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til you say the words (it's not enough)

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I

 

"...And Clary wants a knot."

"From him?"

"She didn't specify. But both you and I know her AND he's the only alpha amongst us"

"He's never going to agree with that, and you know that. You should know your brother better than I"

"We should ask anyway. You know he's never going anywhere near Clary's room while she's in heat, so don't give me this look."

 

---

 

"No. She's in heat and clearly, she can't consent like that" The blue-eyed boy said, as if it was the end of the conversation "That's just her body asking, I'm not going to do that"

"She has been asking for this for cycles now, Alec. Do you understand it's me and Isabelle who has to deal with a whining Clary asking to be knotted everytime we bring her food?"

"Well, that's entirely your body's fault you didn't present, Jace" He smirked, ending the conversation

 

"I can't believe he said that to me, Isabelle!"

"He learned a lot from you, it seems" Izzy laughed "Okay, let me talk to him"

 

"Alec..."

"The answer is no"

"I didn't even ask you! But see, that's what it comes with being the one in charge of the Institute, and the Institute is the one in charge of her right now. What are we supposed to do?"

"Buy her new toys"

 

II

 

It gets worse next heat.

"Call Simon" Alec says "Isn't he an alpha?"

Isabelle contemplated it. Yes, Simon is an alpha, and definitely, he would love to knot Clary anytime, but as Clary's best friend she knows something Alec doesn't and she fights hard to find an excuse. Then she remembers she doesn't need one because Simon is Clary's best friend as well and he might already know. So, she can call and talk about it and let him find an excuse.

"Fine" she says as she grabs the cellphone, scrolls until Simon's contact and calls the boy.

It doesn't take more than three seconds until the guy picks up, and about two minutes until Isabelle can explain that Clary is in heat with a voice that begs him to say "I can't do it". She's with Simon with her speakers on so Alec can hear the whole conversation. She didn't need to, but she figured it out it was only the best way to prove to Alec whatever he was saying was true. She just hoped it didn't backfire.

Simon went silent on the line for a good minute before laughing out loud. "Are you suggesting I should have sex with my childhood friend? I know knotting is biology and all, but I think she wouldn't want me to do it. Why isn't she on suppressants, though?"

 

"Suppressants. Yeah, heat suppressants. Why isn't Clary on heat suppressants?"

That's the first question Alec makes when Izzy hangs up.

"I can't believe you just forgot she needs to wear them off for a while. Jocelyn put her through MAGIC suppressants which also did that to her heat. That's why her heats are so strong, she hasn't had any before coming here. If we just put her on heat suppressants now, if she ever gets out of them later, she will be out of control. Come on, big bro, stop being such an ass. Just give poor Clary a knot!"

"Not unless she can consent outside of heat"

 

III

 

"How many cycles did she go through?"

"I guess 6 now"

"And it hasn't stop or being less... you know?"

"Well, I don't expect you alphas to understand, Simon... Omegas can't take care of themselves while in heat, they only want to cuddle and experience intimacy. But in Clary's case... she has been denied heat for so long, and she also has been denied intimacy. She doesn't have an alpha; we have to lock her to her room, and she clearly doesn't want to stay there. Last heat she asked me to bring her one of his shirts so she could cuddle... Also... the fact she has never been knotted in her life..."

"Izzy... if he doesn't do this for the next heat, then I" He pauses, sighing deeply, knowing that Clary would probably hate him. She has asked him not to "I'll do it. Please call me, I can deal with Clary hating me if it means that she's going to get better"

"You love her"

"Don't you?"

"With all my heart. But I'm a beta"

 

Isabelle doesn't call Simon.

 

Simon is so mad at Isabelle not calling him that he storms into the Institute, looking for the girl.

 

"That was her request before heat" Isabelle says, with Clary curled into her lap. Alec and Jace were outside the Institute for a mission, so the girl was allowed to be outside of her room if she so wished even in heat "And you should not be here, since you're an alp--"

 

Fuck. It all happened so fast; Isabelle almost didn't have enough reflex to stop Clary from jumping into Simon. "PLEASE LEAVE!" She screamed as she tried to hold the omega girl and get her to her room. "Come on, Clary. Come on, let's just..."

 

But just as Simon was opening the door, it opened before him and Alec and Jace were there as well and it was too crazy because, holy shit, now Isabelle knew she couldn't restrain Clary from going after Alec and Simon and... oh... oh no... two alphas... and an omega in heat waiting for them.

 

"JACE, CALL HODGE IMMEDIATELY, WE NEED HELP!"

 

IV

 

"I'm sorry, it was all my fault" Clary says, the day after her heat has passed to both Simon, Alec, and Isabelle.

Alec only looks at her and leaves. Simon says she doesn't need to apologise, after all it's her biology as well as theirs.

Isabelle looks at her like they need to talk later, which clearly implies "when Simon leaves". Clary understands, and that's why she knocks on Isabelle's room as soon as her friend goes home.

 

"You can enter"

"Did you want to talk to me?"

"Yes. It's about your heat, as you can imagine. Clary, I don't know much, I'm not an omega and I can't provide you more knowledge than the one on the books Jace, Alec and I read when we had our classes with Hodge..."

She started and it was clearly that she was bothered by the fact she has to have this conversation "...But I can provide you some advice about my brother. She's not going to knot you unless you invite him to spend your heat with him before it. He's all about consent. He's not going anywhere near you when you're in heat. He doesn't want to lose his control. If you really want him to do it, then you're going to grow some balls and talk to him"

"He avoids me, Isabelle!”

"Well, I can't do it for you"

 

---

 

Alec leaves for another mission and Isabelle has to go through the list of the things the Institute has to order from Alicante. She double checks everything on the last lists and it seems to be all okay plus an addition. Rut suppressants.

"You're fucking kidding me, Alexander Gideon Lightwood!"

 

---

 

"Alec is gonna take suppressants"

"WHAT? He isn't, that thing isn't safe for most alphas, is it?"

"He ordered it, and as you know, he's the only alpha in the Institute"

"I'll go talk to him as soon as he gets here"

"No, Jace, you'll not. Last thing we need is Alec taking it without we all knowing and something worse happening!"

 

Clary's tears fall before she can run.

 

---

 

"Oh my fucking God!" Isabelle cusses when she sees the silhouette running "Is it about time for her heat again already...?"

"Yeah, yeah it is. I was just helping her with her nest before you called me"

"She made a nest this time? Like... a whole nest? Do you think it can... it can be?"

"I don't know. We've only covered it theoretically, but it seems like it"

 

Isabelle never spent a whole heat with Clary but this time she does.

Because it pains her to see the waves of heat coming and going, Clary screaming his name, and crying afterwards because he's not there to comfort her.

 

---

 

"Rut suppressants, Alec?" Isabelle asks in a low tone, in one of the moments where she meets her brother when he's back to the Institute "You thought neither I or Jace would noti--"

"I never said you wouldn't. I just don't wanna risk"

"Risk what? Doing what she wants? She wants this, Alec! Stop being so ridiculous. We all know you want this too, or you wouldn't be afraid of just falling into temptation"

"I'm not going to knot someone without consent!"

"Just spend her heat with her next time. Did you see the nest she built last time? How can you be so sure it's without consent when you don't spend time with her! You literally seem afraid of just getting near Clary!"

 

Isabelle can't be sure it isn't her imagination because the voice is so low she can't distinguish the words clearly but she hears him saying "because I am" before turning away to leave. And, Isabelle, the one that never considered calling Simon against Clary's will, thought firmly about it.

 

"Coward" She thinks to herself, before going back to her room.

 

V

 

Alec is alone taking care of his duties in the Institute when Clary approaches the big room and knocks on the open door, bringing him to look at her.

"Yes?"

"Can we talk?" Her voice is so low she thinks she won't be able to speak anything, but she cried so much her last heat she doesn't think she can take it any longer. She has seen a doctor and after almost a year or so of going through heats, the doctor says it's safe for her to take heat suppressants, so that's what she's doing now. She has to order them through the Institute, so she has to go to Alec. Well, Clary thinks, at least he's going to be able to stop his suppressants. She has heard enough about them to know they're dangerous.

"About?"

"Shop list... I need... something... Can I... Can I close the door?"

 

He gestures to her that it's okay to close the door, and she does.

 

"What is it?" Alec says, not taking his eyes out of whatever he's working on.

"I need you to order... heat suppressants for me, please. I-I'm going to..."

"Noted. I'm going to order them from Alicante for you. When's your next cycle?"

"I'm going through one more before it can possibly arrive here, so no rush"

"That wasn't my question"

"But that is going to be my answer"

 

Alec looked up, directly to her eyes "I don't understand. My sister keeps telling me you keep telling her that you want me to spend your heat with you. You never asked me directly and now you tell me this. So you don't want it anymore?"

 

The green eyed girl was speechless. "Y-you want to spend my heat with me?"

 

"I don't know if you know" He started "But tradition says the omega has to invite the alpha before heat and it's never the other way around, so it's 100% sure it's consensual. It doesn't matter what you say during heat because you can't consent then. But if you really want me to spend your heat with me" He paused as if this was something absurd to consider "Then I guess you'd have to tell me when it's gonna be, so I can prepare my schedule around it. You know, inform the Clave I'll be out of business for days. Clary, I run the Institute. I go to Alicante. It's not all fun and games to be the oldest"

 

"I should be preparing my nest by now. It's coming soon..."

"I see. It makes sense"

"What makes sense?"

"Your scent..."

"Aren't you on...?"

"How do you know?"

"I overheard Isabelle, I swear on the Angel. She didn't tell me anything... but..."

 

She steps back, though. She can smell... she can smell something like she smelled once when Simon was near rut as well. But wasn't Alec taking suppressants?

 

"Clary?"

"You... you smell as if..."

"Get the fuck out of here before it gets bad"

 

She smiled "You didn't take it"

 

Late that night, Isabelle is on the kitchen washing the dishes from the dinner and Jace tells her something so low Clary can't listen but Isabelle opens up her eyes and strangely she calls Clary aside.

 

"Did... did you give him consent today? You were in his office room while he was working"

"I couldn't. I just asked for what I needed. And he is the one that can't take consent from me right now anyway"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean exactly what you think I mean, Izzy. He is going into rut very soon."

 

"And this is my last heat". But this part Clary doesn't voice. Instead, she lets go from Isabelle and goes to her own room. She can already feel her sense of nurturing taking her over. She wants to ask Isabelle for the same old blanket, the pillow she always uses, and she wants to ask Jace to take the same shirt she always hugs -- Alec's shirt, by the way. She's almost turning to Jace's room to ask when she smells it, and her body and mind feels trapped.

He shouldn't be there. But he is and she looks at him and he looks at her. And he knows she isn't in heat, and she knows he isn't in rut but it is going to happen soon because their scent is there. And Clary says fuck mentally because it's her last chance, she's going on heat suppressants anyway so if he says no this time then she only has to endure this cycle and it's over.

 

"Alec!"

He locks his blue eyes on her green’s.

"You keep babbling about consent, but here it is. I am inviting you to spend my heat with me if you wish to. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, and I'm not mad if you say no because I know you're going into r---"

"Clarissa" Alec started, "I swear on the Angel, you're too... Clary sometimes"

 

She didn't know if it was something positive or negative, but she led him into her room anyway.

 

Clary wasn't wrong when she said her heat was coming, because she was literally all smiles and nest-making for two hours straight. She put pillows, blankets, and her bed was almost all tied up with comfortable things. She was laying down and Alec was by her side, sat on the chair. He could feel it. He could feel his pheromones reacting more and more to the fact she was getting closer and closer to heat while he was in the same room and being so close to rut definitely didn't help.

 

"What?"

"What, what?"

"What have made you change your mind and come share my heat with me? I thought you hated me"

"I don't hate you, Clary. I was just afraid."

"I see. Lay next to me..."

 

He did as she asked. Clary rested her head in his chest, and the scent was so strong he could feel it began. He didn't warn Jace or Isabelle, so they were on their own. Of course, he thought, Clary must've said to Isabelle at least about her heat so her sister will come check her sometime but...

 

Alec is already losing the battle with himself not to take advantage and he considers himself a good fighter. The taller boy touches the girl's face, pulling her closer to a kiss, and in that moment they both hear the lock on the door opening.

 

"Clary, I brought y--- I AM SO SORRY, PLEASE GO ON, I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING! I'll leave the water bottles at the bedside table, and you can ask your mate to bring you more next time, have a nice heat"

"Thank you, Izzy!"

 

Wait, did she say mate? Did she say next time?