Remus Lupin was an ordinary man. He worked in a library most of the day and, after closing, he went straight to his flat. “Moon Secrets”, the library, had belonged to his father when he was a child, and now that his parents were dead, the library belonged to him. He didn’t have any siblings, and he only had a few friends, but Remus didn’t mind. He was used to be alone and he had gotten to like it. His books and his clients were a good company. The place where he lived wasn’t very big and most of the time his clients were always the same. The money he used to get wasn’t much, but it was enough for him to live. However, sometimes Remus wondered if he should try to do something better with his life, maybe travel around the world or write, (he had always been keen on writing tales), but he always ended up shaking his head at those ideas, they were too expensive.
We could say Remus had more than a surprised expression on his face when he saw the man who entered the library that Monday morning. He could swear he had seen him before, god, he knew he wouldn't be able to forget such a beautiful face, but he wasn’t able to recall where he had seen him.
The man in question was quite tall but not as tall as Remus and had long black hair that fell over his shoulders and covered part of his grey eyes. He wore a jovial smile on his face and Remus arched an eyebrow at his clothes. The guy was wearing a leather jacket with tight jeans and looked more like a rockstar than someone who would enter a library willingly. Still, a client is a client, and Remus had no place to judge, so he smiled kindly and said:
“Hello, what can I offer to you?”
The other man seemed to be pleased by the sound of Remus’ voice because his smile grew bigger on his face.
The little smile Remus had curved on his lips faded away and his voice hardened when he spoke again. Blurry memories were passing through his mind.
“What are you doing here, Sirius?”
It felt like he had gone back to his teen years. In front of him was standing the man he had called his best friend for four years, and hadn’t seen for another three. The atmosphere had changed, and the small library didn’t seemed so warm and nice anymore; Sirius noticed it.
“Lily and James are getting married.” Sirius’ voice was weak and low, almost like he feared Remus would ask him to leave if he spoke louder, and he wasn’t wrong. Remus wasn’t in the mood for Sirius’ games. He had considered making up some kind of lie, asking him to leave him alone and don’t come again. After all, Sirius was the guy he had fallen in love with more than four years ago and seeing him again wasn’t as nice as it should be. Not anymore.
“I know, they have sent me the invitation”, Remus Lupin said, sharply. He was tired, tired of waking up in a cold bed, tired of pretending everything was okay when it wasn’t. “Answer my question Sirius, what the hell are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to be sure you will be there”.
The librarian could feel the anger he had felt years ago boiling inside his chest again. They had been so happy before, but that was in the past, and if there was someone to blame because of that, it was the man in front of him, Sirius had broken up with Remus, he had taken away the best time of his life. And now he dared to come here and ask if he wouldn’t do the same thing he had done to him?
Remus crossed his arms over his chest and gave Sirius a bitter smile.
“I’m not like you, Black”, he spat the surname like it was something toxic and continued, letting out how bad he had felt all these years. “I won’t miss the wedding of two of my best friends because you will be there, I’m not a fucking coward. Also why would you expect me to miss it? It was you who decided to finish our relationship, not me. You, the one who swore to love me every morning while we had breakfast, you, the one who came every night and sat on my bed to talk about everything you couldn’t tell James because he wouldn’t understand, to talk about the way your family treated both, you and your brother, to tell me that as long as we were together everything would be okay. You were the one that came one day and told me everything was over and left me without any explanation. So, don’t dare to come here with such a vague excuse and tell me why are you really here, and make it short, because I don’t have time for this."
Sirius felt like he had been hit on the liver. It was true, all that Remus had said, but he needed to explain himself, now that he could. Sirius sighed.
“The night before I broke up with you, I received a letter from Regulus. It said that if we were still together by the next morning my parents would do something to him so bad I would regret my whole life. It wasn’t true, of course, but you know my family, Reg was scared and begged me to do it. So I did it, and it had to be convincing. Bellatrix and Narcissa were there, remember? They kept an eye on us for months, I couldn’t just drop the scene and act like nothing had happened.”
“You could have explained it to me”. Remus’ voice sounded strangled. None of them dared to look at the other’s eyes.
“You needed to be convincing too.”
“And why now, Sirius? It’s been four years since we stopped seeing each other, why haven’t you tried to talk to me?” There was pain in Lupin’s voice, it was really weak, almost nonexistent. Only the people who had heard it before would be able to recognise the pain, but it was there, as it had remained all these years, reminding Remus every time he had asked himself the same question.
“My parents are dead, Narcissa and Bellatrix are far away in their own business, and James is getting married and I couldn’t wait anymore. Lily told me you were here. You have no idea of how I felt, Rem.”
Remus closed his eyes, he could hear Sirius getting closer to him. A soft breath caressed his cheek.
“Sirius…” Remus wanted to tell him to stop, to stop lying, to leave him alone, but he couldn’t, he wanted to trust him so desperately... The loneliness had made him weak; his voice had died inside his throat when he felt a warm hand caressing his face.
“Look at me and tell me you don’t want to try again and I’ll leave, I swear.”
Oh, how long had he been waiting to hear Sirius say this? Remus opened his eyes.
The look on Sirius’ eyes was breathtaking, hope and love —so much love—, melted the silver, and Remus wasn’t thinking about anything logical anymore. He saw the look on the other fellow’s eyes and it was like nothing had changed, like they were fifteen again and — why was he thinking so much? He needed this as much as Sirius, maybe more.
Remus pressed his lips on Sirius’ and suddenly he had a hand on his neck, pulling him closer, hands on his face, hands everywhere. Hot and firm, as if Sirius was trying to memorise every line on Remus' face. A lot of time had passed since they had kissed like this, and Remus Lupin didn’t understand how he could have lived without this. Then, he understood he hadn't lived at all. Remus opened his mouth and a battle between their tongues began, wild and wet, like two thirsty men who were drinking each other with desperation and need. A moan died inside Sirius' throat just a few moments before oxygen ran out, and they separated. As Remus watched Sirius' grin shining like the sun itself, Remus felt his lips mirroring the expression.
It wouldn’t be easy, starting again, but they were young and loved each other, and that was all that mattered.