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Burning it all for his Midas touch

Summary:

RPF, my own thoughts, using my own imagination and inspiration from interviews etc to create ficticious events and relationship.

Joseph had felt an attraction to Jamie for some time. Between the interviews full of burning chemistry and casual touches, and sharing hotel suites on their travels, he doesn't know if its in his head or he's just the same as everyone else Jamie flirts with. One of his biggest obstacles is his own self doubt and anxiety, and wondering how someone like Jamie could be interested in someone like him. By some miracle they do get together, and over time they navigate each others kinks, anxieties and being together x

Notes:

Panic attacks and some eating disorder stuff mentioned x

Chapter 1: Finding faults is easy

Chapter Text

The tossed keys hit the coffee table, sliding across the polished surface until they hit the edge of a coaster. Sighing heavily, Joseph sank down, spreading his arms across the back of the sofa as he let his head fall back. Kicking his legs up, he crossed his ankles and let his feet rest on the coffee table, safe in the knowledge Jamie wasn’t there in the shared hotel suite to tut and nudge him until he moved his feet off the furniture.

It had been a long day. A good day, but a long day. In some ways he didn’t think he would ever get rid of his nerves when it came to interviews. Part of it was general anxiety, part of it was thinking why would anyone be interested in what I have to say? And second guessing whether he was saying too much, not enough, or saying the wrong thing.

Pairing him up with Jamie had been a genius move on the promotion team’s behalf. Jamie had such an infectious confidence that wasn’t obnoxious, or dwarfing to those around him, he had something about him that made everyone feel at ease and good about themselves. Every time Joseph felt the buzzing sense of nerves rise and fall inside, causing him to jiggle his knee, bite his thumbnail or give a lopsided nervous smile, Jamie was right there beside him with a hand on Joseph’s arm or knee, unarming everyone with his charming smile and laughter, and reassuring the younger man every time he drawled his name “Joseph, darling”.

They ended up winding down at a trendy bar that evening not far from the hotel they were staying at. It was the bare bricks, neon lights and odd named bands type of bar, where you couldn’t really have a table to yourself because of how narrow the building was. A small group of equally trendy and beautiful people gravitated towards them, naturally smiling and leaning more towards Jamie who thrived in his story telling mode, all hand gestures and leant back laughter. Joseph managed to make some enthusiastic small talk but noticed how the people he spoke to; their eyes would flicker over to Jamie, and they discretely put out flirtatious signals in his direction. He couldn’t blame them, he found himself staring at the blonde with hope as well. As the hours dragged on, he found himself shuffling on his feet, waiting until there was a natural gap to talk to Jamie – which came when the small gathering turned their attention to the bartender for another round. “I’m going to head up to the suite, I’m shattered mate,” Joseph confided as if embarrassed.

“No worries Darling, I’ll just have one or two more. Do you want me walk you back?” Jamie offered.

“Its literally three streets away, I’ll be fine,” Joseph laughed, “have you got your key?”.

“Of course, of course. I won’t be long,” the long blonde-haired man gave him a friendly slap on the shoulder with a pat on the lower back for good measure.

Joseph awkwardly slipped past a few people to get out of the narrow bar, gazing back to briefly catch Jamie getting eagerly swallowed back up into the adoring crowd. He waited until he was clear from the drinkers outside before lighting up a cigarette, savoring it slowly on the walk back to the hotel. He was hoping it would have helped silence some of the thoughts going on in his head, but they only seemed to amplify.

He could still feel Jamie’s hands on him – like weighted burn marks were left on every limb, every patch of skin that the other man had touched. It was ridiculous Joseph thought, how fucking giddy Jamie made him feel with his affection, his easy wide smiles, deep honest laughter. From the looks of the people at the bar he just left, he wasn’t the only one that had that problem. Jamie is like that with everyone he kept reminding himself. He’s just an affectionate, flirty guy. Any other thoughts are just… thoughts.

And now here he was on the sofa surrounded by silence and self-doubt. Rubbing his face, he glanced around, not quite sure what he should do with himself. Now that he was away from the crowds, the hustle and bustle of the bars and the cold night air, his tiredness seemed to have fallen away.

Despite knowing what a bad idea it was, he did what most people at a loss would do and scrolled through social media. Being a glutton for punishment, he ended up landing on YouTube and checked the comments people left on his latest interview with Jamie.

The problem with his anxiety and lack of self confidence was that his brain missed the ninety plus percentage of comments gushing about him and Jamie equally but homed in on the few negative comments as validation for the bad thoughts he had about himself. ‘Joseph looks like every dad in the 90s’ read one, ‘I never would have thought he’s 5 years younger than Jamie’ read another. ‘Did he steal the 80s themed shirts from the costume department?’ He found himself blushing furiously and tossing his phone aside.

Whether it was the offense, or the need to prove they were wrong, he found himself going into his bedroom and furiously unzipping the suitcase he still embarrassingly hadn’t unpacked yet and frowned at the dismal clothing. Fuck… fuck! They were right. His style was barely passable as a style. He frowned and shut the case again as the embarrassing teenage whine of ‘I’ve got nothing to wear’ filled his head. Who the hell decided it was a good idea to let him dress himself, let alone be seen in public after?

Jamie was so fucking devastatingly beautiful, and tall, and lithe, with his edgy tattoos and dandyish alternative style. He was so effortlessly stylish and mesmerising to look at. And then there was Joseph… so bland, so boring, so fucking…beige. Whereas Jamie had the ‘say yes daddy’ vibe, he just had the plain old boring suburban dad vibe. He caught himself in the full-length mirror on one of the wardrobe doors and almost recoiled. He just didn’t look right. And he knew he didn’t look right next to Jamie. Why would HE be interested in… THIS.

He practically hit the lights off and stripped down before diving under the duvet. Thank God he had nothing in the diary for tomorrow, as he planned to fester in bed for most of it. He wasn’t sure how long he tossed and turned, trying and failing to fall asleep as self-deprecations rolled through his mind. He startled when he heard doors open and close with Jamie’s return. He held his breath as sensed the other moving around the communal area, until eventually he heard Jamie’s bedroom door shut. As he released his breath, a warmth welled up in Joseph’s eyes. Fuck.