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Mental Gymnastics

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Barmey knew exactly what he was getting into. Gorgeous had invited him to work out after Barmey made one too many self-deprecating fat jokes around nyan. They even got him a few sets of jockstraps, all but one a sparkling color. The odd one out was just plain black. He chose to wear that one to save some dignity. It started as private lessons in the in-home gym the fuck mansion apparently had, because why the hell not?! Eventually Barmey worked up the courage to join Freemind and his gym group. Gym group as in Gorgeous and Beauty. Calhoun and OG-Man (not G G-man. Original Freeman!) worked out alone in their own time, Barmey could only assume the same for Feetman and his… gaggle of demons. And dog. Barmey once walked in on Sunkist deadlifting 500. With their ha- paws. Paws. Hard to explain over dinner, that was! 


"You good, Mindney?" Beauty slapped Barmey on the back of his shoulder, smiling. 

"Don't call me that, dude. But yeah. Just… thinkin'." Barmey walked to his usual spot, a wrestling mat he used to stretch and warm up. Beauty had a yoga mat with her and so did Freemind. Ugh, what hippie shit! Well… If he did it, maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe later. 

Barmey stretched out all he could before getting started. 


He began with legs, doing lunges and squats (that made it feel like his entire hole was out!) Gorgeous was spotting him, and was doing nyan's own workouts. Beauty was walking Gordon through many different yoga positions, none that Barney recognized. Beauty wasn't even being subtle with how they were openly grinding into Gordon's ass as he did a pose that left him face down, ass up. Something about that made Barney's heart throb, was he… jealous? No- o-of course not! He and Gordon were open about their relationship.

… well mostly Gordon. 


"Hey, Barn, y'wanna spot me for some bench presses?" Gorgeous' deep voice spooked him out of his thoughts. 

"Yuh- yeah..! Sure." He stood at the head of the bench press, Gorgeous' face level with his dick (barely clothed in a jock, mind you). Barney helped set Gorgeous up, but beyond that he just stood there, numb as Gordon and Beauty stripped each other of their workout clothes, which were just barely modest. 

"Enjoyin' the show, darling?" Gorgeous chuckled, setting the bar back and flipping over to their stomach. Barney felt their massive hand on their dick, which was hard, somehow! "I know I'm pure Eros, but try to contain yerself, yeah~?" Nyan said, cocky as ever. 

"D-don’t give me that, dude, it's- it's normal to get a boner exercising!" In the back of his mind he was reminded of that one reddit post of a dude who had a fetish for working out and felt… something. Mainly Gorgeous pawing at his dick, but also an absurd kinship. He could see how working out would make you hard, but this boner was reserved for Gordon getting three fingers up his ass as Beauty sat on his chest. 

"...ight?" Gorgeous sat up, obscuring his vision. Barney blinked, not registering the question. 

"Uh, yeah?" He said, swallowing the drool threatening to leave his mouth. 

"You-... okay. Sit down for me?" Gorgeous stood, gesturing to the bench. Barney sat as instructed, facing Gordon and Beauty, who were shifting positions-- looks like Gordon came already. 


Barney felt Gorgeous behind him, his warm breath cooling the sweat on his skin. "Is this… all this okay, hun?" Nyan whispered, hands trailing up and down his back. Barney nodded, shivering. He could see in plain sight Freemind getting his face sat on by Beauty. Open relationship, he remembers, Freemind likes to sleep around. It's okay! I- don't feel jealous at all. I don't want to be Beauty at all at this moment, I don't want to fuck him into submission- WAIT?!?! Barney swallowed the drool that had been leaking from his maw. He realized he didn't answer Gorgeous. 


"You don't have to answer. I can see you're-"

"No! I- I want this. 'F Gord'n can th'n I can!" He huffed, accent thick as he clenched his teeth. 

"... Do.. you and him need to talk? I- I know it's not my place to pry, but it… seems you're not too fond of him being with others."

"I- how did you know?" He felt cold, like he was caught in a trap. 

"I'm very observant, Barney. I know a thing or two about relationships, and if you're uncomfortable or unhappy, you need to say something. Gordon’s a reason- well, he's reasonable enough . I'm sure if you two talk, you'll work something out. Maybe compromise?" Gorgeous laid nyan's sweaty head on Barney's shoulder, looking up at him with them big ol' eyes. Barney just couldn't say no. 

"... you're right. I hate that, you know. I just… don't know how to approach him about it. E'ry time it just. Feels like I freeze up and-" he sighs, "I can't get the words out." 

"Maybe you can practice?"

"Psh, yeah right. How'm I gonna practice sayin' 'Gordon, I'm unhappy that you're sleeping around with other people because it makes me feel like I'm inadequate in our relationship and I think you might up an' leave me one day.'"


"You- You really think I'd do that?" Gordon suddenly said. Barney felt like vomiting. "I- Dude I love you so much! Honestly you're probably- no, definitely the only one in any world that gets me!" He grabbed Barmey's hands, kneeling in front of him. "I… I sleep around with others because I'm… afraid… that all the… freaky shit I'm into'll drive you off… and I- I don't know what I'd do if that happens." He sighed deeply, putting his forehead on Barney's knees. 

"I… I'm not going to leave you because you're into something different. I don't know a lot about sex or anything, like, 'normal'. I'm always willing to try new shit! I know when it's you and I, that it's safe." Barney kissed Gordon’s head, making him look up. 

"Really?" He said, high-pitched. 

"Yeah. Really. You’re my boyfriend , I have no reason to suggest you'd intentionally hurt me."

"I'd never hurt you, babe!" He yelled, squeezing Barney's hands tighter. 

"See?" Barney laughed a little, feeling lighter, happier. Gordon snorted, looking up at Barney with a wet, lustful eye. 

"I don't deserve you. You're too good fer a jackass like me." Gordon trailed a finger up and down Barney's leg, making him shiver, inadvertently reigniting his boner. 

"I think all of us are jackasses, you're no different from me… or Gorgeous. Even Feetman, I… guess." Gordon chuckled at that, placing his hands over Barney's thick thighs, most definitely noticing his bulge. 


Barney felt Gorgeous press closer as Gordon spread open his legs, causing dick-to-ass to approach. Barney could tell that Gorgeous was hung. Not that he doubted it for a second, he saw how Gordon walked after they got into 'arguments'. Beauty stood behind Gordon, putting his hands on Barney's hips, over Gorgeous'. 

"You-" he paused to swallow, "you're all k-kinda haNDSY-!!" Barney jumped, the jockstrap being easily removed from Barney's little dick. Everyone instantly went to touch, Gordon at the base, Gorgeous sliding to his balls, and Beauty curiously touching his tip. "Mh-!" 

"How's about tryin' some freaky shit, Barn?" Gordon smirked. "Heard of 'DP' before?" Barney nodded, wondering just who was going to get double fucked. 

"I- y-yeah? I've never-"

"Oh, don't worry about your own ass. I'm getting dicked down today. Maybe when we get your ass used to getting fucked. No offense, but you're not quite ready for Gorgeous up yours, let alone two cocks."

"Oh, feeling bold today, are you Gord?" Beauty hummed, slapping his ass as he rose to his feet. "As if you could fit two dicks in your ass at once! I'd pay to see that." Beauty chuckled to himself. Gordon made a hmph! noise, looking over his shoulder to the southern bell. 

"I'm always bold, and always lubed. Gorgeous, get behind me." Gorgeous stood, simply shaking nyan's head at their two loves bickering. Gordon sat facing Barney, sitting on his lap, chest to chest. Gorgeous took place behind him, having removed his very skimpy jockstrap. And what a cock he had! No wonder Gordon felt like a God taking that, it was like- the size of Barney's own forearm! And very thick, with several piercings to boot. A ladder like series running under nyan's shaft, leading up to a St. Albert's (?) on his cockhead. And they still had foreskin! 


"Ready? I'm gonna take it slow fer you, Barn." Gordon said, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

"I- ready as I'll ever be…" He couldn't tear his eyes away from Gorgeous- what a fitting name- as Gordon sank easily onto Barney's widdle dicky wicky. Barney stifled a moan by burying his face into Gordon's neck. 

"Goin' in, pumpkin, get ready." Gorgeous purred, spreading Gordon's (surprisingly) big cheeks. The feeling was foreign to Barney, but not a bad one. Something cold pressed against his shaft, then slid against it and into the hot slick warmth of Gordon's ass. It made Barney's cock throb, knees weak as, slowly, Gorgeous filled the space that Barney left wanting. 


It was wonderful, the hitching of breath as Barney and Gorgeous moved in a rhythmic manner, to the beat of a song only those in the gym could hear. It was glorious, the beauty of sex and love mixed within this one inclosed space, with lovers and rivals old. Beauty stroked to their tempo, dick and pussy feeling as pleased as Freemind must have been in that moment. Voyeuristic as it was, Beauty prefered to watch as opposed to join, finding some satisfying, erotic enjoyment out of lovers making… well, love. If they not be Gorgeous, then Calhoun and Freeman, finally getting to open their toxicity shielded hearts to one another, finally getting to be. It was wonderful. Beauty wondered if Gorgeous- Gordon- felt the same, as they pounded into Freeman's hole. Did they see sex as an art, or a task? Like a sport or like something expected of them? Beauty could only hope they could be a sexual being without it being expected of them. He certainly didn't expect anything of the strong, intelligent man. Only to be there when times get rough. To be… human. 


Isn't that what sex is, being human? Not to say those who don't have sex, or don't experience sexual desire are less than, only that sex is one love language of so, so many. Love… so complex, not everyone will experience it or like it, but many have thoughts of it. What a beautiful thing to have between others, is it not! 


The dripping of sweat, the heated breath against goosebumped skin, it was all too much for Barney, who already had horrible stamina in the cock region. He could barely hang on as he came, hard, Gorgeous keeping at it like they were addicted. It was intense and uninterrupted, so overwhelming that it forced Barney's eyes shut and his face to screw into a snarl-like grin, fingers clawing waning-moons into Gordon's asscheeks as Gorgeous continued to wring him dry. It was heaven and hell, all at once. Barney could barely hear Gordon's moans over the chorus of breathing and pants, the only thing drawing him back from the pearly-white glow of ethereality was Gordon cumming on his stomach, painting him in his love. It was like a second heaven, one even above, to see Gordon cum from both Barney and Gorgeous. Gordon took Barney with shaking hands and kissed him, short-breathed already but willing- needing- to choke on the air his lover gave. Gorgeous' own orgasm came with a deep, primal growl, almost like a train as they buried their cock into Gordon for the last time and filled him with their own cum, mixing with Barney's to make a color of affection. All for the masterpiece that was Their Gordon Freeman. All for him… for everyone in the room. A room of love. What a beautiful scene. 


And a scene that they'd need to clean up. 




Later that night.

Gordon slipped into Barney's room as he was stripping off his clothes for the day, dressed in nothing but a white tank top and white boxers with a red heart print on it. Cute. 

"Hey, um… do you want to cuddle tonight?" Gordon shuffled in place, looking like he half expected to be sent away. 

"I'd love that." Barney replied, honestly. "How's your, um, your butt doing?" Cleaning up after that lovely session wasn't hard, but the gape Gordon had for a while made Barney half worried it wouldn't go away. 

"Feeling fine and well cared for. You boys sure know how to make a man feel like a king~♡" He purred, taking his place on Barney's bed. Barney took off his pants, leaving only hole-ridden boxers, and slipped next to his lover. 

"Only the best for the most powerful man in the world. … World s." He emphasized, watching Gordon go red in the dim light of the bedroom. 

"You flatter me. You'll be spared when I take over the world and her multiverses." He chuckled, kissing the scraggly beard on Barney's cheek. 

"What a benevolent ruler, will I be your First Man?" Barney closed his eyes as Gordon started playing with his hair. 

"Heh, no. A 'democracy' my rule will not be. More like a tyranny! And you'll be my house husband."

"HOUSE HUSBAND?!" Barney shouted, feeling red. "I- you'd give me a better position than that, right?" 

"Oh, what can be better than my own personal cum dump who doesn't need to work , can play games all day, and gets to be on my arm at public appearances, hmm?" Gordon purred with a laugh. 

"Well, when you put it that way…" Barney still felt embarrassed, but the more he thought the more he liked the idea. "W-wait I… do that all already? Am- oh my god am I a house husband?!" 

"No, house husbands do what the woman typically does. Like laundry and cooking and those sorts of things. You're more of a male wife, if that makes sense. Still a good little squeeze, though." Gordon kissed Barney's cheek as he spoke. 

"I'm okay with being a male wife. I- I don't know why, but the thought… it- that makes me feel… a little nice." He said. Gordon was quiet for a moment, but smiled softly. 

"I think we can talk about that more later. Your future dictator has some sleep he needs to catch up on. And so do you." He said before going quiet, breath falling into a sleepy rhythm. Barney made a mental note of looking up 'why does being called wife make me feel nice' later before closing his eyes and getting some rest.