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Three Million and One

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“Hey everyone out there! I’m Impala67, or Dean as many of you guys know, and if you don’t know, then what are you doing here? Nah, I’m kidding. Welcome! This week, I’m going to be doing something a little different than normal. I have gotten a lot of requests about me and IntriguedAssbutt, or as you know him, Castiel. Now, I'm kinda weary about reaching this far into the dark spaces of the Internet, but I have solemnly sworn to you that I would do whatever I needed to do for y'all." The screen split into pieces, so the main view was still of the man's face, but there was a small window in the corner that showed that he was on a website called "Fanfiction.net". "Many of the people that suggested this said I should try a different website than this one, but when I looked things up, this is what came up, so I'll just use this one." 

The mouse moved to click the link that went to the search bar.

"Remember, I'm doing this for the celebration of three million followers, so if I end up dead from embarrassment, I'll blame number three million. Okay, so from what I've heard, our ship name is..."Destiel". Huh. How come I'm not in it more? He gets a whole four letters and I only get two? Why can't it be like...DeanCas or something? Or...maybe Deanstiel." The man's green eyes crinkled in amusement at his own joke. "Oh god, I'm already too deep into this." 

The search bar fills in with the typed words "Destiel fanfiction", and then the mouse clicked on the search button, and immediately, about 2500 results pop up on the screen, the first being titled "I Don't Like Jokes", with the name "DeansbbCas" as the author. The tanned face in the bigger window nearly cringed. 

"Oh my god. Well...I said I would do this. I'll just do the first...uh, I'll do the first five." The mouse clicked on the first link, and text filled the screen.

"Just so you aren't bored with the details, let's skim over it. I'll read some aloud." He cleared his throat, and began to read. "Castiel Novak loved Dean Winchester, and it made him angry. Wait, why does loving me make him angry?" The man asked, his brow furrowed in both confusion and in a slight pout. "Dean Winchester loved Castiel Novak, and honestly, it made him very sad. Why are emotions so basic in this? Why can't I be happy that I love a cool guy like Cas? Sam hated- What the hell?! Sam's in this too? Jesus Christ! Professional cockblocker." A shaggy haired man poked his head into the room, confusion on his face. "Why are you talking about cockblocking for another dude?" The man asked, and Dean sighed. "Sammy, go away. You're not in this video." 

Sam shrugged and he turned and walked away, and Dean turned back to the screen. "Don't mind him, he's just being a little shit. Alright, where was I?" He scanned the page, then he nodded. "There. Sam finally decided to intervene, and he took matters into his own hands, finding Dean one day on his computer, as normal. Hey, I'm not on my laptop all the time! I sometimes go outside! Jeez, Dean's bb Cas, you're a tough writer." Dean said, only joking in his voice. "Dean, you need to stop acting like a girl with her first crush and just ask Cas out." Wow, Sam, really formal, don't ya think?" Dean laughed a little. "Okay, I don't think this is going anywhere too fast, so lets skip a little, shall we?" 

The mouse scrolls down a few clicks so there is only writing on the page, and no titles or other links. Dean squints at the screen, and gasps. "Wait, do we not get together in this?" Dean asked, as though he was worried it wouldn't happen. "I thought this was supposed to be fanfiction! Doesn't it always end up happy? Listen to this! Castiel waited until he left, then Cas fell to the ground in a heap of sobs. In all of his life, nothing had hurt him so much before this. Is this what they meant by 'love hurts'? Because if so, then it was a drastic understatement." Dean looked at the camera with disbelief. "Seriously?! What the fuck is this?! Are you trying to make me the bad guy here? Because I so do not appreciate that!" Dean stared rapturously at the screen as he scrolled down even further. "Light, fluffy crystals at first, slowly turned to a full fledged blizzard. Nearly blind, Dean stumbled through the snow, skidding across the ice. While the beer did not cause the staggering steps, it certainly did not help. Finally, it got to the point were Dean felt like he couldn't walk any more, numbness from both emotional and physical pain leaking through his senses. He tumbled down into the pile of snow by the road, not bothering to get up. Do I die in this?" Dean asked, his face horrorstriken. "Please tell me I don't die in this, because that would suck major ass."

Dean searched the screen for some sort of sign that he would survive the story, and he sighed in relief as he found out that it was Castiel who saves him in the end, and they find out that everything was a huge misunderstanding. 

"Well...that was certainly more than I bargained for. I didn't think I would get so into it. As it appears, I'm already almost ten minutes into this video, and I've only read one fanfiction. So, I guess I'll have to make this a series, huh? Maybe you can go nag Cas about this stuff and try to get him to do it." Dean snickered, and he closed the small window, so it was now only him in the video. "Okay, I'm out of here. I'll see you all later, and remember, never be afraid to reach out to me if any of you need some help with anything. I'll try my best to talk to every single one of you." Dean smiled widely. "Bye!" He waved, and the screen went dark.