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My armor falls apart

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Ty wasn't used to this type of fear.

It wasn't as though he had never been afraid. Of course not. But all of those times had been almost cushioned by something. The certainty of knowing that what ever the problem was, he could fix it. That he could think his way out of anything with the right information. He just needed to learn. To absorb all he could until he knew what to do and then everything would be alright.

Just focus on the facts and push your feelings out. They are just a distraction.

But with Kit things were different. With Kit everything was different.

Kit was unpredictable and impossible to control. Not that Ty even wanted to control him. It wouldn't be right to stop Kit from being Kit. But as Ty tried to work this case, to find out all he could on the people who wanted the first heir dead or captured for their nefarious purposes, he found his concentration waning and his fear growing.

The idea of something happening to Kit was indescribably painful. And impossible to think his way out of. Making decisions guided by emotion was not ideal, but Ty found himself overwhelmed by it.

There were a group of Seelie faeries working on behalf of the Queen who had ambushed Kit and Janessa at the pier the night before. It was reckless for them to be going out like that and letting their guards down while they knew Kit was in danger and Ty had told them as much. Which Janessa had not appreciated.

She was definitely the kind of person who did not appreciate being told what to do and Ty respected that. He just wished she would put Kit before her pride. Which was exactly what Ty intended to do.

He had tracked one of the Seelies from their last known location by asking around at local downworlder haunts which had sucked. But if it was for a case then Ty could stomach talking to strangers. It was after all, for a good cause.

And now despite his better judgement he was trailing behind the Seelie in question down a dark alley, dagger in hand. Ty wasn't certain of where they were going exactly, but what he did know is that they would not be reaching their intended destination tonight.

With an almost militant coldness, Ty formed the plan. Capture the Seelie. Interigate them about the nature of the Queen's plan and the whereabouts of the others Seelies, then kill them. Then Ty would consider the information he had acquired and proceed accordingly.

Simple. Elegant. Ty willed himself not to think of the creature ahead of him as a man. As a person with a family or people who loved them. No this was nothing more then a weapon. A weapon that could be used to hurt Kit. One that needed to be deposed of.

The Seelie turned a corner up ahead and Ty was careful to maintain a significant amount of distance between them, pausing before following careful to walk as lightly as he could. Alyssa had actually taught him some tricks from dancing that she had learned to remain light on her feet.

"This is slightly different then dancing Ali."

"No it isn't. Not really. Everything is a dance of some kind. In a way."

He turned the corner carefully, still keeping the Seelie in his sights when suddenly he felt someone grab his arm from behind. Ty immediately swung around to slice at whatever it was but his dagger met empty air.

There was nothing there.

Ty shook his head in disbelief. Had he imagined it? He kept his weapon ready as he turned back around to look for the Seelie he was tracking, but instead was met with the sight of Janessa standing in front of him.

It actually took a moment for him to register that she was there and by the time he did, the initial shock had dulled down. He sighed, exasperated.

"What do you want Janessa?"

She smirked coldly at him. "Gee, and I thought you were supposed to be the perceptive one. That was kinda pathetic." She drawled in her deep raspy voice. "I guess so much for shadowhunter stealth"

He rolled his eyes. "Well you have an unfair advantage with your super speed," he protested. Ty knew that "it's not fair" was not a great defense but he was feeling rather rattled by her surprise appearance.

"And I'll ask again, what are you doing here?"

She regarded him the same way she always did, with a cool gaze. "I know what you're doing and I came here to stop you from doing something fucking stupid. I mean come on! You thought you were just gonna assassinate one of the Seelie Queen's soldiers and walk away? Peace between faeries and shadowhunters is shaky enough as it is, dude you're gonna start a fucking war!" She had started waving her hands around dramatically as she ranted as both her and Kit had a tendency to do.
Ty ran a hand through his hair. "The war has already started. The Seelie Queen wants Kit, and whether she wants him for his power or something else I'm not sure. But that won't happen. Tonight I am ending it and I suggest you stay the fuck out of my way."

Janessa threw up a hand to stop him. "Woah! Ok to be honest I don't give a shit what happens to you, but Kit does! And I know he's gonna be pretty pissed if you get your ass thrown in jail for him.

Janessa had a fairly sloppy way of speaking. She slurred a lot of her words and sometimes even skipped over syllables or let them crash into each other. Kit occassionally did the same thing but Ty found it was far less annoying when Kit did it.

Ty grit his teeth, attempting to maintain control over his temper. "I am going to lose them! You need to move."

She scoffed. "No you won't I can catch anything. And look,  I can't let you cross that line because I know Kit wouldn't want you to. Her voice changed, from angry to desperate. She began to move her hands frantically again.

"Kit told me that when he first met you you were sweet. You were the kinda guy who was so excited to find sea turtles at the beach and was so heartbroken to see innocent creatures being kept in cages at the shadow market. Now you're gonna be a murderer?" She shook her head. "Fuck that. I won't let you turn into me."

Ty was unsure of what she meant by that, but decided to put it out of his mind for the time being. "It's not your decision. Or Kit's. And it is extremely unfair of him to put me in this idealized position of being his light in the darkness. That is not my job. I am not anyone's manic pixie dream boy, nor the angel on anyone's shoulder. It is not my responsibility to give him hope or a be a paragon of goodness. What I am in fact, is the one person who is willing do do what needs to be done regardless of the consequences."

Janessa's gray eyes flared in fury. "You are not the only one. A moment of silence passed between them.

"If you really wanna do this that badly then fine! But there's no way in hell I'm leaving you to do this on your own."

Ty sheathed his dagger carefully. "Why?"

She gave him an exasperated smile. "For Kit, obviously. I wanna protect him as much as you do. If you don't wanna hear anything else I have to say, at least believe that.

And Ty did. Regardless of his problems with the girl, he knew she loved Kit. She had been his bestfriend for years now. She had been there for him and comforted him when Ty could not."

He nodded solemnly. "Alright."

"Alright!" Janessa sounded a lot more charismatic. This was the Janessa she normally showed around her friends. "Let's bag us a Seelie!" She took off in a blur before Ty could respond.

Had she forgotten that Ty didn't posses super speed? Just when Ty was about to chase after her there was a woosh of air and she reappeared in front of him holding the Seelie Ty had been tracking, all bloody and bruised.

The brief moment of relief he felt was instantly replaced by rage. Ty drew his knife and held it up to the Seelie's left eye. "Tell me. What do your people want with Cristopher Herondale?"
They smirked. "And tell me why should I, nephilum? You intend to kill me regardless."

Ty snarled; grabbing the Seelie's hair in his left hand. "Because I can kill you quickly, or very very slowly."

"Damn," Janessa muttered under her breath.

"You wouldn't," they hissed. But they didn't seem so sure.

Before Ty could let himself freeze up, he slashed a deep ugly looking gash across the Seelie's cheek.

"Are you quite certain?" He asked.

They appeared to be gritting their teeth in pain, attempting not to show signs of weakness. Janessa tightened her grip on their shoulders from above, holding them firmly in place. Blood poured down their cheek.

And now Ty could feel it. The overwhelming panic and disgust at what he had just done. As much as he wanted to protect Kit, the idea of hurting people was almost unbearable. He wasn't a person who enjoyed cruelty for cruelty's sake. But this was for Kit. Ty would do anything for him, no matter how painful.

They could have just stayed away. They all could have just left him alone. This wasn't Ty's fault. And well, if he was forced to make a choice between being good or having Kit, he would choose the latter in a heartbeat.

Ty raised the bloody knife to the Seelie's throat. But they didn't seem afraid. They were studying him carefully.

"Ty, are you sure you don't want me to do this?" He didn't look at her. Even though Janessa was holding their prisoner he still refused to take his eyes off them.

"Tiberius," the Seelie said with smirk. "Tiberius Blackthorn I presume."

Well that...was not good.

He resisted the urge to yell at Janessa but he knew it wasn't really her fault. There was no way she could have known the Seelie would recognize his name. His nickname no less.

The Seelie laughed at the expression on his face. "Yes we know all about you. The prince informed us of everyone the heir was in contact with, and who he favored. I know your current actions are nothing more then a desperate attempt to save your doomed lover."

The prince. Ash.

Ash who had been living with them for weeks under the guise of needing protection, but had been feeding information back to his mother on her orders. When they found out Dru was completely devastated. The two of them seemed to be getting quite close and Ty hated to think that he was just playing her. It probably wasn't the most concerning thing about Ash's betrayal, but yet Ty was still worried.

He knew the sting of betrayal all too well. Followed by the agony of a broken heart.

"Why did the Queen have Ash spying on us?" He demanded. "What is she planning?"

Janessa came around to his side seeing that Ty had a good grip on the Seelie. She didn't seem to have any weapons with her, but she didn't need them. She was the weapon.

There was a line that stood out in Ty's mind from Alyssa special interest and favorite show Buffy the vampire slayer. "Lesson one, a slayer must always reach for her weapon. I've already got mine."

It was something that always put shadowhunters at a disadvantage to downworlders.

Janessa crossed her arms. "What does your Queen want with Kit?"

The Seelie promptly ignored her, still staring at Ty as though he were amusing. "Would you like to know what else the prince told us about you?"

Ty hoped his outward expression still appeared neutral, it definitely didn't feel that way. He had always been told that he appeared very stone faced and "dead inside" as Dru would say, even when he was trying not to be. He hoped now was one of those times.

"He informed us that you Tiberius Blackthorn are the heir's weakness. He would risk everything to keep you safe. Burn the world down so that you might return to him unharmed."

"Ty," he heard Janessa voice in the distance. A warning. He looked at where he was holding the knife and realized he was starting the draw blood as tiny red beads appeared across the Seelie's neck.

Logically he knew that this wasn't entirely true. Kit had family in Devon hidden away from the Seelies. He doubted they even knew about Mina and they all intended to keep in that way. But Kit did  have a tendency to take risks for him.
Just like Ty did for Kit.

The Seelie laughed cruelly. "How does it feel shadowhunter? To know that one day it will all be your fault? Tell me." The Seelie leaned forward, pressing even harder against Ty's blade. They appeared to not let this faze them.

Their eyes gleamed with malice. "How does it feel to know that you will be the reason he dies?"

It was just a fraction of an instant, but in that moment Ty made a choice. A choice brought on by pure rage and agony. He slashed the blade across their throat in one deep stroke. The Seelie froze, their face suspended in horror, and for a moment it was almost as if time was suspended in mid air as the wound gushed out rivers of maroon red.

Then the Seelie collapsed sideways to the floor, their vacant glazed stare still visible as the blood continued to pour, creating a pool beneath the body.

The body.

By the angel. The body.

Ty had just killed someone.

A fact that shouldn't be so shocking seeing as that was what he had come here to do. That had been his original plan.

But there was just so much blood. Demons just exploded into a mess of ichor, but bodies were different. It reminded him of The Dark War, Julian killing his father who had become one of The Endarkened, or that day in the Council Hall.

Seeing that knife plunged into his twin sister's heart. Her last words, "Ty. Ty I-"
He could faintly hear the sound of Janessa's voice yelling, but it sounded miles away. Almost as if it was muffled. He could hear ringing in his ears as he sunk to his knees, his heart racing. He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled at his hair to try and eleviate the stabbing feeling that was spreading underneath his skin from the base of his skull.

Ty's heart pounded in his ears like a jackhammer. He let out an involuntary whine as he began to rock himself back and forth.

It was a mistake. It was a mistake it wasn't his fault. It was a mistake it was a mistake. The ringing in his ears grew louder.

Suddenly he felt Janessa's hand on him. Spiking pain and terror shot through him like a bullet. He shoved her away frantically.

"See I told you you couldn't handle this," she exclaimed. "Damn it I need to call Kit!"

Ty scratched his nails down his skin trying to relieve the pressure. He could hear Livvy's voice in his head over and over again, see blood all over the dias. Her blood.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed while he was fading in and out of reality. At one point he could have sworn he heard Alyssa. Then he heard the sound of Kit's voice.

Not if you do this Ty. Not if-

But it wasn't a flashback. Kit was there. He could see him arguing with Janessa.

"This isn't my fault!" She was saying. "He's a grown adult ok? He's responsible for his own crap."

"I'm not saying he isn't! But look at him Nessie. He's clearly having a meltdown and your first knee jerk reaction is to chew him out?" Kit shook his head. "I mean come on, not everybody's as hard as you Janessa!"

She practically wilted under his words, dropling her gaze to the floor. "I didn't start out this way," she mumbled.

Kit sighed, all traces of anger dripping off of his face. "I know. I'm sorry. Are you cool to deal with the body while I help him?"

Where there once was panic at the memory of what Ty had done, now he just felt numb. There was nothing. Just a chilling emptiness. Kit approached him carefully as if he were trying not to spook him.

"Hey sweetheart," he cooed. "Can you give me that?"

Ty followed his gaze and realized he was still clutching the bloody dagger. No wonder Janessa had retreated so abruptly when he shoved her away.

Ty dropped the knife lazily, letting it clang on the floor. The noise should have startled him, but it was like a distant echo. Kit carefully clasped his wrist and applied pressure.

Slowly Ty came back to himself.

"I'm sorry," he murmered. Because what else could he say? "I'm sorry. This wasn't the plan. We we're going to get information first."

Kit scoffed. "I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about you."

I'm fine, Ty wanted to say.

I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine.

Kit wrapped his arms around him squeezing him tightly. Ty wanted to hug him back but it was like his limbs wouldn't move.

"Ty listen," Kit's voice shook. "Dead faeries I can handle. But the one thing I can't handle is losing you." He pressed his face to Ty's neck. "I love you so much."

Ty grit his teeth. But don't you see? He wanted to yell. That's the problem.

But he didn't. He just closed his eyes, and held on.