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This Is Love

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Fin picked up the phone and held it against his ear. He glanced over the squad room, while the call was being connected, but luckily Amanda had left and it was empty. It was getting late anyway and Phoebe was waiting for him, but he knew what he had to do – one of his oldest friends would never forgive him if he didn't. Phoebe would understand, he was lucky like that.

"Sergeant Bell," came from the phone so suddenly that Fin flinched.

"Ayanna, it's Fin from SVU," Fin said quickly.

"Anything I can help you with?" Ayanna asked, probably looking over the clock. Yeah, Fin understood that.

"Yeah, I need to reach Stabler," Fin got straight to the point, no messing around.

"Stabler's undercover," Ayanna said, she sounded a bit annoyed.

Fin sighed.

"I know, but I really need to reach him," Fin was firm – he really needed to reach Elliot.

"I'm not in contact with Stabler at all times, you know how it works," Ayanna said, she definitely sounded annoyed now.

"I also know you have an emergency communication with him. This is emergency," Fin tried to get his point through.

"Something happened?" Ayanna asked, yet she was calm, but then again Fin was calm as well.

"Yeah, something happened. It's Liv, and Elliot needs to get his ass home for her," Fin spoke, he was not too keen on getting into the details with Ayanna, but he also needed to get to Stabler.

Ayanna paused.

"I haven't heard of any incident with captain Benson," Ayanna said hesitantly.

Fin rolled his eyes.

"She's not physically hurt, but trust me, when I'm telling you that Stabler needs to be there. Look, if he finds out about this – and I can assure you, he will – and realizes we didn't do everything to get to him, he will never forgive either of us," Fin said with all seriousness, he knew Elliot better than Ayanna and he had no doubt that Elliot would come after him. Not that he was trying to reach Elliot to save his ass, but that was a good added bonus. Truthfully, he was more concerned about Liv and he knew Elliot's UC job was putting a toll on both of them, no matter what state their relationship was just before he went UC.

Ayanna sighed heavily.

"I can send him an emergency signal for a meeting," Ayanna said defeatedly.

"Cool, tell me where to go," Fin said, already turning off the computer and gathering his belongings.

"I can't just tell you our meeting place, it could compromise the operation," Ayanna said.

Fin rolled his eyes. "We're on the same side, I promise not to let anyone know about it," Fin said seriously, all he could think of was getting to Stabler.

Reluctantly Ayanna gave up the details of an old laundromat.

"We are having a meeting there in an hour, Stabler called it in. Bring some dirty laundry," Ayanna said.

Fin rolled his eyes and ended the call. He couldn't believe Ayanna put up a fight if she was meeting Elliot later anyway.


When Fin got to the laundromat, Ayanna was already there. She had picked up her laundry from the machine – Fin was sure she never actually turned the machine on, while Elliot was diligently folding his shirts.

It was quiet enough and out of the way enough not to rise any suspicion, nobody seemed to be too observant of what's happening around them. Except, obviously Elliot noticed Fin the second he walked in. He looked panicked at first.

"Relax, I told him about this," Ayanna said quickly.

That's when real panic settled into Elliot.

"Is it one of my kids?" Elliot asked with slight panic.

Fin shook his head.

"They're all good," Fin assured him.

Elliot fell silent.

"Olivia," Elliot whispered into the air.

Fin nodded seriously.

Elliot's eyes were wide, his shirt long forgotten on the table, half-folded. He stepped closer to Fin and that's when the real panic settled in. He only saw her briefly when they were working together to get the girls from the Albanians. Well, she had reacted to Elliot being a bit close to Flutura and they didn't end that meeting on a good note, not that Elliot could blame her. It's not like their marriage was in a good place, but he needed this UC to finish before he could fix his marriage.

"Tell me about it on the way," Elliot replied instantly. There was nothing else he would do. Ayanna pointed at the shirts he had been folding before and he piled them into his bag, not bothering to put them there neatly and probably undoing all the diligent folding he'd done.

"I am not seeing Flutura tonight and I don't think Albi would need me either," Elliot said quickly to Ayanna, who nodded and even though she didn't like it, she understood Elliot and she was not going to stand in the way. "I'll send you a text when I'm going back under," Elliot added when he passed Ayanna.

"Do what you gotta do," Ayanna said, but Elliot was following Fin out of the laundromat. Ayanna didn't stick around, she left quickly after them to drive back home to her wife and son.


"She's okay physically," Fin told, when he started the car drove off, he knew Elliot's mind was going to places Fin didn't want him too.

"What happened?" Elliot demanded.

Fin sighed and for a second didn't know where to start and then decided to start from the beginning – it was a case that was supposed to be a good one with old partners Nick and Olivia back together, but it turned out to be anything but.

"It started with a cold case and a podcast," Fin said.

He made a turn and got onto the main road back to Manhattan. Then it hit him, that he wasn't sure if Elliot ever knew about Burton.

"Did Liv ever tell you about the older guy she was seeing when she was 16?" Fin asked somewhat awkwardly from a man, who had been in a relationship with Olivia for about 16 years.

Elliot tried to think.

"She mentioned it once ages ago, why?" Elliot asked, annoyed by this random question, and wanting to get to Olivia already. Flashbacks of an old conversation about soulmates came to his mind, her in one oversized pantsuit and him, when he had some hair and a wedding ring from another woman.

Fin sighed again.

"Look, that older guy was the podcast author – Burton Lowe, Liv hadn't seen him since high school," Fin said, a bit stuck on how to break the news without breaking Olivia's trust.

"Do I need to be concerned about this other guy making a move on Olivia?" Elliot asked bluntly, his blood only half-boiling at the thought. He knew just one thing – he wouldn't give up Olivia without a fight, old flame or not.

"No, man. He might want Liv, but I can assure you – she's not interested," Fin calmed Elliot down just a bit. He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, he was nervous.

"Look, one woman accused Burton of being a predator," Fin said, letting it sink in. He glanced over at Elliot, who sighed. Elliot tried to be calm, but he had been at SVU long enough, he could put things together. On the outside, however, he remained calm.

"Did it pan out?" Elliot asked.

Fin nodded. "More women came forward, but they were past the statute of limitations and none of the others accused him of rape," he spoke calmly, professionally. "Man, he spent time grooming the victims, giving them mixtapes and taking them to the restaurants, and then he slept with them and they consented to that," Fin added.

"Liv was vulnerable at that age," Elliot thought out loud, he thought back at everything Olivia had spoken about her teenage years with Serena. It wasn't good. "I'm sure he knew about her mother and how badly she wanted to escape home."

Elliot paused.

"Did he rape Liv?" Elliot asked seriously and swallowed.

Fin stayed silent.

"Liv doesn't see it that way," Fin said after a while.

"But she was sixteen," Elliot said. That was statutory rape and both men knew it, they also know that statue of limitations had long ran out. Elliot had never heard Olivia talk about that relationship – not that he really wanted to hear about her with other men. But then again, when she spoke about Lewis, she didn't mention that she had been assaulted before, other than the time she was undercover at Sealview.

Fin nodded.

Elliot cursed loudly, then banged his fist against his thigh and cursed even louder at the pain.

"She was holding it together, but she's shaken," Fin said.

Elliot remained silent.

They were rounding up the familiar block, where Olivia and Elliot had been living for years.

"Thanks for getting me," Elliot said quietly.

"Any time, man," Fin said, but he left out the part where he was doing it more for Olivia than Elliot, but it wasn't important at that moment.

"Is she still mad at me?" Elliot asked warily.

Fin shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't think being mad at you is in her mind right now," Fin said professionally.

They had reached the building. Olivia's car was parked outside and there was a faint light coming from the living room. It was late enough for Noah to be in bed already and Ben was in a soccer camp, for once Elliot was actually glad that the boys were not around, because he knew he had to be there for Olivia – she came first. He read somewhere that you should always put your partner first and then together put the kids first. That's what he'd been trying to do ever since.

"I'll kill him," Elliot said through his teeth.

"I'll help you hide the body," Fin said neutrally, both men knew he meant it. No questions would be asked and the badges would be left home.

Elliot chuckled.

"Go to her," Fin encouraged.

Elliot jumped out of the car and practically ran through the hallway and into the elevator, he was still clutching his bag with laundry. He remembered the last time he came home unexpected to her and he didn't want to remind her of that.

So, when he reached the door, he sighed and knocked very lightly.

"Liv, it's me," he said and leaned against the door.

He heard her footsteps, then she stopped and finally she opened the door. He pushed himself off the door just in time. His heart broke at the sight of her. She'd been crying – her eyes were red and puffy, her mascara was a mess and she was holding a wine glass in her hand, she was dressed casually for home in a pair of sweats, t-shirt and a cardigan; her hair was up in a messy ponytail.

"Liv," he said and stepped into the apartment. He dropped the bag on the floor and wrapped his arms around her. She came into his embrace with ease. "I'm so sorry," he said sincerely. He was running his hand in her hair and pressed his lips against the top of her head.

He closed the door with a swing of his hip, he winced when it banged shut.

"Olivia, I love you," he whispered into her hair, he kissed the side of her head that he could reach – he dropped kisses on his way while his arms remained tight around her. If his biggest wish in that moment would be granted, then she'd stay in his arms like this forever. "I love you so much," he whispered into her ear, then followed it with a kiss behind her ear. She shivered.

"El," she whispered. Her voice was coarse.

"I'm here, babe, and I'm not going anywhere," he assured her. At least that night he was not leaving, he'd rather take the fury of the Albanians and Ayanna, than leave Olivia alone in this state. He had his duty to his bosses, but he had even bigger duty to his wife.

She lifted her head from his chest and looked up at him. She swallowed.

"How much did Fin tell you?" she asked knowingly – Fin would be the reason for Elliot's arrival. She made a note to thank her sergeant later. She realized just how much she wanted Elliot when she felt the safety of his arms around her.

"Not much," Elliot replied. "Just that you ex was in town," he added.

Olivia took a deep breath and reached for a cupboard to place her wine glass there, Elliot leaned a bit with her to keep his arms around her. He was concerned.

She placed both of her hands on his cheeks, she held his face in her arms and there was something terrifying yet pleasant about it. Her arms on his body were so tender and sweet, but there was anticipation of something bad to come. He wasn't sure if he was ready for the bomb she was about to drop, he knew he'd rather know than not know and he wanted Olivia to be open and honest with him.

"Babe," he whispered.

Olivia didn't reply with words, she cradled his head in between her palms and leaned up to press her lips against his. She felt desperate and Elliot had no doubt that there would be some bad news following her kiss.

"I kissed him," she whispered.

Elliot was completely still. He didn't let go of her, but he didn't pull her back into his chest either. He offered no reaction.

"I mean he kissed me, but I didn't stop him. I let him kiss me," she elaborated, slightly rambling.

Elliot remained still.

She moved her thumb over his beard and onto his cheek. He remained emotionless.

"El?" she asked.

Still without giving any reaction, he looked for her eyes, upon finding them he hardened.

"If he comes near you again, I'll kill him," he promised, there was fire in his eyes, which scared Olivia just a bit, but not enough for her to feel unsafe. She knew Elliot wouldn't physically hurt her, she knew he might put his fist through the wall or go to the gym later, but he wouldn't do that in her presence. She knew he wouldn't cause her any physical harm.

"He won't," Olivia assured him.

"He'd better," he replied and pulled her back against his chest. He gave her a bear hug, pulling her as close as he could and holding her there. She closed her eyes.

He pressed his lips against her head, then cursed loudly.

"You were only sixteen," he whispered. He kissed her head again. "We have a son, who's fourteen, that's just a few years older than he is. He's just a boy and you were just a girl then."

Olivia leaned her head back a bit so she could look at him. He was angry, yet soft and concerned for her.

"El, he didn't force me to do anything. He was never violent. Everything we did, everything that happened, I wanted that to happen," she said seriously, thinking back of the times they were together. These used to be the good memories. Now they were not.

"Babe, you were only sixteen and you were incredibly gorgeous, he would've done anything to get you. And your house was a mess, he knew it and he used it against you," he spoke softly, his inner SVU detective taking control of the situation. He spoke to her like a victim, she was surely catching on.

"I know, I've been a SVU detective for two decades," she cut him off, she turned away from him. "Then how didn't I see it?" she asked. A lone tear fell into her cheek.

He brought his hand up to brush the tear away, he caressed her cheek and offered her a weak smile.

"Because you were just a teenager. You wanted to believe it was love," he said simply.

"But even later. Every time I look back to my relationship with him – I agreed to marry him, Elliot – I never saw it anything other than love," she spoke with slight frustration in her voice, another tear fell.

"It wasn't love," he assured her.

She ignored him. Her hands moved up to his shoulders, she found comfort in his muscular frame, she caressed him absentmindedly and turned her head down.

"It had me second guess every relationship I've had in my life. I thought I'm old enough to know what love is, recognize it and cherish it, but what if it's all built on some misguided definition I came up with when I was sixteen and so in love with Burton and everything he offered?" she spoke. Her breaths sped up, her voice giving away her insecurity, she was moving further from the calm into panic. "Except it wasn't love back then at all," she added quietly.

He wanted to argue with her, but he couldn't think of anything powerful enough. He could've assured her that he is in love with her, but he's sure Burton did all that too. He wished he could throw Burton off the cliff and then all of her memories of him would vanish as well.

"I mean, why are you here?" she asked. It came out way more aggressive than she expected, but Elliot didn't let himself be bothered by it.

"Because I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you ever since you walked into 1-6 and Cragen introduced us. From the first moment I saw you, I felt something for you then and it's only grown over the years," he said softly.

"I know. I'm in love with you too," she whispered. She swallowed hard. "I think," she added so quietly he was sure he imagined it, but the look in her eyes said that he didn't.

He froze on a spot. For a moment neither of them spoke or moved, until he recovered. He dropped his hand from her cheek and removed the one from around her midsection, took a step back and created some distance between them.

Olivia shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. She looked fragile, yet he didn't make a move to wrap himself around her again. He wanted to take her back into his arms, he desperately wanted to do that. He couldn't though.

"Olivia," he whispered.

"I don't know," she answered the question he hadn't asked yet.

"What does this mean?" he asked and swallowed.

"I don't know, El," she replied.

He sighed.

"El, I'm a mess right now. I feel so stupid, I feel used and I just don't know anything. I thought I was in love, I thought he loved me and I thought he'd be the answer to everything. But he wasn't. Nothing was like it seemed. It's the same with you. You had just separated from you wife and knew my dating life was a disaster. Maybe you flew in like a prince charming just to fuck me. I don't know what to believe anymore," she rambled, paused to look at him, but he was avoiding her eyes. He let her continue despite every part of him wanting to scream how wrong she was. "Have any of my relationships been real? What about the guys I've dated after Burton, did any of them really like me for me or did they just want to sleep with me?"

"No," he said roughly and lifted his head.

She flinched.

"Liv, Burton Lowe took advantage of you when you were a teenager. What he did was wrong and I wish I'd known you then, because I would've broken every bone in his body for that," he said, stopped briefly to lift his head and turn his eyes towards the window. "I might still do that if he happens to cross paths with me," he said after some consideration.

"Elliot," she warned him.

He shook his head and turned to her, he tilted his head and smiled, anger disappearing from his eyes.

"I love you. I've been in love with you forever. This is real. We are real. It's been what…." – he paused and used his fingers to count – "about 17 years that we've been together, married for 8. Honey, we were partners for 13, who am I kidding you'll always be my partner. We're equals, I've always seen you as my equal as my partner at work, my partner at home, my partner in raising a boy that's half you and half me. I'm not here with you because I feel obligated to or because you let me see you naked." He swallowed and looked at her, she was still tearful and just as fragile as when he got home.

"I'm here because I love you, because I don't wanna live without you. I'm here because I want to be with you. I want to be the one you lean on, when you're not strong and I want to be here for all the good and the bad. I wanna be the kind, devoted and loving man I promised to be, when I put that ring on your finger. We've had wonderful 17 years together and I want 17 more. I want to grow old and grey with you and sit on the porch in rocking chairs. You're not a prize or just chase for me, never have been," he spoke.

She stepped forward and fell into his chest again, she moved her hands around his neck, cradling the back of his head while he wrapped his around her waist.

"El, I know," she whispered into his shirt, she lifted her head. "But what if I'm not in love with you? What if I'm just into everything you offer? What if I'm just with you because I wanted a family so desperately that I picked the first man who showed any interest and convinced myself that it's love?" she spoke seriously. "I've done that before," she added.

He moved his palm soothingly on her back.

"I'm hardly the first man to show any interest in you," he said with a chuckle. "You had no problems kicking Cassidy to the curb and I'm sure he would've given you everything you wanted," he added with a bitter reminded that it could've gone that way and Olivia could've decided that she wanted more than just one-night stand from Brian Cassidy. And she could've done than either when they first worked together or when he appeared back in her life after 13 years. She didn't.

"Brian's not a family man," Olivia remarked.

Elliot grunted at the use of his given name, but he had to agree with her. It had always been a bitter memory of Olivia hooking up with him when they'd been working together for a little over a year and Elliot had already been falling for her.

"Liv, you've had chances to walk out on me, but you've always chosen to stay. I'm sure you could've left me for more attractive guys like the lawyer Langan or one of your ADAs or any other guy without ex-wife and 4 kids. I know I haven't always made it easy for you and I've hurt you and I'm so sorry for all of it. But you've stayed with me," he spoke gently.

Olivia inhaled deeply. She stepped away from him, still not convinced. "But you left," she said quietly.

Elliot swallowed.

"And I wish I hadn't," he said.

"Elliot, we can't keep doing this, you can't keep walking in and out on me as you wish. I never know where I stand with you. I can't do this, it's not fair to the boys," she yelled.

Elliot squinted his eyes and looked at her. She was angry, she was hurt and she was projecting at least some of that anger into him. He knew she was angry with him, but she was also angry with Burton, with herself, with the world.

"I'm not, Olivia," he said firmly. "I am not walking in and out. I'm in, never out."

"Then why are you fooling around with your new redhead?" she asked with venom. Ah, so that's what it was about. "These tits too saggy and not enough for you anymore? The scars on my belly too ugly for you? You want some other pretty skinny redhead spreading her legs for you? My middle-aged ass doesn't do it for you anymore?" She was provoking him.

"Olivia Benson-Stabler, you are gorgeous. Your boobs, your ass – all of you is perfect. Don't ever talk about yourself like that again because it's not true, you're gorgeous. You're the prettiest woman I've ever seen. I love you, I want you and there's been no other woman for me since I've had you," he said with surprising calmness. He wasn't taking the bait, he'd never say anything unkind about Olivia's looks as he thought she was perfect. She obviously didn't expect Elliot not to react.

"I heard you slept with Flutura," she spat out.

"I didn't," he replied instantly.

She wasn't convinced.

"Look, she came to me, yeah I kissed her and yeah for a moment I thought I'd have to sleep with her for my cover, but I didn't," he said and stopped. His voice had risen, so he took a deep breath, gazed deep into her eyes and continued more quietly. "I couldn't get it up, she was kissing me and the little man didn't even give a little rise for the occasion, not even a twitch – it was completely dead to the world. I ended up with a lie about having some problems in that department. We had a chat and she left, she promised to keep my secret," he spoke seriously.

"Are you having problems?" she asked coldly.

"Haven't had them with the woman I'm in love with," he said with a small smile. He was sure if he could take her into his arms and feel her hands on his body and his lips on her, he would get an erection that could only be relieved by burying himself between her legs. He had felt his blood run to his lower abdomen already in anticipation of seeing Olivia after so long.

Olivia walked past him, still angry, and grabbed the forgotten wine glass. Elliot turned around and chose to observe. He knew her well enough not to provoke her any further and wait for her to calm down, he also knew she wasn't really angry with him. Nevertheless, their separation and his absence was putting another toll on her, and he wished more than anything to come back home. For now, he settled on observing Olivia from a small distance and trying to diffuse her – and maybe save his marriage in the process.

Olivia downed the remaining wine, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She was visibly trying to calm herself.

She sighed and walked over to the sink and started washing her glass.

There was some loud noise, a muffled scream and the glass was shattered all over the sink. It felt like the bottle of vodka her mother dropped, when she was 16 and telling her about her engagement, and like the glass Burton threw at the door. It was all crashing over her and she couldn't deal with it. She wanted it to stop, she wanted to put the past in the past and wished it would stay there.

"Liv," Elliot whispered and closed the distance between them. She came back into reality.

He stood behind her and saw the blood tickling down her hand. There was a lot of blood. "Damnit it, Olivia," he cursed with no venom in his voice. He turned the water to cold and guided her palm underneath it, he was gentle with her. There was a gash on her right hand from the bottom of her index finger until her wrist.

Elliot reached for the bottom drawer for a clean towel, upon finding it, he pressed it against her palm and held the pressure.

"I'm sorry," she said and let out a heavy breath. The reality was sinking in and her anger was fading, she let of a small sob. The dam was breaking.

Elliot – still standing behind her – wrapped his free arm around her waist and rested it against her belly, he pulled her slightly and she went to him willingly, she relaxed.

"El, I'm so sorry," she said quietly.

"It's okay, babe," he assured her. He lifted the soaked towel to assess her hand. To his great relief he saw that whereas her hand was still bleeding, the wound was not too deep and she wouldn't need stitches. There was also a few other smaller cuts in her palm and one on her middle finger. He put the towel back and guided her hand back under the water.

Elliot leaned forward, he put his chin on her shoulder and moved his other hand around her and caressed her belly absentmindedly, it had a soothing effect on her. She brought her hand to cover his and followed the movements of his hand. "I've got you, you're safe," he whispered.

"Elliot," she whispered.

He kissed her cheek and moved to drop kisses on her jaw, he started swaying with his hips, making her sway with him. "I'm here and I'm not letting go of you," he promised and closed his eyes. "I'm so in love with you, I love every part of you. Even the parts you'd rather I not know about," he whispered with his lips on her neck.

Olivia sobbed quietly.


Both adults opened their eyes and broke out of the trance they had fallen into. Noah was standing on the doorway to the kitchen in his pajamas and his curly hair perfectly in place.

"Noah, why aren't you in bed?" Olivia asked. She was quickly trying to compose herself and wipe her eyes.

"I heard a noise," Noah said, he rubbed his eyes. "Dad, what are you doing here?" it seemed that Noah realized only then, that his dad was home, yet he wasn't supposed to be.

"Just came to check in on you and your mom," Elliot said quickly.

Noah was too sleepy to question Elliot's real motives or he just didn't want to know them. "Mom, are you okay?" he asked innocently.

Olivia coughed. She glanced over at her hand still under a running water and bloody towel around it, she knew her eyes were puffy, and her mascara was smeared.

"Oh, honey, I broke a wine glass and cut my hand, but it's all better now," Olivia said with a smile. She turned off the tap, while Elliot lifted the towel to see that most of the bleeding had stopped.

"But mom could still use one of your hugs," Elliot said. He released Olivia, who squatted down and welcomed a very tired Noah, who fell into Olivia.

After some protests from Noah, and a clean towel around Olivia's palm, Elliot carried Noah back to bed and he fell asleep almost instantly, after which Olivia led Elliot into their bedroom and locked the door behind them.

"Liv, you might question me, but there are two boys, who love you truly and unconditionally," Elliot said softly. "Just like I do. I wish you'd believe that."

"El, I need you to love me tonight," she said decisively.

"I love you every night," he replied with furrowed brow. "And day," he added for good measure with a sweet smile.

Olivia smiled. She guided his arms around her waist and kissed him. "Elliot, I need you to be my husband tonight and love me in between the sheets without any clothes on," she clarified her wish.

Elliot smiled.

"Gladly, missis Stabler," he replied.

Olivia rolled her eyes.

He inched closer to her with a sweet smile. Elliot gently placed his hands on her waist, he kissed her lips just as softly and with no urgency. His lips moved from her mouth to her neck, where he continued dropping gentle kisses on her tanned skin. She moved her arms around her neck, the towel around her palm fell to the floor, but the bleeding had mostly stopped anyway. She started fidgeting with the collar of his shirt. She moaned quietly.

He smiled against her skin and continued kissing her neck, he moved downwards and pushed her cardigan aside so he could kiss her shoulder, his lips moved along the bare skin he could reach. His fingers found the edge of her cardigan and pushed it up her body. His lips parted from her as she obediently put her hands up while he took the item of clothing and threw that on the chair.

He kissed her with more urgency now, more fueled by need and passion. He touched the hem of her t-shirt, and his hands slipped underneath to touch her soft skin. His palms pulled her against him, he groaned, when she came to contact with his groin, he was semi hard already. He groaned into the kiss. It had been too long since he last had her like this. It had been too long since they were alone together and nobody was in drug induced fairyland.

He took the hem of her t-shirt, his lips left hers again so he could pull the shirt over her head and discard it. As soon as she could drop her hands, she started working on the buttons of his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders.

"Olivia," he whispered appreciatively as his eyes raked over her almost naked upper body, with skin toned cotton bra the only item still covering her ample breasts.

His pants became suddenly tight, but he ignored it for now. Yeah, there was nothing wrong with the little guy when he's with a woman he desires.

His lips found hers again, but only for a moment. He continued kissing her neck and now exposed shoulders, while she pushed her sweats down and stepped out of them, clad in her underwear. She obviously didn't plan for Elliot's arrival and invitation to the bedroom, with the lacy and sexy underwear sitting in her top drawer untouched for months and most likely gathering some dust. She knew Elliot didn't really care what she was wearing and his priority was mostly to get rid of the clothes, but she occasionally needed them to feel sexy.

Her hands found the belt of his pants and undid it. Next thing he knew, she was pushing his pants down until they fell to his feet. His obvious erection showed itself through his boxer briefs, but Elliot had other plans for her before he could set himself free from the restrictive clothing.

If she wanted to move along, he was happy to oblige. He wrapped his arms around her, he shared a quick look with her before kissing her again. He walked backwards with her until the back of her knees hit the bed and he carefully guided her on the bed. He pulled her upwards until she was in the middle of the bed. He smirked, when he glanced down and saw her panties slick with arousal.

But he had no intentions to tend to it just yet either.

Elliot climbed on top of her, he unhooked her bra and removed it from his way. He buried his face in between her breasts, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was one of his happy places, and to think Olivia thought in a moment of jealousy that he didn't like her breasts. He laughed at the thought.

He kissed her nipples, then took the left one between his lips and ran over the sensitive bud with his tongue. She hissed, her abdomen tensed and then softened again. He repeated the movement a few times, getting a reaction from her every time and then took as much of her left breast as he could into his mouth, his fingers playing with the right one.

"These are just perfect," he said after he'd released her left breast with a loud pop. "These are what dreams are made of." And with that he quickly swapped to her right breast and repeated her actions.

"El," she pleaded.

He knew she was asking him to move on and not because she didn't like it, but because she liked it just enough to get close to needing a release. That was something he could help her with.

"Hmmm… Impatient much?" he teased her.

"Elliot," she whined, her own hand moved between them and touched her clit, which was just begging for some attention.

He smirked, kissed her nipples once more and resigned to giving her just what she wanted – later he could return and continue worshiping her.

She lifted her hips and he pulled her comfortable cotton panties down to her feet, where she kicked them to the floor. He spread her legs and guided her thighs over his shoulders. He saw the wetness pooling around and he couldn't resist running her fingers through it, knowing that was because of him.

"You look amazing, babe," he said with adoration.

Next thing his mouth was on her clit, she shrieked at the contact, and his tongue was moving over her clit expertly. His fingers were still teasing her opening, but he had no intentions to finger her.

As he sped up the movements, her voice became louder, until she grabbed a pillow and covered her mouth with it. Her hands were against his bald head and her abdominal muscles were clenching and unclenching. Elliot placed his palm on her abdomen to feel just how close she was getting.

"Oh, fuck," she said into the pillow.

Elliot smirked, he knew she was close. And then he felt it. His named rolled off her tongue as her muscles contracted, she lifted her hips off the bed and his head along with it, her thighs squeezed his head and his name kept falling from her lips until the contractions stopped and her orgasm had run its course.

He didn't stop the movements of his tongue before she pushed him away having had enough and she was too sensitive for touch. He was proud of himself. He ran his tongue over her oversensitive clit just a few more times to clean her up.

He adjusted himself inside the boxer briefs, now unbelievably tight and restrictive, then crawled up on her body, threw away the pillow and kissed her. She tasted herself on his tongue and that was just his intention.

"I love it, when you come on my tongue," he whispered with arousal.

"I love your tongue," she replied.

He hummed in approval and kissed her again, her tongue moved with his eagerly to taste more of herself. He didn't mind sharing, he already had plans to have her come on her tongue again before the night was over.

"Do you need a minute?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said and sighed. She was still coming down from the high. Her heart was beating fast enough to offer competition to hummingbird and her breathing was as fast as it would be after running a marathon.

Elliot accepted her response, he kissed her tenderly once more and then moved down on her body again.

"Where was I?" he asked himself while leaving a trail of kisses on his way back to her breasts. He kissed her nipple again and continued playing with her breasts. He used his both hands and mouth to make sure he was giving her the maximum attention possible. "Ah, yes, I was busy here trying to convince you that your breasts are just perfect," he spoke more to himself. He shifted to sitting position and sat down on her lower abdomen, but he kept his weight on his knees placed on either side of her, whereas his erection was not against her, he was sure she was aware of it. He took her boobs in his hands, he looked down on them, playing with them, pretending to observe them, his thumb moved across her nipples and playfully weighed them in his palms. "They're gorgeous, they have just the right size, the best shape and your nipples are just like icing on top, they're perfect. Find me a fool that says they're not and I'll show you a liar," he said, his attention on her breasts, as he moved them in his palms.

Olivia was silent, she realized what he was doing and it was enough to take away her breath. A tear formed at the corner of her eye and she couldn't stop it from falling. Elliot noticed it, he wiped it away wordlessly. He leaned down and kissed her quickly. "Babe, you're okay. I've got you," he assured her.

He moved himself lower on her body and covered her with himself. His lips found her neck and instead of going for kisses behind her ear or on the side that made her giggle, he went straight to the fading scar on the lower right side of her neck and kissed it so gently.


She sighed, but didn't stop him. He was gentle with her scar, and just when she assumed he'd go straight back to worshiping her breasts, he kissed every scar around them, on them and edging them, that Lewis left on her body, but then he bypassed them completely and continued tracing the scars on her body he could locate, including the one she had on her knee from playing basketball in High School.

"They're all part of you, and I love every single one of them," he whispered. He kept his palm on the scar at her lower abdomen, while his lips moved back up to her neck and kissed the scar Gitano gave her. He reached for her right hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed the back of her hand and then ghosted his lips over the cut on her hand.

"I wish this would be the last scar on your body," he whispered, he closed her hand and covered it with his. His eyes met hers again, she was vulnerable under his stare more than she felt being naked underneath him. "But it's not because I think they're ugly, because they are not. They're the part of you, which says that you survived. You've lived and you've experienced things nobody ever should," he paused and swallowed, memories of Olivia returning after being held captive for 4 days flooding his mind, but he pushed them away. "You're a survivor and the scars represent that. And I wish you wouldn't get another scar, because I don't wanna see you get hurt and not because I think they're ugly. I wish you wouldn't have to bleed anymore."

He nuzzled her neck and kissed her softly against the scar Gitano gave her on the day their relationship nearly ended.

"Your body is meant to be loved, cared for and protected," he spoke, he moved both of his strong arms around her, underneath her, and held her against him, hers moved around his neck. "I'll protect you and I'll keep you safe. And I've loved so long, I can't even remember the time, when I wasn't completely and insanely in love with you," he whispered into her ear and sealed it with kiss. "I love every part of you, even the parts you don't," he added.

"Elliot," she whispered as she let out a heavy breath, she was completely overwhelmed by him, and whereas she knew he loved her, she wasn't prepared to hear his affection, his worship of her body and the parts she herself wasn't quite as accepting of. But of course, he knew that. She'd closed her eyes once she realized that he was looking for her scars and turning them into something beautiful.

It was Elliot showing her that he wasn't put off by her scars, that her insecurities over her body meant nothing to him, and if she was scared that he would find her anything other than desirable, she was wrong, because he fell in love with her soul long before he touched her, long before his body was granted its desires and he found his forever home in her arms.

"Olivia," he replied, her name rolled from his tongue with a heavy breath.

"I love you," she said, still completely overwhelmed. She curled her legs around him and linked her ankles at the small of his back, pushing him hard into her. He groaned when his erection hit her thigh, it was longing for some attention, longing to be freed.

He kissed her neck just below her ear and sucked gently, but not hard enough to leave a mark. He didn't wanna cause her any discomfort or even slightest hint of pain tonight, even if it was the kind of pain she enjoyed during their lovemaking. That night it was all about love and protection, and nothing else.

"Hmmm," he hummed against her skin. "I love you too," he replied. He moved his palms on her back to the arch of her back and then back up to her shoulder blade, his hold around her screaming of protectiveness. They both knew she was safe with his arms around her and his body covering her.

"El, make love to me," she whispered seductively and his cock twitched.

He lifted his head and looked at her with a sneaky grin. "You can feel how much I desire you?" he asked with a lift of his eyebrows.

"Either that or you have very impressive steel rod in your pants," she replied mischievously.

He smiled, kissed the corner of her mouth and released her. She moved her legs back to the bed, so he was free to discard his boxer briefs. He sighed with relief, when his penis bobbed free and bounced a few times.

Elliot returned into her waiting arms, she wrapped her arms and legs around him, and he knew it meant no more foreplay was going to happen. He guided the tip of his penis against her core and teased her just a little bit, but instead of pushing inside her, he used his fingers instead to test her first. She moved underneath his touch, wanting for more – needing more. Elliot's fingers were quickly covered with her wetness.

"I love how wet you are, babe," he spoke, while he was teasing her with the tip of his penis again, coating it with her juices for smoother penetration.

"It's been a very long time since I've had a man with a hard as rock penis in my bed," she explained.

He smirked proudly. He looked for her eyes, silently asking for permission, only after having received the green light from her, did he enter her.

They both groaned, while he pushed himself all the way inside her. She was tight around him, way tighter than he remembered. Olivia dug her heels into the small of his back and pushed him as far inside her as possible, her hands on his back holding him close to her.

He sighed, rubbed his beard over her neck and sucked on her skin. One of his strong arms moved underneath her again and wrapped itself around her upper back, the other one remained on the bed beside her.

She relaxed and rocked her hips gently, he took his cue and slowly pulled himself all the way out, only to plunge himself back into her.

"Fuck," she said with a loud exhale. Her hand gripped his muscular back and her nails dug into his skin, not tight enough to draw blood, but just enough to leave a mark for him the next day and give him something to remember when he's back to being UC.

He started moving his hips slowly, finding his rhythm and Olivia encouraged that with her heels on his back. She gasped every time he was fully inside her, he smirked against her skin.

"You feel so good," he complimented her. Finally, he lifted his head from her neck and looked at her, he saw her complete and unconditional love for him reflecting in her eyes, and he knew that his eyes said the same thing to her.

He kissed her lips. It was slow and passionate. He moved his free hand between them and found her clit, she gasped into his mouth the moment his fingers made contact with her again. He smiled against her lips, his tongue running over hers.

She shifted her head to a side, his lips fell from hers, but he latched onto the skin on her neck again and used his tongue to mimic the pattern his fingers were drawing on her clit. "Elliot," she whined, her hands were pulling him tight against her again. He couldn't imagine much better situation than this – Olivia holding her close to him, her soft boobs against his firm chest, his tongue was drawing masterpieces on her pulse point, his fingers on her clit building up her orgasm and most importantly – his penis was deep inside her, edging himself closer to a long-awaited release.

"Do you wanna come?" he asked calmly against her.

"Yeah," she panted, her heels urged his hips to pick up the pace ever so slightly. "With me?" she asked. She moved one of her hands down his back until she met her ankles and back up to cradle his bald head.

"I'm close," he grunted and followed her instructions in picking up the pace. His fingers on her clit didn't change the pattern of their movements though.

"Yeah, right there," she urged him on, she'd closed her eyes already.

"Liv, I'm gonna come," he warned her through gritted teeth.

"So close," she said, then threw her head back and dug her fingers into his skin. "Elliot." His name rolled off her tongue like a plea or a prayer.

"Let go, babe," he instructed her while he was plunging into her, desperately holding back his release.

She arched her back and her whole body tensed. "Elliot," she whispered with a smile as pleasure ran through her veins and her muscles spasmed in sporadically. She barely registered Elliot saying her name after a few strong strokes into her, and then he stilled. His lips found hers while they were both chasing their climaxes. She stilled in his arms, and her legs fell to the mattress releasing him.

His arm around her kept her safely against his chest, and even in a vulnerable position beneath him completely naked and on an emotional rollercoaster, she felt more loved than she had with any other man before Elliot.

She wiggled her hips, when her orgasm had ran through her body, but his fingers were still working on her now oversensitive and borderline painful clit. He didn't pick it up though, for he was still lost in his own pleasure. She moved her hand from holding his back to swat away his fingers, she was too sensitive for touch and too old to push through the oversensitivity right into another orgasm. "Elliot," she hissed breaking the kiss.

"I'm sorry," he replied instantly, realizing what had happened.

She shook her head, brushed it off and gave him a quick kiss. She closed her eyes in a blissful moment of complete satisfaction, feeling the arms of a man she loved around her and having her arms around him, making sure that he was safe as well.

"Elliot, of course I love you, I'm sorry I doubted myself, I'm sorry I doubted you," she said quietly.

He smiled with contentment. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and in her hair. His arms were still wrapped around her. "I love you. Always have, always will. And I'm happy to remind you of that any time you want," he replied.

She smiled.

Elliot moved, he pulled out of her, which made both of them groan, and rolled himself to his back, Olivia ended up resting her head against his chest.

She felt herself starting to drip, their combined juices were starting to fall out and her reaction was to get up and go to the bathroom, but she really didn't want to leave him. Nevertheless, she made an attempt to get up, placed her palms on his chest and tried to push herself up, but Elliot wouldn't loosen his grip around her.

"Where are you going?" he protested.

"I need to clean myself up, I'll be back," she explained.

He shook his head, took her hands in his and pulled slightly. "Let me," he said earnestly.

"El?" she questioned.

He tugged her hands towards him once more.

"Just come," he encouraged her and tilted his head. He licked his lips to give her an idea what he was intending to do.

"You sure?" she asked, while sitting on his abdomen and slowly moving herself higher up his body. He nodded eagerly. "I want to, Liv," he assured her.

He'd read about it, but had never actually done that before. Elliot was eager to try, he felt pride in going down on her and knowing just how to pleasure his wife with his tongue. It was time to give it another spin and see how she liked it.

As she moved, she left a small trail of his semen on his chest and into his beard until her opening was lined up with his mouth.

He tested it first with running his tongue over her. She gasped. He tasted himself mixed with her, there was something primal about it, he was sure in a world of fetishes, there would at least be a few for men who like to eat their cum out from their woman. Elliot might become one of them.

She shifted and lifted her hips a bit higher, he followed her with his head leaning up as well.

"El," she said and moved her hips further from his mouth.

Elliot dropped his head on the bed and looked up at her, though he was distracted by her cunt being so close to him. She sensed it and moved back to sitting on his chest.

"You don't want it?" he asked, his hands found her he moved them from her hips to her waist and back again.

"Elliot, are you sure about it?" she asked again for confirmation.

Elliot nodded, he smiled wickedly. "I'm sure," he assured her and glanced down at her clit. "I didn't have my desert today," he said like an innocent boy begging his mother for some ice cream. His was definitely rocking his puppy eyes.

"I don't want you to be uncomfortable," she voiced her insecurities.

He shook his head and wrapped his arms around her voluptuous ass, his fingers dug into her skin appreciatingly. "Liv, I will be anything but uncomfortable when you're naked and within my reach. I wanna do this. You know how much I love eating your pussy," he said sincerely, killing every doubt she had about this.

"Now, come here before you drip all over my chest," he joked and coaxed her back higher with his arms still around her ass.

"Promise to stop, when you get uncomfortable," she asked with raised eyebrow.

"Promise," Elliot replied quickly. He guided her back to his mouth with his hands on her hips and pulled her down until he could easily put his mouth over her and suck.

"El," she sighed.

He smirked, his mouth and tongue starting to work on her, he tasted his own semen and ate it up hungrily, then continued licking and sucking her. He moved his hands to rest on her ass again, his muscular arms were around her protecting, guarding, keeping her safe from all the demons of this world.

She leaned forward just enough to put her hands on the mattress, though not intentionally, but the slight change in her position meant her clit was them right at his mouth and he didn't give her any warning before he put his mouth all over it.

"Fuck," she half moaned, half grunted. He opened his eyes to see her there, her boobs hanging just over him, her eyes closed and her face full of pleasure.

She moved her hips involuntary, looking for more contact, more friction for her sensitive clit. "Shit, El," she started, but was cut off Elliot's tongue hitting her at the right spot and a moan slipped through her lips, "I'm sorry," she finished, but she didn't sound sorry with Elliot's tongue working its magic.

He put his hands on her hips and instructed her to rock her hips, against him. She did it, with somewhat muffled moans, few quiet curses and variations of his name filling the room. He felt some sort of pride in hearing her moan his name.

Olivia found her rhythm, which made Elliot alternate between sucking on her clit and her opening. He was positive there would be no semen left in her after he was done. He took pride in there as well. He allowed his hands to go on an exploratory trip higher up her body and grabbed her boobs again, which wasn't a surprise to either of them.

"Stabler," she grunted.

She stilled her hips, while tongue moved consistently over her and her moans were getting louder and more erratic. He gave her boobs a squeeze at the same time he sucked on her clit unexpectedly, she gasped, then followed with an exhale and loud curse of his name.

He didn't let it take him off course and he continued running his tongue over her clit. He opened his eyes and looked for her face – she had closed her eyes, her mouth was slightly open and the way her breathing was speeding up he could tell she was close. He moved his right hand to wrap it around her hips again, his palm finding its home on her ass.

And there it was. "God, Elliot," she said, when her thighs pressed hard against his head, and he felt her inner muscles contracting, he kept moving his tongue over her lapping up her wetness and prolonging her orgasm, until she pressed one hand against his bald head and moved to lift her hips. Reluctantly, but he released her hips, allowing her to move, but only stopped the movements his tongue was making, when she was out of reach.

Olivia got down on her back next to him, while she was catching her breath, her one hand was lazily stretched over his chest. But before he could coax her back into him, she rolled herself into his chest, wrapped her leg over his. She framed his face with both of her hands. "Thank you," she said and pressed a kiss against his lips.

"My pleasure," he replied with a smile.

She noticed his beard shining with their combined juices having dripped down there. She smiled and wiped his beard with the back of her hand. "You've got some in the beard," she said in a soft motherly voice.

"Did I make a mess?" he asked and started moving his tongue over the beard he could reach.

She shook her head. "No, it's just a little bit," she assured him, when she finished wiping it away. She was sure she got some of that on his chest, but a quick glance down assured her that he was clean and none of the semen fell to his broad muscular chest.

He kissed her again.

"El, I mean it, thank you for tonight. I really really needed it," she said earnestly.

He smiled proudly.

"Hmm… I'm happy to be of help," he said modestly, then grinned mischievously. "Next time you want a booty call, call for Eddie Ashes – I've heard he can be a real beast in bed, probably best not to have the boys in the apartment for that. I'm sure he'd find time to come and visit you," he said, referring to his UC persona and already thinking of the roleplay they could have.

"I sure will. Can't wait to see what tricks he has," Olivia went along.

The cool air of bedroom hit her bare back suddenly and she shivered. Elliot noticed that. He released her and together they wiggled underneath the covers, where she fell into his arms again.

"Didn't you say, that you wanted me to love you underneath the covers?" Elliot remembered, his hand moved lightly over the curve of her bottom and back up. "I can eat some more if you'd like," he suggested and ran his tongue over his lips.

Olivia smiled against him. She kissed his neck lazily. "You've done enough loving for one night," she assured him. "Maybe we can do that in the morning, if you're up for the task," she teased.

He laughed.

"I think you're all the medicine my little guy needed," he assured her.

She chuckled.

"I'm glad. I have big plans for you and him, when you're done with the Albanians and are ready to come back home," she informed him, giving him another incentive to return home as soon as possible.

"Can't wait," he said.

"Just make sure you stay alive for it," she voiced the worry she'd had found out about his UC operation.

"Yes, Captain," he replied.

Olivia chuckled. She felt his kiss on her head.

"Don't worry babe, I'll come back to you," he assured her. "I'm not done loving you just yet," he added.

She smiled. She felt his heart underneath her palm, she closed her eyes.

"I'm not done loving you either," she replied.