A tiny paradise amidst a sea of skyscrapers: Akihabara. There we find three warriors who believe that pain is power, and who fight battles that exist entirely in their heads. They are Unofficial Sentai Akibaranger.
“The work I had to do to get an official Sentai team to visit here was exhausting,” said Hiroyo Hakase, resting her head in her arms. “They almost chose Masaru Shishido’s place over ours. Hopefully this improves sales.” She whispered in Nobuo’s ear. “I want to see where your delusions lead next.”
Nobuo wondered what to say to Katsuhiro Suzuki. They were both Red Rangers, but Suzuki was younger than him. Ryouma Baba was closer to his age, but he identified more with Hiromu’s circumstances. Komiya seemed nice, but during this event, she would probably be in character. Yoko was snippy towards Hiromu already, he couldn’t imagine how she’d treat him.
“What made you decide to join the Go-Busters?” asked Nobuo to Suzuki.
“I want to give people something to look up to. We’ve all been going through tough times lately, and the kids need to know that someone’s out there, looking out for them,” said Katsuhiro.
“Everyone has a role to play. My character can’t dance, but he makes up for it with his brains. Like you do,” said Tatsuhisa.
“It’s fun to be part of a great legacy like Super Sentai. I even returned to Gokaiger, even though all they had me say was one line,” said Tessho.
“Even older fans like you learn something from this show,” said Arisa. “Just don’t talk about it so loudly in public.”
“Now, what’s this you were saying about delusions?” asked Ryouma. “There are some applications on the computers here that I haven’t seen before. Are you saying this ordinary cafe can monitor the human mind?”
“Something like that,” said Hiroyo, firing up one of the PCs. She opened a window displaying all the usual filming locations for Sentai heroes. “You may not know it, but while these three were spacing out, they were having a VS movie with you inside their heads. Akagi stops by here every Saturday morning to watch your show.”
Nobuo sat in the corner, embarrassed. “It’s my fault Fujiwara’s late. I want to be a hero to protect the peace like you guys, but real life just doesn’t give it to me! I have to invent situations for me to be a hero. That’s a villainous thing to do.”
“True. I just go into it so I can beat people up,” said Mitsuki sheepishly. “I know what happens with you in the show, Baba. Your overheating and my exuberance aren’t all that different. I-I promise I’m getting better, though.”
“Yumeria just likes it because it’s nyunreal,” said Yumeria cheerily. She rested one of her cat paws on Arisa’s shoulders. “So, what happens next in a crossover, Nyobuo?”
“Next comes the part where the heroes go to save the day and stop whatever scheme the villains are trying to pull off. It would go something like this...” Nobuo said. The world performed a jump cut, and the scenery rapidly changed.
Instead of Secret Base, the team was now gathered in the Energy Management Center, with the Buddyroids, the commander and the two operatives listening to Yumeria’s plan. Nobuo was examining every detail of the room, almost ignoring the ongoing conversation.
Ryuji was spontaneously dressed as a butler. The girls had donned a greater variety of outfits. Yumeria had changed into a qipao, and affected an accent to match. Mitsuki was wearing a maid outfit, complete with frilly headdress. Yoko, mostly because Yumeria found it amusing, was dressed as a bunny girl.
“This is plnyan!” she said.
“What part of this is a plan?” said Mitsuki and Yoko at the same time.
“Ryuji distracts Malshina, and we distract Enter. Then we rescue Nick and that other office lady from the Enetron tank where they’re being held captive,” said Hiromu. “It’s not a very tactical plan, but I’ll put my trust in your creativity.”
“When was Sayaka captured?” asked Mitsuki.
“Sorry, I added her into the fantasy. I needed something at stake for me,” said Nobuo.
Commander Kuroki spoke up. “Once you’ve freed them, take the battle to the abandoned quarry. We want to minimize damages. Busters, Akibaranger, move out!”
“Yes, sir!” the six heroes saluted.
The Busters entered the tubes first, with the Akibaranger following immediately after. They returned to the heart of Akihabara, and the mission began. Akihabara’s Enetron tank was hard to miss. Even it had been decorated with anime posters. It was thought this would make it harder to spot.
Enter and Malshina stood guard over their hostages. An army of Corporate Drones and Buglers had been assembled to block the heroes’ progress. Enter kept his tentacles out. Malshina wasn’t sure if she should talk to him. Tentacles seemed exploitative, and she was a carnivorous woman. She was much more interested in the cheetah robot.
“After we defeat the Rangers, I am going to ride you all over town,” said Malshina, stroking Nick’s face. “I want to know what you can do with those handlebars.”
“Ma’am, I’m a robot. The only drive I have is rear wheel,” said Nick.
“Why was I brought into this?” asked Sayaka.
“You’re important to Akiba Red. I wanted bait to lure him out here,” said Enter. His laptop flashed with a notification from the Cellphoneroid. “What’s going on here?”
The Cellphoneroid was taking pictures of the three girls. Yumeria was moving around with passion, turning every camera pose into a kick to the Metaroid. Mitsuki and Yoko were doing their part half heartedly. The Cameraroid, as it turns out, had a weakness for tsundere, and was drawn to Mitsuki once again.
“Malshina, we’re having a problem,” said Enter. “Malshina?”
Malshina was pressing her body up against Ryuji’s. “I do have a thing for older men. Tell me, are you feeling hot right now?”
“You really don’t want me to do that,” said Ryuji. “When I overheat, I become dangerous.”
“You can be as dangerous as you want to be,” said Malshina.
“Hiromu, Akagi, now!” Ryuji whispered into his Morphin’ Brace.
Hiromu pressed the Transponder on his shoulder. “Transport” sounded, and his Binocular Blade materialized in his hands. He activated his super speed, and dashed past the troops before they got a chance to notice him. He cut the ropes tying Sayaka and Nick to the Enetron tower. Nobuo wrapped his arms around Sayaka, only to have her vanish moments later.
“What happened with that?” asked Nick.
“I don’t want my first date with Sayaka to be delusional. This was just for the scenario,” said Nobuo. “I’m glad you guys are reunited. Now, watch this.”
“You idiots!” shouted Malshina and Enter.
“Sorry,” Ryuji said, changing from butler to Buster in under a second.
“Now the real fight begins,” said Yoko. She changed back into her work uniform, while Yumeria and Mitsuki remained in their cosplay. The world spun around, and before anyone at the scene had a chance to blink, they were transported to the rock quarry.
“I thought transporting was dangerous for humans,” said Hiromu.
“Wow, there’s a lot of robots down there,” said Yumeria.
“The Buglers, too,” said Yoko.
“Hiromu, leave the chicken to us,” said Ryuji.
“As long as... something about a flag, we should win,” said Mitsuki.
“That’s the power of delusions,” said Nobuo. “Now let’s thrash these guys!”
Nagatacho Gallusgallus, the Cellphoneroid, Enter, Malshina and their armies were lined up at the bottom of the quarry. The Rangers stood in groups of three at the top of the cliff, with the Blues in the center and the Yellows to the sides.
The Akibaranger produced their Moe Moe Z-Cune. They gripped Aoi’s legs, and waved her about. The Busters’ suits appeared in their Braces.
“Grand Delusion!” shouted the Akibaranger.
“It’s Morphin’ Time!” spoke the Braces.
The MMZ cutely shouted “Bang!” as Aoi’s armor closed up around her. The Akibarangers’ suits materialized over their body in a single flash of colored energy. The Busters’ suits did the same.
Six heroes stood on the cliff. They announced their names one by one. Their voices echoed across the canyon, audible even to the villains down below.
"My favorite spy is Sou, Sou Souta! Akiba Red!" Nobuo struck a mimicry of Bouken Blue’s pose.
"Akiba Blue." Mitsuki took a fighting stance.
"You know, crossovers are some of the toughest things to get right, because you don't want to give too much attention to either side, and..." Yumeria gestured wildly with her fingers, stopping only when she saw Yoko glaring at her.
"Pain is power!" the team went through their motions, holding their arms to the side and swinging their legs around, finishing with their team logo shining behind them.
"Unofficial Sentai... Akibaranger!"
The Busters had no elaborate poses. This did not stop elaborate backgrounds from spontaneously appearing behind them.
"Busters, Ready..." Hiromu said, leaning down to prepare for a running charge.
"Entering a new era of delusions..." Nobuo and Hiromu spoke in unison.
"We are Super Sentai!"
With that final announcement, the Busters’ GB and the Akibarangers’ A logos overlapped, creating a shining golden sigil, followed by an explosion. Mitsuki was knocked aside by the blast, leaning on Ryuji’s arm.
The six jumped off the cliff, somersaulting on their way down. First the Reds, then the Blues, then the Yellows.
The Akibaranger fired a barrage of shots from their MMZs. Every blast took out a crowd of Buglers. When a hole was created in their body, they began to dissolve into a pile of data. Nobuo shot the hole again, Mitsuki threw one Bugler into another, and Yumeria simply ducked, letting the Buglers run into each other.
The Busters were confused if they should be shooting the Corporate Drones at all. When the faceless, glasses-wearing familiars began throwing hot coffee at them and bashing them with clipboards, it became apparent there was only one course of action. Hiromu activated his super speed, tearing through the crowds. Ryuji slammed into the ground, knocking them into the air for Yoko to smash down again.
The heroes posed in the middle of the chaos as the armies of cannon fodder exploded around them. Malshina was awed by the chaos. An ember from the battlezone fell onto the palm of her hand. She pushed down the top of Enter’s computer. “I don’t want to be killed out there. This battle’s already been lost. I leave it up to you.”
Enter typed something into his laptop while staring at Malshina. “My majesty Messiah, we’ve gathered enough Enetron for now. I got some specs from the Buddyroid, too. Let them enjoy their game.”
Gallusgallus and the Cellphoneroid were all that remained. The Blues and the Yellows agreed to handle the chicken, while Hiromu and Nobuo set their sights on the phone. Hiromu spoke into his Morphin’ Brace before charging into battle. “Prepare the Buster Machines. Any idea on when the Megazord is going to arrive?”
Miho’s voice, muffled by the distance, replied. “This is strange. The Megazord countdown isn’t showing any set number. Everything is unknown.”
Nobuo grabbed Hiromu’s wrist. “That’s because we’re here, Miss Nakamura. The Megazord will arrive when the plot deems it appropriate. We need to have our exciting battle first!”
“What are you talking about?” asked Hiromu.
“Nothing. I’m ready to terminate his service!” said Nobuo.
Ryuji started the attack pattern against the government poultry. He threw strong punches at the chicken’s suit, exposing holes in the fabric hiding bribe money. His body heated up with every punch, bringing him dangerously close to burning up. He backed down at the last second, clearing the way for Mitsuki and Yoko to deliver a double barrage of kicks to the chicken’s torso. Gallusgallus’s head was smacked side to side by their legs. His world became blurry. As he spun around, he didn’t notice Yumeria running behind him and slamming her knees into the back of his neck.
Nobuo taunted the Cellphoneroid from a distance. “We’ve triggered the victory flag! There’s nothing you can do to stop us now!” Energy blasts fired from the MMZ. Nobuo aimed for the 4 key, typing in a repeating series of 4s on the Metaroid’s screen. After ten shots, the key shattered into pieces, exposing the core of the monster. Hiromu used his super speed and fired a shot directly into the Cellphoneroid’s core, sending him staggering backwards.
Hiromu turned to Nobuo. “Here, use my Ridiculous Power. ...what am I saying?”
“Thanks, Red Buster!” Nobuo said enthusiastically. He slammed his fist into Hiromu’s chest. In a puff of smoke, Hiromu was transformed into a giant pair of orange sunglasses, not unlike the Morphin’ Brace’s shades. Three notches, in red, blue and yellow, were marked along the top of the shades.
He turned towards the Cellphoneroid. “I call it the Buster Glasses! Take this!” Nobuo threw the Buster Glass towards the Metaroid like a boomerang. The glasses spun around wildly, homing in on their target. Scratches appeared on the robot’s outer shell. The Buster Glasses flew back around to Nobuo’s hand, and transformed back into Hiromu.
“Don’t make do that again,” he said.
“I wonder if there are 36 Ridiculous Powers that I could use to unlock the Most Ridiculous Treasure in the Universe...” Nobuo mused.
“Focus!” Hiromu said, slapping him on his back.
The six heroes regrouped as the two monsters wobbled around beside each other. The Busters combined their sword and gun into a single, more powerful weapon. Both teams pressed a button on the back of their firearms.
“It’s Time For Special Buster!”
“Here it comes!”
The six energy balls, their primary-colored trails spinning around through the quarry, impacted against the monsters. Electricity crackled over their bodies, and they exploded. Mitsuki and Yumeria turned around and celebrated. Nobuo held off.
“This is a VS special, and the Busters always fight a Megazord. Which should be arriving... now,” Nobuo said.
The Cellphone Zord materialized in the middle of the quarry. It began stomping towards Akihabara, in search of Enetron for its majesty. Nobuo held his MMZ to the sky, and yelled a command into it. “Machine Itasshar, deploy!”
“I hear you. Sending it now. When was this feature added?” asked Hiroyo on the other end.
“Itasshar?” asked Yoko. “Don’t tell me you guys drive a...”
The three Buster Machines rolled onto the scene. Their animal heads were sticking out, meaning the control panels had already been prepared. Following behind them, looking puny in comparison, was Machine Itasshar. A Prius with Z-Cune Aoi labels, her animated visage visible from the other end of the quarry.
“It is,” said Hiromu.
The Busters boarded their Machines. RH-03 brought itself to the ground and reconfigured its parts into a rabbit-like form. GT-02 gained a pair of legs, and took on the hunched stance of a gorilla. CB-01 ran through the canyon in a feline manner before standing upright in humanoid form. Its glasses locked on, and a sword was transported into its hand.
“It’s Go-Buster Ace!” Nobuo said. “We have to show them what we can do. Unofficial Transformation!”
He opened the glove box and slid Aoi’s theme song, “Heroic lily”, into the CD player. The volume hit maximum, and the car transformed into a roughly humanoid shape. Nobuo manned the cannon, while Yumeria drove and Mitsuki backseat drove.
“Complete! Itasshar Robo!” Nobuo said as he boarded his robot.
Itasshar Robo and Go-Buster Ace ran through the canyon at the same time. The difference became obvious. Itasshar Robo barely came up to Ace’s knee, much less the Megazord’s. It fired shots towards the Cellphone Zord’s waist. The tiny shots barely had an impact. Nobuo focused all the Delusion Power he could into the cannon. Itasshar Robo’s strongest attack, two massive beams of light, fired out of its gun and into the Megazords’ thigh.
It also didn’t work.
“You call that thing a robot?” asked Hiromu.
“It wasn’t built for Megazords!” said Nobuo.
GT-02 launched a volley of banana missiles at the Cellphone Zord. It formed an Enetron shield around itself, absorbing most of the attack. RH-03 fired another distance attack before hopping up and kicking it on its screen. Ace finished up the attack with a sword slash. The Gamma body was difficult to break through. Dents were made in the armor, but the Megazord itself did not budge. The Enetron in the Buster Machines was going down by the minute.
“I think I may have an idea,” Nobuo said. “Ryuji, return to vehicle mode.”
“What are you thinking of doing?” asked Ryuji.
“We’re a small projectile, so just launch Machine Itasshar right through its heart! Then you can form Go-Buster Oh,” he said.
“Won’t that kill you?” asked Yoko.
“We’re gonnya fly!” said Yumeria.
“Okay, I’ll give it a try. Gorisaki, return to vehicle mode,” said Ryuji.
GT-02 folded its parts over on each other until it returned to its default state of a blocky truck. Yoko did the same for RH-03. The rabbitcopter deployed a lift, placing Machine Itasshar on top of the gorilla truck. Machine Itasshar threw Nobuo out of his seat. It returned to its appearance of a normal car. Nobuo put himself back in the driver’s seat, and stepped on the gas pedal.
“I can feel the Enetron burning through our bodies!” he said, “Machine Itasshar, FIRE!”
The little car advertising Z-Cune Aoi drove off GT-02’s back, propelling itself through the air. A shield of Enetron wrapped around it as it flew through the air. Nobuo aimed the car directly at the 4 on the Cellphone Zord’s chestplate. Machine Itasshar scraped against the Megazord’s chest before puncturing it, flying out the other side of the giant robot. The Enetron shield still surrounding it, it landed safely on the opposite cliff.
“Hiromu, now!” shouted Nobuo.
The Cellphone Zord flailed around from its injury. Hiromu tapped the numbers on the keypad. “Combine Operation!”
“Spec-Ops Combine!” said the three in unison.
A ball of green energy surrounded the Buster Machines. GT-02 and RH-03 broke into parts, each part connecting with Go-Buster Ace. Everywhere that could be patched up had a new set of armor. RH-03’s boosters were applied to the sword, and the gestalt struck its final pose against a glowing background.
“Go-Buster Oh, Ready... Go!”
“Awesome!” Nobuo shouted.
Go-Buster Oh’s blades repelled the attacks the Cellphone Zord was sending its way. It stomped across the battlefield. Yoko pulled a switch on her control panel. “Enetron, Interlock!” she said. The boosters shone green, and Go-Buster Oh’s giant sword lit up with a shining light. The Cellphone Zord’s body had only begun to repair itself. It was too late.
An electric barrier shot out of Oh’s legs, enveloping the Cellphone Zord in a field of inescapable force. “Dimension Crash!” Hiromu said calmly. It was time for Buster. His visor lit up with the same heroic green as he pressed the button on his Brace. Go-Buster Oh slashed through the Cellphone Zord, distorting the space around it. The phone made its last call, and exploded in the middle of the quarry.
Inside Machine Itasshar, the MMZs were glowing with a very similar green light.