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Badge or Partner?

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Badge or Partner?

Hutch is thinking about quitting. He didn’t have to say the words. I could see it in his eyes tonight. I can’t say as I blame him. This case has piled on one straw too many – and even a camel has its limits.

Hutch has often accused me of having a vivid imagination, but I’m not sure he’s right because I can’t imagine not being a cop….Know what else I can’t imagine? Not being partners with him anymore. Somehow that thought is worse than the first one, much worse.

He’ll be all right, won’t he? He’ll get over this one, just like we get over every depressing or painful case we come across. He has to.

But does he? And do I want him to get over it for his sake or mine?

Now, there’s a disturbing thought. It’s a good question and not one I have a ready answer to. Of course, I want him to get over it for his sake. He’s a great cop. He’d be a huge loss to the force. He’d be a huge loss to the victims and witnesses we come across; no-one is a caring as Hutch or gives people as much time as he does. But maybe that’s part of the problem; he cares too much about things.

I’m not saying I don’t care, mind you. Things get to me too. It’s just somethings I accept better. Try to take the pragmatic view. Try to protect myself a little bit so I can stay sane.

Hutch has always found that more difficult and maybe he just can’t do it anymore. Not without shutting off his emotions completely. And would I want that for him? Would I want him to change who he is just so we can stay on the job together?

No, I wouldn’t.

I wonder if he’s made his decision. I kind of think he might have. Don’t know how I know – I just do, like always.

He wants out.

And what about me? What about us? Is me and thee more than being partners? Sure it is. We’ll find something we can do together or something we can do apart but we’ll still be me and thee. I think I need to find him and tell him that; just in case for one minute he might have forgotten that truth. Where will he be right now? At home, sleepless like I am? Or walking somewhere to think it out? Walking. One of our usual places – the park or the beach. Which one?

The beach.

So that’s where I’m headed; to let go of my badge if it’s the only way to not let go of my best friend. ‘Cause it’s not me or thee. It’s me and thee, with or without a badge.