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kisses (are for people who are in love)

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“Oh my God, I love your new hair colour! It’s gorgeous!” A black haired female cried out at the sight of her best friend. She jumped up from the sofa and hurried over to where the other girl stood. She wrapped her arms around Jade, who couldn’t help but smile broadly and hug her friend back.

“Thank you! I really like your hair like that, too. It looked nice straight, but you look gorgeous with those curls.”

Leigh’s face beamed up and her white teeth appeared between her lips. “Aw, thank you! You know, back home I was sleeping in all the time and sometimes I just didn’t have the time to straighten it, so I just let it be the mess it is. I wasn’t sure if I should keep it like that, but honestly, I’ve become too lazy to care.”

“Don’t worry, I like your afro loads. You can tousle the hair so nicely and, oh my God!” She giggled as she played with her friend’s hair. “Your hair is so much softer! Do you use a new shampoo?”

The sound of someone clearing their throat caused both of them to turn around and see who was standing behind Jade, a few feet away.

“Lillian, it’s so nice to see you again! How did you like the holidays?” Jade knew that her friend wasn’t always too fond of her girlfriend because Lillian had shown jealous tendencies when she and Jade had been apart for a while.

The brunette obviously forced a smile as she walked closer to the two friends and protectively wrapped her arm around Jade’s waist. Jade smiled down at her girlfriend, who was smaller than her, although Jade was one of the tiniest people Leigh-Anne had ever met. “No need to worry, Lily, we were just excited to see each other.” She placed a kiss on her girlfriend’s forehead and smiled.

“You just saw each other three weeks ago,” Lillian pouted and sighed, feeling guilty for her jealousy. She knew she was lucky with Jade being so understanding but she just couldn’t help it sometimes – she knew someone was bound to find Jade just as attractive as her.

Jade nodded her head and raised an eyebrow. “Yes, but how did you greet me when we didn’t see each other for two weeks?” She bit her lip, causing Lillian to blush a deep shade of red.

The black haired girl in front of the couple slapped her hands over her ears and pressed her eyes shut. “La, la, la, I can’t hear anything!” She sang and walked away into the kitchen.

Lillian couldn’t help but giggle and kiss Jade on the lips before dropping her hand from her waist. “Sorry for being so… ugh.” She pursed her lips and looked around curiously. “Where is your bedroom, by the way? I can’t believe you have this flat for about three weeks now and I haven’t seen it once yet. We haven’t inaugurated any room in here yet.”

Now it was Jade’s turn to blush. “I wish you could stay here tonight so we could take our time. As far as I’m aware there’s a party tonight to celebrate the fact we’re all here again, and I guess Leigh-Anne would love to go.”

Lillian pouted again and sighed. “Yeah, I wished so, too. But my courses start tomorrow and I promised my roommate to be there by eight today so she’d help me organise my stuff in our new dorm.”

The purple haired girl nodded her head. “I know. Text me when you got there safely, alright? I already miss you.”

“I already miss you,” Lillian repeated before kissing her girlfriend on the lips one last time. “I gotta go now. Have fun at the party for me, okay? But not too much.” She winked, indicating she was only joking but Jade knew better than not to take her seriously in this case. It was a mystery to her why her girlfriend was so insecure, but she tried everything to assure her she was the only one she needed.

“Of course I can’t, considering you’re not there.” Leading Lillian to the door, she sighed. “But I’ll seriously miss you. Don’t forget to text. You know what a worryguts I am.”

“Yes, and it’s one of the reasons I love you.”

“Love you, too. Bye.”

“Bye.”

And out the door she was. Jade sighed before walking into the kitchen, where Leigh-Anne was leaning against the counter and sipping on a glass of cold water. “Are you two done?” She asked with fake disgust and poked out her tongue.

“You’re just jealous you don’t have a girlfriend,” Jade replied and leaned over her friend to grab a glass herself.

Leigh shrugged, “You can’t prove anything. Either way, we should start moving our stuff from the inside of boxes on the shelves and stuff. I hate to be that kind of girl, but I hate boxes standing around even more. And we don’t want to be too late for Ally’s party.”

“Ally’s throwing the party?” Jade asked in surprise and raised a brow. Ally was one of the five girls, which had moved to England from the US and they were friends with Jade and Leigh-Anne. Although the brunette American was very popular, she still lived in a rather small apartment together with Dinah and Normani.

Leigh-Anne shook her head as she downed the rest of her water. “No, no, not the party. Just ours. You know, for us two, Ally, Dinah, Normani, Lauren, Camila, Eleanor and Sophia.”

“If Eleanor and Sophia are coming…” Jade started and looked at her friend quizzically.

“If you’re trying to ask if their boyfriends are coming, I don’t know. I heard Eleanor is single now, though, so if anyone’s coming it’s Liam.” Jade nodded her head at her friend’s reply and smiled,

“Alright then, I guess we should start unpacking.”

The two of them started to unwrap their things and putting them into proper place. A lot of paper and plastic foil ended up on the floor, but they still had fun and ended up throwing their pillows at each other instead of putting them on their beds.

In retrospect it seemed like a bad idea to wait with unpacking until the day before courses started, but both of them just had wanted to enjoy their holidays at home until the last day, so they drew it out until they had no other choice than to come here – at least the essentials had already been in the apartment, like a cuisine and beds and a sofa in the living room, as well as a toilet, bath tub and a few taps in the kitchen and bathroom.

When it was almost nine, the two of them had been unpacking for more than three hours and they felt both exhausted and relieved. “If we had waited with this, it would have taken forever to unpack everything,” Leigh told her friend before she walked into the bathroom to shower and get ready for the party at Ally’s.

Jade looked at her phone for the first time since she’d come here and noticed she had a few text messages from Lillian. All of them said that she already missed her, loved her and that she had arrived safely. As Jade scrolled further down, she noticed that her texts got that note of jealousy and worrying that put her guts at unease.

“I didn’t go to the party,” Jade lied as she typed a reply, “I was unpacking my things until now. I’ll just take a shower, then head to bed. I’m drained. Love you lots and I’m glad you arrived safely.” She felt bad for lying to her girlfriend, as she barely ever did it, but sometimes she just felt like it was necessary because Lillian could freak out.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Love you too,” came her reply within a few seconds. Jade knew she’d probably been waiting for a reply. She sent a few emoticons of hearts and a sleepy face before she turned off her internet and put her phone away.

Fortunately, Leigh was one of those people who didn’t need a lot of time in the shower, so soon after she was standing in the steam of the hot water that was running down her skin. Like always when she was taking a shower, she let her thoughts wander and with every second passing she felt even worse for lying to Lily. She’d kill her – well, not literally, but she could get pretty ugly when she was seriously angry – if she found out that Jade had gone to the party.

As she blow dried her hair, a thought crossed her mind and she actually felt really stupid for not considering it sooner. Unplugging the dryer, she walked over to Leigh’s room, knocked on the door and entered a few seconds later upon being called inside. The black haired girl stood in her underwear in front of her closet and asked, “What should I wear?” without looking back at her friend.

“Would you be very mad at me if I told you to go without me?” Jade asked, avoiding her friend’s question. The other female turned around quickly, her facial expression obviously pained.

“Yes! Why would you do that?”

Jade sighed and tugged on a strand of her hair uncomfortably. “I… kind of told Lily I wouldn’t go… I haven’t replied to her texts and she got worried and I wanted to put her at ease… and now I feel bad for lying to her… so I thought, maybe I could make it a truth?” She didn’t dare to look at her friend, who was very obviously disappointed with the turnout of today’s events. “And, like, you know all the girls and you’ll have a great time.”

“You know, I respect your and Lillian’s relationship and I love her for making you happy and for loving you, but you can’t always let her control you. If you want to go to a party, you should go and not let her determine what you do when she’s not even here.” Her disapproval was evident in her voice, even though she had already turned around again to look through her closet.

Jade furrowed her brows and crossed her arms above her chest. “You never really liked Lily.”

“That’s not true. I just don’t like the way she’s controlling you.” She shrugged and picked out a white dress before shaking her head and putting it back inside. “You deserve someone who lets you live a little! Your life shouldn’t revolve around one person.

“It doesn’t!” Jade replied offended. “You’re a part of my life, and the other girls, not just Lily. I mean, I even picked out a university in Newcastle instead of going to Manchester with her.”

Leigh-Anne sighed and picked out another dress, which she held against her body for a few seconds before throwing it onto her bed. “Okay, that’s true. But look, she’s not even here and you’re not going to a party just because you’re scared of hurting her. You shouldn’t have to worry about these things.”

“I’m sorry for trying to avoid inflicting pain on my girlfriend,” Jade scoffed. “Either way, I’m not going tonight.”

Leigh sighed and shook her head sadly. “Yeah. Thought so.” With a shrug she turned her attention to her dress again. “Can you help me zip up the dress? I’ll leave you to your bed, then.” With a scowl, Jade helped her friend into the tight dress and then walked into her room, where she fell asleep with an uneasy feeling in her guts.

***

“I hate when we fight and then part ways,” Jade mumbled the next morning as she walked into the kitchen, were Leigh-Anne was eating cereal out of a bowl. “I’m sorry.”

Leigh shrugged and played around in her bowl a bit before replying, “’m sorry, too. It’s none of my business what you do with or for Lillian. I was just mad you cancelled on the party because it felt like you kind of cancelled on me although we haven’t done anything together properly since we left university for the summer hols.”

“Sorry,” Jade muttered again and ran a hand through her messy morning hair. “I sometimes try so hard not to hurt Lily that I end up hurting the other people around me.”

“It’s alright,” the black haired female replied with a smile. “Let’s just finish our breakfast and then let’s go to our classes.”

They both had to hurry as both of them woke up pretty late, but somehow they made it on time. The two of them parted ways pretty quickly and after a few minutes Jade realised she had actually no idea where she was. She knew where her courses were, but the hallway she was walking through right now was completely unknown to her.

After a few more steps it seemed as if she had found her classroom and sighed in relief, walking inside and sitting down on a chair in the middle of the class. A blonde girl with a flower crown sitting on top of her head was in the chair next to her. Her maxi skirt was skimming down her legs, which seemed very soft underneath the silk. Although Jade was in a monogamous relationship and loved Lillian, she couldn’t help but notice this girl. It was weird and caused her to furrow her brows into a frown because this usually didn’t happen – she didn’t usually look at other girls.

“Hey,” the blonde muttered and only now the purple haired girl realised she had never seen her in her courses before. “Do you have a pen for me? You look like one of those people who are very organised on their first day.” She grinned brightly and poked out her tongue.

Confused Jade handed the blonde her pen, expecting to get it back after the class. “What do you mean, first day?”

“Well… first day? What’s not to understand?” The blonde laughed and propped up her elbow to put her chin in the palm of her hand.

Jade looked around to see that all the other people sitting within the room were complete strangers to her. “Oh shit…” She muttered and rolled her eyes. “Wrong class,” she excused herself to the blonde before getting up and hurrying out of the class, almost running into the professor who was walking down the hallway. She mumbled her apologies as she dived away from the man to avoid a mess of sheets on the floor and it seemed as if her feet carried her down the halls of the university.

“Sorry I’m late,” Jade muttered with blushed cheeks as she finally found her class and the professor was already standing in front and talking to the students.

The man smiled forgiving and symbolised her to take a seat with a gesture of his hand before he continued talking like nothing had happened. The other people around her made space when she was trying to get to an empty seat, but apart from that nobody really spared her much attention. As she pulled out her pen case, she realised she had handed her favourite pen to the blonde girl and if she was being quite honest, the blonde didn’t really look like someone who was very attentive when it came to pens, no matter if it was their own or someone else’s.

“You look like one of those people who are very organised on their first day.” The sentence put Jade off a little and she couldn’t really figure out why – after all, it was true and usually, it wouldn’t bother her. She was proud of being organised and planned and getting everything done in time. She couldn’t relax if there was still something left to be done. Of course, she sometimes only had a day or two left to finish a huge essay, but usually her time management was on point. So much even that Leigh joked about having to make appointments when she wanted to just chill with Jade.

Shaking her head, Jade tried to focus on the class. She was here for a reason and it’d bite her in the arse later if she didn’t pay attention now; she didn’t have a problem with having to teach herself the contents of class if she was missing a class due to illness but it bothered her when she had to do it because she didn’t pay enough attention. Furthermore was she thinking about a blonde girl she didn’t even know the name of just because of her pen. If she was lucky, the blonde would still have it when Jade ran into her somewhere on campus.

The rest of her classes were as calm as she was used to and slowly, the thought of the blonde female was slowly pushed to the back of Jade’s mind. For obvious reasons she didn’t see her in any more of her courses and when she was on her way to meet Leigh-Anne at their café, she felt happy to be back where she felt like she belonged.

Jade was one of those people who needed pressure to work properly and lying around all day was not something she was good at doing. She needed action in her life. There were days when she would stay in with Lillian, laze around on the sofa with her and watch some movies but even then she’d get some “action” eventually.

A blush crept upon Jade’s face at the thought of what she and her girlfriend had done the night before they both departed for university and just like that she bumped into someone. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she muttered and tried to hide the red on her cheeks. The thoughts of her girlfriend in a promising position and the sudden contact of skin with someone else made her stomach do somersaults.

“It’s alright, Magenta,” the other person replied and when Jade looked up in confusion, she saw it was the blonde girl from this morning. She was holding her left hand above her eyes and squinting them to avoid being blinded by the sun, which was shining directly at her from behind Jade’s back.

“You know, my name is actually –” Jade started but was cut off when she heard Leigh-Anne’s voice,

“Hey, there you are! I was waiting for you.” Only now seemed she to notice the blonde girl in the maxi skirt standing in front of Jade. “Oh, hi. I’m Leigh-Anne.”

Jade took that moment to pick up the two books she’d dropped and the sheets the blonde had let go off when they kind of crashed into each other. She noticed some drawings of designs and flowers and with a smile, she handed it to the blonde who had already engaged in a conversation with Leigh. “Sorry again,” Jade mumbled and Perrie looked down at the sketches before grabbing them with an uncomfortable smile.

“No worries, it happens. I better get going. See you around, I guess,” she muttered and waved as she walked away, flipping her blonde her behind her shoulder while fishing a pair of sunglasses out of her lose bag, which was hanging down her shoulder.

Leigh-Anne looked after her for a few seconds too long before Jade snapped her fingers in front of her face and looked at her quizzically. “What?” Leigh shrugged and looked away. “I’m allowed to look, aren’t I?”

The younger girl giggled and pulled her friend away, ignoring the feeling in her gut.

***

“You know what I just realised? The blondie still has my pen,” Jade murmured as she and Leigh-Anne cleaned the kitchen that evening after finishing dinner.

Her friend didn’t look at her but rather at the dishes in the sink, but frowned nonetheless. “Wait, what blondie?”

“The one I ran into today when you came to get me for lunch.”

“You mean P-?” Leigh started but the phone ringing on the kitchen table cut her off. She looked over to see it wasn’t hers but Jade’s and nodded her head at her friend. “Aren’t you gonna pick up?”

After a glance at the display, Jade shook her head. “It’s Lily. I’ll help you clean up and call her back later.” Leigh’s brows furrowed into a frown as she looked at her friend considering. It was unlike Jade to leave her girlfriend hanging, even if it was just a silly phone call to ask how the day was.

“You sure?” She asked without leaving Jade out of her sight. “I don’t mind doing it on my own.” Truth was, she did mind, but she was used to Jade putting Lillian first, all the time, so this wouldn’t be any different, really. Furthermore was it the thought that counted and she expected her friend to give in to the tune of The Way by Ariana Grande (Leigh knew that Lillian had chosen that song as her personalised ringtone on her girlfriend’s phone. Jade was more of an oldies kind of girl and preferred songs by people that were either really old or already dead).

Jade shrugged and nodded at the same time before going back to rubbing the water off a plate. “We were texting before dinner and I told her I’d call her when we’re done. We’re not done yet.” She smiled at her friend and put the plate into the cupboard above her head. It was adorable really, that Jade was too small to reach it without going on her tiptoes and it brought a smile to Leigh’s lips every time she witnessed it.

She smiled contently as she continued to wash the dishes, not being used to being put before Lillian. Jade always only called her Lily, but Leigh had never really quite gotten used to it and instead kept to her real name. Furthermore did she still not really like her and Lily sounded too soft and too sweet for her. Unfitting for someone so possessive and jealous.

It would rather fit the blonde Leigh and Jade had run into today. She seemed soft and sweet enough to have a nice name, although the black haired female couldn’t deny that her name was still very fitting – it was more of a boy’s name, in her opinion, but then again… there was something about it that just seemed right.

Somehow it seemed strange that Jade brought her up because Jade never really talked about anyone she didn’t know yet and it was obvious that she didn’t know her since she had no idea what the blonde’s name was. Leigh wondered if Jade liked her already, as well, because she herself hadn’t managed to get her smile and her wavy blonde hair out of her head all afternoon. Maybe Jade could help her finally get a girlfriend and she seemed nice enough.

“Thanks for staying and helping me,” the black haired girl smiled, the idea of dating someone so beautiful and charming fuelling her imagination. She couldn’t help but feel happy about it and Jade seemed to notice the shift in Leigh’s mood.

“No problem,” Jade laughed, blaming her happiness on the fact that she’d stayed with her friend instead of reacting to Lily’s every call – literally. “You take the shower first, alright? Good night.” With that she grabbed her phone and headed for her room, already dialling her girlfriend’s number.

“Hey, what took you so long?” Was the first thing Lily asked and Jade couldn’t help but smile at the pouty undertone in her voice.

Jade flopped down on the bed, her hair sprawled on the pillow as she let out a sigh. “I had to help Leigh clean the kitchen after we finished eating. Couldn’t let her do it all alone,” she laughed and closed her eyes. “I already miss you so much.”

“Aw, aren’t you the cutest,” Lily giggled and Jade could imagine her twirling her hair around her index finger, like she did so often when Jade said something cute. “I already miss you loads, as well. How was your first day back?”

Without further ado, Jade retold the events of the day, not leaving out the fact that she ran into the wrong class, gave her favourite pen to a stranger – “the one I gave you before I left? Aw, no!” –, then running into the stranger again and forgetting to ask back for it – “does it not mean anything to you?” – “I just said it’s my favourite pen! It’s just that my thoughts were elsewhere?” – and eventually coming back home and eating dinner with Leigh. “What about your day?”

Lily cleared her throat awkwardly and murmured, “Nothing eventful happened. I wish I was with you! But I gotta go now, the shower’s finally free. Love you.”

“Love you, too! Nanite.”

Lily giggled and made the sound of a kiss. “Nanite.” After that she was gone and Jade dropped her arm to the side. She didn’t hear the sounds of running water coming from the bathroom anymore, so she grabbed a pair of knickers and her pyjamas and went to take a shower.

***

 After a couple of days, everything settled back into normalcy, without running into strangers. Jade and Leigh hung out with their friends for lunch and sometimes went out after dinner, but Jade noticed that with every day passing, her friend got a little moodier. She wouldn’t lash out or anything, it was just that she didn’t seem as cheerful as usually and preferred to stay inside.

They were friends, but Jade didn’t know how to approach her friend without upsetting her. She didn’t know if Leigh would consider it overstepping their boundaries because she got never involved in Jade’s love life – not that Jade blamed it on Leigh’s love life or lack thereof, but either way – so she wasn’t too sure if her friend wanted her to interfere.

It was two weeks later, when the two of them were asked by their friend Ally to go to a bar near, when Jade finally had enough. “Okay, now, tell me what has gotten into you. For weeks now you’ve been totally different and didn’t tell me what’s wrong. Would you please finally tell me?”

The black haired girl avoided her friend’s gaze and sighed. “So you noticed?”

“Well, of course I noticed! You’ve been doing nothing but moping around and avoided going out as much as possible. It even seemed like you’d just done it to please me and the girls. We want you to have fun just as much as we do but I can tell you don’t. Please, just tell me what’s wrong?” She sat down next to her friend to be on eye-level; that was something her mum had taught her. Always be on eye-level when you try to solve a problem. It would make the other person more comfortable.

Leigh sighed and fumbled around with her hands, always opening her mouth for a split second but then closing it again, as if she didn’t know what to say.

“Look, I’m your friend, okay? You can tell me anything and I won’t judge you.”

“I know, it’s just… I don’t know where to start.”

“Okay,” Jade muttered and thought about it for a few seconds. “How about I guess what the problem is? That way we get started on it and you can just elaborate?”

Leigh shrugged a little but murmured an, “okay,” nonetheless.

“Has it got to do with your love life?” Jade asked carefully and Leigh rolled her eyes, but nodded her head without looking up. “Okay, do I know the person?” Her friend shrugged and nodded at the same time,

“Not too well, but you’ve seen her.”

“So it’s a girl, yeah? How close are you? Friends? Have you already gone out on a date?”

The black girl huffed and slumped back in her seat. “We barely talked a few sentences, which is why I feel so dumb about it. All I know is what she looks like and her name. I bet she doesn’t even remember me at all.”

“Aw, I bet she does. Who wouldn’t? You’re gorgeous and so funny and charming, anyone would love you. Anyway, who is she?” Jade got more excited with every second passing and she really wanted to help her friend out because she felt bad sometimes when her and Lily were talking on the phone for hours. She hadn’t dared to tell her friend that she was coming here for the weekend so the two could do some… catching up.

“Well, her name is Perrie and she’s the blonde girl who has your pen…” Leigh muttered awkwardly and her cheeks turned darker. She quickly looked away so the purple haired girl couldn’t see her face and to be perfectly frank, Jade was glad she didn’t look at her because she seriously didn’t know how to react.

It wasn’t like she was jealous or anything. She had Lily and she hadn’t thought about the blonde much these past two weeks (only occasional slips when she couldn’t find her pen) but what the hell was wrong with her? She should be excited for her friend, she should be happy that Leigh finally found someone who she could like, so why was she being so difficult and feeling uneasy about this whole situation? “That’s great! She seems nice enough, doesn’t she? Although, of course, I don’t know much about her, or at all, really. I mean, until a few seconds ago I didn’t even know her name, you know? And I never see her around anymore.” She pressed her lips into a thin line because she was rambling and it was probably weird because what the hell?

“What am I doing, though? I know her just as much as you and I couldn’t stop thinking about her.”

“That’s probably because you’re single,” Jade tried to reason, “and neither of us can deny that she looks gorgeous. So of course your brain focuses on her right now. Maybe if we go out tonight we can find someone else you’re into, yeh? Get your mind off of someone you don’t know and find someone you can get to know. How does that sound?”

Leigh smiled at her friend and hugged her tightly, thanking her but Jade felt awful. She had only said those things to make herself feel better about this whole thing because for some strange reason, she didn’t want Leigh-Anne to date Perrie. “You’re right. Gah, I should have just told you in the first place! I’m gonna go get ready so we can meet up with Ally, yeah?”

Jade nodded her head and smiled until her friend was in her room and she could openly shake her head about herself. She really needed to stop being so selfish and get her head out of her arse. Time to be a good friend for once.

***

The party in the sorority house was amazing. All the girls were having fun and even some guys had managed to sneak in and have their fair share of booze and dancing. The house was filled with music and laughing and loud chatter and Jade loved every single second of it. It was only when she got elbowed in the forehead but a guy who was about six feet and a couple inches tall that she wanted to take a little break from all the partying.

With little effort – the guy had noticed he’d hit her in the face, fortunately, and led her into the kitchen, where there were only about four people – she managed to get some ice onto her head and lean against one of the counters. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath when she noticed someone leaning against the counter next to her.

“You alright?” The voice asked and squinting one eye open, Jade noticed it was Perrie, the blonde, who still had her pen. She almost fell forward by shock but she just dropped the ice and was glad it wasn’t as embarrassing.

“Uh, yeah, thanks,” she mumbled after Perrie handed her back the ice. “Just got elbowed in the face by a six foot tall hunk.”

“Oh my God, did you really just call someone a hunk?” Perrie laughed and took a sip from her red plastic cup. Her laugh was sweet and not too loud, so Jade easily relaxed again and managed to close her eyes. “Sorry, but that’s so… just no. Don’t call someone a hunk, that’s gross.” Shaking her head, she held out the cup and offered Jade a sip.

“No, thanks, I don’t drink.” Which was only partly a lie because she drank non-alcoholic stuff, but it was hopefully more than obvious what Jade had implied.

“Oh, neither do I. It’s just some Pepsi. Thought you might need something to push you up again, a little caffeine and sugar, you know?” The blonde laughed but didn’t take away her cup, so she was probably serious about it. “Do I look drunk to you?” She asked cheekily and bumped their hips together, getting a giggle out of Jade.

“No, no, sorry about that. I’m just not used to anyone staying sober on a party except for me. I’m usually the driver for my friends and I.” She smiled and accepted the cup from the blonde, but not without sniffing it first.

Perrie rolled her eyes but smiled still. “You know, I can’t even blame you for not trusting me that I didn’t put anything in your drink. I wouldn’t trust some blonde bitch to offer me a drink just to be friendly as well. But trust me, if I wanted you in my bed, you’d know it and you’re gonna ask for it.” With that she winked and walked away, leaving Jade standing with an open mouth and a tingling feeling in her gut.

***

Although Leigh-Anne had met a girl named Jesy at the party, who Jade found her grinding on, her mind still seemed to be set on Perrie, but Jade couldn’t help but feel bad about this whole thing. She tried to convince her friend that she didn’t even know the girl and that it was probably just her looks, but the more she tried to talk her friend out of it, the more she seemed convinced that she actually wanted Perrie for Perrie.

“You don’t even know her,” Jade huffed and forced her fork through a pea on her plate.

Leigh frowned and swallowed her carrots as she looked at her friend. “I don’t understand your problem, to be honest. You and Lillian started dating pretty much after you first saw each other!”

“What?” Jade replied taken aback. “That’s not true. Lily and I were in the same class since we were fourteen and I started dating her two years ago, which means I knew her for a couple of years before I actively started dating her. I mean, we even hung out a few times before we became a couple and we were friends for at least a year. I just don’t want you to obsess over someone you don’t even know and then get disappointed when they turn out to be different than you imagine.”

The problem was, Jade had never told her friend about the encounter at the sorority party. The worst part about it was that Leigh considered her a shy, little girl with little to no friends, who didn’t dare to talk to people and that’s why they hadn’t seen her around. She didn’t dare to tell her that Perrie wasn’t shy at all and that she basically told Jade that she wanted something from her.

“You talk about her like you know her when you talked to her even less than me! Stop trying to interfere in my love life! If you don’t like Perrie, just say it. I don’t like Lillian, okay? And I still don’t say anything because you’re happy with her so why can’t you just let me be happy!?” She threw her fork angrily on the table before storming out of the room and Jade sighed, letting her head drop and almost into her vegetables.

She hadn’t intended to hurt her friend and part of her wondered if she was really just saying these things to protect her friend. She didn’t know why the image of Leigh and Perrie dating just didn’t seem right to her.

With another sigh, she got up from her seat and cleaned up the kitchen on her own.

***

“Guess fucking what,” Leigh spit out when she ran into Jade a couple days later when they met up for lunch. “You know, I was trying to give Jesy a chance, since she seemed like a cool girl and all, but guess who her room mate is?”

Jade’s face scrunched up because she already had a feeling who it was and she didn’t like the thought as much as her friend.

“Perrie fucking Edwards.” So her surname was Edwards, Jade thought to herself and faked a smile for her friend. They had made up on the condition that Jade would try to stay out of Leigh and whoever she wanted to be with. Jade really tried, she really did, but the thought of these two together… it really made her feel uneasy. Her own motives were still unclear to herself, so she tried to preoccupy her mind with Lily.

Speaking of, her girlfriend had cancelled the trip to Newcastle last minute, so Jade had eaten a romantic dinner for two on her own and then watched Titanic alone on the sofa, sobbing to herself like a freak. She had also taken other business into her own hands (quite literally speaking), but fortunately for her, Leigh only knew about the dinner and movie.

It was unlike Lily to miss an opportunity to meet Jade, but she had a huge exam coming up and although the word “distraction” hurt Jade, she said she understood the importance and that she still loved her, of course. After hearing that Jade would spend the evening alone, Lily seemed relieved and Jade told her to stop worrying because there was no-one else for her.

For some strange reason, though, the image of Perrie had popped into her head when she had said that. Confused, she shook her head at the thought of Perrie as she hung up on her before eating the dinner on her own.

“… so that must be destiny, right? I mean, I haven’t seen her for… what, three weeks now? And she still remembered me, can you imagine that? Oh, she also asked how you were doing, by the way.”

“Wait, who asked for me?” Jade asked and stopped in her tracks. She couldn’t help but feel her heart skip a beat at the thought of Perrie still thinking about her. It was silly, but she liked feeling desired and the fact that she hadn’t had some proper action with her girlfriend in almost a month was making her a little bit needy.

“Perrie? Who have I been talking about for the last two hours?” Leigh laughed. Of course it had been a total exaggeration, but it still felt like it had been at least two hours straight. “Either way, we hung out a bit at Jesy and Perrie’s place and I felt really bad for Jesy because I think she sees something in me, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of Perrie. And she seemed to be staring at me all the time, and oh my God, she has the sweetest laugh ever!”

Jade almost let it slip that she liked her laugh too, but then remembered that Leigh couldn’t know about their meeting at the party. It would break her heart if she found out that Perrie had been flirting with her.

“What are you gonna do about Jesy, then? Are you gonna pretend you like her so you can keep seeing Perrie?” She tried to hide the bitter tone in her voice, but seeing the frown on Leigh’s face, she knew she didn’t do as good of a job as she’d hoped.

Leigh huffed and wiped her hands to get off the salt from the chips. “I’m not going to lead Jesy on. I’m actually trying because I have to admit, I see your point now. I don’t know Perrie, but I know Jesy a little bit, so I can get to know both of them and try to see what’ll happen. We haven’t DTR’d yet, so I can do what I want.”

“Oh my God, do you actually still use that abbreviation? I actually forgot what the letters stand for,” Jade laughed, but still felt uneasy about this whole thing. She didn’t want her friend to do this to Jesy, but then again she wasn’t any better, if she was being honest with herself. The only reason why she didn’t want Leigh to date Perrie was that… well, what was it? The fact that Perrie had flirted with her? The fact that Jade was a selfish friend, who only ever thought about herself? She seriously needed to let this whole thing slide and let Leigh do whatever she pleased with whomever she wanted.

“DTR means ‘define the relationship,’ for your information. You really need to learn some internet vocab again,” Leigh laughed and at once, the table felt a lot more comfortable than it had a few seconds ago.

“So, when are you gonna see either of them again?”

Leigh shrugged. “I actually sent Jesy a text to come meet us here? I hope that’s okay with you? And please, don’t tell her how I feel about Perrie.”

“Oh God, of course not. I promised I wouldn’t interfere anymore, so that’s what I’m doing. You won’t see any interfering from me, I swear. You do your thing. But, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna head to our flat real quick because I need something. Some girls and I formed a study group because we have a quiz coming up and I don’t have the time to study alone, much.” That sounded completely weird but Leigh just nodded her head and looked at the door of the chippie to see if anyone was coming in – anyone being Jesy.

“Go ahead. See you tonight, I’m cooking!”

“Sure thing. Bye.” With that she was off and glad her little lie had worked. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to stay with Leigh and Jesy but the best way not to interfere was not to be there at all, so that was what she was going to do every time Jesy or Perrie would be around.

“Come on, Leigh’s bringing her friend so I need to bring mine, too,” a voice whined and Jade looked up at the mention of her friend to see Jesy and Perrie walking towards her.

“Why do I have to come to meet your girlfriend?” Perrie sighed and rolled her eyes. “If I haven’t got a chance of fucking her, then I don’t really want to meet her.”

“Stop talking about her like that,” Jesy huffed and her cheeks turned a deep shade of red. “And she isn’t my girlfriend… yet. We haven’t labelled it or anything, but I was thinking about asking her to be official soon. And it’d really mean a lot to me if my best friend was coming with me so I wouldn’t be the third wheel.”

After that, the two girls finally noticed Jade and Jesy’s face became even redder than it had been until now. “Pretend like you didn’t hear that and don’t tell Leigh-Anne, please?” Jesy pleaded with Jade, already recognising her as Leigh’s friend although the two had barely seen each other.

“Sure thing. Oh, and don’t worry about third wheeling, I’m actually on my way,” Jade excused herself and was about to walk past the two girls when Jesy let out a shriek,

“Oh! Oh, Perrie, you should go with her, you know, bond a little, so the four of us can hang out some more? Please? Get to know her a little, since you already know Leigh. For me?”

Jade hoped the blonde would deny the request and just take off on her own but she heard a smirk in Perrie’s voice when she agreed to her friend’s suggestion. “Sure, why not? I’m sure the two of us would be very good at… bonding.”

Jesy laughed and shoved her friend. “God, you’re so dumb. Okay, I’ll meet you later, right?” She was already off and jogging towards the chippie, when Perrie turned around to sling her arm into Jade’s elbow.

“Hey, Magenta. How’s your forehead?”

She had wanted to protest and tell Perrie finally her real name, but the small gesture of caring shut her up instantly and she couldn’t deny there was something about Perrie that made her want to hang out with her as well. The blonde probably knew the effect she had on people, and that’s why she was so confident and cocky. Although she was completely different from Lily, she couldn’t deny she liked Perrie’s behaviour a little.

Which was weird because why the hell was she comparing a stranger to her sweet and innocent girlfriend?

“It’s good, thank you. How’s your… everything?”

The blonde laughed and again Jade noticed how sweet and nice it actually was. “It’s great, thanks. Where were you going? I could walk a bit with you, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh, to be honest, I just left for the sake of it. I want Leigh to bond properly with Jesy, without me hanging out there and judging someone else’s relationship, so I decided to stay out of it and just leave. What was the reason you didn’t want to come?”

“To be perfectly honest, I see the way Leigh is looking at me,” Perrie replied and looked away from Jade, whose head snapped into her direction. “But Jesy really likes her and I don’t do romance and feelings and that shit, so those two fit better.”

“Have you told Jesy about that?” Jade asked cautiously. She didn’t want to interfere, but if Perrie was doing it for her, she definitely wouldn’t mind. Then again, if Perrie told Jesy, Jesy would probably stop seeing Leigh and her friend would be encouraged to go after the blonde again, which was the opposite of what she wanted. Leigh was too sweet for someone who “didn’t do romance.”

Perrie sighed and shook her head. As she was about to open her mouth to go on, Jade’s phone started vibrating and Ariana Grande’s voice filled the quiet streets, causing Perrie to giggle. A flutter in Jade’s stomach caused her to turn her face away as she answered her girlfriend’s call.

“Hey, Lily, what’s up?”

“What’s up?” Lily asked and Jade could hear the offended undertone. “You never greet me… so casual.”

“Aw, I’m sorry, love. How’re you doing?” She tried to sound cheerful but if she was being quite honest, Lily’s constant need of affection was slowly getting on her nerves. She really needed to see her soon again to feel her in her arms and get reminded of why she loved her.

“That’s better,” the girl on the other side singsonged. “And I’m alright, I miss you. Just wanted to check in before I go back to studying for biology.”

Jade frowned, “I thought you had to do something in lab?”

“Oh, that too. Busy times, you know,” Lily giggled and Jade could tell something was off, but her girlfriend was always like this when she was getting stressed. She had always been like this. “Are you with Leigh right now?” Although she tried to hide it, Jade could hear the possessiveness and jealousy in her voice.

“Uh, no, I’m actually alone right now,” Jade lied. “She’s on a date, so of course I wouldn’t want to interfere, you know.”

“Oh… you’re alone? What are you wearing?”

“God, you’re so embarrassing,” Jade laughed and shook her head but couldn’t help the blush colouring her face either way. “Also, I’m in public  right now… you promised you’d come visit me.” She put on a pouty face and turned away from Perrie, who laughed quietly at her attempt to be romantic and sweet.

“Aw, I’m so sorry. It’s just so busy here all the time, you know? Speaking of, I really need to go right now. Call you later. Love you.”

“You too,” Jade said so she wouldn’t embarrass herself any further in front of Perrie. She turned her attention back to the blonde and crossed her arms to seem somewhat strong but she failed miserably and it only led to Perrie bursting out into laughter.

“God, what was that? Did I suddenly fall into a cheesy chick flick, or what?” She asked and shook her head with a huge grin plastered on her face. Jade really tried to stay mad, but the look on Perrie’s face was just too cute and she hated herself for even thinking that. She had just spoken to her girlfriend, who she loved, and here she was, admiring another girl’s smile.

She turned on her heel and walked away, but it seemed as if Perrie wasn’t letting her go so easily. She felt the blonde tug on her wrist and rolled her eyes before turning back to her, expecting to see an annoyed face that was supposed so say “are you really that touchy?” But when Jade turned around, Perrie was pouting and the only evidence she had been laughing was that little sparkle in her ocean blue eyes.

“Okay, I’m sorry, I’m gonna shut up now. I just didn’t think you’d be the type to be all cheesy and romantic, you know? You seemed like a cool girl.”

Now Jade did feel offended. She wasn’t cool in Perrie’s eyes just because she was a romantic girl, who liked long term relationships and held onto a girl that she actually loved? Huffing out air, she put her hands to her sides and glared at the blonde. “Oh, you know what, I’ll show you what’s cool.”

“Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do, hm? You’re one of those people who’ve got everything perfectly right. You’re so predictable. You wouldn’t even hurt a fly, let alone me. You talk big, but I’m not scared of you.” Perrie’s face showed a hint of humour, and it only fuelled Jade’s anger. Who was she to talk about her like she knew her so well?

“I’m predictable? Oh, just wait, Perrie Edwards, and I’ll show you how predictable I am!” Turning on her heel, Jade stormed off and this time, the blonde didn’t follow after her.

***

The conversation with Perrie kept running through her head all day and she was glad to see an excited Leigh-Anne practically bouncing into the apartment in the evening, just when Jade was about to make her own dinner.

“How was your date?” Jade asked happily and poured herself a glass of orange juice to fill the emptiness in her stomach for now. Leigh was already opening the fridge and taking out ingredients for their dinner.

Leigh giggled at the word and hugged her friend. “You were totally right! I need to forget about Perrie and focus on Jesy, who is literally such a sweet heart and totally girlfriend material. She also told me about Perrie and she is like the kind of girl who fucks everyone who isn’t on a tree in three, so I guess I should thank you for making me let go of her. Jesy even asked me to go out again, and I think I’m going to ask her to be my girlfriend!”

Relief washed over Jade and she nodded happily. “That’s great, I’m so happy for you! You deserve someone who treats you right and like you deserve. I think I should tell you why I actually didn’t want you to go after Perrie now that you’ve found that out.” She sighed and rubbed her forehead, causing Leigh to frown.

“When we were at that party, where you met Jesy, I got hit in the forehead by this huge guy and incidentally Perrie came in and we talked and she kind of flirted with me? I don’t know. I felt like you deserved better than someone who was hitting on me when she knew that you had a thing for her.”

“Wait,” Leigh-Anne frowned and put down the frozen chicken nuggets. “Perrie knew I was into her and she didn’t say anything? And you knew she didn’t like me and didn’t tell me?”

“I’ve only known since this afternoon that she knew… and she also told me that Jesy really likes you and that she doesn’t do romance… I think you deserve someone like Jesy, who will treat you like a princess and who will put you before anyone else.”

Leigh’s face got sourer with every word that Jade spoke and she knew she had fucked up big time now. She should have just kept the whole thing to herself, never spoken to it about anyone and just be buried with this secret in about sixty to seventy years. “You met up with her today?”

“No! Well, not intentionally. I ran into her and Jesy when I left and I told Jesy that I wouldn’t stay, so she told Perrie to leave as well so she could be alone with you. And Perrie walked a bit with me and told me those things, and I got angry and walked away. I’m sorry, I should have told you about our talk at the party sooner, but I just didn’t know how because it would have hurt you and I wanted you to let go off Perrie on your own. She’d just use you and Jesy really, really likes you.” Jade bit her lip and watched as Leigh let all this new information sink it. It’s probably really hard for her to swallow all of this now, Jade thought and kept looking at her friend.

“Yeah, okay… okay, it’s okay,” Leigh smiled. “You were just trying to protect me, right?”

Jade’s stomach sunk at those words because she still wasn’t sure why she was so against their relationship in the beginning. Yes, now she had a reason, but she’d told Leigh-Anne to get Perrie off her mind before she knew all of this, so when she agreed, she felt like a big, fat liar.

The small smile on the black girl’s lips and the hug that followed after it made her feel so guilty that she was actually physically sick. “Dinner’s ready soon,” Leigh told her, “so if you want you can go shower in the meantime.”

***

“I am not predictable,” Jade huffed out proudly when she opened the door of her car and walked towards the dorms on the campus of the University of Manchester. Her and Leigh-Anne weren’t completely on good terms by now because although she had said she accepted the reasons behind what Jade had done, but she still seemed less talkative than she used to be.

Jade wondered if she had picked up on the fact that Jade was attracted to Perrie as well. She could no longer deny it and the fact that it was actually true drove her insane.

Which was why she had decided to come visit Lily without telling her about it. She needed to remind herself why she was in love with Lily, even though she was possessive and insecure and a little bit controlling.

Thankfully, she knew where Lily’s dorm was because she had been here a couple of times last year.

This was the first time, though, that she came uninvited and the facial expression Lily would make upon seeing her was enough to set her stomach on fire. Maybe the reason why she had taken up this long drive wasn’t exactly morally acceptable, but it wouldn’t matter because she had wanted to see Lily for weeks now.

It had been over a month now that the two had had actual physical contact and although Jade knew how to help herself, it was getting a little bit frustrating. She knew her girlfriend’s schedule by heart so she’d know when she could call or text, so right now Lily was probably in her room reading or studying.

The excitement was about to bubble over when she stood in front of the bed room and knocked on the door – one of the rules about dorms was to never open a door unexpectedly. Lillian had a roommate after all, and she could have some guy over or something and they could be doing God-knows-what right now. After a few seconds of shuffling, the door opened and a dishevelled looking Lily opened the door with an annoyed expression, “I told you not to –” Her mouth immediately dropped and her eyes widened as she took in Jade in front of her.

“Surprise! I came to visit you because we hadn’t seen each other in so long and I missed you.” She smiled and pulled her girlfriend into a hug. She noticed she was only wearing a blanket and giggled. “Sorry, did I wake you up? I know a way to make it up to you,” she purred and placed a kiss beneath Lily’s ear, receiving a shiver. She loved knowing what buttons to push.

“Uh, um, you know, uh, I actually was, so could you, um, give me a minute or so to freshen up a bit?” She pressed a haste kiss to Jade’s cheek. “I don’t want to look like a crack whore when you came all this way to visit me.”

Jade giggled but didn’t let Lily wiggle out of her grip. “I don’t care, I just missed you so much and I’m aching for you.” She knew if anyone was to hear what she was saying, she would die of embarrassment, but she didn’t care with Lily because she knew she loved hearing her talk like that.

“Lily, what are you doing?” A male voice called from within and Jade’s brows pulled together in confusion.

“Who’s that?” Jade asked and tried to get a look into the dorm room.

“Uh, Richard, Sophia’s boyfriend,” Lily replied quickly and shoved Jade back a little bit. Jade knew Sophia was her room mate. “He was here to get some things for school.”

“But I thought you were sleeping…” Jade murmured and then it clicked. Lily hadn’t been sleeping. The guy in the room was not her roommate’s boyfriend. She probably hadn’t had to study so much that she barely ever reacted to Jade’s calls and texts anymore.

She was just busy with doing other things. Or other people, to be precise.

“I don’t believe you,” Jade whispered and felt the tears stinging in her eyes. “I can’t… are you fucking serious?” She managed to get into the room past her girlfriend and in fact, there was a naked guy sitting on the bed, which Jade knew belonged to Lily because they had sex in it more than once. The guy quickly put a pillow over his erection and Jade turned at Lily in anger.

“What the fuck!? You keep calling me, being possessive and controlling, wanting me to stay at home all the time so you can be assured I don’t cheat on you, which I never would have because I fucking love you! And all along it was you who was cheating!” Shaking her, she felt her heart clench in frustration. “I bet you’ve been fucking girls and guys ever since we started dating!”

“No,” Lily replied and shook her head, tears in her own eyes. Jade couldn’t believe she was actually playing the victim here. “I swear, it hasn’t been that long. Please, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, save it,” Jade spat angrily. “Fuck you, Lillian. I’m done with you. Don’t think about calling me ever again, because I don’t want anything to do with a cheating skank.”

“Hey, now,” the guy said in a deep voice and frowned at Jade. “Don’t talk to her like that.” His dark skin was in contrast to the white sheets that were covering his crotch.

“Who the fuck are you to talk to me like that!?” She screamed at the guy. “You fucked my girlfriend and she cheated on me, so don’t you dare tell me how I can and can’t talk to her! She deserves so much more than those harmless words because I deserve more. I was faithful and trusted you and loved you so much it hurt to be away from you, but you just jump onto the next guy!”

“It’s enough,” the male said and looked at Jade threateningly. “If you don’t shut up, I will call campus security.”

“Oh, go ahead! And while you’re at it, tell them you were fucking in the dorms, why don’t you! I’m sure they’d be glad to hear their students are engaging in promiscuous behaviour!”

Lily hadn’t said anything at all and it only served to make Jade angrier. “You know what, I shouldn’t have come here. It sucks to find out that I was the only truthful one in this relationship when I tried so hard to assure you that you were the only one for me. Bye.”

“Jade, wait, please,” Lily sobbed, but the purple haired girl just brushed past her and hurried down the hallway and into her car.

It was going to be a long drive home.

***

A knock on the door startled Perrie out of her drawing on the bed. She had been so lost in her thoughts about the purple haired girl that she hadn’t noticed anything around her, like the fact that it had become dark outside by now.

She had to admit, the girl, to which she only referred as Magenta (although she knew her name was Jade), was really sexy. She wasn’t one to do feelings and romance, but she couldn’t deny that she would like her in her bed one day and the thought made her bite her lip – and it also made her draw a lot of cheesy stuff.

Quickly, she put the notepad on which she had scribbled into a drawer and fixed her hair before opening the door with a charming smile for whoever was waiting for her to open the door. Much to her surprise, it was actually the purple haired girl.

“Are Jesy or Leigh here?” Perrie shook her head in confusion. “Are they coming back any soon?”

“No, they’ve just gone to the movies –” She was cut off when Jade stumbled into her, pressing her lips against Perrie’s neck, sucking on the soft skin. She was totally taken aback but couldn’t help lean into the touch of Jade’s lips against her skin before pulling her head back and gasping for air. “What-?”

“Don’t talk,” Jade muttered and pressed kisses to Perrie’s neck, sucking on the light skin. “Let’s just fuck. Please.”

It was the little ‘please’ at the end that made her grab Jade’s shoulders and push her away from her own body, although she was itching for it. She wasn’t one to do romance, but maybe she could let feelings into this whole thing and she had a feeling this wasn’t right. Jade didn’t seem like the kind of person to just come stumbling into someone’s room and ask for sex. And if she remembered correctly from yesterday, Jade had a girlfriend. That was one of her rules, never sleep with someone else’s girl (or guy, for that matter). “What’s wrong?”

Jade shrugged but avoided looking at Perrie. “Why do you care? I thought you’d want me to beg you for sex, so here I am, begging. Please.”

“Come on,” Perrie sighed and licked at her lips. “Tell me what happened.”

“I’m not predictable,” Jade shrugged carelessly, but Perrie could see through it. She was putting on a mask and for some reason, she seemed really hurt. Had she broken up with her girlfriend. But not because of what she had said, right!?

“Jade, please, tell me you didn’t break up with your girlfriend because of what I said.”

Scoffing, Jade rolled her eyes and got up from the bed. “It’s not always about you, Perrie. God, why did I even come here? You’re so full of yourself.” She was about to leave, but once again Perrie just grabbed her by the wrist, causing her to stop in her tracks.

“What’s gotten into you?” Perrie asked and tried to hide the hurt she felt. “It’s not like you to talk and behave like this.”

“Please,” Jade scoffed and yanked her arm away. “We’ve talked four times for a total of five minutes. Why do you pretend to know me when you literally don’t know me at all? Just let me go.”

“For heaven’s sake,” Perrie groaned and rolled her eyes but let go off Jade’s arm. “Fine! Go and be bitter by yourself. I was just trying to be nice, for fuck’s sake. Go find someone else to be your rebound because I’m better than that.”

“Are you really, now?” Jade asked and crossed her arms in front of her chest with raised eyebrows. “Because as far as I know you’re fucking everyone and everything but apparently I’m not even good enough for that,” she retorted but couldn’t help the sob that slipped through her lips and shook her entire body.

Perrie couldn’t even be mad at her for basically calling her a slut when she was broken. The blonde knew she was hurt and was only saying those things to get her anger out on her, when she knew she wasn’t actually angry with her. “Oh, Jade,” she whispered and saw the purple haired girl’s eyes light up at the mention of her name.

“You know my name,” Jade sobbed out and let the blonde engulf her in a tight hug.

The blonde patted Jade’s head and made her sit down on the bed again, holding her tightly. “Of course I know your name. Why are you crying, huh?” She wiped the tears from below Jade’s hazel eyes and smiled lightly. “And I’m not fucking you because you’re not in the right mood for it, I know you aren’t. And if we did it, I want you to do it because you can’t bear the thought of not doing it, not because you’re heart broken and need a rebound. You deserve better than that. What you need right now is a friend, who will listen, and not sex.”

Jade sighed and nodded, seeing reason behind Perrie’s words. She knew they were right and she couldn’t help the flutter in her stomach when Perrie said “I want you to do it because you can’t bear the thought of not doing it,” because truth was, she was extremely attracted to Perrie. She barely knew the girl and she knew nothing more than sex would come out of it but she didn’t care. Right now, she really needed Perrie to be a friend, though.

“I was angry,” Jade sobbed and avoided the gaze of those clear blue eyes on her. “Because you said I was so predictable. And I was angry because I knew you were right. I didn’t want to be predictable, I wanted to be exciting and thrilling… So I drove to Manchester.” She was interrupted by little hiccup and she wiped her nose with her sleeve. Scrunching up her nose in disgust (but still finding it adorable), Perrie held out a tissue for the older girl. “That’s where Lily – Lillian, my girlfriend – lives. Studies. She studies there. And… y’know, she’s one of those people who are really jealous and protective all the time?” She looked up at Perrie finally, who was looking at her with nothing but empathy and it made Jade’s heart swell. “She was even jealous of Leigh and I, although Leigh only had a crush on me for the first two days of uni and I think it was just because I was the only lesbian she knew at the time and I was there.” She hiccupped again and blew her nose into the tissue. It was starting to get soaked with tears and snot, so Perrie quickly reached out for the box and handed it to Jade. “Leigh and I, we were never… like that. And we’re never going to be because we’re friends and she has Jesy now anyway.”

“Are you in love with Leigh-Anne?” Perrie asked carefully and hated that she dreaded the answer. She didn’t do romance and that was the end of it. Furthermore, Jade was right. They had only been talking for a maximum of five minutes, so what Perrie was feeling – because she let feelings come into this now and there were platonic feelings as well – was simple, physical attraction. And maybe they were almost kind of, sort of friends, and friends cared for each other, too.

“No, no, no,” Jade murmured and shook her head before blowing her nose again. Perrie hated that she felt a wave of relief wash over her. She blamed it on the fact that it would suck for Jesy or Jade because Leigh would have to choose and one of them was bound to get hurt. “It’s just that Lillian was always so jealous, over literally nothing, because Leigh and I would never be. And I hated that she was so jealous but I blamed it on her being insecure and scared I’d leave her for someone else, so I accepted her possessiveness.”

“Oh no,” Perrie sighed and rubbed down Jade’s back. “I think I know where this is going.”

“Do you really? Because when I drove down to Manchester today, so many hours and my feet were uncomfortable but I thought ‘it’s gonna be worth it, you’re gonna see Lily again and you’ll be so happy you did this.’ And then I knock on her door and she’s fucking naked and this dude is sitting on her bed, with his dick hard and she has the decency to cry and pretend like she’s the victim and he goes and defends her for cheating on me with him!”

“I’m so sorry,” Perrie murmured and sighed, keeping her hand on the older girl’s back. This was why she never slept with someone who was taken, because she wanted fun and breaking someone’s heart was definitely not fun. “It’s usually the people who are very jealous and shit who cheat themselves. They’re like that because they think you’re doing someone behind their back as well.”

“Why couldn’t she just break up with me?” Jade sobbed and clung onto Perrie’s white and thin shirt. “Why’d she have to go behind my back? Why couldn’t she just say ‘Look, this isn’t working anymore, I want to see other people’?” She was back to full on sobbing by now and just clinging onto the blonde, who didn’t know what to do.

Jesy had never been like this, she didn’t have any experience how to mend a broken heart. “Because she was a bitch,” she tried, though, “and she didn’t deserve your kindness and your patience. And you deserve someone who stays with you, who’s honest with you, who realises you are the one and only. You’re not second best and you shouldn’t date someone who only sees you like that.”

“Why can’t anyone love me?”

“Hey, now,” Perrie whispered and her sweet and gentle tone was so different to when the guy in Lillian’s room had said those words to her. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your family loves you and Leigh loves you, even though it’s in a different way. You are loved, alright? And you’ll find someone who deserves to love you and who deserves to be loved by you.”

Jade couldn’t help but smile and hugged Perrie tightly before wiping at her eyes again and taking a deep breath. “Thank you. And… I’m sorry,” she muttered timidly and gestured at Perrie’s white shirt, which was now dirtied with mascara and lipstick and makeup stains.

“It’s alright, I needed to wash it anyway,” Perrie smiled.

***

A few days later, everything was back to normal. Jade was still hurting over Lillian, but she had successfully ignored all texts and calls from her so far. Jesy and Leigh seemed to become stronger every second and they were now seen walking hand in hand down the campus all the time. Jade called them a power couple, and every time she did, her friend blushed a deep shade of red and threw something at her, but Jade knew she secretly loved it.

Jade had told her about Lillian and Leigh had been furious, shouting what a horrible bitch she was and so many things that Jade had never even heard before. It had taken a long time for her to calm down, but eventually Leigh told Jade that it was going to be fine and she would find someone else.

As for Perrie, their relationship was confusing to Jade. She wasn’t oblivious to the fact that the blonde was still sleeping around and Leigh, not knowing that Jade was attracted to the blonde, kept making jokes about how she’d probably done already three laps around the campus. It made Jade a little angry that her friend talked about Perrie like that, but whenever the blonde was around and someone made a joke about her like that, she just laughed, so it was probably true – which only served to make Jade even more confused about this whole thing.

Another thing was that Perrie seemed kind of bipolar to her. One second she was all friendly, asking Jade to hang out and do something fun together (Leigh and Jesy would always laugh when Perrie put it like this, which caused Jade to blush and shove Perrie away) and the next she was ignoring her and pretending she wasn’t even there.

Jade was about to leave for her first class right there – Leigh had left two hours ago because on Tuesdays her courses started earlier than Jade’s – when a knock on the door startled her out of her thoughts of Perrie. It was unusual for someone to come knocking on their door at ten in the morning, but maybe Leigh had ordered something ridiculous on amazon again.

She hurried to open the door but frowned when she saw the person standing in the door was Lillian. She groaned and fished her keys out of her bag. Stepping outside, she closed the door and locked it without sparing her ex girlfriend a single glance. “I need to leave for class,” she said sternly, still not looking at Lily.

“Please, hear me out,” Lily whimpered and Jade’s anger bubbled up inside of her again.

“How dare you play the victim and cry right into my face? Get the fuck out of the building,” Jade barked.

“Why are you being so hard on me? You said you loved me,” the older girl begged and Jade rolled her eyes in annoyance.

“Yes, I did love you. That was before I found out that your controlling and possessive behaviour wasn’t out of insecurity or, or fear of losing me but because you couldn’t keep it in your pants and expected me to be a cheating bitch as well.” Jade kept on walking, but Lillian was being persistent and kept following after her. “I told you, time and time again, that cheating was inexcusable in my eyes and that I would never do it and never forgive anyone if they did it to me. It was the one thing I would never accept and yet you did it.” Shaking her head, she checked her bag for a package of chewing gum. “I couldn’t go out with Leigh-Anne, I had to stay in at parties because you were scared I’d go grinding on some other girl’s ass, I missed out on so much and I thought it was worth it.” She stopped in her tracks to look at Lily, who still had teary eyes but didn’t dare interrupt Jade when she was ranting. “But it was not because you don’t deserve me.”

“Oh, because you’re so perfect?” Lillian asked now and bit her lower lip, blinking quickly.

“Stop playing the damn victim! I’m the one who’s allowed to cry, not you! Stop crying for something you brought onto yourself!” Jade couldn’t believe how infuriating it was when Lillian pretended to be weak and in need of Jade’s protection. “And I never said I was perfect but I would have never, ever cheated on you. Just leave me the fuck alone!”

She stomped away and hoped that this time Lillian wouldn’t follow her. She didn’t look back to find out, but nobody gripped her wrist to hold her from running away.

***

“You,” Leigh started, “are literally life savers. We wouldn’t know what to do without you.” With a quick peck on Jesy’s cheek the black girl disappeared into the bathroom.

“Actually,” Jade whispered, “our friends offered us to stay with them for a couple of days because they have an apartment instead of a single dorm room but for some strange reason I let her convince me to stay here. I wonder why on earth she’d want that.” A giggle escaped her lips at the blush on Jesy’s cheeks.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, but don’t tell her I told you. Just keep loving her,” Jade laughed and the two other girls in the room exchanged an awkward look. “Oh God, I’m sorry, have you guys not exchanged I love you’s yet? No pressure.”

“No, it’s just… I wanted to say it but I’m not sure if… y’know, Leigh is ready,” Jesy murmured quietly so there was no chance the girl in the bathroom could hear her – although it was a community shower down the hall, so there was no way in hell she could hear anything at all.

“Oh,” was all Jade could say in that very moment and bit her lip. “I don’t know. Leigh doesn’t really want me to interfere with her love life, so I never ask and she never tells. If she tells me anything, though, I’ll let you know. Jeleigh is my OTP.”

“I would have called them Lesy,” Perrie replied from her bed. She was not looking at either of them but just lying on the mattress, throwing a ball into the air and catching it again. “What would our name be?”

After a few seconds of considering where that came from, Jade replied, “I think Jerrie.”

“Oh, so you’re a bottom.”

“Wait, what?” Jade asked but in that moment the door opened again and Leigh came inside, wearing nothing but a towel and water was causing her skin to sparkle.

“Ugh, sorry, but I just couldn’t change with all those people in there. It was strange enough to wash myself surrounded by all of them.” She huffed and looked at Jade with a pout. “I want our apartment back.”

The purple haired girl sighed and let her head drop down on the air mattress on the floor. “Same. But we can’t change the fact that someone was stupid enough to flood their damn bathroom, so I guess we’re stuck here for a few days. Hopefully not too long.”

“Oh, I don’t mind,” Jesy giggled and Perrie made a gagging sound,

“You are gross. I’m going now. Anyone coming with me?”

“Gladly,” Jade sighed and got up from the air mattress to collect fresh underwear and her towel. She hadn’t taken a shower in the community showers in almost half a year now, so it was probably going to be uncomfortable at first but she’d gotten used to it last year as well, so it should be fine.

“I guess that’s the best part about not living on campus anymore, heh?” Perrie asked laughing as they entered the shower and a bar of soap flew past them through the door. They both waited for a while until one of the stalls was free and Jade was offered to go in next. It was nice to take a shower after such a long and exhausting day.

First Lillian had showed up at her door – which she hadn’t told anyone about yet –, then her teacher thought it was time for a surprise quiz and eventually they had to move out temporarily because some stupid idiot had forgotten to turn off the bath tub after leaving for work, so the entire building was flooded.

Being nice friends, Ally, Dinah and Normani had offered them to let them stay in their apartment with them, but Leigh had declined the offer as soon as Jesy offered the same. Of course Leigh would pick her girlfriend – because they had DTR’d by now – but why did she have to drag Jade with her? The thought caused her to groan and the people in the two stalls right and left to her giggled at the sound.

Jade blushed deeply and face palmed herself – of course they’d think now that she was getting herself off so she quickly pulled the curtain aside and saw Perrie still standing at the sinks. The blonde noticed her head popping out behind the curtain almost right away and looked at her quizzically. Jade waved her over and slowly, the blonde approached.

“What is it?” She asked quietly.

“Come on in,” Jade murmured timidly. Her voice was quiet and Perrie had a difficulty understanding her over the sound of running water. “I unintentionally groaned and I don’t want people to think I’m fucking myself in here like a horny loser.”

Perrie’s face turned into a huge grin. “So you’d rather have them think there’s two horny losers in the shower together?”

“I’ll wash your hair,” Jade offered and she was quite literally begging.

The blonde leaned in closer as she threw her towel over the wall so she could grab it later when she was done, “Now that’s what I call begging,” she whispered and quickly slipped into the shower beside Jade, who quickly looked away so Perrie couldn’t see the red on her cheeks.

“You know, I wasn’t actually offering for you to have sex with me in here,” Jade whispered. “I just don’t want people to think –”

Perrie waved her hand around and got undressed in front of Jade so both of them were now naked. Although Jade had imagined it differently, it wasn’t really awkward, just a bit narrow. “Turn around, then,” Jade whispered and grabbed a bottle of hair shampoo. She put the pink liquid into her hand and then slowly started massaging Perrie’s scalp.

A soft moan fell from Perrie’s lips and Jade had to bite her lip at the feeling in her gut. It was hard to deny that a moan was turning her on, but like she had said, this wasn’t an actual offer and Perrie was probably just playing along. It was only now that Jade realised that the people outside didn’t even know who was in the booth, so what had she been worrying about?

But now it was too late to ask Perrie to leave. Her hands were entangled in the blonde hair and she was just massaging away. “Am I hurting you?” She asked a little loud and blushed at the words because again the people around her were giggling or coughing to hide their laugh.

“No,” Perrie laughed. “Feels nice.” Her voice was quiet and Jade was thankful for it because the people around her didn’t seem to notice. When Jade was washing out the shampoo, Perrie grabbed a bottle of body lotion and smirked at Jade,

“My turn. Don’t worry, I won’t do anything you don’t like.” She winked but her voice was still quiet and nobody reacted, so Jade breathed out in relief. “Okay,” she whispered and bit her lip. It was weird because nobody had actually washed her since she was a child. She had never showered together with Lillian because they had never lived together and barely ever one of them had slept at the other’s place.

It was weird but Jade enjoyed this intimacy with Perrie although there was no intention of sex behind it. She couldn’t deny she felt a little bit excited right now, but she wouldn’t have sex with Perrie in a public shower – for starters it was pretty damn unromantic and secondly could everyone hear her because Jade wasn’t one to keep quiet. She didn’t feel uncomfortable, although she was completely naked in front of Perrie, whom she had known for a maximum of two months now and Perrie didn’t seem to mind the fact that she was naked, either. But then again, Perrie seemed pretty confident in her own body.

Her breath hitched when the cool liquid on Perrie’s fingers touched her back and again the people around her giggled, causing Jade to turn red and hide her face behind her hands. “Don’t be shy,” Perrie giggled into her ear. “They don’t care, people fuck in here all the time.”

Jade nodded her head and took in a deep breath to relax as Perrie’s hands rubbed her back up and down. She could feel the body lotion was forming little bubbles on her back as the blonde shifted closer and moved her hands around Jade, massaging Jade’s stomach. “Is it okay if I wash your entire body or would you rather do the rest yourself?” Perrie asked whispering and when Jade turned her head around to look at her, the only emotion she could read on Perrie’s face was curiosity, as if Jade’s reply was going to be the most interesting thing ever.

It made her heart swell and she nodded. “I don’t mind,” she muttered quietly. “Can I- would you mind if I didn’t turn around though?” She tried to keep her voice as quiet as she could but for some reason the people around her always seemed to hear her nonetheless. How the hell did Perrie manage to stay so quiet?

“No problem,” Perrie whispered and shifted a little closer to be able to reach around Jade better. The purple haired girl could feel the warmth of the younger girl’s body against her back and it took all of her not to suck in a harsh breath at the sensation. There was definitely physical attraction between the two of them. Well, at least Jade felt it. Although she wasn’t ready to date someone right now, she hoped that Perrie was at least physically attracted to her as well.

Perrie’s hands had found her breasts now and they were massaging and being so soft that Jade couldn’t stop her breasts from growing hard under the other girl’s touch. She closed her eyes and hoped the other girl wouldn’t notice but the sharp intake of breath and the following giggle made it clear that Perrie did notice.

“Am I too cold?” The blonde asked quietly.

“That-that’s not it,” Jade managed to stammer out and finally it seemed like her words had gone unnoticed. She didn’t dare to go on, though, and Perrie didn’t keep asking and just moved her hands away from Jade’s boobs. On the one hand, she was glad but another part of her wanted Perrie to keep touching her.

“Just tell me to stop if you don’t want to,” Perrie whispered quietly as she put her hand on Jade’s stomach and slowly moved it down, across Jade’s belly button.

The thing was, Jade didn’t have the will power to say no because her body was screaming at her to let it happen. She was aching and it had been so long and here was Perrie, basically offering herself to Jade and who was she to deny such a pleasant offer? So she didn’t say anything when Perrie’s fingers slipped between her folds and her other petite hand pressed against her mouth so Jade’s little moan was only audible for the blonde behind her.

It had been so long and Perrie’s fingers felt so good inside of her, moving slowly and then quickly, never keeping to a rhythm and always surprising Jade again with every thrust of her fingers. She could feel Perrie rut against her arse, her breath coming in steady huffs from her parted lips while her other hand was still holding Jade’s mouth shut.

It was when Perrie let her name slip. It was nothing more than the word entangled in a desperate breath, not even a moan, but it was just too much for Jade and it had been too long and with a quiet squeak that only Perrie could hear, Jade came all over her fingers. She rocked her hips back and forth quickly, moving between Perrie’s hips and her fingers until her body just felt tired.

“Come on, Perrie,” Jade whispered after the blonde had dropped her hand from her mouth. “I can tell you’re close, just let go.” She enjoyed the feeling of Perrie rutting against her bum and the quiet huffs that the younger girl released in a steady rhythm. When Perrie came, her arms wrapped around Jade’s waist and it made her heart swell. She was the cuddly type of person afterwards, but they were in a public shower and they were both exhausted and spent and needed to go to bed. Right now.

“Let’s get out of here,” Jade muttered and turned off the water after pouring some water over herself and Perrie again to wash off the smell of sex. Then she grabbed the two towels the girls had brought, wrapped one around her chest and handed the other to Perrie, who had a lazy smile dancing around the corners of her lips as she did the same.

The two girls dried themselves off before changing into their pyjamas and leaving the bathroom as quietly as possibly. When Perrie was about to open the door to their dorm room, Jade grabbed her hand and motioned for her to follow her real quick to the staircase. “Listen, let’s not tell Leigh-Anne or Jesy about this, okay? And let’s not make a big deal out of it. I know you’re used to having casual sex with all kinds of people and that’s okay with me. Furthermore have I just finished a long term relationship and I’m not ready to start anything new any soon anyway, so you don’t have to worry about me.”

Perrie looked confused for a second but then slowly nodded.

“Sorry if I made it awkward by talking about it but I know you think I’m the type who only does ‘romance and feelings and that shit,’ but don’t worry, I don’t have those kind of feelings for you and I just wanted to let you know that I like being friends with you and I didn’t want this to ruin our friendship because you thought I’d come to you as my rebound or that I expected a relationship from you now.”

The emotions on Perrie’s face were unreadable to Jade so she assumed it was indifference and a relieved smile made its way onto her face. “Glad we could talk about it. Now let’s go back to Jesy and Leigh, they’re probably wondering what took us so long.”

It seemed as if the blonde had finally regained the ability to speak and she laughed, waving it off. “We’ll just tell them that you waited for me and it took a while ‘til I got a stall. Easy as cheese cake.”

“What?”

“Never mind,” Perrie laughed and grabbed Jade’s wrist, sending a bolt of electricity through the purple haired girl’s body. She didn’t say anything, though, as the blonde tugged her towards the dorm room.

“Ew, gross,” she said when she opened the door and found the happy couple sitting on Jesy’s bed and making out. “Get a room, you two.”

“We did,” Jesy retorted playfully and poked her tongue out at her room mate. “You just happened to walk into it. Actually, I don’t think Leigh should sleep on the air mattress without me.”

“Well, I’m certainly not going to take a bed,” Jade replied with a shake of her head. “It was kind of you to let us stay, I’m not letting you give up your bed.”

Jesy pouted and wrapped one of her arms around her girlfriend’s waist, who let out a giggle at the gesture and pressed a kiss to Jesy’s forehead. “She can sleep in my bed,” Perrie shrugged and took her notepad off the mattress. She flipped the pages until it was closed and then she put it into her drawer. “I don’t mind sleeping on the air mattress.”

Leigh was a little more picky and spoiled than Jade was, so she happily accepted the offer, especially because eventually they managed to push the two single beds together so the two of them could fall asleep hand in hand. It was cheesy enough to finally make Jade pretend she had to gag and that caused Perrie to laugh and say, “You’re my favourite now.”

Jade had opted to read a book but Jesy’s first course literally started at eight so they turned off the lights pretty early. “I need my beauty sleep!” Jesy had whined, to which Leigh had kissed her nose and told her that she was beautiful no matter what, causing Jade to roll her eyes at the entire scene. She was happy for her friend and she was most definitely glad that she wasn’t hung up on Perrie anymore – especially after what had happened earlier that day – but she wasn’t used to her friend being this romantic and cheesy and loved up at all.

Thinking of ‘what had happened earlier that day’ made Jade shift uncomfortably on the air mattress as the sensitive spot between her thighs tingled a little bit. The way Perrie had made her feel was indescribable and the fact that she didn’t have to worry about dating was one of the best things, especially because she and Perrie could stay friends.

Neither of them had said it would stay a one-time thing, so Jade was kind of excited and hopeful that it would happen again. After all, there were a few days to come where they could share a shower together and maybe make out – thinking of that, they hadn’t actually made out once yet, but they’d gotten each other off; if rutting against Jade counted as Jade getting Perrie off, considering she didn’t really do much.

For now she could let her thoughts flow easily because although the lights were turned off already, Perrie was still outside somewhere and she was alone on the mattress. As strange as it was, it felt as if she couldn’t think about Perrie when Perrie was near because she constantly feared that everyone around her could read minds or that she let something slip.

So Jade tried to clear her head and took a deep breath as Perrie slipped into the room and tried to be as quiet as possible. “Oh, by the way,” Leigh-Anne whispered so she wouldn’t wake up and the blonde and purple haired girl turned to look at her. “Don’t get scared, Pez, but Jade is a sleep talker. Don’t worry, it’s usually nonsense.”

Jade couldn’t help but blush because it was completely unnecessary to mention that now, considering how awkward it was. “Yeh… sorry about that,” she muttered and closed her eyes.

“Don’t worry, it’s cute,” Perrie laughed and flopped herself down onto the air mattress.

It only took a squeak from Jade to get the lights back on and Jesy startling awake as suddenly someone was lying on top of her. “Oh my God,” the blonde laughed as she noticed a confused and tired Jesy looking down at Jade, who had launched into the air due to Perrie falling down onto the mattress and causing Jade to go flying.

“Whas happnin…?” Jesy murmured and rubbed at her eyes.

“I-I don’t really know… sorry,” Jade excused herself awkwardly and shuffled down to get off Jesy’s bed. “Perrie sent me flying.”

The blonde knew it was stupid and she regretted it the moment the words were out her lips but she couldn’t help herself when it happened, “Next time I’ll catch you when you fall.”

***

The next day was rushed and Jade was awoken a lot. On Wednesdays her first course only started at noon, so she was used to sleeping in on those days, but with Jesy having to leave at ten to eight, Leigh an hour later and Perrie not being able to sleep as soon as someone woke her, Jade couldn’t sleep anymore either.

“Ugh, I’m so tired,” Jade sighed but didn’t make any attempts at lifting herself from the air mattress. It wasn’t as comfortable as her own normal mattress back at home in her own bed, but it was good enough and she had actually slept better than she had initially thought.

She felt her ears perk up at the sound of Perrie’s giggle and her lips formed a smile on their own accord. “Good morning,” the blonde laughed and got off the mattress.

“What time is it?”

After a few seconds of shuffling – Jade still hadn’t opened her eyes so all useful senses in this situation she had were hearing and feeling – the blonde finally responded. “About ten to ten. I need to leave in a few minutes, then you can sleep some more. One thing before I leave… I understand the whole sleep talking thing but what I don’t understand is the princess-dragon dream and why I’m in it.” The sound of her laugh caused Jade to groan and put her hand over her eyes.

“God, sorry, I’ve got no idea. I don’t remember my dream.” She shrugged and turned around so she was no longer lying on her stomach. It only took a few more seconds before she opened her eyes, blinking heavily. Perrie was sitting on the edge of the air mattress, her back facing Jade. She was wearing a crop top and another maxi skirt, exposing some skin. It made Jade want to reach out and repeat the actions of the previous evening, but she didn’t know how Perrie would feel about it and also, she had said she needed to leave in a few minutes.

When the blonde was done with lacing her sandals, she turned around to see Jade looking at her and cocked up an eyebrow. “Eager, are we?”

Jade laughed and rubbed her hand over her face. “I should get showered,” she murmured tiredly and yawned.

“Maybe I’ll join you tonight again,” Perrie smirked before she got up. “See ya.”

“Bye,” Jade sighed out contently. Okay, maybe hooking up with Perrie now and then would be a really nice distraction. And God, did Perrie’s fingers feel good.

***

Jade made it through the day without many distractions and without thinking much about Lillian or Perrie. For some reason she didn’t really feel bad about hooking up with the blonde the day after she had caught her (back then) girlfriend but maybe it was due to the fact that Lillian hadn’t really bothered feeling guilty about fucking other people behind her back either.

And it wasn’t like Jade was cheating on her – they were most obviously broken up now, Jade had made that clear, so she was free to do whatever (or whoever) she wanted.

Perrie was just a distraction. She was someone who wouldn’t want a serious relationship and neither did Jade right now. All she wanted was someone to take her mind off of everything for a few days, maybe longer and eventually it would stop and they could both go back to being friends without any problems.

She met up with Leigh for lunch, like always, and after considering telling her about Perrie, she put the thought aside. She didn’t think it was necessary and although Leigh was her friend, she could sometimes be quite judgemental. She’d ask Jade how she could have sex with someone right after she had broken up with Lillian? Did she ever even love her girlfriend? How could she move on so quickly?

But Jade hadn’t moved on yet and she still loved her girlfriend – it was just that her girlfriend didn’t love her enough to realise one was enough and Jade wanted to have some fun to get over it. And also, she had been kind of fed up with Lillian’s behaviour lately. All this jealousy was getting to her head and the fact that it had been because she herself couldn’t stop going behind her back was making Jade so furious that she never, ever wanted anything to do with the girl ever again.

“So, what do you think of Perrie?”

“What do you mean?”

“Girlfriend material,” Leigh replied with a raised eyebrow. “Now that you’re single again you need to get back in the game. Okay, maybe I put it wrong. We both know Perrie doesn’t do romance, as you nicely put it –”

“She told me that herself,” Jade intervened. “But go ahead.”

“Anyway, what do you think about you and Perrie hanging out some more time? I can totally see you two having fun together.”

The purple haired girl couldn’t help but snort at those words because never in a million years had she imagined Leigh would think about her and Perrie like this. After all, the black girl had been hung up on the blonde for weeks until she finally realised that Jesy was better for her. It was strange to her how quickly Leigh had moved from Perrie to Jesy, but maybe something had happened between Jeleigh (or Lesy) that made the younger girl realise that Perrie really wasn’t what she was looking for.

“You sure? What happened so you’re… not calling dibs?”

Leigh shook her head with a smile. “If I tell you something, will you promise me not to tell Jesy? I actually had a dream about how all of this would turn out if I went after Perrie. She would come around every now and then and I’d get clingy and she’d get annoyed and my attempts at making her stay with me and only me would become so embarrassing that eventually, I wouldn’t be able to look at her anymore or stand myself. So I thought, if I dated Jesy, we could be happy together, we could maybe spend the rest of our lives together. I know I’m thinking too quickly and there’s no way in hell I’m ready for thinking about stuff like that yet, but the possibilities of being happy are a lot bigger than if I’m with Jesy. And she’s just so cute but also feisty, and let me tell you, she really knows how to get me going.”

“Okay, too much information,” Jade laughed but felt a little relieved at that. This meant that hooking up with Perrie was totally okay and safe. “But either, I think Perrie and me… it could work like that. You know, just fooling around. I’m sure it’d be fun.”

Leigh’s face turned into a huge smile and she shoved her friend in the shoulder. “That’d be so cool and you could finally get your mind off of Lillian. I know I’ve told you, but I didn’t really like her and I’m so glad you got away from her. I want you to have fun and let yourself go a little.” She poked out her tongue at her friend as she playfully murmured, “But don’t become a drug addict, please.”

Jade laughed and shook her head. “No, no, that won’t happen. But… I hope you don’t mind if I don’t tell you what happens between Perrie and I? Especially if it’s just gonna be sex, which it most likely is going to be.” Jade bit her lip and wondered if she had ever come to Perrie’s place that day if she hadn’t caught Lillian cheating on her.

“Sure thing. But as soon as you develop feelings for her or if she asks you out or anything – tell me immediately. And how and stuff.”

Jade smiled but shook her head. “That’s not going to happen.”

***

The next couple of weeks had been really relaxing. Every now and then Lily would call or text, but if Perrie saw it, she would just snatch Jade’s phone from her and grind down on her, making Jade forget about it immediately.

The two of them hadn’t kissed yet, though. Jade had leant in to kiss once and Perrie had put her fingers between their lips, shaking her head. She was out of breath due to the orgasm she had had a few seconds prior, but she forced out an answer nonetheless, “No kisses. Kisses are for people who are in love.”

And Jade had accepted that. If that was the way Perrie was looking at it, Jade wondered if Perrie had even had a kiss yet. She was very skilled when it came to making the older girl feel excited and very good but the thought that they hadn’t even kissed to this point was making her feel a little uneasy.

She was a little scared that she would end up liking Perrie more than was good for her. She liked the easiness of their relationship, being able to call each other when they wanted to have some fun or felt bored. She didn’t want to lose Perrie over the fact that she was possibly developing feelings for the younger girl, who had made it very clear that she didn’t want to be in a relationship.

It wasn’t like she would slip out of the bed and leave immediately after they were done. Sometimes Perrie would just throw a blanket on top of their naked and sweaty bodies and grab one of the books on Jade’s night stand – her room was more private than the dorm – and simply read a bit.

She hated to admit it, but it made Jade’s heart swell when Perrie stayed. It was always her who slipped out of the bed then to make herself a cup of tea because she couldn’t stand being in the same room who just wanted to have sex.

The dumbest thing about this whole situation was the fact that Jade had insinuated it. She was the one who offered it, who constantly asked for sex; no strings attached. And Perrie seemed so content with what they had, she would always smile at Jade when they walked into each other on campus and once she had even grabbed Jade’s hand, who had yanked it away quickly when she felt electricity fly through her veins at the touch.

Perrie pouted at that, but Jade smiled at her, leading her into an empty cupboard and she quickly made it up to her by moving her fingers so quickly that Perrie was unable to form coherent sentences.

It was all those things that made Jade go to a bar near their apartment (which they had only been able to move back into after two entire weeks!) that night to take her mind off of things. It was a gay and lesbian club, so she was sure she’d manage to get some tonight with someone that wasn’t Perrie – maybe if she felt someone else tangled around her, she’d finally realise that she was just imagining those feelings because Perrie was there. Much like when Leigh had that little crush on Jade the first two days of them living together.

After a few drinks, Jade was dancing and felt someone’s hands on her ass, holding her to their hips. It took her a few seconds to realise a guy was grinding into her and she turned around to shove the guy off. “I don’t like dick,” she shouted over the music and the guy smirked.

“You’re only gay to get attention,” he told her with a knowing smirk, causing Jade to roll her eyes at his stupidity.

“Yeah,” she shouted, “girls’ attention! Go away.”

But he was being so persistent that Jade had to go over to the bar keeper and ask him if he knew what to do against a guy who didn’t understand that not everyone was into dick. The bar keeper smiled and shrugged, “Sure, babe.” He waved over one of the security guys, who then dragged the man out of the club.

“Are you okay?” A voice asked and she felt a small hand on the small of her back. She turned around to see a girl with big, brown eyes and dark curly hair stand in front of her. There was a clear drink in her hand with what seemed like leaves and ice cubes and a black straw sticking out from it.

“Yeah, thank you,” Jade smiled at her and noticed the sparkle in the girl’s eyes. She seemed really sweet and had an amazing body. “I’m Jade, by the way.”

“What a lovely name,” the girl giggled and sat down next to the purple haired girl. “Maybe you should dye your hair green.”

Jade giggled and looked at a strand of her hair, which was woven around her index finger. “I’m already considering it. What about you, what’s your name?”

The brunette smiled and put her empty drink on the counter. “I’m Danielle. Can I buy you a drink?”

“Sure.”

***

It was a few hours later when Jade stumbled into her room with a phone number in her hands. It wasn’t that she was drunk, because she never drank, but more like… tired. Yes, she was tired. So tired and so exhausted but also so happy.

Maybe it wasn’t the best or most hygienic idea to let someone fuck you in the toilets of a club but Danielle seemed sweet enough and she wasn’t too bad with her tongue, was it kissing or… something else. “Kissing is for people who are in love,” Jade murmured to herself and shook her head. “I can kiss whoever I want and I don’t need to be in love.” With a sigh she slumped on the floor in the entrance hall as she tried to get her shoes off her feet but why was it being so difficult? And why did she have three feet of a sudden?

She heard herself call Leigh-Anne’s name, who came into the room a few seconds later, squinting her eyes at the brightness of the room. She puffed immediately and frowned at the sight of Jade. “Jade, did you drink?”

“No, I don’t drink,” Jade replied lazily, her foot still in her hand. “I can’t get my shoe off.”

“God, you’re wasted,” Leigh-Anne giggled and it was then that Jade noticed that Jesy was standing in the same room and watching the two friends in amusement. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

“I’ll get her a aspirin and a glass of water,” Jesy offered and walked into the kitchen while Leigh, being the amazing friend she was, led her friend into her bedroom.

“Why’d you get drunk tonight?” Leigh asked as she helped her friend undress.

Jade shrugged. “I met a girl. She’s sweet and gooooood. But not like Perrie.”

Leigh frowned at Jesy, who was back with a pill and a glass of water in her hand. “Jade, do you like Perrie?” The black girl asked and carefully put the utensils on the beside table. “As in, do you want more with Perrie than sex?”

Jade shrugged and closed her eyes as she slumped down onto the bed. “’s just sex. Nothing more.”

“Yes, we know,” Jesy murmured, “but do you want more?” Her voice was hopeful and it confused Jade because why would she want Jade to be into Perrie when all of them knew that Perrie was the one who’d never want anything more.

“Kisses are for people who are in love,” Jade sighed.

The couple next to the purple haired girl looked at her in surprise, but Leigh supposed it was best to let it slide for tonight and ask her about tomorrow. “Here, babe. Take this so you don’t have a hangover tomorrow. The first is probably the worst.” She smiled gently and placed the pill in Jade’s open hand while holding the glass of water out for her.

Jade did as she was told, swallowing the white helper with a gulp of water before she sighed. “Love you, Leelee. You too, Jes. Thank you for being such a cute ‘lil couple.”

The two girlfriends giggled before leaving the room and Jade may have imagined it, but she thought she even heard Jesy say, “Remind me not to want kids anytime soon.”

***

Jade’s head was pounding the next day but she couldn’t decide what was the worst thing about everything. The headache or her dry mouth or her sticky eye lashes or the fact that she fucking told Jesy and Leigh that she had dumb feelings for someone who would never be able to reciprocate them.

It had only been three weeks since Jade and Perrie had started having casual hook ups, meeting in Jade’s room when Jesy and Leigh were on a date, or during a break in school, just for the sake of it. Jade didn’t want to let go of those amazing times and she just… she just wanted things back how they were.

She knew it was too late for it though and she had to end things before she was in too deep.

When Jade met up with Leigh this day for lunch, Jesy and Perrie seemed to accompany them. Perrie seemed to light up the second she noticed Jade walking towards them and her smile turned into an expression of awe almost instantly. “You look cute when you’re hung over,” she laughed and put her arm around the purple haired girl’s shoulder.

“Can we talk?” Jade asked almost instantly and it felt more like she was spitting than talking.

Jesy and Leigh-Anne looked at each other with big eyes and excused themselves within a second, walking off to find a decent table, while Perrie and Jade walked towards the back of the café. “I’m glad you came to talk to me because I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while now, too.”

“Okay, so, I’m sorry, I know you had fun and shit, but I don’t want to continue this whole charade because I think we both know one of us is going to end up hurt.” Jade sighed and rubbed her forehead. She avoided looking at Perrie because she could practically feel the frown on the blonde’s face. “We both had fun but it’s time we stopped playing around.”

“I totally agree,” Perrie said happily and Jade frowned.

Had this whole thing seriously meant nothing at all to her that she could just brush it off? With a smile, even? It made her eyes sting, but she scratched her forehead to cover up the tears welling up. “Okay, then. And like, I even met someone the other day, who I could go on a real date with. I liked what we had but I feel like I need to have a serious relationship again. You were right about me, I need feelings and the whole romance shit, but you don’t have to feel obligated to date me or anything. And I don’t want you to. We both knew how this was going to end so I guess we’re both just going our separate ways again – sex and love wise, I mean. I mean, it’s not like I was in love with you or anything. It was just sex. But like I said, I want a relationship again and this girl is really nice, so, yeah… you don’t have to worry about that. But I hope we can still be friends because I still like hanging out with you and Jesy.” She tried to smile as her own words ate away at her heart. She thought she’d feel relieved after saying all of this, after coming to terms with herself and letting Perrie go, but instead it made her feel small and meaningless.

“Oh,” was all Perrie said after a few seconds of silence. “I mean, sure. Sure, yeah. If that’s what you want, I totally get that. What-what’s the name of the girl you’re seeing?”

“Danielle,” Jade breathed out and even managed a small smile.

“Sounds cool. I’d love to meet her some day. You go eat with Jesy and Leigh, yeah? I have some errands to run, I was just waiting with Jesy so she wouldn’t have to wait for you alone. See you around, yeah?”

“Sure, see you later.”

When Jade walked back to Leigh and Jesy, she was confused to see the two girls looking at her strangely. “Where’s Perrie?” Jesy asked.

“Oh, she’s already gone.”

“Didn’t you… didn’t you go with her?”

“No, why would I?”

“How… did the talk go?”

“Oh, it was alright, I guess. She seemed totally understanding.”

“So, she feels the same way?”

Jade nodded nonchalantly. “Yes, of course. We’d agreed to only have sex and that was it. So when I told her we should end it before one of us got in too deep, of course she agreed. I guess she was noticing that I felt… that I wanted more than sex, so that’s why she wanted to talk to me as well.”

The two girls stared at Jade in utter shock for a few seconds before Leigh-Anne finally managed to speak up, “So you and Perrie are over? Completely?”

“Yes, of course,” Jade replied with furrowed brows. “What did you think we were gonna do? Use ‘we need to talk’ as an excuse to sneak off and fuck behind a tree, or what?”

“Well, not fuck –” Jesy murmured but Leigh-Anne shot her a glare as if to tell her to shut up and not elaborate on what she had actually meant to say.

Leigh looked at her friend quizzically for a few seconds, “What about your feelings for Perrie? Did you tell her about those?”

“God, no,” Jade scoffed and blushed. She hated that she kind of admitted them to Jesy and Leigh-Anne, but she was just glad that Jesy hadn’t told the blonde. “I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself, would I? She’d feel so much pity for me, probably, and I couldn’t bare it. I just told her I was seeing someone else already, which was only half true because we’d only hooked up once.”

“What the hell?” Jesy asked and her facial expression turned angry, much to Jade’s confusion.

“What do you mean?” Jade asked and huffed out some air. “Do you want me to continue sleeping with her just because she likes it? You know, it hurts a little that I want more than Perrie can give. I need to accept that and move on before it’s too late.”

“You fucking moron!” Jesy groaned, threw her food on the table and stomped away. She was so angry that she even left her jacket lying on the table next to Leigh’s.

“What was that about?” Jade turned to her friend in confusion, who frowned at her,

“You’re so oblivious sometimes. What makes you think Perrie doesn’t want to go all the way with you, huh?”

Jade shrugged and frowned too, wondering where her friend was trying to go. She didn’t need to recall all those thoughts onto why Perrie would never want to date her. “Well, first off –”

Leigh groaned and shook her head, “I swear to God, if you’re about to say ‘Perrie doesn’t do romance’ I’m gonna rip your head off. That was weeks ago! People change, you know?”

“Well, okay!” Jade huffed in frustration. “She never stays around afterwards. If she wanted to date me, why would she always leave afterwards?”

“From what I’ve heard from Jesy, who Perrie tells everything, you’re always the one to leave. You’re the one who leaves Perrie lying on the bed to get a cup of tea and when she finally dares to come into the kitchen, you’re just smiling and saying good bye. And I saw that one time, when Perrie was trying to hold your hand in public and you just snatched your hand away like she was carrying some deadly disease. Have you ever thought about how Perrie feels? No, because you cling onto those words that were said so long ago that you can’t even see that maybe she has changed and maybe her feelings for you have changed.”

It took a few seconds for Jade to sink in – maybe Perrie actually liked it.

“You’ve always been selfish when it came down to love. I know, you deserve being loved, but you never thought about how you’re hurting other people in order to experience love. When you were with Lillian, it was me and now it’s Perrie. Just let things happen for once, for fuck’s sake.” With that she got up and left the café at once.

***

It took Jade a couple of days to gather the guts to talk to Perrie. It wasn’t so much that she was avoiding the blonde, expect that she totally was. She still wasn’t sure if what Leigh and Jesy (mostly Leigh) had told her because what if the couple only imagined that Perrie had feelings for Jade?

It made no sense to her that a girl, who had never really dated anyone before, was suddenly letting her rules slip for someone like Jade. It wasn’t like she was totally unattractive, she knew that, but she would have never thought it’d be enough for someone like Perrie to… break her own rules.

Whenever she had seen Perrie’s blonde hair around, she had immediately whipped around and walked into a totally different direction, even though it had taken an extra five to ten minutes every time to get to class.

Jesy was pissed at Jade and therefore Leigh was a little angry at Jade as well, because Jesy’s mood always affected her as well. She tried not to let her anger out on the purple haired girl because she knew how oblivious Jade could be but with every day passing that Jade didn’t talk to Perrie, it got more frustrating.

So after some pep talk in one of the bathrooms on campus, Jade finally walked up to Perrie, who was sketching something while sitting in the grass under a tree to avoid being blinded by the sun. Jade stopped a few times in her tracks as she walked up to the blonde and took some deep breaths, but eventually she was so close that Perrie couldn’t not notice her anymore and looked up.

“Hey,” Jade smiled and waved awkwardly. “Can I sit?”

“Um… sure,” Perrie murmured, just as awkwardly. “How’re things with you and Danielle?”

“Listen,” Jade sighed. “I met Danielle one time and she gave me her phone number after we hooked up in a bathroom, but I never actually called her. And I was drunk, God knows why, because I usually don’t drink but I felt stupid that night because I couldn’t deny I had feelings for you. And it sucked because I thought you would never want that from anyone, even less me. And this is probably really stupid but Jesy and Leigh got this stupid idea in my head that you might like me back but I just wanted to come clean why I avoided you the past few days.”

“Wait,” Perrie frowned. “You hooked up with someone else?”

Jade sighed and her shoulders dropped. “I know, it was so dumb of me. I just thought, I needed to get you out of my head. It was just… I felt like I wanted more than you could give me and I needed a distraction.”

The blonde sighed and looked at her notepad. “You know, I told you I was too good to be your rebound. I don’t want to be your rebound.”

Jade shook her head quickly and waved her hands in front of Perrie’s voice. “God, no! I just… God, why can’t you see that I just did it to get you out of my head? And here we are, which obviously means it didn’t work. And I never called her back, I never even used Danielle’s number, I threw it into the bin the moment I woke up. I don’t even know why I took it home with me, probably because I was still drunk.”

It was quiet for a while and Jade threw her hands in the air desperately with a loud groan, “Would you please say something? How do you feel about me? Do you want me to leave you alone now? Do you want me… to stay?” The last words were hard to say and she only managed to mutter it under her breath.

After another few seconds a small smile danced around Perrie’s lips. “Can you tell me once more how you feel about me? Just… put it into words for real this time. No sugar coating, no beating about the bush… just straight up.”

Jade took a deep breath and looked down at her sweaty hands as she opened her mouth, but she was cut off by Perrie, “and please, look at me.”

Huffing Jade lifted her eyes and the expression on Perrie’s face almost blew her mind. The smile was not only evident on her lips, but so prominent in her eyes that Jade felt all the breath knocked out of her. There was so much adoration in her gaze that Jade found it difficult to breathe and that hopefulness… it was just too much for Jade. “God, I think I’m in love with you,” she sighed and immediately let her hands clap her mouth shut because those words hadn’t even crossed her mind yet.

Perrie shuffled closer and Jade was scared she could hear her heart beating from beneath her ribcage. It felt like her chest was about to burst and she still couldn’t believe she had said those words.

The blonde put her petite hands on Jade’s knees and looked her deeply in the eyes with a smirk dancing around her lips. “Why were you being so difficult?” Perrie laughed and Jade realised she had held in her breath until now. Finally she managed to force a small smile upon her lips and shook her head. “You silly little thing broke my heart, you know that? Jesy told me about your confession. When you said you wanted to talk I thought you were gonna confess.” She punched Jade in the shoulder, who couldn’t help but laugh as her upper body was pushed back a bit.

“I’m sorry!” Jade laughed and leaned forward again.

Perrie smiled and poked her tongue out at the older girl. “You know what?” The blonde asked in a whisper, causing Jade’s brows to quirk up in a question.

It was then that she noticed how close they both were to each other, Perrie practically on top of Jade. “What?” Jade breathed out and her brown eyes were staring into the clear blue of Perrie’s in awe.

Perrie closed the space between their lips, just touching without moving for a few seconds. Their lips lingered against each other just long enough so that Jade could engrain the taste in her brain. Strawberries taste how lips do, Jade thought for a second and couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

They both pulled apart the same time but only for a few seconds to catch their breaths before Jade’s hands got entangled in Perrie’s hair, pulling her close. A low moan from Perrie was muffled by Jade’s lips against her own and Jade couldn’t help but laugh. It was ridiculous how turned on she was by such a simple thing as a moan, but then again, she couldn’t bring herself to mind when Perrie was feeling so good against her.

“We should go to your room and catch up a little,” Perrie giggled and pressed a chaste kiss below Jade’s ear after finally breaking off lip contact.

“Oh God, that sounds like a great idea.”

The blonde reached around herself to grab her notepad and the pen she’d used to doodle and handed it to Jade, “Can you hold this for a sec so I can get up?” She asked and the purple haired girl gladly accepted it.

She looked down at the doodle and noticed Perrie had scribbled something on the bottom of the page. Jade leaned closer to be able to read what it said and couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face,

“Kisses are for people who are in love.”

When she looked at the pen, she noticed it was the one Jade had borrowed Perrie at the beginning of the semester.