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Vanilla Ice Cream Can't Fix Everything (But It Sure Does Help)

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Kuroko had broken into his apartment. Kuroko had broken into his apartment and was sitting his naked ass in the center of Kagami’s kitchen table clad only in the one button-down shirt that Kagami owned.  Kuroko was sitting his naked ass on his table clad only in Kagami’s shirt, eating vanilla ice cream straight out of the gallon tub Kagami had bought three days ago. Kuroko was steadily putting away a gallon of ice cream while listening to the CDs that Kagami had brought with him when he’d moved from America. Kuroko was listening to the collection of CDs that Kagami had brought with him from America, angrily yelling along to the parts that he knew.

Go to hell! If you're reading this and I'm not here, take your someone else and let me make this crystal clear that—that I don't need your help and I'm okay by myself! You can go to hell!

It took a moment for Kagami to process that.  It probably took longer than it should have for him to process it, but Kagami was kind of dumb so he figured he could be forgiven for it. Still. Kuroko was sitting half-naked on his dinner table shoveling ice cream in his face at a rate that put even Murasakibara to shame.

Hanging his keys on the hook by the door, he shucked off jacket, and padded, barefoot, to the kitchen; taking a small detour to press the pause button on his stereo, effectively silencing the harsh music.

He could see from the living room that Kuroko’s clothes where in a heap just inside his bedroom door. They were soaked from the rain that had been steadily coming down since mid-morning and he made a note to throw them in the wash before they started to mildew but ignored them at the moment; choosing instead to focus on what was happening in his kitchen.

He leaned against the wall casually, waiting for Kuroko to acknowledge him. When the bluenette continued to on eating the ice cream instead of saying anything, Kagami finally broke the silence.

Tables are for glasses, not asses,” he smarted off in English. He knew it’d done the trick when Kuroko looked over at him and blinked, cheeks puffed out with the amount of ice cream that he’d managed to stuff in on that last bite.

He wrinkled his nose when Kagami repeated it in Japanese and went back to eating.

“Okay, Baby Doll,” Kagami sighed, crossing his arms, “What’s wrong?”

Kuroko had told him earlier in the week that he’d be spending Saturday morning with his ex-teammates so Kagami had spent the day shopping around for a new cookbook. When he hadn’t found anything interesting by noon, he’d thrown in the towel and decided to spend the rest of the day watching his favorite movies but instead he’d come home to this.

Kuroko stabbed his spoon viciously into the melting ice cream but didn’t answer, didn’t even respond to the pet name. Kagami opened his mouth to press for information but the chiming of his phone gave him pause.

Yo Bakagami, have you heard from Testu today?

He raised his eyes to meet Kuroko’s and cocked an eyebrow, “What’d they do now?” The bluenette twisted the handle of the spoon in a rough motion, drilling it deeper into the ice cream. Right.

He’s with me. What the hell did you guys do?

Was what he fired back. He flipped his phone closed and tucked it in his pocket, he could deal with Ahomine and the rest later but right now he needed to stop Kuroko from eating anymore ice cream before he made himself sick.

With a firm grip he pulled the spoon and ice cream away from Kuroko, the bluenette let him but still declined to speak.

“Come on, Baby Doll, why don’t you go take a shower, hm?” Kagami nudged, trying to get his boyfriend to respond.

Kuroko looked at him for a few moments before nodding. He scooted across the table and hoped off, padding away without looking back at Kagami. The red head frowned but shook it off, he was sure Kuroko would talk about it when he was ready. His phone chimed again but he ignored it in favor of wiping down the table with bleach wipes. While he was sure Kuroko’s ass was decently clean and all, he was still going to disinfect the table just in case it wasn’t; who knows what Kuroko got up to with his ex-teammates? At the very least it they probably played a game of basketball. The possibility of Kuroko sitting his sweating ass on the table was too great for him not to wipe it down.

His phone chimed again and again he ignored it. He needed to focus on Kuroko right now, not whatever that idiot Aomine was saying.

After fifteen minutes the bathroom door finally cracked open and Kuroko slipped out, hair wet and redressed in Kagami’s button-down.

“Kagami-kun,” Kuroko finally said, sitting down on the couch beside him, “is it wrong that we don’t have sex?”

Kagami chocked at the question and spluttered at Kuroko’s bluntness.

“No,” he wheezed out once he’d managed to calm down, “Why?”

Kuroko’s chin tilted away from him and Kagami carefully pulled it back so that Kuroko was looking him in the eye, “What happened?”

They’d talked about their relationship ages ago, shortly after Aomine beat them during the Inter High tournament, and Kuroko had explained his feelings—that he really liked Kagami, didn’t want to red head to date anyone else, but didn’t feel the certain urges like the rest of the boys he knew did—and together they’d searched the internet for what it could mean, for a word to describe how Kuroko felt.

Asexual is the word they found. Kuroko had nodded, satisfied with the definition, and they’d looked into it more together.

In the end they determined that Kuroko was asexual and the bluenette had been worried that Kagami would be repulsed by it or that he’d decide he didn’t want a relationship with Kuroko but the red head had shrugged and said he didn’t really like sex that much anyway and that if Kuroko didn’t want to then they didn’t have to.

Kissing was a different story, however, Kuroko loved to kiss Kagami and they’d spent plenty of nights on Kagami’s couch attached at the mouth. It wasn’t the most conventional relationship but it worked for them and they were happy. Or at least Kagami thought they were, but as he watched Kuroko shift on the cushion beside him he had to wonder if perhaps he’d been wrong.

“They said relationship wasn’t ‘worth jackshit unless she was giving it up,’” Kuroko’s eyes darted away from his. Kagami wanted to groan. That crock of shit definitely came from Aomine and Kise probably agreed.

Kuroko wasn’t usually one to be self-conscious but Kagami knew he was a little touchy about this subject, about the thought that Kagami might be unsatisfied with what they had and would leave him.

He gently but firmly pulled Kuroko into his lap, not giving the other a chance to protest, “Listen to me,” Kagami said lowly, carefully, “some people, people like Aomine and Kise want to have sex and it’s important to them that their relationship has sex in it.”

Kuroko tensed and tried to free himself but Kagami held fast and continued, “And that’s fine. That’s what’s good for them. But this is what’s good for me. You’re what’s good for me and I would rather be in a relationship with you and jerk off in the bathroom then be in a relationship with someone else, even if that meant I could have sex every night. You’re what’s important to me, okay?”

Kuroko slowly relaxed against him with every word until his was draped bonelessly against Kagami’s chest. He seemed exhausted and Kagami cycled through the things that he could do to cheer Kuroko up: Basketball, out—it would only serve to remind him of his dumbass ex-teammates—making him a vinalla shake was also out of the question—Kuroko had already decimated half a gallon of ice cream.

His eyes rolled in their sockets, flicking around the room as he thought over his dilemma. When his gaze landed on his TV he stilled. That could work, he had an entire cd case of DVDs and he knew he’d brought most of his movies with him—mostly his collection of sports movies. He didn’t just own basketball movies either, but any quality sports film that he could find. He knew Kuroko would want to watch something basketball related though. It was close enough to playing to get Kuroko excited but (hopefully) wouldn’t remind him of his ex-teammates.

“You ever heard of Glory Road?” He said the title in English, tilting his head down to look at Kuroko, who shook his head.

“It’s based on a true story and a really good movie, I love it.”

He didn’t ask Kuroko if he wanted to watch it but instead let Kuroko think it was his idea, he wasn’t clever often and he almost never was able to pull anything over on Kuroko but he knew the other needed this small semblance of control.

“You should put it on, Kagami-kun; I would like to see if you are right about its quality.”

The movie had barely started before a strong knock sounded on the door. He lifted Kuroko, shushing his half-hearted protests with an ‘I’ll be right back,’ and padded to the door, wondering who on earth it could be; Kuroko was already there and Alex had only recently left from her latest visit. Behind him he heard a light thunk, letting him know that Kuroko had fallen over to sprawl out over the cushions. He wouldn’t be getting his spot back, then.

When he opened the door he immediately wished that he hadn’t. Only the other side stood the one and only rainbow brigade. He briefly contemplated closing the door on them right then and there but Akashi cut off any chance he had by moving forward in a well calculated step, close enough so Kagami couldn’t close the door without hitting him but not so close as to be in Kagami’s personal space.

“Kagami Taiga,” Akashi purred politely, “aren’t you going to invite us in? We traveled all this way to visit, after all.”

He looked over his shoulder at Kuroko, who was too absorbed in the movie to notice who was at the door, before looking back at the Generation of Dumbasses, who had all stepped closer and were practically forcing themselves in anyway.

“Come in,” he sighed ungraciously, stepping out of the way to let them through. He had the door halfway closed, ignoring the group of boys taking their shoes off just inside his doorway, before he froze, letting out a loud “Shit!

He’d forgotten that Kuroko was still buck ass naked under his shirt. At his loud explicit Kuroko popped up from his position on the couch to peek over the back, curious as to what Kagami was swearing about. The Generation of Assholes also paused, four out of five of them blinking at Kagami—Akashi simply stared at him in annoyance, too poised to do anything so plebian as to be shocked by Kagami’s brashness. Kuroko frowned but lowered back down, leaving Kagami to deal with them instead.

“Tetsuya,” Akashi simply said, staring right at the couch even though Kagami knew he’d been too busy removing his shoes to have seen Kuroko poke his head over the back.

There was a beat where all eyes were trained on the couch before Kagami heard the rusting of Kuroko standing up.

Even Akashi blinked when Kuroko stepped out from behind the couch.

“You’re wearing underwear, right?” Aomine blurted out after a moment of staring.

“I am not,” Kuroko replied calmly and Kagami kind of wished that the floor would open up underneath him and swallow him whole. How could Kuroko be so shameless?

“Kurokocchi!” Kise wailed, “How could you leave us to come have sex with Kagamicchi?”

Kuroko frowned and Kagami sighed. Dammit, dammit, dammit, these assholes better not upset Kuroko again or Kagami was going to kick someone’s ass.

“I wasn’t here to have sex with Kagami,” Kuroko intoned, turning around to press pause on the remote. He obviously wasn’t going to be watching the movie any time soon.

Aomine snorted, “Sure, Tetsu.”

Kuroko’s frown intensified and he heaved a sigh as if dealing with his ex-teammates was suddenly just too much for him before leveling Aomine with a flat look, “Kagami and I don’t have sex.” He explained simply and Kagami’s need for the earth to crack open and swallow him whole only intensified.

“Seriously?” Aomine chortled, turning to look at Kagami, “What kind of freak are you? You’ve been dating Kuroko for months and you aren’t boning him?”

Kagami knew it was the darker haired trying to take a jab at him but he could visibly see the word ‘freak’ hitting Kuroko like a physical blow. The pale bluenette’s entire face shut down, lips falling from their frown into a blank line and his eyes shuttered, going dull. He turned from where he was standing, marched to the kitchen, and then stiffly made his way to Kagami’s bedroom, spoon and trusted carton of ice cream in hand, ignoring even Akashi’s calls for him to come back right now. In response he slammed the door shut so hard that the wall rattle a bit.

“Shit!” Kagami cursed again, rounding on Aomine, “Way to go you aho!”

The Generation of Miracles stood there, staring with various expressions of shock on their faces, even Akashi was staring at Kagami’s bedroom door as if he could force Kuroko to return with the mental strength of his will alone.


“Do you think Kuro-chin will share his ice cream?” It was Murasakibara who broke the silence and Kagami ran a tired hand over his face. Shit. He’d managed to calm Kuroko down fairly easily earlier but he knew this time was going to be a lot more difficult.

When no one answered him Murasakibara moved a step towards the closed door.

“Don’t,” Kagami said quickly, reaching a hand out to stop the bigger boy, “you’ll just upset him more, I’ll be right back just don’t fuck anything up.”

He left them standing in the living room and quickly slipped into his bedroom, locking the door behind him in case any of them got it into their head to follow. The ice cream sat, unopened, on his night stand while Kuroko lay on his bed. The smaller boy was curled tightly in on himself, Kagami’s shirt riding up on his thigh to show the smooth skin there, with the pillow that he kept there hugged against his chest.

Kagami silently crawled across the bed and tucked himself to Kuroko’s back, absentmindedly tugging the shirt back down to cover Kuroko’s thigh. He left his hand there, letting it rest against the bare skin of the other’s lower thigh.

Together they lay there like that, silently, and Kagami tucked his head against Kuroko’s neck in an attempt to offer his boyfriend wordless comfort. He managed to keep his thoughts to himself for a grand total of three minutes and then he heard Kuroko sniffle lightly. The bluenette turned to bury his face in the pillow in an attempt to keep Kagami from hearing but he heard anyway.

“Hey,” he murmured, sliding his hand up to curl around Kuroko’s waist in a hug, “you know that wasn’t about you, right? Aomine was just being an ass to try to tease me; he didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“He still thinks it’s unnatural that we aren’t sleeping together,” Kuroko returned just as quietly.

“They don’t know,” Kagami said, trying to think through it rationally. He wasn’t good with tact or emotions but he needed Kuroko to feel better about himself and their relationship, “They don’t know and they don’t understand because they don’t get how you feel.”

Kagami paused, thinking something over, “and they never will unless you explain it to them. They’re your friends and they don’t mean to upset you or to make you feel bad, you know that, right?”

Kuroko nodded slowly, “It still hurt.”

Kagami squeezed him tighter, “I know it did.”

They lay there for another moment before Kuroko turned to face him, “Do you want,” Kagami started and then paused before continuing once more “Do you want me to explain it to them? Our relationship?”

 Kuroko stayed quiet, probably thinking the offer over before nodding.

Kagami pressed a small kiss to Kuroko’s lips and wanted to crow in victory when he felt the lips beneath his own press back to return the kiss.

He pulled away reluctantly and rolled out of bed. He’d much rather stay in his room with Kuroko but he had a Generation of Idiots to deal with.

Closing the door behind him, Kagami glanced up to meet five pairs of eyes boring into hi and he couldn’t help but rub at his face. He already felt exhausted and he hadn’t even started yet.

“Sit down,” is what he decided on, “Kuroko wanted me to explain something to you and you’re going to be quiet and listen or I’m gonna toss you the hell out of here.”

He lead them to the couch and sat on the ground in front of the TV so that he could see all of them. Akashi, Murasakibara and Kise nabbed the couch while Aomine sprawled out on the floor with Midorima sitting gracefully with his legs tucked under him.

Letting out a sigh Kagami rubbed at his face once more and muttered, “I don’t even know where to start.” He didn’t mean it to be loud enough to be heard but Akashi’s cool, “Why don’t you start with why Kuroko is holed up in your bedroom and then we’ll go from there,” let him know that he’d been overheard.

“Ahomine’s tasteless joke is what upset him,” Kagami fired, glaring at Aomine.

He groaned and ruffled his hair, “Okay,” he said, taking in a breath, “I guess I should start by explaining our relationship.”

Their eyes were focused on him completely as he started to haltingly explain, “We are going out but we don’t,” he paused, “we don’t have sex, Kuroko doesn’t want to.”

He looked up and glared at Aomine, daring him to make a smartass remark, “Well, it’s not that he doesn’t want to, I guess, he just doesn’t…feel it.” He explained helplessly, hands making useless gestures.

“Feel what, exactly,” Midorima asked.

“Lust, I guess, or well no,” Kagami fumbled, “he’s asexual.”

“Kagami,” Midorima started severely, “I know you’re an idiot but even you should know that people don’t reproduce by themselves in an asexual fashion.”

“I think he means Kuro-chin hates sex,” Murasakibara chimed in, blinking at Midorima in a way that said ‘don’t be dumb.’

Midorima bristled at the look but Kagami cut him off before he could respond.

“No, no, no,” Kagami back peddled, hands waving frantically in front of him, “that’s not what I meant; he just, ugh. Never mind, here—” he cut himself off and pushed himself off the floor, searching for his laptop. Hopefully it wasn’t on the desk in his bedroom. He wanted to sag in relief when he spotted it laying innocently in the corner of the living room; he didn’t want to bother Kuroko until his friends understood why Kuroko was so upset.

He plucked his laptop from where it was charging, “Here, we researched it when we first started dating and I think this will explain it better.”

Quickly pulling up the websites he and Kuroko had found the most helpful he handed the laptop to Akashi who read through the pages quickly and then explained it concisely to the others who nodded in understanding.

“I still don’t get why Kurokocchi was upset though,” Kise pouted, “why didn’t he just tell us?”

Kagami shrugged, “It’s hard to feel like a freak for years only to find that you aren’t alone and then have your friends say shitty things about your relationship and how you feel.”

His eyes bounced between Aomine and Kise, “You made him feel bad about something he was insecure about, he knows you didn’t do it on purpose but,” he shrugged again and left the sentence open.

Akashi nodded, “I see,” he said for all of them, “Would you please retrieve Kuroko? We’d like to apologize.”

Kise nodded along frantically while Midorima shifted uncomfortably in his spot and Aomine looked away stubbornly. He probably didn’t want to injure his pride by admitting he was wrong. Murasakibara, however, squashed that pique of rebellion by leaning forward and murmuring, “If you upset Kuro-chin again I’ll crush you.”

Kagami chucked and got up, knocking on his bedroom door before opening it and poking his head in, “Hey, get up, they have something they’d like to say.”

Kuroko clutched the pillow tighter before letting it go completely. He pushed himself off of the bed and padded towards Kagami, reaching out to tangle their fingers together as he exited the bedroom.

Kagami let him hold his hand and together they settled on the floor, Kuroko tucking his leg in a way that wouldn’t expose his nude lower half to his friends.

“We’d like to apologize,” Akashi began diplomatically, “we were unaware that what we had said was upsetting you.”

“Kurokocchi!” Kise burst out, tears glistening in his eyes, “I didn’t mean to hurt you!”

He launched himself at Kuroko and wrapped himself around the smaller boy with enough force to bowl him over. Or he would have if Kagami hadn’t caught the rapidly tilting Kuroko just in time to stop him from flashing everyone.

“Sorry,” Aomine apologized gruffly, rubbing at the back of his neck, “I was trying to get a rise out of Bakagami, I didn’t mean to call you a freak because you aren’t.”

“I apologize for not considering the possibility of there being something outside of being hetero and homosexual,” Midorima said rigidly, “I will endeavor to avoid such assumptions in the future, I would not want to upset you again.”

It was stiff but sincere and Kuroko smiled slightly at him, causing a dusting of pink to spread across the green haired boy’s cheeks.

“I don’t care if Kuro-chin doesn’t want to do it,” Murasakibara said lazily, “I like Kuro-chin and I’ll crush anyone who makes Kuro-chin sad.”

“Thank you Murasakibara-kun,” Kuroko smiled softly.

They sat in silence, Kuroko basking in the apologies of his friends, until Kagami cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Well since you’re all here anyways, do you want to watch Glory Road? We can start it over.”

“What is Glory Road, exactly?” Akashi pronounced the title perfectly and Kagami had to squash down a hint of jealousy—was there anything that bloody psycho couldn’t do?—but quickly shrugged it off.

“It’s about basketball,” Kuroko said, eyes lighting in excitement, “Kagami-kun said it was based on a true story.”

At the mention of basketball the rest of the Rainbow Crew leaned forward in interest and Kagami flicked the movie back on and started it over from the beginning.

“Oi Bakagami,” Aomine said as the trailers played, “I’m hungry, be a good host and make me something to eat. I want teriyaki burgers.”

Before Kagami could tell him to go to hell Kuroko leaned over and added his own input, “I am quite hungry as well, Kagami-kun.”

With that Kagami heaved himself up, caving in quickly, “Yeah, yeah, but I’m not making you teriyaki burgers aho.”

As he stood in the kitchen, listening to Kuroko shush Aomine’s complaining he couldn’t help but smile to himself. It wasn’t a bad way to spend the day; a little surprising and certainly rough in the beginning but not bad at all.