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I couldn't say goodbye

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You exhale loudly in frustration and continue striding down the sidewalk towards the local coffee shop. Carlisle has no problem matching your pace and you’re aware he’s staring sideways at you, wanting to voice his thoughts. He’s always been so careful around you, as if certain words will trigger an anxiety attack. You briefly wonder what he’d think he knew his mere presence makes you feel like you can’t breathe, especially now that he’s back in town. You grind your teeth, at least he won’t follow you inside the café, and you’ll be damned if you’re going to forgive him just because he says he’s sorry. He should be sorry.

‘You’re angry with me,’ he says, his voice raises the hairs on the back of your neck. You’d almost forgotten how little he had to do to make your heart race but you’re angry at him, so no other emotions are allowed to overrule that. ‘Y/N.’ He stops and you think momentarily that he’s going to let you get away but he’s put his arm around your waist and turned you so you’re standing before him.

‘That’s cheating,’ you tell him with heat ascending your neck, your voice sounds guarded even to your ears, and though you’re trying not to look into his eyes, you can’t help glancing up to see an almost pout on his pale lips.

‘Please forgive me, Y/N,’ he says, gently pulling you closer. ‘I cannot endure the sorrow in your eyes. I promise I will do anything to make things right between us.’ This isn’t fair, you don’t want to forgive him right now. You’re allowed to be mad at him. Anyone would be upset if their best friend skipped town without telling them. Yours just seems to frazzle your brain when he’s around, and you’re almost certain he knows that.

He lets you pull away.

‘Why do you even care?’ You ask. ‘I wasn’t even worth a goodbye.’

He scoffs, though it sounds more like an exasperatedly amused wheeze. ‘Look at me,’ he says, you turn away in defiance and begin to walk away again.

‘I have better things to do than have you laugh at me,’ you tell him tiredly, and shove your gloved hands into your coat. You manage to get about ten steps before he’s in front of you but before you can spout profanities expressing your irritation, he places his hand on your lower back and pulls your body to his. You can feel your own pulse fasten as you sharply inhale his spiced cinnamon aroma.

‘I couldn’t say goodbye,’ he says, using his other hand to softly brush his fingers against your cheek before hooking your hair behind your ear. Your chest tightens as your feebly try to keep your breathing under control. ‘It would have broken my heart.’ Your breathing falters then and you look down so he can’t see your crimson cheeks. ‘Y/N, look at me,’ he murmurs in your ear, his hands are now on your waist. You’re almost afraid to look at him; butterflies caught in your rib cage, but you want to because it took his absence to realise you’re in love with him. He broke your heart abandoning you… but here he is, so close you’re positive he’d let you kiss him. ‘Y/N,’ he whispers. ‘Please.’ You hesitantly look up into his golden eyes, afraid; of what, you don’t know. ‘You have to be the most oblivious person in town,’ he says, a smile forming on his lips; the kind that makes his eyes sparkle.

Your eyebrows quirk in your confusion but before you can ask what he means, his lips are on yours. Everything else ceases to matter as you smile and kiss him back, your eyes closing. Your skin feels so sensitive to his touch that his thumb on your chin, parting your lips, leaves a frostbiting burn but you like it. You’re so close you can’t reach up and put your fingers through his hair so you settle them on his hips, grasping the material of his shirt as he deepens the kiss. Your lips part too soon and all you can hear is your gasping for air.

‘Do you forgive me?’ He asks, trailing small scorching kisses across your jaw.

‘For what?’ You ask hoarsely, relishing at the sound of his small chuckle.