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No More Running

Summary:

After surviving the Upside Down Eddie finds himself battling Anxiety. Slowly he starts to learn to cope but is finding himself uninspired by his sweetheart - love of his life - his guitar. Ronnie moves into the park and when Eddie learns of her personal battles, he makes it his own to help her fight hers. Together they learn to navigate life and mental health and make their way towards a hopefully happy ending.

** If you are suffering a mental health crisis please seek help.
https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/

If you need a reason to stay? My fic isn't done yet and you need to know how it ends ♡ **

Chapter 1: Fade to Black

Summary:

Welcome to my crazy little roller coaster! I hope that you will enjoy and stay for the long haul!
This is meant to be a semi-realistic slow burn strangers to friends to romance between a couple failed seniors who just want to get the fuck out of Hawkins. Don't expect pure fluff! Trauma triggers include abuse, childhood abuse, weed and alcohol usage / abuse, eventual smut, sexual exploration, strong language, mentions of molestation / rape, self-harm, mentions of suicide or suicide attempts, Anxiety / panic attacks, vertigo, depression, death of friends and family / Grief.

** If you are suffering a mental health crisis, please seek help.
https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/

Chapter Text

Eddie sat on his bed cradling his guitar lovingly as he picked at the strings, a cassette recorder sat in front of him recording the jumbled chords and melodies. He sighed in frustration and sat the guitar down and pressed stop on the recorder. He hadn't really been as inspired with his music since the upside down. It pained him deeply that something he loved so much was suddenly a source of agony. Anytime he heard Master of Puppets... he found himself back there... gripped with fear as he watched his friend climb the sheet out of the hole... found himself lying on the ground again after being ripped into by those goddammed bats. He didn't really remember how the fuck he had survived it in full details. He knew Dustin had worked to stop his bleeding after coming back to find Eddie. In the moment he had wished Dustin wouldn't have come back, worrying for the younger kids' safety, but in the end, he was thankful that he did. He was still looked at as the freak, but now that he had been acquitted, he was free to focus the best his little ADHD brain could on graduating. He wanted the fuck out of this shit hole.

When the ground had opened up and monsters had come spilling themselves out of the chasms the town found itself with new problems. They couldn't blame him anymore for the murders, they had tried and failed. The mayor himself had encountered Vecna and lost. There was no denying something strange was going on in Hawkins. Eddie was acquitted by the police after they could no longer keep up with how many lives had been lost to Vecna and his monsters... and it wasn't until El and Hopper had explained everything to the town that they finally accepted that Eddie was not the cause. Eddie had been dragged to that town meeting and he had sat nervously in the front row as El demonstrated her powers and they (backed with their group) explained everything to a town of disbelievers. After that, the citizens of Hawkins responded in two ways. Some took their families and fled (and who could blame them really.) Others stayed behind to help the group of brave kids in any ways they could. It took 2 very, VERY long weeks but ultimately El and the crew had been victorious. Vecna was dead, but unfortunately so were so many others, including El and Will both. They had sacrificed themselves for the sake of everyone.

Shaking his head and rubbing his hand through his hair, eyes squinted tight as he tried to rid himself of the thought pattern that constantly disrupted his sleep and his muses Eddie got up from the bed. He stretched himself tall, yawning as he did. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept properly. He looked down at the beautiful red and black guitar, so thankful that it had survived the madness of the upside down. Dustin had saved it (and effectively him); he knew that much. It was a little scratched up, the paint no longer perfect... but it was a reminder that he had lived, and he hadn't run. He had bought his friends more time. He had saved them.

At the time he hadn't really known if it would truly do any good, but he just had known if he didn't do something those dammed bats would have gone through the hole in his trailer ceiling and gotten Dustin... and he couldn't let that happen. Dustin was like the little brother he never had. He loved that dammed kid. "Sorry sweetheart" he whispered to his guitar, kissing his fingers before he strummed the strings one last time, lifting her from the bed to put her back on her stand.

She used to hang above his mirror, where he could look at her and be inspired every day... but when his and Waynes's home had been destroyed in the gate opening, they had found themselves in a predicament. After the gate had been closed again thanks to El and Will, they had moved into a different trailer in the park. This one wasn't in as bad of shape as their old one, it was a slightly newer model and it had two bedrooms instead of just the one which meant that his uncle finally had his own room with a proper bed again. He had always felt guilty taking the bedroom and leaving his uncle to the living room, but Wayne didn't mind. Eddie was so very thankful to have Wayne in his life. His mom had died of an overdose when he was 3 and his dad had been in and out of prison his entire life pretty much. The only real memories he had of the man was whenever he was teaching Eddie how to commit some form of crime, like hotwiring cars.

Picking up the lighter from his bedside table, and an already rolled joint, Eddie went and pushed the bedroom window open. Placing the joint between his plush lips he lit it up with a quick flick of flame. Staring out into the quiet park as he took a long drag...smoke filling his lungs and a hazy calm beginning to fall over him. He flicked the ash out the window and took another drag, eyes scanning the trailer next door to theirs which had been empty day prior. Now. Well now there were lights on inside slightly run-down shack, and he could see shadows moving behind makeshift curtains. Someone had moved in while he was at school today. How did he not notice that when he got home? Granted, it had been a really... really long fucking day.

The school jocks were constantly on his case despite everything... and his grades were worrying him a bit. Math especially was really not his strong suit. Anytime he'd look at the assignments the numbers and words would swim together, and blur and he didn't understand why he just couldn't fucking get it. Despite that though, he was getting really close... all he needed was a D- at worst to graduate... and as long as he didn't blow the final, he was home free. This was going to be the year, his year. It had to be. He finished off his joint and continued watching the shadows move within the neighboring trailer. He could tell there were at least two people living there... a smaller form moved towards the back of the trailer and a larger, wider form moved in what he presumed would be the living room. The lights suddenly had been flicked off. Guess the show was over. He didn't even know why he was watching; it wasn't really like him to be so curious about new neighbors, but as his eyes drew back to the back window, he couldn't help but wonder...

Chapter 2: Deja Vu

Summary:

I just so absolutely adore Dustin, don't you?

Chapter Text

The morning had moved in a haze. Eddie was so dammed tired, and tired of being tired. His morning classes he'd found himself drifting in and out of sleep at his desk. His teachers were used to it though, they were just happy that he was actually in class for once, and with everything everyone had just gone through everyone was fighting for a sense of normalcy. It's hard to just resume life when everything you thought you knew about reality was turned upside down (literally).

Street crews were still working on repairing roads, and buildings were being rebuilt. FEMA had been dispatched to help, and grants had been given. Every able-bodied person was volunteering in some shape way or form. The schools had been one of the first things to be fixed up again, and they weren't perfect by any means but at least they were safe and gave the kids and staff something to do again. A sense of purpose. The end of the year was quickly approaching, which meant that graduation was right on the horizon. Eddie couldn't believe he actually was going to do it. He had talked a lot of shit in the cafeteria that day, that day that felt so very long ago now. But as it turns out, this really was going to be his year. He had managed to pull most of his grades up to various Cs, with the exception of Ms. O'Donnell's class. He was sitting at a D+ in there. He wasn't entirely sure that some of the points weren't pity points, but you know what? He'd take it.

The lunch bell rang, and Eddie scurried his way to the cafeteria to take his place at the head of the Hellfire Club's table. He was more than just a little excited. This Friday was to be the clubs first campaign since the upside down. He had been spending the last week or so now planning it all out. Gareth and Jeff were the first to arrive at the table, shortly followed by the rest. Dustin, Mike and Lucas came as a trio... Dustin was practically vibrating with excitement as he sat down directly to Eddie's left.

“Give us a clue man! PLEASE!” - Dustin said as he bounced up and down in his seat, not even touching the tray in front of him, eyes glued on Eddie as he munched on his pretzels

Eddie grinned at him then “Henderson, you know that I can't do that. I have to keep you in suspense man.”

“JUST A TINY ONE!?” whined Dustin

Eddie heavily sighed, making it dramatic and drawn out. Rolling his eyes and lean forward over the table, drawing all of his little sheep eagerly forward to listen. “Okay... here's your what I'll tell you....” he pauses taking the time to look at every single one of them “there will be....... bad guys.” he flopped back in his seat and grinned as the table outbursts in groans and aggravation

“That's not a clue.” groaned Dustin

Eddie clapped his hand over Dustin's shoulder and gave him his best shit eating grin. The two had always been close, Dustin being his club favorite (he'd never tell him that though) but after their battle in the Upside Down when Dustin had almost lost Eddie to those dammed bats, he practically worshipped the ground Eddie walked on and followed him like a shadow. Eddie didn't mind as he'd grown even more fond of him too. To Eddie Dustin was like the little brother he had always wished for growing up. He was planning on handing the Hellfire reigns to him when he left this godforsaken school / town. Holy shit... holy shit that was soon.

Sitting back in his chair Eddie found himself zoning out a bit, lost in thoughts of what would come after school. He really didn't know yet what he wanted to do... he didn't think he'd make it this far. Yeah, he talked a lot of shit about this being his year and graduating but now that it was real a ball of anxiety formed in his chest. Would Hellfire and Dustin be okay if he left this shithole? What about his uncle? Wayne was always protective over him, but now after everything... when the gang brought Eddie home from the upside down covered in strips of everyone's clothing on the worst bites, looking pale and dropping in and out of consciousness...he can't even fathom what that was like for his uncle.

He knew that Wayne had spent DAYS upon DAYS beside Eddie's bed in the hospital until the hospital deemed him ready to go home. He had spent days hovering at home, ensuring clean clothes and bandages, plenty of food in the fridge – easy to grab and heat meals so Eddie wouldn't have to strain himself. Wayne blamed himself in some ways despite their constant talks not to. Eddie had told Wayne everything even before El went before the town. His uncle had sat in silence listening, brows furrowed deeply but otherwise expression unreadable. Eddie knew that it all sounded too wild to be true, but he had never lied to his uncle before so he didn't think his uncle would doubt him, and he didn't. As it turned out his uncle had never lost faith in him, even after finding Chrissy's broken body in their trailer upon returning home after a grueling shift at the plant. Eddie was so incredibly thankful for his uncle. He truly was like the father his father never could have been. He didn't know it, but his uncle had been so incredibly relieved when Eddie had reappeared on his doorstep, dragged along by a group of haggard and bleeding teenagers.

Even before hearing the situation, he had just been so thankful to have his nephew back. His nephew deserved so much better than the town was giving him. He knew his nephew to be a kindhearted soul who wouldn't hurt a fly unless it was to protect the people he loved.

The lunch bell rang signaling the end of lunch and Eddie stood, shoving what was left of his pretzels into his black lunchbox that also contained a small bit of weed. He didn't have much of a stash left and mostly kept what he did have on hand for himself, to help him sleep at night... but he still had to make a sell here and there so he could help his uncle with the bills. He wasn't about to be completely useless to the man who had raised him. Though now that he was graduating maybe it was time to start thinking about a real job... but what would that be for Eddie? What did he want to do for the rest of his life... or at least the next couple of years right? Enough time to save up and get the fuck out of this hell hole Hawkins.

“Earth to Eddie? Eddie?” chimed his favorite curly headed dork, snapping his thoughts out of his head and back to the cafeteria

“Yeah man? Dude, I'm not giving you anymore clues, even if you did save my ass.” Eddie quipped, cracking a gri

Dustin shook his head “I was asking if you're, okay? Like really?”

Eddie smiled a gentle smile. Dustin had mentally grown up so much since the Upside Down, but I mean of course he did. That shit would have forced anyone to grow up fast. “I'm okay Dustybutt. I'm still not sleeping the best is all” he said with a shrug knowing he had to give the kid something or he'd just pester him all day “but I'm good. You?”

Dustin looked down at his shoes and shrugged “I could be better. I keep seeing them you know? Those damn bats. I thought you were gone...I thought I'd failed you...” his voice trailed off softly.

Eddie put and arm over his shoulder and pulled him into an awkward half hug “We've been over this kid; you did everything right except the part when you came back...that was risky as hell... but I'm glad that you did. You saved my ass man.” he said and tussled the kids' curly brown locks

Dustin shrugged again “Steve and Nance did most of the work. I just was kind of useless and there.”

Eddie stopped him and stepped in front of him, hand on Dustin's chest “Little dude. Stop seriously, you didn't leave me. You came back for me. If not for you they would never have found me...AND you gave up your shirt to keep my ass alive. You need to start giving yourself credit where credit is deserved. You saved me too. You are not useless. I love you man. I quite literally owe you, my life.”

Dustin's eyes welled up and he looked down again and muttered softly “I love you too. I'm glad you didn't die.”
Eddie hugged the freshie again and said simply “Get to class! And quit crying! We've got a game this weekend to plan!”

Dustin's eyes shot up, glassy still but now lit with excitement at the underlying message in Eddie's words “Wait what?!”

“I said what I said kid. Wait for me tonight, you can help me finish off campaign plans and co-DM this week's campaign. Afterall, you're going to be taking over for me here REAL soon.” Eddie grinned

“YES!!!! YESSSSSSSSS!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!!” Dustin fist pumped and then shot himself down the hall, eager for the day to be over with. Meanwhile Eddie watched him disappear into the sea of bodies and laughed to himself before heading to class.

Chapter 3: Can I Play With Madness?

Summary:

I love our little cinnamon roll boys <3

Chapter Text

To say that Dustin was excited would be the understatement of the year. The kid could. not. sit. still in the passenger seat of Eddie's van as they drove towards the trailer park, nor could he stop talking. To be completely honest Eddie was kind of zoning in and out as Dustin rambled on and on about various things, campaign ideas, character designs... the works. His chest was tight again and had been since last period since the teacher had held him after class and congratulated him on his grades and asked what he had planned for life after school. Once again, he was confronted with the reality that he didn't think he'd ever actually reach.

"Dude, are you listening to me?" Dustin's voice snapped him out of his thoughts again

"Yeah man, sorry, what were you saying?" Eddie asked as he reached over to lower the stereo

"I was ASKING, what I can know now about the campaign since you're letting me help." Dustin was still bouncing in his seat

"Well, I didn't want to jump into something too terribly difficult since it's only our first meeting since ... well everything... but so far, I have it planned out that you're all going to start off in the town Inn and be sent to see the King. The King is then going to request that you head to the local cemetery where the dead are rising and no one's sure why."

"AND THEN?" Dustin said eagerly, leaning forward, fingers splayed on the dash

"Well, I mean a lot is going to depend on how the play goes... what everyone's actions are right? But I figure once in the graveyard they can find out that they need to head down into the Kings crypt and in there will be a bit of a maze of tunnels... some containing treasure and some containing baddies. At the end I want there to be a big boss, but I haven't figured out what I want it to be yet. Seems impractical to have a dragon underground you know?" Eddie chuckles

Dustin leaned back and tapped his fingers on his chin as he stared out the window thinking "Hmm, well what form of undead are the dead rising as?" he asked looking back at Eddie

"Well, I was thinking either Skeletons or Zombies?" Eddie tossed back

"What about Vampires?"

"What are you thinking? I can practically hear your gears turning?" Eddie laughed

"Well, we just defeated Vecna right? Like in Real life and in the game before that...and we know about Kas but what if we made up some sort of character like Kas just this character wants to copy Vecna but also one up him?"

"Mind flaying and all?" Eddie asked curious at where this kid's brain was going with this

Dustin thought on that one for a minute "Nah, I think the stuff we encountered in hell should be kind of avoided. I don't want anyone to be sad. I just want us all to have a good time. Maybe we shouldn't do vampires? Maybe the Bonies are the best way to go?"

"Hmm, let's think on it some more. When we get in you can comb through the books and see what you can find?"

This quieted Dustin and Eddie was able to turn the stereo back up, his mixtape turning to Judas Priest. Eddie was drumming his fingers along too Hot for Love when he noticed you. He'd never seen you before... he would remember. You were curvy in all the right places, jeans filled out nicely by a shapely ass that simply hypnotized as you walked. The back of your jean jacket looked to have been hand painted... it looked like a Kiss tribute painting from the quick glance he could steal without running off of the road. You were practically dragging your backpack along the ground, kicking stones as you walked. "Where did she come from?" Eddie thought to himself. You had to live in the same trailer park as there weren't any homes near here... were you the new neighbor? Uh. Oh.

"Do you know who that is? She looks like your type." questioned Dustin giggling

"I don't... but we did just have someone move in." Eddie said shaking his head... they were about to turn off into the park. No sense in offering a ride from here... and admittedly, as curious as he was about you, he didn't want to worry about first impressions while Dustin-sitting. Even if Dustin was one of the coolest kids he knew.

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Pulling up to his modest little home, he and Dustin hopped out of the Van – each grabbing their backpacks and Dustin the box of D&D shit they had grabbed from the choir room where they hosted Hellfire. Eddie unlocked the door and ushered him in, only momentarily noting to himself that this was Dustin's first time seeing their new trailer since the old one had gotten... well... utterly obliterated.

Dustin didn't waste time however before he was investigating the new home that still had boxes of things needing to be unpacked lining walls. He was opening and closing doors, whistling appreciatingly with each new space. Eddie grinned proudly. Truth be told this place really was a nicer home than what they had had before, still a part of him missed the old trailer that had been his home for as long as he could remember. That one had been familiar... all the mugs and caps lining the walls... secondhand furniture...dirty dishes in the sink... Even Eddie's room felt a little foreign to him sometimes. He had hung up some new posters and tried to make it his own again, hung up his beauty over top of a Corroded Coffin banner his new group of friends had made him. All in all, it really was a nice room... but it didn't even smell like home anymore and that kind of bothered him. But hey. He was graduating soon, right?

Dustin had sprawled out on Eddie's floor, completely surrounded by guidebooks, character sheets, models, and dice. He was scribbling away drawing up ideas for the boss and bad guys they'd face this weekend. Eddie sat against the headboard of his bed, acoustic guitar in hand, casually strumming random chords and tunes as he threw suggestions and ideas back and forth with his friend. Within a few hours they both were pretty happy with what they had come up with and Dustin was absolutely vibrating with excitement and beaming with pride. Eddie had made sure to praise him every time he came up with a solid idea (and truth be told he had a lot!) Eddie wanted to make sure to build his confidence up, so he'd feel comfortable taking over the club when it was Eddie's time to go.

"We should probably get you home soon dude." Eddie said as he glanced at the clock. They had definitely gone past when Dustin was usually supposed to be home.

"What time is it?" Dustin asked also glancing to the clock "SHIT YEAH MOMS GOING TO KILL ME!" Dustin exclaimed as he scrambled around, gathering up the things he'd be taking home with him

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He had dropped Dustin off at home and apologized to his mother for getting him home so late with the assurance that they would call next time. She had a soft spot for Eddie after everything so ultimately, they were forgiven for their losing time. Now Eddie was pulling back up to his trailer, taking an extra few to finish Ride the Lightning. It was a grave sin after all, to turn off such great music. He sat bobbing his head slightly, fingers faux strumming chords as he occasionally puffed on a cigarette, eyes closed and lost in the riffs of the song. It was one of few moments of peace he'd been able to find since everything in the Upside down, and it was interrupted by the slamming of a screen door.

Eddie's eyes shot open as he looked around quickly for the source of the noise and found it. You were hurrying off in the direction of the woods that surrounded the park. He could tell you were upset, and it cause something to lurch in his stomach. Eddie quickly shut off the van. Cranked his window up and jumped out, grabbing the stashed flashlight and hurrying off to follow. No one should be in these woods by themselves. But especially after dark. The upside-down threat may be cleared but who knows if something else could be lurking in the shadows.

Chapter 4: Straight Through the Heart

Summary:

They finally meet! Sorry for the sporadic posting schedule -_-' Life... ya know? I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I did!

Chapter Text

Eddie stumbled through the trees, grateful for the little slivers of light the moon shone through the trees. He knew these woods pretty dammed good, but since the Upside Down he didn't particularly like the dark anymore. There was always the involuntary shuddering as goosebumps would prickle along his skin and raise the hair on his neck. He always felt he was being watched in moments like this, but he knew... he KNEW it was just residual fear from trauma. Trauma was a bitch like that. It had its way of sinking its claws into you (just like a demo-dog) and keeping ahold until you either stood your ground – faced and killed it, or let it become your all-consuming state. Eddie fought every goddammed day to not let fear and anxiety overtake him. The panic attacks had become less than that first few weeks back... but sometimes... sometimes it was still bad.

His eyes shifted rapidly searching for signs of where you had gone. He had a pretty good idea of where you would be heading assuming you knew of the clearing where people would sneak off for bonfires and beer. It wasn't quite his picnic table in the woods behind the school, and it wasn't quite skull rock... but it was nice. It was large enough to host at least a good 15 people and secluded enough that you didn't have to hush your voices making it a hot party and make out spot.

Sure, enough he found you where he expected. Fighting with himself, he couldn't decide if it'd be better to make some sort of noise to alert you to his presence or come quietly and slowly. He didn't want to spook you. You were hunched over sitting on a log, your sobs loud, whole body trembling. He could see you fidgeting with something but couldn't quite tell what you were doing. He cleared his throat once deciding it was best to make himself known... but you didn't hear him... so he coughed, loudly... and then stepped out into the clearing. He could see you better now. Your jeans were ripped at the knees (much like his favorite pair) ... usually this was taken as a fashion statement but in his world, it was just because Jeans were expensive and getting a new pair didn't happen all that often. You wore a loose fitting, very faded W.A.S.P. shirt and your hair fell around your face coming down from its ponytail. You looked up at him from where you'd been staring at... what were you staring at? Your arms? Oh... he saw now... you sat with a silver pocketknife grasped in your right hand and he could see the beginnings of slender red slices on the top of your left arm. The little angry gashes looked high enough that you'd be able to hide them with a hooded jacket, even if you pushed the sleeves up a bit... and Eddie knew that had to be intentional. His heart pained for you in that moment as you stared at him, shell shocked... no longer audibly sobbing but tears still leaking from your eyes.

“I'm sorry if I scared you” Eddie said as he stepped only slightly closer “I live in the trailer across from you... I saw you take off and you seemed upset, so I wanted to check on you...” his voice trailed off as his heart thundered in his chest. First impressions man... they matter... and he definitely didn't want to come across as a creep... “Shit... I wasn't like WATCHING you... I was in my van, just got home...”

He could see you were wary, it shone BRIGHTLY in your eyes, and of course you would be. You didn't know him, and he clearly had just found you in a very private moment. You were shuffling on the log, hurriedly trying to jam the knife back in your pocket and cover the little wounds with your hands, which also made it look like you were hugging yourself as you tried to wipe your cheeks on your shoulder with a shrug of each. “I've seen you.” was all you said. Your voice so very quiet, almost a whisper.

Eddie indicated towards the log opposite from you, silently asking to sit. “Yeah? I'm not always the quietest when I come in and out of the park, sorry about that” he forced a shy smile, awkwardly shrugging and playing with his rings... God the anxiety was forming a ball in the pit of his stomach again... a coiled serpent threatening to unwind...no no not right now. Eddie had always had a soft spot for people when they were hurting. Probably due to years of abuse at the hands of his peers and a drunk father when his father WAS around. He was forever the shepherd... finding and comforting lost sheep...giving them a place, a friend group, a “home”. Sitting here in front of him now you definitely looked like the type of person he could welcome into his group easily... well at least he knew you had good music tastes if your shirt was any indication of the fact. Shit... had he been quiet to long?

You were picking at the cuticles of your fingers now, eyes cast downward as you said “I personally don't mind. You've got good music tastes.” you force a slight smile as you look back up at him

Eddie grins brightly, “Thank you! And if your shirt is any indication, you do as well? W.A.S.P huh? A girl after my own heart!” Eddie clutched at his chest then in a dramatic fashion stumbling off backwards off the log hoping to make you smile

He was rewarded for his silliness with a brilliant half smirk and a chuckle, “My mom used to listen to them a lot growing up. This was hers” you say as you tug the bottom of the shirt slightly before going back to picking at your skin “Do you go to the school here? I just started... yesterday. It was shit.”

“Yep. I'm kind of a celebrity there” he laughs “This is my third dammed senior year... liked it so much I had to stick around ya know? But I think this is the year I finally decide to move on.”

“Ahh... a repeater... yeah, I did that too. This is my second senior year technically. We've moved... a lot.” you went quiet then, shifting your gaze back to the ground

“Been there, done that too. Moved in with my uncle when I was like … umm... 8, I think? Or was it 8th grade?” he scratched his face cringing “Sorry... shitty memory.”

You just smiled at him slightly but then an awkward silence settled between you two. Eddie shuffled his feet in the dirt. God why wasn't he better at this... girls... girls' man always gave him some trouble. He tried to be carefree and not care what people think but deep down it was quite the opposite. He didn't want to spill all just yet... he didn't want you to see him in pities light or think him a dammed freak.

“So, like... feel free to tell me to shut up or whatever but... are you okay? You don't have to like to tell me, I know it's not any of my business... but if I can help...” he trailed off

It was your turn to shuffle your feet around now... rubbing your hands along your arms. He could tell you were suddenly self-conscious, and he felt bad for it, but he wasn't the type to turn a blind eye in situations like this. “I know you don't really know me, but you can talk to me if you need too” he said quietly sliding off the log to sit on the ground, back propped against the wood pulling a baggie from his pocket, taking out a joint he looks at you “You mind?”

You shake your head at him indicating you didn't care if he smoked and followed his suit on sliding down onto the ground. He noticed you wince but decided not to mention already feeling like he was pressing for so much. He lit his bud and took a long drag, head falling back as he exhaled before offering it to you. He wasn't sure if you smoked but he didn't want to be rude.

You took the joint, and he watched from a sideways glance, head still upturned, as you suspended the roll between your thumb and forefinger and took a long drag. You took two more before you passed it back to him also sliding off of your log. He watched as you drew shapes in the dirt next to your leg... it was apparent you were thinking, and he didn't want to disrupt that. He waited. He shared his weed, and he waited. It really was a beautiful night he thought to himself. The breeze was not quite warm but also not cold and it blew so softly against his skin. The air was fragrant with the scent of his bud and in distance honeysuckle. Crickets and frogs sang their night songs surrounding you two as the moon shone high in the sky, peeking through treetops. He felt himself relaxing into his earthly seat more, softness overtaking his limbs and mind...keeping his sighs internal as he didn't want you to think that he was bored or impatient.

“It's my dad” your soft voice broke his thoughts “He's a prickhead... and he drinks, like, a lot. It's been like that since mom died. Ironically a drunk driver.” she scoffs “He came home pissed off. I don't even really know why. I never know why.” you were picking up stones and tossing them back at the ground now. “He always brings it home. Whatever's pissed him off I mean. I'm just so tired of it. Tired of cleaning up his fucking bottles and vomit, tired of being told how fucking useless I am, tired of the smell of urine in our goddamn homes or having to move and change schools so much because he can't stop getting into trouble for either whipping his dick out in public or fighting or God knows what other fucking bullshit he's up to. This is it. Once I finish this last month and a half, I'm gone. I'm getting the FUCK out of here and I'm never coming back. I can't do it anymore.”

Eddie felt like his heart was shattering in his chest. Fuck he could relate. He scooted a little closer to you, the toes of his shoes meeting yours and wrapped his arms around his knees as he rested his chin on them and looked to you. A part of him wanted to reach out and take your hand and comfort you... but … realizing now, he didn't even know your name.

“I don't know why I'm telling you all this.” your voice was barely a whisper, tears streaking your cheeks

'Fuck it' Eddie thought to himself before reaching a hand out and wiping away the glimmering jewels of anguish. “I'm so sorry...no one deserves any of that. I'm not trying to take away from your experiences by telling you this, but I felt like I should share too. My old man was the same way... always in and out of prison or gutters after binders. Always drunk... and fuck he was such a hateful drunk. My mom died too...overdose got her. I think that broke dad... I mean he wasn't like father of the year or anything before that, but it only got worse after she died. He stopped caring so much about me... I became more of an accessory to his needs. He had me hotwiring cars for him so he could make get aways or just steal them outright. He taught me how to pickpocket. I didn't feel right doing any of it, but he really didn't give me a choice.”

“Are you still living with him?” you asked quietly, amber eyes burning into his.

“No. Thank God no. My Uncle, Wayne... he came and took me in after the 3rd time of my father going to jail. Uncle Wayne is the best, man. Truly. He really showed me what a father SHOULD be. He did all the things you would expect. Took me fishing, patched my knees when I'd fall, consoled me when I'd angrily fight against him. Man, I don't think he's ever even raised a voice at me. I'm so goddamn lucky. So. So lucky.” Eddie let his own voice trail off now... he hadn't meant to go on a tangent, and he definitely didn't want you to feel like you were throwing his uncle in your face. Sorry...”

“Don't be. He sounds amazing. I'm so glad that at least one of us has someone like that. At least I won't have to be here much longer. I don't know where I'm going to go yet... admittedly I don't really have a plan...” you laugh softly and shit, it's like music to Eddie's ears “I probably should start figuring that out.” you shrug “I've applied for a few scholarships so maybe something will pull through, and I've got a little bit of money saved aside.”

“Hey, we don't always have everything figured out right? If I've learned one thing from watching my uncle over the years, sometimes it's better to just not try and plan everything out and just kind of let everything happen as it will. I mean like obviously try to have some money on hand because you don't want to like to starve but... sleeping in the back of a van is always better than being around people who don't want you in their life.”

“Yeah.” You said softly, glancing back up at Eddie. “All I know is I can't wait. I can't take this much longer... so I'm glad the end is in sight” you laugh again softly, wrapping your arms around yourself in a hug. Eddie felt his heart wrench again. He could swear it stopped beating for a moment and sank all the way into the pit that was his stomach. Not only did your forearms bear sign of years of self-harm... so many little white scars dancing across your freckle kissed skin, but there just barely visible under the sleeves of your shirt were various bruises... a rainbow of healing stages and all the same fingerprint size. He knew then, he understood the unspoken battles you were waging at home... and suddenly he found himself feeling incredibly protective of you. Yeah, he didn't know your name yet... he'd only officially spoken to you for probably what was a few hours at this point... but in that moment... seeing the burdens you have been carrying alone... he knew he had to stay by your side.

Chapter 5: Like the Beat of a Heart

Summary:

Ronnie's POV

TRIGGER WARNING - Abuse and Self Harm.

Chapter Text

The cadence of night had settled around you and the boy you had just met. He had definitely taken you by surprise when he showed up in the woods behind you. A part of you felt incredibly stupid that you hadn't heard him approaching... you were usually very much aware of your surroundings but tonight. God. Tonight, had just been absolutely fucking awful. You had just started making friends at the last school, but of course, like he does... dad had fucked it all up again for you both. You half felt bad because you knew a part of him was just drowning in his grief and guilt, but at the same time so were you...

Dad had come home from the bar already three sheets to the wind. This wasn't anything new. It was more surprising if he came home sober, midday after his shift at the plant and had pizza in hand. Those moments were incredibly rare... and even with everything he's put you through, everything he's done to you...he was still dad, and you couldn't bear to hate him. You wouldn't admit it out loud, but those moments of sobriety were one of your most treasured things. Coming home from a particularly shitty first day at the new school you had hoped that it would have been one of those treasured days. But. When you arrived home and saw his truck still wasn't home, your heart fell to your toes. Nope. You weren't that lucky. Of course not. You had been curled up in your bed, reading when you heard the door to the truck slam. You froze, listening intently, counting his steps. Fuck. Those were his pissed off stomps. You rose quickly and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind you. You knew it really wouldn't do any good but hopefully it'd buy you some time to formulate an escape plan. You hadn't been in this trailer long enough to learn all the routes and tricks yet. The best you could plan for was to run straight to the woods, a natural hiding spot you hadn't had back home.

"Where the fuck are you!?" Your father shouted as slamming the door shut behind him. "LITTLE BITCH I KNOW YOU'RE HERE"

You flinched and stepped into the bathtub, trying to make yourself small.

"Ronnie, WHERE are you!?" his steps were thundering down the hall.

You knew he'd check your bedroom first... you waited, holding your breath... 14... 12.... 9... he was almost to your room.

You quietly climbed out of the tub, gripping the doorknob and bracing yourself. You were going to make a run for it. It was for the best. You knew though that you only had one shot. It was a long shot, but it was your best. 3... 2... GO!

Quicker than a bat out of hell you flung open the bathroom door, running as fast your legs would carry you. The front door, it was right there! Almost. ALMOST!

You felt them. "Fuck. FUCK!" you thought. He had you. His strong fingers dug into your tender biceps. You were suddenly lifting off the ground, being flung away from the door. You tried to relax before the impact, knowing if you tensed your body would hurt worse tomorrow.

Your head hit something... the end table by the couch... that's what it was. Dad was crouching in front of your face now, God... his breath was RANK. You closed your eyes tight against stinging tears as he gripped you by the arms again. Hop heavy breath on your cheek as he hissed at you "There the fuck you are. Thought you could hide from me?" His aggrieved fingers gripping you again.

You swallowed hard but kept your eyes shut tight. He wasn't dad. He was just an angry stranger. That's what you always told yourself in these moments. He wasn't the dad who had taught you to ride a bike. He wasn't the dad who had brushed your back gently when you were sick or put oven mitts on you the time you got chicken pox. This was a tomato faced stranger...

"God you're so fucking useless. You know that?" he hissed as he shook you violently before raising a knee up to your stomach, letting you fall abruptly. He kicked his foot out and it connected with your shin bone then.

You let out the breath you were holding, sharply... and tried not to cry out. That ALWAYS made it ten times worse. "Fuck." You were thankful when he lost interest in you as you lay curled in the fetal position on the shag carpet.

It was a lucky night... you counted his steps again. He was going to the fridge for more beer... this was your chance. Wincing you rose and rushed from the front door, tears spilling. You hurt but it wasn't the worse you'd had.

You were lucky... Blindly rushing through the trees and dense brush you eventually stumbled upon a clearing. It was obviously a party zone. That's good... at least you won't have to worry about animal threats, right? Surely, they'd know not to come around.

You sank yourself onto one of the logs and lifted your shirt enough to inspect the already blossoming bruises that spattered across your pale skin. Yeah, not the worst. Your arms hurt and your mind raced at his words. What had you done this time?

You thought hard... Useless. That was the word this time... I mean you hadn't gotten your room completely unpacked yet, and you didn't start dinner right when you got home. You hadn't been hungry and didn't know when he was expected so you had decided to wait. Was that it?

You didn't see how he could have known though unless it was just the pure lack of the fragrance of cooking food that had alerted him. How could you be so goddamn stupid. You knew better. You fucking knew better.

A tight pain coiled itself in your chest and throat. You felt like you couldn't breathe and the tears, they wouldn't stop. You needed it OUT of you. You didn't want to be in your skin right now.

Everything hurt suddenly and your heart felt like it was going to explode. The tightness of your chest sending a shockwave of pain up and down your spine and between your shoulder blades. You needed this to stop. "Can't. Breathe." Fishing into your pocket you pulled the only friend that you'd been ever able to keep through all the moves.

Prying out the blade as you had done hundreds of times before... pushing up your sleeve. The cold steel bit your flesh. You felt yourself tumbling back into your body... air rushing back into your lungs as you let the steel dance across you skin a couple more times. Never too deep... you didn't want to die... at least not right now. You just needed to.... control?

That's what it was... You needed to control the pain you were feeling and fuck you needed to breathe. You needed the release that came with it... watching in satisfaction as the little cuts grinned their red little mouths at you. Lost in the seduction of the little droplets, you didn't even hear him. At least not until he made it obvious, he was there.

"Fuck. Stupid. Stupid. SO FUCKING stupid!" you chastised yourself. You'd been caught. "Please... just go away" you thought. There was a dark heaviness in his eyes as he captured your gaze. He looked uncomfortable and surprised... but also worried? Could he be worried about you? Why would he? He didn't know you. He didn't know what a fuck up you were. He didn't know why he found you sitting in the middle of the woods, slicing your way to freedom.

"I'm sorry if I scared you..."

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You didn't know how long you two had been sitting here. Your chest and head were definitely a lot lighter. His presence and his pot had helped with that. He didn't know you but here he was offering his ears and his own experiences. He made you feel like you weren't completely alone in this world. If a hug could be a person...

Your ass had gone numb, but you didn't really want to move. You didn't want to go home. You hadn't been this comfortable in... well you couldn't even remember. Holy shit. You didn't even know his name... you sat here pouring your whole ass heart and soul out to this doe eyed man and you didn't even think to ask his name.

His eyes... they absolutely were what had made you feel most comfortable in the first place. Some people's kind hearts truly show through their eyes – and for him... his eyes were a goddamn lighthouse beacon.

When he had first shown up in the clearing you were of course terrified but between his awkward mannerisms and his apparent efforts to try and be there for you... a complete stranger. You were comfortable. Comfortable but absolutely terrified. You didn't want to get close to someone again. You were so tired of being the new kid... never able to solidify friendships.

"I am so sorry... I just realized we've talked about our deep traumas, and I don't even know your name." you forced an awkward smile at the wild haired young man who sat toe to toe with you in the dirt

He laughed then, and your brain could have melted right then. His voice was a goddamn angel choir to your ears.

How could one person be such the epitome of warmth?

"You know, you're absolutely right my woodland princess!" he held his hand out to you, the very same hand that moments before had wiped your tears away. "I'm Eddie! Eddie Munson. The town freak!" he said with a smile that crinkled the lines around his eyes and brought out a dimple in his cheek

"Ronnie. Ronnie Lewis." you smiled back at him, taking his hand, trying not to focus too hard on just how hot it felt in yours... even more so obvious due to the cold ornate steel that decorated his fingers.

You didn't think it possible, but his grin grew even larger hearing your name. "Ronnie? Like as in DIO? Ronnie JAMES DIO?" he was practically bouncing in the dirt.

The sheer sight of him so excited made you giggle "Well, I mean it's actually short for Veronica, but I've always gone by Ronnie. Yeah. I never liked my name." you admitted.

Eddie jumped to his feet and did a small lap around the clearing, fist pumping excitedly, wild hair bouncing with his every movement "SHIT YES!!!! You have the best name!! You should LOVE it!! Ronnie is a GREAT name! Veronica too, it's beautiful but RONNIE? Ronnie takes the cake man! Infact..." he practically dropped back into the dirt in front of you "We're friends now... and I'm going to call you Dio! You don't get a say in the matter." he declared, grinning

There was that dimple again. You couldn't help but grin back. You'd never been given a nickname before. At least not one you'd wear with pride.

"What does that make you to me?" you asked with a smile "If I get a nickname, shouldn't you have one too?"

"That's entirely up to you sweetheart!" he beamed.

"Oh god." you thought to yourself, feeling heat creep rapidly into your face, grateful for the dark that had settled around you two.

"I'll have to think on it then." you said smiling back at him

The temperature had dropped pretty significantly since when you first had come out into the woods. You were starting to shiver slightly, and goosebumps had taken residence on your chilled skin. He must have noticed because he was suddenly standing beside you, draping his leather jacket across your shoulders.

You looked up at him with wide eyes, absolutely surprised by the gesture and were met with another one of his dazzling smiles, but this one was so much softer than the others had been. This one ... softened every feature of his face. His beautiful face. You smiled back as you rose yourself up off the ground, standing now shoulder to shoulder.

"I guess we should head back." he said softly, kicking at the dirt, arms crossed over his chest

"Yeah..." you replied quietly "Probably should. He should be passed out by now."

You didn't really want to go home, but you also knew you needed to sleep. 6 am came so dammed early.

"Hey so... I didn't really want to say anything but..." he paused; anxiety etched across every inch of his body "If you ever need a place to run... just come knock on my door, okay? I know you don't know me that well yet but... I promise, I won't ever hurt you. Also... I saw you were walking home today... do you need a ride to school and back?"

"I don't want to be a burden." you shrugged and huffed, gripping his jacket tightly around you, trying to hide your face slightly inside it... knowing you were glowing with embarrassment again.

"Don't ever think that way, okay? Not with me. I promise. You're my Dio now!" he grinned awkwardly, giving your hip a gentle bump with his

All you could do was smile back, completely taken aback. How could he be such a kind person. After everything he had told you about himself, everything he had been through... and he didn't even know you, not really. If he knew what you had done... would he still be looking at you with such kindness? You were a fucking monster. At least that's what dad always told you.

_______________________________________________

You regretfully unwrapped yourself from the comforting cocoon of his leather jacket and held it out to him. You two were standing on the edge of the forest now, both of your homes within sight. Your eyes kept flickering between him, his home, and the dark of windows of yours.

"It looks like he's asleep. Thank goodness." you said softly, mostly to yourself.

"Remember what I said ok?" Eddie smiled again "And I'll see you in the morning?" His smile was quickly going to become one of your favorite things... you just knew it.

"Fuck." You were in trouble. So so so much trouble. But this time, you allowed yourself to like it.

You nodded and returned his smile. You could feel the tension raising in your body again, but you didn't want him to know you were anxious.

"I'll see you in the morning sunshine." You felt embarrassment mingling with the anxiety now. Your mouth had been faster than your brain and you quickly half jogged to your door.

Standing on the little wooden porch watching as he did the same on his. You gave him a little wave before reaching back to grasp your doorknob. Holding your breath as you slipped into the darkness. You stood still as a statue and listened after pulling the door shut behind you – turning the knob ever so carefully as to try and make as little noise as possible.

All was quiet minus the loud sawing snores of your father. He was passed out in his recliner. You were safe. You knew he'd sleep until well past time when you would be gone in the morning.

Still, you were incredibly careful as you tiptoed to your bedroom and locked the door tight. You let out a breath you held automatically in these moments. Every muscle in your body relaxing as much as your anxiety would allow.

Crossing your room, shedding the clothes from your lower half as you went too tired to worry about pajamas. Exhaustion hit you like a brick. You sighed heavily, allowing yourself to smile as your thoughts returned back to Eddie and how he had pulled you from a very dark place. Being around him was so easy. You couldn't wait until the morning. For the first time, in a very long time, you were excited to wake up early.

Chapter 6: I Never Cry

Summary:

Sorry this one took me longer than I expected it too! My kids kept distracting me lol!

TW on this one. Talks of Suicide and Sexual Abuse (not graphically)

Chapter Text

Eddie hadn't really had a crush per-say since seeing Lita Ford strap on a glossy black B.C. Rich just like his one and only Sweetheart. Her music wasn't really what he'd let anyone know he liked. A guilty pleasure he indulged in on the rare occasions he actually decided to clean his room. Like... actually clean it. All that being said being said because when he saw you step out of your trailer that morning... the sun barely peeking above the horizon, casting a golden glow across sparkling grass, he felt like the air had been knocked out of his very lungs.

 

Of course, he had seen that you were pretty the night before, but you had been so distraught he hadn't even dared to see you in THAT light. But now, here you were looking like a goddamn goddess as you bounced your way down the wooden steps and towards his van. You were completely covered and yet your clothes hung to your form in a way that just left bare minimum to the imagination. The exception being the jacket... THAT jacket that he'd seen you wearing the first time he saw you. Much like his favorite vest your jacket was a dark blue denim, faded in areas to a pale blue. Various band patches and artwork littered across the distressed fabric.

 

Underneath it you were dressed in black ripped skinny jeans, much like his own – fishnets stockings could be seen at the knees. Your top was a simple black t-shirt that had been shredded along the right hip and tied into little knots, allowing the fabric to pull tight against your skin, hugging your curves. Your hair was loose and wild across your shoulders, raven waves of soft curls. You wore a bare amount of eyeliner, and that was it. Picking his jaw up off of the ground he quickly opened the passenger door and held out his hand to help you in. He was always chivalrous in ways he could be. His Uncle had taught him that.

“Good morning Dio! You look nice today.” he said grinning ear to ear

 

“Thanks. Morning Eddie.” you smiled shyly as you slipped into the torn leather seat, stuffing your backpack on the van floor. He was suddenly glad that he had woken a little bit earlier to clean out the van a bit. It certainly would have been embarrassing to have you slide in and see the array of snack trash from 3 am munchie runs. Sometimes when he wouldn't sleep, he'd take his stash and grab some snacks and drive out to “Lover's Lake” and just sit, smoke, eat and try to let his mind slip away.

 

“You can pick a tape if you want, I may have something in there you'd like judging off your jacket. It's bad ass by the way... did you paint it yourself?” he popped open the glove compartment where all his tapes were housed and then leaned against the frame of the van awaiting your answer.

 

He watched as you plucked an Alice Cooper cassette from the glove box, turning it over in your hands and inspecting the song list. Uh oh. A woman after his own heart.

 

“Yeah, it took a pretty dammed long time to get it just right too. Is this, okay?” you held the cassette up Goes to Hell

 

“Shit yeah! That's one of my favorites!” he closed your door and quickly ran to the other side, hopping up and in and quickly turned it over, taking the cassette from you and sliding it into the radio he turned the tunes up only about half what he normally would so as not to make you feel like he didn't want to talk to you.
_________________________________________________________

 

Most of the ride had been fairly quiet minus the tape. He had noticed you tapping your fingers along and he had started playing air guitar for you anytime you guys would come to a stop sign which made you giggle. He had so many things he wanted to ask you about, but he just didn't want to make you uncomfortable or potentially bring up something unpleasant, especially so early in the morning. He had asked about who your teachers were and invited you to sit with them at lunch. You two had talked about the art on your jacket a little more.

 

He had learned that your mother was a brilliant artist. No doubt where you got the talent. He had learned that your favorite band of all time was Scorpions, but W.A.S.P. was a close second. He had learned that you wanted to learn how to play guitar like Lita Ford. That one had made his heart literally skip a beat, and he could have run off of the road right then and there picturing you holding his warlock in your hands, absolutely making love to the fret boards, hair wild as you head banged along to your own tunes. "Shit." He felt like he was losing his goddamned mind. He definitely wanted to make sure that happened.

 

You were quickly becoming a hyper-fixation and that was a problem. He barely knew you; you barely knew him. You were new and just needed friends. You didn't need some repeat senior being horny for you. You didn't need him dragging down your reputation. He knew you'd get labeled as a freak automatically by hanging around with him and the Hellfire misfits, but he also knew that you were going to get it anyways simply because you didn't dress like Molly Ringwald... so why not protect you however he could.

 

And God, that was brain rot. He wanted to protect you, more than anything else. You clearly had so much bad going on in your life, and with everything he had been through because of this shit show town, he knew what that was like. Even if the situations were so very different. Ever since last night when he'd found you in the woods a fire had sparked within him unlike any other, he'd ever experienced. He wanted to ask about last night too. He really wanted to make sure you were okay... but that he knew would have to wait for another time.

He had planned on you two arriving a little bit early, but not a whole ass 20 minutes early. Not that he minded, it just meant more time to spend with you right? He had come to the conclusion that even if nothing ever happened between you two, he definitely wanted to be your friend. Not entirely sure he deserved it, but he hoped for it.

 

“So, I play in a band. Guitar and Vocals” Eddie was drumming at the steering console “You should definitely come see us play next Tuesday, if you can I mean” he added now rubbing his face nervously “And uh... if you want a private show sometime, I'd be happy to play for you.”

 

You were staring at him and shit it made him nervous. He could feel his face turning into a tomato and he quickly pulled some of his wild mane in front of his face to help hide it, hoping you hadn't noticed. The grin he had been wearing since he picked you up hadn't slipped a single bit.

 

“Eddie are you asking the new girl out on a date?” your voice held no humor

A lump formed in Eddie's throat that he quickly tried to swallow down.

“Uh... well no... no not really? I uhh... just thought you'd like our music and would like to get out and see...”

 

You busted out laughing then, face absolutely alight with glee. “Chill Sunshine, I'm just teasing you. God your face... I need to add that to the list of things to do more often.”

 

Eddie nervously flicked his tongue across his lower lip before drawing it between his teeth and chewing. A habit he had been trying to break since his early teen days. He forced a chuckle, trying to not show how he'd been holding his breath just a moment ago, mind racing a thousand times a minute as he tried to figure out a way to respond that wouldn't scare you off but also ruin any future potential that could be built. He was attracted to you yes, but he also didn't think he deserved you, so he didn't have any plans to pursue you...but he also didn't want that completely taken off the table either.

 

A loud knock interrupted any further thought processes or conversations that could take place and sent both of you jumping out of your skins. Eddie spun around to see who the fuck..

 

“HENDERSON GOD DAMMIT! JESUS H. CHRIST!!” Eddie opened his van door, knowing there was no point in even trying to ignore the curly top.

The freshman stood there grinning ear to ear “GOOD MORNING!!! Are you gonna get out of your van and actually come to school today? Or... just sit there and... oh... hi?” He had spotted you.

 

Eddie groaned. He knew questions were going to FLY once you were out of sight. Even though he'd had a few hookups over his high school career, he'd never had an actual girlfriend. He had tried once and thought that he had found the girl of his dreams... but as it turns out, of course, she was just dared to date him.

She just wanted to see what kind of shit show his home was and if he actually was a Satan worshiping freak. Fucking Jason Carver had put her up to it. Paid her even. Yep, there was a name he wouldn't soon miss. He felt bad for Jason's family and even had turned up to pay his respects at the funeral (which also had been a mistake), but he couldn't help but be glad that that blonde fuck was gone.

Eddie sprung from the driver's seat, holding up his finger indicating Dustin to wait as he ran to the other side of the van to hurry and open your door for you, offering his hand to help. Dustin of course followed behind.

 

“This is Ronnie, she just moved in across from me. Be nice Henderson, or I'll make sure you don't get any good loot until I'm long gone from Hellfire.”

 

You flashed the freshman a smile “Hey.”

 

Dustin smiled back; he did that whenever he could now that his teeth had fully come in. It was a smile that conveyed kindness sure, but also absolute mischief. Eddie felt that little ball tightens up in his stomach again. “Please don't embarrass me Henderson.” Eddie thought to himself

“Hey! It's nice to actually met you! We saw you the other day on the road. Cool jacket by the way.”

The warning bell rang.

 

“Shit. I better get to class. Okay. I'll see you at lunch!? Nice to meet you, Dustin!” Eddie watched as you rushed away from them, slinging your backpack over one shoulder.

 

Dustin slapped Eddie on the shoulder “Dude. Crushing on the new girl? Already?”

 

Eddie snapped his head around “Shut it Henderson” he growled, rubbing his face and wrapping an arm around himself in a hug. “Get to class.”
_____________________________________________________

 

The day had been uneventful, same shit just a different day. Lunch was here and Eddie squatted in his chair, lunch pail completely untouched as he scanned the lunchroom waiting for you to appear. “Finally! He stood up from his seat so you'd see him, not that you could have missed him with the way he was frantically waving.

 

“Hey Eds, Hey Dustin. Hello guys.” you smiled at the table

 

“Hey! About time you joined us. I was starting to think you were ditching without me.” Eddie grinned

 

“Nah Munson, we'll do that after lunch? Unless you got tests today?” you were staring straight at him, the weight of your gaze melting Eddie into a puddle in his chair

 

“Nope, no tests... I'm free as a bird.” Eddie stretched back in his chair extending his arms outwards and making wing gestures

 

You rolled those beautiful chocolate orbs at him, but grinned and laughed “It's a date then.” Eddies heart could have stopped. He knew you hadn't meant it, there was no way but...
_____________________________________________________

 

Lunch had gone off without a hitch and now the two of you were stealing down the halls leading out the side doors that next to no one used. The ones that led into the field that led into the back woods. You had made a pit stop at your locker, snatched your bag and the two of you ran, giggling. Eddie chased you across the football field and into the trees, laughing at you as you stumbled over branches in the unfamiliar terrain. He quickly pulled ahead of you and took the reins of leading, extending his elbow for you to loop yours through.

 

Now you sit side by side on top of the old rickety picnic table. You had been quiet for the past few moments, and it was starting to make Eddie a little worried. He kept stealing glances your way only to find you staring at your shoes or picking at your fingers or staring upwards at the trees.

 

“Alright Sweetheart, you, okay?” Eddie asked, breaking the silence "You went from giggles and a good time to... well I don't know. You're worrying me though."

 

“Yeah... I'm sorry. I was just thinking about last night.” Your voice barely above a whisper... there went cuticle picking again.

 

He had figured as much. “Hey. You have nothing to apologize for. Honestly, I've been thinking about last night too. I know it must have been embarrassing to be found in such a … vulnerable state by a complete stranger... but thank you for trusting me to be there for you.” Eddie nudged his shoulder against yours gently

 

“It felt really good to get that shit off of my chest... and it felt like since I didn't know you, it wouldn't hurt as bad if I scared you off with my crazy problems.” you were rubbing your hands over the arm that you had been cutting on; clearly a subconscious movement.

 

“Listen Sweetheart, we all have problems. I'm absolutely the last person to judge how someone handles everything they're going through. Truth be told, I've been through my fair share of shit... if I told you everything you probably wouldn't even believe half of it because it's so goddamn wild.”

 

“Me too. Eddie it's been so much. I don't know how the fuck I'm still here sometimes. I can't remember a time when I didn't cut myself up. I don't really understand why I do it, I just know that it helps me feel not so out of sync with my own life. I'm not proud of its Eddie. I wish I could stop, but sometimes my brain just goes on these high-speed train rides, and I can't find a station to get off at. Sometimes I'm a stranger in my own dammed head. I don't know why I'm telling you all of this, or told you all of that last night but... I think I'm glad that I just found someone that I CAN talk to. I've never had friends... not really.” It pained Eddie deeply to hear the sadness tinging your voice as your vocals shook. He knew you were trying not to cry. He slid off of the picnic table and sat on the bench to the side, pulling on the cuff of your jeans to indicate you to turn so he could meet your gaze.

 

“Listen to me pretty girl, are you listening?”

 

You simply nodded your head, moving one of your knees to your chest and wrapping your arms around your leg, hugging yourself. Eddie really wanted to be the one to hug you in that moment, but he resisted, controlling himself. You needed to talk right now. That much was definitely clear.

“You can always talk to me. I promise I will always answer for you. My door. My window. My phone. Whatever you need, even when we're both long gone out of this shithole town. You don't know me well yet yeah sure, but I'm a man of my word, ask my friends. I'm not going anywhere, and I most certainly won't judge you for anything you tell me. If it helps, I'll even tell you some of the fucked-up shit about myself, not that I'm interesting at all. But we are friends now Dio. You're amazing from what I can tell so far. So incredibly smart, beautiful, and have a wicked sense of humor AND taste in music? Hello! You are stuck with me. Promise.” Eddie had braved and let himself rest his hand on the toe of your shoe.

As his eyes met yours, he hoped that you saw the absolute sincerity burning them bright. He meant it even more as he watched the tears start falling freely from yours. He didn't know why. He just knew that he would walk through the upside down again for you if that's what it took (and fuck he really didn't want to go there again.)

You quickly wiped your tears away and moving your hands so you could rest your chin on one palm, the other hand wrapping back around yourself as you nodded at him. Eyes still shining but no longer crying. “Can I tell you something? I've never told anyone this before.”

 

Eddie nodded “Of course you can Angel. I'd be happy to help carry your secret burdens.”

 

“Eddie, before we moved here. I tried to end it. I tried to end it all. I'd never gotten that far gone before but it was so fucking bad Eddie. He... he hurts me. My dad. I know you saw them. But that was the worst it's ever been. Eddie he... he...” he watched as fear gripped his chest and your head fell forward. You were using your hair as a curtain to hide from the world, hide from him. He knew that move very well as sometimes he did it too. “He raped me.” There it was. Ice hit his gut and flowed through every vein in his body. Eddie didn't even trust his voice in that moment, so he just put both hands on your shoes now. Not wanting to encroach your personal bubble but also wanting you to know he was still supporting you. He was still listening. The ice quickly turned to fiery anger, but he kept it pushed down. You had returned to wracking sobs. He waited for a moment, just rubbing his thumbs over your shoes, fingers wrapping a bit to touch your ankles

 

“Your father?” he asked simply... you nodded

 

“Yes. He's touched me before... when I was little, but I didn't know better than... but he was drunk... it wasn't him. It wasn't his fault.” your voice was so small. God. Eddie was so fucking angry. He wanted to go there now and just … just Vecna him. He felt sick. So very sick.

 

“Angel I'm so sorry...but it was completely his fault. Alcohol or not. That's not something fathers do...I mean I only had Wayne but... you didn't deserve that, and you did NOTHING wrong. Only He did.” He was trying to be careful with his words... he didn't want to upset you further but the anger he felt was also tinged with that familiar ball of anxiety. He didn't know how to handle this. He'd never had to before... he was doing his best and he hoped that it was just enough.

 

“I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be here anymore. I first noticed it when I was like...9... after the first time... but when you grow up constantly wishing for death, it just kind of becomes a common comfort in the back of your mind. You think of all the ways it could happen, what you could do to help it. You have moments where your fine and as happy as your broken brain lets you but then you'll slip and suddenly everything's dark again and you can't breathe. God you can't catch a breath. You try and try, and crying doesn't help, cutting doesn't satisfy. It hurts so bad you just wish for it to stop. But you're a coward. You can't end it. You're not brave enough... but you also can't begin to let yourself dream of the future. You just kind of resign yourself to a fate shrouded in darkness.” You were staring off into the trees, the crying had stopped but your voice was just kind of hollow as you spoke.

 

Eddie just sat quietly listening, he'd felt a little bit of that. He'd always struggled with anxiety and abandonment. He'd always wondered what he'd done wrong to make it, so his parents left him the ways they did. He knew his mom was sick... addiction was a sickness... but his dad... his father just didn't want to be a part of his life. He got it, as best as he could... but his trauma was nothing to yours. He stood up from his seat below you which drew your eyes back to him, snapping you back to the moment. He sat back up on the table beside you but turned towards you. You turned towards him as well.

“You were never part of my life plan Eddie. Dustin wasn't, Gareth, Jeff, Mike or Will. None of them. You have been so kind to me... you're incredible Eds. For the first time in my life, I think... this morning I woke up excited for the day. It's so fucking stupid because I literally JUST met you last night... but already you've given me so much more than I could ever ask for. That's so stupid and cheesy I know but I'm so thankful.”

 

“Doll, stop. It's not stupid. I'm happy to make you happy and I know my guys are too. Faces as pretty as yours shouldn't be streaked in tears all the time. Besides. It's not like you're proposing... now that would be too soon” he nudges at your shoulder lightly, trying to make you smile. It worked. It's small but you do smile, just a little bit. It barely travels to your eyes, but he'll take it.

 

“Can I hug you?” he asked

Your tiny smile turned into a larger one, and this one met your eyes making them shine like two amber stones lit with sunshine from within. “Yeah. Sure.”

 

He slid closer and wrapped his arms around your upper torso, smashing his face into your hair and yours into his shoulder. He felt your arms surround him back and he felt you relax in his arms.

 

That was the best feeling... feeling you physically just let go and surrender your pain into that healing circle. He reached a hand up and started petting the length of your long raven locks, humming a soft quiet tune that he hoped you wouldn't be able to pinpoint. He was trying not to think too hard in that moment on how soft it was under his fingers... or how you smelt like cinnamon and vanilla... or how perfectly you felt in his arms. “Too soon.” he silently told himself knowing full well that if this kept up... he was in trouble.

“Thank you, Eds.,” you whispered softly

 

“You don't have to thank me. I told you Babe. Absolutely any time. I have you.”

Chapter 7: Prisoner of Your Eyes

Chapter Text

Weeks had passed and what had started out as nervous car rides to and from school, now were energetic “discussions” on who the best musicians were, best solo riffs, or just random Hellfire campaign ideas back and forth until you ultimately arrived at the dreaded place called school. I mean I guess it wasn't TOO bad when Eddie thought about it. He got to see you in the halls, and during lunch. He stuck to your side as if glued, as much as he possibly could.

The end of the year was coming quickly and while he was elated that he was finally going to graduate (as long as he didn't suddenly get complacent and let everything slip away from him). He thought that everything he'd ever wanted was within his grasp. He had been so completely sure of it. That is, until he met you that night in the woods. He had never met someone as radiant as you are before. You drew him in without intention. When faced with the thoughts of going forward into the world, without you? Holy fuck his whole world looked so much less colorful. You were his best friend. The sunlight breaking through the darkness. The thought of leaving you behind made his heart in a way that it hadn't since that night that he'd found his mama. With everything he knew about your home life, he wanted nothing more than to whisk you away from it all. He was no hero, but he could be a safety bubble at least.

A familiar routine had settled upon your days together. Go to school, come home, you would go home and make dinner and hide out until your father ultimately passed out, and then you'd sneak over to his trailer where the real dinner would happen, and then usually after that it was time to knock out any homework due. You were definitely keeping him accountable. You knew that he'd never forgive himself if he flunked out a third time, especially with a mere month left. You usually had to rush back home shortly after midnight, just to be sure that your father wouldn't find out you'd left... but on weekends he usually spent his entire weekends in various bars or passed out in his car somewhere, so those were Eddie's favorite. Those were when you stayed. Tonight, was one of those nights.

You were laying on your stomach on the floor, chemistry textbook and notebook open as you tried to finish the brutal study guide that'd been assigned for the final. You were chewing on the eraser of your pencil, brows knitted together and legs / feet kicking back and forth in the air slowly. Eddie was leaning against the wood of his headboard, his Sweetheart in his lap as he played random chords, humming softly. His own chemistry textbook and notebooks scattered across the bedding – forgotten.

You sighed heaving and let both your pencil and forehead hit your book in a dramatic fashion. Eddie looked up from the guitar in his lap with a half grin “I gave up a while ago. I was wondering when you would too.” he chuckled

“Listen, I'm not giving up but if I don't take a break my brain is going to melt out of my ears and all over your carpet.”

 

“Eww. I most certainly do not want that.” laughed Eddie

He couldn't help but watch as you stood up off of the floor, stretching your body long. He watched as your top peeked little glimpses of skin as your hands reached for the ceiling. He could have choked on his own pulse as he watched those beautiful muscles right where the thigh met your ass flex with your stretch. The desire to leap from the bed and dig his fingertips into that fleshy muscle … Eddie blinked rapidly looking away from you and back to his frets. His eyes were no longer lingering, but his dammed thoughts sure were.

Suddenly you were flopping onto his bed next to him, sending his textbooks to the floor with a loud thump. “I'm hungry. Let's go out.”

“What are you thinking you'd like to eat?” Eddie knew what he wanted to eat.

“I'd say the diner for a burger but... it'll be busy.... pizza?”

“We could order in?” Eddie suggested

 

“Eddie, we literally do that all the time. I want to go OUT.”

 

In his own way Eddie was thinking of you. It was one thing to be seen at school together, the fact that you two were friends no secret... but to see you together outside of school... well that held other implications. He didn't want to damage your reputation further than had already been done.

 

“Besides, we need to return our tapes.”

Eddie groaned then, knowing that meant seeing Steve. He didn't hate Steve, not by any means... in fact after everything that had happened in the Upside Down he had quite a soft spot for The Hair... but no one needed to know that. Including Steve.

“Alright, alright... whatever the lady wishes” he grinned as he moved off of the bed, returning Sweetheart to her peg and grabbing his jacket from the dresser.

“DIBS ON THE RADIO” you shouted, giggling as you ran out the door. Eddie rolled his eyes but smirked knowing he was probably about to be tortured the whole way to Family Video... but also not entirely caring. He grabbed the tapes from the top of the TV, briefly checking to make sure they were all in there cases and rewound before following you out.”

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He couldn't help but laugh. It was one of those laughs that rolls up all the way from the depths of his belly and warmed his entire body. He found that he did that a lot with you... You were so animated in the seat beside him, hands switching between drums or air guitar as you thrashed your head around singing at the top of your lungs to whatever Scorpions song was blasting through the vans speakers. Sometimes he wondered how in moments like these, you could be so carefree, with everything you'd been through and were going through. You always seemed to find ways to just keep moving forward, and he envied you of that. So often he would find himself back in the upside down, those dammed bats thrashing around him, tearing into him, thinking he was going to die... so many times the panic and fear would creep up into him and takeover his entire body... he wouldn't even be able to find the drive to get out of bed in those moments... and he couldn't count how many times he'd woken Wayne screaming his terrors in the middle of the night. Maybe that was the reason he was so enamored with you... when you were around... peace would settle over his brain and body. His mind wandered on less dark routes. You were like... you were like a good blunt. Peace and calm wrapped up into one neat package. So very easy to enjoy.

Family Video was the first stop. You were perusing the shelves while he lingered near the checkout desk. His eyes tracking couldn't help but track you while Steve carried on about his flavor of the week and forever evolving Nancy woes. It'd been ages now... he still didn't get how this man whose ego was as big as his hair still hadn't managed to pick his balls up off the floor and make a move to get his woman back. Maybe it's because Eddie hadn't been in that situation himself. Confidence wasn't exactly his strong suit, especially now that he was littered with scars. Once the freak, now the scarred freak. Now that, was his strong suit.

You came bouncing up to the desk carrying a small stack of tapes with a megawatt grin, effectively pulling him out of his spiral.

“Did you find anything good? No girly flicks right?” he teased

You rolled your eyes at him but your grin didn't slip “Actually, I'll have you knnooooowwwww, not ALL girl flicks.” you teased as you passed him the tapes: Legend, Fright Night, Teen Wolf, and Cat's Eye. Eddie was also surprised to find at the bottom of the stack The Hobbit. Shit. He didn't take you for a Tolkien girl... or did you just see the books in his room? Good god you really knew how to hit a nerd in the heart.

“I guess these will work.” He grinned and teased back passing them to Steve

Steve took the tapes as he looked between the two of you quickly a grin curling his lips “Munson, when did you get yourself a girlfriend? You're too pretty for the likes of him ya know it?”

Eddie groaned and flashed him a look preparing a rebuttal. You however, surprised them both by quipping up first.

 

“Actually I think he's too pretty for me.” and grinned, eyes flashing with mischief

 

Eddie licked his lips quickly and then chewed his lower lip nervously, his mind running as fast as his heart. She thinks I'm pretty? Wait... She didn't dispute the girlfriend comment? Oh god. Wait... Shit Munson say something!

“Earth to Munssonnnnn” Steve's voice broke through his thoughts chuckling with a giggling you as Eddie felt himself turn about 30 shades of red

“Have a good trip?” you asked

“Yep! I'll take you along with me next time. What was the total HAIRington?”

“$4.80 freak.” Steve said grinning

Eddie roughly slapped a five in Steve's open palm, grinning back “Keep the change, I know you must need it working here.”

“Ohhhh Eddie” Steve moaned “How very generous of you sir!”

“Alright you two, as much as I'm enjoying watching this flirting dance here Eddie and I have places to be today.” you giggled, grin lighting up your entire face as you raced out the door, the bell twinkling as you exited

“Sorry Stevie, the ladies right! Gotta go! But thank you!" he blurted out, racing after you.

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Ronnie's POV

Back in the van, a fresh cassette selected Eddie turned his face towards you, elbow poised on the rolled down window, other hand resting on the steering wheel. God be dammed, how did he always look so dammed beautiful. You had noticed that he didn't dispute Steve's comment about you being his girlfriend. She had found that incredibly interesting but chose to file it away for later... chalking it up to wishful thinking? She'd never had a boyfriend before. Not a real one at least. There had been boys that used her for their needs, there had been boys who she had met at camp, who existed purely through letters that came a week at a time... but a boy who actually took interest in her for HER? That was a foreign concept. She played it off well but truthfully her self-esteem was pretty shit. She thought herself a freak and hated the idea of anyone seeing her bare scar kissed skin. She'd first started cutting on herself when was 9? or was she 10? It didn't matter... she had been much too young to even be thinking the way she did then. That had been the very first time someone had touched her wrongly. She always wondered why she attracted them... the men who just wanted to touch her... to use her up and forget about her. Toss her out like yesterday's garbage. Everyone. From her babysitter to her dad. Maybe it was what she deserved. Maybe it was all she was good for.

Eddie snapped his fingers and clapped his hands “Sweetheart? Dio? Ronnie HELLLOOOO?”

 

She blinked away the mist that had started to form in her eyes and flashed him a smile “Hi Eds, Sorry, got lost in my brain there for a moment...”

He flashed her a worried look “Are you okay? Did I do something or say something?”

She smiled again, reaching out a hand to touch his knee “No no... it wasn't you, I promise. I just space out sometimes. I don't think I slept well last night? What were you saying? I'm sorry...” Shit. I hope he isn't mad at me

Eddie smiled softly “It's okay, I know how it goes. I do it too sometimes.” he says tapping on his own curly mane. “I was asking if you wanted to go for a drive with me, I have some place I'd like to show you... but if you're too tired or you need to head home, we can take a rain check.”

She shook her head rapidly “No I'd honestly love that. I'm in no hurry. I'm not expecting dad to be home until tomorrow morning honestly. It's poker night at the bar.”

Eddie grinned and bounced a little in his seat. “Great! Pitstop first!”

Within 10 minutes of driving, and an encore of air guitar and drum solos from you they pulled up at their second to last destination (family video had been the first.) A pizza joint but not the one she was used to? It looked incredibly shady... run down even... the white and green canopy that spread across the front of the joint that read “Greeks Pizzeria” was ripped and dirty.

 

“Uhh... Eddie? Are you sure this place is even in business?”

 

“Yep! Wait here sweetheart! I'll be right back!” Eddie said grinning as he hopped from the van.

It must have been 10 minutes, maybe 15 but fuck it felt like forever. Finally Eddie had returned with a brown cardboard box that looked positively wet with, sodden with grease when he passed it to you through your window.

“Eddie...” you started to protest, cringing at the wet box... but then the smell hit your nose. “Holy shit... that smells actually GOOD.”

Eddie grinned at you before running to his side, and hopping back into the van. “I KNOW! TRY it before you DENY it babbbbbyyyyyy. It's seriously the best pizza here in town... I try to keep it a secret but like you're special soooo you get to be in the know.”

You lifted the lid slightly, peeking into the box and your mouth instantly watered. He had gotten a large pepperoni and mushroom with what appeared to be EXTRA EXTRA cheese. There were pepperoni grease pockets glistening on top of the bubbled cheese. It truly looked like a divine pie. She closed the box back and looked over to Eddie who had resumed their drive.

“Where are we going Eds?”

“That's for me to know, and you to find out. We're just about there though so close your eyes and keep them shut until I say.

“Ok bossy britches.” you teased but leaned back in your seat, shifting the hot box to your other leg and closing your eyes.

You felt the van begin to shake and jolt as the tires went over what was obviously uneven terrain. You squeezed your eyes shut tighter against the urge to peek. You knew you had been close to a wooded area but you still weren't really familiar with Hawkins. Especially since Eddie had swooped into your life so suddenly and your already small world had abruptly became centered around your time with him. That wasn't a complaint by any means. You had come to treasure your time with Eddie. You couldn't help but think back to Steve's tormenting at the video shop. You had thoroughly enjoyed watching Eddies reaction. Watching his face change through just about every imaginable shade of red. You felt the van stop, and then some shifting was done... then stop again.

 

“Keep your eyes shut still!!” Eddie said as he turned the van off and hopped out. You heard his feet crunching over gravel as he hurried around to the back of the van. The back doors were opened, and you heard rustling from behind you. You wanted to peek so badly... but you truly didn't want to ruin the surprise. Finally, after a lot of chaotic rummaging: “Okay you can open them but don't look this way please, eyes forward only! Go ahead and pick another tape for us?”

You slid the pizza box onto the dashboard of the van and popped open the glove box rummaging around until you found what you were had seen earlier. Judas Priest – Screaming for Vengeance. Turning up the volume slightly as The Hellion began playing and Eddie had reached your door again. He opened the door and grabbed the pizza box with one hand while holding out his other to you “Keep your eyes closed still.” he reminded

You scoffed in faux annoyance and took his hand, hopping down from the passenger seat. Standing awkwardly as you waited to be guided. You knew he was just going to have you climb in the back of the van, so you didn't quite understand all the mystery. Hyper focusing on Eddie's hand in yours... it was soft but also not? It was hard to describe the texture of his calloused fingers. Obviously, he played guitar, you knew that... but somehow you figured they'd be a lot rougher to touch than this. His palm was slightly sweaty... was he nervous?

“Alright, open em.”

 

Opening your eyes, you couldn't help but gasp. In front of you was a vast lake, its waters glistening like blue beryl gems kissed by white diamonds where the waves kissed into each other. Along the shoreline ran just about every kind of tree Indiana could imagine...douglas firs, maples, majestic oaks... you name it. Hugging the feet of the trees were wildflowers of variety, streaks of different vibrancy. You didn't know such a beautiful place existed in this tiny crap shit of a town.

“Oh... wow....” you squeaked out “Eddie where are we?”

“Well...I didn't name the place...” he chuckled lightly “but welcome to Lover's Lake. I thought we could eat our pizza and enjoy the sunset... if that's not stupid I mean.” he said rubbing his face and picking at his lower lip

 

“I love the idea Eds.” You flashed him the biggest smile, trying to reassure him and calm the nerves he clearly wasn't hiding well. You had noticed then that he had lay down a faded flannel blanket in the back of the van. The pizza box sat untouched. You also noticed he had his acoustic guitar laying behind the van seats. He'd clearly put a little thought into this and the thought of that made every inch of your body vibrate with gaiety. “Eddie... if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to make this into a date.” you teased softly and smiled as you watched his face instantly transition into a vibrant cerise. You climbed up into the back of the van and settled against the side, dangling your legs over the edge and swinging them back and forth as you patted beside you, inviting the nervous nelly of a man to join you.

Eddie crawled in next to you, assuming a similar position and opening the pizza box between the two of you. Grabbing a slice, he shoved it into his face clearly trying to distract you. You two sat in silence, watching the waves lap against the shoreline. Fever had come over the speakers. You were shifting to the musics' beat as you took a slice for yourself, the silence between you two only slightly thick with the awkward tension of unspoken words. Well, this is new? you thought to yourself. Eddie wasn't normally the quiet type. He almost always was carrying on about something. You loved it honestly. Watching him become animated over something he was passionate about. His hands ALWAYS got involved in the conversation... it was endearing when anyone would get so passionate about something... but with Eddie... fuck it was downright adorable.

She was still a little self conscience of the fact that it had been barely just shy of two months since they had met, but in that short time they had become borderline inseparable. Most of the Hellfire club already assumed they were dating, but they hadn't had that conversation yet themselves. For her it was simply because she didn't want to burden him with the mess that was her life, her emotions, and honestly... her very existence. After all, she was reminded nearly every day what a waste of oxygen she was. Burdens didn't deserve to find love... right?

“Ronnie?” Eddie's voice was soft... he had shifted into a cross legged position, leaning back against the wall of the van and facing her where she sat. She couldn't meet his eyes just yet... still treading in the water of her doubts. “Did you hear me what I had asked?”

She shook her head. “No, Sorry Ed's, I kind of got lost in the lake out there” she said forcing a smile and chuckle...hoping to stem off any doubt or questions further. She knew he knew better. She knew he'd figured her out enough to know that lake was code for her own brain... but she also knew he wouldn't ever press her to talk unless she truly wanted to talk about it.

“I said I'm sorry for what Steve said back there. He's always been a bit of a presumptuous butt head.” Eddies voice was still low, soft. She noticed he was twisting the rings on his fingers, one at a time, over and over. He was nervous about something.

“It's okay, honestly it didn't bother me.” she smiled at him softly, meeting his gaze as she shifted into a position that mirrored his.

“Luckily it was just him in there... no one from school had to hear...”

“Eddie. Stop. I really don't mind if people assume that we're dating.”

 

“I just... I know that I'm not exactly the ideal person to be with. You could do so much better than the town freak.” he said, spitting the last word as if it were a bad taste in his mouth

She scooted to sit next to him, shifting so that she was facing him, knees hitting the side of his thigh “Eddie. Stop. Seriously. It hurts me to hear you talk about yourself like that. Let people assume what they will about you, or hell even me... but you're so much better than you give yourself credit for. They don't know you like I've grown to know you.”

Eddie was now toying with the frayed strands of his jeans, picking at the fibers as he glanced sideways to meet her gaze, his other hand reaching up to hide half of his face with his hair. She giggled then and gripped his elbow, stroking fingertips over the scarred skin. She had never asked about them... she had learned from her own experiences that you don't usually want to ask about a person's scars. They'll tell you if they want to share. Don't ask, and don't stare. The tune on the radio shifted behind them. Prisoner of Your Eyes coming over the speakers as she found herself drowning into the brown pools, as dark and rich and comforting as a warm cup of cocoa on a winter's day. She often found herself drifting into them, but never for this length of time. Never when their bodies so close together...their faces hovering inches apart. She moved both hands onto his thigh. “Hey Eds?” she said, her own voice soft

 

“Hmm?” he said back quietly, moving to press his forehead against hers. This was the closest they'd been... I mean they had slept in the same bed, back-to-back... but this was different. The air between them charged with a different energy. Something new. Something neither of them felt they deserved, but both longed for.

“Would it be strange... if I asked you to kiss me?”

Eddie stuttered and stumbled over his reply. “Why, why would that be weird? Is that... is that something you want?” his breath came hot and shallow against her face.

All she could do in response was nod once and bite her lower lip. That was all it took. That was the tipping point he'd been waiting for. The invitation he needed. His lips were on hers as soon as she gave the silent green light. She clutched at his thigh, gripping at the rough fabric as she pressed her lips back against his, he flicked his tongue against her lips, a silent ask for permission. She was more than happy to give him access, tilting her head slightly and opening her own mouth, deepening their kiss. God, she didn't realize how hungry she'd been for this. A soft whine escaped her lips, swallowed by his as quickly as it came. She shifted to side saddle sit in his lap, she felt his fingertips grasp and dig into the supple flesh of her hips. His mouth still fed at hers, soft, but so ravenous at the same time. Tongues tangling in a war, the only battle cries were intermittent soft moans and gasps. She pulled away slightly, pressing her forehead back against his “Eddie.” she breathed quietly “Eddie.”

One of his hands was now stroking along her lower back, the other making its way up to her hair, tangling his fingers in her long locks as he placed soft kisses all over her face, taking the time to kiss every part of it. Her cheeks, her chin, forehead, and the tip of her nose. She was a puddle in his hands... as liquid as the chocolate of his eyes. “Eddie.” she sighed softly again.

“My name sounds absolutely heavenly on your lips baby girl.” he replied hushed, voice low and thick

 

She giggled quietly, stroking her hands through his curls, beginning to mimic his kissing of her face. A soft smile danced on his face as he closed his eyes to receive them. “Eddie. Munson.” she said pausing in between words, to lay another gentle kiss. “Will you be MY freak?” she tittered softly.

His eyes shot open then and his grip tightened on her, clutching her even tighter to him. “You want me?” he whispered

“Yes.” she replied, voice warm

“Oh Dio-baby. I already am and have been.” he kissed her again. She knew then...in this moment she felt it blossom deep within her core. She was in danger alright, of being absolutely spellbound. She felt from the start. She was so very at peace around him, always... but in this moment. In this moment, encased in his arms, for the first time in her entire life... she felt like the keys had turned in the lock of her heart. The keys to her home. Her safe place. Her future and her hope. There was a part of her who was scared, it was only reasonable... but for the most part she was just really fucking glad to be alive. To be IN her body. To be breathing in his breath and drinking down the taste of his lips. She knew she would never, ever, get enough. Yep. Danger. She was in danger of falling in love with the town freak, and there wasn't a fiber in her body that gave a shit what anyone thought. She knew him. She knew his heart. His softness. His beautiful personality. This man...he was so different from everyone else she'd met in Hawkins, or hell, even her life. But fuck that's what made him so goddamn endearing.

Chapter 8: On Your Knees

Summary:

**Smut Warning**

Chapter Text

To say that he felt completely energized would be a gross understatement. Not only did he have the hottest fucking girlfriend, it was fucking Hellfire night AND you had agreed to come with him. He had spent the last few weeks brushing you up on everything you needed to know on how to build and run a solid little thief, and he was pretty dammed confident you'd enjoy yourself tonight. Eddie could barely sit still as he stared at the clock, willing it to count down the last final seconds before the bell would ring signaling that school was over. He still had a few last minute errands to run before game night tonight... and fuck, he was anxious to get busy.

THERE IT WAS! YES! Eddie grabbed his bag and haphazardly shoved his books and papers into it before rushing off through the doorway. Not a dammed thing was going to hold him back from that parking lot now, not even Vecna himself (good thing that dick is dead.) He raced through the sea of fellow students, paying no mind to the jeers of the jocks and the squeals of those he bumped into. His eyes, were focused fully on the prize

Quickly finding his way to his van he tossed his pack into the back and waited, turned over the engine and turned up his favorite W.A.S.P. tape, drumming his fingers on the steering column and banging his head back and forth. "I'm a wild child, come and love meeee" he sang along as he bounced in his seat, not a care in the world. God. 86 was proving to be an amazing year.

The passenger door opened, and your melodic laughter suddenly accompanied the hair metal. Eddie turned to you and flashed you the most astronomic of grins, his dimples on full display, eyes bright. "Hi Baby!" he said still performing his drum solo on the steering column "Hop in! We've got places to beeeeeee!"

You hopped up into the seat next to him, strapped in and started performing a guitar riff and shaking your long hair back and forth. Eddie laughed heartily and reached for your knee as he stopped his solo long enough to also shift into reverse, look over his shoulder, and back out of the space, and into one of the best weekends of his life.
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                                 Ronnie's POV

Hours later, snacks and supplies retrieved, and the scene set. You and the rest of the Hellfire club sat around the expansive wooden table. You were simply trying to ignore how goddamn sexy Eddie looked seated at the head ofthe table in his large wooden throne. You definitely were trying to ignore the dirty thoughts that kept popping into your brain everytime he'd bite his lip in anticipation or his thumb in focus. You most CERTAINLY had not thought about sliding underneath that wooden table and sucking him off right then and there... more than once. Nope. You were 100% invested in the game in front of you. So much so that you definitely didn't roseate to high hell when you realized everyone was waiting on you to make your move...

You quickly popped a chip into your mouth and studied the board in front of you, trying to gauge what had been going on before you'd let your mind wander. Intentionally avoiding Eddie's gaze... you could practically feel it boring into you.

"Hmmmmm" you said trying to buy yourself even more time, furrowing your brow as if you were wholeheartedly putting thought into your careful movements. Which I mean, I guess you were.

You tapped your pointer finger against your lips. Multiple figures were knocked over on their sides, signaling that they were down for the count. Some foe and some friendly. For the life of you you couldn't remember exactly whose figure belonged to who, however you did notice that there was a skeleton figure close enough to you that you could attack it if you wanted too, it also seemed to be facing away from you...towards someone else's figure. Cool. That'll work.

"I'm going to attempt to sneak up behind this bony bastard here and stab him in the back."

"Okay... go ahead and roll." Eddie said with a smirk

You took the little die in your hand and gave it a good shake in your closed fist, closing one eye and willing it to land true as you released it onto the board

"16 + 4 for unnoticed, good job baby that's 20! Solid hit."

You grinned as he turned his attention to Dustin next

"How do you wanna kill it off dusty-buns" Eddie teased

Dustin pursed his lips and furrowed his brow, shooting absolute venom Eddie's way as he crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm going to take off it's head with my sword. Edwaaarrrd." emphasizing the longer version of Eddies name. Eddie hated that.

"You heard our little fighter. Crispin the Courageous steps forward after a mighty blow to the back dealt by our ever sneaky Elvira the thief and swings his mighty sword, aiming true. With a loud clatter you watch as the final skeleton falls to pieces before you, crumpling in a pile of ivory. His skull bouncing and rolling across the dungeon floor and stopping right before a decent sized little treasure chest. Have at your loot my friends! If you dare..."

Eddie sat back in his throne grinning ear to ear.

Cheers erupted around the table, and backs /shoulders were clamped as everyone celebrated yet another victory.
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Eddie couldn't have been more proud. You had fit in with them and their campaign so effortlessly and you definitely did seem to enjoy yourself throughout the whole thing. He had noticed there had been a time or two where you seemed to get lost in your own thoughts, however the blush in your cheeks and the way you had been chewing your bottom lip had let him know it wasn't a bad mind trip... just a very distracting one.

He couldn't help but wonder what you'd been daydreaming about... and he had thought back a few times, to your prior make out sessions. It hadn't gone further than that... some heavy petting and a dance of tongues and lips... but honestly he didn't mind. He knew your history and he wasn't about to rush you into doing anything you weren't ready for. No matter how badly he wanted you. But seeing you biting and chewing your lips, eyes glazed over and practically panting as you frequently spaced off had his imagination in all sorts of places.

Most of the Hellfire group had gone, only Dustin and Mike stuck around... and that was because it had become ritual for him to give the boys a ride home when Steve was unavailable... which of course, tonight he had a date which meant that the two of you, were playing chauffeur.

After ensuring that the drama room was back to how it had been when they came, and all lights turned off, Eddie clasped his youngest sheepies by the backs of their necks

"Alright guys, lets get you little lambs home. This shepherd has a date of his own to get home too." He flashed you a grin

The boys both audibly groaned, clearly not in a hurry but shuffled their feet anyways. You trailed behind them, slipping your hands into the back pockets of Eddie's jeans.

Eddie found a stone suddenly ... yeah that's what tripped him up a bit... shot a glance at the ground and then back at you over his shoulder, his tongue poking out of his mouth ever so slightly as he was trying to focus on the walk in front of them. He audibly cleared his throat, releasing his grasp on the boys to open the passenger door of the van for you. "Dio get's shotgun, don't even try to argue Dustin."

Again, grumbling from Dustin, but the youngsters complied and slid themselves into the back of Eddies van, settling down on the floor.

They were pretty used to his driving and knew to sit themselves against certain parts of the van for minimal trauma while he drove. Eddie chuckled to himself silently as he watched them adjust before sliding their door shut, and leaning into the front seat.

He fastened your seat belt for you,then gripped the headrest opposite the door, trapping your face between his arm and his own face as he leaned in to kiss your lips quickly. You reached up a hand, gripping his neck, holding his mouth against yours for a moment before releasing him, much to his dismay but celebrated by the younger party members who were making audible kissing noises from the back.

He flashed them a warning look before shutting your door, and making his way to his own.

"To the shire!"Eddie said, cranking over the engine
                         ________________________________________________________

"You're sure I'm okay to stay here tonight? I don't want to cause any trouble..."Eddie asked as he stood nervously in the center of your room.

This was something new for him... though the layouts of the trailers in the park were all pretty cut and dry, something about your room was so... different.

He looked around, taking in all of it, everything that made it YOURS. The room itself smelt like you. Your skin, your perfume, your laundry soap... it was like his own personal heaven truly. He would love nothing more right now than to climb into your tie-dyed sheets with you and shut his eyes and you had suggested it but Eddie was fucking nervous to do so.

"Yeah, I promise, it's fine babe. He's not due home until probably Monday afternoon honestly. I mean we can go to yours if you really want too... I just wanted to be in my bed tonight... and that's not me saying there's anything wrong with yours." you rambled

Shit. He'd made you nervous. He didn't want you thinking that he didn't WANT to stay...he was just really scared to have you reap what would be sow if your father came home and found him there... but then... your door did have a lock, and he could always go through the window... yep. He was reasoning with himself.

"Alright sweetheart, if you're sure." he kicked off his shoes, and then set his rings on top of your pale blue dresser. "Am I okay to sleep in my boxers and my shirt? I don't want to make you uncomfortable." at home he'd just sleep in only his boxers but... well one, you really didn't know the expanse of his scarring yet and two, he really did not want to make you feel uneasy. "I can leave my jeans on..." he was interrupted

"Yep, that's fine. So long as you don't mind me sleeping like this?"

Eddie looked up into the mirror that sat over your dresser, and fuck he could have died right then and there. For a moment he forgot how to blink... to breathe...

You were standing beside your bed in nothing but some cotton black panties. "Holy shit. Holy shit." Eddie thought to himself.

"Baby..." he managed

He was absolutely spelled by the way your hips rotated as you walked towards him, his eyes caressing every inch of your alabaster skin. The sight of you coming towards him, that grin... the way your hair flowed freely over your shoulders, a few rogue strands leading his eye line to the mound of your breasts.

He had watched you come towards him (and admittedly away from him) a few hundred times since the two of you had met and it was always a glorious sight, but this definitely was his favorite so far.

You were standing in front of him now, lacing your fingers through his... you were saying something but Eddie just could not fucking focus. It was his turn to blink rapidly and shake his thoughts clear.

"Sorry. Baby. Fuck."he hoarsed

You grinned at him and reasked "Like what you see big boy?"

"Oh fuck yes. Are you kidding me?" He raised his hands up from yours towards your breasts, silently asking permission to touch you

You reached out and took his hands again in yours but this time instead of tangling your fingers in his you pressed his palms over your breasts. He sighed and you shuddered. He closed his fingers over the ample hills, squeezing lightly before moving his thumbs and pointer and index fingers to toy with your pale little nipples.

He stepped closer into you and leaned down, closing his lips over yours, eyes lingering open for a moment so he could watch as yours fluttered closed with a soft moan. "Shit."he thought to himself. His cock was absolutely pulsating inside his boxers.                                              ________________________________________________________

                               Ronnie's POV

She had decided it on their drive home. It was after they had dropped off the boys...they were silently listening to his favorite W.A.S.P. album yet again, and "On Your Knees" had come on. The song had put her back in that absolutely filthy head space. The one that had interrupted her thoughts so frequently during the campaign time.

She wasn't a virgin by any means... she'd had boyfriends, and she'd had partners... but realistically none of them were really wanted, or enjoyed. However from what she knew about him, she knew very well that he'd ensure she enjoyed herself. She also knew that he wouldn't make the first move.

Yep. Tonight was the night.

Selfishly she wanted the first time to be in her bed. Her bed had so many shitty memories for her... she wanted it to hold at least one good one. She had insisted on him staying over. She had made sure the doors were locked.

The sudden heat that had flared between her thighs as she watched him remove his rings and jacket, his watch... stripping down to bare minimum right there in front of her only solidified even more for her. She was more than ready, so when he had his back to her and his attention was clearly elsewhere she moved quick. Stripped down to near nothing, and waited.

Now his hands and his lips were on her. The small little circles, tugs and twists he was making at her nipples caused her cunt to clench and pulse... his tongue caressing hers as he fed from her mouth... she let her own hands wander.

She knew he was hard. Oh she'd noticed. She reached down and rubbed the palm of her hand over his clothed shaft, curling her fingers slightly teasing that she were going to grip it. Eddie moaned into her mouth and she felt his hips involuntarily thrust against her hand. She closed her fingers over the mound then, massaging her hand against the hard length of him.

"Baby girl...."Eddie broke their kiss to moan "Oh honey..." his eyes were closed.

She grinned to herself and moved her mouth to his neck, still palming his length as she began to kiss and bite at the supple flesh that led to his collarbones.

"Take your shirt off for me Eds?" she requested halting her hand but lips nibbling at his earlobe

She felt him freeze, oddly still against her... and she swore that maybe just maybe he'd went a little bit flaccid in her hand. She leaned back to look into his eyes. His beautiful cocoa orbs that had momentarily held heat, were now glazed over and staring off far away. She knew that look. Trauma. Fuck.

"Eds?" she whispered softly, reaching up to place both hands on his cheeks, moving his face to meet her gaze "Baby?"

He licked his lips quickly and shuddered "I"m sorry sweetheart... I just... I've never shown anyone before... at least not like this."

"Baby if you're not comfortable, we don't have to keep going, or I can skip your chest...I just wanted to kiss all of you is all. It's okay." she soothed

"No it's okay. I want to. I need to." Eddie's voice haunted as he slowly began to tug his shirt over his head, revealing inch by inch that the scars she'd seen peeking beneath his sleeves were only whispers of what covered more of him than she'd ever dreamed.

"Oh Eddie... I want to ask but I'm not going to. You can tell me when you are ready, if you ever are... is it okay for me to touch them?" she kept her voice soft. Reassuring.

She didn't feel pity and she wasn't turned off by the sight of them... she didn't want him to think any of those things truth. He was still her Eddie. Her beautiful honey-eyed boy. The boy who had saved her from herself in the dark dark woods. That same confident boy was now standing sheepishly in front of her and she could tell that if she weren't holding his arms now he'd probably have them crossed over himself, trying to hide. She was all to familiar with how he was feeling. She wanted to make it go away.

Eddie finally nodded and she moved back into him, wrapping her arms around him as she buried her lips back against his neck... kissing her way down his chest, down every single scar. She ran her tongue over every smooth inch as her hands traveled down to his ass.

She gripped his cheeks ineach palm before sliding one hand forward across his hip, back to the front of him. He was in fact soft... but that's okay.. she didn't mind... and she knew that he wouldn't be for much longer.

Thinking back to the song in the van, she slid to her knees in front of him, eyes turning up to him as she took the band of his boxers between her fingertips.

"May I?" she asked and the fire in Eddie's eyes was all the encouragement she needed.

She slid the blue checkered shorts down and let them fall to his ankles where he quickly stepped out of them, using a foot to kick them away from him. She licked her lips and looked back up the line of him... now fully nude in front of her...and even though he wasn't fully erect yet, she felt her cunt clench in anticipation of the evening she had planned.

She returned a hand to his ass cheek, her other hand reaching up to gently lift his slowly growing length upwards where she leaned forward and took the velvety soft mass between her lips.

She rolled her eyes up to watch him as she leaned all the way onto him, caressing with her tongue and sucking gently, thoroughly enjoying how he was steadily growing in her mouth.

She never knew how much she'd love feeling a soft man becoming hard in her mouth until that moment. Holy fuck that was a ego boost if ever she needed one.

Above her Eddie had let his head fall backwards slightly, and she could see that his lips were parted. His chest rising and falling a little quicker than before.

She wrapped her hand around his shaft then, pulling her lips off of him only to surround his glans. She flicked her tongue against the frenulum and then began to suck gently just on that spot as she maneuvered her hand up and down the length of him.

Eddie was moaning for her, softly but apparent nonetheless. She gripped her hand around the base of him, next, her other hand reaching to caress his balls gently as her main hand held firm slid her hot wet mouth up and down over the length of him.

She pulsed her grip around the base of him as her tongue traced over every little vein of his cock. She let not a single inch go unexplored.

"Fuck. Baby fuck."Eddie hoarsed above her, his hand making its way into her hair forcing her head off of him.

She met his gaze, bit her lip and smirked.

"Aww I was enjoying myself..."

"Sweetheart...I'm going to cum if you keep that up."

"You're right... I don't want that... yet." she said as she used his hips as leverage to help lift herself up off of the floor. She watched as Eddie licked his lips and his eyebrow flicked

"And what is it exactly that you do want?" he asked

"I want you to make me into a fucking cream pie." she said, voice low

Eddie's lips crashed back into hers, his hands gripping bruisingly at her shoulders as he walked her backwards towards the bed, only pausing once:

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes."
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As he pushed you down onto your mattress he made a mental note to inquire later about birth control and condoms and such. He trusted you enough to know that you wouldn't make such a request if it were a reckless one... but also right now, the hot blooded male in him was easily taking over.

Fuck he'd thought about this moment more times than he would ever admit. Hell he'd cum on more than one occasion to the mere thought of your lips wrapped around his dick... but goddamn the actual image of it, the sensation... it was all so much better than he'd ever been able to conjure up himself at three in the morning, lying in his bed, palming his cock mercilessly.

He made waste of no time, his lips quickly finding their way to your breasts, sucking harshly at the little peaks of nipple as he helped you work your way out of your panties.

Once bare he reached a hand down, cupping your sopping mound as he looked to you for one final beg of permission.

"Touch me Eddie. Fuck me."

Good god the way your voice rasped when turned on drove him insane. He slowly slipped two fingers between your folds, quickly finding the sensitive little button he'd been looking for. Gently he caressed the velvet skin on each side of it stroking up and down, pinching your clit itself only slightly in the process.

You moaned for him and he felt your thigh tense beneath his arm...

"Oh... my girl likes that does she?"

He adjusted just enough to be able to use his other hand too. Slipping two digits into you, rotating and curling them just enough that his come here motions hit just right. He felt your pussy clamp around his fingers as you moaned louder for him.

"Oh she REALLY likes that." he said simply, leaning his face back to your belly, nibbling gently as he continued to work your cunt.

It wasn't until your chest was positively flushed and rapidly rising and falling, you gripping at the sheets as you squirmed beneath him that he raised himself up just enough to prepare for what he REALLY wanted to do. To fuck you absolutely out of your skin.

"Eddie. Please. Eddie." you pleaded, voice thick

Eddie slipped only the head of his cock into you at first... loitering for a moment...savoring how warm and inviting you were... relishing in how you were desperately trying to lift your hips up into him, wanting to drive him in further.

You were moaning and pleading and writhing beneath him and it was abso-fucking-lutely driving him insane.

Eddie reached down, gripping your hips tightly as he suddenly drove himself home.

"Fuckkkk" you both moaned at nearly the same time

Pure adrenaline rushed over him and Eddie began to draw himself out and thrust back in...slowly at first but gradually picking up pace, only shifting position once to lift your hips up off of the bed and into his thrusts...holding you where he could hit the absolute depths of you.

The warm wet of your cunt absolute heaven. He knew he wouldn't last long...given the work you'd done on him beforehand and the fact that it had been a while for him.

Also... he'd never fucked anyone bare before.

He was always careful. Truth be told, he'd never cared about the girls before that he'd hooked up with, they were realistically just that... a fling. You... you were everything. You were his goddamn world.

Eddie locked eyes with you as he continued drilling in and out of you. Just the sight of you beneath him was something enough that could feed plenty of fantasies... but seeing you grip the sheets in one hand, your other hand toying with your nipples... seeing your chest and cheeks flush... the way your lips gasped when you moaned for him... and god your breathy moans... oh the sounds you were making for him... for his cock...pure heaven.

He could feel himself nearing the edge, a tingling and tightening beginning where he plunged into you, over and over again.

"I'm going to cumsweetheart... fuck I'm going to cum..." the sweet warmth overtook his body, muscles contracting in the best of ways all throughout him... nerves absolutely on fire.. he pulled your hips still against him as he drove himself as deeply as he could into you, feeling your walls clenching down around / over him.

He moaned, a loud and guttural... which was promptly followed by your own. He could feel your pussy throbbing around him... fluttering...he held that position as he emptied every drop of his cum into you. Filled you...just as asked.

He stayed buried within you as he lowered your hips back to the bed, falling on top of you absolutely spent. He lightly kissed your stomach where his cheek rested rising and falling with your rapid breathing, and your hand found his sweat drenched hair.

"Fuck Eddie... that was... fuck." you were breathless.

Good. He'd done his job.

"Mmmhmm." He agreed softly quickly being overtaken as your hand played through his curls softly.

Both coming down from a sweet high and the gentle caresses Eddie felt sleep starting to creep up on him.

His whole body felt like jello. Relaxed. He let his eyes drift shut and smiled slightly as he heard your voice softly humming...what you were humming he had no idea right in that moment.

His brain was as mush as his body was...and allowed sleep to overtake him. The best sleep he'd ever have, home within your arms.

Chapter 9: Trapped Under Ice

Summary:

A/N: This chapter's going to be a bit tough, I think for some to read. It took me longer to write it because it was a tough one to write. I hope you enjoy it regardless, and just know there will be some fluffy relief coming. <3

Chapter Text

Ronnie's POV

She sat in the bottom of the shower, arms hugging her knees to her chest; the water having turned cold over her skin. It had been scolding hot when she first got in. She had wanted it that way. She wanted to burn the day away, but more importantly, the night before. She didn't remember how she'd gotten home from school, just knew that as the day went on she couldn't stand it anymore. Couldn't wear the mask anymore. Now the tears had stopped, and the pain had subsided... at least the physical pain. Nothing could erase the mental scars he left. Another one added. She felt hollow. Her thoughts had turned from fear and sad and anger to just pure... fuzz. She'd slipped away into that place in herbmind where shes just floating. She just is. No concept of time or hunger. No emotions. Just... existence.

Her teeth chattered as she began to shiver. She knew she needed to get out. Get dry...but how could she? Here she was safe...the door locked... no windows...no light. She knew he'd probably have gone for work by now but she really didn't want to see him. She didn't want him to put on that saccharine sweet smile and pretend that everything was perfectly okay, like his hands hadn't touched her in places they shouldn't just the night before. Like she didn't wear bruises in every place imaginable that matched his fingertips. His abuse... it hadn't gone that far in a long time... since she was 12 at least... so what did she do to prompt it? Surely she'd done something wrong?

Silently she forced herself to rise. Avoiding the mirror at all costs as she quickly slipped from the bathroom and to her room. Now back in her room she couldn't avoid it anymore... it all hit her at once, knocking her to her knees again. Her bed unmade, the lamp shattered on the floor in little blue porcelain pieces. Her favorite sleep shirt discarded inthe trash beside her dresser. She suddenly couldn't breathe. A weight settling itself over her chest as her throat closed. The tears came again and with them that old familiar need. She crawled over to where her lamp had been shattered, and sat with her back against her bed as she grasped one of the triangular pieces in her hand, thumb running over the sharp point. Anger and sadness boiling within her, she needed this. The noise in her head was rapidly growing way to loud. Echoes of her fathers disapproval and disgust ringing through every thought. The venom lacing doubt and shame in her tears. She was losing control. She needed it back; and so like many times before her thighs became victim to her unhealthy outlet. When she could breathe again she let herself curl up into a ball where she sat, and let sleep overtake her. Making a mental note to deal with the mess later. She just didn't... have anything left in her.

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Eddie lay his head back against the drivers seat, exhaling another lazy puff from his cigarette, drumming his other hand against the steering column lightly. And as another song ended he shifted impatiently and snubbed out the cigarette. He wouldn't say he was impatient or in a hurry toget to school, but he couldn't help but check his watch again... the bells were due to ring in 5 minutes and you still hadn't come out to greet him? You weren't normally the type to play hookie, at least not without having him join you. Maybe you'd overslept?

As if summoned, your door slammed loudly, capturing his attention. You were coming down the steps covered head to toe in black. Black jeans, and black sweatshirt, pulled all the way down over your hands, thumbs poking out through slits in the hems. Your hair a disheveled halo around a weary face. Dark circles had made their homes under your eyes. He watched as you quickly looked around before crawling into the passenger seat next to him. Your voice quiet as you mumbled a good morning.

Eddie reached and lowered his music and then leaned and reached towards you "Good Morning beautiful." He tried to ignore the way you stilled beneath his touch, the way you sucked in your breath and almost tried to move away. Had he done something wrong? Maybe he'd been too rough the other evening? He didn't think so... but... maybe? Brows furrowed and lips pursed he slid back into his seat fully. He raked a hand through his hair anxiously. He'd let it go... for now. You both were already way too late.

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Once the two of you had arrived and parked, you wasted no time in sliding from the van and taking off into the school. Eddie hadn't even had a chance to wish you a good day before you were gone. What the fuck did he do?

The lead in his stomach only settled more and more as the day progressed. In shared classes he couldn't help but watch you... you didn't even glance at him like normal, flash smiles his way; or anyone for that matter. Your eyes were fixed towards your desk, hands often busy picking at the skin around your nails or gripping the edges of the desk. You kept using your hair as a curtain, intentional or not the long locks shielded you from his prying eyes. Okay... Eddie felt sick to his stomach now...WHAT THE FUCK DID HE DO?

When the end bell rang you were all but gone before Eddie could even gather all his stuff...that didn't stop him from trying though. He rushed down the hall following where he thought you would be heading. He knew your class list pretty dammed well by now, but when he didn't see you in your normal seat he huffed. Where on earth could you have gone? Bathroom? Maybe... What was happening? Why were you avoiding him?

Eddie began to go cold with dread. The buzzing of the hallways suddenly becoming too loud. His breath hitched in his throat and chest started to tighten. He knew he had to get out of here. He didn't want to leave you but he couldn't stay anymore. His thoughts were racing in all different directions. Thoughts echoing to him what a fuck up he was.. how worthless he was...he'd gone to far... you were better off without him... the school freak. Reformed town murder. Ghosts of everything awful anyone had ever said to him threatened to spill from his eyes as he pushed his way through the back doors.

The warm breeze carrying the light smell of lilacs hitting him in the face as he rushed across the football field, stumbling through familiar woods... to his safeplace. He all but fell across the picnic table. The wood creaking ever so slightly under the sudden intrusion of his weight. Eddie closed his eyes and took slow deep breaths in and out...in and out...counting just a little higher with each exhale. He focused on the way the breeze kissed his skin, the sounds of the birds and animals in the woods, the soft smell of moss and lilacs, the feeling of the hard solid table beneath his form, cradling him. He felt himself starting to relax a little and sighed with relief. The voices had quieted within his head, and the lump that had threatened to choke him no longer posed threat. He stay like that and let himself slip into a light doze.

__________________________________________________________

The distant ringing of bells woke Eddie. He sat up instantly and checked his watch... he'd managed to nap through the entire day. His thoughts returning to you "Fuck" he hissed, and stood, hurriedly stretching out his body before making haste towards the parking lot. Praying to find you there.

He waited. Even after all the other vehicles were gone... he waited, hoping you'd come through those doors, or suddenly pull the passenger door open. But as the sun began to sit he had to face facts that you weren't coming. Maybe you'd already gone home? You would have had to walk... Eddie's confusion and worry had returned as a pit in his stomach as he turned over the engine to old Banshee. It had only grown heavier within him as he pulled into the parking space in front of his trailer. He was only slightly relieved to see the light on in your room, but still so very very confused

Eddie rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, ringing his hands nervously in between knocks. Why weren't you answering god dammit?! That heavy feeling of dread had settled over him again as his mind raced back to the time he'd first met you. The time in the woods. He decided he had no choice...he had to make sure you were okay. He pulled over the door and announced his presence before quickly making his way towards your closed bedroom door. He held his breath as he stood outside your door, knocking gently

"Baby?" He said softly

Nothing.

He knocked louder, raising his voice slightly "Honey? Dio? It's Eddie?"

Nothing.

He jiggled the handle of your door. Locked.

Inside he suddenly heard a sharp gasp and small panicked cry.

"Babe, it's Eddie, can you please let me in?"

Your sobs suddenly got louder. Okay... he wasn't taking no for an answer anymore. Something wasn't right. He quickly ran from the trailer and went around to where your window was. Having locked himself out of his own many many times, he knew how easy they were to break into. And that's exactly what he did. What he found though he was not prepared for. Everything that had flashed through his mind the entire day he spent worrying...didn't come anything close to this. You were laying curled in a ball on the floor, apparently asleep. His heart threatened to beat its way out his esophagus, fear running his blood cold. His eyes trailed the angry red lines that scattered their way across your pale flesh. Blood smeared across your thighs, arms... You were also naked and normally he'd be distracted by that but not right now. He all but ran and dropped to your side. Your eyes closed, lightly snoring, but fresh tear tracks shined on your cheeks. Had you been crying in your sleep? He pulled you into his arms, tears immediately welling in his own eyes. Goddamit loving you was so hard sometimes, when your demons tried to take you from him... but fuck if he'd trade the world for anything easy. You opened your eyes suddenly, and the look you gave him was one of pure terror... you shoved yourself away from him then, crawling backwards across your bedroom floor, crying and shaking your head rapidly. Eddie moved towards you, hands out in front of him voice soft

"Baby... baby its Eddie... Ronnie?"

"No. No no no.... no please... I'll be good."

He hissed under his breath... "what the fuck?"

"Baby. It's me...shhhhh. You're safe. It's Eddie." he pleaded

You fell silent, arms wrapping around your knees as you pulled them up to your chest...rocking yourself back and forth as you broke down in sobs.

"Eddie?" your voice was a hoarse whisper, barely there.

He scooted just a little closer, holding his hands out in front of your legs, hovering but not touching you. "It's me honey... I'm here."

You glanced up at him and collapsed forward into his arms, sobbing harder than before."

"Shhhh baby...shhhh." he wrapped his arms around you gently, caressing his fingers through your tangled, still damp hair. You were clinging to him now, fingers tightening around a ball of his t-shirt. Not knowing what else to do, he just held you as you sobbed and caressed your hair, rocking you both gently back and forth like he'd seen you doing to yourself.

He felt like he'd been holding his breath, waiting for your sobs to slow. When they finally did he guided you to turn in his lap to face him, gently placing his fingertips under your chin and lifting your face towards him;

"Where's my good girl hmm? Should we get you cleaned up and dressed? You're comingbhome with me. I'm not leaving you here. You don't need to talk about what happened but you're not staying here." his voice soft

"Okay." again...your voice barely ghosting as you nodded gently

Eddie was trying to ignore the rage bubbling under the surface of everything. It threatened to bubble over but he knew he had to tend to you first, you needed him. He had no truths about what had happened to turn you into a shell of his beautiful girl but he had thousands of scenarios running through his mind and every single one of them made him more and more pissed off. He wanted to run, to scream and rage and breakthings, but right now he just needed to help take your pain away. The best he could.

Rising from the floor, you clinging to him, hands wrapped tightly up in his shirt like you did when you fell asleep on his chest sometimes Eddie hugged you close before stepping away from you just enough to open your dresser drawers. He pulled out what he knew was one of your favorite, oversized fluffy sweaters, and a pair of sweatpants. Turning to you he helped you pull the sweater over your head and watched you hug yourself into it. You were back to avoiding his gaze but at least you were cooperating with him. He helped you into your sweatpants and into some socks and your shoes before stepping back, clasping his hands together "Is there anything you need from here before we go?"

"There's... there's one thing but... you'll laugh?"

"What is it lovebug? I won't laugh I promise."

"Fuzzy." you said simply pointing towards your closet "On the shelf."

He opened the door and found what must have been "Fuzzy". It was a well loved, threadbare brown teddy bear. It's little black and brown eyes were scratched with age and the detail sewing on it's nose and mouth were loose, hanging down. The fur was anything but fuzzy, maybe it had been once but now it was little pills of soft fluff all balled into tight kinks. He held it up inquisitively, passing it to you when you nodded. You quickly took it and clutched it to your chest burying your face into the top of the stuffie's head. Eyes watering once more with tears threatening to spill.

"Come on babe." he said softly, holding out his hand as he walked back towards your window. He had given it thought even with everything, he had come to the conclusion that something had happened with your father, and therefore going back through your window was the best idea. To leave your bedroom door locked so there was some illusion that you were there but inaccessible.

__________________________________________________________

Back in Eddies trailer, he decided the first order of business was to get you into the bath even though you were still damp as if you'd showered recently. He told you this softly before placing a soft kiss upon your forehead and retreating into the bathroom of his and Wayne's trailer to start the bath.

He didn't have any bubble bath but surelysome shampoo would be okay right? He wanted to try and make it special for you. After checking the temperature and adding the soap, stirring the water around, fluffing the bubbles up he quickly glanced around the bathroom and quickly tidying up.

He also had the mind to grab anything sharp and pointy... just to be safe. Next he folded the cleanest towel they had and sat it on the sink, and plugged a little moon shaped nightlight into the wall outlet, turning the overhead light off and letting it cast its golden glow over the small room. He stepped back out into the hall, smiling satisfied as he looked for you. He found you sitting on the foot of his bed, clutching your teddy tightly and staring off at nothing at all. If not for the lost look on your face, it'd have been absolutely adorable.

"Hey pretty, your baths ready. Let's get you in and then I'll figure out some dinner yeah?"

You nodded but made no movements so he approached you slowly, holding a hand out. You took it and finally moved. Shaking your head slightly, sitting your bear on his bed. "Sorry Eds." you whispered.

"Nothing to be sorry for my love. Come on now." he replied just as soft, before leading you to the little bathroom, shutting the door once you were in to give you privacy.

Back in the kitchen Eddie phoned Wayne at work, talking hushed and hurried. He didn't want to risk you overhearing.

"Everything okay boy?" Wayne's gruff voice on the other end nearly knocking the wind out of Eddie, his own tears spilling now that he finally had a moment to himself.

"Nah man... I don't know what's wrong but something happened to Ronnie. I found her...she's here now...." his voice was higher than normal, panic sneaking in

"Shhh boy, it's okay. Is she alright?"

"I don't know man. I don't know. I don't know what happened and I don't want to make her talk about it. It clearly fucked her up."

"Alright... well...suppose she can stay if she needs to."

"I think we have to make her stay. Even if she doesn't want to... Uncle I'm scared for her. I've never seen her like this."

"She's safe for nowboy. You've got her. We've got her."

Eddie choked on his own sobs then. He'd been holding back the full weight of them for your sake but he couldn't now. His uncle was his safety net. Wayne had always been there to pull him back from his own edges, and let him know it was okay to feel the things he felt. Everything from grief to anger and sadness. Wayne had always helped him through it all, encouraged him to let himself ride the waves.

"You're alright son. Cry it out, and then wash your face and be there for her okay? I'll be home in a few hours."

"Yes sir."

The line clicked as Wayne hung up. He did that. He didn't believe in saying goodbye, never had. It was another habit Eddie had picked up too. Knowing very well they didn't have that much in the house, at least not that he'd deem edible after the day you've had, Eddie rummaged through the pockets of his jeans. Satisfied with finding enough for your favorite pizza and some bread sticks he called and placed the order.

Needing to make himself feel useful Eddie had a sudden thought. He all but ran to his bedroom, grabbing up his acoustic guitar. Back in the hall he slid to the floor across from the bathroom door and began playing soft tunes. As much of a metal head as he is he would never admit to knowing and liking Journey... but as he sat on the floor, back against his washer, he began playing his own version of "Stay Awhile" singing along softly hoping to aid in bringing you comfort.

Growing up his uncle had listened to Journey alot, and while it wasn't his usual taste, there was just something catchy about some of their songs. Now days, as much as he disdained to admit, they were a comfort band for him. Their music reminded him of easier days. Lazy days. Happy days... and now he hoped that they'd have the same effect for you.

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Pizza had been devoured. He'd been so happy to see you eat. Now you were curled up against his side in bed, head laying on his chest, your teddy under your other curled arm. You were somewhat back to yourself but still obviously shell shocked. He still didn't pry, just went along with your mood shifts. You had been letting him pet his hand up and down your hair gently, and even though your breathing had softened out, showing him that sleep had won you over he continued. Occasionally peppering kisses against your forehead. He was trying not to dwell on the day as you lay there in his arms but apart of him couldn't help but keep going back to the moment he'd found you laying there on your floor. The fear that had run through him in that moment. He nuzzled his face against the top of your head, clutching you just a little tighter. He could never lose you.

"You're safe now" he whispered his promises softly against the soft strands of your hair "Always" and closed his eyes against the harshness of the day...body and mind totally wiped.

Chapter 10: My Darkest Hour

Summary:

A/N: Another trigger warning here. Ketamine mention, hospitalization. Suicide attempt.

Please stay. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to send me a note on here or find me on Tumblr as AnotherMunsonSimp. I'm always happy to lend a hand where needed. That darkness and I are old friends.

Chapter Text

For a blissful moment everything was right in the world. Barely awake, eyes only half open, highlighted by the pale yellow glow of early dawn, your face was thatof an angel to him. Serene in your slumber. Not a single care in the world. In that moment, yesterday didn't happen. Eddie didn't believein God but in that moment he would have prayed for more time just like this. But he knows from experience that all good thingsultimately have to come to an end in some shape way or form. He just didn't expect to have this moment ripped so violently from you both by the loud banging of his front door.

You were upright, eyes wide and back pressed flat against the head of his bed, knees drawn upwards tight against your chest. You were shaking your head back and forth pleading "No no no. Please."

Eddie placed a hand around your knee, giving it a quick squeeze.

"Wait here." he said through his pulse quickly exiting the room, pulling his door shut behind him just in case.

His uncle was already at the door when Eddie got to it. He glanced at Eddie as he approached and gave him a look that halted Eddie in his tracks. He knew better. Wayne was protecting him from whatever or whomever wason the other side of the door.

"No I'm sorry, I haven't seen her today." Wayne said, one hand holding the door theother on the frame itself.

"Well shit. I know she hangs out with your boy, so I thought maybe she'd be here. She's probably gotten herself into trouble somewhere again. She's always shackin up with her latest fuck. I guess she'll turn up." Your father laughed

Eddie's jaw and fists clenched hearing the venom in your fathers voice as he spoke so disapprovingly about you...and that laugh. Fuck him for that. He wanted so badly to push past his uncle and honor the violent flashes that raced through his imagination. Disgust making his blood burn hot.

His uncle took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket then, pulling one out and sliding it between his lips and lighting it. A last ditch effort to calm himself Eddie knew. He inhaled deeply before replying;

"I may not actuallybe a dad, but even I know no matter how troubled the kid, you shouldn't talk down about them like that, and your girl, you've got yourself a good girl that Ronnie."

Your father scoffed "You'd do best to remember your place ol'man. Said it yourself...you ain't anyone's daddy. Hell you've probably fucked her yourself."

Wayne took another deep inhale of his cigarette and flicked some ash; jaw pulsating with anger.

"All I'm saying is it ain't gonna help anything none. But if that's all you need, I got business to attend. I'll let Ronnie know you're looking for her if I see her."

He was choosing the high road. Had you not been tucked away in Eddie's room it might have been different.

Wayne all but slammed the door in the other mans face, doing up the bolt locks tight before turning to Eddie where he stood glued to the spot. Eddie was absolutely vibrating with anger. Face flushed and vein in hisbforehead pulsing. He knew he hated your father before, but now...fuck it was solidified in stone even more now.

Wayne took a step towards him, placing a single hand on Eddie's shoulder before locking his gaze;

"Are you 100% sure about this girl Son? You've not known her long now."

Eddie pursed his lips, eyes narrowing as he glowered at his uncle: "I've only ever been this sure about one other thing in my life."

"Alright kid, just checkin" this time a slight laugh from his uncle as he raised his hands in surrender. "Perhaps you should go check on your girl then? She can stay. Long as she needs. We'll figure it out."

This time it was realization that flashed across Eddie's face. In the moment he had forgotten you were still in his room, he'd left you there... cowering and scared.

"Fuck." he cursed himself and turned on heel, all but running back to his door. He'd be lying to himself if he didn't turn half cold with concern, replaying images of yesterday... finding you. God he couldn't do that again.

Subconsciously he held his breath as he pushed his door backbopen, releasing it in relief as he saw you curled on your side, fuzzy in your arms, eyes closed. He thought you probably forced your system to shut down, but he at least could hope that you hadn't heard everything your father had said. He stood there frozen in the doorway for a moment before crossing the room, moving to crawl in bed next toyou.

It was as he pulled you into his chest that he noticed. Something was wrong.

Your face was slack, body limp and heavy as he took you into his arms, breathing barely noticeable. He immediately felt for a pulse, although relieved to find it the alarm and fear still vice-gripped his heart. What the fuck did you do!?

"WAYNE!!!" Eddie shouted, tears springing from his eyes "UNCLE HELP!!"

Crashing from the other room, but within seconds his uncle was in the doorway looking disheveled:

"What is it kid?" he asked frantically

"I don't know what she's done... Ronnie.... I found her like this..." Eddie was in full sobs now, clutching your limp form to him, frantically but lightly slapping a hand against your cheek. "Baby please wake up, wake up for me?" he pleaded with you. God your breathing was so incredibly slow.

"I'll call an ambulance..." Wayne said decidedly "Try and figure out what she took?"

"Oh Fuck."Immediate guilt wracked through Eddie. With him being a dealer he knew he had PLENTY of options at any given time for you to choose from. Though he did primarily deal weed, there were a few customers who preferred stronger highs.

"FUCK. FUCK. JESUS H. CHRIST." this time his cursing out loud as he had spotted exactly what he feared hanging half out from under the pillow you'd been using. Still clinging to you, he leaned just enough to snatch the little baggie from it's hiding place. Ketamine. Fuck.

He didn't know your history. Sure he knew you didn't mind smoking a joint with him now and then but... were you on anything else? Prescriptions and otherwise? He had no idea. God dammit why didn't he lock his stash away better... why did he even carry this shit at home... why hadn't he quit dealing and gotten a real fucking job. Good job Edward...fucking everything up again...

Eddie was on a complete spiral when the ambulance sirens ripped through the trailer park. He lifted you up into his arms, hugging you to his chest as he went to meet the paramedics. He tried to insist on riding in the ambulance with you but because you two weren't family or married...no such luck. He stood there watching helplessly as the emergency lights faded in the distance, kicking up a cloud of dust behind them. Turning back to the trailer his Uncle was already standing on the small porch, keys in hand.

"Go after your girl son. And be careful please."

That was all the encouragement Eddie needed before he grabbed the keys from his uncle and took off in the direction of Hawkins Memorial... like a bat straight out of hell. __________________________________________________________

Fuck he hated hospitals. He hadn't been back to once since... well since his own mother had died. He tried not to dwell on those thoughts too hard or long. Mentally waving them off as quickly as they came. Now was not the time to let himself slip down that rabbit hole.

Eddie approached the little information desk and gave them your name. He also lied and said that he was your fiance so that they'd let him back. He knew anything otherwise and they wouldn't even tell him if you were alive. Another thing he yet in this moment had to ignore was the way that that lie had made him feel. He'd never been one to see himself married, hell he still had high school to finish first... but something about you made him think about bigger pictures. Something about you made him dream about more in life.

Following the nurses instructions Eddie made his way through a maze of gurneys and fluorescent lights, ignoring the occasional stares from passing staff. He finally found your room number. He stopped outside the door, staring at the little plastic plaque as he quietly said his own form of a prayer to himself and tried to brace himseld before opening the door.

Inside the room you were still sleeping. IV's and monitors, wires everywhere and a steady beeping from a monitor that ironically brought him peace as much as stressed him out. He settled himself into a little chair at your bedside, taking your hand in his, caressing calloused fingertips overyour long slender fingers. He lifted your hand to his lips and kissed it gently, silent tears welling in his eyes again.

Jesus Christ the last few months with you had been truly some semblance of hell on earth, but streaked with bits of heaven. Meeting you was one of the best things that had happened to him... and he wouldn't change that for the world but fuck if he didn't want to take you away from here. From everything that kept getting in between the two of you just being happy, horny young adults.

It was the quiet moments he treasured most. Smoking in the back woods, studying together, you humming along to his acoustic guitar when he'd just strum random things...he loved every moment with you. There were moments like this, or the woods when he'd first met you, that knowing you ran his blood cold. Not with regret, but purely out of the fear of the possibility of losing you again. Now that you were part of his life, you were pivotal, and he couldn't see any future that didn't have you in it. He didn't want to.

It was there in that moment, the gentle rhythmic beeping of your heart monitors, hissing of oxygen tubes, and choking back his own sobs that he realized something he hadn't fully up until that moment. He didn't know when exactly it happened... and it was something completely foreign to him...but...

Eddie Munson had fallen completely in love with you.

Suddenly to heavy to hold up any longer, he lowered his head onto the bed next to you, staring towards the floor as he let his sobs overtake him. Clutching to your hand like a lost child as the tears flow freely... begging idols he didn't normally believe in to make sure you were going to be okay. Begging for your life. Your future. He was completely lost in his grief and guilt when the most angelic of things he'd heard all day graced his ears.

"Eddie?" your voice was so soft. So quiet. Hoarse.

Instantly he looked up at you breaking into even harder sobs as he startled to his feet, leaning over the bed and peppering kisses across your forehead and hair.

"Oh Ronnie. Baby. You scared me. I was so scared. I thought I was going to lose you. I just got you baby... please I just got you." Eddie was a mess. Absolutely gone in his emotions

Your eyes glistened as you stared up at him

"I'm so sorry Eds. I couldn't take it anymore." you said softly, reaching to clasp your hand around his where it now lay against your cheek. "I'm so sorry... I was weak."

"Shhh. No baby no... you're not weak... you just didn't let me help you carry your burdens. I've got you now. I promise. I've got you."

Now every kiss shared was salty with released tears. Tears of pain, tears of relief, anger. All emotions that had been bottling up until that moment waterfalling out of both of you as you clung to each other, whispering promises of better days.

"Eddie?" you whispered, burying your face against his cheek

"Hmm?" he said simply

"I love you."

Eddie pulled away from you enough to capture your gaze, hands cupping both sides of your face as he kissed your forehead gently; "I love you too Ronnie. With all my heart."