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Being Asexual is Okay

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We were making out in my bed. Nico sitting on my lap, with his hands threaded through my hair while mine are around his neck, lips against each other, probably swollen, my tongue in Nico’s mouth fighting for dominance. I slowly lower my boyfriend’s body onto the bed, and hover over him, not breaking apart. We stay like this for a little bit longer, before I move my hand down his body. I feel a shudder or two are I move farther down, until my hands reach his hips. I leave them there for a bit, playing with the end of his shirt. Slowly, almost cautiously, I move my fingers under his black t-shirt.

We have never taken each other’s cloths off, never gone further than making out really, only seen each other’s skin when we go swimming or in the changing room for PE.

I move my hand to lay flat on Nico’s stomach. I feel his muscles contract, while I move to nibble on my lover’s neck. Little gasps fall out of his sweet lips. If that wasn’t the hottest thing, then I don’t know what is. I push his shirt father up with one hand, while the other goes to play with the edge of Nico’s pants. I hear a squeak from him, and his hands moving from my hair to my arms. “Please.” Nico whispers.

Thinking that’s a ‘go on’ answer, I unbutton his pants, and pull the zipper down. I feel his hands tighten around my arms, and a pushing motion against them. I look up to see tears start to run down my boyfriend’s face, as a sobbed “Please stop,” rips through the room.

I remove my hands from his body and sit up. Nico quickly moves to the corner of the bed and wall, with his legs bent in front of him, eyes wide with not only tears but also fear. I want to go over to him and cuddle him, to tell him everything is okay, but I don’t move. I was the cause of this, and didn’t want to scare him more.

I bite my lip, and ball my fist into the blanket to keep them still. “I’m sorry.” Is all I can say. I don’t know what to do to make Nico feel safe again. He shacks his head, and I give him a questioning look. “It’s … it’s my fault. I thought … I thought that if it was you …” And he trails off.

“Nico?” I don’t want him to go back into himself. It took years for us to get this far, and it would hurt a hell of a lot more if he locks himself up, then whatever is going on right now. “Please. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I-I don’t like being touched like that.” It was barely audible, but once I figured out what Nico said, I sat there stunned. I get off the bed and turned around to face Nico again. My eye’s hard. “Why didn’t you tell me before!?” Just seeing Nico flinch and cower closer to the comer calms me down enough for me to sit down again. “I thought … I thought we were over keeping things to ours, Nico.” I defat, and my shoulders sagged. “I really thought you opened up to me.”

“I’m sorry Will. I thought if it was you, it would be okay, and I wouldn’t have to say anything. But as soon as you touched me …” I look over to him, and saw that he really wanted it to be true. I sigh, before smiling a little. “It is okay. I’m not mad.” I open my arms. “Can you come here?” I don’t want to push anymore of Nico’s bounders today.

I see him hesitate for a second, before throwing himself into my arms, hiding his face into my chest. I wrap an arm around his back, and move my hand in and out of his hair trying to calm my boyfriend down. I whisper sweet comforting words only meant for his ears.

I don’t know how long it took before he finally calmed down, but I was in no hurry. He needed me to be here for him, and that’s what I will do. Nico sits up, and wipes his eyes. “Sorry.”

“Hey. It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” It took me a while to figure out what he was asking me. “Yeah. I’m not going to push you into doing anything you don’t want to do. It’s okay being asexual, Nico.”

“Asexual?”

“Not wanting to have sex.”

“But what about your needs?”

“We can go down that road when we need to.” Nico was quiet for a long time. I watch him bite his lip, as if debating if he should ask me something. I’m about to say he can tell me anything, when Nico opens his mouth and talks. “If you need to have sex with someone, you can look around.” He wouldn’t meet my eyes. I was shocked. I never expected Nico to say that.

“Nico –“ He cuts me off.

“As long as I know who it is, I’m fine with you having sex with someone else. I can’t stop your needs, but also I can’t help you with them either. It’s only fair to let you.”


 

“Are you sure it’s okay?”

Nico kisses my lips before say anything. “Yes Will. I’ll see you after if it makes you feel any better.”

“You know I still love you right?” Nico smiles brightly at that. “Yeah. I do.”

“Alright then. I’ll text you when Jake and I are done.” I start to walk to the door, when Nico said one last thing. “Bye. I love you.” I smile at how sincere Nico sounded.

“I love you too.” I say as I left the apartment to head over to Jake’s, and see if this causal sex thing will work.

Chapter Text

I was on my way from class to work, when I saw them. Or rather Will with someone else besides Nico. It was Jake. The muscular guy had his arm wrapped around Will’s shoulders. They walked into a hotel. I blinked a few times before walking again.

All throughout work, I couldn’t get my mind off Will and Jake. I had to let Nico know about Will. I couldn’t let my cousin be cheated on. He needed to know. But how can I tell him? After work I pulled my phone out and texted him. ‘Hey. You have class tomorrow?’

‘no’ was all I got back.

The next day, right after class, I ran towards Nico’s dorm room. His wasn’t doing so bad, for his first year in college. As I got closer, I slowed down trying to catch my breath before getting to the door. I nocked, waiting for him to open it. As soon as it was, I barged in. “Jason?” Nico asked as I went to sit on him bed.

“Hey.” I said nervously. I still couldn’t really figure out how to tell him. He crossed him arms and leaned against the wall waiting for me to say something. After a few minutes he finally gritted out “Is there something you need, or are you just here to be nervous?”

Before I could find a way to soften the words, I blurted out, “Will’s cheating on you.” The room feel silence. Not even the neighbor’s music, which I heard before knocking, was playing anymore. I couldn’t look up at Nico. I didn’t want to see the hurt in his eyes. Finally, it became too much, I just had to look. Biting my lip I looked at Nico. He didn’t look hurt. His eyebrow was raised as if waiting for more. “Um …” I didn’t know what to say.

Finally, Nico sighed and pushed off the wall. He put his hand into his pockets and said, “Are you talking about Jake?”

“How –“ He cut me off

“Because I know him and Jake are …” Nico trailed off, pulling his hand out to roll it around expecting me to fill in the blank. I had no idea what Nico was trying to say.

“Um … What?”

Nico sighed again. “You probably say them at a hotel yesterday, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you think that they went there to have sex, right?”

“Yes?” I’m getting confused as to what Nico is trying to get at.

“Then you would be right.” Silence found upon us again.

“But what about … I thought you and him were …”

“We are still dating.”

“Then why is …”

“Not like it’s any of your business, but I don’t want to have sex.”

“But that’s not –“ Nico cut me off again.

“I got to cut you off right there. I don’t think it’s odd for you to like sex, so don’t think it’s odd or un-natural for me to not like it.” I closed my mouth. “We all talked about it. All of us consented to this. If anyone of us had a problem, we all talk it out.”

“Okay.”

“Normally they do it at Jake’s place, but he’s been having to stay with his sister until they are don’t with debugging the apartments. And Will’s roommate doesn’t like people having sex at their place, so that’s a no. I don’t like being around them when they go at it, so they can’t do it here. We all throw in some money together for them to get a room for the night.”

“I see.” This just got weirder and weirder. Nico turned and headed into the small kitchen and pulled out a pan. “Are you going to stay for lunch? Jake and Will, will be over in half an hour or so.”

“Wait. So you and Jake …” I trailed off not knowing exactly what I wanted to ask.

“We’re friends.”

“I see.” I said quietly. “Yeah, sure. I’ll stay.”

Chapter Text

A knock on the door interrupts my study night. I look over at the clock to see that it is a little after 6:30. I wonder who is at the door as I make my way over. It can’t be Will, he had to go out of state to visit some family members and wouldn’t be back until the middle of next week.

I open the door and see Jake standing there. “Will’s out of town until next week,” I say to him. Will not having told him, as Jake only ever come over here to pick Will up if need be or stops by after they have sex to drop Will off.

Jake grunts, “I know.” Confused I open the door and let him in.

“Is there something you need them?” I ask once he’s inside and the door is shut.

“Will says you often forget to eat if he’s not around to remind you, and with him being away I thought I could bring something over.” He says as he lifts a bag of McDonalds.

“Oh. Let me go get some plates and we can eat.” I quickly go to the kitchen hoping he doesn’t seem my blush. When I come back to the living room, I see Jake standing by the table looking at the mess of books, homework, and paper scattered about. “Sorry. We can eat and watch TV if you want.”

He looks over at me. “Sure.” We get settled in, both of us on the same couch, and I turn the TV on. It’s some sci-fi show, that I’ve never paid attention to. We don’t talk as we eat.

When Will and Jake first started having casual sex, I didn’t think I would get to know or even really see Jake. I never thought that Jake would go out of his way to see me. It’s kind of nice.

Once we finish eating, I take the plates away and put them into the sink before coming back to the couch. “Thank you, for the food.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“Even so, thanks.” Jake didn’t stay long after that, but before he left he told me to call if I ever wanted to eat together again. As I went back to my homework I thought I made a friend tonight.