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Laugh While You Can, Monkeyboy! & Damn John Worfin and the Horse He Rode In On!

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“The Shock Tower is a lie detector. Any falsehood triggers a brutal charge…”

Desperate to buy time, Banzai snarled, “Lie detector my ass! Kind of an elaborate sex toy you’ve got here, you evil alien freakshow!”

Lord John Worfin chortled, then choked on a premature gloat: the machine had failed to shock, either on principle or in reaction to Banzai’s bold words.

Buckaroo caught the lapse and paused himself. If the lie detector didn’t trigger… “Are you telling me this IS a sex toy?”

Worfin paced uncomfortably back and forth. “Well, in a manner of speaking…”

Banzai recognized his advantage and pushed it. “So, what, you just strap yourself in and get a little jolt in the old –”

Worfin rose to the bait. “Your puny human mind could never grasp the pleasure, Banzai!” He stormed across the room and began to unhitch the bindings on his prisoner, muttering incoherent insults with each buckle. “You weak-a-kneed…short-a-sighted…un-ad-venturousMONKEY BOY! Get out! OUT!”

“Well, if you insist…”

With a satisfied smirk, Worfin strapped himself into the Shock Tower, then reached for the controls –

– which Buckaroo Banzai now held in his far-too-steady hands.

“Watch what you’re doing with that!” Worfin shouted.

“You mean this?” Banzai turned the dial and hit the switch.

As the current engaged and arced to an unnamed region of Worfin’s anatomy, Banzai managed not to flinch.

Worfin, however, thrashed and howled under the onslaught. “Turn it up, damn you!”

For a moment, Buckaroo Banzai considered the absurd turnabout of the past two minutes. He glanced at the screen that showed an imperiled Penny, then back at his captor – er, prisoner. “Release Penny, and I’ll cooperate,” he stated boldly.

“Ha! I knew you were no match for me, Banzai! Turn it up, THEN I’ll release the girl!”

“How do I know you’ll keep your half of the bargain?” Banzai asked sagely, fingers twiddling the dial.

“Damn you, Banzai! You’re holding all the cards!”

Banzai raised an eyebrow. “Huh. So I am.” He turned the dial to a dangerous level. “Well, have fun…”


 And the continuation...

Title: Damn John Worfin and the Horse He Rode In On!

When John Bigboote peeled Lord John Worfin out of the Shock Tower some seven and a half mintues later, most of the circuitry had melted and the resistors had blown out of the control panel. Worfin couldn’t stand unaided, and he seemed to have wet himself. “What happened? Where is the prisoner?”

Worfin flopped a hand across Bigboote’s shoulder and leaned his weight on his helpful subordinate. He waved limply at the machine. “It’s-a all right, Bigbooty,” he chirped happily. “Buckaroo Banzai is ho-kay in my book!”

“You’re mad! And it’s Big-boo-TAY!”

“I’m-a not mad,” Worfin replied amiably. “I’m just a little tired, is all.”

“What are you going to do about the thruster?” Bigboote growled, giving Worfin a little shove.

Worfin giggled and reached down to pat Bigboote’s crotch. “Keep-a you thruster in you pants, Bigbooty! I said, I’m tired…”