Sprawled out on Nancy Wheeler’s bed, arm draped over her tired eyes, Robin Buckley yawned.
Fuck, she was exhausted.
A break had definitely not been something that accommodated the current state of Hawkins, but Robin was just so, so tired. She needed it. She figured she deserved a moment or two to rest her eyes, anyways.
Everyone was tired, though, really. Things had been utter chaos, and they’d barely even slowed down. Hadn’t, really, at all. Vecna wasn’t gone. They hadn’t won, not really. They were still in a constant state of alarm, on the precipice of something worse, the world quite literally ending around them.
It was wishful thinking to hope for anything to get easier from here on out. Robin had put that out of her mind years ago, honestly. She knew it’d never been over for good, even when her and Steve were still working at Scoops Ahoy and they’d gotten mixed up in all the preliminary Russia shit.
With Eddie gone, and Max all but actually dead, things weren’t looking good for the group at the moment. At all.
Robin didn’t like thinking about how many people they’d lose by the end of this, but at the same time, she couldn’t stop thinking of it, her mind crawling into its deepest corners, seeing all her friends, dead and gone, seeing them fail. But she knew the loss of more people was inevitable, the damage done, the damage continuing. It wasn’t over until it was over, per se. But it left her shaking and, if she ever managed to catch a single wink of sleep, waking up cold, shivering, face wet.
Nancy’s bed was comfortable, though. Soft, covered in blankets, frilly pillows. It was easy to cocoon yourself in the covers or drape yourself over the pillows, stretching out and really relaxing. It was much more comfortable than Robin’s bed, at least, by far. And that realization brought her back to the present. Nancy. She was out, right now, spending a bit of time with Jonathan, of course. She’d needed to catch up, after Jonathan’s time away, and it was only natural they’d spend as much time together as they were doing. Robin killed the sting of faint jealousy that statement brought into her mind, rationalizing it. She could not let herself think like that. Nope.
Robin definitely couldn’t afford to have a crush during the literal end of the world. But Nancy had been so sweet, letting her stay over at her place, the Wheeler home being much more welcoming and easy to stay in compared to Robin’s own house. She didn’t miss it, rather preferred the Wheeler house, spending most of the time she didn’t spend outside doing things and preparing holed up happily in Nancy’s room.
Plus, Nancy’s room was so nice. Pretty walls, pretty decorations, pretty carpeting, even. Robin could never stop a smile from sliding over her face when her eyes drifted to the Tom Cruise poster slapped up on the wall, or the little music box with the ballerina, or even Nancy’s Blondie poster, her eyes always staring down at Robin’s prone figure on the bed. Robin smiled up at Blondie, feeling almost foolish but unable to stop thinking about all the times that Nancy had laid in this very spot and looked up at the very same poster, how this was Nancy’s bed .
Robin only let herself spend time on the bed when Nancy was out of the house, curled up on piles of pillows on the floor otherwise. She knew Nancy wouldn't mind, but she still didn’t want to infringe on her, or be weird, or something like that. She tended to overthink it, so she never asked Nancy to really let her spend much time off her little floor couch. But it struck Robin that, so she’d heard, this is where Nancy had made Jonathan stay years ago, when they were still hunting down Demogorgons in the woods. Robin sometimes accepted Nancy’s offer to sit beside her on the bed when they had their occasional talks, but she didn’t mind, enjoying the mere luxury of staying with Nancy at all. She was always so close.
Robin was usually lulled to sleep by the sound of Nancy’s soft breathing, waking up to the sound of Nancy padding around her room, ever the early riser. Things were hectic constantly, but Nancy managed to pull herself together each morning, whipping herself into shape for record time to do anything the day asked of her. Which was usually something utterly insane.
Nancy was such an interesting person, Robin had realized. Robin had never formed an opinion about her beyond the fact that she was prissy and much too uptight and never let herself have any fun. Nancy Wheeler’s idea of a fun Saturday night was studying.
But then Robin had really talked to Nancy, and then she’d realized she was nothing like she’d imagined. Nancy was confident and smart and a total badass. Not to mention, exceptionally pretty.
That was an absolutely glaring fact that Robin found very difficult to overlook about the other girl. But, really, the perfect Wheeler daughter kept a stock of multiple guns in her room? If Robin allowed herself, she’d be head over heels.
Maybe she already was. She knew it was completely hopeless to have feelings for a straight girl, but she was used to that. But Nancy Wheeler, of all people? It was terrible! Especially since her and Nancy had become friends.
They were a strange pair, the two of them, but fighting monsters does that to people. Throws them together under circumstances that they’d never have predicted any other time, but they’re grateful for it.
At least, Robin was grateful for it. She wouldn’t trade their unlikely bond for anything. She hoped with all her heart that Nancy felt the same, but she knew that hope was probably misplaced. Pointless.
But still, the moments they’d spent bonding while running around trying to save their friends from Vecna and generally the entirety of Hawkins and the rest of the world would always be important to Robin.
Apart from the fact that, as mentioned, they were running around trying to save the world. Those were less than positive. But hey, it was Nancy time, it was okay.
And, as jealous as Robin was that Nancy had gone off to Jonathan, she understood it. One, for the very glaring reason that he was her boyfriend. And two, they were simply closer. Even if they hadn’t been dating, they had a friendship that was clearly formed over years of shared trauma bonding.
Robin didn’t quite have that level of friendship with Nancy. But Robin held onto them having at least enough near death experiences for them to be close enough for Nancy to let Robin stay.
And it’d been nice. Nancy had been letting Robin borrow her clothes, and while they were nothing like what Robin would normally wear, she couldn’t deny she liked them.
But that could be just because of the clothes smelling like Nancy. Nancy smelled so good, too, and Robin had always thought it was so weird how she focused on that, but it was inevitable. Nancy somehow always smelled so… flowery, and Robin had chalked it up to her hair products, but even when Nancy had been covered in dirt and monster blood and day old sweat she’d still smell nice.
She always looked pretty, too. Robin felt like it was entirely impossible for Nancy to not look pretty, though. Robin admittedly had a bit (a lot) of a staring problem when it came to the Wheeler girl. Robin would do anything to twist one of those brunette locks around her fingers, watch Nancy smile up at her, have the freedom to simply lean down and place a soft kiss to her lips. The ease of that was something that always made Robin’s heart ache, watching Mike and Eleven, or Lucas and Max, or Jonathan and Nancy.
She’d never have something like that. Nothing that’d be so easy as to have the opportunity to reach and grab her lover’s hand in public, nothing like the luxury of an arm around her shoulders. Sure, these things could absolutely be platonic, but Robin knew they never would be, unless it were with Steve. She was grateful for him, at least. Without Steve Robin probably would never have been properly hugged in her life. Even her parents weren’t ones for physical affection.
But Steve wasn’t what she wanted. Of course he wasn’t. She loved him, but of course not in the way that she should. In the way that she, if she really leaned into the feelings, loved Nancy.
And, Robin felt like she must have summoned Nancy somehow through all her intense thinking of the girl, because she heard the Wheeler’s front door click open. Nancy’s soft footsteps padded up the stairs, approaching the door to her room.
She knocked. Once, twice.
“Robin? Can I come in?”
Robin almost wanted to laugh. It was Nancy’s room! Of course she could come into her own room. She was always asking things like this, and it was hilarious, but still so endearing. Robin found everything about Nancy fairly endearing, though, so maybe she was biased.
“Yeah, alright Nance. Come on in.”
Robin couldn’t help the faint laughter sneaking into her voice, but all humor disappeared when Nancy opened the door and stepped inside.
Robin’s mind immediately went to the worst possible situation for Nancy’s upset expression.
“Shit, Nance, did something happen? Is it Vecna? Is he here? Or some other monster, or something, did you get attacked, are you okay? Is Jonathan okay? Do-“
“I’m fine.” Nancy’s clipped voice cut the other girl’s rambling off, short and sharp.
Robin quirked a brow at her, confused. What was going on with her? Typically Nancy told her what was going on. Robin had always admired how the girl managed to be so straightforward at times.
“Okay, are you sure? Cause, you definitely don’t look fine. Sorry! Not that you look bad, you don’t look bad , just..” Robin trailed off, watching Nancy sit down on the bed beside her and drop her head into her hands, hair falling forward, warm brown locks flowing over her face.
“It’s just.. God, it’s embarrassing, actually.”
Robin tentatively shifted closer to Nancy, leaning in a bit nearer to hear her. She tried to be as still as possible, focusing entirely on Nancy and Nancy alone, on listening.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to?” Robin’s voice was hesitant. “I won’t force it, really, don’t worry. I was just kind of worried about you.”
“No, no, I should talk about it. It might make it easier to understand.” Nancy sighed.
Robin nodded as a go-ahead before realizing that, due to Nancy still having her head in her hands, she could see nothing but her carpeted floor, so she gave a verbal admission.
“I’m listening, then.”
“So.” Nancy took a deep breath. “Jonathan and I broke up. Well. I broke up with him, actually.”
Robin couldn’t stop the shock from spreading over her face. Jonathan and Nancy? Sure, they’d had issues, but they were such a sweet couple. They’d always managed to work through their shit. They’d been together for so long too, it always seemed as if they were meant to be, no matter how many times Robin may have entertained fantasies about her and Nancy instead. Jonathan and Nancy were good, and Robin could tell Nancy was happy with him. Or, used to be happy with him, actually. She’d figured everything had been solved when Jonathan came back and they could talk face to face, but it seems like she had turned out to be very wrong.
Out of all the couples, Robin definitely didn’t have her bets on them breaking up first. She was convinced of Mike and Eleven, considering how Mike had been acting towards Will lately, but that was a whole different situation. Off topic. Robin had to force her mind back onto the train tracks before it continued to veer off course.
But really, Nancy and Jonathan?
“Why? If I can ask! Obviously only tell me if it’s okay. But, wow. Are you okay? Sorry, too many questions, I’ll stop.”
Nancy laughed softly. Sadly.
“It’s alright. For one, though, I broke up with him because I didn’t love him anymore. I didn’t want to lie. I still care about him a lot, that won’t change. But it’s just like how it was with Steve. I can’t live a lie with him, no matter how much I might care. And I really do care, too.”
Robin was nodding along, leaning closer unconsciously. Nancy’s hair looked so soft. Robin shook her head, snapping herself out of it. Not the time, Robin, come on. She was supposed to be there for Nancy, supposed to console her, not imagine what the other girl’s hair would feel like if she were to have Nancy lay her head in her lap and comb her fingers through it.
“I think I’m okay, but I don’t know. It’s strange. I feel really relieved, but at the same time, so terrible about upsetting him with it, because I think he’s great! I genuinely do. He means so much to me, and he always will. Just… I couldn’t keep dating him. I’m more worried about him than anything else. And now I just feel.. weirdly unstable, without him. It’s like I don’t even know how to function. Sorry, I’m rambling. I’m not really sure if I’m making any sense.”
Nancy raised her head, offering Robin a somewhat strained smile. She looked apologetic, ashamed.
Robin smiled back, trying to pour all her reassurance and comfort into the expression, looking right at Nancy, into her eyes.
“Hey, it’s okay. You know how much I ramble and you put up with me. But besides, I get it. Really. Don’t feel, like, bad or anything, because it’s better this way for both of you, you don’t want to keep lying, like you said. It’ll be better for Jonathan, because then he won’t get hurt when eventually things go to shit, and better for you, so you don’t have to keep feeling guilty about not being able to love him. So this was a good choice! I mean, you’ll feel better in the end, even though I know it probably hurts like a bitch right now.”
Nancy nodded, her smile becoming much more real, genuine, sunlight bright and directed right at Robin. Robin distantly registered her face warming, and she glanced away for a moment, breaking the eye contact between the two of them. An awkward silence grew, filling the air between them, thick like molasses.
Nancy was dead silent, but Robin knew that the other girl was still looking at her. And Robin herself was painfully conscious of Nancy’s eyes on her, burning two fiery distinct holes into the side of the other girl’s head. She wanted to look back, but at the same time couldn’t even bear to turn her head.
“Robin?” Nancy murmured, the cadence of her voice dropping.
Robin looked back at her, and once again it was eye contact, sharp and bright and sending a burst of nervous yet so, so excited energy through Robin.
Nancy’s eyes were filled with something, brimming over, the emotion potent and clear. Robin couldn’t tell what it was. Sadness over Jonathan? She’d seemed to have come to terms with that fairly quickly already. But maybe it was still an issue, obviously it would be, she did care about Jonathan regardless. She’d said that, and it was clear that she did.
Maybe it was just the fact that now Nancy was alone. Thrown into a state of being that, from what Robin knew about her relationship, Nancy hadn’t been in in awhile. Robin knew she’d always struggled with that feeling, too. Robin definitely related to that, and it sucked, and even though the situations were different since Robin had never dated anyone there was still the pang of familiarity the thought of the feeling brought up. But Robin’s frantic mental guessing game was interrupted by Nancy saying her name again.
“Hey, Robin?” Nancy laughed a little as she said it. Robin loved Nancy’s laugh. It was her favorite thing about the other girl, along with every other little part of her that made her so perfectly perfect. Really, everything about Nancy was Robin’s favorite thing.
“Shit. Sorry. Yes. What?” Robin’s face heated up yet again, fiery red, surely glaringly obvious to give away her feelings. She really couldn’t win today, could she?
“How’d you know you, uh…” Nancy waved her hand in a sweeping gesture between the two of them, nodding as if she was expecting Robin to get it instantly without her actually having to say it out loud. The girl looked uncharacteristically shy about the question, blinking fast, long lashes fluttering. And it definitely wasn’t instant, and Robin had to stare into Nancy’s blue, blue eyes for a long moment before she got it, but she got it. Nancy’s eyes were so blue. Like the ocean, or the rippling sun dappled surface of a swimming pool, the kind of eyes Robin could drown in, literally. Robin blinked. Wait, Nancy was asking her about that ?
“You mean how I knew about liking girls?” Robin lowered her voice too, murmuring back conspiratorially, a slight tremor in her voice. It still scared Robin, saying that out loud. She couldn’t say it with her eyes open, squeezing them tightly shut, seeing stars, galaxies dancing behind closed lids. At least Nancy already knew and she didn’t need to go through the uncomfortable, whispered confession again. That was the biggest relief of them all.
Robin had come clean to her, properly told Nancy that she was a lesbian. It’d been the scariest thing she’d ever done, worse than telling Steve, worse than almost dying a whole shit ton of times. It’d been eating her up inside, the fact that Nancy was letting Robin stay without knowing what she thought about girls. How she felt about girls. Every night she’d fall asleep staring at the ceiling and worrying that maybe she was deceiving Nancy in some way, being weird, being uncomfortable, and the thought was a constant dagger in Robin’s side. She couldn’t keep going on like this, the fear of Nancy somehow finding out without Robin telling her herself and assuming all the worst things about her intentions.
And, Robin had been thinking, worrying for hours and hours, that maybe Nancy was one of those girls who looked at you funny and then spread vicious rumors about you if your gaze accidentally lingered on their half exposed form in the girls changing room. One of those girls who gave you the dirtiest of dirty looks without any reason except for the fact of them suspecting you to be one of those gross, predatory lesbians . Words whispered in hallways, cupped hands, giggles. Robin hoped so hard that Nancy wasn’t one of those girls, knew of course, no way, she’d never act like that, but it was hard to stop the picture of it from flooding her mind anyways.
Maybe Nancy, just like most people, was simply against that sort of thing. “Casually” against, Robin had come to think of it as, never bringing anything up in regular conversation except for the times it was purposely brought in and then they simply voiced their opinion (usually quite vehemently, though), and moved on. She was used to that, and she was also much too used to those who liked to hurl slurs like they were their favorite words, directing them and shouting them to anybody and everybody who’d had the misfortune to hear or, worse, to be specifically targeted.
Maybe Nancy didn’t even know, didn’t care. Neutral, leaning to negative. Even though Robin was okay with herself most of the time, she’d already been through her fair share of millions of crises, she couldn’t stop the seeds of insecurity that always planted themselves in her brain and her gut and made her panic that every single female even near her age she interacted with somehow both knew her dirty little secret and thought she was in love with them. Robin thought that every weird glance thrown her way was because somehow, somebody had found out. Or maybe they just thought she was weird. She knew she was weird, though, and she knew others knew.
Robin did have an issue with rambling and an internal monologue twistier than the gnarled trees in the woods of Hawkins but that, at least, she was more okay with. It was unchangeable. She was just like that, prone to words spilling out of her mouth beyond her control, prone to attempts to shove them back in, to no avail. But her sexuality, she’d tried to change that more times than she could count. She’d wanted it gone, wanted to be normal, always normal. Of course, no luck. But, even after all that, with Nancy, it made it even worse that Robin did have feelings for her. Very, very, unfortunately.
Curse Nancy for being so strangely likable. Robin hated her and loved her for it at the same time.
She’d been completely prepared to get kicked off Nancy’s doorstep once she’d spoken the words, holding her breath, head turned away. Not everyone could be as accepting as Steve (shockingly).
But Nancy hadn’t shunned her. Hadn’t even given her a look of disgust, not even a mild one, which was already more than Robin could have ever hoped for. Nancy had looked confused for a moment, before a look of understanding had swept over her face. She had nodded at Robin, an acknowledgement, before she offered her an awkward smile, and then didn’t say another word about it.
Nancy did always change when Robin was out of the room though. But Robin figured that had nothing to do with her lesbianism and much more to do with the fact that it was simply awkward to strip to the nude in front of a girl who she, really, didn’t know very well. Even though she had seen her covered in blood. Multiple times. It still nagged her on occasion, though, and each time Robin left the room to change in the bathroom herself she’d bite her lip, stare at herself in the mirror, and doubt. Robin just couldn’t help but stress.
But, Robin was still puzzled as to why Nancy was bringing it up now. Nancy looked almost scared to be asking, as if saying the words “you liked girls” would somehow cause her to fundamentally change, as if it would cause something awful to happen to her. As if speaking the words out loud would crack her, the porcelain doll of Nancy Wheeler with spreading, spiderwebbed hairline breaks along the face.
Nancy exhaled. It was a rush of soft breath, dissipating into the air in front of Robin, filling the space with unspoken words, a cloud the color blue.
“Yeah.” A long pause. Considering, questioning, second guessing. A slow, shaky inhale. “Robin, how did you know you liked girls?”
There they were. Nancy had said the deciding words. She somehow looked even more scared after voicing that, but she didn’t fall apart. Or maybe she was, and Robin just couldn’t see it. Nancy always seemed to be very good at falling apart quietly. Maybe she was scared after saying it because it was some sort of admittance. Robin shifted just a little closer, placing a very, very careful hand on Nancy’s shoulder. As a test. A test to see if this meant possibly the thing that Robin thought it could.
Nancy didn’t shy away, but she tensed under Robin’s grip. Moving to pull her hand away, Robin was flooded with a feeling of shame. She’d fucked up. Badly, and now Nancy would kick her out, make her sleep in the basement like she’d heard El had or worse send her back to her house, head hanging in shame, tail between her legs like a dog.
But Nancy caught her wrist, birdlike fingers encircling Robin. Kept her arm there, hovering in the space between them. Time seemed to stand still and heavy, the air almost unbreathable, a physical presence. Robin couldn’t tell if minutes or hours or even mere seconds had passed before Nancy blushed and dropped Robin’s arm. That was definitely weird, it had to be. Robin was not reading too much into it, she was almost certain, even though she tended to read too much into everything. But that was absolutely weird.
Nancy shook her curls, snapping herself out of it, bringing Robin back to the present in the process. She had to answer Nancy’s burning question, the question she’d clearly had to force out of her.
“I guess I sort of always knew. It was hard, though, at first when I was little I figured it couldn’t be too bad, right? Everybody held hands with their childhood best friends, everybody cuddled with them at sleepovers. But obviously it was definitely that bad, because not everybody wanted to kiss their childhood best friends. And, there’s really not much luck for a small town lesbian. In fucking Indiana,” Robin heard herself stumble on the words and took a deep breath. Nancy’s weirdness was flustering her, and she didn’t know what to do to herself, didn’t know how to be calm and cool and natural. Robin could barely form a coherent thought, not with Nancy so close to her. Had their lips always been that distance apart? Their lips were very close to each other. “But that isn’t the point. Really, though, take yourself through the questions. Y'know, the ones you use when it’s like, ‘would i date this person or not!’ It’s that, but for this. I asked myself the questions for years.”
Nancy gave Robin a look, curiosity coupled with anxiety mingling on her face.
“Alright. Ask away.”
“So, first of all. Do you think you could kiss a girl? And like, like it.”
Closing her eyes, Nancy slowly nodded, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.
“I think so.”
“Okay, there we go. Now that doesn’t guarantee your liking-girls-ness unless you want it to, obviously, but if you don’t want it to mean that then that’s okay. Question two.” Robin sucked in a breath, hyper aware of Nancy in front of her, close, so, so close.
“Could you see yourself happy in a relationship with a girl? Like. Long term.”
Nancy slowly nodded again, but her face was screwed up into a look of concentration. Like she was imagining it, a relationship with a girl, running herself through all the dreamy dates and cute hand holding and living together and sleepy morning kisses. Robin wondered who the lucky girl could be, the lucky girl who was treated to all of the thoughts Robin had had herself about Nancy. No way Robin was going to let herself indulge in the extremely unlikely fantasy that it could be her, even though the thought was at the edge of her mind, sparkling.
“…I think so. But I think I could be happy with a guy, too. I really did love Jonathan for a while, romantically, definitely.”
Robin shrugged, casually, shoulders up and down, hair bobbing.
“I mean, that’s okay. You’re allowed to like both.”
Nancy looked surprised. Completely and totally, this fact entirely shaking her worldview. Of course she looked surprised, Robin thought. She didn’t have any chance to know about anything like that. It made sense, that she wouldn’t know much, but Robin almost found it funny. And she felt awful for finding it funny, she really did, but she couldn’t stop a laugh from bubbling up, slapping a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound.
Nancy gave her a look, another signature Nancy Look, before somehow, miraculously, she started laughing too. God, Nancy had such a beautiful laugh. Robin could never get over it, every time.
“I am such an idiot,” Nancy coughed out between laughs, weakened by it, falling back onto her bed and grinning up at the ceiling. Robin joined her in laying there, their two heads side by side, their bodies aching from their laughter. They couldn’t stop laughing, and it wasn’t even funny at this point, but Robin knew that of all the moments she’d never forget this one.
She’d never forget tipping her head to the side to see Nancy’s face completely lit up, a lightbulb emanating golden light, a lantern flooding the room with warmth. To make it even better, the sun was high in the sky and there was hot light washing over the room, illuminating the neon blues of Nancy’s eyes and setting her brown hair on fire, making the soft locks shine. Robin wanted to lean over and kiss that smile off Nancy’s face, wanted to feel Nancy giggle into her mouth.
And the moment was so fuzzy and light and filled with a completely perfect undisturbed feeling of love that Robin did.
She leaned right over, barely moving, and brushed her lips softly against Nancy’s.
The smile disappeared from Nancy’s face within a millisecond. The other girl suddenly looked utterly terrified, eyes widening and staring up at Robin with a shell shocked expression.
Robin scrambled backwards, falling over herself as she stood up from the bed, brushing herself off, fixing her eyes on the ground. She wrung her hands, digging her nails into the palms of her hands, finding purchase and pushing little familiar red half moons into the skin.
“I’m so sorry, Nance, I didn’t mean to be weird or anything, it was just, in the moment I thought- But that was so stupid, I’m so sorry, I should’ve asked you! Shit, shit-“
“Robin.” Nancy’s voice was completely flat. Robin would not look at her. She couldn’t bear to see the brutal rejection and pity, always the fucking pity, that surely filled Nancy’s beautiful blue eyes.
With her own eyes still staring staunchly at Nancy’s soft carpet, Robin heard rather than saw Nancy rise from the bed herself. A million thoughts raced through her head. Was Nancy leaving? Leaving her own room, leaving Robin alone to wallow in her own shame? Or maybe she just wanted to reject her face to face, eye to eye. Make it really sink it.
But then she felt Nancy’s hand place itself on her cheek, lifting her head up, winding itself into Robin’s close cropped hair, Nancy’s other hand slipping onto Robin’s neck. Robin’s breath was stuck in her throat, she was lightheaded and frozen. Statuelike, worried if she moved everything would disintegrate, that all of this would melt away and it would have all been in Robin’s head. In her overactive imagination. But Nancy’s hand was so warm, a comforting grip, tethering Robin to the moment. If Nancy moved away right now, Robin was fully convinced that she would float away completely, unmoored and stuck in permanent limbo. But Nancy didn’t move away. She moved forward.
And then there were soft lips on hers and Robin forgot entirely how to breathe. Or how to think. Or how to do anything, really, except return the soft and solid press of Nancy’s lips against her own. Holy shit. Robin would say she died, but this was definitely better than heaven. This was definitely better than anything she’d ever felt, ever. Wow.
Nancy Wheeler was a very, very good kisser. Robin didn’t have anyone to compare her to, since the girl was her first kiss, but the kiss was so perfect that Robin knew she must be a good kisser. Nancy’s lips against her own was something that short circuited every function in Robin’s brain in the best possible way, and she couldn’t get enough. Kissing Nancy was, hands down, the absolute best sensation Robin had ever felt in her entire life. Her mind was running in circles, everything was about how perfect this was, how beautiful Nancy was, how good of a kisser she was. How maybe her entire life had been leading up to this moment. It sure felt like it, as Nancy shifted closer, ever closer, and Robin needed her closer, always wanting her as close as she could possibly be.
It was amazing. It was everything. Nancy’s lips moved in a steady rhythm, a consistent press, strong yet soft and warm and everything Robin could ever want. She was feeling everything all at once, stars exploding, spiraling colors, chasing Nancy’s lips each time she pulled back for a quick breath. The fear that Nancy maybe would realize that this had all been a mistake, the fear that one of the times either of them needed to break it off to breathe it’d end nagged at Robin. But every time their lips met again, and every time Robin realized this was real, this was really happening, she was kissing Nancy Fucking Wheeler in the other girl’s bedroom and it was everything she’d ever hoped it’d be and more.
All that Robin was thinking at this point, all that she could think, was wow, wow, wow, as Nancy’s fingers twirled themselves through Robin’s hair, Robin leaning forward herself to rest a hand on Nancy’s thigh, barely hesitating, feeling her warmth under her fingertips. Robin was short circuiting, pliant and in pieces under Nancy’s lips and fingers, the other girl holding her together.
Nancy stilled slightly, pulling back from the kiss, chest rising and falling with hot breath. She looked so, so pretty, hair slightly tossed, lips slightly swollen, absolutely radiant.
“I’m so stupid. I’m sorry, Robin, I’ve been so confusing.” Nancy was smiling, though, beaming even, lips pink from the kissing.
“It’s okay! Really. This is like, the dream outcome. The best possible way this could have gone. Like I never thought we’d end up doing this, for real. Not in a bad way. Cause I’ve definitely thought about it a lot, but.” Robin flushed, leaning further away from Nancy, embarrassed.
Well, the secret was out. If Nancy hadn’t already clued in on Robin being crazy in love from the spontaneous kissing, it was utterly impossible she wouldn’t have known after that. She covered her mouth with her hand, her face a flaming red.
Nancy laughed, a bright, tinkling sound, like a waterfall, or a thousand little diamonds crystallizing and falling to the ground. Robin wanted to hear her laugh like that forever and ever. She wanted to bottle the sound, and listen to it anytime she wanted. But, she realized, now that they’ve been doing this, they’ve been kissing , Robin could hear Nancy laugh any time she liked.
“Honestly, I think I’ve had feelings for you for a little while too. I just didn’t realize that was what I was feeling, but I think it may have been obvious, because now I’m realizing I tend to stare at your lips a lot.” Nancy reached over to take Robin’s hand in hers, brushing her thumb over the side of Robin’s hand, the touch featherlight. Robin couldn’t help it as the movement sent shivers down her spine and she exhaled, still reeling in shock, but the best possible kind.
“Wow, holy shit. Nancy Wheeler likes girls. And, somehow, insanely, likes me,” Robin murmured. Her face was redder than it’d ever been, but at those words, Nancy leaned in to brush her lips against Robin’s again before pulling back. Robin missed the kiss already, leaning forward unconsciously to follow the other girl’s soft lips, Nancy smiling at the sight despite Robin’s blush.
“Jonathan was right,” Nancy spoke, humor in her voice, her eyes suddenly somewhere else, pondering.
“What?” Robin tipped her head to the side, giving Nancy a look.
“I talked to him about this, before I came home. I felt like he had the right to know part of the reason I didn’t really love him anymore. I didn’t say anything about it being you, but I’m sure he knew anyways.” Nancy laughed a bit. “He’s too perceptive for his own good sometimes. But, he let me talk about it. It really hit me then, how I felt about you. Ended up crying in his arms but otherwise I just.. felt so relieved. To know.”
Robin nodded, hanging onto Nancy’s every word and smiling once she finished.
“Yeah. And one thing you didn’t have to worry about was me feeling the same, because oh my god, Nance, I’ve been into you for ages. Since we actually started talking.”
Nancy kissed her again at that, smiling against Robin’s lips.
“You’re sweet.” Nancy wrapped her arms around Robin’s neck, leaning in once again to finally kiss her, really kiss her, long and drawn out and loving and sweet and passionate and everything Robin could want.
Their mouths fit together in the most perfect rhythm as they kissed and kissed, time flying by as the two girls tangled their limbs and kept their lips locked, breathing into each other’s mouths, tongues against each other, caught up in the points of contact. Robin thought she was going to die.
How was she ever going to live without constantly having her lips pressed against Nancy’s now, after she’d finally truly experienced it? Nancy tasted like flowers, sweet, sugared violets, and Robin thought that Nancy’s kisses were something she’d be addicted to for the rest of her life.
Robin loved her so much.
Leaning back, their noses brushing against each other, Robin pressed her forehead to Nancy’s.
“I love you.” She said it without thinking, exhaling against Nancy’s mouth, voice shaky.
Nancy stopped breathing for a moment. Robin stopped feeling the air ghost against her face, so she knew Nancy had stopped breathing, her light breath no longer fanning Robin’s face. Robin tried not to panic. It wasn’t working well, but she was doing her very best.
Nancy wanted this, Nancy liked this, Robin told herself. Nancy wouldn’t have been kissing her if she didn’t want this. If she wasn’t ready to say it back that was okay, that was okay. Robin inhaled and exhaled, slowly.
“Love you too, Robin.” Nancy pressed her lips to Robin’s once more after that, kissing her with so, so much love it struck Robin to the core. Robin felt like she was brimming over, spilling out golden warmth, filled with feeling and love and everything Nancy.
This was the best day of Robin Buckley’s life. She loved Nancy Wheeler so much, and now she got to love her as much as she wanted, because Nancy loved her the same.