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Song 'nu 'guapp 'e carton, me crir

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Kojiro wasn’t sure if he dreamt about pink hair and a raucous laugh. 

He was at Tanaka’s house, it was the weekend and his parents were away, so of course all of Tanaka’s classmates and more or less friends were invited to his garage to try cheap alcohol from the nearest combini. Actually, the thing became an actual party and teenagers started laughing too loud and making out sloppily in the tiny place, beer and peach flavoured saké flowing through their veins.

Kojiro liked making out with pretty girls, but he preferred getting high while his friends joked and laughed rambunctiously in the background, his large jersey and ruined jeans a brand people in his clique tended to recognise him for. It wasn’t that Kojiro liked to be stereotypically the kid who got high all the time at Tanaka’s parties, but he had accepted his role since that was the best way to be left on his own when he just wanted to roll a joint and feel his mouth get kneaded.  

So Kojiro wasn’t sure if he was still sober when he noticed someone with long hair, gorgeous legs and shimmering piercings somewhere in the crowd. The guy was breathtaking, his hands, eyes and skin were stupidly pretty too, and he was laughing while another attractive person was whispering something into his pink, pink ear. 

Kojiro didn’t care about subtlety that much, so he looked at the boy in front of him with his joint hanging precariously between full lips, mesmerised by the movements of the other guy’s tongue, who was evidently playing with his lip piercing while his friend? boyfriend? was whispering something to him. Long, thin, fingers went through thick blue hair, while the two started sharing kisses in front of the whole party. Well, not that they were the only two people making out in that exact context, but Kojiro was sure his brain didn’t care much about acknowledging the presence of anyone else in that specific moment.

He patted his jeans to look for his lighter, a ruined thing he stole from his big sister, and keeping his gaze in front of him, he lighted up his joint, smoke confusing his view for mere seconds. God, did he want to be in the blue hair guy’s shoes, with that gorgeous creature all wrapped around him and kissing him in a decidedly aggressive way Kojiro thought extremely hot considering how delicate the guy looked. It was kind of addicting, it was a contrast that in a way Kojiro had already seen in the pretty boy’s punk clothes and piercings and countless rings and black painted nails. 

Kojiro felt like he knew him and had known him for a very long time.

“Nanjo, we were looking for you.”

A heavy hand landed on Kojiro’s broad shoulder and his maroon eyes snapped into his friend’s, Akira, direction, kind of annoyed and kind of lost already. He sighed and inhaled before speaking.

“Say, man, do you know them?”

Akira looked lost for a moment then noticed the scene in front of Kojiro and whistled a little.

“Yeah, that’s Sakurayashiki and the other dude… Well, I don’t think he goes to our school but everyone calls him Adam and, man, he’s so sick when he skates.”

Kojiro hummed to himself and tried to compartmentalise the information Akira just gave him, his mind already too slow for things like remembering new or old people, but still if that name didn’t ring a bell. 

And then Kojiro felt like he had been hit by a truck and for a moment childish laughs on deserted beaches stole his breath away. 

Kojiro’s eyes snapped open and he turned to Akira looking like he had just seen a ghost. Then his eyes landed again on Sakurayashiki and Adam making out in front of him and Kojiro swore he felt ice creeping down his spine when his gaze made contact with the amber one of the guy in front of him. He was looking at Kojiro, while still heavily making out with his supposed boyfriend, and Kojiro saw a glint of something in those feline eyes.

“Holy fuck, Sakurayashiki. You’re joking.“

Kojiro averted his eyes. He recomposed himself. He was the one always chilled, never moved by anything — or anyone —.

Things were not going to change because of Sakurayashiki

He stared at Akira, and continued smoking slowly, inhaling the aroma in a way that made him feel like this whole conversation wasn’t that relevant, after all. He wasn’t sober and he didn’t particularly like being sober, so maybe it had been kind of lucky to meet Sakurayashiki again in such a situation.

“No, dude, I am not joking. He’s been at Tanaka’s and he skates with us sometimes, he always comes with that Adam.”

Akira was looking at him like he did when Kojiro started drifting away, his lopsided smile and warm gaze becoming way more pronounced and his friend was probably thinking that this whole exchange would have been forgotten by the next morning. And Kojiro hoped he was right.

“And where the fuck was I?” he sighed, eyes not daring looking at the scene he had been lost in for more than it was appropriate just moments before.

“Well, he usually hangs around the drive in when you fuck off to the combini to smoke alone.”

Kojiro laughed at that, well, it was kind of true. He liked skating, he genuinely did, but sometimes all Kojiro needed was some time alone, and that time alone usually meant meeting with his dealer non dealer at the buzzing neon lights combini, not so distant from the drive in where most of the skating cliques met.

He shrugged his big shoulders and patted Akira, telling him something like “Better this way, believe me.” before going in the opposite direction and deciding he was done for the night.

And if he felt sharp eyes boring into his back he didn’t give it too much credit. 



The second time Kojiro saw Sakurayashiki he remembered he used to call him Kaoru. 

Actually, Kojiro and Kaoru had grown up together and their mothers used to be best friends since high school, so the two tiny kids bonded in a way that evidently lent them to spend most of their time together. Kaoru wasn’t exactly the most approachable kid Kojiro knew, he was snappy, always mumbling annoyed, and sometimes he looked at Kojiro like he was the most disappointing child in the world. But he was also stubborn and full of energy, he tended to talk a lot when he felt at ease, and he was clingy and devoted to Kojiro in his own ways.

Kojiro heard the echo of past promises of being together forever while his eyes were looking at Kaoru Sakurayashiki, sitting just two rows in front of him in class, beautiful and proud, and so devoid of that insecurity and anxious demeanour he used to have when he always grasped Kojiro’s little hand and crashed it in his own.

Kojiro wasn’t sure about what happened after middle school, but they had started to fight a lot and at some point Kojiro knew Kaoru didn’t like being the nerd and poised kid good at maths anymore. How that had anything to do with his relationship with Kojiro, well, he still wondered about it. Was it Kojiro’s goofy attitude and big smiles always bringing new people to him? Were Kojiro’s other friends who made him spend a lot of time playing sports Kaoru had no real interest in? Was Kaoru’s inability to actually say what he was thinking about or what was hurting him when Kojiro asked him?

Kojiro, again, wondered. 

And most of the time he ignored amber eyes following him everywhere . He ignored them at the drive-in, when Kaoru ( and Adam ) started appearing more often and on days Kojiro was there to actually skate and not smoke weed. He ignored them after class, when he took his sweet time to recollect his things and put them in his backpack, Kaoru sometimes lingering at the door like he wanted to approach Kojiro. Which, frankly, didn’t make a lot of sense. 

Kaoru was unapproachable and most of the kids in their school looked at him from a distance, like he was some sort of deity or celebrity they didn’t dare talk to, but definitely wanted to observe and follow in the only way they could. Kojiro thought that maybe this was the reputation Kaoru wanted to build for himself when they were kids, especially when his friends started telling him about the rumours of his punk ex best friend getting into too many fights on the school ground. If Kojiro found that kind of hot, it was his own business.

He didn’t want to spend time with Kaoru, regardless. 

They had drifted away once after years of codependency, and Kojiro believed that was the best choice for both of them. Kaoru was sophisticated, mysterious and aloof, with a hot cryptic boyfriend who fit him. Kojiro was mostly into skipping classes and hiding on the roof of the school to smoke in peace, he didn’t care about his grades and he didn’t care about his future. He didn’t care about Kaoru either, regardless of how his eyes had been unable to divert from him the first time he saw him again after years. Kojiro kind of knew Kaoru recognised him immediately and he knew Kaoru was the most stubborn asshole he had ever met too. 

So, Kojiro wasn’t really surprised when he heard footsteps while he was once again sitting on the dirty cement of their school rooftop, his hands grinding tobacco and marijuana together in the best way possible, a broken cigarette between his chapped lips.

He laughed mostly to himself before talking.

“You’ve been cornering me for more than a month now, Kaoru, I feel like a fucking zebra in the savannah.”

Kaoru was standing in front of him, his pink hair delicately adorning his too pretty features, his eyes sharp even though there was something like old anxiety in them. He was playing with his lip ring distractedly and Kojiro got a sense of deja vu, he felt the exact same way he did at Tanaka’s. 

“Well, if you knew you could have fucking talked to me.” 

Kaoru’s voice was deeper and different in many ways, but Kojiro mostly thought that again something about this guy, who was mostly a stranger to him, was making his blood boil in his veins and his mind confused about so many things he was so sure about. 

“I don’t really see a point in that.” Kojiro mumbled while building his joint, his too big hands kind of clumsy in front of Kaoru, and he hated it. Kojiro didn’t like feeling nervous, so he added for good measure: “I don’t think you and I have a lot in common now, four eyes.” 

“I don’t even wear glasses anymore, you ass!” Kaoru had been serious until that moment, but of course hearing the old nickname had made him snap and that for some reason calmed Kojiro’s nerves and so he started laughing, bringing the joint between his lips before looking at his former best friend in the eyes.

“Don’t get so snappy, come here. I don’t want you to snitch on me to the janitors.” 

Kojiro started looking for his lighter, while Kaoru glared at him but obediently sat next to Kojiro, as if he was used to doing that, as if he had done it every day since they were kids. That was kind of ironic, Kojiro thought before inhaling.

“Can I try?” 

Kojiro was confused, he turned his head and looked at Kaoru and noticed something he hadn’t before. The guy was really near him now, his long limbs crossed in a way that brought attention to them, his lips pink and shiny because of some chapstick, his cheeks faintly darker than the rest of his face. What the hell, Kojiro thought to himself before shrugging his shoulders.

“Have you done this before?”

Kaoru mumbled something like “no” and looked at Kojiro with sharp eyes, as if challenging him into saying something stupid about that.

“Okay, have you smoked before, though?”

Kaoru nodded and Kojiro sighed, smoking again before passing the spliff to Kaoru, telling him to avoid inhaling too much the first time. Kaoru sniffed, but listened to him and since it was Kaoru he didn’t cough once while they were passing the cigarette between each other, not even when both teenagers had started giggling and leaning towards each other in a lethargic way.

“You are such a douche.”

“Am I now?”

“You are now, you are every time.” Kaoru sighed and looked less feral than before, his words a little slurred but still pretty clear to Kojiro’s ears. “You are always stupid, Kojiro. Immensely. But you are especially stupid when you ignore me.” 

Kojiro didn’t understand this guy sober and he didn’t understand him stoned.

“I don’t understand you, Kaoru.” 

Kaoru looked at him frowning, his perfect face contorted in an expression Kojiro remembered always directed at him, as if everything about Kojiro frustrated the other teen so much that he couldn’t keep his face straight. It was weird, they hadn’t interacted in years, and now they were high on the school rooftop.

“I just…” Kaoru closed his eyes and then averted his gaze, one of his hands playing with the strings of his sneakers, old nervous habits so recognisable to Kojiro. “I just want to spend time with you. So stop avoiding me.” 

Kojiro sighed and, despite it all, smiled. Of course Kaoru was going to boycott every plan Kojiro had built and wanted to go through with their future interactions. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t feel angrier in that moment, he was mostly inebriated and relaxed, he was feeling like he and Kaoru existed in a world parallel to the one where they had stopped being friends after middle school. Maybe Kaoru felt that way too.

“Okay. You could have just told me like a normal person, you know.” Kojiro knew he was being a little hypocritical since he had turned down every little glimmer Kaoru had presented to him, but still it wasn’t like he was going to admit that now in front of Kaoru.

“You were avoiding me.”

“I was not.”

“You were looking at me and Adam making out and then fucking disappeared, you are stupid.”

Kojiro felt his cheeks going hot and probably violently red and looked at Kaoru like he had just stolen all his savings he kept hidden in his closet. He tried to get his joint back while scowling at the other teen, who was now looking at Kojiro with a mischievous smirk, like the rascal he decided he wanted to be.

“You are not playing fair, pink menace. Gimme that back.”

Kaoru was really getting on Kojiro’s nerves, he was being playful but in a way that made Kojiro feel exposed and anxious, and he came here to smoke weed especially to avoid feeling exposed and anxious.

“No way, big boy.” Kaoru laughed and brought the cigarette between his soft lips, now leaning on his elbows on the concrete behind them. Kojiro realised he was nearly on the other teen’s lap, his big hand still between the two of them.

Kaoru was challenging him. Why, Kojiro had no idea.

Kojiro heard the bell ringing in the distance, as if in a muffled noise far from him and Kaoru immobile in that position on the rooftop of their school. The stillness of the city weighing down on them, as if time was waiting for something to happen. Kaoru was looking at him with his usual fierce gaze, he was preparing himself to make Kojiro feel like he was out of his mind, once again.

“Have you ever kissed a boy?” 

And Kojiro wasn’t expecting that. Images from Tanaka’s party came violently into his mind, his eyes mostly blind for anything that wasn’t Kaoru kissing and licking Adam’s mouth, his long and dexterous fingers strongly gripping blue hair, in an arrogant way. His eyes maniacally fixed on Kojiro’s curious ones. It had been exciting, more than Kojiro liked to remember.


“Do you think it’s disgusting?”

Kaoru was definitely testing him and Kojiro needed his spliff back like nothing else. He shook his head in denial, gaze unable to look into Kaoru’s fierce amber eyes. “No, I don’t think it’s disgusting, Kaoru. I don’t care who you like, or make out with.” Liar. “I don’t even care who I like or make out with.” That was true, Kojiro was oblivious but he wasn’t stupid. He knew that he had been attracted to boys in the past, boys who were frighteningly similar to Kaoru. 

Kaoru was transfixed on him, he looked like a statue for many seconds before his hand took the cigarette from his mouth and brought it to Kojiro’s chapped lips. Finally, Kojiro closed his eyes and inhaled, losing himself in the strong herbaceous aroma infiltrating into his nostrils and throat. He was starting to feel calmer again.

“You know, I think I like smoking weed with you.”

Kaoru snorted at that and Kojiro wrapped his fingers around Kaoru’s thin wrist, smoking again and feeling a lopsided smile forming on his face. Why did he think he couldn’t be friends with Kaoru again? This was fun, he didn’t like smoking with Akira and his buddies, but this felt different. It felt real and intimate, but in a way Kojiro liked and was addicted to. 

“Call me again, then.” Kojiro hummed in reply, suddenly interested in the difference in size between his tan hand and Kaoru’s pale wrist. His skin was so soft, too. “We don’t need other people to meet at the drive-in.”

“Wait, I don’t have your number, smartass.” Kaoru rolled his eyes dramatically and gave Kojiro a little pink note, as if he had already known how the encounter would have ended. Kojiro looked at it but didn’t get much in his hazed state, so he put the little thing away, finally getting his cigarette from Kaoru’s fingers and killing it.

Kaoru stood up and Kojiro looked at him from the asphalt he was still half leaning on. He really had legs for days. How did the ratty plaid pants of their school uniform look so good on him was a mystery to poor Kojiro’s high mind. 

“See you around, broccoli head. Ignore me again and I will kill you.”

As if Kojiro would have been able to ignore Kaoru and his huge presence after that afternoon.




Kaoru had a tongue piercing.

Kojiro didn’t think that he and Kaoru could be back to what they used to be when they were little kids, but after a couple of encounters at the drive-in Kaoru had imposed himself in his own very Kaoru way and more or less invited himself over to Kojiro's house. 

Not that Kojiro really minded. He lived with his mother and grandfather and they both took care of their cosy little restaurant in one of Naha’s most touristic streets, which meant that most of the time Kojiro was home all by himself, either cooking for his tired family or smoking himself into oblivion with American grunge music in the background.

Adolescence was way more boring than Kojiro had expected, but maybe things were going to change now that he had a pink hair companion spread on his unmade western style bed, going through the latest number of Shonen Jump while humming to himself. 

Kojiro’s eyes followed Kaoru’s sinuous movements unabashedly. Two of his long fingers were playing with a silky lock of hair, his long legs in Kojiro’s ratty basketball shorts and it seemed like he couldn’t keep still, Kojiro’s mind mesmerised by the constant movement of soft fair skin, breath stuttering when his own shorts would reveal Kaoru’s thighs and he had to force himself into avoiding letting out a groan of sexual frustration. 

He hated being a hormonal teenager, especially around someone as gorgeous as Kaoru. 

And at some point Kaoru had laughed at Kojiro’s expenses and there the little glint of silver catched Kojiro’s eyes and breath again. Frankly, it wasn’t fair. 

Kojiro was no stranger to sexual encounters and sloppy make out sessions, he had had his fair share of goofy dates too and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he thought one or two of Akira’s skating buddies were hot. And still they weren’t Kaoru, they were not as handsome and pretty at the same time as his former best friend, who seemed to be very at ease imposing himself and his clingy habits all over Kojiro’s life again. Kojiro hated cliches, but no one made him feel the way soft and pink Kaoru did, with his fair skin and constellated moles, spread on his light green sweaty sheets. 

“Were you listening to me, radish head?” 

Kojiro grunted something unintelligible and then looked at his friend, his signature goofy smile painting his young features in a way he knew wouldn't have fooled Kaoru. 

“If I say no, are you going to kill me?”

Kaoru rolled his eyes, but that rosy tint stayed on his high cheekbones and it usually meant that he wasn’t mad at Kojiro, he was still content to be pampered like a cat in Kojiro’s room wearing Kojiro’s clothes. 

“I should, but after all the time I had to waste to make you stop ignoring me”, he huffed, he was so cute, that was something new “... well it would be pretty stupid of me.” 

Kaoru was clearly fighting a smirk forming into his thin lips, so Kojiro joined him on the bed and jostled him for the fun of it. “You are such a spoiled ass, a pampered cat.” Kaoru sniffed and Kojiro pushed him on the mattress, adding “How many of my shirts have you already stolen?”

Kaoru laughed and abandoned the magazine, rolling over so that he was laying on his back and looking up at Kojiro. “You’re the fool who’s been spoiling me. Also, I can take how many shirts I want.” he added, his index finger on Kojiro’s chest, tapping in an annoying way that Kojiro, alas, found endearing. 

He was a fool, indeed.

Kojiro ignored the butterflies in his stomach at both the position they found themselves in – as usual–  and Kaoru’s finger prodding at his chest; he wasn’t going to read too much into it for his own mental health. But he wasn’t above indulging Kaoru in whatever the fuck he was doing to Kojiro and with Kojiro, so he took his wrist and replied “I should start calling you princess, you surely act like one. All high and mighty with poor, innocent, Kojiro who keeps inviting you to his humble abode.” 

Kaoru snorted at that, “Poor and innocent my ass, you’re a menace yourself.” he then licked his lips and Kojiro’s eyes zeroed in on the partial view of Kaoru’s silver tongue barbell, something his friend definitely noticed, and said “Moreover , what if I liked being spoiled and pampered?”

“Well that was pretty clear, four eyes.”

“By you.”

“By…” Kojiro interrupted himself and looked at Kaoru, all pretty pink and soft, once again. Kojiro was starting to think he was losing his sanity the more he hanged out with Kaoru. “There’s nothing special about being pampered by me. I mean… You could do better.” 

And that was true. Kojiro didn’t necessarily dislike himself and the way he acted towards other people, he knew he was a good boy, the one everyone could count and rely on, the one mothers and grandmothers loved because of the boyish attitude and dimpled smiles. 

But that was it. 

There wasn’t much more to Kojiro’s personality, and smoking weed was definitely not something that he considered part of his supposed charme, it was just him being stereotypical young and bored. There was nothing to him like Kaoru and his friend Adam, he wasn’t spectacular on his skateboard, he wasn’t dark and mysterious, he didn’t have a tumultuous relationship with his rich family. It was just Kojiro. Plain, nice, always goofy. Kinda boring. 

“That’s something I should say, not you.”

Kaoru had that fierce light in his amber gaze Kojiro had always felt familiar with.

“I don’t like you saying I shouldn’t feel like this. That I shouldn’t want to be spoiled by you.” Kaoru’s hand was jabbing at Kojiro’s torso again, fingers now grabbing his shirt to shove him lightly. “You’re not whatever you think you are.” Kaoru’s eyes went down to Kojiro’s lips and that felt final.

“Stop fighting your attraction to me.” he mumbled then, and when Kaoru’s molten gaze was up again, boring into Kojiro’s soul, Kojiro felt like he had been stabbed in his tender flesh by the mere affection he could see in his friend’s expression and demeanour, in his own stupid face reflected into those yellowish orbs. 

Like his image belonged there, imprinted into Kaoru’s pretty eyes.

Kaoru was impatient, he had always been. So Kojiro was not surprised when Kaoru kissed him hard and he swore he did everything in his power to avoid deepening the contact but, in reality, Kojiro was moaning into his friend’s mouth, lapping at his lip ring as if he had dreamt about it for years. And maybe, subconsciously, he had. 

Kaoru was a vixen, a bewitched creature, an evil spirit who had come from another reality to hunt Kojiro and whatever he had always been so certain of. He pulled Kaoru’s hair and felt himself growing harderat the sweet sound the other boy produced, entwining both his large hands in sakura locks, sucking and licking into Kaoru’s mouth in an aggressive way he had rarely been familiar with. He had always been chill, relaxed, reliable, even when it came to sex. 

“You didn’t want to be my friend again.” 

“I didn’t. Shut up and kiss me.” 

Kojiro made a sound similar to a whine and explored Kaoru’s flawless skin with his calloused fingers, his thumbs marking in a way the fact that he was the one touching and kissing the beautiful pink haired boy right now. He couldn’t stop kissing Kaoru, and the two boys found themselves pressed against each other, Kaoru spread among Kojiro’s pillows, his legs tentatively wrapping around Kojiro’s waist.

One of Kojiro’s big hands caressed Kaoru’s bare thigh, the faint peach fuzz on his fair legs making him even softer and more palatable, so much so that Kojiro wanted nothing more than to suck and lick and taste the flesh his fingers were deep into. 

“I have never seen someone as beautiful as you, Kaoru.” 

Kojiro was now kissing Kaoru’s face, his pretty swollen lips, his upturned nose, his sculpted cheekbones and the other boy was whining in a way that made it clear how much he desired the praise and the attention, Kojiro’s praise and Kojiro’s attention. 

“Good. I don’t want you to. I want to be the only one you call beautiful.” 




And Kojiro did. He started calling only Kaoru beautiful.