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Run Through My Head

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Fucked. She was completely, and utterly fucked. Why? She was fucked all because of her feelings. Feelings for her…Satsuki. Her big sister...Satsuki. Why? Why her?

Ryūko snuggled further inside her futon, pulling the covers completely over her head. A useless attempt of blocking out the world around her, because she could still hear the Mankanshoku Family in the other room, they were all eating, laughing and just enjoying each other's company. A gathering she wanted to be apart of, but right now her heart just wasn't in it to pretend to be social or even happy.

The soft thrumming of falling rain on the house's roof provided for a somewhat soothing lullaby. It took alot these days just to lure a troubled Ryūko to sleep. Even when she did finally fall asleep her dreams were always about Satsuki, and that was always reason enough to wake the hell back up. Sleepless nights in Honno Town were incessant. Incest. When you can't fall asleep without dreaming about making love to your sister, your own flesh and blood, then you know you're a fucked up human-being, and that's the worst kind of nightmare...incest. Ryūko's mind was always ever troubled and racing with regretful thouhts, thoughts that she wishes she could lock up forever. Or stab them to death with her scissor blade, stabbing all the bad thoughts until they're all lifeless and stacked together bleeding on her blade, and just even looking at Satsuki anymore won't cause a nosebleed, it's fallacious, but it helps Ryūko to feel ok…somewhat.

"Ah, damn it all."

Kicking the covers off her, Ryūko sits up letting her unruly hair fall around her face, not bothering to even smooth it all out. She falls back on her futon, and through the darkness of the room she silently stares up at the ceiling. All she wanted to think about was nothing, just nothing.

"Ryūko, are you feeling ok?"

She looks up at the sound of Senketsu's concerned voice. He appeared upside down from her position as she lay on the floor looking up at him. There he always was though, her Kamui, her friend, hanging up outside the Mankanshoku's closet door, his worrying eye trying to bore its way into her soul. He didn't expect Ryūko to pour out her heart to him right away, but he wanted to let her know that he was always here for her when she was ready for someone to listen.

"Senketsu, when you ask if I am ok, that makes me think about why I am not ok, and that isn't ok, so no I'm not ok because I just don't want to think about it at all right now. Ok?"

"Ok, I'm Sorry Ryūko."

Senketsu, feeling crestfallen watches Ryūko rub her tired eyes, yawn and roll over on her belly. Her covers had fallen down some exposing her top and mid section, and Senketsu recoils everytime he sees Ryūko wearing her hideously too small bunny pajamas. They were Mako's to start with and obviously didn't fit his Ryūko's body well enough. Senketsu sometimes likes to imagine himself as pajamas with Ryūko always wearing him to bed. He blushes at the images playing in his internal thought, a much happier Ryūko wrapped up in his embrace, him keeping her warm and safe through the night.

Her face was now completely buried in her pillow, but Senketsu hears her muffled voice well enough.

"It's not your fault Senketsu, how I'm feeling right now. I'm just a horrible person for the way I feel, and at the moment it just can't be helped."

Senketsu wonders what is going on inside that heart of hers. He yearns to fully understand his friend so he can somehow help her, and yet he must respect the fact that she just wasn't ready for that kind of help, she also may never be ready and he must respect that fact as well.

"Ryūko, when you're ready talk to me, I'll listen and I'll be here for you no matter what."

Ryūko let's out a heavy sigh, her shoulders and chest feel less heavy, and the weight of saving the world plus her taboo attraction to her sister seem less imminent.

"Thank you, Senketsu."

Hearing the smile in Ryūko's voice nearly brings him to tears and he himself smiles. He smiles truly knowing that whatever trouble Ryūko is facing, she'll stay strong, face it head on and prevail.

"Well, I think the rain has finally stopped, Ryūko."

Ryūko slowly rises up off her futon and makes her way to the window, she slides it open taking in the cool humid night air. Sure enough the rain had stopped and the dark stormy clouds were moving on, leaving Honno Town wet, and shimmering under the moon's glowing light. It looked as if someone had poured a bucket full of stars all over the town, by the way rain water shimmered and flickered so.

In the far distance beyond Honno's Slums stood Honnouji Academy, towering above everything else Ryūko truly felt insignificant compared to it, its height was unbelievable. Satsuki has accomplished so much, so fast. Ryūko tries to think up all her accomplishments, so far she has been reunited with her long lost, a pain in the ass older sister, and that was by chance. She doesn't have much to show for her achievements in life yet, there's still time she hopes, and Ryūko does want to be more optimistic about the future.

"Ryūko-chan! Ryūko-chan!"

Broken out of her thoughts, her friend Mako had just busted through the door fying in the air and was ready to happily tackle Ryūko. Ryūko makes a quick reflexive jump dodging Mako sending her flying through the open window.

"Mako, are you alright?"

Mako, with great effort shakily lifts her body from the wet ground, and climbs back in the house through the window.

Seeing her friend supporting a bloody lip, a swollen right eye, face all covered in dripping mud with grass sticking out of her hair, made her Ryūko feel even worse.

"Aww, Ryūko-chan, why do you always have to move at the last minute, huh?"

"Sorry, Mako."

Ryūko rubs the back of her neck, sitting back down on her futon, watching Mako limp around the room before sliding the window closed.

"Let's go out for ice-cream, Ryūko-chan!"

Mako jumps in Ryūko's lap, wrapping her arms around her neck and shoulders. She started playing with Ryūko's face by smashing her cheeks together making fish lips.

"What? At this time of night?"

Trying to talk with fish lips wasn't easy, and only made Mako erupt in a fit of giggles at Ryūko.

"Ryūko-chan, it's never too late, besides there's a ice-cream shop that always open really late."

"Oh, ok then, let's go get ice-cream!"

Ryūko pulled Mako's hands from her face, clasping them in her own hands, giving them a gentle squeeze.

"Alright, you get dressed Ryūko-chan, and I'll go get the bike ready!"

Mako was racing out the door before Ryūko could say anything more to her.

"Damn, does she ever slow down?"

"Ryūko-chan, here I almost forgot to give you them!"

"What the-"?

Ryūko nearly chokes as Mako stuffed her mouth full of Mystery Croquettes.

"Eat them, while they're still hot, and hurry up Ryūko-chan! "

Taking a gigantic swollow, Ryūko managed to get down all six Croquettes. She tried to get her breathing under control and back to normal.

"What the hell, Mako!"

"Ryūko-chan, get dressed!"

"Yeah, yeah, alright."

Ryūko wipes a few remaining crumbs from her face, before undressing. Standing now in just her under garments, she contemplates on what to wear for her night out. She doesn't have many options, Ryūko thinks back on Satsuki's offer to take her clothes shopping. Shopping for clothes is something that normal sisters do, maybe acting more like a sister to Satsuki will cure her lovesickness towards her.

"Ugh screw it, I'm going out for ice-cream with my friend, and I'm going to enjoy myself! All unwanted, forbidden thoughts are fucking unwelcome."

Grabbing a plain red t-shirt, a black pullover hoodie, and a pair of gray skinny jeans, Ryūko had completed her outfit.

"Senketsu, you can sit this one out, I don't expect to be attacked in a ice-cream shop this time of night."

Though stranger things have happened...

"Sure, Ryūko, you just enjoy yourself. "

"Thanks, Senketsu, I'll try."

Senketsu gives Ryūko one last smile before she takes her leave, and closes his eye, falling silently in a soothing slumber.

Ryūko slides open the door managing to get one leg out, before Mataro and Guts could rip it off as they tore through the hallway at lighting speed.

"Let's go get some ice-cream, Guts!"

"Guts!"

"Hey, watch where the hell you're going!"

Her words were lost on them, as they were already outside. Shaking her head, Ryūko sits down and begins sliding on her dirty-white sneakers.

"Ryūko, is that you?"

Turning around, Ryūko found Mako's mother standing behind her, she was getting ready for bed and already she was wearing her nightwear.

"Oh, hey, Mrs. Mankanshoku."

Mankanshoku Sukuyo, smiles down at Ryūko, Ruffing her hair.

"I just want you to look after Mako, and the boys while you all are out tonight. Especially since that ice-cream shop is in The First District. I don't want any high star-leveled students taking advantage of any of you."

"Wait, what-?"

"Alright Ryūko, take care, and you all stay safe."

Ryūko sat with her mouth hanging open at a lose for words. Mako failed to mention the exact location of the ice-cream shop, and Ryūko just a assumed it was here close by in The Slums. Though now that she thinks about it a ice-cream shop in the slums doesn't sound so appealing.

Traveling to The First District was asking for a beat down. Even though finding out that Satsuki, The Student Council President, was her sister has helped in someway. She doesn't have to worry about The Elite Four coming after her anymore, but that hasn't stopped random attacks from butt-hurt students that she has beaten down when first came to Honnouji City. Not to mention running into Satsuki herself, by going to The District was asking for it. Ryūko wasn't in the mood for either.

"Whatever, what are the odds of her being out this late, I'm sure Mega-Brow goes to sleep at like seven or something."

The busted clock on the wall said nine o'clock. That assumption about Satsuki's early bedtime, was the only thing that kept Ryūko from canceling on Mako to get ice-cream.

Ryūko finally steps outside into the night, the sky was completely clear, save for the moon and stars of course. It was cool enough that you could see your breath float gently out of your mouth, she was glad she had decided to dress warmly tonight.

Mako had pulled Ryūko's scooter around to the front of the house, and was already seated on it. Mataro had his on pedaling bike, all set and ready to go with Guts on his shoulders, his tiny paws were gripping Mataro's hair for security.

Ryūko knew how to get to The First District just fine, it was just a long ass haul up Honnouji almost all the way to the top , but she was gonna need Mako's help with the exact directions to the ice-cream shop.

"Uh, you two can ride with us, you won't even make it to The Third District on that thing, you'll just tire out."

Mataro just bats his hand at Ryūko's offer, turns up his nose and puffs his scrawny chest out, Guts was mimicking him move for move.

"A real man doesn't ever get tired, right Guts?"

"Guts!"

"…whatever, don't say I didn't warn you, and don't expect me to haul both your tired asses all the way up there when you fallout from exhaustion, you missed your chance."

Ryūko finally hop onto her scooter, Mako scooted closer, wrapping her arms around Ryūko's waist. A random imagine of Ryūko riding around Honno Town with Satsuki wrapped around her, popped into her head. She started to shake her head back and forth, trying to knock the image out of existence.

"Ryūko-chan, you ok?"

"I'm fine Mako, let's go!"

Starting up her scooter, Ryūko zips through the back alley with graceful ease, her scooter's exhaust smoke blowing in Mataro and Gut's face.

"Hey! Watch where you're blowing that crap!"

"Guts!"

Ryūko laughs for the first time in days, the cool feeling of the wind blowing through her hair was refreshing, she felt weightless, and untouchable.

"Ryūko-chan, slow down!"

"Huh?"

Ryūko finds a flat place to stop off the hill, and turns around to face Mako, wondering what was wrong. They were making good time, and had just finally made it to Honnouji's Second District. Ryūko took a chance to glance at the much nicer neighborhood around them, and just realized that Mataro and Guts were nowhere to be seen.

"Ryūko-chan, you were going too fast, we left Mataro and Guts back in The Slums!"

Ryūko fell off her scooter in disbelief, Mako got up and looked down the long hill for any signs of her brother and dog. Nothing, neighborhood the was quiet, dark and the streets empty save for just the two of them.

"Dumb-asses, I warned them, screw'em let's just keep going."

"What!"

Ryūko let's out a annoyed sigh, she knew what was about to come next. She sat back down on the scooter with her head on her arms, waiting for Mako to chew her out…again.

Mako throws up both her arms in the air, crossing them, and Ryūko had to shield her eyes from the blinding light her tiny friend emitted.

"Shit, my eyes!"

"Ryūko-chan, I can't believe you, no one and I mean no one, not even my delinquent brother and dog gets left behind! A true friend stops, waits and goes back always Ryūko-chan, because if you win with friendship, you win at life!"

Still rubbing her throbbing eyes from Mako's light, Ryūko kind of missed some if not all of Mako's rant. She was grateful for that at least.

"Fine let's go back then."

The street light that the two girls were under began to bink off and on. Ryūko hurriedly put her scooter in gear, not wanting to be caught in an unexpected darkness.

Going back for the boys was a pain in the ass for Ryūko, as well as time wasted. She finally made it back to them though, and they thanked her with endless cursing and swearing, and Ryūko could of sworn she saw Guts flip her the bird.

"Ungrateful, basterds."

Back up Honnouji they went, Ryūko sped like a bat out of hell racing through the Districts, with Mataro and Guts barely hanging on. Ryūko laughed out loud as she looked through her mirror to see Guts blow in the wind like a fat flag.

They all, by the unforeseen force and mercy of a higher being, unbelievably made it to the ice-cream shop. Ryūko almost lost all hope for a second, Mako's memory isn't all that reliable and they were roaming around The Three-Star neighborhood lost, in other words.

"Yes finally ice-cream!"

Mataro jumped off the scooter with Guts racing into the fancy ice-cream shop, leaving the girls still outside.

"Ryūko-chan, I hope you brought your purse."

"Yep, sure did. I brought enough to buy fifty ice-cream cones!"

Ryūko twirled her purse by the key chain on her finger as she headed for the shop's entrance.

"Ooh, then Ryūko-chan won't mind buying for all of us."

Ryūko's purse flew off her finger, losing her step, she tripped and fell over on the ground.

"Ryūko-chan!"

Her friend helped her back up on her feet, and Ryūko was doing all she could to hold in her tears. She wanted to cry for her purse, no way in hell did she really have enough money for three people and a dog, let alone actually buying fifty ice-cream cones. This wouldn't be the first time Ryūko got roped into going out with Mako, and always being the one to pay for said outing.

Ryūko thinks back and remembers that bullshit excuse that Mako had come up with to get out of paying last time.

("Ryūko-chan, your like the guy in this friendship, and what are guys suppose to do? They pay for their dates Ryūko-chan, no fuss or questions asked!")

With that said the waitress at the restaurant had taken Ryūko's money away from her…all of it. Leaving Ryūko to slump back to The Mankanshoku Family home, with Mako hanging on to her arm, skipping merrily along all the way, obvious to her now depressed friend, but at least she had a happy and full belly.

"Fuck me, not again. Mako just be prepared to eat and run this time, ok?"

Ryūko watches her friend give very little thought to what she just said and Mako smiles ignorantly back at her.

"Ok, Ryūko-chan!"

This messed up situation has Ryūko remembering Satsuki's offer for a weekly allowance. Ryūko at the time too proud refused the generous offer. If she can ever work up her nerve to be near her, and not screw up in Satsuki's presence, then she'll bring the offer back up. Screw pride, being broke was no fun.

"Satsuki."

Ryūko couldn't help herself even if she actually put effort into trying. Even though she said she wouldn't have thoughts about her sister while she was out. Everything always seemed to come back to Satsuki.

She wonders if someone as uptight as Satsuki evens likes something as common as ice-cream...probably not. Satsuki probably orders her sweets from foreign countries or something.

"Ryūko-chan, come on."

Ryūko lets Mako pull her by the sleeve of her hoodie, and inside the fancy, expensive looking, guaranteed to have Ryūko broke before the night was over with ice-cream shop they went.

When they first step into the shop a blast of cold sweet air hits them in the face. The sweet smell of cream and milk wafted throughout the whole shop. The shop's interior decor had a french themed going on, was surprisingly busy for this time of night.

"There's the boys, and they're sitting with Satsuki-sama!"

Ryūko felt her blood run cold as she indeed saw Satsuki sitting in a booth surrounded by her Elite Four,Mataro and Guts, her sister Satsuki, the Satsuki that she fell in love with Satsuki.

In Ryūko's defense she fell in love with Satsuki even before she knew they were sisters, her feelings just didn't seem to care about that major revelation in the end, and poor Ryūko was still hooked like a fish for Satsuki.

Lost in her thoughts Ryūko didn't notice the two trails of blood running down her mouth, as she stared unblinking at an unawares Satsuki.

"Ah, Ryūko-chan, your nose is bleeding!"

Mako rushed to grab a whole stack of napkins off the nearest table, slapping the whole stack in Ryūko's face, knocking them both on the slick marble floor in the process. Mako fell on top of her friend panicking and trying to add pressure to Ryūko's bleeding nose, not realizing she was just making it worse.

Ryūko pushes Mako off her and sticks two napkins in both her nostrils herself.

"I'm fine now Mako, so stop making a scene before-"

It was of course too late as half the shop had eyes on them including Satsuki. When Ryūko reluctantly meets her sister's gaze, she's met with a happy, surprised and sincere smile already greeting her.

Ryūko could feel her head spin and vision blur all at once, it was too much, maybe it was from blood lose, maybe it was not expecting to unexpectedly run into Satsuki, either way was just too much.

Fucked. She was completely, and utterly fucked. Why? She was fucked all because of her feelings. Feelings for her…Satsuki. Her big sister...Satsuki. Why? Why her?

Ryūko kept repeating why in her mind even as she collapsed back on the ice-cream shop's too clean floor.

"Why…her?"

"Ryūko-chan, it alright I got you."

"Why…her?"