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Revenge is a Dish Best Served While Sleeping

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  “Hey, Tasha?” Kate called carefully and somewhat quietly as she approached Natasha in the gym.

  Kate had been looking for the redhead around the compound that day, trying to find her when Yelena was not around her so that Yelena would not overhear their conversation. Unsurprisingly, it was exceedingly difficult to find Natasha when Yelena was not right at her side.

  At the sound of Kate’s voice, Natasha paused in the midst of wearing out the punching bag as she looked over in Kate’s direction curiously. Natasha immediately smiled at the sight of the brunette, and Kate felt her heart swelling as she took in the affectionate expression, knowing it was for her and still somehow unable to believe that it was.

  “Hey, shchenok,” Natasha softly greeted, extending her arms when Kate had gotten close enough to her. Kate eagerly went in for the hug, embracing her as she enjoyed the feeling of one of those amazing Natasha hugs. Natasha rubbed her back softly and comfortingly, and Kate found that she could almost forget everything in these comforting arms.

  However, she finally forced herself to pull away, remembering that she did have an ultimate purpose and goal in coming here. Natasha smiled at her softly, stroking her face and

  “Is Yelena around?” Kate asked, keeping her voice somewhat quiet as she looked around for the woman. Yelena was fortunately nowhere in sight, but knowing Yelena, that did not mean anything at all, and she could just be lurking around the corner.

  “No, she went off to go get a nap. She was super tired today. Which she honestly didn’t really have any reason to be, but she has those days,” Natasha chuckled warmly, shaking her head at the thought of her goofy sister. Kate allowed herself a small laugh as well, thinking of Yelena and how her favorite things in life were undoubtedly primarily consisting of simply Natasha, eating, and sleeping.

  “Okay, so… We’re alone, right?” Kate asked in a whisper, leaning closer to Natasha in case someone was around. She also wanted to keep FRIDAY from overhearing her. Natasha furrowed her brow a little and looked to the rest of the room.

  “FRIDAY, sound barrier the room, please,” Natasha spoke up, and FRIDAY immediately took action. Natasha then looked at Kate with concern, waiting patiently for what she would say.

  “What is it, sweetheart?” Natasha asked quietly.

  Kate suddenly felt a little embarrassed as she realized that she had accidentally made Natasha believe that something was wrong. However, she pulled herself together and started to speak.

  “So I really need your help with something… Um,” Kate trailed off, trying to get up her nerve since she realized that she really was asking Natasha of all people. She was simultaneously the best and the worst person to make this proposition to.

  “Anything you need,” Natasha assured her, tilting her head as she listened to her carefully, and Kate found herself relieved that Natasha was always so understanding. Even if she did not agree to help Kate in her ultimate goal, Natasha was not going to be inconsiderate or unsympathetic about it.

  “Could you maybe help me prank Yelena?” Kate questioned uncertainly, and Natasha just paused as she looked at her for a long moment. Kate felt a bit of nervousness within her, and Natasha remained stoic for just a moment.

  Kate had been wanting to prank Yelena and get her back for all of the times that Yelena had pranked her. Unfortunately, when she came up with this idea, she knew that there was only one person that could possibly help her get through it and actually manage to best Yelena, and that was Natasha. Natasha knew Yelena better than anyone, and they were practically inseparable and joined at the hip. If anyone could prank Yelena and actually pull it off, it had to be Natasha.

  Kate was starting to get a little worried about Natasha’s answer, concerned that because Natasha was Yelena’s sister that she would not agree to help Kate. However, Natasha suddenly laughed, a wide grin spreading across her face, and Kate felt relief running through her as she laughed with her. Natasha reached out to her, gently squeezing the joint between Kate’s neck and shoulder.

  “Of course, good grief… I thought something was wrong,” Natasha chuckled warmly, and Kate shrugged sheepishly with a grin.

  “Sorry,” Kate apologized, and Natasha shook her head as she eyed Kate lovingly.

  “It’s alright. Don’t worry, I would be glad to help you prank Yelena,” Natasha assured her with a wide grin, and Kate let out a breath as she grinned, pleased that she officially had an ally in this endeavor. After all, she was going to need all the help she could to get Yelena back.

  “So what are we doing?” Natasha questioned, and Kate smiled just a little as a thought came to her mind.

  “You said she was napping, right?”

  Natasha grinned widely and evilly, and Kate chuckled as she nodded to her slowly, already having an idea.

  This was going to be good.






      Yelena suddenly woke up, realizing that someone was gently rubbing her stomach softly as they laid there just behind her and held her against them. Yelena immediately took in Natasha’s scent washing over her, and she grinned sleepily as she pushed back and nestled further into Natasha’s hold. Natasha pressed her forehead to the back of Yelena’s neck.

  “Mm… Morning,” Yelena expressed, and Natasha chuckled immediately. She sounded far too awake to have been sleeping with Yelena for very long, so Yelena knew that she had probably just come to bed.

  “More like evening, but okay,” Natasha playfully poked Yelena’s stomach, and Yelena just halfheartedly swatted at her as she relaxed against her trustingly. Yelena huffed a little at her.

  “Whatever, you stinky poser… Always having to get technical,” Yelena complained, and Natasha giggled warmly.

  Yelena furrowed her brow a little as she took in the sound of Natasha’s laugh. Something was off about it, but Yelena could not exactly put her finger on it. She had the strangest feeling that something was not quite right.

  Yelena wordlessly rolled in Natasha’s embrace, and Natasha was just smiling softly as Yelena met her eyes. However, as Natasha slightly shifted her eyes to take in the entirety of Yelena’s face, she huffed a little, a giant grin on her face as she looked at her. Yelena furrowed her brow, eyeing Natasha strangely.

  “What’s so funny?” Yelena questioned skeptically.

  “Nothing. You’re just cute,” Natasha expressed, and Yelena narrowed her eyes a little, her guard going up as she realized that Natasha sounded far too amused for Yelena to entirely trust the statement. Besides, Yelena did not really appreciate being called cute, anyway. She was tough and threatening, even if Natasha tried to say otherwise.

  “Why do you keep laughing?” Yelena inquired, pushing a little further as she stared down the older woman. Natasha huffed as she grinned widely. She leaned forward and kissed Yelena’s nose.

  “You’re just cute,” Natasha repeated simply, and Yelena huffed before suddenly getting the weirdest feeling that something was on her face.

  “What? Did I drool or something?”

  “No,” Natasha laughed a little, sounding somewhat heartier in her mirth as she gazed at the blonde. Yelena immediately knew something was on her face as she realized Natasha was looking more in the area of her cheeks.

  Yelena looked at Natasha a moment more before getting up and heading for the bathroom connecting to their room in the compound. Natasha was laughing as she left to the other room, and Yelena could not help but wonder what was going on.

  She soon enough found out, however, as she flipped on the bathroom light and took in the sight of herself in the mirror.

  There before her very eyes, she realized that her entire face and neck was covered in random doodles and small phrases. Yelena just stared silently before looking down at the rest of herself.

  While her arms were not covered, her leg up to where her shorts reached the top of her knees was thoroughly drawn on where she had left it out from under the blankets, and she growled under her breath as she looked in the direction of the bedroom. She wasted no time in stomping out as she glared at Natasha.

   To her horror, Natasha had her phone out and appeared to be videoing the entire thing. Yelena’s eyes went wide, and she gaped at the redhead.

  “What— Are you recording me?!!!”

  “Maybe?” Natasha spoke, and Yelena growled before making a mad dash for the bed.

  Natasha swiftly took the phone and shoved it under the bed. Yelena launched herself onto the mattress on top of Natasha, and Natasha grunted with her sudden weight, but was mostly so busy laughing at Yelena’s expense that she could hardly defend herself.

  “Why?! Why’d you do that?!” Yelena demanded as she grabbed onto Natasha and tried to keep her pinned down.

  Natasha swiftly grinned and pushed back against the blonde, forcing her over as they started to wrestle on the bed as they had so many times before. Yelena fought back against her, a little more serious this time about remaining on top, but as they continued to push and shove at each other, Natasha kept coming out victorious.

  Yelena used her full strength as she forced Natasha over onto her side. Yelena tried to swing her leg up and over the redhead to straddle her. However, Natasha brought her own leg up to block Yelena, hooking her calf around Yelena’s leg as she forced her back over.

  “Seriously?! I didn’t do anything to you!” Yelena cried, and Natasha simply laughed as she leaned forward and kissed Yelena’s cheek playfully in far too slobbery, playful kisses. Yelena tried to pull back a little, making noises of disgust. Natasha chuckled warmly.

  “It’s revenge, little one,” Natasha stated cryptically, and Yelena scoffed, raising an eyebrow.

  “I’ve left you alone lately! What gives?” Yelena whined unceremoniously, and Natasha gave her one last kiss before pulling back and moving off of her as she sat up on the bed. Natasha had a far too self-satisfied grin, and Yelena sat up alongside her, wiping her face off with her arm.

  Once she moved her arm back, she noted that there were black markings left behind, and she let out a breath as she rolled her eyes.

  “Well, at least it’s washable. That’s kinder than what I would do,” Yelena pointed out with a slight grin, and Natasha nodded slowly, looking at Yelena with a raised eyebrow.

  “Trust me, I’m well-aware. You’d use permanent marker,” Natasha pointed out, and Yelena smirked widely as she looked over at her big sister smugly.

  “Without a second thought.”

  “Yep,” Natasha agreed with a shake of her head, chuckling, and Yelena then took it upon herself to examine the writing and whatnot on her leg. She first spotted the crudely drawn stick figure with angry eyes and what looked to be a ponytail on her knee. Yelena raised an eyebrow as she looked up at Natasha, completely unimpressed.

  “Is this how you see me?” Yelena asked, and Natasha shrugged.

  “Who knows,” Natasha mysteriously replied, and Yelena immediately got the inclination that Natasha knew something that she did not. However, she did not push her just yet, and decided to keep inspecting the drawings to hopefully get an answer of her own.

  Soon enough, she saw “Property of Natasha Romanoff” written along one side of her calf, and Yelena narrowed her eyes as she glared at the redhead. Natasha grinned winningly, and Yelena let out a deep sigh. But Yelena could not really deny the flood of warmth that ran through her at being claimed by her big sister. It was always nice to be so obviously wanted and loved by one of the few people that she considered to be her family and her favorite person in the world.

  Yelena then continued to follow down her leg, finding more and more crudely drawn doodles as well as some goofy phrases like “Lot of Pockets” and more dumb things. Yelena was quickly starting to realize that these writings did not really resemble Natasha’s handwriting at all. The only one that vaguely resembled Natasha’s writing was the “Property of Natasha Romanoff” one and a few of them that she had seen in the mirror, but the rest of these looked like someone else’s work altogether.

  She finally reached one on the outside part of her calf, and she suddenly realized precisely who the handwriting belonged to.

  “‘Kate Was Here?’” Yelena stated before remaining silent, and Yelena narrowed her eyes as she glared over at the redhead expectantly. Natasha grinned widely, quirking her brow as she gazed back at the blonde.

  “Surprise?” Natasha questioned with a grin, and Yelena sighed deeply.

  “Her idea?”

  There was a pause before Natasha finally answered.



  There was another silence before Yelena finally looked over at Natasha with a deep sigh as she started to get up and head for the bathroom.

  “And of course, you know this means war…”






        Kate was running the treadmill in the gym, and she could hardly keep running at this point because of her laughter at the video that Natasha had sent her. She finally turned off the treadmill, getting off of it carefully as she laughed hard and took in the look on Yelena’s face as she screeched about Natasha recording her.

  However, in the midst of her laughter, she suddenly received a text from Natasha. She furrowed her brow, looking at the oddly cryptic message.

  “Are you ready?” it read, and Kate suddenly felt a feeling of dread even though she did not totally know what was about to happen.

  She quickly got her answer when arms wrapped around her waist, and she was being dragged backwards.

  Kate immediately yelped, trying to fight back, and as she caught a flash of familiar blonde hair, she felt horror running through her as she suddenly found herself understanding Natasha’s weird text message. It had been a warning.

  “No, no, no, please, don’t do it, I’ll be good from now on!!! It was just a joke!” Kate cried, but she suddenly found herself flying up into the air as she was suspended by her ankle. Kate let out a deep breath as she narrowed her eyes a little, knowing that she was likely in for fifteen to thirty minutes of hanging like this. She always was in for it when Yelena decided it was time to give her payback for something that Kate half of the time did not even know what it was for.

  However, to her shock, Yelena had a far too wide grin on her face, and Kate spotted Natasha not too far from her. Kate’s eyes went wide as she looked at her old partner in crime.


  “I’m sorry, Kate. I helped you, so it’s only fair I help her, too,” Natasha regretfully informed her. However, while her tone was apologetic, the look in her eyes was anything but. Yelena was grinning evilly and she reached into her pocket as she handed Natasha something. Yelena then withdrew something for herself, and Kate was horrified as she suddenly realized that they had markers.

  “No, no, no, wait, wait, wait!!!” Kate cried quickly, but Yelena quickly grabbed her by the chin to hold her still as she started to write. Kate let out a deep breath, letting her hands drop from where they had tried to reach up and stop her fate. She decided that if Yelena was going to write on her, she did not particularly want it to look too bad and ridiculous even though the sayings and drawings were no doubt going to be embarrassing.

  Natasha then approached as well, writing on her neck as she gently placed a hand at the back of Kate’s head to steady her. Kate tried and failed miserably to keep from squirming underneath the touch and the weird feelings squiggling along her skin.

  This went on for just a moment, and as soon as Kate noted Natasha’s gaze meeting her own, she pouted heavily, looking as sad as she could. Yelena just scoffed, rolling her eyes.

  “Look, Katie-Bear, it’s not so bad… Poser made me use washable marker,” Yelena pointed out, and Natasha chuckled warmly as she used her own marker to write underneath Kate’s chin. Kate wriggled a little, trying to evade their markers ticklishly tracing themselves on her neck and face.

  “Don’t call me Katie…”

  They continued and Kate kept trying to hold back her huffs as she did her best to stay still as she could. Natasha suddenly paused as she zeroed in on what Yelena was writing.

  “Rooskaya, you can’t write that,” Natasha laughed, looking at her and trying to sound chastising despite doing a terrible job at it. Kate felt a pit of worry growing within her as she realized that it must have been something horribly and awfully embarrassing.

  “It’s washable, don’t be a stick in a puddle,” Yelena shot back at her, and Natasha rolled her eyes affectionately with a huff.

  “Stick in the mud, sweet girl,” Natasha corrected gently, and Yelena scoffed as she stepped back to view her handiwork. Natasha followed her lead, and once she shared a glance with Yelena, they both nodded. Yelena went over to let Kate down, and Natasha grabbed her shoulders softly as she helped guide her down from her suspended position.

  Kate soon was laying on her back, and Natasha patted her cheek softly, bending down to press a kiss to the tip of her nose. Kate scrunched her nose a little, but nevertheless felt her heart swell at Natasha’s tender affection. Natasha then pulled back, offering a hand to help her up.

  Kate took it, and as soon as she was on her feet, she turned to face Yelena uncertainly, and to her surprise, she suddenly found herself face-to-face with a phone camera. Kate groaned as the phone clicked in indication of the picture that was made.

  “Here, Little Bishop, I thought you’d want to see what we wrote,” Yelena told her, and Kate looked at the screen as Yelena’s held the phone firmly in her hand to presumably keep Kate from snatching it.

  Kate squinted a little, and quickly took in the sight of Natasha’s writings along her neck. There was something written in the Russian alphabet and something in Kate wondered if it was shchenok as Natasha always called her so affectionately. There was what looked to be a poorly drawn bow and arrow on her neck and she took in a few other random words and phrases and little drawings on her neck.

  However, when she got to her face, she was positively horrified at what was written. Yelena had mostly written phrases and words, some of which included “Katie-Bear,” “Chicken Wing,” and “#1 Dorkface.”

  But when she spotted what Yelena had written on her forehead, her eyes went wide in pure horror.

  There written in big letters on her forehead was “I LUV CLINT BARTON.”

  Kate immediately took off running for the closest bathroom, swiftly pulling up her hood on the sleeveless hoodie she was wearing as she made a run for it and prayed that no one would stumble upon her in this state.

  While Kate guessed that she should have probably seen this coming…

  She was honestly just glad Yelena did not use permanent marker.