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I Got Sinning on my Mind

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The first six months as Mrs. Oliver Queen flew by like a dream. Everything was perfect. Well calling it perfect was probably a stretch, but it was perfect for a married couple high up in the Bratva and a wife who was being hunted by the Triad.

Oliver was the perfect husband. He showered her with gifts and not with things like jewels or furs. She didn’t need all that. His gifts were things like fresh flowers at her desk every Monday because of one random conversation they had once where she told him that Mondays made her sad. He gave a huge donation to the Boys and Girls club in her name because she told him that she’d been part of the branch in Vegas when she was younger because her mother couldn’t watch her all the time. And he surprised her with loads of expensive lingerie. OK that one was more for him then for her but she liked wearing them so it was a little for her.

Felicity had thought that after a couple of months their sex life would calm down but she had been extremely wrong. Even six months later they had sex at least once a day. The average was maybe twice a day. Oliver no longer got up before Felicity in the morning. He still woke up before her, but he waited for her to wake up before they started their day together. And almost every day was started with amazing morning sex. And it didn’t necessarily have to be in their bed. They’d had morning sex in their closet, on the floor, against the bed, against the door, in the shower… The shower was probably Felicity’s favorite place.

She could still remember her first day in the mansion and looking at the shower with a mixture of trepidation and anxiety because of the bench built into it. She could now confidently say that the shower bench was her best friend. It didn’t matter if she was sitting on the bench with Oliver eating her out, if Oliver was sitting on the bench while she was giving him a blow job, if she had one leg propped on it while Oliver took her from behind, or if Oliver was seated there with Felicity in his lap, she loved that bench.

If they couldn’t sneak a quickie in during their work day then the next time they had each other was when they went to bed. Every night was spent naked in each other’s arms. And it was never the same. It could be quick and hard, soft and gentle, or any mixture in between. The only thing that mattered to them was that they were together.

The only time their sex lives was interrupted was when they got into an argument. Because even though they were married now and they loved each other that didn’t mean they didn’t have little tiffs. But even then they didn’t last longer than a couple days.

The first time they argued it had been over wet towels. Oliver had the horrible habit of leaving them on her side of the bed and she had sat in a wet spot more than once. Felicity had the horrible habit of taking his towel. Oliver had been stalking his way to Felicity for some of their usual morning sex when he’d seen the towel she was wrapped in. He had blown up. Looking back now, it was funny that their first fight as a married couple was over towels. But then they hadn’t found it funny. They had both left for work angry and with no morning sex and it wasn’t till that night that they aired out their grievances. Oliver had promised to not place his towel on their bed and Felicity had promised to not take his towel. It still happened of course but nowhere near as frequently.

Their next argument had been a lot bigger than the towel debacle. Felicity had been waiting for Oliver to finish a meeting with some Bratva members at QC so they could get lunch when Laurel Lance had sauntered her way out of the elevator.

Felicity hadn’t thought anything of it at first. She knew Laurel was showing up. She was the Bratva’s go-to lawyer here in Starling City and she knew that the meeting Oliver was trying to end right now was important. She’d sat by his side during endless business dinners all month and Laurel was supposed to be bringing the contracts that were to be signed tomorrow by unknowing businessmen. The Bratva members in Oliver’s office were members that would benefit soon from this new deal and they wanted copies of unsigned contracts for their files. Felicity had been the one who had suggested it to them during one of their meetings. She had told them it would be better to have a paper copy than a computerized copy since computers were easy to hack. The members had taken her suggestion as though it was their капитан who had suggested it himself.

The members of the Bratva had quickly come to realize that Felicity was not your normal Bratva wife. She didn’t sit silently at Oliver’s side and their капитан didn’t expect her to. She was to be treated as an extension of Oliver and Felicity was grateful. She didn’t take kindly to being dismissed just because she was female or blonde. Which is exactly what Laurel did as she breezed her way past Felicity without giving her a second glance and walked into the office.

Oliver’s office was made of glass and you could see right through it so Felicity had an unobscured view of Laurel making her way to Oliver’s side. At first glance it didn’t look like much but if you took a good look you could see Laurel’s body pressed into the back of Oliver’s chair and her hand trailing up and down his arm.

Felicity instantaneously saw red.

Oliver, bless his soul, was ignoring the brunette plastered to his back but he also wasn’t telling her to move away. Soon the contracts were passed out and the Bratva members were making their way out of the office and giving Felicity a wide berth. If she didn’t know better she’d say they could see smoke coming out of her ears. Oliver and Laurel made their way out last. Laurel turned her sultry eyes towards Oliver and whispered something into his ear with Felicity right in front of her. It was at this point that Oliver finally moved away from her with a frown and made his way to Felicity’s side.

Even though Felicity was mad beyond belief, she quickly raised her left hand and waved to Laurel making sure her ring glinted in her face. With a huff Laurel left the floor and with a huff Felicity dragged Oliver’s sorry ass back into his office.

Even months later she could still remember that argument word for word.

“What the hell was that?!” Felicity growled as soon as she pushed the opaque button on Oliver’s desk so no one could see her rip him a new asshole.

Oliver didn’t shy away and answered her honestly with, “I have no idea.”

“You have no idea? YOU HAVE NO IDEA?! That woman was all over you in here and you didn’t do anything about it. Bad enough that she thinks she could do that right in my face but that you let her continue that in front of the Bratva members was ridiculous! And what the hell did she just whisper in your ear?!” Felicity was fuming and there was no hiding it. Oliver could see that and was trying to pacify her with his hands on her shoulders but it was only making her angrier.

“дорогая it was nothing you don’t have to worry-” Oliver was cut off before he could finish with a finger poking at his chest and an even angrier Felicity in his face.

“I don’t have to worry?! What the fuck did she say?!” She yelled.

“OK! She asked if I was tired of you yet and if I was ready to take in a mistress. And if I was that she would be more than happy to fill that role. But Felicity-” Once more he was interrupted but this time not by a finger poking at him but by the murderous look on his wife’s face.

“She is not allowed alone with you do you hear me? If I can’t be in the room when you’re with her than I want Sara there. Do you understand? And when you are in a room with her there is to be five feet between you and her. Am I clear Oliver?” All of this was said in a deadly quiet voice and if Oliver hadn’t know that his wife wasn’t born into the Bratva then the murderous glint in her eye would’ve made him second guess himself.

Nodding, he reached for her wanting to calm her down but she stepped away from him.

“We’re not having lunch today. I can’t look at you right now without thinking of her. I’ll see you at home.” Felicity briskly said and with that she sauntered out of his office leaving Oliver baffled.

Felicity had stayed angry all day and that night they didn’t have sex much to Oliver’s disappointment. That was as long as Felicity could hold out however, because the next morning she’d woken up before Oliver and brought him out of sleep with a mind blowing orgasm as she gave him what she called an “I'm sorry blowjob”.

The next two times they’d had an argument that led to no sex were their biggest arguments to date.

One of them was brought about by Ray Palmer.

They’d been married for 3 months and since her wedding Ray had steered clear. Unless they were talking about work and Cisco was there they didn’t really speak. It was when Isabel finally came back after months of physical therapy that he got weird.

She’d be coming out of a meeting with Isabel and he’d come stalking over and ask what they’d talked about. Sometimes Felicity would tell him and other times she’d tell him that that information was not for him to know. Whenever she said the latter though, he’d get extremely agitated and stalk her for the rest of the day as though he was afraid to have her out of his sight.

It had gotten so bad that Felicity had pulled Sara and Roy from their post in the guards’ office and had them stay with her whenever they knew he was on the Applied Science floor. She wasn’t scared for her safety per say but she was afraid Ray would try something stupid.

When Sara and Roy started hanging around Ray backed off but not for long. Soon after that she started receiving notes on her desk. They were always there before she got to work every morning.

They were typed out and at first they were non-threatening. They began as one word notes; “Beautiful”, “Nymph”, “Aphrodite”, “Mystical”, and then they changed to consist of more words and these weren’t as sweet. The first one of this nature read, “Divorce him.” Then came, “You’ll be mine.”

Soon more flooded in, “You’d look amazing with my hands around your neck.”, “I’ll fuck you first then they’ll kill you.”, “They’re waiting.”

It took her longer than she’d like to admit to figure out they were coming from Ray. Someone had looped the footage in her office so that after she left for the night it looked like no one ever came in. Ray was good, she’d give him that, but she was better. Once she figured out that Ray was more than just a creepy stalker she went straight to Oliver.

However, she didn’t know that only minutes ago Sara and Roy had decided that it was time for Oliver to know what was going on and they went to him before she could.

To say he was livid would have been an understatement. There had been a lot of yelling in Russian from both of them. Felicity didn’t understand. She was going to tell him. She wasn’t going to keep this from him but Oliver argued that she should have told him the first time Ray had ever made her uncomfortable. They couldn’t come to an agreement and soon enough Oliver had stalked out of his office and slammed the door behind him leaving a shocked and crying Felicity behind.

That night Oliver didn’t come home. Digg had texted her around midnight and told her that he was passed out drunk on his couch. That had hurt. That had caused more tears to fall and Felicity didn’t sleep that night. Instead she spent the night thinking. Thinking about how Oliver had told her countless times that his first instinct was to protect her and that if he couldn’t do that what was the point of their life choices being taken from their hands. He was always quick to say that they would’ve ended up here anyway but it would’ve been in their own time. He would’ve 'wined and dined her' he always said.

That night she figured out that by waiting she’d made Oliver feel powerless. She hadn’t meant to. She’d just wanted to know what was going on and in her thirst for knowledge she’d made Oliver feel useless.

She had hoped that Oliver would come home the next morning but she didn’t see him. Sara and Roy gave her guilty looks feeling responsible for the blow up between her and Oliver. She ignored them because she was afraid if she looked at them she’d start crying again. Once at QC she was flooded with work and had no chance to go to the executive floor.

It seemed, unfortunately, that last night when she’d made her way to Oliver’s office she’d left her computer open where you could clearly see old video surveillance of Ray leaving one of his many notes in her office. So when Ray had come to leave another note there it was open for him to see. Ray had left one last note and then vanished. There was no sign of any of his things in his office. He’d emptied the thing out and had left her and Cisco with a heap load of work.

His last note had read, “We’re coming for you.” Felicity had held onto it all day and finally at the end of the night she’d handed it to Sara and told her to go give it to Oliver while she headed down to the car. She was tired and even though she wanted to see Oliver she didn’t want to hear him yell at her again.

So she sent Sara up one elevator and she went down another to the underground parking garage. She should have known better.

Once in the garage she made her way to her town car. She knew Roy was already in the car waiting for her and Sara. She could hear the clicking of her heels against the cement and she was halfway to the car when she heard the heavy breathing and the click of a man’s pair of shoes.

After that everything happened in a flash. She was grabbed around the waist at the same time that Roy jumped out of the car with his gun drawn, aiming at the man who had her. She heard a gun go off and instead of feeling her assailant go down she saw Roy thrown back as the bullet met his chest. Unfortunately Roy’s head also made connection with the side mirror of the car and he was momentarily dazed.

She was being dragged away limply from shock when she suddenly got angry. She’d gotten soft having Roy and Sara around all the time. In Vegas she’d been able to take care of herself. She might not be a fighter like Sara and Roy but that didn't’ mean she couldn't fight back. Soon she was thrashing in her captor's arms until he lifted her off her feet. With that Felicity threw back her head and heard a delightful crunch as her skull made contact with his nose.

He dropped her and started cursing, most likely clutching his broken nose. Felicity started crawling away trying and failing to get to her feet. Her assailant shook himself soon enough and grabbed for her legs and twisted her around.

Looking up at her assailant she wasn’t surprised to see Ray.

He quickly straddled her waist and wrapped his hands around her neck. Panic finally started setting in as Felicity tried unsuccessfully to get him off. In no time at all she was gasping for air as Ray leaned forward to whisper in her ear, “I knew you’d look beautiful with my hands around your neck.” Then there was another gun shot.

Roy had finally got his wits around him and shot at Ray on top of her. However he was still a little out of it and his shot went slightly wide and instead of shooting him in the chest or the head he shot him in the arm.

Ray howled in pain and quickly shot off of her and started running.

Roy started after him at the same time that the elevator doors opened and Sara, Digg, and Oliver made their way out. Roy yelled at Sara as he ran after Ray to check on her as she still laid on the ground trying to catch the breath Ray had stolen from her. Sara and Oliver both ran to her side as Diggle chased after Ray along with Roy.

Felicity had turned hysterical once she’d sighted Oliver. As soon as he’d seen her on the ground he’d rushed to her side lifting her off the hard floor and pulling her into his arms. Sara tried to check her for injuries the best she could while Oliver held on to her but eventually gave up and instead stood with her gun out looking for any threats.

Oliver had tried to calm her down but she couldn’t stop shaking and crying and yelling that she was sorry. Eventually what had calmed her down was the feel of Oliver’s tears on her neck where his head was resting. Soon enough she stopped yelling and just held onto him for dear life as Sara finally convinced Oliver to get in the car with Felicity. He lifted her easily in his arms and they got in the car while Sara got in the driver’s seat and drove them straight to the mansion.

Apparently Sara had called in a red alert in the car because when they got home there were Bratva foot soldiers everywhere and Robert, Moira, and Thea were waiting anxiously in the living room. Sara had to rip Oliver from her side to get him to lead his men and talk to Roy and Digg who had made it back 10 minutes after them having lost Ray even with him bleeding from his arm.

Thea had taken over checking Felicity out. As a daughter of the Bratva, Thea had an unfortunately extensive knowledge of medicine. She had sat Felicity down and checked her over and deemed her unscathed except for the hand like bruises around her neck.

Oliver had reappeared soon after that and had swept her upstairs where he spent the night apologizing for not coming home last night, for making her cry, for her getting hurt, and anything else he could think of. Eventually they were both crying again and Felicity wrapped herself around him and begged him to make her forget what had happened tonight.

Out of all their fights, that one should have been their biggest one. It had caused Felicity grief and it had made Olive not come home to her one night. The fight probably would have lasted longer if Ray hadn’t attacked her. But to Felicity their biggest fight happened five months into their marriage. And it wasn’t even really a fight. It was more Felicity freaking out and Oliver having to diffuse her freakout. But it did cause them not to have sex for a bit so Felicity counted it.

She’d been having dinner with just Moira and Thea, something she made sure to do once a week, when Moira had innocently asked when she would get to become a grandmother. Thea had quickly jumped on the bandwagon and started talking about how she’d love to be an aunt and Felicity had felt flabbergasted. Realistically she knew the answer should be “in the next two years” but she’d been blocking that small part of Slade Wilson’s demands. She wasn’t ready to have a baby and she doubted that she’d be ready in a year and a half.

Right there at the dinner table was were the realization that she didn’t have a choice came through. She'd laughed off Moira’s question but inside she was in turmoil. She’d finished dinner soon after that and had made her way to bed where she knew Oliver was waiting for her.

Once in their bedroom she’d made her way to their closet and slipped on pajamas, not even noticing which ones she put on and slipped in bed while Oliver finished sending some emails. She was still in her head when she felt Oliver begin to slip his arms around her and Felicity panicked. She’d wiggled out of his grasp and said she didn’t feel good and if they could just 'not' tonight. Oliver had seemed surprised and concerned but she’d waved off his concern and told him she probably just needed a night of uninterrupted sleep. He’d unwillingly agreed and for the second time in their marriage Felicity fell asleep without the feel of Olivier around her.

The next morning she was up before Oliver and somehow, magically, got ready without ever waking him and went to work.

Later that day she begged out of their scheduled lunch and did her best to avoid him for as long as she could. Of course it didn't’ last very long. Oliver cornered her once Felicity came home from an impromptu business dinner. She’d made it at the last minute in the hope that Oliver would be asleep when she got home but of course he wasn’t.

When she closed the door to their bedroom Oliver was on her quickly, demanding to know what was wrong. Wanting to know if it was Ray again or if something else had happened. He looked so worried and even a little angry so of course that’s when she’d blurted it out.

“I’m not ready to get pregnant!” She had yelled into his face.

Oliver had froze and then his eyes had shifted to her stomach. “Are you saying you’re…”

“NO! I’m saying I’m not ready for that to happen and people are asking and then I remembered that Slade said I had to get pregnant in the first two years of our marriage and half of a year is already gone Oliver! We have a year and a half to get pregnant and I don’t want to!” At that point she had started to hyperventilate and tears had begun to fall down her cheeks.

“Whoa, you need to breath дорогая .” He had led her to their bed and sat her down while Oliver kneeled before her taking her hands and helped her regulate her breath. Once she calmed down Oliver had asked her a very important question, “Are you saying you never want to have children?”

It was Felicity;s turn to freeze that time. Did she not want children? She had to admit that the thought of a little Oliver clone was cute. But she’d never considered children. Hell, she’d never considered marriage but here she was: married.

“I...I don’t know.” She'd whispered back trying to get a read on Oliver’s face but he was doing his best interpretation of statue.

“Well I do. I’ve always wanted kids so I could do it right. Not that my parents were horrible but they weren’t there for a lot of my childhood. I was raised by the brotherhood and they were great but they’re not a father and a mother. And you Felicity would make the most amazing mother. I can picture a little girl with my eyes running around the garden and a little boy with your brain begging me to take him fishing. I’ve never been able to see them before I met you. Now I can. You’ve told me that when we got married Thea told you we were inevitable...well I’m telling you us having kids is also inevitable. You saying you don’t know just means you never gave it a lot of thought. If you didn’t want them you’d just say no.” He said all this in a whispered tone still holding her hands letting his thumbs caress her knuckles.

“Ok,” she'd whispered back. He was so passionate it was hard for her not to get swept up in that beautiful future however... “But that doesn’t mean I want them now Oliver. I only just turned 21 a few weeks ago... God I love you, I do, but I hate feeling like decisions are being taken away from me and this one is! This is my body and I have no say on when someone is supposed to take residence in there for 9 months!” She could feel tears once more beginning to fall.

“Just answer me this дорогая, do you want to have children with me? Doesn’t matter when. Just do you?” Oliver asked.

“Yes.” She'd whispered back as she gently took one of her hands out of his grasp and cupped his face.

“Then don’t think about the when. It might not even happen right away. Bodies are tricky things and you’d have to come off the pill anyway. I want a baby and you want a baby and the when did get taken away from us but not the why. The why is because I love you and you love me. We’re still doing what we want, it’s just at an escalated timeline. That’s how you have to think about it or you’ll never be happy.” Oliver whispered back as he turned his head towards her hand and laid a small kiss on her wrist.

“So are you saying I should stop taking my pill?” Felicity had asked feeling panic begin to set in again.

“I don’t want to scare you дорогая but yes. It’s ultimately up to you. I don’t control you and I’ll never try but I think you should. We won’t do anything different besides that though. If you don’t fall pregnant in the two year timeline that Slade gave...well it wasn’t for lack of trying on our part. Or if you decide to stop taking your pill tonight we might find out you’re pregnant tomorrow. That’s the beauty of this Felicity. Even though there’s a timeline it’s a finicky one at best because while Slade may think he can control your body he can’t. The only thing you need to worry about is, do you want a baby?” Oliver had asked as he slowly got up from the floor and slowly pushed her down on their bed and slowly crawled above her until she was caged on all sides by him.

Felicity had looked up at the beautiful man she got to call her husband and not for the first time she thanked her lucky stars that he’d come into her life. Looking in his eyes she hadn't felt fear, she'd felt love and even a little excitement.

Sliding her legs up to his waist and wrapping her arms around his shoulders she brought him closer. Close enough that his chest was pressed against hers and her mouth was right next to his ear as she had whispered, “Yes.”

That night Felicity didn’t take her pill. And the next night when she saw it still sitting there in it’s spot in the wheel of her contraception she took the whole thing and threw it in the trash. And maybe Oliver saw it in there. And maybe he got a little excited at the prospect of making a baby with her. And maybe he jumped her and they had sex the entire night only stopping for small naps every now and then. And maybe that’s why now, six months into her marriage, Felicity is peeing on a pregnancy stick. Maybe that’s why she’s peeing on her 6th pregnancy stick because all the others have read the same and she needs to be super positive.

Because there’s no maybe about it, that night definitely had something to do with her peeing on her sixth test while five others sat beside her all reading the same: pregnant.