The motel room they grabbed the first night at Jericho was the first parking lot Dean could pull into after taking a dive in the river. He checked in and headed to the room (and the shower) while Sam grabbed the duffels from the Impala.
It was good to see the old car again. Not that it looked its age, Dean really took care of his baby. Sam ran his hand across the smooth top as he peaked into the back seat. So many memories from his childhood took place in this car. Riding shot-gun as Dean took him pick up his date for his first school dance, playing games in the backseat when the only thing needed to occupy his time was a story or a funny face, falling asleep on top of his big brother, getting dropped off at the bus stop and getting a wad of cash shoved into his hand, ‘make sure you take care of yourself, Sammy.’
A lot had changed for him since the last time he saw this car, vanishing behind him as the bus took off for California, his brother turning into nothing more than a silhouette leaning against an old car. He’d grown in a lot of ways…become more independent than he’d ever felt living with Dad and Dean. He hadn’t intended to lose touch with Dean when he left. At the beginning, it was only Dean’s voice that would calm him down when he’d wake up, sheet’s soaked from –
Sam shook his head. He’d called Dean a lot those first couple of weeks. Less and less as he got used to living on his own. Dean used to call too, but he never answered the phone when Dean called. It was always at a bad time…and part of him wanted to be the one to start phone conversations. Dean probably understood, he always did, and Sam continued to call for a few years. But it was easier to be stronger when Dean wasn’t present, easier to remember Dean and this car as his childhood, a life not forgotten, but long long gone.
Still…spending the day with Dean, it felt so much like it had back then, that it was hard to believe he hadn’t actually laid eyes on Dean in four years, heard his voice in two.
Locking the doors, Sam headed towards the room where Dean had disappeared. Dean’s bag was a lot bigger than Sam’s, but that sort of made sense. Dean was living out of this duffle, where as Sam had only packed for the weekend. Still, it was the same duffle he’d used all the way through high school, and Dean’s looked a little fuller than –
His train of thought cut off when he saw the room he and Dean would be sharing.
Sam dropped the bags on the floor, taken aback. I mean, sure, he and Dean had shared a motel bed their whole life, but it was different now. Sam was an adult. He’d expected Dean to get two singles, or two queens.
Maybe…maybe it was a mistake, and Dean was just used to asking for one bed, and he’d get out of the shower and realize and ask for a room change…
The shower cut off in the bathroom, and Dean emerged seconds later, hair wet but clean from the mud and stink of the river. He smirked at Sam, who was still standing by the door, and crossed the room to grab his duffle.
“Alright, Sammy-boy, lets get you ready for bed.”
Sam’s blood went cold.
Dean didn’t seem to notice as he walked to the bed, dropping the duffle onto the duvet and opening the bag. “S’matter, Sam?” he said looking over, “Don’t tell me you ain’t tired. I saw you yawning all the way here. ‘Sides if I’m beat, then you have to be too.”
“You can’t be serious?” Sam blurted out, sounding horrified. His eyes were glued to the things Dean was pulling out of the duffle. Familiar things. A pink bottle of lotion and a white canister of powder with a twistable top, the name ‘Johnson’s’ emblazoned across them. A stack of folded up inserts, a brand new pack of Tena disposables, and a yellow cloth diaper, snaps on the sides of it and a pattern of puppies playing across it.
It certainly explained why Dean’s bag had seemed so full. Sam expected Dean to have done away with that crap years ago…since he’d left to Stanford.
Dean looked at Sam with a raised brow. “Why wouldn’t I be?” he said, sounding genuinely confused.
“Why?” Sam said incredulously, as if Dean had asked why the sky was blue. “Because I’m twenty two! I’m not a little kid anymore, Dean! I’ve been living on my own for four years, and I don’t need my brother to diaper me before bed!”
“Jeez Sam, sorry,” Dean said, confused by Sam’s reaction. “I didn’t mean to make you angry. I was just doing what we always did, up until you went to California. I figured why risk the security deposit if you wet the bed, ya know? I was just trying to look out for you.”
Sam’s face flushed red at the reminder that he’d chronically wet the bed until he was eighteen, even at the beginning at Stanford. It would ruin the sheets and cost John a fortune at every motel they ever stayed at growing up, and nothing that John did could break Sam out of the habit. Finally, when the frustration was too much, John told Dean to “do something about it,” and Dean’s solution had been to let Sam continue wearing diapers at night.
Dean had diapered Sam every single night, when they were younger. When Sam outgrew pampers, Dean bought goodnights, and those lasted up until high school when Sam had his massive growth spurt. Then Dean went for adult incontinence brands and stuffers, but one day came in with the printed cloth diapers. They were cheaper, Dean had reasoned when Sam had protested at the babyish designs, and more comfortable, “just like wearing underwear.”
“Yeah, well I don’t need it,” Sam snapped, crossing his arms and glaring.
Dean’s face seemed to fall a little. “Right, of course not. I get it Sammy, its not like you’re a little kid.”
Sam shifted slightly, the look on Dean’s face causing him to feel bad. “I mean, its fine. I…I guess I understand. I just…” Sam took a deep breath, looking down at his feet. “I don’t need it.”
“Yeah, yeah, course not,” Dean said, eyeing Sam up and down before shaking his head. Dean picked up the diaper and started to put away, but he stopped, his eyes flickering back over to Sam. “I mean, it wouldn’t hurt anything, and I know you don’t need it!” Dean said hurriedly as Sam opened his mouth to argue again. “But it really wouldn’t make any difference, would it? Same as choosing briefs or boxers.”
Sam’s immediate reaction of denial froze in his throat. No…it didn’t really make a difference what he wore to bed. Not really. It wasn’t like the diapers had ever been uncomfortable, in fact, Sam had sort of missed the feeling of being wrapped up when he went to college…not that he’d ever admit that to anyone.
It was just…the diapers were so childish. It was a symbol of Sam before Stanford. The little brother Sammy who depended on big brother Dean. It felt like he’d be throwing away the independence he’d gained by going off on his own if he allowed Dean to diaper him.
But it was Dean asking him. The brother who’d always been his best friend and protector. The guy who raised him more than their father ever had, and who he’d spent the last day with, reminding Sam how much he missed having his brother around.
Dean’s eyes were staring at him with that all-knowing look, and Sam couldn’t make the word ‘no’ come out of his mouth. Instead Sam could only stand there, mouth gaping wide and feeling more uncertain than he could recall.
“Come on Sammy, just one night for nostalgic purposes?” Dean asked, his voice soft and coaxing. “You’re going to that interview on Monday, and you’ll go to law school with that girl of yours on your arm. This might be the last chance we have to be brothers.”
And it was the truth, Sam knew it. Dean was a hunter, a job that didn’t allow for civilian relationships, and only gave one vacation, six feet under the dirt.
Startled by the morbid realization, suddenly feeling lost, eyes still held in Dean’s steady gaze, Sam could only nod.
A smile broke out across Dean’s face, and Sam felt warmth in his belly just seeing it. “Well then, get your butt over here Sammy,” he said, laying the cloth diaper back down on the bed.
Feeling somewhat shy, Sam shuffled his way over to the bed, grateful that Dean wasn’t teasing him for his reluctance. As he reached the bed, Dean put his hands on Sam’s shoulders, gently pushing him down to sit. Dean went down to his feet first, undoing the shoelaces of his boots and pulling them off Sam’s feet, socks too. Sam felt like he ought to help, but he’d never helped before, had always let Dean do it for him.
Next, Dean pulled off the jacket, folding it quickly and tossing it to a chair. “Arms up,” he said, pulling the shirt over Sam’s head as he followed his big brother’s instructions. Dean’s hands found their way to Sam’s belly, tickling him briefly and causing Sam to let out a giggle, even though it was apparent by the embarrassed flush on his face that he hadn’t meant to. Dean again ignored Sam’s bashfulness as he patted the bed for Sam to lie down. He pulled Sam’s belt off quickly, and undid the button and fly of his jeans, hooking his fingers into the waist and Sam’s briefs at the same time.
“Lift, buddy boy,” and Sam lifted his hips so that Dean could bring the material down Sam’s legs, pulling the pants and underwear off with one quick swoop. Sam was left, lying naked on his back, looking up at Dean as he folded the pants messily like he had Sam’s other clothes before laying them across the same chair.
Sam watched Dean as he opened the pack of Tena’s, squirming slightly as his brother unfolded the white diaper and tapped Sam’s side to get him to raise up again. Sam obeyed instantly, and Dean spread the diaper out underneath his bottom, laying three of the inserts on top of the diaper.
“Dean?” Sam said, suddenly feeling unsure again. “Why are you using so many stuffers?”
Dean just shrugged his shoulders. “You’re a lot bigger than you were in high school, Sammy. Even though you were a giant then too. Its just one more than it used to be.”
Sam nodded in agreement, and squirmed slightly, testing the feeling of the diapers on his skin after going so long without them.
Dean was standing with the baby lotion already on his hands, rubbing them together so the cream wouldn’t be so cold when he put it on Sam. Dean started humming, something from Motorhead, Sam thought, be he was distracted by the feeling of Dean massaging his skin with the warmed lotion.
It felt heavenly. Sam could feel his muscles relaxing all over his body as he sunk into the feeling of being pampered. He was so content, that he didn’t hear Dean the first time he told Sam to lift up again.
“Earth to Sammy,” Dean said, almost laughing. “Don’t go to sleep yet, I need to get at your butt.”
Sam lifted again, no longer feeling embarrassed for being naked in front of Dean. It was just like he was two again…four again...ten, fifteen, eighteen…his big brother was getting him comfortable and ready for bed, and Sam was loving it.
Sam could barely feel the powder that Dean shook all over his groin, but the sensation was enough to tickle him again, and he smiled up at Dean when his brother’s eyes caught him.
Dean pulled the front of the diaper up to lay flat against Sam’s stomach, pulling tight as he brought the sides up one at a time to make sure Sam was securely taped in. Dean then grabbed the yellow cloth diaper, picking up Sammy’s hips himself this time as he put it under Sam, and quickly snapped it around his waist.
“You want to wear a shirt? Or pants?” Dean asked as he packed the lotion and powder back into the duffle. Sam shook his head, and Dean smiled again. “Okay then, get under the covers.”
Sam scooted up to the headboard, pulling himself underneath the sheets as Dean stripped down to his boxers, and grabbed something out of his duffle before getting on the bed and crawling up to where Sam was.
Sam suddenly remembered that he’d wanted two beds earlier, and for a moment, considered if it was worth asking Dean to switch the rooms. But Dean was already under the covers himself, turning out the bedside light, and wrapping his arms around Sammy to pull him into his chest.
Sam wriggled around, feeling Dean pressed against his back, and trying to loosen his brother’s hold on him. “Dee, I’m not a stuffed animal!”
Dean just pushed something rubber into Sam’s mouth, the grip of his arm around Sam’s waist pulling him even closer into Dean’s hold. “Go to sleep, baby,” Dean said in his soft voice.
Sam huffed around the pacifier that Dean had used to shut him up, feeling mixed over the intrusion, as it was never something he’d continuously used growing up.
But…if this was the last time…
Sammy took a big breath, snuggling his face into the pillow, giving the pacifier a few softs sucks as he let his muscles go boneless in Dean’s arms.
Feeling warm and safe, more protected than he had felt in years, Sammy fell asleep quickly in his big brother’s arms.
Consciousness rolled over Sam slowly, a general pull into the waking world that left him feeling more rested than he could remember feeling in recent years. The first sensation he felt was that he was safe. There was a certain security in the blankets tucked around him, in the feeling of a comforting mass of Dean’s arm wrapped around him, the warmth squishing between his legs –
Sam’s eyes shot open. He’d peed in his sleep.
Filled with horror, Sam began to struggle up out of Dean’s arms, waking his brother abruptly out of sleep.
“Sam? What – ?” Dean tightened his grip on Sam, instinctively holding onto his little brother to protect him from whatever the danger was. Dean sat up over Sam, pushing him down and pinning him to the bed, quickly checking the room over his shoulder for anything that shouldn’t be there.
The room was just how it’d been before they’d fallen asleep, and Dean looked back at Sam who was still struggling against him, his face panicked and his eyes full of unshed tears.
“Sam, Sammy hey, its okay,” Dean shushed him keeping Sam pressed down so that he wouldn’t hurt himself with his flailing, using one hand to smooth his hair back from his face. “What’s wrong, baby? I’m right here.”
Sam’s eyes locked with Dean’s, and an overwhelming feeling of shame welled up inside him, pushing the tears past his eyes. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry Dee!”
Dean’s eyes lit up in realization, and he stuck his fingers into the leg of Sam’s diaper, feeling the warm wetness soaked up in the thick padding.
Sam started to wail the instant Dean felt his diaper, covering his face with his hands as he sobbed in humiliation.
“Oh baby, its okay,” Dean hushed Sam instantly, rubbing his head again. “It was just an accident, you don’t have to be upset.”
“I – I haven’t … not in years…” Sam gasped between breaths. He couldn’t believe it. Over three years of no accidents, and one night back with Dean and it was like everything he’d accomplished was erased.
“Sammy its not your fault,” Dean tried again, doing his best to pull Sam out of his meltdown. “Its probably just muscle memory. I know you’re a big boy, Sammy. One accident doesn’t change that. You just haven’t slept in a diaper for a while, that’s all. It was just different from what you’re used to.”
Tears were still rolling down Sam’s face, despite his hand’s efforts to keep them hidden. But his cries started to subside as Dean continued to hush and pet him, his big brother’s touch firm and comforting.
“I…I don’t need to wear diapers…” Sam mumbled, as if saying it aloud would make it true.
“I know you don’t,” Dean said, and Sam could hear the smile in his voice, even though he refused to look at Dean. “Come on, big guy, let’s get ready for the day, huh?”
Sam didn’t move as Dean pulled the covers back. Sam glanced down towards his crotch, and was relieved to find that he hadn’t leaked onto the sheets. However, the diaper was completely soaked through. Sam’s breaths continued to catch in his chest as Dean grabbed the duffle with the baby wipes, and pulled a pair of briefs out of Sam’s bag before grabbing Sam’s hips to slide a plastic changing matt underneath his bottom.
“Here, baby,” Dean said, sticking the pacifier that was laying in the bed back into Sam’s mouth. Sam took it without complaint, pointedly ignoring the fact that it was an incredibly babyish item, so that he could find comfort in suckling on the rubber teat.
Dean started to remove the layers of the diaper, the disposable diaper going into one garbage bag while the cotton stuffers and cloth diaper went into another. Dean was humming again as he wiped Sam down with the cold wipes. It wasn’t a pleasant thing to feel early in the morning, but it making him feel clean again, so Sam didn’t mind it one bit.
Slowly, Sam stopped crying all together, but the feeling of embarrassment lingered. He just couldn’t believe that he’d actually wet the bed again…after all this time! He’d thought he’d broken the habit years ago.
Still…Dean was sort of right in a way. His normal schedule had been thrown off on this impromptu road trip. Normally, Sam wouldn’t drink anything at least three hours before he went to bed, and he’d always use the bathroom just before sleep. In the days excitement, dealing with whatever paranormal thing that was killing the people of Jericho, Sam hadn’t adhered to his strict regime. He was pretty sure he’d had some water later than he should have, and with Dean in the shower when he came into the motel room, he’d forgotten to go to the bathroom before Dean had diapered him.
So…it was all the routine. The routine that had become law to avoid making a fool out of himself in front of roommates, in front of Jess.
What if he went back and wet the bed they shared together? What if she thought he was a freak, and didn’t want to be with him anymore?
Sam nearly fell into another spiral, but Dean had started pulling his legs into a pair of briefs, sliding them carefully up his legs. Sam reached to his thighs and helped pull them up, Dean’s hand’s remaining until the underwear was in place.
“There, all better,” he said, giving Sam an easy smirk.
Sam couldn’t help but feel comforted by the soft look on Dean’s face. Dean never looked at him like he was weird…he always was there to protect Sam and make him feel happy again. Dean was like a balm to his frantic mind, and all his fears faded away knowing that Dean was here, and Dean would take care of him, and Dean cared about him.
“Now get up and into some pants, Sammy,” Dean said, plucking the pacifier from Sam’s mouth as he stood from the bed. “We gotta go find where Dad was staying, see if he left anything behind.”
By the time Sam was dressed, the pacifier and all other infantile evidence was hidden away. And just like before Stanford, Dean didn’t mention it, or tease Sam, or treat him any different for the remainder of the hunt.
There was fire. Fire everywhere. On the bed, on the curtains, on the ceiling –
Jess was pinned, blood pouring from her stomach, face stretched wide in a scream of pain and fear, the fire dancing and blending with her hair, consuming her whole.
He was screaming, trying to pull her down. No no no no no…
Hands were pulling him, someone was dragging him away. Strong arms forced him from the house he shared with the girl he was going to marry, stopping him from dying along with the closest connection to normality that he’d ever had.
He was crying on the lawn, smoke burning him from the inside, being rocked and held close to the scent of motor oil and whiskey.
The next few days after Jess’ death were a blur.
He didn’t remember the paramedics checking him, but Dean said that they did.
He remembers feeling cold and wet…why was he wet? Why didn’t he burn up dry in the fire? Someone wiping him down with a warm washcloth and wrapping him up tight, keeping him secured in blankets and a tight embrace.
Dean was always there. At the funeral, before, during, after. A supporting hand on his shoulder, a leading push on the small of his back, taking him away from the onlookers and to the backseat of the Impala.
He remembers being laid out on the leather seats of his childhood home, the bed of a motel room.
He cries off an on. Whenever he feels the tears running down his face, Dean is always there instantly, holding him close to his chest and easing the pain, ever so slightly.
It eventually occurs to Sam that he’s been wearing diapers constantly since the fire, and that Dean’s been changing him, bathing him, feeding him.
He should feel ashamed, too weak to take care of himself. But he needs so much…and Dean is giving. Dean speaks softly and handles him gently, taking care of Sam like he’s done for their entire lives.
Sam wants revenge for Jess.
He wants to find the son of a bitch who killed her and mom and make him pay.
Dean understands. They start to hunt again, working as a team flawlessly, as if they’d never been apart.
Sam doesn’t keep wearing the diapers during the day, but every night, Dean rubs him down with lotion and baby powder, giving him security in the form of thick padding pushing between his legs. Dean gives him the affection he desires, a kiss pressed against his temple as he pulls Sam into his arms and whispers,
“Goodnight, little brother.”
Chapter 2: Keep Him Safe
Apparently, Dean was more bothered by Sam’s kidnapping than he first said. But…maybe that’s okay. The whole thing scared Sam pretty bad too.
Set after 1x15: The Benders; slight SPN AU in which Sam wears diapers to bed.
this was prompted by lizdoral79 for her birthday! (which I missed by like two weeks I'm so sorry!)
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
The walk back to the police station was long. A few police cars drove past them on the road, and each time, Dean snagged the back of Sam’s shirt, hauling him in to the trees so they wouldn’t be seen, Dean’s hand lingering on the back of his neck until the car was out of sight, and they were certain that they hadn’t been spotted. Then they’d get back on the road, and continue the long trek. It wouldn’t have even been that bad, except for the fact that when he’d first woken up locked in the Benders’ cages, his pants had been soaked.
Ever since he’d hit the road with Dean, Sam had fallen back into his old nighttime habits. Just like when he’d been a kid, he woke up most mornings soaked, just waiting for Dean to wake up and change him. Normally, it wasn’t an issue; Dean never forgot to diaper him before bed. But the Benders hadn’t been so considerate when they’d knocked him out, and so Sam had been embarrassed to wake up in a puddle. Thankfully, the deputy, Kathleen, hadn’t said anything about it. But that meant that every step he took, his wet jeans were rubbing uncomfortably against his thighs, and the longer that they walked, the more difficult it was to ignore that awful feeling.
Dean hadn’t said much since they’d started walking, but Sam could feel his brother’s fleeting glances. When another police siren blared past, after Dean decided it was safe to come out of the trees again, his hand stayed on the back of Sam’s neck, lightly gripping, just like he used to do a long time ago, when Sam had been shorter, and hadn’t wanted to hold onto Dean’s hand anymore.
Sam could have shoved the hand off. He even hunched his shoulders a bit, like he was about to, but there was something pinched about Dean’s face that stopped him, something comforting about the familiar action.
Sam let himself be steered all the way back to the police station, hardly even registering it when Dean opened the door to the Impala for him, and buckled him into the front seat.
Dean was mostly silent in the car, his eyes alert on the road, only breaking when they glanced over at him. And Sam rested his head against the window, his arms unconsciously coming up to wrap around himself, so glad to be putting distance from the Benders’ nightmarish house.
At some point, Sam had dozed off in the car. He only woke up when he noticed that he was alone in the parked car. For a brief moment, Sam panicked, before he realized that Dean’s leather jacket had been put tucked around him, and that there was a note on the dash board, scribbled on the back of a receipt in Dean’s familiar handwriting.
Went to check in – be 2 min
Stay in the car, doors are locked
I have my cell
All uneasiness left him. Dean wasn’t far, and he felt safe knowing the doors were locked, and just by looking up, Sam could see the motel office right in front the car. Sam pulled the jacket up around himself more securely. He was a little surprised not to feel himself already diapered. Usually if Sam fell asleep on the road, Dean would pull over and change him into a diaper, just in case he had an accident in his sleep. He was always gentle with it, but it normally would wake Sam up, and since he hadn’t gotten any sleep since the abduction, Sam was really glad to have gotten in even a few hours.
Thankfully, Sam hadn’t had an accident. But his jeans were still pretty wet from before, and when Sam shifted a bit, he felt the skin of his thighs protest the slight friction, burning and itching all at once. That wasn’t going to be fun.
There was a knock on the window on Dean’s side, and Sam looked up to see his brother unlocking the car door. “Hey Sammy, we got a room just around the corner,” he said, reaching into the backseat to grab both of their duffels.
Sam opened his mouth to say that he could grab his own bag, but this happened every time they checked into a room. Dean always insisted on carrying Sam’s bag, and nothing Sam said could change that. So instead of arguing again, Sam just sat up a bit, wiping sleep from his eyes. By the time Sam was about to open his own door, Dean was already there, opening the door for him, and offering his hand to help Sam up.
Sam hissed as he stood, his jean rubbing nastily against his sensitive skin, and Dean’s looked up sharply in concern. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…” Sam tried to brush it off, straightening up. “Just…I think I’m getting a rash.”
Sam tried to avoid Dean’s eyes, as he started to walk, but he couldn’t keep himself from grimacing, and apparently that was all it took for Dean.
In the blink of an eye, Sam was being scooped up by his brother bridal style, his arms latching around Dean’s neck without instruction. Sam made a noise of protest in his throat, worried that someone was going to see. But Dean ignored it, pushing the car door shut with his back, and started carrying Sam towards the motel, only setting him down to open the door, and then picking Sam right back up to carry him inside.
Sam desperately hoped that he wasn’t blushing as Dean sat him down on the chair placed in the room’s corner. He kept his face down as Dean threw the bags down, and immediately got to work removing Sam’s shoes. It felt a little jarring, how intently focused Dean was on getting him undressed, not that he hadn’t been on the receiving end of this focus many times before. But there was something extra about Dean’s attention tonight, so very serious and methodic.
Once his shoes and socks were gone, Dean normally would take off his jacket and shirt, but this time he reached for Sam’s belt first. Dean gingerly started working down Sam’s damp jeans, pausing when Sam’s face screwed up in discomfort once again, offering soft apologies as he worked Sam’s legs free.
The skin disappearing beneath his underwear was red and raw. Dean’s fingers traced lightly over the raised lines from where the pants had scratched Sam most, his face serious. “Shit,” Dean cursed under his breath. “Should’a found you sooner.”
Sam wanted to protest. Dean had found him as quick as he could! It was his own damn fault for not being able to keep his pants dry. But Sam’s throat felt dry as Dean started pulling off his shirt, instructing him to lift up his arms. Once Sam was left just in his underwear, Dean got to his feet.
“Stay here for a minute, I’m going to get some water running,” Dean said as he retreated towards the bathroom. “We need to get you cleaned up.”
Sam’s heart leapt into his throat. Was Dean going to bathe him? Dean hadn’t done that in…in years. Not since he’d been in elementary school. Sam wouldn’t allow it. Dean already diapered him before bed and cuddled him all night. Sam had grabbed hold of small independences like baths, and held onto them for dear life. Even now, Sam felt like he ought to protest, to just go and shower himself off. But…Dean had told him to wait.
Sam found that he couldn’t move, couldn’t stand. It was like Dean’s word had become law, and Sam had no intention of disobeying. So Sam sat, nearly naked, with his arms feeling heavy at his sides, until a minute later when Dean came back to lead him towards the bath.
Having his older brother give him a bath, in the tub, even, was causing Sam’s head to spin. There was something oddly exposing about it, at first. It wasn’t like Dean hadn’t seen him naked before, Dean saw him naked all the time. But this time, Dean wasn’t wrapping him up in a diaper, he was washing his entire body.
Sam felt so conscious of Dean’s attention, his hands scrubbing the dirt from his arms and face, his eyes worriedly counting every cut and bruise. But Dean was murmuring to Sam the entire time, a constant stream of soothing reassurances, and soon Sam had sunk into his brother’s arms. He let the warmth of the water drain away his lingering tension, surrendering himself to Dean’s voice.
And finally, finally, since before he’d been abducted, Sam felt safe again.
Once the bath was over, Sam was practically already asleep. Dean sat him on the toilet to dry him off, and carried Sam, loosely wrapped in the towel, out of the bathroom and to the king bed.
Dean went through the normal process of placing Sam into his diaper, but Sam woke up a little as Dean started use a lotion on the rash blooming around his legs. It didn’t hurt, Dean’s movements were so gentle Sam could hardly even feel his fingers. But the lotion brought a relief from an irritating feeling that Sam hadn’t even known he’d had.
“I’ll get some medicated stuff tomorrow, but this will help for now,” Dean said as he finished up, using the excess lotion to rub down the insides of Sam’s thighs, which were also red, though not as inflamed as the skin higher up.
Baby powder came after the lotion, and maybe Sam imagined it, but he thought Dean used a little bit more that ne normally did. Then Dean was pulling up the diaper securely between his legs, and fastening the snaps. Then Dean surprised Sam by leaning over the bed and kissing Sam’s stomach, just above where the plasticy material ended.
It made something inside Sam flutter, and he could feel himself flushing red. But Dean didn’t comment. Dean just changed quickly into a pair of soft boxers, not bothering with a shirt, and turned off the light before climbing into bed with Sam. He offered the pacifier by pressing the nipple against Sam’s lips, and Sam accepted it gratefully. Then Dean was pulling Sam closer to his chest, arms resting securely around him. And if Dean was holding Sam a bit tighter that night, well, secretly, Sam found that he was actually sort of glad.
The next morning, Sam woke to Dean changing him.
He could feel it, he’d soaked himself pretty good last night in his sleep. Sam blushed a bit as he blinked sleepily up at Dean. Even though it was normal now to wake up in need of a change, there was still something about wetting in his sleep that made him feel…vulnerable. But Dean was massaging Sam’s skin, again being gentle with the irritated area, and Sam hummed behind his pacifier at the nice feeling.
“There’s my boy,” Dean’s voice swept over him, warm and still gravelly from sleep. Dean was using the baby powder now, sprinkling it over his skin before rubbing it in. Something about that struck Sam as…odd. But for some reason he couldn’t make sense of why, even as Dean lifted up his legs towards his chest, and slid crinkling plastic underneath his bottom.
Sam shot up, pacifier falling form his mouth, and Dean’s name on his lips. But his brother was hushing him immediately, pushing Sam back onto the bed with one hand on his chest, and trying to replace the pacifier into Sam’s mouth with the other. But Sam ducked his head away, refusing the soother. “Dean, no! Its morning! I can’t wear a diaper outside! Someone will see!”
“No one will see,” Dean promised, and his eyes furrowed a bit. “We’re going to stay in the motel for a few days.”
Sam looked at Dean with wide eyes. “What?”
“We’re gonna stay put,” Dean said, and his tone had become more authoritative. Not harsh, just…matter of fact.
“What…what about...don’t we have another case? Shouldn’t we be looking for where to go next? I don’t…”
Dean cut off Sam’s rambling with a firm shake of his head. “No. You got hurt. I let you get hurt. We shouldn’t even think about finding another case until this heals up,” Dean’s eyes travelled down to Sam’s rash again.
Sam shook his head, attempting to scoot away from Dean and the diaper on the bed. “Fine! Whatever! But I still don’t need a diaper. I wanna wear boxers, Dean.”
Sam didn’t get very far because of Dean’s hand on his thigh. “Listen, Sammy, I know you don’t need it, I know, but…” Dean said, voice trailing off for a moment, and a small huff betrayed his frustration. “It’ll be easier for me to keep an eye on, like this. Since the rash is on your legs, the skin needs to breathe a little, and they just can’t do that as well in the boxers.”
Sam’s stomach felt tight. Maybe Dean had a point about the rash, it certainly wouldn’t feel good to wear anything over it. But a diaper wasn’t the only option! He would wear briefs if he needed to! Though… they were a little more exposing that diapers. Hell, if he was going to sit around in only a pair of briefs all day, he might as well sit around naked!
Just the thought had Sam flushing bright red.
But…he could do it if he needed to. He didn’t…he didn’t have to wear diapers…
Uncertainty was spinning his head around, and Sam hated it. What was the right choice here? Sam was twenty two. He didn’t need to wear diapers, adults shouldn’t wear diapers! But the thought of sitting around in briefs, or naked, no longer appealed to him either!
Dean’s hand was suddenly stroking through his hair, and Sam blinked to see Dean gazing at him, a look on his face that said he knew exactly what Sam was thinking right now.
“Look, its okay little brother, I promise. I’ll order some food so we don’t have to go out, and there’s a pharmacy across the street, I can dash over there and get some better lotion and a few groceries in no time. No one will see you, and you can rest all day without worrying if you drift off for a bit. After everything that crazy family put you through, you probably need to rest more anyway. Okay?”
Sam’s heart was still beating too quickly, but it was calming down fast. Dean was giving him a clear path. He was saying that diapers were the way to go, just until the rash was cleared. And Sam…Sam trusted Dean. Dean always took the best care of him…so if Dean said diapers…
“If I…if I have to go, you’ll take them off?” Sam said softly.
Dean nodded, a smile stretching across his face. “Of course, kiddo.”
Sam took a deep breath, and laid back down on the changing matt, and let Dean get back to work fastening him into a new diaper.
It was their fourth day in the motel.
Sam’s rash felt all better, but Dean was still concerned that the skin was still a little bit red, so they were going to stay at least another night in the room. Part of Sam was surprised that he hadn’t gone stir crazy, cooped up in the room like this. But in all honesty, Sam had enjoyed their little vacation from life on the road.
Dean had kept him in diapers this whole time, but after the first few hours of being padded, Sam found that he didn’t mind it. Dean could check on his rash at any point, without even being too obvious about it. Dean could check in the middle of their conversations, or in between scenes of whatever movie they were watching, and Sam only noticed because he knew Dean so well.
It made Sam feel odd to be checked like that constantly, it almost felt too much like he was a toddler getting diaper checks because he couldn’t tell when he needed to use the potty. But Sam didn’t say anything to protest. Dean was…at ease, happy, Sam would even say, and there was no denying it, Dean was babying Sam pretty hard-core. But Sam thought he understood. The thing with the Benders had been terrifying. The fact that just regular humans were capable of such cruelty…and being kept in a cage with almost no hope of escape had been enough to penetrate Sam’s nightmares. So…maybe Sam allowed Dean to baby him a bit more than he normally would have. Maybe he leaned into Dean and played along with Dean’s big-brother-protectiveness more than he should. But it was comforting, and Sam felt safe with his brother’s attention so intensely focused on him.
Even so, there were some lines that had to be drawn, and Sam wasn’t going to suck on the pacifier in the middle of the day, just because Dean wanted him to!
“No!” Sam said with a huff, crossing his arms as he turned away from the pacifier Dean was holding to his face. “Pacis are for babies!”
Dean was clearly fighting back a smile, but he had a small sad pout on his face. “But Sammy, you’re my baby.”
Sam felt himself flush, and his first instinct was to deny it. He wasn’t a baby! He was a big boy! But… sitting here in nothing but a diaper made that argument sort of hard. So instead he settled on grumbling, “No paci, Dee.”
Dean gave a dramatic sigh, looking forlornly at the pacifier. “Well, that’s a shame! This sure is a good paci. I guess I’ll just have to…”
Dean brought the pacifier to his face, and Sam’s eyes went wide as Dean started making sucking noises behind his hand. Dee had his paci!
Before Sam knew it, he was reaching towards Dean, pulling the dummy from his brother’s hands and putting it in his mouth, giving it a satisfied suck.
“Oh! So you changed your mind, huh?” Dean’s eyes were sparkling with laughter, and Sam ‘humphed’ behind the soother’s plastic guard, even as he sniggered at his other brother. “Aw, come here baby boy!”
Dean scooped Sam into his lap and started smothering Sam in kisses, forcing a surprised squeal out of Sammy as he began to giggle uncontrollably, weakly pushing against Dean’s arms holding him tight.
Yeah, he didn’t mind being babied a little.
Just a note: this work is marked as complete, as each chapter is a separate story from each other. They're all connected by the same AU rules, but there's not continuous plot through out the chapters, and each chapter can be considered a one shot.
That being said, when I get the inspiration to continue this AU, I'll add the chapters here!
If you'd like to talk, come find me on tumblr! I'm maaahksheppard :)