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RIP Loid Forger, Yor cracked him like an egg

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“Um, wait,” Yor spoke up suddenly, just as Loid had been leaning in to finally, finally kiss her for real. “Before we go any further, there’s something you should know about me. I’ve been… keeping a pretty big secret from you.”

Well it wasn’t like Loid was any different in that respect. “Oh?”

“I’m sorry…” She fidgeted with her fingers, looking down at her lap. “I just didn’t know how to tell you. But if we’re going to-“ She flushed bright red. “Uh, make this official, I think you should know, in case you don’t…” She hesitated. “It might change how you see me a lot, and you deserve the chance to back out now if I’m not… who you thought I was.”

Hey, Loid wanted to tell her, this is just a targeted guilt-trip now, isn’t it?

“I trust you,” he said instead. “I trust the relationship we’ve built up to this point.” He touched her cheek, slowly brushing his hand over her skin to cup her jaw. “Yor, have you ever lied to me about your feelings for me? For Anya? The love you have for the family we made together?”

Yor shook her head firmly. “No, of course not! I meant every word! I love our family more than anything, I love our daughter, I love,” her blush turned a darker shade, “you.”

“Then there isn’t any secret you could possibly be hiding that would be enough to scare me off,” he concluded. “Besides, it’s a little late to be backing out now, we’re already married.”

Not to mention, I have a few secrets of my own, he thought.

Yor exhaled deeply, releasing the tension that had been holding her shoulders taught. “Thank you,” she said softly. “Okay then. I trust you too.”

She touched Loid’s hand on her cheek, covered it with her own, then gently moved it back to his lap. She stood up and walked away from the edge of the bed to get some space.

“Okay.” She took another deep breath. “Okay, here it is.”

Whatever Loid had expected to see was not what happened.

The silhouette of Yor’s body wobbled. Her shape fell away like water pouring out of a glass, sliding into place as if helped along only by the natural laws of the physical world, gravity pulling apart and atoms attracting together until her body came together looking very different from before.

She was taller, for one thing, maybe seven feet, and her skin was now an ashy gray. The joints in her legs were strange, almost feline in how her feet seemed to have two segments, only the end lightly touching the floor with the rest a warning that she was capable of pouncing should she so choose. Higher up, her thighs rippled with powerful muscles, the proof of veracity behind the promise of sudden and certain violence. No wonder she was able to move so silently, with the legs of a predator built to sneak up on unsuspecting prey. Her torso was more human, with a clearly defined waist and hips, but the proportions of her ribcage were large, indicating a creature capable of significantly greater airflow and strength. Her arms were massive, hulking things, but came to a fine point with hands and needle-tipped fingers capable of great precision. On her head were some kind of sensory fins and asymmetrical earholes on either side, similar to an owl with the likely similar ability to better triangulate positions based on sound. The shape of her skull was different as well, her jaw distended to allow for far more teeth, but her red eyes and bashful expression were unmistakably Yor.

“Oh,” Loid heard himself say with a calm that could only be achieved by exiting one’s body in a state of indescribable shock, “you aren’t human.”

“I’m from another planet, um, another galaxy actually, we were curious about Earth when we realized it hadn’t been able to make any intergalactic connections yet, so, um.” Yor was still fidgeting with her fingers, the gesture made somewhat more threatening now with the presence of claws. “It seems like humans have a history of freaking out when they meet someone that isn’t like them? So we thought it would be best to disguise ourselves at first…”

“That makes perfect sense,” Loid replied reasonably. It did not.

“But I don’t mind pretending to be a human, I really like it here,” she went on. She was still blushing red – it seemed her species had evolved something similar to human blood. “I actually… Well, I was hoping to stay here permanently, with you and Anya- Ah, if! If you’ll have me, of course!”

She was looking at him with a creeping sense of disappointment, clearly expecting to be rejected.

Maybe Loid’s brain had left with his soul because he replied, “Of course. This doesn’t change anything for me, Yor. Well, maybe it changes things a little, I have a lot of questions, but I meant what I said. You’re still you, no matter how you look or where you come from. You’re still my wife.”

Who said that?! It certainly wasn’t Twilight!

Relief flooded Yor’s face, a gooey substance caking her eyes in what were probably similar to tears. “Oh Loid, I’m so lucky I met you. I love you so much.”

She hugged him, squeezing him tight enough to ache. Well, at least now the mystery of her superhuman strength had been solved.

“Oh, also I’m an assassin,” she added.

“Not a problem,” he replied, winded and dazed from the air being forcibly shoved out of his chest. “I’m a spy.”


Once he’d had a moment to return to his body and think about things rationally, Loid realized that this was an extremely important opportunity. If there were alien races out there with the technology to travel to other planets, it was of paramount importance to befriend these aliens. What did protecting Westalis from war with Ostania matter if the entire Earth became the target of an even greater power? Besides, it was very possible that these aliens held knowledge and resources that could potentially make ending this cold war significantly easier, if not end it outright.

And what was a more tried-and-true method of securing an alliance than marriage?

Loid had already done that! Now it was just a matter of ensuring the rest of Yor’s people saw their union in the same way.

They would need something to elevate the status of their marriage even higher than a mere promise between two individuals, something that would seal the deal so definitively an alliance would follow naturally…

“Loid,” Yor said anxiously, “my um, mating cycle is coming up, and normally I would just kind of ignore it, but I… I know we’ve only just made our relationship real, but I love Anya so much, taking care of a child with you has been so wonderful, and I’ve been thinking that I would really love to… to have your children?”

… Of course! Children! That was the key!

“Our species are actually pretty similar,” she went on, speaking rather hurriedly in her nervous state, “I’m pretty sure we’re compatible? S… Sexually I mean. I think we could… I think it’s possible!”

A child that was equally of both species… Such a child would surely be a symbol of hope and goodwill.

For the sake of peace and a brighter future…

“Yor.” Loid held her dangerously sharp hands in his and looked deep into her eyes. “I would like nothing more.”

… Also the thought of holding a baby that was as much his as it was hers… Tiny fingers and toes and a nose made for kissing… A little sibling for Anya to play with…

Yes, the warmth in his chest was definitely related to forging an alliance with an alien species.


When he took Yor to bed, he didn’t know what to expect, but if their species were sexually compatible, then surely it couldn’t be that different from the human norm? As far as he could tell, Yor was approximately her species’ version of “female” to his “male,” so mating would likely involve his sperm fertilizing her egg, which would need time to incubate and grow (he wasn’t sure whether this would take place inside the body, as it would for humans, or outside the body) until it eventually became a living individual.

It couldn’t be all that complicated, right?

“Don’t worry,” Yor told him before he could ask. “I’ve studied human biology so I know what to do. Just let me take care of it.”

“Okay,” Loid conceded. He wasn’t normally one to yield control, but for some reason, his wife made it too easy.

She told him to undress and lie down on the bed, so he did. She followed him, settling over his hips but carefully putting her weight on her legs to avoid hurting him.

“We should, uh, warm up first,” she said. “Humans usually do foreplay to prepare for mating, right?”

Once Loid had confirmed for her that yes, this was usually the case, she leaned down to kiss him. The shape of her mouth was so different, he wasn’t sure what to do at first. She brushed against his lips, a chaste little gesture of affection, then she opened her mouth and her tongue slithered out from between the rows of razor-sharp teeth. It seemed to be prehensile, and when it slid into his mouth it wasted no time diving in deep. He jolted, startled by a foreign object suddenly shoving itself down his throat, and she retreated immediately.

“I’m sorry,” she cried. “I thought when humans ‘kissed,’ they used their tongues like this – was I wrong?”

Loid coughed and tried to get his heartrate under control. Why was it so hot all of a sudden? “No, that was fine, I was just startled. Human tongues are a lot shorter, I wasn’t expecting it.”

Yor didn’t seem convinced. “Then… is it okay…?”

He gave her a smile. “Yes, I’m ready now.”

He opened his lips for her again and she went much more slowly this time, exploring his mouth before sliding a little deeper. It was clear she didn’t have any experience in this area, but somehow…

She braced her hands on either side of his head and pressed closer, pushing him against the pillow as she started to thrust her tongue, the tip fucking into his throat while the rest coiled and filled his mouth, forcing his jaw open wider, achingly wide, unable to help the trail of saliva trickling down the side of his face.

Why was his skin burning?

She retreated and as her tongue slipped out, a tiny whine followed it. Loid froze at the sound. Was that him?

Yor reacted immediately too. Her pupils dilated into two yawning black pits as she stared down at him.

For some reason he got the feeling that he had just lost his hold on whatever strand of control he’d been clinging to.

Yor vanished from above him and reappeared shoving his legs apart to get between them. Embarrassingly, the kiss had been enough to get him half hard, and she took approximately one second to visually acquaint herself with this strange piece of human anatomy before her maw gaped open wide.

He didn’t have enough time to be freaked out by the glint of shark-like teeth. She had already swallowed him down to the root.

He yelled out, throwing his head back. Yor held his hips down to keep him still, the points of her fingers neatly imprinting tiny dots of blood in his skin. Her tongue wrapped around him, squeezing and pumping up and down, a white-hot coil of vicious pleasure, moving so fiercely it might have hurt if it didn’t feel so deliriously good. Loid fisted the sheets, hips trapped, his feet kicking out and curling with the spasms of pleasure ripping through him.

He was so close-

His eyes had screwed shut at some point in the middle of this, so he didn’t see what happened next. Rookie mistake, always keep your eyes peeled-

There was some kind of squelching noise and then Yor’s tongue disappeared, only to be immediately replaced by another tight heat that clamped down and wrung the orgasm right out of his body. It all occurred so abruptly it took a moment for his brain to catch up to what had happened and he didn’t feel the burst of pleasure until a beat after he had already come. Moaning, head spinning, he melted into the sheets and began blinking to clear his blurry vision.

There was some kind of… tube retreating from his dick. It almost looked like an enormous eel, a thick, fleshy appendage with a mouth on the end that he could now attest was capable of incredible suction. Similar to Yor’s tongue, it seemed to move with precise dexterity. As his eyes moved along its length – roughly equivalent to that of his forearm – he realized it was jutting out from Yor’s groin.

Oh. It was genitalia. Of course.

Human women kept theirs inside their bodies, but apparently in Yor’s species, they were external, just like human men. It was an absolute mystery where it had been hiding prior to now. Loid decided to leave it at that rather than let his brain trip over the edge into the black hole of biological riddles looming on the horizon of his consciousness.

Well, as expected, the details were different but the general picture of intercourse had panned out to be the male partner penetrating the female, so that was reassuring at least. The broad strokes of evolution hadn’t diverged between their species so dramatically it was impossible to understand each other.

“Yor,” he said, wincing when his voice came out several pitches higher than his normal tone. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Yor, that was amazing. But how do I, uh, return the favor?”

Now that he was able to return his focus to Yor’s face, he realized she was watching him intensely from where she sat between his thighs. Her eyes were entirely black, flashing coldly as she regarded him. He wanted to say it was with admiration, but he could not be sure it wasn’t hunger.

“I’m not finished with you yet,” she said quietly.

His toes curled sharply on their own.

Why did that sound like a threat?

“O-Oh.” Whose voice was this, coming out of his mouth! He could perform any pitch he wanted if he was playing a role, but his normal voice was supposed to be deeper than this! “What should I-“

She silenced him with a hand placed on the center of his chest. She leaned over and kissed the underside of his jaw before nipping it lightly.

“I already told you. Just let me take care of you.”

That wasn’t exactly how she’d phrased it before, he wanted to protest, but then she was plunging her tongue into his mouth again and there wasn’t anything he could do about that.

She wrapped her tongue around his, as if hugging it, and then pulled away. She directed herself lower, nosing at the insides of his thighs. He gave a little yelp when she bit down and she licked at the mark apologetically. Then she braced her palms against the undersides of his thighs and pushed, folding him so easily he almost forgot to notice this was an unusual occurrence for him.

He didn’t have the chance to voice his misgivings about the position. She pressed the flat of her tongue to his ass and then slid the tip inside.

Okay, wait a minute, this wasn’t right at all!

Shuddering at the strange sensation, he opened his mouth, but Yor’s tongue drove in deeper and his words were choked out by a bubbling gasp.

This was- Yor must have misunderstood something- There was no way this was-

The white-hot heat of her lunged relentlessly deeper, twisting and undulating and lighting him up from the inside out.

This couldn’t be right, human men weren’t supposed to-!

Loid flung his head back with a cry as she coiled her tongue into a thicker shape and speared through something in the center of him that made his heart crush in on itself so rapidly the rest of him collapsed into the vacuum. His whole body seized up, clenching around her, electric sparks catching fire under his skin.

Yor hummed with satisfaction and thrust her tongue playfully with more force. He whined and clamped his thighs together, trembling faintly.

What was going on here! Whose body was this!

She laughed and withdrew her tongue. His insides continued to burn with a tingling warmth.

“So cute…” she murmured.

Who, him? Cute? No, there had been a mistake somewhere, surely, he wasn’t like this…!

He was unable to correct her because then something much larger pressed up against him.

He dared to look down and realized Yor’s… member was rubbing against him threateningly.

No. No way. Absolutely not. There was just no way-

Yor pushed and it went in.

It just- It just went in-

The moan that came lurching out of Loid’s mouth was mortifyingly loud, it couldn’t have been him. Yor was just so biginside him, so heavy and mercilessly thick, fucking into him with smooth, unyielding thrusts, bullying him open around her. It wasn’t just thrusting either, like a human cock would, it was coiling, rippling along its length, dancing along his nerves almost playfully as it made him flail and cry out. He was losing precious control of himself, trying desperately to cover his mouth with his hand but it was useless, his jaw fell open anyway, there was nothing he could do to contain the noises escaping him. He didn’t even realize his hips were rocking back against Yor until she pushed him further, bearing down on top of him until his knees were almost touching his chest and he couldn’t move anymore.

“Yor,” he gasped, pleading, though for what he didn’t know, “Yor…!”

She shushed him affectionately and kissed the back of his knee. “It’s okay. Just a bit more, you’re doing so good, my cute, lovely husband…”

More?! What more?!

Suddenly, he felt the base of Yor’s length swell. The oscillating motions became more deliberate and pushed the round shape into him. He hissed as it slid inside, moving deeper, working its way into the core of him. Moments later, there was another swelling, and a second shape was nudged into him, and then a third, a fourth. He squirmed as they bumped along his nerves, choking on his lungs as the air was forced out of him.

“What-“ He let out a horrifyingly pathetic whimper as a fifth one was introduced. “Yor-“

Yor was panting now, flushed with exertion. She spread Loid’s legs so she could lean down between them and nuzzle into his neck, her breath hot against his skin.

“You’re so good,” she mumbled. “So perfect, so warm, so tight, you’ll be so good carrying our children, so handsome…”

Loid made the connection just in time for the first egg to pop out of the tip of Yor’s length and be tenderly pressed into the deepest part of his body. His mind promptly whited out.

One after the other they were coaxed into him, filling him up, nestled so tightly inside him, his body bearing down on them as if clutching them close, as if trying to pull them in deeper. Yor could feel the tension in his muscles and cooed at him about how cute he was, how sweet, such a good father, her darling husband. He couldn’t speak at all, full to bursting like this, heart and lungs crushed flat against his ribs. It was all he could do to gulp down enough air to stay conscious.

He thought he counted about eight, in the end, but he couldn’t possibly be sure. His mind kept slipping past his fingertips.

Yor shivered and hugged him close as she spilled liquid heat inside him, stuffing up whatever tiny gaps had remained and pumping him so full he could swear it was flooding the back of his throat. It was feverishly hot, burning anew whenever it shifted inside him. He moaned and Yor kissed his scarlet ear. As her length withdrew from him, she replaced it with a plug, though there was so much that even with all her finesse, he felt a few drops of something wet trickle out.

At last, she let down his legs, laying him out flat on the bed. He melted back into shape, the weight inside his body tingling with heat that made it hard to keep still. He couldn’t help fidgeting a little, rubbing his aching thighs together and flexing his fingers in the sheets.

For her part, Yor seemed quite pleased with herself, radiating self-satisfaction as she laid a hand on his stomach, sliding her palm down below his navel and pressing lightly. The touch made him jolt, squirming with a low keen. Whatever this fluid was inside him, movement seemed to make it heat up, and the heat felt unbearable playing so brazenly against his tender nerve endings.

“You’re such a good father,” Yor sighed dreamily. “I’m so happy to give you more children.”

Loid made an incomprehensible gurgling noise and came all over himself when she pressed down a little harder.