Izuku glanced up towards Katsuki. It had been a month since Nabu, since Nine and since they had shared One For All. No one really knew for sure what happened, except maybe himself? Even then, there were things that didn’t make sense. Like how he still had his quirk, even after they fell to separate areas of the battlefield. How All Might had deemed it the quirk itself who deemed their sacrifice was worth something.
Yagi had asked him not to tell Kacchan the depth of the thing they shared, had said the other was better off knowing that he had given everything up in order to win. Izuku looked back down and sighed, he had agreed, of course, it was All Might. But he had gone back on that so quickly.
As of right now, Izuku had tried six separate times to tell the other boy what had happened. Had tried to talk to Kacchan about Nabu and how it changed things for him. But the blonde just sneered and literally exploded him every time he tried. Izuku had overheard the blonde complain to Kirishima about not remembering, had seen Kacchan slip into thought at random times.
But it was like they had gone back to the start of the year. Whenever Kacchan saw green, he would spark and snarl. And it hurt. Because they had shared something amazing and powerful, had worked in complete tandem. Izuku could still feel the thrum of energy as they beat Nine together. Izuku remembered watching Kacchan melt through a mountain, remembered using the energy to push beyond.
Remembered reaching out, fingers straining for Katsuki, for the other to reach out just as desperately.
Izuku groaned and hit his head on the desk, he really needed to let. It. Go. But he couldn’t, it was Kacchan! Like that made any sense anyway, what did he want from the other? Did he want the blonde explosive boy to finally acknowledge him? Probably, but that felt too little. Izuku glanced up again, green eyes met with stormy red and Izuku felt his stomach drop and his heart twist.
Izuku wanted him to remember so they could share that again. Izuku felt his heart break into tiny pieces because that would never happen. Katsuki must have seen something in his eyes, because he growled again and turned without a word.
Izuku had the sudden urge to cry, to sob and wail like a child because he could never fucking win. He breathed out and felt his hands shake slightly as he held back the burning in his eyes. He was going to have a panic attack, there was no other outcome. He either broke down over the fact he was in love with Kacchan, and had been since…forever. Or allow the rising panic and pain push him over the anxiety trap and into the depths of numbness.
He must have given some sign, some signal that he was spiralling because the next thing he knew was that Shouto was leading him to Recovery Girl with that worried glint in his eyes. Izuku refused to speak as he sat on the bed, hyperventilating and trying to get rid of these stupid feelings. Shouto was gone and in his place was Aizawa. Who had that firm but worried look in his eyes.
Fuck, this was bad.
When Izuku finally wrangled control back from his erratic heart and torturous brain, he had to look at those dark eyes and admit that this, this whole shit show, was because he finally realised that he was in love with the one person who hated his existence like it was a hobby. For how logical Aizawa was, the look of understanding and sadness the teacher gave him was enough to finally break the dam.
Izuku cried, gods did he cry, probably like the day he was born and Aizawa just sat there and awkwardly patted his back. Izuku made a sad mental note to get the man the best coffee a man could buy. Dealing with this every day? Not for the faint of heart.
“Will you be alright now, Problem Child?” the man had asked, and Izuku had given a weak shrug, because what was he supposed to do? Kacchan would never care for him like that, would never share that bond again and wouldn’t even tolerate him in the same room right now. Izuku attempted a smile, but the grimace from the teacher made him stop.
A note from Recovery Girl for being late, he headed back to class. They had Art with Midnight, and Izuku apologised before sitting back in his seat. He tried not to look at the blonde-haired boy in front of him, tried to forget how his heart was beating so, so fast but also felt like it was being ripped apart.
Izuku hated how everyone was treating him like glass after his…episode. He hated the pity and the glances from everyone. No one really asked what his breakdown meant, but everyone had agreed it had something to do with Nabu. They had seen how badly he had been hurt and how close they had been to lose.
He had nearly lost Kacchan. But Izuku hated how he could feel Katsuki watch him with something else, with a question and a glare. Because the blonde knew that Izuku had tried talking to him about it, and this was the outcome?
Izuku hated it so much, even more so when he saw those familiar, beautiful spikes of blonde leaning against his door. Katsuki’s body leaning back with confidence and an air of deadly accuracy. Izuku was fucked, royally screwed and he wished he could go back 12 hours and not have the whole…epiphany.
“What the fuck was that?” Kacchan snapped, and Izuku tried not to recoil, but his nerves were shot and it felt just like Middle School. Long, empty corridors and silence. His reaction must have done something because Izuku weakly opened his eyes and saw Katsuki looking pale and shocked. Yeah, Izuku hadn’t been afraid of Kacchan for months now, had welcomed the other boy’s touch even, so to backpedal so hard? Must have been shocking.
“…it’s fine, Kacchan.” Izuku breathed, looking away, “I’ve already spoken to Aizawa-sensei, I….I-I won’t bother you anymore with it…” God, he sounded lame. Kacchan had come to him after the licensing exam because he knew Izuku would listen, why did Izuku believe it could go both ways?
“What?” came a whisper, it was so small and felt like a gut punch. Izuku finally looked up to those red eyes, which were narrowed now at him. He had that weird look again like he was searching for something. Now Izuku couldn’t look away, wide green eyes that were swimming and tinted red, but they held so much in them that it often led to people looking away. But Kacchan never did….until now. Izuku felt himself catch his breath as Katsuki looked away and glared at the far wall.
“I….I’ve tried to talk to you for…for weeks, Kacchan? And you’d get so angry and…and it wasn’t getting better. I have…nightmares where we are back there and we….lose. A-And I lose…(
*One For All and You)* And no one else saw what…what happened, and I thought since…since Ground Beta…” Izuku felt himself lean back and hit the back of his head on the wall. “I thought I could talk to….you, like…” Izuku realised he hated the idea of just being Katsuki’s friend. MoreMoreMoreMore
“But…Aizawa said that maybe I was just pushing what I-I believed on you, and…and I realised that I was. You stated…that you didn’t remember and didn’t want too. So, I s-should have respected that. But…no, never mind. I’ll…h-handle it. Yep.” Izuku gave a small laugh that sounded oh, so broken. He just wanted to sleep now, the adrenaline was running out and he just wanted some peace for a little while. He could give up any chance of romantic happiness tomorrow.
“I have dreams too.” came a gruff reply and Izuku glanced up, trying to ignore the familiar burn in his eyes as he took the frowning and calm Kacchan. “You’re reaching out and for once I don’t care about anything but fucking taking it. I dream of fucking flashes, of a mountain that literally erupts because of ME but I know that’s not possible unless…” Katsuki fixes him with a fierce glare. The same one that’s been haunting him for weeks now.
“Tell me Nerd, you didn’t do that. Tell me you didn’t give me that, that it’s just a fucking dream because you cannot be that fucking stupid.” Izuku retreated back, because fuckfuckfuck! He had wanted this talk, had craved it with his whole being. But now it was happening? He couldn’t.
“Kacchan…” Izuku started, hands twisting and everything felt too much,
“No. You fucking…NO!” Katsuki punched the wall by Izuku’s head, panting with anger and something else, Izuku didn’t flinch from it nor did he recoil from the smoke he could smell. Katsuki was so close, close enough to smell that sweet sweat that had caused so much. The silence stretched between them, red glaring into green, lips oh so close.
Izuku either had reached his limit of thinking or his body moved on its own again (Yeah, that wasn’t going to fly…was it?) and the next thing he knew was that he was kissing Katsuki. The taste of fresh mint hit him, and Izuku moved back, wide eyes at what he had just done. He went to say something, went to apologise and that he didn’t know what was wrong with him when the blonde leaned back in and swept up his lips again.
It was more a battle for dominance than the sweet fairytale kiss, Izuku felt himself melt into the warm arms of the boy he loved and tried to forget the fucking roller coaster of a day as he just relaxed into the kiss. They broke apart and Izuku blinked lazily up at the slight smirk. Izuku felt himself heat up, cheeks burning red at the sight, but he felt his tongue all twisted in his mouth.
“I don’t fully remember, Nerd, but what I do annoys the fuck out of me. If my fucking dreams are memories then you are a bigger reckless idiot than I recall. But you still have that damn quirk and I am not going to let you off again.” Kacchan said simply, burning red eyes showing that unknown emotion again.
Oh, he loves me too…
Izuku felt himself laugh a little, probably a bit more hysterical than he would like. Before letting his head rest on the other.
“We shared it, Kacchan. For one beautiful, amazing moment we shared everything and I didn’t want to forget it and I couldn’t lose that…I couldn’t lose y-” Izuku gave an eep as Katsuki pulled his chin up and warm lips were back on him.
“I gave up trying to get fucking rid of you years ago, shitty Deku,” Katsuki admitted and Izuku beamed though his eyes were still slightly teary. Izuku slipped his arms around Katsuki and pulled him back into a kiss, hoping it gave the blonde an inkling on how much he loved him. How much he loved them.
That was how Aizawa found them, making out right outside Izuku’s dorm. Shouta breathed a deep sigh and then separated them. Izuku blushed bright red while Katsuki screamed curses. Things were going to get a lot more chaotic from now on…but at least the greenette was laughing once again.