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Last song

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The last song. The very last chord. People screaming like one and jungle of arms pointing in the air in the strobe light.

To throw the pick into the crowd and gave it the last look is all that's left.

One last minute on stage.

 

And the day's over.

Or...night? Who cares anyway. All that matters is to do the right shit on the stage and savour every single fucking minute of it.

_

I follow my band mates down the hall backstage. I was completely out of it tonight. And I know that they know. I can see their concerned looks as I put the bass in the corner and bury myself in the ripped cushion of the couch. I run a hand over my face but I don't dare to look up. I feel like I am out of anything right now.

It seems like everyone feels kind of worn out because no questions I wouldn't want to deal with are coming.

 

Thank you, guys. I really appreciate it.

 

At last, I get on my feet and start packing my stuff. I don't really get what's going on with me. The show was awesome. The crowd's reaction was better than we could imagine. The gear was working properly and we didn't have to think about anything but playing.

Still I felt like shit all day.

_

We're going to the hotel. Sitting in the back, I'm staring out of the window. I must be really lost in thoughts because I don't even hear Jimmy talking to me.

"Sorry? What did you say?" I finally turn my head from the misted glass.

"We're here." He points over his shoulder as we stop in front of a tall building. Then he frowns and asks: "You okay?"

I close my eyes for a moment and sigh.

 

No?

 

"Sure. Just a bit tired. Is all." I manage to smile and he seems fine with the answer.

We get our instruments out, while the gear stays in the van. We really need a bus, I say to myself and turn around to look at the old black VW van once again. It's cool, really...but it's too fucking small for five people hitting the road.

Yeah, our first tour. Just a few shows around States? So what. We worked pretty hard to get there. I slightly nod to myself and smile.

We check in and head for the elevator. There wouldn't be enough place for five people without their luggage and we even have three guitars with us. Yet, we just have to cram ourselves into the elevator all together, because it would just not been us.

Whose fault it is again, I wonder, but my smile turns in the weird grimace when my back hit something sharp. I manage to turn my head back and I find Sam, squeezed in the corner holding her bass almost white-knuckled. She looks like she can breathe as easy as I do and I can't suppress a chuckle.

"Ladies, there's someone who would also love to get in the elevator with you." Jimmy grins and we know who to blame now.

Like if it's not enough to be squeezed between Sam's bass and Kate's bag - I wonder, sometimes, if it's not the drum kit what she keeps on carrying all the time, because it's always this huge. Our guitarist decides not to wait any longer for us to stack in and he shoves himself into that small place with ease.

"Fuck, Jimmy. If it was my bass what I just heard cracking, I swear I'll kill you!" I roll my eyes when he just grins back.

"Easy, buddy." He somehow entangles his right arm to pet my head which makes my eyes roll even more. And which also causes Tammy, standing beside me to stagger and bump into me.

 

Not good.

 

Warm breath brushes against my bare shoulder as she says 'sorry' and I can fell the chills running down my spine.

What the hell is happening with me? Why is that I always feel so... not me... around her?

"Is someone going to push that fucking button already?!" Gets me back to myself as Sam groans annoyed behind me.

We all burst out laughing, however, the fact we can't move or breathe properly is making it almost painful. The elevator starts moving, finally.

Second floor.

 

What the fuck?

 

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" I can't stop laughing. "We went through all that while taking the stairs would take less that one fucking minute? Someone please get me out of here!" I roll my eyes and drag myself out of the cabin.

Once in the room, I throw the bass on a bed closer to window and collapse right next to it. Sam groans and collapses on the other bed, earning a loud creak for that. A funny thought of how much that bed has experienced already flashes in my mind and I turn my head to look at the other bassist. I guess right that she was thinking about the same thing, because we start laughing really hard. We always end up sharing a room somehow. Maybe it's just that we both play bass, or just that we're stuck together all the time. Whatever.

A memory of Tammy leaning against me in the elevator flashes through my mind and I stop laughing. The same thought that's been hunting me for some time is back again as I find myself staring blankly on the ceiling. I really need to work this out.

"I'm gonna take a shower." I decide and get up. I kick off my Chucks and head for the bathroom.

Sam rolls to her side, eyeing me suspiciously...

"Mell?"

"Hnn?"

"Is everything alright? And don't just try to hush me, cuz I can see something's up." She cuts me off befor I can even protest. She just knows me too well.

I pause, trying to find out the right words. Right words, but for what?

"I'm..yeah...I'm gonna be alright. I just need to figure something out." I turn back and give her a quick I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it look. Sam only nods as she gets the message. Sometimes, I wonder how can someone be this understanding.

"Don't take a long time. I need to shower really bad." She laughs and puts on her headphones. I only smirk back and close the door behind me.

The bathroom is quite large compared to the small room. It has a huge bathtub, shower and what seems like hundreds of shelves with towels and bathing stuff I don't feel like exploring right now.

I reach for one of the towels and a shampoo with a shower gel and put it next to the tub. Then I lean against the sink and one look in the mirror tells me I need to take a shower. Right. Fucking. Now. A black eyeliner is smudged over my cheeks - I remember it was raining outside, which must be also a reason why my hair looks like someone's pissed on my head. Awesome.

I take off the sweaty tank top and a pair of black skinnies, the kitty paws underwear swiftly follows both on the floor.

I step into the shower and turn the water on. I could swear it hissed when the first drops touched my skin. Chuckling at the idea, I put the showerhead to the holder above my head and dump my hair. With one hand I reach out for the shampoo and squeeze some directly on the top of my head. A vanilla smell fills my nose. It feels so damn good, I recall a familiar song and start to wash my hair. The foam makes me shut my eyes and that's it.

 

I'm back on the stage at the show we played a few days ago. The Fighter song, I presume, by the way Jimmy's spinning in the circle with his guitar. Once he made a joke he's gonna play like Jared Leto from 30 Seconds to Mars and it just stuck to the song. Sam is head banging next to me and Kate is slamming the drums.

And Tammy? She's jumping and dancing in the front, neon pink mic pressed to her lips, singing like there's no tomorrow. She always gives the best she can. We all do. Then she turns to me and with that one look I realize this was the moment I felt my stomach quiver for the first time. She bends down and her pink hair falls over her face as she screams 'Fight'. A bunch people in the front row repeat the move and I can't stop the grin, splitting my face in half. Tammy stands up and starts walking towards me. With her, singing just a few inches from my face, it's quite hard to play for me. Especially when she sinks one hand in my hair and I can't but close my eyes.

I remember I skipped a few notes back then.

It's nothing unusual what Tammy did, though. We all do that, Sam and I use to play leaning against one another, back to back. Sometimes even with Jimmy. But this time... It was different. It felt different for me, because it wasn't just a funny teasing anymore. I wanted to draw her closer and...

 

Shit! This is absolutely not good.

 

I run a hand over my face nervously. Fine, I'm bisexual so there's nothing weird about it, but as far as I know, Tammy is straight. And second, she's a band member, and it wouldn't be very smart to start something with a band mate. And third... Damn... I never thought I could...

I shake my head, rinse the shampoo off and turn off the water. This can only get worse.

I step outside the tub and wrap myself in the large fluffy towel. Leaning against the sink I look at the mirror again. I dyed my hair a few days ago so the black-red-blond combo still looks pretty good. I start examining my left arm, inked from shoulder to wrist. I should get another tattoo. Thing is, I'm slowly running out of place.

I look back up, thinking the shadows under my eyes are probably one of the signs I feel so exhausted. I reach up to rub them. Nope, it's just makeup; I smirk and then walk out of the bathroom.

"Finally!" Sam shouts and throws a pillow at me, laughing.

"Hey! It didn't take so long..." I'm defending myself, sending the pillow back, while grasping the towel as it starts to slide down. She just sticks out her tongue and pushes by me on her way to the bathroom.

With a chuckle, I sit down on the bed and open my bag. We're not staying for more than two days so I don't plan to unpack all my things. I just take out a black shirt, red striped pants and clean underwear and dress up. Then I fall back to the bed and hit the play button on my iPod, leaving my hair wet - it feels kind of refreshing and I'm not going out tonight anyway, so why bother with blowing them dry, right?

I am staring at the ceiling again, then curse and throw a hand over my eyes.

It doesn't take long and I fall asleep, barely listening to more than three songs.

_

A sudden weight on the side of my bed wakes me up. Or is it a light touch on the back of my hand what does it? I snap my eyes open and find myself facing an angelic creature. It has wild pink hair. Big azure eyes that are smiling at me, long eyelahes framing them like...

 

Shut up!

And when the fuck did I become so poetic anyway?

 

I realize her lips are moving as she's talking to me and I take off my headphones.

"Were you saying...?" I remain laying, so the angel-like image stays a little longer.

Tammy rolls her eyes, but she's smiling when she lightly punches my arm.

"I said we're going to the club... so-"

"Well, enjoy yourselves and be good girls...and a guy." I cut her off and I am about to roll to my side and return to the land of dreams. Well, she's not obviously buying it as I feel five decent fingers closing around my wrist, pulling me back.

"Come on, Mell." She pouts - Oh hell. "I know you're not okay today... It wasn't really you, tonight." She puts on a serious expression and those fingers are not letting go.

 

Well, of course you know. You always know and I'm not even trying to hide that I feel down. God, I suck.

 

"I'm sorry." I say, and I really mean it because I know how this shit affects the band. I run a free hand through my already dry hair and mentally kick myself.

"You wanna talk about it?" Tammy's concerned and I can feel her thumb making little circles on my skin. It's meant to be a comforting touch, but it makes it hard for me even to focus on breathing properly. I only shook my head fighting back the urge to snap her hand away and curl up and cry.

Or do the very opposite.

Tammy decides to change the strategy and jumps up to her feet, pulling me out of the bed.

"Ok, move, you lazy bastard." She laughs. "You need to cheer up. And we promised to be there after the show, remember?"

Once I'm sitting she leans closer and pouts again. "Comin'?" She asks, no plans to accept any word but yes.

Was the air in this room so hot before? Locked with the ocean blue staring at me, I barely manage to nod. I would agree to kill somebody if she asked for it. Right there.

Tammy gives me a victorious grin and dances to the bathroom calling "I'll do your make-up." over her shoulder.

 

This is definitely getting worse.

 

I rub my face and get up. Leaning against the bathroom door I watch her going though my stuff. I spot my mirror image and roll my eyes when I see the remains of the eyeliner still smeared around my eyes because I didn't care to remove it earlier. Plus my fringe looks just adorable since I fell asleep with wet hair.

Without even looking at me, she points to the bathtub and I sit on the cold porcelain edge. Then I regret my surrender when she kneels down between my legs.

I roll my eyes up to the ceiling and she starts removing the rest of my makeup. I usually don't let anyone touch around my eyes, being sensitive as hell. Tears running down my cheeks like crazy just from a little wind or bright sunlight. But Tammy, somehow, found a way my eyes get on with.

She takes a black eyeliner and runs it around the eyelids like a professional, who she pretty much is, because working out Jimmy's makeup needs a lot of experiences. (Yes, our guitarist wears guyliner and no, he's straight) I did try a few times, but it's like trying to draw a straight line while driving through minefield. Corners of my mouth turn up with the thought.

Then I snap back to myself. Tammy reaches to the shelf next to me, leaning against my tight and my stomach quivers for the hundredth time that day. When she moves back, I can see she's holding a red shades.

"You're keeping them on, right?" She concentrates, if the tip of her tongue pointing out of her mouth is any indication. I raise one brow, not really knowing what she's talking about.

"These." She explains simply, running a hand along the other tight and I can feel the hair on the back of my neck standing up.

I bite my lip and deduce somehow she's talking about my red jeans.

"Yeah..." I swallow, closing my eyes so she can finish my makeup. Then she stands up, watching me with squinted eyes.

"Yup. Cool. Now the bangs." She announces, turns the water on and wets my hair a little, fixing it.

"Thanks." I give her a timid smile, getting on my feet. Looking in the mirror, I have to admit I look great. My eyes wander to Tammy, who's fixing her own hair in front of the mirror. She used to have them nearly as long as I do, but once she asked me to cut it to her shoulders. I didn't like the idea very much and I also told her, but she has a mind of her own. In the end I got to like it. It brings more variety to style them now. Yeah, looks like we ended up taking care of the band's look.

"Where's Sam, actually?" I realize I haven't seen my room mate since she went to take a shower.

"Guys already went there." Tammy turns to me, playing with a pink strand of hair. She always does that when she's nervous. Or hiding something. "You know, you were sleeping and they didn't want to wait any longer... so-"

"Why didn't you wake me up then?" I wonder, rolling my eyes. The strand is tightly wrapped around one finger now and I'd swear it's going to stay curled forever.

"Well, I was going to do it but when I saw you... I didn't have the heart to wake you up... You looked tired... so I just told them to go ahead..." I am sure I turned deep red for a moment. Oh.

"Umm... Thanks, i guess." I look away and clean my throat. "Well... Let's go then, shall we?"

She nods, smiling. We get out of the bathroom and I slip on my hoodie. We leave the keys in the reception and walk out on the street. It's not raining anymore. The club we're heading for is only a few blocks from the hotel, so there's no point taking a cab. We cross the street and as soon as we step on the sidewalk, Tammy grabs my hand, flashing a bright smile. I can't help melting against her.

 

Not. Good. At. All.

 

Sam's the first one to notice us after we walk into the club. The rest of our band occupies a table near the stage. There's a live band playing. Barely beginners, as I read on the couple of flyers on the bar we're passing, but they're pretty good.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," Jimmy waves his hands, pretty drunk already. "I thought you're gonna sleep forever."

We join the others to the table. The seat beside Sam is obviously for me, Tammy sits next to Kate.

Jimmy leans over the table and if he means to sound seductive, saying: "I wanted to give you a wake up kissAHH..." he fails completely. Thanks to Sam, I would have to say, since she just yawns lazily and her elbow meets his ribs. In the most gentle way, of course. We laugh again.

I order a coke, because I have no plans to get drunk and... deal with the mess in my head off guard. However, it doesn't seem to be a good idea to my band mates and soon, there's a glass of golden liquid standing before me. Don't blame me for not being able to resist their 'You can't do this to us.' nor the Tequila.

Soon we're caught up in discussion with a couple of people joining our table. Laughing and arguing passionately about things around making music, I realize that the guy talking to me and Sam is a bassist of the band I saw playing when we came to the club.

_

Alcohol never had much effect on me. I've never had a hangover. I don't turn into a mushy pile of limbs,unable to walk on my own, unlike Jimmy. I don't speak nonsense either. I am just laughing more, I guess, forgetting about my problems and dilemmas. For a while, at least. It would end up the same tonight. It would.

Being all lost in the conversation, I don't notice that the other band incited Tammy to get on the stage. And by the way she acs I can't expect her to miss the chance. Jimmy, of course, has to join in. I have no clue how they got on that stage or where the hell did they get the gear. I guess it belongs to that other band. And I'm just sitting in beside the stage, watching Tammy singing Paramore's Pressure with my mouth open. It's not because she has amazing voice. I know she does. All the people gathering around the stage know and they're singing along.

It's the way she's moving around that guy what makes me feel like someone is trying to strangle me. And I even thought he was cool. Asshole!

Everybody's watching the pink haired girl, acting all flirty with both the bassist and the other asshole playing guitar next to Jimmy.

 

This is so not happening.

 

I shift in my seat trying to calm down. I need to find something, anything, to focus on. I need to fucking look away from the stage in the first place. Trying to distract myself, I turn around only to see everyone laughing. Sure. It's fun. We joke around so much that everything comes out as something you can't but laugh at. Would I also laugh if-?

 

Jesus Christ. Shut the fuck up already! What the fuck is going on with me? Why I just can't laugh at such stupid thing anymore?

 

I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. Trying to focus on my breathing, I almost jump when I feel someone's hand on my shoulder. I look up to meet Sam's worried frown. I can't look her in the eye. I'm sure she already knows too much.

"What about getting some drinks at the bar, huh?" She suggests, making me meet her piercing gaze eventually. I dart my eyes back on the stage once more and see Tammy looking our direction. If she can even see we're there in the dim light and all the cigarette smoke. She's still laughing with the others.

 

I'm sorry. It's not funny for me anymore.

 

Sam squeezes my arm lightly and I turn back to her. But I can't look up because of tears starting to burn in my eyes.

"I'm done." I shook my head violently and stand up. I need to get out of here. The grip on my arm loosens and Sam's eyes go wider.

"No. Mell..." I can hear her voice behind me as I'm pushing through the crowd. I nearly run out of he club just to find out it's pouring rain. Again. What's wrong with this weather. Fucking dammit. Realizing I left the hoodie inside, I run a hand through my already wet hair and curse again.

If I didn't know I would feel so guilty right after doing it, I would. I'm playing with an idea of turning around and leaving. Getting lost in this city I don't even know and don't come back. Run away like a fucking coward. Yeah, if.

Truth is, I would feel so bad it would perhaps kill me before I even realized what I've done. I can't do this. I can't ruin the band because I'm such a fuck up. I need to work this out. I have to.

I take a deep breath and cross the street leading to our hotel. Soaked through I take the stairs and run into the room at the end of the hall. Once inside, I lean against the door and hit them a few times with the back of my head. I kick off my wet Chucks and don't bother to switch the lights on. I don't care about the wet clothes either.

"C'mon, Sam, I know it's there..." I open a side pocket of Sam's bag and find a pack of cigarettes. "Found it."

 

I don't smoke... If you wanted to know.

 

I light up one of them and remember the receptionist talking about the smoke alarm. I walk towards the window and open it.

"Hey I didn't know we had a balcony..." I tell myself and inhale deeply. A tiled floor feels cold under my bare feet and I lean against the wet railing. The nicotine flavor makes me sick but I don't care. I know smoking doesn't help driving the troubles away or make them easy. It's just a bad habit I can't get rid off. I exhale the rest of the smoke and suck in again.

I hang my head and watch the street below with a frown. What have I done to deserve this? I wonder what's gotten into me back there in the club. I was so... angry when those guys dragged Tammy on the stage. Even the fact they were talking to her was pissing me off and she just had to... Shit. It was a fucking vertical sex on that stage!

And why do I care so much anyway? Since when does it matter so much? Since when I have the privilege to fucking decide who can and who can't talk to her?!

I am so pathetic. I sound like I'm fucking... jealous...? I freeze.

I stub out the cigarette and drop the butt on the street below. Closing the balcony door behind me I take a few lazy steps towards my bed. Rubbing a hand over my face, I slide to the floor and rest my back against the bed frame.

I feel dizzy and I'm definitely even more confused than before. I shake my head in attempt to clear my mind and focus on one fact after another. It's useless, though, because my head's just one big mess. I squeeze my eyes shut.

 

Jealous.

 

That would mean. No way.

 

My eyes snap open again in a shock. I can't just fall in love with a band mate! That's completely insane. This can't be. I'm just overreacting, that's all. It's just affection. She's a close friend. We stick together all day long. The band is actually the only people I got to talk to the last few months. And Tammy is really beautiful as well and...

Aaargh! It would make perfect sense.

I let my head fall backwards on the bed and close my eyes again. Someone's in trouble. My hands fall down from knees I was grasping and hit the carpet floor. I don't feel like moving ever again.

No, I can't be in love with a band mate. That's just like a fucking taboo. A no go. Isn't it?

Then I almost choke with my own breath as I hear footsteps behind the door. I'm not going to look. I'm not here... I don't exist. Leave me alone. Please.

The door opens and I can hear those steps coming in. It must be Sam, I can do that.

"Mell?"

I stiffen. That voice definitely doesn't belong to Sam.

She doesn't switch the lights on either. However, the light from a street lamp is too intense to let me just disappear.

"Mell, I..."

 

This is only affection.

 

I take a deep breath and turn my head back.

Tammy's standing only a few steps behind me, holding my hoodie with both hands. Her knuckles almost white against the black cloth. Grasping it like she's afraid someone would take it from her. I look up but avoid her eyes in the very moment.

 

There is no way this is nothing.

 

I swallow heavily and smile. Well, I think I do. Thanks for the dim light.

"Hi." I manage to squeeze some air out of my lungs. "Thank you for getting the hoodie. You can throw it... somewhere..." I force myself to turn away and pray for her to leave. Well, we couldn't be talking about Tammy, though.

I can hear the soft thud as the cloth hits the carpet. A few steps and she's kneeling on the floor next to me, tears showing in her eyes like she's even the one to cry here in the first place.

"I'm sorry, Mell."

She blurts out, throwing her arms around me and I can't suppress a gasp.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know... I didn't mean to hurt you." She's sobbing in my ear, but I'm not sure that she knows what this is really about.

I don't make a move, nor do say a word. I can't. I don't really know what to say now. And she just keeps hugging me.

"I was so stupid. Mell, I wasn't thinking when I agreed to go with those guys. They were just... I got drunk and it seemed like fun. But it was... God, I was acting like a slut, you must hate me now. I don't want you to hate me, Mell. I was so... I was afraid when I found out you left. I'm so dumb. Shit. I'm sorry. I won't do it ever again. I promise..."

She can't stop sobbing and even trips on her own words. I want to take her in my arms and draw her closer, but I'm not sure that's a good idea.

"Tammy..." I try to push her off of me a little. As I presume, she freezes and lowers her head, probably thinking I'm drawing her away completely.

 

I wish I could.

 

"Tammy... look at me." I start again, waiting for her to wipe off the tears running down to her chin and raise her head. There are two dark lines on her cheeks from the mascara.

"I don't hate you. I couldn't hate you even if I try... It's your-"

"You should've told me..." She looks away and I only shake my head.

"No. It's your life and I can't tell you what you should and shouldn't do. I have no right to decide for you..."

"Of course you have." Tammy protests and cool fingers find my arms again. "You have all the rights to tell me what's right and what's wrong. I... I need you to tell, me. Because I am so dumb I can't see it myself... You're my best friend. And I've always thought of you as my older sister..."

 

I don't want to be your friend.

 

And I don't want you to be my little sister.

 

Pressing lips together, I shake my head. The grip on my wrists slackens. Why everything has to be so complicated? Her beautiful eyes are looking at me, mixed up. And I am not even a bit less confused than she is.

"What... You..."

She obviously doesn't know what to say. And I'm no better.

"I was thinking about it, Tammy."

Why is my voice shaking?

"I can't do this. I couldn't live knowing I ruined the band... God, I don't want to! I love the band and I would sacrifice everything for it. I said I would when we started this, right? Look how far we've got. I won't ruin our chance only because I've fucked up."

I run a hand through my hair and sigh. Her puzzled expression doesn't really surprise me. I must be making no sense at all and I don't even get half of the words I just let out.

"I mean... I even considered quitting. Shit, that would be such a stupid thing, wouldn't it? I was just overreacting, I guess... That would be the last thing I wanted..." Oh dear... Am I always this stupid?

I take a deep breath. "'M sorry. I will never think about this again... I'll just keep my mouth shut, doing what I got to do... Just, ignore me...okay?" I shake my head and give up.

Tammy furrows her brows. "What are you talking about? What's going on, Mell? How can we ignore you? Your one of us. I love you... Jeez, we put those people together. You and me."

"Yeah, and I love you too. That's the problem. This just... doesn't work in bands..." I hang my head down and slide lower with my back against the bed.

"What do you mean?"

Why does her voice sound so broken? I squeeze my eyes shut and groan.

"I love you, Tammy. I'm in love with you."

 

Yes, I said it. I threw in the towel. Now hate me. Kill me. Kick me out of the band. I am all ready.

 

Guess I should have got myself ready much better. I can feel her hands clench and unclench on my arms repeatedly and I dare to look up.

Blame me for nearly dying of shock when Tammy leans forward and covers my mouth with her own.

Azure eyes fall shut at the first touch and I'm staring at her black eyelids. I'm frozen at spot, unable to react from the astonishment. Her lips feel hot and wet against mine. The kiss is gentle and almost innocent, just a pair of lips moving slowly against my frozen mouth. I nearly whimper when she pulls away and sits back on heels.

She's waiting for my reaction, but I can't even a move. My tongue slowly flicks out and I taste my own lips.

A sudden wave of fear washes over her and she begins to back away and panic.

"Y-you...didn't mean it like that, did you?" She snaps a hand over her mouth and gasps.

 

Oh. My. God.

 

I snap back, trying to grasp what just happened when my body starts moving on its own.

I sit up and cup her face in my hands, drawing her closer. We meet in another kiss. This time I don't waste any time, mouth crushing against each other, our breaths mixing together. My head twirls when I deepen the kiss and her tongue meets mine for the first time. And soon Tammy's taste and smell fill my mouth and my lungs, invading my senses completely. She slides her tongue alongside mine and I taste the alcohol and tears beneath her breath. It's intoxicating.

She never stops to amaze me. No matter how well I think I know her, she always finds a way to break me down.

I slide my hands around her hips and pull her closer. Her body is warm and shaking against mine and she moves to straddle my lap. I feel her soft fingers on my cheecks and neck, fingertips touching my lips between the kisses. Brushing my tongue lightly against the palate, Tammy, being ticklish,giggles and I can't but smile into the kiss.

I can't still believe this is really happening.

She nips at my lower lip and breaks the kiss. Her eyes remain closed when she slides her arms around my neck and buries her face in my shoulder.

After a moment, I feel her body shaking slightly and I realize, she's laughing.

"What?" I ask.

She leans back, smiling. "I've wanted to do this for a long time." She bends over to capture my mouth again. And I kiss her back, strange but nice chill running down my spine.

 

I don't care about some stupid taboos.

 

Who the fuck made them up anyway?