Chapter 1: All Aboard!
Chapter Text
“Howdy all!~”
Lucius had no idea what possessed him to answer that cryptic inquiry on the town’s notice board but here he was, standing in the doorway of one of the roughest saloons in town beside either possibly the bravest or stupidest man he had ever met.
“Ugh do you have to do that every time we enter a new saloon?” Lucius groaned and half hid his face with the thick ledger he was given after he was signed on as Stede Bonnet’s ‘Biographer/scribe’ whatever the hell that meant.
“How else am I supposed to make an impression on these fine folks if I don’t make a good entrance?”
“I think your outfit’s doing enough on that front” Lucius mumbles behind the ledger, eyeing Stede’s white stetson, to his too clean teal and sky blue button up with fringe on the front and hanging under his arms.
Stede looks down at his outfit “Are the chaps a bit too much?” he asks worriedly.
“Actually no, those are doing wonders for your ass, my point is you look like you just stepped off the train from uptown to go play Cowboys with the locals” Lucius eyed the patrons of the saloon trying to gage if they should leave when a scruffy mustachioed man with a bullwhip strapped to his hip walks up to them.
“Well don’t you look like a right dandy?” The man slurred his words, clearly drunk “bet you could afford ‘tuh buy a hard workin man a drink?”
“O-oh well I guess I-”
“Beat it drunkard, he’s not interested” Lucius stared down the man with harsh eyes until he left, turning to go back to his table with a mumbled “wasn’t even talkin’ to you.”
“Lucius! He could have been a potential recruit for our posse!” Stede looked ready to go up to the man’s table but Lucius grabbed his sleeve and dragged him towards the bar.
“Absolutely not, and keep your voice down, this may be a seedy bar but that doesn’t mean the sheriff or his deputies won’t come in.” They sit down on the barstools that have seen better days and wait for the bartender. Stede looks around the saloon in search of possible recruits to join him and Lucius. He knew forming a gang of outlaws wouldn’t be the easiest task but he also didn’t think it to be this hard either, after all how hard is it to find thieves and rogues in a saloon?
“What’ll it be boys?” an elderly man walks over to them drying a glass with a dingy looking towel.
“Two glasses of your finest brandy my good sir” Stede smiles as the bartender looks at him like he’s just asked for liquid gold.
“Uh yeah, just two whiskeys, mate” Lucius amends and the barkeep nods and goes off to get their drinks.
Brandy? In this place? Lord almighty, who is this man? Lucius internally groans and turns his head to roll his eyes, as he does he spots a man sitting three stools down, looking at him and Stede. He has a smaller frame with slicked back salt and pepper hair with a tidy beard to match, dressed in all black with just one leather gloved hand clutching his glass. Lucius also notices a small tattoo of an ‘X’ on his cheek just under his left eye and thinks about how much he wants to go over there and kiss it. He makes eye contact with the man and shoots him a wink, which causes him to sputter, quickly finish his drink and scurry off to a back table with two other men probably twice his size. Lucius notices his blush before he goes so he counts it as a win, shame he couldn’t get a name though.
“And you’re positive you don’t have any brandy? Perhaps on the top shelf?” Stede eyed the glass of amber liquid that was set in front of him and then back to the bartender’s unimpressed stare, “Let me check… Yeah, positive.” He deadpans then walks away to help another patron. Stede sighs and takes a sip, trying not to shudder as it burns down his throat, he never did acquire a taste for the stuff.
“I heard ye be lookin’ fer a crew” Stede looked to his left at a strange looking man sitting next to him with- was that a seagull on his head?!
“I uh- who would like to know?” Stede tried not to stare at the bird on his head but it was rather difficult especially when the bird was staring right back.
“Aye the names Buttons, Nathaniel Buttons” The man, Buttons? That can’t be his real name can it? Holds out his hand and Stede politely shakes it. “I ken where to look fer the kind o’ men ye seek.” He gave Stede a wide grin that made him a bit uneasy but he seemed genuine enough and this was Lucius’ and his fifth saloon today having made no progress in their endeavor.
“Pleasure to make your acquaintance Mr. Buttons, I think I speak for myself and dear Lucius here that we’d be delighted for your assistance.” Stede smiled, thankful someone was willing to help them out.
“Is that seagull?! We’re not even by the ocean, where the hell did he get a seagull?” Lucius stares openly at the bird with wide eyes then leans over to whisper to Stede, “Are we really trusting a crazy bird guy?”
“Oh don’t mind ol Karl ‘ere, he’s harmless. Less ye wrong 'em, then he’ll give ye the ol fuck eye !” Buttons laughs and takes a swig of his drink.
“Ah yes, well we’ll make sure to stay on his good side” Stede laughs along with him. “So would you like to join our posse as well?” Stede looks the man over and even though he doesn’t scream ‘bandit’ with his balding head, contradicting long hair, and wears a bird instead of a hat, he does have a look in his eye that can be unsettling.
“Aye but only if Karl can as well” Buttons said, completely serious.
“I wouldn’t have it anyother way!” Stede nods to Karl who tilts his head in a way that if Stede didn’t know any better was a return nod. Buttons nods too and then throws back the rest of his drink before slamming his glass on the bar.
“Right! Let’s go find us a crew!”
It had been nearly a month since Stede had packed up his belongings, sold an acre or two of land for spending money and left his family and ranch behind. It wasn’t an easy decision but after he had done it it was so freeing that Stede only felt guilty part of the time. There was no looking back now that he had assembled a band of nine men willing to be led by him into a life of crime and adventure. Eleven if you count Button’s birds, apparently Karl had a wife.
“Can someone remind me what the plan is again? Also what are we stealing? And what a ‘Loco-motive’ is?” The Swede, as everyone called him, raised his hand like a grade schooler and most everyone in the group huddle groans.
“Swede, babe, we’ve been over this like five times” Frenchie shakes his head incredulously.
“Well maybe I could hear better if Lucius and Dark Peter weren’t flirting so loud” Swede crossed his arms with a pout.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, and it’s Black Pete! ‘Dark Peter’ sounds weird” Black Pete kicked his foot out across the circle at the Swede, effectively kicking up dust in his face.
“I do not understand why though, your skin is the same as mine, if not paler and you don’t have any hair that could be black” he coughed.
“It’s my outlaw name, it’s because- you know what nevermind!” Pete waved his hand and rolled his eyes “Can we just get on with this train robbery already?”
“We’re robbing a train?” The Swede questioned, then came a chorus of “Oh for fuck’s sake!”
“Now now gents, let’s calm ourselves with a deep breath!” Stede chose to intervene so that the group huddle wouldn’t turn into a group brawl, “A ‘Locomotive’ is another name for a train my dear boy, and on that train is a payload big enough to sustain us for months!” Stede said when a mumbled “Months for us, maybe a week for you” came from the back of the huddle.
“What’s that now? Does someone have something to say?” Stede eyed the members of his crew searching for the one who had made the comment, hoping they would fess up so he could address them personally. They weren’t wrong, it’s true that Stede had come accustomed to a certain lifestyle but now that he had given that up he was trying to be less frivolous in his spending habits, he did have a whole crew to pay now after all.
“Yeah, why’s your room all fancy like and the rest of us barely got a bed to sleep on, don’t seem fair” Wee John spoke up now, arms crossed waiting for an answer.
“While I agree that my room’s furnishings are a bit ‘fancy’ as you so put it, but I promise you that everyone gets an equal pay and if you want to decorate your room in a similar style I’d be more than happy to give you decorating tips?” Stede offered but Wee John just shook his head “Nah, I’m good”
“Hey least be happy you have a bed, before I joined I was sleeping wherever stunk the least” Roach said offhandedly and a couple others nodded in agreement which broke Stede’s heart but also made him determined to help these men lead better lives. With this new found fire, Stede felt like he could rob a dozen trains.
“Alright Gents! Here’s the plan.”
So far the plan was going smoothly, the train was on schedule, there were enough people on the platform that Stede and his crew could sneak on board without anyone noticing, although that could have also been in part to Stede’s distracting performance as the overly distraught fiancé worried that he’ll get on the wrong train and miss his wedding to his one and only true love. ‘Oh please Mr. Conductor sir, I can’t leave her waiting a minute longer! Can you tell me if this is the right train?!’ Stede chuckles to himself at his improvisation as he sits in his seat and waits for the signal. A while after the train left the station he sees a face peek through the window of the back door to the train car. Stede sighs, he had told Buttons to leave Karl back at the hideout but it would seem the Scot had taken his order as more of a suggestion. Stede stood up and pretended to stretch his legs, although no one was looking at him, he casually made his way to the back of the train car and slipped behind the door to the cargo car where the rest of his crew were waiting.
“‘Bout time, this train is so bumpy I’m gonna have bruises on my ass for a week, and they’re not even the fun kind.” Lucius pouted from his seat on a couple of crates, “Why am I here again? It can’t be because I’m part of the muscle” he gestures to Wee John and Oluwande.
“I need you here so you can document our first robbery later at the hideout!” Stede pats his shoulder, “Also we didn’t have enough horses and you said you didn’t know how to ride, but mostly the first part!” he smiled and turned to address the crew. “Well done on the first part, lads! Now comes the hard part, just beyond this car is the payload car where there’ll no doubt be armed guards so stay sharp. Remember that after we have the money and have disposed of the guards we-”
“When you say ‘disposed of’” Roach cuts in with a mischievous look in his eye, “do you mean-”
“I mean tied up and gagged, poor sods are just doing their job, no need to kill them over that.” Stede stated firmly “now, after we subdued the guards” he eyed Roach “we unlatch the payload car from the train and when it slows down, we’ll meet up with everyone else who will have brought the horses so we can make our getaway!”
After a couple of questions about how alive someone needed to be in order to still be considered ‘subdued’ and a promise that they could set the train car on fire when they were done, crew all drew their weapons in preparation. As excited as he was, it was at that moment that Stede felt the full force of what was about to happen.
And it frightened him.
“Holy shit”
“What is it?”
“That’s him!”
Izzy looked to where his boss was pointing at the crowded train platform, he was about to ask who he was talking about when he saw an impractically dressed man clutching at the conductor’s lapels frantically shouting something about his fiancée.
Christ was he crying? And who the hell wears all white?
“Well look who has a crew now, wonder how he managed that?”
“The ponce probably had loads of help” Izzy rolled his eyes, “Are we still doing this job or are we letting them try their luck and hope they get shot?”
“Pft like hell we are, ready the guys Iz, things just got interesting.” Izzy watched his boss fade into the busy platform and had a vague feeling that this job wasn’t going to be like any other they’ve done before.
“You okay boss?” Stede was shaken out of his thoughts by a calm voice, he turned and saw Oluwande looking concerned.
“Just peachy keen, why do you ask?” Stede tried to give his best smile but from the look on Oluwande's face it fell flat.
“You just seem,” he searched for the right word, “high strung.”
“Well this is our first train robbery after all! I suppose it’s just the first time jitters, no need to fret over me” Stede tried to wave it off but he could tell Oluwande wasn’t buying it.
“You know it’s okay if you don’t want to do this, outlawing ain’t for everyone.”
Stede almost took his offer to back out. He wasn't the violent type. But for all the excitement and adventure that being a lawless bandit brings, fighting and bloodshed were never far behind.
No, he has to do this.
If he doesn’t then what was the point of leaving everything behind?
“I can’t back out now” Stede said, more to himself than to Oluwande, who still didn’t look convinced, “I appreciate your concern dear boy, but we’ve come too far to run away with our tails between our legs, right men?” he turned to address his crew, who answered back with excited cheers.
“Alright then, on to battle!”
They could do this.
He could do this!
He couldn’t do this.
The train car was pandemonium. There were multiple fights happening all at once, they had underestimated how many guards there would be but that didn’t seem to dissuade Stede’s crew in the least. Everyone was engaged in some form of fight or struggle, hell even Lucius had knocked a man out cold with someone’s luggage! But so far all Stede had managed to do was accidentally trip a man with a knife and oh dear he wasn’t moving, maybe he was also knocked unconscious?
He went to check when a rough hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, he only had time to look at the man’s hard face when he felt a sharp searing pain in his stomach.
“D-Did you mean to do that?” Stede clutched his middle and looked down at the blood flowing between his fingers, staining his once pristine white waistcoat and button down.
“Wh-ngk!” The man with the knife, apparently not satisfied with just stabbing, wrapped his large hands around Stede’s throat and began to squeeze. Stede tried to pry his hands away but he couldn’t get a good hold because his hands were so bloody. He tried to shout for help as he scratched and wriggled but no sound came out, his vision started to fade to black when he felt himself fall to the floor. He wanted to open his eyes but they felt so heavy.
“The Gentleman Bandit I presume?” Stede heard a smooth voice standing over him, and managed to crack an eye open. There looming over him was a shadowed figure that seemed more like a dream than reality, and who’s to say he wasn’t dreaming?
“You-you’ve heard of me?” he wheezed out.
“Oh I’ve heard loads about you~” The smoky words were comforting somehow, someone had not only heard of him but recognized him! Stede smiled and let out a sigh of relief as his breathing slowed and his vision began to darken once more.
Maybe it wasn’t all for naught.
Chapter 2: A good bandit gets his rest
Summary:
“Hey,” Ed had a sudden idea, “you wanna do something weird?”
Notes:
linking this again because its great and it's in this chapter
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Oh dear, did you get stabbed? Must hurt somethin’ fierce.
Yes it did hurt.
Maybe if you were more of a man you wouldn’t be passed out in your silken sheets like a swooning debutante!
The voice was familiar but he couldn’t place it. It was condescending and purposefully hurtful.
Was your fortune and family not good enough for you? Poor little rich boy got bored so he ran away to go play cowboys, well look where that got you.
What else was he supposed to do? Live on that ranch for the rest of his privileged life, repeating the same tasks day in and day out until he drops dead? Sure his children and even Mary were enough for a time but they were content with what they had, Stede never could be, so he left.
Did you really think you could make it as an outlaw? The voice laughed at him like it was all a joke.
Stede knew it wouldn’t be an easy life, that’s why he chose it. Stede didn’t want easy anymore, he had had it easy his whole life. Had been told what was expected of him from who he should marry and how many kids they should have to where he would be buried, but no more. He made his own choices now but-
But now you’re on your cozy deathbed with not a penny to your name, surrounded by thieves and vagrants who will no doubt steal whatever possessions you absconded with just to sell them for a loaf of bread and a couple hours in a brothel. Bet they won’t even wait till your cold.
No! They were good men. They just weren’t fortunate to be born with a silver spoon like he was. All they needed was a chance to shine, a chance to show everyone they could be good, if not better.
Give them time, they’ll show their true colors soon enough.
“Enough father!”
“Whooa, steady on there mate” warm gentle hands held Stede still as he heaved out shaky breaths, trying to get his bearings on where he was, his room?
“Wh-what?” He looked at the stranger with confusion, who was this man? Did he bring him here? How did he find their hideout? God this man was gorgeous. He had long dark hair streaked with silver and a thick salt and pepper beard and those eyes . He’d gladly get lost in those eyes. His tanned arms were covered in tattoos and he was dressed head to toe in black. Was he staring? Oh dear he was staring wasn’t he?
“You alright? You got gut stabbed pretty good back there” he chuckled, and that was a sound Stede didn’t mind hearing again. Oh gosh, did he lose his manners along with his blood?
“Mate?”
“Stede”
“Pardon?”
“My name’s Stede,” he held out his hand.
“Steed? Like a horse? That’s a pretty fuckin’ weird name, mate” he laughed, it was even better than the chuckle, and took Stede’s hand, giving it a firm shake.
“Yes well, my father rather liked horses” Stede tried to laugh with him but as soon as he did he felt a sharp pain in his side.
“Easy there cowboy, don’t rip your stitches” he helped Stede sit back against the headboard, “Name’s Ed”
“Pleasure to meet you Ed” Stede smiled at him, “do you think you could tell me how I got back here? Oh no! My crew! Are they alright?” Stede started to get out of bed but Ed stopped him with a soft but firm hand on his chest.
“Your men are down stairs, all in one piece” he reassured him, “We had to bring you back because your men didn’t bring enough horses. You should’ve seen it, The Black Bandit holding a half dead man to his chest like some damsel, riding off into the sun!” Ed laughed.
“W-Wait, The Black Bandit ?!” Stede sputtered, “I wasn’t dreaming then” he muttered to himself then turned to Ed, “You work for the Black Bandit? What’s he like?”
“Uh you’re kidding right?” Ed was looking at him weird.
“Oh no, I’d love to know, I’ve read so much about him!” Stede was getting excited now, The Black Bandit was one of his favorite outlaws to read about in the papers and he’d even found several novels and biographies about him, although those might be just as fictitious. He squirmed around Ed who was sitting at his bedside, managing to get away before he could push him back in bed.
“He’s uh, he’s alright I guess, bit of a dick sometimes though” Ed watched Stede limp over to a rather large bookcase, “Mate, you really should be-” he stood up to go lead him back when his hand touched something soft. Incredibly soft. Ed picked a beautifully woven scarf that had been on the back of a chair. He lifted it up to his cheek but stopped just before, seeming to realize himself. “Y-yeah, you should get back to bed” he cleared his throat and tried to play off the slip up.
“Oh that’s one of my favorite scarves! It looks like silk but it’s actually a lovely cashmere” Stede smiled, “I don’t mind if you want to feel it, heavens know I’d do the same.” Ed looked at the scarf in his hands and after a moment then brought it to his cheek.
“What’d you think?” Stede watched as Ed let the fabric caress his cheek, seemingly lost in it’s softness.
“Hm?” Ed looked over at Stede, had he said something?
“Do you fancy a fine fabric?” Stede tried again, it was refreshing to meet someone who appreciated the finer things and wasn’t judgmental about it.
“Yeah, suppose I do” Ed mumbled into the fabric, God something this soft should be illegal.
“Can you,” Stede hesitated for just a moment, “Can you keep a secret?” he couldn’t keep the childish grin off his face as he limped over to a section of bookshelf. “When I came upon this place it was pretty run down so I hired a small crew to fix it up and had them add something extra just for fun.” Stede pulled the spine of a modest looking book, making a soft click. Ed watched in surprise as a section of the bookcase swung open, this mad man had a bloody secret room!
“Fuck off. Fuck off!” Ed laughed in awe at this wonderfully weird man, and followed him inside.
“Here we are, my auxiliary wardrobe!” Stede held out his left hand for flare like he was presenting on stage. “It’s mostly just for seasonal clothes like summer linens, winter and autumn coats, spare hats. Oh! I’ve been looking for this” Stede made his way over to a rack and pulled out a brown leather vest with intricate designs and fringe along the bottom. Ed browsed through the racks as well, feeling the different textures of the fabrics.
“You wear all these?” he asked in wonder, Ed could put all his clothes in one suitcase and he’d still have room.
“Uh yeah, heh. I guess I’m a bit of a clothes horse” Stede let out a nervous chuckle, “I never was able to resist a nice brocade” he noticed Ed paying extra attention to a deep purple and gold overcoat. He was about to ask if he’d like to try anything on when a slightly muffled voice came from the main room.
“Edward! You in here?”
“O-oh is that the Black Bandit?” Stede asked nervously looking at the secret door, he’d been excited about the prospect of meeting the notorious train robber but now he was apprehensive.
“Oh no, I’m the Black Bandit” Ed didn’t even look up from the shirt he was examining but when Stede didn’t say anything he looked over with a sly smile. “Shh” and gave him a cheeky wink before turning his attention back to the clothes rack, letting Stede process for a moment.
Ed was the Black Bandit.
The same Ed who had presumingly sat by his bedside to watch over him while he was passed out, was the same Black Bandit who had definitely robbed multiple trains, been involved in several bank heists and allegedly killed a number of law enforcers. Stede felt like his head was spinning so he stumbled over to a plush ottoman in the corner. The face Ed had made when he asked about the Bandit made sense now. Stede laughed at the miscommunication, it must have been louder than he thought because Ed turned to look at him.
“Alright there, Stede?”
“Peachy keen, Mr. Bandit sir” Stede laughed again, goodness did they give him pills for the pain? Ed gave a small laugh as well “Okay, I think it’s time for The Gentleman Bandit to go back to bed” Ed helped Stede through the secret door, luckily they were alone again, he didn’t know what’d he say if Izzy had still been looking for him and he saw them come out of the bookcase.
“Oh wait! I want to show you something” Stede wriggled free again, he was strangely mobile for a guy who almost just got gutted like a fish. Ed flopped down on probably the plushest couch he’d ever sat on, like a goddamn cloud, and watched as Stede pulled a black leather bound tome from an eye level shelf. He flipped to a page with far too many words for Ed’s tastes, and handed it over to show him an illustration on the opposite page.
Ed looked at it for a long while, it portrayed a mean looking son of bitch with what a layman might imagine outlaws usually wore, almost what Stede had been wearing when they met.
“Is this supposed to be me? Do I look like I’d use a Blunderbuss? And what’s with all the ammunition belts, that’s not even the right ammo! And that stupid hat!” Ed could go on on all the inaccuracies and frankly stupid artistic liberties but Stede took the book back looking apologetic.
“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I thought you’d at least get a laugh out of it. I apologize for being so presumptuous” he put the book back in its place on the shelf.
“Hey it’s not your fault, mate.” Ed sighed, he supposed he did have a certain reputation that would have had most people heading for the hill by now. “I’m glad you didn’t turn tail when you found out though.”
“Oh I wouldn’t dare, that would have been so rude!” Stede was scandalized at the very thought, and after Ed had been so caring too! “Perish the thought my dear sir” Stede reassured him, “You’ve been nothing but a delight.” Ed laughed and shook his head, who even talked like that? No one from around here that’s for damn sure.
“Hey,” Ed had a sudden idea, “you wanna do something weird?”
Stede’s crew had been downstairs in the common room waiting for their boss to wake up, Roach had assured them he’d be fine after coming down from stitching him up but to not go in there because of the scary bearded man in black.
“He barely gave me the time of day when I was sewing the boss up, too busy staring at him, but when Boss winced the crazy guy growled at me! Like a mad dog!”
“What do you think he wants with Stede?” Oluwande wonders aloud, looking at Jim who just shrugged.
“Maybe he’s a cannibal who chose boss as his next meal, which would explain why he growled at Roach” Pete theorized, “Also why his men are staring at us like we’re next on the menu” he eyed the three men standing in archway connecting the common room to the main hall.
“Babe they’re not cannibals. Why would they save Stede, just to kill him later? And his men are avoiding us because they don’t know us. They’re just being cautious.” Lucius gave a much more plausible theory. He looked over to the three men and recognized the shorter one in the middle as the man he had seen in the saloon when he and Stede had been recruiting. ‘Small World’ Lucius thought and winked at the man again, whose face turned sour but turned a lovely shade of red as he stomped toward the stairs. Off to see what was taking his boss so long, no doubt.
“Gentlemen, may I have your undivided attention in the main hall!” A clear voice rang through the house, calling everyone to the front staircase. As they shuffled around the banister they saw a man dressed like Stede Bonnet but was decisively not Stede Bonnet.
“It is my deepest pleasure to introduce to you, the man, the myth, the absolute legend of the West, Edward Teach, The Black Bandit!” He clapped as he made a deep bow and stepped to the side as the real Stede Bonnet slowly descended the stairs dressed in all black clothes that were a bit too loose to be his own. “Clap.” He eyed everyone with a lethal stare until there was a thin round of applause.
“Howdy all!” He waved to their gobsmacked audience, slowly descending the steps while clutching his side til he finally reached the main landing where Not Stede was. “I’m The Black Bandit!”
“And I’m Stede Bonnet, the Gentleman Bandit!” He tipped his hat and gave a flashy smile, the room remained silent until Pete spoke up.
“What the hell are you wearing?”
“Yes, Edward what the fuck is going on?”
“Oh don’t spoil the fun Izzy, we’re just having a laugh” Not Stede, Edward, gave a gentle slap to Stede’s back who let out a small groan. “Oh shit, sorry mate” he rubbed his back as an apology then turned back to their men. “Your boss just stared Death in the face and lived to tell about it, line up and tell him how thankful you are he didn’t bite the dust.” He gently positioned Stede next to the handrail so he could support himself, “I said line up. ”
And line up they did.
Ed was watching Stede’s men shake his hand and tell him they were glad he didn’t die when Izzy came up beside him.
“May I have a word?”
Ed sighed dramatically but followed Izzy down the stairs to the right, just out of ear shot of everyone else.
“What the hell was that? Why did we even save that twat in the first place? We could have just taken the money and gotten the hell out of dodge” Izzy was frustrated, and rightfully so Ed supposed, he hadn’t told him or the others what his plan was like he normally did. The reason for that was because there was no plan. He had saved Stede on a crazy whim and he was so glad he did, because so far he had had more fun than he’s had in weeks!
“I got it all under control Iz, we’ll get the train loot soon enough and none of these rodeo clowns will know what hit ‘em” he pat Izzy’s shoulder reassuringly.
“Well it looked like you were playing dress up with a dandy tenderfoot who doesn’t know his ass from his elbow” Izzy frowned as he eyed Stede shaking hands with that flirty boy in the striped shirt and neckerchief.
“It’s called ‘acting’ Iz” Ed rolled his eyes “Just trust me okay?”
“Always, Edward but what’s the plan here?”
“The plan is I get the ‘dandy tenderfoot’ to spill where they stash their loot, we relieve them of said loot and before they even realize , we’ll be long gone.” That seemed to appease Izzy for now, so Ed nodded to his right hand man then made his way back to Stede’s side just as he was shaking the last of his men’s hands.
“Thank you all but I think I should be going back to bed so I don’t rip my stitches” Stede waved once more to his men then allowed Ed to help him back up the stairs to his room.
“‘Acting’, my ass” Izzy mumbled to himself as he watched them go up, watched Ed.
He knew that look.
“Thank you for helping up the stairs my dear” Stede smiled as Ed helped him over to his bed. “Well worth the look on their faces I think” he laughed as he sat down, then looked at Ed who was standing next to the bed, “do you think you could help me out of these boots? I’m afraid I’m not very flexible at the moment”
“O-Oh uh, yeah sure mate” he knelt down and pulled at the heel of the boot, his boot, “So how was it being the dastardly Black Bandit?” Ed asked looking up at Stede and oh boy was that a mistake. Was it normal to think an almost complete stranger looked good in your clothes?
“I felt very empowered” Stede put his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest, striking a pose.
“Heh yeah leather will do that” Ed gave a chuckle then turned his attention to the other boot, leather does it alright.
“I hope my outfit wasn’t too uncomfortable, I didn’t think about how we could be different sizes” Stede unconsciously worried a bit of fringe from Ed’s poncho between his fingers.
“Oh no worries, it was my idea anyway” Ed waved him off and stood up, groaning all the way as his knee protested. “Plus your shirt is probably the softest I’ve ever felt, let alone worn” he ran a hand along his forearm relishing the feel of soft cotton.
“Are you alright? You didn’t get hurt on the train too, did you?” Stede looked at him like a worried mother hen and Ed couldn’t help but think it was cute.
“Nah, it’s just my knee. Got shot when I was just starting to make a name for myself and it never healed right. I’m usually okay but it just hurts now and again, especially when it’s about to rain” Ed surprised himself by how much he was sharing, it was just so easy to talk to Stede though.
“I think I can help with that!” Stede stood up suddenly from the bed only wincing slightly, “you make yourself comfortable on the couch” he shooed Ed toward the couch and when he sat down he made his way towards the door.
“Stede, mate you need to sit down” Ed made to get up but Stede turned on him with a stern face.
“Edward Teach, you get up from that couch and I will unleash fury, none like Hell has ever seen!” Ed stared at him with wide eyes as he leaned back into the plush couch, holy shit . Satisfied that Ed wasn’t getting up, Stede left the room.
Holy shit, why was that hot? Was it because he was ordered or because Stede was the one ordering? He had no clue, Ed had never really put much thought into what ‘churned his butter’. Usually content with some rough ‘n tumble with an eager partner that only lasted long enough for both parties. Even then he was the one in control in those situations, no one dared to order the Black Bandit around, not until now anyway. It was probably a fluke right? Just a one off, that could be chalked up to not having been with someone in a while and his filthy mind playing tricks on him. Yeah that’s it. Although…the only way to find out if it was just a fluke was to have it happen again, and oh what a thought that was.
“Alright my dear boy, I have just the thing for that pesky knee of yours!” Stede’s boisterous entrance tore Ed from his thoughts, “which one is it?” He set a small bowl on the table in front of the couch and eyed Ed’s knees as if he could sus out which was the trouble maker.
“Uh my left” Ed answered, utterly confused as to what Stede was doing. He watched him walk over to a pile of clothes that he recognized as the outfit Stede was wearing during the train job. Stede picked up his soiled shirt and looked at it for a moment, lamenting his once crisp white button down, he knew washing it was a lost cause but he decided it could still be of use. Ed watched as Stede ripped his ruined shirt into stips and walked back over to him with the ones with the least blood.
“Stede, what are you doing?” Instead of answering him, Stede pushed over an ottoman, “May I?” Stede gestured at Ed’s left leg. Ed nodded dumbly and Stede gently lifted his leg to rest on the ottoman before sitting down himself. Stede laid out the strips of cloth on his lap and retrieved the bowl, “I used to do this for my mother” Stede said as he wrapped a strip of cloth around Ed’s knee, not too tight but not too loose. “She had told me she was quite the hellion growing up so she got in plenty of trouble, got more than a skinned knee too.” he reached in the bowl and pulled out some chunks of ice and wrapped another cloth around to keep them in place.
Ed watched Stede wrap a few more strips before tying them off with an honest to God bow , “You just keep ice laying around?” Seriously, who was this man?
“Oh yes, we have a full kitchen. Roach’s orange cake is to die for! I’ll ask him to make it soon so you can try some” Stede smiled as he lightly stroked Ed’s calf, not seeming to notice he was doing so, but Ed noticed. Ed cleared his throat and nodded, “Yeah that sounds good.” Stede nodded in return and stood up, slowly this time, “Oh one more thing!” Stede grabbed some throw pillows from the couch and gestured to Ed’s leg again, “May I?” Ed puffed out a laugh and nodded consent again. Stede carefully lifted his leg and arranged a stack of pillows before setting it back down, “There, that should work just fine. Just keep it elevated for a bit” Stede waved as he passed the couch on his way back to bed, “I’ll be a good boy and stay in bed this time too, that is unless you decide to get up.”
“What would happen then?” Ed felt hot, when did it get hot?
“Oh you wouldn’t want to know” Stede’s easy reply hit him like a stagecoach, “anyways, G’night Ed”
“Goodnight, Stede”
Oh he would very much like to know.
Notes:
Thoughts and constructive criticism appreciated~ u w u
Don't mind me projecting my knee troubles onto fictional characters ovo;; Protect your knees kids!
Chapter 3: Laundry Day Conspiracy
Summary:
Can't plan a betrayal in dirty clothes.
Notes:
Apologies for any cheesy titles, that's apparently all I can come up with lmao
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Stede woke feeling more rested than he had the previous day, which was saying something considering he had been stabbed. He lifted his shirt to check on the dressing, should probably have Roach take a look at it just to be sure. It was only when he lowered his shirt did he realize it wasn’t his shirt at all, it was Ed’s. Stede recalled their little switch-a-roo and smiled to himself, that certainly was weird but it had been fun so he didn’t care what anyone else thought. He hadn’t meant to sleep in Ed’s clothes though so he stood up and tip-toed to his closet, making sure he didn’t wake Ed, who had fallen asleep on the couch. His leg was still resting on the pillows where he left him. He silently laughed at that, Ed had looked so shocked when he ordered him to sit back down, he probably didn’t want to incur his wrath again by leaving the couch.
Stede picked out a nice salmon button down and dark slacks to wear for the day, grabbing a dark brown leather vest and hat as well. He chose another outfit, folded it in a neat pile and left it on the table in front of the couch. He added a juicy orange from the fruit bowl he kept on an end table to the top of the pile and as an afterthought he scribbled out a note. He took one last look at Ed’s sleeping form and smiled fondly, he looked so peaceful, then headed out the door with Ed’s clothes underarm.
Ed woke with a crick in his neck and a stiff leg that felt wet, but wasn’t too bad actually. Stede’s remedy had helped soothe his knee quite a bit, there were worse ways to wake up, he supposed. Nothing could beat that time in Tomestone where he woke naked as a jaybird to gunfire and angry shouting, but when he tried getting dressed all he could find were his boots, gun holster and his hat. Those nuns got a sinful view of his ass as he ran out of the building clutching his hat to his front. Ed laughed at the memory as he stretched, wondering what Stede would have thought at the sight of him. Probably be applauded then laugh behind his hand so he wouldn’t seem rude, Ed laughed again. He stood up to do a full body stretch and groaned as his spine cracked, as soft as this couch was it was murder on his back. Ed looked back to Stede’s bed and noticed his ridiculous curtains were pulled open and his bed was made. He was about to go down stairs to look for him when he noticed the pile of clothes on the table. Ed noticed a piece of paper next to an orange? Were these even in season right now? And picked it up.
Dear Ed,
Good morning! I hope you slept well, or as well as one can on a couch. I hope you don’t mind me taking the liberty of having your clothes washed and pressed. I accidentally slept in them and would hate to return them to you all mussed and wrinkled. I left a snack for you as well but I’ll be back with a proper breakfast in no time! I left you these clothes to wear in the meantime, they’re a bit big on me now so I’m sure they’d fit you better than the ones we played our little trick in.
Talk to you soon,
Stede
Ed looked at the note then at the clothes, he should probably tell Stede he couldn’t read. He understood the gesture so it wasn’t a total miscommunication. Ed felt quite flattered honestly, Stede thought he was educated enough to read a silly note. He eyed the simple white cotton shirt, plain dark grey vest and boring old black wool trousers. He may have only just met Stede, but none of these clothes seemed like they’d belong in his wardrobe or his auxiliary wardrobe. Looked more like something Izzy would wear. Maybe they were someone else’s? One of his crew perhaps, but then why would Stede have them? Ed felt a sinking feeling in his stomach and decided to derail that train of thought. He was quite content with wearing Stede’s clothes from the previous day but Stede did take the time to lay these out for him, even if they were probably a partner’s.
So much for derailing that train.
He changed clothes but kept Stede’s black bandana around his neck, pulled on his boots and hat that Stede had set aside for him and set off down stairs.
“Are you sure you don’t want some help there Boss?” Frenchie watched as Stede struggled to hang a damp leather pants.
“I’ve managed so far,”
“I’m the one doin’ the washin', all you’ve done is hang up a couple gloves and a shirt.” Wee John called over from Stede’s left, washboard and sudsy bucket sitting in front of him.
“And what a wonderful job you’re doing too, Wee John!” Stede praised glancing over to Wee John, “But if you’re just going to stand there, could you hand me a clothespin?” Stede held out his hand without looking back, too focused on trying not to drop the pants in the dirt, Wee John would have his head. He felt his fingers close around a pin but was met with resistance.
“Better not have ruined those, they’re my favorite pair.” Stede looked over in surprise to find Ed the one handing him the clothespin.
“Ed! Good morning, I was hoping to have this done by the time you got up. I see you found my old clothes, they’re too loose for me now but they fit you perfectly!” Stede grinned as he pinned the pants to the clothesline before flinching, “N-not to say you’re large or anything! You’re quite fit! Very much a paragon of health!” Stede was rambling now but Ed cut him off before he really got going.
“You think I’m fit?” Ed gave him a sly grin and Stede suddenly felt flushed, “Why Mr. Bonnet how forward of you.”
“Wha-well I do but-” Stede felt himself grow hotter as he floundered for something to say, anything to say, as long as it was a complete thought! Ed laughed and slapped him square on the back, “Ah man, I’m just fuckin’ with ya!” Stede stumbled forward a step from the sudden force and even thought he felt Ed’s hand linger a second longer between his shoulders but it was probably his imagination.
“Ha, quite the jest there Ed” Stede laughed weakly, “Anyway, I know I promised a proper breakfast but I’m afraid we’re out of eggs at the moment. Should have some in a day or two.”
“When’d you promise that?” Ed asked, confused.
“In my note? I left it with your clothes, I would have thought you read it?”
“Oh yeah that. Yeah mate, I can’t read.” Ed shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal but Stede stared at him like he just told him someone burned all his books.
“You can’t what ?!”
“Hey, Stede, it’s not a big deal” Ed tried to sooth him but Stede wouldn’t have it.
“How can you- but what about- Not a big deal?!”
“Um Mr. The Black Bandit, sir?” Frenchie spoke up from behind Stede. Ed sighed as he turned his attention to the nervous man, “Just Teach is fine, mate.”
“Right okay, Mr. Teach, sir, I think your little angry man wants to have a word? He’s been staring from the porch since you came over” Frenchie pointed to the back porch of the house where Izzy was leaning on a support beam looking more agitated than usual.
“Right, I’ll go see what he wants, thanks mate” Ed turned back to Stede, “Alright there Stede?”
“I-Yes, I’m sorry if I overreacted” Stede apologized, not making eye contact “and for leaving that note.”
“Stede,” he waited til Stede looked him in the eye, “it’s okay, you didn’t know.” Ed squeezed his shoulder in reassurance then walked off to see what Izzy wanted now. “Thanks for doin’ my laundry!” he called back over his shoulder with a wave.
Ed stopped in front of the back porch steps in front of Izzy, “You could have just come over, why the mysterious brooding on the side?” Izzy ignored him and started to walk back into the house, “I think I found something” He followed Izzy into what appeared to have once been a sitting room but was now converted into a rather impressive library. God, how many books can one man own? He watched Izzy walk over to a shelf and pull a book, expecting it to open like the one in Stede’s room. Instead he opened the book and held it out for Ed to take, a small section of the center of the pages had been hollowed out and held an iron key. “Shit, bet Stede hates this hiding spot” he shuts the book and hands it back to Izzy who puts it back on the shelf, “What’s it open?”
“Lock box maybe? Or a door, I only found it yesterday.”
“Yeah? How’d you do that, perusing our gracious host’s library are we?” Ed raised an eyebrow with a smile, Izzy hated to admit it but he loved to read, he’d never tell Ed about the books he read though, too embarrassed probably. Izzy scoffed but didn’t deny it, “It’s only a matter of time before we find what that key unlocks, have you found out anything that might help?”
“Easy does it Iz, we just got here.” He patted Izzy’s arm, “Why don’t you do a little acting of your own, Stede’s men strike me as a chatty bunch, I’m sure you can pull something out of them.” He knew Izzy wouldn’t actually speak to Stede’s men any longer than he had to, fun to imagine it though.
“Edward, how long do you think we can stay here until they start to suspect something, they’re all fools but even fools have their moments. We either find the stash today or we use force, we can’t just wait around.” Izzy was right, he was right a lot of the time much to Ed’s annoyance, but Ed wasn’t ready to leave just yet. “Do we even know how much was taken? Is this worth the trouble?” Izzy asked.
“‘Course it is mate, we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t. Stede may be an odd fellow but he picked the right train, it had some rich prick’s railway investment that alone could set us up for a while. So for now, lay low and listen, maybe someone will say something useful.”
Izzy didn’t reply, he just nodded and made his way out of the library, swiping a book off an end table on the way out.
Ed wandered back outside but found Stede wasn’t at the clothesline anymore, he scanned the open space around the back of the house but only saw a barn and a horse corral. He walked over to the barn, hell maybe that’s where the stash is, probably in a safe in the middle of the floor labeled ‘ Not stolen money ’. As he got closer Ed noticed one of the barn doors was ajar, he quietly peek through the crack to find Stede talking to someone.
“Oh you love your apples don’t you dear boy”
Who was he talking to? Ed could only see Stede but even then it was just his back.
“Okay, last one, then I’ll brush your beautiful hair. Maybe we can go for a ride later! You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Stede laughed.
Was Stede was keeping a hostage here and playing some weird mind games? Ed pushed through the door, “Hey Stede, who’re talkin to?” Stede turned in surprise and in doing so revealed a reddish brown horse head behind him who also appeared to be looking at Ed.
“Oh hello there Ed! I was just talking to Arthur here, I didn’t get to see him much yesterday so I’m making it up to him” Stede turned back to stroke Arthur’s muzzle, who leaned into his hands.
“Ah, I remember him, he was giving me the eye the whole ride back from the train.” Ed laughed and stepped closer but not too close. “He probably wasn’t too happy his rider was on another horse.”
“No I suppose not” Stede turned back to Ed but continued to pet his horse, “No one’s told me what happened after I passed out yet. Would you mind telling me what happened when you and your crew arrived?” Ed hesitated, should he tell him? It wasn’t one of his finer moments but if it wasn’t Ed, Stede would surely ask one of his crew for the story.
“Yeah mate, I’ll tell you what happened. Pull up some hay” Ed went to sit down on a bale when Stede stopped him. “I have something more comfortable, one second!” Stede ran off deeper into the barn and came back pulling a small sofa.
“What the fuck man?” Ed stared incredulously at Stede, “Who keeps a couch in a horse stable?”
“I do! I like spending time with Arthur and the other horses, it reminds me of good times back home” Stede smiled and pushed the loveseat closer to Arthur’s pen, “It’s also quite comfortable to nap on.”
“You’re a lunatic” Ed laughed as he plopped down on the right, “I like it though, it’s-” He paused, trying to find the right word. “Different?” Stede supplied sitting down on Ed’s left with much more grace. “Yeah it’s different, I just don’t know what to expect from you”
“Well that makes two of us I suppose” Stede smiled at Ed’s confused face, “I thought you were this bloodthirsty thief who stole, killed and maimed without a second thought” Stede laughed at the thought. “I don’t kill but, love a good maim though” Ed laughed with him, it was quite infectious.
“That’s good to know but, I think we’ve gone a bit off topic?”
“Ah you’re right, you wanted to know how I, the dashingly handsome Black Bandit, rescued you, the gut stabbed half strangled gentleman novice of an outlaw.”
“I wouldn’t say novice ” Stede crossed his arms with a huff, “Fresh faced maybe”
“Mate, the only weapon on you was a sword. You’re lucky you didn’t get shot right away” Ed raised his eyebrows. “Don’t pirates arm themselves with swords? They’re sort of like sea outlaws if you think about it.” Stede reasoned, and Ed laughed “Yeah I guess but even pirates carried a gun with their sword so they wouldn’t get shot.” Stede hadn’t seemed to consider that, “I suppose I should invest in a pistol then shouldn’t I?”
“Do you know how to use one? Do you even know how to use that ridiculous sword?”
“I’ll have you know I came very close to first place in my fencing class when I was a boy, I’d have a nice gold trophy if it wasn’t for that Phineas Huntington!” Stede scowled and turned to face the stables in front of them, shaking his fist at an invisible Phineas. “As for guns, I’m afraid I don’t have much practice… or any” he shyly admitted. Ed couldn’t place why but he wanted to help this strange man, he was supposed to be gaining his trust anyway so, “I can help with that” he offered trying to sound nonchalant but he was kind of excited at the prospect of teaching Stede how to shoot.
“Really? Oh that would be so wonderful! I’m sure the boys wouldn’t mind a lesson either! I’m sure we could set up a range, get some bottles or cans to-hnng!” Stede stopped his ramblings to clutch his side. Ed sat up worriedly, “Easy there cowboy, can’t teach you how to shoot if you bleed out. Why don’t you go back in, we can talk more about lessons later.” Ed put Stede’s left around his shoulder while he put his right gingerly around his waist so he could help him up, “I uh may need help walking back” Stede turned his head to face Ed and shit he was really close. Ed squeaked out a “Y-yeah no problem, mate” and Stede thought it was endearing. They slowly made their way back to the house, and if Stede leaned more on Ed than strictly necessary then it was between Stede and himself.
They had just gotten to the base of the main stairs when Buttons ran through the front door looking alarmed, “Capt’n sir!” Stede sighed, not sharing Button’s urgency “Buttons, how many times do I have to tell you, I’m not a captain?” Buttons ignored the comment and continued, still in a rush “Capt’n! A few deputies were spotted coming this way, we dinnae ken what they want but I fear they’ll clap us all in irons once they see Mr. Teach n’ his crew. Seein’ as they’re wanted criminals n all” he nods to Ed then looks back to Stede for what to do.
“Oh dear you’re right, they’re quite nosy those deputies” Stede thought for a moment, “how long do we have?”
“‘Bout twenty minutes I would think sir”
“We can leave, might be cutting it close but we’ll get away at least” Ed offered, he didn’t want to cut and run but if it meant getting the law off Stede’s back.
“I couldn’t ask you to run! No it’s much too risky, we can hide you, there’s plenty of places they’ll never find.” Stede said, “Ed, gather you men then go find Buttons in the kitchen, he’ll show your crew where they can lay low. When that’s done, come up to my room” Stede wiggled out of Ed’s grip, gripped the handrail and began climbing. “Stede are you sure you-”
“Yes! Yes, I’m fine, now go!” Stede snapped, staring Ed down when he didn’t move “ Edward!” That got him moving, Ed ran off after Buttons but not before Stede caught the deep blush almost completely hidden under his beard.
Stede decided he quite enjoyed that color on Ed.
Notes:
I don't really have a schedule for this, but the brain rot is real so hopefully the updates won't be too few and far between ovo;;;
Chapter Text
“Alright it took a lot of bribing but I think Izzy's gonna stay put- Stede? You in here?” Ed looked around Stede’s lavishly decorated room, seriously who has two chandeliers? Ed heard a small click and turned towards the bookshelf to see Stede poke his head through the secret door, “I’m in here, Ed” Stede retreated back in, leaving the door ajar. Ed entered the secret wardrobe to see Stede fiddling with something in the back corner. “It’s very last minute so I hope it’ll be comfortable enough” Stede continued to fuss with the makeshift pillow and blanket pile on the floor. “I also grabbed you some food I had in my room in case you get hungry, hopefully they won’t take too long. I would have had you hid with your men but the pantry is already a tight fit for three, let alone four men. Least they’ll have plenty to eat. They must really trust you if they’re willing to be shoved in a cramped space by a scotsman who talks to birds.” Stede was in full ramble mode and honestly Ed thought it was kinda cute. He was practically making him a blanket nest like some kind of mother hen. The thought made Ed laugh aloud, causing Stede to pause and face him, utterly confused.
“Sorry, it’s just you’re going to an awful lot of trouble for some guy you just met” Ed laughed as he examined the fruit bowl Stede had set aside for him.
“Laugh all you want Mr. Teach, notorious bandit of the west. If I am anything, I am a wonderful host! Now I’ll try to be in my room, and give you the all clear as soon as they leave.” Stede headed out the bookcase door, “You won’t even know I’m here” Ed called back as he shut the door and then he was alone. In Stede’s secret wardrobe where he kept all his extra clothes. Hiding like some yellow-belly among summer linens instead of gearing up for a shoot out with the lawmen who want him and his men rotting in jail or rotting in the ground.
Ed sighed and fell into the plush pile on the floor, how did this happen? If someone had told Edward Teach, the toughest most blackhearted son of a bitch this side of the Rockies, that in his near future he’d be wrapped up in fucking cashmere and silk hidden away in a fancy man’s second closet so he’d avoid being arrested. He probably would have shot that person in the leg without a second thought then have a good laugh about how utterly stupid that sounded. Ed sighed, he needed to leave before he got any deeper. Stede was incredibly fascinating, sweet and thoughtful but he also made him make stupid decisions. One of which had him currently stowed away like a pair of silk trousers. Honestly Stede, silk trousers? Why not just wear paper? It’ll last just as long out here . Ed thought about how his men were holding up in the pantry. He imagines Izzy is steaming at being shoved in a food locker with Ivan and Fang, he’ll definitely get an ear full when this blows over. He had to promise Izzy they’d be out of here in a week in order for him to get in the pantry. He should probably take a look around while he’s here. Like he had anything else better to do.
Stede had called his crew into the library. Most of whom had never stepped foot in, not for lack of invitation but from lack of interest. Stede was pretty sure he’d only seen Lucius, Pete and Jim ever step foot in the library, but Pete only went in with Lucius so Stede had a sneaking suspicion that there was more than just reading going on, if any.
“Alright lads, I’ve been informed that a couple of the sheriff’s deputies are enroute to our hideout as we speak. We’ve only got about fifteen minutes til they arrive.” Stede addressed his crew with more calm than he felt at the moment, he was quite proud of himself for that.
“Do you think they know we robbed that train?” Lucius asked, looking worried, “how did they find us in the first place?”
“Yeah, and what about the Black Bandit and his men? If they don’t recognize us the deputies will know them for sure” Pete added. Stede was starting to lose the room so he spoke up before anyone else could add fuel to the fire. “Ed and his men are hidden, they won’t be found. As for us I don’t think they know we robbed the train, otherwise they would have had the sheriff with them.” Everyone seemed to calm down at that so Stede continued, “I’ll take any suggestions on how to quietly dispatch the deputies without raising any suspicion.”
The room was silent until Jim raised their hand, “Ah yes Jim, you have a suggestion?” Stede was hopeful, Jim was one of their most experienced crew members, albeit the quietest. Jim made several hand gestures and signs, some of which looked rather violent, when they were done everyone turned to look at Oluwande who was the only one who could translate Jim’s unique sign language.
“They say uh, that we should all pretend to be Stede’s staff and that he should say he’s not taking any visitors because he’s recovering from an injury.” Jim stared at Oluwande then proceeded to slug his arm, really hard from the look of Oluwande's face. “That could work I suppose, everyone needs to change clothes to make it really believable though” Stede said, “Okay then! Everyone to my room, we don’t have much time!” Stede led the way out while Jim and Oluwande stayed behind.
“What the hell was that?” Jim hissed when they made sure the coast was clear, “That’s not what I said and you know it!” Oluwande rolled his eyes, “I wasn’t gonna tell Stede that we should invite them in and slit their throats when they turn their backs!” Jim just glared and crossed their arms, “Well it would have gotten them off our backs!”
“Yeah and then the sheriff would have came round looking for his dead deputies” Oluwande sighed, “Look Jim, I know you’re probably going stir crazy being with this lot, and not having a lot of bandit action but isn’t that the point of laying low?” Jim rolled their eyes and stalked out of the room, passing the main stairs to Stede’s room, having no intention of playing dress up.
Ed was rooting through a trunk that so far only contained bandanas, handkerchiefs and scarves. He found a particularly fine quality handkerchief that was a deep royal purple and pocketed it, Stede had plenty anyway. He was just about to open another trunk when he heard commotion on the other side of the secret door. Ed drew his pistol and slowly made his way to the door, pressing his ear against it so he could listen. He couldn’t make out much, what he could make out was mostly Stede’s voice, who sounded nervous but mostly excited? Giddy even if Ed thought about it. What could he possibly be giddy about? There was a lot of rustling around and a couple grumbles, one sounded like “Why are so many damn buttons?” Ah, that’s what. Ed should have guessed Stede would get excited at the chance to dress people in his clothes. He thought back to when they’d swapped clothes and how Stede’s eyes lit up when he told him what his idea was. Ed silently laughed to himself, holstered his gun and opened another trunk, this one looked like it was all stockings but some of them looked too frilly to be Stede’s. He held up a particularly lacy pair and sure enough, they were definitely women’s stockings.
Oh Ed was definitely getting to the bottom of that when Stede came back.
He pushed the trunk of stockings back into place, figuring he’d snooped enough for now and that he’d take a nap to pass the time. The floor was going to be murder on his back but he’s slept on worse. Ed was walking over to the blanket nest Stede had set up when his boot caught on the corner on an ornate rug. Ed’s life flashed before his eyes as he struggled to catch himself from falling and making a huge lawman-alerting thud. He barely managed to plant his feet on the floor, taking a second to catch his breath and slow his rapid heartbeat. Ed sat down on the blankets and glared at the rug, contemplating whether or not Stede would get upset with him if he ripped it up. As he scowled he noticed the rug had flipped up where he tripped, he got up to kick it back into place when he saw a loose floorboard. Being a seasoned outlaw he knew most, if not all the tricks of hiding shit you don’t want found, under the floorboards Stede? Too easy .
“We have it on good authority that the fugitive Edward Teach also known as the Black Bandit and his band of men are on these premises. Now step aside so we can search the property, any more delay and you’ll be arrested too!” Oluwande had barely opened the door before a short man with a scruffy brown beard started to bark orders at him. He was already regretting not relaying Jim’s plan. “Uh yeah sorry, my boss isn’t taking guests right now, recovering from an injury.” The deputy didn’t seem to care for that response, “Move or
be moved
, boy” he put his hand on his gun in his holster but the man behind him put his hand on his shoulder. “Now Deputy Johnson, is that anyway to speak to a civilian? He’s just doin’ his job after all.” This man was taller, blonde with a trim mustache, and a clean sky blue shirt with a shiny star pinned on his left breast pocket. He was polite, charming even but something about him set Oluwande on edge.
“Sorry deputies, uh sirs? No one’s seen any bandits, you’re welcome to look outside but my boss doesn’t want anyone inside” Oluwande tried to shut the door but found he couldn’t because the polite deputy stopped it with his boot.
“Oh we won’t take long, just a quick look around.” He and the other deputy pushed past Oluwande, “We’ll be out of your hair in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.”
“Excuse me? Who do you think you are barging in here?” Lucius came stomping down the steps toward the intruders, dressed in one of Stede’s nicer outfits. “If you would kindly
leave
” Stede had told him to be as bitchy as possible while still having a modicum of politeness.
‘Confidence is key! Keep your head held high and own it!’
had been his advice, which was probably how he could become an outlaw, rob a train, and openly flirt with an infamous criminal.
Because how else was that little clothes swap supposed to look?
And here Lucius thought Stede had only gotten this far because of dumb luck.
“Sorry there son, but we heard there were some wanted men hanging around here. I’m Deputy Dixon, that’s Deputy Johnson” he gestured to the rude man on his left, “and we’re not leaving until we find them.”
“Like hell you are, neither of you are the sheriff so none of us have to put up with this
bullshit”
Deputy Bitchface stepped forward with a snarl, “Listen here you little-”
Before he could finish Stede cut in, “Nephew, I thought I said no guests?” He exaggerated his limp as he left his room and stood at the top of the stairs, “Who’re these men?”
“Deputy Dick-son and Peckerson ” Lucius frowned at the men, “said there’s men in the house, uh uncle ” the weirdness of calling Stede ‘uncle’ was overpowered by the look on the deputies’ faces at their butchered names. Priceless.
“Deputy Dixon and Johnson , sir and they are very dangerous men” Dixon glared at Lucius then turned to Stede with much more politeness, “We were sent here by the Sheriff, didn’t know that this house was owned by anyone though. Apologies for barging in but,” Deputy Dixon pulled out an envelope and all but shoved it into Lucius’ hands “we do have to search your property.”
Lucius opened the envelope and read the enclosed letter, “It’s a warrant from the Sheriff” he looked up to Stede who looked nervous for a moment before getting back into character.
“Fine, but if I find
one
book out of place, I’ll have your stars so fast it’ll make your head spin.” Stede glared down at them with a fire in his eye that told Lucius he wasn’t acting. “I shall be in my room, Lucius, Oluwande, please make sure our
guests
don’t get lost. Gentlemen.” and with that, Stede limped back to his room leaving Lucius and Oluwande with the dickish deputies.
“I’ll check upstairs, you check down here” Deputy Dixon addressed his partner and with a nod they split up. Lucius walked over to Oluwande, “You want Deputy Hothead or Dickhead?”
“I’ll take the short fuse, you can take the dickhead,” Oluwande said. Lucius sighed, “Any other time I’d agree with you but I’d rather not take this one.” Oluwande laughed, “Remember what your dear uncle said, keep your head held high and own it !” Lucius chuckled then they went their separate ways in search of their unfortunate house guests.
Lucius found Deputy Dickhead snooping around his and Pete’s room, they didn’t have many possessions but what they did have they cherished. So when he saw his sketchbooks being carelessly flipped through then tossed to the side like a used handkerchief, Lucius saw red. “I could be wrong but I don’t think a grown man could hide between the pages of a book” he stood in the doorway so the deputy didn’t have a reason to bitch about him getting in his way.
“Could have written something about his whereabouts” Dixon replied without looking up from the sketchbook, “Your uncle draw these?” He sneered as he held the book to show the page, it was of Pete…well some of Pete. Dammit why’d he have to find that sketchbook?
“Why? You want a commission?” Lucius asked with a raised eyebrow, if he knew anything it was how to turn an embarrassing comment around. It’d be a cold day in hell before he felt embarrassed about his art. Dixon frowned at Lucius’ lack of reaction and went back to trashing his room. He made his way through Olu and Jim’s room in a similar fashion, making insanely rude remarks about how Stede ‘let the help stay not only in the house but on the same floor’ ugh could this guy get any worse?
“What’s up there?” Dixon pointed to a ladder in the corner of the hall, he didn’t wait for Lucius to answer before climbing it. He banged on the hatch but it remained shut, “You got the key?”
“Nope,” Lucius replied, popping the ‘p’. Dixon gave one more rough shove at the hatch door, forcing it open this time. “I don’t think you should-” Lucius began but Dixon was already climbing into the attic. About a minute later there was a loud shriek, copious amounts of swearing and squawking? Soon after that Dixon was flying down the ladder like the Devil was on his heels.
“You alright there Deputy?” Lucius tried to hold in his laughter behind his hand.
“What the
fuck
were those-those
devil birds!
?” Dixon’s face was white as a sheet and he was sweating. Lucius was wondering where Buttons had been sleeping since there weren't enough rooms for everyone. “One of our staff likes birds” he said simply as if that explained why there were non native birds in the attic. “Are we done here?” Dixon took a minute to compose himself then shook his head, “No, what’s this room?” He waited for Lucius’ answer this time.
“That’s my uncle’s room, he’s resting though so if you would- son of a bitch” Dixon ignored him again and barged into Stede’s room without knocking.
“ Excuse me Deputy!” Stede cried out, acting like a chaste maiden being walked in on while changing. Looked like one too clutching his bedsheets to his chest while wearing that dressing gown, Lucius snorted to himself.
“Pardon me, sir but I have to check every room.” Dixon didn’t sound sorry in the least, just began rifling through Stede’s things. Lucius noticed with a scowl that he was being more gentle and less messy than earlier.
“What was that screaming? Sounded like a frightened girl” Stede asked from his bed. Lucius didn’t bother hiding his smug tone, “The deputy met Karl and Olivia” Stede tried to hide his laugh but by the look of Dixon’s tense shoulders he failed. “Do you enjoy reading, Deputy?” Stede called over to him as he inspected his bookshelves.
“Not at all, sir” he replied as he randomly took a book off the shelf, roughly flipped through it before putting it back. Lucius watched as Stede rose out of bed and approached the deputy, “Then would you kindly not rummage through my library?” Stede’s tone was calm but had an edge to it that said ‘back off’. Dixon turned his full height toward Stede, trying to intimidate him no doubt. Stede did the same, but in doing so pulled at his stitches, he winced but didn’t back down.
“Alright
Uncle
, I think you should go back to bed. '' Lucius went over to Stede’s side to remove him from the deputy’s punching radius. “Yes nephew I believe you’re right” Stede held out his hand for the deputy to shake, “Deputy Dixon,” he said as they shook hands, “I’d say it was a pleasure, but that would make me a liar.” He then took Lucius’ offered arm and went back to bed. “You may leave now, Deputy. My nephew will show you and your partner out, I’m sure if those men were here you would have found them by now.” Stede dismissed him like a servant which did not sit well with the deputy. Dixon looked like he was about to voice his displeasure when he seemed to think better of it, instead he tipped his hat to Stede and made his way over to the door but stopped in the doorframe.
“I don’t think I got your name Mister?”
“My-my name?” Stede was caught off guard, he couldn’t give him his actual name! He may not be as well known as Ed but there still could be a chance the deputies recognized his name.
“Yeah you recoverin’ from a head injury? You forget your own name?” Dixon looked at him suspiciously.
“N-No! It’s um Bennet! Edward Bennet” Stede hoped the deputy couldn’t see how much he was sweating. Dixon eyed him for a minute before accepting the false name, “Right then Mr. Bennet, I won’t take up any more of your day” he tipped his hat once more then left the room. Stede waited til he heard him descend the stairs before letting out the breath he was holding since he uttered that stupid name.
“ Edward Bennet? ” Lucius asked incredulously and Stede groaned into his hands “I know but it was all I could think of in the moment!” he sighed and waved Lucius off “Please go see that him and his partner find the door without any more delay”
“Of course, Uncle ” Lucius laughed as he left, Stede seemed embarrassed about that one too.
As Lucius was descending the stairs he could hear arguing coming from the kitchen. He walked in and saw the two deputies standing in front of Roach and Oluwande, who were blocking the pantry door.
“Open the goddamn door! I ain’t askin a third time!”
“Third? Fourth? Hell tenth time? Makes no difference to me, you’ll get the same answer. No. ”
“That’s it!” The deputy pulled out his gun and aimed at Roach’s head but Dixon slapped it away before he could do anything else. “ Stand down Johnson! ” He gave him a stern look but Johnson waved his free hand at Roach, who didn’t seem phased at all that he just had a gun to his head, “We need to inspect that room!”
“You need to get the hell out of our house” Lucius spoke up, “Olu, help me show our guests to the door, they’ve outstayed their welcome.” Surprisingly they followed without a fuss…well almost, Johnson had a face like he just ate a lemon and was muttering less than polite phrases under his breath.
As soon as the front door was shut Lucius fell back against it with a heavy sigh, “Oh god I never want to do that again!”
“You’re telling me! I had to watch that horrid man rifle through all our shit! Not to mention how he was totally going to blow Roach’s face off!” Oluwande sank down into one of the chairs in the front hall.
“Oh please, he wasn’t going to shoot me” Roach came over rolling his eyes, “probably would have shot me if I was Swede though.”
“Oh speaking of rifling through all our shit, I’m sorry in advance about your room, Deputy Dickhead lived up to his name” Lucius looked at his friend apologetically and Oluwande tilted his head back with a groan. “Uggh Jim’s gonna be pissed”
“Jim’s gonna be pissed about what?” It was that moment that Jim decided to appear from seemingly nowhere. “The dickhead deputy went through our room.” Oluwande said, “All of our rooms” Lucius amended but Jim was already running up the stairs two at a time cursing loudly in spanish.
“Are they gone?” Stede descended the steps a moment after Jim ran up.
“Yeah boss, they’re gone. Hopefully for good but knowing our luck” Oluwande sighed.
“Well we’ll cross that bridge if we ever get to it” Stede patted his back reassuringly, “Where’s everyone else?”
“In the barn I think, pretending to be ranch hands or something” Roach answered, “I said it looked a bit weird to have five ranch hands but only one butler but eh what do I know” he said shrugging. “Anyway, what should we have for dinner? I was thinking stew.”
“Oh that sounds delicious, maybe some cornbread to go with it?”
“We’ll make a cowboy of you yet, boss” Roach laughed as he went back to the kitchen.
The stew was indeed delicious.
Stede expected nothing less of Roach, as soon as he first tasted his cooking in that run down saloon he knew he had potential. “Good call on the cornbread boss” Oluwande said around a mouthful of bread, murmuring agreements following from everyone else.
“All the thanks should go to Roach” Stede raised his glass to their cook, “to another fine meal.”
“Oh boss, I was wondering, was I supposed to tell Mr. Black Bandit’s crew they could come out or were they going to leave on their own?”
Stede dropped his spoon mid bite.
“ Oh no, Ed! ”
Notes:
Enter the OCs that I specifically made to be total A-Holes. Fun Fact: one was named after my aunt's cat, Peter Dick Johnson who despite his name is a total sweetie~
Chapter 5: Horses and Heart-to-Hearts
Summary:
"He really shouldn’t be getting used to waking up to good food and clean clothes, it wasn’t how he lived, never was. Although… A little break from the daily grind never hurt anyone. Ed smiled to himself as he dressed in his usual attire and swiped the last piece of yummy marmalade toast on his way out the door.
Yeah he could do with a little break."
Notes:
Small disclaimer: I have almost no knowledge of equine care/terms. Most of it's googling, guess work, and TV/movie influence, but if you're here for accuracy, boy howdy do I have bad news for you.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Words cannot express how sorry I am for leaving you up there longer than necessary, I hope you can forgive me!” Stede apologized to Ed, who was seated at his left, profusely. After dashing up the stairs two at a time, wrenching the secret door nearly off its hinges and all but shouting out of breath apologies at Ed, they made their way back down to the dining room.
“Mate, like I said, it’s alright” Ed reassured him, “I’ve hidden in way worse places, could have stayed in there for days if I had to.”
“Speak for yourself” Izzy muttered into his stew, glaring at it like it was the one to lock him in a pantry. Ed just rolled his eyes and turned back to a still very mortified looking Stede.
“You say it’s fine but I still want to make it right, please, what can I do to make it up to you?”
“Dropping dead’s a good start” There was a sudden thump from under the table, after which Izzy swore under his breath and glared at Ed from his seat across the table. Ed paid him no mind.
“Stede-”
“Anything, please Ed darling, I feel so terrible” Ed wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to Stede’s endearments, they made his stomach feel weird, whether it was in a good or bad way was still up for debate. But while his feelings on the endearments were still undecided, he knew exactly what Stede’s puppy eyes did to him.
He was weak.
Ed leaned in towards Stede and beckoned him like he had a secret to tell. Stede readily leaned in, offering his ear “Be careful when you say ‘anything’ “ Ed whispered hotly, and grinned to himself when he heard Stede’s breath hitch. He leaned back and slapped Stede good naturedly on the shoulder and laughed like someone had told him a good joke, “I think I’ll take you up on that offer, I’ve been told my table manners are worse than a mangy dog’s!”
“Y-you want etiquette lessons?” Stede looked adorably confused, his cheeks still a bit pink from a second ago, “From me?”
“Edward, what the fu- ” Another thump, this time louder.
“Who else would it be from? And you did say ‘anything’!” Ed smiled and ate a spoonful of stew, “Oh shit, who made this?” Everyone looked as Roach tentatively waved his hand, “Best stew I’ve ever had mate!” Roach looked over the moon at the complement, “Thank you so much Mr. Black Bandit sir!”
“Just Teach or Edward is fine, Mr. Black Bandit was my father” everyone laughed, everyone except Izzy who looked ready to skin something alive.
“May I have a word, Edward” Izzy threw his napkin in his empty bowl and stomped out of the dining room, Ed sighed and stood up as well. “Better go see what that’s all about. You better start lesson planning Mr. Bonnet, I expect to become an expert at spoons and shit!” he gave Roach a thumbs up and headed towards the library.
_______________________________________________________
“How’d I know you’d be in here?” Ed walked in to find Izzy at one of the shelves flipping through a book. “I think you n Stede have more in common than you think” he chuckles when Izzy snaps the book closed and frowns at him, “I’m nothing like that ponce, I came in here to talk because it’s the only room that has a locking door.” Izzy said as he flicked the lock on the door, “What the hell was that?” Izzy looked at Ed expectantly and Ed let out an exasperated sigh.
“We’ve been over this Iz”
“Yeah, that was before I got shoved into a fucking food locker with Fang and Ivan by an insane bird man while two fucking deputies seached the house!” Izzy shouted but collected himself before continuing, “It’s not safe to stay in one place too long after a big job, today proved that. We almost got found out, if it wasn’t for one of Bonnet’s men, we’d be on the way to the scaffold.”
“Shit, I’m sorry Iz. I know how much you hate being indebted to someone.” Ed said, “I’ll make it up to you and the boys but we can’t leave just yet.”
“Yeah? Why’s that?” Izzy didn’t sound like he wanted to know but was obligated to ask.
“Because I found the lockbox” Ed grinned, Izzy looked interested now, “I still need some time to get back to it unnoticed so just hang on for a week yeah?”
“Fine.”
“Ahh that’s m’boy Iz!” Ed pulled Izzy into a headlock and messed his hair up quite a bit before he managed to slip from his grasp. “And be nicer to everyone, or whatever Izzy equivalent to nice is. They did save your ass after all~” Ed laughed and narrowly dodged the book Izzy chucked at his head as he made his exit.
_______________________________
Ed met up with Stede just as he was coming out of the library, “Oh there you are, I was wondering if you’d like to join me for a brandy?” Stede offered shly and how could Ed say no? “Lead the way.” They made their way up the stairs to Stede’s room, and upon entering Ed made himself at home on the couch he had recently claimed as his own.
“Hey, sorry bout that, just had to talk something out.” Stede nodded in understanding as he made their drinks, “Oh no problem at all, I encourage everyone to talk things out. It really helps with miscommunication, we haven’t had an all out brawl in a week!” Stede stated proudly.
“A whole week huh? Heh that’s quite the accomplishment, seems like I could take more than one page out of your book.”
“Oh I’m sure your style of leadership is quite effective, if anything I have more to learn from you! I’m hardly the cutthroat outlaw you are” Stede said, “but that wasn’t the deal, so don’t worry about it.”
“Why can’t it be?”
“What?”
“Why can’t it be part of the deal?” Ed grinned at Stede’s confusion, “New deal, you teach me how to be like all those stuffed shirts uptown and I teach you a thing or two on how to be a cutthroat outlaw.” Ed offered as Stede handed him his drink, sitting down on a chair behind the couch but still able to face Ed. Stede thought for a moment, “Alright, it’s a deal!” he clinked Ed’s glass before taking a long pull of his drink. Ed chuckled and did the same, “Oh fuck me, that’s good brandy” he took another sip, savoring the warm liquid running down his throat.
“Yes, this and rum are the only drinks I acquired a taste for, much to my father’s dismay.” he sipped his drink, “He was a whiskey man, you see.”
“A taste for brandy, rum and stealing? Could’ve been a pirate in another life” Ed laughed and Stede joined him, “Oh the very best pirate! The Gentleman Pirate has a ring to it, oh and you could be, hmm” Stede studied his face for a moment, “your pirate name would be Blackbeard!” Ed threw his head back with a laugh, “Not very original is it though, what if I decided to shave it off?”
“I suppose you’re right, ‘No beard’ doesn’t have quite the same ring but you’d be just as fearsome as you are now, I’m sure of it” Stede nodded and clinked Ed’s glass once more before emptying his and standing up, “another?”
“Twist my arm, cheers mate” Ed downed the rest of his and handed over his glass.
They were on their third glass before Stede decided to call it a night. “I think we should turn in, there’s a lot to plan if we’re going to start lessons tomorrow, I was thinking we could start with cutlery” Stede mused as he made his way to his primary wardrobe and pulled out something frilly, Christ was that a nightgown ??
“Whatever you want mate, I’ll just crash on your couch again if you don’t mind?” Ed made himself more comfortable anyway as Stede flitted around the room. “I don’t mind at all, I just wished there were guest beds for you and your men but we barely have enough beds for the people who live here” Stede sighed as he came to stand in front of Ed, holding a pile of blankets and what would probably be the softest pillows Ed would ever have the pleasure of using. “I hope these will make the couch a bit more comfortable, there’s a sleep shirt on top if you want too” Ed took the pile and watched as Stede took his nightgown and hat? Into his en-suite bathroom. Ed looked at the blankets in his hands and wondered, not for the first time, who the hell this lunatic of a man was. Ed eyed the ‘sleep shirt’ as Stede had called it, yeah it was a fucking nightgown , but thought what the hell.
Ed was just about comfortable when Stede emerged from the bathroom, his frilly nightgown flowing and the tassel on his matching hat swinging in time with his steps. “Anything else I can get you my dear?” Ed just stared at him, pulling his top blanket up a bit and shook his head. That feeling in his stomach was back, maybe this time he could blame it on the booze.
“Alright then, N’night Ed”
“N’night, Stede”
_______________________________________________________________
Ed wasn’t hungover per say but his head did feel fuzzy and sleeping on a couch for two consecutive nights wasn’t helping. The nightshirt was way more freeing than he thought it would be though. Ed sat up slowly and stretched until he felt satisfying pops down his spine, he looked over to Stede’s bed and found it was empty like last time. Ed really needed to get back into a proper sleep schedule. As much as he loved sleeping in, he was a notorious criminal goddammit! The leader of a band of other notorious criminals who robbed and maimed! He had shit to do and sleeping in unfortunately was not on the list. He stood up and did a full body stretch, about to get dressed to go look for Stede when he saw a bit of paper on the table. It looked like Stede’s previous note only this time it had crude drawings of what looked like a man with a hat and something that looked like a cow but could have also been a buffalo. Ed had no idea what Stede was trying to convey with his note but goddamn if Ed wasn’t smiling like an idiot.
The fact that Stede made the effort to leave a note that Ed could understand made that fluttering feeling come back full force. He looked at the note again and noticed an arrow next to a couple of poorly drawn circles and a shape that looked like a bread slice. He looked down and saw a plate laid out with toast and eggs. He took a bite of the toast and tasted orange marmalade, that might have been what the circle meant? Or maybe those were eggs? Stede could use a drawing lesson. Maybe that scribe boy could give him some pointers, Ed thought he saw him scribbling a figure that looked a lot like Izzy.
Ed wolfed down the eggs but savored the toast, that marmalade was damn good. He made to put on his borrowed clothes from yesterday when he saw his own in a neat pile at the corner of the table, topped with another hand drawn note. Because of fucking course. This one was a bit easier to understand, a clothesline and a crude but passable hand indicating a thumbs up, his clothes were clean. He really shouldn’t be getting used to waking up to good food and clean clothes, it wasn’t how he lived, never was. Although… A little break from the daily grind never hurt anyone. Ed smiled to himself as he dressed in his usual attire and swiped the last piece of yummy marmalade toast on his way out the door.
Yeah he could do with a little break.
__________________________________________________
“Lookin’ good there, cowboy!”
Stede nearly falls off his horse but he manages to stay upright, just barely. “Ed! I hope I didn’t wake you, I’m an early riser but I tried to be as quiet as possible.” Ed approached the horse corral, “Not at all, in fact wake me next time. Kinda hard to keep up my reputation passed out on a couch” he laughed. “Oh I’m sure you could rob banks in your sleep no problem” Stede replied, steering his horse around the pen. Ed leaned on the fence of the corral and watched, “You sure you should be riding so soon? Stitches can be a bitch in the saddle”
“I’m perfectly fine, how was your breakfast?” Stede brushed him off as he passed him.
“Very delicious, my compliments to Roach”
“Oh they’d go to me actually,” Stede halted his horse and dismounted, “as I said I’m an early riser and I didn’t want to wake Roach just to make such a simple breakfast for two” he said stroking his horse’s mane instead of making eye contact. “Although, I must confess, it did take me a couple tries to get them just right. I don’t think Jim will mind too much though, their chickens are very generous.”
“Jim has chickens?” Ed looked amused at the thought, “I never would’ve guessed, they’re just so” he made a stabbing gesture. Stede laughed and nodded, “I was just as surprised but it’s so nice to see a person comfortable enough to share their interests with others!”
“Definitely don’t see that shit out here”
“Which is a real shame because the eggs are delicious”
“So fucking delcious,” Ed agreed “you cooked them well too.”
“Well you know what they say, eighth times the charm” Stede laughed nervously as he led his horse towards the barn, wincing all the while. Ed stopped him before he got too far, “I knew it, you stubborn bastard” he gently took the horse’s reins and threw Stede’s left arm over his shoulder to help support him. “Why are you itching to get back in the saddle? You just got gut-stabbed after robbing a highly armed train, you’ve earned a rest mate.”
“I-I need to show them, my crew, that I’m not-” Stede cut himself off and stared at the ground.
“Not what?” Ed gently prodded, Stede had mentioned that he encouraged talking things out and Ed found he enjoyed talking with Stede.
“That I’m not weak!”
Oh shit, it was gonna be that kind of talk.
When they arrived at the barn, Ed hitched Stede’s horse to a post before helping Stede over to the loveseat he had pushed over from the previous day. “I’m going to brush him down-”
“Arthur,” Stede mumbled, head down.
“I’m going to brush down Arthur , then we’re going to have a chat, okay?” Ed waited for Stede’s response but he just continued to stare as he lazily kicked at the dirt. “Stede?” Ed waited a few more moments before sighing. He moved to stand in front of Stede, leaning down so he was eye level and gently lifting his chin to make eye contact. “Is that alright?”
“Y-yes” Stede stared at him with blurry eyes, he was obviously about to cry but was holding back. Probably why he didn’t want to look at Ed at the moment but tough shit, they were going to talk it through. He squeezed Stede’s shoulder reassuringly then went back over to Arthur.
Ed grabbed a brush that was hanging near one of the stalls and slowly walked over to Arthur. He was a beautiful Quarter horse with rich reddish brown coloring, Sorrel if Ed remembered correctly, white socks with a white stripe going down his forehead to his nose. “Hey there, ‘m Ed” he introduced himself, not wanting to spook him, “Your friend asked me to brush you, is that alright?” Arthur looked between Ed and Stede for a moment then gave an assenting snort. Ed chucked, “Thank you very much Sir Arthur” another snort, this one sounded huffy, “Oh my apologies, King Arthur!” a more approving snort. Ed began brushing Arthur’s coat with practiced ease, it was weirdly soothing, he almost didn’t hear Stede speak up “He seems to like you.” Ed peeked over Arthur’s back, “Yeah? I used to do a lot of stable jobs, ‘course it helps that horses just seem to love me.” He turned to Arthur, “don’t you?” Arthur bobbed his head and gave a quick stomp, “It’s the beard, horses love the beard” he wiggled his eyebrows at Stede who wholeheartedly laughed. Good, laughing was good. Ed could work with laughter. “Alright King Arthur, your beautiful coat is all done” he gave him one last stroke before leading him to his stall by the couch. Ed latched the stall gate then plopped down next to Stede who’s smile from a minute ago had fallen into a tight frown. Ed made himself comfortable in his seat while Stede remained perched on the edge of his, ready to run.
“Can I ask why you said what you did out there?” Ed asked gently, he hoped giving Stede a choice to share or not would help make him a bit more comfortable. Stede sighed, “I-I try not to but sometimes I overhear people talking, and I don’t mind that they do, everyone has a right to their opinion but-”
Ed stayed silent, allowing Stede to gather his thoughts, “but I heard them say I seemed weak, that I didn’t have, pardon the phrasing, the balls to lead a group of outlaws.” Any other time Ed would have laughed at Stede apologizing for saying ‘balls’ but now was not the time. Stede went on, “I thought that if I could show them that even after almost dying , that if I could at least ride that I was fit to lead but saying it out loud now, it sounds so stupid ” Stede buried his head in his hands “I’m no bandit, I’m an idiot !”
“Can I tell you what I thought about you when I first saw you?” Ed asked as he eyed Stede from the back, looking very tense.
“W-what did you think?” There was a waver in Stede’s voice that told Ed the tears were back.
“I thought ‘Who the hell does this insane man dressed in all white like he’s going to church think he is robbing a train? Does he have a death wish? Might be interesting to watch’ “ Stede turned his head to look over his shoulder at Ed, “I-I fail to see how that was helpful, Edward” he said, still frowning. Ed huffed out a laugh, “Can I tell you what I think about you now?” Stede gave a small nod. “I think,” Ed sat up and scooched closer to Stede so their legs were touching, “you are an absolute lunatic, a mad man in frilly nightgowns and colorful fringe who cares about his crew in ways my own father never did.” Stede was staring at him, mouth slightly open in disbelief, Ed continued. “You’re proper as all hell but just enough of a bastard to make up for it” Stede cracked a shadow of a smile. “You’re unapologetically yourself, and I can’t help but be jealous of that” Ed turned to face Stede, who unconsciously mirrored him, “I guess what I’m trying to say, Stede Bonnet,” Ed took Stede’s hands in his own in hopes of driving his point home “is that you’re many many things, but ‘weak’ is not one of them.”
With that, Stede broke, his tears flowed freely like a crumbling dam finally bursting open. He made to hug Ed but stopped himself but like hell Ed was going to deny him! Ed brought Stede in a crushing hug and he could feel the tension drain out of Stede’s shoulders as he sobbed into Ed’s shoulder. They stayed like that for what felt like forever, not that Ed minded, he rubbed his back as he patiently waited for Stede to be the one to end the hug. Ed was rather surprised with himself, he had never thought he’d have the patience or conversation skills to help someone. Hell he never cared enough to try but with Stede it had been so easy to care. Shit that probably meant something didn’t it?
Stede let out a few more hiccups before releasing Ed, “Oh dear I do apologize, I think I wrinkled your shirt” Ed snorted, “Fuck my shirt, how do you feel?” Stede pulled a hankey from his pocket and wiped his eyes, “Much better now, my dear, thank you” he smiled and only then seemed to notice they were still very close to each other. Ed was cradling Stede’s forearms in his own and they were almost nose to nose, “Anytime, mate” Ed mumbled more like an afterthought, too focused on how Stede was looking at him. Was it weird he thought Stede looked kinda cute, all pouty and teary eyed? Fuck it, he’d be the king of weirdos if he got to keep looking at Stede, he had gorgeous eyes. Eyes, Ed noticed, that were once looking at his own were now aimed slightly lower on his face. Ed couldn’t help but smirk as he began to slowly lean in, giving Stede ample time to back away if he so chose.
Ed was close enough to feel Stede’s quick breath on his cheek now and he hadn’t moved, if anything Ed could have sworn he moved forward an inch to speed up their connection.
“Stede, is this okay?” Ed had a very strong feeling he knew the answer but like his mama always told him, never assume. Stede looked dazed, his eyes still pink now half lidded flicking back and forth between looking at Ed’s eyes and his mouth. “Hn?” Ed chuckled and caressed Stede’s forearms with his thumbs, “Is this,” his hands slowly made their way up Stede’s arms and around his waist, “okay?”
He finished as pulled Stede in closer.
“ Ed, I-ye- ”
“Oi Boss, are ye in there?”
Stede was suddenly gone. Ed had blinked and Stede was magically standing at least a foot away from the couch, back ramrod straight, hands behind his back like he was in the military awaiting his commander’s orders. What the fuck just happened?
“Ah y-yes, Mr. Buttons! What can I do for you?” Stede was looking dead ahead, not sparing Ed a single glance. What the actual fuck? Ed’s arms were still slightly raised as if Stede hadn’t just teleported the moment Buttons had called out, he lowered them and glared at Buttons as he entered the barn. Buttons did not seem too worried about the death glare being sent his way. “Yer needed in the house, Boss” He addressed Stede, “there’s a minor dispute on sleeping arrangements for Mr. Teach’s men. Seeing as they’ll be staying here for a time?” Button’s eyes glanced over to Ed then back to Stede.
“Uh y-yes, we should sort that out, um shall we go then Ed?” Stede finally looked at Ed but not how he was a minute ago. Damn Buttons, he’d threaten him if he didn’t think the Scot would hex him. Buttons totally knew how to hex a man. “Yeah, let’s go see who gets to bunk with Izzy” he stood up and as he passed Stede he surreptitiously caressed Stede’s hand as a promise.
We’re not done here, Stede Bonnet.
Notes:
This the longest thing I've ever written and I don't know if that a good thing but I'm already 5/? chapters in so we're in it now boys.