over for a few days. Can you stay with him?" Andy says.

"Of course, yeah definitely. I won't leave him, I'll call you if I need you" I tell him.

He smiles at me and goes to leave the room.

"Thank you Andy" I tell him.

"You did good Haz, really good" he tells me.

I smile slightly and he leaves me alone with Louis. I strip down to my boxers and hop into bed with him . I grab onto his tiny body and I don't let him go. I wrap him up and hold onto him for dear life. Scared that if I loosen my grip he will disappear.


I wake up gasping for air, sweating, I look to my left and there is a drip in my arm. The nights events come crashing back to me and my chest heaves. Harry is sleeping soundly to my right, I wonder why he is even there, why he was gentle with me. It doesn't matter anyway, what matters is that they know. The boys know my secret and I'm in deep shit now. I steady my breathing and run my hands through my sweaty hair. I desperately need a glass of water, I could wake Harry up. Yet I don't want to deal with him and his confusing shit. I look at the clock and it says 3am. I could sneak out of the house, go back home without anyone knowing. But then I would have to deal with mum and Ann. I sigh my life is shit right now. The tears come then and I end up pulling the drip out of my hand, I don't want Harry to wake up and I just need some air. I push the covers off slowly and I make my way out of the room. I walk slowly down the stairs and I come to the lounge room, even through the dark I don't miss Andy and Niall cuddled together on the couch. My confusion sets in then. So Andy and Niall are together? Niall and Andy are gay? Noah is gay and Harry is still friends with all of them, Harry still loves all of them. Why is it me that is such a fuck up then, why does he hate me so much. I hate myself so much, I never going to be good enough for anyone. My wrists ache and I scratch the itch with my nails, digging in to my skin. I don't notice Harry's presence until he says my name.

"Louis" he says cautiously from in front of me.

His voice causes Niall and Andy to wake up, Niall switches the light on.

"Lou, buddy what are you doing out of bed?" Niall asks.

Andy is standing in the middle of the lounge room and His arm is tightly wrapped around Niall's waist.

"Are you two together?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah Lou, Niall and I have been together for a while" Andy says, going along with my question.

"Did you know?" I ask directing my question to Harry.

He looks at me slightly confused,

"Yeah I've known for a while" he responds calmly.

"And you know Noah is gay too" I ask

"Yeah, Noah and Jaxson are both gay" Harry says.

"Then why do you hate me? You left me when you found out I was gay but you don't hate them you just just hate me" I say upset, tears rolling down my face.

"Oh,, I didn't leave because you came out Louis......Jesus...I" Harry says and he tries to step towards me but I step back.

"You what?..... You just hate me because I'm me, like everyone else?" I yell.

"I don't hate you Louis, I've never, ever hated you" Harry tells me. His face full of sadness.

"Then why did you leave me?" My own voice sounds so deflated and rejected, I hate it but I can't help it.

"It's complicated" Harry says.

And no, that's not good enough. I'm so angry and upset and hurt.

"I hate you" I say

"No you don't baby" Harry says.

He then walks over to me and takes me in his arms, I fight him as best I can. I punch his chest and cry and I yell at him.

"You left me and you don't even care, I needed you and you left. You hate me and I deserve it. I'm nothing and will never mean anything to you!" I scream at Harry.

"Calm down Lou, it's okay. I've got you,I'm here now I'm so so sorry kiddo....,I'm so sorry" Harry tells me.

"I don't trust you, you will leave me again I know it and I can't do it anymore, I don't want to do it anymore!" I yell into Harry's chest.

"I'm not going anywhere baby" Harry says.

"Stop calling me that, like you care, like I mean something to you" I say

"You mean the world to me Louis you mean everything to me" Harry tells me.

I'm done fighting and I collapse in Harry's arms we end up on the floor Harry with his back leaning against the kitchen counter and me straddling him, my face buried in his neck.

Harry brings my head off his shoulder and cups my face with his large hands. He thumbs my tears away.

"Louis.....I love you" Harry's says and my heart stops at his words. My blue eyes meet his incredible green ones.

" don't" I whisper, my eyes never leaving his.

"I am in love with you and have been for five god dam years......that's why I left Lou, because I couldn't face my feelings. I'm so, so sorry Louis" Harry tells me.

"You left me because you love me? That.....that doesn't make sense Harry God" I say frustratedly.

"I thought pushing you and my feelings away was easier than admitting I'm in love with my step brother Louis. When I saw you at that train station for the first time in five years, I thought you were the most beautiful, stunning boy I'd ever seen in my life. My feelings never went away, I tried again to push you away when I realised how much I cared for you, how much I wanted to protect you, to keep you safe and it was out of my control. I'm so sorry, I know I went about it the wrong way Louis, I know and I'm so sorry. I love you.....I'm in love with you" Harry finishes.

I'm stunned, speechless and completely taken aback. I have no idea what to say or do. Suddenly though there are lips on mine, Harry's lips, they are soft and I instantly get shivers up my spine. He moves his lips against mine so slowly, I can feel his breath on my lips and my chest erupts, like everything I have been wanting and missing in my life is coming together. Harry feels safe and exactly like home, exactly what I've been missing. I pull away quickly and Harry seems stunned.

"You can't love me Harry, you just can't" I start, getting upset again..

"Why Louis, why not, why can't I love you?" Harry asks, sadness written all over his face

"I'm fucked up, I'm nothing, Everyone says it. I deserve everything I get and I don't deserve you" I spill out in one breath.

"Baby stop, just stop please" Harry speaks gently.

I look at him in the eyes.

"Let me, please let me show you you are worth everything Louis. Let me show you how much I love you please.....just give me one chance. You deserve to be loved Louis and I know I can love you right" Harry declares holding my gaze.

I don't know what to say or to feel, I'm so tired and exhausted, I want to trust Harry, this is all I've ever wanted and he is offering it to me. All I have to do is say yes. If he lets me down though, if he leaves me again I don't know what I will do. I take a deep breath.

"Okay" I whisper.

Harry grins widely at me, he kisses my lips and hugs me to him.

"God Louis, this is all I've ever wanted. I'm here I'm not going anyway I've got you baby" he tells me.

We sit in the kitchen together me resting against Harry's chest, Andy and Niall long gone back to Niall's room giving us some privacy.

"Is that why you do it Lou?" Harry asks, breaking our silence.

"Is what why I do it?" I whisper.

"Because I left? Is that why you hurt yourself?" Harry asks.

I know he is scared of the answer.

"No, I didn't start until a year after you left. I felt so alone Harry, all my friends abandoned me, I was bullied and still am badly everyday and it hurts so bad. Mum and Anne are always working and the house gets so lonely. I just wanted one person to talk to, to tell me I was worth it, to tell me everything would be okay, to be there for me. It's selfish I know,but I had no one. One day I was beat up so badly I needed stitches in my lip and my arm was broken and so was my rib. I had a severe concussion and had to go to the hospital. The guys who did it told me if I said anything to my mums they would kill me and I believed them. I told mum and Anne I fell down the stairs, they believed it. Mum and Anne looked after me for a day then had to go back to work. I was so scared to go back to school, I tried to call you that day, usually your phone rang out but not that time. That time it said it was disconnected, that was it for me. I kept hearing the voices of them all in my head telling me how worthless and disgusting I was and I couldn't take it anymore. I thought you hated me, so I did the only thing I could think of. I ran a blade over my wrist, it helped so much. It put me in my place, I new where I belonged. It made me feel in control and the voices would disappear for awhile. It then became an addiction, if I didn't do it the voices got to much, I was being selfish so I would cut more the next time. I tried to stop but what's the point when everyone hates you and there was nowhere else to turn. I don't know how to stop Harry, I don't want to be like this, a stupid fuck up. I just want to be accepted for who I am, I want someone to talk to me, to love me is that so much to ask?" I finish crying and gulping for air.

"Baby, you deserve all of that, I would hurt myself a million times over if it meant that you would never feel any pain again. All I can tell you is how sorry I am. I'm going to show you that you don't need the blade Louis, I know I wasn't there for you but I am now. I promise you with everything I have inside me I will love you and help you. We can do this together I'm here for you now, I'm here" Harry says.

That's all I ever wanted to hear and when I look at Harry there are tears running down his face, I grab on to him and wrap my arms around his neck we bury ourselves in each other's embrace and cry. Eventually we calm down and Harry carries me back up to his bed. It's bigger and way more comfier than mine, we get in and he holds me close to his chest as we fall asleep. Harry carding his hands through my hair. As I close my eyes I feel somewhat lighter and that maybe things will be okay.

Chapter Text


The next time I wake up I'm so comfortable, Louis is snuggled into my side and I bring him closer. I card my hand through his feathery hair and just stare at him for a while, watch him breathing and how his gorgeous face is so peaceful. There is a knock on my door and Andy peaks his head around the corner.

"Morning H" he whispers.

"Morning" I say back.

Louis doesn't even stir, he is out to the world. He needs the sleep,

"How's the patient?" Andy slightly smiles at me.

"Still warm but he is more relaxed now, has slept through the last six hours without stirring" I say.

Andy nods and walks into the room with his medical bag and sits on the end of the bed.

"So you two sorted things out last night?" He asks me.

"Yeah, we did" I smirk at Andy.

"I'm glad, I really think Louis will be okay H, I think you being there for him will help so much" Andy says truthfully.

"I hope so, I hope I can help him through this" I tell him.

"I do need to wake him and put the drip back in, he needs bed rest for the next week at least" Andy says.

"This isn't going to go down well I just know it" I say and chuckle slightly.

Andy laughs knowingly too.

"I know but I let it slide last night. I should actually be admitting him H. It's a bad infection" Andy tells me turning more serious.

I run my hands over my face.

"Should we then?" I ask. If putting Louis in the hospital is the right thing to do to get him better than I will authorise it.

"I don't want to push him, his cutting attempt will have to be noted and that will just lead to questions that I don't think he is ready for. Let's give it two days, if there is no change. Then we look at admitting him" Andy says.

"Okay, agreed" I say.

"Goodo, now let's wake the dragon" Andy smirks and I laugh.

I gently reach over and swipe my hand across Louis forehead.

"Louis, baby" I coax him.

He doesn't stir at all.

"Louis, we need you to wake up now kiddo" Andy says rubbing his arm.

Louis stirs and bury's his head deeper into my neck.

"I'm tired" he says so cutely.

"We know bud, we just want a small chat and then you can go back to sleep okay" Andy tells him.

Louis blinks his eyes open and yawns adorably. We both sit up in the bed and I kiss Louis forehead.

"Good morning sleepyhead" I say,

"Morning" Louis's says around a yawn.

"So Louis, bed rest one week. With the drip for antibiotics. No arguments or I'll admit you got it" Andy says sternly but with a smile on his face.

Louis sighs and nods.

"I'm just going to go make some breakfast, I'll be back" I say as I kiss Louis and leave the room.

I secretly want Louis and Andy to have a chat together. I'm planning to make Louis a big breakfast too.


Harry leaves the room and Andy is working on my drip, once it's in and he administers the antibiotics. He starts on redressing and cleaning my wrists and arms.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about all this Louis, but I know you know we need too" Andy says to me.

I sigh.

"Yeah, I know but I don't know what you want me to say" I tell him sincerely.

"I want you to know that you can trust me, I'm here for you and I want to help you. I'm not going to admit you to a clinic or anything. I honestly think we can help you here, but I want weekly one hour sessions, just you and I to talk and I want to know that you want to stop hurting yourself that you are willing to work at it" Andy tells me.

I honestly have never even thought this far ahead, never even entertained the idea of stoping, I don't know how to cope without it.

"I.......I never thought I would need to stop cutting Andy, Its my escape. How do I just stop? How do I get the relief I feel when I cut without cutting?" I ask him.

"Time and with our support, I want you to try, every time you have the urge to cut. To go to Harry, myself or one of the boys. We will help you through it, through the urge and soon you won't even have it anymore. I can promise you. It will be hard at times Louis but I know you can do it" Andy tells me.

"Well.....I want to cut right now" I tell him closing my eyes.

Andy finishes with my wrists and sits across from me on the bed, he folds his legs under himself.

"Tell me why Lou, what's running through your head?" He asks gently.

For the first time in five years I actually want to stop cutting, I actually want to be good enough so I try my hardest to talk to Andy.

"That I'm stupid for letting you find out my secret, that I'm worthless and Harry is only being nice because he feels like he has too, that I'm not worth anyone's time or energy. I feel like I'm a burden and I've made Harry and the boys upset because of my secret. They shouldn't be upset and It's my fault" I say, my breathing picking up.

"That's so good Lou! I'm so proud of you for telling me, I know it's hard. just relax though okay just breathe" Andy says.

I nod at him and try to relax.

"Why do you think you are not worth our time and energy?" Andy asks.

I breathe in Harshly before I answer.

"Everyone at school tells me everyday, my mums are always working and never have time for me, I'm obviously not worth their time and Harry left me, I thought it was because I'm worthless" I say.

"I want you to know that you are worth everything. I understand that me telling you that once isn't going to make a difference but I will keep telling you that until you start to believe it. The kids at school obviously have their own issues and you are the target to take those issues out on. Being gay doesn't make you a bad person Louis, and if other people can't see that, then that's their issue. Physically abusing you is not the way to deal with it though and Harry and I will fix that, no one will touch you again." Andy tells me seriously.

"You're right I don't believe you but....that doesn't mean I won't try.....I don't care what issues the kids at school have, it hurts so bad when they call me names and tell me those horrible things it happens every day and even when they stop I'm thinking about their words's so hard to push them away" I say, tears spring to my eyes and I subconsciously itch my wrists as the worlds of my tormentors run through my head.

"Louis, buddy....come back to me, you're okay" I hear Andy's voice from in front of me.

I look towards Andy and into his eyes.

"That's it" he tells me, I notices he is gently caressing my wrists as he is talking to me.

"Great job Louis, you're doing so well" he tells me.

"Why does it hurt so bad Andy?" I whisper.

Andy sighs.

"Because you have a kind heart Louis, and because you think you deserve to be hurt, we are going to show you that you don't" He tells me.

Harry then comes back into the room before I can respond.

"Is everything okay?" He asks smiling.

"Yeah, yeah, it's all good" I say wiping my tears away.

"Louis just made a really big step H, you would be really proud of him" Andy says and I blush.

"Yeah?, Lou that's amazing. Well done" Harry says beaming.

I smile slightly.

"I'm tired, can I go back to sleep now?" I ask shyly.

"After you eat something you sure can" Harry says.

I didn't notice but Harry has a tray of food in his hands. I notice pancakes and scrambled eggs as well as fruit and yogurt.

"But I'm not"

"Hungry" Harry and Andy say.

I blush again.

"We know Louis, but I think you could manage at least one pancake don't you?" Andy says.

I sigh.

"I guess so" I say.

"Great" Harry says.

He walks into the room and places the tray on the nightstand Andy stands up and goes to leave the room.

"I'll be downstairs, Niall and I are going on a date" Andy says smiling.

I smile towards him.

"Have fun, don't do anything I wouldn't do" Harry says cheekily.

"Mmmmm don't know if that's a good thing H" Andy says laughing as he leaves the room.

Harry laughs and turns his attention back to me.

"I'm really proud of you Lou" he tells me.

"Thanks Harry" I say shyly.

"Now what would you like to eat? Pancakes? We need to fatten you up a bit" Harry says.

I sigh.

"I'm not,not eating on purpose Haz" I say quietly. "I really am not hungry" I say.

Harry looks at me and reaches out to cup my cheek.

"I know baby but I don't think you realise how small you are Lou. When Andy and I undressed you last night.....we were shocked you have gotten so tiny kid and even if it's not on purpose it needs to stop. It's getting dangerous" Harry tells me.

"I......I'm not that tiny" I say, the only thing I can think of.

"Louis, we had to roll your sweats over three times before they would stay up" Harry states.

I feel my self loathing coming back, I feel useless again......I'm not good enough again....

"Louis, it's okay I'm not upset no one is upset at you okay" Harry says.

"But I keep stuffing up" I say.

"Oh Lou, no you don't that's not you stuffing up. Baby I'm just worried I want you healthy and I want you safe" Harry says to me.

I look towards Harry and he is looking at me with such love and warmth and my chest feels on fire.

"I'm scared Haz" I say looking at him straight in the eyes.

"Why baby" Harry says swiping his thumb over my cheek.

"I'm scared of letting myself love you.....I'm scared of stuffing up and I'm so so scared of loosing you....again" I say as a tear runs down my cheek.

Harry is quick to swipe it away.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart, God you have no idea. I will never, ever leave you again Louis. I will never let you down again. I'm here I will keep you safe and I will love you and when you can't love yourself I'll love you more. Nothing you could ever do will send me away again Louis nothing. I love you and I will tell you that every single day baby" Harry says and I see the glint of tears in his eyes.

"Harry" I say shakily.

"Be with me Louis, with me" Harry whispers and then his soft beautiful lips are on mine, his hands cupping my face as our lips move in sync.

I respond eagerly when he tries to open my mouth with his tongue, the kiss becomes heated and I whine into Harry's mouth.

"Baby" he whispers and it sends tingles down my spine, and my length thickens in my pants. Harry lays me down gently, our breakfast long forgotten.

Harry hovers over me careful of my wrists.

"You are so beautiful" he tells me and his eyes tell me everything I want to know. That he truly believes it and he truly does love me.

"I......I love you Harry......I always have I just did t know how much. I didn't realise I was actually in love with you. That's why it hurt so much when you left....because I'm in love with you Haz" I tell him.

He beams his gorgeous dimples at me.

"You don't understand what that means to me. You make me so happy" Harry says.

He is back to kissing me, when we pull away I chuckle.

"I didn't even know you were gay Harry" I say smiling.

"Bi baby, but I've never been so attracted to someone in my life as I am you" he says smiling.

I laugh at that comment a genuine laugh at Harry's cheesiness,

"Don't ever keep that sound hidden away you are absolutely stunning when you laugh Louis" Harry says seriously.

I smile up at Harry through my long lashes.

"Your turning into a sap Haz" I tell him smiling slightly.

"As I've been told......only for you though baby, only ever for you" he tells me smirking.

That does something to me and sends butterfly's to my stomach.

"Lou, I don't want to push you and the last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable but I.......can I touch you....I want to touch you" Harry says softly.

"Yes.....Harry touch me please" I whisper.

Harry goes back to kissing me and he gently runs his hand up and down the side of my stomach, I reach my hands carefully behind his head and tug on his curls. Harry breaks the kiss and slowly lifts my shirt over my head, he can't get it all the way off because of my drip. He goes back to kissing me and he runs his hands all over my body causing me to shudder.

"I want to explore every inch of you" Harry tells me, he then attaches his lips to my neck and kisses softly.

He slowly makes his way down my body, taking his time to kiss me sensually, every touch to my body is like fire to my skin. His lips are so soft and I want more. My body is tired though and I'm getting worked up and it's exhausting me but I don't want Harry to stop. When he reaches the top of my sweatpants he stop, lingering his lips over my stomach, his hot breath raising goosebumps on my skin. I buck my hips up and Harry smirks at me. He gently brings them back down to the mattress.

"I'm going to touch you now Louis" he says seriously. His voice deep with lust.

"Please..." I whisper.

Harry takes my pants down slowly, leaving me in my boxers. He then lowers his mouth and kisses my bulge through my pants.

"Ugnhhhh" I say, I'm not going to last long. This is my first ever head job.

Harry then slowly brings my boxers down and my length spring free. I'm hard already, I'm not small but not overly big either. I suddenly panic about what Harry thinks, if I'm good enough for him. My breathing pics up at the thought of Harry being unhappy. He is suddenly hovering over me again and cupping my face.

"Breathe are so beautiful Lou, I want to touch you so bad" Harry tells me. He kisses me sweetly but heatedly and I relax.

He makes his way back down to my length. He licks a stripe all the way up my shaft and as soon as his lips touch my skin I feel like a spark shoots through my entire body.

"So hard for me Louis, such a good boy baby" Harry says and I preen at his words

Harry then takes me into his mouth and I nearly loose it. I nearly come then and there. The heat of his mouth feels amazing. I'm a sweaty panting mess and I grab the sheets to centre myself. Harry hums around me and the vibration sends me over the edge.

"I'm close Haz, ughhhh I'm close" I tell him.

"Come Lou, it's okay I got you" he tells me gently before he goes back to sucking and licking my length.

I'm a mess and have completely come undone under Harry. I let out a loud whine

"Haarryyy!!" I say as I come hotly down Harry's throat.

He doesn't let up through my release. He swallows me all down and grins sexily up at me. I'm still trying to catch my breath back. Exhaustion hitting me hard. I've never in my life come like that before.

"You are gorgeous when you come" Harry says smiling.

I smile back at him still panting.

"That was amazing Haz" I tell him.

"It was, you taste amazing" he tells me.

I blush.

"" I say trying to tell him we can switch spots.

"Don't worry baby, watching you come got me off too" he says with a smirk as I look at his boxers and see a wet patch.

I giggle, bloody giggle which I haven't done since I was a kid.

"I love the sounds you make baby" Harry says crawling up my body to kiss me again.

He helps put my shirt and pants back on and I'm so lethargic I feel like passing out.

"I know you're tired, but could you try and eat something?" Harry asks.

He helps me sit up against the headboard, I'm starting to feel sick again, my body is just so tired. I nod my head as Harry cuts up a pancake for me. I get about five mouthfuls in before I can't stomach anymore.

"Just one more baby, please....for me?" Harry asks gently.

I really can't eat anymore, but I want to please Harry. I take the last bite off the fork and thickly swallow it.

"Good boy, so good for me Lou" Harry says wiping my fringe off my sweaty forehead.

I smile slightly as I finish my mouthful, Harry then gently lays me down and kisses my forehead.

"Stay" I ask and my eyes slowly shut.

"Always" Harry says.

Then I'm out to the world, dreaming of my Harry.


Louis breaths even out and I just watch him sleep for awhile, so peaceful and innocent. I'm so lucky to have this gorgeous boy forgive me. I go to swipe his fringe off his forehead again and I notice he is very,very warm. I feel his forehead properly and he is definitely burning up again. I sigh as the pit of my stomach sends worry throughout my body and my protective side comes out. I get up off the bed and take our breakfast tray downstairs with me in the hopes I find Andy still around. I put the tray in the kitchen and see Andy and Niall on the couch chatting and laughing.

"I thought you guys were going on a date?" I ask smiling.

"We were but we decided we are both too tired and want to stay in and watch movies all day" Niall says snuggling into Andy's side.

Niall can be so cuddly and soft yet when he is at work he is all mouth and muscle. I'm glad I get to see both sides of him and I'm so glad he and Andy are happy together.

"Sounds perfect to me" I say.

"How's Louis?" Niall asks.

"Passed out, he ate half a pancake before he couldn't stomach anymore. I'm worried Andy. He is burning up again too, he is so hot to touch" I say.

Andy's brows furrow.

"I gave him something for his temperature, it should be a coming down by now" Andy says.

"He didn't eat very much either" I say concerned.

"That's okay H, he is sick so he isn't going to want a lot of food at the moment. The fact he ate is good enough. Unless he is throwing up, he should be okay" He tells us.

Suddenly Zayn's concerned voice sounds from upstairs.

"Harry!!" He yells.

I'm confused as I make my way up the stairs, I see Liam race out of Louis room.

"Its Louis" he says concerned.

Andy pushes past me and races to his room, my heart sinks when I enter. Louis is sweating a lot and his breathing ragged.

"We were coming downstairs when we heard him call out for you, he was still asleep when we came in but he wasn't breathing right so we called you" Liam says.

"Louis" I say sternly as I get on the bed next to him, trying to rouse him but he doesn't wake.

Andy is on Louis other side while the boys wait at the end of the bed. Andy takes Louis temperature and his eyes grow concerned.

"40.2" he says.

I start to panic, that's not good. That's high and dangerous.

Suddenly Louis stats choking in his sleep.

"Fuck, roll him over" Andy says and Louis is rolled over on his right side and he vomits all over the bed.

"Okay, call an ambulance" Andy says to the boys at the foot of the bed.

We all look at Andy completely stunned, he is always so cool and calm but right now he is worried and it's not good.

"Now" he snaps.

The boys get to it and Liam leaves the room to call.

"Louis, buddy can you hear me?" Andy leans down and strokes Louis cheek.

Louis vomits again and this time there is blood in his vomit.

"That's it Lou, get it out" Andy tells him.

Louis then begins to rouse.

"Haz" He wheezes.

"Yeah baby, I'm here" I tell him as I rub his back.

"I don't feel well" he tells us.

"We know buddy, we are going to get you to a hospital okay just hang In there" Andy tells him.

"The ambulance is on their way" Liam comes in to say.

"I'm scared" Louis whispers.

"It's okay Lou, we won't let anything happen to you, Andy is here he knows what to do" I tell him gently.

"Haz, I don't want to go without you" Louis tells me.

I lift Louis up bridal style and Andy removes the sheets from the bed. I sit back down on the bed and rest against the headboard, I pull him into my arms and rest him between my legs his back against my chest, his head resting on my shoulder. I lean down and whisper into his ear.

"It's okay, I won't leave you baby" I tell him.

"Lou, can you drink some water for me?" Andy asks

Louis shakes his head no and he whimpers.

"I know you don't feel good bud but could you just try?" Andy asks.

Louis nods and Andy brings a glass of water to his lips, he takes a few small sips and lays back on my chest. As soon as the water hits his stomach though he pukes again. Andy has a bucket ready this time, like he was expecting it.

"He can't keep anything down" Andy says, more to himself.

Two ambulance officers come into the room then, one male and one female. They see Andy on the bed and recognise him immediately.

"Hey mate, haven't seen you in a while, what have we got here?" The male asks,

He has dark hair and brown eyes with a slight beard, he looks to be in his early 30's

"Hey Scott, Sammy" Andy greets the two.

"This is Louis, a very good friend of mine, he has an infection, we have bee treating it at home for the last few days but today its gotten worse, temp was 40.2 about 10 mins ago and he can't keep anything down" Andy tells the two.

The both nod and walk closer to Louis, Louis grips my hand tighter and I place my arm around his waist in comfort.

"It's okay I'm here" I tell him.

Scott then reaches his hand out to shake mine.

"Nice to meet you mate I'm Scott" he says kindly.

"Harry" I smile back.

"This is my partner Sammy" Scott says introducing Sammy, we nod at each other and smile.

"And this must be Louis hey?" Scott says.

Louis looks at Scott and he is so lethargic it's scary.

"Is it alright if Sammy and I take a look at you Louis?" He asks gently bending down so he can see Louis face.

Louis nods his head slightly.

"Good boy" I whisper into Louis ear.

Scott directs his attention to me.

"Are you two together?" He asks.

"Yeah" I nod at him.

"Okay great, so you will come to the hospital in the ambulance?" Scott asks as he takes Louis limp arm and sticks a device over his finger measuring his pulse.

"Yeah, thanks" I say to Scott.

He smiles at me and nods. Scott then takes a thermometer while Sammy puts a blood pressure monitor on Louis.

Louis fusses and tries to push Scott away with his hand when he is taking his temperature.

"It's okay buddy I know it's uncomfortable, I'm nearly done" Scott says as the thermometer beeps.

Louis is starting to get agitated and restless.

"41.2 , that a whole degree up in 15 minutes" he says to Andy.

Things start to get rushed then as Sammy and Andy set up the stretcher for Louis to go on. Andy comes over and takes out Louis drip.

"His blood pressure is low" Scott says to Sammy who writes it on the chart.

He then turns his attention back to Louis who is breathing heavily.

"Okay bud, time to get you to the hospital hey" Scott says and Louis shakes his head.

"It's okay Lou, I'm coming with you" I tell him reassuringly.

I begin to move and Louis stands up while I get up off the bed, it all happens in a split second and he looks at me and his eyes portray how scared he is as he falls, I catch him in my arms but he goes completely limp, like a rag doll and it's so scary.

"Louis" I say my panic evident.

There is medical jargon thrown around the room and Scott goes to take Louis out of my arms, I grip him tighter though I don't want him taken from me.

"I need you to let Louis go Harry, I need to help him mate" Scott says kindly to me.

I look at him and nod my head as I let Louis go and Scott carries him towards the stretcher.

They lay him down and out an oxygen mask on him and then Louis starts to convulse on the stretcher, his body won't stop, a few more things are said and then Scott and Sammy are out the door leading Louis to the ambulance.

I throw on a blue T-shirt and jeans and grab my shoes and run after the stretcher,

"H!!" Andy calls me.

I stop to turn around to face him.

"Listen, I need to go with Louis in the ambulance okay, let me talk to Scott and Sammy and the doctors on the other end. I'll get him in my clinic and they won't ask questions okay...let me go with him" he asks me.

As much as I want to be with Louis I know letting Andy go and sort everything out is the right thing to do. I nod at him.

"I'll look after him H, I promise" he tells me and I thank him.

I watch as they leave down the lift with Louis and I let a few tears exasperated as the doors shut. I don't even get to kiss him good bye.

Zayn, comes up behind me and taps me on the shoulder.

"Let's go H, let's get to the hospital" he says.

"He will be okay Harry" Liam tells me.

I can't talk I'm so worried, Niall puts his arms around my shoulder as we make our way to the car, I hope Louis is okay. I take out my phone to make a phone call, I'm dreading it but it needs to be done. It rings three times before someone answers.


"Yeah's me"

Chapter Text


When I wake up, my head is throbbing and I feel so weak. I open my eyes and I'm met with a dimly lit room, there is a constant beeping next to me and I feel oxygen tubes in my nose. I search the room for Harry or Andy or one of the boys but they aren't there, the room is empty. I begin to worry, what if they left me, what if they sent me away. The beeping noise is getting louder, I sit up in the bed just as a nurse and my mum and Anne rush into the room.

"Oh Louis, thank god" my mum says as she brings me into her arms. I go willingly seeking the comfort. I want Harry though, as much as I've missed my mum.

"You gave us quite a scare sweetheart" Anne says joining in on the hug.

"How are you feeling Louis?" The nurse Ashley asks me smiling.

"I'm okay, tired" I tell her.

She nods and sets to checking my vitals and writing things down in a folder.

"I want Harry" I tell my mum and Anne.

They smile knowingly at me.

"He has just gone home to pack you a bag honey, he will be back really soon" Anne tells me.

"He promised he wouldn't leave me..... I want him" I say on the verge of tears.

"We know Lou, it's okay. Harry and Andy filled us in on everything and when we get home Harry can come and visit you whenever he can okay" my mum says.

"Wha.....what do you mean when we get home? I'm going back with Harry aren't I, you said I'd be there for the summer" I panic.

"Louis, with everything that's happened, We both think it's best for you to come home, we need to keep an eye on you" my mum says.

"No, I'm not a child, I don't need to be watched....I don't want to go with you, please" I panic.

"Calm down Louis, we are your parents and know what's best for you" my mum says.

"No, I want Harry get Harry now!" I yell.

"He isn't back yet Lou, just relax" Anne tries.

"I want Andy then, get Andy please I want.....I want" I say trying to breathe.

"I'll page Dr Samuels" the nurse says quickly exiting to get Andy.

"Just relax Louis" Anne says.

"No, just leave me alone, please....." I rasp out.

Andy then rushes into the room, I've never seen him in his white coat and scrubs before he looks intimidating.

"Hey there kiddo, just relax buddy. Harry is on his way" Andy says as he approaches the bed.

"I.......I don't want to go Andy.." I struggle to say.

He turns to my mum and Anne and he says something calmly to them and they nod and leave the room.

"Okay Louis, deep breathes bud, tell me what's happened" he says to me, sitting next to me on the bed and putting his arms around my shoulder to comfort me.

"They want to take me home with them, but I want to stay with Harry, I don't want to leave" I say.

"I need to cut Andy I want to cut please...." I say.

"Good job Louis, that's great work, now listen to me. Cutting is not going to help you deal with this is it?' It may help for a little while but we still have to sort this out don't we" he says to me.

It's true, I still have to face this, cutting will help me deal with it though.

"But it helps me" I say.

"No, it doesn't. Just relax and breathe okay. I'm here" he says.

"Harry wants to send me back home, he said he wouldn't leave me and he isn't here" I say wheezing.

"I know, he will be back really, really soon okay. He doesn't want to send you away I promise" Andy tells me.

"Just breathe and relax" Andy says and I start to calm down.

"Louis" I suddenly hear from the doorway,

Harry, thank good it's Harry.

"Haz" I say and the tears come then.

He runs towards me, dropping my bag in a chair and him and Andy swap places. He brings me into his comforting arms.

"Don't cry baby, I'm so sorry.... I'm here, I just went to get you some clothes I'm here now baby" he reassures me.

"They want to take me away from you, do you not want me anymore?" I ask scared of the answer,

"No, no, no Louis, no I'll talk to them, of course I want you with me baby" he tells me.

The tears are still coming as I try to calm down.

"Relax okay Lou, I've got you" Harry tells me. He hugs me close and rubs his hands over my back.

"You told them about.... the cutting?" I ask

"We had to Louis, we needed their consent for treatment" Andy says. He has taken a seat on my other side, rubbing my back too.

"Treatment?" I ask panicking again,

"Just for your infection, we needed to change the antibiotics, your temperature went up and you had a febrile convulsion, you are fine, but will need to stay for a week" Andy says,

I try to take it all in and nod at Andy. I snuggle further into Harry's arms.

"Please don't leave, me Harry. Don't let them take me yet. Please" I say as I close my eyes.

"Shhhhhh, it's okay. Just rest Lou, I won't leave" Harry tells me.

I close my eyes and I'm out again, my body is exhausted.



Once Louis is asleep Andy moves to the window and mum and Jay come back into the room. Louis is tucked by my side on the bed, his head resting on my chest and his hand gripping my shirt.

"Harry, we didn't realise how attached he has become to you" my mum says.

"He's not attached to me mum, we love each other,he was just scared I was going to leave him again" I tell her.

"Harry, I don't think it's heathy he is this reliant on you" Jay tells me.

"Are you serious?" I ask them gobsmacked.

Andy is standing by the window listening to our exchange.

"We think it's best he comes home now and not in two months when he is even more dependant on you" Jay says.

"He isn't dependant on me Jay. Did you even listen when I told you everything Louis has been through the last five years?" I ask trying to keep my frustrations at bay so as I don't wake Louis.

"That's why we want to take him back home, he will be going back to school in two months and we think he needs to get used to being without you, so he can cope when he goes back" Mum says.

"Okay let's get one thing straight. Louis's way of coping these last four years has been to harm himself. The boys and I have made more progress in two weeks with him than you both have over the last five years" I nearly yell.

Louis stirs on the bed and whimpers.

"Shhhhhh, baby it's okay shhhhhh" I stroke his hair and he falls back to sleep.

Mum and Anne stare at me speechless at our exchange. I sigh.

"I love him and I'm not ready to let him go, he has come such a long way over the last few weeks and I think going home will be detrimental" I say.

"Andy?" My mum speaks towards him.

"I have to agree with H Anne, Louis has come leaps and bounds with the boys and I. He has admitted he was bullied, told us about his cutting and we have even been able to stop him twice from harming himself. This infection is a setback but he is doing amazing. Our next focus is getting him to eat again. I think he should stay where he is to do that. Any upset could hinder any potential recovery. That's my friendly and professional opinion" Andy says gently.

My mum and Jay sigh.

"Okay, he can stay" Jay says.

"Harry, you are five years older than him, he is still so young and innocent. Please look after him" my mum says.

"Of course mum, he is my world now. I will do anything and everything for him" I say.

They both nod and thank Andy and I as they leave to go back to their hotel for the night. I look towards Andy.

"Thanks mate" I tell him.

"Always H, are you staying the night?" He asks.

"Yeah can you sneak me in?" I ask smirking,

"Of course" he winks.

He gives one more check on Louis and leaves us alone. I kiss Louis on the head and snuggle down in the small bed with him, holding him close.



"Don't even think about moving off that seat Louis William" Harry scolds me with a smirk.

"Haz, I'm fine I promise, I feel heaps better now" I say as Harry stands up to get us a snack.

We are sprawled out on the couch watching movies together. I just got home from the hospital, having the all clear from Andy.

"It doesn't matter little one, you are still recovering and I want you to stay in that seat" Harry says.

"But....I need to go wee" I laugh.

Harry then scoops me up bridal style and I giggle.

"Then I will carry you" he smirks.

I roll my eyes at him there is no use arguing with him. Harry sets me down in front of the toilet and I look up at him with my eyebrows raised.

"I think I've got it from here Haz" I laugh.

"Right, yeah, of course just. Call me when your done" he says.

Harry has been really protective of me the last week, I was so happy he convinced our mums to let me stay with him and the boys. I don't know what I would have done if I was made to go back home. Just thinking about leaving in two months makes me anxious, I finish up and wash my hands at the sink. I push my shirt up to wash my hands and my wrists are exposed, Andy removed the bandages yesterday and took the stitches out. The cuts are still red and a little nasty looking but okay for the most part. I trace my fingers lightly over the scars, I haven't had the urge to cut in three days, which is huge for me. I don't feel like cutting now, I'm slowly learning that it doesn't solve my problems. I have Harry, Andy and the boys to help me and having them close is such a huge relief. The scars though are still a reminder of why I'm bullied and why I'm hated so much. I'm too caught up in my thoughts to notice Harry has come back into the bathroom. He reaches out and grabs my hands in his.

"It's okay little one, I'm here" Harry tells me.

He reaches down and kisses my forearms, over my scars. His lips are warm and soothing and I relax.

"These are marks of bravery, and of how far you have come Lou. When you look at these I want you to remember how amazing you are and how you were so brave, you came through the other side Lou and you should be so so proud of yourself" Harry tells me.

His words mean so much to me, it will take a long time to fully believe them though, I'm trying my hardest though.

"I'm trying Haz, I am.... I promise" I whisper.

"And you are doing an amazing job Louis" he tells me.

I smile up at him and he looks back at me with so much proudness in his eyes. He leans down and gently kisses my lips. He goes to pull away but I pull him back and he chuckles into the kiss.

"Missed me huh?" He smirks at me.

I blush and nod my head at him. Harry smiles and brings me in for another heated kiss. He feels warm and cosy and his smell is so enticing, I reach for his shirt and grip it as I hungrily kiss him. I feel like no matter how many times I kiss Harry it would never be enough.

"Lou" his husky voice wines.

Before I can respond I'm being pushed into the bathroom wall, Harry's hands are like fire and are all over me. I respond with the same need for him, I want to feel every single inch of Harry and his muscles. I then get brave and fall to my knees in front of Harry. I make quick work of his pants and boxers and when I see his hard length spring free of its restraints I nearly come in my pants. Harry is huge and pink and beautiful and I want to devour him inside my mouth. So I do. I take Harry down like a champ and the moans that escape his throat keep me going. It's messy and there is spit everywhere but Harry is moaning so loudly and coming apart above me.

"God....Louis, I'm not going to last I'm going to come" Harry pants.

I don't pull off though, instead I suck harder and Harry comes hotly down my throat. I swallow his entire load. He tastes so sweet and I loved every second of it. I tuck Harry back in his pants and let him regain his breath. When I stand up to meet his eyes he looks royally fucked.

"Louis, that was amazing. Your mouth is incredible" he tells me pulling me in for a kiss.

"It shouldn't turn me on, tasting myself on your lips but it's so hot" he tells me.

I smile innocently at him before he pins me against the wall again and starts attacking my mouth and neck. I'm already hard from when I sucked Harry off. He makes quick work of my pants and goes back to kissing me. He then puts his fingers to my mouth.

"Suck" he says sexily and I do as I'm told.

He then slowly brings his hands down to my entrance and pushes in the tiniest bit and I gasp. Harry is looking me straight in the eyes and never looses contact with me. He slowly slides one finger in.

"Fuck baby, you are so tight" he groans.

It's a little painful as it's the first time anything has been down there, I whimper a little.

"It's okay, I've got you. Just relax baby" Harry tells me.

I relax instantly and Harry kisses me senseless. He then pushes another finger inside me and when the initial pain passes it starts to feel good. I gasp and my breathing picks up, it feels so good. I look Harry straight in the eyes, my mouth hangs open a little letting my small gasps of air escape.

"You are so beautiful so gorgeous" he tells me.

"Ughhhh" I say.

"So gorgeous like this....all for me.....only I make you feel like good for me baby" he tells me, his voice husky and so sexy.

" Harry" I pant.

"So good baby" he responds.

I put my hands on his strong biceps to steady myself.

He then suddenly brushes over something inside me and my knees give out. Harry puts his arm around my waste to steady me and hold me up.

"There it is...." He smirks

"Such a good boy" he says and I lose it.

I'm moaning and panting and I actually come untouched all over my stomach and the floor of the bathroom. I collapse in Harry's arms exhausted.

"Don't pass out on me again little one" Harry says, he is joking but I can hear slight worry in his voice.

I pull back off his chest and look at him and smile.

"I'm fine Haz" I say.

He smiles lazily at me and we go to clean each other up. When we are done we head back into the lounge room. Harry brings a bowl of popcorn and he hides something behind his back.

"What's behind your back?" I ask.

"A surprise.....but I need a kiss first" he laughs

I roll my eyes at him but lean in eagerly to kiss him. He then smiles cheekily at me as we get comfy on the couch again. He brings a packet of gummy worms out from behind his back and my breath gets caught in my throat.

"Oh my gosh, remembered" I whisper.

"How you used to steal them from my room all the time?, yeah I remembered they are your favourite. Well actually Zayn remembered first" he tells me sheepishly.

"Harry, thank you, thank you so much"'I say and lunge forward to hug him.

Even though they are just a silly packet of gummy worms, it means so much that they remembered they were my favourite. The boys took the time to remember that little bit about me.

"I love you Lou" Harry says.

"I love you too Haz" I say back in the comfort of his arms.

We settle back down and put another movie on and munch on popcorn and gummy worms.

I must have fallen asleep because I'm woken by voices.

"How's he doing H?" Liam asks.

"He's still weak and tired Li but doing much better" Harry says sounding pleased.

"That's great, has he eaten today?" Liam asks.

"Yeah just some popcorn and a few gummy worms I couldn't get anything else into him" Harry says, the tone of his voice turns concerned.

"Well hopefully he will eat dinner, I'm about to order it now, is Chinese okay" Liam asks.

"Yeah definitely" Harry says.

I'm still resting against his chest and I can feel his muscles flex and chest vibrate when he speaks.

I stir and sit up next to Harry.

"Hey sleepy, are you okay?" Harry asks me.

I yawn and nod my head.

"You slept for five hours Lou, are you sure you are okay?" Harry asks.

Five hours? Wow I must have needed it, I feel fine though no temperature just tired.

"Yeah, I'm just tired. I feel like I could sleep for a week" I smile.

"Well, let's get some food into you hey, Liam is ordering Chinese. Is there something particular you would like?" Harry asks.

I don't really feel hungry but to avoid the worrying looks and to appease the boys I'll eat.

"Um no anything is fine, thanks" I say.

I excuse my self while the boys are busing around and I head to my room. I'm not sure if I'll be sleeping in here or with Harry. Harry slept every night with me at the hospital but he might not want to do that, now we are actually home. I go to my bed and lay down and pick up my phone that's on the nightstand. I have a few texts from my mums asking how I'm feeling, I quickly reply and tell them I'm fine. I then see I have a text from Noah, we have been messaging everyday and he always checks in to see how I'm doing, we have become quite good friends.

"Hey Lou, Just wondering if you want to hang out tomorrow, if you're up for it"

I smile at the text, I really can't wait to hang out with him again. I go to text back and I remember how upset Harry was the last time I hung out with Noah. I figure I should go and ask him if it's okay before I respond. I walk slowly down the stairs to the kitchen and the Chinese has just arrived. The bags are all on the kitchen table and the boys are rifling through them hungrily.

"Oh, that's mine Z, I ordered the beef!!" Niall yells as Zayn laughs and runs off, Niall chasing him.

"I ordered two Niall here is yours" Liam laughs as Niall grins and walks over claiming his meal.

"Love you Li" he says kissing him on the cheek.

"So any more leads on this case Li?" Harry asks.

"Nope, nothing as of yet, we are looking forward to you getting back to work, we have missed you and your brain this week" Liam tells Harry.

"Yeah, I'm looking forward to getting back into it too. I'm not looking forward to leaving Lou though" Harry says.

Butterflies erupt in my stomach at his words, I forgot Harry was heading back to work tomorrow. He took an extra week off to be with me in the hospital.

"Hey Harry?" I ask timidly as I walk into the kitchen.

"Yeah baby?" Harry says.

He is dividing food amongst two plates and I assume one of them is for me.

"Um, you know how you are going back to work and everything?" I say.

"Yeah" he says, spooning some chicken dish on both plates.

"Well, Noah wants to hang out tomorrow with me, can.......can we hang out.... please?" I ask.

The other three boys head to the lounge room with their dinner, obviously sensing a confrontation and not wanting to be involved. Harry takes a deep breath and looks at me.

"Lou, I know you like Noah and he is a great guy, but at the moment.....until we are sure he isn't a target, I would prefer you stayed clear of him" Harry says calmly.

I sigh.

"I thought you would say that, it's just....he is the first friend I've had in ages, like, he actually wants to hang out with me. And I really like him" I say.

"I know kid, but I need you safe Lou, Stingers gang knows your name and I don't want you exposed to that. I need to know you are safe at all times.... so that means no Noah" Harry says.

I look at the floor and nod a little. I'm so disappointed, I want to cry. But I won't, I know Harry is coming from a good place, it's just so frustrating.

Harry sighs and hands me my plate. It's loaded with food and it makes me uneasy. We go and sit in the lounge room with the boys.

I sit with the plate on my lap and pick at my food. As far as I've come with my cutting and my emotions, I still don't have an appetite. I'm just not hungry and this greasy looking food makes me nauseous just looking at it.

I see Harry and Zayn looking at me and I feel pressure to eat.

"Lou? You okay bud?" Zayn asks.

I nod at him and pick up my fork. I eat a few mouthfuls of rice and once I know they are both satisfied and their attention is off me, I go back to just pushing the food around my plate.

When Harry finishes his dinner, he goes to take my plate back to the kitchen with his, he stops though and sighs when he sees so much food still left on my plate.

"Louis, can you please just try and eat a little more for me?" He asks.

"Haz, please don't start" I say back.

"I'm not starting anything Lou, you need to eat. You are still recovering and all you have eaten today is a handful of popcorn and some gummy worms" Harry says. He is worried and therefore is sounding annoyed at me.

"I'm just.....please, I'm not hungry Harry" I say frustratingly.

Harry takes out his phone and texts someone, he then leaves the room and doesn't say another word to me. The boys look at me sympathetically, I try not to cry and curl up on myself and focus on the TV. Harry doesn't come back, I'm starting to get upset and agitated, the voices start again....I'm worthless....I've upset Harry, he deserves so much more than me. I rub my wrists up and down and I mentally try to turn my thoughts around and stop myself from going to my room and cutting. a half an hour later there is a knock at the door. Harry comes out from wherever he has been to answer it and Andy comes into the room. Of course Harry texted Andy. This makes me more upset. They chat for a little bit and they both look at me from the front door, they are talking about me and I glare at them both. I get up off the lounge and head towards my room, as I'm walking past Harry though he reaches out and grabs me by the waist and pulls me into him.

"Hey, not so fast Lou" he says as I struggle in his grip.

"Let me go Harry" I yell.

"Just relax" he says.

He brings my back to his chest and his rm around my waist so I'm facing Andy.

"Hey Lou, Harry says you haven't eaten again today" Andy says.

"So, I'm not hungry. He doesn't have to call you every time I don't do something, I'm fine, just give me a break" I say lashing out.

"I understand Lou, Harry is just worried, we all are. Listen, when I discharged you today I had a talk with Harry about you eating. You are severely underweight Louis and I probably shouldn't have let you out of the hospital. We treat people with eating disorders who are your size, this is getting dangerous" Andy says back calmly.

The other three boys enter the room then, all looking worried.

"I don't have an eating disorder" I yell.

"I'm not convinced Lou" Andy says.

"I ate dinner, I ate rice, just because I didn't eat as much as Harry doesn't mean I'm starving myself" I yell.

" Lou, but can't you see how thin you are?" Zayn then says.

"Look, I've done you up a diet plan okay. It's a meal plan of what I want you to eat everyday. You need to gain at least 5kg to be back in your range limit that's healthy for you" Andy says.

This is all getting to much for me, I just need a break from everything and everyone. I'm starting to get sweaty and upset.

"I want to cut, I need to cut, this is getting too much" I say and Harry pulls me closer.

"It's okay baby, I'm here, it's okay" Harry tells me.

" say that, you say you're all here for me, that I can trust you all, but If I don't do what you want, I'm doing the wrong thing and I hate it,I can't do this" I say heatedly.

I'm rubbing my wrists up and down and my breathing is heavy. I haven't had the urge to cut this bad in the last few weeks. Harry keeps his arm firmly around my waist and is whispering things in my ear but I'm not listening.

"Louis, just relax babes, it's okay. We are all here for you. We want to help you" Zayn says walking over.

"We didn't mean to make you feel that way Lou, I'm sorry kid" Liam comes over to say.

Andy then walks over and grabs my hand gently, he then puts a rubber band around my wrist and snaps it back onto my arm. The sting catches me off guard and for some reason I stop struggling and I relax a little.

"Try this Louis, snap the rubber band back on your wrist, try it" Andy says gently.

I look down and grab my wrist and start snapping the band back, it stings and it feels good and I keep going and I relax, the urge to cut is slowly disappearing. I'm starting to hear Harry's comforting words and after about 5 minutes I'm relaxing against his chest.

"Good boy Louis"

"Good job Lou"

"Well done kiddo"

The boys all praise me. I fall then to the ground. Harry coming with me, the tears come then. Zayn reaches out and thumbs away my tears.

"You did so so good babes, so proud of you" he tells me.

"I'm sorry" I croak out.

"No sorry you never need to be sorry. We aren't disappointed Lou, we are proud of you. You need to keep remembering that" Niall says to me.

I notice all the boys are now sitting on the floor in front of me but I can't see Andy. Harry is stroking my hair and I m leaning back on him, so comfy in his strong arms. Andy then comes back into the room and I see he is holding a plate of something. Toast with jam on it, he hands it to Harry and Harry holds it in front of me.

"I'll make you a deal baby, you eat all this toast and promise to try our new diet plan for you. We will all help you, I promise. If you can do those two things then we will let you hang out with Noah, with rules of course but you two can be friends. How does that sound?"

I hate being bribed but being able to hang out with Noah would be amazing. I feel like a child but I'm done fighting, I'm exhausted.

"Okay" I say quietly.

I then pick up a piece of toast, it's cut into quarters. It's takes me 10 minutes but I finish all the toast. The boys beam at me. Harry is still holding me to him and we are still on the floor, but no one seems to mind.

"Great job Lou" they all tell me.

Andy takes the plate off me and I go to stand up.

"I'm going to go to bed" I say quietly.

The boys nod at me and Harry kisses my forehead and I head up to my room. I shower and change into my grey sweats and a black long sleeve shirt, I then slip into the cold bed by myself.
I don't know if I'm allowed to sleep with Harry and I don't want to make him more upset at me. I hate disappointing him. Instead of feeling like I accomplished something and again overcame the urge to cut, I feel like I let everyone down and now the eating side of my life is just another thing for me to worry about.

Chapter Text


"Fuck" I say when I know Louis is out of earshot.

"Yeah, now you have to come good with the Noah thing H" Niall says.

"I know, shit. It was the only thing I could think of" I say back.

"Well, good news is, Louis ate the toast" Andy says.

"Yeah, let's just hope he can keep it up" Zayn says.

"We just have to support him, like we did tonight. He responds well to praise and we just need to keep it up" Andy says smiling.

"Well I guess I better go make a phone call to Noah" I say as I take out my phone.

"Yeah, H, just make sure they hang out here okay and are not galavanting off through London together" Liam says.

"Yeah, I don't want them leaving the apartment together" I say back.

I go and make the call to Noah, he is ecstatic to be able to hang out with Louis, I feel so guilty. I don't want to keep them apart from each other, but Louis safety is so important to me.

After the phone call, I head upstairs to check on Louis while the boys all watch a movie. I walk into my room but don't see him curled up in my bed. I frown at the still neatly made sheets, I walk back down the hall to his room and I peak inside. It's dark but the moonlight allows me to see Louis curled up under the blankets. I wonder why he doesn't want to sleep in my bed with me, maybe he is still upset at me. It makes me upset that he isn't in my bed, I sigh and I wonder back to my room to have a shower and get into my boxers. Maybe I should go and hop in next to Louis in his bed, but then if he doesn't want me around he might get even more upset. I decide to just give him some space and go to sleep on my own. I toss and turn for a while, missing Louis beside me.


I wake up during the night to use the bathroom and I nearly step on top of Louis who is sleeping on my floor. This isn't the first time he has done this. I sigh, I don't know whether to pick him up and put him in bed with me or leave him. I decide he would have crawled into bed with me if he had wanted too so I just decide to leave him. When I wake up the next morning to get ready for work he is already gone. I dress in my suit and tie and make my way to the kitchen to see the other boys dressed and making breakfast. Louis must still be asleep though.

"Morning lads" I say as I walk into the kitchen, I start making myself a coffee.

"Morning H" they all Corus.

"Lou not up yet?" I ask.

"Haven't seen him mate" Niall says.

I nod and we get to making breakfast. Louis walks into the kitchen 20 minutes later with my oversized jumper and sweats on. He is swimming in the jumper but his sweater paws and bed hair make all of us 'awww' at the sight, he looks so small and adorable.

"Morning baby" I say as I walk over and kiss him on the lips.

"Morning" he yawns cutely.

"What time are you leaving?" He asks unhappily.

"In about 10" I say kissing his pout away, I then walk over to finish making my coffee.

"You look hot in a suit" he tells me staring.

Niall cackles and Zayn and Liam smile, I smirk towards him as he blushes like crazy.

"I'll be sure to leave it on tonight then" I wink at him.

Louis ducks his head embarrassed and I chuckle at him. I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist and kiss his neck.

"I love you" I tell him.

"I love you too" he tells me, his gorgeous smile creeping on his face.

I let him go and lead him to the stool at the breakfast bar. He sits up and his feet don't even touch the ground. I smile at that.

"Now, Noah will be here at 10. What would you like for breakfast" I ask him. Trying to remain casual.

"Andy thinks the best things for you to have would be, a scrambled egg, fruit or a piece of toast" Zayn says.

I look to Louis and he is thinking what to choose with a worried look on his face.

"Can I have an apple?" He asks.

"Well what about an apple and one piece of toast?" Zayn compromises.

"But an apple is fruit" he argues.

"Louis" Liam threatens.

Louis sighs.

"Fine I'll have two apples" he sasses.

I can't help but laugh behind my hand, I have to turn away. I shouldn't encourage him, he can be such a petulant child when he wants to be.

"Don't sass me young man" Liam says back a smirk in his voice.

Louis groans and dramatically places his forehead on the counter. We all smile at him.

"Fine two apples, all gone before we leave okay" Niall says as he cuts up two apples for Louis.

Louis lifts his head up smiling, while the other boys and I raise an eyebrow at Niall.

"What?? He's so dam adorable I can't resist giving in to him okay" he says defensively.

"You're the best Niall" Louis says and Niall beams at him as he hands Louis the apples.

True to his word Louis finishes both apples just as we are leaving.

"I'm going to miss you, call me whenever you like okay" I tell him.

He nods at me and we kiss for a while, I reluctantly let him go and we all head off to work. I'm hoping the day goes fast and I can get back to Louis soon.

Louis POV

The boys leave and the place is quiet, I'm tired but I'm feeling much better. I don't really know what to do with myself now though. I decide to have a shower and I then dress in my black skinny jeans and my usual black hoodie. Harry didn't say anything about me leaving the apartment by myself, just me and Noah together. Noah won't be here for another hour and a half, so I grab my skateboard, phone and wallet and I head downstairs. When I get outside the apartment, the air is freezing and it's overcast, typical London weather. I bring my hands inside my jumper to keep them warm and I begin skating down the road. I decide to go to the nearest grocery store, I want some more gummy worms. It's only about a 20 minute skate, I reach the store and head inside into the warmth. The store is big and quite busy, I grab a basket and I head to the first Isle. The isle is empty apart from me and a guy in a black suit, he looks familiar and we make eye contact with each other for a few seconds. He smirks at me and goes back to what he was doing, he pulls out a phone and starts texting. I am a little creeped out but shrug it off and continue to the end of the Isle in search of my gummy worms. The fourth Isle ends up being the one I want and I grab three packets of gummy worms off the shelf and place them in my basket, I notice the guy in the suit is now on the phone talking to someone and it looks like he is following me. I don't know if I'm being paranoid or not but I decide to walk around aimlessly for a few minutes trying to loose the guy, it doesn't work though and he keeps up with me. He smirks at me creepily when we make eye contact. I really need to get out of here so I quickly walk to the checkout, pay for my things and head outside the store. When I get to the carpark, I freeze. There are about seven guys all in suits and I recognise them from the guys the other day, the ones that hit me and threatened Noah 'Stingers' gang. Before I can run off the guy from the store comes up behind me and grabs my arms and pulls me around the corner to the alley, the guys in suits all follow casually. When we make it round the corner, he lets me go and pushes me against the wall, I turn around and I'm trapped in the alley by eight guys. They are all smirking at me, the one who I thinks name is Paul, steps forward.

"Louis right?" He asks me dangerously.

I just stare at him,

"Hmmmm boys, Louis here thinks it's okay to ignore me" he smiles evilly.

The guy who was following me in the store, comes over to me again. He grabs my arms and holds me to his chest with such force I drop my skateboard and bag of groceries on the ground.

"I'm going to ask you again and you will answer me this time, is your name Louis?" Paul asks angrily.

"Yeah" I say steadily.

"Well, Louis. I want you to relay a message to Noah, Jaxson and your brother Harry" he says smirking.

I can see the other guys behind him smirking and chuckling as well.

"I want you to tell Noah that Jaxson has forty eight hours to get back here before I come after you. I want you to tell Harry that if he and Niall and the two cops he is now working with, don't back down on this case and let me slip under the radar. Then I will come after you" he says.

My breath hitches and I don't know what to do, I'm scared now. I should never have left the apartment. Shit.

"And just to show them and so they know we aren't fucking around" he says and he doesn't finish his sentence before he rounds on me.

Two swift ring clad knocks to my face and three to my stomach and I'm on the ground. I then loose count of the amount of rough kicks to my sides and even one to my face he gives me. Finally he stops and Paul is hunching down next to me. He grabs my hair and lifts my head up.

"For your sake, I hope we don't meet again" he whispers evilly. Then him and his gang leave me broken in the alleyway.

I can hardly breathe and the pain is so bad, so much worse than a beating at school. I know my face is covered in blood and I can feel my lip is split open. I roll on my side but a pain shoots through my body and I nearly scream as I try to regulate my breathing and calm down. I lay completely still trying to make the pain stop. I feel myself becoming sleepy and I give in to the darkness hoping it will relieve my pain.


We have been in the office for a few hours, Liam and Zayn have been called to a job and Niall and I are waiting on any news as to whether it is related to our case. We have had two more witnesses come forward and we now know it's definitely stingers gang that's behind these murders. We are busy trying to get the case and evidence together to bring him and the gang to court.

"H, you seem agitated what's up!" Niall asks me.

I didn't realise I was tapping my pen repeatedly on my desk.

"Sorry Ni, I'm not sure, I just have an uneasy feeling" I tell him truthfully.

"It's okay mate, why don't you go get a coffee or something" he tells me.

I nod my head and as I go to get up my phone rings, Noah is calling me.

"Styles" I answer.

"Hey Harry" Noah's voice echoes the speaker.

"Hey mate, how's things? You on your way over to our place?" I ask him.

"Um well I'm here already, but Louis isn't answering the door" he says a little concerned.

Panic sets through me while I try to calm down.

"Um maybe he can't hear the door?" I say, hoping Louis is just upstairs and can't hear Noah knocking.

"Well I've tried to call him and I've been knocking for 15 minutes" he says.

"Okay, under the left side pot plant is a key, use it to open the door and go in" I tell him.

A million bad thoughts are running through my head.

"Are you sure?" Noah asks hesitantly.

"Yeah, it's not like him to not answer the phone or the door" I tell him.

Noah agrees and I can hear him fumbling around with the key and the lock and finally he is inside. I keep thinking Louis may have hurt himself again and is laying on the bathroom floor or something. His infection may be back and he might be sick. I shouldn't have left him alone.

"It's quiet, it looks like no one is home" Noah brings me out of my thoughts.

"Check the whole apartment, don't leave any room out" I tell him.

Niall comes over to my desk looking worried.

"Niall can you try and get Louis on the phone? Call his mobile?" I ask him.

Niall nods and sets to calling Louis.

"The house is completely empty Harry" Noah says.

Shit, where the fuck has he gone.

"Are his wallet and skateboard gone from his room?" I ask Noah.

There is silence on the other line for a few minuets.

"Yep it looks like it" Noah says.

"Well, hopefully he has just gone out for a skate or something, it doesn't explain why he hasn't answered his phone though" I say.

"I've called 8 times Harry and he hasn't answered" Niall says from beside me.

"Okay go ask tech if they can track his phone Ni" I say quickly.

Niall is up out of his seat in a second and heading down the corridor.

"Noah, can you stay at the apartment and let me know if and when he comes back?" I tell him.

"Of course Harry, should I go check the skate bowl?" He asks.

"No you stay there, I'll get patrol to go have a check at the bowl. I'll talk soon. Thanks Noah" I say.

"Anytime" he says and we hang up.

I call patrol, Lucus and Murdock are on again thankfully, as they know what Louis looks like. They agree to go have a check at the bowl for him and will call me back.

I really hope he is okay, something doesn't sit right with me. I hope he isn't hurt. I then think about stingers gang and what if they have him. Fuck....I really start to panic.

Niall comes back Into the room ten minutes later.

"Tech tracked his phone, but before they could get a location, his phone went flat" Niall says.


"Okay I'm heading back to the apartment, get a BOL out and I want Zayn and Liam home when they are finished at the site" I tell Niall.

"You don't think he has just gone out for some air?" Niall asks.

"No, well I think maybe he might have to begin with but something has happened, he isn't answering his phone and he wouldn't have given up the chance to hang out with Noah" I say back.

"Yeah, you're right. Do you think it's related to Stinger?" Niall asks nervously.

"I fucking hope not Niall, but my gut is telling me otherwise" I say.

"Shit, well let's find him Harry. I don't want anything bad happening to him" Niall says.

He then gets to calling patrol and putting out a BOL on Louis and Stingers gang.

We pack up and get ready to leave the office, I call Zayn and Liam and let them know what's happening.

"We will find him H, don't worry" Liam reassures me.

"We are leaving the crime scene as we speak H, we will see you back at home" Zayn says.

"Okay thanks guys" I say and we hang up.

Patrol then calls my phone and I'm hoping they are calling to tell me they found Louis.

"Styles" I answer quickly.

"Hey boss, witnesses have said that Stingers gang were at the grocery store on Marks Street and that Louis was there at around 9 this morning. Louis had his skateboard, he brought gummy worms and then left. We spoke to the clerk on the phone, he said that his cameras show Louis leaving and a member of Stingers gang leaving straight after him" Lucus informs me,

"Shit, are there any other cameras to the car park?" I ask.

"We are heading over now to check them out and have a scope of the place, we will get back to you" he says.

"Okay thanks, I want you guys to hurry, code three" I tell them.

"Sure boss, we will find Louis for you" Lucas says and hangs up.

I grip the steering wheel tightly and try and calm myself down.

"Niall if anything happens to him" I start.

"Don't go there H, let's just concentrate on finding him hey" he tells me. I nod.

I have never felt this useless or out of control in my entire life. I'm worried sick and I will never forgive myself if something happened to Louis. When we get to the apartment, Noah is sitting on the couch. I fill him in on what's going on and he looks utterly devastated,

"Harry, I'm so so sorry if anything happens to him" he says clearly upset.

"Noah, this is not your fault kid. We just need to find him okay" I tell him.

He nods and I go to making a few more calls. An hour later and it's dark outside, Liam, Zayn, Niall and Noah and three police officers are all in our apartment. Andy shows up once he has heard the news too. We decide that we need to get together a search party and head out to the streets to find Louis. Just as we are sorting things out, my phone buzzes for the millionth time in my pocket.

"Styles" I say angrily, I'm getting agitated with no new leads on Louis.

"Boss, the store was shut when we got here, we scoped the place out but Louis isn't here" Murdoch tells me.

"Fuck" I yell.

"Well where the fuck is he then?" I yell.

"We don't know, but we...we found a packet of gummy worms and Louis skateboard H, in the Alleyway.....and....and there was fresh blood on the ground" Murdock tells me.

My face pales and I drop my phone...fuck

Chapter Text


I come too a few hours later, it's nearly dark outside and I'm freezing cold. I gasp at the pain I'm in. I can hardly move. It's so hard to breathe as well. Tears stream down my face and I manage to move my head to gather my surroundings. I'm still in the alley way. I reach for my phone in my pocket and pull it out to call Harry, I'm probably in so much shit now. I try to turn my phone on but it's flat, fuck. The tears come then, I have no way of calling for help and if I spend the night in the alley, I'll be dead from the cold by morning. I panic, my body is so sore. Maybe if I make it to the grocery store I can use their phone and call Harry. It takes me ten minutes to even be able to sit up, a shooting pain goes through my chest and I whimper. I eventually manage to pull myself up on the brick wall and I am hit by a wave of dizziness. I grab the wall as my legs crumple, if I fall back down though I won't be able to get back up, my body is too broken. I compose myself as best as I can and walk slowly out of the alley. I reach the front of the store and of course it's closed. There is no one around and no cars in the carpark. I just want to break down and cry. I can't give up though. I know Harry will be worried sick, I'm probably in for another lecture, but I want Harry's comfort right now. I want his arms to wrap around me and tell me I'm going to be okay. I come to the realisation that I have to walk back to the apartment, I left my skateboard in the alley but I don't have the strength to go back and get it. I suck up the pain and I stumble my way back to the footpath in the direction of home. Every step is like there are 1000 knifes stabbing me, I have to stop and steady myself numerous times. There are no people around, obviously it's too cold to be out on the streets of London at dinner time. What should of taken 20 minutes to walk has taken me well over an hour I'm sure. I then see the front of the apartments up ahead and I could cry in relief. As I'm reaching the door, I'm overcome with an intense pain in my chest, it causes me to grab the lobby door for support and try to regulate my breathing. I hear a car to my right and manage to look up to see a cop car pull up on the curb and Lucus and Murdoch get out of the car. I've never been more happy to see them in my life,

"Louis?" Murdoch yells when he sees me, causing Lucus to look towards the door.

They both rush over to me and I fall, I can't stay up any longer.

"Shit" Lucus says as Murdoch catches me.

"I gotcha, it's okay I gotcha" Murdock reassures me as he holds me and picks me up bridal style.

I don't protest, I'm in too much pain.

"This is 215 requesting an ambulance to 2154 Midnight street London, male 17, requires immediate assistance" I hear Lucus saying into his radio.

"Let's get you inside kiddo" Murdoch says and he takes me Inside to the much needed warmth, my body starts shivering then.

"The ambulance is on its way, let's get you upstairs bud" Lucus says.

"Are you okay, do you remember what happened?" Murdoch asks me gently as we enter the lift.

I'm finding it hard to breath.

"It hurts, I can't.....I can't" I say struggling for breath.

"Shhhhh it's okay, just relax don't worry, you're safe now" Lucus reassures me.

The lift dings and we enter the foyer and Lucus opens the door to The boys apartment. Murdoch carries me in, It a complete buzz of activity and I can hear Harry yelling at someone.

"Harry" Lucus yells into the apartment.

I then see Harry racing towards the door.

"Louis, thank fuck" he yells.

He takes one look at me and I see his face pale.

"Found him by the front doors, he must have tried to walk" Murdoch tells Harry.

"Ambulance is on its way boss" Lucas reassures Harry,

Murdoch hands me over to Harry's comforting warm arms and I whimper.

"It's okay baby I've got you" Harry tells me.

He brings me over to the couch where the rest of the group are. Andy sees me first.

"Fuck Louis, shit H, put him on the couch" he instructs Harry.

Harry does and I wince as he puts me down. I want Harrys warm arms to stay around me.

"Louis, I need you to tell us what happened and where it hurts" Andy says as he takes my pulse.

I try to catch my breathe. Harry crouches down next to Andy and strokes my hair.

"It's okay, try to relax baby" he tells me.

"I......I went to get some gummy worms from the store............I noticed I was being followed inside and and when. I came out the guys who hit me the other day were there. They dragged me to the alley and told me that. If.......if Noah didn't get Jaxson back in 48 hours and if you didn't turn a blind eye to the case then ........then" I say my breathing spiking, tears leaving my eyes.

"Relax and breathe for us Lou" Andy says,

Harry swipes my tears off my cheek and looks me in the eyes, relaying all his comfort to me.

"They said they would come after me and it will be worse than this...." I finish,

"Son of a bitch" Niall says from behind Harry,

"Louis, I'm so sorry" Noah says, tears in his eyes as he comes over to sit down and comfort me.

"It's not your fault Noah, I'm....I'm sorry we didn't hang out" I say breathlessly.

Noah smiles at me.

"It's okay babe, I know you didn't ditch me on purpose" Noah says, trying to lighten the mood.

It makes me smile.

"Noah, we need to go and sort out some protection for you, we need you to come with us" Murdoch comes to tell Noah.

"Okay, yeah" Noah says, he looks at me apologetically.

"I promise I'll text okay Lou" he tells me.

"Yeah, safe k" I tell him the best I can.

"Of course babe" he smiles, he leans down and kisses my hair and leaves with Murdock.

The ambulance then comes into the room to look me over. I need stitches in my forehead, I have three cracked ribs and a bruised kidney. Andy assures them he can treat me here and there is no need to go to the hospital. The ambulance agrees and leaves us to it. Harry is absolutely furious and although he is comforting me throughout my check up, I can sense he is angry. I just want to cry, the last thing I want is for him to be upset at me.

Once the ambulance leaves, Harry goes to talk to the remaining officers in the house. Zayn comes over and wraps me in his arms like a big spoon while Andy puts the stitches in my head. It hurts but I won't complain. I just don't want Harry to be upset at me.

Eventually everyone leaves and Harry comes back over to me where I'm lying on Zayn.

"Hey little one" he bends down to say.

"Hi" I say croakily.

"How's about we get you Into a nice warm bath" he says.

"I'm so sore, I can't move" I whisper.

"A bath is a good idea, take these pills when you hop out and they will help with the pain" Andy tells us,

"Harry will take care of you kiddo" Zayn whispers to me.

I'm then being scooped into Harry's arms and he carries me to his bathroom.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask as he lowers me onto the counter so I'm sitting up.

"I'm not mad at you darling, I'm upset that you got hurt and I want to kill any one who thinks they can touch you" he says.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wreck your case, I didn't mean to get Noah in trouble, I didn't mean it I'm so sorry" I say as I let a few tears fall.

"Baby, this isn't your fault. You are the one who is hurt because of us. I well never let that happen again" Harry States.


"'re going to let Stinger get away with the murders?" I ask

Harry sighs and lifts my shirt over my head and I whimper.

"No Lou I'm not, but I'm going to keep you safe okay. We all will" he tells me seriously.

"Okay" I say to exhausted to argue.

"What about Noah?" I ask.

"We have gotten him protection, Jaxson too" Harry tells me.

I'm glad Noah is being protected.

Harry carefully takes my jeans and boxers off and he lowers me into the nice warm bath. He gets undressed too and slides in behind me, carefully wrapping his arms around me.

"I love you" he tells me.

"I love you more" I say.

"Impossible" he replies kissing my head.

"I'm......I'm sorry I worried you" I tell him sheepishly.

"Again, not your fault. I was going mental though Lou, I just don't know what I would have done if you....if they.....fuck, I don't want to even think about it.

"Me neither" I reply with a dry laugh.

"I'm sorry baby" he tells me.

It's silent for a while we just lie together enjoy being close to one another.

"Harry?" I ask quietly.

"Mmmm?" He hums into my hair.

"You owe me a packet of gummy worms" I say with a giggle.

Harry laughs a genuine deep laugh and I feel his chest rumble against my back.

"Darling, I will make sure I buy you a whole store of gummy worms, especially if it makes you feel better" he tells me.

I smile and curl further into Harry. Harry sighs before he starts talking again.

"Lou, you do know what this means though right?" He asks seriously.

"That I'm now a caged animal" I joke.

"I'm afraid so, you will have to come with me or at least one of the boys wherever you go" Harry tells me.

I sigh.

"That's okay, at least I get to spend more time with you" I tell him.

He smiles at me,he then grabs the washer and shampoo and conditioner and starts washing my hair and carefully washes my body. When the water turns cold Harry deems it time to get out. Harry gets out first, then carefully lifts me up. Being in the hot water was so nice on my aching muscles. getting out is painful though and I actually cry out.

"Aghhhh, shit" I cry.

"I'm sorry baby, it's okay I've got you" Harry says as he wraps a towel around me.

He leads me back to his bed and dries me off, then sits me on the bed. I'm absolutely shattered. He disappears into his wardrobe and then comes back out in a pair of white boxers making him look heavenly and if I wasn't so sore I would jump his bones. He has one of his shirts a pair of boxers and some sweats in his hands. He puts the shirt over my head, it's just plain black but it smells of Harry, it comes to mid thigh and swims on me and I love it. Harry hums in approval too. He then slips a pair of black boxers on that are far to big and the sweats just fall off me. We decide to leave the sweats off but the boxers on. Harry picks my up gently and lays me in his bed.

"Now you will be sleeping in here every single night understand, we can move all your things in here" he says proudly.

"Um are you sure? You don't have too, I'm fine on my own" I say.

I don't want Harry to think he has to protect me and that's why he wants me to sleep here with him.

"Of course Louis, I expected you to sleep in here last night, I thought you wanted too" he says.

"I do, I mean I did, I just didn't know if you wanted me too" I say looking at the floor.

"I know you've been sleeping on the floor kiddo, next time just climb into bed with me" he smirks.

I blush and Harry chuckles. He hands me my pills and helps me get comfy.

"I just have to go sort some things out okay" he says as he kisses my head.

"No!" I yell and sit up and wince, fuck that hurt. My breathing is irregular.

"Shhhh, baby, it's okay you are safe here, just breathe" he tells me.

"I'm scared" I tell him truthfully,

"How bout I get Zayn to come in for a bit?" He asks and I nod.

"Get Zayn to do what?" Zayn's ears must have been burning as he saunters into the room.

Harry turns around smiling.

"Would you mind staying with Louis while I go and sort out a few things?" He asks.

"Of course that's what uncle Z is here for" Zayn smirks.

He takes his jeans and jumper off so he is left in his boxers and T-shirt. He then climbs in next to me and we settle down together.

"Comfy?" He asks as he gently lays my head on his chest. I hum in response. My ribs are aching badly but my eyes are closing.

"Sleep baby, I'll see you soon" Harry says kissing my head.

Harry and Zayn exchange a few words and Harry thanks him before he leaves the room.

"What have you done to him babes, he has turned soft for you" Zayn laughs.

I giggle

"Got to sleep babes, I'll protect you" Zayn says, he kisses my forehead and his warm arms comfort me as I fall into a deep sleep.

I wake in immense pain.

"Ahhhhh" I whimper.

It's dark in the room but I can make out Zayn's body on my right, I am still curled up against him but Harry's body is lying behind me his arm around my waist.

"Lou?" Zayn stirs.

"Ughhhh, it hurts I can' hurts" I cry out.

Harry stirs then.

"Baby?" He says as he try's to comfort me back to sleep.

I'm breathing heavier and heavier and can't seem to relax.

"Louis, just calm down, Harry and I are here, we will get you some more medicine to make the pain go away, just try to steady your breathing babes" Zayn tells me gently.

I'm rolled onto my back and Harry is carding his hands through my hair.

"What do we do Z" Harry's is panicking.

"Is Andy still here?" He asks.

"Yeah" Harry says.

Zayn takes his phone out and sends a message to Andy.

"Okay babes, Andy is coming up just relax" Zayn says.

"I can't it hurts, please make it stop please" I cry.

I can't stand the pain. I feel like my whole chest is caving in and I'm so bruised, my whole body aches

"I'm sorry baby, Andy is coming just relax shhhhhh" Harry tells me.

I find myself becoming delusional from the pain. I try to move to relieve it ,but when I do it creates more. Andy comes into the room quickly.

"Pain?" Andy asks.

"Bad pain" Zayn says worriedly.

"Lou? Out of one to ten, ten being the worst, what's your pain?" Andy asks.

"Ten" I scream.

"Shit, Andy do something" Harry panics.

"Okay sit him up, we need to find another position that he's more comfortable in" Andy tells the boys.

Harry and Zayn slowly, help me sit up and I'm gasping for air as they do. A few positions later and I'm leaning with my back against Harry's chest, Harry against the headboard.

"Okay Lou, here is some more pain relief, I'll get you something stronger tomorrow" Andy says as he helps me swallow some more pills.

I lean back against Harry and I fall asleep exhausted in his arms.


Louis falls asleep again but I know it won't be for long.

"You okay to stay like that H?" Andy asks.

The position is not comfortable, but I will stay like this if it helps Louis.

"Yeah I'll be fine" I smile.

"I'll stay with you just in case he wakes again" Zayn tells me.

"Thanks mate, I appreciate it" I say.

"If he wakes again, just try and move him until he settles down, I don't have anything stronger to give him until tomorrow. I'll go out first thing" Andy says.

"Thanks Andz, sorry to wake you" I tell him seriously.

"Never apologise, I'm just sorry I can't help more" Andy says.

Andy turns the light out and we settle down again, Zayn helps me get as comfortable as possible without moving Louis

We have a terrible night sleep, Louis wakes every hour in pain gasping for air. We switch from me holding him to Zayn and back and fourth all night. By morning Louis is hysterical and we can't calm him at all.

"Just calm your breathing little one, you're making it worse" I say, holding him to my chest.

"Louis, Andy has gone to get you something for the pain, but you are going to make yourself sick buddy, can you try and relax for us babes" Zayn asks him.

"Are you guys okay in here?" Niall and Liam walk into the bedroom to ask.

"We can't calm him down, he is in so much pain but is borderline hysterical now" Zayn says.

"Lou buddy. I've brought you a heat pack for your ribs, would you like to see if that will help?" Liam asks.

Genius, Zayn and I never thought of that.

Louis nods his head and Liam places the heat pack on his left side where his broken ribs are.

"Just breathe Lou, I know it hurts but Andy will be back really soon okay" Niall tells him.

Eventually Louis calms down, he is exhausted and not all with it from the pain and lack of sleep.

"I need to pee" he chokes out.

We all look at each other fuck....that means moving him to the bathroom.

Slowly I carry Louis to the bathroom and place him in front of the toilet, this time I don't move I hold him up as he cries silently and pees.

My heart breaks for him, this is all my fault, I kiss his head and rub my hands up and down his arms.

"Harry" he breaths and I look down and there is blood in the toilet, Louis has just peed blood.

"It's okay baby, it's okay. Andy will know what to do, let's just get you back to bed okay, we need to get you settled, your body needs to rest" I say calming him down.

Inside I'm panicking shit, I hope peeing blood is okay.

I pick Louis back up after he has washed his hands and this time I pick him up like a child, his legs wrap around my waist and he buries his head in my neck. I thought this would have been uncomfortable for him but he seems to be calming down significantly. I bring him back into the room.

"Well that position seems to do the trick" Niall says.

"Just walk around like that for the next few weeks H" Liam smiles, trying to lighten the mood.

Andy then comes storming into the room, he goes to give Niall a kiss and a cuddle and then comes over to Louis and I.

"Hey Lou, how you holding up" Andy asks, Louis turns his head out of my neck to look at Andy.

"Hurts" he says weakly.

"This will help okay bud," Andy says. Louis nods and Andy swiftly jabs Louis in the arm with a needle, The effects are immediate and Louis falls asleep instantly. I lay him down on the bed propped up a little for his ribs and we all breathe a massive sigh of relief.

"Wholly fuck" Zayn says tiredly collapsing back onto the bed.

"That was one long night" I say.

"He should sleep for a few hours now, you guys get some rest okay" Andy tells Zayn and I.

We don't even protest and fall back on the mattress together and fall asleep.

Chapter Text


three weeks later and we are halfway through the holidays, It takes a lot of restless nights and comfort before I begin to heal, I feel much better now though. Noah and I have been hanging around heaps together and Harry and the boys are okay with it because there are two undercover police officers with us both at all times. I haven't cut in a month and I feel amazing, the rubber band is helping me a lot and Harry is always there to help me talk about my feelings. My eating habits are better too, I've put on 2 of the 5kg I'm supposed to and I still feel okay. There has been no sign of stingers gang either and I'm starting to hope they just gave up.

It's Sunday morning and all the boys are home, I wake up to find the bed empty and the smell of pancakes in the air. I get up and put on one of Harry's long sleeve white shirts and my black boxers and walk tiredly Into he kitchen. I really want to go for a skate with Noah today and I'm hoping Harry will let me.

I see Harry and Zayn on the bar stools eating in the kitchen and Liam and Niall behind the counter talking to them. It looks serious but then again, they are always talking about work or something. Harry senses me enter the room and turns his head to smile at me, he opens his arms up for me. I wonder over and crawl up into his lap and sink into his warm embrace. He chuckles and kisses my head.

"Morning sleepy" he says stroking my hair.

"Morning" I say.

"What are you guys talking about? You all look too serious for a Sunday" I say.

Niall chuckles and gathers me a plate of food together.

"We found another body Lou, drowned in the river. Another one of Stingers old gang" Liam tells me.

"Oh?" I say, inside I'm freaking out but the gang haven't come near me again.

"Does that mean you are going into work?" I ask pouting.

"Liam and Zayn got home a few hours ago, so yeah, Niall and I have to go in" Harry says kissing my pout away.

"Hazzzzz, but I haven't seen you all week and the holidays are nearly over and I just want to snuggle" I whine.

The boys chuckle at me and Harry kisses me on the head and smiles.

"I know baby, I'll only be a few hours though okay" he tells me.

I sigh.

"Come on babes I'll come and snuggle with you" Zayn says.

He lifts me up out of Harry's lap, I squeak at the sudden movement. He puts me over his shoulder and carries me to the living room. He sets me down on the couch and then snuggles me down into his side. He puts a blanket over us and we get comfy. Zayn puts on a movie and Niall brings In my food. A plate with one pancake and strawberries on it.

I sigh. I sit up and put the plate on my lap.

"Don't feel hungry today?" Niall asks noticing my hesitation.

"Not really" I say.

"Just try and eat as much as you can k" Niall says, he leans in and kisses my head and walks out of the room.

All the boys over the last few weeks have been very affectionate with me and I can't help but love the attention. I never got it at home and it makes me feel loved.

Harry then walks in to say goodbye with lots of kisses and promises to call me. About a half hour later, half a pancake and two strawberries, Zayn and Liam are half asleep on the couch. I take this as my opportunity to pounce.

"Z?" I whisper, knowing he is so tired from his shift.

"Mmmm" he responds.

"Can I go to the skate park?" I ask hoping since he is half asleep, he will agree.

"Nice try" he smirks and opens his eyes.

"Please!! Z I'm so board i haven't been hardly anywhere in three weeks please please please!!!" I beg him.

"Louis" he says scolding me.

"Please!!!!" I beg, not letting his tone affect me.

"Oh your such a menace. Fine....but I have a condition" he says.

"Anything!!" I say smiling back.

"You need to eat lunch of my choosing and get Liam to come with us" he says .

I huff.

"That's two conditions" I pout.

"Take it or leave it babes" he laughs.

I sigh and make my way slowly over to Liam who is sitting on the couch opposite us. I crawl onto his lap.

"Li" I whisper.

He doesn't answer.

"You're my favourite you know" I say quietly.

"I heard the whole conversation Lou" he chuckles and opens his eyes.

I pout.

"Please Li, please come with us" I ask sweetly.

"Am I the only one who can resist your cuteness?" He laughs.

"Oh come on Li, you know you are about to give in" Zayn laughs.

"Fine" Liam sighs out.

"Thanks Li you are the best" I say and kiss him on the cheek.

"Oi" Zayn says offended.

"You are too uncle Z" I laugh and kiss Zayn on the cheek as well.

I then run off and upstairs to get changed. I leave Harry's shirt on and put my black skinny jeans, my grey vans and grey beanie on.

When we get to the skate park it's pretty packed with older guys and a few girls. I go to race off towards the bowl when Zayn calls me back.

"Louis" he says sternly.

I look back at him and Liam confused. They are both in skinny black jeans and grey T-shirts with black jackets. They are both holding take away coffees that they insisted on getting on the way.

"You need to understand that we are out in the open and you need to make sure you can see Liam or I at all times. I know it sounds like I'm treating you like a child but Lou, this is serious" Zayn says.

I'm a little taken aback with Zayn's words, I'd somehow forgotten the seriousness of the situation.

" yeah... Okay" I say shyly.

"You can still have fun kiddo, we will be watching too. Don't worry, we will make sure you are safe" Liam tells me smiling.

I smile back at him

"Thanks Li" I say and I turn around and race off towards the bowl.

I see Noah at the top of one of the ramps and he beams at me, so happy to see me. We share a hug and I look over my shoulder to see Zayn and Liam are standing with the police officers looking after Noah.

I turn around and Noah and I start practising on the ramp, soon enough the crowds die down and two hours later Noah and I are still trying to perfect a few tricks when Zayn comes over.

"Guys, 10 minutes left okay, we need to get back for lunch Louis" Zayn says.

"Zayn......I'm not hungry please.... A bit longer?" I plead.

"Lou, you made me a deal remember, do you want kitchen duty again?" Zayn threatens.

He is serious and I know not to push him. I mumble something under my breath instead.

"Fine" I say sulkily.

"Good boy" Zayn smirks and walks back to Liam and the other officer.

"Man, you have no room to move!" Noah chuckles.

"Tell me about it" I sigh.

"Usually I'd say lets do a runner and go have some fun but under the circumstances, I don't think that's such a good idea" Noah smiles.

"Yeah, I would have run off ages ago, but it's not worth the lecture" I laugh.

Noah laughs

"Come on let's make the most of the last ten minuets" Noah says and leads me to the top of the ramp.

"First one to the other side owes the other a drink" Noah beams.

"Deal" I say.

As we are about to go down the ramp Liam and Zayn start screaming at me.

"LOUIS!!! "

I turn around at the sound of their frantic voices and I loose my footing, stack it and tumble down the ramp, just as a bullet goes straight past me.

Zayn is on top of me in an Instant and Noah is being whisked away before we even get a chance to say goodbye.

Liam calls for backup and we see a car speeding away down the road. I was literally just shot at, Noah and I just had a bullet fly past our heads, someone tried to kill me. Zayn's weight pushes down on me and I turn my head forward. There is a boy age all of about 18 lying dead in a pool of blood right in front of me. The bullet hit him instead of me, my breath hitches as I watch his body drain of blood. I hear sirens and police in vests get out of their cars and race towards us. Zayn hauls me off the ground keeping me to his chest with his arm around my chest. I can't take my eyes off the boy. The poor innocent kid who just got shot because of me.

"Let's get you out of here Lou" Zayn tells me.

I struggle in his grip as he tries to hand me over to another officer, I manage to escape their holds and race towards the boy on the ground. I drop to my knees beside him.

"I'm so sorry" I whisper to him. I grab his hand.

His eyes are blue, the same colour as mine, they are glazed over and lifeless. Zayn comes behind me to pull me off the boy.

"No!!" I yell, shaking Zayn off me.

Zayn kneels down behind me and whispers in my ear, his hands rubbing up and down my arms.

"Babes, we need to get you out of here, you don't need to see this Lou" he says gently.

"No, he died because of me, I'm not leaving.....he didn't deserve to die, it's all my fault" I splutter trying to hold my tears back.

Zayn sighs and gets up off the ground. I can hear him calling someone on the phone but I pay no attention. All my focus is on the poor boy in front of me who just had his life cut short, because of me.


Zayn's name flashes across my phone screen and I answer instantly. Our officers just got dispatched to a fatal shooting at the local skate park and Zayn's name on the screen has my blood running cold.

"Z? Is Louis okay?" I answer.

"Harry, look, Louis is okay......the was meant for him H"

"Fuck, Zayn, where are you now. Get him out of there please" I say worriedly as I motion for Niall and we get into my car.

"I'm trying H, he.....the bullet hit a teenager, same age as Lou. Louis saw the whole thing and he won't leave the boys side. He is dead H, but Louis won't move" Zayn tells me.

I sigh and close my eyes, shit poor Louis, this is the last thing he needs. He is going to be traumatised by this. I need to get him out of the bowl and back home safely though.

"Okay, I'm on my way Z, keep him safe until I get there please" I say.

"Of course H, won't let him out of my site" Zayn reassures me as he hangs up the phone.

We pull up at the skate bowl in record time, Niall and I race out of the car. Niall goes to talk to a few of the officers while I head over to Louis. When I see him my heart breaks. He is kneeling beside the boy, holding his hand. Zayn is behind him comforting him. I walk over carefully and Zayn sees me first, he smiles slightly and gets up. Louis doesn't even flinch, silent tears rolling down his face.

"Hey mate, he won't leave. I tried, I'm sorry" Zayn says.

"It's fine mate, how's the scene are we okay here?" I ask.

"It's controlled, the streets in lockdown, I wouldn't hang around though H, it was so close man I...." Zayn shakes his head, holding back his tears.

I reach out for him and pull him into my arms.

"Z, you kept him safe, thank you! You saved his life. Please remember that. He's safe" I tell Zayn, I'm so grateful he was with Louis.

He nods slightly and we pull apart.

"Get him out of here H please" he asks seriously.

I nod and walk over to Louis, I kneel down beside him and reach out to brush a strand of hair off his forehead.

"Hey angel" I say calmly.

He responds to my voice and looks towards me, he looks utterly broken, his eyes bloodshot and his cheeks tear stained.

"Haz" he says.

"I'm here, sweetheart" I tell him stroking his cheek.

"His name was Nick, he was 18, he was just skating....." He starts.

I pull him towards me and hold him to my chest.

"This isn't your fault Louis" I tell him.

"It was supposed to be me" he chokes out.

Fuck, no, I can't even listen to him say those words. We need to get out of here and home.

The crime squad comes over to asses and bag up the body, I take the opportunity to scoop Louis up in my arms and he wraps his hands around me and buries his head in my neck, his legs wrap around my waist and I start walking him to the car.

"I'm sorry Haz" Louis whispers into my neck.

"It's not your fault baby, just relax, let's get you home hey" I say sweetly.

We all pile in the car, Liam driving and me in the backseat with Louis on my lap straddling me.

"You okay bud?" Niall asks from beside us, he reaches out to cup Louis cheek as he looks at Niall blankly.

"I didn't want him to die" Louis whispers.

"I know buddy" Niall tells him smiling slightly.

We pull up at home and I take Louis upstairs to our room. I undress him and when he is naked I can't help but want to kiss away the pained look on his face and caress his body. I want to make him forget, if only for a little while. He looks me in the eyes, his blue eyes so innocent. I reach over and cup his cheek and lean down and press my lips to his, he hesitates for a split second before he is kissing me back.

"Let me help you forget Lou, let me make you feel good, let me look after you" I pull back to say.

His blue eyes look back at mine and into my soul, he nods his head.

"Make me forget Harry.....please" he whispers.

I lean in and slowly kiss him, when I use my tongue to ask for entrance to his mouth,he grants it and I lick into him. His taste is intoxicating and I find myself getting worked up, I can feel myself hardening. I push Louis down onto the bed and he goes without fuss. I stand up and take my shirt off and then my jeans getting more comfortable . I see Louis eyes roaming my body and I smirk, knowing I have him right where I want him and he is slowly giving me control. I lean in and kiss him harshly. He whimpers and I keep going biting his lip and pulling back. I can feel Louis is hard and I want to touch him so badly. But this isn't about me right now, it's about Louis and I have to be patient.

"Do you trust me Louis?" I ask him seriously.

The look on his face is pure innocence and I can see the love in his eyes. I love this boy so god dam much it hurts. It pains me so badly to watch him hurt and suffer, I need to fix it.

"Yes" he whispers, voice raspy and lust filled.

"Good boy" I praise and he preens and the complement. I love it when he gives his whole self to me, for me to take care of.

"I'm going to make you feel so good Louis, if it gets too much though I want you to have a code word and if you say it, I will stop immediately" I tell him seriously.

He nods.

"Words louis" I tell him firmly.

"Okay" he says.

"Code word is blue" I tell him. "Say it and I'll stop" i finish.

He nods again and I reach down and turn his body slightly so I can smack is ass cheek hard.

"Aghh" he hisses.


"Yes, blue. if is say it you stop" he pants out.

I smirk

"Good boy, so good for me Lou" I tell him.

I then get up off the bed and he whimpers at the loss of contact, I don't show it but I feel cold without his body wrapped up in mine and I'm quick when I get to the closet for my supplies. I come out with handcuffs, lube and a condom. Louis eyes go wide. I get back on the bed and put the supplies near Louis head on the right.

"It's okay, I won't ever hurt you" I reassure him.

I grab one of his wrists and put the handcuff around it, I then link it through the bed posts and finish by trapping his other wrist. Louis is now dependant on me, he trusts me and I am responsible for keeping him safe and making him feel loved and on fire at the same time. His breathing picks up and he looks at me worriedly.

"Code word Louis, I will uncuff you if it gets to much" I tell him.

He nods and this time I let it slide. I begin to kiss him again and Louis relaxes more, the kisses become sloppy and I bring my hands up to run all over his amazing body. I bring my mouth to his neck and bite and kiss and leave as many marks as I can. Louis is coming undone beneath me,I need and want him so badly. I make my way slowly down to his left nipple, as soon as I take it in my mouth his back arches off the bed and he hisses.

"Mmmmmm, so sensitive baby" I tell him and he whimpers.

I then move to the other nipple and flick my tongue over it and suck it in my mouth. The noises Louis make are already driving me insane.

I kiss my way down his torso, making sure I kiss his tummy and hips, then his thighs. I bring my mouth back up towards his length breathing heavily onto his skin. He arches his back off the bed.

"Ughhhh Harry" he rasps.

"I've got you baby, just relax" I tell him.

I can hear the handcuffs clicking as Louis tries to free his hands.

I then take his length into my mouth and take him all the way down, he tastes amazing and salty and I can't get enough. I hollow my cheeks and suck and lick and Louis moans and moans. I moan myself at his reaction, sending vibrations over his cock.

"Haz, Haz, I'm gunna....gunna" he starts and I pull off with a pop immediately.

He whines and writhes underneath me.

"You like that Louis, when I suck your cock?" I ask him dirtily.

He nods and again I smack his left cheek, harder this time and he whimpers again.

"When I ask you a question, you use your words understand" I tell him firmly.

"Sorry, yes I......I love when you suck my cock ughhhhh" he says breathing heavily.

"Thats my good boy" I tell him stroking his hard length.

I reach out and grab the lube from beside Louis head and slick my fingers up. Louis is still trying to break free of the restraints and I love it.he is so sexy, his sweaty forehead and hair stuck down. I want to wreck him so badly.

I slowly bend back down and start kissing him again, he responds all tongue and teeth, becoming exhausted but still ridiculously hard. I slowly ease one finger inside him and he arches his back off the bed.

"Ughhhh, Haz, ughhhh" he moans.

I kiss him senseless as I open him up, slowly moving to two fingers and then to three scissoring him open.

"Haz, please I uhhhhhh please" he pleads with me.

I smirk, I know he wants more, he needs more and I love I can make him feel like this,

"What do you need baby" I tease him.

"I......I don't know I" he says breathlessly.

I decide to put him out of his misery and hook my fingers and press against his prostate.

"Aghhhhh.....ughhhhhh Harry, ughhhhh, Harry" he practically screams.

"Mmmmmmm, there's your special spot" I tell him.

I bring him to the brink of coming again and when I know he is so close, I pull out. Louis whines and pulls on the handcuffs. I see tears in his eyes.

"No coming baby, not until I say you can" I tell him.

He nods and I smack his ass again.

" coming yet" he stutters out, I smile.

"Your a quick learner" I tell him.

I then pull my leaking hard cock out of my boxers and discard them on the floor. I then straddle Louis head and he takes my cock in his mouth, needing it nearly as much as me. He takes me down so well and his tongue and the little bit of teeth he uses drives me wild. He hollows his cheeks and bobs up and down taking me all in, there is spit everywhere and I pull off before I can come. Louis makes a pained noise and I look down and realise he has come. He came from giving me a head job. God I love this kid so much, he is my world. I turn back towards him and see a tear has slipped out and his running down his face.

"I'm sorry" he chokes.

"It's okay baby, but you know what this means?" I ask.

He shakes his head no. I smirk and then flip him over, so his bum is in the air and he is resting on his elbows, hands still cuffed. His amazing ass makes me moan, it's perfect.

"10 spanks and you will come twice more before we are done" I tell him as I rub his cheek.

Louis whimpers and sniffles.

I then lean in and lick a stripe over his hole, he jolts forwards with the cutest squeak.

I smirk and retract my tongue. I then bring my hand down harshly on his right cheek.

"Aghh" he says.

"Count" I tell him

"Onnnne" he whispers.

We keep going and when we get to ten Louis ass is nice and red. I don't give him a chance to recover before I'm licking and sucking his glorious hole again. I can't get enough of him. I moan at the taste and he moans back. I can see him getting hard again and stick my tongue further and further into his clenching hole, I bring up my finger and push it it along side my tongue making him writhe and whimper.

"Haz, aghhhhhhhh please Harry I can't" he says.

"Yes you can baby, come for me again Louis, come on" I tell him as I go back licking and sucking. I press his prostate again and he shoots come everywhere with a silent scream. God he is beautiful when he comes.

He collapses on his stomach, I lube up my aching, painfully hard cock and flip Louis back over. I then push inside him for the first time and it's absolutely amazing. More than anything I could have hoped for. Louis moans and is panting. He is so tight and feels so bloody good.

"You feel so wonderful Louis, so tight for me. Ughhhh God, I love you" I tell him hovering over him and kissing him messily.

"I love you too" he breaths out exhausted and wrecked.

We are a sweaty mess, our breaths coming out haggard and raspy as I pound into Louis tight hole.

"I'm going to come Louis, I need you to give it up for me one more time" I demand from him.

He shakes his head no.

"Yes baby, let me make you feel good, come on I know you can do it" I tell him.

His cock is hard again and I know he is near his release, he just needs encouragement.

"Haz, Haz, Haz" he moans over and over.

"I'm here baby, I've got you, come for me darling" I tell him.

And he does for the third time, shooting beautiful white ropes all over his chest and mine, I loose it then and come so hard I see stars. I release a pornstar worthy moan and ride out both our highs. I then collapse on Louis and we catch our breaths back. I instantly uncuff Louis and bring him into my arms.

"Oh baby, you did so so well. Good boy Louis, good boy" I praise him, helping him come back up. I think he dropped and I need to bring him up slowly.

I rub his back and his forehead and hold him safely in my arms. When our breaths even out I lay Louis exhausted body down and go to the bathroom to get a washer and clean him and I both up. When I'm done Louis eyes are more blue and I can tell he is coming back up.

"Hey there angel" I say as I swipe his hair off his forehead.

He smiles at me.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"So good....sleepy" he says and I chuckle.

I toss the washer on my bedside table and bring Louis into my arms.

"You were so good baby, so good for me....sleep now little one" I tell him gently kissing his head.

He is already asleep before I finish my sentence.

Chapter Text



I wake up screaming, the image of Nick's dead eyes and the sound of gunshots ringout through my dream. I look to my left for Harry, but he isn't in bed and I panic. I scramble off the empty bed and race downstairs. My heart is going a million miles a minute, I need Harry or one of the boys. The boys must of heard me because when I make it to the bottom of the stairs Zayn is racing towards me, Harry hot on his tail. I lunge for Zayn and he grabs me so hard, he brings my safely into his chest.

"Shhhhh, it's okay shhhhhh" he whispers.

"He's dead Zayn......I didn't even know him and it's killing me, make it stop please" I beg him.

"It's okay kiddo, I'll do anything you need me too babes" Zayn comforts me, holding me to him.

We stand in the middle of the room holding each other, Zayn comforting me. I see Harry slink back to the lounge room a slight smile on his face.

Zayn picks me up and walks to the lounge with me, Harry and the boys are all sitting on the couch. Zayn sits me between him and Harry but doesn't let Harry touch me. Harry understands that Zayn needs this right now. He brings me onto his lap, me straddling him and just holds me tightly.

"Fuck Louis, I was so scared we lost you kid, it was so close, I was so scared" he says and I can see his eyes shine with tears.

I hug him so hard and bury my head in his neck, he holds me tightly too him, one hand around my waist another behind my head.

"I'm sorry Z" I tell him honestly.

"I'm sorry too kid, I'm sorry this happened. It's not fair and I'm sorry" he tells me.

"If we had lost you Louis, I don't know what I would have done" he tells me.

"If it wasn't for you Z, I wouldn't be here, you kept me safe like you promised" I tell him.

"I just can't stop thinking about how close it was, I love you Louis, we all do. You are family, these last few weeks I've grown to love you like a little brother. I want to protect you and keep you safe and love you like a little brother should be loved. When I nearly failed at that, I nearly broke. I want you to know we wouldn't have known what to do if we'd have lost you" he tells me, tears streaming down his face.

"Zayn's right Louis, we love you and need you now you are in our lives" Liam says walking over and sitting next to Zayn hugging me too.

"Well, I can't be left out of this hug, uncle Niall needs one too" Niall jokes and comes over squashing us, trying to lighten the mood.

I giggle and Harry joins in on the massive hug too. We Pull apart and I settle down sharing a five way snuggle on the couch with the boys.

A few minutes of silence passes and I nearly drift off to sleep again, my head in Zayn's lap and my feet up on Harry. Liam's head is on Niall's lap and Niall's head on Harry's lap. When Zayn speaks up.

"Lou, you know you did promise me you would eat lunch of my choosing today" Zayn says.

Harry smiles and Liam pipes in.

"Thats true Lou, you even pinky promised" Liam says chuckling.

"Yeah but's dinner time anyway" I say.

Harry snorts.

"Well technically yes but we haven't had lunch, so this is lunch and I choose pizza" Zayn says.

"I'm in" Niall jumps up and goes to order the pizza.

I sigh and sit up.

"It's okay baby, you can do this Lou" Harry tells me leaning closer to me.

I nod at him then my eyes widen when I realise what I did, I look at Harry worriedly, scared I'll be scolded for not using my words. Harry smirks and leans closer to my ear, instantly knowing what I froze for.

"Just in the bedroom sweetheart" he whispers so only I can hear. I relax a little, his words send tingles throughout my body though and a fire to my belly.

He kisses my temple and I relax into him. He puts his arms around me and draws me to him.

"My turn for snuggles now" he says and I giggle.

We settle down but are interrupted by Harrys phone ringing. He reaches into his pocket and digs it out. He frowns and answers.

"Hi mum" he says.

I watch as Harry's face scrunches up and he frowns.

"How did you know?" He asks. I hope he isn't talking about what happened today.

"You can't be serious mum" he says angrily.

He then leaves the room to finish the conversation, Niall comes back in the room and sits next to me. We can hear Harry yelling from the other room.

"No I'm not doing that to him mum" Harry yells.

This is bad and my breathing picks up.

"He is safe here!!" Harry is angry now.

I go to move off the couch and go to Harry but Niall and Zayn stop me.

"Just wait babes" Zayn says grabbing my wrist.

"Let Harry talk it out" Niall reassure me.

"I....I don't like it when he yells" I say timidly.

"It's okay, Harry isn't mad at you, bud" Liam says.

The doorbell rings and Niall goes over to pay for the pizza and he brings the four pizzas back to the coffee table and sets them down. The smell makes my stomach grumble, the boys try to take my mind off Harry and whatever he is talking about by making me eat pizza. Zayn eats with me at my pace which is slow but he doesn't seem to mind. I finish two pieces and I don't want any more.

"I'm done....please I'm done" I tell them.

"That was a good effort Lou!" Niall says ruffling my hair.

"Yeah well done kiddo" Liam says.

I smile back at them and Zayn is beaming at me. Soon enough Harry comes back into the room looking angry as hell. He sits down on the couch and reaches for his pizza. He doesn't sit next to me and he doesn't acknowledge me, instead he broods in silence and the boys are wise enough to leave him alone. I get sick of the silence and I decide to go have a shower and hop into bed, hopefully having a nightmare free sleep.

"I'm.....I'm going to go to bed" I say shakily and I stand up.

"Did you eat?" Harry asks, his voice a little cold.

"Yeah two pieces" I say proudly.

I see a small smile make its way on to Harry's lips.

"Well done" he tells me, only catching my eye for a brief moment before looking away.

"Um....thanks?" I say as more of a question but I don't want an answer, I can see Harry is upset.

"I'll just leave you alone, I......I can sleep in the the other room if you want" I say quietly not wanting to anger Harry even more.

"No!" He shouts and I jump.

"Sorry, no please don't.... I need you tonight" he says and rubs his hands over his face.

"Is, everything okay H?" Liam asks.

Harry sighs.

"No, not really, mum.....mum and Jay want you back home Lou, after today, which they found out about. They want you home, said you're safer there" Harry says defeated.

I start breathing harder.

"But you, you said no right?, that I'm staying with you right?" I say, knowing the answer.

"Baby, I tried, I did but, legally I can't do anything. You are still 17 and I can't let you stay or I will get into trouble" Harry says.

"But....but....mum wouldn't do that, she wouldn't report you" I say panicking.

Harry looks at me with so much sorrow.

"If you aren't on the train home tomorrow night, they will be reporting me" Harry says.

"No!" I yell, the tears start then

"I don't want to go back Harry, PLEASE DONT MAKE ME" I yell

"Do they not realise that Stinger is still out there Harry?" Niall asks incredulously.

"Exactly, we are the ones that will be able to keep Louis safe!" Liam says.

"If he goes home, it will be unprotected Harry" Zayn says, his anger getting the better of him.

"I know all of this. But my career is on the line. I can be taken to jail for kidnapping" Harry says sympathetically.

"We know H, we know. This isn't your fault, we know you have no choice" Liam tells Harry.

"I'm scared Harry, I can't do this alone, I'm scared and I don't want stinger to find me" I say my breathing picking up.

Harry instantly stands up and wraps me in his arms.

"I won't let him find you, Lou" Harry tells me.

"But I won't have you" I say brokenly.

We hold each other, just breathing each other in. This is so unfair, can't my parents see this is the wrong thing for both of us. I know they only want what's best for me but how can they think this is it, especially after they were the ones who sent me away in the first place. I don't want to go back, I'm scared I'm going to fall back into cutting, I don't want to go backwards. I'm going to miss the boys and Andy so so much. I know Harry has no choice in this and the last thing I would want is for him to get into trouble.

The boys all join in on the hug and we stand in the lounge room together for god knows how long. I already feel myself slipping, I'm not sure how to cope with this. We all end up camping out in the lounge room on the floor together on mattresses and blankets. We fall asleep knowing it's the last night I will be staying here and it's absolutely gutting. I don't sleep though, instead I lie awake trying to make a mental note of what Harry's arms feel like around me, what he smells like, what he looks like when he sleeps. I need these things in my mind so when I'm alone and lonely I can think of him and remember. I cry tears of frustration and sadness silently all night and I hate this feeling. I'm trying not to go back to the past but it's so hard. When I do eventually shut my eyes, I'm awake half an hour later after another nightmare of Nick. Harry wraps his arms tighter around me and I feel safe again. What am I going to do when he isn't around anymore, I love him so much.

When morning comes I sneak out of the lounge room while the boys are all sleeping and I open the sliding door to the tiny balcony the boys have, I sit outside in the cold in just my boxers and Tshirt. It's freezing but I pay no mind to it, instead concentrating on just watching the traffic go by below, watching the sky and listening to the busy sounds of London. I don't know how long I sit outside for, I'm Interrupted though.

"Morning kiddo, how you doing?" Zayn asks as he comes and sits next to me. He puts his legs through the balcony like mine, letting them dangle too. He takes out a cigarette and lights it, taking a drag.

I shrug my shoulders at him.

"It's okay to not be okay you know" Zayn tells me. We don't look at each other just out at the city.

"It doesn't matter though does it Z, it doesn't matter how I feel, I can't change anything. It is what it is and I have to find a way to deal" I say.

Zayn passes me his smoke and I'm thankful and take a drag before I'm passing it back.

"Why do I get the feeling that you are getting ready to push us all away" he asks me.

We continue to pass the smoke back and forth.

"Because it's easier" I tell him.

"Well we are not going to loose you Louis, I won't let that happen kid" Zayn says.

He finishes the smoke, throws it over the edge and turns to me. He gets up off the ground, places a kiss to my head where he lingers a little and then he walks back inside. Andy then makes an appearance once Zayn is inside.

"Thought you had snuck off again" Andy says smiling as he sits down next to me.

"Was thinking about it" I tell him truthfully.

"What about the blade?" He asks me. Normally I would get upset at the invasive question but I don't feel like that anymore with Andy.

"Yeah, a lot.....I don't want to do it though" I tell him.

"I'm glad Lou, I want you to know I'm only a phone call away when your thoughts get too much, okay" he tells me.

"I know, I want you to know that I trust you and I'm actually thankful you found out my secret. I couldn't have done any of this without you Andy" I say tearing up.

Andy pulls me into my arms and hugs me tightly.

"I love you kid, you know that right" he tells me.

I nod and he kisses my head, we sit there for a little longer before Niall and Liam come out with a jumper for me. Andy gets up, kisses Niall and walks back inside. Liam and Niall sit down, one on either side of me. Niall pulls the jumper over my head, not letting me protest.

"I don't want you to go Lou" he says sadly.

"I don't want to go either" I tell him.

"I never got to take you to the best burger shop in London, I wanted to change your mind about burgers" he says smiling.

"I lied" I tell him smiling.

"You lied?" Liam questions.

"Yeah, I love burgers, I just didn't want to eat one" I say.

"Louis William, all this time!!" Niall cackles.

"Well you will have to come back and visit Lou, we will take you then" Liam says,

"I think I'd like that" I smile.

The boys move closer and we snuggle together on the balcony. Just watching the world, lost in our thoughts.

"Can I interrupt?" Harry's voice asks from behind us.

"If you must" Liam says chuckling.

Nial and Liam both stand up and walk back inside and Harry closes the door and comes and sits next to me, he pulls me onto his lap and I can't stop the sob that escapes me.

"Shhhhhhhhh" Harry says rocking me back and forth,

"It's not fair, I don't want to leave you. I love you" I hiccup.

"I love you too Louis. I will never stop" Harry tells me.

"I'm not 18 for another eight months Haz, I don't want to wait that long. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to cut but I so badly do and I don't want to leave, I feel like I'm suffocating" I tell Harry truthfully.

"I can help you breathe, I know it's going to be hard but I will come visit when I can, we can talk on the phone whenever you want, whatever time it is. We will get through this, I promise" Harry tells me. I just rest my head in his chest and breathe him in. I let him comfort me, I never want to leave his arms again.

The afternoon is spent with little words but lots of hugs from the boys and especially Harry. The train station is packed when we get there and as I hug the boys goodbye we all shed tears. When it's time to say goodbye to Harry, I loose it and break down completely in his arms again.

"Shhhhhh, baby it's okay. I will call you everyday and come visit on my days off. I promise on my life Lou" he tells me.

"What if you leave me again, I don't want this Harry" I tell him completely wrecked.

"I will never ever leave you again little one. You are mine and I will fight for you. I'm here and I will always be here" he tells me with such conviction.

"I love you, I'm going to miss you so much" I tell him.

He pulls me tighter against him.

"I love you too baby, I will miss you more than you can imagine" he tells me.

Zayn ends up prying me off Harry and walking me to the train. I hug him goodbye and I step on the train. I find my seat against the window where I can see the boys. The boys wave me goodbye and I watch as they become smaller and smaller and then completely out of site. I let the tears keep falling. I feel empty and alone and it's so quiet yet there are so many people on the train.

You're pathetic crying on a train, what a baby.

Harry won't call you, he probably said your parents wanted you home but really he didn't want to deal with you anymore.

You're worthless.

The voices are back and I don't want to deal with this, I start snapping the rubber band on my wrist over and over. It settles me a little and I rest my head on the train window and close my eyes. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I take my phone out. It's a message from Harry.

"I love you little one, be good" it reads.

I close my eyes and lean on the window, I can't bring myself to respond, I have to learn how to deal without Harry now.



It's been a week since Louis left and I can't get the image of his broken eyes in the window of the train as he was taken from me. I feel numb, the house is so quiet and there is an unsaid tension and depression that has settled over the boys and I. Louis being in our lives for all those weeks has changed us and none of us even realised how much until he left. Zayn is handling it quite bad as well and has been more cranky and anxious. He is constantly asking if I've spoken to Louis and is trying to organise a guard outside our mums house.

Louis hasn't really spoken to me in the last week, I wanted to let him have his space but it's killing me, he is pulling away and I'm so worried about him. He has been answering my texts with one answer responses and I just hope he hasn't gone backwards. I've spoken to Andy and he has told me to make sure I keep communication up no matter what, he said he understands where our parents were coming from, but is also worried about Louis recovery. He checks in daily with me too. Niall and Andy have decided to move in together and Andy has been moving his things over this last week. Niall and him now share a room and I'm so happy for them both and having Andy around will be great.

It's Sunday night and Liam and Zayn have just gotten home from work. We all decide to give Louis a call together and gather on the couch and put the phone on speaker. It goes straight to message bank when I call his mobile, I call mum and Jay on the house phone and mum picks up.

"Hey mum" I say.

I'm still upset at mum and Jay and I haven't really been talking to them. I think they are being really selfish and unfair. I don't think they have Louis best interests at heart.

"Hey Love, how are you?" She says sounding tired.

"Okay,'s Louis doing?" I ask.

"Um, yeah great. He is doing great" she says. I know she is lying.

"Mum" I say sternly.

She sighs.

"He hasn't come out of his room much in the last week, he's not talking to us Harry. He's not eating much again and I've.....I've heard him at night, I think he is having nightmares but he won't talk about it and he won't let me comfort him" she tells me defeated.

"Shit, mum, he needs to come back here" I say angrily.

"I.....Harry, but what happens when you decide you've had enough, that your board of a 17 year old? How will he cope then. He is back at school on two weeks and then what? He has to come home then anyway. He needs to cope without you" she tells me.

I'm gobsmacked, I can't believe she suggested I would get board of Louis, I'm so angry right now. I clench my teeth and take a deep breath before I say something I will regret.

"Put Louis on the phone" I tell her.

She sighs and I hear shuffling, the boys look at me sympathetically. They know me, they know this is all bullshit.

We can hear my mum walking and then we hear yelling, Jays voice echoing through the phone.

"Just eat a god dam meal Louis" she screams at him.

"I'm not hungry" Louis says back timidly.

"You are being so selfish Louis, how do you think this is making your mother and I feel huh?" Jay yells.

Louis is silent.

"You are on drugs again aren't you? Do I have to go snooping around your room again, is that what I have to do Louis" she yells angrily.

"It's not like you believe what I say anyway, why should I even bother defending myself" Louis yells back.

He sounds so broken and his voice cracks.

"Why would I believe anything that comes out of your mouth, all you do is lie. I bet you have been using the blade again,I found new razors in your room Louis, we aren't stupid" Jay says.

My breath hitches and the boys and I all look at each other worriedly. This is not good. My heart aches for Louis.

"What do you care anyway" Louis spits back.

"You are just so god dam selfish Louis and I don't know what to do anymore, your killing yourself and why? Because you can't see Harry anymore? Because he walked out of your life five years ago? Don't you see how stupid you are being? Don't you see that you need to be here, without him, you need to learn to deal with this yourself Louis" Jay tells him firmly.

We then hear footsteps and Anne and Jay talking quietly, Louis must have left the room. We hear more shuffling and then my mum talking to Louis on the other end.

"Louis" she calls.

There is no response.

"Louis, sweetheart Harry is on the phone he wants to talk to you" she says.

Louis doesn't reply and my heart sinks.

"Louis William, this has got to stop. Your mother and I are sick and tired of this attitude of yours. Grow up and stop acting like a petulant child. Talk to Harry before I ban you from seeing him again" my mum yells.

We are all stunned, Louis doesn't need to be yelled at like this, he deserves better than this. My chests aches for him and I for the first time in years, feel like crying. I'm brought out of my thoughts by Louis angelic gorgeous voice and it sends goosebumps all over my body.

"Hello" he says quietly, he sounds tired.

"Hey Angel" I say back.

"Hi" he replies again.

The boys all chime in then, saying their hellos

"Hi" Louis says back.

"We miss you kid" Zayn tells him.

Louis sighs on the other end.

"I.....I miss you guys too" he says and I can tell he is on the verge of tears.

"So mum tells me you haven't really been eating much and haven't left your room, are you okay Lou?" I ask.

Louis sighs and we can hear him breathing heavily on the other end.

"No Harry I'm not okay....... I don't even know why I'm here, I just get yelled at, I'm alone all day and most nights, when mum and Anne work. I'm too scared to leave the house in case I'm shot dead and I have no desire to eat. I don't want a lecture right now, I'm sorry....I just want to be left alone" he says brokenly to me.

"Baby I'm so sorry" I tell him.

"Louis, so you're left at home alone all day?" Zayn asks worriedly.

"Yeah, like usual and nights if they work nights and sleep all day" Louis responds tiredly.

"You shouldn't be left alone, I'm trying my hardest to get you a guard, but Doncaster aren't being very cooperative." Zayn finishes.

"Don't bother uncle Z, school starts in two weeks and a guard will just ad one more thing to the shit pile of reasons why I'll get beaten up" Louis says.

"Louis, Harry and I have spoken to the school, those boys have been moved from your classes and aren't allowed near you, if they do come near you they will be having a visit from Harry and the police" Andy tells Louis.

"Okay" is all Louis says.

"I'm coming down in three weeks to see you Louis okay. Three weeks and I'll be there" I tell him.

I hear sniffling on the other end of the phone, Niall has his own tears in his eyes listening to Louis, Liam has is head in his hands, Zayn looks like he is about to loose his shit and throw the phone across the room and Andy just looks worried.

"Mum.....keeps telling me I'm too attached to you and the boys, she told me I need to grow up and deal with my life myself, that I'm selfish for self harming. That you will probably get board of me cause I'm only 17. That I need to distance myself from you because I shouldn't rely on you......I can't do this anymore Harry, it's too hard" he says brokenly.

"Don't you listen to them Louis, don't you dare push me away" I tell him.

"You will leave me again Haz and I can't deal with it now, what happens when it's a few years down the track and I'm even more in love with you, if that's even possible, I can't" he says.

"I love you Louis, I'm here, I will always be here I promised you that and I don't go back on my promises. Mum and Jay have no idea what they are talking about" I tell him angrily.

"My chest hurts so bad Harry, I feel so alone and I hate it, I don't want this, but no one listens" Louis yells upset.

"We are listening kid, we are and we will try and sort this out. I want you to remember you are stronger than those bad thoughts Lou, you can do this and we are here. I know it's hard, but I need you to promise me that you will try to stay away from the blade. For us Louis please" Andy speaks to Louis, I see him wipe a stray tear off his cheek.

"I can't, I just can't" Louis sobs.

"You can, yes you can" Niall tells him.

"Promise, just try for us Louis please" Zayn begs him.

"We know you can do it kid, we believe you can do it" Liam tells him.

"I have to go" Louis responds.

"We love you Louis" the boys all say.

"Bye Little one" I tell him

Then there is a click, Louis has ended the call.

We sit in silence for ages, just thinking, this is fucked. Completely shit. Zayn throws a couch cushion and heads up to his room. Liam goes after him.

"Don't give up on him H, he needs you now more than ever, just show him you won't give up" Andy says to me.

"I will, I'm not letting him go ever again" I say,

I get up and head to the shower. I'm determined to show Louis I'm not leaving him, that he can trust and rely on me"

Chapter Text


Two weeks goes by too fast. Two weeks of lectures about how selfish I'm being, two weeks of being alone, two weeks of trying not to go back to the blade. I've been successful in that so far but I don't know how long that will last. I've allowed myself texts to Harry but no calls, the boys have been texting me too and I'm grateful but I still need to keep myself at a distance. I haven't slept in nearly three weeks, an hour or two here and there. I'm haunted with gunshots and dead eyes and blood every time my eyes shut, so I've been staying awake as much as I can. I'm exhausted and ready to give up but something is stopping me.

Im standing in front of the mirror on Monday morning. I've washed my hair die out and taken my eyebrow ring out. My hair is brown and feathery now, I like the change. I put on my black skinny jeans, they are getting to be too big again but I could care less. I then put Harry's white long sleeve sweater on, I stole it from his room and I hug it every night. I need his smell and comfort with me today on my first day of my final year at school. I grab my bag and head to the front door. Mum and Anne are at work so I don't need to pretend I've eaten breakfast. I head out the door and I'm instantly met with a chill, I don't take much notice though, I deserve the pain from the cold. I put my headphones in my phone and turn my music on and begin the short walk to school. My music is Interrupted by a text, I pull my phone out of my pocket and Harry's name flashes across the screen.

'Have a great day today baby, remember that I love you' it says.

I don't respond but smile a little on the inside. When I reach the school my heart rate picks up and I have to stop myself having a panic attack as I walk to my usual locker. As usual no one greets me or talks to me but I don't mind, it's better than being picked on. I make it to my locker, put in the combination and pull out my schedule for this year. I swap my books around and place my backpack inside my locker. I have maths and then science, I'm already dreading this year. I sigh, I'm about to close my locker when it is slammed shut from behind me. My stomach does a flip as I turn around and see my three bullies standing in front of me. A crowd has already gathered, I have been here less than 10 minutes and my torment has already started. I knew Harry and Andy couldn't fix this.

"Good break Lou?" Sam asks sarcastically. His stupid red hair falling over his brown eyes, he must have been working out over the break, he is definitely more muscly and I swallow thickly at the thought of what he could do to me.

"Yah, heard your parents didn't want you, so they sent you away to live with your brother" Seth says laughing, blue eyes shining evilly at me. Seth isn't as big as Sam but definitely stronger than me.

"But your big brother didn't want you either did he little Lou? Cause he sent you back didn't he, not before threatening us though right" James spits at me. He has brown hair and the most intimidating brown eyes I've ever seen. He is bigger than both boys and will do the most damage to me, the worst thing is though, we used to be best friends.

"Not going to talk to us huh?" Seth asks.

"We don't like being threatened Louis, do you understand? I don't know why you thought you could come back and not be taught a lesson this year" James says and the other two laugh.

I suck in a breath and go to walk off, I'm grabbed though and my books thrown to the floor. I'm then dragged to the nearest boys bathroom and the torment begins. I'm thrown to the floor and James lands a swift kick to my ribs. I cry out in pain.

"Still a pussy I see" Seth laughs.

He then grabs me and pulls me to him and grips my arms, my back against his chest. He holds me while James and Sam attack me, Sam goes for my face and I get a punch to my eye and jaw, it aches so badly and I see blood, meaning my lip must have split. James then starts on my torso, my ribs are assaulted and my kidneys kicked. I'm pushed to the ground again and the three of them start their assault. I don't fight back as it makes it worse and I don't stand a chance. I just try to deal with the pain, I think of Harry and it somehow gets me through. They finally let up after five long minutes and I can hardly breathe.

"We told you not to come back until you aren't gay anymore" Seth spits at me.

"You are disgusting and pathetic Louis, just accept it" Sam tells me.

"You show your face around here again and it will be much, much worse.... got it!" James says.

They all exit the bathroom and I just stare at the wall. I want to cry but I have nothing left. I try to move but the pain cuts through my body and I can't.

I want Harry and the boys, I need Andy right now. I feel pathetic and I hate it. I have the urge to cut again, it's so so strong, I deserve the pain and that will never change. I have a new blade sitting in my backpack, just waiting....begging for me to use it. I then remember my bag is in my locker, a few frustrated tears fall down my cheeks.

I struggle to my feet and grab the sink to steady myself. I look in the mirror and my lip is busted open and my jaw and eye are bruised again. My ribs and back ache like crazy and I try to steady my breathing. I slowly make my way out of the bathroom, everyone is in class so no one sees me as I make my way out of the school. I walk to the train station ten minutes down the road, it takes me longer though as I'm so sore and I feel like my legs are going to give out at any second. When I reach the station I head underground, I head to a ticket booth and I pull out my wallet. I can sense eyes on me, I must look horrible, I know my shirt is covered in blood and my face looks pretty bruised up. I try to ignore the stares, I pay for a ticket to London, leaving in one hour. I find a spot on the bench and bring my knees to my chest as I wait for the train. My phone flashes in my pocket and I pull it out to see my mums name flashing across the screen. I ignore it and ten minutes later Anne's name flashes. The school has probably contacted them, letting them know I've skipped again. I know I'm going to be in such deep shit for this, I'll be yelled at again and probably grounded for life. I don't really care though, I just need to get to Harry. I know Harry and the boys will know what to do. When the train pulls into the station I don't even look back as I board the two hour train ride, I find a seat and curl up on myself. I just hope Harry won't be angry at me for running off.

it takes me three and a half hours to get to the boys apartment. After the train ride, I find a taxi and get dropped off outside the apartment. I rush inside as best I can, I need to stay out of the open, Stinger is still out there and I need to be careful.

I ride the lift to the top floor and make my way to the boys door. I knock three times but no one answers. I sigh and turn around so my back is against the wall and slide down hitting the floor harshly. I'm bruised and my body hurts so badly. I pull my knees up to my chest wincing as I do. I bury my head in my knees and breathe. I'm exhausted but I can't fall asleep, I know I'll be woken by a nightmare and I don't want that again, I can't deal with that again.... I just want Harry.

After what feels like ages I hear the lift doors open.

"No mum, I haven't seen him, how could you let this happen for fuck sake" Harry is yelling.

"He ran away because you treat him like he doesn't matter!" Harry yells.

"I'm going to look for him, I'll let you know if I find him. You bloody better hope the boys and I do" he yells and hangs up angrily.

I lift my head to see, the boys all walking down the hall. Niall sees me first.

"Lou" he yells.

The boys all turn to look at me.

"Jesus, thank fuck Louis" Zayn yells.

Harry races over to me and bends down in front of me.

"Oh baby, no....I'm so sorry....Jesus" he says as he takes in my appearance.

"Are you okay? What happened?" Zayn questions as he kneels down beside Harry.

"School" I say croakily.

"Come on, let's get you inside and cleaned up" Niall says.

I'm helped off the ground and I'm led inside to the lounge room.

Zayn brings a bowl of warm water and a washer in and Liam calls Andy. Harry sits me down next to him while Zayn kneels down in front of me, he gets to cleaning the blood off my face.

"How badly did they hurt you kid?" Zayn asks quietly.

I look him in the eyes.

"Not as bad as Stinger" I respond.

"You know how dangerous it was to leave school and come to London alone Lou" Niall says from beside me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't.....I just.....I needed you guys.....I needed Harry, I couldn't take it anymore and my body hurts and..." I croak out.


"Shhhhhh, it's okay, I know. I understand I just want you safe Lou, we all do. I'm glad you came to us" Niall says comforting me.

"Our mums know you skipped school, the principle called them, they figured you had done a runner" Harry tells me.

"I don't care, not like they really do anyway" I shrug.

"Let's let them stew on it for a while hey, call them in about an hour" Harry smiles trying to lighten the mood.

I giggle and nod.

Once My face is clean Harry leads me to his bedroom and goes to get some sweats and a T-shirt for me. He comes back dressed in his sweats and no shirt and starts undressing me.

"I like your hair like this" Harry says as he winds his hands through my now brown hair.

"Thank you, I felt like a change I guess" I shrug slightly.

"Well, it suits you, I remember you like this" he says quietly.

Harry goes back to undressing me, he starts lifting up my now blood stained white shirt.

"I love that you stole my shirt, I've been looking for it and I realised you must have taken it" Harry tells me as the shirt comes over my head.

I blush like mad.

My torso is black and blue and Harry gasps when he sees it.

"Andy needs to check you out again, Liam said he will be here in a few hours" Harry tells me as he assess the damage himself. I nod.

Harry takes my jeans down and I'm left in my boxers.

"God I've missed you" Harry tells me as he leans in and kisses me senseless.

I whimper into his lips, I've missed his touch and his smell and no matter how many times I imagined his arms around me, it never compared to what his warm embrace actually feels like. I never want him to let me go.

Harry pulls back and traces my lips with his thumb, he smiles and grabs the shirt and sweatpants off the ground and puts them on me. He sighs when the pants fall off and the shirt hangs over my collarbones. He doesn't say anything, instead he fold my pants over so they stay up and he leads me downstairs grabbing the blanket off the bed as he does. We get to the couch and he sits down first and opens his legs for me I crawl carefully in between his legs and my back rests against his chest. My breathing picks up because it hurts so badly when I move.

"Shhhhhh, I've got you, it's okay, relax" Harry tells me gently.

I relax as best as I can and Harry holds me to him, he pulls the blanket over us both and I relax in his arms.

"When was the last time you ate kiddo" Zayn asks as he walks into the room.

I sigh.

"And slept, when did you last have a decent sleep?" Liam says as he hands me a water and some pain pills.

I take them and lean back against Harry.

"I ate toast last night, I think... I don't know, I don't care Z and I haven't slept in three weeks....every time I close my eyes, it's all there, I have nightmares every single time I fall asleep" I whisper.

Harry's grip on me tightens. Zayn sighs.

"I'll make you some food babes" Zayn tells me, not letting me respond as he walks out of the room. Liam and Niall follow to help him.

"Baby, I didn't know how bad this was. I'm so sorry Louis, after you eat something you can sleep. I'm not going anywhere, I'll take care of you and keep you safe" Harry tells me.

"I'm too scared to shut my eyes" I tell him.

"I know, but I won't leave your side I promise" he reassures me.

I nod, I trust Harry.

Zayn comes back with a bowl of fruit and I thank him. I eat but it's a numb feeling, something I'm doing because I have to, I taste nothing but I finish most of the bowl. The boys praise me and I snuggle down on Harry.

"Sleep little one, I'll be here when you wake" Harry whispers to me and before I know it I'm out like a light, safe in the arms I've craved for so long.



"This is bad H, he looks worse than when he showed up last time" Niall says when Louis is fast asleep.

"I know, I don't know what to do. If I call mum and tell her he is here, they will want him home. The least I can do is let him have a good sleep before I call them" I tell Niall.

"I dunno H, just call them. As much as I don't agree with what they are doing, I still think it's unfair to let them worry" Liam says.

I sigh, I know he is right.

"Yeah I know, grab me the phone Li?" I ask, I'm dreading this call.

"See if you can get them to at least agree to let him stay the night" Zayn says.

I nod and sigh as I dial mums number. I look down at Louis sleeping peacefully, his cheekbones are sunken in and he is thin and pale. I card my hands through his hair just happy to have him back in my arms.

My mum picks up on the third ring.

"Harry?" She sounds hopeful.

"Yeah it's me" I reply.

"Have you heard anything?" She asks.

"Yeah, he was on our doorstep when I got home, he was beaten up at school again and he came us, where he is safe"

"What? How did he even get there? My god what was he thinking" my mum says angrily.

"He caught the train and I'm pretty sure he was thinking that he wants to be with me because we love each other and he feels safe and protected when he is with me and the boys, he feels loved" I say frustratingly.

"We love him Harry, he knows that. We have been here for him and we will always keep him safe" my mum spits at me.

"Mum I know you love him and you provide for him but I'm what he needs right now, I'm the one who can protect him and help him recover. Have you seen what he looks like recently? He is thinner than when he first came to us, he looks like he hasn't eaten a thing since he left. Did you know he isn't sleeping, like at all! He has been keeping himself awake for the last three weeks mum. How is that healthy, how is that what he needs?" I finish my chest heaving.

"Don't you dare use that tone of voice with me Harry, we are coming to get him. He needs to be at home, he needs to be back at school tomorrow" my mum says.

"Are you serious right now? He can't go back to school, he just got the shit beaten out of him mum" I say incredulously.

How can she even suggest that Louis go back to that hell hole.

"He has no other choices Harry, he needs to deal with it and go back to school" she says.

"He can stay here with us, he can go to school here in London. I'll look after him mum please....let us do this" I ask, hoping so badly that she gives in to this request.

"I'm sorry Harry, it's better for him. We will let him stay tonight, put him on a train first thing tomorrow, understand" she tells me sternly.

"Mum....ple" I start.

"We have said NO Harry" she says and then she hangs up.

I don't know what comes over me but the tears fall and I'm throwing my phone across the room.

Zayn somehow catches it before it hits the wall.

We all just stand around in silence, this just isn't fair.

Louis whimpers in his sleep and I forget all my anger and frustration and focus on him, he needs me right now and I need to be here for him, even if it's just for the night.

"Hey baby shhhhh" I say gently and stroke his head.

His breathing becomes irregular and he starts sweating, his forehead becoming clammy. His eyes scrunch up and I can see he is in so much pain both physically and emotionally.

"Its okay Lou, I'm here, shhhhh I'm here" I keep telling him.

Suddenly Louis eyes fly open and he tries to catch his breath, he tries to sit up but winces from the pain of his injuries.

"Relax, relax, you're safe shhhhh" I tell him, keeping my arms around him.

He slowly starts to settle down and breathe normally, his head on my chest.

"Go back to sleep baby it's okay" I tell Louis gently.

He shakes his head no.

"I can't, this is why I don't sleep...I can't do this. I can't keep seeing him dead, I can''s to much" Louis yells brokenly.

Andy chooses that second to walk into the door from work, he kisses and hugs Niall and greets the boys. Niall fills him in on things and Andy makes his way too the lounge. He smiles at me and kneels down in front of Louis.

"Hey buddy, I've missed you" Andy tells him.

"Andy" Louis says relieved and throws himself at Andy.

He grabs Andy around the neck and hugs him so tightly.

"It's me buddy, it's me" Andy reassures him.

When they pull back Louis has tears in his eyes. He winces and his breath hitches when he tries to lay down again.

"Just relax" Andy says.

Louis rests back on me again and Andy examines him.

"Well, they didn't break any ribs this time, just bruised them. You will be sore for a while but there is no lasting damage" Andy assures us.

I sigh in relief.

"When was the last time you cut Lou" Andy asks him.

Their relationship is strong enough that Andy knows Louis won't loose his shit at the question and will open up to him.

"I......I......I haven't" Louis says quietly and he lifts his sleeves up to show us.

I smile so big and Andy's grin is big enough to split his face.

"Wow, Louis, I am just so proud of you. That is a really really big achievement and you should be so so proud of yourself" Andy says.

"Baby, you are truly amazing, well done. I can't even tell you how proud I am of you" I tell him holding him close.

"I......wanted to though, the thoughts were there and I nearly did today, that's....that's why I came here. If I hadn't of come I know I would have ended up with the blade and I didn't know whether I would have stopped" Louis tells us.

I gasp and Andy and I share a look.

"No baby, no, you always come to me yeah, or I will drop everything and come to you" I tell him.

"You did the right thing Louis, coming here. Well done" Andy tells him.

"Now, eating and sleeping, doing neither I assume?" Andy says lightheartedly.

Louis nods his head.

"I have nightmares every time my eyes shut and I can't do that anymore. Eating just doesn't feel right" Louis tells us.

Andy sighs.

"Well you look worse than when I first met you kid. I'm going to give you something to help you sleep, it will knock you out for a good eight hours okay" Andy tells Louis.

Louis tenses in my arms and shakes his head.

"No, no, no, Andy no. I can't close my eyes, I don't want to please" he begs getting worked up.

"Hey, Louis, we are all here, I promise you are safe baby. Nothing is going to happen to you" I reassure him.

"It's a heavy drug Lou, you won't even dream I promise" Andy says.

My hold on Louis tightens and he nods at Andy. Andy fills up a needle and gives it to Louis in his arm, the drug works immediately and Louis is out instantaneously.

"He should get a good sleep now H, you can take him up to bed if you like" Andy tells me.

"Thanks Andy" I say.

He smiles, at me and starts packing up his kit.

"How long is he here for?" He asks with a sigh.

"I'm supposed to put him on a train tomorrow, I will drive him home myself though. I don't want to risk another train journey, Stinger is still out there. I'm sure he already knows Louis is back" I tell Andy.

"H" Zayn says, him, Niall and Liam hurry into the room.

"What's wrong?" I ask noticing the look on Zayn's face.

"Another body has washed up, Noah and Jaxson's 24 year old cousin" Zayn says.

"Shit, where are Noah and Jaxson now?" I ask.

"Still in hiding, Jaxson in New York and Noah at the Cabin. The gang are trying to draw them out of hiding H" Liam says.

My arms tighten on Louis, this is not good. If they don't take the bait Louis could be next, but if they do come out of hiding they are risking their own lives.

"Fuck!" I say frustratingly.

"He can't go home H" Niall says seriously, motioning to Louis.

"I know" I say.

"I'll take him into hiding myself" I say.

"You can't do that H, that's too obvious and they know you and will follow you. Let's get Ben to arrange someone else, someone he trusts" Liam says.

That means I have to let Louis go again, he will be safe though until we catch Stinger and that's all I want. I don't want to leave him but I have to make sure he is safe, his safety comes first. The boys and I will know where he is at all times though, we just can't be with him.

"Yeah organise it boys, just please make sure Ben does it personally" I tell them.

"Of course Harry" Zayn assures me.

I nod and then go to move Louis slowly. I pick him up gently and take him upstairs to our bedroom. I tuck him under the sheets safely and go to make the call to our parents. They have no choice in the matter now, Louis is in danger and this needs to be done to keep him safe.

Louis ends up sleeping for 14 hours, Andy isn't worried and says his body is recovering. The boys have organised Louis to be taken to where Noah is hiding out. It's 11am now and patrol will be showing up to take him in an hour and he hasn't even been told. Mum and Jay took the news hard, they were angry that I've put Louis life in danger but agreed he needed to be kept safe.

It's five past 11 when Louis makes his way down the stairs in boxers and my navy jumper, it's far too big but he is adorable and I'm going to miss him so much. He still looks tired and thin and his bruises are more prominent today.

"Morning Baby, how did you sleep?" I ask him as he crawls into my lap on the couch.

"Good, didn't dream, it was so nice" he says tiredly.

"I'm glad" I say hugging him mad kissing his head.

"Do I have to go home today?" He asks and winces when he sits up and stretches.

I sigh.

"Listen, we need to have a chat" I tell him reaching out and swiping a piece of hair off his forehead.

"I don't like your chats Haz" he says wrinkling his nose.

Liam and Zayn chuckle as they come into the lounge.

"Well I don't know if you are going to like this one either but we have to talk" I tell him seriously.

"Okay" he says and starts playing with the sleeves of my jumper. He is facing me straddling me.

"We are going to put you in hiding for a while" I start just to see his reaction.

"Hiding?" He questions, looking me in the eyes.

"Yeah, in a place Stinger won't find you" Liam says.

"Oh....okay" he says cautiously.

"Why would he find me? What's happened?" He asks confused.

"Another body washed up, it was Noah's cousin, they are trying to bring Noah and Jaxson out of hiding. We think you could be a target if they don't come out" Zayn says.

"Is Noah okay?" Louis asks.

"Yeah, we are taking you to be with him, until this is sorted out" I tell him.

"Will you, will you come with me?" He asks so innocently.

"I'm sorry little one I can't, it would put you in even more danger" I tell him stroking his cheek.

"How long will I be gone?" He asks worriedly.

"We don't know baby, hopefully only a few weeks" I tell him.

He nods and then leans to hug me tightly, burying his head in my chest.

"I love you, I'm going to miss you" he tells me sniffling.

"I'll miss you like you wouldn't believe baby, I promise you we are doing everything we can to catch Stinger" I tell him.

He nods and snuggles closer, I don't want to let him go again but this is what's best for him and I will do everything I can to keep Louis safe.

Chapter Text


As the car pulls away from the curb I wave to the boys. I don't know when I will see them again and it hurts. Harry and I hugged and kissed for as long as we could and I miss his arms already. I hope they can find Stinger soon so I can go back to him and the boys. I sigh and turn around in my seat. There are two officers in the front seats and we are driving in an unmarked black Lexus. The officers names are Patty and Alberto and they are really nice. They are big beefy guys but friendly, they will be with me the whole time.

"You okay back there kid?" Al asks me. The nickname I decided to give him.

"Yeah" I say back.

"It's a three hour drive Louis, so you may want to get comfy" Patty tells me.

"K" I say and I set my bag down next to me on the seat.

Harry packed my bag for me, with a few of the boys clothes. He said he will get me more clothes sent out soon. I pull my knees up to my chest, I'm still wearing Harry's oversize navy jumper and my black skinny jeans and vans. I rest my head on the window and settle in for the long drive. Eventually we pull up to a log cabin in the middle of nowhere, there are huge trees and a forest surrounding the whole area and when I step out of the car I can hear a river somewhere in the distance. It's actually quite pretty out here, the forest edge is about 500 meters from the Cabin and there are police patrolling the grounds, about 10 or so. I look up to the porch of the cabin and see Noah standing there wearing a pair of black skinnies and a black jumper and beanie, it's actually freezing out here. We smile at each other before we both bolt towards each other meeting halfway, Noah is quick to pick me up and bring me into his arms, I haven't seen or spoken to him since that day Nick was killed at the skate park.

"Lou!" He says, hugging me tightly.

"I'm so glad you are okay" I tell him hugging him back.

"I'm fine, I've missed you" He tells me.

"I've missed you too!" I say back.

He pulls back to look at me and puts me on the ground

"Jesus what happened to your face Lou?" He asks concerned.

"Just school, it's fine" I say.

He sighs, before he can ask anything else Alberto is coming over.

"Sorry to interrupt boys but we need to get you both inside" he tells us.

We nod and Noah leads me by the hand inside the cabin, smiling widely. He shows me around and it's so good to see him, he has been here for weeks by himself. it's so good to be able to hang out with him, even if it's not under the best circumstances.We catch up and Noah places my bag in my room that's next to his, we then sit in the lounge room with the fire on and decide to watch a movie, neither of us are allowed a phone and Patty and Al are our only link to the outside world. As nice as it is out here, it is pretty boring.

"Al, can we go outside for a walk?" I ask him.

He looks at me sympathetically.

"Sorry kiddo, maybe tomorrow, it's getting too dark out" he tells me.

I sigh and nod at him.

Noah and I abandon the movie for a while and just chat, we talk about everything from school, to relationships to our favourite video games. We talk about our plans for when we get out of this place and how we are going to hang out. We both really like music and we plan to one day open a music store together in London. We think it would be so much fun and plan out what we would sell. We laugh and joke and even though I miss Harry and the boys like crazy, being with Noah feels so good.

"Hey, want to help me cook dinner?" Noah asks me after a while, the movie we put on is long finished and it's dark outside.

"Um... I can't cook, but sure" I say.

"It's okay, I can't either" Noah chuckles.

We walk to the kitchen, it's small with wooden cupboards lining the back wall with a sink, there is a fridge to the left and an island bench in the middle. Noah grabs the flour, milk and a few other ingredients and places them on the island bench.

"What are we making?" I ask with a laugh.

"Pancakes" he chuckles.

"For dinner?" I question smiling.

"Well, yeah I can't cook anything good, but I make awesome pancakes" he smiles.

"Okay!" I say excitedly.

This should be fun. Noah starts off by measuring stuff out Into the bowl but we end up loosing count and laughing so hard, we just chuck stuff in. Noah gives me the bowl to stir and I do while he cuts up some strawberries.

"You look cute with flour on your face. Your tongue poking out the side of your mouth" Noah laughs.

"Hey!!" I say and I chuck some flour at him.

He stills and for a moment and I think he is about to yell at me, before he grabs a handful of flour and throws it at me. I laugh and we end up in a food fight throwing everything we can at each other. There is flour, milk and eggs all over the floor and each other, we slip and slide all over the place and the kitchen is covered in food, I haven't let loose this much in ages and I find myself smiling so easily. We end up sliding into each other and stacking it on the floor laughing, I'm still sore from my beating though, which I had somehow forgotten about while we were having so much fun. When I hit the floor I wince but laugh at the same time.

"Shit Lou, are you okay?" Noah asks and makes his way over to me.

"Yeah, sorry I'm still sore" I tell him.

"It's okay, come here" he says.

He leans against the cupboard and I crawl over to his waiting arms. I rest against his side and we hear a chuckle from above us. We both snap our heads up to find Patty and Al looking at us. Al typing something on his phone.

"Got that whole thing on video, just sent it to Harry and the boys" he chuckles.

"Well I know neither of you will clean this up, we will have to get someone in, go shower boys. The night crew are coming on in 10 to do outside patrol" Patty laughs.

"You're not leaving though right?" I ask, suddenly afraid.

"No kid, we won't leave you" he says winking as he leaves the room.

Noah and I are covered from head to toe in batter and it's becoming sticky.

"Jaxson would have loved that" Noah says sadly, looking at his legs.

"You miss him?" I ask.

"Like crazy, we used to do stuff like that all the time" Noah tells me.

"I'm sorry you can't see him" I tell Noah.

"It's okay, he promised me when all this shit was over he would come back and visit me" Noah says.

"Yeah, when all this shit is over" I sigh.

"It's okay Lou, I trust Harry and Niall, they will figure it all out" Noah says.

I smile and we help each other up off the floor. We both head to separate showers and when we are clean I'm in a pair of Niall's grey track pants and socks and one of Zayn's black sweaters, the only clothes that are remotely close to fitting me, but still miles to big for me. It's freezing outside but the fire keeps us nice and warm, we watch another movie and the night crew come on to start their patrol and watch outside. Patty and Al fall asleep on the couches across from Noah and I.

"Are you scared?" I ask Noah.

He looks at me from the side, we are snuggled up together his arm around me and me leaning against his side, a blanket thrown over us.

"Yeah, to tell you the truth, I'm glad you are here" he tells me.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Yeah, it was scary going to sleep out here alone, even though I know I'm being watched and protected, like what if something went wrong you know" he tells me.

"Yeah, I kind of don't want to sleep by myself, I can't get the image of Nick out of my dreams, he haunts them most nights" I tell Noah.

"I'm so sorry Lou, I'm sorry you had to see that. To tell you the truth, I'm used to it. I've seen my fair share of body's from when I was in the gang" he tells me.

"Yeah, I'm just being a baby I guess" I shrug at him.

"No way Lou, it's hard....the first time I saw one was bad. I spent weeks trying to get over it, eventually I did. With Jaxsons help though" he says.

I nod at him.

"Harry isn't here though and I don't want to sleep, I'm too scared and I'm worried about something happening to Harry or to us while we sleep" I tell him truthfully.

"I know, but Al and Patty are the best, they will make sure we are okay. I will too, I'll protect you Lou. I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise" he tells me.

He kisses the side of my head and we get comfy snuggled on the couch together, it's an unspoken agreement that we are spending the night like this. Both of us needing the comfort. We drift off to sleep and I wake twice throughout the night sweating and upset.

"It's okay Lou, I know you want Harry but I'm here, I'll keep you safe" Noah tells me the second time I wake, my head rests on his chest and he rubs his hands up and down my arms.

"It won't stop, all I see is his lifeless body and it's my fault" I cry into Noah's chest.

"It's definitely not your fault Louis, none of this has anything to do with you, you are just as innocent" Noah tells me stroking my head.

I begin to calm down, Noah helping me breathe, when I'm settled again, I turn to Al.

"Can I call Harry?" I ask.

"I'm sorry bud, it's to dangerous to call him, especially at this hour. Stinger will be expecting things to go down at night and it's too risky" Al tells me sympathetically.

I nod my head and bury my face in Noah's neck.

"Don't be afraid Lou, I will never let a single thing happen to you. You are my best friend and my little brother, I'll do everything possible to protect you. Noah tells me.

"You are my best friend too, I love you lots and I promise to protect you too" I say back.

Noah smiles at me and we settle back down to sleep in each other's arms.

We are both woken at dawn by frantic voices.

"Louis, Noah. We need you both to wake up now" Patty is shaking us

"Whats wrong" I ask, we both sit up worriedly, knowing his tone of voice means business.

"We think we were followed yesterday, we don't have much time. I need you both to listen. Stinger and his gang have found us, they are nearly here, We have called Harry but him and backup are two hours away at best" Patty tells us.

"What does that mean, what do we do?" Noah asks as Al sets to putting my shoes on and Noah does his own.

"It means that you both need to run, towards the woods and don't stop. We will find you when we have dealt with this and Harry and his team are here. We promise" Al reassures us.

"I'm scared" I blurt out.

My heart is beating out of my chest and my hands are clammy.

"I know, but you both need to go, find a hiding spot and stay there. Don't move until we come looking for you.. No matter what!! Promise me" Al says.

"Yeah we promise" Noah says.

Noah grabs my hand and Al leads us to the back door.

"It's okay Lou, I'll keep you safe don't worry" Noah whispers to me as he reassuringly squeezes my hand.

"Okay boys, go quickly... straight ahead of you and don't stop until you're deep in the woods and you can hide. I promise you, we will find you" Patty tells us. Looking us both in the eyes.

"What about you, will you be okay?" I ask frantically.

"Yes Lou, we promise, we just need you two safe, backup is coming, now go, please... quickly" Al tells us.

Noah grabs my hand and we sprint the 500 meters towards the tree line. It's freezing outside and we don't have coats or jackets on. Just our sweats and thin sweaters. We make it to the tree line and hide amongst the trees, just In time to see four cars pull up outside the cabin and gunfire break out. My breathing picks up. Fuck, I'm so scared and frozen in my spot. Tears sting my eyes, I want Harry and the boys.

"It's okay Lou, I need you to move though buddy, let's go we have to move" Noah tells me, bringing me out of my thoughts.

I look at him, he wipes my tears away and we turn back to the house to see four guys with guns making their way towards the forest and us.

"Shit, let's move buddy, we have to go... fast" Noah says pulling on my hand urgently.

We both turn terrified and run as fast as we can, Noah never lets go of my hand as we run, Noah leads me and is the faster one with longer legs, I keep up though. We can hear the men behind us but we can't see them, they are shouting for us and it feels like a game of cat and mouse.

" can run but you can't hide" A husky voice sing songs through the silent woods.

Noah picks up the pace and all we can hear are twigs snapping and our ragged breathing. My body is so sore still but we don't stop, I can't stop, we are getting scratched by tress and I fall a few times, Noah never leaving my side, he helps me up and we keep going, we have to keep going.

"We will find you, and when we do we are going to have so much fun" another evil voice echoes.

Tears start to sting my eyes, we are being chased and we have no idea how long we have before we are caught.
Eventually after what feels like forever we come to a river. The river is running fast and the rapids are quite big. We notice a rickety old bridge up ahead and we have no option than to cross it. It's so old and feels like it will break at any moment. We have no choice though, those guys are gaining on us. We make it to the other side before anyone sees us and straight infront of us is a cave of sorts but it's hidden by branches. We both head towards it and hurry inside, just as it starts to rain. As soon as we are seated in the cave out of view, the four guys come out of the trees on the other side of the river.

"Which way did they go?" One asks.

"Fuck should I know?"

"Shut up, you two stay on this side, Paul and I will cross the river and look on that side" one says.

"What do we do if we find them?"

"Whatever the fuck your want, make it look like an accident though, torture them, make them kill each other,Fucked if I care just end them" Paul yells.

My breathing picks up at his words and my whole body is shaking and not just from the freezing cold. Noah notices and manoeuvres his body so he is behind me and I'm against his chest, we watch as two guys take off on the other side of the trees and Paul and another guy begin to cross the bridge. The bridge looks like it is going to give way any second and a snapping noise is heard. I can't help but hope it does and they get rushed down the river, they make it across safely though and I can feel myself about to pass out. All they have to do is find the cave and we are dead, I can't deal with this, I'm so scared. I don't want to die.

"Bud, I know you are terrified but I won't let anyone hurt you, just calm your breathing for me, they won't find us I promise" Noah whispers in my ear.

I nod against him and try to calm down, Noah brings me closer so my back is completely flush against his chest, he snakes his arms around my waist and whispers calming things in my ear, it's so soft I just hear them.

"Just relax"

"They aren't going to find us"

"We are safe"

When the two guys get across the river they start walking and stop right in front of the cave. We can see them through the branches and leaves but we are hidden from them. We can smell them and their cologne, they are so close.

"I'm going to fucking enjoy slitting their throats when I get my hands on those fucking kids" Paul yells angrily.

I can't help help the slight whimper that escapes my throat. Noah brings his hand up slowly and covers my mouth.

"It's okay, I won't hurt you, just breathe or they will find us Lou, it's okay but we have to be so quiet" he tells me in a soft whisper.

It's the longest three minutes of my life before the two guys run off in the opposite direction, yelling our names.

Noah relaxes behind me and let's out a deep breath before he releases his hand. He turns me around and we hug each other so tightly, tears stream down our face as We both try to catch my breaths.

"It's okay, they are gone babe shhhhhh" Noah tells me.

We calm down and we huddle in the cave together, we don't move and won't come out until Harry comes for us, like we were told.We are both shit scared and pray that those guys won't come back and we won't be found. Two hours until Harry will get here, we need to last until then.

We don't say much to each other, scared if we are too loud we will be found, instead we hold each other tight, relaying all our feelings and comfort for each other in our embrace.

"Please hurry Harry" Noah whispers into the cave and we grip onto each other silently praying for Harry to hurry.

Chapter Text



Five whole hours pass and we hear and see nothing. Noah and I are both shaking and shivering like crazy, but we don't move a muscle. My body feels like it's going to give up from the cold but we still don't move. Three more hours later when we have been in the cave for eight hours, we hear shouting.



That's Harry and Zayn.

"Thank fuck" Noah says.

We can't help but smile at each other as we slowly release our huddle, we are both so relieved. Noah goes first out of the cave and turns to help me down. We are both shivering and on the verge of hyperthermia. When we are standing out the front of the cave we see Harry and Zayn, Liam, Andy, Niall, as well as a few medics and swat police guys over the other side of the bridge.

"Harry" I yell, my voice is croaky, I haven't used it in eight hours.

He whips his head around so fast and his pained face relaxes when he sees us.

"Thank fuck, are you two okay?" He yells to us.

"Yeah we're okay. Absolutely freezing, but okay" Noah yells back.

"What happened?" I ask timidly.

"Stinger was arrested, that's all you need to worry about" Liam calls.

"How did you two get over there?" Zayn asks.

We both point to the bridge.

"Okay, it doesn't look safe, I don't think it will hold one of us. You will have to come back over one at a time" Zayn calls to us.

We both nod and Noah sends me over to the boys and the awaiting officers first. I can see Andy on the other side with a few medical staff, holding warm blankets and beanies. I can't wait to get over there. Harry is waiting on the other side of the bridge for me. He is smiling, but is tense and I just want to be in his arms. The bridge is rickety and I stumble and hold onto the side.

"Easy does it Lou" Harry tells me.

Suddenly I hear a snapping noise and the bridge starts to give way. The drop is about 10 meters and goes straight into rushing water. I grip the side terrified. I'm too far away from Harry, he can't reach me. The bridge starts to fall and I turn back towards Noah, he is closer and he reaches out for me, I grab his hand just as the bridge crashes below.

"Louis!!!" I hear my name being called form several different people.

I'm hanging over the edge of the cliff, Noah has my hands and is gripping me tightly.

"I've got you Lou, hold on" Noah tells me.

"Noah are you okay, do you have him?" Harry yells.

"Yeah, I think so" Noah yells.

"I'm going to pull you up now Lou, okay" Noah tells me.

"I'm scared" I tell him.

"I won't let go, I've got you. Remember my promise, I'll always look after you." he tells me, I trust Noah and I nod my head at him.

Noah starts pulling me up and I just find my footing on a rock below when I look behind Noah. My eyes widen as I see Paul smirking, he is holding a gun and is coming up behind Noah.

Noah notices my terror and looks behind him, it all happens so fast and Paul shoots Noah straight in the head and I think my breathing stops completely.

"Noooooo" I scream.

Noah's grip on me breaks and before I register everything I realise I'm plummeting into the water below. I hear more gunfire as I fall, I hear my name being called and it's all like it happens in slow motion. I let out a terrified scream as I hit the water below. The water is below freezing and I feel like I'm being stabbed all over. I try to break the surface but I'm weighed down by my clothes, I can feel myself being dragged by the current. Noah's face flashes before my eyes and I struggle to reach the surface to see if he is alive.... I know he isn't, but I need to see, I need to get back to him. I need to make sure Harry and everyone else is okay. I somehow break the surface coughing and spluttering. I'm being pulled downstream and I can't control my movements. I see Harry Zayn and Andy running with me down stream.

"Keep your head above the water Louis" Harry is yelling.

"We're coming Louis hang on" Zayn yells.

I'm trying desperately to keep my head above the water. My body aching and my lungs struggling to take each breath.

Andy manages to run ahead of me and out onto a log that's hanging over the river, he reaches out and I manage to grab his hand as the water rushes me past him.

"I've gotcha, I've gotcha Lou" he says and Harry comes up behind him to help him grab me. The current is so strong is hard to hold on. I can feel myself slipping.

"Don't let go, please" I yell over the sound of rushing water.

"Hang on baby, we'll get you out, just hang on" Harry tells me.

I can't though the current is too strong and it's so slippery and I feel my hands break contact with Andy's, my fingers try desperately to reattach to his but they slip through and I'm in the water again.

"Louis!!! No Louis!!!!!" I hear as my head disappears underwater.

I try to reach the surface again and I gasp of air when I do.

"Louis" I hear Harry's desperate voice

"Keep your head up Louis!" Zayn yells panic evident in his voice.

I'm so weak and tired my body is exhausted and I try my hardest to keep my head above the water but I can't, my body is too weak and it slowly gives up, my whole body is underwater and all I can hear is the rushing of the current, I can feel my lungs running out if air and I feel my body jerk as I try to fill my lungs but all I get is water. Darkness starts to take over and all I can do is let it. I can't fight anymore my body has nothing left.


I watch on terrified as Louis head goes under and it doesn't come back up. Before I can think I'm jumping in the water.

"Harry!!" Zayn yells but I don't listen, I need to get to Louis.

The water is coming too an open lake and the current starts to slow down, I can see Louis body in the water and I grab him around the waist and pull him to the surface. He is unconscious and not breathing,

"No, no, no Louis" I find myself chanting.

I see Zayn and Andy further down the river and as we pass them I grab onto them and pass up Louis, Andy grabs him and places him on the ground while Zayn grabs me and helps me out of the river. By the time I get out of the water, Andy is working on Louis, pumping his chest and breathing into his mouth, trying to get him to breathe. He looks so small, his clothes are so big and must have weighed him down heavily in the water, Zayn and I bend down next to them. Louis lips are blue and he looks lifeless. I reach down and swipe his fringe to the side, I can't loose him.

"Come on Louis" Andy is saying as he pumps his chest.

"Come on kid" Zayn says under his breath.

"H, two breaths to every five of my chest pumps" Andy tells me panicking.

I feel so numb, Louis isn't breathing and I need to help him, I can't loose him. Tears are streaming down my face as I nod and move to position to take over breathing in his mouth. The rest of the team has caught up with us and are all hanging back stunned and silent.

"1,2,3,4,5 Breathe" Andy says.

I lean down, pinch Louis nose and breathe my breath into Louis, filling his lungs.

"1,2,3,4,5 Breathe" Andy repeats again.

"Come on baby, please" I tell him.

I reach down again and lock my mouth with his and breathe out, giving Louis everything I have. My tears are coming freely now.

"Don't do this Louis, don't you dare" Zayn yells.

"1,2,3,4,5 Breathe" Andy says.

"Louis please" Andy says brokenly.

I reach down again and breathe into Louis but again we get nothing.

"Call it" a medic from behind the group yells.

"NO!!!" Zayn, Liam, Niall, and I yell desperately.

"Like fuck I'll call it, get her the fuck out of here" Andy yells back, never letting up on his chest compressions.

"Louis, baby. I need you, please don't do this. Come back to us Lou" I tell him one last time.

"1,2,3,4,5 Breathe" Andy says brokenly.

I reach down and again fit my mouth with Louis and breathe out.

We get no response from Louis and I'm about to break.

Andy pulls away and then gives Louis one last good whack on his chest, right in his sternum, the pressure causes Louis to suck in a huge breath, he coughs and leans to the side and vomits.

Thank god.

The group starts cheering and we all breathe a sigh of relief. Andy rubs Louis back to help him.

"Good boy Lou, get it out" he tells him as Louis is vomiting up water.

When he is done, I reach for him and bring him onto my lap so he is straddling me, he is limp in my arms but breathing.

"Fuck Louis, I love you...fuck. I can't loose you baby" I whisper to him.

He stirs and groans into my chest, he is shaking and his teeth chattering he is so cold.

"We need blankets and oxygen Kate" Andy yells to another medic.

We see a paramedic running towards us. Louis and I are then engulfed in thermo blankets. And beanies. I forgot I was even wet, I'm feeling cold now I can't imagine how Louis is feeling. Kate passes Andy an oxygen mask. And he goes to put it on Louis, when he realises Louis eyes are closed.

"Louis, I need you to keep your eyes open" Andy tells him.

Louis doesn't respond.

"Louis, baby, wake up. Don't do this Lou" I shake him.

His eyes flutter open and I grab his cheeks.

"Hey their little one, just stay awake for us baby" I tell him.

He looks at me, he doesn't say anything and just falls against my chest to try and keep warm. Andy puts the mask on him and I stand up and we start the walk back towards the cabin where everyone is waiting.

"Why isn't he talking Andy" I ask, Louis is practically a dead weight in my arms.

"He is in shock H, he is okay. I promise" Andy tells me.

I nod and whisper sweet nothings in his ear.

"You're okay baby"

"You're safe now"

"I love you so so much"

"You did such a good job Louis, I'm so proud of you"

He grips my shirt tighter in response. When we pass the bridge and where Noah was shot, we see our guys putting Noah into a body bag, Louis sees this and completely looses it. He struggles in my grip and he breaks free. He rips the oxygen mask off and the blanket and is running towards Noah.

"Noah!!" He yells and the heartache in his voice makes us all stop in our tracks.

"Louis" I yell after him as I chase him.

He stops next to Noah's body bag on the ground.

"No!!!!" He croaks and falls to his knees.

"Noah, please wake up, please" Louis begs, tears falling down his cheeks.

I come up behind him and bend down, I reach out and hug him from behind.

"It's okay Lou, it's okay" I tell him.

"No!!! Bring him back Harry please" he yells at me. It completely breaks my heart.

"Little one, I'm so sorry" I tell him as I crush him too me. He sobs into my chest.

"I don't want him to die, why did he have to die. I can't do this... I hate it. It should have been me" Louis yells.

I pull him closer and all I can do is comfort him as he lashes out and hits me and punches his feelings out onto my chest.

"Shhhhhhh, angel, it's all going to be okay" I comfort him.

Everyone around us is silent and are watching on with heavy hearts.

Zayn, Niall, Liam and Andy all walk over and fall to the ground around us. There are no words said but everyone reaches out to comfort Louis in some way. We sit there for god knows how long as Louis begins to relax and exhausts himself out. His eyes start to close as he is to tired to stay awake. I look to Andy as if to make sure he is okay to fall asleep. Andy smiles slightly at me.

"After that outburst he is fine, he can sleep now" Andy tells me.

Andy puts the mask back on Louis and I stand up again with him in my arms. The blankets are put back on top of him and we make our way out of the forest.

I don't know how Louis is going to cope with Noah's death. Noah was the one person Louis could really relate too and they had such a nice bond.

We make it back to the cabin and I can see our mums waiting anxiously on the porch. When they see us they rush forward.

"Is he okay Harry what happened?" Jay asks.

"He is okay, he nearly drowned, fell into the water. We got him back he is okay" I tell them.

They don't say anything as we rush inside and put Louis on the couch.

"Al can you get Louis some warm clothes" I ask him.

"Already done, Niall called in it" Al says as he hands me some clean sweats and a jumper for Louis. I smile in response and bend down next to Louis and go to start changing him, but my hands are swatted away.

"Don't touch him" Jay snaps at me,

I'm stunned.

"Jay, I...." I start.

"No, this is all your fault Harry, none of this would have happened if you weren't involved" she spits.

"I would never hurt Louis Jay, I love him" I tell her.

She ignores me and attends to Louis.

"We are taking him home" she tells us.

"Jay, Louis really needs a hospital, he needs to get checked out" Andy tells her.

"You said he was fine, he just needs rest, we can take care of him at home" Jay tells Andy.

My mum is quiet in the corner, I look to her pleadingly.

"Harry, I can see how much you love him but he needs to be at home" my mum tells me.

"Thats bullshit, be at home so you two can both leave him alone while you work. So you can both turn a blind eye to his needs and the abuse he receives at school?" I yell harshly.

My work colleagues have never seen me like this, so emotional. They have never seen me care about someone so much. They just look on speechless.

"Harry, he needs to learn to deal with this all..without you" Jay says harshly.

"No he doesn't, he has come so far with us, all of us. He needs to stay" I say angrily.

"So his life can be put in even more danger? No. He is coming home and that is final. I suggest you end whatever you have with him" Jay says.

She turns to Alberto and asks him to take Louis to the car, Louis is still sopping wet and it angers me that they don't even care enough to change him, Al complies and I watch as Louis is unknowingly taken away from me. I race after Al out the front of the cabin as my mum and Jay gather their things. Al turns to me and motions with his hand and I see he has Louis phone, he slips it into his pocket and I nod gratefully at him. I hear my mum and Jay behind me and I turn around anger seeping through my body. I see the boys gathered on the porch and mum and Jay coming down the stairs.

"You do realise he just watched his best friend get a bullet through the head right? You do realise he will need support and counselling, to talk to someone about what he has been through" I snap at them.

"Harry is right and I'm telling you now, Louis needs to get checked out and okayed before he can go home Jay" Andy steps in to say, walking towards us.

"We will have him checked out when we reach Doncaster" Jay tells us.

"Harry I love you, I really do but you need to let Louis go. He is 17, innocent and vulnerable he needs to work out his life and I don't think you should be apart of that romantically. When we sent him to you we had no idea you two would develop feelings for each other, if we had we wouldn't have okayed it. I'm sorry Harry" my mum says.

They both walk past us and I turn to see Alberto close the car door after laying Louis against the back seat. I watch on with so much frustration and anger at the two people who should have mine and Louis best interests at heart, take him away. The car disappears and I let out a frustrated yell, I pick up a rock and throw it harshly. My breathing ragged. Everyone is staring at me.

"Clean up here boys, I'm heading back" I say to the officers and the other detectives.

I walk back inside and Andy approaches me.

"H, you and I need to go to Doncaster. I have a bad feeling and I didn't get a chance to check Louis over properly and he needs to be checked" Andy tells me seriously.

I turn around and look at him.

"You read my mind Andz, let's head back to London, grab our things and head to Doncaster. If they are taking Louis from me, then I'll just have to bring myself to Louis" I say.

I won't let them take Louis away from me, I love Louis and I will stop at nothing to make sure he is protected and looked after.

Chapter Text


I wake up in a sweat panicking, I look around and expect to see Harry, instead I notice I'm in a car and it's not Harry's or one of the boys. I sit up and wince, my body is so sore and my chest is aching. I find my mums in the front seat, driving.

"Mum" I croak.

"Louis, baby, thank god you are okay" she turns around in the passenger seat to say.

"How are you feeling darling?" Anne asks.

I'm confused and I look down, I'm still in my soaking wet clothes and everything comes flooding back to me. I panic, images of Noah being shot and the water around me come flooding back. I want Harry.

"Where is Harry?" I ask croakily, my throat feels like Its on fire"

"Back at the cabin Louis, he agreed it was best for you to come home" Jay says.

"No I don't want to, I want Harry....please mum" I say desperately, gasping for air.

"Just relax Louis, are you feeling okay?" Anne asks again.

I feel like utter shit, but I won't let them know that. My chest is on fire and I cough wetly.

"I'm fine, cold" I tell them.

I start to shiver and I pull the blanket that was on top of me around me and rest my head on the window.

"We will be home soon and you can have a nice warm shower" Anne says.

I find it strange Harry didn't insist on making me change, he is usually so pedantic when it comes to me and those things. I find it strange Harry would want me to come home and he didn't even wake me to say goodbye. I'm so exhausted and I feel sick, I move to get more comfortable and I feel something in my pocket, I pull it out, its my phone. I'm relieved to see it. I pull up a new message and text Harry.

"Haz, why did you send me away?" I type.

I get an instant response.

"I would never send you away little one, I tried to keep you with me Louis. Please don't listen to anything else" the text says.

"I love you, I need you Harry please" I type back desperately.

I just want Harry next to me, I need him. I'm so terrified of sleeping and I need his comfort.

"I love you baby, I'm trying my hardest to get back to you. I promise" the text reads.

Another one comes through before I get a chance to reply.

"How are you feeling?....truthfully" Harry asks

"Sick, I'm exhausted and sore and I feel sick....I want Noah back" I text back.

I don't get a response and I notice we have pulled up at home, it was only an hour drive to Doncaster from the cabin. Mum and Anne help me in the house and I go straight for the shower. I ignore them at their calls for me, they just don't understand right now. I finally make it to the shower and turn on the hot water, my body is chilled to the bone. I'm shaking crazily and I have a hard time stripping my wet clothes off me, my body is still so sore and weak. I manage to get into the warm shower and sink to the floor, my body shaking violently even under the warm water. I try to relax but for some reason I can't. I then start coughing, wetly and it hurts my chest badly. I struggle to get my breath back, eventually I do and I start to panic a little. That was really scary, I actually felt like I couldn't breathe. I calm myself down and sit in the shower, everything comes flashing back to me and I feel like I can't cope. Noah is gone, he was shot right in front of me. My best friend is gone and he didn't deserve any of it. I cry, I just sob hysterically under the shower, I scream and break down. I feel useless and I don't know what else to do. The water eventually starts to run cold, tears dry up and I try to piece myself back together enough to get up off the floor. I then hop out and dry and dress myself in black sweats and a black sweater with white socks. I crawl slowly into bed and snuggle in the blankets. I'm freezing cold and still can't seem to stop shaking. I try to keep my eyes open but I can't I'm just so tired, I know I'll be up in an hour after another nightmare. If I had stayed awake I would have noticed my phone buzzing and Harry trying to call me.

I wake all through the night with nightmares and coughing fits, I feel horrible and I want to call Harry, I realise it's 1am but I don't care. I crawl out of bed and over to my bag. I look at my phone and see I've got three missed calls from Harry. I dial his number without hesitation.

"Baby" he answers with relief.

"Haz" I cough.

"Are you okay, I was worried Lou, you weren't picking up" he tells me.

"I'm sorry, I had a shower and went to bed I don't feel well" I tell him.

"Andy has been called into work but he and I are coming tomorrow... okay baby, we will be there soon" Harry tells me.

I relax knowing he is coming for me.

"Did mum and Jay take you to the hospital?" Harry asks.

"No, they just brought me home, I'm so tired but the nightmares Haz.....its Noah and Nick and I miss him already and I don't want him to be dead Harry. I can't stop thinking about it. He was protecting me, he made sure I was warm and safe in that cave and they killed him and it's not fair" I say trying to breathe, my tears streaming down my face.

"I know Louis, I know it's not fair and Noah was a great friend but this isn't your fault okay. None of this is your fault. When I get there I will help you, we all will, I'll be there in less than 24 hours" he tells me.

My crying gets heavier.

"I don't think I can wait that long, I'm so tired. I can't...." I say and I have another coughing fit over the phone.

"Louis, did that cough just start?" Harry asks.

I catch my breath before I respond.

"Yeah like a few hours ago" I say.

"Lou, we need you to be checked out" Harry tells me.

"Can you come now...please Haz" I ask desperately.

"I can't little one, I will come as soon as I can I promise" he tells me.

"Okay" I say quietly.

"Try and get some sleep baby and I will be there before you know it okay. I love you"

"I love you too Haz, so much" I tell him

We say our goodbyes and I crawl back into bed.

My night is terrible, my cough gets worse and so do my nightmares.


I end the call to Louis and dial Andy.

"Hey mate everything okay?" He asks when he picks up.

"Yeah, just got a call from Louis, mum and Jay didn't take him to the hospital" I say upset.

"I knew it, fuck Haz" he says.

"Andy, I know you wouldn't be this upset if there wasn't something to worry about" I say

He sighs

"There is something called secondary drowning or dry drowning. It can happen after a near drowning incident, it's when the lungs fill with water and the patient literally drowns from the inside" Andy tells me.

"Fuck" I say.

"I finish in three hours Haz, we will make it to doncaster by sunrise okay" he tells me.

I nod even though he can't see me. We hang up and I gather our stuff together. I don't sleep much instead I worry and pace the house for the next three and a half hours until Andy walks in the door. He is still in his blue scrubs and looks a little tired.

"Ready to go?" He asks.

"Yeah, I don't have your kit though" I tell him.

"It's in my car, you can drive though. I need to sleep a little" he smiles.

I smile back and I head to put our stuff in Andy's Range Rover while he goes to kiss Niall goodbye.

Thirty minuets later and we are on the road, it's 5:30am, I try to call Louis but he doesn't answer, I'm hoping he has just fallen asleep and is okay. Andy falls asleep and it's 8am when we are 10 minutes from Louis, the traffic has been terrible. Andy sirs awake and I try to call Louis for the eighth time.

"Shit" I say when he doesn't answer.

"Is he not answering?" Andy asks.

"No, I've been trying for the last hour with no luck" I say.

"Call you mum" Andy says worriedly.

So I do and she picks up on the third ring.

"Mum" I say.

"Morning Harry" she says coldly and if I was there I'm sure I would have seen her roll her eyes.

"Can you check Louis for me, he isn't answering my calls" I say.

She sighs.

"If he isn't answering you Harry, maybe he doesn't want to talk to you" she says.

"Listen mum, I don't have time for this shit, can you go and check he is okay please" I say harshly.

"Harry why what's wrong?" she asks as she senses my tone of voice.

"You didn't take him to the hospital did you?" I say upset.

"No, but we were going to today, after he has had some sleep" she says.

I can hear her climbing the stairs.

"Louis" I hear her call.

"Is he okay?" I ask.

"He is sleeping" she says.

"Check his temperature" Andy says from beside me.

"Mum check his temperature" I say as I put the phone on speaker.

"He is warm Harry and he is sweating" she says.

"Hi Anne it's Andy, can you go as close to Louis as you can and check on his breathing for me?" Andy instructs.

"Yeah of course" she says.

"Oh my god" we hear mum say.

"Mum? What is it" I ask.

"He is wheezing, it's like he can't breathe, he isn't breathing right Harry" she says desperately.

"Anne, I need you to remain calm, Harry and I are around the corner we will be there in a minute" Andy says.

"What's happening to him oh my god, Louis" she says.

"I'll explain when I get there, right now I need you to try and wake Louis up" Andy says.

My mum tries to stir him but he doesn't wake.

"I can't wake him Andy, please hurry please" she begs.

"We are pulling in the driveway now mum" I say.

I hang up and park the car hurriedly. I jump out of the car and I'm hot on Andy's tail as we race to Louis room. We find mum on the floor next to the bed trying to wake Louis. Louis is on the bed and he looks awful. His skin is a grey colour and he is struggling to breathe, his lips are turning slightly blue and the noise his chest is making is extremely scary.

Andy ushers my mum to the side and instructs her to call an ambulance.

"Tell them my ID number and that I want him transported to London hospital" Andy tells mum.

"But.....but" mum tries to say.

"I'm not backing down on this Anne, he should have been checked yesterday, this could have been prevented. Louis can die from this...please listen to me this time" Andy yells.

I have never heard Andy raise his voice before, my mum nods and goes to call the ambulance.

"Louis buddy, can you hear me?" Andy tries to rouse Louis.

I instinctively go to grab Louis and I pull him to the floor and onto my lap. His back to my chest.

"Louis, it's me...its Harry baby, can you wake up for us" I say shaking him slightly.

I can feel his temperature radiating off of him and his shirt is soaked through. Andy gently taps his face and Louis responds to that and opens his eyes.

"Andy" he struggles.

"Yeah bud, we are getting you to a hospital Lou, I need you to stay awake though okay" Andy tells him.

"I' sooooo tired" he drawls.

"Darling, can you keep those beautiful blue eyes open for me, just until the ambulance gets here" I ask him,

"Haz, I missed you" he chokes out.

"I missed you too sweetheart, I'm here now and we need you to stay awake for us" I tell him.

He nods his head,

"Why aren't you doing anything Andy, help him breathe" I say to Andy as Louis is struggling hard.

"I can't H, I need the ambulance and their equipment" he says, he does put an oxygen mask on Louis though and that seems to help a little.

"Is he going to be okay?" I ask.

"I hope so H, his lungs are filling up with fluid and shutting his body down. He is drowning from the inside and we need to get him to a hospital and drain the fluid" Andy says.

Fuck, I'm so angry at our mums right now. Louis shouldn't have to suffer like this.

Louis suddenly grabs my thigh tightly and his breathing gets worse, he is gasping for air now and panicking.

"I know it's hard to breathe buddy, just remain calm though. I'm here, just breathe" Andy tells Louis.

Louis tries to relax but it's not working.

"H, calm him down, it's making it worse" Andy tells me.

"Louis, listen just relax, I can hear the ambulance now, they are coming okay. Just relax, they will help you breathe baby" I say.

I kiss him gently on the head and stroke his hair, trying to calm him. Andy doing the same.

When the ambulance finally make it into his room Andy fills them in.

"Secondary drowning, transport to London Hospital, we need to put a tube in and relieve some pressure on the way let's go" he yells at the two stunned ambulance officers.

Everything happens so fast and Louis is whisked away with Andy in the ambulance. Andy promises me once again to protect Louis. I race to my car, wanting to follow the ambulance as quickly as possible.

"Harry" my mum yells at me.

I turn around and glare at her.

"Im sorry, I should have listened I'm so sorry" she tells me.

"I can't do this right now mum. I can't hear this. All I can say is that Louis is living with me, I'm not letting him go again and I don't care what you and Jay say, he's mine now" I say angrily as I get in Andy's car and start the miserable drive to London, waiting for any kind of word from Andy.

Chapter Text


When I reach the hospital I'm exhausted, I called the boys on my way and I'm met with Zayn, Liam and Niall in the waiting room.

"You look like shit H" Zayn says as he hugs me.

"Thanks mate, I feel like it too" I say back.

We pull apart and I reach for Niall, he hugs me back tightly.
"You need to eat and sleep mate" he tells me.

"I will, when I know Louis is okay" I tell them.

"Andy hasn't been out yet, they took Louis to the ER as soon as they arrived and we haven't heard any news" Liam says, he pulls me into his arms.

I collapse into him, needing the boys support right now.

"If we hadn't of been there Li..." I say worriedly as I think of what could of happened if we hadn't have gone to get Louis ourselves.

"Don't think about that H, you know Louis, you and Andy both trusted your instincts and in the end you were right, once again H. You are the reason he is still alive" Liam reassure me.

We walk over to the empty waiting room and sit down together on the couch provided. It's a tight squeeze but we all lean on each other. It's silent for a while, before I have to break it.

"I had to call Jaxson this morning" I tell the boys.

"How did he take the news?" Niall asks sadly.

"He lost it, was a complete mess. He loved Noah so much and I feel so guilty that we didn't do our job, that we didn't protect him enough" I tell the boys.

"We did everything we could H, you know we did. None of us could have predicted what happened" Zayn tells me rubbing my back.

"I just keep thinking, what if it had been Louis. I just get so upset and angry every time I think of it being him. I just can't loose him" I tell them, tears in my eyes.

"H, Louis is okay, he is going to be okay I know it. You can't think like that, it will destroy you" Niall tells me.

"I just want to wrap him up and not let him out of my sight again" I tell them, chuckling a little.

"And that's okay mate, it will take time H, before we are all comfortable with letting Louis out of our sights, but we will eventually let it happen" Liam says.

"Until then though, I say we do wrap him up in cotton wool and keep him next to one of us....I vote indefinitely" Zayn says seriously.

We all chuckle at him and he smiles.

"I'm serious" he defends.

"We know, that's why it's funny" Niall laughs.

I love these boys so much, just being with them has lifted my anxiety and stress levels.

About half an hour later my mum and Jay come racing into the waiting room.

"Harry, please is my son okay?" Jay asks me worriedly

I know she loves Louis and wants what's best for him but I'm still so angry at them both.

"I don't know, we haven't heard" I say coldly.

I see her face fall and my mum comforting Jay as we wait for Andy. We don't speak a single word to each other and when Andy comes out an hour later he looks wrecked.

"Guys" he says getting our attention.

We all stand up and gather around Andy.

"Is he okay Andy?" Jay asks worriedly.

"He's....he's stable for now" is all Andy says.

"What does that mean Andz?" I ask. I'm so worried about Louis I could seriously loose my shit right now.

"It means" Andy sighs.

" Louis has severe hyperthermia. He spent eight hours out in the open with no food or water in extremely low temperatures. We all know he drowned in below freezing water, even though we brought him back, he wasn't monitored properly afterwards and he has suffered something we call 'secondary drowning' where even though he isn't in the water, fluid was left in his lungs and he was drowning from the inside. Because his body temperature was so low it made it a lot worse. We had to drain the fluid and he has been put on a respirator to insure he doesn't suffer any damage to his lungs and brain. We had a very hard time bringing his body temperature back up, his body shut down and it was not easy getting him back. We did though, he is in intensive care and we will be monitoring him closely. He is stable, but that could change, we just won't know the damage until he wakes up" Andy finishes.

I can hear Jay breaking down and my mum trying to comfort her, I don't care though, they are the reason Louis is here, that Louis nearly died. If they had just listened to me.

"What other damage could there be Andy?" Liam asks, obviously seeing I'm in no state to ask.

"He could suffer prolonged kidney and lung damage, he could develop pneumonia and have brain damage, we don't know. We don't think he will have any damage to the Brain, we are sure we treated him in time but, until he wakes up.....if he wakes up, we wont know until then"

"If?? There's an if?" Zayn asks panicking.

"I'm afraid so, I'm so sorry boys....I did my best I'm sorry" Andy tells us. He looks so guilty and I hate it, I rush forward and take him into my arms we all draw each other close.

"You are one of the reasons he is still here with us Andy, if it wasn't for you that wouldn't have been possible. You have done everything for Louis" I tell him.

We hug for a while until Jay breaks the silence.

"Can we see him?" She asks.

We pull back and wipe our tears.

"Yeah, yeah can all stay if you want. There are two recliner chairs and I can organise a bed, but there is the floor too. I'll okay it and we can all stay with him" Andy tells us.

He leads us to the lift and up to the intensive care floor, we are lead to a private room and when Andy opens the door it's dark. He flicks on a side light and we see Louis on the bed, connected to a dozen machines. He is covered head to toe in thermal blankets and heat packs that are keeping his body temperature up. I make my way over to the bed and bend down to kiss him on the forehead. His body is so cold. I pull up a chair next to the bed and I don't plan to move, I grab Louis small cold hand and hold it In mine. Andy brings some pillows and blankets in and we all get comfortable. The boys on the floor and mum and Jay in one of the recliners. We sit in silence, like we are just waiting for Louis to open his eyes and be okay.

"I didn't mean for this to happen, I was trying to protect him" Jay says to the silent room.

"What do you think I was doing?" I spit back. I can't help but get defensive.

"You can't blame me for being cautious Harry, he is my son. You are six years older than him and I was worried" Jay says back.

"If that's what you were worried about, you clearly have no idea!" I can't help but yell.

The boys all remain silent watching our encounter nervously.

"Louis came to us a complete wreck, he was underweight, not eating, being abused and was harming himself. None of which you knew about. He told us, confided in us and we helped him overcome so much shit, only for you and mum to bring it all back on top of him again. And why? because you were worried about the age difference?" I scoff.

"Harry, you have to understand" my mum tries.

"I don't mum, I'm sorry I just don't understand. I love this kid to death, I would do anything and everything for him and I know every single one of those boys over there would do the same. He is one of us now and he is not going home with you" I say venomously.

"You're right Harry, we never saw what you did. We were so caught up in our lives and working so much we neglected Louis. We tried to help him but all he did was push us away and we let him. You though, you and the boys fought for him and you pushed and pushed until he told you everything. You are the ones who saved him and I will forever be thankful to you....please forgive me, forgive us Harry" Jay says to me

I look towards her and I see a distraught looking mother, worried endlessly about her son. I know she loves Louis and she thought she was doing the right thing, she came from a good place. I just wish she would have listened to me. I know she means every word of what she just said to me and for Louis sake and the sake of my family I know I will forgive her.

I let a few tears slip as Jay comes over to me. I stand up to face her.

"Nothing is more important than him" I start...pointing to Louis.

"He comes first for me, the boys and for you and mum! Louis is number one and you need to remember that" I tell her bluntly.

"I know Harry" she tells me.

"Nothing comes close in my life and I will be here for as long as he will have me, I will fight for him and love him forever. I need him just as much as he needs me. This kid has changed my life and I want nothing more than to give him the world.......please just let me Jay....please" I say looking her in the eyes.

She looks back at me and smiles slightly.

"Okay....I know you love him Harry, I can see how much you both mean to each other. He.......he can stay with you and the boys. I want him to be happy, I want him to get better. I want you both to be happy" she tells me.

I sigh with relief as we both hug each other tight. I'm so thankful we have resolved this and Louis is now mine, he can stay with us permanently and I couldn't be happier. We pull back and we settle down in the room and we wait, we wait for Louis to show some sign of waking, we wait for him to come back to us and I pray to God he does.

Two days later and Louis is still out and has now developed pneumonia, Andy says it's okay and is treating it with antibiotics. He says two days is normal to be asleep for, anymore than three to four though and we need to look at possible permanent damage. I can't even think of that and I push the thoughts aside as I sit beside Louis bed. I only leave to go to the toilet or shower in the ensuite provided. The boys have been making sure I'm fed and I'm grateful, they don't pressure me to leave either, they know I won't. They just support me in being where I need to be. Mum and Jay got a hotel and come back during the day and leave at night.

It's 7:30 on the third night, I'm talking to Louis like usual when he starts choking on the tube in his mouth. I press the call button and a nurse and Andy come in. Andy seems relieved to see Louis like this,

"Louis?, it's okay relax, we are taking the tube out of your throat now" Andy tells Louis.

Louis coughs and splutters when the tube comes out but he doesn't wake. His breathing is fast and wheezy.

"Is he okay?" I panic

"This is a great sign H, Louis is breathing on his own, he doesn't need the tube now. This should mean he will wake up soon" Andy tells me.

I let out a huge breath of relief and Andy and I smile at each other. These last three days have been so stressful.

"He's not breathing right though" I say when I turn back to Louis and see him struggling.

"I know, that is the fluid in his lungs, the oxygen will help" Andy says as he places a mask over Louis face.

I nod and settle back down to watch over Louis for the rest of the night. Nothing happens all night and when mum and Jay come back the next day nothing has changed. Andy still assures us it's a good sign and we just have to be patient.

"Come on baby, just come back to me...please" I tell him as I kiss his cheek.



I wake up slowly, my chest is heavy and tight but I can breathe a lot better than before. I can hear beeping and I know I'm in a hospital. There is something covering my face and I can feel tubes all over me, it's annoying. My eyes are heavy as I try to move my body and open my eyes, I whimper. My body is sore and my chest aches badly. My memories come back to me and I remember Noah and drowning and I panic, Noah. I need to get back to Noah. I can hear the beeping sound getting louder and louder.

"Lou?" I hear Harry's gorgeous voice call to me.

"Haz" I wheeze.

"Hey Angel, you're okay" Harry tells me. I feel his hands carding through my hair.

"Noah" I say croakily.

"I know Lou, we need you to relax though angel just relax and breathe" Harry tells me gently.

"Lou, buddy can you open your eyes for me?" That's Andy's voice.

I do as I'm told and slowly open my eyes. I come face to face with a smiling Harry and Andy.

"There he is" Andy says grinning.

Harry reaches out and strokes my hair off my forehead. I slowly lift my mask off my face so I can talk clearer, Andy reaches out and helps me. I cough, it hurts and I scrunch my face up at the pain.

"I'm sorry Lou, you'll be sore for a while" Andy tells me.

"What happened?" I ask tiredly.

The last thing I remember is struggling to breathe, trying to get to sleep.

"We nearly lost you again is what happened" Harry says seriously.

"You suffered something we call secondary drowning, where the lungs fill up with fluid and you drown from the inside. We are lucky we got you to the hospital in time" Andy says.

That's why I couldn't breathe, thank god for Harry and Andy, I probably would have died in my sleep if they hadn't of come to get me.

"Am I okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, you will be, we are still draining some fluid off your lungs and you have developed pneumonia but you are responding well. You have been out for four days" Andy says.

"I'm sorry" I say, I don't know why I feel the need to apologise.

"Don't be sorry baby" Harry tells me gently.

I don't know why but I start to cry, my emotions getting the better of me.

"Hey little one, don't cry. Everything is going to be fine" Harry reassures me.

"Is Noah really gone?" I ask Harry.

Him and Andy look at each other and then at me sympathetically.

"Yes baby, we are so sorry sweetheart" Harry says and I choke on my tears.

I struggle to breathe, I knew the answer but I needed Harry to say it again. I just want Noah back so badly, why did he have to die.

"Oh Lou" I hear from the doorway. Zayn walks in and he reaches for me, I sit up a tiny bit and crash into his arms.

"I'm sorry Lou, I'm so sorry kiddo. If I could take it back I would, we all would" Zayn tells me. Harry sits on the bed next to me and rubs my back while I hug Zayn.

"It's just not fair" I say.

"We know sweetheart, we know" Harry tells me.

Eventually I calm down and I pull back from Zayn and sit up in the bed.

"We will get through this Lou, you are our number one priority okay. You will get through this" Zayn tells me.

His words make me feel so loved and give me a bit of hope, I have tears in my eyes and instead of responding with words I just lean in and hug Zayn tightly.

He chuckles and hugs me back with all his might. I don't understand how the boys will help me though, my parents have been dead set on me loosing contact with them. I pull back and look at Harry.

"Is mum here? And Anne?" I wonder, I assumed they wouldn't be letting Harry and the boys near me.

"Yeah, they are around, getting food I think, they have something to tell you" Harry says.
I tense up, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to go back with the them.

"It's okay, relax baby. It's nothing bad" Harry tells me.

"Have you all been in Doncaster for four days?" I ask them.

Andy chuckles at me.

"No bud, you are in London, we transported you here, you're in my wing" he says.

I relax knowing I'm back in London with the boys and Harry.

Just then my mums come into the room. Zayn and Harry move off the bed but stay by my side.

"Oh Louis" my mum says as she rushes over to me and engulfs me in a hug. Anne does the same.

"We are so so sorry honey" Anne tells me.

"We love you Louis, so much" mum says.

"I love you too" I say, melting into their arms.

I then start coughing again and they pull away concerned. I panic at the fact I can't catch my breath when I cough, it hurts and it's such a scary wheezy cough. Harry sits down on the bed and cups my face in his hands.

"Louis look at me" he tells me pointedly. His voice getting dominating, I respond instantly and look at him, fear in my eyes because I can't catch my breath.

"You need to relax, Andy is going to help you, you are okay" he tells me.

"I can't breathe Harry" I say between coughs.

"It's just your lungs, trying to get rid of the fluid Lou" Andy tells me.

"Am I going to die, like feels the same I'm going to die" I panic.

"We didn't let you die before, we aren't going to let you die now sweetheart...never. Just listen to us and trust us" Harry tells me.

I nod frantically at them as Andy gets oxygen tubes organised and puts them in my nose, it's better than the mask and I start to breathe easier again. Harry leans over and crawls into bed next to me. He wraps me up in his arms and I lay against his chest fisting his shirt as I begin to breathe again.

"That's it Lou" Andy tells me.

"See, we won't let anything happen to you angel" Harry says stroking my hair.

As I calm down I look towards my parents and they are watching Harry and I closely.

"Are you taking me away again?" I ask them both.

Harry, Zayn and Andy all look towards my mums.

"Listen honey, your mother and I have agreed that it's best for you.... if you stay with Harry and the boys" Anne says.

I lift my head off Harry's chest to look at them.

"Really?" I ask croakily.

"Yes, while you were asleep and we thought we had lost you, we realised that Harry is what you need right now. We will support you both" Anne says.

"Harry has arranged for you to do your last year of school at home here in London, it will take a bit of time to recover and we thought with everything you have been through its best if you complete your work from home" my mum says.

I smile

"Really?" I say stunned., turning to look at Harry.

"Really, you're all mine now" he winks.

I blush and Zayn and Andy chuckle.

"Thank you mum" I say.

She nods knowingly at me.

Harry pulls me closer and I bury my head in his chest, his smell engulfs me and I feel safe, happy and loved and I want nothing more than to stay with him forever.

"I'm tired" I say yawning.

"You're body needs rest Lou, sleep as much as you can" Andy tells me.

"I won't leave your side baby" Harry tells me.

I can't keep my eyes open any longer and I drift off to sleep in Harry's arms.

When I wake up next it's dark, there is a small light on to the left of me and Harry is sprawled out in a recliner chair reading, never leaving my side. When I bolt awake from my nightmare he is there to comfort me.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I force through my ragged breathing.

"It's okay, don't panic. You are safe, you're with me now" Harry tells me.

I go to climb off the bed, I want to snuggle with Harry on the recliner.

"What are you doing baby?" He ask me.

"Can I sit with you?" I ask.

Harry beams

"I don't know if the tubes will reach but we can try" Harry says.

All the tubes reach apart from my oxygen, I take it off though much to Harry's distress.

"You need to leave it on Lou, it's helping you" he says.

"Please just ten minutes Haz, I promise I'll put it back on then" I ask innocently pouting at him.

Harry sighs.

"Okay but one slight cough and it's back on, got it" he says.

"Promise" I tell him.

I curl up in Harry's lap and snuggle into him, he wraps his arms around me tightly.

"You okay?" He asks me.

"No, all of this is my fault and I can't help but think it should have been me Haz. Noah and Nick didn't deserve to die" I say quietly

"Louis, I know this is hard to deal with and its traumatic and what you saw happen you should never be exposed too, I understand you feel guilty but that doesn't mean it should have been you. You deserve to live just as much as they did. None of this should of happened and thinking that it's your fault makes it all in vain. Do you think that Noah would want you lying here thinking those thoughts?" Harry says.

"I don't know what Noah would have wanted Harry, he isn't here" I snap

"I know baby and that's not fair and I cannot apologise enough to you Lou, it's going to take a while to come to terms with it all but I promise you the nightmares will go away" Harry says.

"All I keep thinking about is his brother, Jaxson when he heard the news...." I start.

"I know, I was the one who called him. He was a mess" Harry says stroking my hair.

Tears sting my eyes at the thought.

"He wanted you to come to the funeral" Harry says carefully.

"He did?? When.....when is it?" I ask

"Tomorrow" Harry says.

"Can I go?"

"I don't think so baby, I'm so sorry. You aren't well enough to leave the hospital" Harry says.

I let the tears fall at the news, I really wanted to say goodbye to Noah.

I silently cry trying to breathe without coughing, Harry just holds me and I exhaust myself. Andy chooses then to come into the room.

"Well, isn't this a cute sight to see" he says smiling.

"I was just about to put him back to bed, the oxygen doesn't reach" Harry says.

My body chooses that time to betray me and I have a coughing fit in Harry's arms.

"It hurts" I cry, as I can't stop coughing.

I start to panic as my chest heaves up and down trying to catch my breath.

"It's okay, just breathe Louis, we won't let anything happen too you" Andy says. He kneels down in front of us on the chair, grabs the big oxygen mask rather than the tubes.

"Just put this one on until you catch your breath okay" he says as he slips the mask over my mouth, Harry taking over and holding it against me.

I slowly begin to breathe normally again.

"Thats it Lou, next time just buzz me hmmm, there is an extension for the nasal tubes" Andy smiles. He grabs them and replaces the mask with the tubes in my nose. He then grabs a fresh blanket from the cupboard and lays it over us.

"You can stay there now" he smiles.

I smile back at him and Harry mouths a "thank you" to Andy who winks at Harry. Andy goes to checking everything on the machines.

"Andy?" I ask.

"Yeah bud?" He smiles.

"Can I go to Noah's funeral tomorrow?" I ask.

"Oh bud, I'm so sorry. I wish I could say yes but your vitals are still low and you still need the drains. You still have pneumonia too. I know it's really important to you Lou. I just can't risk it though bud" he tells me sympathetically.

I nod and just rest against Harry. His touch relaxing me enough to fall asleep against him.

It's noon before I wake again, I slept dream free with Harry and I wake still in his arms. There is an empty tray of food next to Harry and he is reading again, stroking my hair as he concentrates on the pages. He looks adorable, the way his nose scrunches up and he frowns a little at what he is reading. He notices me staring and turns and smiles at me.

"Hi there sleepy" he says.

"Hi, sorry I slept so long, are you uncomfortable?" I say worriedly.

Harry chuckles.

"I'm fine baby, I love having you in my arms, best sleep I've had in ages. Andy made sure I was well fed too" he smiles.

I smile back at him.

He leans down and kisses me and I blush.

"You need to eat too angel" he tells me.

I sigh as I sit up,

"Lou I need to tell you something" Harry says and I tense up with the the way he is looking at me.

"What....what is it?" I ask confused.

"It' have a visitor" he tells me.

A visitor? That's strange who would want to visit me.

Harry stands up and lifts me up with him. He places me on the bed and I sit cross legged on top. Harry must have changed me into my black sweats and jumper while I was asleep.

"I'm going to go get him and I will leave you two alone for a little while okay" he tells me and I panic.

"It's okay, I promise you're safe" he says.

I nod at him and he kisses me.

"I'm going to get you some food okay, don't worry I won't be long" he says and I sigh.

"Okay" I tell him.

He leaves the room and I begin to fiddle with the blanket, my thoughts running all over the place. I'm Interrupted though.

"Louis?" A kind soft voice asks.

I look up to the doorway and I see a very handsome brown haired version of Noah, they have the same eyes, they could be twins.

"You're Jaxson aren't you?" I swallow.

"Yeah, it's so nice to finally meet you Louis, Noah used to go on and on about you" he tells me smiling.

"I......I..." I don't know what to say and my eyes water a little.

"It's okay Lou, I'm sorry for just showing up, It's nice to put a face to the name though" he says.

He walks over to the bed and sits down crossing his legs in front of me.

"I'm sorry Jaxson" I say croakily, not making eye contact.

"Hey, look at me Louis" he says seriously.

I pick my head up from where I'm looking at my hands and look into his eyes. They are a spitting image of Noah's.

"I came here to talk to you and to tell you, no one blames you, I don't blame you buddy, none of this was your fault okay" he tells me.

The tears flow freely then.

"It should have bbeeen me" I say.

"No it shouldn't have. I'm absolutely devastated Noah is gone but it should not have been you instead. He loved you like a little brother Louis and it would have killed him if you had gotten hurt" he tells me.

I choke on a sob.

"He, he made sure I was safe and okay, he kept me warm and he looked after me. He saved me Jaxson but I couldn't....I couldn't save him" I say wiping my tears away.

"Noah wouldn't have wanted you to get hurt Louis. He protected you for a reasons and I truly believe everything happens for a reason. We need to accept it and try to move on. I know it's hard but that's what Noah would have wanted" Jaxson says.

I look at him in the eyes and he slightly smiles at me. I then lunge for him and hug him tightly. He returns the hug with enthusiasm and we hold onto each other for a while and it feels nice, Noah would have liked this.

We pull back and Jaxson smiles at me.

"You know, Noah told me what an awesome skater you are" he says.

I blush.

"Not as good as Noah" I say.

"Well, you know where he learnt all his tricks from don't you" Jaxson says proudly.

"Let me guess, his amazing big brother?" I smile.

"Got it in one" Jaxson laughs.

I smile back at him.

"I can teach you some time? I'd love to take you to the bowl, before I go back to uni" Jaxson tells me.

"Really?" I ask surprised.

"Absolutely Lou, what do you say?" He asks.

"I'd love that....thank you" I smile.

Jaxson reaches out and ruffles my hair smiling.

We end up talking for a while longer, he tells me stories of Noah and we laugh together. When it's time for him to go he promises he will call me and take me to the bowl. We share one last hug and he leaves the room. Even though I will always feel guilty and I will never get over Noah's death, it makes me feel so much better that Jaxson doesn't blame me. I can see why Noah loved him so much and I know Noah would have loved that we met and shared so much.

Chapter Text


Its two days later when I'm woken by the worst nightmare I've ever had. Noah was in it, calling my name over and over, pleading with me to save his life. Im hanging off the edge of the cliff trying to get to him before he gets shot but I'm not successful and the gun shot rings through the air. Instead of waking up like usual though, the nightmare keeps going, I see the whole thing. The explosion of his brains, the blood and the mess and I want to vomit, it makes me queazy even in my sleep. It doesn't just happen once though it happens over and over again, I see it happen over and over. The gunman comes over towards me and reaches out and unhooks my hands from the cliff and I'm falling again, into the water and I can feel the water around me. I can feel how hard it is to breathe, I'm struggling. I then hear Noah's voice calling me.

"Louis, why didn't you save me"

"Louis, I needed you"

"Louis, it should have been you, why me"

His voice is calling to me over and over again.

Then I hear new voices.

"Harry? What's happening" Andy asks.

I can hear a terribly annoying beeping sound, it won't stop and it's so loud.

"He won't wake up Andy and he isn't breathing right" Harry says panicked.

"Louis, come on buddy, come back Lou" Andy is hovering over me.

Suddenly there is a light shining in my eyes, I can see it but I can't react. I can't come back.

I start yelling for Harry and Andy but I won't wake up.

"Come on Lou, you can do it come back" I hear.

I struggle as best as I can and I manage to break the surface of water in my dream, I let out a huge gasp. My eyes fly open and I'm back In the hospital, tubes and drips and Harry and Andy. I can't settle down though I'm absolutely terrified.

"Louis, shhhhhh, calm down baby" Harry is saying.

My body won't let me though, he is reaching out to me trying to comfort me but I don't want it. My body is sweating and my breathing is harsh.

"You're back with us Lou, you're safe" Andy says.

Before I register what I'm doing I'm pulling all of the tubes out of me.

"Hey, hey, hey. Lou you can't do that buddy, everything is there to help you" Andy says gently.

I shake my head and I jump off the bed. Harry tries to steady me as I fall slightly but I push his hands away.

My breathing is ragged and I know I'm not in my dream but It's still flashing before my eyes. I pull the last tube out of my arm and the annoying beeping stops and I'm relieved.

"Lou" Harry says concerned.

"Just give him a bit of space H, just wait until he is fully back with us" Andy tells him.

I can hear them and see them but for some reason I'm not really registering them.

I look down at my arms and see spots of blood. I know it's from me pulling the drips and tubes out of my arms but something is telling me it's Noah's and I freak out even more, trying to get it off me.

"Louis, I need you to listen to my voice, this isn't real you are safe Harry and I are here" Andy says.

"Come on Lou,it's okay, I know you can come back to us" Harry says.

I then feel warm hands cup my cheeks and I see Harry, I look into his eyes and I see him, he is smiling.

"Good boy baby, come back I'm here, you are so safe baby, so safe with me" he tells me.

"Haz"I croak.

I see Andy relax behind Harry and Harry breaths a sigh of relief.

"Good job baby, you're back now shhhh it's okay" he say and he brings me into his arms.

"I saw Noah" I blurt out.

Harry stills and he breaks our hug and holds my arms to look at me.

"In your dream?" Harry asks.

I nod.

Harry looks and Andy and I don't miss the look they give each other.

"He told me it's my fault, he asked me why I didn't save him" I tell them both.

"No, Louis, no. There is nothing you could have done sweetheart, nothing" Harry tells me.

I don't argue, it's pointless. Instead I just relax in Harry's arms.

"Let's get you back to bed Lou, it's 3am you need to rest" Andy tells me.

I shake my head no and pull away from Harry,

"No, Im not closing my eyes ever again, No!" I say.

"Louis" Harry says sternly.

"No, I couldn't come back, I couldn't break from the dream. I tried and it was so haunting and terrifying I can't do it again. What if I never come back? I can't do it" I sob.

"I'll never let that happen baby. I will always help you come back to me" Harry says, he grabs my cheeks and he thumbs my tears away and kisses my forehead.

"If you don't want to sleep Lou, why don't you sit on the chair and we can put the TV on hey" Andy pipes up from behind Harry.

I look at him and nod, yes, TV sounds good right now.

"Okay, I need to hook you back up, but before I do, why don't you go have a shower with Harry and calm down a little hmmm" Andy says kindly.

"That's a great idea, let's get you into some fresh clothes, that will make you feel better" Harry smiles.

He then lifts me up like a child and I wrap my legs around his waist and snuggle into his neck. He rubs my back and takes me into the bathroom. He closes the door and then sets me down on the sink while he turns the water on to the right temperature. He then helps me undress, my body is weak and I feel utterly shattered. When I'm naked Harry quickly undresses himself and leads me into the shower and under the spray of water, he turns me around so my back is against his chest and he holds me. I grip his forearm tightly as it snakes around my body.

"Make me forget Harry, please" I whisper.

Harry's breath hitches

"Are you sure you are okay with that Lou?"

"Please" I beg and I close my eyes to hold back my tears.

"Okay baby I've got you, I'll take good care of you darling" Harry whispers into my ears.

"What's your code word sweetheart" Harry whispers as his hands start navigating all over my body.

I moan and let my head fall back and relax against Harry's shoulder.

"Words Louis, you know this by now" Harry says gently but with authority.

"Blue" I whisper.

"Good boy" he praises.

Harry continues to explore my body with his hands and I'm putty in his embrace as I try to forget my nightmares and focus on Harry and how he makes me feel. He starts kisses and sucking at my neck and I'm breathless,the hot water making everything heightened. Harry's hands then make their way down to my thighs. My cock is beginning to harden and I can feel Harry's hard on behind me. I grind against it.

"Such a good boy for me Lou" he says.

I then turn around and sink to my knees. I waist no time in delving into tasting Harry, I want him to fuck my mouth want him to make my throat sore. He seems to understand and thrusts harder into my mouth. I keep my head still as he does, there is spit everywhere but it turns me on more. The moans coming from Harry are explicit and I can't get enough.

Harry pulls me off just as I can feel him tensing, he brings me up and kisses me hotly, he pushes me back against the shower wall and attacks me. I whimper and bring my hands up to card them through his wet hair, then I pull, he growls and bites down on my bottom lip. He reaches around me and with no prep he forces one finger inside me. I gasp and grab on to his biceps.

"Relax, is it to much" he asks

The pain is intense but I crave it. I shake my head.

"Louis" he growls

"I'm fine, more please Haz" I say breathlessly.

Harry pushes another finger in and I nearly collapse, it's painful but I need it. He works two fingers dry inside me. He then turns me around and pushes me against the wall. He brings my hands behind my back and holds them in one of his large hands. He attacks my neck and then bends down and licks a stripe over my hole, I moan as he licks and sucks. I try to escape his hands so I can hold on to something for fear I will fall, but Harry tightens his grip, Harry's mouth is amazing and I feel completely blissed out. Harry sticks his tongue deep into my hole and I can't take it anymore, I will come if he keeps going.

"I'm......I'm going to come Haz" I say huskily.

"Not yet sweetheart" Harry says and pulls back.

He folds his body over mine and keeps my hands behind my back, he starts kissing me senseless again and I can taste myself on Harry, at first it's weird and I nearly pull back but Harry won't let me and soon enough I'm enjoying it and it becomes extremely hot. The bathroom is beginning to fog up from the heat, we are both sweaty and breathless and just breathe into each other's mouths as we try to catch our breaths back.

"I'm going to make you forget Louis, no coming" Harry tells me and I whimper.

I scream out on pleasure and pain as he pushes his hard huge Length inside me.

"Feel so good darling, so tight for me" Harry tells me.

He doesn't move until I calm down and get used to his length inside me the burn is overwhelming and I feel like I want to collapse. Harry continues to hold my hands behind my back and snakes his other hand around my waist to hold me up. Tears of relief, pain and pleasure fall down my face as Harry begins to pound into me.

I moan at the feelings taking over my body.

"Harry, Harry, aghhhhhhh" I chant.

"That's it baby, say my name" he whispers hot in my ear.

His pounding is relentless and just as I feel like I'm going to pass out, I forget my rules and my body can't hold out any longer and I come all over the shower wall. Harry stills and comes with a grunt and a kiss to my neck. Our breathing is heavy but Harry doesn't pull out of me, I'm sensitive but he doesn't pull out or let go of my hands. I'm still pinned to the wall. I can feel his come leaking out of me and it's turning me on.

"Tsk tsk tsk" Harry says in my ear.

"Did you come without permission darling?" He says in his low drawl.

I gasp, but his words make my insides flutter and feel like they are on fire.

"Yes" I whisper.

"What am I going to do with you Louis?" he says and bites my earlobe.

I whimper, I'm so sensitive but Harry doesn't pull out. He turns my head with his free hand and starts kissing me hungrily. He reaches around and grabs my cock and starts stoking it gently, whispering dirty things in my ear, for some reason I can feel him hardening inside me again. In return I seem to respond and I'm getting hard again as well.

Harry kisses me and is stroking me and then starts pounding into me again, against the wall. Faster and deeper than before. Im so sensitive it hurts but it feels so fucking good at the same time.

"Are you going to come for me again Louis? When I tell you too?" Harry snarls.

"Yes, yes I'll do whatever you want me too" I say.

"Cause you are mine Louis, all mine and you do as daddy says" Harry says.

I choke at the word daddy, Harry has never used that before but it turns me on somehow and I find myself closer to orgasm. Harry pounds my prostate over and over, hitting the same magical spot every time. I can feel myself tensing and I'm close so close.

"Come for daddy baby" he whispers hotly in my ear.

And I come undone again, coming all over the bathroom wall.

"Daddy" I moan loudly I come.

"That's my good boy" Harry says as he too comes again.

Harry holds me close and pulls out gently. I wince as he does but welcome the pain.

Harry turns me around and cuddles me close.

"You are so good, Lou! I'm so proud of you" he tells me.

He holds me close for a little while and then starts to wash me with soap, he washes my hair and I'm nearly falling asleep in his arms.

"Feel better?" He asks and I hum in response.

"You don't like using worlds do you baby" he smirks.

"Mmmm tired" I say.

"Good, you need to rest, come on let's get you dry and dressed" Harry says.

He turns the water off and wraps me up in a towel, Harry makes sure he attends to me first. He dries me and changes me into a white T-shirt and grey sweats and socks. He places me on top of the dry sink while he change into sweats and a tank top, his muscles and tattoos on full display. He smirks when he sees me staring.

"Round three huh?" He says cockily.

I stare into his eyes sleepily.

"I'm too tired daddy" I let the name slip.

Harry gasps and walks closer to me, he pushes my legs apart and stands between them. He cups my cheeks.

"Do we need to talk about that? I don't want to make you uncomfortable, it just slipped out but God it was hot when you responded" Harry says kissing me hotly again.

I smile when he pulls back.

"It caught me off guard it weird that I liked it. It turned me on when you said it" I tell him.

Harry smiles brightly.

"I'm glad, only in the bedroom though yeah" he says.

"Yeah....only when you are fucking me" I say crookedly.

"Hmmmmmm sweetheart, be careful or I'll pound you up against that wall again" Harry says nipping my ear.

I giggle and Harry lifts me up and I wrap my legs around him again.

"Come snuggle with daddy" he whispers and I giggle again.

He brings me back to the hospital room and over to the leather recliner, Harry sits down first and I go onto his lap. I snuggle down into him and he pulls the blanket over me cocooning me from the world. My face peeking out of the blankets. I'm nice and warm and Harry holds me tight. He flips the TV on and we settle down to watch a movie. Love actually Harry's favourite.

I begin to drift off to sleep and I catch myself every time, I jolt my body awake.

"Lou, baby relax, I've got you...just sleep" Harry tells me.

I shake my head and Andy comes back Into the room.

"Louis, you should be asleep, I said you could watch TV in the hopes you would be too exhausted and fall asleep" he says.

"I don't want to sleep" I say.

"We know but you have too, you will make yourself sicker Louis" Andy says sternly.

He comes over and disrupts my cocoon and I whine and grip onto Harry. They both chuckle at me.

Andy finishes hooking me back up and places the oxygen back on me.

"My shift is over, so If it's okay I'm going to hang out here for a while" Andy says.

He pulls up a chair and sits next to us watching the movie. I can't keep my eyes open any longer and drift off again.


Andy settles down beside me and he doesn't have to tell me that he wants to keep an eye on Louis. That nightmare was a bad one and I can tell Andy is concerned about how long it took Louis to come out of it. I feel Louis breaths even out and I card my hands through his hair.

"How long will he stay like that for?" Andy asks me.

"10 minutes at most" I tell him.

He rubs his hands over his face tiredly.

"The poor kid" he says.

Louis jolts himself awake again.

"Kiddo, listen you can't do this to yourself" Andy gets down in front of Louis.

Louis just looks at Andy sadly.

"Sleep Lou, it's okay we promise" Andy reassures him swiping his hair off his forehead.

"Promise?" Louis asks brokenly.

"We promise" Andy and I say at the same time.

Louis sighs and snuggles closer to me, his breaths evens out again. I settle down for the night with him hoping now he will relax and sleep. Andy promise he will be back in the morning and leaves us be.

The night goes horribly though and Louis is sobbing by morning from lack of sleep from jolting himself awake all night. Zayn and Niall come to visit and upon seeing how upset Louis is, become extremely concerned

"Shit, he still not sleeping?" Zayn asks.

"Not a wink" i say

"So you haven't slept either? Niall asks me.

I shake my head, I'm used to the lack of sleep It comes with the job, but I am feeling quite exhausted.

"Come here to uncle Z babes" Zayn says.

He grabs Louis and picks him up and settles with him on the bed. Louis doesn't protest much, he is too exhausted I think. Zayn snuggles Louis to his side and Louis continues to cry.

"H, go get some sleep, we've got him" Niall tells me.

I'm reluctant to leave Louis, but Zayn starts to sing and it's an immediate response from Louis as he begins to calm down. Three songs later and he is out to the world.

I sigh relived.

"Your a legend Z" I smile.

"I know" he smirks.

Niall scoffs and ushers me out the door. I explain what went on last night and that I'll be back in a few hours. Niall assures me they will keep Louis safe and will call me if they need too. I'm so thankful to have them in my life and I go home and sleep knowing Louis is in safe hands.


I watch Niall tell Harry to leave and although I want him to stay so badly, I know he feels exhausted and he needs sleep. I trust Zayn and Niall and Im so comfortable lying on Zayn, his smell is so relaxing. When he starts to sing I can't help but calm my body down, his voice is so angelic and I find myself drifting off unintentionally. I can't help it and even if it's only for an hour before I wake myself up again. It's worth it.

True to my word I jolt awake an hour later having seen Noah's face flash across my eyes. I'm still in Zayn's arms and he shushes me to calm down. I sit up in bed and see Niall on the recliner, he has just laid out a spread of sandwiches on the table in front of him.

"Perfect timing Lou, you hungry?" He asks me.

"No " I shake my head.

"Tough luck Lou" Andy smirks as we walks in.

He walks over and kisses Niall and flops down next to him gabbing a sandwich. They are so cute together.

Niall hands Zayn his own sandwich and then me one. I look at it hesitantly before accepting it.

Zayn helps me open it and hands it to me, it's a roast beef sandwich with mustard. I take one half of the sandwich and start playing with it, I take the crust off it slowly and place it in the box. I then break off sections of the sandwich in little pieces.

"Louis" I hear Andy's voice scold me.

I look up and see all three of them staring at me eyebrows raised.

"Sorry" I say quietly.

I then start putting the pieces in my mouth one at a time, until they are gone. The boys have all finished their sandwiches and I think they will let me off and allow me to eat one half, when Andy hands me the other half. I sigh and do the same thing to the sandwich but finish it in a few minutes.

After lunch is cleaned up and I've been to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and freshened up a little. The four of us are sprawled out on the bed. My head is in Andy's lap and Niall is sitting on the end of the bed and has my feet while Zayn is on the recliner leaning over the bed humming. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep.

"Lou, I think we should have a bit of a talk" Andy says breaking the silence.

"Mmm?" I hum.

He brings me up to his side and my head rests on his chest.

"I want you to talk through your dream'" he tells me.

I stiffen, I don't want to talk about it

"No" I reply.

I go to move away but he brings me back to him.

"Not so fast" he says

"I don't want to Andy, please" I say trying to escape his grip.

"Calm down Lou, just hear Andy out" Niall says.

He lets me sit up in the bed and I turn to look at Andy expectantly.

"I really think talking it through will help with sleeping, can we just try please?" Andy says.

I sigh.

"What do you want to talk about? It's always the same thing, I watch on, hanging from the cliff as Noah gets his head blown off, over and over again. I see his blood and brains go everywhere, I can't save him and then the gunman pushes me off the cliff and I fall and drown all over again, I can feel myself struggling to breathe I can feel the cold water, I can taste the salt water in my mouth and Noah is always there yelling at me for not saving him, it's all my fault, he blames me" I say frustratingly.

The images flash through my mind again, Noah and his lifeless eyes, his blood and brains everywhere, I can feel myself about to have a panic attack, my breathing is ragged, my chest is constricting. Noah's voice is calling me. I feel myself being pulled under the water, I can't breathe.

"Shit" Andy says.

I'm pulled against his chest and he tries to calm me down.

"Louis, you are not back there non of this is happening, you are safe with Zayn, Niall and I" Andy's voice tells me.

"Louis, look at me" Zayn says as he cups my face.

I look him in the eyes.

"You are safe, nothing is happening just breathe with me" he tells me.

I copy Zayn's breathing and I calm down. Niall is next to me with a glass of water but I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"I think I need to throw up" I say.

Andy is quick and grabs the vomit bag from beside the bed and I throw up in it. Zayn rubs my back while Andy holds me tightly with the bag in front of my face. When I'm finished Niall throws the bag away and hands me the water. I sip it slowly.

"Please don't make me talk about it anymore" I beg.

"It's okay, you did well Lou, just relax" Andy tells me.

I lay my head down on Andy's chest and fall into another restless sleep.

Chapter Text


Three weeks later and I'm back at the apartment doing home schooling. I've still got issues with my chest but my pneumonia is gone and my lungs got the all clear. My kidney suffered some damage but it was minor and Andy said I should be fine. I've managed to work out how to function on two hours sleep, I can successfully have that amount of sleep without a nightmare, anymore and the nightmares come back full force and it's haunting. The boys all think I'm sleeping well and think I'm improving, I just never let them notice I don't sleep. Harry is always asleep when I'm awake so he would never know.

I'm sat at the kitchen table, finishing a maths sheet, sipping on a Red Bull.

"You know those things will kill you right" Harry tells me as he walks into the kitchen and leans down to place a kiss on my head.

I grumble at him and he chuckles.

"Have you not been sleeping? I've noticed you have taken a liking to these energy drinks" Harry asks innocently.

"No, I'm fine, just like the taste" I lie.

Harry hums and walks to the kitchen to make some lunch. I look back at my maths problem and try to make sense if it.

"Need some help babes?" Zayn asks as he sits opposite me at the table with his laptop, pulling up some work.

The truth is, I have read the same problem over and over. I can't concentrate and I'm really struggling, I don't want to fall asleep again and Im starting to get a little upset and angry.

"No, I can do it myself" I snap at Zayn.

He looks at me curiously, I never get short with him.

"Louis William, don't talk to Zayn like that, he is just trying to help you" Harry scolds me.

"Don't call me that" I snap back at Harry.

"Then don't act like that Louis" Harry says sternly.

"It's okay H, I know Louis wouldn't speak to me like that if there wasn't something bothering him" Zayn says, as a cue to get me to talk. I don't bite though and huff and go back to my maths sheet.

Zayn and Harry exchange glances at each other.

We sit in silence for a while and about five minutes later my eyes start drooping, I rest my head on the table and before I can help myself I'm asleep.


I watch from the kitchen as Louis rests his head on the table and his eyes shut. He thinks none of us have noticed him not sleeping these last three weeks. We all know he stays awake after we all fall asleep. The amount of energy drinks he is consuming is ridiculous, it doesn't take a genius to figure out why.

"Finally given into the urge I see" Andy says walking into the kitchen and grabbing a water from the fridge.

"Not without a fight" I say.

"Poor kid, he really shouldn't be drinking those things you know H" Andy tells me.

I hold my hands up in surrender.

"I can't ban him, it's his only way of coping right now" I tell Andy.

"He was watching TV until 5am this morning, until I came down to make breakfast, he pretended he was sleeping" Zayn says.

I sigh, I don't know how else to help Louis.

"Well he can't go on like this forever, once he figures that out and confronts his dreams he should start being able to sleep. Until then though....." Andy says sighing.

"Yeah, I just wish there was something I could do" I say

Suddenly Louis jolts himself awake, he stands up and stumbles backwards. His breathing uneven.

"Baby?" I say concerned.

He looks at me breathing heavily. He reaches for his arm and we notice he snaps the rubber band against his arm. Louis hasn't worn that for at least a month and now it's back on. He then runs upstairs, Andy, Zayn and and I look at each other, all thinking the same thing. Before we can follow him though, Louis is coming back down the stairs with his wallet and phone.

"Where are you going baby?" I ask.

"Out, I need some air.....just out" he says.

"Okay, please keep your phone on so I can call you" I just get in before the door is being slammed.

"Okay, well that was intense" Andy says.

"I guess he needed some air" Zayn says.

I still don't like it when Louis goes off alone, but I can't keep him caged up. I just hope he doesn't do anything silly and comes back soon. Of course though things that involve Louis are never simple and never go the way I want them too.

Six hours later and we can't find Louis and he isn't answering his phone. To say I'm pissed off is an understatement and I will be punishing him accordingly when he finally makes it home.

"Well where the fuck could he be?" I yell at Zayn and Niall.

"H, we know as much as you do, patrol haven't found him, he isn't at the skate park, which I doubt he would ever want to go back too" Niall says.

"I told him to keep his phone on him and answer when I called" I say angrily.

Suddenly my phone goes off and I see Louis name flash across the screen.

"Thank fuck" I say and answer..

"Lou?" I ask, hoping to hear his gorgeous voice.

"Haz!!" He yells.

I can't really hear him, there is Loud music and it sounds like he is at a party. I put the phone on speaker so all the boys can hear.

"Where are you Louis" I ask angrily.

"Um.... at a club" he responds.

"Who the fuck let you into a club?" I shout.

"I dunno, the door guy" he says sarcastically.

Zayn and Niall snicker and I glare at them.

"What club are you at?" I ask.

"Um The doorway that leads to red or something" he says.

The doorway that leads to red?? I've never heard of it. I look at the boys and they look just as confused as me, Then it hits me.

"You mean the red door?" I ask and if I wasn't so pissed I would have laughed.

"Yeah!!!" He yells.

The boys try to hold in their laughter at Louis.

"Are you drunk?" I ask him.

"Probably, if a bottle of vodka gets you drunk" he says.

"For fuck sake Louis. You are in big trouble" I say as I grab my keys and Andy and Zayn follow me out the door.

"I'm coming to get you" I say and he doesn't respond.

"Louis?" I call.

I then hear a door slam and the sound of Louis throwing up.


We get into my rover and I ask Zayn to stay on the line, all he can hear is Louis being sick, he must have drunk a lot. We pull up to the club and we show our badges and are allowed straight in. We head for the bathrooms and we find Louis throwing up over a toilet. I will have no sympathy for him in the morning and he will be punished, but right now I'm just glad he is safe. I know he wouldn't have done this if he was thinking straight,

"Hey baby" I say as I crouch down beside him.

"Haz, I'm sorry I didn't mean to drink so much, I was trying to forget" he croaks before he is spewing again.

Andy goes to get some cold water while Zayn and I comfort Louis.

"It's okay Lou, just get it out" Zayn says.

About half an hour later Louis finishes throwing up and I gather him in my arms and carry him out of the club. He passes out by the time we get home, I change him and put him to bed.

"I'd hate to be him in the morning" Zayn chuckles before walking to bed.

"He should sleep now H, hopefully" Andy says.

"Hopefully" I say back as I settle down next to him in bed

Andy smiles and leaves me to tend to Louis, even though I'm mad at him I can't help but cuddle him and hold him in my arms.

After another sleepless night, Louis wonders downstairs the next afternoon at 3pm, he looks exhausted, pale and sick. I didn't have to work today so I've been waiting for him to wake up all day. No one else is home so I plan to punish Louis and get to the bottom of what the hell he was thinking,

He walks into the kitchen and we just stare at each other not saying anything. He plays with his sweater sleeves and I can see he is regretful about his actions.

"So, good night then?" I ask, my tone clipped.

"I'm sorry" he whispers and puts his head down, looking at the floor.

"Here take these" I say putting two pills and a glass of orange juice on the bench.

He slowly walks over and takes the pills and sips on the orange juice.

"Are you mad at me?" He asks quietly.

"That would have to be one of the silliest questions you have ever asked me, of course I'm mad at you!" I snap.

He winces and has tears in his eyes.

"Should I......should I call mum and go home? Did you to leave?" He asks as he tries not to let the tears fall.

I soften my rage and sigh, this boy will be my undoing, I swear it.

"Oh baby, no. Never. Lou......I'm mad at you because something bad could have happened to you, I couldn't get hold of you and I was worried. Not to mention you shouldn't have been in a club you are 17. Just because we are having an argument, which this isn't even an argument. Doesn't mean I want you to leave. We are going to have disagreements regularly and since you are the most sassiest boy I know and love to push my buttons, we need to get used to it. But you will always be mine Louis...always" I tell him.

He looks at me and let's a few tears fall.

"I love you Lou" I tell him as I reach out and thumb away his tears.

"I love you too" he tells me.

"I expect an explanation though" I say.

He nods.

"I, haven't been sleeping" he confesses.

"I know" I tell him.

He looks at me incredulously.

"How?" He asks.

"You are my boyfriend Louis, I'm so In tune with you its scary and we aren't silly, anyone could tell you have been struggling" I tell him.

He fish mouths a few times before he nods. He fiddles with his sleeves.

"I fell asleep on the table and it wasn't for very long, I had another nightmare and I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to cut, I woke feeling the urge after so long and it scared me. So I left, I passed a bottle shop and I had the idea of going to a club, I got in, no one questioned me and so I just drank my thoughts away. I didn't mean to miss your calls I didn't hear my phone, I was so caught up with trying to forget. I'm sorry Harry" he tells me.

"It's okay Lou, we have all drunk ourselves into oblivion before, I'm just upset you put yourself at risk doing it. I'm here to talk things through when you have those thoughts Lou. I'm here for you always baby" I say and I pull him close and he melts into my embrace.

"Thank you Harry. I love you so much and I'm truly sorry" I say.

"I love you too, and I know, but I'm still going to punish you" I tell him.

He pulls back and looks at me.

"Like kitchen duty?" He asks cutely.

I smirk.

"No Lou" I say and take his hand leading him to the bedroom. I close and lock the door and turn to face him.

"Clothes off" I tell him.

He looks startled but knows not to question me. He does as he is told and I admire his glorious body that's all mine. I sit on the bed and wait for him. When he is done I can't help but stare.

"So beautiful Lou" I tell him, he blushes and looks at the floor.

"Come here" I say.

He obeys and walks over to me, I grab his waist and I put him over my knee, he gasps and squirms when he realises what I intend to do.

"Stay still" I tell him and he stops instantly.

"What are you being punished for Louis" I say as I run my hand over his gorgeous ass.

"For...for gooiing to a club and not....and not telling you or calling you" he stumbles out.

"And by doing that what did you do?" I ask.

"I um.... I put myself at risk" he says.

I smile

"Good boy, 15 spanks to each cheek, then I'm going to fuck you dry" I say

He whimpers and goes to protest,

"If you argue or miss a count we will start again understand" I tell him.

He nods.

I bring my hand down hard on his left cheek and he cries out.

"Oone" he says shakily.

I keep going and my hits get harder each time, by the time I'm done Louis is silently crying.

"Good boy, baby, you are such a good boy for me aren't you" I say bringing him into my lap.

I wipe away his tears and he calms down.

"Such a good boy..... good job darling" I praise him.

He sniffles and goes to pull away, I know he is uncomfortable sitting on his red bum.

"Lie down in the bed hands and knees" I tell him.

He whimpers and I have mercy on him and spit a little on my cock before I press into him I don't Prep him though. Louis cries out again as my cock abuses his hole. He is getting hard though and is moaning. He feels amazing and so tight and before I know it we are both nearing our climaxes. I can tell Louis is trying to hold his at bay, I haven't given him permission yet.

"Come darling" I say and he does.

"Daddy!!!!" He cries as he comes and that sends me over the edge. I pound his tight hole as I release my seed inside him. When we both calm down I pull out and bring Louis into my arms. I cuddle him and praise him and he actually drifts off to sleep. I don't leave his side though and when he starts to stir I coax him back to sleep with my words and it works. Louis falls into a deep sleep and doesn't wake for five hours. While he is asleep, I dress him and I lotion his bum. Once I know he is settled I go downstairs to meet the boys and make a start on dinner.

"So he is still asleep?" Zayn asks as we are cutting up vegetables for dinner.

"Yep, I tired him out" I chuckle.

"H, we don't need a run down of you kinky sex life" Niall laughs.

"Kinky sex life?" I question.

"Oh H, don't play dumb, we know you have a kinky sex life.... daddy!!" Liam laughs.

I go bright red.....shit.

"Oh shit" I say complain.

"Don't worry H, Niall likes to call me daddy sometimes" Andy pipes up.

"Hey!!" Niall says going equally as red.

"And Liam likes to be spanked" Zayn says.

Liam stops cutting his tomato as we all laugh.

"Oh my god!!! Zayn!!!"

"How would you know Zayn" Niall asks.

"Yeah Zayn, how would you know?" Liam asks sassily.

"Oh don't pretend we don't fuck on a regular basis Li" Zayn says and kisses Liam.

We all chuckle, we all knew something was going on with them.

"You spanked him didn't you Harry" Liam asks when he notices my eyebrow raise at his spanking confession.

"He needed to be punished, so yes Liam, I spanked him" I say back.

"Oh man, how many did he get?" Andy asks wincing.

"15 each cheek" I confess.

"Ohhhhh man!" Andy says.

"Owwwww" Zayn chuckles.

"Poor Lou, can he walk" Niall wonders sympathetically.

"Well I don't know, he is still asleep" I say worriedly.

"He will be fine H, I've had a lot worse" Liam says.

"Unless, did you go further?" Zayn asks, meaning did we have sex

I nod

"Dry" I say.

They all wince.

"Man, I do not envy Lou" Zayn says.

"He will never go drinking again after that" Niall shakes his head.

"Well that's the point" I chuckle.

The boys laugh and we finish up making dinner, Louis comes down the stairs just as we are serving up. He looks so cute in boxers and a long sleeve shirt that's way too big. My angel. I walk over to him and swaddled him up in my arms.

"Hi baby" I say.

"Mmmm, hi daddy" he responds and I smirk.

He realises what he said and his eyes go wide, knowing the boys heard him.

"It's okay, they know and are fine with it" I tell him.

"Yeah we know all about your kinky sex life Lou, and how sore your ass will be, we are surprised you can still walk" Zayn laughs.

Louis goes bright red.

"It's okay, Liam actually likes being spanked and Niall calls Andy daddy too so don't worry" I tell him loud enough to tease the boys.

The boys laugh and I lead Louis to the table.

"Sit on my lap baby, it will hurt less" I tell him.

He smiles and does as he is told. He manages to eat most of his dinner too which is huge and I praise him.

"How did you sleep?" I ask him.

"Really good actually" I say.

"I'm so glad Lou" I tell him.

"Keep going like that Louis and you will be back to sleeping soundly in no time" Andy tells him.

He smiles, I hug Louis tightly to my chest and we continue the conversation around the table. It's the first time in months that we have all been able to talk and laugh about life and it feels amazing. With Louis by my side I feel like my world is complete. I have an amazing boyfriend I love my job and my friends are everything I could ever ask for.

Chapter Text


"Harry!!!!!" I yell from downstairs.

"What, baby....what is it" Harry says as he frantically runs from upstairs, thinking something is wrong.

"Um......I'm hungry?" I say more like a question.

"Louis William" Harry scolds. "I thought something had happened to you!" He says.

"I know, it's the only way you would have come so quickly" I say cheekily.

"You watch your sassy tone Mr, you are lucky I love you" Harry says.

"I love you too" I smile.

Harry makes his way over to me and kisses me senseless. He pulls back leaving me breathless and wanting.

"That's not fair daddy" I tell him.

Harry smirks.

"Payback baby" he says.

I huff.

"What would you like to eat?" Harry asks me.

"Eat? Did I hear correctly Louis wants something to eat?" Zayn says as he walks over and ruffles my hair.

"No way!! We must be hearing things" Liam says from behind Zayn.

"Shut up" I whine.

The boys chuckle and Harry sets to making me breakfast. This last week I have faced my fear of sleeping and have been doing okay, I'm still getting nightmares of Noah and Nick and they are a regular occurrence but not every time I shut my eyes. Harry won't leave my side at night and I'm so thankful, I have a long way to go but I know I can do it. My appetite has slowly been returning too, The boys are over the moon to say the least and it makes me so happy when they praise me and tell me I'm doing well. It makes me want to keep going.

Harry takes out a bowl and starts mixing together pancake batter, when I realise what he is making I freeze and tears sting my eyes. I haven't made pancakes since Noah and I tried and failed, the night before he died. Zayn notices my pale face and reacts first.

"Lou? It's okay relax, we were just teasing". He tries to calm me.

"'s not, it's not that" I struggle. I can feel myself going hot and clammy as the memories of that night return.

"What is it baby, talk to us Lou. Let us in" Harry says coming to stand in front of me too.

"Pancakes" I whisper.

"Yeah, I was going to make you pancakes with strawberries" Harry says gently, stroking my fringe off my forehead.

"Um.....Noah, Noah and I" I choke out.

"Shit, fuck Lou, I'm so sorry I completely forgot" Harry curses himself.

"Forgot what?" Liam asks confused.

"What happened?" Zayn asks.

Harry pulls out his phone and taps on a saved video. He turns it so we all can see, there is a 30 second video of Noah and I having our pancake fight, we are laughing and we stack it in the middle of the floor and laugh. The video ends with us smiling at each other.

"Lou" Zayn says.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't realise" Harry says.

"It's okay Haz, can I, can I see it again? Please?" I ask and he smiles and hands his phone over.

I grab the phone and sit on the floor in the corner. The boys go back to cooking and I watch the video on repeat, I'm crying but I find myself laughing too. I miss Noah so much.

"Hey Lou?" Harry says.

I look up to see three smiling faces looking at me.

"Yeah?" I sniffle.

"I know a place we could eat these pancakes, what do you say?" Harry says.

"Okay" I smile.

20 minutes later, Zayn, Liam, Harry, Andy, Niall and I are all bundled up in our winter coats to go outside.

"Louis, put this coat on as well please" Liam says.

"Li, I don't need two coats" I sass him.

"Louis" he says warningly.

I sigh and put another coat on and I feel like I can hardly move.

"A beanie too" Andy tells me putting it on my head.

"Seriously?" I say and Andy smiles.

"Ear muffs too" Niall says putting them over my beanie.

"No way!!, Harry!!!" I whine.

"Louis, do you want to go outside or not?" He says pointedly.

I grumble as Zayn comes over and puts gloves on me too.

"Now you are just doing it for fun" I say whinging.

The boys laugh

"You look so cute Lou" Harry says, grabbing my hand and leading me out of the apartment.

I argue with them about taking all the extra stuff off me, until we reach outside and the wind hits me.

"See, now you are glad we are so protective aren't you" Liam says with a wink.

"We can't risk you getting pneumonia again Lou" Andy says.

I huff but smile at them both.

Harry walks us ten minutes down the road, picnic basket in hand. He holds my hand tightly and when I see the gate to the cemetery my breath hitches.

"We should have brought you here long before this babes" Zayn says.

They lead me inside and towards Noah's grave. It's surrounded by beautiful flowers and green grass and is standing alone. Harry and the boys sit down on the rug and dish up breakfast. I walk over to the grave stone and read the inscription.

Noah Bolton

Age 19

Loving brother, son and friend.

Gone but never forgotten.

My breath gets caught in my throat and a few tears escape. The boys are far enough away that they can't hear me talk.

"Hi" I say thinking I sound like a looser.

"I'm sorry I haven't come sooner Noah, I'm......I'm so so sorry Noah, I'm so sorry you had to die. I'm sorry you got taken away from Jaxson, he loves you so much. I'm just so sorry I was part of the whole thing. If I could go back and change it I would. You were my first real friend, the first person to understand me, the first person who excepted me, who wanted to be my friend because I'm me. Thank you for keeping me safe, for keeping me warm and for keeping your promise to protect me. I will forever be grateful to you. I love you Noah" I say wiping my tears away.

"Harry showed me the video of us making pancakes, do you remember? It made me cry, but it also made me laugh. I want to remember that video forever and I hope you remember it as the last happy moment in your life" I choke. "I promise I will come and visit you when I can, I just want to let you know I love you and you will always be in my heart and I will always miss my best friend" I tell him.

I wipe my eyes and I turn around to see the boys watching me, I go over and sit down on Harry's lap and we eat our pancakes. We don't last too long as the weather is absolutely freezing but long enough and I feel at peace here for some reason. 20 minutes later the,boys start to pack up and I go to say one last goodbye to Noah. I kiss my gloves and place my hand on the grave stone.

"I miss you so much, I'll come back so soon" I say.

"Come on baby, let's get you home hey" Harry comes up behind me and puts his arm around my waist.

I lean back on his shoulder.

"Thank you Harry, this means a lot that you brought me here. Thank you" I say.

"Of course Louis, I love you and will always do whatever I can to make you smile. I know Noah would have liked the visit too" he says.

We walk back to the boys and Zayn and Niall grab me and encase me in their warmth.

"Come on little one, your nose is turning pink" Niall says as he bops his finger on the tip,

I giggle

"We don't want you catching a cold now do we" Zayn says.

I see Harry smile from beside us as I'm lead by warm arms back home.

Something inside me starts to ignite and I actually feel happy and at peace. I am so thankful these boys came back into my life. I'm so thankful that Harry and I are perfect for each other. I know they will be there for me through thick and thin and I have five shoulders to lean, cry and laugh on whenever I want. I will never get over what happened to me and Noah, but I can learn to deal with it and I am and with the boys help I know this light that has started inside me again will only continue to grow.

And little did I know that the nightmares would completely disappear after this day and Noah would only appear in my dreams to laugh happily with me.

Chapter Text

Just posted my new fic, it's called 'ours'

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Hi Guys,

If you guys love my stories I would really appreciate your support so I can continue to do what I do and make even more stories for you all.

You guys are amazing and your support on my stories is so appreciated. I really love you guys xx