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no please mr robot sir i asked you to clean kitchen floor not to whip your dick out

Summary:

Pretty much a Bad Sans chatfic. I was gonna make a Star Sans one but like... I will do that later teehee <3

buss <3: I’m dusting

 

buss <3: Actually fading away

 

kilelr: omg like your farts

 

kilelr: saw big cloud of dust once

Notes:

Ok so I don't drink coffee ya know, like ever. So I tried coffee drink today with like added cool stuff bc I can't drink straight coffee and I never realized how much it makes your ass explode. It took 30 mins before I felt dis shit CHURNING I was like 😰😰😰OH NO. so i take fat shit explode pee out ass and when think i done i start to go to bed AND THEN MORE WAS COMING and so my dad watching AOT so I thought maybe I can ass blast explode organs burn fire ass clap cheeks without him hearing. I FUCKING DESTROYED TOILET AT QUIET SCENE ALL ROCK MUSIC STOPPED AND I ...... 😭 😭 😭 😭 I SO EMBARRASSED ALLI COULD DO TO SAVE MYSELF WAS SAY "bro what the fuck" AND TURN ON SINK FOR NOISE AS FARDED ECHO ENTIRE HOUSE

bruh there were 2 rounds. like when it was over my tummy was churning again like i was hoping to gods i aint gotta mud slide into space again it was the worst,,,, only curled toes kept me on ground that shit made me strip of all clothes and hold onto counters for support like sweat all over body titan steam

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: vagina slay

Chapter Text

11:26pm

 

Sans added Sans, Sans and Sans to Can’t Wait To Breed My Roomba

 

Sans changed username to kilelr

 

kilelr changed Sans to buss <3

 

kilelr changed Sans to whorer <3

 

kilelr changed Sans to grammy ashes <3

 

kilelr: omg hay <3

 

kilelr: guys boss is bullying me im literally so hurt rn

 

buss <3: Stfu you acting like you’re not rock hard right now

 

buss <3: Change my name immediately

 

buss <3: Everything you spelled has been incorrect what is wrong with you

 

kilelr: so true bestie

 

buss <3: Your time is limited

 

whorer <3: ok shut up for a minute listen

 

whorer <3: this is serious.

 

whorer <3: how do you spell vegtible?

 

buss <3: I’m dusting

 

buss <3: Actually fading away

 

kilelr: omg like your farts

 

kilelr: saw big cloud of dust once

 

grammy ashes <3: can skeletons even fart

 

whorer <3: so true

 

whorer <3: but srsly

 

buss <3: Vegetable. 

 

whorer <3: ty

 

buss <3: You’re welcome, Horror.

 

buss <3: Now.

 

buss <3: You absolute fucking cracker, change my name.

 

kilelr: why don’t you just do it

 

buss <3: Because I’m making tea and can’t

 

kilelr: just say you don’t know how

 

buss <3: No

 

kilelr: sigh

 

buss <3: Did you just fucking type out sigh

 

buss <3: You degenerate

 

kilelr changed buss <3’s name to bussy <3

 

bussy <3: I’M GOING TO FUCKING END YOU

 

kilelr: omg ur gonna fucking

 

kilelr: omg ur gonna fuck

 

kilelr: omg ur gonna fuck me 

 

kilelr: specifically me

 

kilelr: rn??

 

kilelr: ty couldn’t ask for a better boss <3

 

kilelr: boss?

 

kilelr: my beloved

 

kilelr: my highness darling

 

grammy ashes <3: mans is gonna die

 

whorer <3: wanna join me on this show

 

grammy ashes <3: you fuckin bet i do

 

grammy ashes <3: popcorn goes into ur head tho im on dish duty today and frankly i dont want to add more to that

 

whorer <3: ok fine i did need sumn in me today 

 

grammy ashes <3: ayo??

 

grammy ashes <3: peek axe being horny

 

grammy ashes <3: wya

 

whorer <3: wait has it started already 

 

grammy ashes <3: yes

 

whorer <3: wait i was getting popcorn

 

whorer <3: omw

 

grammy ashes <3: ok bet

 

11:50:

 

kilelr changed bussy <3 to boss

 

kilelr changed boss to Boss

 

kilelr changed grammy ashes <3 to dst

 

kilelr changed dst to dust :(

 

kilelr changed dust :( to dust

 

kilelr changed whorer <3 to whore

 

kilelr changed whore to horror

 

Boss: Note for in the morning:

 

Killer, one who has single handedly destroyed the last bit of hope I had for you, are grounded to your room until I need to use you as my pawn.

 

Farewell,

- Boss

 

I know when you leave your room, and I will not hesitate to decimate you, fingers first.

 

As you like to put it, <3 ty

 

dust: i didn’t even know he had hope for killer to begin with

 

horror: i didn’t even know he had hope to begin with

 

dust: tbh so true

 

horror: mans got grounded for being horny again LMFAOAO

 

dust: ok but being a full grown adult and still being grounded to your room is humiliating

 

dust: deserved tbh

 

kilelr: this is so perpendicular of you

 

horror: what.

 

kilelr: not u i mean dust

 

dust: what.

 

Boss: Seeing you hospitalized is funny, Killer

 

kilelr: that’s not what ur diary said

 

Boss: wait what

 

horror: omg…

 

dust: ayo?

 

Boss: Listen it was funny until you passed out and wouldn’t wake up

 

Boss: I still hate you, though.

 

kilelr: not what the diary says

 

horror: omg tea

 

dust: shut up let them flirt

 

Boss: We are not flirting.

 

kilelr: don’t deny it, you are soooooooo in love with me it hurts

 

Boss: die

 

dust: bruh this is so sad to look at

 

dust: getting absolutely destroyed

 

horror: dust says bruh (real)

 

Boss: So there is this thing on the surface where sometimes some dude will smack you with a stick while you are in a sauna and I am kinda hoping maybe that they will smack your ass so hard you fly into the antivoid

 

horror: which one of us is that for

 

Boss: All of the above

 

horror: what did i do

 

dust: yeah i get killer but why me

 

Boss: idk bc

 

kilelr: LMFOSMIDO 

 

kilelr: get fucked

 

kilelr: fergalicious style

 

dust: you probably have a kink to getting pegged to baby shark

 

horror: what’s sad is you’re right

 

kilelr: WHAT NO I DONT

 

horror: you totally do

 

kilelr: STOP NO I DONT

 

dust: on another note where has my left slipper gone

 

horror: wait mine is gone too i just never said anything bc thats embarrassing

 

Boss: lol losers

 

Boss: wait mine is gone too

 

Boss: Killer.

 

dust: killer istg

 

horror: stg if you don't give it back rn you're not being fed for a month

 

Boss: Going to check his room

 

Boss: Killer where are you I felt you teleport

 

Boss: For the love of fuck he’s not even in this AU anymore

 

dust: he can die somewhere idc just get our shoes back

 

horror: what's in his room

 

Boss: Just walked into his closet and the stench is repulsive

 

kilelr: its not that bad

 

Boss: I lent you a closet that is vast and bigger than my study because you begged for one and somehow, it is filled to the brim, and smells like that time I went to cause chaos in a human bathroom because there is nowhere to run and not only did the smell make me almost vomit, but someone was giving head in a stall.

 

kilelr: can i have head

 

Boss: Absolutely not.

 

kilelr: i like pussy

 

kilelr: yas queen skinny legend versace boots the house down slay queen hunty mama anna oop daddy work charli xcx snatch my wig

 

horror: omg so true bestie totes cray cray fr yas slay queen baddie bae shawty bae so fab

 

dust: woohoo vagina!!

 

dust: now where is my shoe

 

Boss: What even is in here

 

Boss: There is no light in here how do you even see

 

Boss: there is only boxes and boxes of playboy magazines and a stash of guacamole.

 

kilelr: please say there is no extremely large jar of lube, a funnel and a can of refried beans

 

Boss: There is a extremely large can of lube, a funnel and a can of refried beans

 

dust: i am so extremely scared what that room is for

 

dust: why would you need a large jar of lube, a funnel, a can of refried beans, stash of guacamole, and boxes of playboy magazines

 

kilelr: i can’t even begin to explain how terrible this situation is

 

Boss: Why is the jar so big??? where did you even find a jar this big????

 

horror: how much guacamole is there

 

Boss: I can’t even count at this point there’s like 3 full entire shelves of just 2 liter tubs stacked side by side on every single shelf there is so much this is so overwhelming it smells so heavily of guacamole I can't take this I want to leave but I lost the door and there are no lights it stinks so bad of guacamole how is this not going bad how will you use all this

 

Boss: I can’t take this how did I not even know about this room??? Killer this was a normal closet at first what did you do how long has it been like this

 

dust: i actually can’t take this

 

horror: no because actually Killer wtf

 

kilelr: Boss whatever you do, do not eat the guacamole 

 

Boss: Bitch I don’t even want to be here of course I’m not going to?? I refuse to even touch the fucking guacamole

 

dust: the fact you said not to do something is terrifying. what is in the guacamole

 

kilelr: dwbi

 

kilelr: also pretty pretty please don’t touch the funnel

 

Boss: I’m scared to touch anything in here

 

horror: Killer is this how you won all our hide and seek rounds??

 

kilelr: yes.

 

Boss: I found the left shoes and… raw chicken??

 

Boss: oh dear gods

 

dust: oh no

 

horror: oh god oh fuck what is it this time

 

Boss: I cannot stress this enough, why?

 

kilelr: please don’t say you found the 126 page book about why I hate cabbage

 

Boss: why does it smell like cheese

 

Boss: why is everything sticky

 

Boss: why does this room exist

 

dust: how big is that room..?

 

Boss: I don’t even know. I’m between shelves of guacamole

 

kilelr: there’s a lot of shelves of guacamole, what else is there

 

dust: there’s more?????

 

Boss: So many bottles of bleach

 

horror: okay but is there bleach in it

 

dust: please say there’s bleach in it

 

Boss: milk.

 

dust: I CANT I CANT

 

horror: HELP

 

kilelr: PLS DON’T LEAVE ME THIS IS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING

 

dust: EXPLAIN THEN???

 

kilelr: i cant…

 

horror: why are we even in a team with you

 

Boss: I found the way out

 

kilelr: oh that’s surprising actually

 

kilelr: watch for the box tho

 

Boss: what box

 

Boss: oh

 

dust: he isn’t even typing with capital letters anymore what did you do to him

 

Boss: this trauma is worse than my au somehow

 

Boss: is this a bad dragon dildo box

 

kilelr: yeah

 

Boss: it’s empty

 

kilelr: well obvi

 

horror: Boss, it’s Killer ofc it’s empty

 

Boss: Boasting a thick rounded head, leading into a ribbed shaft with each inch causing immense pleasure and a filling feeling, penetration and riding just half of his cock feels like a wild primal ride. To get true experience however, you go deeper towards his base, where you feel an increased girth all over his shaft, giving you that fulfilled feeling once he is completely inside you, followed by what you swear as a small growl of pleasure right next to your ear before sliding partially out and going right back in! Votan is a fantastic toy for those who love the penetration feel, and the increase in ribbed pleasure with girth that follows. Votan is sure to bring countless hours of enjoyment to the bedroom, let him be the one to really take care of your valuable assets, order him today

 

Boss: Great job, Killer.

 

kilelr: do i at least have taste

 

Boss: no

 

Boss: maybe

 

Boss: why does it have a name

 

dust: This Is What Happens When Your Only Source Of Therapy Is Your Notes App, The Results Are Heartbreaking

 

horror: wait i just realized

 

dust: huh

 

horror: these phones work in different AU’s

 

dust: oh wait you’re right

 

kilelr: oh wait that’s smart

 

Boss: Where even are you, Killer

 

Boss: I want to go to bed I don’t want to search for you

 

kilelr: lol ink is listening to “Six Ways To Make Yourself Taller”

 

horror: is it the one by Bright Side

 

kilelr: wait does that shit actually work???

 

dust: no way you think it works

 

kilelr: horror knows who it’s by and he’s huge

 

kilelr: giving me potentially false hope :(

 

kilelr: how do you not think it works

 

dust: you have a point

 

Boss: Imbeciles

 

Boss: Wait why are you with Ink

 

kilelr: it actually wasn’t the plan

 

kilelr: but i did make a cool finger painting

 

kilelr: would you like to see

 

horror: yes

 

Boss: i dont care about your stupid painting

 

dust: nono i kinda wanna see it

 

kilelr: wait ima come back to show you

 

horror: ok bet

 

2am:

 

horror: dust, killer

 

dust: what

 

kilelr: what

 

horror: he hung it up

 

kilelr: i knew he loved me <3