Chapter Text
11:26pm
Sans added Sans, Sans and Sans to Can’t Wait To Breed My Roomba
Sans changed username to kilelr
kilelr changed Sans to buss <3
kilelr changed Sans to whorer <3
kilelr changed Sans to grammy ashes <3
kilelr: omg hay <3
kilelr: guys boss is bullying me im literally so hurt rn
buss <3: Stfu you acting like you’re not rock hard right now
buss <3: Change my name immediately
buss <3: Everything you spelled has been incorrect what is wrong with you
kilelr: so true bestie
buss <3: Your time is limited
whorer <3: ok shut up for a minute listen
whorer <3: this is serious.
whorer <3: how do you spell vegtible?
buss <3: I’m dusting
buss <3: Actually fading away
kilelr: omg like your farts
kilelr: saw big cloud of dust once
grammy ashes <3: can skeletons even fart
whorer <3: so true
whorer <3: but srsly
buss <3: Vegetable.
whorer <3: ty
buss <3: You’re welcome, Horror.
buss <3: Now.
buss <3: You absolute fucking cracker, change my name.
kilelr: why don’t you just do it
buss <3: Because I’m making tea and can’t
kilelr: just say you don’t know how
buss <3: No
kilelr: sigh
buss <3: Did you just fucking type out sigh
buss <3: You degenerate
kilelr changed buss <3’s name to bussy <3
bussy <3: I’M GOING TO FUCKING END YOU
kilelr: omg ur gonna fucking
kilelr: omg ur gonna fuck
kilelr: omg ur gonna fuck me
kilelr: specifically me
kilelr: rn??
kilelr: ty couldn’t ask for a better boss <3
kilelr: boss?
kilelr: my beloved
kilelr: my highness darling
grammy ashes <3: mans is gonna die
whorer <3: wanna join me on this show
grammy ashes <3: you fuckin bet i do
grammy ashes <3: popcorn goes into ur head tho im on dish duty today and frankly i dont want to add more to that
whorer <3: ok fine i did need sumn in me today
grammy ashes <3: ayo??
grammy ashes <3: peek axe being horny
grammy ashes <3: wya
whorer <3: wait has it started already
grammy ashes <3: yes
whorer <3: wait i was getting popcorn
whorer <3: omw
grammy ashes <3: ok bet
11:50:
kilelr changed bussy <3 to boss
kilelr changed boss to Boss
kilelr changed grammy ashes <3 to dst
kilelr changed dst to dust :(
kilelr changed dust :( to dust
kilelr changed whorer <3 to whore
kilelr changed whore to horror
Boss: Note for in the morning:
Killer, one who has single handedly destroyed the last bit of hope I had for you, are grounded to your room until I need to use you as my pawn.
Farewell,
- Boss
I know when you leave your room, and I will not hesitate to decimate you, fingers first.
As you like to put it, <3 ty
dust: i didn’t even know he had hope for killer to begin with
horror: i didn’t even know he had hope to begin with
dust: tbh so true
horror: mans got grounded for being horny again LMFAOAO
dust: ok but being a full grown adult and still being grounded to your room is humiliating
dust: deserved tbh
kilelr: this is so perpendicular of you
horror: what.
kilelr: not u i mean dust
dust: what.
Boss: Seeing you hospitalized is funny, Killer
kilelr: that’s not what ur diary said
Boss: wait what
horror: omg…
dust: ayo?
Boss: Listen it was funny until you passed out and wouldn’t wake up
Boss: I still hate you, though.
kilelr: not what the diary says
horror: omg tea
dust: shut up let them flirt
Boss: We are not flirting.
kilelr: don’t deny it, you are soooooooo in love with me it hurts
Boss: die
dust: bruh this is so sad to look at
dust: getting absolutely destroyed
horror: dust says bruh (real)
Boss: So there is this thing on the surface where sometimes some dude will smack you with a stick while you are in a sauna and I am kinda hoping maybe that they will smack your ass so hard you fly into the antivoid
horror: which one of us is that for
Boss: All of the above
horror: what did i do
dust: yeah i get killer but why me
Boss: idk bc
kilelr: LMFOSMIDO
kilelr: get fucked
kilelr: fergalicious style
dust: you probably have a kink to getting pegged to baby shark
horror: what’s sad is you’re right
kilelr: WHAT NO I DONT
horror: you totally do
kilelr: STOP NO I DONT
dust: on another note where has my left slipper gone
horror: wait mine is gone too i just never said anything bc thats embarrassing
Boss: lol losers
Boss: wait mine is gone too
Boss: Killer.
dust: killer istg
horror: stg if you don't give it back rn you're not being fed for a month
Boss: Going to check his room
Boss: Killer where are you I felt you teleport
Boss: For the love of fuck he’s not even in this AU anymore
dust: he can die somewhere idc just get our shoes back
horror: what's in his room
Boss: Just walked into his closet and the stench is repulsive
kilelr: its not that bad
Boss: I lent you a closet that is vast and bigger than my study because you begged for one and somehow, it is filled to the brim, and smells like that time I went to cause chaos in a human bathroom because there is nowhere to run and not only did the smell make me almost vomit, but someone was giving head in a stall.
kilelr: can i have head
Boss: Absolutely not.
kilelr: i like pussy
kilelr: yas queen skinny legend versace boots the house down slay queen hunty mama anna oop daddy work charli xcx snatch my wig
horror: omg so true bestie totes cray cray fr yas slay queen baddie bae shawty bae so fab
dust: woohoo vagina!!
dust: now where is my shoe
Boss: What even is in here
Boss: There is no light in here how do you even see
Boss: there is only boxes and boxes of playboy magazines and a stash of guacamole.
kilelr: please say there is no extremely large jar of lube, a funnel and a can of refried beans
Boss: There is a extremely large can of lube, a funnel and a can of refried beans
dust: i am so extremely scared what that room is for
dust: why would you need a large jar of lube, a funnel, a can of refried beans, stash of guacamole, and boxes of playboy magazines
kilelr: i can’t even begin to explain how terrible this situation is
Boss: Why is the jar so big??? where did you even find a jar this big????
horror: how much guacamole is there
Boss: I can’t even count at this point there’s like 3 full entire shelves of just 2 liter tubs stacked side by side on every single shelf there is so much this is so overwhelming it smells so heavily of guacamole I can't take this I want to leave but I lost the door and there are no lights it stinks so bad of guacamole how is this not going bad how will you use all this
Boss: I can’t take this how did I not even know about this room??? Killer this was a normal closet at first what did you do how long has it been like this
dust: i actually can’t take this
horror: no because actually Killer wtf
kilelr: Boss whatever you do, do not eat the guacamole
Boss: Bitch I don’t even want to be here of course I’m not going to?? I refuse to even touch the fucking guacamole
dust: the fact you said not to do something is terrifying. what is in the guacamole
kilelr: dwbi
kilelr: also pretty pretty please don’t touch the funnel
Boss: I’m scared to touch anything in here
horror: Killer is this how you won all our hide and seek rounds??
kilelr: yes.
Boss: I found the left shoes and… raw chicken??
Boss: oh dear gods
dust: oh no
horror: oh god oh fuck what is it this time
Boss: I cannot stress this enough, why?
kilelr: please don’t say you found the 126 page book about why I hate cabbage
Boss: why does it smell like cheese
Boss: why is everything sticky
Boss: why does this room exist
dust: how big is that room..?
Boss: I don’t even know. I’m between shelves of guacamole
kilelr: there’s a lot of shelves of guacamole, what else is there
dust: there’s more?????
Boss: So many bottles of bleach
horror: okay but is there bleach in it
dust: please say there’s bleach in it
Boss: milk.
dust: I CANT I CANT
horror: HELP
kilelr: PLS DON’T LEAVE ME THIS IS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING
dust: EXPLAIN THEN???
kilelr: i cant…
horror: why are we even in a team with you
Boss: I found the way out
kilelr: oh that’s surprising actually
kilelr: watch for the box tho
Boss: what box
Boss: oh
dust: he isn’t even typing with capital letters anymore what did you do to him
Boss: this trauma is worse than my au somehow
Boss: is this a bad dragon dildo box
kilelr: yeah
Boss: it’s empty
kilelr: well obvi
horror: Boss, it’s Killer ofc it’s empty
Boss: Boasting a thick rounded head, leading into a ribbed shaft with each inch causing immense pleasure and a filling feeling, penetration and riding just half of his cock feels like a wild primal ride. To get true experience however, you go deeper towards his base, where you feel an increased girth all over his shaft, giving you that fulfilled feeling once he is completely inside you, followed by what you swear as a small growl of pleasure right next to your ear before sliding partially out and going right back in! Votan is a fantastic toy for those who love the penetration feel, and the increase in ribbed pleasure with girth that follows. Votan is sure to bring countless hours of enjoyment to the bedroom, let him be the one to really take care of your valuable assets, order him today
Boss: Great job, Killer.
kilelr: do i at least have taste
Boss: no
Boss: maybe
Boss: why does it have a name
dust: This Is What Happens When Your Only Source Of Therapy Is Your Notes App, The Results Are Heartbreaking
horror: wait i just realized
dust: huh
horror: these phones work in different AU’s
dust: oh wait you’re right
kilelr: oh wait that’s smart
Boss: Where even are you, Killer
Boss: I want to go to bed I don’t want to search for you
kilelr: lol ink is listening to “Six Ways To Make Yourself Taller”
horror: is it the one by Bright Side
kilelr: wait does that shit actually work???
dust: no way you think it works
kilelr: horror knows who it’s by and he’s huge
kilelr: giving me potentially false hope :(
kilelr: how do you not think it works
dust: you have a point
Boss: Imbeciles
Boss: Wait why are you with Ink
kilelr: it actually wasn’t the plan
kilelr: but i did make a cool finger painting
kilelr: would you like to see
horror: yes
Boss: i dont care about your stupid painting
dust: nono i kinda wanna see it
kilelr: wait ima come back to show you
horror: ok bet
2am:
horror: dust, killer
dust: what
kilelr: what
horror: he hung it up
kilelr: i knew he loved me <3