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One Moment

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Six years later he couldn’t believe it really happened and he’d let it slip right through his fingers. He had touched him, felt his skin against his body. Tasted his sweet lips on his neck, his back and thighs. It was just a memory but the feelings kept haunting him in the wee hours of the night. Six years ago he met the man that changed his life…

He was nervous, sweaty. He’d sang for friends and family, home town stuff in bars and clubs. But this was different -this was it, the big league! A chance to distinguish himself. How would this play out, he had a wife and a home to consider. “Honey just do it” she said, “Cuz you’ll always wonder if you would’ve made it if you don’t”. She smiled that warm, reassuring smile like she always does. But this time it wasn’t enough…

His stomach was in knots, some of these people are really good he thought. Everyone was talking, talking maybe too fast cuz his head was spinning. The chosen 36 were waiting to enter the auditorium again. He scanned the group his eyes knowing, searching for him…there he was. So tall, his black hair glistening in the harsh light, he was talking, laughing that easy full bellied laugh. God, when did this happen, this tugging at his heart? They were roommates, was it fate? No God has a purpose for everything, but why him? Just the sight of Adam left him undone and no one must know…EVER! It was almost instant; the black nail polish, the intense blue eyes, the flashing smile. It started like a flicker in his groin from the first meeting, but he brushed it away. He was a good Christian boy, strong in the roots of its teachings. He loved his wife, loved her deeply, passionately for she was his rock. But there he was, Adam was different, this feeling was different, edgy, dangerous and palpable…like standing on the edge of a ledge, knowing a strong wind could blow you off…

Back in their room; “Hey Kris, can you believe this? Looks like we still in the game man” Adam flung his body into his bed, “Shit I’m tired and hungry”. He couldn’t look at him right now, close, always too close. “Ima call Katy” and he scurried into the bathroom. He needed a break from the closeness…he needed…

It was late, maybe midnight. They had a full day tomorrow of rehearsals and live TV performances. He still couldn’t believe they’d made it this far. Adam was snoring softly, what he wouldn’t give to climb in bed next to him. Feel his warm body, touch that smooth, freckled skin. The yearning was an ache now, a physical need and it took every fiber of his being not to reach out and touch him. Adam was constantly touching, patting, and hugging him…friendly fun. But for him it was excruciating and he couldn’t contain it much longer. Adam had painted his thumbnail ink blue, long slow strokes. He’d yearned to kiss that mouth, to bite those freckled lips, to plunge his face into Adam’s raven hair. He prayed nightly, prayed when he heard the shower running, prayed when Adam started to taking off his clothes for the night….

Danny was gone, eliminated, it was just the two of them. Almost a year had passed and he’d wrestled with the demon; his yearnings, valiantly. It was almost over, Katy had seen them together and suspected nothing. His Katy, so sweet with her little crush on Adam. But it was Adam’s “crush” on him that had really left him unhinged. Tomorrow the finale would start in earnest and regardless of who won it was almost over…

Adam was out, God knows where. They’d just ran thru their list of songs to rehearse. He didn’t know if he could do this, everyone was counting on him, rooting for him and Katy was so proud. Just then he heard the door slam, it was Adam. He turned around and Adam was looking at him, looking right thru him. Their eyes locked and in two quick strides he was in his face. So close, those blue eyes burning into him. Adam kissed him hard, grabbed a lock of his hair and yanked his head back. Scorching, his neck burned as Adam licked it. He shoved him hard on the bed, it knocked the wind out of him. He closed his eyes, his heart slammed in his chest, Oh God, Oh God! He was about to utter a groan when a hand clamped over his mouth. “Shhhhhhh, don’t!” Adam hissed. He heard his belt buckle clank, the zipper and then felt a warm hand. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t release a sound! A warm tongue, then he shook violently, his mind swirling…

3:00am, Katy had gone to bed hours ago. He stared at the rain through the kitchen window. Even now six years later the feelings crept over him again. The loneliness, the sense of loss, the ache. How could he reconcile the truth, he’d never touch him again, smell the sweet fragrance of his skin, feel the stirrings in his belly when Adam sang. He put his head on the table and softly wept.