And it's alright
Calling out for somebody to hold tonight
When you're lost, you'll find a way
I'll be your light
You'll never feel like you're alone
I'll make this feel like home
After Dubai, they have three weeks off before they're American shows. They finish their show quickly, buzzing with excitement and adrenaline.
After the show, they pack their bags and all say goodbye to each other for the short amount of time that they won't be seeing one another. It's not very emotional, or anything, because they actually do need a break from all the other people. So, it does them good.
Harry's London house has never felt right. It's too big, too white, too extravagant, too posh. There's no photos on the walls. No leftover food in the fridge. Not one ounce of dust laying around on the surface of the furniture. It has a big yard and at night you can see the city light and it's pretty. It's perfect. A real dream house.
But it's never felt right.
With Louis standing in the foyer, looking around like a kid in a candy store, eyes wide and lips parted and tiny feet standing pigeon toed, it does actually kind of feel right. It's amazing how Louis can make everything okay even when he's not trying. It's amazing how Louis can make everything okay even when he's not okay.
As quietly as he possibly can, Harry walks up to stand behind Louis, trying not to frighten him and wrapping his arms around the slender waist of his boyfriend and placing a lingering kiss on his soft cheek. "So happy you decided to stay with me for the break."
"Didn't really have a choice, now did I?" Louis says playfully, and although Harry can't see it because his face is currently hiding in the crook of Louis' neck, he knows that there's a tiny, amused smile on his boy's lips. "Not with you practically begging me."
A snort escapes Harry. "I did not beg."
It's not a lie. He pleaded. There's a difference. Or, not. Whatever. Point is, he has Louis with him. So.
"This house is lovely," Louis says, pushing Harry away from him and starts making his way to the kitchen. Harry follows after him, watching the way Louis admires the extravagance of the house they're currently in.
He leans in the open door. "It's not a home, though."
A ghosts of a smile appears on Louis' face as he opens the fridge only to find bottled water and long expired yoghurt. "I'll make this house feel like home."
You don't have to make it feel like a home because you are home, Harry thinks. "That would make a great song," He says. He should really start to say what he thinks because he's sure that it will end up with Louis blushing the prettiest shade of pink.
He's so in love.
"I know," Louis straightens his backs and hip bumps the fridge door closed. He looks at Harry with a smile, happy and beautiful. "I'm knackered."
Harry hums and offers Louis his hand, a smile settling on his face as Louis' tiny hand is suddenly locked with his. "Jetlag. We should probably get to bed."
They walk up the stairs, suitcases forgotten at the front door and hands locked tightly together. Louis starts laughing uncontrollably when Harry suddenly trips on his own two feet, almost making them both stumble over. Luckily, Louis steadies them both and look up at Harry with a smile. "I'm literally in love with a baby giraffe."
It makes something blossom in Harry's stomach when he hears the words leave Louis' mouth. In love. They're in love. They're in love with each other.
Harry kisses him. Louis's nothing like any other thing he's tasted before. He's sweet, and somehow, innocent and it's amazing. It's amazing that only Harry can know this. It's amazing how Louis is his and he's Louis'.
They pull back from the kiss and then Louis looks at Harry like he's everything but in reality it's actually Louis who is everything. He's going to marry his everything one day. That he can promise himself.
With shy smiles and still locked hands, they make their way to Harry's bedroom and then they quickly getting ready for bed.
It's when they're already in bed, Harry's backs to Louis' chest, that Louis tighten his hold on Harry's waist and presses his lips close to his ear. "G5."
Harry doesn't turns around to look at him but he's absolutely sure that Louis can hear the smile in his voice as he speaks. "G5."
Nick Grimshaw 07:54 am
Hey, Harry! Wanna meet up tonight? Let me know :)
Is the first text that Harry sees as soon as he unlocks his phone. He sits up in his bed and looks over the sleeping form of Louis, watches as the sun shines over his eyelashes. Watches as the white of the duvet contrast with the tan skin. Feels how he falls more in love every passing second.
He shakes his head and turns his attention back to the phone. He considers meeting up with Nick tonight. On one hand, he hasn't seen Nick in about five months. On the other, he isn't sure if he can bring Louis with him.
Because he's not going if he can't take Louis.
Harry Styles 09:01 am
Can I bring my boyfriend?
He doesn't even have to wait five minutes before his phone vibrates again.
Nick Grimshaw 09:04 am
Sure! Would love the man who caged you in!
Harry rolls his eyes at Nick's response, not really sure if he should take it seriously. He shakes his head and locks his phone as soon as Nick sends him the address of the restaurant they're going to be meeting up at and the time. He puts his phone on the bedside table and then he starts poking Louis on his shoulder, trying to wake him up.
After a few minutes, Louis grumbles something incoherent into the pillow and lifts his head up, eyes glaring at Harry. "Wha' ya' want? I'm fooking tired."
Harry literally has to bite back his smile at how adorable Louis sounds, even when he's trying to be intimidating. "We're going out, yeah?"
Louis' intense gaze deepens, eyes a fiery blue and hair sticking up in all different directions. Honestly, so adorable. "So you wake me up...just to tell me that?" When Harry nods, Louis sits up in bed. "You know you could've told me when I actually woke up, right?"
Harry shrugs, head falling loosely over his shoulder. Louis sighs. "Well, now you have to make me breakfast because I can't go back to sleep now. Thank you very much."
Harry fondly rolls his eyes at his boy. Honestly, Louis is so dramatic. Harry loves him. "I was going to have to make you breakfast anyway, Lou."
"I'm so glad that you know how our relationship work," Louis says he he throws the covers over him and climbs off of the bed, looking at beautiful as ever.
"Yes I do the cooking, yes I do the cleaning, plus-" Harry gets cut off from singing as soon as a pillow hits him in the face. He frowns when he looks up at Louis who's smiling at him like he did absolutely nothing wrong.
"Breakfast, please and thank you," He says and then walks into the bathroom, leaving Harry to stare after him. So in love.
Harry whips up something with the ingredients he has in his cupboards which are not a lot. Needless to say, Louis is not impressed with him at all.
They spend the rest off the day watching tv and relaxing in the sun outside in the yard, Louis kicking around a football and Harry taking pictures. Only two end up on Instagram, which is a record for him.
Overall, it's a quite lovely day for the two young lovers.
When the clock strikes 6 pm both of them go their separate ways to get ready for me the night, seeing as how they're suppose to meet up with Nick at 19:30 and Harry's house is quite some distance from the restaurant. Nick had texted him during the day and told him that he got them a private booth, which Harry is very grateful for.
When Harry walks downstairs, wearing black skinny jeans, his glitter boots and a button down with the top three button undone, Louis is already waiting for him in the middle of the foyer, looking absolutely adorable. His hair is swept into a fringe and he's wearing black skinny jeans and a big maroon jumper with-
"Aww," Harry coos as soon as he sees Louis' speckle Adidas shoes. His feet are so tiny. "We have matching shoes."
"Well you know what they say," Louis shrugs, looking as nonchalant as ever. "A couple that glitters together, stays together."
Harry perks up, teeth showing and dimples popping out. "Maybe I should get you some glitter boots!"
"No," Louis immediately replies, giving Harry the keys to his Range Rover as soon as he walks over to him. "Those are not for me. I'll stick to me Adidas."
"But they'll make you taller," Harry tries to reason, placing a hand on the small of Louis' back as he leads then through the door. He quickly locks the door and stuffs the keys into his pocket.
Louis looks to consider Harry's words for a moment, eyes focused on Harry's shoes, before he looks up and shakes his head. "'M good."
They arrive at the restaurant at 19:32 pm. Fashionably late, they are.
Harry parks at a secluded spot and walks over to the passenger door, opening it and taking Louis' hand. He's been nervous the entire drive, afraid that Nick won't like him. Of course Harry assured him that everything will be fine because Louis is a like-able person.
With locked hands and in love smiles, they make their way into the restaurant. It's not entirely busy and not entirely empty. It's perfect.
"Hi," Harry greets the hostess, a beautiful lady with brown hair, hazel eyes and a dashing smile, when they walk up to her. "Um, we're suppose to meet someone here? Nick Grimshaw?"
The lady smiles, not too widely. It doesn't look as is she recognizes him. Or maybe she does. Maybe she's just use to celebrities coming into the restaurant. It is, after all, a fancy place. "Right. He's right this way."
She leads them to a table in the far left corner that's hidden behind a little wall. It's the perfect seat.
Nick is already waiting for them at the table, quiff high and smile amused as he watches them. He's all warm smiles and friendly hugs when they take a seat around the table. Once the hostess leave them and tell them that their waitress will be with then shortly, he turns to Louis, smile bright. "So you're the one that made an honest man out of our little Harry?"
Louis blushes and smiles shyly, eyes glancing between Harry and Nick. "I didn't change him, if that's what you're implying. There was nothing to change, anyway," He tightens his hands around Harry's under the table. "He's perfect."
Nick turns to Harry, eyebrow raised. "I like this one."
Yeah, I love this one. He thinks. "Didn't know I needed your approval," He says.
A snort escapes Nick. "Of course you do, Harold."
Louis laughs at Nick's words and that's enough for them to start chatting, mostly about the silly nicknames they have for Harry.
Harry will never, ever admit how much he loves it.
Their waitress comes to take their orders a few minutes later. She brings their drinks out almost immediately after that.
It's only when Louis excuses himself to the bathroom that Nick turns to Harry. "He's pretty."
"He's more than that," He's the love of my life.
Nick picks up his glass of champagne and takes up sip, embodiment of cool and collected. "So, how's he in the shagpad?"
Immediately, Harry snaps his head up to glare at his friend. "What?"
"Just wanna know how good he is in the bedroom," Nick shrugs, twirling the liquid in the glass around. When Harry doesn't answer him, he lazily glances at him. "Wait...you didn't have sex yet?"
Again, Harry doesn't answer. instead, he only hardens his glare, but that's apparently of the confirmation that Nick needs. "What? It's been like, what, five months that you've been pining over him and still no sex? Don't you have a serious case of blue balls?"
"Shut up, Nick," Harry grits through his teeth, annoyed.
Again, Nick shrugs. "All I'm saying is, if there's no sex then the relationship is bound to get boring."
"Just shut up, will you?" Harry snaps. What does Nick know anyway? Nothing. Nick leans back into his seat, amused.
Neither of them notice Louis standing behind the wall.
The rest of the dinner is kind of tense.
The drive back to Harry's house is filled with silence. As soon as they drive through the gates and he parks the car in the garage Harry turns to look over at Louis with raised eyebrows. "You okay?"
Louis shrugs and climbs out of the car with his eyes locked on the ground. "I'm fine," He says and then slams the door shut.
Harry follows after him, locking the car door and rushing after his boy who's walking to the front door. He lightly puts his hand on Louis' shoulder, catching him attention. "Baby, what's wrong?"
"It's really nothing," Louis says as Harry opens the door. He walks in before Harry, holding the door handle. "I was just thinking."
"About?" Harry questions and locks the door. He throws the keys on the little table next to the door and takes Louis' hand.
"Nothing," Louis mumbles and walks together with Harry up the stairs. Harry doesn't say anything, instead opening the door and leading Louis to bed.
Louis stands up immediately though. "I'm gonna go change in the bathroom," He says without really at Harry. He walks over to his suitcase as pulls his pajamas out.
Harry shrugs, hearing the bathroom door shut with a 'click'. He quickly pulls on his pj's and climbs into the bed waiting for Louis.
What surprises him, though, is when Louis walks out of the bathroom. Without a shirt and just in his boxers. He's never ever let himself be so exposed. He sleeps fully clothed and doesn't change in front of Harry. Harry wonders if he's okay.
He sits up in bed, watching as Louis makes his way over to stand directly in front of Harry. "You okay?"
Louis takes a deep breath, chest puffing up. "I want to have sex."
Harry chokes on his own spit. He slaps his chest with his fist, trying to get over his coughing fit and when he finally does, he looks up and stares at Louis. "You what?"
"I want to have sex," Louis says again, climbing onto the bed and straddling Harry's hips. "Please."
Wide eyed, Harry stares up at him. He doesn't touch him. "Lou....I don't really think that's a good idea."
Louis sighs and sits with his bum on Harry's thighs. He runs through his hair and then looks Harry directly in the eyes. "But I want to."
Harry has to literally fight the urge to just reach out and touch. He can't, though. "Louis, I don't think it's a good idea."
"Do you not trust me?" Louis glares, eyes fiery blue and beautiful. "Is that why?"
"Of course I trust-" Harry begins to says.
Louis cuts him off, voice firm and determined, "Then why won't you do this for me?"
"Because," Harry says, running a hand through his hair, and turns his head away for a moment. "I don't want to hurt you by doing something you're uncomfortable with."
Louis sighs and rolls over the bed, lying next to Harry and spreading his legs only a bit. "But I'm comfortable with you. And I trust you."
As an afterthought he adds, "I want this with you."
Knowing that he's already lost the battle, Harry turns to Louis and nods firmly. "Okay," He says. "But if you want me to stop you tell me. Or kick me. Or slap me. Or yell at me. I don't care what you do, you just make it clear when you're uncomfortable."
Louis nods, eyes locked on the ceiling. Harry slips into between Louis' legs, head where his stomach is, hands immediately on his hips and touching the soft skin. "Are you sure you want this?" He asks, just to be sure.
"Yeah-" Louis says, a little out of breath. "Yeah. Positive."
"Louis, I'm serious," Harry looks up his boy with determined eyes. "If you don't want to go on, tell me. Okay?"
Louis nods again and nudges Harry's calf with his foot, signaling for him to continue. Harry starts off by placing soft kisses below Louis' belly button, lips lingering for moments too long and loving the way Louis' skin feels under his lips.
He grips Louis' hips lightly and moves his head down to place soft kisses on the inside of his boy's beautiful thighs, making sure that every part of the thigh has been kissed. Only the best for Louis.
Once he's done with the one thigh, he looks up at Louis again. "Want me to go on?" When Louis nods, he hums, running his hands lightly over Louis' hip. "Hand me the lube please? It's in the drawer of the table." Louis complies, reaching for the drawer and pulling the lube out.
Harry takes it and places a kiss to his skin, looking up at Louis through his lashes. "You sure you're okay?"
"Fucking hell, Harry," Louis snaps. "Just get on with it."
Harry nods and, unsurely, takes the waistband of Louis' boxers in his hands. He starts slowly pulling it down...
Immediately he lets the boxers go and backs away, eyes immediately finding Louis'. Louis swallows. "Can I turn around?"
Thinking that he had hurt Louis, Harry breathes a sigh of relief, and nods. Louis turns around, tummy pressed to the mattress and face buried in a pillows. His hands are clutching the pillow tightly. "Okay, you can continue."
"Are you sure?" Harry asks. Louis nods with closed eyes. Harry starts placing kisses on his lower back, hands tracing his skin. His hands are shaking when he takes the waistband of the boxers into his hands, slowly lowering them and revealing Louis' bum.
He sucks air into his lungs, just admiring the gorgeous bum of his boyfriend for a tiny moment. He glances upwards, seeing Louis laying completely still.
His hands are turning white as he clutches the pillow.
Immediately Harry sits up, moving to sit next to Louis.
His heart aches when he sees that Louis' face is pressed into the pillow, silent tears running down his face.
When Louis sees him he immediately pulls up his boxers and jumps out of the bed, staring at Harry with wide eyes. "I'm so sorry," He apologizes, tears still on his cheeks. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."
As Harry moves towards him, the blue eyed beauty flinches back and Harry will admit that it hurts more than anything else.
"I...I think," He says quietly. "I think I'm going to sleep in the quest room."
And then he's out the door, leaving behind a guilty Harry, who eventually starts rocking back and forth as he's crying.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Harry gets two hours of sleep in at most. He lays in bed, eyes glancing between the clock and the ceiling. He sits up at one point with his feet on the ground, planning to go to Louis but decides against it.
It's so fucking frustrating, is the thing. Louis's literally so close but so far away and the worst thing about it is that Harry can do absolutely nothing about it.
Finally at 07:21 am he decides to get out of bed and go get coffee. He need caffeine.
The halls are empty and silent when he walks out his bedroom. It's so unnerving and it makes his heart ache so much and he's suddenly so angry. So fucking angry that something ruined Louis. Something broke Louis. He's not even sure if he's angry at himself or him.
He should've known Louis wasn't ready. He should've fucking known. But he didn't. He should've told Louis that he knew he was uncomfortable. But he didn't. He can't help but feel like he failed Louis.
Everything is just so fucking wrong.
He's planning to immediately make himself a cup of coffee as soon as he gets to the kitchen, but his plan quickly vanishes as soon as he enters the kitchen, only to find Louis sitting on one of the stools with a cup of tea in his hands.
When Harry stops dead in his tracks, Louis looks up from where his gaze is focused on the cup. His eyes are rimmed red and Harry's angry. Louis has been crying because of him.
They stare each other down for a minute before Louis takes a deep breath and a small smile appears on his face. "Morning."
"Morning," Harry replies, standing frozen in his spot. Should he move to sit across Louis? Should he stay where he is? He doesn't know.
"I made you coffee," Louis points to the coffee machine and Harry follows his gaze, seeing a steaming batch of black coffee.
Harry moves to the cupboard and pulls out a cup. "Thanks," He says and walks over to the machine, pouring his cup full of coffee. The air around them is so stiff and Harry fucking hates it. Despises it.
Unsurely, he takes a seat across from Louis, who's eyes are fixed on his cup. Neither one of them says anything.
Until, "I'm sorry."
Are his cheeks wet? Yes. Those are definitely tears. He hadn't even realized he was crying until now.
Louis' head immediately snaps up,
tears running down his beautiful face. "What are you sorry for? I'm the one who fucked up."
"No, you didn't," Harry replies and sets his mug down on the counter to wipe the tears off of his face. "It was me. I pushed you and-"
"You didn't push me! I said I wanted to!" Louis sobs, cheeks so fucking red and tears so fucking real and still so fucking tragically beautiful.
"But-" Harry starts to say, but then gets cut off by Louis.
"You asked me multiply times if I wanted to and I said yes," Louis slides out of his own chair and quickly walks over to stand in between Harry's legs, he throws his arms around Harry's neck and sobs into his chest. "If wasn't your fault, Harry, I'm sorry. It wasn't."
Wrapping his arms around Louis' waist, Harry cries into the crook of Louis' neck. "No, I'm sorry." I'm sorry that this had to happen to you.
They sob in each other's arms for five minutes straight, not once pulling away. When Harry does eventually pull away, he takes Louis' cheeks into his hand, wiping away the tears. "Baby, what happened last night? Why did you feel the need to...?"
Louis eyes shift to the ground and he pulls back his arms to wrap them around his middle. He glances at Harry with tears in his pretty eyes. "I just...I just-I," He takes a deep breath. "I heard what Nick said and I just felt so fucking stupid because I can't even give you sex. You're a fucking grown man and I can't give you sex," Immediately there's tears streaming down his face again and Harry just. Harry is just so fucking angry.
"Baby," He cries, Louis' face still in his hands. "You're so much more important than sex. You're worth more than sex for me. Don't you understand that?"
"But Harry-" Louis leans his forward against Harry's chest, silent tears running down. "-eventually you'll grow tired of waiting."
"Never," He immediately replies. "I will never get tired of waiting for you. I'll wait eternities and more for you. And even after that if you don't want to have sex, I'll still be by your side," He says, tilting Louis' head up to look him in the eyes. "Because you're the love of my life and all that I really need is you."
Louis cries into Harry's chest after that, hands clutching Harry's shirt tightly. And all that Harry can do is kiss Louis' forehead and whisper that it's going to be okay.
Because that's the only way to reassure Louis that he will never leave. Ever.