“i need you to tell me you love me.”
it shouldn’t feel final, but it does. it feels like they’ll never see each other again, or when he returns they won’t have this between them anymore. the arms that hold him so gently and lovingly will turn to nothing and a gun will be pointed at him, the only way out of here.
“i love you,” kinn smiles, and it’s genuine. he’s in love, and he’s happy, and porsche never wants to lose this. he wants to spend every night and morning in kinn’s arms, wants to hold him tightly and never let go. never wants to be like tawan, dying over fake love and lies.
porsche doesn’t want his first love to be his last.
“thank you, for everything,” porsche says so quietly he’s sure kinn doesn’t hear him.
“i should be thanking you. you’re the reason i’m happy, porsche, the reason i don’t feel so burdened by my responsibilities anymore. how can i repay you? how can i tell you how much i love you?”
“hold onto me a little longer.”
and kinn pulls him as close as he can, kisses him softly, runs his fingers through his hair, and it makes porsche’s decision a little harder to commit to. how a man he once thought to be cold and cruel and irrevocably incapable of love could turn to a man he’s afraid of losing because he’s the only person he’s ever given his heart to and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get it back. how he never should’ve stepped foot into this house, because he would spare himself the heartbreak and betrayal and he would never have to miss this.
his phone vibrates on the night stand, but he doesn’t dare look at it while kinn can see. he’s almost sure he knows what the message will say anyway, but the confirmation isn’t what matters. kinn will wake up alone in the morning, and his first instinct will be that porsche has done the one thing he never expected him to do, and he’ll assume the worst. he’ll wake up alone, and he’ll blame himself, and porsche will lose one of the only people he’s ever truly loved.
the gentle laugh kinn lets out pulls him from his thoughts, and all porsche can do in the moment is pretend that everything will be okay; just for tonight.