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Clone and Effect

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My small, drab apartment is ensnared in darkness except for the tiny glow of the time glaring at me, informing me that it is 3:06 A.M. I’ve glanced at the clock for what feels like the millionth time in the past few hours. Time seems to be crawling by at a snail’s pace. I can’t sleep. My mind is racing with more thoughts than I can keep track of and it shows no indication of slowing down anytime soon.

Thinking too much can be a dangerous game to a man, but I’m no man… No, I am merely a clone. A carbon copy of someone else. Is that why I don’t feel anything? Why I feel so empty? So…lost? All I ever seem to feel these days is rage and self loathing. But I have a plan. A plan to make things better. To find answers to questions that won’t leave me alone.

This plan requires going against what I’m supposed to uphold and enforce. I didn’t ask to be a cop. I had been made to fulfill that purpose. Thrown into a role I didn’t ask for. I’ve been doing what I’m told all my life but I’m going to change that. I’m going to take charge and do things my way now. I glance down at my hands that have been gripping tightly to my gun the entire time I have been sitting on the edge of my bed. I know what must be done.

Finally, I allow one hand to free itself from the gun and a pick up the glass of scotch on the rocks that has been sitting on my nightstand awhile now. It’s been there long enough for the ice to have mostly melted and leave a ring of perspiration on the already dirty, fake wooden surface. I down the drink in one gulp. I’m not sure if I took the shot to help calm my frayed nerves or to find the courage to fulfill the plan. Perhaps both.

Once more I look at the gun, and I turn it over in my hands as if staring at it for the very first time. It’s time. It is now or never. I either go for it all or do nothing. I’m all in. I can do this. I will do this. I get up from my bed and walk out the door to finish something I never asked to be started.

This isn’t my fault, at least that’s what I tell myself. Things had been set in motion the day they decided to make me into a clone. According to Newton’s Third Law of Motion, “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” In other words, cause and effect. Damn Infinity Corporation. Damn James. Hell, damn them all.

My motivation is simple: survival.