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I just got home from school, the rain was pouring hard against my blue dress. It's an important day today in school but I choose to go home and open my laptop.

I am running so fast, trying to catch up the running time. I am running because every second is a hopeful memory. I am running so fast because I love them. My three-inches wedge shoes are hard to run with.

When I got home, I said my remarks with my mom and rushed upstairs. My dress is dripping, my make-up is smudged. I get my laptop from the highest shelf and put my bag down the floor.

I pressed the power button and while waiting for it to open I grabbed a wet tissue and wiped away my smudged make-up.

My phone rings.

"Shit. Come on you stupid laptop open up!" I am really getting hysterical, the concert will start in a few minutes.

I removed my dress and left it on the floor. I grabbed my pyjamas and my loose shirt and slouched infront of my laptop.

I opened my facebook and twitter account on my laptop and my instagram on my phone.

Someone posted a photo in the Ciuffiners Family group. Things are getting real Oh My Gosh!

I texted my italian friend and asked him if he's ready to stream the concert for me. I really feel bad about living hundreds of miles away from the twins. It feels like hell just dawned on me but with my friend Roberto everything is just fine.

"Ciuffi's concert is starting. I open the camera for you" he texted.

Roberto is one of the kindest person you'll found in the Ciuffiners Family, although we've just met and I just been accepted in the family a week ago, it feels perpetual. He offered me help, he offered me that he'll stream the concert for me and now he's trying.

Thanks to twitter's livestream app, I saw them perform in my very eyes. My heart stutters and my tears are flowing as I join the crowd and sing along with them. I think I'm losing my sanity. Part of me is so happy because I got to watch their first live performance and part of me is deeply depressed because I should be there in the crowd freaking out because I saw Ciuffi Rossi. But this is what I can only afford.

I cry my eyes out as I get fucked by my feelings over and over. Proud is an understatement to describe how I am feeling today.

"Fuck, this tissue roll was full" I cursed. I can feel that my eyes are really swollen and red but who gives a damn.

"Trisha!" A loud knock disrupts my moment.

"What? Come in." I shouted.

"It's time for dinner darling." Mom said.

"I'll have it later after this Mom. This is important" I said.

"What is it?" She asked.

"It's Marco and Alessio's first comcert in Naples." I said.

"Why are you crying?" She asked.

"Ugh.....Mom...can you please support me at this point of my life?" I said. "I'm crying because I saw it virtually live!"

"Stop over reacting Trisha, it's just another singing machines who'll broke your pockets" she said.

"Mom, I love you so much but don't say that to Ciuffi Rossi" I said in a sarcastic tone. "You go on grab your dinner and I'll catch up later."

"Whatever best fangirl slash daughter" she laughed.

"Whatever Mom." And she left my room.

The twins are already singing 'Biancastella'. It's almost done. A pang of sadness creeps in me.

The livestream was lagging. I am so annoyed. I can't miss this moment.

"Come on you stupid internet work with me!" I am really desperate. My desperation has gone into so many levels I'm crying.

"Please.....please" I look pathetic begging infront of my laptop.

Luckily it worked. It started working again. They're already halfway singing Biancastella. As Marco sings his part, my world suddenly brightens up. It feels like I'm hearing an angel sing. What I'm feeling right now is unexplainable. I feel heavenly.

"Biancastella, La piu bella..."

I've been wanting to meet them for the rest of my life. It's desperation that made them a need not a want anymore. It hurts. I'm asking myself all the question that drives me more depressed.

"Why am I not italian?"

"Why don't I live in Italy?"

"Why are they so far away?"

I grabbed my favorite Llama stuff toy, I hug it as hard as I can. It's at the same size at me, Mr.Llama has been with me since I was young and until now, my sixteenth year of living.

As they finished singing Biancastella, the crowd went insane. They were accomodating fans to go up in stage for a picture and so whatever things that they should've done with me.

My desperation was replaced with jealousy. There's this girl who got so emotional and started crying as she hugs Alessio. That will probably be me but someday after hundreds of years.

Roberto hasn't turned the camera off, I can hear people mumbling something in italian. Roberto's view has been so good but he didn't get to go up on the stage. He turns off the camera and sent me a massage.

"Hope you enjoyed it too :)"

"I can't express how thankful I am, I am really happy/depressed right now" I replied.

I closed the twitcam tab and watched as Ciuffiners post things that I don't understand on the family and on twitter. Updates are coming, photos and videos. It drives me more crazy.

I watch them as they tag people that they've met and the twins of course. I can't tag the twins in my posts because they can't be added. I suck right? That's one of the insecurities that I've been haunted for. Ever since I knew them, they've been my heroes. They made me feel great even by just watching a video cover. When they liked my posts on the family, faves my tweet or sees my messages, that means a lot to me already. I don't like the idea of posting my screenshots if they ever replied to me. I don't want to make the other fans feel sad or jealous because they replied to me. I know what they feel and I've been there so I don't want them to feel the same thing that I've been going through.

A simple effort, by just posting things on english flutters my heart. I love everything they do. Call me a super fan or whatever but they saved me. They made me happy when others can't.

 

All I ever wanted is to meet them and hangout with them and get a friend request. If that ever happens, I'll be the happiest girl in the world and that will be the most priceless thing that I will never trade ever in my life.

But I'm just a fan. I'm just a fan who gave her whole life and heart for Ciuffi Rossi. I'm just a fan.

 

(Note : This is fictional but some of it is connected and related in what has been happening to me ever since I joined the Family. I changed the names and the personas. Hope you like it)