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Dan Vs. The Duggars

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Dan Mandel was busy slaving away at his bed in one Pasadena morning.

But he wasn't alone however. Sleeping beside him was Dan's trusty confidant and pet cat, Mr. Mumbles. There was no way Dan would ever leave Mr. Mumbles to sleep alone at the dead of night. If that happened, Mr. Mumbles would feel lonely in the dark. It's a good thing Dan kept in a night-light for him to sleep easily.

But when that alarm clock rang out...

...

...

...Mr. Mumbles ended up scratching Dan's face!

"AUUUUGH!" Dan screamed in pain. "Get off me!"

Suddenly, he shoved the cat out of the bed and got up. Dan ended up touching his face, which made him yelp pretty badly. Of course, it wasn't very surprising since it hurt every frickin' time. Some of them were minor, and some of them were so bad, Dan had to tape himself in order to make those deep scratches go away. Dan was bracing for the worst to happen to him the first time he entered the bathroom mirror.

But to be honest, the scratches Dan suffered wasn't bad at all. Not one of them glistened a lot of blood, which was good for the malcontent.

"Well, you got lucky this time, Mr. Mumbles." Dan said to his cat. "Not one drop of blood through my face."

Mr. Mumbles meowed in response.

"Next time, we oughtta get you one of those cat caves so you won't have to keep scratching my face every time I wake up." Dan suggested to Mr. Mumbles, who meowed happily. "Good, now hang tight while I get your food."

Meanwhile, while Dan could go into the kitchen and fix something up for his cat though, he overheard some shouting coming outside his house.

"Hmmmm, wonder what's going on outside?" Dan raised his eyebrow.

Dan went to the door, putting his hand over his ear to hear better.

All Dan heard was laughing from a bunch of kids, followed by a dad telling his son:

"Nice work on the car! The nice gentleman will love what you've done with it!"

"A car?" Dan replied. "Oh no, please don't tell me what I think it is..."

The malcontent suddenly went outside to see an entire group of teenagers and kids (which obviously looked like their mother and father) painting Dan's car! There seemed to be nineteen kids of each. Ten of them boys and nine of them were girls. Both of their boys, like their father, had matching polo shirts and slicked-to-the-side haircuts. The girls however had long horrible frizzy hair, dressed in usual long skirts which covered the legs, and shirts which covered the knees.

Dan wasn't taking any of this at all.

"MY CAR!" Dan screamed out while he ran to his beaten-down red vehicle. "What are you short-haired hooligans doing to my car?!"

"Oh hi, stranger!" The father happily said. "I hope you don't mind, but we've decided to give your car a little paint job! It's for a cause were doing to paint cars pink to raise money for breast cancer! I hope you like it!"

"Like it?" Dan's eyes bulged. "MY CAR IS FRICKIN' PINK! HOW CAN I LIKE SOMETHING THAT LOOKS SO AND WUSSY AND GIRLY? I HATE IT!"

"Mister, you know best that we can't be near language such as that." The mother said, informing the angry malcontent.

"And who are you two gonches supposed to be?!" Dan said to the mother and father.

"Oh, how rude of us, we forgot to introduce ourselves!" The father chuckled nervously. "I'm Jim Bob, and this is my wife Michelle! And next to you are our nineteen kids, there's Josh, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn and our youngest daughter, Josie! We're the Duggar family?"

"Wait a minute," Dan replied. "You mean to tell me that my car got vandalized by a pair of goody-goody neat freaks and their 19 kids? That's it, I'm calling the police and having all of your asses arrested!"

"Awww, someone looks like they need a hug!" Jinger blushed. "Let's all cheer him up by giving a group hug!"

Like a family, they all cornered Dan and stretched out their arms to him, giving him a hug. Dan tried his best to fight back, but the power of those hugs were too strong for Dan to fight back. Yet, that still didn't stop him from fighting.

"ICK!" Dan replied. "Get off of me, you greasy hillbillies!"

"Hey, there's another car at that Ninja Dave's place!" Joseph said, pointing to a car in the far left direction.

"Let's go paint it pink everyone!" Jim Bob declared to the family.

One by one, they finally got off of Dan and left. After their departure, it was just Dan and his newly painted pink car. He just looked at it and groaned in defeat.

"Well, at least my car didn't get ruined this time." Dan replied. "Only painted."

However, his relief didn't last long when all of a sudden...

...

...

...a flock of birds swooped in and took a flying crap around Dan's car, raining it with thousands of bird droppings.

This time, Dan went from shocked to pissed off in a matter of minutes.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Dan shouted out in agony.

However, those bird droppings weren't the only part.

On top of that, a baseball came down and crashed through the windshield of Dan's car, shattering entire glass everywhere around the seats. It was clear that Dan's statement from earlier was well more than wrong. It appeared that Dan's car was ruined after all. And it was all because the Duggars had to tip the dominoes all over Dan.

Dan wasn't gonna take this. He was fuming mad, he was gritting his teeth, his blood was boiling! And he had no choice but to go down on his knees, clench his fists tightly, and scream out loud and clear:

"DUG-GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARS!"