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What Happens in the Tower: Accepted

Summary:

Season 1 heavily alluded to previous relationships between both Liandrin and Moiraine, and Alanna and Moiraine. Of course, we all know who won Moiraine's heart in the end.

Ya'll, Novice time was mostly happy times. Accepted times, not as much. 😧

This is their story, as Accepted. Check out the series to read about their time as Novices.

Notes:

I need more Moiraine.. and I want to know what history there is with Liandrin.. and why Alanna is soooo cozy leaning over Mo in her bed.. and more Siuan 💕💕💕.

There's not enough here, so I had to write my own. :)

No beta reader, all mistakes are my own.

Comments welcome. Please 😂 💕

Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Chapter 14

Chapter Text

Moiraine looked around her new room. "We did it, Siuan," she whispered. "We're Accepted." She fingered the serpent ring on her hand, then grabbed Siuan's hands in hers.

Siuan nodded. "Last night was the hardest night I've spent in the Tower in the past two years." She looking into Moiraine's eyes. "Without you."

"I'm glad we were raised together. It would've been torture if we'd needed to be apart for weeks." Moiraine cupped Siuan's cheek, kissing her lightly.

"My room is bigger than yours now," Siuan giggled. "Not like I'll be there much." She traced Moiraine's jawline. "We should find Alanna, Leane, and the other girls."

"Alanna's closest, I think. Closer than Leane at least. Where are Myrelle and Adeline's rooms, do you know?  Come on." Moiraine pulled her hand.

Siuan knocked on Alanna's door.  "Come in," Alanna answered loudly from inside.  

Siuan poked her head in. "Are you busy?" she asked her old friend.  Leane and Myrelle were sitting on the couch. 

Alanna's eyes brightened. "You did it! Finally. What about Moiraine?" 

Siuan walked into the room, pulling Moiraine behind her. "They took us both at the same time," the Tairen said.  

Alanna was grinning from ear to ear.  "Come in, sit down. How did you both end up ready on the same day?  Didn't you guys come to the Tower on the same day, too?"

Moiraine nodded. "The Wheel weaves," She said mysteriously, shrugging a shoulder.

With the other three girls on the couch, Moiraine and Siuan sat on the bed.  The Accepted rooms were bigger than the Novice rooms, but they weren't really meant for five people.

---------------

It was Tuesday evening, and it was the first time Moiraine was alone in her new room.  The past week had been a maelstrom of reuniting with all their old friends.  She hadn't had the chance to see Liandrin yet, though.  She must know that I've been raised , she thought.  She wondered if she should go to her.  Ever since Liandrin had been raised, they'd acted like strangers in public.  No one but Siuan was even aware that they'd continued training together, and Liandrin didn't know Siuan knew.

It had been the same with Alanna, acting proper in public.  But as soon as they had been raised, Alanna made it clear to their whole group of friends, Siuan included, that she and Moiraine needed their alone time.  No one ever seemed surprised when it came to Alanna and her insatiable sex life. Everyone just accepted it as it was.

But Liandrin was a different story. She wasn't part of their friend group. Light, she didn't seem to be friends with anyone - she was just a loner. Sure, she got along with everyone, but she never seemed to create friendships with any of the other girls, except Moiraine, that she knew of. And they had started keeping that quiet before Liandrin had been raised almost a year ago.

The halls were silent, so Moiraine decided to see if Liandrin was in her room.  "Knock, knock,"  she called quietly, checking the door.  It was unlocked, so she pushed the door open a crack.  "Liandrin?"

"Mo?" Her eyes widened in surprise as Moiraine stuck her head in the door. Then she noticed the rainbow stripes around the hem of her dress. "You did it!" She jumped up from her chair, pulled Moiraine into the room, closing the door, and wrapped her in a huge hug. "Siuan, too?"

Moiraine nodded. "Last week, both of us together."

Liandrin put her hands on Moiraine's shoulders, stepping back to look her up and down. "The dress looks good on you," she smiled, nodding.  "Well, I think everything would look good on you," she winked. She put a hand on Moiraine's cheek.  "Can I kiss you?" she asked quietly.

 

They lay tangled together a few hours later, talking.  "It's nice for you to be able to stay for awhile," Liandrin whispered quietly, a finger absently tracing along Moiraine's bare shoulder.

"You know I'm still with Siuan," Moiraine reminded her quietly. "That hasn't changed. It never will," she said softly, but vehemently.  A little too much, she realized as Liandrin pulled away from her. Not completely, but enough.

"I know, Mo. But it'll still be nice to be able to see you once in awhile. Don't tell her about me." Moiraine wasn't sure if it was a question or a plea.

"I won't," she answered.  It was the truth. She didn't need to tell her, because she already knew.  Liandrin didn't need to know that. "I take it we're a secret then?" Moiraine raised an eyebrow.

"You're with Siuan, so it'll just cause problems, right?" She shook her head a little. "I love you. And I know I can't have all of you, but if I can have even a piece of you, my heart will be happy." Moiraine did a mental double-take. Love? What?  

Outwardly, she nodded, leaning over to give Liandrin a soft kiss before reaching for the dress she had left hanging over the back of the headboard.  "It might be a good idea to lock the door next time I come, then." She poked Liandrin in the ribs. "Button me up," she said.

"You'll continue to come every week to learn new weaves, won't you?" Liandrin asked, a small quirk of her lips betraying a mischievous smile.  She gently kissed the back of Moiraine's neck as she did up the last button on her dress, then whispered in her ear. "You always look radiant after I bed you."

Moiraine blushed, handing her the dress she'd left puddled on the floor next to the bed.  After Liandrin was properly dressed again, Moiraine opened the door. "I'll see you next week for more lessons," she said loudly enough for a group of Accepted walking past to hear.  She winked at Liandrin, then was off to her own room.

---------------

"What's wrong?" Siuan asked Moiraine, concerned, as she banked the fire and crawled into bed. "You've been distracted all evening."

Moiraine frowned, tucking the blanket around Siuan then wrapping her arms around her, resting her head on her shoulder. She inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly.

"Liandrin? What did she say?" Siuan asked. "It's the first time you saw her since we were raised, right?"

Moiraine rolled over, loosing her hold around Siuan's middle. "How do you do that? It's like you know every thought I have. Every feeling.  Better than I do, even."

Siuan rolled over and put an arm across Moiraine's stomach. She shrugged a shoulder. "Because I know you? You're my heart." She put her hand over Moiraine's beating chest. "Does that bother you?"

Moiraine chuckled, shaking her head. "No, mashiara." She leaned over and gently kissed her. "It's just unnerving sometimes. Especially when you know something is bothering me before I do."

"So?" Siuan prodded gently. "What is it?"

Moiraine bit her lip. "She told me she loves me."

Siuan raised an eyebrow, a hint of amusement in her eyes. "After you bedded her?" 

Moiraine nodded.

Siuan snorted. "Everyone says that after you bed them."

Moiraine smacked her. "That's not fair."

"Maybe not," Siuan grinned, "but it's true, right?"  She looked at Moiraine, suddenly curious. "Did you say it back to her?"

Moiraine frowned at her, brows furrowed. "Of course not. Don't be silly. Worse than that, though," she sighed softly, "she straight out told me not to tell you about us."

Siuan raised an eyebrow, surprised at that. "I understand keeping it a secret when we were Novices and she was Accepted. Same as Alanna. But now?"

"She says since I'm with you, it would just complicate things." Moiraine looked into Siuan's eyes. "She's not wrong. Especially since most everyone knows about Alanna, too.  But," she sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head, "it sounded more like she doesn't want anyone to know about our relationship at all." She glanced at Siuan again. "But she wants me to continue coming on Tuesdays to learn new weaves from her."

"So it's not just friends with benefits anymore.  She's actually fallen for you."

Moiraine sighed, frowning. "It feels weird."

Siuan traced a finger across her bare shoulder, then kissed her softly.  "What are you going to do?"

Moiraine shrugged a shoulder. "Continue to learn from her as much as I can. I don't think anything has actually changed, really. I think she's just voiced something she's been thinking for awhile." She sighed again.  "Remember how flaming messed up I was after my first time with her? My feelings were all over the place?"

Siuan nodded.

"Where would I be if you and Alanna hadn't pulled me to a safe headspace?" Moiraine brushed the hair from Siuan's forehead.  "She's never been with anyone else who cared for her before. Hell, she's never been with anyone else who's treated her with respect before."

"Maybe we should send Alanna to cure her," Siuan grinned, joking. Half-joking.

Moiraine rolled her eyes. "It would need to be someone she actually cares about.  Besides, I can't imagine those two in bed together," she giggled. 

Siuan raised an eyebrow curiously. "Oh?"

Moiraine tickled Siuan in the ribs. "You don't really want to know how they are in bed, do you?  I'm sure Alanna would be game, if you wanted to see for yourself …"

Siuan laughed gruffly. "I don't want anyone but you," she whispered.

Chapter 2: Chapter 15

Summary:

💕 friends 💕 friends 💕 friends 💕
💚 Leane doesn't understand 💚
💩 Alanna is trying to get between Siuan and Mo 💩 🤔

Chapter Text

Moiraine and Siuan were sitting on the couch practicing new weaves when Alanna and Leane waltzed in.  "Ladies," Alanna grinned, closing the door. "What did we learn today?"

Siuan scooted closer to Moiraine on the couch, and Leane sat on the other side of her. Alanna plopped down on the bed, the only other place to sit in the small room besides the floor.

"I was showing her what I learned from Cetalia Sedai," Siuan  answered, showing the other girls the new weave.

"Do you think it's right to be teaching each other everything we learn?" Leane asked. "It seems like cheating off someone else's paper during an examination." She giggled.

Siuan shrugged. "The faster we learn, the faster we can be raised."

"The sooner we won't have to do chores," Alanna piped in, laughing.  Moiraine nodded emphatically.

"Besides," Siuan said softly. "The one thing I hate about this place is all the politics. For now, we can all be friends and help each other out. Help raise each other up. Literally."  She sighed heavily. "I'm afraid what will happen to us all once we are raised. Are we all going to stop being friends? Stop trusting each other?"

The other three girls nodded. "Burn me, I hope not," Leane said quietly. "Even if we choose different Ajahs, let's swear to stay friends."  She looked at Siuan, and they both nodded. Alanna and Moiraine looked at each other and nodded too.

"By the Light, friends forever." Siuan intoned, getting up and walking to the middle of the room.

"By the Light, friends forever." Moiraine repeated, standing up and joining her.

"By the Light, friends forever," Leane added, standing next to Siuan.

"By the Light, friends forever," Alanna finished, wriggling in between Leane and Moiraine.

The girls grinned at each other, then all four sat down on the couch, squished together like happy sardines.

---------------

Moiraine was relieved her day was finally over.  Training with Corele Sedai, one of the most notable Yellow Sisters in the Tower, was exhausting. Invigorating, instructive, interesting. But unbelievably exhausting.  Healing was not Moiraine's strength, and the two hours she spent under Corele Sedai's tutelage every week left her wanting to sleep for two days.

She quietly opened the door to her quarters to laughter from the couch. Moiraine groaned inwardly. Siuan, Leane, and Alanna were sitting on the couch as she came in and closed the door behind her.  

Alanna got up from the couch. "Sit down," she said, taking Moiraine's arm and leading her to the couch.

Moiraine shook her head. "It's okay.  I want to lay down anyways. I'm exhausted." She sighed deeply, her shoulders dropping. "Help me with my dress?" she asked Alanna.

Alanna unbuttoned her dress, and grabbed Moiraine's nightshirt from the wardrobe, gently putting it over Moiraine's head. "You okay?" She asked quietly.

Moiraine nodded with a drowsy smile. "Working with Corele Sedai always wears me out.  Healing is not my forte."  She lay down on the bed on her stomach, her head at the foot of the bed, and propped herself up on her elbows.  "What were you guys giggling about when I came in?" she asked.

"Leane's been seeing Anjen. One of Maksim's friends," Alanna giggled. Leane blushed. 

"Is it serious?" Moiraine raised an eyebrow at Leane with a grin. "Or just fun times, like Alanna likes?" She winked at the Arafellin.

"Serious enough she needs heartleaf," Alanna poked Leane with a teasing smile. Leane and Siuan rolled their eyes.

"Speaking of, I need to skedaddle," Alanna winked at the girls. She walked over to the bed. "You going to be okay?" she asked Moiraine quietly.

Moiraine nodded, sitting up. "Come here," she said quietly, pulling her into a kiss.  Alanna moaned quietly, a hand wrapping around the back of Moiraine's neck, fingers in her hair. "I'm going to come see you tomorrow," she whispered quietly as she broke the kiss.  Alanna nodded.

She slipped out the door. "Don't have too much fun without me," she laughed.

"Have fun!" Moiraine teased her, propping herself back on the bed as Siuan snorted.

Leane shook her head, looking from Moiraine to Siuan. "Doesn't that bother you?" she asked Siuan.

Siuan shrugged a shoulder, indifferent. "Not really. They make each other happy.  Besides, she always comes home to me. She always will. It's woven in the Pattern."  She smiled.  "So tell us about Anjen," she prompted.

---------------

Moiraine banked the fire before crawling in bed.  She held the covers up, letting Siuan crawl in next to her.  She wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. "You've been distracted since I came back from Alanna's." She frowned slightly. "Do we need to stop?"  Siuan hadn't really said anything about her relationship with Alanna since before they were raised to Accepted, over a year ago.

Siuan shook her head thoughtfully. "No, it's not that." She sighed, cuddling up to Moiraine.

"Then … ?  Talk to me, mashiara." Moiraine brushed stray hair from Siuan's forehead, concern written on her face. "What's wrong?"

"While you were with Alanna, Leane propositioned me," Siuan mentioned quietly.

"Propositioned you?"  What …" Moiraine all of a sudden realized what Siuan was saying. "Oh. Okay …."  She tilted her head, looking at Siuan curiously. "And …"

Siuan shook her head, confusion on her face.

"What are you thinking, mashiara?" Moiraine prodded her gently.

Siuan shook her head again, shaking herself out of her thoughts. "She's not interested in me, Mo.  She's really happy with Anjen."

"Then why …"

"She was talking to Alanna the other day. About us, and you two. I think Alanna planted the idea in her head," Siuan shook her head, confused.  Moiraine frowned. "No, she didn't say that, Mo." She put a hand on Moiraine's chest.  "Not directly, anyways. I think Alanna was trying to convince her to find a pillow friend instead of hooking up with one of the boys."

"Not a bad idea, until we're raised," Moiraine pointed out. "If any of the Sisters found out, she wouldn't be allowed out of her room for a year."

"Men are a distraction," Siuan quoted, rolling her eyes with a chuckle.

"Women are a distraction, too," Moiraine whispered, tracing a finger across Siuan's jawline.

"Very true," Siuan admitted.  "But you're unlikely to get me with child," she giggled, tickling Moiraine under the covers.  

Moiraine smacked her hands. "So what's going on in your head, that this bugs you?  I mean, if Leane wants to try something new and see if she likes it, what's wrong with that?"  She looked in Siuan's eyes.

Siuan paused for a moment. "She's not attracted to me. I guess it felt like Alanna was trying to tempt me with eye candy, to see if I would take it."

"You think she's trying to put something between us." Moiraine nodded slowly. Then she grinned. "You think Leane's eye candy?"

Siuan blushed, chuckling. "She is eye candy." She shook her head. "But I have no interest in anyone else, Mo. If she wants to try something new, more power to her. But it won't be with me."

"You know, that if you wanted to," Moiraine started softly.  Siuan shook her head.

"I know," Siuan whispered, tucking a hair behind Moiraine's ear, her finger lingering on her skin. "I know, but I have no desire for anyone but you." Her voice was husky.

"So what did you tell her?" Moiraine asked curiously.

"She should talk to you or Alanna, or Myrelle. Whoever she's most attracted to." She shrugged.

Moiraine laughed. "She'd have to get in line for Alanna. Myrelle or Adeline maybe, or Sheriam.  But she does seem happy with Anjen."

"Not you?" Siuan questioned with a giggle. 

Moiraine shook her head, then realized that Siuan really wanted an answer. "No, not me, mashiara. You're right - she's nice to look at, but I have everything I want. Right here." She cupped Siuan's face with both hands, kissing her softly.

Siuan moaned, running her fingers through Moiraine's hair. "I love you," she breathed, in between kisses.

"Show me," Moiraine breathed. "Show me how much you love me."

Chapter 3: Chapter 16

Summary:

💔 broken hearts 💔

Chapter Text

"Are you still learning a lot from Elaida?" Moiraine enquired.

Liandrin nodded, concentrating on the new weave. "You try."

Moiraine copied the weave. Once. Twice. A third time.  Liandrin sighed, letting her weave dissipate.  "It's easier for you than it is for me."

Moiraine nodded. "I've been practicing more with fire weaves, with one of the Green Sisters. I'm starting to get a better feel for them."

"You're playing with fire," Liandrin laughed, leaning back in the chair and relaxing.

Moiraine nodded, chuckling. "In a manner of speaking." She was sitting cross-legged on the bed, the only other place in Liandrin's room to sit. "Li," she said quietly, clearing her throat. "Can we talk?"

Liandrin stood up, coming and sitting next to Moiraine on the bed. "Always," she answered, a slight furrow in her brow. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong , really," she started.  "I just …" She glanced up at Liandrin's eyes nervously. "I think we should just be friends." Liandrin's face dropped, and Moiraine put a finger over her lips. "Let me talk first," she whispered, her eyes pleading with Liandrin to listen to her.

Liandrin nodded, biting her bottom lip, sadness on her face.

"I love you, but only as a friend." Moiraine started. "I love bedding you," she continued with a small smile, "but it's not fair to you, to your heart, for me to keep doing this to you." She wiped a tear from Liandrin's cheek. "I want you to find someone who can give you what you deserve. Someone who will make you happy. Who will make your heart happy. I can't do that," she said sadly, blinking back a tear.

Liandrin nodded, her face resigned. She took a deep breath. "Can we still study together?" she asked quietly. "Can we still be friends?"

Moiraine nodded. "Of course, silly. Let's just keep our clothes on," she chuckled. "I just want you to find someone who will make you happy."

Liandrin nodded. "I've been flirting with Elaida," she confided. "Light, don't repeat that to anyone, or I won't be able to sit down for a week."

Moiraine raised an eyebrow. Elaida was a full Sister now. "You're braver than I'd ever be," she giggled. "Is she interested?"

Liandrin nodded, grinning. "She's resisting, but I think I'm close to breaking her."

"You'll probably be raised with a year or two anyways. I'm fairly sure that kind of thing happens sometimes, especially when girls know each other from before one was raised above the other."  She winked at Liandrin playfully.

She nodded. "I like her. I learn a lot from her during my training sessions, but sometimes we just sit and talk. It's nice to have someone to talk to."

Moiraine nodded. "I know. I'm sorry it's hard for me to get a lot of alone time with you." She tucked a hair behind Liandrin's ear, then froze, closing her eyes. "I shouldn't do that anymore, should I?"

"Can I have you one more time?" Liandrin whispered, her voice husky. "We can be 'just friends' tomorrow?"

--------------

Moiraine looked at Alanna and ran her hand over her face, shaking her head. "Are you seriously on this again?" she asked.  She stood up, pacing back and forth, all six steps each way, in Alanna's small quarters. "We're over. I'm done."

"Mo, just wait." She stopped in front of Moiraine, putting her hands on her shoulders. "Stop."

"Yes, that's what I said Alanna.  It's over.  Stop." Moiraine repeated. She opened her mouth to explain, again, but then she closed it and shook her head. "No. I'm done."  She turned her back on her friend, but she didn't walk away.

Alanna took a step closer, wrapping her arms around her waist from behind. "Talk to me, Mo."

"About what, Alanna?" Moiraine unclasped Alanna's fingers, and stepped out of her hold, turning around. "What is there to talk about? You're jealous. I don't even understand why you're jealous. I could understand if you were jealous of Siuan. You're not. You accept that, or we never would have gotten past that first night.  I talk to Liandrin, you think I'm fucking her, and you go beserker jealous girlfriend on me. You have three boyfriends, you've had me for the past four years, and it wouldn't surprise me if you're bedding Myrelle and Adeline, too." Moiraine put her hand over her eyes, rubbing her forehead.  "You don't control me. You don't own me. I can't deal with your jealousy anymore. I can't!"

Moiraine ran out of Alanna's room, her heart pounding out of her chest. She did her best to compose herself, holding back the tears. When she got back to her own room, she realized that Siuan and Leane were there, and she stopped herself before going in. No. She needed to be alone.  She walked down to Siuan's room, opening the door quietly.  Good. No one here.  She closed the door behind herself, then lay down on Siuan's bed, curled herself up in a ball, and tried to hold her broken heart together.

---------------

Siuan and Leane were sitting on the couch talking when Alanna came rushing in, her face all red. "Where's Moiraine?" she asked, confused.

"I thought she was with you," Siuan answered. "She's not? What's wrong?"

"She was. She left more than an hour ago." Alanna sighed, collapsing on the side of the bed. "We got in a fight."  She put her head in her hands. She shook her head, her shoulders curling in on herself, fighting back tears. 

"Alanna." Siuan said sharply, standing up, causing the Arafellin to raise her head. "What. Happened?"

"I got jealous again." Siuan groaned, closing her eyes. "She doesn't take that very well," Alanna continued.

"Flaming fish guts, woman."

"She yelled at me, told me we were done, then she left." Her shoulders dropped. "She's never said that before."

Siuan growled. "What are you crying about? You have half a dozen other fish caught in your net. You'll be fine." Siuan frowned angrily. "She loves you, and you hurt her.  When did she leave?  Where did she go?"

"It was more than an hour ago," Alanna said quietly. "I thought she would have come here."

"Except we were here, and she wanted to be alone." Siuan growled. "Go. I'll find her, talk to her. I'll find you tomorrow, or Leane will."

Alanna nodded, getting up and silently fled out the door.

Siuan looked at Leane. "Go after her," she said gently. "She needs a friend tonight. Just a friend, Leane."  The Domani nodded.

"Do you think they'll be okay?" she asked quietly.

Siuan nodded. "They love each other.  It might be rough for a minute, but they'll be okay. I think Mo is going to need some time, though." She took Leane's hand and pulled her up from the couch, giving her a hug. "Go be there for her." It was more of a plea than an order. Alanna was her friend, too.

 

Siuan walked down the hall to her own room. Technically it was her room, but she was rarely there. All of her stuff was in Moiraine's room. She knew this is where Moiraine would have gone, after realizing she couldn't come home to her own space. 

Siuan had known for years that this was going to come to a head. Alanna had a jealous streak in her, and Moiraine's patience had worn thin with it over the years. Again and again. It didn't make any sense. It would have made sense if it had been about her and Moiraine, but Alanna never seemed to have a problem with that. The problem was always Liandrin.

No, the problem wasn't Liandrin, it was Alanna.  Siuan sighed.

"Mo, it's just me," she said softly as she opened the door, as quietly as she could.  Siuan's heart broke for her friend. Moiraine was curled up in a ball on her bed, sobs wracking her thin body.

She crawled on the bed behind Moiraine, wrapping her arms around her, holding her.  After a few minutes, Moiraine rolled over, burying her face in Siuan's embrace.  Siuan brushed her hair out of her face, wiped the tears from her cheeks, and held her, silent.

Moiraine looked up into her eyes, her tear-streaked face red from crying. "It hurts," she said simply.

"I know," Siuan kissed her forehead.  "Rest. I'm here. You're safe," she whispered.

Moiraine woke up a few hours later, Siuan wrapped around her, in unfamiliar surroundings. She started, sitting up, then groaned, as the previous evening came roaring back to her. An empty place in her heart.

"Shhh, you're safe. You're okay," Siuan whispered, pulling her back down on the bed, wrapping her arms around her.

"You found me," Moiraine said, her voice small.

"Of course I found you," Siuan said, kissing the top of Moiraine's head. "Talk to me?"

Moiraine stretched out next to Siuan, nestled under her shoulder. "I broke up with Alanna."  She sighed deeply, her voice catching.  "Siuan, I love her, but …"   Siuan squeezed her shoulder, encouraging her to go on.  "But I can't stand the jealousy. She has no one to be jealous of. I don't understand it."

Siuan nodded. "Can I say something in her defense? Without you getting mad?"

Moiraine turned her head, looking up at Siuan, her brow furrowed. "Will it make me mad?" she asked cautiously.

Siuan shook her head. "No, I don't think so.  It might give you some perspective, though." She waited for Moiraine to nod.  "I'm not making excuses for her," she clarified.  

Moiraine nodded. "Go on."

"After that first night with Liandrin, when you were so hurt and confused," Siuan started, "Alanna was the one who helped you figure out your feelings. To realize that what you felt for Liandrin wasn't love, it was just …"

"Sex. She made me feel good," Moiraine filled in, nodding.

"It was feeling . And Alanna helped you separate that from Liandrin. In your head.  And your heart. Which is what you needed desperately, Mo."

Moiraine nodded. "I still love Liandrin," she started.

"You do now, but you didn't then," Siuan shook her head, reminding her of that night nearly five years ago. "Now you do, but in a healthy way," Siuan finished for her. "Relatively, anyways. You're both respectful of each other. The first one of you to make a move always asks, right?"  Moiraine nodded. "You talk, you know where each other stand. It didn't start out that way." Siuan sighed. "Your relationship with Li is healthy now because Alanna pulled you out of a bad space, Mo."

Moiraine nodded again. "You know she has her eye on someone now, Liandrin?" A small grin spread across her face. "I can't say who, so don't ask," she tapped Siuan on the nose playfully. "But maybe she will find love after all."

Siuan laughed quietly. "Light, I hope it works out for her. She deserves to be happy." She took Moiraine's face in her hands, gazing deep into her eyes. "My point with Alanna though," she said, bringing back their conversation, "is that Alanna knows that she pulled you out of a dark place. A potentially dangerous place.  Your love for her blossomed out of that." Siuan smiled softly. "But it gives her a really strong reason to dislike you being with Liandrin, whether it's as friends, or more than that."

Moiraine nodded slowly, mulling over Siuan's words. "I can see that."

"I'm not making excuses for her, Mo," Suian said softly,  "but it might help you understand where she's coming from, a little."

"You couldn't have explained this to my dense self years ago?" Moiraine poked Siuan in the ribs.

"You wouldn't have been ready for it," Siuan answered.  She sat up suddenly.  "Do you want to go back home and sleep in our bed for a few hours  before dawn breaks?"

Moiraine nodded. "If you'll come with me."

Chapter 4: Chapter 17

Summary:

fallout from Mo breaking up with Alanna

Chapter Text

Moiraine lost the thread of fire and the weave fell apart. "Burn me," she sighed angrily at herself. "I can't."

Liandrin came and sat next to her on the bed. "You can, and you will.  You're frustrated with yourself. Let it go for now." She took Moiraine's hands in hers, looking into her eyes. "What's going on, Mo?  What's wrong?"

Moiraine shook her head, staring behind Liandrin, into nowhere. "I broke up with Alanna." She sighed, her face fallen. "I miss her."

Liandrin gasped quietly, frowning. "I didn't think Siuan would ever make you give her up."

Moiraine shook her head. "It wasn't Siuan," she said softly. "I just couldn't deal with her jealousy anymore."

Liandrin cocked her head. "Alanna jealous? Of what?  She has a harem of, like, ten different play toys."  Moiraine raised an eyebrow at her friend. "Well … truth, right?" Liandrin  made it sound like a question. 

Moiraine looked at Liandrin thoughtfully. "Is that what you think you are, to me? A play toy?"

"You mean were ? We're supposed to be past tense," Liandrin murmured.  Moiraine sighed, nodding. 

"Yea, supposed to be." Moiraine repeated, resigned. "Why is it so hard for us to stop, then?"

"Because I love you," Liandrin whispered.

Moiraine nodded. "And if you get into Elaida's skirts, and you fall in love with her.  Will that change how you feel about me?"

Liandrin's eyes sparkled as she fought a grin, the corners of her mouth turning up into a smile. "It hasn't yet."

Moiraine raised an eyebrow, a grin spreading across her face. "Oh?  Do tell," she prodded.

Liandrin shook her head. "I like her. She's fun. It's only been a few weeks, but …"

Moiraine frowned. "A few weeks?!  Why didn't you tell me?"

Liandrin shrugged. "I thought you'd be jealous." She reached over and tucked a hair behind Moiraine's ear, her touch lingering at her jawline. "We're supposed to be past tense, Mo.  But I don't want to be."

"Does she know about me?" Moiraine asked curiously.

Liandrin shook her head. "No, not really.  She knows I have a pillow friend, but not who you are." She stopped, thoughtful for a moment, then grinned.  "You're not really a pillow friend, but … without getting into it, it seemed like an adequate way to let her know I was with someone else sometimes."

Moiraine nodded. "Fair. But why would you think I'd be jealous?  I've always encouraged you to find someone."

Liandrin nodded. "I know. But I was afraid I would lose you, for real."

"Li, people grow apart sometimes, and it's okay. You're going to be raised soon, maybe within the year.  Things will change for us, and it's okay. You'll always be part of my heart, though."  Moiraine grew thoughtful. "But you've never been a play thing to me.  Neither has Alanna."

Liandrin nodded. "Fair enough.  But she does have at least a half a dozen fish tied up in her net." She poked Moiraine.

"That doesn't lessen what she and I have.  Had," she corrected herself, sighing.

"What was she jealous of, anyway?  You and Siuan have been together as long as you've been with Alanna, and it's never been a problem." Liandrin tilted her head, looking into Moiraine's eyes. "Has it?"

"It has nothing to do with Siuan. She's jealous of you."

Liandrin's eyes widened in surprise. "Me? How does she even know about me?"  She frowned. "I thought no one knew about us."

"Siuan has an idea," Moiraine shrugged. "She can read me like a book, even if I don't tell her something.  Alanna saw me leaving your room the other day. She's jealous if I'm even talking to you. Like crazy-mad jealous. Since the beginning. Almost five years," Moiraine chuckled. "I just snapped the other day when she brought it up again. Told her I was done, and I walked away from her." 

"Have you talked to her since then?" Liandrin asked gently.

Moiraine huffed a laugh. "No, but it was only the day before yesterday."

"You need to talk to her, Mo." Liandrin lay back on the bed.

"I know," Moiraine sighed deeply, laying next to Liandrin and putting her hands behind her head. "I just don't know what to say to her." 

"Listen to your heart," Liandrin advised, putting a hand over her friend's heart. "And listen to hers, too. Don't close her out without talking to her." She laced her hand in Moiraine's, then brought their hands up to her lips, kissing the back of Moiraine's hand gently. 

"Come here," Moiraine said quietly. "Can I kiss you?"

--------------

Siuan glanced at Moiraine. "She's in her room, alone. Go talk to her, Mo."

Moiraine stood up, taking a deep breath. "I don't know what to say to her," she said unsteadily.

"Listen to your heart," Siuan said gently. "And listen to hers, too."

Moiraine rolled her eyes. It was the same advice she would give to any of her friends, but getting that advice from two of her best friends irked her for some reason.  She nodded. "You're right."  She collected herself, straightened her shoulders, and headed for Alanna's room.

"Knock-knock," she said quietly, cracking open the door to Alanna's room. "Can I come in?" She had never waited for permission before, to come into Alanna's space. She held her breath until Alanna nodded.

"Of course," Alanna answered, coming to the door and opening it for Moiraine to enter. "Sit," she invited, as she closed the door quietly.

Moiraine sat down, quiet.  Alanna sat at the other end of the couch. "We need to talk," Moiraine started.  "But I don't know what to say." 

Silence fell between them. Alanna nodded.

Moiraine took a deep breath. Talking to Alanna wasn't supposed to be this hard. It had never been hard to talk to her. "Tell me what you're feeling?" That was safe. Let Alanna start.

"I'm sorry, Mo." Alanna sighed, her shoulders sagging. "I wish I could say it won't happen again, but …" 

"But it will. As long as you and I are together, it will." Moiraine leaned against the side of the couch, stretching her legs out. She nudged Alanna's thigh with her toes.

"Only with Liandrin," Alanna whispered. "I can't stand the idea of you in a room with her, alone."

Moiraine frowned.  "Alanna, Liandrin and I have been friends for more than five years. Almost as long as we've been friends."

Alanna nodded. "I know, I was there to help pick up the pieces after she battered and bruised you, remember?" she said bitterly. "I don't trust her.  I'll never trust her."

Moiraine tilted her head, looking at Alanna, then inhaled slowly. "She's changed. A lot. Since then.  She's done a lot of growing up." 

"Mo, I will never forget how badly she hurt you."

Moiraine nodded, starting to understand. She'd essentially kept her relationship with Liandrin a secret from Alanna for years. Alanna didn't know Liandrin at all, except for one horrible situation that singly dominated the way she saw her. "Can I tell you about her?" She asked Alanna quietly.

Alanna chuckled. "An odd way to try to fix us."

Moiraine laughed, shrugging a shoulder. "But that's where our problem comes from, right?"

Alanna nodded. "Tell me about her, Mo. I want to see how you see her."

"When we first met her, I was curious.  She was cute, but it was more than that. She had a hardness around the edges. She puts walls up." She stopped for a moment, considering.  Most of what Liandrin had shared with her was personal, and private. Moiraine didn't want to violate that trust.

"So do you," Alanna pointed out softly. "You let them down for a few of us, but the rest of the world doesn't get to see who you are."

Moiraine nodded, realizing the truth in that. "Maybe that's why I was drawn to her. I don't know." She frowned. "I'd been through a lot before I came to the Tower.  Siuan more.  You a little less." She smiled at Alanna sadly. "We've all been damaged, in one way or another."

Alanna nodded. "Some more than others," she acknowledged. She tugged on Moiraine's foot. "Come here," she said softly, holding an arm out.  Moiraine scooted next to Alanna, resting in the crook of her arm.

"Liandrin went through a lot before she came here," Moiraine started. "Her big brother died protecting her.  She's been …" she sighed heavily, leaning into Alanna.  "It's not my story to tell. Suffice it to say that she has trust issues."  Alanna nodded.

"That night," Moiraine shuddered, really remembering for the first time in a long time. "That night was the first time anyone had ever touched her, with her willing. She'd only ever fought back." She closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths before continuing. "She had no idea, how to be with someone, without fighting and clawing back." She swallowed, turning to look her friend in the eyes. "Alanna, we've talked about it. She apologized. I've forgiven her.  It's in the past for us.  She's grown a lot since then."

Alanna nodded slowly.  "Okay," she said quietly.

"It was a mistake for me to try to hide her from you. She wanted to keep it quiet. Which is fine, but I still should have told you."

"Siuan knew?" Alanna asked curiously.

Moiraine nodded, rolling her eyes. "Siuan knows everything. Even if I don't tell her." She giggled, then turned serious. "It's uncanny how well she knows me."

Alanna smiled. "She's good at reading people. As close as you two are, she can probably read you before you've figured yourself out."  

Moiraine chuckled. "You have no idea."

"So are you still seeing her? Liandrin?" Alanna asked.

"Does it matter?" Moiraine raised an eyebrow at her friend.

Alanna shrugged. "Not really, I guess."

Moiraine glanced at Alanna. "She doesn't want anyone to know about us. So respect that, okay?"

"Why the secrecy?" Alanna asked, nodding.

"Probably because I already have two girlfriends, and she doesn't want people to talk." Moiraine giggled, then stopped. "Had?" She sighed, shaking her head.

Alanna turned to look into Moiraine's eyes. "I want to kiss you."

Moiraine closed her eyes, trying to will away the need stirring at her core. She sighed, staring into Alanna's warm brown orbs. "I think you'll be able to say that to me in 20 years and still make me want you; and forty, and a hundred."  She kissed Alanna lightly on the lips, then pulled away from her.  

"Can we just be friends, with benefits?" Alanna giggled.

Moiraine shook her head. "No, I love you too much. And you love me too much." She sighed. "But no more jealousy, okay? I don't understand it. You're both so jealous of each other, and it doesn't make sense. I have as much reason to be jealous of Maksim." She rolled her eyes. "Explain to me why I should be jealous of Maksim."

Alanna bit her lip, thinking, and shook her head. "It's different with him. He's a different person. It's a different relationship. It's like peaches and persimmons. You can't compare them, they're just different."

"So stop trying to compare yourself with Liandrin. It's just different. You don't compare yourself with Siuan."

"That's different." Alanna said.

Moiraine huffed. "Exactly my point." 

---------------

"Are you guys okay, now?" Siuan asked as they crawled into bed that night.  She wrapped her arms around Moiraine, snuggling to warm up. The nights were getting colder again.

"I think so," Moiraine nodded. "I told her about Liandrin. Not everything. But enough that she seems to accept that she's not the same person she was five years ago."

Siuan nodded thoughtfully. "I imagine if I hadn't known about you two from the beginning, watched your relationship grow, I would probably feel the same as Alanna.  I hated her for awhile, for what she did to you. Liandrin, I mean."  Siuan snarled softly.

Moiraine put a hand on Siuan's cheek, looking into her eyes. "You never told me that," she said quietly.

"I didn't need to, Mo.  You knew," she poked her.  

Moiraine nodded. "I suppose I did. What made you stop?"

Siuan sighed softly. "I watched her grow and learn and mature, and become a different person." Moiraine tilted her head questioningly at Siuan. "Through your eyes," Siuan added.

Moiraine nodded thoughtfully.  "Yes, I suppose you did.  Do you feel like you know her?"  she asked curiously.

Siuan shrugged gruffly. "Better than most, I suppose." She sighed softly. "Can it just be the two of us tonight, mashiara? No more Alanna, no more Liandrin.  Just us?"

Moiraine peered into Siuan's big brown eyes. "There is no one else but you," she whispered, brushing her lips against Siuan's.

Chapter 5: Chapter 18

Summary:

Liandrin is taken for her Test

Chapter Text

Moiraine tickled Liandrin, trying to break her concentration. "You're getting better at this," she grinned. "You got to number 73 before I broke you."

Liandrin rolled her eyes. "Under my skirts should be off-limits."

Moiraine frowned, pouting.  "That wouldn't be very much fun, then."

"Only when you're trying to distract me from the test weaves," she laughed. "Your turn."

Moiraine started with the first weave.  One hundred complicated, pointless weaves that did nothing. She sighed as Liandrin tried to distract her.  Eleven. Twelve. "Touch me, Li. Break me," she dared her.

"I won't break you. But I'll break your concentration," she grinned slyly.  

Fourteen. Fifteen. Liandrin wove a flow of air across her nipple, and Moiraine gasped quietly. Sixteen. Seventeen. Liandrin came up behind Moiraine, kissing her neck. "Can I touch you?" she whispered hotly in her ear.

Eighteen.  Moiraine nodded, her breath uneven.  Liandrin wrapped her arms around Moiraine, one hand cupping her breast, the other flat on Moiraine's stomach. Nineteen. Twenty.

Liandrin traced a finger across Moiraine's nipple, and she moaned. Twenty-one. Liandrin's other hand moved an inch down her stomach.  "Light, you're evil," Moiraine whispered, her head falling back as Liandrin kissed down her neck.  Twenty-two.  She kept her eyes on the weaves. "Kiss me," she pleaded. Liandrin kissed below her ear, small kisses across her cheek.  Twenty-three.  Liandrin brushed her lips across Moiraine's mouth.  Moiraine kept her eyes on the weave.  Twenty-four.  "More," she said, hot breath shaky.  Liandrin's hand moved closer to her core, and she kissed her again.  Twenty-fi--.  She dropped the weave and groaned. She stifled a laugh, turning around and kissed Liandrin properly.

"Start again at the beginning," Liandrin laughed, pulling away from her. "I'll make it worth your while if you can get to fifty without dropping a weave," she winked.  Moiraine groaned, and started from the beginning again.  

---------------

"These weaves are so pointless," Siuan grumbled again.

Alanna nodded.  "Apparently, the only point is that they're difficult, and you need to be able to do them without thinking. 'Under duress' they say." She rolled her eyes.

They'd made a game of it, because otherwise they'd go crazy. Head-to-head, each with someone distracting them.  This time Siuan was distracting Leane, and Moiraine distracting Alanna. Leane dropped forty-three and groaned. Siuan laughed, as Alanna continue, getting to weave fifty-two before losing a thread of spirit.

They were all pretty evenly matched, except when Siuan was distracting Moiraine. Moiraine thought it wasn't fair.  "Do you think we're ready?" She asked her friends.

"I think Alanna's ready. Or will be soon," Leane said. "I don't know if I'll ever be ready, if it's as hard as they say it is."  She shrugged. "Maybe another five years," she giggled.

Siuan sat next to her on the couch, bumping shoulders with her. "No, maybe another year," she said encouragingly.  "It will be that long for all of us, I think."

Alanna grinned. "I'm hungry. Let's sneak down to the kitchens to see if Laras has any honeycakes left."

"You two go," Moiraine encouraged. "I'm tired. I think I'm going to go to bed," she smiled slightly at Siuan.

Alanna nodded, pulling Leane with her. "You want us to come back if we find some?" she asked.

Siuan shook her head. "No, but eat one for us," she winked.  "Good night, girls."

Alanna reached over to Moiraine, giving her a kiss.  Leane rolled her eyes, then pulled Alanna away from Moiraine. "Honeycakes," she reminded her. "Let's go."

Siuan laughed, closing the door behind them.

"I'm sorry," Moiraine said quietly.  "Sometimes I wish she wouldn't do that in front of you." 

Siuan tilted her head, looking at Moiraine. "Why?" she asked curiously.

Moiraine shrugged a shoulder. "Because you basically just kicked her out so you could have some time alone with me, and she wants to remind you that you have to share me."

Siuan chuckled. "I could still tell you two to stop." She glanced at Moiraine thoughtfully. "I wouldn't. I won't, ever. That's one hundred percent your choice," she said quietly.

Moiraine raised an eyebrow. That was new. "So it doesn't bother you when she does that?"

Siuan shook her head. "Not even a little bit. Mo, I've walked in on you two before. Your relationship with her has never been a secret, and I don't want you to feel guilty about loving her. Or Liandrin, either," she added as a second thought. "If anything, it makes me feel sorry for her, that she's insecure enough she feels like she needs to remind me." 

Moiraine nodded. "I think she's less secure about us, since we had that fight. But that whole thing was about Liandrin. It had nothing to do with you." She shrugged, dismissing it. "You sure you don't want honeycakes?  Laras usually leaves out enough for everyone. It's still kind of early."

Siuan shook her head. "No, I just want you," she said quietly.

---------------

Alanna opened the door quietly. It was still early. "Mo, wake up."

Moiraine opened her eyes, surprised to see Alanna leaning over the bed. She sat up. "Alanna. What is it? What's wrong?"

The Arafellin shook her head.  "Nothing's wrong. They just took Liandrin. I just wanted to let you know."

Moiraine nodded. "How long til first bell? Do you know?" She extricated herself from Siuan's arms and climbed out of bed, tucking the warm covers around Siuan so as not to wake her. "How long ago did they take her?" Moiraine felt nervous energy. She shook her hands and her arms, trying to dissipate some of it.  She chuckled, feeling Alanna's eyes on her naked body. "No. Don't even. Not right now."

Alanna chuckled quietly, grabbing Moiraine's dress from the wardrobe and handing it to her. "Cover up, before you get me going. They took her about half an hour ago. Adeline told Myrelle, who told Leane, who told me." She rolled her eyes, giggling. "It would be easier if people knew you guys were at least friends.  I think first bell is half an hour off, at least.  It's really early." She finished buttoning Moiraine's dress.

Alanna put a hand on Moiraine's shoulder. "Hey. Slow down. Breathe.  She'll do fine," she said, realizing how nervous Moiraine was. "Wow, you really do care about her." She sat down abruptly on the couch.

Moiraine glanced at Alanna, confused.  "What?"  She tilted her head, meeting her eyes.

"Liandrin.  You really do care about her. Legit care about her."  Alanna shook her head, closed her eyes, and took a long, slow, deep breath.

"Yes, you light-blinded idiot." Moiraine sighed, sitting down next to Alanna on the couch.  "Sorry," she said quietly.  She suddenly remembered the first time Siuan had seen Alanna kiss her. Siuan had been so shocked.  She chuckled quietly.  "You remember, years ago, that afternoon Siuan came in and we were tangled up in bed talking? The first time she really saw us together?"

Alanna nodded. "I asked her if she wanted to watch," she grinned in memory.

"And you kissed me on your way out?"

Alanna laughed, nodding. "I made you melt. Marked my territory."

Moiraine gave her a stern look. "I'm no one's territory."

"Liar. You're Siuan's, through and through.  It's nice that she's willing to share you a little though," Alanna winked.

"When you walked out of my room that night, she gave me that same look. That same 'you really care about her' look. Utter surprise. Awareness. Even when she'd known for months."

Alanna nodded. "Sorry. I just didn't realize."

Moiraine nodded. She got up and started pacing again. "How long does it usually take? The test?  I'm not going to be able to concentrate on anything today." 

Siuan shifted in bed, sleepily realizing that Moiraine was no longer at her side. She turned over, facing the door, seeing Moiraine pacing and Alanna sitting on the couch in her nightshirt. "What …?  Who did they take? Liandrin?"  She sat up in bed. "How long ago?" She frowned, rubbing her eyes.

Moiraine nodded, the same time Alanna looked over at Siuan in amazement. "How do you do that? How do you know already?"

Siuan rolled her eyes, sitting up in bed.  "Alanna. The only time you come in here before first bell is when someone is taken for a test. If it were Myrelle or Leane or Sheriam or Adeline, Moiraine would be sitting down. She's pacing like a caged animal.  Which she would only do if it was me, you, or Liandrin.  It's not rocket science, woman."  

She got up and walked to Moiraine, stopping in front of her. She put her hands on Moiraine's shoulders. "Stop," she whispered, staring into her eyes. "She'll be fine. She'll pass. You know she's ready." Moiraine nodded, taking a deep breath to calm herself. 

"We're going to go to breakfast," Siuan continued. "You have one class this morning with the Novices, and after lunch you can go to her room and wait for her. It will be a long afternoon as it is. She probably won't be back until after dinner. I'll bring a plate up for you, and one for her, too. You might as well try to stay busy this morning.  I'll send word to Corele Sedai that you won't be able to attend her this afternoon." Siuan pulled Moiraine's face to her, kissing her lightly on the forehead.  "Breathe. She'll be fine.  She'll need you when she comes back."

Moiraine nodded. Some of the other Accepted had been raised recently, and everyone who survived the test came back looking like they'd been through a war. The Sisters physically healed them, but the haunted look in their eyes …  She took a deep breath.  "Thank you," she whispered softly to Siuan, cupping her face in her hands, "for keeping me grounded." She kissed her, a hand reaching for her bare breast.  Siuan moaned.

"You guys want me to watch, or leave?" Alanna laughed, getting up off the couch. "Or join you?" She raised a playful eyebrow at Moiraine. 

"I don't think that was the kind of distraction Siuan had in mind," Moiraine chuckled, fighting a grin at Siuan.

Siuan raised an eyebrow at Moiraine, pulling her back into their interrupted kiss, putting Moiraine's hand back on her naked body. Moiraine closed her eyes, moaning quietly.  

Alanna came up behind her and kissed her behind the ear. "Tell me if you want me to stop," she whispered, her hot breath on Moiraine's neck.  She lifted Moiraine's hair off the back of her neck, peppering soft kisses along her shoulder. Moiraine moaned into Siuan's mouth, but stiffened as Alanna put an arm around her cupping her other breast.

Moiraine put a finger on Siuan's lips, as she gently pulled Alanna's hand off her breast and turned around.  She kissed Alanna hungrily, then sighed. "We'll see you at breakfast, okay?" Her eyes pleaded with Alanna to understand. To go. Not to push her. Today, of all days.

Alanna nodded in understanding, kissing her lightly before turning away and slipping out the door.

Siuan raised an amused eyebrow as Moiraine turned around. "Too much?" she laughed quietly.

Moiraine shook her head. "I think Alanna's wanted to try that for a long time," she smiled softly, looking a Siuan. "You'd be okay with that?  The three of us?" Moiraine raised an eyebrow doubtfully.

Siuan shrugged. "I'd be lying if I said it never crossed my mind. But only if it's something you want. And today's not the day for that, anyways."

Moiraine tilted her head, raising an eyebrow. "Wait. You've thought about it? Really?"  Siuan nodded. "Weird. It's never even crossed my mind," Moiraine chuckled.  She walked over to the wardrobe, grabbing Siuan's dress, and handed it to her. 

Siuan stepped into the dress and turned around for Moiraine to button her up. "You've seriously never thought about it?"  Hrmph.

"What do you take me for, some kind of lightskirt?" she laughed, teasing Siuan.

"I mean.  There are days you bed Liandrin or Alanna and come home and get more from me," she laughed, raising her eyebrow at Moiraine.

Moiraine tilted her head, fighting a smile. "You can tell?"

"Fish guts, Mo. Yes, I can smell sex on you, even after you wash up. I can see it in your face. I can see it in your body language. Are we really having this conversation?" she laughed.

Moiraine shook her head, laughing. "Sorry, it just never occurred to me. Not like I was ever trying to hide anything, but …"  She took Siuan's hand, pulling her toward the door. "Let's go get breakfast. I'm hungry, and it's going to be a long day."

Chapter 6: Chapter 19

Summary:

SPOILER:
😀 Liandrin passes her test

Mo, Siuan, and Alanna consider a thing

Chapter Text

Moiraine sat in Liandrin's room, trying to be patient, all afternoon. She tried reading a book. She tried practicing the 100 weaves. Siuan came by with a plate of dinner. Siuan kept her company while she ate, and left a plate for Liandrin, but then she was gone, and Moiraine waited. And paced. And waited. And paced.  Siuan poked her head in, just as the sun was going down.  Still no Liandrin.

She wasn't nervous for her.  Not in a doubting sort of way. But she knew the longer the testing took, the harder the toll it took on the Sister who walked out of the ring.  She sighed.  She sat down in Liandrin's chair, curled up in a ball.  She had dozed off when the door opened quietly around midnight. 

"Liandrin!" Moiraine jumped up, rushing to her friend. "You did it!" She hugged her, then pulled back, her hands on her shoulders. She looked like she'd been through the Dark One's lair.  She wiped Liandrin's hair from her forehead.  "You did it, right?"

Liandrin nodded, her eyes filled with tears. "Mo, it's not worth it. No one should have to live through that." She collapsed on the bed, curling up in a ball.

Moiraine grabbed a nightshirt from her wardrobe. "Come here," she pulled Liandrin up, unbuttoning her dress and gently pulling the nightshirt over her.  "Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?" She nodded to the plate of food on the desk. "I can warm it up for you."

Liandrin shook her head, sitting on the bed.

"Can I heal your exhaustion? It won't take the horror away, but it might help a little."  Liandrin nodded, and Moiraine took her head in her hands, pulling the physical exhaustion from her friend.  "Lay down," she said gently. 

Liandrin lay down, curled in on herself in a ball.  Moiraine lay behind her, wrapping her arms around her, trying to make her feel safe. "Do you want to talk about it?" Moiraine asked quietly.

Liandrin shook her head. "I can't talk about the test."

"Can you talk about how you feel?  It's just me, and nothing you tell me goes beyond these walls."

She shook her head. "Every horror you can imagine. Your worst nightmare, times a hundred. Every possible fear you have, situation you can imagine, you will have to face it, Mo." Her body racked with sobs.

"Come here, love," she whispered, turning Liandrin to face her. "You're not alone." She looked in those haunted eyes, saw the fear and the horror and the hurt, and pulled her friend to her chest.  She kissed the top of her head, ran her fingers through Liandrin's hair, caressed her cheek. Slowly, Liandrin emptied herself of her tears, spent. 

Moiraine thought Liandrin had finally fallen asleep when the blonde woman opened her reddened eyes and looked at her. "Why do you stay with me?" Liandrin asked.

"What do you mean?" Moiraine asked, frowning. "You're my friend, and I love you. Why wouldn't I stay with you?" 

Liandrin shrugged. "You have Siuan, and Alanna, and all your other friends."

"And I have you," Moiraine added. "That's going to change now, though. Isn't it?" She asked quietly, a sadness in her eyes.  "Liandrin Sedai." She closed her eyes, nodding slightly in respect to her friend.  "What color will you choose?" she enquired quietly, although she already knew.

"Red, of course," Liandrin smiled. "I know you haven't trained with any Red Sisters, but can I call on you, until you're raised?"

"To be fair," Moiraine argued, "everything you have learned over the past three years from Red Sisters, I have learned too."  She kissed Liandrin on the forehead. "But yes, I will come for you when you call."

Liandrin laughed, her voice husky. "And tonight, will you come for me?" She raised an eyebrow at Moiraine. 

Moiraine chuckled. "The sun is coming up in a few hours, so if that's your plan, you better start working on it." She cupped Liandrin's face, kissing her gently.

Moiraine snuck back to her room, an hour before dawn. The Sisters would be coming for Liandrin soon, and she needed to be gone before they came. She closed the door quietly behind her, but Siuan heard her come in.  She quickly pulled off her dress and slipped into bed beside Siuan.

"She okay?" Siuan murmured, half asleep, snuggling up to Moiraine.

"She will be, yes." Moiraine answered softly, brushing Siuan's hair out of her sleepy face. "Go back to sleep, mashiara. You have an hour or two left before first bell." Moiraine lay on her back, staring quietly at the ceiling.

"Are you okay?" Siuan asked softly a few minutes later, surprising Moiraine out of her thoughts.

"Hm?  Yes, I'm fine. Go back to sleep, mashiara."

"Mo," Siuan grumbled, "I can hear you thinking. What's going on in there?" she asked, tapping Moiraine lightly on the side of her head.

Moiraine sighed quietly.

"You're wondering if you'll get to see her again." Siuan said softly, placing a hand over Moiraine's heart.

She nodded.

"She said she'd call for you, right?" Siuan asked softly.

Moiraine nodded again.

"Then she made love to you,"  Siuan told her. 

Moiraine closed her eyes, fighting back tears. "It felt like she was saying goodbye," she whispered.

Siuan wiped a tear from Moiraine's cheek. "You thought that when she was raised to Accepted, too," she reminded her. "You think this time it'll be different?"

Moiraine shrugged her shoulder. "I don't know, mashiara.  Even if she calls me now, I don't know what will happen when we're raised. The Reds are protective of their space, and they don't really welcome other Sisters."

Siuan nodded. She had expected Liandrin would choose Red. "One thing at a time, Mo. If I was a betting woman, I'd say you'll be back in her skirts within a week." She giggled. "She loves you. I don't expect her to give you up that easily.  She's fought to keep you for the past five years."

Moiraine nodded, wrapping her arms around Siuan, cuddling up to her. "Thank you," she said quietly.

"For … ?"

"For loving me. For grounding me. For keeping me whole, even when part of me belongs to someone else." She sighed.

"You're mine for eternity, Mo.  I can share a piece of you once in awhile, because I know you'll always be mine.  Now, try to sleep for an hour. Rest." She kissed Moiraine on the forehead, brushing the hair out of her face.

--------------

Moiraine paced back and forth in front of the couch. Back and forth.

"Why are you so nervous?" Siuan asked her.  "Mo. Stop."  She got up off the couch, stepping in front of Moiraine. "Stop," she said again. "Look at me."

Moiraine's rolled her eyes.  She sighed, shaking her head. "Siuan, let me be." 

Alanna poked her head in. "Is it safe to come in?" She stopped at the door, looking between Siuan and Moiraine cautiously.

"Come in," Moiraine told her flatly. "Keep her company," she nodded at Siuan.

Alanna looked at Siuan, raising an eyebrow.  Siuan rolled her eyes. "Liandrin Sedai called for her tomorrow. She's a bundle of nerves.  She's wearing a hole in the floor." 

Alanna laughed. "Mo, she misses you. She's probably pacing in her room, too."  She came in the door, closing it behind her.  She walked over to Moiraine, gently putting a hand on Siuan's arm, encouraging her to move out of the way.

Siuan sat down on the couch, raising an eyebrow at Alanna's back.

"Mo," Alanna started, looking into her eyes. "What are you scared of?" 

Moiraine shook her head. "I don't know. That she won't want me anymore?" She sighed.

"Mo," Alanna kept eye contact with her. "Why would she call you, if she didn't want you?"

Moiraine shrugged. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "She wouldn't."  She nodded. "But she's a Sister now." 

Alanna laughed. "She hasn't changed that much in the five days since you've last seen her." She led Moiraine to the couch, sat her down next to Siuan, and sat on the other side of her, sandwiching her between friends. "So, besides a precoital panic attack, how was your day?"

Siuan snorted, but gave Alanna a grateful look. "Fine. Boring. Same as yesterday." 

Alanna grinned at Siuan. "Mo? How was your day?"  She leaned back against the side of the couch, putting her feet up in Moiraine's lap.

She shrugged indifferently. "It was okay.  I got through all 100 weaves twice, even with Siuan tickling me."

Alanna smiled.  "Maybe I should try tickling you," she laughed, tickling Moiraine behind the ear with a weave of air.

Moiraine laughed, lightening up a little.

"Siuan," Alanna said hesitantly. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it, tilting her head at the other girls. She shook her head, changing her mind.

"Alanna," Siuan replied, deadpan.  "What are you thinking about?"

Alanna paused, looking at Moiraine. Moiraine shrugged a shoulder, raising an eyebrow at the Arafellin.  Siuan looked at Moiraine, then back at Alanna.

Moiraine rolled her eyes. "She wants to finish what we started the other morning."  Siuan looked at her, confused. "Remember when Alanna came in, the morning Liandrin was tested?"

Siuan's eyes grew in shock, all of a sudden remembering that morning. "Oh." She said meekly.

Siuan. Meekly.  Moiraine snorted. "Oh, please. Don't act all innocent." She looked at Siuan. "Just talk to her, okay?  She doesn't bite."

Alanna giggled. "I can, if that's what you like," she raised a playful eyebrow at Siuan.  Moiraine swatted her.

"Okay, rules." Moiraine said. "Not tonight. Pressure's off, okay?" she looked at Siuan. "Alanna, what do you say?"

Alanna laughed. "I'm game. As long as you're both comfortable with the idea, and as long as you're both comfortable stopping it, any time you're not."

"Siuan?" Moiraine prodded. "Be honest," she said gently.

Siuan nodded, a small smile forming across her face. "It's crossed my mind. A few times."  She stopped. "It makes me a little nervous, though."

"Nervous how?" Alanna asked quietly.

"Nobody's ever touched me like that, besides Mo."  Moiraine raised an eyebrow at her. "Not that I allowed," she added.

Alanna nodded. "All you ever have to do is tell me to stop," she said softly. Siuan nodded.

"And you are not," Siuan growled, "under any circumstances, allowed to fall in love with me."

Moiraine pursed her lips together, holding back laughter.

"As long as you can resist my charms, I can resist yours." Alanna laughed.  "Moiraine? You're in the middle of this. You stopped it last time."

Moiraine rolled her eyes, laughing at her friends. "You wake me up an hour before dawn, you tell me my precious Liandrin is off to her test, I'm stressing out about Li, and you guys both start groping me.  Tell me how that's fair?"

"Mo?  Seriously. We're not talking about that morning anymore.  What do you think? Honestly." 

Moiraine looked between her two girlfriends. "Honestly? It's weird. Until that morning, the idea had honestly never even occurred to me." She looked at Siuan. "I'm surprised it crossed your mind," she raised her eyebrow in a question. Siuan shrugged. "You," she looked at Alanna, "nothing surprises me with you."  She laughed.

"She says it's weird. That's not an answer," Siuan said, tickling her in the ribs.

"Seriously, Mo," Alanna said. "You can say no, if you want to."

Moiraine shook her head. "We can try, but if both of you are 100% focused on me, I may just explode. That's why I stopped last time.  Well, that and Liandrin's test," she shrugged.

"Fair enough," Alanna said. "So okay? If you're both comfortable stopping if anyone needs to." Siuan and Moiraine nodded.

"Good. Now that's settled, I need to skedaddle," Alanna said suddenly, getting up from the couch.

"Where are you going this late at night?" Moiraine asked, getting up to walk her to the door.

"Maksim. The gardens are beautiful at night, Mo." She grinned, giving Moiraine a quick kiss. "I'll see you guys tomorrow." She slipped out the door.

Moiraine rolled her eyes with a smile as the door closed behind Alanna. 

Siuan got up, coming up behind Moiraine. "Let's go to bed," she said quietly.

Chapter 7: Chapter 20

Summary:

This is mostly smut.

If you want to skip that part, read to the first ❤️ and skip to the next one. ❤️

Chapter Text

Moiraine took a deep breath, then knocked loudly on Liandrin Sedai's door.

"Come," the Red Sister called.

Moiraine opened the door, walked into the room, and closed the door quietly behind her.  She looked around the cavernous room as she walked up to the armchair Liandrin Sedai was sitting in, wearing a beautiful, low-cut red dress.  "Liandrin Sedai," she said with a huge grin on her face. She curtsied, bowing her head slightly.  "You did it," she whispered, contained excitement in her voice.

Liandrin Sedai's brow furrowed. "Respect, girl." She said sternly.  

Moiraine wiped the smile off her face. "You called for me, Liandrin Sedai?"

The Aes Sedai stood up, took two steps toward Moiraine, eyeing her up and down.

Moiraine looked up, eyes meeting Liandrin's, then eyed her up and down. 

"Brazen child," the Red Sister muttered under her breath, frowning.

Moiraine bit her lip, then wove a small flow of air, caressing Liandrin's cheek. "How long do you think it would take me to get that dress off you, Aes Sedai?" 

"Impertinent child." She swatted Moiraine's bottom with a thick flow of air.

Oh, Light. Enough already , Moiraine thought.  She took a step toward Liandrin, taking the woman's face in her hands. "Can I just kiss you already?" she whispered, her voice husky. 

"Do you want to be sent to the Mistress of Novices?" Liandrin asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Moiraine snickered. "After I bed you, so I have something to confess to her." She winked at Liandrin. 

Liandrin rolled her eyes. "Come kiss me," she said roughly, grinning. "I have things to teach you, child."

---------------

 ❤️

Moiraine sat down on the couch next to Siuan. "Corele Sedai is a harsh taskmistress." She sighed, exhausted.

"You mean, you're a good student, and she's pushing you to learn to your full potential?" Siuan chuckled.  "Can I take some of your exhaustion away, mashiara?"

"Something like that." Moiraine nodded, closing her eyes as Siuan took her head in her hands, weaving away her exhaustion. "Oh, Light. Thank you." She took Siuan's face in her hands and kissed her. "You know I love you, right?"

Siuan laughed, running her fingers through Moiraine's hair. "Lay down," she whispered.

Moiraine leaned back, resting her head in Siuan's lap. "Mmm, what are you planning to do to me?" She sighed contentedly.

"I was just planning to talk to you," Siuan swatted her. "Relax.  Tell me about your day."

Moiraine groaned. "The Novices in Old Tongue had to work on grammar today.  They hate that. So, of course, that makes me the bad guy." She fought a smile. "They need to learn a little discipline. Were we ever like that?" she asked Siuan.

"Of course not," Siuan giggled. "We've always been well disciplined." 

Moiraine pursed her lips together, chuckling. "We've been disciplined well. I think there's a difference."

"You've been naughty a few times. You needed it," Siuan whispered softly.

The door opened quietly as Moiraine reached up to kiss Siuan.  She groaned inaudibly.

"I don't care," Siuan whispered. "She kisses you in front of me all the time."  Siuan rested a hand on her breast. "Kiss me," she begged. 

Moiraine brushed her lips against Siuan's mouth, a hand in her hair, pulling her closer.  She opened her mouth, her tongue gently caressing Siuan's lower lip. She closed her eyes, moaning as Siuan's thumb brushed across her nipple.

Moiraine felt Alanna move her legs, sliding underneath them on the couch. "Don't stop. Ignore me," Alanna said quietly, watching the two, letting Moiraine's legs fall on her lap.

Moiraine nipped at Siuan's lip, her tongue tracing Siuan's teeth, finding her tongue. She felt Siuan's hand move from her breast to rub her between her legs.  She moaned, involuntarily moving her hips to meet Siuan's hand.  She felt Alanna lightly tracing around her knee, then softly tracing up her thigh.

She pulled back from Siuan's kiss, an unspoken question in her eyes. Are you okay with this?   Siuan nodded, then bent down to kiss her again.  Moiraine brought a hand to Siuan's breast. She gasped as she felt Alanna's hand under her dress, circling her clit. "Light," she gasped, her head falling back as her back suddenly arched.  

Siuan laughed. "She barely touched you, mashiara."  Siuan glanced at Alanna, raising an eyebrow at her, then glancing at Moiraine's pleading face.  Alanna climbed over Moiraine, laying across her body and kissing her, finger finding her nub again. 

Siuan bit the inside of her lip, hiding a grin. Light , watching Moiraine squirm in her lap under Alanna's touch was turning her on.  She brushed the hair off Alanna's shoulder, lightly kissing the back of her neck. Alanna groaned viscerally, pulling away from Moiraine's mouth and gasping. Moiraine pulled her back, kissing her hungrily.  Alanna pushed one finger into Moiraine's sex, gently at first, then two, her fingers moving faster. 

Moiraine's hips rocked, meeting her rhythm. She moaned, her breath unsteady. "Light," she whimpered, trying to catch her breath. She put her hand over Alanna's, moaning loudly, reuctantly pulling her hand away from her sex. "Too fast," she gasped, pulling away from Alanna's kiss. She tried to catch her breath. After a minute, she chuckled. "I don't know if I can handle both of you at once."

Siuan chuckled, her voice husky. "I wasn't even touching you." 

"I'm in your lap, Siuan. I can feel your heat. I can feel your breath, when you kiss her neck."  Talking about how turned on Siuan was wasn't helping her get control of herself.

Alanna pulled herself off Moiraine. "Come here," she said gently, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet.  She turned Moiraine around, unbuttoning her dress.  

Moiraine grabbed Siuan's hand pulling her off the couch, pulling her into a kiss. "Turn around," she whispered. "I want you in your bare skin."

Siuan reached over to Alanna's shoulder, beckoning her closer. "Turn around," she said softly.  She kissed the back of her neck, unbuttoning the dress, then kissed along her bare shoulder.  She reach around Alanna, one hand brushing across her nipple, the other hand on her stomach. Alanna leaned back into her, moaning, her hand covering Siuan's and leading it down to her wet center.  Siuan circled her wet clit, a finger dipping into her sex. She kissed behind Alanna's ear, soft licks and kisses.

Moiraine stepped out of her dress, then turned to Alanna, taking her face in her hands and hungrily kissing her. Alanna's hands grabbed Moiraine's waist, pulling their bodies together, Siuan's hands between them. Moiraine put a hand in Siuan's hair, gently pulling Siuan's lips from Alanna's shoulder to kiss her as Alanna's head fell back on Siuan's shoulder.  Siuan's fingers entered Alanna's wet core as she closed her eyes against Moiraine's hungry kiss.

Alanna turned her face into Moiraine's hand on her cheek, kissing her hand, licking, taking her middle finger into her mouth, sucking to the rhythm of Siuan's fingers. Moiraine moaned into Siuan's kiss, Alanna breathing hard at their ears. Siuan rocked against Alanna, harder.  "More?" she whispered as her fingers moved faster.

Alanna moaned loudly, shuddering on shaky legs.  "Light," she gasped.  Siuan chuckled as Alanna tried to catch her breath. Moiraine pulled the Arafellin's face to hers, kissing her softly. "You okay?" She muffled a laugh, her eyebrow raised.  

Alanna laughed, untangling herself from Siuan's hands, sitting down on the bed.  She nodded. "Yea, but I think that was a record," she murmured, her breath uneven.

Moiraine laughed, shaking her head. "Not even close." She grinned, pushing Alanna back on the bed, crawling on top of her. She scooted Alanna over to one side of the small bed, looking at Siuan and motioning for her to crawl up next to them. She kissed Alanna softly, a hand softly cupping one of her breasts.  She took one of Alanna's nipples in her mouth, her hand reaching down to her warm, wet sex.  She trailed kisses down her stomach, to her thighs. 

"Mo," Alanna pleaded, moaning as Moiraine circled her wet clit with her tongue.  As Moiraine spread Alanna's thighs, lapping between her folds, Siuan tentatively traced around Alanna's breast, then took a nipple in her mouth.  Moiraine flicked her tongue against Alanna's clit, scraped her teeth gently across the bundle of nerves, then started sucking as she pushed two fingers inside her.  Alanna grabbed Siuan's head, bent over her chest, her body bucking up to meet Moiraine's fingers, grunting as she came. Moiraine chuckled as Alanna went limp again.  She slowed down, gently pulling out of her, lightly kissing her mound, her stomach, her breasts. 

She turned to Siuan.  "I want you. Light, I need you," she growled, her voice husky. She kissed her roughly. She put a knee between Siuan's legs, a hand roughly on her breast. She pulled back from the kiss, looking deep in Siuan's eyes. She saw only need.

Moiraine felt Alanna's hand at her knee, between Siuan's legs. Siuan pulled Moiraine back into a hungry kiss, moaning as Alanna started circling her nub. Moiraine pulled away from Siuan's kiss, lightly tickling her ear with her tongue. "I can stop her," Moiraine whispered quietly, her hot breath on Siuan's neck.  Siuan whimpered as Alanna dipped a finger into her heat, then two, moving faster.  Moiraine grinned, gently kissing her neck, reaching down to circle Siuan's clit as Alanna's fingers sped up.  Siuan crashed hard, her back arching as she gasped, then fell limp against the bed.

Alanna smiled quietly at Moiraine. Her fingers slowed, but didn't stop.  As Siuan was catching her breath, Alanna's fingers sped up again, Moiraine's fingers circling her clit, and Siuan crested again.  "Enough?" Alanna whispered in Siuan's other ear as her fingers slowed, and she gently pulled out.  Siuan closed her eyes, her breath still ragged. 

Moiraine chuckled, kissing Siuan's neck, trailing kisses to her nipple, then her navel.  She spread Siuan's leg's, kissing the inside of her quivering thighs. Alanna took Siuan's nipple in her mouth as Moiraine licked the inside of her folds, her tongue finding the sweet spot in her wet heat.  Siuan squirmed, moaned loudly, her legs shaking.  Moiraine licked her clit in circles, pressed two fingers into her warmth, then sucked hard. Siuan cried out as her body crashed again, collapsing against the bed.

Moiraine wriggled in between the two women on her bed, satisfied. "That," she turned to Alanna, "might have been a record." She winked.

"Flaming fish guts, Mo." Siuan muttered, trying to catch her breath. 

Alanna laughed. She turned on her side, propping herself up to look at Moiraine. "Kiss me?" she asked softly. Moiraine kissed her lightly on the lips.

"You just want to taste Siuan, and she's not up for another round yet." Moiraine pursed her lips together in a grin.  She turned on her side, facing Alanna, one hand wrapping around her waist, the other coming up to her neck. "You're living dangerously close to the edge," Moiraine warned her, pulling her close. She brushed her lips across Alanna's, flicking her tongue into her mouth and inhaling her breath.

Moiraine felt Siuan's arm snake around her waist, putting a hand on her stomach and pulling her back a little.  She chuckled, scooting back into Siuan and pulling Alanna away from the edge of the bed.

Alanna ran a finger along Moiraine's jaw, gazing into her eyes.  Siuan brushed the hair off Moiraine's neck, kissing her softly. Siuan's hand reached between her legs, feeling her wetness.  "Light, Mo.  Been having a good time?" she whispered softly.

Moiraine leaned back into Siuan, pinning her against the wall and grinding back into her sex.  She threw her leg over Siuan's, opening her legs, rocking against Siuan's hand. "I'm not the one who's been flopping around like a fish out of water trying to breathe," Moiraine chuckled, leaning her head back to glance at her, trying to catch her breath.

Alanna laughed softly. She leaned over Moiraine, taking one nipple in her mouth and pinching the other as Moiraine's heat enveloped Siuan's fingers. "Light," Moiraine breathed as Siuan's fingers moved faster. 

"You like that?" Siuan whispered in her ear. "I can stop," she teased, suddenly pulling out, circling her wet fingers around Moiraine's clit.

Moiraine groaned, her hand covering Siuan's. "Don't stop," she begged, guiding Siuan's finger back to her heat.  Siuan pulled their hands away, chuckling in her ear. Alanna shifted between her legs. Her mouth was on her suddenly, sucking, circling, coaxing her to the edge, crashing. Again.

"Burn me," Moiraine muttered quietly, trying to catch her breath as Alanna moved to lay next to her again.  Siuan's fingers found her core again, moving gently, slowly at first.  She let her head fall back, gazing into Siuan's eyes as she took her over the edge again.

 ❤️

Moiraine lay sated on her small bed, limbs tangled with Alanna's naked body. Siuan was curled up against her back, wrapping an arm around her waist.  Alanna lightly traced down Siuan's arm, then Moiraine's waist.

Moiraine thought she felt Siuan stiffen. "Mashiara?" She leaned her head back toward Siuan.

"Hm?"

"I can hear you thinking," she said quietly.

"What am I thinking, then?" she chuckled quietly. Moiraine rolled over, away from Alanna, to face Siuan.  Alanna leaned against Moiraine's back.

Alanna put a palm on Moiraine's hip, making her pause. "You're thinking," Alanna said quietly, "that this was fun. But you only have eyes for one woman, and it's flaming weird to be in bed with someone else."  Siuan nodded, and Alanna caught her eyes, holding her gaze. "It's okay," she said gently.

Moiraine put her hand over Alanna's on her hip, hushing her. "Mashiara," she whispered quietly, looking into Siuan's eyes, "what are you thinking? Your words."  Siuan was not normally shy with her thoughts.  

Siuan laughed softly. "That this was fun, like Alanna said.  But it's also just weird. I don't know." She shrugged. "It's weird, because I'm 100% comfortable with you," she glanced at Alanna, "when we have our clothes on. But this is different."

Moiraine could feel Alanna laughing quietly against her back. "Yes, Mashiara, it's different." She grinned, tucking a hair behind Siuan's ear.

Alanna leaned over and kissed Moiraine's neck. "I'm going to skedaddle," she said, getting up. She grabbed her dress, turning around for Moiraine to button it up for her.

Moiraine eyed her sideways. "Are you going to go find Maksim or Ihvon? That wasn't enough for you?" she raised an eyebrow, suppressing a grin.

Alanna chuckled, shaking her head. "No, but I thought I'd let you two talk.  I can stay if you guys want to get dressed.  But it's late." She glanced at Siuan, then turned back to Moiraine.  "I'll see you guys tomorrow."  She kissed her softly before slipping out the door.

 

"You okay, really?" Moiraine asked Siuan, crawling back onto the bed and wrapping her arms around her waist.

Siuan nodded, a small smile on her face. "Fine. Really." Her eyebrows furrowed, then she relaxed. "Just not into the cuddling thing. Unless it's you."

Moiraine nodded. "That's when I noticed you get uncomfortable," she said quietly. "I was afraid I'd missed something earlier."

"Like when Alanna was distracting you with that talented tongue of hers?" Siuan teased.

Moiraine blushed. "That didn't bother you?"

Siuan snorted. "You two have been together for more than five years, Mo. You come home smelling of her at least once a week. It's not a secret. It's never been. She's my other best friend. I know her inside and out." She snorted, then shrugged. "You know what I mean," she paused, rolling her eyes at herself. "Nothing she does surprises me, Mashiara.  When we talked about trying this, what did you expect?" 

Moiraine chuckled. "Honestly? I had no idea. I wasn't expecting her to get you off. Twice." 

Siuan blushed.

"I actually thought you'd be feeling left out, part of the time." Moiraine shrugged thoughtfully. "I can't split my attention between both of you."

"What did you think, mashiara?"

Moiraine shrugged, ambivalent. "It was fun, I guess.  But I'd rather have you alone. Most of the time, anyways." She chuckled. "I have a hard enough time keeping up with the three of you separately, sometimes."

"You make it sound like a chore," Siuan teased.

"Never with you," Moiraine said quietly, kissing her softly.

Siuan tilted her head. "But?"

Moiraine shrugged a shoulder. "Alanna's fine if I'm not in the mood. She can always go get some from one of the boys. Or take care of it herself."

Siuan raised an eyebrow.  "And?"

Moiraine shook her head. "Li's only in love with me. She doesn't really have anyone else.  And she needs validation all the time.  It's not a big deal," she brushed it off.  "But this thing, with the three of us … I think it would get exhausting real fast if it became a regular thing."

Siuan nodded. "But once in a while might be okay.  As long as she doesn't try to cuddle me," she grumbled.

Moiraine laughed, kissing Siuan softly, then cuddled her.

Chapter 8: Chapter 21

Summary:

Warning: Serious Mo angst up ahead 🙁

Chapter Text

Moiraine looked at Siuan, put up a ward against eavesdropping, and sank down on the couch.

"What was that?" she asked, her face ashen.

"You mean Gitara telling us the Dragon has been Reborn?  Or her falling over dead in your arms?" 

Moiraine shook her head. "What do you think Tamra will do?"

Siuan shrugged. "I don't know, Mo. Let the Amyrlin take care of things. She'll know what to do." She took Moiraine's hands. "Look at me, Mo." Moiraine looked up at Siuan.  "We're going to get some breakfast. You look like you're going to pass out. You need food.  We're not going to mention this to anyone. The Amyrlin will figure out what needs to be done."

"We need to go to the library, and start learning about the prophecies, Siuan. We need to find him."

"We can go to the library later," Siuan said firmly.  "Breakfast first, and we both have classes to teach this morning.  Mo," she put a hand under Moiraine's chin. "You are okay. Tamra will take care of things." She pulled her up off the couch and kissed her softly.

Moiraine took a deep breath and nodded, releasing the eavesdropping ward around the room.  "Breakfast," she said determinedly.

---------------

"Come," Liandrin Sedai called through the door.

Moiraine heard voices as she entered the room.  She closed the door quietly behind herself, curtsying to the Red Sister.  "You called for me, Liandrin Sedai?"

Liandrin nodded. "Just a moment, child."  She finished the letter she was writing, sealed it with black wax, and handed it to the servant waiting near her desk.  

"Deliver this to Alviarin Sedai," she said curtly to the servant. Liandrin quickly wove a weave Moiraine hadn't seen before, laying it on the woman's head. "You don't know who the letter came from."

"Alviarin Sedai. Yes ma'am."

"Who is the letter from, Shonsinae?" Liandrin asked.

"I don't know, ma'am. All I know is I need to deliver it to Alviarin Sedai." She curtsied quickly, turning around and leaving the room.  Liandrin nodded satisfactorily as the woman left.

"What was that weave?" Moiraine asked, once the door was closed.  "It's similar to the one you showed me before, but it's different. It uses elements of earth?"

Moiraine sat down on the couch opposite Liandrin, not waiting for their customary exchange of permission to drop pretense.  Moiraine couldn't believe what she'd just seen. Had Liandrin really just used compulsion on one of the servants?  

Liandrin nodded. "It uses a flow of earth, and it's woven a little differently." She showed Moiraine quickly, then let the weave dissipate.  Moiraine quickly copied the weave, and committed it to memory as Liandrin nodded absently at her attempt.

"I can't stay long. The Amyrlin has given us all chores to do, we're going out tomorrow on some errand that's supposed to take all day." Moiraine groaned. She didn't know what it was, but chores were never fun.  "What was that letter about?" she asked off-handedly.

"Nothing important," Liandrin dismissed her curiosity. 

Moiraine nodded. "Do you know what happened with the Keeper?  They say she just fell over and died."

Liandrin dismissed that, too.  She was distracted today.  Moiraine got up from the couch, walked over to Liandrin in her fancy Aes Sedai chair, and leaned over and kissed her.  "Do you need anything from me? I really should go," she whispered.

Liandrin smiled, getting up and kissing her properly. "No, go ahead.  But come and visit me again soon. I miss you," she said quietly, tracing a finger across Moiraine's jaw.  "I'll see you next week, right?"

Moiraine nodded, taking a step back and curtsying.  "I'll see you again next week, Liandrin Sedai," she said solemnly, a ghost of a smile on her lips.

---------------

Moiraine was pacing the room when Siuan came back from her evening training session.  Was Liandrin really using compulsion on the servants?  What was that letter she had sent anonymously to Alviarin Sedai?  Did any of that have to do with Gitara's prophecy or the Dragon Reborn?

Siuan closed the door behind her and stopped in her tracks. "Mo. What's wrong?"  She walked over to Moiraine, putting her hands on her shoulders. Moiraine stopped, looking at Siuan with a lost and confused gaze in her eyes.  She created a ward against eavesdropping. "Is it about the prophecy?" 

Moiraine shook her head. "No.  At least, I don't think so," she said, biting her lower lip.  "Have you ever seen this weave before?" She showed Siuan the compulsion weave she'd seen Liandrin use earlier.

Siuan watched.  "Do it again," she said quietly, and Moiraine showed her again, more slowly. "It looks similar to the compulsion weave that Liandrin taught you last year, only it's a little different. It adds … earth?  What is it?"

"Apparently Liandrin's new compulsion weave, that works better than the other," Moiraine said dryly. 

"She taught it to you?" Siuan asked, confused. "I thought you guys had talked about compulsion. She knows you don't approve." 

"She didn't show me, exactly.  I came in while she was writing a letter. When she sent the servant away with it, she compelled her to forget who the letter was from." Moiraine frowned.  "When I asked her about it, she dismissed it like it was nothing important."  She walked to the couch, sinking down into the cushions. "What under the Light would she be doing sneaking secret letters to Sisters in other Ajahs?" she looked at Siuan in confusion.

"Do you think it has something to do with the Prophecy?" Siuan asked.

Moiraine shook her head.  "I mentioned Gitara, and the Amyrlin having something for us to do tomorrow, and she shrugged it off.  I don't think she knows anything about that," she said frowning. 

"What do you think the Amyrlin will do?" Siuan asked, furrowing her brow.

"She told us not a word to anyone, so I imagine she'll keep it secret. Maybe find a small group of Sisters she trusts to start the hunt for the boychild. That makes the most sense."

"And Liandrin wouldn't be in that group," Siuan dismissed. "She's too new, and it's unlikely the Reds will be involved, anyway. We need to find him and keep him safe, Mo."

She nodded. "My thoughts, too.  But what does Li's suspicious behavior mean?"

"We need to find out. You'll still see her every week, right?"

Moiraine nodded, her stomach souring. "I think she's changing from the person I know, mashiara.  My Liandrin wouldn't do something like that."  She frowned, her face dropping. "I don't like it."

---------------

Moiraine and Siuan were sitting on the couch practicing the 100 weaves when Alanna poked her head in. "Can I come in?" she asked.

"Of course. Why would you even ask?" Moiraine looked at her friend with a furrowed brow.

"Because the last two times I came, there was an eavesdropping ward," she noted wryly, closing the door behind her and sitting on the couch next to Moiraine.

Siuan chuckled. "You can walk through those. You know that, right?"

Alanna nodded. "I figured you wanted some privacy."  It was a dare to Siuan. The three of them had only been together once since the other night, and Alanna had treated Siuan like a fragile doll.

Siuan rolled her eyes. "It wasn't that. I don't care if you walk in on that," she snorted. "Just don't cuddle me if I'm not dressed." 

Moiraine suppressed a grin, snorting. "You can cuddle her if she's got clothes on, though," she winked at Alanna.  Siuan swatted her.

"Alanna, what Ajah are you planning to choose?" Moiraine asked suddenly.

"Hrm, let me think. Maksim. Ihvon. Owein." She glanced at Moiraine, her brow furrowed. "You know Green. Why are you asking?"

Moiraine nodded. "How much have you trained with Green Sisters for offensive magic?  Like to combat or diffuse an attack weave, or make a counter-weave?"

"I think I've taught you both everything I've learned." She thought for a minute, frowning.  "I remember one of the White Sisters talking about counter-weaves once when we were Novices, but it was all theory.  It was Velina Sedai. Were you in that class with me?"  Moiraine and Siuan both shook their heads.

"Do you remember what she said about it?" Siuan prompted her eagerly. 

"Something about using the opposite element and weaving it backwards?  Switching earth and air, fire and water. I don't think it's something anyone actually does. You'd need to know the weave and have time to work it backwards." Alanna frowned.  "Why are we talking about this?"

Moiraine looked at Siuan, raising an eyebrow in question.  Siuan nodded, almost imperceptibly.  "I saw a Sister use a compulsion weave on a servant.  We were talking about trying to find a counter-weave so it won't work, if they try it on us."

Alanna looked at Moiraine, then Siuan. "Compelled them to do what?" she asked cautiously, raising an eyebrow at Moiraine.

"To deliver a letter. Anonymously.  Between Sisters of different Ajahs."

"You saw the weave? Can you make it?"

Moiraine nodded. 

"Do you trust me enough to show me?" Alanna asked.

Siuan snorted. "Do you think we'd be having this conversation with you if we didn't trust you?  Light, Alanna." She rolled her eyes.

"Okay, so this is something we can actually try, then." She nodded.  "Show me the weave."

Moiraine showed her. Slowly the first time, then again, faster.  Alanna copied the weave, creating it three times then letting it dissipate. 

"Okay, if we're going to try this, we need to write down the exact order of the weaves so we don't do them in the wrong order. Backwards is always tricky, and more so when we're switching elements."  Alanna grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill from the desk.  "Mo, you weave. I'll tell Siuan, one weave at a time, and she can write it down. Then we'll check it three times before we try to invert it." Siuan nodded.

It took them nearly two hours to painstakingly write down each weave and element, triple check it, then create the counter-weave with the opposite elements.  All three of them practiced the counter-weave until they could create it as easily as the original. It was hard working with mostly fire and earth, instead of the air and water they were used to.

"Should we test it?" Alanna asked.  Siuan and Moiraine looked at each other, then nodded.

"Siuan, lay it on me," Moiraine said quietly.  Siuan raised an eyebrow, asking a final permission before she lay the counterweave on Moiraine.  "Now test it."

Alanna looked at Moiraine. "I slept with your girlfriend." She wove the compulsion weave, laying it on Moiraine. "I didn't sleep with your girlfriend."

Siuan and Alanna looked at Moiraine. Moiraine rolled her eyes. "I was there when you slept with her, remember?"

The three women chuckled, nodding to each other, satisfied. 

"Mo," Alanna said quietly, "is Liandrin trying to compel you?"

Moiraine shook her head.  "No.  But she's been acting odd the past few weeks, and she's been avoiding a lot of my questions.  It wouldn't surprise me if she tries it.  I'll have to be careful and watch for it, though. I'll have to act like it works. I want to know what she's up to." Alanna nodded.

"It's late, girls." She stood up from the couch, pulling Moiraine up. "You'll be okay?" Moiraine nodded. "Be safe," she whispered, kissing her softly before slipping out the door.

 

Siuan banked the fire before crawling into bed next to Moiraine. "Are you feeling a little better now, mashiara?"

Moiraine shrugged a shoulder gently. "It doesn't make sense, Siuan. What's she doing that she's trying to hide?  It's not like her to be so secretive."

"Are you sure, mashiara? I know you love her, and I believe she loves you. But she's not open with anyone, besides you. She doesn't trust anyone.  She never has." Siuan put a finger on Moiraine's lips.  "I'm not saying she's a bad person, Mo. But she's always been secretive. She's always been closed off from other people. She's always held her secrets too close to her heart.  And a lot of those secrets are things that would break most people, even the strongest people I know.  And I'm pretty sure I don't even know the half of it."

Moiraine nodded. She had told Siuan much of what Liandrin had shared with her over the years, confident that Siuan would never betray that trust.  But not everything.  Siuan was right. "Do you think it's the power of being a full Sister that's changing her?"

Siuan shrugged, nuzzling Moiraine's neck. "I don't know, mashiara. I think you should keep an eye on her, though, as much as you can.  It's possible Elaida or one of the other Red Sisters is aware of the Prophecy. But what does that have to do with the White, with Alviarin?"

"I wish I knew," Moiraine sighed, uneasy.

"Rest," Siuan whispered, brushing her lips across Moiraine's forehead.

-------------

"How are you doing, Mo?" Liandrin asked, sitting on the couch next to her in the Red's chambers. "I heard about your uncles.  Are you doing okay?"

Moiraine nodded. "I wasn't close to any of them, and none of them were good men," she said quietly.  "I'm fine."

"Do you think the Amyrlin will raise you soon?  So you can go back home and claim your throne?" She sounded so casual asking.  

My throne? Moiraine thought. "It's not mine. Whether I have a right to claim it or not,  I have zero interest in ruling, Li.  Let the rest of the Damodreds and other Houses fight it out." She shrugged.

Liandrin wove compulsion and laid it onto Moiraine's head. It happened so fast that Moiraine would have missed it, if she hadn't been watching and waiting for it. "You want to hold the throne, Moiraine. You're the rightful queen."  

Moiraine blinked.

"Are you going to fight for the throne?" Liandrin continued. 

Moiraine nodded. "I'm the rightful Queen. It's my country, and I'm the best person for the job." She sat up straighter. "I need the Amyrlin to test me soon, so they can raise me."

"You'll need an Aes Sedai advisor," Liandrin smiled. 

Moiraine nodded, sick to her stomach. "Yes, Liandrin Sedai. I'll keep you in mind when I pick my court."

Liandrin rose from the couch, nodding at Moiraine for her to follow. "You're excused for now, child."

"Liandrin Sedai," Moiraine curtsied.

"Queen Moiraine," Liandrin grinned, with the slightest nod of her head.

 

Moiraine ducked into a side hallway and wretched, glad she hadn't had her dinner yet. Light, had Liandrin just compelled her to seek out the flaming throne?

Chapter 9: Chapter 22

Summary:

Mo feels betrayed

Chapter Text

Moiraine was supposed to see Corele Sedai later in the afternoon for training, but she'd sent one of the Novices up to deliver a message that she'd taken sick with grief over news of her uncles. It wasn't a complete fabrication. Light , Liandrin had tried to compel her. To take the light-blasted throne. Nevermind she had a right to it. She had no desire for it, and Liandrin knew it.

Moiraine sat down on the couch. Her room was blessedly quiet. Siuan and Alanna would be gone for at least a few more hours. Moiraine pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging herself. This wasn't the Liandrin she loved. The Liandrin she knew.  Why in the Light would she want Moiraine to take the throne?

What would have happened if Siuan and Alanna hadn't helped her create the counter-weave to that compulsion?  Would Moiraine have actually believed that she wanted the throne? Actually decided to fight for it?  She shuddered.

She shook her head to herself. This isn't about the throne. This isn't about me. What's  happened to Liandrin, that she's changed so much in a few short weeks? Has she been playing me from the beginning? No, she really loves me. Loved me. We were real.  It was real.  Was everything she told me a lie?  All the stories of her childhood? Her family, her brother's death, her attack? Did she play me, because she knew I was in line for the throne?  Were the last 5 years a game to her?   Moiraine closed her eyes, trying to fight the tears.

 She was sobbing, curled up in a ball rocking back and forth, when Alanna and Siuan came in, walking through the ward against eavesdropping that Moiraine had set.  Siuan looked at Alanna, concern and fear written all over her face.

"Mo?"  Siuan sat down next to her, taking her hands. "Mashiara," she whispered gently. Siuan pulled her into a hug, holding her tightly, rocking with her, for what seemed like an eternity.  Slowly, the sobs subsided.

"Liandrin?" Siuan asked gently, gazing into Moiraine's devastated eyes.

Moiraine nodded. "She tried to compel me," she hiccuped. 

Siuan nodded. "She wants your throne. She wants to be at your side, you on the throne."

Moiraine nodded.  Alanna looked at Siuan. "How the Light did you reckon that?"

Siuan glared at Alanna. "I've only ever seen her this upset once. When she broke up with someone she loves." Alanna shrank back.

"Mo, she loves you. She loves you so much she's willing to give up your happiness to keep you."

Moiraine's eyes widened. She hadn't thought about that. "Do you think so? " She frowned. "I thought maybe everything from the beginning was an act. She was just playing me."

"I don't think so, Mo.  You wouldn't have fallen for her unless she was being real with you."

"Light, what if we hadn't created the counter-weave, and her compulsion actually worked. I don't want the flaming throne!""

"Trust me," Siuan said dryly. "No flaming way would I have let you think that for more than a minute."

"I'm going to flaming kill her," Alanna fumed under her breath. "I always knew that she --" Siuan cut her off with a harsh glance. 

"You really don't get it, do you?"  Siuan asked Alanna quietly, danger in her voice. "Moiraine loves her. As much as she loves you," she growled. "Even with all your faults." She turned from Alanna, dismissing her.

Alanna had enough sense not to take Siuan's bait. She even looked slightly abashed. She got up slowly, turned to leave.

"Both of you stop." Moiraine's voice was hard. "Alanna, sit down."  She sighed, exhausted from the afternoon alone with her thoughts. "Siuan, can you heal my exhaustion? I can't even think straight."

Siuan took her head in her hands, placing the weave lovingly over her, taking her exhaustion away.  "Better?" she whispered.

Moiraine nodded gratefully. "Thank you, mashiara," she whispered. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as she pulled herself together.  "What do I do now?" she asked, looking from Siuan to Alanna. "Do you really think she loves me that much? That's why she did this?"

Siuan nodded slowly. "It makes the most sense to me, Mo. You've been trained, since before you could walk, to read people and their intentions. There was none of that in Liandrin when you met her." She chewed her lip thoughtfully, then sighed. "They don't play the game of houses in Tarabon, at least the lower classes don't." She huffed, the irony of the situation not lost on her. A little fisher-girl from the muds of Tear, discussing the game of houses with a queen. Potential queen, at any rate.

"She's learned a lot in the past six years, since she came to the Tower," Alanna said quietly. "We play it well enough here. A version of it, at any rate." Did Moiraine hear a hint of respect in her voice?

"True," Moiraine admitted. "I see it everywhere, with every interaction I have here in the Tower. Less with the Novices, in spades with the full Sisters." She tilted her head, thinking. "It just never occurred to me to worry about you guys. You," she looked at both Siuan and Alanna. "Liandrin, Myrelle, Sheriam, Adeline, Leane.  I just blindly trusted all of you.  How foolish of me," she sighed sadly.

Siuan shook her head. "Don't think like that, Mo. Hey," she said suddenly, a new thought coming to her. "Do you think some of the other Sisters are using her to try to push you toward the throne? Have any other Sisters brought it up?"

Moiraine shook her head. "Not yet, but the news only arrived yesterday. I was supposed to train with Corele Sedai today, but I sent her a message that I was sick over the news of my uncles. I imagine other Sisters will approach me soon."

Alanna nodded. "You'll be raised soon."

Moiraine nodded, surprised that it hadn't already occurred to her.  She dismissed the thought for now. "Okay, let's assume for the sake of discussion that you're right, Siuan. Whether prompted by her own ideas, or by other Sisters, she wants to sit next to me on the throne. I might buy that, with her history and ambition.  It still doesn't make sense though, the compulsion."  She stopped and shook her head again. "I don't think any other Sisters are behind it. No one knows about us. Not even you two," Moiraine raised an eyebrow at her friends, challenging them.

Alanna nodded. "If she's started using compulsion again, then it would make sense for her to use it on you, Mo.  But that would mean she's been using it more regularly.  What would she need it for? As a Sister, she can generally get what she wants just for the asking." She tilted her head, looking at Moiraine. "Was she using compulsion before? Before you saw her use it on the servant?"

Moiraine shook her head after thinking a moment. "No, I don't think so. Not that I know of, at any rate.  I know she and Elaida were 'improving' the weave, shortly before she was raised. But that was different from the one she's using now."

"Elaida knows about you," Siuan said quietly, with certainty.

Moiraine glanced at her, frowning. "You sound sure of that."

Siuan nodded, holding Moiraine's gaze, almost imperceptibly flicking her eyes to Alanna.

Moiraine dropped her gaze with a sigh, acknowledging Siuan's argument.

Alanna raised an eyebrow. "You guys want me to leave?" she asked with a slightly forced chuckle. She might not understand the conversation, but she wasn't blind to the fact that it was happening.

"No, I'm sorry," Moiraine said softly, looking at Alanna.  "What do I do about her now? Do I keep going to see her? Do I convince her I'm going to claim the throne once I'm raised?"

"Are you comfortable continuing to see her?" Siuan asked quietly.

"Do you have a choice, if she calls you?" Alanna asked realistically.

"To your question, Alanna. Technically, no. If she calls me, I come. Realistically, if I decide not to answer her summons, she'll have to deal with it. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want everyone to know she's compelling the servants. And Accepted."

Alanna's eyes widened in disbelief. "You would rat on her?" 

Moiraine shrugged a shoulder, sadness on her face. "If I need to, to protect myself and my friends. I don't think she would let it go that far, though. I think she'd just let me go."

Siuan shook her head. "Mo, I'm not sure she's ever going to let go of you. If she's willing to compel you to keep you …"

Moiraine sighed, a sick feeling of dread creeping into her gut at the realization that Siuan was probably right. Again.  "Burn me," she grumbled. "I need to keep seeing her, at least until they raise me. I need to know what she's up to. Not about me and the throne. That flaming letter - there's something fishy about it."

The other girls nodded. "That's the piece that doesn't make any sense," Alanna muttered thoughtfully.

"You need to make sure one of us knows every time you're going to see her," Siuan said firmly. "I want to think you're safe with her, but …"  She shook her head, "I don't believe it."

"And no way you're going to spend hours alone again, after she hurts you next time."  This from Alanna.

Moiraine looked at her friends gratefully, nodding.  "Will you both lay the counter-weave on me again to reinforce it?"

Chapter 10: Chapter 23

Summary:

💔

Chapter Text

"Mo, what's wrong?" Liandrin asked quietly, lovingly brushing Moiraine's hair out of her face.

"You don't want to know, Li," she answered hoarsely, honestly, her heart breaking.  She loved this woman, yet she couldn't understand what was going on, why she was doing the things she was doing.  She knew she should get up and leave. She knew this was going to turn sour, but she couldn't bear it yet. Wouldn't.  She turned to gaze into Liandrin's eyes. "Do you love me?" she whispered, her eyes wet with unshed tears.

Liandrin traced a finger across her jawline, then cupped her cheeks in her hands. "Do you think I'd be sleeping with an Accepted, shunning the position I worked so hard for, if I didn't?" Her voice was bittersweet.

Moiraine stiffened, and Liandrin pulled back a little. "That's an Aes Sedai answer, if I ever heard one." Moiraine's whisper held sadness, a single tear falling down her cheek to dampen Liandrin's hand.

"Light, Mo. Yes, I love you. A straight answer. Is that what you want to hear?" Liandrin growled softly. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. You have my heart and my soul wrapped around your little finger." She let go of Moiraine's face, laying back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, sadness settling over her anguished face. "And even if I have a piece of your heart, I know you belong to someone else. I don't begrudge her for it," she said softly. "But it hurts sometimes. To know that she gets you every night, probably will for the next two or three hundred years. To know, that within a few years, you'll probably disappear from my life and forget about me." Liandrin stopped, pausing for a moment.  "It's like loving you is the best thing in my life, and the worst. Because even having you here in my arms, I know I'm going to lose you." Liandrin's voice broke.

Moiraine nodded, laying a hand over Liandrin's heart. Siuan was right, she realized. "I'm sorry," she whispered softly.

They lay quietly for a few minutes, Moiraine holding Liandrin's heart in her hand. "What can I do to make it easier, Li?" she asked quietly.

Liandrin shook her head, chuckling softly to herself. "You can't." She stopped, taking a deep breath. "You can't. I would never try to come between you and Siuan. It would be suicide, at any rate. You would end up hating me for it.  It is what it is, Mo." There was a finality in her voice, a resignation, knowing that Moiraine would walk away from her one day. Not knowing if she had another day or another decade with her.

Moiraine nodded. "Regardless of what the future holds, there will always be a piece of my heart that belongs to you. You know that, right?"

Liandrin nodded. "But it won't be the same."

"I know," Moiraine said, nodding. "I love you, you know that, right?" She needed to know. Moiraine needed her to believe it.

They lay quietly together, listening to each other's heartbeats.  "Li?" Moiraine asked quietly.

"Hrm?"

"Does anyone know about us?" 

"You mean besides Siuan?" Liandrin raised an eyebrow, suppressing a smile. "Come on, Mo. If you know, she knows. I accept that."

Moiraine nodded. "Besides Siuan," she clarified.

"No, not that I know of.  Maybe Alanna." She doesn't ask.  "I've been careful of who sends you messages. Who's around when you're coming. I don't even think any of the Red Sisters have seen you coming and going. Even just as a trainee. I thought we both wanted to keep it quiet - at least until you're raised."

Moiraine nodded. "Considering your position and mine." She sighed, taking a deep breath. "Do you trust me, Aes Sedai?"

Liandrin raised an eyebrow, amused. "Yes, completely. Child," she added playfully. "Why do you ask?"

Moiraine took a deep breath. Light, just ask already. She probably has a good explanation . "You compelled a servant the other day."

Liandrin nodded candidly. "Yes. Against my better judgment, to be honest."

"Why?"

Liandrin sighed. "Some secrets aren't mine to tell, Moiraine. If you choose Red, you'll find out in time."

Moiraine frowned at the cop-out answer. 

Liandrin chuckled. "It's nothing nefarious, I assure you. Can you trust me on that?"

Moiraine nodded. "I guess. Can I ask one more thing?"

Liandrin nodded.  "What is it?" she asked softly.

"Have you ever tried to compel me?"  Moiraine felt Liandrin's heart jump. Liandrin did a good job of hiding her reaction, though. If Moiraine's hand hadn't been on her heart, she wouldn't have noticed any reaction from the Red Sister.

Liandrin sat up, looking down at Moiraine. "Why would I ever try to compel you?"

Moiraine shrugged a shoulder. "You're good at not answering questions, Aes Sedai."  It was barely a whisper. A dare. Under the Three Oaths, Liandrin couldn't lie.

"No, Mo. I have never tried to compel you.  I would never compel you." Moiraine blinked, surprised.  What the flaming -- .  Moiraine held her breath steady, calming herself. Liandrin just lied to me. How is that even possible? She steadied herself, meeting Liandrin's eyes and nodding.

"Okay," Moiraine nodded simply, accepting Liandrin's answer.  She sat up, leaned over to Liandrin and kissed her softly, smiling. "Good," she said, acting relieved. "I've been here too long," she said suddenly. "I should go, or I'll miss dinner."

Moiraine handed Liandrin her low-cut red dress, and stepped into her own Accepted dress.  Liandrin buttoned Moiraine up, then turned around. 

"I'll see you next week," Moiraine whispered into Liandrin's ear as she finished lacing up the back of the red dress.  Liandrin turned around, pulling her into a deep kiss.

Moiraine stepped back, curtsied, and fled.

---------------

Moiraine skipped dinner and headed straight to her room. Siuan was already there.

"Go find Alanna," Moiraine said curtly, not even looking at Siuan as she closed the door behind her. "Now."

Siuan nodded. "Are you okay?" she frowned, turning to go.

"I'll be fine," her voice was hard. Then more gently, "I'm uninjured. Go get Alanna, Siuan. Please."

Siuan nodded, ducking out the door. Alanna must have been in her room, because Siuan was back with her less than a minute later.

"Sit," Moiraine told them both, nodding to the couch.  She was pacing back and forth nervously. 

Alanna and Siuan sat down. "Mashiara, talk to us." Siuan put up an eavesdropping ward.

Moiraine put a finger up, silencing them both.  "Liandrin lied to me. I asked her about compelling me, and she said she didn't." 

"Mo, that's not really surprising," Alanna started.

Moiraine stopped pacing, her gaze piercing Alanna's eyes, then Siuan's.  "No, you don't understand." She raked her fingers through her hair. "Words. She literally said she didn't compel me, and that she never would. Either she's lying, or I'm losing my wits."

"You've never had any wits when it comes to that girl, mashiara," Siuan said softly, with a choked chuckled.

Moiraine swallowed a laugh. "You're not wrong." She shook her head, confused. "But that's neither here nor there. She literally lied. I thought you couldn't lie once you took the Oaths.  I'm starting to doubt what she did. To doubt myself."

"No," Alanna said. "No one doubts you. Don't start doubting yourself. Are you sure she lied? She wasn't just twisting words?  We all know how that works."

"Fish guts, we do it without thinking," Siuan muttered. "Start at the beginning. Tell us what happened."

Moiraine nodded. She took a deep breath, sitting down on the bed, crossing her legs. "She bedded me first, but she could tell something was wrong." Moiraine blushed.  She felt uncomfortable talking about sex with Liandrin to these two.

Siuan nodded. "She knows you well, Mo. She's known you for almost six years, and she's one of the few of us that really know you.  Sex or no."

Moiraine nodded again. "I asked her if she loved me." She stopped, thinking about how much to share. "She got all lovey and sad on me. I'm the love of her life, she would give anything for me, but she knows she can't have me." She glanced up at Siuan.  "She broke my heart and made it overflow, all at the same time. I believed every word of it. She was telling the truth."

Alanna chuckled wistfully. "I know how she feels."

Moiraine smiled sadly at Alanna. "You know I love you," she said simply.  Alanna nodded, biting her lower lip.

"Then I asked her if anyone knew about us.  She said 'besides Siuan?' and laughed.  Then said maybe Alanna, but no one else. We've been very careful about sending notes, and I don't think I've seen anyone in the Red Quarters except for that one servant. I understand why she wants to keep it low-profile, considering our ranks.  I believe her." Moiraine shrugged. "As far as she knows, at any rate."

Siuan nodded. "I haven't heard anything from anyone about you two in years. Since we were all Novices." 

Alanna nodded. "I heard speculation shortly after Liandrin was raised to Accepted, but that was more than 3 years ago. Not a whisper since then."

Moiraine nodded. "I haven't heard anything either, from anywhere. I suppose Leane might know, or at least suspect, but she doesn't talk about that kind of stuff." She sighed. "Anyway, I asked her about compelling the servant, and she admitted that without any hesitation. She said she didn't like it. She said it was something about Red business, not her secret to tell, but it was nothing bad. I believe her. I think." Moiraine added.

"Then I asked her if she had ever tried to compel me. Straight yes-or-no question. 'Why would I do that?' she asked.  I told her she was good at not answering questions. Then she said straight out that no, she has never tried to compel me, and that she would never compel me.  And I would believe her, if I hadn't flaming watched her do it, felt the weave slip off me when she tried it. I don't think she realizes it didn't take." Moiraine frowned.

"I basically said okay, made an excuse to leave, as I'd been there longer than usual anyways, kissed her goodbye, and left."  Moiraine put her head in her hands, rubbing her temples. "She straight out lied. How is that possible if she took the Oaths?"

Siuan shook her head. "If she truly loves you, how could she lie to you about something like that, Oaths or not?"

"The other thing," Moiraine added, almost as an afterthought. "We were laying in bed talking, when I asked her. I had my hand over her heart.  Very deliberately. When I asked about compelling the servant, her breathing changed. Just a little. I wouldn't have noticed it, except I was looking for a reaction, and my hand was on her chest. I was waiting for it.  No other reaction, not a hint."

"Go on," Siuan said quietly. "When you asked about compelling you?"

"Her heart jumped a mile a minute. She sat up right after I asked. I suppose that could easily be taken for shock from my seemingly baseless question. But her heart racing." She shook her head. "No question, she was not expecting that. It was like Laras caught her with a honeycake in each hand, and after lights out."

Siuan nodded. "So we still don't know what's up with the letter.  We know she's lying to you, at least about compelling you.  And she somehow broke the Oaths."

Moiraine nodded. "Where does that leave us? I'm not sure I can handle being with her again." She bit her lip, exhaling slowly. "Light, it hurts when someone you love lies to you." 

Siuan watched as her strong, fearless Moiraine gave up the façade she'd been holding on to, her shoulders slumping and her face falling into her hands. Siuan was next to her in the space of a heartbeat, catching her shoulders, pulling her to her chest and kissing the top of her head.  "Shhh," she whispered.  She laid down on the bed, holding her princess, giving her a safe place to feel the confusion of all the hate and fear and anger, and the love and hope that seemed to be slipping away from her. Alanna crawled up behind Moiraine, wrapping her arms around her, the two of them creating a cocoon to shield her from the world.

Chapter 11: Chapter 24

Chapter Text

Alanna reached over Moiraine, lightly touching Siuan's arm, then looking down at Moiraine's resting form, raising an eyebrow.  Siuan nodded.

"Don't talk over me," Moiraine mumbled quietly.

Alanna lightly kissed her shoulder. "No one said a word, love. What are you talking about?" Siuan giggled softly.

"It's okay, you can go," Moiraine told Alanna, wiggling onto her back so she could see her face. "I'll be okay. Siuan's got me."

"I swear you two have super powers," Alanna shook her head, laughing softly.

"No, we just know each other that well," Moiraine said quietly, a small frown on her face. "Promise me if I ever become Queen you won't take advantage of our friendship." She looked between Alanna and Siuan.

Alanna made a face. "I have no desire to be stuck in some stuffy royal court."

Siuan shook her head. "If you even think about fighting for that throne, I'll box your ears and get your head checked. Fish guts, Mo, what do you take us for?"

Moiraine nodded, satisfied.  "See you tomorrow," she told Alanna, pulling her down for a thorough kiss.  "Thank you," she said softly.

Alanna nodded. "Night, girls." She slipped out the door.

"Sorry, is it weird for me to kiss her when I'm laying next to you in our bed?"

Siuan shook her head, shrugging a shoulder. "Considering the circumstances.  Don't worry about me, mashiara. How are you feeling?"

Moiraine frowned. "Like someone beat me up. Not physically;  in my heart and my soul." She sighed.

Siuan put her hands on Moiraine's head. "May I delve you? Take your exhaustion away, at the least?"

Moiraine nodded, closing her eyes as she felt Siuan's weaves caressing her soul.  Siuan winced. "I wish I could take the pain away, mashiara. I didn't know it was possible to feel someone else's emotional pain through delving," she frowned. You should ask Corele Sedai about that next time you train with her." Ever the enquiring student, Siuan was.

Moiraine nodded. "Hey," she said, thinking back to their earlier conversation. "Why do you think Elaida Sedai knows about Liandrin and me?  Li told her that she had a pillow friend, back before she was raised, but she never told her who it was. And we've been cautious since she was raised."

Siuan shook her head. "I don't think she's told her, but when you're with someone you just know.  As much as Li is in love with you, I'm sure she's accidentally dropped your name in casual conversation enough for Elaida to have a clue, if not to know outright.  Liandrin has a lot of talents, but being discreet is not always one of them."

Moiraine nodded. "Fair."  She wove a ward against eavesdropping. "Do you think any of this has to do with the dragon?" she asked quietly.

Siuan shook her head. "I've been thinking about that. I don't think it has anything to do with the prophecy, or the Keeper's death. We need to get to the library this week and start looking for more about the prophecies. Do you know if the Reds have any prophecies? I'd think the Browns, and the library, would be the best place to find more."

"I supposed I could ask Liandrin, but I'm not sure I want to voluntarily spend any more time with her. I just don't trust her anymore." Moiraine sighed.  "You know, it's not that late. Do you think if we snuck down to the kitchens, we might find something? I'm famished, and I don't think I can sleep right now."

---------------

Moiraine sighed, looking at Alanna. Myrelle had been taken for her test this morning, and they'd been taking turns waiting for her to come back. Siuan and Leane had just gone down to get supper, and Adeline and Sheriam would come by later, if Myrelle wasn't back yet.

"It's started now, hasn't it?" Moiraine said quietly. "We're all ready. I bet we'll all be raised over the next fortnight. Are you ready?"  

Alanna nodded absently. "I don't want to lose you guys, though. I feel like once we pick our Ajahs, it'll be harder to stay friends. It seems unusual for Sisters of different colors to stay friends after they're raised."

"True, but usually they're raised at different times. I bet all seven of us will be raised within a month. We're all ready. We've been ready."  She held Alanna's hand.  "You'll be welcome in our quarters any time. Same as it's always been."

"Mo, can I ask you something?"  Alanna tentatively asked.

"Always," Moiraine answered, a hint of question in her furrowed brow. "You know that. What is it?" She put up a small ward against eavesdropping inside the room, just around the two of them.

"You and Siuan have been secretive the past few weeks.  Not about everything with Liandrin. Bits and pieces with that, but …" She shrugged. "Something else."

Moiraine nodded.

Alanna rolled her eyes. "You can't tell me.  Or you won't?"

Moiraine shook her head. "I can't, Alanna.  We were given direct orders not to tell anyone about it."

Alanna nodded. "It happened that day we got sent out to the towns surrounding the city. Or the day before. No," she thought out loud, "it must have been that morning. I was over the night before, and everything was normal."

"Alanna, stop."

"That was the morning Gitara Moroso died.  And we were sent out to gather names of newborn babes." Alanna continued.

Moiraine shrugged a shoulder. Everything she was saying was common knowledge to everyone in the Tower, even if few would put together the pieces.

"Gitara had a strong Talent for Foretelling." Alanna said. 

"So I've heard," Moiraine said dryly. 

"Did she have a Foretelling before she died? You were both there that morning, attending the Amyrlin.  It seems really strange that Tamra would kick us all out of the Tower to find babes, if there wasn't one. A prophecy, I mean."

"Alanna, I already told you I cannot speak of it. So stop."

"Mo, do you think that the --"

"You know what," Moiraine said, interrupting her. "I think Siuan wants to have sex with you again." She pursed her lips together, fighting a smile.

"Are you saying that to distract me, or because it's true?" she raised an eyebrow at Moiraine. "I'm game, if she wants to, but I got the vibe that it wasn't really her thing."

Moiraine chuckled. "Actually, I think she rather enjoyed it, until you started cuddling with her."

Alanna laughed. "Is that what set her off, when I touched her arm when we were laying there relaxing?"  She shook her head. "Okay, if we ever find ourselves in that situation again, I'll remember that."

"If?" Moiraine teased.

Alanna shrugged, chuckling. "You both seemed to enjoy yourselves, but neither of you seem really keen on making a habit of it."

"It was a little intense," Moiraine admitted. "Fun, but intense.  And I feel responsible for both of you.  It's hard to read both of you at the same time. What you need, what you want. Or if something is making you uncomfortable. More her than you," Moiraine shrugged. "You both say you're not jealous of each other, but when my tongue is busy on one of you, I imagine it's weird for the other to watch."

Alanna laughed. "You're not serious, are you? Watching you two enjoy each other is rather a turn on.  Did it bother you when she got me off, standing in the middle of your room?"

Moiraine shook her head. "No, but that's different. I know you have other lovers.  It was weird seeing her enjoying …" Moiraine stopped, shaking her head.  "Just stop," she frowned, realization dawning on her.

Alanna glanced at her, an eyebrow raised. "You thought we'd be jealous of each other. You didn't realize that you'd be the jealous one."  Hmph.

---------------

Moiraine curtsied to Liandrin as she came in. Liandrin got up, walking to Moiraine. "I missed you," the Red Sister said, kissing her.

Moiraine stiffened. When had they stopped asking each other for permission?  Was it when Liandrin had become a full Sister, and Moiraine was impatient about being accepted, that first time?  It wasn't that long ago, less than a year.

"What's wrong, Moiraine?" Liandrin asked, sitting back down in her chair. "Relax, please." 

Moiraine nodded, sitting down on the couch. When was the last time Liandrin had called her by her full name?  "Sorry, we're all nerves lately. In the last week, Myrelle, Adeline, and Sheriam have been raised. Leane was taken this morning. I am just ready for it to be over, to finally earn my shawl." She inhaled deeply, then exhaled slowly. "It's just nerves. I know my turn is coming."

"You're ready. You'll do fine," Liandrin smiled. "Have you decided which Ajah you'll join?" 

Moiraine nodded. "Blue, as if you didn't know." She smiled tenuously at Liandrin.

"I would have guessed Gray, as you'll undoubtedly be involved in politics," Liandrin said casually.

Moiraine clenched her fists in her skirts, trying to control her anger. "I have no desire to get involved in politics, Liandrin Sedai."  Light , she was bold to suggest it again.

Liandrin's eyes widened, looking at Moiraine, seeing the strength of the woman before her. "You don't plan to fight for your throne?" she asked cooly.

Moiraine stood up, standing in front of Liandrin, standing over her. "You know I have no desire to hold the throne." Liandrin created the compulsion weave, prepared to use it.  But Moiraine was ready. 

"That won't work on me, Aes Sedai. You are. A. Liar." She spat the word out. "It didn't work the first time, and it won't work this time." She created a weave of air, tying Liandrin's hands to her body, and another in her mouth so she couldn't scream. Liandrin's eyes widened in surprise. For a moment, there were tears in Moiraine's eyes. "I loved you, Li, with my whole heart and soul. A part of me always will," she said wistfully. She took a deep breath, anger taking hold of her. "I have no idea what you have become, Liandrin. Sedai."  She spat out that last word. "I don't know what has turned my sweet, beautiful friend into such an ugly monster. You're such a disappointment to me," she whispered, her voice somewhere between pity and disgust.

"Take me to the Mistress of Novices, and I guarantee the whole Tower will know what you're doing," she promised. "You're so weak. You're pathetic," Moiraine said, disappointment dripping in her voice.  She turned around and walked out of Liandrin's rooms.  She closed the door behind herself, straightened her skirts, and walked back to her own room in the Accepted Quarters.

---------------

Moiraine walked into her room, closing the door.  She leaned back against the door, closing her eyes, shaking. 

Breathe.  
Breathe.
Breathe.  
In. Out. In again.  

Light, what had she done?!

"Moiraine." Siuan's voice. 
She sounded far away.  
Siuan's face in front of her. 
Siuan's hands on her face. 
Siuan's eyes searching for her.  

"Moiraine," Siuan said again. "Come back to me." She gently shook her face. Then more firmly. "Moiraine Damodred."

"Siuan," Moiraine said weakly.  She shook her head hard, shaking herself out of her panic. "Oh, Light, Siuan. I left her tied up. Light, what did I do?"

Siuan led her to the couch, sitting her down. "You what?"  Her eyes almost popped out of her head. "Fish guts, Mo. What happened?"  she sat down next to Moiraine, holding her hands, grounding her.

"I tied her hands up with weaves of air. And gagged her. And left."  Moiraine shook her head.

"What happened before that?" Siuan asked gently.  "I'm assuming she did something before that. Or was it pillow play?" Siuan's joke fell flat.

"Light.  She was goading me about the throne. She told me I should choose Gray, because I'd be in politics, then she formed the compulsion weave again."

Moiraine stopped, frowned. "I tied her up, gagged her, said some not-so-nice things, and left. I think it's over between us for real now." She looked up at Siuan, her face a mix of sadness and anger and hurt. At least the shock seemed to be gone.

"You only tied her hands, not her feet?" Siuan asked.  Moiraine nodded, glancing at Siuan with an odd curiosity. "Well, when she's ready, she can find someone to untie those weaves for her. Do you think she'll tell?"

Moiraine thought for a minute before shaking her head. "No. It would do more damage to her reputation, if people found out what she was doing. It wouldn't help that she just got schooled by an Accepted.  That will hit her pride hard," Moiraine nodded with satisfaction.

"You're going to have to watch your back," Siuan said cautiously, practically. "She'll need help from at least one Sister to untie those restraints. Probably Elaida.  You're going to have an entire Ajah as an enemy, I think.  Liandrin will make sure of that."

Moiraine nodded. "Better than being a puppet on a throne and being responsible for all of Cairhien," she shrugged.  She took a deep breath, sighing.  "I said some nasty things to her, Siuan.  Whatever was going on in her head before, it's only going to be worse now."

 

Leane came back from her test that night, another bittersweet evening as their group of friends got smaller. 

 

Still, not a peep from Liandrin, the Reds, or the Mistress of Novices. Moiraine breathed a sigh of relief. She might have gotten away with putting Liandrin in her place, for now. But she knew it wasn't over.

 

They took Alanna in the morning, and then it was just Moiraine and Siuan left.

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