Princesses, when they lived “Once Upon a Time,” had beautiful golden hair, even the princesses that ran off to fight dragons. Dragons that lived “Once Upon a Time” had scales, breathed fire, and some were evil, but others were polite, and would offer you a cup of tea if they thought you weren't there to try and kill them. In that particular version of “Once Upon a Time,” the Princess befriends the dragon, and brings it home with her to guard the royal treasury.
Luna Lovegood doesn't have golden hair; in fact, it's more of a pale, champagne colour if she's being truthful. She figures this doesn't make her a princess, but she does have a dragon of her very own. She thinks maybe this means that she should have the aforementioned dragon guard her treasury. After all, dragons have got to be good with money, since they have so much of it.
Luna isn't a fairytale princess, but she does have a dragon that she can bring home for Christmas. The dragon is just happy to be able to have someone to visit for Christmas.
In a different “Once Upon a Time,” a sixteen year old Slytherin named Tatiana Lokison died at the hands of Bellatrix LeStrange during the Battle of Hogwarts. Luna Lovegood would go on to marry Rolf Scamander and have twin sons. She would end up yelling at a reporter at a war memorial one day, and she wonder about whether or not she had a type.
This is not that “Once Upon a Time.”
After the Battle, when parents begin to stream in asking about a sixth year with brown hair that was pulled into a ponytail, and a fierce look of determination written across her face, Luna realises that she hasn't seen Ana since before the Battle even began.
With worry in her heart, she finally finds a different Slytherin, and asks if he's seen Ana. He simply points to where a young woman in the school skirt and shirt are. When she turns around, Luna lets out a breath she didn't realise she'd been holding, because it really was Ana. Beaten, battered, and bruised, but alive.
When Ana sees Luna, her face splits into a grin, and then she's there, in front of Luna, and they're kissing, as though they're dying tonight, and tomorrow won't come. When they finally break for air, Ana grins at Luna, who offers a tentative smile back.
“Parents are asking for you,” Luna says after a moment. “Something about saving their children?” Ana stares at her for a moment, before tilting her head back and laughing. It's her typical mad cackle, but Luna thinks it's the best sound she's ever heard.
The War left them all with scars of course. Ana tenses whenever she hears something behind her, and she keeps her wand in a holster in her wrist at all times. Luna jumps whenever she hears something move. This proves useful in places like the Amazon.
Both Luna and Ana had been offered places as Aurors, but had turned the position down. Ana had declared that she wasn't really cut out to battle evil wizards for a living. Once was enough. Luna had wanted to see the world. In the end, both girls had taken positions with the Quibbler as international correspondents.
(Really, Luna took the position. Ana simply followed her wherever she went, acting a bit like an excited child at Disney World. But, as Ana was actually useful, both as an on-the-go editor, and a photographer, Mr. Lovegood put her on payroll. Even though she never applied for the job.)
Rolf had been interesting to meet, Luna decided. She and Ana are in the ruins of an Ancient Civilisation, deep within South America.
“It's like the wizarding version of the Incas,” Ana declares, walking backwards while focusing her camera. In doing so, she walks straight into Rolf.
Rolf, to his credit, takes being smacked into by an English photographer rather well. He smiles and helps Ana too her feet. It's what happens next that causes some issues. Ana takes one look at Rolf, and her eyes narrow. She then tries to pull Luna, who is having a decent conversation with the poor man, away. When this doesn't work, she stands about, and looks petulant. The look only gets worse when they discover Rolf at their campground later that evening.
Luna questions Ana, but her girlfriend is steadfast in her refusal to answer. It's when Rolf corners her and asks Ana questions that she finally talks.
“You're a descendent of a God,” Ana snaps rather viciously at him. “One from a different Pantheon. Excuse me for being wary.”
Rolf blinks in confusion. “So? You shouldn't really be worried.” Ana practically snarls at him.
Luna however smiles easily as she figures it out. “Ana is posturing because she thinks you're going to take me away from her.”
Rolf blinks again, and a look of understand crosses over his face. “Daughter of Mischief, I would never. Not without both your permission and hers.”
Ana visibly relaxes at that, and then she smiles at him. “Son of the Fleet-Footed, I thank thee for your honesty.”
Luna thinks. “Does that mean you would be open to a threesome?” Both Rolf and Ana choke.
(It takes awhile for the two of them to weasel the fact that Luna wants children out of the blonde. When they finally get this piece of information, Ana calms down significantly.)
Rolf ends up becoming a permanent part of their relationship. He and Ana spend some time dancing around each other, but eventually calm down. It's when they move back to England, and Harry comes around for dinner that they finally have o explain things.
Harry's staring at the three of them in confusion. “So...all three of you are in a relationship?”
“Yes.” Ana's smile is amiable, but there is a certain sharpness in her eyes that suggests that if Harry has a problem, he can leave her house, Luna notes.
“And it's entirely non-sexual?” Harry, bless him, looks terribly confused, Luna decides. Rolf nods in response to Harry's question. “And you're happy?” The Saviour of the Wizarding World directs this question to Luna, who smiles cheerfully at him.
“I am wonderful Harry, really. You've no need to worry.” Harry relaxes at that, and mumbles about if she's sure, then he won't push. Luna's smile grows. Harry is truly a lovely young man.
Ginny, when Harry brings her with him to their next dinner together, is decidedly less than lovely. She throws a fit at Luna being in a threesome with a Slytherin. She is not appeased when Luna dutifully points out that Rolf was a Hufflepuff. She only screams louder.
Rolf eventually escorts her to the door, and throws her out. Harry follows her, apologising to the three of them profusely. Ana is frowning, but not Harry. She tells him goodbye, as does Luna, who simply wonders why Ginny is a terrible friend. Rolf looks confused at the grim determination that is written across Ana's face when Luna goes to bed early.
By the next morning, when Ana has spent all night recounting everything that has gone wrong between Luna and Ginny, Rolf has that same look of grimness. They both begin to plot how to make Ginny suffer (because Ana is a Slytherin, sly, cunning ambitious, and she gives her loyalty out to few, but she will defend those few. Rolf is a Hufflepuff, kind, hardworking, loyal. He does not believe in friends who criticise your every move.)
As it turns out, plotting is useless. At their next meeting, Harry declares that he has broken up with Ginny. Luna looks so relieved, that Ana and Rolf can't bear to do anything else to her. She was dumped by the Saviour of the Wizarding World. The press is punishment enough.
When Luna gets pregnant, both Ana and Rolf rush around trying to do everything for her. Luna, who feels that she has infinite patience, finally gives in and declares that she is creating new life, but she is not an invalid. She follows that statement up with another one about how she will hex them both if they don't calm down.
Thankfully, they listen to her.
Luna loves her partners. Truly, she does. She and Ana have been through hell together, and are all the better for it. Rolf just moulded himself into their group one day, and it took Luna weeks to realise that she'd stopped thinking as Rolf as “Friend” and started think of Rolf as “Partner.”
Right now, in St. Mungo's, Luna hates both Rolf and Ana. Rolf, because he got her pregnant. Ana because she allowed Rolf into their relationship, despite all the posturing, thus allowing Rolf to get her pregnant.
Luna is in labour. She hates every minute of it.
Well, maybe not every minute, she decides later, much later, when she wakes to see Ana curled up asleep on Rolf (also asleep).
In fact, really, she doesn't hate any of it, she decides when she sees Lorcan and Lysander for the first time since the moment of their actual birth. She has children now. How could she hate that?
Attempting to raise twin boys is fascinating. Luna declares this one morning when the boys are about two. They've taken to calling Luna and Rolf Mummy and Daddy. Ana is Mama. As Ana blinks wearily up at Luna over her mug of tea, and Rolf stares at her trying to keep from falling asleep at their kitchen counter, Luna smiles at them. They smile back, wearily, but happily, and Luna is glad that she found Ana alive that day in Hogwarts. Because she's fairly certain her life wouldn't have ended up like this if Ana had died.
When Harry bring Draco Malfoy to their weekly dinners one night, Ana nearly curses her fellow snake in the restaurant. She's stopped only by Rolf, who pulls her back down into her chair.
“So are you two together then?” Luna questions them both cheerfully.
Harry turns beet red, but replies anyway. “No, he's just rooming with me. He needed a place to stay, and I needed company. So it works out for both of us.”
Ana raises an eyebrow long enough for Draco to icily inform her that he “Is not not gay, thank you very much, Lokison.” Ana shrugs, and goes back to looking at the menu.
(Harry and Draco will both later confess to having a platonic relationship with each other. Ana will stop giving them knowing smirks, and will instead smile gentle in understanding with Luna and Rolf. They know better than anyone what it means to have a relationship that is so much more than a normal one.)
When the boys are three, people finally get around to building a War Memorial, with the signatures of the dead on it. Luna, Ana, and Rolf go for the opening.
In a different “Once Upon a Time,” Luna is shoved out of the way by a rude reporter, and tells the story of a Slytherin who died fighting for the right of everyone to live.
In this “Once Upon a Time,” Luna is still shoved out of the way by a rude reporter, but this time it is Ana who demands to know what he's doing, and who he thinks he is.
“I'm here to report on the mourners here, little lady,” the reporter leers at Ana.
Ana gets a look on her face, one that reminds Luna of a dragon, about to breath fire. “That is rude and uncalled for,” the dragon says sharply. “You are not welcome here. Leave those who would mourn in peace.”
The reporter stops leering, and starts to sneer. “And I suppose you've come to mourn, have you girlie?”
Rolf puts a hand on Ana's shoulder, as if to try and get her to back down. Luna feels a moment of pride for her rather massive Hippogriff, but Luna also knows it won't stop Ana. “I have,” the dragon tells the reporter, shaking Rolf's hand off her shoulder. “The losses of this war may not have been as personal to me, but I fought in the Battle of Hogwarts. You're soldiers were children during their war, and now they have come to mourn. Give them the respect of mourning without your interruption.”
The reporter flees the scene, tail between his legs. His photographer follows him soon after. Luna smiles at Ana and Rolf, her dragon and hippogriff. She is slightly surprised when Padma Patil asks if they want to get drinks with her and her sister. But she is happy all the same.
Drinks with Parvati and Padma turns out to be in the top ten most interesting things Luna has ever done. The Indian twins take the three of them to a place where you can order a Flaming Lamborghini, a Moroccan Sunrise, the Twelve Mile Limit, a Humble Pie, a Bermuda Black, a Green Ghost, and something called a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, which make Ana squeal with joy when she sees it on the drinks menu, and promptly orders one.
Apparently there's enough alcohol in a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster to make Ana act as though she's had five shots of tequila. Rolf makes her stop drinking after her third Gargle Blaster, which Luna is grateful for, except her orders her a Moroccan Sunrise instead.
Although, it turns out the Moroccan Sunrise is Non-Alcoholic, which make Luna's ire at her beloved boyfriend vanish instantaneously.
For their seventh birthday, Luna, Ana, and Rolf take the twins to Disney World. The boys have fun running around the parks, although both they and Ana declare Animal Kingdom to be boring. Surprisingly enough, the boys enjoy EPCOT, despite it's lack of rides.
Luna later finds out, much to her surprise, that there is a Wizarding Restaurant in EPCOT, and that's where they had drinks with the Patil twins.
Also, Luna has decided that Walt Disney was a wizard.
When the boys get their Hogwarts letters, Neville Longbottom comes to deliver them personally. When Luna asked about this, he simply shrugs. “I heard you didn't do Owl mail anymore. Besides, I haven't seen you in years.”
Luna thinks this is a good enough reason, and tells him everything that's happened since the battle. Neville's happy for her, and excited to be able to teach the boys, whose quest for knowledge has lead them many places. When Luna invites him to stay for dinner, he gladly accepts.
Ana greets Neville cheerfully, and he smiles at her and Rolf. Dinner goes wonderfully, and Neville really is happy for them.
The three of them take the twins to Platform 9 & ¾ on September 1st. Harry and Draco are there as well, to see off the oldest of Harry's adopted children (he never really had another relationship after Ginny, but he did want kids.)
As the Hogwarts Express pulls out of the station, Luna finds herself hoping that the boys find friendships like hers and Ana's, but that they aren't bullied.
They send a letter home the next day. Lorcan is a Ravenclaw, just like his Mum, but Lysander...Lysander's a Slytherin, just like his Mama. Luna, Ana, and Rolf are all proud of their boys.
(James Sirius Potter is a Hufflepuff. Harry and Draco are still very proud. And eventually, Albus Remus Potter will go on to be a Slytherin without fear. Why would he be afraid? His cousin Lysander's there. And it's the house his Auntie Ana was in. It can't be that bad.)
Luna is the only one of their triad that has family left, outside of each other, so every year for Christmas, she brings them all to Daddy's. Mr. Lovegood treats Ana warily at first, but warms up to her quickly. When they bring Rolf around for the first time, he smiles and shakes his head, but welcomes their third in anyway.
The boy's first year at Hogwarts is no different, nor are the six years after that. Luna, Ana, and Rolf all come traipsing in from the snow, smiling cheerfully, as two twin boys trail in after their parents. Mr. Lovegood will only have an undecorated tree in his living room, but all of the boxes will be out, because he knows that they want to decorate with him.
On Christmas day, Ana and Rolf take over the kitchen to prepare dinner for all of them, and Mr. Lovegood smiles to himself, happy in the assurance that his little Luna will be properly taken care of and loved, even when he's gone.
Luna Lovegood's life has never started with a “Once Upon a Time,” Because Luna's life is not a fairytale. But in a world where a dragon survives her battle, and Luna brings it home to meet her Daddy Dearest for Christmas, she's happy. When she later brings home the dragon, and a hippogriff to boot, along with two children in tow, she thinks that maybe, she'll get a “Happily Ever After.”
“Where do you think you'll end up,” the little red-haired girl named Rose asks curiously.
Two twin brother glance at each other. “I'll be an Eagle,” the first replies. “Eager in my pursuit of knowledge.”
The second smiles back at him. “I'll be a Snake,” he says quietly. “Ready to achieve my greatest ambition.”
“But really,” the chorus. “We think any of them would be good. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin. They each have their good qualities, and their bad. We'd be happy to be in any of them.”