Magnus once told a friend that it did not matter that you weren’t there when your loved one died, as long as you had been there for them while they were still alive - and he believes it to be true, he really does, until Jace comes to tell him that Alec was killed, then the only thing Magnus can think of is, why wasn’t I there why wasn’t I whywhy why…?
Magnus is standing in front of the kitchen counter, staring at the two mugs sitting on top of it, two mugs, two mugs, one bright and twinkling in the morning sunlight, the other stark white in comparison, his and Alec’s mugs, and he just poured them both coffee, like he has always done these last few months - but Alec died last night and he’ll never pick up his mug again.
Magnus is there when they burn Alec’s body, standing hidden among the trees, far away from all the Shadowhunters gathered around the pyre, because he does not want to cause a scene, not now, but he needed to be there, at his lover’s funeral, and as he watches the flames swallow Alec’s shroud covered body, it feels like his whole world is burning down with it, turning into ashes.
Magnus pulls Alec’s shirt out of the hamper where he hid it from his lover only a few days ago, because a) he wanted to poke fun at Alec and b) he loved to watch the play of muscles under Alec’s runed skin, so to keep him half naked was basically the goal, but now the shirt, Alec’s toothbrush and his simple white mug are the only things he has left of Alexander - and the shirt still smells of him.
Magnus knows that Alec loved kissing best, not that he had anything against sex, gods forbid, but Alec always said that sex made the body feel good, but kissing, kissing was for the heart and soul, so they kissed as much as possible, hello and goodbye and I missed you and be safe, and Magnus would give anything, anything at all, just so he could kiss his Alexander one last time.