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Connor's Got a Girlfriend in Canada

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"Elder McKinley!" Elder Zelder shouted from the kitchen table. He and the other Elders had been talking and they decided it wasn't fair to Connor that they pretended they didn't know about his homosexuality any longer. Everyone knew and it was heartbreaking to watch the district leader turn off his true self. It was time to do something about it.

Elder Connor McKinley walked into the room and saw all of his missionaries seated at the table. There was an empty seat at the head of the table, opposite Zach Zelder, that Connor took. "Yes?" He asked, looking from face to face, glancing down when he reached Elder Price.

Elders Michaels cleared his throat and reached out to take Connor's hand. "Elder McKinley, we want you to stop turning it off." He said.

"Vince, I don't know what you're talking about." Connor said nervously.

Chris Thomas, Connor's companion and roommate, rolled his eyes. "We're talking about the reason why you have hell dreams every night."

The other Elder nodded understandingly. "I can't imagine having spooky hell dreams every night, I had one after I accidentally read a dirty magazine and I was a mess for weeks." Chris continued.

Connor carried on pretending like he had no clue what they were talking about, but he knew. Somehow they'd found out about his gayness. What could've possibly given it away? The tap dancing? The vests? The constant talking about his island dream with Steve Blade? No, it couldn't be any of those things. He'd been so careful!

Finally, the short-tempered Elder Neeley had enough of beating around the bush and he bursted out with: "We know you're gay!" The other Elders shot him sharp stares but Elder Cunningham stayed focused on Connor, who looked horrified. "Elder McKinley, you can stop turning it off now! You can be happy because you don't have to hide yourself!" He exclaimed happily.

Elder Price shook his head and quieted down his eager companion. "We didn't want it to happen like this," he glared at Neeley. "but you had to know. We couldn't bear to see you trying so hard to be something you aren't."

For a moment, Connor considered basking in the acceptance that he had received, but his father's words echoed in his head- "Turn it of Connor, you aren't gay, you're just cursed with a sickness. It can be cured."

The Elders wouldn't believe Connor if he simply said he wasn't gay, he'd had to do something drastic. "Um, I'm not gay."

"Elder McKinley." Elder Schrader said sternly.

"I'm not gay! If I was, my girlfriend would be very confused..."

Kevin Price tilted his head to the side to look at Connor curiously. "Your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, um, she lives in Canada!"

"What's her name?"

Connor's eyes darted around the room nervously. He spotted the bookshelf on the far wall and blurted the name of the first author he saw. "Her name is Charlotte Dickens!"

Elder Zelder rubbed his temples. "Any relation to the author Charles Dickens?" He asked.

"Psh no. That's ridiculous."

"What's Charlotte like?" Elder Cunningham asked excitedly, not fully understanding what was going on.

"She's tall, and she has eyes that are green. Her hair is... black and um, she drives a car."

"How'd you meet her if she's from Canada?" Elder Church asked.

"She lived in Provo, but her dad got a job for the President of Canada."

"Canada doesn't have a president."

"Did I say president? I meant the other thing, the one that Canada has."

"Prime Minister?"

"Yeah, that."

The interrogation continued about Miss Charlotte Dickens until finally Kevin had enough. "It's a shame that you have a girlfriend, Elder McKinley." He said innocently.


"Because that means you probably wouldn't enjoy this." Kevin got up and walked over to Connor, pulling him out of his seat by his tie. He pressed his lips onto Connor's and kissed him softly, Connor kissed back.

When they broke apart, all of the Elders were staring, and Zelder had covered Cunningham's mouth because the missionary looked like he was going to burst with some obscure movie reference.

Kevin leaned close to Connor's ear. "I've got a girlfriend in Canada too, Connor." He said teasingly.

Connor started blubbering about Charlotte until he looked up into Kevin's brown eyes and muttered: "To hell with it." Before pulling him down into another kiss.

Arnold leaned over to Chris. "This is just like Princess Leia and Han Solo in Star Wars." He whispered excitedly. Chris patted Arnold's shoulder. "Sure buddy."

"So," Kevin asked. "are you done turning it off?"

Connor smiled. "I'm turning it on, for good."

The Elders cheered and everyone got up to hug Connor or slap him on the back proudly. This was certainly the most important thing District 9 had done so far.